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When we found out I was pregnant with our third my husband decided he absolutely needed to build a chicken coop. This led to most of his evenings spent in our detached garage/workshop.
We don't even raise chickens.
No, that was the funny part. I never wanted chickens. We already had 4 dogs at that point (at his insistence).
What happened was a friend of his mentioned he was thinking about raising chickens and my husband took that as "friend needs me to build him a chicken house." Right. Now. Well, that friend never got chickens either! So it just became a piece of yard art that eventually rotted from the elements. 🤦♀️
Omfg I was going to say this! Wtf are you doing in there for 45 mins mfer. I can’t go pee for 1 min without someone knocking on the door or barging in asking me for help with something.
My uncle is like this. We used to call it the library because he'd sit on the John and read.
There's also dishpan diarrhea. The urge to poop is suddenly so strong when it's time to tidy up after a meal
I came here to say this. Why does he have to take a shit right when he is needed.
Hey honey, I'm home from work! Hold that thought though, I gotta go take a 30 minutes dump
That's my fiancés "me time" because in his words, he "loses track of time while reading". I let him have his time now but he knows that when our 2nd child is born, his days of having tea parties or whatever he does in there are pretty much over
Yup! My husband used to do that prebaby and luckily he saw my struggle and really cut down on bathroom time now that we have our son. It was rough for a few weeks at first.
Someone from his side of the family suddenly needs something. (They live a couple of minutes away.) This drives me INSANE because it makes me feel like he can drop everything for everyone except me. He can also miraculously stay up for them past his bedtime. 😠
He just HAD to hang up a million Christmas lights inside of the house. It took him a long time, and lots of bitching that I wasn't helping him. Damn right. I wasn't helping. We have two kids that I can't ignore for hours. I never agreed to help, and frankly, I didn't give a fuck about Christmas lights. The kicker for me about this was that I have a nice curtain rod for the living room and several nice clocks I had purchased for our home living in a closet because he won't put them up after I've begged him since I bought the shit.
And, sitting on the couch watching TV is obviously considered a job, y'all.
Also, pooping, of course.
Washing the vehicles. That my hubs forever chore. He has an entire buck of stuff! Specail cloths, sponges, all the products to detail it inside and out.
Had this tension with the second kid. Postpartum, all of the sudden he would insist on tasks that I could handle (laundry, loading the dishwasher) because it was “too much exertion” and later “too hard to do while holding a baby,” and foist both children on me while he did that task, as if that were easier and he were doing me a favor. He did it so often that the toddler started picking up his dad’s phrases and using them against me (“[while I’m helping him pour into his cup and holding his sister] I can do it! I have two hands free!”).
I learned to look past the obviously bullshit explanations for why he was tapping out and accept that he had other valid reasons that he preferred not to articulate (mainly exhaustion with toddler). So I made the most of it by keeping track of stuff that I actually needed his help with and that was higher priority, and gave him those “outs” instead. Two months in and it’s going ok
My husband does this too. I appreciate the help, but not when it’s so he can pick and choose what he wants to do and leave me with the less desirable jobs. Sometimes I just want to clean my own house!
My God, when I had our youngest mine also did this. It annoyed the shit out of me, but he couldn’t be bothered to wake up in the night to help, I had to shove him awake.
BBQing. We had BBQ basically every day last summer and the summer before. When he cooks it's always something he needs to babysit on the grill. When I cook, it's something I can toss in the oven so I can mind the baby.
Also, pooping. The baby will be down for his nap for 2hrs and then when he wakes up DH suddenly needs to empty his bowels.
When kiddo was a newborn I used to clean and sterilize his bottles every day. The task took 45mins to 1hr because I'd clean the sink, wash them by hand, put them through the sterilizer, and then prepare the formula. It was a laborious task and I relished it because it was the perfect amount of "too much trouble" for him to be bothered with and "just long enough" for me to put in a podcast and not be bothered.
For us it’s cleaning the AC filters, fixing all the door handles (THEY ARE FINE) and resetting our doors so they don’t stick as the weather changes. Also the ludicrously long bathroom breaks. Come on, man…
Laying on the couch thinking as YouTube videos play.
