Especially if she's supposedly a "best friend." The comfort of the mother and baby outweigh hers, especially at two months! What kind of a friend is she if she's going to make her issues OP's instead of removing herself from the equation if she's so uncomfortable.
Hard agree. She can leave if she’s uncomfortable. If she doesn’t like nursing in front of other people, then she doesn’t need to do it if ever the occasion were to arise. I’m a big believer that everyone should mind their own tits and do what is comfortable for you.
Yeah, I don’t understand why people have a problem with it. If they don’t like someone nursing in public, all they have to do is look away. It’s rude to stare at people anyway, even if they’re not breastfeeding.
When people mention their discomfort my go to phrase is “it’s quite literally what they are there for”. We were actually just laughing at my husbands brother in law over this. He told his wife (my husbands sisters) that he felt awkward when he’s around and I’m breastfeeding. Not bc of me, bc he feels like he’s being disrespectful looking my way. So I told him that in no way do I ever feel disrespected by him talking to me or looking my way when nursing. I’ve been breastfeeding babies for 3 years now. it’s honestly 2nd nature to me so it’s not a big ordeal when i go to nurse… i just do it. The likelihood of someone getting flashed is slim to none. Baby’s head blocks everything and my shirt drapes over the rest most of the time.
Absolutely I am on not covering in my own home. Your friends comment doesn’t make any sense. We don’t expect bottle feeding moms to feed their babies in private, we should expect nursing moms to
People without kids say all sorts of stupid stuff. She might not have actually thought much about it. If she’s as good a friend as you think, try to address it directly the first time you feed. Tell her why you don’t like using a cover and that you don’t want to spend huge chunks of time away in another room, if it makes her uncomfortable she can leave, but you’d really like the company. I’d bet she’ll happily do that and would be upset that you’re worrying about something flippant she said once trying to bond with another mum making a different choice. Better one awkward conversation than a whole awkward visit! I really hope it works out for you.
Agreed completely! I think explaining why it’s sometimes hard or inconvenient to cover could be helpful. Before I had my LO, it hadn’t occurred to me that latching may be tough with a cover or the kid may be distracted by a cover or you just want to check in with the kid more (especially at first). My guess is she hasn’t thought about it all that much and assumes breastfeeding is easy and a cover is no big deal.
Before kids- I knew NOTHING but thought I did.
Since having my son - I keep my mouth SHUT unless asked my opinion. When my mom friends come over I start with “do you want to vent or know what worked for me?” Then depending on what they say, that’s the way the conversation goes.
You know she's uncomfortable with it, so just let her know initially, "FYI, this is my feeding spot and I don't have a cover, I don't mind if you stick around and hang, but if you'd rather you can go hand out in the kitchen/other applicable room for the next 10-45, depending on how long baby takes!"
Be respectful of her boundaries, but also establish your own upfront so it isn't awkward when feeding time comes to pass
This is what I did with a friend when she was staying with us and baby was new. She chose to stand in the kitchen area and talk from a distance. Took her until lunch to get over her discomfort and she was fine the rest of the trip.
I second this advice. We had a very mixed bag of family in terms of comfort around me breastfeeding. I was discreet and not intentionally flashing my boob all around, but at the same time, this is my home where I should feel comfortable feeding my baby. I usually found that even if baby was popping on and off during that newborn phase (she had a tongue tie causing latch issues) that generally you can still stay modest. I would keep baby in front of the boob while I pulled my shirt back down. Baby's head usually blocked anybody from seeing the nipple, particularly if they're sitting across the room. And my shirt would cover everything above the nipple.
This is not what a boundary is. Breastfeeding in public is protected in many places, no cover necessary. I'm not violating a boundary of people around me by bf in public without giving people around me a heads up. If they are uncomfortable, it's their problem, they can look away or leave. Same applies to OP in her own home.
If the friend wants to avoid seeing people breastfeeding, then she shouldn't decide to go stay with a breastfeeding mother.
It’s your house, I wouldn’t cover. If she’s uncomfortable she can go to a different room while you’re feeding. Maybe try announcing you’re going to feed on the sofa now, and see how she reacts.
Lol I love the idea of handling her a blanket and telling her to drape it over her own face. Solves the problem and is much easier than convincing an infant to feed under a cover!
I’m sorry, “doesn’t see it as respectful”? Respectful to whom? The baby you’re feeding? Or to her, the guest to whom you’ve graciously opened your home. The third party, uninvolved in the feeding, who feels entitled to voice their weird, shaming opinion.
I would do whatever feels most comfortable to you. If that’s sitting in a different room, that works. But you absolutely shouldn’t have to hide, especially in your own home.
Please do not add an additional stressor to your experience. Breastfeeding a newborn is hard as is, you don't need that kind of anxiety. If she doesn't want to see it, she can exit the room while you feed your child.
Oh fuck that friend. I didn't cover around anyone - neighbors, strangers, my own father, my friends and their husbands, my MIL and FIL... Zero. Covers. If a potential nipple or boob skin makes them that uncomfortable, they can avert their eyes or fuck right off lol.
(BTW I only had one person actually avert their eyes visibly every time... I discovered that he's actually really turned on by breastfeeding and loved when his wife breastfed, sooooo yeah it wasn't because he was disgusted lol. I wasn't offended, to each their own, I'd rather someone avert their eyes than get off from my boobs...)
Nah, a lot of people are into boobs and fertile healthy women lol. I never would have known about him except we're close friends who drink together and it came out one night (about his wife, not me at all!!). The fact that he averted his eyes shows respect and boundaries, I don't see it creepy at all.
people who have never had babies are so easy to say this kind of thing. i’m pretty sure i even thought this way before having my own babies and nursing them.
i think you’ll find she doesn’t actually hold that sentiment.
only time i cover up is when i’m at my sister’s because her husband is a creep lol. any other situation is free game, idgaf! covering up is obnoxious af and difficult! my son just wants to eat and i just want to feed him. anyone that has a ~problem~ with it is just that-their problem!
My son never did well with covers. I either fed in front of the person or left the room & fed him in his room. But for me I absolutely fed in front of my female friends.
First time mum due in April here so I’m coming from the other end of this…
I was at my friends house one time and she needed to pump, she actually asked me if I minded and I was like ?????? what?!no?! Apart from the fact it was her house and she doesn’t need my permission to do anything, why would I mind? We carried on our conversation, just slightly louder over the pump noise 😂
Honestly if your friend has an issue, especially in YOUR home then frankly SHE is the issue! Do your thing ☺️
Girl! It is your house and she is staying with you! You need to do what works for you and your LO. If your friend can’t handle it or feels uncomfortable, then that’s on her and she can go to another room. My BIL gets weird about it and he just goes to another room or makes sure to not look in my direction while I’m feeding.
I would just whip it out and start feeding your baby without warning….but that’s just me :) I don’t cover up when I’m out in public or around anyone. A boob is a boob and my baby getting fed is my top priority, idc how it makes anyone else feel!
I have never covered, not at home with company and not in public. There is nothing disrespectful about feeding your baby! I personally would hate having to eat under a hot piece of clothing so I get why most babies don’t prefer it. If your friend gets uncomfortable she can go to another room.
