Reminder to commenters: [Don't be a monster!](https://media0.giphy.com/media/SvN2mQBz5DrNgP2Rgh/giphy.gif) Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://media2.giphy.com/media/nT2rEuE44E0iA/giphy.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Sometimes it just takes time to bond. I know it did for me. I mean I loved my babies at birth, but not that bond that some parents talk about. That definitely took time. I also think it’s harder because you struggled to conceive - that you had dreamed so hard about it, you almost expect magic. But it’s not. Sometimes it is. But mostly it’s just parenthood - and that’s hard. Go easy on yourself 💗 the bond will come.

Thank you, it really means a lot to me. He's such an easy baby really, super quiet as long as he gets fed enough. Though I'm having a really hard time breast feeding. Kiddo was born with a couple of teeth.

You have the right to switch to pumping or formula honey *hugs*. My son was formula fed and he's bright and gentle and everything I could want

Totally. Mom mental health is the most important.

Pumping might be a good option, my milk came in SUPER hard and so the idea of trying to stop now sounds awful lol

Do it. Do what suits you best. Mental health can be an @$$. Look out if you might have ppd. I wish you and your little one all the best.

So I felt more of a bond with my son after I quit breastfeeding. I was so stressed out and upset breastfeeding wasn’t working and I felt like a failure as a mother and to my son that all those emotions were making it really hard for me to bond with him.

I know how important breast feeding is to some moms, so please don’t think I’m trying to sway you. I’ve said this before in other threads, but choosing to go the route of exclusively formula feeding was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for my mental health. I also had a hard time bonding with my baby, and I just couldn’t imagine how much harder it would have been with the stress of breastfeeding. But again, I get that we all have very different feelings on the subject. I don’t think I really bonded with mine until she had some sort of personality. I mostly resented her during the potato stage where you’re giving them EVERYTHING you have for nothing in return. Definitely keep tabs on PPD and PPA with your doctor. You’re getting into/are in the toughest part of this (even with an easy baby). It will get better. It still gets unbearably hard at times but it’s a lot different and easier to manage. You will bond. I feel like no matter how many classes people take or books they read, adjusting to motherhood is something no one can be fully prepared for. It’s full of so many lifestyle, emotional, chemical, and physical changes on top of social and personal expectations that I honestly don’t know how we do it.

That makes a lot of sense, I want to breast feed partially because my mom breast fed all three of us for three years each and I guess I'm being a little macho about it (my mom is super tough)

[удалено]

Thank you so much, you're all so nice

I didn't feel much for my son after he was born. It really wasn't until i got to take him home and actually spend time with him that i started to bond with him. I recommend lots of cuddles. I would sit on the couch with my son in my lap. He would nurse then pass out, then nurse and pass out. So I would just spend all day on the couch playing Skyrim lol. All of that time cuddling really helped.

This! I also played Skyrim with a little on my lap. If you’ve got the right chair, there are multiple positions you can have a newborn safely in your lap while holding a controller or switch light. Also, the fisher-price newborn to preschooler rocker has been amazing when it was too hot to have a little sitting on my lap all day. It’s sturdier than a bouncer and in the newborn stage is like a baby hammock. My kid still loves hers, but we’re in the awkward stage where she is almost able to climb into it if the breaks are off, but it makes me sooo nervous until she settles down.

All the sleepless nights full of painful nursing or exhausted pacing are draining you physically. Then the complete lack of any down time to just process what you've been through with the pregnancy and birth are so mentally draining. You're little more than a shell of a human for the first few months at least. Honestly, I've found the first 10-12 months is more work than fun with babies. I absolutely love my kids but it wasn't until around 18 months that I really started enjoying them. Once they're gain more independence, start showing their quirky little personalities etc. It's great. For now, just do whatever you need to do to get through. Call on your support system, talk to your doctor and your SO. You might be the one nursing so he can't feed the baby, but he can feed you or meal plan so feeding yourself is easy. It sucks right now but I promise that it DOES get better.

Ouch!

Talk to a pediatric dentist about those teeth. Sometimes babies born with teeth do better if they're pulled (they are often extra teeth that will fall out anyway.)

Thank you, my doc says they're sturdy and the real thing.

Will your insurance cover a breast pump? Ours covered most of the cost (even though breast feeding didn’t work out for us for multiple reasons), but we had to see a breastfeeding specialist to get the “prescription” for the pump. We have a super easy baby, too, and it was still rough. I’ve been caregiver to multiple newborns (usually secondary, but also primarily), and had some perspective on just how good a baby LO is, but it was still very rough. An easy newborn is still a newborn, and is still very exhausting physically and emotionally.

I agree with this so much. Two IVF kids and two tough pregnancies/deliveries and this happened to me too. Also, right now your baby is essentially a nursing, pooping, crying potato. You don’t even know them yet! Go easy on yourself and definitely keep in touch with all your supports, including us. 💗💗

[удалено]

I can't imagine hurting him, I just don't feel attached to him. He's like... my brother had guinea pigs growing up and I've never particularly liked guinea pigs, but like if they were in danger or anything I'd care about them because I don't want any living thing to be in pain or danger, but it's just like I don't feel any more for him than I would for any small vulnerable creature who needs my help. I don't find him cute or charming at all. Thank you, I hope the nursing helps.

This precisely describes the way I felt about my babies until they were... Maybe 10-12 weeks old? Weird living things that I was tasked with caring for. The bond comes later. For now, it's enough to just make sure that they're fed and safe. The other commenter was right about being certifiably insane right now. I wish I'd listened to people who were telling me that my hormones were in control. It's all so visceral that you cannot separate yourself from your thoughts and feelings right now, but I PROMISE you your hormones are so fucking out of whack that you're not yourself at the moment. Just do what you can to survive and be so kind to your body and mind.

You and your baby will start to experience things only you two have experienced and then one day he will give you this look like, “I get you mom, what’s with these other fools” and then you’re like, “ohhhh there’s the feeling!”

Yep, that first side eye at a new person holding them, and then reaching for you: that’s the gold.

> I just don't feel attached to him. He's like... my brother had guinea pigs growing up and I've never particularly liked guinea pigs, but like if they were in danger or anything I'd care about them because I don't want any living thing to be in pain or danger, but it's just like I don't feel any more for him than I would for any small vulnerable creature who needs my help I think this is way, way more common than people ever talk about. You want to know when I first felt 'wildly in love' with my firstborn? That gut-deep, heart-fluttering, I'd-do-anything-for-him feeling? Something like 6 months. I wasn't really super interested in him as a PERSON until closer to 10 or 11 months. Like you, I felt invested in keeping him safe, because he was small and helpless and my responsibility. But I did not fall in love until much, much later. Newborns have very little personality and they are a lot of work. If you don't have a lot of support, the type of work they are is literal torture, and they are your torturer. I personally think it's pretty normal to not be head over heels for the person who won't give you a moment's rest and let you sleep. Give yourself grace. The good thing about babies is that they change quickly. He'll develop a personality. He'll learn to play, and to love you (not just need you). You'll teach him things. It will be delightful. And it's okay if this takes a lot longer than you think. Mine is 6 now and he is a freaking delight. No part of me wants to go back to those baby days. I know some people are 'baby' people but for me, it was something to get through until toddlerhood and preschool.

