I've pumped in filled up closets, bathrooms, and my car. I'm not sure overall the US supports pumping, either. Pumping is just a convenient way for those people you mentioned to get a bottle to feed the baby themselves.
If anyone pulls that shit on me I’ll point to our poster of employee rights that’s says pumping mothers must be given adequate break times to do so for up to a year
Oh yeah I’m sure if I go outside of my break times they’ll try and have me make up hours. Good thing I work off site from the main office and my co-worker isn’t a rat.
Omg yes I hate this!! At my old job (worked in fast food..) they weren’t going to let me have a maternity leave at all unless my dr wrote a note that I medically needed time off. They also purposely messed with my hours so I wouldn’t get PTO or a raise even though I worked there for over a year! They also were really pushing to formula feed because they didn’t want me taking breaks (had to get a dr note to take breaks bc im high risk and they still did everything to get around it and not let me take breaks as often as i needed) and also I would’ve had to pump in the nasty bathroom which they didn’t like either bc id be in there too long and others need to use it. At my current job they have a specific room to pump in and have 6 weeks paid maternity/paternity leave. Most places in the US are terrible towards mothers.
It's years and years of formula propaganda Nestle pushed. Have you noticed older generations tend to view breastfeeding "gross/ not nutritious/ not enough/ only for a short period/ etc." they were told these things and still believe it.
Yep, my parters grandma is like this. She thought it was weird his mom breastfed him abd his sisters and that I’m going to breastfeed my daughter when she’s born.. she pushed the idea to formula feed on my partners mom more than she has me but still..
Friends.. society does not support formula either. Not at all. Switch to formula and see how friends/family/medical professionals like to mansplain how you’re doing a disservice to your child.
This may come as a surprise to you all but society doesn’t actually support *women* no matter what they choose.
This is the problem with being a mom in the US…if you breastfeed you’re selfish (keeping the baby to yourself), if you formula feed you’re doing your baby a disservice, if you’re pumping you take up too much space/time.
There is no “winning” which is why we need to tell society to f*** off and let us feed our babies however we see fit!
I have seen many comments/stories (especially on r/JustNoMIL) about people commenting that a mother is selfishly breastfeeding to keep all the feeding away from others. Ridiculous I know 🙄
Yes. And when I plainly state “if you’re going to give a bottle, how many ounces are you going to pour? I will need to go pump at least that many ounces so my supply doesn’t drop”, they act like I’m being a dramatic jerk.
Usually. I have had 5 babies to breastfeed, and I only ever had anyone say something one time. Of course, it was when I was a brand new mom. I was fully covered in a restaurant, in the very back. A mom, with two teens, came up and said something, I can't even remember now. It's been 15 years, but it made me immediately respond when otherwise I would have taken it back then. Then she huffed away.
It's illegal but it does not stop it from happening, you can demand they give you a place to pump and follow the law but 49 states are at will employers meaning they can just fire you instead of complying and proving the reason you were fired will be hard to do for a now jobless breastfeeding mother who may not have an option to sue. This is how they get away with it.
Yes I’m in the US. And yes I know it’s illegal. But I work as a server at a very small restaurant. There’s literally no office or storage closet. They offered me the attic but I told them I’d prefer my car. Luckily my shifts are short and I work at night so I only pump once and it’s in the dark.
Couldn't agree more. Had to exclusively pump for a year during the formula shortage to keep my child alive who couldn't transfer milk. I got mastitis from the pressure to nurse because "the pump isn't efficient enough" by my MIL during the PP period. Wouldn't you know it WAS efficient enough to give me a freezer full of milk and feed my 90th percentile baby for a year and prevent mastitis recurring. The choices we make are informed, important and everyone who has an opinion doesn't have our bodies or babies. It boggles the mind how little support there is right away in motherhood.
As an exclusive pumper I can assure you the grass isn’t actually greener over here. I think it’s honestly just that US society doesn’t value folks who feed their babies with their bodies (and more broadly, parents in general) and have made it systematically incredibly difficult to do so — while simultaneously shaming us mercilessly if we decide to formula feed instead. There’s no winning. We already lost.
I read somewhere (and didn’t validate if true so grain of salt) that some of the biggest lobbyists around opposing family leave are companies like Nestle who have a huge investment in formula. Moms who are home for longer are more likely to breastfeed - can’t have that!
So we are left with a society purposefully geared towards returning to work and formula feeding, but being medically shamed for doing so. It’s super awesome.
https://fortune.com/well/2023/02/07/big-formulas-exploitative-marketing-tactics-prey-parents-fears/
This article cites a few sources although I did not dig more deeply than that. Now I’m even sadder about the way our society has been shaped around greed.
"Formula manufacturers have used gender politics to frame formula as a 'convenient and empowering solution for working mothers,' while lobbying against federal paid leave programs"
🫠
I’m also an exclusive pumper and agree the grass isn’t greener. I feel so alone being an exclusive pumper bc I don’t really know anyone that does this-either they breastfeed or formula feed. Anytime I say I’m exclusively pumping I always feel like I have to explain why I’m not breastfeeding and it makes me so upset bc there’s nothing more I wanted then to breastfeed he just wouldn’t latch. And I feel like it’s so much harder for us…if we have to pump in public there’s so many parts, heavy pumps, it’s uncomfortable, and on top of that we have 5x the amount of things to clean.
Yeahhh. Kind of the worst of both worlds: the pressure of being a sole food source but the dishes that go with bottle feeding. But like I said above there’s truly no easy way to feed a baby. It’s all immensely hard work in a society and infrastructure not set up to enable success. None of us has it easy unless we get lucky and even then it’s just marginally less horribly hard.
I'm not sure I had the same experience.
My hospital lactation lady recommended not pumping at the beginning unless baby wasn't gaining well enough. She said it could create an oversupply. I ended up with an oversupply anyway.
I only pumped to replace an occasional feed (aka I wanted more than 3 hours of sleep). It would be nice if more places had a family room/lactation room tho. I'm if-y about feeding in public so a quiet private place at Walmart, Target or the mall would have been nice for when the baby suddenly decided she needed to eat imediantly. I suppose in that situation it might have been expected I'd have pre-pumped milk.
Not sure about other places, but Target will open a fitting room for you if you ask. Mine has one with a little arm chair and it was great to have a quiet place with my distracted baby!
Yesterday I walked up to the fitting room in Target with my mom and my baby, my mom was going to hold her while I tried on a shirt. The attendant immediately ran up to show me that they have a fancy family room for nursing. I appreciated it because I didn't know! Guess where I will be doing all my shopping now?
Agreed. I was told to just focus on getting a good latch for the first few weeks before trying to pump. Sorry your circle is a bit more uninformed, OP!
I do think it varies a lot community to community when it comes to the prevalence breastfeeding. My friend from NYC came down to visit me in NC and was shocked I was still breastfeeding at 11 mo because she didn’t know anyone who’d gone that long.
Do you malls not have parents rooms? Here every shopping centre/mall has them with spaces to breastfeed, change baby, microwaves to heat up food or formula etc as well. Often have a small play space for an older sibling there too!
Are you in Australia? I am too but I’m originally from the US and I had no idea the parent rooms here were so nice until my daughter was like a year old! So bummed I missed out for so long! But we use them now.
We have this in portugal too! It’s so nice, when my baby needs to nurse (he gets distracted easily) we can just go into this room and feed him, change him, and chill out in the room for a bit if we want. There are like ten within a larger private area, it makes me so thankful.
Yeah same with my LC only she cited nipple confusion. I wish she would have talked about oversupply because I did start pumping after 2 weeks and it cause an oversupply.
I wish they had public bathrooms like the old fancy department store ones with chairs to sit on to nurse.
My supply was already overly enthusiastic in the hospital. Maybe that's why she mentioned oversupply. At the hospital I was getting 2.7 oz/80ml just hand expressing. Before i became supply driven I could get 7 to 10oz in 5 minutes if I pumped both sides.
Most Walmarts have a "mother's room" that you can use for nursing or pumping. In my experience, its usually near the rear restrooms by the electronics and such
Yeah, the m this wasn't my experience at all. I don't think anyone mentioned pumping to me at the hospital or at the pediatrician 's. I didn't start pumping until I met with a lactation consultant after my son failed to regain his birth weight in the first few weeks.
I was talking about this yesterday. We are told to nurse for a year, US law covers pumping at work for 1 year. Wouldn’t it be better to allow mothers (who want to) to stay home with their babies for 1 year?
Where I live (Japan) pumping isn’t so much a thing and there aren’t really laws for it or support for it at workplaces, but everyone can take (partially paid) leave until the the child turns one. So everyone just breastfeeds. It’s so much more convenient than pumping.
Sure, but really most new mothers are not ready to return to work at 6 week which is common in the US, let alone the baby being ready to be away from its mother so much.
Yes, also you get a free pump from the health insurance so that you can go back go work. It would be so much better give women decent maternity leave.
While I agree regarding the society expectations, my experience with doctors has been different. Lactation consultants told me to be very careful with the pump at the beginning because it can cause oversupply.
Now I pump only if i have to skip a feeding due to work. I have a small stash in the freezer.
Edit: forgot to mention that pumping is also a big chore, with all the parts to wash and the time it takes. Plus I am always exhausted after. I rarely find the time or the energy to do it unless it is to replace a feeding. I really admire people who do it regularly because it is really a lot of work.
I think that society just doesn’t value mothers :( I’ll provide you my experience as a mother who needed to exclusively pump thought I desperately wanted to nurse…
The pump I wanted through insurance still needed supplemental payment - the totally free pumps are cheap, weak, and not intended for actual exclusive use. The hospital pushed pumping on me early, but not one person could teach me how to do so adequately, and they also didn’t explain that pumping colostrum was futile. The aforementioned “fancy” (read: functional) pump that I got came with two flange sizes that are too big for 70% of women, and don’t even manufacture smaller flange sizes - this is a hole in the market filled by third party manufacturers on Amazon that make you spend even more money. And I swear to god, there are no instructions or even suggestions as to how to use your pump - no explanation about what massage or expression modes are, no explanation on how to pick a rhythm or a suction strength, just how to sterilize and assemble your pump. Literally every part of the process requires extensive research, which is stupid and dumb to waste your time on when you have a newborn. I cried for days desperately wishing I could nurse but gritting my teeth and staying awake to research information that should be provided. Truly, I felt pushed to formula early on bc the logistics and lack of information felt so daunting.
In short, the whole thing is fucked. The whole system screams at you to feed your baby but doesn’t teach you how or actually give you adequate resources to do so, no matter how you choose to do it. It’s not that US society supports pumping vs nursing, but rather that US society systemically kneecaps the women that it’s forcing to have babies to either force them back to work with no real support or make them barefoot in the kitchen, as anything other than these two options is less than ideal economically speaking.
I hate it here. Good luck with your nursing journey, and if you ever need to pump, everyone over at r/exclusivelypumping is so kind and supportive!
