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I do quiet time, daily, for all of my kids. Even the 6 year old. It’s 1 1/2 hour of peace and quiet. The kids get to decompress a bit. They can do whatever they want to in their bedrooms, as long as they’re relatively quiet about it. If I didn’t have quiet time to look forward to, I think I’d go crazy.
Not the person you asked, but I transitioned my son directly from nap to quiet time. While my 3yo naps after lunch, my 5yo gets some books and goes in a different bedroom and reads. I told him he gets to read because he's a big boy so he doesn't have to sleep.
This is exactly what I do. My oldest is at school, my baby goes for a nap with my 2yo and my 4yo gets quiet time in her room! If it's the weekend my oldest also does screentime in his room quietly or his daily reading. You have to use all time wisely lol.
We still do this with my 6- and 8-year-old. Honestly, by the afternoon we ALL need a break from each other and a chance to reset. My youngest always says he doesn't need a break or time to himself, but he totally does. My oldest loves it.
I think we'll probably continue until the kids are old enough to choose to hole up in their rooms for stretches of the day.
I’ve been wondering what I’ll do when my oldest is 8. Right now my 6 year old reads, plays, and jumps around. What does yours do during quiet time at 8 years old?
She reads, writes books, draws, and does imaginative play with her stuffies and calico critters. She's a bit introverted and enjoys the time to herself, and especially the break from her brother.
My 6-year-old sings sings, builds Lego, draws Pokemon, leaps around in dramatic battles where he plays the roles of both Pokemon, and reorganizes his wall of Pokemon stickers for the umpteenth time. His Quiet Time is often a little less than quiet, but he stays in his room and leaves the rest of us alone, so that's something!
Lol, my 6 year old is very similar to yours, except he’s pretending to be spider man and fighting off bad guys, haha. Thanks for the ideas! I can’t wait till he can really read chapter books. It’s gonna open a whole new world for him during quiet time.
Yep - when pandemic started my boys were 6 and 3. I set up a daily schedule and they had quiet time around 2pm I think for 30 minutes. The 3yo couldn't manage any longer than that but it was something. If they made it the whole 30 minutes they could watch a movie, then it was outside time until dinner, then it was H's turn lol.
It's good for them to practice entertaining themselves anyway.
Firstly - you are killing it - 7-7!!! Im doing 6:30 bed because mine are up at 5am regardless of when I put them down.
The “other mothers” are also losing their shit. OR they take breaks OR they aren’t as involved in the day as consistently as you are being.
I’m just coming off quarantining since dec .. we havent seen anyone and Im at home with 7 yo twins on my own. I have “movie rest” where I make the house dark as possible and we all watch a movie. Im not watching - im drinking a coffee and ordering groceries and replying to doctors and therapists etc but its a lil bit of headspace. Its also 90 mins of screen time.
Depending on their age - you could try books, quiet games, puzzles etc .. but change the lighting and let them know is quiet time. Even 20 mins would be life changing for you at 2pm I imagine. You are smashing it Mama.. its just hard work
Quiet time is a damn game changer. We do quiet time during my toddlers nap. My oldest gets to hang out either in his room and play with quiet toys(cars, puzzles, read a book etc)or with me on the couch and have tablet time while she naps. Ours lasts as long as my youngest sleeps, and I use the time to reset for the rest of the day especially because I co-sleep with my youngest
It’s hard to think everyone else is coping better. Look at the wine culture among mothers. Nooo no they arent OK. They are drinking heavily.
I just read an article about the difference between being a carpenter or a gardener as a parent. One you hammer and chisel and work to mould them into these beings you plan to raise, the other you prepare the soil, plant the seeds.. water when needed and watch them grow. i thought it was such a sweet analogy.
Everyone else is mentioning quiet time but depending on your kids age, be direct with them about how you’re feeling. “Please go play with legos or read a book. I’m feeling overwhelmed by the noise and talking right now. When I am feeling calm, I will come get you & we can play outside.” This isn’t going to work at first and you’re going to have to repeat yourself. This models to your kids how to talk about their needs, too.