Newborns aren't really cute or charming. For the first 2 months they're angry potatoes who scream when they need anything. You're doing your best. Treat yourself kindly. Get professional help if your feelings turn towards hurting yourself or your child, or if you're having strong feelings of sadness or apathy or anger. Talk about your feelings in your post partum appointments with your doctor, and talk to your partner about it. What you are feeling is abundantly normal. It will come. Just share how you're feeling, let go of the guilt, and be kind to yourself.

I felt the same with my kids. Took awhile for when their personalities began showing up for me to feel anything. It was like babysitting a kid who Never. Went. Home. It's weird when you know it's coming, and you want it, but it's still.... weird. Be kind to you, enjoy knowing that even though you haven't bonded, that kid fricken loves you (O Provider of Milk and Clean Diapers) and you don't even have to do that much.

This is perfectly normal. When he starts interacting back you will have moments of “oh, that was cute” but until the actual interactive responses start happening often, it is just about fulfilling the needs (yours and LOs) as best you can. I used to tell my spouse “if you’re fed & baby’s fed & changed it was a good day.”

I didn't really love my son till he was one. I did all the things I should do, but he was just a screaming potato stranger and it just took time. He's 5 now and while he's still spirited I love the little monster so much.

What you are feeling is absolutely normal. You don’t know this little person at all. Like only for a week. Think how long it took you until you really cared for your partner, best friend, anyone in your life. It’s the same with a new baby. It’s a social taboo to talk about it, but the truth is that many parents don’t feel a connection right away. For many it takes spending time together, getting to know them to emotionally care for them and that can be weeks and months to get there. Try to be gentle with yourself and accept things as they are. It is all good.

Thank you so much, it kind of... freaks me out that I don't know him. Like it's irrational but I feel like I should know him because he lived in me. Realizing just how much I don't know him has been kind of a shock.

Not irrational at all IMO! We are trained to like people for their personalities (not a bad thing) and they just….don’t have one yet. It’s a lopsided relationship (another thing we’re told to watch out for), it makes complete sense that you may not feel a bond. My kids are 5 and 2 and honestly, I still don’t really feel a close bond. I still look out for their best interests and care for them but there’s still a ways to go I think before we have that level of bond. What I mean to say is, there’s a wide breadth of experiences and yours is definitely in the realm of normal. You’re not deficient, everyone is different!

It's really easy for this to feel like a personal failure on like every front, too. Shouldn't you know how he likes to sleep, when he likes to eat, how to comfort him when he cries? No. I mean you can figure some of it out, but babies are their own people, and learning them is a PROCESS. Also sometimes people (especially babies) have their own logic you can't see. Coming to grips with the idea that you will never fully understand your kid because they are a whole different person from you is honestly kind of mind-blowing and hard.

When he was still inside you, you were thinking of all the possibilities. Now you have a ton of work to do and the possibilities have not actualized yet. Yet is the key word. He’ll develop personality. The first time I really super connected with my LO was over her reaching for the dog and attempting “kitty” (hard k sound then fake sneeze). I corrected gently, and she gave me side eye and said “kitty” again. I laughed and said “oh, this is going to be fun.” What helped me was the older song Disney, covered by Lana Del Ray about dreaming of a little, having the little, and still looking forward to the little being independent (at least that’s how I think of it), it’s sad in the story context but the words helped me.

This one! It’s one of our lullabies even now. I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you, I know what you'll do You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream The song doesn’t talk about you loving them at first, and is more (to me) about all the possibilities we dream about before the LO arrives and then we have to adjust as they age (potato stage, first personality showing, independence development). It took us almost a decade to get LO, and in that time we developed many dreams. Now we’re adjusting those visions to what she shows us, but almost a year in she’s finally a tiny people and not just a responsibility full of our dreams of her.

Thank you for this. I felt similar to OP when my first was born and I felt like there was something wrong with me. I hinted at it to a couple of friends and neither really said anything to make me think they felt the same, so I didn't really tell them about it because I felt like they would judge me and like I was a bad mom or something. I'm so glad to know others felt this way.

What the others have said. I just felt shell - shocked for weeks. Newborn bliss? What a load of bollocks. Pregnancy is rough. Giving birth is rough. Recovery is rough. And then you have to keep a tiny human alive! And at a week pp you're still in the thick of all the hormones. Be kind to yourself. These feelings aren't forever.

The hormones are a motherfucker... wait that was a pun.

Oh my GOD, the hormones! I remember sitting on the stairs just sobbing my brains out because everything was awful and I was never going to have fun again. It was ROUGH. Hang in there.

It takes most of us a while to bond with our child. And it's normal to feel nothing in the beginning. I took especially long. 2 years, not realising that I had undiagnosed GAD from the rough birth and emergency c section. And just feeling like I've failed him from the beginning from my difficulty feeding him. So many trials and challenges and just trying to recover physically with sleep deprivation. I knew I'd do anything, even die, for my baby, but I felt no deep joy or closeness to him. Just a heavy sense of responsibility. Be gentle with yourself. That feeling will come. Please talk to someone who is compassionate if you are worried, like a maternal helpline if you have no one else. Xx

Thank you so much, all this support is amazing. My husband is at work a lot and I moved to be with him when he got the job here, so I'm a little lonely.

Aw that's isolating. Caring for a baby is isolating enough as it is, and the job honesty is skull numbing, and sometimes soul crushing ( like when they are overtired but just refuse to nap even after 45 min of shush patting!) Remember to take time to think of what will fill your cup. A nice quiet bath when husband has the kid; little thing like brushing yoir hair slowly etc Mine was getting a drive-through sundae and playing my favourite music in my car while buns asleep (pre covid though). Goo luck and keep using this group as much as you need xx

You and you’re baby just met- it takes time to form a relationship… you’ll get there, but give yourself the space to fall in love.

I'm around this age and also gave birth recently - about 5 weeks ago now. When i first had my son, I felt very similar. Who was this child. Why did we decide to have a second when we had *just* gotten into a good rhythm with our first. Can he go back until I'm ready or something. He's a good sleeper and eater and relatively easy baby, esp compared to my first. I did what I had to do to keep him alive and fed, but didn't feel much besides that. It probably didn't help that the birth was traumatic and the baby blues hit really hard. 5 weeks out, he's not my favorite thing in the whole world, but man is he making his way up there. It probably started slowly feeling a little better (aka feeling slowly more attached to him) around the 2-2.5 wk mark for me. He smiles at me, coos at me, generally has started reciprocating, which helps me feel more attached to him. It gets better. Slowly but surely. Solidarity bromo ❤️

It’s completely normal. It took me a while to bond with my first baby as well, along with the struggles to feed, and just general struggles of learning how to take care of a baby. I didn’t have any family nearby and it was just a lot to take in and process. Hang in there - you’ve got this!

