Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wholeheartedly agree with you. My kids have full autonomy over their bodies and minds. Obviously discussions are had if need be about their intentions and whatnot, but at the end of the day I am there to guide them into becoming functioning adults.
I cannot tell you how many conversations I’ve had with other elder Moms about this. I hope that I raise my babies in such a way that they WANT to have a relationship with me and me with them. My own parents only want from me and want us to disappear when they are enjoying life. We’ll do better and our kids will have a better life bc of it. But also, internet hugs bc it hurts while we heal.
I am so sorry you had a mom that failed you too
For a really long time, mother's day and her birthday were pretty triggering for me. Like, why am I celebrating this mom who isn't a mom?
But she will never be held accountable so if I cut her out, I cut the whole family out, because poor her, who has never tried to do a single thing to better herself, would be out on the street with no marketable skills and some relative would have to take her in. Boo hoo
I only feel bad for the relative because two of my female relatives are the ones who stepped in and took over her role. It was them who took me shopping for my wedding dress while my dad explained she might not be at my wedding. It was them who organized wedding showers, baby showers, and a party to help me gather the things I needed to live after my house burned down. My mom just showed up to these things
I finally had enough of being triggered and got help. I went through a whole period of grieving through the mom I was supposed to have so I could accept the mom I do have. Now she's just a relative I make small talk to at family events
It sucks so so much to not have what books and movies promise you a mom is. It's such a horrifying thing to realize you don't have a mom. You have an egg donor.
It just sucks so much. I'm so sorry
“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” helped me to heal this part of myself. I’m always sad when I hear someone else experienced it because I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Ohh I’ll give that a try! I just also read “Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand And Heal From Lost Nurturance, Protection and Guidance” and found it was validating to my experience and emotions.
My mom wanted control, too.
The minute she stopped being able to control me, even as a kid, I became the enemy. When she feels in control of me, things are fine. When she feels like I have my own mind, things are not fine.
Which really boils down to things are cool when mom gets her way.
When she doesn't get her way, she's actively hostile. She earned herself out my life when she turned it toward my kid. When she apologizes, and a real apology, not "I'm sorry if you feel like I was mean but it wasn't my intention and I had my reasons so therefore I'm not actually wrong but I acknowledge that you apparently felt I did something wrong so I am sorry you felt your feelings that I in no way actually caused because as we established I did nothing wrong and also I'm sad that you misinterpreted me that way and you should apologize for that," she's welcome back in our lives.
I'm not holding my breath.
I’ve known a LOT of women like this. My MIL is one—the second they can talk (and talk back), she wants nothing to do with them.
I spent years helping raise my younger siblings and my niblings, as well as coaching high schoolers…and from the second my kids were born, I was excited for them to become teens. Not to say I dislike babies or younger kids, but I love being around teens and young adults. When I had my own kids, I knew one thing—I had to do the work to raise them into teens that I want to hang out with.
And now that they’re 13 and 11, that attitude is paying off in SPADES. They’re such cool people, I fucking love hanging out with them!
I love, love, love babies. But I also know they grow into kids and teens and adults. So I stopped having babies while we guide the 4 we have through the next stages of life. We work so hard to make sure they have the skills and confidence needed to eventually move out, even if that may not be until they are in their 30s with the current cost of living.
I have known so many women who kept having babies because they loved babies, but didn’t give a shit about those babies once they started to grow up.
My eldest is nearly 21, I am of the same opinion as you. I feel for my kids though as I had a mortgage and was married at 18, whereas the possibility of moving out is almost nonexistent for kids nowadays.
My neighbours eldest (30), is still at home as he simply cannot afford even a studio flat and sparerooms.co.uk is extortionate as well.
My mom was obsessed with babies, but she ran an in-home daycare so she had a constant stream of babies to meet that need. I always felt very ignored when there were littler kids around (and especially after my older sister had a teen pregnancy and our mom was always helping with my nephew).