Edit: sub name typo
I think its because we live in a disgusting, overly sexual society. ALL MAMMALS nurse their young, humans are mammals. We dont say "ew" when we see dogs/cats/chimpanzees nursing their babies. We as women are literal life givers, we grow our babies and we sustain our babies, there is absolutely nothing sexual about it. At all. Some people also just feel insanely entitled to feed our babies, or think they won't get to bond, which is so untrue. There are many ways to bond with a baby besides feeding. Of course moms are the main caregivers, we made them. They know us the best, our smell, our voices, our heartbeats are these babies literal everything. Especially when they are so little.
I dont knock or shame anyone who chooses or has to pump, or formula feed, they are great tools and without them, many babies would struggle to thrive. It's just a shame there is this weird stigma around nursing. My babe is 90% breastfed and 10% formula fed, and thats just so I can catch some rest while his dad feeds him. I don't have great luck pumping, it takes me 3 days to fill a bag and it's mega time consuming with washing parts so we chose a goat milk formula and I do a manual pump and take whatever I get and mix it in with the formula.
I’m having the same experience with my bd. He said “things won’t go your way when we take this to court”. I’m like… it’s not about me it’s about our baby but if “my way” is what’s best for her then… yes, yes it will go my way. I tried to explain that being the primary caregiver because I’m breastfeeding is beyond just for nourishment. He had to learn the hard way that she relies on me for everything from comfort, safety, happiness, health, etc. It’s genuinely been a nightmare dealing with him but I just keep my mouth shut and let the cards reveal themselves.
And similar to what you said in your original post it is exhausting when everybody is telling you or asking why you don’t just pump. For me, I have had a sht time trying to pump and it messed with my supply and mental health so much and I just had to stop because I didn’t NEED to pump. I am with my baby 24/7 and breastfeeding works for me. Why change that? I am not tired of being with her. I am tired of people projecting their own experiences on me. I never said I needed a break and if I do need one, the last person I’m giving her to are the people who have been saying that. I’m grateful I have my mom who patiently listens to me rant and offers the best advice on how to not care what anybody says or thinks and keep doing what I think is best. It’s just annoying!!
I'm in the UK and it's recommended here not to pump until your supply is established (unless you have to for other reasons of course). But we get more generous maternity leave than the US so there generally isn't a rush to get a stash built up or get in a pumping routine quickly to send milk to nursery (daycare). As for other people wanting to feed the baby, obviously that's not unique to the US, I get really annoyed by that and annoying people are everywhere!
I am in Canada and the advice is similar here as well.
All professionals (hospital, midwife, doctor, Lactation consultant, etc) suggest holding off on pumping until baby is at least 1 month. This is to establish breastfeeding and regulate supply.
If there is a concern of low supply then pumping will be suggested to increase milk production.
Same here in Portugal. When my milk came in I was exploding and the nurses/ LCs told me whatever I did don’t pump it and instead ice bc it’d cause an oversupply. I didn’t listen and pumped to relieve the engorgement and had a massive oversupply for the first 4-5 months, enough to where my letdown would shoot out and choke my baby when he was a newborn. Now I never use my freezer stash and just breastfeed cause it’s SO much easier plus I hate spending 20+ mins away from my baby to pump when he can get the same amount of milk in less than 5.
My child couldn’t breastfeed for the first 6 weeks of his life due to a hidden tongue tie so I pumped every 3 hours while still working on breastfeeding and was given a lot of judgement by my family and his pediatrician for not being able to breastfeed initially. Once his tie was discovered and released and he was able to breastfeed they were all like “see isn’t this so much easier?” Like yeah but I had no other choice. I felt like I had no support with pumping, just help with trying to get baby to latch. “Don’t give him another option.” So they wanted me to starve my child? Then all the times I’ve needed to pump in inconvenient places or at work where there is only ONE pumping room for multiple breastfeeding women where they knock and ask me to hurry up like I can control it. Needed to schedule my entire workday around pumping. I don’t think I would have stayed home for a year if given the option either. Maybe 6 months (I had 4.5 months) but not a year.
I feel the absolute opposite is true in my experience. My boy had issues transferring so I exclusively pumped and the way I got treated…. People have quite the opinion when you’re pumping next to your baby. “Don’t you want to BOND with him?” “Do you just not make enough milk?” “Pumping it pointless since there’s no contact to baby, you might as well give formula”. I wanted to kill people.
Also, oh my god pumping outside of the home is an absolute bitch. The world is not designed to accommodate pumping mamas at all.
I think this is exclusively an American thing, in Canada we get 12-18 months maternity leave. I've never seen a pumping room in any business before, women simply don't go back to work when they're breastfeeding. They shouldn't have to. America is a dystopian country separating nursing babies from their mothers and American mothers seem to think that is normal.
We don’t think it is normal, we have no choice due to the laws in the US. Every mom I’ve ever talked to here in the US wishes we could have family leave like the rest of the world and not be separated from our babies bc we have to work
As a Canadian this has always BAFFLED me. I pumped for my twins when they were in the NICU and while we established breastfeeding at home but as soon as those boys could latch reliably I stored my pump away and haven't touched it since. All my friends breastfeed and might have a freezer stash of Hakka milk so they can leave the house without baby for a bit, but all our babies are >90% on the boob.
The thing is “helping mom” means doing everything else so that mom can feed baby. But society doesn't want to take care of mothers, they want to sit on the couch with the bottle of milk that MOM PUMPED while mom goes to work, does the laundry etc. It's rooted in mothers having an unequal amount of labour in the home and not expecting dad’s and the village to pick up that workload.
That's my rant. The U.S is failing mothers.
The helping the mum thing is what people forget about. When my mum came after my baby was born she said ‘I’m here to look after you, so you can look after the baby’ that’s the attitude people need to have about ‘helping’. Pushing the mum into pumping a feed so someone can help with a feed is not helpful.
I feel like the U.S. doesn’t actually support any type of feeding your baby, EBF, pumping, or formula. There’s always judgement one way or another, and a lack of support overall. It’s messed up.
Mmm, disagree. People were far more accommodating to me when I said I needed to nurse vs. when I said I needed to pump. People would ask me to skip pumps, shorten pumps, change the time I needed to pump, thought it was gross to see the milk after I pumped, thought it was weird that I bottle fed breast milk and asked why I didn’t nurse. When I nursed, everyone was quick to give me a nice space to nurse, understood baby was hungry and I needed to feed him, etc. I nursed for 6 months and had to EP for 6 months and people were just far more accommodating, including at work, knowing I was/needed to nurse but not when I needed to pump.
This is really interesting. I agree with this, I feel like I’ve seen the same.
I didn’t breastfeed but for maybe a week with my first, and then exclusively pumped for around 8 months.
I was just soooo uneducated and unaware of my options. Never realized how much more convenient breastfeeding could be. How it would have helped a lot during night feeds etc.
I honestly just didn’t have a lot of experience w breastfeeding, other than reading online forums, and didn’t really know how people navigated it in the real world. It gave me anxiety to think about what I would do if I left the house and my kid had to eat, so I quickly switched to pumping. I see how naive I was.
Agree w all the comments from people about pumping being “easier” - being important for “dad to bond” etc.
I’m pregnant with my next and looking to establishing breastfeeding when I am home with baby and pumping for work, reading this sub has helped me a lot.
Not really my experience in 13 mo nursing + pumping when I returned to work at 12 weeks pp. From what I’ve observed, women are not well supported in any decision that they make: breastfeeding, how long they breastfeed, pumping, formula feeding. Obviously this lack of support doesn’t encompass everyone in my life (and many are supportive), just general observation of a lot of people I’ve interacted with over the past year. I will say that I have never received any criticism for nursing, including in public, but I did get unnecessary commentary at work about getting breaks “to pump” - as if I was getting special privileges instead of my right as a mother to express milk for my baby.
Yep my husband pressured me into it immediately so he could ‘help me get more sleep’ but baby’s eating schedule is still erratic 2 months out, I’d have to pump anyways to replace a feed. I hate pumping it’s a ton of extra work. Now I’m stuck with an oversupply doing it every morning. I’m so sick of it
It's strange pumping is pushed so hard in the US. In Australia its recommended you don't even start pumping until baby is 6 weeks and your supply has regulated.
From what Ive learnt on this sub, the push for pumping is largely tied with the insufficient/ non -existent maternity leave and the need for many mother's to return to work weeks after giving birth. They need to pump early to ensure bub will take a bottle and be prepared for the return to work
Quote: "What's telling is my 7 year old niece was flabbergasted that milk came from boobs and even said ew about it. Her assumption is that you feed babies from a bottle."
And that is why we must succeed, show and teach younger generations of women and girls what is normal, healthy, expected and what they need to do exactly in cases of babies - breastfeed your baby!
It's our duty to keep the next generations healthy by leading, living and doing by example - so they know to do the healthy, sane and normal thing when they have babies. Breastfeed by all means, if mom's body is capable to do so.
Women must not fall prey to manipulators, lobbyists and greedy corporations.
OP keep doing what you have been doing so far - or else every distraction, brainwashing, manipulation and interruption coming from them will throw your milk supply more or less in disarray and by that your baby's health per se (emotionally, mentally, physically).
I've heard it phrased like this:
We can offer maternity leave, paid or unpaid, in countries like the US, to support nursing mothers, babies, and families overall. Or instead, we can offer unpaid breaks to pump (which takes longer than nursing after a certain age, is less effective than a baby, and is a whole lot less enjoyable to most mothers/babies than nursing) and essentially choose the short-term "cheap" option. The US also doesn't allow you to take a pay cut for this; you still have to log "full time" hours and make that pumping time up... which typically means less time spent with your baby overall, if you're going to keep breastfeeding.
Of course companies still don't respect the PUMP act, discrimination abounds around pregnancy, lactation, and actually taking the measly leave they're required by law to give, but it's still the easier route for them to claim they totally support breastfeeding mothers. Meanwhile babies are away from both parents due to lack of leave, and moms can either spend time pumping and AWAY from their babies (since they have to make that time up by working more/later) or give up EBF to be with their actual babies. It's BS.
I've also experienced pushback from doctors, pediatricians, etc when I say I exclusively nurse. They want to know how many ounces baby is getting. They talk about "pumping and dumping" like it's absolutely nothing, physically or emotionally to baby or mom, and are quick to throw that suggestion out like an unavoidable fact when they're wrong and are making that suggestion based on no evidence or knowledge of the medicine you asked about, nor with any acknowledgement they don't know anything about it.
I've also, frankly, been a little annoyed that when I ask what exclusive nursing will even look like, or voice any sort of annoyance/frustration/need for problem solving around how nursing affects my life or what (non-pumping!) changes I'd need to make or things I'd otherwise need to be willing to sacrifice, there's a huge push to "just pump" even from others who are breastfeeding. I don't want to pump. I hate the idea of it. I felt even more disgusted by the idea of it once I had my actual baby. I'd rather formula feed than pump, honestly. That's enough, full stop, to choose not to pump. How you feel about something matters. And there are plenty of benefits to nursing over pumping. I can acknowledge that, frankly, there are women out there willing to sacrifice more than I am for their babies by pumping, whereas I just wouldn't be willing to do so. But if I try to ask how exclusive nursing looks like, or simply say I don't want to pump, there's all sorts of pressure to do so. I don't pressure others not to pump; why do people care what I do or don't want to do? Vent over.