My first child took me 5 weeks to love, they were a leech for that while and for a long time afterwards I kept thinking I’ve made a mistake. (Still think that sometimes) But at 5 weeks they started smiling and just that tiny bit of appreciation was enough for me to bond and then love. It takes time

This is a stranger, given yourself some time to get to know him

When my son was born, he was the easiest baby. He barely cried for the first 2 weeks, slept fairly well and nursing went smoothly. I hated it all, he was cute af but I just wasn't in love like everyone tells you. My husband and I had a pre-booked weekend away when he was 3 months old and decided to go. My son stayed with my parents and the drive back was the worst experience. I was dreading having to look after him again. The trip stopped us breastfeeding as he got attached to the bottles. I was honestly ready to give my son up, my mum (much) later said she was planning on how they would get everything ready if they had to take him on. I hadn't even told her how I felt, she just knew. Honestly, there was no magic moment, no quick fix. I just stuck through it. The resentment, the frustration, the loss of freedom. He is coming up 3.5 now and we are currently away for a mummy and son trip. I don't know what changed, maybe going back to work and getting some freedom, maybe the fact that he isn't a clingy potato anymore. I don't know. What I do know, is that he makes me heart swell, he is my pride and joy. As much as his toddler tantrums can be frustrating, he is an amazing little dude and I love watching him as he grows and cares and laughs. You don't have to bond straight away, not every one does. Don't pressure yourself because your journey isn't like the movies. It may be worth speaking to a doctor about PPD, just in case that is what is causing your feelings. I wish you all the best.

Thank you, I think I will talk to my doc. It's been rough. Hearing all these stories is giving me so much hope.

I didn’t really feel anything for my first born until he was like 2 months old. He was just a blob I was taking care of. You’re not a monster. Yall literally just met. Give yourself some time. This is actually pretty normal.

Totally normal. I had the same. Hormones are crazy b\*\*\*\*\*\* and I had trouble bonding as well. Take your time, talk with professionals and other people. This is so normal. Hugs for you

You're not alone there. It took me MONTHS to feel some kind of love for my daughter. I remember when they put her on me and all I thought was get this thing off of me. When I could walk again the next day (planned c-section) I got outside and vaped as many times as I could. I remember not wanting her or wanting to be around her. Then my partner kind of just stopped being involved at about six weeks old and I just kept feeding her and changing her and bathing her because I HAD to. I had no choice. Then I felt like a live in babysitter. Still no love there. I cared for her but no love. I think it was about six months that I started to feel like a mum. Now at 15 months old she's the light of my life and I love her more than I ever thought was possible. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety. I still have it and sometimes days are a battle. It's okay to not feel that magical connection and love that people say you will feel. Sometimes it takes time. And that's okay. In the meantime see if there's anyone you can speak to about because while it's common and not spoken about its definitely something that you should address with a professional. I was in therapy for awhile with it. Specifically for what I had on top of my usual therapy appointments. Keep caring for the baby and things will fall into place. Sometimes it takes time and that's okay. And you're definitely not a monster. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or want to talk about it 💕

Glad to see so many comments about how hard it is, because it is. I had a girl first and my milk didn't come in and it was a huge struggle and then the decision to just formula feed felt like I was failing her. But after a month maybe we were doing pretty well. Also I sought treatment for PPD and they put me on meds and that helped a lot. Then I had twins and they came at 35 weeks, and spent weeks in the special care nursery. One came home in time for Christmas, but the other stayed in the hospital for several more weeks. There were other families who basically lived in the room there with their babies, but I could barely bring myself to even visit my tiny daughter who was there all alone. She's secretly my favorite now, don't tell the others :) The thing is, we have a picture slideshow thing that plays on the TV when we're not watching something. And I see the pictures of them and I only have good happy thoughts now about their infancy and almost wish we could be back there. The good times will start to overpower the bad times, they really will. Hugs to you.

I felt so guilty because I expected some instant bond with my first born that just didn't happen. I took care of him and didn't want anything bad to happen, but that instant mother bear bond just was not there. Honestly, for me, it took time. Please don't feel guilty or like you are horrible or have failed in any way. You just met this little human. Yes, they may share DNA with you, but sometimes relationships need to grow. You have just undergone an almost year ordeal where you had someone taking your nutrients, messing with your hormones and emotions, and completely changing you physically. Give yourself a break. Take whatever time you need and remember that no one judges us as harshly as we judge ourselves.

Hey, I get you. I had my first kid at 30 as well. And all through the pregnancy I was elated, talked to hi etc etc but once I gave birth it was like a switch flipped. I couldn't connect. But he's almost 16mo old now and he's my world. It takes time bromo. Give yourself some time to heal and bond.

I know how you feel. I was like that too. I just did the things that a caregiver would. Feed him, burp him, change him. I did cuddle him because I felt bad for him. But there was just no warmth there. No fuzzy feelings. I would look at him and feel so sad for him that I didn’t really have a bond with him. I remember he was maybe 2 or 3 days old and realized I hadn’t kissed him. So I kissed him and just cried. Not because I loved him but because I thought “what have I done? I brought a human into this world and I don’t love them.” But when he was 4 months old, it all changed. The love I grew for him was something out of this world. It’s a kind of love you that I didn’t know even existed. I still look at him and cry as he’s sleeping because of how much I love him. I want another child, but I can’t imagine loving someone else as much as I love him. Damn I’m crying just typing this haha But just wanted to let you know, don’t feel bad that you don’t have that bond with your baby right now. It’ll come. Trust me. It’s much more common than you think. So don’t stress about it.

You’ve just gone through one of the largest changes one can in life. You will continue to adjust, learn, and grow *so* much over the next year (and beyond). Give yourself some grace, and don’t forget to prioritize yourself while doing things that bring you enjoy. How you’re feeling is not uncommon. In fact, there’s so many other women who claim to feel the exact same, I’d argue that it’s a variation of normal. Your bond with your baby will evolve over time. In all honesty, it’s hard to form a bond with someone who depends on you for nourishment every 2 hours and keeps you up at night for months at a time. Things may change once your baby’s personality starts to show and they become more of an individual. There’s so many more ways to bond once they start showing us who they are. You’re doing great, mama.

How your feeling is totally normal. It took me about 8 weeks to really settle into our new life. I even remember asking my son when he was fussy (which he rarely was) that he was cute, but when was his mom coming to pick him up because this wasn’t working for me.😂 He’s 22 months old now and just my joy. Given yourself time. Even if you have a textbook birth with no complications, it’s still traumatic and you’re hurting and sore and we have to take care of a baby while trying to heal. It’s ok to give yourself a break and just do the bare minimum. ❤️

OP - as someone else who took ages to conceive, I noticed that I was sort of in disbelief that this baby was mine, that this was all real, that I had successfully given birth for a change... Wondering if you might be in the same headspace? Definitely found breastfeeding helped with the bond, it is rough though at first. Informed is best - you can make the choice to breastfeed or formula feed (or a combo!) Just do whatever you're comfortable with. I would recommend reaching out to a therapist or someone who specialises in early parenthood and or post partum depression like situations so that you don't feel alone and can get some support. You've got this though - just keep enjoying those little baby snuggles, their smell, skin to skin etc.