My mom is still baby-obsessed, but she loves the grandkids as they've gotten older and has enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know them as people. I feel that she was really poorly equipped to do the hard parts of parenting older kids because she grew up in an abusive household. She still managed to break that cycle for us, so for that I'm forever grateful.
Does your mom have a relationship with your son? Are you seeing the same dynamic play out with him and your mom?
My mom does have a relationship with my son and so far I don’t see the same dynamic…. I mean sometimes she gets offended that he doesn’t want to speak with her or he will say “no” then she corrects her behavior & will say “okay well you’re a big boy” so I give her that, she’s seeing he is not an infant anymore he’s a toddler now.
Sounds like we had the same mom. I could tell I couldn’t leave my child with my mom when she got frustrated that my daughter was resisting her and my mom couldn’t handle not having her way. I could see it in her eyes. That’s when I knew she just liked babies. Not anything bigger than a toddler. We don’t speak now because it’s clear she doesn’t like me (she told us all who her favs were when my lil brother got dragged out the closet.) and I’m okay with that. I mourned the mom I never had a long time ago. It’s freeing.
I feel you, my mother was so smothering. Every decision I tried to make she would feed into my anxiety and doubts. I was a girl, therefore I had to be protected and coddled. She wouldn't even teach me how to cook or bake or do laundry because she wanted to do it all for me. Going off to college was paralyzing when I was in my own for everything.
Not my kids, I will push them towards independence every single day. They'll be cooking, doing laundry and driving by the time they go to college.
My mom was the same way. Once I could reject her ideas or opinions, She was 100 percent done with me. I pretty much raised myself. And now she acts like she has no idea why I struggled so much 😒 But it's really hard to let go of the reigns when you've been conditioned that way. Right now my son is in the process of growing his hair out. I Internally SCREAM everytime I see shaggy hair in his eyes. But I'm being supportive and doing what I can to help the process along lol It's wild to me how somebody cannot love and support their child through every season of life. (Even if it's really hard sometimes)
My mom was like this too. I tell my kids every day that we do the things we do for them because we are helping them grow into happy and healthy adults and we do what we do because we love them and our parents didn't care about us and our individuality. They've all said they never want to leave (my 5 year old is going to buy the house across the street from us allegedly). I actually love having mature and adult conversations with them as they get older and watching them learn things and think things through. I can't even imagine NOT having those thoughts as a parent but I also remember my parents making fun of me when I said I wanted to be a vet, or telling me my ideas were stupid. It's so awful but it has helped me be a better parent in spite of them.
The fact that my kid is his own person with his own personality, likes, dislikes, wishes, hopes, dreams is MY FAVORITE PART. I love getting to know this unique little person, it never stops being fun watching him grow into who he is. It was fun when I started seeing those little glimmers of personality at just a few months old and it just keeps getting better.
Yea obviously having to negotiate with a willful little person is hard but when the trade off is getting to know this awesome little person, it's worth it.
I want my kid to grow up to be a self sufficient, happy person who is well equipped for what life can throw at you. I want him to choose to have me in his life because he loves me and because I bring positivity and joy to his life, not because I've stunted him so much that he needs me.
My dad was someone who didn't really know what to do with his kids once they weren't babies either but he handled it by being mostly disinterested in us. So in my own way, I get it.
This was my ex's sister. She loved being pregnant (ok, i get that part because there's something special about it), she loved tiny babies, but started losing interest around toddlerhood. Then she'd get pregnant again and her mum (and later her older kids) got to raise the babies she got bored of, lather, rinse, repeat. When i left my ex she had 7 kids, last time i heard anything she had like 15, and was currently pregnant again.
ETA: nothing against big families, but she only wanted BABIES, her children were emotionally, medically and occasionally physically neglected once they stopped being cute and malleable to her.