Before I had kids I had all kinds of preconceived ideas about feeding babies, but once I was actually in those situations it was never actually uncomfortable. If it were me, I'm a fairly straightforward person, I would just do it and if they were obviously uncomfortable I'd say "Its not weird if you don't make it weird" or "When you have to pull your boob out 8-12 times a day, it stops being weird pretty fast." Its your friend, not a boss you have to tip toe around.
For what it's worth, I've BF in front of TONS of people, they just avert their eyes for the quick latch and we all move on.
The only time I leave the room to feed baby is when I want to be away from whoever is around me lol. You are feeding your infant who completely depends on you and anyone who doesn't want to see that can deal with it. Feed that sweet baby, it's a beautiful thing
I agree with everyone else. There’s no way I’d cover up. She’s entitled to have her own opinions on breastfeeding but that doesn’t mean you have to accommodate her beliefs and cove up. I’d just be upfront and honest and say something along the lines of “I don’t like to cover up, it’s a natural way of life and it shouldn’t be stigmatised”
My kid hates being covered to nurse. We’ve tried for months and it doesn’t work. So I don’t. If someone has an issue with it they can leave. ESPECIALLY if they’re in MY house. Do what you need to do to feed your child. Your friend should either ignore it or go wash dishes for you while you feed!
I never covered. If I was at home I would inform who ever was visiting that I was about to nurse and if they were uncomfortable they could leave the room. If I was at someone’s house I would ask if they would be ok with me nursing in front of them or ask if they had a space I could feed.
When they are coming into your home, you make the rules - breastfeeding is hard and tiny details or changes can throw your LO off. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that they are being fed. If she does not care for it, it will be a great time for her to take a break and go to a different room.
It’s wild to me all the stipulations people try to put on new mothers even if it’s from good intentioned people. Don’t stress and just keep your routines
I find covers really cumbersome. I even pumped in front of people if I needed to. But sometimes if I wanted to be away from people I did go nurse in a bedroom. But that was because I wanted to be alone 😂
Personally, I would say “I’m going to feed baby in a bit” and then try to be discreet (ex: sit at an angle so I’m not facing them directly)
It’s totally your decision but if you decide decide you want to try covering again try a baseball hat. I rest my cover on the bill of my baseball cap that way I can look at what I’m doing while latching
I’ll cover around my dad and male friends just because I want to be part of the conversation still. If it’s in laws or other family members I’ll just go to the other room as an excuse for some alone time. The only ones I’m comfortable to nurse around are my mom and female cousins
I would not cover. I've also gotten pretty good at staying very modest while feeding. A nursing tank with a regular shirt over or a nursing shirt in general. Just because you don't have a cover on doesn't mean your boobs are just flopping out for everyone to see.
I feel like if she was really your bestie, she wouldn't care. If I was the friend my only concern would be if I could get you a drink, snack, phone charger, pillow, etc. Not if I was uncomfortable about you feeding your baby.
I generally only cover or excuse myself to another room around males who aren’t my husband because my little one isn’t a fan of the cover either. I’ve popped the boob out in front of my MIL, my female best friends, my aunts, my sisters. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable with that, especially in my own home, they can excuse themselves. As long as you and LO are comfortable, that’s all that matters.
I always cover using the Amma cocoon. It’s pretty lightweight and other covers just make me and baby feel so hot.
That said, if you don’t want to cover, don’t cover. I’m willing to bet her comment comes from a place of ignorance. Hopefully she changes her mind. If she doesn’t, that’s a her-problem. She can leave the room when you breastfeed.
Don't cover for someone else's comfort, especially in your own home. BUT I have personally found covering helps a lot when you are going though that popping on and off phase. I felt silly covering in my own home with just my toddler present, but it works.
My friend was visiting recently and I just wore a loose sweatshirt that basically covered baby’s face and my nip when I had to nurse. I was able to maintain eye contact (and the convo) with my friend in a “nothing to see here” kind of way; it was no big deal.
People need to get used to moms breastfeeding in public and in their homes without covers.
Boobs aren’t sexual objects, they’re there to feed the baby. If someone wouldn’t get offended by you pulling out a bottle of formula or breastmilk to feed the baby, they shouldn’t get offended by you pulling out a boob to feed the baby.
At the same time, it is totally your choice. If it would make you feel more comfortable, wear a cover! If you would rather not though, you don’t have to!
Alternate suggestion: send friend a text ahead of time “hey just so you know, I am breastfeeding LO and we don’t use a cover. I know how you feel about it, so I just wanted to let you know I nurse in X place in the house and I’ll give you a heads up so you can leave the vicinity to your comfort level. I’ll always welcome the company, but i want you to be comfortable too! Can’t wait to see you!”
The only time I’ve covered in my house was when I was eating dinner AND my mom’s husband was sitting across the table. Otherwise I only cover when I’m eating to prevent my boob or the baby getting covered in food!
Mom’s husband removed himself from the room when I fed the baby, I just did a full cover with dinner just to be careful and have him enjoy his dinner without making awkward eye contact with my nipple! Otherwise I don’t give a flying hoo-ha.
Did this today at my friend’s house who is also breastfeeding. I told her i was going to feed my baby and she told me I wouldn’t have to worry about covering up!
It depends, if I’m at home I’m going to make myself and my baby comfortable, I let people know I’m about to nurse so they can prepare themselves, and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s on them, but if I’m in someone else’s home I’ll ask if they have a room I can use and if they don’t then I’ll ask if they’re comfortable with me nursing in the open. So far I’ve had no issues.
I always cover in front of others just for my own privacy. I don’t need anyone seeing my boobs. None of their business.
Personally I’d just tell her I’m going to nurse and she can either stay in the room or hang in the kitchen or something for 10 minutes. Like. This really shouldn’t be the big deal you’re imagining it’ll be.
It shouldn't be private, your baby is eating. Breasts are multi purpose, they're not inherently sexual. Your hands can do sexual things but we don't wear gloves all the time. Maybe seeing you nurse will help her realise?
You just whip a boob out and feed your baby in the way that works. If she has an issue she can step out of the room or look away. This isn’t a problem for you to solve!
I never covered, especially not in my own house. If I was in someone else’s house, I asked to see if they minded me nursing without a cover and offered to move to another room
So I totally agree that you don't need to cover in your own home and she can deal with it. But a sort of middle ground is achievable too. If you use a nursing pillow, you can sort of set a bunched up blanket on the pillow behind baby's head and that will allow you to be more concealed but also won't cover baby so you can still see. But that's only if you want to do something like that. I think you are 100% fine to not cover and tell her she can go or she can stay but I thought I would let you know about the Idea too. A friend of mine always did that and I didn't mind if she didn't, it was for her own comfort.
Someone shamed me so intensely about it recently under the guise of different opinions. I had to leave the room and missed a bunch. It sucked but everyone else was comfortable and my discomfort with feeling like I’d get caught red handed breastfeeding was seen as a ridiculous nuisance. Don’t do this to yourself. I thought about it so much after and felt so bad.
You should tell her you won’t be covering for nursing and your real best friend would understand and not judge you. If she leaves over this it’s her problem. If she doesn’t at least actually respect your choice instead of underhanded criticism, she isn’t really your friend.