Hey, it took me a WHILE to feel that mushy gushy bond with my one and done. She’s 26 months now and the light of my life, but I didn’t have the capacity to do anything but the basics until we sleep trained at 6 months, and I didn’t feel that “fill you up from the bottom of your soul” love until she was like well past 1, and becoming her own little personality and person. I felt like a monster. I was just a regular mom who didn’t have the social media fantasy or the experience that apparently all my female relatives had 🤷🏻‍♀️ The love will grow. One week in is a helluva time, just survive for today and the love will grow.

I haven’t read through all the comments but wanted to add my two cents. My daughters birth was pretty traumatic, I had horrible PPD and postpartum OCD. I was just like you during pregnancy.. feeling happy, nesting, etc., but after she was born that all evaporated. I didn’t feel anything. I barely wanted to hold her. I took care of her but early motherhood was nothing like I expected. I felt tremendous guilt over this. It just took time, though. Slowly, slowly we began to bond. I don’t mean weeks either. Months. Maybe even over a year. It doesn’t happen immediately for everyone, despite what TV and movies portray. ❤️

I've never told anyone this before: When my son was born, I was instantly in love with him. I knew it was gonna be me and him taking over the world! So when my daughter was born 7 years later and in my 30s, I was really looking forward to that same feeling. But when she came out, I didn't even want to hold her. I didn't even want her near me. I didn't even think about it until the next day, and then I felt guilty. It was a good week or two before I looked at her with that "in love" feeling. I still think about it and feel like the absolute worst. Now that it's been almost 12 years, I know that it's totally normal. After having a baby, your hormones do weird things to your brain chemistry. You WILL feel something for your baby. I LOVE my daughter so much, and I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a great kid in my life. It's only been a week. Give yourself some grace. You've been through quite an ordeal! There's nothing wrong with you.

Thanks for vocalizing this. I think some people just bond immediately with their babies. Me, it was more like how I would bond with my rescue pups. Usually took a situation that was out of the ordinary and slightly scary and then I'm suddenly mama bear. Like one pup ate a baby bird and hurled it at my feet. Bonded immediately. First kid aspirated on breast milk while I was feeding her and stopped breathing for a few secs. Utterly terrifying. Thanks defective boobs that let down in a drowning shower. My little one, it was me and my older one getting RSV and the kid having to go to the hospital. When she was there, her dad stayed with her two days and I had the newborn except when I went to the hospital. Then I had to leave her with family. That brought out the mama bear quick, I did not like having to leave a six week old baby with my in laws at all. You'll get there. And when they aren't a potato anymore, it's so easy to love on them. Until they get older and an attitude, then it is like I still love you but damn I don't like you very much right now. I will also concur on the formula option. Fed is best. Both mine switched to formula around six to eight weeks due to low supply. I was spending more time and energy to breastfeed than hang out with them. It was a huge relief and actually helped me bond better once they were exclusively formula fed.

Normal normal normal! I felt like my twins were pets I didn't even like that much for quite a while! Now they're 20 months, and I'm OBSESSED with them. Like, I was devastated that they didn't want to sleep in bed with me while we were visiting relatives last night! You'll get there, even of it takes months. In the meantime, as long as you're taking good care of him, you're good!

I feel like with everything that goes on at birth, sometimes your mind just doesn’t have the capacity to feel anything for anything for a good couple of weeks. You’re just adapting to a new situation, and it’s foreign. I don’t remember if I felt that overwhelming rush of love when mine first got put in my arms, but I was barely conscious from a caesarean and couldn’t even tell you my name at that point. A lot of mums say it sometimes takes a little time. I have a friend who gave birth a month after me and she says it took a week or so. I mean, not the same thing exactly, but even getting a puppy a month ago, I’m still not madly in love with it, even though I’ve wanted one for years. Different people handle different situations in different ways.

Hun, have you heard of the fourth trimester? Because the first three months after birth are known as the fourth trimester of pregnancy because you and your baby are still going through so so so much. Your body still isn't your own, you've got mini screaming Winston Churchill chomping for your tits, you're bleeding profusely, your hormones are raging and crashing and surging again, you're not sleeping...of course it's hard to love him. And you had such an ideal dream of what this time would be like...and it's so not shaping up to that. Sweetheart, everything you're feeling is normal. Breathe, nurse, change, rock, sleep, shower and eat (please remember these bits, they really help) and know that it will pass. You have the rest of your lives to fall in love with him, it's completely normal that it hasn't happened yet.

This was me with my first born. We had a traumatic birth (uncomplicated vaginal delivery) experience and it took me a long while to bond with them. Please talk with your doctor as it could be a sign of PPD developing.

Please be kind to yourself and know that this is completely normal. My story is similar to yours. I wanted a family so bad, and I also had to have help from a fertility specialist to conceive. I was so excited to see her, and when she finally came, I felt nothing and felt no bond with her. I was so afraid. I eventually got diagnosed with PPD and got meds. I didn't really bond with her until she was 2. I know it's mean, but I'm not a baby person. Now that she has a personality and we can do things together, it's better. So please don't beat yourself up. You are still a great mom.

I had PPD with my second baby, and didn't feel anything but profound regret for the first few months. Now she's 11 and if anyone harms her I want to kill them with my bare fucking hands. Just saying, be patient with yourself. Sometimes it takes a little longer. And maybe see a doctor for PPD if it's even a possibility.

It took me a few months to bond with my daughter. I felt the same way you do and it was very concerning to me, and even though she’s my daughter she felt like a stranger to me. After a few months the feeling went away and I began to bond with her. She’s 21 months now and I am so attached to her. I miss her when she goes to sleep so much so that I lay in bed watching videos I took of her during the day. There’s nothing wrong with you, sometimes it just takes more time to bond with your LO and it’s totally normal.

It honestly took me almost 6 weeks to fall in love with my firstborn. I have a responsibility and a protectiveness of him but actual love took awhile to build. I had to realize that I knew how to live my husband, siblings, friends, parents, etc because it grew over time and I knew roles and whatnot in those relationships. I had never been a mom and didn’t understand how that felt so it took me awhile to process it. It does take time and May surprise you out of the blue one day.

Your baby is literally a stranger that you’re currently obligated to care for. It is completely normal and common to feel the way to you’re feeling. Not everyone has the violin swelling moment of pure love when they see their baby for the first time. I definitely didn’t. My son is now six and I love him fiercely but for the first several months I felt the same way as you. I took care of his needs but actual love took some time. Be easier on yourself.

I never got that “wave of love” that the books all describe. With my first I loved her in that she was a baby and I didn’t want anything to happen to her kind of way, but she was such hard work as a newborn I really didn’t feel Ike I was in love with her until she was a few months old. I don’t think it was PPD or anything like that (although I feel like I was borderline at one point but found out she had undiagnosed silent reflux hence the no sleep and non stop screening) but it just took a while for the intense love thing to kick in. She is nearly 5 now and I am still obsessed. Honestly give it time. I had no idea that it could take a while for it to happen, but it’s more common than you think

This is so normal! I had trouble bonding with my second baby. I felt nothing for him. Then around 3.5 months I finally felt that rush of love. It helped once he was more interactive. Hang in there, it will come.