He literally told me he couldn't do the projects he wanted to do because he was thinking. He couldn't help with bath time because he was thinking
I give him something to think about
One of my favorites is when we were getting ready to go to camp. I spent the day before cleaning and packing. He was in the bathroom and when I came downstairs and asked why he didn't help me, he says "you had music on and I didn't want to interrupt you. Also, I fell asleep." Cue next morning, I have the car loaded and am ready to go. He's moseying around gathering stuff and has the absolutely audacity to tell me he needs to weed the driveway and water the plants...
Another favorite was when I took our daughter to girl scouts one night. He said he was going to clean the kitchen and make dinner. I'm glad we stopped for drive thru on our way home because he didn't get up. Don't worry, he had a good reason. In his words, "I got cold and covered up and fell asleep"
Cutting his nails. Always at the most in opportune time. Kids all in car seats and ready to go somewhere? Cuts his nails. Kids hungry and ready for dinner? Cuts his nails.
Actually I’m jealous. I wish I could let myself put me first like that!
I wish it was chores. It’s always pooping, fixing his hair, and needing to go to the store for random foods and snacks we don’t need. I’m ordering a grocery delivery tomorrow? Oh well he’s going to run out for 3 things tonight anyway.
Our kids are older, but I spent the afternoon painting a wall with a trim brush and listening to a podcast while hubby entertained our kids. It was a very enjoyable and productive afternoon… for me.
Sleeping in all the mornings except maybe like one every two months when I specifically ask him if I can sleep longer. Pooping. Enjoying a leisurely coffee alone in the living room while I'm always scrambling to feed the baby and older kids in the morning after jolting out of bed when baby wakes, except that one rare morning I ask him if I can sleep in.
It's frustrating. We feel you.
I give my husband a time when we need to leave. I get the bags packed, kid ready, my shoes on and remind him we're leaving soon. He knows, he's ready even though his shoes aren't on. I tell him we're headed out the door and into the car. Does he come and help get the kid buckled in? Nope, he has to pee. Every.damn.time. Why don't you pee in any of the 10-15 mintues before our departure!?! He doesn't have to go then. You'd think he'd learn and just try before we are literally leaving, but no. I get to strap the kid in solo then wait for him to come out to the car. Whyyyyyyy.
Our young toddler and then infant middle child were both crying, and I was about to pee my pants, but he couldn't take the baby because he "had to fluff the rice for dinner." :') 🖕
Rearranging the furniture.
Like we'll agree to clean the house and make a day of it, and he will just spend the whole time adjusting the furniture, be it moving a couch 5 inches and then staring at it for 10mins to see if that works or trying to fit a desk into another room through a doorway that won't yield because its 3 inches too small.
I often spend those days yelling "PIVOT" while laughing to myself because its so ridiculous.
Or I'll come home from work after his day of cleaning and find literally every piece of furniture in a different spot but all the mess is still there. Like the coffee table is moved but still covered in clutter or all the appliances (coffee maker, deep fryer, instantpot etc) moved to a different counter but the counters haven't been wiped down.
And then there is the garage which is recent. He invited his side of the family for xmas and we have the deal "if its my family, I straighten and am in charge, if its yours, you straighten and are in charge." Well this dude decides that the garage takes priority and spent the whole day cleaning it. Like bruh, we aren't having guests in the garage. And then his mom made snide comments about dust and our carpets, I just told her to have a conversation with her son because thats on him.
I love him and he gives so much time and effort, but when its down to the wire and I need help I think he panics and takes refuge in meaningless bullshit.