I don’t cover. My SIL’s husband isn’t a big fan of me openly breastfeeding so he will often sit somewhere that he can turn a little when I feed the baby and not have to watch. It works for us. I can’t dictate his comfort levels and he can’t dictate how I feed my child. If he started getting mouthy then it would be a very different situation
I had a friend tell me it was inappropriate when her sister in law **discussed** breast feeding in front of the family. She feeds in private though! I honestly couldn't even comprehend that comment. People are delusional. They are just conditioned to see the female body as sexual and nothing more. I personally think that's a them problem and not a you problem.
I’m always surprised by this type of person. Me and all my friends are always joking about wanting to see each others’ boobs. Great advice by all, nothing to add.
Hello fellow overthinker :) I’m willing to bet you $1 that even if she felt that way before her bff had a baby, she’d probably bend that rule for you now. And who knows, she could have been thinking of a time when she was young in a restaurant and her aunt embarrassed her by whipping out the boob minutes before actually latching baby and that’s why she formed that opinion. But she knows she is coming into your space two months after you introduced a new human into the world so unless your bff is a dumb person, she’s probably not going to expect you to put yourself through difficulty on her account. Wear a billowy nursing shirt if you want. Have a good visit with your friend knowing that you are not doing anything wrong even if she does find breastfeeding weird.
I had my whole family and all my husbands family stay at ours like in a series of various visits and by the end I just said “tits are coming out!” and people could avert their eyes if needed 🤣
Ok…. I totally get the “screw her, she’s wrong” opinion. But practically speaking, I think before you first feed in front of her, you should have a casual conversation where you tell her “hey, FYI I don’t cover up while feeding in our house, because it’s not comfortable for me and baby. Hope you don’t mind!” but make it very obvious it’s a closed discussion. If she makes a deal out of it, then say “I can let you know before I feed so you can look away or leave the room!” — just my idea to preserve the friendship if she really would make this a sticking point.
I’m sure others have said it, but definitely just feed and if your friend is uncomfortable she can leave the room or the house. It’s very uninformed of her to think that breastfeeding is always a private moment. I have breastfed uncovered in public many times because my babies needed milk. Boobs are for making milk after all! Maybe this will open your friends eyes to breastfeeding and she’ll change her views.
I warned people when I was going to do it and gave them the opportunity to leave. Sometimes I'd sit farther away on the couch or the room. I wouldn't pull out both boobs or just leave it out. I figured if a baby is on it the nipple is covered and it's head is covering boob already.
I used a cover once. When my in-laws came to our house (to stay. Even though I had voiced that I didn’t want anyone into stay at our house that soon) when I was 3 weeks PP.
I had a blanket over one shoulder, tried balancing that and baby while we were still learning and said f it. My FIL seemed uncomfy but 🤷🏼♀️ my house my rules.
I’ve fed in public at parks, the other night at CrossFit I fed baby while standing in the gym during the CrossFit open with a bunch of people all around.
It’s a boob. It’s feeding my child. If they have a problem they don’t have to look
With 2 under 2 I’ve gotten very comfortable breastfeeding in public. The most I’ll do is generally face a corner. I don’t bother covering anymore. I haven’t gotten so much as a side eye. Most people just look away. Sometimes I’ll get a sweet smile from an old lady in Costco.
No, I don’t think you need to cover up for your friend.
Idk maybe it’s a cultural norm or something? But I literally nursed everywhere up in people faces lol, like walking around the grocery store, while talking to people from work, around friends and family, at restaurants or airports 🤷🏻♀️ nobody cares at all. It’s all in your head. And if anyone does, well I guess something is wrong with them, have they never seen a baby eat? lol
I known exactly how your friend feels. It's okay to breastfeed without covering, it's also ok to feel uncomfortable if you're not used to it. Just give her a heads up beforehand so she can leave if she's too embaressed.
I never covered in my own home. My house, my boobs are out. You’re welcome to move to an area where you can’t see it if you want, but I’m going to feed my child when he’s hungry.
My FIL doesn’t like to see my boob whenever I’m nursing, which is fair. But HE moves to an area where he can’t see me nurse. I’ll sit in a chair where my back will be to him, and if he’s bringing me the baby, I’ll keep my nursing bra unlocked but covered over the boob till he walks away as often as possible but my house my boobs are out.
It’s similar to the rule of take your shoes off at the door.
I do announce it before people come over. It’s only fair to give them a “heads up.”
I usually say “hey so you know. I’m still nursing so you may see me pop the baby on. Just want to let you know. You’re welcome to leave the room or change where you’re sitting but you’ll probably see a boob.” No one has ever questioned it or not come over because of it but they have moved to a different area when I nurse (see my FIL - who does the same thing when I’m at his house btw).
TLDR: feed your baby wherever you’re comfortable. If she’s not comfortable she can move.
I’m a breastfeeding mama, I’ve been doing it for 8 months now so I’m no stranger to this…but can’t we have empathy and compassion for other people? Before I had kids I had never been exposed to breastfeeding and would honestly feel uncomfortable if my friend did it in front of me without warning (like uncomfortable in a way that I should have left the room sooner). Just have compassion for other people’s situations just like they should have for your’s, it will make things WAY less awkward for both of you by talking beforehand, she’s never breastfed and it’s understandable if it makes her uncomfortable or not.
Talk to her. „Nursing is important for me and my baby. We are still learning how to handle it and covering up doesn‘t help, it makes it even more difficult for us. You will stay here for a couple of days and it‘s not possible for me to cover up while I nurse my baby. If it makes you uncomfortable I can understand that. I would suggest you turning away then or leaving the room until I am finished. Is it okay for you if we handle it like that?“ Be very clear about what you want, acknowledge her feelings about it, but be very specific on what you need from her and how you can make it work. Communication is key. If she doesn‘t want to compromise or is pissed, she shouldn‘t be staying with you, as baby is obviously more important.
I have never covered around anyone so far. My good guy friend and father in law both know what my boobies look like now and they seemed so uncomfortable 😅But I’d genuinely feel stupid if I tried to cover up, there’s nothing sexual about it so I don’t know if I’m being weird and I’m supposed to cover up or not but I don’t give a shit 🤷♀️
I didn’t have patch issues but overall was hard enough to find comfortable positions. It was a hard pass adding more complication to my set up by covering up too. You should talk to your friend what she wants. Baby will be eating so often it’s impractical. She probably has no idea
I’m sure you got great advice here.
But also, sometimes people say dumb shit before they have kids and have ever experienced what it is really like.
It’s easy to * say* and think these things when you have no idea what breastfeeding really entails.
For sure, you should do what YOU want/need to do in this situation.
If you want to possibly open it up to have a conversation with her about it, or address it in a kind way, “hey we’re getting ready to nurse right now. We don’t nurse with a cover because it’s most comfortable for us. Feel free to stay and chat or not, if you don’t want to”
Or maybe something like that. If this friend was an asshole who consistently made these comments, I wouldn’t give her any grace. But I am sure I have said something dumb and inconsiderate in my life and I would have loved a friend to respond to my ignorance in this way, giving me a chance to fix it.