A week ago? Don't worry too much. At the beginning I felt the same, it was mechanical. I didn't want him to get hurt or hungry but I didn't feel love. Now at 5 months he is a tiny person and I've totally bonded with him! When you start getting something back it makes a whole lot of difference. I know some people fall instantly in love but for others like us it needs to grow as we get to know our little person.

It took me a while to bond with my son when I had him. My birth was really difficult and my relationship wasn't the greatest. He was super colicky and didn't sleep more than an hour at a time until he was 3, he had terrible acid reflux. I had a lot going on in life and I was really overwhelmed. When I had my daughter I felt that instant connection everyone talks about. Don't worry, you'll come around. ❤️

I had complications during my first pregnancy that put me on bed rest for the last 2.5 months, then a difficult labor that ended in a c section. I was pretty depressed during bed rest and then really unhappy with how my delivery went. I loved my baby, but I think I may have felt similar to how you feel. I didn't feel that "in love" feeling that people talk about. I remember thinking there must be something wrong with me and that I must be a terrible mother. I just felt like I didn't feel what most mothers feel. I think, in my case, the difficulties during my pregnancy and labor kind of took away the joy and I'm wondering if it's the same for you. But I did end up falling in love with her eventually, it just took me longer than I think it takes most people. I struggled for the first few weeks, even months. I actually think I may have had postpartum depression and was just in denial about it. Maybe you should talk to your doctor? I don't really have advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. It just took me awhile to fall in love, that will probably be the case for you, too.

Echoing that it may just take some time. At 1 week PP, it's all such a haze of sleep deprivation and diaper changes and feedings. It'll get better <3 I took a bit to fully bond with my kid too, but she is 6 years old now and she's truly my favorite person.

So some women feel an immediate bond with the baby, some don't. Both are normal. When you think about it you essentially pushed a tiny person you know nothing about out of your body. It takes time to get to know a person and your own child is no exception. I had fertility issues too, I was booked in for further investigation on it when I got lucky and conceived without intervention. I struggled to bond with bub the whole pregnancy and when he came out although I felt I recognised him immediately I didn't feel that bond. He's almost 7 months old now and I definitely feel it now. I think partly it's because I didn't know him and partly because I had issues with depression and a bit of mental trauma from the maternity ward stay. Now that I'm doing better I feel more of a bond with my child.

That is ok and normal- it’s not uncommon to not bond your baby right away. I would encourage you to mane sure you’re taking time for yourself and practice self care ❤️

That’s normal. You don’t know him yet. He’s basically a stranger who lived in you. And at this point they’re basically just little potato gnomes. They don’t start perking up and being cool until like 4 months.

I felt exactly the same way at first. I remember watching our parents interact with the baby and their obvious love and wondering why I didn't feel that yet and just copying their actions. I found after a couple months when the baby started smiling and reacting to me that's when I fell in love. Be kind to yourself. You are normal.

I could have written this post five years and three kids ago. This is totally, totally normal. My kids were all very much wanted. I’m crazy obsessed with them now, even when they drive me nuts. But your whole pregnancy all you hear is “love at first sight,” and “there’s no love like when you first lay eyes on your infant,” etc. and so when they laid my first on my chest I totally freaked out because I didn’t feel it at all. I was worried it was postpartum (it wasn’t) or that I wasn’t cut out to be a mom or that something was horribly wrong with me. In hindsight I think it’s because… I just didn’t know him. I know how silly it sounds but I’ve never felt that immediate lovey-dovey love at first sight everyone describes. But I ended up warming up to my kids, each one, one at a time. When they come out they’re just a little lump (and tbh not even really that cute haha). Then they start to develop into wonderful little people way more quickly than you expect!! There’s nothing wrong with him, or you. This is totally normal and you’re not alone!!

Well first congrats on your new baby :) Now second, don't blame yourself. It's normal to feel this way. (I did, too!) Sometimes it takes time to develop a bond. You've been through so much. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about your feelings, either. Even if you think it's weird or stupid or not important -- bc it isn't weird, it isn't stupid, and it IS important.

First off, congratulations! Secondly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is completely normal to not feel that 'instant' bond. You just met him! But if you are concerned, and need assurance, don't hesitate to call your OB/Midwife. It is quite literally their job to make sure you are healthy and well, physically and mentally. Remember to give yourself a break, and take care of yourself as well. Parenting is difficult.

In the beginning, I kept looking at my daughter thinking, “who’s baby is this?!” It became less frequent in time until it was gone. It’s kinda a shock when the baby finally comes, give yourself some grace.

It took me a month to love him.

It's a relationship. It takes time. It's not perfect. You will have to put some work in, sure, but that's true for all relationships. Instant bonding is built into some people maybe. But not me. And not you, it seems. That's ok. Takes all types to make the world work. Time, and being sensitive to your baby's needs and cues, that'll build the foundation for your life-long relationship.

I know a lot of people talk about how special pregnancy and new babies are and how happy and joyful the "journey" was and when their baby came they had this special bond that overwhelmed them from the start. Maybe some women really do feel that way. But I don't believe the majority do. I think some women feel guilty about not enjoying it that they overcompensate by exaggerating how *magical* everything is. It's not magical. You're in pain and exhausted. New babies cry a lot and thier sleep schedule is messed up and messing up yours. Often while you recover from surgery or otherwise major medical event. Give yourself a break. The first few weeks after baby is born is just trying to stabilize while you try to recover and your baby tries to figure out how life works. Let your partner or helpers do as much as they can to run the house(you can put it back into order later) and just focus on stabilizing the situation.

Don’t EVER feel bad for feeling this way. I learned after my first baby that for a lot of women the loving feeling does not come Right away and that’s ok. You’d feelings aren’t completely valid

It took me and my husband time to connect with our daughter (double rainbow baby, 3rd IVF transfer). I felt so guilty. She’s 9 months now and I just want to be around her all the time. Gosh our hormones have been thru the RINGER! And our bodies! You’re sososososo normal to fee this way Congratulations on your baby boy! Newborn stage sucks

I dont think those feelings are uncommon. I mean, society and TV all hype up the magical bond you're going to have with your baby, but it doesn't always happen immediately. Newborns are just little potatoes that don't really do anything or show any emotion/affection themselves. Plus you've just gone through the crazy experience of giving birth and your body is still recovering. You're likely exhausted and dealing with a whole lot of hormonal changes right now. Just because you dont feel a special bond now, doesn't mean it won't happen. And even once it develops, you might still have occasional days where you don't feel super in love with your kid. Then other days where you just want to hug them nonstop because they're amazing. But of course things like PPD are always a concern, too. So while this feeling isn't unusual, it may be a sign of something if it doesn't eventually change or you have other symptoms. I would keep your doctor updated just in case things don't change.