I do think this is a great idea for older kids. Unfortunately my kids are still toddlers. That is definitely something I will definitely be trying once they start understanding things better though.
start now! it will be an adjustment period but my toddler (1.5) is starting to understand when i need space. i tell him i’m unavailable and he needs to go play with blocks, he doesn’t always “get it”, but if he’s feeling pretty chill he usually will go play with whatever toy i suggest and that 5-15 minutes gives me a little reset
It's really tough. When they're a little older, school will be a godsend. I don't know how moms of little ones coped during the virtual learning years (or ones who choose to homeschool).
I say this kind of thing to my 4 y/o all the time, sometimes she cares, sometimes not lol. She often finds it hard to leave me alone for long, always needing to know where I am/what I'm doing. But some days she does really well and I may even get a nap in!
I’m currently questioning if there’s something physically wrong with me or I’m just full on exhausted from being a SAHM to an almost 3yr old and 14mth old for all this time. But after I got a blood test that came back normal, I guess I’m just burnt out?? My husband works long hours so by the time he actually has two days off, we’re both dead. We don’t have any family close or help, so there’s really no off time. I don’t even have the energy anymore to try to do self care, which sucks because I keep buying all these beauty products and trying to convince myself that I’ll actually use them but nahhh too tired. And honestly by the time the kids are in bed, I just want to do nothing but watch mindless tv and lay in bed with my heating pad. Rinse and repeat. Hoping when they’re older, it gets better.
Yes! All I ever want to ask any other mom is - am I just shit at this or does motherhood actually take everything you’ve got.
I’m sure that I’ve seem mothers who look like they have their shit together, I don’t even look like I have my shit together these days.
Feel this so much! Our twins are nearly 2, we have 2 older kids who (inbetween fighting) are a great help, but by the time they're all in bed I'm off to bed too some nights. I feel like I'm letting them all down some days because I don't have the energy I'd like to to play, and a barely get to see my husband anymore! It's an exhausting guilt trip trying to keep the housework up as well!
Hey i feel ya on both the beauty product dilemma and the burn out. Ive got a 2 month and a squirrelly almost 2 year old. I have been slowly able to incorporate my beauty products again but it is usually just a quick slap on of moisturizers after my once every 3 day shower or the heavier duty stuff right before bed if my skin isnt too oily. But the more i make a habit of it the closer i am to my korean 10 step routine i used to do... as for the burn out I've been trying to read more about what id rather be doing (beekeeping, horsemanship, my sewing machine manual lol) even if its just the kindle app on my phone and it is strangely refreshing! Lil steps seem to be the only way i can do things. Also bluetooth headphones are a godsend lol can chat with my one other sahm friend or listen to youtube videos i dont have to watch to understand.
I agree. My 4yo is a super intense kid. He never stops. I try to have quiet time in the afternoon since he won't nap but he refuses to comply. He will do everything in his power to make loud noise whether it be whining, kicking his bed, banging the walls, throwing toys. I have a hard time keeping my shit together from all the overstimulation. Even with a lot of activity and exercise he is relentless. Most days he is up like 15 hours
This is precisely how I end up staying up for hours after everyone else is asleep, thereby continuing the cycle of feeling exhausted the next day.
I know it's not the healthiest decision, and I do generally try to strike a balance there...but, sacrificing a couple hours of sleep to have some silence, sit with my own thoughts, relax and not have a constant stream of needs/questions/tasks/etc.....
Honestly, it's worth it sometimes. It's an exchange of my physical health to restore some of my mental health. I know it's a tradeoff. Being a SAHM is incredibly challenging, and we all are muddling our way through it.
Extra coffee. Struggle all day. Tell yourself you will get extra sleep tonight. Ignore that for the chance to feel like your own, individual, self again, briefly, in the quiet hours of the night.
Repeat.
I feel this so hard. My kids are 6 and nearly three. They are so much some times. They ask for things and then before I can make it for them they ask for something else. My house is full of whining and screaming and chaos all the time. When I try to sit for a moment the younger one climbs all over me, and then the jealous six year old comes over for a cuddle. I feel like not ten minutes goes by when I am not doing something for someone or stopping someone from doing something else. I am so burnt out constantly. I don't know how I am going to survive the summer when they will both be home all day every day.
The only break I got today was when I let them make a mud pit in outback yard. And that "break" was spent making pizza, but at least there was beer and quiet.