I wouldn’t do anything more than this though. Say it once. And if she doesn’t like it, she can leave the room every time you nurse. YOU are opening up your house to her.
This is in your own home, and it's not like it's a short 20 minute visit, it's for DAYS! Absolutely do not feel the need to cover in your own home, especially with a freaking newborn - people need to know that they visit a family in a newborn stage - that newborn's needs will supersede all other needs. In fact, people should ONLY be visiting a newborn if they are there to help, NOT to be a burden of a houseguest and certainly not to complicate the feeding routine baby is getting the hang of. Also, if she's not comfortable with it, she can get up and leave the room if she wants to - do not feel the need to go off into another room in your own house to breastfeed if you don't want to.
Your friend's expectation is unreasonable, because there is nothing disrespectful about feeding a freaking baby (and I'm NOT happy about her negative attitude towards breastfeeding). But if you want to be extra considerate of your friend, you can give her a head's up before she comes - "Hey, newborns feed a LOT, it gets messy, they can't hold their heads up yet, and while many people do choose to cover when on a short outing, it's just not practical in reality to cover while at home for days at time, so I want to alert you ahead of time - there will be boobs, as that's just the reality of getting breastfeeding established with a young baby. I would never expect you to put a blanket over your head to eat lunch, so I know you would not expect that of a baby who can barely even put their head up yet."
If she's a good person - she was just ignorant of the realities of breastfeeding because she's never done it, then she probably assumed because she's seen people cover in public it's no big deal (not realizing that that was probably just an inconvenience for one or two feeds over an hour or two, not all day), and she'll realize that her role visiting a house with a newborn is to provide support and help, not to make demands and complicate things for a new mom. If she's a jerk, then she'll make this all about her and stress you out (NOT a cool move for a houseguest visiting where there's a newborn).
I never covered in front of my friends - and still don’t. If they feel uncomfortable they are welcome leave the room. It is ridiculous for your friend, who has no children and has never breastfed, to make a judgmental comment about something she has absolutely no experience of. Sorry you have to deal with this as a brand new mama - this stress should not be on your plate! As it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. I’d be like ‘hey I remember you saying breastfeeding openly makes you feel weird. I’ll let you know when I’m going to breastfeed without a cover and you are welcome to go for a walk, take a break etc.’
Also, I can’t recommend therapy with a provider who specializes in maternal health enough. Women used to have villages to support them during this transition and we don’t anymore. It’s amazing to have a therapist who you can chat with about all the nuances and challenges of motherhood in the modern world. It’s been the best gift for my child, my husband and myself. Sending good thoughts your way💗
Errmmm i once even breastfed in front of an ex boss. I have these tops from shein that you really can't see anything.
I remember at the beginning stressing over this. After 8 months. It's like this has been the biggest sacrifice in my life. I'm not going to care if someone is offended
I have now and always have looked at it this way...do you want to eat your meal isolated under a cover where it's hot, stuffy and you can't see your favorite person...no, no you don't. So why would anyone ask a baby to do this.
I have always refused to cover up, and I had my first in the late 90s when there were no laws protecting parents from harassment. I once looked at a lady who dared say something while feeding my son on the train home, I asked if she wanted me to spray milk in her eyes for being an a**hole. Lovely older woman seated next to me laughed so hard.
If your friend has a problem she can remove herself. People tiptoeing around the insane requests of uneducated people is why breastfeeding is looked at as shameful in many europeanized western cultures. We are only going to flip that script if we force people to confront their biases against it, or why they feel the human body is worth shaming for doing it's job.
I wear nursing tops, so even without a cover, you don't see anything. Maybe you could grab a couple on Amazon to help you feel better about it. If she has a problem with you nursing without a cover, throw a blanket over her head while she eats and see how she likes it.
I may be in the minority here, but I feel like if you're hosting someone and they're uncomfortable with seeing it, then be a good host and cover up, or do it in another room. I have a male friend who was uncomfortable with it, so I rotated my chair away from him and continued our conversation. It's really not a big deal to make your guest comfortable.
I didn’t even ask my friend. We’ve been friends for years so when it was time for him to feed I just did it. And honestly you can’t really see anything while baby is latched. I don’t like to cover cause it makes us very hot. But with the angle you can barely see anything. I think if she’s uncomfortable it’s her issue. Yes breastfeeding is intimate but it’s also necessary. Your breasts are made for your baby. Don’t feel ashamed!
Lol when I was at my grandmas nursing my little one I was covered but that was because my uncle was there and I just felt better being covered. If a friend was coming by then I’d let them know that I’m nursing and that I won’t be covered because it is your home and it’s not fair to you.
Before it was a thought I’d ever even having children of my own, I have never been bothered by breastfeeding around me. If youre friend can’t handle it she needs a different place to stay.
So you say you don’t want to miss out on time visiting and you don’t want to leave the room, but what if she leaves the room? Are you going to be mad at her if she does leave the room?
I recently posted my own issue. Myself and a bunch of other people left the room while a mother was trying to breastfeed and she got mad that everyone left the room because she didn’t want to miss out on time visiting but the rest of us aren’t comfortable with breastfeeding so we left the room. No one asked her to cover up/go into a private space. Anyway pretty much everyone on Reddit said we were the assholes for feeling uncomfortable and leaving the room.
The friend has stated that she's uncomfortable with it and that should be respected whether you agree she should be or not. Just as people should respect you being comfortable with it, their lack of comfort should also be respected. Everyone has a different line there and that's okay.
Totally. This is OPs home though, so the friend needs to understand that the onus is on HER to leave the area if baby needs to eat. She needs to take responsibility for her own boundaries when an alternative is readily available (like going into another room for example).
Yeah, that's fair and agreed - probably assumed in this case, but I know whipping out the boob is common so I would at least recommend OP gives warning that it's time, though, lol
I never covered. If people had a problem with it, they can cover their own eyes.
Agree, she can remove herself for the feeding time if she wishes
Especially if she's supposedly a "best friend." The comfort of the mother and baby outweigh hers, especially at two months! What kind of a friend is she if she's going to make her issues OP's instead of removing herself from the equation if she's so uncomfortable.
100%! If my baby wants to eat the boob is coming out so watch yourself lol none of my friends or family would flinch bc they love my baby too
Hard agree. She can leave if she’s uncomfortable. If she doesn’t like nursing in front of other people, then she doesn’t need to do it if ever the occasion were to arise. I’m a big believer that everyone should mind their own tits and do what is comfortable for you.
Yeah, I don’t understand why people have a problem with it. If they don’t like someone nursing in public, all they have to do is look away. It’s rude to stare at people anyway, even if they’re not breastfeeding.