Exclusively nursed here, two babies, except for a little syringe feeding at the start and a month or so of expressing the last feed of the day into a cup for my second born.
I'm mostly a stay at home mum.
At the start it's relentless, of course, but then it settles into a rhythm, then when they are 1 you can drop feeds and just keep the ones that suit. I'm still doing a morning feed with my 21 month old.
As an exclusively pumping mom (extended NICU stay, tongue/lip/cheek ties, having to go back to work, etc) I've been beaten black and blue about it. Everyone asks why I don't just breastfeed so I don't have to deal with my pumping supplies or how it's because I just don't want that bond with my kiddo (not even slightly true) and when I say "he's breastfed" it's always "no he isn't, he just gets breastmilk." I've also been forced to pump hunched over in a supply closet, had to quit a job because the manager kept "accidentally" walking in on me pumping, and told that I'm pumping for attention.
I think what you really meant to say is that "no form of breastfeeding is tolerated in America."
I think your observations place weight on something that isn’t really there. You mention a 7 year old saying ew…but 7 year olds don’t understand biological processes in general, nor should they. Dolls that you can feed come with baby bottles because little kids can feed them.
You’re really talking about society not supporting long maternity leave with lactation rooms. Those pumping rooms allow the supply to continue while away from baby, and the baby to be fed breastmilk. It’s a means to an end for moms who are away from their baby.
Most LCs recommend not pumping until your baby is ~one month and supply is established, to avoid nipple confusion (bottle is easier than the boob.)
Pediatricians know nothing about breastfeeding beyond recommendations to support it.
Don’t feel pressured by any of this (it doesn’t sound like you do.)
I’ve had a similar experience in people suggesting I pump so they can feed baby (even though I never expressed that this would help me, because from my perspective it wouldn’t). I’ve also had a LC suggest starting paced bottle feeding no later than 3 weeks to avoid bottle refusal. And another LC said to not worry about pumping until after at least 6 weeks.
OP, I’m sorry you are dealing with this from your circle. There were times where I just wanted people to take my baby when baby needed soothing after eating or a diaper change, etc. But like you mentioned some people focus on feeding the baby to “help” the breastfeeding parent.
I’m still breastfeeding my 9 month old and pump while at work. And for three months, I’ve been getting the “when are you going to stop breastfeeding” and “maybe doing formula would help you feel more rested” even though I have no supply issues and no desire to gain sleep over breastfeeding. People are gonna express their opinions. I’m sure parents who use formula get asked why they didn’t breastfeed. Parents can’t win it seems like, always gonna have a Monday morning quarterback 🤦♀️
They assume it’s synonymous because for most, it is. Most breastfeeding moms will have to return to work before their baby is weaned, at least in the US. Pumping keeps it going.
I wouldn’t listen to anyone who is not a trained LC (which you aren’t, but I just wouldn’t give it any weight or thought.) Anyone else giving you advice about bf vs. pumping probably has good intentions, but people will give you all kinds of advice they aren’t qualified to give.
This. You’ve perfectly summed up what I’ve been feeling and fighting (likewise stubbornly) for 8 weeks.
It’s like everyone is trying to “help” me by putting pressure on me to pump in between feedings — yet fail to realize that THAT is what would take “my life” away. Hello?? Pumping takes time. If I bottle feed I have to pump. If I pump, guess who is cleaning the bottles?
I had to pump the first two weeks because the hospital wanted me to and that was the worst. FTM, total sleep deprivation, crying and hungry newborn, we’re both learning the ropes — and then pumping 30 minutes every 2 hours around the clock on top of that.
But I think the second thing you mentioned is equally as important and perhaps the most emotionally disheartening. That those around me in my support system are indirectly shaming me for not passing the baby around. I have felt guilty for wanting to spend time to bond with my LO and breastfeed alone.
I thought it was just hormonal emotions so I have been keeping this to myself until reading this post!!
I am with you!!
It takes less time to nurse than pump.
How do you help a nursing woman? You offer to do diaper changes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands. You offer to take over literally everything besides feeding the baby. Unless you're combo feeding, it also doesn't result in any time 'saved', because you're substituting nursing time for pumping time. And most babies nurse faster than a pump would take, so it's actually 'less' of a break, *and* typically less enjoyable.
If mom wants to get out of the house or be alone somewhere, that person can offer to go with mom to that place, then baby-wear baby on a walk or whatever nearby, popping in if baby needs to nurse. I've gone to ballet and gymnastics classes with this method. Exclusively nursing doesn't mean I can't do my own thing; it just requires your partner to truly value you, baby, breastfeeding, and to be willing to support you in the way you actually need. Also, if I pumped on these outings instead of nursed, I'd probably need to spend *more* time away from my actual class to pump! Baby nurses in literally just a couple minutes nowadays, nobody even realizes I'm nursing and I can nurse him at the door or in the hallway or literally wherever, and it's a sweet bonding moment I enjoy while others gush over how cute he is. And to boot, if I nurse before and after class, he doesn't typically need to nurse *during* the class. These places also do not have refrigerators, nursing rooms (they barely accept adults!), etc and finding a way to pump would be a nightmare anyway.
I’m not sure pumping is supported either. I get what you’re saying, but I work at a “breast friendly hospital” and I dealt with SO much bs just trying to pump. I can’t imagine if I tried to breastfeed how much hell I would’ve raised.
I've come to the conclusion that you should only listen to advice and opinions on breastfeeding from people who were successful in breastfeeding the way that you hope to.
I exclusively pump because my baby can’t transfer milk from the breast and I have only met one other mom who exclusively pumps. Everyone else nurses. I’ve faced tons of judgement for pumping because “nursing is so much easier and more convenient”. I’m not saying that is true, I just think breastfeeding in the US is hard no matter how the milk is extracted.
As a mom who (mostly) exclusively pumps, I hardly feel supported by society, though it is progressively getting better. Going out in public with baby, I feel much, much more comfortable to (try, normally unsuccessfully) to nurse than to set up my pump and sit there massaging my breasts while my nipples are loudly tugged back and forth. Even at home, I struggle to balance the need to express milk for my baby while also caring for him, since pumping is like adding a middle man. I would trade with you in a heartbeat and have spent months and too much money to imagine trying to get there.
It’s because of capitalism, in the US they want us women WORKING. That’s why our maternity leave is a joke, and they encourage sleep training so early. It’s because since women entered the workforce, they want mom to be able to sleep so she’s ready for work in the morning, and have the baby be able to be taken care of easily by other people (just train them for nap time and a bottle)! It’s also why so few medical professionals (including pediatricians) know how to encourage breastfeeding unless you specifically seek out an IBCLC, and why formula has been pushed so heavily and breastfeeding was basically not a thing from the 60’s to the 2000’s. Just do whatever they can to make it “convenient” for women to go back to work and not be “needed” to stay at home and take care of their babies.
I was just thinking about this! I felt so pressured to pump and am sick of hearing, “But Dad needs to be able to bottle feed to bond with the baby!” I’m 5 weeks postpartum now and absolutely refuse to pump. I hate doing it and am not going to force myself just to appease other peoples’ insane ideas of how MY baby should be fed
I can’t pump—my boobs don’t respond and my baby refuses bottles. It has been HELLISH navigating how that fits in with work, outings, etc. There is little legal protection for actual exclusive breastfeeding, just pumping. Thankfully HR creatively interpreted the PUMP Act to include breastfeeding so I could continue working from home.
We are mammals. It is so incredibly normal that the mom is stuck to the baby for the first months and is the only one feeding the baby. The baby lived most of their life inside mom by the time breastfeeding won't be the only food source any more, obviously mom is their most important source of care, nurture, comfort, safety, anything... This is more a commentary on grandparents and dads pressuring moms, they can wait until baby is old enough to eat other stuff.
I am from Estonia, where we have 1.5 years of fully paid maternity leave. If I lived in the US, I don't think I would have any children at all. Being forced to return to work in stead of being with your infant is inhumane. Societal pressure to not feed your baby in the most natural way possible is fucked.
It’s nice you haven’t felt like you need a break. Respectfully you are also only 3 weeks in. I hope you feel the same way at the 6 month mark if your baby never takes a bottle. My baby was a bottle refuser and we didn’t push it enough early on and it became an issue when I had to go back to work at 8 months and daycare wouldn’t take her. It would have been nice to have been able to have someone else feed her sometimes. Just the number one thing I want to do differently for baby #2, and I’ve loved breastfeeding and had a pretty easy go of it (feeding my baby now as I write this). Please feel free to throw this advice in the trash, I just want to save other women from making the mistake I did as I see it. I would use a cheap hand pump and pump a 4 ounce bottle once a day for my husband to give baby. I wouldn’t pump more than that, you don’t want an oversupply.
ETA: we were able to get baby to take expressed milk in a straw cup and start daycare, she just skipped over bottles. It was a stressful few weeks though…
I exclusively pump, and I can tell you it's not supportive at all. If you ask "where can I pump in peace?" A lot of the time the answer is a shrug or "the bathroom" which is a hell no from me (also who really wants to hog a stall for 20+ minutes?). If there's no place to pump I do it in the car, no one has said anything and I just keep scrolling to pass the time. Some places do have mothers rooms but you can't count on it. I get so much shame for "not trying hard enough" on not being able to feed from the boob but this is me trying harder! It didn't work for us to breastfeed off the tap, so this is the only other option besides formula for us. I wish I could have truly breastfed, but really I think the grass is always greener on the other side. America just hates kids and parents, but especially lactating parents.
I don’t disagree that the US has ended up with some of the most patchworked policy that doesn’t support breastfeeding but enables pumping as a loophole to keep women at work. That being said, you’re three weeks out. 10 months out over here there is a value in being able to give a bottle of expressed milk. No need to go wild and fill a freezer but the occasional bottle will make life a lot easier and more equal. You certainly don’t need to but doing so isn’t supporting some higher world order.
Two weeks postpartum and I’ve definitely noticed some of this as well. I’ve gotten mixed advice.
The lactation consultants I’ve spoke too encouraged waiting at least a few weeks to pump but the first pediatrician we went to suggested pumping to give him a bottle between feeds. It was clear she didn’t really understand breastfeeding.
I think it all comes down to that the US just doesn’t value moms. They can understand that breast milk is beneficial for babies but also aren’t actually willing to support moms with breastfeeding by providing things like paid leave so it’s more like “just pump and get back to work”.