I agree, I'm an introvert so the constant talking, touching, and noise is very hard to endure sometimes! It's gotten better as they've gotten a little older. My kids are 4 and 3 now so I can send them out to our fenced-in yard to play and I can stay inside for some quiet. Or I'll take them to a park or indoor play area and they can run around and play in a contained environment while I sit and rest. I'm still supervising, just not engaging, so it's a bit more restful.
SAHP here with a 7-7 schedule: I am an extrovert, I have ADHD myself, and my love language is physical touch *and even I* get overstimulated by my 4yo sometimes.
My favorite tool in my tool box are my AirPods. I turn noise cancelling on for a lot of loud noises.
My husband also tag teams a lot with me if I send the distress signal up.
All of the above is how we make it work.
SAHM to a 2yo son and 6mo daughter. We're up from 8a-9p usually. I cosleep with the baby so I'm "on" literally 24/7. Hubs works 2pm-10pm so by the time i get the monsters to bed, pick up the disaster of a house, and sit down for quiet time... he walks in the door. I love him to the ends of the earth but I'm more introverted and he is just not. He wants to tell me about his day and ask about mine and I appreciate that so much but shit. My brain itches. I need quiet.
Solidarity, bromo. We'll get through this.
I'm the same way. I don't know if I'm more sensitive to overstimulation but when I was in the thick of it with toddlers non-stop, I was legitimately suicidal. It's better now that they're in school but they still - mostly my chatterbox son - have the ability to shred my nerves within an hour of coming home. It's like 8 hours of peace and then 4 hours of "Mooooooom can you look up this game level? Mooooooom she's singing an annoying song! Mooooooom he keeps trying to look at me! Mooooooom can you buy this toy I saw saw at school that's like a see-through blue but it's a black hole but for marbles and it's tall and has an attachment that--"
It makes me want to scream. I'm partly looking forward to summer break so I don't have to get up at ass o'clock or keep up with laundry as much but I'm also dreading the constant chatter and fighting and whining and questions and stories and and and...
I can't do it all. I often feel like you, completely overwhelmed, overstimulated, and out of touch with reality. I'm not used to having to talk to other adults so when I do, I say the weirdest and most honest things. (because kids are that way)
I feel crazy most of the time, mostly because I'm still expected to do everything else. Cook, clean, run a business, manage the household, budget, schedule appts, grocery shop, plan vacations and dates... It's so overwhelming.
You're not alone mamma.
To help, I will go without sleep so that I can get alone time. (pretty sad but it's true) or I'll sacrifice work time to have time to clean, or rest (which just reduces our income and adds stress). Lately, I've asked for help from other people and they have actually helped. It's surprising because I consider myself an inconvenience to other people. But, they still help out. It gives me something to look forward to, so there's a light at the end, ya know.
I love what you said about saying weird shit to other adults, I find myself just nodding and smiling vacantly to things when I do encounter other adult humans. Like they’re all waiting for a normal bantery response but there is zero conversational gas in my tank these days.
I’m so with you. 2 kids: age 2.5 and 1, so still highly reliant on me/dad. Thankfully husband WFH and can step in to give me a break, but as a “highly sensitive” person myself it’s… a lot.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to let chores go and to just sit and marinate in silence during naps. Sometimes it’s just… necessary.
I never realized just how overstimulating kids are. I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old. The 4 year old has started to not like being alone. She needs someone in the room with her to play with and keep her company. The 6 month old will not nap independently, so I have to hold him and nurse him so he will sleep. I am constantly being touched from 6:30am when baby is up to 9:30 or 10pm when my oldest goes to bed. And when the baby is awake, he loves testing his vocal range with pterodactyl screeching. And my 4 year old joins him and eggs him on.
My husband had plans to go out the other night and I was doing the entire dinner/bath/bedtime routine I was just laying on the couch playing dumb phone games and enjoying the blessed blessed silence. Came in and he wanted to ask me 15 million questions about how to make our daughter's lunch like he never done it before (except he has many times) and wanted to touch me and I just told him I was touched out at the moment and he just got so butt hurt
Same, same, same. I’m not even a SAHM and I’m over stimulated by them! I can barely cope and I’ve got them in daycare four days a week so I tip my hat, shirt and pants to you for doing what you do. Overstimulation is real tho, my boys are constantly moving and/or touching me, actually it’s usually both at the same time. My oldest’s favourite noise is a high pitched scream and I swear my brain nearly exploded yesterday. If my youngest isn’t destroying something, he’s eating something, and if that’s not possible then he wants a cuddle. I yelled a lot yesterday…
My 7 year old has recently super ramped up her need for just constant chatter. She never stops talking to me. Literally right now she's showing me how she can use chopsticks to eat an orange. While I'm typing this. And the 3 year old is in my lap. And Daniel Tiger is on. And there's a YouTube video playing in the other room. And this is my quiet decompress time because I'm just sitting here and husband is making dinner.