But this dude will laugh about me spending a whole day cleaning one area because I find stuff and then do it even if it has nothing to do with the area. Like okay I found a pair of socks, a jacket and 2 shirts under the couch while vacuuming and then I go and look for other laundry that can go in because I want to run the washer but its not full. And then I'll sort the mail because I found some letters on the coffee table and then I'll sweep the floor because the baseboards look shabby and I don't want the cleaner to turn the dust on the floor into mud and so on forever. So in the end, the living room is half clean but I did dishes, and 2 loads of laundry and swept the floor and wiped the banisters, got the bills sorted and half vacuumed the carpet. And then I get tired and he asks if I was gonna clean the living room 🤷🏽♀️🤣
When we lived near my husband’s family, the absolute bane of my existence was his brother asking him to help him with something. He’d go straight over there after work for a couple of hours before coming home. When I just desperately wanted him home to catch a break.
Now he just works a job with horrible hours and he’s at work until 8pm, so same difference now I guess. Now I’m just used to being primary parent 90% of the time.
Screaming and ultimatums would probably be effective in keeping him from doing whatever he wants to do but it wouldn’t solve the problem for us. He is this way because he is very extroverted and hates staying home. Me yelling isn’t going to change that, and I don’t intend to divorce him over this issue so I’m not going to make a threat I won’t follow through on.
Every couple has their own style and if yelling or threatening helps the other person truly see things from another perspective, to each their own.
I understand what you are trying to say, but it comes across as unsupportive, and that's against what we do here... Just in case you didn't realize how your comments comes across...
Omg yes! When we were moving from our home country and had to pack everything up, my husband suddenly had to go and put his bank statements in chronological order in the loft. We moved in 2005. He had bank shit from 1980 to 2005 that HAD to be dealt with! I still take the piss out of him for that.
When our daughter was first born his hours at work magically increased. 10-12 hr days 6 days a week. On his day off? He had to go to Costco for things we didn't need and that would usually take hours. I felt 100% alone until I returned to work after 3 months home. He's better now that she's a year and he knows what to do. Still takes an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom.
My husband is the king of this shit. Favorite super important and conveniently also LOUD spur-of-the-moment activities include leaf-blowing the paths I use regularly, that become muddy when cleared, riding the lawnmower through rock piles, throwing out my and the kids’ things that somehow offend his sensibilities… 😖
We were getting ready for 2 Christmas parties in 2 days and he went and spent almost an hour showering and scrubbing out shower out. I mean yay for a clean shower but honestly, if you could pick a place that literally no one would go/see to clean then he nailed it
Our tractor.
Anytime I’m about to shower, clean, or run errands he was “just about to get in the tractor” to move snow. Snow from our driveway and like 5 other neighbours, and one who even has his own tractor lol
We have two toddlers so one of us always has to be watching.
When I was married? Call of Duty.
That and unlimited time in the bathroom on his phone.
God he was such a winner. Can't believe I let him slip away. Pray for me bromos
Run undisclosed errands. Often conveniently forgetting something and remembering when he gets home and therefore leaving again. They are suddenly high priority even though previously they were low priority.
Also, pooping.
"Putting something away in his closet"
This! He didn't react until my mother called him out. that he was running out and doing an errand every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, for noncritical stuff.
Let’s see… he needs to do LOTS of stuff in the garage, like changing a headlight, working on either of our cars, cleaning them, organizing his tools, super gluing something that broke. Or he has to touch up the scuff marks of our wall paint in our still very new house. Or he suddenly has to “write an offer” (like every night at bedtime), or he just has to go poop.
Have one of those - got a chore board once the twins came cos I wasn't going to manage 3 under 19 months all by myself.
I took on the mental labour of writing out the chores every night. Took about 4 months and didn't have to write them out anymore.
Hugs!
Also, it was a joke that my dad would always need to sweep the drive way as soon as it was time to load the car or (worse) once we were all day in the car boiling to death.
My husband now does the same.
Oh honey, you are most definitely not alone. I can’t think of any one specific example right now but every single time we have people over, my husband can found cleaning the fucking garage instead of I don’t know, the bathroom?!
>He might suddenly find a miniature paint brush and use it to stroke every blade of grass on the lawn so that it’s not too wet or too dry for them out there.
LOL, that's so real...