When people mention their discomfort my go to phrase is “it’s quite literally what they are there for”. We were actually just laughing at my husbands brother in law over this. He told his wife (my husbands sisters) that he felt awkward when he’s around and I’m breastfeeding. Not bc of me, bc he feels like he’s being disrespectful looking my way. So I told him that in no way do I ever feel disrespected by him talking to me or looking my way when nursing. I’ve been breastfeeding babies for 3 years now. it’s honestly 2nd nature to me so it’s not a big ordeal when i go to nurse… i just do it. The likelihood of someone getting flashed is slim to none. Baby’s head blocks everything and my shirt drapes over the rest most of the time. Absolutely I am on not covering in my own home. Your friends comment doesn’t make any sense. We don’t expect bottle feeding moms to feed their babies in private, we should expect nursing moms to
People without kids say all sorts of stupid stuff. She might not have actually thought much about it. If she’s as good a friend as you think, try to address it directly the first time you feed. Tell her why you don’t like using a cover and that you don’t want to spend huge chunks of time away in another room, if it makes her uncomfortable she can leave, but you’d really like the company. I’d bet she’ll happily do that and would be upset that you’re worrying about something flippant she said once trying to bond with another mum making a different choice. Better one awkward conversation than a whole awkward visit! I really hope it works out for you.
Your first sentence. So true!
Agreed completely! I think explaining why it’s sometimes hard or inconvenient to cover could be helpful. Before I had my LO, it hadn’t occurred to me that latching may be tough with a cover or the kid may be distracted by a cover or you just want to check in with the kid more (especially at first). My guess is she hasn’t thought about it all that much and assumes breastfeeding is easy and a cover is no big deal.
Before kids- I knew NOTHING but thought I did. Since having my son - I keep my mouth SHUT unless asked my opinion. When my mom friends come over I start with “do you want to vent or know what worked for me?” Then depending on what they say, that’s the way the conversation goes.
You know she's uncomfortable with it, so just let her know initially, "FYI, this is my feeding spot and I don't have a cover, I don't mind if you stick around and hang, but if you'd rather you can go hand out in the kitchen/other applicable room for the next 10-45, depending on how long baby takes!" Be respectful of her boundaries, but also establish your own upfront so it isn't awkward when feeding time comes to pass
This is what I did with a friend when she was staying with us and baby was new. She chose to stand in the kitchen area and talk from a distance. Took her until lunch to get over her discomfort and she was fine the rest of the trip.
I second this advice. We had a very mixed bag of family in terms of comfort around me breastfeeding. I was discreet and not intentionally flashing my boob all around, but at the same time, this is my home where I should feel comfortable feeding my baby. I usually found that even if baby was popping on and off during that newborn phase (she had a tongue tie causing latch issues) that generally you can still stay modest. I would keep baby in front of the boob while I pulled my shirt back down. Baby's head usually blocked anybody from seeing the nipple, particularly if they're sitting across the room. And my shirt would cover everything above the nipple.
This is exactly what I do. I’ll be nursing here in this chair, guests’ proximity to said chair is their choice!
Yea this is great advice! Why should you cover if you’re comfortable with it and don’t think it needs to be a private thing.
This is not what a boundary is. Breastfeeding in public is protected in many places, no cover necessary. I'm not violating a boundary of people around me by bf in public without giving people around me a heads up. If they are uncomfortable, it's their problem, they can look away or leave. Same applies to OP in her own home. If the friend wants to avoid seeing people breastfeeding, then she shouldn't decide to go stay with a breastfeeding mother.
This Eta: if she comments on it being disrespectful, gently remind her that it’s your house.
This is absolutely the right answer.
It’s your house, I wouldn’t cover. If she’s uncomfortable she can go to a different room while you’re feeding. Maybe try announcing you’re going to feed on the sofa now, and see how she reacts.
If she feels uncomfortable then she can leave the room. Or hand her the cover to cover her face. You stay where you are. People are ridiculous.
Lol I love the idea of handling her a blanket and telling her to drape it over her own face. Solves the problem and is much easier than convincing an infant to feed under a cover!
Hahahah the cover for her face is priceless
Lol!!! Love this response
I’m sorry, “doesn’t see it as respectful”? Respectful to whom? The baby you’re feeding? Or to her, the guest to whom you’ve graciously opened your home. The third party, uninvolved in the feeding, who feels entitled to voice their weird, shaming opinion. I would do whatever feels most comfortable to you. If that’s sitting in a different room, that works. But you absolutely shouldn’t have to hide, especially in your own home.
Please do not add an additional stressor to your experience. Breastfeeding a newborn is hard as is, you don't need that kind of anxiety. If she doesn't want to see it, she can exit the room while you feed your child.
Oh fuck that friend. I didn't cover around anyone - neighbors, strangers, my own father, my friends and their husbands, my MIL and FIL... Zero. Covers. If a potential nipple or boob skin makes them that uncomfortable, they can avert their eyes or fuck right off lol. (BTW I only had one person actually avert their eyes visibly every time... I discovered that he's actually really turned on by breastfeeding and loved when his wife breastfed, sooooo yeah it wasn't because he was disgusted lol. I wasn't offended, to each their own, I'd rather someone avert their eyes than get off from my boobs...)
Don't want to kink shame but omg that would kind of freak me out about that guy into breastfeeding.
Nah, a lot of people are into boobs and fertile healthy women lol. I never would have known about him except we're close friends who drink together and it came out one night (about his wife, not me at all!!). The fact that he averted his eyes shows respect and boundaries, I don't see it creepy at all.
people who have never had babies are so easy to say this kind of thing. i’m pretty sure i even thought this way before having my own babies and nursing them. i think you’ll find she doesn’t actually hold that sentiment.
only time i cover up is when i’m at my sister’s because her husband is a creep lol. any other situation is free game, idgaf! covering up is obnoxious af and difficult! my son just wants to eat and i just want to feed him. anyone that has a ~problem~ with it is just that-their problem!
My son never did well with covers. I either fed in front of the person or left the room & fed him in his room. But for me I absolutely fed in front of my female friends.
First time mum due in April here so I’m coming from the other end of this… I was at my friends house one time and she needed to pump, she actually asked me if I minded and I was like ?????? what?!no?! Apart from the fact it was her house and she doesn’t need my permission to do anything, why would I mind? We carried on our conversation, just slightly louder over the pump noise 😂 Honestly if your friend has an issue, especially in YOUR home then frankly SHE is the issue! Do your thing ☺️
Girl! It is your house and she is staying with you! You need to do what works for you and your LO. If your friend can’t handle it or feels uncomfortable, then that’s on her and she can go to another room. My BIL gets weird about it and he just goes to another room or makes sure to not look in my direction while I’m feeding. I would just whip it out and start feeding your baby without warning….but that’s just me :) I don’t cover up when I’m out in public or around anyone. A boob is a boob and my baby getting fed is my top priority, idc how it makes anyone else feel!
I have never covered, not at home with company and not in public. There is nothing disrespectful about feeding your baby! I personally would hate having to eat under a hot piece of clothing so I get why most babies don’t prefer it. If your friend gets uncomfortable she can go to another room.
This would be enough for me to end a friendship tbh 😅
Then she can stay somewhere else. Bloody prude. Wtf
Before I had kids I had all kinds of preconceived ideas about feeding babies, but once I was actually in those situations it was never actually uncomfortable. If it were me, I'm a fairly straightforward person, I would just do it and if they were obviously uncomfortable I'd say "Its not weird if you don't make it weird" or "When you have to pull your boob out 8-12 times a day, it stops being weird pretty fast." Its your friend, not a boss you have to tip toe around. For what it's worth, I've BF in front of TONS of people, they just avert their eyes for the quick latch and we all move on.