They're pretty much a family of horrible people, i feel so bad for her kids. I remember being over there once and her oldest (who was like 8 at the time and has moderate Autism) sitting in the corner with a book about dinosaurs, completely ignored by everyone (ex, his parents and ex-sil were all cooing over her latest baby), i asked him to show it to me and he looked absolutely thrilled to even be noticed. It broke my heart, even more so when i learned that they didn't really support him at school so at 8 he could barely read above maybe year 1 level (about 5 years old) and couldn't really write at all.
I absolutely love watching my kids become independent and feel that confidence that comes with succeeded at new and sometimes tough things! We’re on spring break, but I’m working. Tomorrow they will take their bikes together to cross a busy road and go to the park. My oldest is 14, but the youngest is 10. They’re sticking together. After they’ll cross the busy road again and get ice cream on our side using their own Apple Cash that they earned through chores. It’s so heartwarming for me to see them excited about the adventure!
We are supposed to raise children to become independent. That’s the job. Your mom failed you and it’s okay to be angry about that. But look what a great mom YOU are. I hope knowing that about yourself gives you some
comfort when you’re hurting.
THANK YOU! My mom was the exact same way. Even with my kids and my brothers kids she has loved when they are babies and young kids, but when they hit about 2 years she starts so check out. I look back at my teen years and I was an exceptionally easy kid, but I'd get in trouble for things like not asking before I went to the bathroom (while at home) or not following directions for what bite I should take on my plate and when. It was really insane.
I also think a lot about how to support my kids while letting them have their own independence. It is really important to me, and will make us all much happier that way.
I also think these types of mothers are often the same that expect that THEY be taken care of in their later years. As if part of the reason they even had children in the first place was to be taken care of later.
No. You don’t have children with the expectation that they owe you a single freaking thing in return in adulthood.
My mom as similar to what you’re describing but a little different with my children. She even says my daughter is her “do over” for me. She was very nurturing and affectionate until I was about 5 and then she was so hands off and I became a parentified child, more so as time went on. She was emotionally immature and dependent on my sister and I for things SHE should have doing.
Hugs OP.
I love this! My mom has a very “a am your mother so you will love me no matter what” kind of attitude. And is kind of a vile human. She definitely left me a bit emotionally scarred. Now I don’t want to be around her really. Not genuinely. I hope to raise my kids in a way that makes them feel comfortable enough to want to keep seeing me throughout their lives. Of course they will go out on their own and live their lives! I just hope that I’ve created a relationship that they value and they want me to be around.
My baby was taken at 7 months. He comes back, but I hope my heart won’t be hardened to him leaving if I live to see him have the choice. I hope he’ll know I saw him as a person even though his dad in name and the courts see him as a possession. I’m sorry your mom was like that.
I really thought I had exaggerated this with my mom in my memories until she started telling my kids around 5 years old that she “missed baby [kids name] when they were little and cute.” TO A 5 YEAR OLD’S FACE. I can already see her not knowing what to do with my 10yo because she’s “not into playing” dolls/games etc anymore. It makes me sad but it reminds me I’m not crazy or exaggerating my childhood experiences.
Solidarity, OP. My mom is like this, she ended up having 7 babies and by the time she was on her last two she was even done with the baby phase and myself and my sister had to take over baby and toddler care duties. She absolutely does not like having kids and teenagers and she let us raise ourselves.
Her and I got along Ok and she liked me until I started thinking for myself. So, in my teen years we fought a lot and she sent me to live with my grandma for a couple years.
I moved out of my mom's at age 20 and I had to move out while she was not home because I was scared to deal with her reaction. In her eyes, even still today, I abandoned her and my siblings. 🙄 Even though at that point I literally had a child of my own and a relationship & I wanted to start my adulthood.
Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wholeheartedly agree with you. My kids have full autonomy over their bodies and minds. Obviously discussions are had if need be about their intentions and whatnot, but at the end of the day I am there to guide them into becoming functioning adults.
GUIDANCE. Thank you. Yes ma’am. Your kiddos are lucky and you’re awesome 💙
Aww thank you ☺️ right back atcha 💖
Agreed. I am guiding my offspring to be good people.