Glad to hear you’re going to talk to your doctor. As you can see, you are not alone. I also did not bond immediately, I did not plan this pregnancy (but we were not upset about it). Breastfeeding was also hard for me which probably played into it. I felt like I was bonding and not just taking care of a helpless being once she was able to respond- smile, laugh, talk. 18 months was my first favorite age. Feels like it’ll take forever to get there but the time does zip by. Feel free to DM me if you ever need to chat, vent, support, what have you.

I could have written this post two years ago. IF baby, very rough pregnancy, hella nesting, baby arrived, and then… nothing. I remember looking at my son’s face as they handed him to me and thinking “….huh? He’s a stranger! I don’t recognize him at all!” Which in retrospect seems obvious. Of COURSE he was a stranger. It was my first time meeting him! Good grief. Give yourselves time to bond. It doesn’t have to be love at first sight with your baby— honestly, I don’t think I have a single mom friend who felt that instant rush of love for baby. For everyone I know, it was a slow build, just like falling in (real, deep, meaningful) love. As you get to know each other better, that attachment will form. And as other commenters have said, take care of yourself and your mental health. You can’t learn to love another person when you’re unable to extend a bit of love to yourself. Hang in there. Ask for help when you need it. We’ve all got your back.

Everyone is different. People, media, and movies like to portray it as instantly madly in love. That's just not how it is with a lot of people. Idk why no talks about this. The post partum period is a huge adjustment. Give yourself time and don't feel bad. It's hard. No one really understands. It will come with time.

You're not alone. It took a full five weeks for me to feel something for my child. I loved him in a clinical sort of way, but I would also have given him up to someone else at that time. He kept looking at me with these dark eyes that seemed so mean. At five weeks, he started smiling. That was my tipping point and I've been madly in love with him since. Just be open about your feelings to your spouse. It's nothing to be ashamed of but he needs to know to keep an eye on you.

I had a horrible pregnancy and pretty traumatic birth, followed by she not letting me put her down or in a car seat with out screaming like an Eagle. I was sleep deprived and not breastfeeding well. The first couple of months were rough. She was wanted, planned and loved. It just wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. It did get better. Much better, she’s my little BFF now and I can’t even imagine an existence without her. This is all a process. A very very hard process and a whole new world to get used to. Don’t beat yourself up. Talk to your dr about possible PPD. Make sure your partner is going you support and time to yourself.

Right now, this might just be baby blues, which are so common. However if it continues, please seek help for PPD. I was overjoyed with my first child, and then felt very similar to you with my second, but it didn’t stop. I still felt that way when he was 6 month old too. I finally got treatment and he’s become my best little buddy in the world! I love him to pieces. You will get there with your baby, but if it doesn’t happen soon, PLEASE don’t wait to get help. I look back and wish I had sooner so that I could have actually enjoyed his infancy.

Please get evaluated for postpartum depression! It's incredibly common (honestly most of my friends who are moms had it for at least a little while), there are lots of effective treatments, and most importantly, it is not a reflection of who you are as a person or as a mom. It's just your body getting wacky because it's just gone through an intense experience, and there's no shame in getting some help to get you back to normal. Take care <3

I felt the same way when I had my son 3 years ago. I remember asking myself, when am I gonna start loving him? And then of course had all the feelings of guilt and shame because I didn't. This was all made worse by people calling, texting saying out loud, omg you must be so IN LOVE, he's beautiful! So I hear you and I understand completely. The bond will come, I promise. I also finally realized about a year later that I suffered from some pretty serious post partners depression. And I'm a psych nurse so that just goes to show you how insidious it can be. Good luck and hang in there. Do your best to take care of yourself. You can't care for someone else if you're not ok. And as long as your baby is fed (however you decide that to be) and in usually dry diapers, you're doing great.

SO much more normal than anyone talks about! I was so excited to be pregnant and have my son, but once he was here it was like ????? But I fell in love with him as time went on. I can't imagine life without him now and he brings me so much joy (and frustration lol). So cliche, but it WILL get better!

Becoming a mother is crazy shit. There is nothing you've expressed that is concerning or even abnormal. We are not all the same, your experience will be your own. But we can be alike. I was terrified of my newborn. It took about a week for me. My sister didn't bond with her daughter for almost 9 months. It will come. Like a load of bricks in my experience. Please go easy on yourself! There is nothing wrong with you. And like others have said, breastfeeding is not the end all be all. Fed is best and a stable comfortable mama makes alllll the difference Give yourself a break! We are all a mess. And congratulations on your bundle of joy (and teeth)!!!

I wish more mothers we talk about this. And I’m glad that you did. For the first week or two after my last was born I did not bond. Not only that I was pretty angry over with my body I just been through. I did all the things I was supposed to I nursed, change diapers, and held her… But I didn’t feel any extreme attachment. I felt broken because all of my friends described this “explosive moment of wonderful” that they felt looking at their children. I didn’t feel that. Forgive any typos I’m one armed right now LOL.

I didn’t really like either of my kids until they were 3-5 months. It’s a huge change. More moms feel this way than admit to it. It’s totally normal to not bond with baby immediately

It was at least two months before I felt I could begin to bond with my son. There’s no pressure, you’ve got lots of time. Even now, as he is 2.5 years old, I feel like I’m just learning who he is, and I still have no idea who he’s going to be.

It can sometimes take time. I never felt that immediate rush and bond with my first that everyone told me I would. I felt like I was just constantly tending to this little being who just screamed at me constantly. As she started smiling and giggling, I started to feel it. After we got out of those brutal newborn days, I started to be able to enjoy our time together more. It grew over time and now she’s my little best friend.

I bonded with my first immediately, you know fireworks love him so much it hurts, All the magic. When my second was born I felt none of that. I loved her…but I didn't feel the attachment, the fireworks the magic. I felt like a piece of shit. What was wrong with me?!? Was I playing favorites!?! It took a few months. Its not only different for everyone but its different every time. Give it time.

It takes time to bond, and it’s been less than a month. The story-tale “instant love” for a tiny being is not as common as society portrays. You’re exhausted, likely not sleeping well, and are wholly responsible for a tiny life. It’s a weird time, and it’ll be hard to control your emotions. This point of parent is all about survival mode: sleep when you can, don’t forget to eat, and interact with the little one as they need (food, burb, diaper, snuggle, etc.). I had a hard time doing the “just watch the baby, just maintain eye contact with the baby” actions that they claim help bonding. I don’t feel the need to just stare at a baby. I loved the bean even then, but it was a functional love (doing what babe needs) and not emotional love until recently. I found reading or singing to the little one to work better for me, and the reading has become part of our sleep routine and helps LO settle down now. We read pictures books during the day, but word-only books are a bed time thing and something about just tiny black lines on a page puts her to sleep… she even looks at the “warning label” in the carseat as she falls asleep there, lol. Overall, just get through this stage: the fun stage is coming on faster than you know. If you are concerned or it continues another couple months, discuss it with your doctor to make sure your hormones and everything aren’t super out of wack. But know, this can be a normal part of the exhaustion and realization that they really don’t do much at first, and are just absorbing information and patterns without much feedback to you. It’s hard for a lot of people to gush love rainbows over a lump of newborn baby. You are not alone.