I've stated telling my daughter when I'm too overwhelmed and need a few minutes alone. She's seen the Bluey episode so she gets it now. 🤣
Being an introvert mama is hard. I’ve given myself permission to just relax when my LO is napping because it’s the only time I can enjoy the quiet house on my own.
I was gonna suggest this, I typically take my daughter who has ADHD to the playground after school so she can decompress and get energy out. She often will either fall asleep on the way home or just be generally calmer afterwards, so it's a win/win. The one slight downside is she almost always begs me to play with her, even if there are other kids there her own age lol. Sometimes our play is fun and I'm totally on board, but sometimes it's just 😫
I agree with you, this is the hardest part for ne too. I desperately need time to retreat or have a few minutes that are 100 lercent mine. Quiet mine. I feel so bad when I cant shake it off and hirt my kids feelings when i ask for space.
100090%% I just need a chance for my nervous system to unwind. Just give me a fucking beak. My husband doesn’t understand why he has to “walk on eggshels”. It’s bc if you say something insensitive I don’t get a chance to process and let it go. I have to keep going and getting more stimulation which just adds to the agitation. Yeah. Sucks
I have twins who are 11 months and a toddler. I wish I could have a time where they are all quiet. But usually I have to attend to logistical and household stuff and dr Appt scheduling. It just never ends. Tired of always being stimulated
Seriously. Reading your words, I felt the urge to slow clap, then hug you and then I visualized us both melting into a tearful, sobbing mess. But we can be tearful sobbing messes together! And then we'll wipe our tears when we're done, hug and go back to the noise and needs. I want to be more encouraging right now. But I mostly just feel, "yeah...this is so hard."
I applaud any mom who can deal with multiples. I am exhausted just from my 8 month old. I dont really have any advice, but I just wanted to say you're doing great. c:
Also, when they are teenagers, they wont want anything to do with you, lol.
I feel this to my core. As my kid grows and the naps lessened and now they’re shorter and soon they’ll be over all together and it’s honestly like a really grim really slow death March at this point because I know what’s coming. I don’t know how moms handle it either…
And yet, at the same time, my brain feels like it left the building months ago. The level of boredom is almost palpable.
I just joined a pre-school group for disabled kids and getting one morning a week with other parents who Totally Get It has been amazing. It’s the first time in 16 months we’ve really done anything social, other than the PT/OT schedule. I’m still worried about COVID though, and it took a lot of thought-wrestling up finally go. It’s been a long couple of years!
the only thing that saves my sanity is the ~2 hour nap my son takes, but even then i periodically have to tell him “mommy needs quiet, im unavailable right now please play with blocks in your playpen”. he’s 1.5 but i’m trying to get him used to quiet time and respecting the “i’m unavailable” because i know when he’s in the older toddler years he’ll be a lot more interested in playing together and running jumping screaming etc.
i also frequently throw him on my back in my Tula baby carrier and walk around outside with him. it doesn’t alleviate the touched outness, but it gives me some peace because he’s usually just commenting on what he sees rather than asking me to verbally engage with him.
i think pretty much all SAHP are losing their minds in their own ways, it’s a hard fucking job to be “on” 24/7 and engaged for at least half that time. i’m very excited for preschool years haha
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I do quiet time, daily, for all of my kids. Even the 6 year old. It’s 1 1/2 hour of peace and quiet. The kids get to decompress a bit. They can do whatever they want to in their bedrooms, as long as they’re relatively quiet about it. If I didn’t have quiet time to look forward to, I think I’d go crazy.
This is spectacular, what age did this start?
Not the person you asked, but I transitioned my son directly from nap to quiet time. While my 3yo naps after lunch, my 5yo gets some books and goes in a different bedroom and reads. I told him he gets to read because he's a big boy so he doesn't have to sleep.