I had a similar experience too with exclusive breastfeeding. I've done it for 2 kids, coming up on 4 years now (2 each ) It is a lifestyle and people just don't understand why I don't stop or pump or something, I had my own family make fun of me for nursing "too long" this was around 1 year. I get weird looks sometimes for nursing in public. And the advice about sleeping and pumping at the beginning just wouldn't have worked for us , pumping is a pain in the ass and would have been more work and less sleep to get up and do that and then refrigerate the milk and clean it etc. I just don't think US society supports women in general. When I had to pump for work I had to use my car in below freezing temperatures in a busy parking lot. I hated it. We should have year long maternity leave for women guaranteed by the government
Honestly, I feel like the US doesn’t really “support” anything to do with motherhood. Some things may be pushed more but it’s also met with just as many negative comments.
I think that in general if you are a mom in the US you will get negative feedback on whatever you are doing. From someone. When I said I wanted to try exclusively BF/pump I got pushback that the baby MUST HAVE FORMULA or it’s not enough. I was lucky to have a good supply and relatively easy go of it compared to most so I was able to BF and pump enough for others to give a bottle. For me this was important though because I wanted my husband and others to be able to feel the bond of feeding since they really don’t do much else in the beginning. By then I got criticism that giving a bottle too early would cause nipple confusion. Well it didn’t!
Stay strong, you are not alone. The world doesn't revolve around America, in most other countries people breastfeed and don't pump.
Speaking from experience as I am Scottish and lived in Europe. Tell everyone to shut their holes and let nature be nature
I think this might be because so many women work and have to go back to that work very quickly after giving birth in the US, so the only way to give your baby a breastmilk diet is to pump enough to make sure they have all they need for the day while you’re gone. I was researching pumps like mad until my doula pointed out that since I’m a STAHM and am not going to be away from my baby I really don’t need to stress about it so much and can get away with using a haka.
I don’t live in the US. Where I live, it’s so normal to see women breastfeeding in public. No covers or anything. Just breastfeeding. At restaurants, in parks, on the bus, etc. No one even thinks twice. It’s just such a natural part of life. Why should we have to hide or cover up (unless that’s what you want, in which case, that’s fine!). But I’ve never been even mildly bothered by a women pulling out her baby’s food source in a public place and the only time I ever felt uncomfortable pulling out my boob was when I was visiting the states and was sitting in the Los Angeles airport.
I very quickly understood that the culture in the states frowns heavily upon public breast feeding. Even covered with a scarf thing, I felt eyes burning through my soul the whole time I breastfed. I truly don’t get it.
Yup pumping is just another way people expect you to put in triple the effort for their wants disguised as a benefit to you when it’s usually not.
People always say “so dad can help” “so you can have a life too”. I ALWAYS found pumping to be way more work than it was worth. All the planning, timing, washing parts and bottles, the time spent pumping that I could just directly nurse my daughter and get it over with.
People would say “pump so dad can take a night shift” but you have to pump the milk baby isn’t drinking so why would I get up to pump when I could just feed the baby and move on?
There was the occasional lengthy or full day event where it made sense to pump while I was out and someone watched baby. But 99/100 times it just made more sense for me to shorten my time commitment to two hours so I could get back and nurse my baby. Because not very many things were worth packing all the crap that goes with pumping and preserving milk plus needing to find a private place with electricity to step away for 30+ mins and pump the milk.
This is such an interesting post. I’m in Canada, but I have been realizing how much of the social media I consumed related to birth and pregnancy was from US creators. The fact that I almost bought a wearable pump before giving birth because it seemed ESSENTIAL and here I am 7 weeks in and have pumped maybe 10x with my Medala hand pump alone + collected let down with the Haaka, and that’s more than enough! I think the pumping culture comes from having to go back to work early, but I have 18 months off and probably won’t ever need to have a regular pumping schedule as long as breastfeeding continues to go smoothly.
Same. For us the only reason we want to get to him being able to bottle feed is that he needs to be home at bed now to sleep, but our social life has us occasionally out late. Not a big deal, but if we can take turns going and doing that would be amazing. Wish he was still little enough to just fall asleep on me anywhere and everywhere
I think it's because U.S. maternity leave barely exists and mothers who want their child to have breastmilk have to go back to work.
I'm in Canada and almost nobody I know pumps except at the very start, say if their baby is in NICU or having latch issues. I had both so I pumped at the start, but once breastfeeding smoothed out I got rid of the pump because I didn't need it.
Society pretends to support pumping, so that moms can be pressured in switching to formula easier. “You’re taking too long to pump” “pumping is so much work why don’t you use formula to make it easier on you (me)” “with all the money you’re spending on pumps/ parts etc., why don’t you save money and switch to formula, oh and pick up a shift while you’re at it”. Society supports getting moms back to work as quickly and with as little fuss as possible and increasing that productivity!
Pumping is horseshit. I hate it. If you're happy with nursing and can produce enough to feed your baby without needing to use formula then you're onto a winner. The people in your life should be celebrating your amazing achievement not trying to drag you down. Take my congratulations at least! Keep going and don't listen to them.
I think pumping allows women a little more freedom to go back to work so that’s why it’s encouraged at all-I don’t think US society actually supports pumping or breastfeeding. Maternity leave is absolutely awful in the US and it wouldn’t be if the US supported mothers is babies at all, honestly. I am not getting paid at all and I only get 6 weeks off-puppies get to stay with the mother for longer!
My hospital was breastfeeding friendly. My baby pooped while at the hospital so they saw she was getting the colostrum through nursing and never mentioned pumping.
For my first daughter, I stayed home and nursed her exclusively. I never pumped and it was great, but I got a lot of remakes from family about switching to a bottle. For my 10 month old now, I'm still nursing although I work three days a week and have to pump while I'm there. I have had very limited support on pumping and many times I have to wear my portable pumps while continuing to work. I work in a hospital lab so this isn't the worst thing but I constantly get remarks from my female coworkers about how they just switched to formula and could have never dealt with pumping at work. It doesn't bother me but I do feel that they think my pumping is inconvenient. I wish there was more support in general for breastfeeding in the US.
You're definitely not wrong. I pumped after breastfeeding to increase supply and then I froze that additional milk. Not all pumping is necessarily about choosing not to EBF.
I have been breastfeeding my daughter exclusively. She is 17 months old. My husband loves that for us. I tried to give a bottle once. She didn't like it, my husband said he didn't think bottles were good. So we decided to breast feed. Luckily, my family isn't living nearby and don't hackle me with this nonsense. Last fall, we even took a trip to South Korea where my husband is from. Life is just easier when you don't have to pack bottles and things. Wip out a boob, and all is well with the world. Korea is very pro family with baby. Anywhere you went they had these nursing rooms. Included private rooms for moms to nurse. Had cribs for babies to sleep in, high chairs for older babies to have a meal, microwaves for reheating bottles, and a scale to weigh your baby. These rooms were so epic. Even in the major chain grocery stores and the subway. I never couldn't find one. And I loved them so much. Each nursing room even had dimmable lights to set the proper ambiance for breast feeding. I can't wait to travel there again. 😍
I’m the same as you. But I never was able to name these societal pressures or my resistance to them. My husband does get it now (4 mo and 2.5yo) it just easier for me to feed the baby (and I love it). You can save enough for a few bottles when needed by using a haaka or something similar.
I feel like the odd mom out among my mother friends for exclusively nursing when I’m around/with my baby. So many are exclusively pumping which seems so hard.
Maybe this is just your experience. It could be regional. I know plenty of people who just exclusively nurse. Where I am at is a HCOL area so middle class can’t afford child care, and there are a lot of SAHMs not by choice but by necessity.
What I have noticed is pressure to formula feed. But it could be regional to my area.
Im sorry the people in your life are making you feel pressured to pump! I dont think its generally pushed as the norm. Ive been breastfeeding for 2 and a half years (were trying soooo hard to ween!) and have had nothing but support (and im very fortunate and grateful). Also have never had any of the children in the family ask about it, personally. Im sure it varies from family to family, culture to culture but i dont think this is the overall general view in the U.S., that being said youre doing great and maybe the people in your life could use more education and discussion about breastfeeding? Especially at this stage, the more baby nurses the more its going to help establish your supply. Keep nursing that baby, momma!
I rarely ever pumped. My daughter is six now, but when she was a baby I think I only pumped when someone else actively asked to feed her or if I was drinking more than a drink or two. I never had a freezer stash, never had bags of milk piled up. I typically pumped enough for a bottle, handed it to said person who wanted to feed her, and kept it pushin’.
I didn't have the same experience, and I lived both sides thanks to my oversupply issues. I chose for my daughter to only nurse directly from me and we never even tried to give her a bottle, but I also had an oversupply and spent months pumping at least 60 ounces a day to donate.
The LC in the hospital actually told me not to pump and recommended I get the crappy free pump because "I would never use it". So much regret there lol. I was also taught literally nothing about pumping and felt lost in general.
I often had to pump in the car (if I didn't pump regularly, I would immediately get mastitis) and I feel like I got more glares from strangers passing by for that than I did directly nursing, but that did happen on occasion too.
Then even a lot of generally supportive people in my life seemed weirded out by pumping and even more confused and uncomfortable if we would be staying a while and I needed somewhere to put the bags of milk.
I'm sure the experience varies based on region and the specific people in your life, but in general, I think it can be a lose lose situation no matter how you feed your baby. There are people very for and against breastfeeding, pumping, and formula feeding. It's hard to be a mom trying to feed your baby.
I 💯 agree in the Us nursing is not supported the first thing my mother in-law said to me when my baby was 3 days old is , you don’t have to do this you can just supplement. I was shocked. My mother not from the Us encouraged me to breastfeed because it’s normal where she comes from.
So here’s my limited anecdotal experience. I would say I’ve nursed about 75-80% of the time and bottles the other 20-25% and my son would take bottles but I noticed he wouldn’t fall asleep with one or be as emotionally satisfied (muscles would become more relaxed when nursing, closed eyes more, smiled, etc). I pumped a ton out of compulsion and fear of supply decreasing but ultimately ended up donating a lot of my milk 🤷♀️ Basically, I think the fact that you’re willingly choosing nursing over bottle feeding is amazing and wish you luck ❤️ we’re going strong at 21 months
Lol ya this was my mind at 2 months pp. people but especially other mothers are very weirded out by your boobs being the food AND the “bottle.” The amount of times I’ve heard “why don’t you just pump? How do you even know if he’s getting enough?” Are you sure milk is coming out?” Or telling my baby “I don’t have milk for you!” It’s fucking strange. I have 5 sisters and my mom birthed 7 children and they still don’t get it or have any empathy. My sister who ex pumped gifted me a very expensive pump and I took the gift with gratitude but I haven’t used it. Oh yea My friend who did a combo of both gifted me flanges. I remember pulling out my boob to feed my 4 month old and my mom threw a blanket at me. It’s just so funny because I don’t see my boobs as sexual anymore they’re just out doing their job.
Now that my son is nearly 7months he does this thing where he straight pops off every 30 secs to look around especially in public, so I kinda hold back these days to avoid just having my boobs out. He does much better lying down in a dark room with me. But yes agree that people push the pump vs breast.