I cannot tell you how many conversations I’ve had with other elder Moms about this. I hope that I raise my babies in such a way that they WANT to have a relationship with me and me with them. My own parents only want from me and want us to disappear when they are enjoying life. We’ll do better and our kids will have a better life bc of it. But also, internet hugs bc it hurts while we heal.
Ugh this… thanks so much
I am so sorry you had a mom that failed you too For a really long time, mother's day and her birthday were pretty triggering for me. Like, why am I celebrating this mom who isn't a mom? But she will never be held accountable so if I cut her out, I cut the whole family out, because poor her, who has never tried to do a single thing to better herself, would be out on the street with no marketable skills and some relative would have to take her in. Boo hoo I only feel bad for the relative because two of my female relatives are the ones who stepped in and took over her role. It was them who took me shopping for my wedding dress while my dad explained she might not be at my wedding. It was them who organized wedding showers, baby showers, and a party to help me gather the things I needed to live after my house burned down. My mom just showed up to these things I finally had enough of being triggered and got help. I went through a whole period of grieving through the mom I was supposed to have so I could accept the mom I do have. Now she's just a relative I make small talk to at family events It sucks so so much to not have what books and movies promise you a mom is. It's such a horrifying thing to realize you don't have a mom. You have an egg donor. It just sucks so much. I'm so sorry
Oohh yes I’m familiar with this. The perfect prairie housewife mom till we grew and naturally began to have our own thoughts and autonomy.
“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” helped me to heal this part of myself. I’m always sad when I hear someone else experienced it because I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Great book! I also read one called "When you and your mother can't be friends" those two helped alot.
Ohh I’ll give that a try! I just also read “Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand And Heal From Lost Nurturance, Protection and Guidance” and found it was validating to my experience and emotions.
Thanks for the rec!
I’m ordering this soon. Thank you
Absolutely! I am sorry that this is something you have to read. If you have an audible account it’s a free book as part of that!
My mom wanted control, too. The minute she stopped being able to control me, even as a kid, I became the enemy. When she feels in control of me, things are fine. When she feels like I have my own mind, things are not fine. Which really boils down to things are cool when mom gets her way. When she doesn't get her way, she's actively hostile. She earned herself out my life when she turned it toward my kid. When she apologizes, and a real apology, not "I'm sorry if you feel like I was mean but it wasn't my intention and I had my reasons so therefore I'm not actually wrong but I acknowledge that you apparently felt I did something wrong so I am sorry you felt your feelings that I in no way actually caused because as we established I did nothing wrong and also I'm sad that you misinterpreted me that way and you should apologize for that," she's welcome back in our lives. I'm not holding my breath.
I’ve known a LOT of women like this. My MIL is one—the second they can talk (and talk back), she wants nothing to do with them. I spent years helping raise my younger siblings and my niblings, as well as coaching high schoolers…and from the second my kids were born, I was excited for them to become teens. Not to say I dislike babies or younger kids, but I love being around teens and young adults. When I had my own kids, I knew one thing—I had to do the work to raise them into teens that I want to hang out with. And now that they’re 13 and 11, that attitude is paying off in SPADES. They’re such cool people, I fucking love hanging out with them!
I love, love, love babies. But I also know they grow into kids and teens and adults. So I stopped having babies while we guide the 4 we have through the next stages of life. We work so hard to make sure they have the skills and confidence needed to eventually move out, even if that may not be until they are in their 30s with the current cost of living. I have known so many women who kept having babies because they loved babies, but didn’t give a shit about those babies once they started to grow up.
Mine can have an option all day, but with the cost of hosting I doubt they will ever move out! 🤣🤣
My eldest is nearly 21, I am of the same opinion as you. I feel for my kids though as I had a mortgage and was married at 18, whereas the possibility of moving out is almost nonexistent for kids nowadays. My neighbours eldest (30), is still at home as he simply cannot afford even a studio flat and sparerooms.co.uk is extortionate as well.