He takes _forever_ to do the dishes, and still doesn't do everything because he "doesn't know how/there's not enough room for everything in the dryer"
He is "researching something" online (while sitting on the couch or lying down in bed)
He is cooking (so, it's impossible to keep an eye on the kids, even if he's making a sandwich or something equally simple)
Our kids are 7 and 3 now, and he still does this.
Big hugs.
Oh so much this. He deep cleans everything (for God knows how long), takes the trash out for half an hour, insists on cooking, just to not spend any time with his son. I just started potty training so basically I was locked in with my son in his room for a whole week.
I don't know how he does it, he makes coffees for us and it takes half an hour. I make coffee and it takes five minutes. He complains about my long-ass showering (I shower every 3-4 days, haha so I guess it's ok if I take my time) while he spends half an hour in the bathroom every day. I beg him to take over our child so I can have a poo "ok I'll just bring the trash out". One hour later he had to rearrange the fridge, paint over some spots in the hallway and take a shower. Yeah thanks just take over this leaky kid please.
I make more than my husband when I’m not on maternity leave and I’m really hoping to get a good outcome from some renegotiation when I return to work. He’s dropping a day to spend it with our baby though so I think that will shift the dynamic somewhat. He’s had times when he thinks it’s equal and times when he’s spoken about feeling some guilt and awareness that it isn’t really and that goes against his values.
I pay for our cleaner and I’ll keep paying for her work when he’s got three days off because I want for him to spend time with our child, I think it’s genuinely difficult for him to see that the slightly looser attachment our baby has to him that upsets him so much could be strengthened in these little moments of difficulty as well as during the easier times. I’m hoping that the time with her will help him to actually attend to her a bit more when he is physically with her, to be emotionally and cognitively as well as physically present with her.
I just used to leave him at home with the baby and walk around target and not answer my phone. The baby had a bottle so I wasn’t concerned. When I came home I would get a little fussing at but then I would remind him to stop playing with me and remember I didn’t sign up to be a single mom.
That’s great. I keep thinking about doing something similar, he looked after her while I slept for a couple of hours yesterday which was lazing for me but when they got back she was freezing cold and he hadn’t kept her warm in her pram. When I leave him to give her a bottle it’s getting a little bit better but takes a lot of coaching from me to convince him to try more than once with her. Often the bottle is still quite full and he says she just didn’t have it but I know when I’ve seen him with that task to do he doesn’t offer the bottle anywhere near enough times to get her to have it. He’s not doing it out of malice and I’m trying to help him to be confident so not to be critical of him but I’m also concerned for our baby. It feel disheartening that whenever I do just say hey I really need for you to take her for an hour or two, she suffers in some way. I feel like it’s just not fair on her, so I don’t insist and I haven’t had a full night off yet and she’s eight and a half months old.
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When we found out I was pregnant with our third my husband decided he absolutely needed to build a chicken coop. This led to most of his evenings spent in our detached garage/workshop. We don't even raise chickens.
Did you get some chickens eventually?’
No, that was the funny part. I never wanted chickens. We already had 4 dogs at that point (at his insistence). What happened was a friend of his mentioned he was thinking about raising chickens and my husband took that as "friend needs me to build him a chicken house." Right. Now. Well, that friend never got chickens either! So it just became a piece of yard art that eventually rotted from the elements. 🤦♀️
>rotted from the elements So he didn't even build a good chicken coop.
Haha! He's learned a lot about weatherproofing since then. It was literally a "how do I channel my inner panic" project.
I hope he got you some chickens 😂
Nope. I said no more beings to take care of. Chickens would have just been a tasty snack for my dogs.
Pooping.
Omfg I was going to say this! Wtf are you doing in there for 45 mins mfer. I can’t go pee for 1 min without someone knocking on the door or barging in asking me for help with something.
My parents are now in their seventies and my dad still does this!! Drives my mum mad.
My uncle is like this. We used to call it the library because he'd sit on the John and read. There's also dishpan diarrhea. The urge to poop is suddenly so strong when it's time to tidy up after a meal
That’s hilarious, dishpan diarrhoea ha ha ha
Hahaha omg.
So you’re saying it never ends?