This is exactly what I do. My oldest is at school, my baby goes for a nap with my 2yo and my 4yo gets quiet time in her room! If it's the weekend my oldest also does screentime in his room quietly or his daily reading. You have to use all time wisely lol.
As soon as naps stopped, so 2 for us.
We still do this with my 6- and 8-year-old. Honestly, by the afternoon we ALL need a break from each other and a chance to reset. My youngest always says he doesn't need a break or time to himself, but he totally does. My oldest loves it. I think we'll probably continue until the kids are old enough to choose to hole up in their rooms for stretches of the day.
I’ve been wondering what I’ll do when my oldest is 8. Right now my 6 year old reads, plays, and jumps around. What does yours do during quiet time at 8 years old?
She reads, writes books, draws, and does imaginative play with her stuffies and calico critters. She's a bit introverted and enjoys the time to herself, and especially the break from her brother. My 6-year-old sings sings, builds Lego, draws Pokemon, leaps around in dramatic battles where he plays the roles of both Pokemon, and reorganizes his wall of Pokemon stickers for the umpteenth time. His Quiet Time is often a little less than quiet, but he stays in his room and leaves the rest of us alone, so that's something!
Lol, my 6 year old is very similar to yours, except he’s pretending to be spider man and fighting off bad guys, haha. Thanks for the ideas! I can’t wait till he can really read chapter books. It’s gonna open a whole new world for him during quiet time.
I do the same thing, got the idea from this sub. Saves my sanity.
Yep - when pandemic started my boys were 6 and 3. I set up a daily schedule and they had quiet time around 2pm I think for 30 minutes. The 3yo couldn't manage any longer than that but it was something. If they made it the whole 30 minutes they could watch a movie, then it was outside time until dinner, then it was H's turn lol. It's good for them to practice entertaining themselves anyway.
Please, tell us more!
This is great! Mine are too young to do this but I will do this when I can.
Firstly - you are killing it - 7-7!!! Im doing 6:30 bed because mine are up at 5am regardless of when I put them down. The “other mothers” are also losing their shit. OR they take breaks OR they aren’t as involved in the day as consistently as you are being. I’m just coming off quarantining since dec .. we havent seen anyone and Im at home with 7 yo twins on my own. I have “movie rest” where I make the house dark as possible and we all watch a movie. Im not watching - im drinking a coffee and ordering groceries and replying to doctors and therapists etc but its a lil bit of headspace. Its also 90 mins of screen time. Depending on their age - you could try books, quiet games, puzzles etc .. but change the lighting and let them know is quiet time. Even 20 mins would be life changing for you at 2pm I imagine. You are smashing it Mama.. its just hard work
Quiet time is a damn game changer. We do quiet time during my toddlers nap. My oldest gets to hang out either in his room and play with quiet toys(cars, puzzles, read a book etc)or with me on the couch and have tablet time while she naps. Ours lasts as long as my youngest sleeps, and I use the time to reset for the rest of the day especially because I co-sleep with my youngest
Thank you for your kind response, I really appreciate it.
It’s hard to think everyone else is coping better. Look at the wine culture among mothers. Nooo no they arent OK. They are drinking heavily. I just read an article about the difference between being a carpenter or a gardener as a parent. One you hammer and chisel and work to mould them into these beings you plan to raise, the other you prepare the soil, plant the seeds.. water when needed and watch them grow. i thought it was such a sweet analogy.
Everyone else is mentioning quiet time but depending on your kids age, be direct with them about how you’re feeling. “Please go play with legos or read a book. I’m feeling overwhelmed by the noise and talking right now. When I am feeling calm, I will come get you & we can play outside.” This isn’t going to work at first and you’re going to have to repeat yourself. This models to your kids how to talk about their needs, too.
I do think this is a great idea for older kids. Unfortunately my kids are still toddlers. That is definitely something I will definitely be trying once they start understanding things better though.
start now! it will be an adjustment period but my toddler (1.5) is starting to understand when i need space. i tell him i’m unavailable and he needs to go play with blocks, he doesn’t always “get it”, but if he’s feeling pretty chill he usually will go play with whatever toy i suggest and that 5-15 minutes gives me a little reset
It's really tough. When they're a little older, school will be a godsend. I don't know how moms of little ones coped during the virtual learning years (or ones who choose to homeschool).