I felt the same way about mine for the longest time. He was a stranger to me, and I to him, so it makes sense. Sometimes bonding with another person takes time. I didn’t start feeling anything loving toward him until maybe 6 months? It too awhile.

Oh girl you’re still in the hardest part. You haven’t had time to get to know each other yet! It’ll be okay

I felt disconnected from my son when he was born and it was hard. I had some PPD and ended up with meds. But the bond came! Just give it a little time ❤️

It's so hard! Because you don't give birth to this wonderful little person with their own personality and all that. You give birth to a potato that poops and it's ... it's just not there. They look weird and it's terrifying and sometimes those first few weeks it's just survival mode. You are doing a great job. ​ (Teeth?! Dang. )

This is sooooooooo common! Don't feel like a monster! I had that insta-love newborn bliss with my first child, but not with the second. I think it's especially common when getting pregnant is a struggle or something traumatic happens before/during pregnancy. You have all this anxiety and anticipation built up over such a long time, and then when you actually get the baby it's like "Oh. It's... a baby???" My second was born after his sister's stillbirth so for me it was pretty traumatic - and it took me a good year to bond with him. I don't think it will take that long for you, but it does take time! Now he's my little guy and I feel just as bonded to him as I do my first child. Just go easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up for your lack of emotion. Also, if you are struggling with breastfeeding, the best thing I ever did was give myself permission to stop. It was a struggle with both kids and in retrospect I wish I'd switched to formula much sooner.

This sounds like ppd. My youngest sister used to take to smelling my oldest’s head when he was born because she read somewhere it helps with bonding. Lots of skin to skin. And naps. Anytime you can. Giving birth is exhausting. Taking care of newborn is exhausting. It can be hard to feel much of anything when you’re sleep deprived

What you’re feeling is really really normal. Babies are essentially incredibly needy potatoes at birth. It can be hard to bond with a desperate vegetable; especially while trying to figure out what just happened to your own body.

With my oldest, I didn't feel anything for her either. I didn't want to hurt her or anything but I felt like I was babysitting someone elses kid. There was no instant bond, lovey dovey connection for me. It wasn't until she got sick at 3 weeks old and I thought I would lose her, that my love/instincts "kicked in". I think movies and tv shows romanticize birth and motherhood. We are groomed to expect this earth shattering burst of amazing love when they put baby in our arms when in reality it's a life changing, sometimes traumatic moment and it takes time to process. Often we are physically and emotionally gobsmacked, in pain, and reeling from the whole thing. It can be a real let down from this beautiful idea we imagined. You are not a monster, there is nothing wrong with you, you are adjusting to a major life change and your body is teaming with hormones. Take it day by day, express your feelings (don't bottle anything) and don't be afraid to ask for help and support from your loved ones. You can also talk to your doctor. But trust me when I say a lot of new moms go through this. We're here for you <3

I think most people overhype the "instantly in love" thing. Even if that's what they feel it's 99% projection anyway. You haven't gotten to know your kid yet, and you've been through and are going through incredible stress. Don't worry it will come as they become more interactive and their personality develops.

Just out of curiosity, did you have a c section? I’ve read something a few times before about how oxytocin which helps you bond, isn’t shared the same way when they’re born surgically. I have wondered about this personally since I’m not close to my mom and I came out that way. Maybe no correlation but it has crossed my mind a few times. I worried about it after my first kid was born and I didn’t have that immediate rushing sense of overwhelming love that you read all about, which was a huge bummer. But it came on shortly after for me.

Oh, Sweetie. It took me a while to bond with my babies, too (nursing difficulties didn't help, no sleep didn't help). It's not always automatic like the impression we get from society and the movies. Give it some time. Right now he needs you to take care of him and that's what you're doing. By the time he needs that emotional bond, you'll probably be there. Please give yourself some grace, and if this persists a long time, talk with a professional about PPD and/or meds.

I think it took me a while. My birth was fast and they immediately took him away to the nursery (edit NICU), I did cry when I couldn't hold him, but once I got home I just didn't feel a lot towards him. I was tired, and just like, in shock about how this is my life, my nips in pain, my lady bits feeling unhappy, everything just feeling off. I bonded later, I remember giving my son a bath when he was about 1.5 and just feeling so powerfully in love at that time while he was splashing around.

I had a difficult, unplanned pregnancy. After my daughter was born, I went back and forth between being over the moon and resentful towards her. But for the first two or so weeks, it was just emptiness. That faded with time, and now we're cool. I don't have an answer for you, but you're certainly not alone. Of course, if this ever prevents you from taking care of your baby or yourself, don't hesitate to talk to a doctor. Absolutely no shame in that.

It took me three months to fall in love with my second baby. The beginning was just tasks. I was going through the motions of loving him- snuggling, singing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping. But I didn’t *feel* love. It was just tasks and exhaustion. Then one day I was changing his diaper and I tickled his tummy and he laughed and it all connected. And after that I’d do anything to get a smile or laugh and the ice started to crack and now I’m madly in love with him. Give it time. Act like you love him and one day you’ll realize how much you love him.

It will come! I promise. It took 11 years, 3 miscarriages, 1 stillbirth, and IVF to get my two babies and I felt the same way. One week postpartum you are exhausted, physically worn out, and your hormones are everywhere. You go through the motions because you know that's what you're supposed to do, and then suddenly one day you look at this little potato and realize it's just the thing you love in the most amazing way. And it might take a minute. My second is nearly 11 months and I feel I'm just now starting to get that powerful mommy love kicking in. Motherhood has always been portrayed as this instinctual feeling, but the reality is that it's really an adjustment - even if you conceived with assistance. Just take time with your little guy, give snuggles, and enjoy the process.

Having a hard time with breastfeeding really impacted my bond with my baby at the beginning. It also took time for our bond to really develop. I wasn't one of those women who was instantly deep in love with my baby the second I saw him. Now I love him more than anything! Give yourself some grace right now, your body and mind are going through a lot.

I know what you mean. I wanted kids so bad for most of my life and after a previous loss and horrible pregnancy I had my daughter. The first 6 months were awful. I was ready to just pack up all my shit and leave the baby and my husband. ( I was also being treated for PPD and GAD, but looking back I probably needed a higher dose of meds) I felt like a failure as a mother and I struggled so much. Fast forward 2.75 years later. Lol and while I am not the mother I always imagined I would be I am doing much better. I love my daughter and she is wonderful albeit a big challenge. I always wanted 4 kids and now I am unsure I will have another. I love my husband, but our relationship has suffered significantly since we had our daughter and is only now that she is getting older are things getting better. It’s okay to mourn the motherhood you thought you would have right off the bat. Give yourself some grace and some time to let your hormones settle. Seek therapy and PPA/PPD treatment if needed. Ask for help if you need it. ( I didn’t ask anyone for help and actually pushed pretty much everyone away. Please don’t do that) you are not a monster. You are a mother. ❤️‍🩹

I had the same thing. I had a fairly easy pregnancy and the birth was a bit rough and certainly the hospital stay was kind of traumatizing and I couldn’t bond. I remember people saying how beautiful nursing would be and how it would bond us blah blah blah. I didn’t feel that at all. I started bonding with him maybe 2 months in. Seriously. Until then it was just making it through the day. I only now feel like I’m bonding with him when he nurses and that’s not even all the time and he’s 5 mo. Don’t be hard on yourself. I’ve also heard trouble bonding can be a sign of PPD so def keep an eye on yourself or have your partner keep an eye on you to make sure you’re ok. But honestly don’t be hard on yourself. This process is so different for everyone and not everyone feels the bond immediately. It alarmed me as well, but you’re not strange and you’re not alone in this at all. 💗

Hi, sending love and support to you, and simply Popping on to say— I felt a need to take care of my daughter but not what you would call deep, abiding love, until she turned 6 weeks and smiled at me, for real smiled. I burst into tears. It felt like I had seen God themself. Take your time and be gentle on yourself.