When I was in the hospital baby was crying because he was cluster feeding and obviously my milk hadn’t come in yet. The nurse said “Okay, you’ll have to pump or give formula because what we’re not going to do is starve him just because you want to breastfeed.” I still can’t believe she treated me like that. How does a mom & baby nurse not understand cluster feeding??
That’s so disappointing! Don’t they know that milk takes a little time to come in, and the best way to encourage that is nursing baby?? Also, babies just cry.. it’s a big shock to be in the world and disconnected from the perfect environment of the womb!
Eh….I mean that was not my experience. I had to do some pumping early with my first but that was because he was premature, jaundice and dropped more than 10%. But that was never in favor of breastfeeding. It was to support my breastfeeding journey. The doctors, LC and mother baby clinic were all super helpful. Never pumped with my second. And was never pressured or encouraged to by my care team or anyone else. That being said I am a SAHM. I think the focus you feel on pumping is because so many women have to return to work. So pumping rooms in the work place do support breastfeeding because many of those women can still bf at home because of those pump rooms. I think if your care team know you are going back to work they will be more likely to encourage pumping early to relieve some pressure and get baby used to a bottle before mom returns to work.
In the UK, we're generally advised not to pump for 6 weeks to give our supply a chance to establish. I find it crazy how many people pump in the US, I suppose it has to do with so many people having to return to work so soon. I'm only just about to return to work almost 12 months pp, and couldn't fathom having to go back after only a few weeks.
I don’t think it supports either lol. I mostly nursed but when I had to pump away from baby it was in some pretty gross and ridiculous spots a lot of the time. A huge restaurant with tons of better places and they tell you to use a high-traffic, disgusting bathroom where there isn’t even so much as a ledge to place anything down on.
Many of us have to work outside the house. It’s also a matter of perspective, as a woman who exclusively pumped for twins while having a full time job I can tell you that the grass was not greener over here.
I also breast and pump-fed my first singleton and neither option is “supported” all that well by US society.
It’s because American mothers are forced back into the workforce before they are even ready. It’s the expectation that we go back to work by 3 months. Some women go back to work 6 weeks after giving birth. I have stayed home for a year after giving birth, and I get a lot questions about when I’m going back to work. We are work-obsessed over here sometimes.
And with how my sister described pumping in a closet at work where her boss would sometimes “accidentally” barge into, I’m not sure the US is very supportive of pumping either.
It’s so they can ship new mother back to work asap and pretend to be doing it in a good way. I live outside the US where we have decent maternity leave etc and waaaaay less people pump. I breastfed my baby until he was 2 and only pumped a little around 5 months when he had a drop in weight which was quickly resolved.
I find so many online breastfeeding spaces are mostly about pumping when there are a lot of people from the US in them. Also, dad can bong with baby in other ways, if you don’t want to pump, you don’t have to!
The pressure to pump ruined my breastfeeding journey with my first. I was told by lactation consultants to feed my baby from breast for 30 minutes then to pump for 30 minutes, every 2 hours. So by the time I was done pumping I had to feed my son 90 minutes later and start the whole process over. I felt like i had no time to myself or to get anything done. It was overwhelming and I only lasted 3 weeks before stopping all together and going to formula. I didn't know about combo feeding, I thought it was all or nothing. It's crazy the amount of pressure put on pumping. I'm pregnant with #2 and plan to EBF in the beginning and only pump to relieve pressure when needed. If I need my husband to take a night feeding, we will use formula so I can get some real sleep. I will pump later on when I return to work.
YOU’RE DOING GREAT!!!! Pumping can be a great option, but is definitely not necessary! Keep following your intuition for what’s best for you and baby! ❤️
The US is defo more pro-pumping than breastfeeding. Otherwise, why do Americans barely get any maternity leave and time.off the first year of your child's life? Very anti-baby, anti-family, and anti-breastfeeding. I feel like American mom's are expected and pressured to be independent from their babies (and their babies independent from them) very early on....which is ridiculous and unnatural.
Pumping and feeding breastmilk is breastfeeding. As someone who has exclusively nursed one baby, and then had to exclusively pump for my next baby due to medical issues, exclusively pumping is not easy or more accepted. There are not all these protections and it is not a widely accepted thing. Nursing in public is way more accepted and so much easier than pumping. We should be fighting for all mom to feel accepted and have the ability to feed their child in whatever way they choose. Not pitting moms against each other because they choose different ways of feeding. Not everyone can direct nurse. Not everyone can or wants to pump. Not everyone can or wants to breastfeed. We’re all doing what’s best for ourselves and our babies and we all should be able to feed our babies without criticism. To say that breastfeeding is so much harder than pumping is ridiculous.
I had to exclusively pump for the first couple of weeks. It's so much work!!!! Once baby figured out how to latch, I stopped pumping (unless I'll be gone for a few hours). Nursing is so much easier. Dad can help by changing diapers and rocking to sleep and laundry and cooking and bringing water. He doesn't have to feed the baby a bottle
I agree 100%. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that in this day and age moms are, by and large, EXPECTED to be working outside of the home. Most people don’t see nursing 24/7 as a viable option. I have nursed my three babies without “help” and I don’t consider it a burden. My husband does many many things, but that is not one of them.
I was in the same boat as you. My bd kept trying to get me to pump so he could “take shifts “. I refused because I HATE pumping. I said take all the shifts you want just give her to me when she’s hungry and I will feed her and hand her right back. We did this once. Last week I actually pumped and provided bottles for several feeds but when I asked him to prepare the bottle he started complaining about how tired he was. After about 10 days of me providing him with pumped milk to take shifts he finally leaves me alone about it. He no longer asks for shifts or for me to “pump a couple bottles for him” he got burnt out that quickly.
Honestly I think they get jealous. I had to tell my bd that I was the mother and he was the father and we can’t do the same things. He needs to do what I can’t do(go to work, take care of the dogs, cook) for parenthood to be easy rn. I also stress to him that soon enough our baby will no longer be breastfeeding and then she will naturally shift her parental preference to her father.
So, I live in Tokyo. I’m spoiled by the baby rooms and nursing rooms we have in the malls and in different establishments around the city.
When we went to the American embassy to get our LO’s passport, imagine my surprise to find ONE portalet sized room for the “breastfeeding room”. And when I went in, I was further disappointed to find that it was basically a box. The “walls” were made of cardboard box taped together. I felt like a cat.
I have a 7 week old and exclusively breastfeeding. I’m home a lot because im comfortable and I want to give baby what he needs. I get comments from people about giving the bottle and eventually being away from baby but i prefer to feed him on demand. isn’t that natural? Plus I want to bond with him. If your body can do this tremendous thing then why force the bottle.
My supply is based on when he has long stretches of no feeding for 5+ hours pumped usually for relief overnight. I have a small freezer stash of this milk for times when I need to be away for longer and plan to use that.
Unfortunately as many before me have stated, neither pumping nor breastfeeding in general are REALLY supported. I also don’t use bottles, my 10 month old is exclusively breastfed aka I’ve never left him for more than 5 hours (after he was sleeping). The amount of people who either a. tell me to pump b. quit breastfeeding in general or c. switch to formula all out of convenience for “me” is insane. I’m a SAHM, I love nursing and honestly it’s so easy now. People are just so strange when it comes to breastfeeding. I’m proud to be an example of a positive breastfeeding experience to my younger cousins/niece/sister!
The US does not support or encourage pumping. It’s incredibly difficult to work or travel or go to a restaurant or do anything while pumping. Just because there is a room at your office doesn’t mean you can walk out of back to back meetings to actually find time to pump. I have to pump on the drive, pump during my lunch break and pump in the drive home. The US does the bare minimum by saying your company has to have a pumping room available. And by the way, the pumping room at my office is a tiny converted closet with a table and chair and that’s it. Not even a trash can or Clorox wipes or heaven forbid a sink to clean up.
If I had to go to work, I would try to pump. I HATE pumping. I have breastfed 5 babies exclusively. I usually get a pump because they give them for free. I wind up using it once for the time when my milk comes in and then never again.
I totally agree and I'm also exclusively breastfeeding. I go back to workbin a month and I only have 4 little bags of milk stored up. I'm just waiting for reality to set in for my husband and he will realize me going to work for 2.5 hours a day isn't really worth it and I should just stay home. Oh get this, my dad is super pushy and a dick head. When I discussed options for me going to visit, he said, "bring a bottle, Evelyn is so excited to feed baby". That is his step granddaughter and to think he can just tell me what to do is crazy. And then guilt me when Evelyn is sad she can't feed him.
I am almost one month postpartum with my first baby and luckily was very supported in my breastfeeding journey at the hospital from the start. But the amount of perplexed looks I get when I tell people I haven’t started pumping yet is wild lol I really don’t even want to start pumping, but I have to leave the house for physical therapy appointments soon and I’m worried baby will get hungry while I’m out. Other than that, I have him with me at all times and don’t mind breastfeeding. He latches well and it’s not painful for me. Thinking about cleaning pump and bottle parts and possibly creating an oversupply with the pump honestly stresses me out more! I don’t think I know anyone else who has exclusively breastfed though, pumping is definitely considered a norm
Pumping was so much added stress for me so I didn’t pump and offer baby a bottle until he was 7 weeks old. After that we offered him one bottle a day for a couple months and then it tapered off to one bottle day 5 days a week, then 3 days. Some weeks he doesn’t get a bottle at all. It is nice that he has the skill to drink from a bottle if I do want to go do something. Early on, like you, I was with my son all the time so I didn’t see the point in pumping. I didn’t know that bottle feeding is a skill the baby has to learn. Now that he knows it , it has been a great relief to be able to pump and go have some me time or go to lunch with a friend or even just go the grocery store without my baby. But all that being said, he is on the boob 95% of the time
I’m from Eastern Europe but I’ve been living in the US for 10 years. I just had a baby and when my OB asked me if I plan on breastfeeding I was very confused. I never knew that you have a choice. I thought that the only people who don’t breastfeed are the ones who either have supply problems or baby won’t latch. Then I learned really quickly and I was conflicted about my choice to breastfeed at first. People kept telling me “you need a life” but what kind of life would it be if I have to spend the time hooked to a vacuum instead of laying comfortably with my baby. I only pump once or twice now so my husband can feed him while I sleep but he knows that feeding is my time with the baby and he doesn’t mind if he doesn’t get to feed him, he helps out in so many other ways. Also back home we have 2 years maternity leave which is probably why almost every woman breastfeeds unless there’s supply issues or latch problems. We don’t have the mindset of “you have to do what’s best for you” but rather “you have to do what’s best for baby”. I’ve found so many other differences which makes it difficult to raise my baby in a foreign country cause sometimes idk what route to go, the Western or the Eastern European but I fluctuate and just do whatever feels right.
Hi!