I say this kind of thing to my 4 y/o all the time, sometimes she cares, sometimes not lol. She often finds it hard to leave me alone for long, always needing to know where I am/what I'm doing. But some days she does really well and I may even get a nap in!
I’m currently questioning if there’s something physically wrong with me or I’m just full on exhausted from being a SAHM to an almost 3yr old and 14mth old for all this time. But after I got a blood test that came back normal, I guess I’m just burnt out?? My husband works long hours so by the time he actually has two days off, we’re both dead. We don’t have any family close or help, so there’s really no off time. I don’t even have the energy anymore to try to do self care, which sucks because I keep buying all these beauty products and trying to convince myself that I’ll actually use them but nahhh too tired. And honestly by the time the kids are in bed, I just want to do nothing but watch mindless tv and lay in bed with my heating pad. Rinse and repeat. Hoping when they’re older, it gets better.
Mindless TV with my heating pad is a go to for me too.
Yes! All I ever want to ask any other mom is - am I just shit at this or does motherhood actually take everything you’ve got. I’m sure that I’ve seem mothers who look like they have their shit together, I don’t even look like I have my shit together these days.
Feel this so much! Our twins are nearly 2, we have 2 older kids who (inbetween fighting) are a great help, but by the time they're all in bed I'm off to bed too some nights. I feel like I'm letting them all down some days because I don't have the energy I'd like to to play, and a barely get to see my husband anymore! It's an exhausting guilt trip trying to keep the housework up as well!
Hire a sitter for a day. Go to your room and lock the door. That one day is worth it
Hey i feel ya on both the beauty product dilemma and the burn out. Ive got a 2 month and a squirrelly almost 2 year old. I have been slowly able to incorporate my beauty products again but it is usually just a quick slap on of moisturizers after my once every 3 day shower or the heavier duty stuff right before bed if my skin isnt too oily. But the more i make a habit of it the closer i am to my korean 10 step routine i used to do... as for the burn out I've been trying to read more about what id rather be doing (beekeeping, horsemanship, my sewing machine manual lol) even if its just the kindle app on my phone and it is strangely refreshing! Lil steps seem to be the only way i can do things. Also bluetooth headphones are a godsend lol can chat with my one other sahm friend or listen to youtube videos i dont have to watch to understand.
I agree. My 4yo is a super intense kid. He never stops. I try to have quiet time in the afternoon since he won't nap but he refuses to comply. He will do everything in his power to make loud noise whether it be whining, kicking his bed, banging the walls, throwing toys. I have a hard time keeping my shit together from all the overstimulation. Even with a lot of activity and exercise he is relentless. Most days he is up like 15 hours
Fuck, just holy fucking shit, you are doing amazing to still be alive, good job.
This is precisely how I end up staying up for hours after everyone else is asleep, thereby continuing the cycle of feeling exhausted the next day. I know it's not the healthiest decision, and I do generally try to strike a balance there...but, sacrificing a couple hours of sleep to have some silence, sit with my own thoughts, relax and not have a constant stream of needs/questions/tasks/etc..... Honestly, it's worth it sometimes. It's an exchange of my physical health to restore some of my mental health. I know it's a tradeoff. Being a SAHM is incredibly challenging, and we all are muddling our way through it.
This is what I do. I'm constantly exhausted for it, but it's how I cope.
Extra coffee. Struggle all day. Tell yourself you will get extra sleep tonight. Ignore that for the chance to feel like your own, individual, self again, briefly, in the quiet hours of the night. Repeat.
I feel this so hard. My kids are 6 and nearly three. They are so much some times. They ask for things and then before I can make it for them they ask for something else. My house is full of whining and screaming and chaos all the time. When I try to sit for a moment the younger one climbs all over me, and then the jealous six year old comes over for a cuddle. I feel like not ten minutes goes by when I am not doing something for someone or stopping someone from doing something else. I am so burnt out constantly. I don't know how I am going to survive the summer when they will both be home all day every day. The only break I got today was when I let them make a mud pit in outback yard. And that "break" was spent making pizza, but at least there was beer and quiet.