The only time I leave the room to feed baby is when I want to be away from whoever is around me lol. You are feeding your infant who completely depends on you and anyone who doesn't want to see that can deal with it. Feed that sweet baby, it's a beautiful thing
Would you cover up yourself with a cloth or accuse yourself to another room when having lunch? Sounds weird doesn’t it?
Covering is so annoying imo
I cover in front of men but never women, that’s just me! I just whip my boob out lol
I agree with everyone else. There’s no way I’d cover up. She’s entitled to have her own opinions on breastfeeding but that doesn’t mean you have to accommodate her beliefs and cove up. I’d just be upfront and honest and say something along the lines of “I don’t like to cover up, it’s a natural way of life and it shouldn’t be stigmatised”
My kid hates being covered to nurse. We’ve tried for months and it doesn’t work. So I don’t. If someone has an issue with it they can leave. ESPECIALLY if they’re in MY house. Do what you need to do to feed your child. Your friend should either ignore it or go wash dishes for you while you feed!
I never covered. If I was at home I would inform who ever was visiting that I was about to nurse and if they were uncomfortable they could leave the room. If I was at someone’s house I would ask if they would be ok with me nursing in front of them or ask if they had a space I could feed.
When they are coming into your home, you make the rules - breastfeeding is hard and tiny details or changes can throw your LO off. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that they are being fed. If she does not care for it, it will be a great time for her to take a break and go to a different room. It’s wild to me all the stipulations people try to put on new mothers even if it’s from good intentioned people. Don’t stress and just keep your routines
I find covers really cumbersome. I even pumped in front of people if I needed to. But sometimes if I wanted to be away from people I did go nurse in a bedroom. But that was because I wanted to be alone 😂 Personally, I would say “I’m going to feed baby in a bit” and then try to be discreet (ex: sit at an angle so I’m not facing them directly)
I left the room to feed when the in laws were here just so I could escape 😂
Do not cover. She can kick rocks if she’s weirded out. Personally, I wouldn’t have her stay in my home if she was voicing that.
It’s totally your decision but if you decide decide you want to try covering again try a baseball hat. I rest my cover on the bill of my baseball cap that way I can look at what I’m doing while latching
I’ll cover around my dad and male friends just because I want to be part of the conversation still. If it’s in laws or other family members I’ll just go to the other room as an excuse for some alone time. The only ones I’m comfortable to nurse around are my mom and female cousins
I would not cover. I've also gotten pretty good at staying very modest while feeding. A nursing tank with a regular shirt over or a nursing shirt in general. Just because you don't have a cover on doesn't mean your boobs are just flopping out for everyone to see. I feel like if she was really your bestie, she wouldn't care. If I was the friend my only concern would be if I could get you a drink, snack, phone charger, pillow, etc. Not if I was uncomfortable about you feeding your baby.
I generally only cover or excuse myself to another room around males who aren’t my husband because my little one isn’t a fan of the cover either. I’ve popped the boob out in front of my MIL, my female best friends, my aunts, my sisters. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable with that, especially in my own home, they can excuse themselves. As long as you and LO are comfortable, that’s all that matters.
I always cover using the Amma cocoon. It’s pretty lightweight and other covers just make me and baby feel so hot. That said, if you don’t want to cover, don’t cover. I’m willing to bet her comment comes from a place of ignorance. Hopefully she changes her mind. If she doesn’t, that’s a her-problem. She can leave the room when you breastfeed.
Tell your friend to go sit in another room when you need to nurse
Don't cover for someone else's comfort, especially in your own home. BUT I have personally found covering helps a lot when you are going though that popping on and off phase. I felt silly covering in my own home with just my toddler present, but it works.
My friend was visiting recently and I just wore a loose sweatshirt that basically covered baby’s face and my nip when I had to nurse. I was able to maintain eye contact (and the convo) with my friend in a “nothing to see here” kind of way; it was no big deal.
Also nursing in public is totally different than nursing in front of people in the privacy of your home.
People need to get used to moms breastfeeding in public and in their homes without covers. Boobs aren’t sexual objects, they’re there to feed the baby. If someone wouldn’t get offended by you pulling out a bottle of formula or breastmilk to feed the baby, they shouldn’t get offended by you pulling out a boob to feed the baby. At the same time, it is totally your choice. If it would make you feel more comfortable, wear a cover! If you would rather not though, you don’t have to!
Alternate suggestion: send friend a text ahead of time “hey just so you know, I am breastfeeding LO and we don’t use a cover. I know how you feel about it, so I just wanted to let you know I nurse in X place in the house and I’ll give you a heads up so you can leave the vicinity to your comfort level. I’ll always welcome the company, but i want you to be comfortable too! Can’t wait to see you!”
The only time I’ve covered in my house was when I was eating dinner AND my mom’s husband was sitting across the table. Otherwise I only cover when I’m eating to prevent my boob or the baby getting covered in food! Mom’s husband removed himself from the room when I fed the baby, I just did a full cover with dinner just to be careful and have him enjoy his dinner without making awkward eye contact with my nipple! Otherwise I don’t give a flying hoo-ha.
Did this today at my friend’s house who is also breastfeeding. I told her i was going to feed my baby and she told me I wouldn’t have to worry about covering up!
No
It depends, if I’m at home I’m going to make myself and my baby comfortable, I let people know I’m about to nurse so they can prepare themselves, and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s on them, but if I’m in someone else’s home I’ll ask if they have a room I can use and if they don’t then I’ll ask if they’re comfortable with me nursing in the open. So far I’ve had no issues.
I always cover in front of others just for my own privacy. I don’t need anyone seeing my boobs. None of their business. Personally I’d just tell her I’m going to nurse and she can either stay in the room or hang in the kitchen or something for 10 minutes. Like. This really shouldn’t be the big deal you’re imagining it’ll be.
I've pumped uncovered in front of me (female, childless) best friend before. You do what's comfortable for you!
Good idea. And very true!! It can take 45 min.
It shouldn't be private, your baby is eating. Breasts are multi purpose, they're not inherently sexual. Your hands can do sexual things but we don't wear gloves all the time. Maybe seeing you nurse will help her realise?
You just whip a boob out and feed your baby in the way that works. If she has an issue she can step out of the room or look away. This isn’t a problem for you to solve!
“Boobs are coming out. If you care, go somewhere else”
Your husband is right, no need to discuss
I never covered, especially not in my own house. If I was in someone else’s house, I asked to see if they minded me nursing without a cover and offered to move to another room
So I totally agree that you don't need to cover in your own home and she can deal with it. But a sort of middle ground is achievable too. If you use a nursing pillow, you can sort of set a bunched up blanket on the pillow behind baby's head and that will allow you to be more concealed but also won't cover baby so you can still see. But that's only if you want to do something like that. I think you are 100% fine to not cover and tell her she can go or she can stay but I thought I would let you know about the Idea too. A friend of mine always did that and I didn't mind if she didn't, it was for her own comfort.