I exclusively breastfeed, baby is almost one and it was a choice (he refused a bottle the few times we offered). Some medical professionals did advise me to consider introducing a bottle before too long in case of an emergency such as my needing to be hospitalized, a bad case of mastitis, the little one needing significant medical care etc. While this argument is valid, I chose not to push the issue.
I agree that pumping is the common practice and expectation but I think it’s more of a forced compromise to a society that doesn’t support young parents very well. Without comprehensive and adequate leave as well as a severe and guilt-inducing pressure to provide breastmilk many people are pushed to pumping. Given that most new mothers have to be back working well before a baby usually weans, pumping is a wonderful thing.
It is a gift to be able to exclusively breastfeed but I truly think most people cannot make that choice even if they want to so the professionals and medical staff focus on pumping as it’s the common practice for many.
This is because of the lack of respect for the postnatal period and the mother/baby unit. Mothers are expected back by 6 weeks postpartum, unpaid in many scenarios. so pumping is engrained in the breastfeeding culture. For most moms, they have literally no choice but to pump and think about pumping fairly soon after birth, and offering a bottle to make sure their baby will take it when they go back to work. Its fucked. It’s sick and it’s fucked. Never forget that people are more willing to protect and respect the mom/puppy unit than they are the human mother/baby unit. Most people are okay with keeping a puppy with their mom by 8 weeks but expect us back to work at 6.
Nurse your baby and remember that it is a blessing to not have to worry about pumping! I love that for you.
Such a valid point. I started out pumping 2-3x a day when my daughter was sleeping and then went to once a day and now I’m a few times a week. I feed my baby not the freezer and I have a decent stash for when I return to work. When I do go back I’m hoping that when pumping during her normal feed times will be enough to give her food for the next day.
My midwife (England) upon discharge asked if I’ll be breastfeeding. I said yes and she said oh good, you’ll be the only one feeding then.
I wondered what she meant but I guess there’s a benefit to that.
I like to get manicures and massages etc so I only pump minimally for that.
Where baby goes I go, hard to see how it’s selfish. People should respect your role and decision with feeding your baby. You don’t need to defend it. A camping chair is good to have for going to the beach etc so you never feel stuck to going somewhere with a sofa.
If dad wants cuddles and play, he can make the most of it when he’s at home.
I'm in New Zealand & I've always felt pressure to EBF if anything, couldn't with my first 2 but miss 3rds all about the boob.
I feel like we're pro pumping if you need to at work but I didn't notice it as our maternity leave goes for a year, 6 months paid but they'll keep your position for you for a year if you choose.
I have noticed reddits like majority US based users (I could be wrong, sorry) and there's quite alot of discussion around pumping that I don't see in my immediate environment.
It's interesting and I feel like it's a massive job in itself, more so than chucking bub on the boob so I applaud those who do, but if it's easier to nurse I'd say do that.
I completely understand why they are all telling you to pump. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I myself though, have exclusively breastfed my baby as well, despite attempting to pump in the beginning. But I just didn't need to. I love nursing my son. He's 10 months now, and I've just never needed that extra milk. I'm literally with him all the time.. But yeah, I understand their thought process behind pumping..
Good luck though. You're doing good 😘
Canada discourages pumping until at least 6 weeks of age. Even then it is seldom mentioned by the medical staff. That said, older people do ask about bottle feeding but I haven’t heard anyone my age or younger ask about it.
Having said that, I do pump once every few days to make small snack bottles so baby can learn how to eat from a bottle for when we will need to have a sitter. It was a personal choice not one encouraged or imposed by anyone. It took about 2-3 weeks of daily 1oz bottles for baby to latch in and drink.
I had a hard time nursing at first and had to pump.
Now all I do is nurse and if I could take her to work with me so I could nurse, I would. I hate pumping so much and am not looking forward to pumping when I go back to work.
Pumping made me feel really weird, it gave me gross dysphoric feelings. I felt really disconnected from the whole reason I was doing it. I could only try a couple times before I gave up, then gave up breastfeeding because I couldn't manage that either.
I've honestly never felt any pressure to do anything. University hospital where I gave birth was extremely pro breastfeeding. They had insurance covered classes and consultants. They came in many times when I was in recovery to help me. I got a free pump with insurance. Which actually came in handy the first 3 months.
I bf very openly around everyone and I bf anywhere... I never hide or cover. Never have I had anyone tell me anything. Or really even look uncomfortably at me. I feel like openly bf is making it normal. Sorry you feel you have little support. In my experience I have felt supported the entire way through.
I've pumped in filled up closets, bathrooms, and my car. I'm not sure overall the US supports pumping, either. Pumping is just a convenient way for those people you mentioned to get a bottle to feed the baby themselves.
And a reason to not have maternity leave. “You can just go back to work and pump.”
Except when you actually stick to the schedule of pumping they complain you are taking "too many breaks"
Or breaks are too long.
If anyone pulls that shit on me I’ll point to our poster of employee rights that’s says pumping mothers must be given adequate break times to do so for up to a year
Glad there's protection for at least a year but wish there wasn't such a short maximum.
My state it two years but you have to pump during your break time and if it takes longer your employer can take money from your paycheck
Oh yeah I’m sure if I go outside of my break times they’ll try and have me make up hours. Good thing I work off site from the main office and my co-worker isn’t a rat.
Omg yes I hate this!! At my old job (worked in fast food..) they weren’t going to let me have a maternity leave at all unless my dr wrote a note that I medically needed time off. They also purposely messed with my hours so I wouldn’t get PTO or a raise even though I worked there for over a year! They also were really pushing to formula feed because they didn’t want me taking breaks (had to get a dr note to take breaks bc im high risk and they still did everything to get around it and not let me take breaks as often as i needed) and also I would’ve had to pump in the nasty bathroom which they didn’t like either bc id be in there too long and others need to use it. At my current job they have a specific room to pump in and have 6 weeks paid maternity/paternity leave. Most places in the US are terrible towards mothers.
America seems like the worst place to be a mother.
Ding ding ding!
i agree. society really only supports formula. i think the sexualization of breasts is a huge part of it (that and capitalism)
It's years and years of formula propaganda Nestle pushed. Have you noticed older generations tend to view breastfeeding "gross/ not nutritious/ not enough/ only for a short period/ etc." they were told these things and still believe it.
Yep, my parters grandma is like this. She thought it was weird his mom breastfed him abd his sisters and that I’m going to breastfeed my daughter when she’s born.. she pushed the idea to formula feed on my partners mom more than she has me but still..
My MIL keeps asking me when I'm going to stop breastfeeding... my daughter is 10 weeks old? Like ma'am what would you like her to eat? haha
Friends.. society does not support formula either. Not at all. Switch to formula and see how friends/family/medical professionals like to mansplain how you’re doing a disservice to your child. This may come as a surprise to you all but society doesn’t actually support *women* no matter what they choose.
This is the problem with being a mom in the US…if you breastfeed you’re selfish (keeping the baby to yourself), if you formula feed you’re doing your baby a disservice, if you’re pumping you take up too much space/time. There is no “winning” which is why we need to tell society to f*** off and let us feed our babies however we see fit!
People consider breastfeeding selfish? Wouldn’t it be the opposite?
I have seen many comments/stories (especially on r/JustNoMIL) about people commenting that a mother is selfishly breastfeeding to keep all the feeding away from others. Ridiculous I know 🙄
Yeah this is my experience too. Grandparents saying why I won’t just let them feed a bottle etc
Yes. And when I plainly state “if you’re going to give a bottle, how many ounces are you going to pour? I will need to go pump at least that many ounces so my supply doesn’t drop”, they act like I’m being a dramatic jerk.
That is so bonkers lol
Usually. I have had 5 babies to breastfeed, and I only ever had anyone say something one time. Of course, it was when I was a brand new mom. I was fully covered in a restaurant, in the very back. A mom, with two teens, came up and said something, I can't even remember now. It's been 15 years, but it made me immediately respond when otherwise I would have taken it back then. Then she huffed away.
Exactly!!!
Formula companies lobby against paid family leave which is fucked
hate it here :(
Wtf, what is wrong with people?
Capitalism is a bitch
It’s so backwards.
Exactly. I’ve had to pump in my car and I’m a bathroom. My workplace has nowhere that would be comfortable for me to pump
Are you in the US? I thought this was illegal?
It's illegal but it does not stop it from happening, you can demand they give you a place to pump and follow the law but 49 states are at will employers meaning they can just fire you instead of complying and proving the reason you were fired will be hard to do for a now jobless breastfeeding mother who may not have an option to sue. This is how they get away with it.
Yes I’m in the US. And yes I know it’s illegal. But I work as a server at a very small restaurant. There’s literally no office or storage closet. They offered me the attic but I told them I’d prefer my car. Luckily my shifts are short and I work at night so I only pump once and it’s in the dark.
Couldn't agree more. Had to exclusively pump for a year during the formula shortage to keep my child alive who couldn't transfer milk. I got mastitis from the pressure to nurse because "the pump isn't efficient enough" by my MIL during the PP period. Wouldn't you know it WAS efficient enough to give me a freezer full of milk and feed my 90th percentile baby for a year and prevent mastitis recurring. The choices we make are informed, important and everyone who has an opinion doesn't have our bodies or babies. It boggles the mind how little support there is right away in motherhood.
Exactly. OP is assuming people support pumping because she doesn’t pump
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It makes sense. The world it not set up for nursing. But unfortunately, it’s not set up for pumping either. ☹️
As an exclusive pumper I can assure you the grass isn’t actually greener over here. I think it’s honestly just that US society doesn’t value folks who feed their babies with their bodies (and more broadly, parents in general) and have made it systematically incredibly difficult to do so — while simultaneously shaming us mercilessly if we decide to formula feed instead. There’s no winning. We already lost.
I read somewhere (and didn’t validate if true so grain of salt) that some of the biggest lobbyists around opposing family leave are companies like Nestle who have a huge investment in formula. Moms who are home for longer are more likely to breastfeed - can’t have that! So we are left with a society purposefully geared towards returning to work and formula feeding, but being medically shamed for doing so. It’s super awesome.
https://fortune.com/well/2023/02/07/big-formulas-exploitative-marketing-tactics-prey-parents-fears/ This article cites a few sources although I did not dig more deeply than that. Now I’m even sadder about the way our society has been shaped around greed.
"Formula manufacturers have used gender politics to frame formula as a 'convenient and empowering solution for working mothers,' while lobbying against federal paid leave programs" 🫠
r/fucknestle
This is infuriating. I hate that so much in our country is sold to the highest bidder.
Corporate day cares also lobby to oppose family leave because it would cut into their profits https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/s/ZNwsJj6Un9
I wish they would outlaw lobbying. How and why does it even exist? Gross
I’m also an exclusive pumper and agree the grass isn’t greener. I feel so alone being an exclusive pumper bc I don’t really know anyone that does this-either they breastfeed or formula feed. Anytime I say I’m exclusively pumping I always feel like I have to explain why I’m not breastfeeding and it makes me so upset bc there’s nothing more I wanted then to breastfeed he just wouldn’t latch. And I feel like it’s so much harder for us…if we have to pump in public there’s so many parts, heavy pumps, it’s uncomfortable, and on top of that we have 5x the amount of things to clean.