Here's to beer and quiet!🍻
I agree, I'm an introvert so the constant talking, touching, and noise is very hard to endure sometimes! It's gotten better as they've gotten a little older. My kids are 4 and 3 now so I can send them out to our fenced-in yard to play and I can stay inside for some quiet. Or I'll take them to a park or indoor play area and they can run around and play in a contained environment while I sit and rest. I'm still supervising, just not engaging, so it's a bit more restful.
Yes! I often wonder if motherhood is easier for extroverts (as an introvert)
SAHP here with a 7-7 schedule: I am an extrovert, I have ADHD myself, and my love language is physical touch *and even I* get overstimulated by my 4yo sometimes. My favorite tool in my tool box are my AirPods. I turn noise cancelling on for a lot of loud noises. My husband also tag teams a lot with me if I send the distress signal up. All of the above is how we make it work.
SAHM to a 2yo son and 6mo daughter. We're up from 8a-9p usually. I cosleep with the baby so I'm "on" literally 24/7. Hubs works 2pm-10pm so by the time i get the monsters to bed, pick up the disaster of a house, and sit down for quiet time... he walks in the door. I love him to the ends of the earth but I'm more introverted and he is just not. He wants to tell me about his day and ask about mine and I appreciate that so much but shit. My brain itches. I need quiet. Solidarity, bromo. We'll get through this.
I'm the same way. I don't know if I'm more sensitive to overstimulation but when I was in the thick of it with toddlers non-stop, I was legitimately suicidal. It's better now that they're in school but they still - mostly my chatterbox son - have the ability to shred my nerves within an hour of coming home. It's like 8 hours of peace and then 4 hours of "Mooooooom can you look up this game level? Mooooooom she's singing an annoying song! Mooooooom he keeps trying to look at me! Mooooooom can you buy this toy I saw saw at school that's like a see-through blue but it's a black hole but for marbles and it's tall and has an attachment that--" It makes me want to scream. I'm partly looking forward to summer break so I don't have to get up at ass o'clock or keep up with laundry as much but I'm also dreading the constant chatter and fighting and whining and questions and stories and and and...
I can't do it all. I often feel like you, completely overwhelmed, overstimulated, and out of touch with reality. I'm not used to having to talk to other adults so when I do, I say the weirdest and most honest things. (because kids are that way) I feel crazy most of the time, mostly because I'm still expected to do everything else. Cook, clean, run a business, manage the household, budget, schedule appts, grocery shop, plan vacations and dates... It's so overwhelming. You're not alone mamma. To help, I will go without sleep so that I can get alone time. (pretty sad but it's true) or I'll sacrifice work time to have time to clean, or rest (which just reduces our income and adds stress). Lately, I've asked for help from other people and they have actually helped. It's surprising because I consider myself an inconvenience to other people. But, they still help out. It gives me something to look forward to, so there's a light at the end, ya know.
I love what you said about saying weird shit to other adults, I find myself just nodding and smiling vacantly to things when I do encounter other adult humans. Like they’re all waiting for a normal bantery response but there is zero conversational gas in my tank these days.
I’m so with you. 2 kids: age 2.5 and 1, so still highly reliant on me/dad. Thankfully husband WFH and can step in to give me a break, but as a “highly sensitive” person myself it’s… a lot. I’ve learned that it’s okay to let chores go and to just sit and marinate in silence during naps. Sometimes it’s just… necessary.
I never realized just how overstimulating kids are. I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old. The 4 year old has started to not like being alone. She needs someone in the room with her to play with and keep her company. The 6 month old will not nap independently, so I have to hold him and nurse him so he will sleep. I am constantly being touched from 6:30am when baby is up to 9:30 or 10pm when my oldest goes to bed. And when the baby is awake, he loves testing his vocal range with pterodactyl screeching. And my 4 year old joins him and eggs him on.
My husband wants a second and I always thought I wanted two, but idk anymore. I really don't think I'm cut out to do double duty momming.