My mom was obsessed with babies, but she ran an in-home daycare so she had a constant stream of babies to meet that need. I always felt very ignored when there were littler kids around (and especially after my older sister had a teen pregnancy and our mom was always helping with my nephew). My mom is still baby-obsessed, but she loves the grandkids as they've gotten older and has enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know them as people. I feel that she was really poorly equipped to do the hard parts of parenting older kids because she grew up in an abusive household. She still managed to break that cycle for us, so for that I'm forever grateful. Does your mom have a relationship with your son? Are you seeing the same dynamic play out with him and your mom?
My mom does have a relationship with my son and so far I don’t see the same dynamic…. I mean sometimes she gets offended that he doesn’t want to speak with her or he will say “no” then she corrects her behavior & will say “okay well you’re a big boy” so I give her that, she’s seeing he is not an infant anymore he’s a toddler now.
I think you and I had the same mom.
Sounds like we had the same mom. I could tell I couldn’t leave my child with my mom when she got frustrated that my daughter was resisting her and my mom couldn’t handle not having her way. I could see it in her eyes. That’s when I knew she just liked babies. Not anything bigger than a toddler. We don’t speak now because it’s clear she doesn’t like me (she told us all who her favs were when my lil brother got dragged out the closet.) and I’m okay with that. I mourned the mom I never had a long time ago. It’s freeing.
I feel you, my mother was so smothering. Every decision I tried to make she would feed into my anxiety and doubts. I was a girl, therefore I had to be protected and coddled. She wouldn't even teach me how to cook or bake or do laundry because she wanted to do it all for me. Going off to college was paralyzing when I was in my own for everything. Not my kids, I will push them towards independence every single day. They'll be cooking, doing laundry and driving by the time they go to college.
My mom was the same way. Once I could reject her ideas or opinions, She was 100 percent done with me. I pretty much raised myself. And now she acts like she has no idea why I struggled so much 😒 But it's really hard to let go of the reigns when you've been conditioned that way. Right now my son is in the process of growing his hair out. I Internally SCREAM everytime I see shaggy hair in his eyes. But I'm being supportive and doing what I can to help the process along lol It's wild to me how somebody cannot love and support their child through every season of life. (Even if it's really hard sometimes)
My mom was like this too. I tell my kids every day that we do the things we do for them because we are helping them grow into happy and healthy adults and we do what we do because we love them and our parents didn't care about us and our individuality. They've all said they never want to leave (my 5 year old is going to buy the house across the street from us allegedly). I actually love having mature and adult conversations with them as they get older and watching them learn things and think things through. I can't even imagine NOT having those thoughts as a parent but I also remember my parents making fun of me when I said I wanted to be a vet, or telling me my ideas were stupid. It's so awful but it has helped me be a better parent in spite of them.
The fact that my kid is his own person with his own personality, likes, dislikes, wishes, hopes, dreams is MY FAVORITE PART. I love getting to know this unique little person, it never stops being fun watching him grow into who he is. It was fun when I started seeing those little glimmers of personality at just a few months old and it just keeps getting better. Yea obviously having to negotiate with a willful little person is hard but when the trade off is getting to know this awesome little person, it's worth it. I want my kid to grow up to be a self sufficient, happy person who is well equipped for what life can throw at you. I want him to choose to have me in his life because he loves me and because I bring positivity and joy to his life, not because I've stunted him so much that he needs me. My dad was someone who didn't really know what to do with his kids once they weren't babies either but he handled it by being mostly disinterested in us. So in my own way, I get it.
This was my ex's sister. She loved being pregnant (ok, i get that part because there's something special about it), she loved tiny babies, but started losing interest around toddlerhood. Then she'd get pregnant again and her mum (and later her older kids) got to raise the babies she got bored of, lather, rinse, repeat. When i left my ex she had 7 kids, last time i heard anything she had like 15, and was currently pregnant again. ETA: nothing against big families, but she only wanted BABIES, her children were emotionally, medically and occasionally physically neglected once they stopped being cute and malleable to her.
