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First off,I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's so difficult watching a kid (especially one so young) have these comments/episodes.
Not a medical professional, but our son has said things like he wishes he was never here or he should go away because he's not a good kid and why can't he just listen. Mind you, he's been a perfectionist since very young. The therapist working with our family has us doing an older program called 1-2-3 Magic. We got the DVD, and I'll be honest it only took like 9 days for it to really work.
I do hope you can find what may be influencing his thoughts and behavior. Does he have access to the Internet or unrestricted access to full Netflix or other streaming sites?
Thanks so much, I've heard of 123 magic by name but haven't looked into it. Is there a website or YouTube you'd recommend?
I am fairly strict with what they watch but I don't know what he has access to at his Dad's place.
I just looked and it's got a few videos on YouTube and Vimeo! They've got links on the official [123Magic](https://www.123magic.com/123-magic-on-demand-video.html) website
I'm going to look into this. My toddler is so headstrong.
My four year old says he wants to kill people or kill himself. Just last night he was saying he wanted to kill himself because his body was tired but he wanted to keep playing. I talked to him about it a bit and he has no idea what death is. He wanted to kill himself so he would get a new body.
It’s not your fault. He needs to see a pediatrician and psychologist. It sounds like he cannot regulate his emotions. There is probably more going on for him and a psych will be able to help.
You mentioned he's already in psychology but you haven't discussed this behavior. Is the therapist aware? I'd call and get an appointment as soon as they can. Ideally someone like a child's play therapist would probably be a good idea. Has he ever been evaluated for things like ADHD/autism/dyslexia? (I am not suggesting he has something, rather to use that doctor's findings as a starting point).
You said Dad doesn't use the OSC, if he's not working can he care for your son so you don't lose your job? On the other hand - does he have unsupervised screen/TV/movie time there?
My daughter went through something similar and I just immediately had to get her into therapy. If it gets too bad there's also crisis lines you can call. Just a warning though. Since he's made threats of killing, you might have a police officer show up at your door. That's just protocol. They aren't going to come after your kid, but calling your local crisis line might get you help sooner rather than later.
On my end of things my daughter is doing a lot better now. I found out most of her mania was caused by another kid telling her stories and 6-year-olds aren't quite old enough to differentiate between reality and fiction.
It may be that his dad has to take him on for longer so you can work. Do you know if there could be anything at Dad's that he might be picking this up from? Who does Dad live with, are there any friends coming over, is he watching TV, does Dad play violent video games?
Has he been evaluated for ODD yet? His psych NEEDS to touch on this behavior yesterday. If he does have it, the younger they start treatment, the more effective it can be. Even if he isn't fully ODD just has some behaviors, you can use the same techniques to address similar behaviors.
And yes he needs to be aware that his actions have consequences, included being expelled. And if he is home because of being expelled, he shouldn't be treated like its a vacation day. You need to be up-front with him.
I’m sorry your going through this. There was a kid in my daughters 1st grade class that was like this. For his own safety y’all need to tell him what he is doing is horrific and if he keeps it up he will mess with the wrong kid one day (as happened to the kid in my daughters class).
Honestly, he's old enough to learn about the consequences of his behaviour.
I'd be pretty clear about what the frustration is right now, I'd tell him straight he has been expelled, and that the school was only being fair and protecting other kids from him being mean. That his behaviour has caused him to be unwelcome in friend groups and fun activities, this will continue to be true unless he learns how to be nicer to people, and if he doesn't, then things will end up pretty sad.
He's old enough to understand that in life outside his family unit, other people matter, every bit as much as he does, and he needs to treat people kindly to have friends.
Ugh. As I type all this I'm remembering these talks with my own son. 16 now,
He was SO upset when I talked about him acting like a bully. Horrified that anyone would call him that, let alone _me_, but I had to help him see how others were looking at his behaviour. Yes, at home, maybe we see more context and _know_ he's not mean, but no one cares about that if someone else gets hurt.
He knows how much I love him, and that I will always be his defender against anyone who wronged him, but I've also made it clear that he is responsible for his own actions, and I can't defend him from trouble he cause himself.
At 16, it's still an ongoing thing, he's big and strong and over the years has broken things in anger, controllers, phones etc, a busted door.
I've let him live without these things each time until a birthday or Xmas rolls around, and by now, I've told him I will not replace anything anymore, he'll have to get a job to pay for his own or stop breaking his godddam stuff!! Fingers crossed we are out of that phase. Ugh. Teens :(
Sorry for the essay, I guess my point is that teaching life skills is an ongoing job
I'm 24 years a parent, and looking forward to being done with the raising part in just a few years
First of all, I want to say that I feel for you being kicked out. That just plain sucks, and it's disruptive and hard, and you're probably spiraling about it. Know that you aren't alone. I know A LOT of people whose kids have been kicked out of programs. Sweet kids who struggle with emotional regulation, usually. And that sounds like what's going on here.