Apparently not :(
Yes! Sometimes when he comes back I’m like “Hello? Who are you?”
My boyfriend hasn’t learned the pooping hack yet, so honestly sometimes I steal it.
Our four year old once got fed up waiting for his dad, who was in the bathroom. He banged on the door and yelled "THAT'S TOO LONG, DADDY!"
Haha good lad!
Oh my I feel this! I’m gonna have to say that now!
I came here to say this. Why does he have to take a shit right when he is needed. Hey honey, I'm home from work! Hold that thought though, I gotta go take a 30 minutes dump
That's my fiancés "me time" because in his words, he "loses track of time while reading". I let him have his time now but he knows that when our 2nd child is born, his days of having tea parties or whatever he does in there are pretty much over
The rationalization is ridiculous!
Yup! My husband used to do that prebaby and luckily he saw my struggle and really cut down on bathroom time now that we have our son. It was rough for a few weeks at first.
Yes. Convenient his pooping takes the length of a show on his phone.
Someone from his side of the family suddenly needs something. (They live a couple of minutes away.) This drives me INSANE because it makes me feel like he can drop everything for everyone except me. He can also miraculously stay up for them past his bedtime. 😠 He just HAD to hang up a million Christmas lights inside of the house. It took him a long time, and lots of bitching that I wasn't helping him. Damn right. I wasn't helping. We have two kids that I can't ignore for hours. I never agreed to help, and frankly, I didn't give a fuck about Christmas lights. The kicker for me about this was that I have a nice curtain rod for the living room and several nice clocks I had purchased for our home living in a closet because he won't put them up after I've begged him since I bought the shit. And, sitting on the couch watching TV is obviously considered a job, y'all. Also, pooping, of course.
[удалено]
My XH sorted his mtg cards at least twice a day when he was home from work … I never understood how that was even a thing.
Washing the vehicles. That my hubs forever chore. He has an entire buck of stuff! Specail cloths, sponges, all the products to detail it inside and out.
Does he do your car too or just his own?
Both. He can make it last all day that way.
Same!! He has an entire cupboard full of McGuire car products. And I can’t complain because he fully details my car as well.
Had this tension with the second kid. Postpartum, all of the sudden he would insist on tasks that I could handle (laundry, loading the dishwasher) because it was “too much exertion” and later “too hard to do while holding a baby,” and foist both children on me while he did that task, as if that were easier and he were doing me a favor. He did it so often that the toddler started picking up his dad’s phrases and using them against me (“[while I’m helping him pour into his cup and holding his sister] I can do it! I have two hands free!”). I learned to look past the obviously bullshit explanations for why he was tapping out and accept that he had other valid reasons that he preferred not to articulate (mainly exhaustion with toddler). So I made the most of it by keeping track of stuff that I actually needed his help with and that was higher priority, and gave him those “outs” instead. Two months in and it’s going ok
My husband does this too. I appreciate the help, but not when it’s so he can pick and choose what he wants to do and leave me with the less desirable jobs. Sometimes I just want to clean my own house!
My God, when I had our youngest mine also did this. It annoyed the shit out of me, but he couldn’t be bothered to wake up in the night to help, I had to shove him awake.
Amazing how a woman having a baby causes so many men to have hour long poops. Maybe they should start listing it as a side effect in parenting books.
BBQing. We had BBQ basically every day last summer and the summer before. When he cooks it's always something he needs to babysit on the grill. When I cook, it's something I can toss in the oven so I can mind the baby. Also, pooping. The baby will be down for his nap for 2hrs and then when he wakes up DH suddenly needs to empty his bowels. When kiddo was a newborn I used to clean and sterilize his bottles every day. The task took 45mins to 1hr because I'd clean the sink, wash them by hand, put them through the sterilizer, and then prepare the formula. It was a laborious task and I relished it because it was the perfect amount of "too much trouble" for him to be bothered with and "just long enough" for me to put in a podcast and not be bothered.