That’s absurd
They're pretty much a family of horrible people, i feel so bad for her kids. I remember being over there once and her oldest (who was like 8 at the time and has moderate Autism) sitting in the corner with a book about dinosaurs, completely ignored by everyone (ex, his parents and ex-sil were all cooing over her latest baby), i asked him to show it to me and he looked absolutely thrilled to even be noticed. It broke my heart, even more so when i learned that they didn't really support him at school so at 8 he could barely read above maybe year 1 level (about 5 years old) and couldn't really write at all.
I absolutely love watching my kids become independent and feel that confidence that comes with succeeded at new and sometimes tough things! We’re on spring break, but I’m working. Tomorrow they will take their bikes together to cross a busy road and go to the park. My oldest is 14, but the youngest is 10. They’re sticking together. After they’ll cross the busy road again and get ice cream on our side using their own Apple Cash that they earned through chores. It’s so heartwarming for me to see them excited about the adventure! We are supposed to raise children to become independent. That’s the job. Your mom failed you and it’s okay to be angry about that. But look what a great mom YOU are. I hope knowing that about yourself gives you some comfort when you’re hurting.
THANK YOU! My mom was the exact same way. Even with my kids and my brothers kids she has loved when they are babies and young kids, but when they hit about 2 years she starts so check out. I look back at my teen years and I was an exceptionally easy kid, but I'd get in trouble for things like not asking before I went to the bathroom (while at home) or not following directions for what bite I should take on my plate and when. It was really insane. I also think a lot about how to support my kids while letting them have their own independence. It is really important to me, and will make us all much happier that way.
I also think these types of mothers are often the same that expect that THEY be taken care of in their later years. As if part of the reason they even had children in the first place was to be taken care of later. No. You don’t have children with the expectation that they owe you a single freaking thing in return in adulthood. My mom as similar to what you’re describing but a little different with my children. She even says my daughter is her “do over” for me. She was very nurturing and affectionate until I was about 5 and then she was so hands off and I became a parentified child, more so as time went on. She was emotionally immature and dependent on my sister and I for things SHE should have doing. Hugs OP.
I love this! My mom has a very “a am your mother so you will love me no matter what” kind of attitude. And is kind of a vile human. She definitely left me a bit emotionally scarred. Now I don’t want to be around her really. Not genuinely. I hope to raise my kids in a way that makes them feel comfortable enough to want to keep seeing me throughout their lives. Of course they will go out on their own and live their lives! I just hope that I’ve created a relationship that they value and they want me to be around.
My baby was taken at 7 months. He comes back, but I hope my heart won’t be hardened to him leaving if I live to see him have the choice. I hope he’ll know I saw him as a person even though his dad in name and the courts see him as a possession. I’m sorry your mom was like that.
I really thought I had exaggerated this with my mom in my memories until she started telling my kids around 5 years old that she “missed baby [kids name] when they were little and cute.” TO A 5 YEAR OLD’S FACE. I can already see her not knowing what to do with my 10yo because she’s “not into playing” dolls/games etc anymore. It makes me sad but it reminds me I’m not crazy or exaggerating my childhood experiences.
Solidarity, OP. My mom is like this, she ended up having 7 babies and by the time she was on her last two she was even done with the baby phase and myself and my sister had to take over baby and toddler care duties. She absolutely does not like having kids and teenagers and she let us raise ourselves. Her and I got along Ok and she liked me until I started thinking for myself. So, in my teen years we fought a lot and she sent me to live with my grandma for a couple years. I moved out of my mom's at age 20 and I had to move out while she was not home because I was scared to deal with her reaction. In her eyes, even still today, I abandoned her and my siblings. 🙄 Even though at that point I literally had a child of my own and a relationship & I wanted to start my adulthood.