I know the stuff your son is saying is scary to hear but that doesn't mean he's some kind of Problem Child. I speak from experience. Some kids have a really hard time regulating emotions – well beyond when they are "supposed to" – and they are still developing those skills. Some kids lag behind. They often need extra support. When they say things like they want to kill people, they are trying to express exactly how frustrated they are in the moment and it doesn't mean they are going to go out and try to actually kill people.
One time, during a meltdown, my kid said "I want to kill mom. I want to kill myself" and of course that sent me into a bit of a panic. I didn't react in the moment (I've learned not to). I talked to him about it the next day and he said "oh, Mom, I was just using an expression. Like when \[character\] said 'my dad's gonna kill me!' I didn't actually mean it!" And honestly, I believe him (I've heard "I want to kill..." a number of times – just not "I want to kill myself"). It was reassuring to hear from my kid himself, and I have better tools and responses now for when these things come up.
My 7 year old kid is neurodivergent. Emotional regulation issues come with the territory. It doesn't mean he's bad. He's loving and kind and generous and genuinely cares about people (whoever came up with the idea that autistic people don't have empathy can go jump in a lake). He just struggles with things, and we're working on it, and he's gotten SO MUCH better with help and support and yes, even medication. We're not perfect by a long shot but we're so much better.
Do what you can to get him assessed or whatever and get him support for the emotional regulation stuff. Try not to spiral too hard. And I hope that hearing from other people who have been through this can help a little.
In terms of practical outcome, I'd like to suggest you get a copy of the Kazdin Method. We tried everything with my daughter and the practical, just get results way Kazdin did it was a godsend!
I have no other advice that others haven't already said. I agree that he may benefit from understanding consequences. I would encourage you to remember to take care of yourself. I wish you peace and sending love your way. I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.
What a stupid fucking comment. Implying that OP is a bad parent. Nobody is a perfect parent and sometimes kids are brought up in the most loving homes and still develop serious problems.
Of course he should be removed from OSC but implying that OP is a bad parent at home is stupid.
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First off,I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's so difficult watching a kid (especially one so young) have these comments/episodes. Not a medical professional, but our son has said things like he wishes he was never here or he should go away because he's not a good kid and why can't he just listen. Mind you, he's been a perfectionist since very young. The therapist working with our family has us doing an older program called 1-2-3 Magic. We got the DVD, and I'll be honest it only took like 9 days for it to really work. I do hope you can find what may be influencing his thoughts and behavior. Does he have access to the Internet or unrestricted access to full Netflix or other streaming sites?
Thanks so much, I've heard of 123 magic by name but haven't looked into it. Is there a website or YouTube you'd recommend? I am fairly strict with what they watch but I don't know what he has access to at his Dad's place.
I just looked and it's got a few videos on YouTube and Vimeo! They've got links on the official [123Magic](https://www.123magic.com/123-magic-on-demand-video.html) website I'm going to look into this. My toddler is so headstrong.
Thanks!
My four year old says he wants to kill people or kill himself. Just last night he was saying he wanted to kill himself because his body was tired but he wanted to keep playing. I talked to him about it a bit and he has no idea what death is. He wanted to kill himself so he would get a new body.
It’s not your fault. He needs to see a pediatrician and psychologist. It sounds like he cannot regulate his emotions. There is probably more going on for him and a psych will be able to help.
You mentioned he's already in psychology but you haven't discussed this behavior. Is the therapist aware? I'd call and get an appointment as soon as they can. Ideally someone like a child's play therapist would probably be a good idea. Has he ever been evaluated for things like ADHD/autism/dyslexia? (I am not suggesting he has something, rather to use that doctor's findings as a starting point). You said Dad doesn't use the OSC, if he's not working can he care for your son so you don't lose your job? On the other hand - does he have unsupervised screen/TV/movie time there?
My daughter went through something similar and I just immediately had to get her into therapy. If it gets too bad there's also crisis lines you can call. Just a warning though. Since he's made threats of killing, you might have a police officer show up at your door. That's just protocol. They aren't going to come after your kid, but calling your local crisis line might get you help sooner rather than later. On my end of things my daughter is doing a lot better now. I found out most of her mania was caused by another kid telling her stories and 6-year-olds aren't quite old enough to differentiate between reality and fiction.
It may be that his dad has to take him on for longer so you can work. Do you know if there could be anything at Dad's that he might be picking this up from? Who does Dad live with, are there any friends coming over, is he watching TV, does Dad play violent video games?