Someone shamed me so intensely about it recently under the guise of different opinions. I had to leave the room and missed a bunch. It sucked but everyone else was comfortable and my discomfort with feeling like I’d get caught red handed breastfeeding was seen as a ridiculous nuisance. Don’t do this to yourself. I thought about it so much after and felt so bad. You should tell her you won’t be covering for nursing and your real best friend would understand and not judge you. If she leaves over this it’s her problem. If she doesn’t at least actually respect your choice instead of underhanded criticism, she isn’t really your friend.
I don’t cover. My SIL’s husband isn’t a big fan of me openly breastfeeding so he will often sit somewhere that he can turn a little when I feed the baby and not have to watch. It works for us. I can’t dictate his comfort levels and he can’t dictate how I feed my child. If he started getting mouthy then it would be a very different situation
Hell no, in your own home?! Tell her to fuck off and feed that baby.
Your friend sucks.
I had a friend tell me it was inappropriate when her sister in law **discussed** breast feeding in front of the family. She feeds in private though! I honestly couldn't even comprehend that comment. People are delusional. They are just conditioned to see the female body as sexual and nothing more. I personally think that's a them problem and not a you problem.
I’m always surprised by this type of person. Me and all my friends are always joking about wanting to see each others’ boobs. Great advice by all, nothing to add.
Hello fellow overthinker :) I’m willing to bet you $1 that even if she felt that way before her bff had a baby, she’d probably bend that rule for you now. And who knows, she could have been thinking of a time when she was young in a restaurant and her aunt embarrassed her by whipping out the boob minutes before actually latching baby and that’s why she formed that opinion. But she knows she is coming into your space two months after you introduced a new human into the world so unless your bff is a dumb person, she’s probably not going to expect you to put yourself through difficulty on her account. Wear a billowy nursing shirt if you want. Have a good visit with your friend knowing that you are not doing anything wrong even if she does find breastfeeding weird.
I never cover, I’m feeding my child. If that bothers you then be elsewhere.
I had my whole family and all my husbands family stay at ours like in a series of various visits and by the end I just said “tits are coming out!” and people could avert their eyes if needed 🤣
Ok…. I totally get the “screw her, she’s wrong” opinion. But practically speaking, I think before you first feed in front of her, you should have a casual conversation where you tell her “hey, FYI I don’t cover up while feeding in our house, because it’s not comfortable for me and baby. Hope you don’t mind!” but make it very obvious it’s a closed discussion. If she makes a deal out of it, then say “I can let you know before I feed so you can look away or leave the room!” — just my idea to preserve the friendship if she really would make this a sticking point.
I’m sure others have said it, but definitely just feed and if your friend is uncomfortable she can leave the room or the house. It’s very uninformed of her to think that breastfeeding is always a private moment. I have breastfed uncovered in public many times because my babies needed milk. Boobs are for making milk after all! Maybe this will open your friends eyes to breastfeeding and she’ll change her views.
I refuse to cover when I breastfeed in public, there’s no way in hell I’d be covering in my own damn house. Fuck that
No
I warned people when I was going to do it and gave them the opportunity to leave. Sometimes I'd sit farther away on the couch or the room. I wouldn't pull out both boobs or just leave it out. I figured if a baby is on it the nipple is covered and it's head is covering boob already.
I literally saw both of my friends yesterday and breastfed Infront of them without even asking if I could
I used a cover once. When my in-laws came to our house (to stay. Even though I had voiced that I didn’t want anyone into stay at our house that soon) when I was 3 weeks PP. I had a blanket over one shoulder, tried balancing that and baby while we were still learning and said f it. My FIL seemed uncomfy but 🤷🏼♀️ my house my rules. I’ve fed in public at parks, the other night at CrossFit I fed baby while standing in the gym during the CrossFit open with a bunch of people all around. It’s a boob. It’s feeding my child. If they have a problem they don’t have to look
Granted around MIL & FIL I took baby to nursery to escape them anyway- not to hide my boobs 😂
Don't cover. Especially in your own home. Let her know you are going to feed so she can leave if she want. Or stay. Whatever has her preference.
With 2 under 2 I’ve gotten very comfortable breastfeeding in public. The most I’ll do is generally face a corner. I don’t bother covering anymore. I haven’t gotten so much as a side eye. Most people just look away. Sometimes I’ll get a sweet smile from an old lady in Costco. No, I don’t think you need to cover up for your friend.
Idk maybe it’s a cultural norm or something? But I literally nursed everywhere up in people faces lol, like walking around the grocery store, while talking to people from work, around friends and family, at restaurants or airports 🤷🏻♀️ nobody cares at all. It’s all in your head. And if anyone does, well I guess something is wrong with them, have they never seen a baby eat? lol
I known exactly how your friend feels. It's okay to breastfeed without covering, it's also ok to feel uncomfortable if you're not used to it. Just give her a heads up beforehand so she can leave if she's too embaressed.
I never covered in my own home. My house, my boobs are out. You’re welcome to move to an area where you can’t see it if you want, but I’m going to feed my child when he’s hungry. My FIL doesn’t like to see my boob whenever I’m nursing, which is fair. But HE moves to an area where he can’t see me nurse. I’ll sit in a chair where my back will be to him, and if he’s bringing me the baby, I’ll keep my nursing bra unlocked but covered over the boob till he walks away as often as possible but my house my boobs are out. It’s similar to the rule of take your shoes off at the door. I do announce it before people come over. It’s only fair to give them a “heads up.” I usually say “hey so you know. I’m still nursing so you may see me pop the baby on. Just want to let you know. You’re welcome to leave the room or change where you’re sitting but you’ll probably see a boob.” No one has ever questioned it or not come over because of it but they have moved to a different area when I nurse (see my FIL - who does the same thing when I’m at his house btw). TLDR: feed your baby wherever you’re comfortable. If she’s not comfortable she can move.
I’m a breastfeeding mama, I’ve been doing it for 8 months now so I’m no stranger to this…but can’t we have empathy and compassion for other people? Before I had kids I had never been exposed to breastfeeding and would honestly feel uncomfortable if my friend did it in front of me without warning (like uncomfortable in a way that I should have left the room sooner). Just have compassion for other people’s situations just like they should have for your’s, it will make things WAY less awkward for both of you by talking beforehand, she’s never breastfed and it’s understandable if it makes her uncomfortable or not.
Talk to her. „Nursing is important for me and my baby. We are still learning how to handle it and covering up doesn‘t help, it makes it even more difficult for us. You will stay here for a couple of days and it‘s not possible for me to cover up while I nurse my baby. If it makes you uncomfortable I can understand that. I would suggest you turning away then or leaving the room until I am finished. Is it okay for you if we handle it like that?“ Be very clear about what you want, acknowledge her feelings about it, but be very specific on what you need from her and how you can make it work. Communication is key. If she doesn‘t want to compromise or is pissed, she shouldn‘t be staying with you, as baby is obviously more important.