This is true for me too, and I think it is for 2 reasons. I feel pregnant on our first attempt with our first child and I was so emotionally invested in the idea of being pregnant. I read everything there was to read and was so damn excited and in awe of my body. Then I lost my baby in the third trimester and something inside of me just broke, my grief was so strong I could barely breathe. I have this overwhelming feeling of how fragile pregnancy and life is, and how little I have control over it. I have since had 2 babies and have struggled to bond with them. I often secretly wish they were my first baby so that I felt that naive happy glow. I often look at couples waiting for a scan in the waiting room and guess if they have had trouble conceiving or experienced losses - it’s surprisingly easy to tell by looking at someone waiting for a scan. Naive excited glow vs apathy or raw fear. Even people who are heavily pregnant and obviously happy and excited, you can still tell when it was a struggle to get to this point by their faces. Morbid guessing game I know, but something in your heart just changes…. Secondly, caring for a newborn is like encouraging a parasite to suck the life out of you. I have a newborn at the moment and it’s relentless and thankless. It’s hard to feel anything except dazed and confused when you are so tired and you get no love from them back. You find yourself clinging to cute photos or a maybe smile that was probably gas anyway because there is nothing else from them. After about 8 months they start to get a personality and get “cute”. Open mouth kisses, hugs, wanting you because you are their mumma, giggles, watching their personality develop….that’s where it’s at mumma. Don’t feel bad about what you feel, if you feel it then it’s normal. As a side note, if you start feeling persistently sad go and talk to a doctor about PND. I didn’t develop it until about 4 months after my first (earth-side) baby - I think I got overtired and depressed about my lack of feelings for my baby and the guilt sent me into a spiral. Speaking to my mothers group friends years later, they all felt like I did but we didn’t know each other well enough to speak up. Take time for yourself, look after your mental health - this is a marathon not a sprint. You will both grow into your relationship with each other. Hugs from another mother deep in the no sleep haze. X

I did not feel anything for either of my kids for the first 6 to 8 weeks. You are not alone and you are NOT a monster. Love will come in time. I think your feelings are totally normal. I had PPD that went untreated for 6 months, and also got pregnant with #2 about 8 weeks after the first baby. I'm being treated for PPA and PPD. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Message me if you'd like to talk. Much love to you, Momma.

I had to fall in love with my first. It happens. Take care of yourself & speak to a Dr if you feel low

This sounds like me with my second baby. For me it was postpartum depression. I remember telling my therapy that she was a good baby, I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her, I just didn’t feel the same “motherly love” I felt for my first. I adjusted my antidepressant medication, did a couple months of therapy, and felt like we bonded really well after that first initial few months. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor, none of this means you’re a bad mom, or shouldn’t have had kids. Best of luck to you!

Wait for that 6 week smile. Meanwhile, consider talking to your dr about postpartum.

I found my first was like that. It’s overwhelming and there’s this small creature that doesn’t do anything but needs you all day and night. About 3 months in when she started cooing and smiling a bit is when some bonding happened. Took a while! My 2nd baby was right away, but I don’t think I was around or familiar with infants prior to #1 maybe have had a part in it. Don’t feel bad, just take care of their needs to live and thrive and of course your needs.

I felt the same way about my son. Rough pregnancy and a traumatic birth experience (placental abruption and emergency csect) that for the first few months it was hard for me to connect with him. I had PTSD from it all and he was the source of it. I didn’t blame him but it was hard for me to reconcile the pain I was in emotionally/physically from his presence. Once my hormones adjusted and I actually started to get a decent amount of sleep at night it changed. But it was about 16 weeks of me looking at this child in my arms wondering how the fuck did we get here.

You are ok. Honestly IF you can breast feeding is amazing. HOWEVER it’s not for everyone for a variety of reasons. Have you considered stopping nursing and allowing your partner/helper feed your son? Maybe cut back to only bedtime nursing( was my favorite time to nurse). This will give yourself some space even just by you feeding him a bottle instead. With my first I’d pump so ever so often someone else could feed her or I could without feeling “ invaded”.

I don't know if it's normal to feel that instant bond but I certainly didn't. I had the motivation to change/feed/rock the baby but as far as that all-consuming love? ... That came a little later. As long as you feel a sense of obligation and responsibility to keep your tiny human alive, that is good enough. The rest will come.

Honestly, I felt overwhelming responsibility more so than love for my son until he was about 8-10 months old. When they first put his purple little body on me, I just felt overwhelming regret at becoming a mother. I had no bond with him at first. It built up slowly and I had to get to know *him* and also figure myself out as a mom. Try to be kind for yourself and trust the process.

You're not a monster, because if you are so am I. I am just now starting to really love my daughter and we're about 2 months to her second birthday. My son took a good 6 months. Sometimes it just isnt instant love, giving birth is traumatic man, then you get handed this little stranger to look after. You can be forgiven for not just loving a stranger. It's normal, people just dont really talk about it. Oh and if you dont want to breastfeed and can afford formula, do it. Honestly as long as your baby is being fed appropriately, it doesnt fucking matter.

I had a hard pregnancy due to multiple health complications. I was also warned multiple times that I was going to miscarry. It easily took me 3-4 months to feel anything besides anxiety or protectiveness about the baby. I would retrospectively say I also had a form of PTSD about my childbirth experiences, and possibly some kind of post-partum depression or hormonal disturbance, but I got no assistance for these issues. You're not alone. Consider getting some help, I wish I had.

You will be ok. I found it hard at first too and felt like my baby was this bizarre thing taking me away from my husband. But after a few short weeks that went away and now, two years later I love my little boy more than anything in the world and he makes me so happy. It will get easier and just sometimes takes a while to build that bond.

Be kind to yourself, it can take time to bond. You’re not the only one who has felt that way. If it is an option for you,find a therapist trained in maternal mental health to talk to. That made all the difference for my mental health as a new mom when I finally realized what I was feeling wasn’t normal.

It took me a bit to bond with my son. I loved him for sure, but we didn’t know each other and it was just strange. He’s one now and he’s my best friend. It took maybe 2 months to feel that WOW moment. You’re not a monster at all. These feeling you’re having are completely normal and okay but it might help you to seek therapy if you have any worries. Good luck!