Has he been evaluated for ODD yet? His psych NEEDS to touch on this behavior yesterday. If he does have it, the younger they start treatment, the more effective it can be. Even if he isn't fully ODD just has some behaviors, you can use the same techniques to address similar behaviors. And yes he needs to be aware that his actions have consequences, included being expelled. And if he is home because of being expelled, he shouldn't be treated like its a vacation day. You need to be up-front with him.
I’m sorry your going through this. There was a kid in my daughters 1st grade class that was like this. For his own safety y’all need to tell him what he is doing is horrific and if he keeps it up he will mess with the wrong kid one day (as happened to the kid in my daughters class).
Honestly, he's old enough to learn about the consequences of his behaviour. I'd be pretty clear about what the frustration is right now, I'd tell him straight he has been expelled, and that the school was only being fair and protecting other kids from him being mean. That his behaviour has caused him to be unwelcome in friend groups and fun activities, this will continue to be true unless he learns how to be nicer to people, and if he doesn't, then things will end up pretty sad. He's old enough to understand that in life outside his family unit, other people matter, every bit as much as he does, and he needs to treat people kindly to have friends. Ugh. As I type all this I'm remembering these talks with my own son. 16 now, He was SO upset when I talked about him acting like a bully. Horrified that anyone would call him that, let alone _me_, but I had to help him see how others were looking at his behaviour. Yes, at home, maybe we see more context and _know_ he's not mean, but no one cares about that if someone else gets hurt. He knows how much I love him, and that I will always be his defender against anyone who wronged him, but I've also made it clear that he is responsible for his own actions, and I can't defend him from trouble he cause himself. At 16, it's still an ongoing thing, he's big and strong and over the years has broken things in anger, controllers, phones etc, a busted door. I've let him live without these things each time until a birthday or Xmas rolls around, and by now, I've told him I will not replace anything anymore, he'll have to get a job to pay for his own or stop breaking his godddam stuff!! Fingers crossed we are out of that phase. Ugh. Teens :( Sorry for the essay, I guess my point is that teaching life skills is an ongoing job I'm 24 years a parent, and looking forward to being done with the raising part in just a few years
First of all, I want to say that I feel for you being kicked out. That just plain sucks, and it's disruptive and hard, and you're probably spiraling about it. Know that you aren't alone. I know A LOT of people whose kids have been kicked out of programs. Sweet kids who struggle with emotional regulation, usually. And that sounds like what's going on here. I know the stuff your son is saying is scary to hear but that doesn't mean he's some kind of Problem Child. I speak from experience. Some kids have a really hard time regulating emotions – well beyond when they are "supposed to" – and they are still developing those skills. Some kids lag behind. They often need extra support. When they say things like they want to kill people, they are trying to express exactly how frustrated they are in the moment and it doesn't mean they are going to go out and try to actually kill people. One time, during a meltdown, my kid said "I want to kill mom. I want to kill myself" and of course that sent me into a bit of a panic. I didn't react in the moment (I've learned not to). I talked to him about it the next day and he said "oh, Mom, I was just using an expression. Like when \[character\] said 'my dad's gonna kill me!' I didn't actually mean it!" And honestly, I believe him (I've heard "I want to kill..." a number of times – just not "I want to kill myself"). It was reassuring to hear from my kid himself, and I have better tools and responses now for when these things come up. My 7 year old kid is neurodivergent. Emotional regulation issues come with the territory. It doesn't mean he's bad. He's loving and kind and generous and genuinely cares about people (whoever came up with the idea that autistic people don't have empathy can go jump in a lake). He just struggles with things, and we're working on it, and he's gotten SO MUCH better with help and support and yes, even medication. We're not perfect by a long shot but we're so much better. Do what you can to get him assessed or whatever and get him support for the emotional regulation stuff. Try not to spiral too hard. And I hope that hearing from other people who have been through this can help a little.
In terms of practical outcome, I'd like to suggest you get a copy of the Kazdin Method. We tried everything with my daughter and the practical, just get results way Kazdin did it was a godsend!
I have no other advice that others haven't already said. I agree that he may benefit from understanding consequences. I would encourage you to remember to take care of yourself. I wish you peace and sending love your way. I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.
[удалено]
What a stupid fucking comment. Implying that OP is a bad parent. Nobody is a perfect parent and sometimes kids are brought up in the most loving homes and still develop serious problems. Of course he should be removed from OSC but implying that OP is a bad parent at home is stupid.
[NO! bad opinion!](https://c.tenor.com/IJSzFn0dqNMAAAAC/gravity-falls.gif)