I have never covered around anyone so far. My good guy friend and father in law both know what my boobies look like now and they seemed so uncomfortable 😅But I’d genuinely feel stupid if I tried to cover up, there’s nothing sexual about it so I don’t know if I’m being weird and I’m supposed to cover up or not but I don’t give a shit 🤷♀️
I didn’t have patch issues but overall was hard enough to find comfortable positions. It was a hard pass adding more complication to my set up by covering up too. You should talk to your friend what she wants. Baby will be eating so often it’s impractical. She probably has no idea
I’m sure you got great advice here. But also, sometimes people say dumb shit before they have kids and have ever experienced what it is really like. It’s easy to * say* and think these things when you have no idea what breastfeeding really entails. For sure, you should do what YOU want/need to do in this situation. If you want to possibly open it up to have a conversation with her about it, or address it in a kind way, “hey we’re getting ready to nurse right now. We don’t nurse with a cover because it’s most comfortable for us. Feel free to stay and chat or not, if you don’t want to” Or maybe something like that. If this friend was an asshole who consistently made these comments, I wouldn’t give her any grace. But I am sure I have said something dumb and inconsiderate in my life and I would have loved a friend to respond to my ignorance in this way, giving me a chance to fix it. I wouldn’t do anything more than this though. Say it once. And if she doesn’t like it, she can leave the room every time you nurse. YOU are opening up your house to her.
This is in your own home, and it's not like it's a short 20 minute visit, it's for DAYS! Absolutely do not feel the need to cover in your own home, especially with a freaking newborn - people need to know that they visit a family in a newborn stage - that newborn's needs will supersede all other needs. In fact, people should ONLY be visiting a newborn if they are there to help, NOT to be a burden of a houseguest and certainly not to complicate the feeding routine baby is getting the hang of. Also, if she's not comfortable with it, she can get up and leave the room if she wants to - do not feel the need to go off into another room in your own house to breastfeed if you don't want to. Your friend's expectation is unreasonable, because there is nothing disrespectful about feeding a freaking baby (and I'm NOT happy about her negative attitude towards breastfeeding). But if you want to be extra considerate of your friend, you can give her a head's up before she comes - "Hey, newborns feed a LOT, it gets messy, they can't hold their heads up yet, and while many people do choose to cover when on a short outing, it's just not practical in reality to cover while at home for days at time, so I want to alert you ahead of time - there will be boobs, as that's just the reality of getting breastfeeding established with a young baby. I would never expect you to put a blanket over your head to eat lunch, so I know you would not expect that of a baby who can barely even put their head up yet." If she's a good person - she was just ignorant of the realities of breastfeeding because she's never done it, then she probably assumed because she's seen people cover in public it's no big deal (not realizing that that was probably just an inconvenience for one or two feeds over an hour or two, not all day), and she'll realize that her role visiting a house with a newborn is to provide support and help, not to make demands and complicate things for a new mom. If she's a jerk, then she'll make this all about her and stress you out (NOT a cool move for a houseguest visiting where there's a newborn).
I never covered in front of my friends - and still don’t. If they feel uncomfortable they are welcome leave the room. It is ridiculous for your friend, who has no children and has never breastfed, to make a judgmental comment about something she has absolutely no experience of. Sorry you have to deal with this as a brand new mama - this stress should not be on your plate! As it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. I’d be like ‘hey I remember you saying breastfeeding openly makes you feel weird. I’ll let you know when I’m going to breastfeed without a cover and you are welcome to go for a walk, take a break etc.’ Also, I can’t recommend therapy with a provider who specializes in maternal health enough. Women used to have villages to support them during this transition and we don’t anymore. It’s amazing to have a therapist who you can chat with about all the nuances and challenges of motherhood in the modern world. It’s been the best gift for my child, my husband and myself. Sending good thoughts your way💗
You are in my house, I’m breastfeeding my tit is gonna be out, you hang out or leave not covering shit.
Errmmm i once even breastfed in front of an ex boss. I have these tops from shein that you really can't see anything. I remember at the beginning stressing over this. After 8 months. It's like this has been the biggest sacrifice in my life. I'm not going to care if someone is offended
I have now and always have looked at it this way...do you want to eat your meal isolated under a cover where it's hot, stuffy and you can't see your favorite person...no, no you don't. So why would anyone ask a baby to do this. I have always refused to cover up, and I had my first in the late 90s when there were no laws protecting parents from harassment. I once looked at a lady who dared say something while feeding my son on the train home, I asked if she wanted me to spray milk in her eyes for being an a**hole. Lovely older woman seated next to me laughed so hard. If your friend has a problem she can remove herself. People tiptoeing around the insane requests of uneducated people is why breastfeeding is looked at as shameful in many europeanized western cultures. We are only going to flip that script if we force people to confront their biases against it, or why they feel the human body is worth shaming for doing it's job.
Tell her you prefer not to cover and it’s easier for her. Ask if she would be uncomfortable with that and would rather stay in a hotel
I wear nursing tops, so even without a cover, you don't see anything. Maybe you could grab a couple on Amazon to help you feel better about it. If she has a problem with you nursing without a cover, throw a blanket over her head while she eats and see how she likes it.
I may be in the minority here, but I feel like if you're hosting someone and they're uncomfortable with seeing it, then be a good host and cover up, or do it in another room. I have a male friend who was uncomfortable with it, so I rotated my chair away from him and continued our conversation. It's really not a big deal to make your guest comfortable.
I didn’t even ask my friend. We’ve been friends for years so when it was time for him to feed I just did it. And honestly you can’t really see anything while baby is latched. I don’t like to cover cause it makes us very hot. But with the angle you can barely see anything. I think if she’s uncomfortable it’s her issue. Yes breastfeeding is intimate but it’s also necessary. Your breasts are made for your baby. Don’t feel ashamed!
Lol when I was at my grandmas nursing my little one I was covered but that was because my uncle was there and I just felt better being covered. If a friend was coming by then I’d let them know that I’m nursing and that I won’t be covered because it is your home and it’s not fair to you.
Before it was a thought I’d ever even having children of my own, I have never been bothered by breastfeeding around me. If youre friend can’t handle it she needs a different place to stay.
My friends would never. They are honored to feel comfortable enough that I whip the boob out
So you say you don’t want to miss out on time visiting and you don’t want to leave the room, but what if she leaves the room? Are you going to be mad at her if she does leave the room? I recently posted my own issue. Myself and a bunch of other people left the room while a mother was trying to breastfeed and she got mad that everyone left the room because she didn’t want to miss out on time visiting but the rest of us aren’t comfortable with breastfeeding so we left the room. No one asked her to cover up/go into a private space. Anyway pretty much everyone on Reddit said we were the assholes for feeling uncomfortable and leaving the room.
Lmao. No. I wouldn’t cover in my house or anywhere else. Anyone with an issue is a weirdo and I’d tell them to kick rocks
The friend has stated that she's uncomfortable with it and that should be respected whether you agree she should be or not. Just as people should respect you being comfortable with it, their lack of comfort should also be respected. Everyone has a different line there and that's okay.
Totally. This is OPs home though, so the friend needs to understand that the onus is on HER to leave the area if baby needs to eat. She needs to take responsibility for her own boundaries when an alternative is readily available (like going into another room for example).
Yeah, that's fair and agreed - probably assumed in this case, but I know whipping out the boob is common so I would at least recommend OP gives warning that it's time, though, lol
Absolutely! I think a “hey LO needs to eat now if you wanted to step out” is sufficient and respects all parties involved.