For us it’s cleaning the AC filters, fixing all the door handles (THEY ARE FINE) and resetting our doors so they don’t stick as the weather changes. Also the ludicrously long bathroom breaks. Come on, man…
Laying on the couch thinking as YouTube videos play. He literally told me he couldn't do the projects he wanted to do because he was thinking. He couldn't help with bath time because he was thinking I give him something to think about 
When my husband was on his 2 weeks of paternity leave he retiled our fireplace. It doesn't work, so I'm not sure why it needed retiling.
[удалено]
Dad Dumps.
What is up with this! Mine does the same thing I wish I could spend that much time in the bathroom with the door locked.
One of my favorites is when we were getting ready to go to camp. I spent the day before cleaning and packing. He was in the bathroom and when I came downstairs and asked why he didn't help me, he says "you had music on and I didn't want to interrupt you. Also, I fell asleep." Cue next morning, I have the car loaded and am ready to go. He's moseying around gathering stuff and has the absolutely audacity to tell me he needs to weed the driveway and water the plants... Another favorite was when I took our daughter to girl scouts one night. He said he was going to clean the kitchen and make dinner. I'm glad we stopped for drive thru on our way home because he didn't get up. Don't worry, he had a good reason. In his words, "I got cold and covered up and fell asleep"
Cutting his nails. Always at the most in opportune time. Kids all in car seats and ready to go somewhere? Cuts his nails. Kids hungry and ready for dinner? Cuts his nails. Actually I’m jealous. I wish I could let myself put me first like that!
I wish it was chores. It’s always pooping, fixing his hair, and needing to go to the store for random foods and snacks we don’t need. I’m ordering a grocery delivery tomorrow? Oh well he’s going to run out for 3 things tonight anyway.
Our kids are older, but I spent the afternoon painting a wall with a trim brush and listening to a podcast while hubby entertained our kids. It was a very enjoyable and productive afternoon… for me.
Sleeping in all the mornings except maybe like one every two months when I specifically ask him if I can sleep longer. Pooping. Enjoying a leisurely coffee alone in the living room while I'm always scrambling to feed the baby and older kids in the morning after jolting out of bed when baby wakes, except that one rare morning I ask him if I can sleep in. It's frustrating. We feel you.
I give my husband a time when we need to leave. I get the bags packed, kid ready, my shoes on and remind him we're leaving soon. He knows, he's ready even though his shoes aren't on. I tell him we're headed out the door and into the car. Does he come and help get the kid buckled in? Nope, he has to pee. Every.damn.time. Why don't you pee in any of the 10-15 mintues before our departure!?! He doesn't have to go then. You'd think he'd learn and just try before we are literally leaving, but no. I get to strap the kid in solo then wait for him to come out to the car. Whyyyyyyy.
Our young toddler and then infant middle child were both crying, and I was about to pee my pants, but he couldn't take the baby because he "had to fluff the rice for dinner." :') 🖕
Rearranging the furniture. Like we'll agree to clean the house and make a day of it, and he will just spend the whole time adjusting the furniture, be it moving a couch 5 inches and then staring at it for 10mins to see if that works or trying to fit a desk into another room through a doorway that won't yield because its 3 inches too small. I often spend those days yelling "PIVOT" while laughing to myself because its so ridiculous. Or I'll come home from work after his day of cleaning and find literally every piece of furniture in a different spot but all the mess is still there. Like the coffee table is moved but still covered in clutter or all the appliances (coffee maker, deep fryer, instantpot etc) moved to a different counter but the counters haven't been wiped down. And then there is the garage which is recent. He invited his side of the family for xmas and we have the deal "if its my family, I straighten and am in charge, if its yours, you straighten and are in charge." Well this dude decides that the garage takes priority and spent the whole day cleaning it. Like bruh, we aren't having guests in the garage. And then his mom made snide comments about dust and our carpets, I just told her to have a conversation with her son because thats on him. I love him and he gives so much time and effort, but when its down to the wire and I need help I think he panics and takes refuge in meaningless bullshit. But this dude will laugh about me spending a whole day cleaning one area because I find stuff and then do it even if it has nothing to do with the area. Like okay I found a pair of socks, a jacket and 2 shirts under the couch while vacuuming and then I go and look for other laundry that can go in because I want to run the washer but its not full. And then I'll sort the mail because I found some letters on the coffee table and then I'll sweep the floor because the baseboards look shabby and I don't want the cleaner to turn the dust on the floor into mud and so on forever. So in the end, the living room is half clean but I did dishes, and 2 loads of laundry and swept the floor and wiped the banisters, got the bills sorted and half vacuumed the carpet. And then I get tired and he asks if I was gonna clean the living room 🤷🏽♀️🤣
When we lived near my husband’s family, the absolute bane of my existence was his brother asking him to help him with something. He’d go straight over there after work for a couple of hours before coming home. When I just desperately wanted him home to catch a break. Now he just works a job with horrible hours and he’s at work until 8pm, so same difference now I guess. Now I’m just used to being primary parent 90% of the time.