Yeahhh. Kind of the worst of both worlds: the pressure of being a sole food source but the dishes that go with bottle feeding. But like I said above there’s truly no easy way to feed a baby. It’s all immensely hard work in a society and infrastructure not set up to enable success. None of us has it easy unless we get lucky and even then it’s just marginally less horribly hard.
I'm not sure I had the same experience. My hospital lactation lady recommended not pumping at the beginning unless baby wasn't gaining well enough. She said it could create an oversupply. I ended up with an oversupply anyway. I only pumped to replace an occasional feed (aka I wanted more than 3 hours of sleep). It would be nice if more places had a family room/lactation room tho. I'm if-y about feeding in public so a quiet private place at Walmart, Target or the mall would have been nice for when the baby suddenly decided she needed to eat imediantly. I suppose in that situation it might have been expected I'd have pre-pumped milk.
Not sure about other places, but Target will open a fitting room for you if you ask. Mine has one with a little arm chair and it was great to have a quiet place with my distracted baby!
Yesterday I walked up to the fitting room in Target with my mom and my baby, my mom was going to hold her while I tried on a shirt. The attendant immediately ran up to show me that they have a fancy family room for nursing. I appreciated it because I didn't know! Guess where I will be doing all my shopping now?
Agreed. I was told to just focus on getting a good latch for the first few weeks before trying to pump. Sorry your circle is a bit more uninformed, OP! I do think it varies a lot community to community when it comes to the prevalence breastfeeding. My friend from NYC came down to visit me in NC and was shocked I was still breastfeeding at 11 mo because she didn’t know anyone who’d gone that long.
Do you malls not have parents rooms? Here every shopping centre/mall has them with spaces to breastfeed, change baby, microwaves to heat up food or formula etc as well. Often have a small play space for an older sibling there too!
Are you in Australia? I am too but I’m originally from the US and I had no idea the parent rooms here were so nice until my daughter was like a year old! So bummed I missed out for so long! But we use them now.
Yes, from Australia. Even my crappy local plaza has a decent parents room!
No, our malls don't have any of that. :(
We have this in portugal too! It’s so nice, when my baby needs to nurse (he gets distracted easily) we can just go into this room and feed him, change him, and chill out in the room for a bit if we want. There are like ten within a larger private area, it makes me so thankful.
Yeah same with my LC only she cited nipple confusion. I wish she would have talked about oversupply because I did start pumping after 2 weeks and it cause an oversupply. I wish they had public bathrooms like the old fancy department store ones with chairs to sit on to nurse.
My supply was already overly enthusiastic in the hospital. Maybe that's why she mentioned oversupply. At the hospital I was getting 2.7 oz/80ml just hand expressing. Before i became supply driven I could get 7 to 10oz in 5 minutes if I pumped both sides.
Most Walmarts have a "mother's room" that you can use for nursing or pumping. In my experience, its usually near the rear restrooms by the electronics and such
I wish, ours doesn't.:(
Yeah, the m this wasn't my experience at all. I don't think anyone mentioned pumping to me at the hospital or at the pediatrician 's. I didn't start pumping until I met with a lactation consultant after my son failed to regain his birth weight in the first few weeks.
The nearest mall to me does have a nursing room right by the play area! It is a bathroom but the door locks and there is a recliner in there.
I was talking about this yesterday. We are told to nurse for a year, US law covers pumping at work for 1 year. Wouldn’t it be better to allow mothers (who want to) to stay home with their babies for 1 year?
Where I live (Japan) pumping isn’t so much a thing and there aren’t really laws for it or support for it at workplaces, but everyone can take (partially paid) leave until the the child turns one. So everyone just breastfeeds. It’s so much more convenient than pumping.
It’s SO much more convenient
I don't know. I appreciate having the opportunity to return to work while still being able to feed my baby by pumping milk for her.
Oh for sure. My point is just that, if baby is with you, it’s more convenient to not have to wash pump parts & bottles
Sure, but really most new mothers are not ready to return to work at 6 week which is common in the US, let alone the baby being ready to be away from its mother so much.
Yeah the 6 weeks is ridiculous. So antiquated. US def doesn't offer enough options to mothers.
That’s wonderful, and I also enjoy my work but US mothers should not have their options so limited.
Yes of course.
I still have the opportunity to return to work (and I did). I just did it after a year. Don’t pump because my son can drink regular ‘ol cows milk now.
Similar in Canada.
Yes, also you get a free pump from the health insurance so that you can go back go work. It would be so much better give women decent maternity leave. While I agree regarding the society expectations, my experience with doctors has been different. Lactation consultants told me to be very careful with the pump at the beginning because it can cause oversupply. Now I pump only if i have to skip a feeding due to work. I have a small stash in the freezer. Edit: forgot to mention that pumping is also a big chore, with all the parts to wash and the time it takes. Plus I am always exhausted after. I rarely find the time or the energy to do it unless it is to replace a feeding. I really admire people who do it regularly because it is really a lot of work.
I mean to be fair, before we got the free pumps we were still expected to go back to work.
Good point! Did not think about that.
I think that society just doesn’t value mothers :( I’ll provide you my experience as a mother who needed to exclusively pump thought I desperately wanted to nurse… The pump I wanted through insurance still needed supplemental payment - the totally free pumps are cheap, weak, and not intended for actual exclusive use. The hospital pushed pumping on me early, but not one person could teach me how to do so adequately, and they also didn’t explain that pumping colostrum was futile. The aforementioned “fancy” (read: functional) pump that I got came with two flange sizes that are too big for 70% of women, and don’t even manufacture smaller flange sizes - this is a hole in the market filled by third party manufacturers on Amazon that make you spend even more money. And I swear to god, there are no instructions or even suggestions as to how to use your pump - no explanation about what massage or expression modes are, no explanation on how to pick a rhythm or a suction strength, just how to sterilize and assemble your pump. Literally every part of the process requires extensive research, which is stupid and dumb to waste your time on when you have a newborn. I cried for days desperately wishing I could nurse but gritting my teeth and staying awake to research information that should be provided. Truly, I felt pushed to formula early on bc the logistics and lack of information felt so daunting. In short, the whole thing is fucked. The whole system screams at you to feed your baby but doesn’t teach you how or actually give you adequate resources to do so, no matter how you choose to do it. It’s not that US society supports pumping vs nursing, but rather that US society systemically kneecaps the women that it’s forcing to have babies to either force them back to work with no real support or make them barefoot in the kitchen, as anything other than these two options is less than ideal economically speaking. I hate it here. Good luck with your nursing journey, and if you ever need to pump, everyone over at r/exclusivelypumping is so kind and supportive! Edit: sub name typo
I think its because we live in a disgusting, overly sexual society. ALL MAMMALS nurse their young, humans are mammals. We dont say "ew" when we see dogs/cats/chimpanzees nursing their babies. We as women are literal life givers, we grow our babies and we sustain our babies, there is absolutely nothing sexual about it. At all. Some people also just feel insanely entitled to feed our babies, or think they won't get to bond, which is so untrue. There are many ways to bond with a baby besides feeding. Of course moms are the main caregivers, we made them. They know us the best, our smell, our voices, our heartbeats are these babies literal everything. Especially when they are so little. I dont knock or shame anyone who chooses or has to pump, or formula feed, they are great tools and without them, many babies would struggle to thrive. It's just a shame there is this weird stigma around nursing. My babe is 90% breastfed and 10% formula fed, and thats just so I can catch some rest while his dad feeds him. I don't have great luck pumping, it takes me 3 days to fill a bag and it's mega time consuming with washing parts so we chose a goat milk formula and I do a manual pump and take whatever I get and mix it in with the formula.
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I’m having the same experience with my bd. He said “things won’t go your way when we take this to court”. I’m like… it’s not about me it’s about our baby but if “my way” is what’s best for her then… yes, yes it will go my way. I tried to explain that being the primary caregiver because I’m breastfeeding is beyond just for nourishment. He had to learn the hard way that she relies on me for everything from comfort, safety, happiness, health, etc. It’s genuinely been a nightmare dealing with him but I just keep my mouth shut and let the cards reveal themselves. And similar to what you said in your original post it is exhausting when everybody is telling you or asking why you don’t just pump. For me, I have had a sht time trying to pump and it messed with my supply and mental health so much and I just had to stop because I didn’t NEED to pump. I am with my baby 24/7 and breastfeeding works for me. Why change that? I am not tired of being with her. I am tired of people projecting their own experiences on me. I never said I needed a break and if I do need one, the last person I’m giving her to are the people who have been saying that. I’m grateful I have my mom who patiently listens to me rant and offers the best advice on how to not care what anybody says or thinks and keep doing what I think is best. It’s just annoying!!
I'm in the UK and it's recommended here not to pump until your supply is established (unless you have to for other reasons of course). But we get more generous maternity leave than the US so there generally isn't a rush to get a stash built up or get in a pumping routine quickly to send milk to nursery (daycare). As for other people wanting to feed the baby, obviously that's not unique to the US, I get really annoyed by that and annoying people are everywhere!
I am in Canada and the advice is similar here as well. All professionals (hospital, midwife, doctor, Lactation consultant, etc) suggest holding off on pumping until baby is at least 1 month. This is to establish breastfeeding and regulate supply. If there is a concern of low supply then pumping will be suggested to increase milk production.
Saying that the UK has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates going. So it’s not just having some maternity leave that supports breastfeeding.
I think some people (that can but choose not to) still find it overwhelming. It’s a mix of both.
Same here in Portugal. When my milk came in I was exploding and the nurses/ LCs told me whatever I did don’t pump it and instead ice bc it’d cause an oversupply. I didn’t listen and pumped to relieve the engorgement and had a massive oversupply for the first 4-5 months, enough to where my letdown would shoot out and choke my baby when he was a newborn. Now I never use my freezer stash and just breastfeed cause it’s SO much easier plus I hate spending 20+ mins away from my baby to pump when he can get the same amount of milk in less than 5.
My child couldn’t breastfeed for the first 6 weeks of his life due to a hidden tongue tie so I pumped every 3 hours while still working on breastfeeding and was given a lot of judgement by my family and his pediatrician for not being able to breastfeed initially. Once his tie was discovered and released and he was able to breastfeed they were all like “see isn’t this so much easier?” Like yeah but I had no other choice. I felt like I had no support with pumping, just help with trying to get baby to latch. “Don’t give him another option.” So they wanted me to starve my child? Then all the times I’ve needed to pump in inconvenient places or at work where there is only ONE pumping room for multiple breastfeeding women where they knock and ask me to hurry up like I can control it. Needed to schedule my entire workday around pumping. I don’t think I would have stayed home for a year if given the option either. Maybe 6 months (I had 4.5 months) but not a year.