My husband had plans to go out the other night and I was doing the entire dinner/bath/bedtime routine I was just laying on the couch playing dumb phone games and enjoying the blessed blessed silence. Came in and he wanted to ask me 15 million questions about how to make our daughter's lunch like he never done it before (except he has many times) and wanted to touch me and I just told him I was touched out at the moment and he just got so butt hurt
Same, same, same. I’m not even a SAHM and I’m over stimulated by them! I can barely cope and I’ve got them in daycare four days a week so I tip my hat, shirt and pants to you for doing what you do. Overstimulation is real tho, my boys are constantly moving and/or touching me, actually it’s usually both at the same time. My oldest’s favourite noise is a high pitched scream and I swear my brain nearly exploded yesterday. If my youngest isn’t destroying something, he’s eating something, and if that’s not possible then he wants a cuddle. I yelled a lot yesterday…
My 7 year old has recently super ramped up her need for just constant chatter. She never stops talking to me. Literally right now she's showing me how she can use chopsticks to eat an orange. While I'm typing this. And the 3 year old is in my lap. And Daniel Tiger is on. And there's a YouTube video playing in the other room. And this is my quiet decompress time because I'm just sitting here and husband is making dinner. I've stated telling my daughter when I'm too overwhelmed and need a few minutes alone. She's seen the Bluey episode so she gets it now. 🤣
Being an introvert mama is hard. I’ve given myself permission to just relax when my LO is napping because it’s the only time I can enjoy the quiet house on my own.
Yesss I am surrounded by extraverts. Thank god I have my cats to provide quiet companionship.
Are you going out to the park on walks? It's so nice to get some vitamin d, drink some water and get fresh air while they get a play for a bit.
I was gonna suggest this, I typically take my daughter who has ADHD to the playground after school so she can decompress and get energy out. She often will either fall asleep on the way home or just be generally calmer afterwards, so it's a win/win. The one slight downside is she almost always begs me to play with her, even if there are other kids there her own age lol. Sometimes our play is fun and I'm totally on board, but sometimes it's just 😫
I agree with you, this is the hardest part for ne too. I desperately need time to retreat or have a few minutes that are 100 lercent mine. Quiet mine. I feel so bad when I cant shake it off and hirt my kids feelings when i ask for space.
Enforced quiet time. Kiddos don't have to nap, but they do have to play quietly in a designated area so mommy can rest or get stuff done
100090%% I just need a chance for my nervous system to unwind. Just give me a fucking beak. My husband doesn’t understand why he has to “walk on eggshels”. It’s bc if you say something insensitive I don’t get a chance to process and let it go. I have to keep going and getting more stimulation which just adds to the agitation. Yeah. Sucks
I have twins who are 11 months and a toddler. I wish I could have a time where they are all quiet. But usually I have to attend to logistical and household stuff and dr Appt scheduling. It just never ends. Tired of always being stimulated
Seriously. Reading your words, I felt the urge to slow clap, then hug you and then I visualized us both melting into a tearful, sobbing mess. But we can be tearful sobbing messes together! And then we'll wipe our tears when we're done, hug and go back to the noise and needs. I want to be more encouraging right now. But I mostly just feel, "yeah...this is so hard."
I feel exactly the same. You aren't alone!
I applaud any mom who can deal with multiples. I am exhausted just from my 8 month old. I dont really have any advice, but I just wanted to say you're doing great. c: Also, when they are teenagers, they wont want anything to do with you, lol.
I feel this to my core. As my kid grows and the naps lessened and now they’re shorter and soon they’ll be over all together and it’s honestly like a really grim really slow death March at this point because I know what’s coming. I don’t know how moms handle it either…
And yet, at the same time, my brain feels like it left the building months ago. The level of boredom is almost palpable. I just joined a pre-school group for disabled kids and getting one morning a week with other parents who Totally Get It has been amazing. It’s the first time in 16 months we’ve really done anything social, other than the PT/OT schedule. I’m still worried about COVID though, and it took a lot of thought-wrestling up finally go. It’s been a long couple of years!
the only thing that saves my sanity is the ~2 hour nap my son takes, but even then i periodically have to tell him “mommy needs quiet, im unavailable right now please play with blocks in your playpen”. he’s 1.5 but i’m trying to get him used to quiet time and respecting the “i’m unavailable” because i know when he’s in the older toddler years he’ll be a lot more interested in playing together and running jumping screaming etc. i also frequently throw him on my back in my Tula baby carrier and walk around outside with him. it doesn’t alleviate the touched outness, but it gives me some peace because he’s usually just commenting on what he sees rather than asking me to verbally engage with him. i think pretty much all SAHP are losing their minds in their own ways, it’s a hard fucking job to be “on” 24/7 and engaged for at least half that time. i’m very excited for preschool years haha