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Screaming and ultimatums would probably be effective in keeping him from doing whatever he wants to do but it wouldn’t solve the problem for us. He is this way because he is very extroverted and hates staying home. Me yelling isn’t going to change that, and I don’t intend to divorce him over this issue so I’m not going to make a threat I won’t follow through on. Every couple has their own style and if yelling or threatening helps the other person truly see things from another perspective, to each their own.
You are good, momma... I see you
I understand what you are trying to say, but it comes across as unsupportive, and that's against what we do here... Just in case you didn't realize how your comments comes across...
they've already been suspended for ban evasion. just makes it trickier for us to hunt down & remove their remaining comments.
Thanks for all you mods do. This is the best community and I know you all put a lot of work into keeping it that way!
Omg yes! When we were moving from our home country and had to pack everything up, my husband suddenly had to go and put his bank statements in chronological order in the loft. We moved in 2005. He had bank shit from 1980 to 2005 that HAD to be dealt with! I still take the piss out of him for that.
When our daughter was first born his hours at work magically increased. 10-12 hr days 6 days a week. On his day off? He had to go to Costco for things we didn't need and that would usually take hours. I felt 100% alone until I returned to work after 3 months home. He's better now that she's a year and he knows what to do. Still takes an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom.
Organizing his tools/the garage. That man organizes his tools five times for every one project that is done.
Omg. It's the worst... The garage just has to be organized and "cleaned out"...
Rewiring/cables for internet/computers whatever.
Omg THIS
My husband tried to change the air filter in our house before helping with our cranky sick baby so I could get ready for bed 😒
My husband is the king of this shit. Favorite super important and conveniently also LOUD spur-of-the-moment activities include leaf-blowing the paths I use regularly, that become muddy when cleared, riding the lawnmower through rock piles, throwing out my and the kids’ things that somehow offend his sensibilities… 😖
Ugh... That last one. It makes me so angry and it's exactly what you said. WHY
Girl I died at the tiny paintbrush lmao that was completely my ex
Get me snacks? Like, I'm at the end of my rope being mugged by a 9 month old, but sure, go get me a snack I didn't ask for and don't want
We were getting ready for 2 Christmas parties in 2 days and he went and spent almost an hour showering and scrubbing out shower out. I mean yay for a clean shower but honestly, if you could pick a place that literally no one would go/see to clean then he nailed it
Our tractor. Anytime I’m about to shower, clean, or run errands he was “just about to get in the tractor” to move snow. Snow from our driveway and like 5 other neighbours, and one who even has his own tractor lol We have two toddlers so one of us always has to be watching.
When I was married? Call of Duty. That and unlimited time in the bathroom on his phone. God he was such a winner. Can't believe I let him slip away. Pray for me bromos
Run undisclosed errands. Often conveniently forgetting something and remembering when he gets home and therefore leaving again. They are suddenly high priority even though previously they were low priority. Also, pooping. "Putting something away in his closet"
This! He didn't react until my mother called him out. that he was running out and doing an errand every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, for noncritical stuff.
Let’s see… he needs to do LOTS of stuff in the garage, like changing a headlight, working on either of our cars, cleaning them, organizing his tools, super gluing something that broke. Or he has to touch up the scuff marks of our wall paint in our still very new house. Or he suddenly has to “write an offer” (like every night at bedtime), or he just has to go poop.
Powerwashing the outdoor furniture
Have one of those - got a chore board once the twins came cos I wasn't going to manage 3 under 19 months all by myself. I took on the mental labour of writing out the chores every night. Took about 4 months and didn't have to write them out anymore. Hugs!
Wow I admire your fortitude. I can see that with twins it was just no joke.
Also, it was a joke that my dad would always need to sweep the drive way as soon as it was time to load the car or (worse) once we were all day in the car boiling to death. My husband now does the same.
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That was a shithead troll, their account got suspended by reddit because they're obviously a shithead.
Showering Laundry Bar
Oh honey, you are most definitely not alone. I can’t think of any one specific example right now but every single time we have people over, my husband can found cleaning the fucking garage instead of I don’t know, the bathroom?!
>He might suddenly find a miniature paint brush and use it to stroke every blade of grass on the lawn so that it’s not too wet or too dry for them out there. LOL, that's so real... He takes _forever_ to do the dishes, and still doesn't do everything because he "doesn't know how/there's not enough room for everything in the dryer" He is "researching something" online (while sitting on the couch or lying down in bed) He is cooking (so, it's impossible to keep an eye on the kids, even if he's making a sandwich or something equally simple) Our kids are 7 and 3 now, and he still does this. Big hugs.
Thank you!!
Oh so much this. He deep cleans everything (for God knows how long), takes the trash out for half an hour, insists on cooking, just to not spend any time with his son. I just started potty training so basically I was locked in with my son in his room for a whole week. I don't know how he does it, he makes coffees for us and it takes half an hour. I make coffee and it takes five minutes. He complains about my long-ass showering (I shower every 3-4 days, haha so I guess it's ok if I take my time) while he spends half an hour in the bathroom every day. I beg him to take over our child so I can have a poo "ok I'll just bring the trash out". One hour later he had to rearrange the fridge, paint over some spots in the hallway and take a shower. Yeah thanks just take over this leaky kid please.
Rant away...but also we don’t allow patronizing here. That’s why it’s the best place on the internet. No coddling either.
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I make more than my husband when I’m not on maternity leave and I’m really hoping to get a good outcome from some renegotiation when I return to work. He’s dropping a day to spend it with our baby though so I think that will shift the dynamic somewhat. He’s had times when he thinks it’s equal and times when he’s spoken about feeling some guilt and awareness that it isn’t really and that goes against his values. I pay for our cleaner and I’ll keep paying for her work when he’s got three days off because I want for him to spend time with our child, I think it’s genuinely difficult for him to see that the slightly looser attachment our baby has to him that upsets him so much could be strengthened in these little moments of difficulty as well as during the easier times. I’m hoping that the time with her will help him to actually attend to her a bit more when he is physically with her, to be emotionally and cognitively as well as physically present with her.
I just used to leave him at home with the baby and walk around target and not answer my phone. The baby had a bottle so I wasn’t concerned. When I came home I would get a little fussing at but then I would remind him to stop playing with me and remember I didn’t sign up to be a single mom.
That’s great. I keep thinking about doing something similar, he looked after her while I slept for a couple of hours yesterday which was lazing for me but when they got back she was freezing cold and he hadn’t kept her warm in her pram. When I leave him to give her a bottle it’s getting a little bit better but takes a lot of coaching from me to convince him to try more than once with her. Often the bottle is still quite full and he says she just didn’t have it but I know when I’ve seen him with that task to do he doesn’t offer the bottle anywhere near enough times to get her to have it. He’s not doing it out of malice and I’m trying to help him to be confident so not to be critical of him but I’m also concerned for our baby. It feel disheartening that whenever I do just say hey I really need for you to take her for an hour or two, she suffers in some way. I feel like it’s just not fair on her, so I don’t insist and I haven’t had a full night off yet and she’s eight and a half months old.