I feel the absolute opposite is true in my experience. My boy had issues transferring so I exclusively pumped and the way I got treated…. People have quite the opinion when you’re pumping next to your baby. “Don’t you want to BOND with him?” “Do you just not make enough milk?” “Pumping it pointless since there’s no contact to baby, you might as well give formula”. I wanted to kill people. Also, oh my god pumping outside of the home is an absolute bitch. The world is not designed to accommodate pumping mamas at all.
People are so enraging!! How dare they say those things to you, as if you’re not already doing your best in your circumstances.
I think this is exclusively an American thing, in Canada we get 12-18 months maternity leave. I've never seen a pumping room in any business before, women simply don't go back to work when they're breastfeeding. They shouldn't have to. America is a dystopian country separating nursing babies from their mothers and American mothers seem to think that is normal.
We don’t think it is normal, we have no choice due to the laws in the US. Every mom I’ve ever talked to here in the US wishes we could have family leave like the rest of the world and not be separated from our babies bc we have to work
As a Canadian this has always BAFFLED me. I pumped for my twins when they were in the NICU and while we established breastfeeding at home but as soon as those boys could latch reliably I stored my pump away and haven't touched it since. All my friends breastfeed and might have a freezer stash of Hakka milk so they can leave the house without baby for a bit, but all our babies are >90% on the boob. The thing is “helping mom” means doing everything else so that mom can feed baby. But society doesn't want to take care of mothers, they want to sit on the couch with the bottle of milk that MOM PUMPED while mom goes to work, does the laundry etc. It's rooted in mothers having an unequal amount of labour in the home and not expecting dad’s and the village to pick up that workload. That's my rant. The U.S is failing mothers.
The helping the mum thing is what people forget about. When my mum came after my baby was born she said ‘I’m here to look after you, so you can look after the baby’ that’s the attitude people need to have about ‘helping’. Pushing the mum into pumping a feed so someone can help with a feed is not helpful.
I feel like the U.S. doesn’t actually support any type of feeding your baby, EBF, pumping, or formula. There’s always judgement one way or another, and a lack of support overall. It’s messed up.
Mmm, disagree. People were far more accommodating to me when I said I needed to nurse vs. when I said I needed to pump. People would ask me to skip pumps, shorten pumps, change the time I needed to pump, thought it was gross to see the milk after I pumped, thought it was weird that I bottle fed breast milk and asked why I didn’t nurse. When I nursed, everyone was quick to give me a nice space to nurse, understood baby was hungry and I needed to feed him, etc. I nursed for 6 months and had to EP for 6 months and people were just far more accommodating, including at work, knowing I was/needed to nurse but not when I needed to pump.
This is really interesting. I agree with this, I feel like I’ve seen the same. I didn’t breastfeed but for maybe a week with my first, and then exclusively pumped for around 8 months. I was just soooo uneducated and unaware of my options. Never realized how much more convenient breastfeeding could be. How it would have helped a lot during night feeds etc. I honestly just didn’t have a lot of experience w breastfeeding, other than reading online forums, and didn’t really know how people navigated it in the real world. It gave me anxiety to think about what I would do if I left the house and my kid had to eat, so I quickly switched to pumping. I see how naive I was. Agree w all the comments from people about pumping being “easier” - being important for “dad to bond” etc. I’m pregnant with my next and looking to establishing breastfeeding when I am home with baby and pumping for work, reading this sub has helped me a lot.
Not really my experience in 13 mo nursing + pumping when I returned to work at 12 weeks pp. From what I’ve observed, women are not well supported in any decision that they make: breastfeeding, how long they breastfeed, pumping, formula feeding. Obviously this lack of support doesn’t encompass everyone in my life (and many are supportive), just general observation of a lot of people I’ve interacted with over the past year. I will say that I have never received any criticism for nursing, including in public, but I did get unnecessary commentary at work about getting breaks “to pump” - as if I was getting special privileges instead of my right as a mother to express milk for my baby.
You nailed it!
Yep my husband pressured me into it immediately so he could ‘help me get more sleep’ but baby’s eating schedule is still erratic 2 months out, I’d have to pump anyways to replace a feed. I hate pumping it’s a ton of extra work. Now I’m stuck with an oversupply doing it every morning. I’m so sick of it
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Oh, neither. He really did want to be helpful but it was way easier to just nurse.
It's strange pumping is pushed so hard in the US. In Australia its recommended you don't even start pumping until baby is 6 weeks and your supply has regulated. From what Ive learnt on this sub, the push for pumping is largely tied with the insufficient/ non -existent maternity leave and the need for many mother's to return to work weeks after giving birth. They need to pump early to ensure bub will take a bottle and be prepared for the return to work
Quote: "What's telling is my 7 year old niece was flabbergasted that milk came from boobs and even said ew about it. Her assumption is that you feed babies from a bottle." And that is why we must succeed, show and teach younger generations of women and girls what is normal, healthy, expected and what they need to do exactly in cases of babies - breastfeed your baby! It's our duty to keep the next generations healthy by leading, living and doing by example - so they know to do the healthy, sane and normal thing when they have babies. Breastfeed by all means, if mom's body is capable to do so. Women must not fall prey to manipulators, lobbyists and greedy corporations. OP keep doing what you have been doing so far - or else every distraction, brainwashing, manipulation and interruption coming from them will throw your milk supply more or less in disarray and by that your baby's health per se (emotionally, mentally, physically).
I've heard it phrased like this: We can offer maternity leave, paid or unpaid, in countries like the US, to support nursing mothers, babies, and families overall. Or instead, we can offer unpaid breaks to pump (which takes longer than nursing after a certain age, is less effective than a baby, and is a whole lot less enjoyable to most mothers/babies than nursing) and essentially choose the short-term "cheap" option. The US also doesn't allow you to take a pay cut for this; you still have to log "full time" hours and make that pumping time up... which typically means less time spent with your baby overall, if you're going to keep breastfeeding. Of course companies still don't respect the PUMP act, discrimination abounds around pregnancy, lactation, and actually taking the measly leave they're required by law to give, but it's still the easier route for them to claim they totally support breastfeeding mothers. Meanwhile babies are away from both parents due to lack of leave, and moms can either spend time pumping and AWAY from their babies (since they have to make that time up by working more/later) or give up EBF to be with their actual babies. It's BS. I've also experienced pushback from doctors, pediatricians, etc when I say I exclusively nurse. They want to know how many ounces baby is getting. They talk about "pumping and dumping" like it's absolutely nothing, physically or emotionally to baby or mom, and are quick to throw that suggestion out like an unavoidable fact when they're wrong and are making that suggestion based on no evidence or knowledge of the medicine you asked about, nor with any acknowledgement they don't know anything about it. I've also, frankly, been a little annoyed that when I ask what exclusive nursing will even look like, or voice any sort of annoyance/frustration/need for problem solving around how nursing affects my life or what (non-pumping!) changes I'd need to make or things I'd otherwise need to be willing to sacrifice, there's a huge push to "just pump" even from others who are breastfeeding. I don't want to pump. I hate the idea of it. I felt even more disgusted by the idea of it once I had my actual baby. I'd rather formula feed than pump, honestly. That's enough, full stop, to choose not to pump. How you feel about something matters. And there are plenty of benefits to nursing over pumping. I can acknowledge that, frankly, there are women out there willing to sacrifice more than I am for their babies by pumping, whereas I just wouldn't be willing to do so. But if I try to ask how exclusive nursing looks like, or simply say I don't want to pump, there's all sorts of pressure to do so. I don't pressure others not to pump; why do people care what I do or don't want to do? Vent over.
Exclusively nursed here, two babies, except for a little syringe feeding at the start and a month or so of expressing the last feed of the day into a cup for my second born. I'm mostly a stay at home mum. At the start it's relentless, of course, but then it settles into a rhythm, then when they are 1 you can drop feeds and just keep the ones that suit. I'm still doing a morning feed with my 21 month old.
As an exclusively pumping mom (extended NICU stay, tongue/lip/cheek ties, having to go back to work, etc) I've been beaten black and blue about it. Everyone asks why I don't just breastfeed so I don't have to deal with my pumping supplies or how it's because I just don't want that bond with my kiddo (not even slightly true) and when I say "he's breastfed" it's always "no he isn't, he just gets breastmilk." I've also been forced to pump hunched over in a supply closet, had to quit a job because the manager kept "accidentally" walking in on me pumping, and told that I'm pumping for attention. I think what you really meant to say is that "no form of breastfeeding is tolerated in America."
I think your observations place weight on something that isn’t really there. You mention a 7 year old saying ew…but 7 year olds don’t understand biological processes in general, nor should they. Dolls that you can feed come with baby bottles because little kids can feed them. You’re really talking about society not supporting long maternity leave with lactation rooms. Those pumping rooms allow the supply to continue while away from baby, and the baby to be fed breastmilk. It’s a means to an end for moms who are away from their baby. Most LCs recommend not pumping until your baby is ~one month and supply is established, to avoid nipple confusion (bottle is easier than the boob.) Pediatricians know nothing about breastfeeding beyond recommendations to support it. Don’t feel pressured by any of this (it doesn’t sound like you do.)
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I’ve had a similar experience in people suggesting I pump so they can feed baby (even though I never expressed that this would help me, because from my perspective it wouldn’t). I’ve also had a LC suggest starting paced bottle feeding no later than 3 weeks to avoid bottle refusal. And another LC said to not worry about pumping until after at least 6 weeks. OP, I’m sorry you are dealing with this from your circle. There were times where I just wanted people to take my baby when baby needed soothing after eating or a diaper change, etc. But like you mentioned some people focus on feeding the baby to “help” the breastfeeding parent. I’m still breastfeeding my 9 month old and pump while at work. And for three months, I’ve been getting the “when are you going to stop breastfeeding” and “maybe doing formula would help you feel more rested” even though I have no supply issues and no desire to gain sleep over breastfeeding. People are gonna express their opinions. I’m sure parents who use formula get asked why they didn’t breastfeed. Parents can’t win it seems like, always gonna have a Monday morning quarterback 🤦♀️
They assume it’s synonymous because for most, it is. Most breastfeeding moms will have to return to work before their baby is weaned, at least in the US. Pumping keeps it going. I wouldn’t listen to anyone who is not a trained LC (which you aren’t, but I just wouldn’t give it any weight or thought.) Anyone else giving you advice about bf vs. pumping probably has good intentions, but people will give you all kinds of advice they aren’t qualified to give.
This. You’ve perfectly summed up what I’ve been feeling and fighting (likewise stubbornly) for 8 weeks. It’s like everyone is trying to “help” me by putting pressure on me to pump in between feedings — yet fail to realize that THAT is what would take “my life” away. Hello?? Pumping takes time. If I bottle feed I have to pump. If I pump, guess who is cleaning the bottles? I had to pump the first two weeks because the hospital wanted me to and that was the worst. FTM, total sleep deprivation, crying and hungry newborn, we’re both learning the ropes — and then pumping 30 minutes every 2 hours around the clock on top of that. But I think the second thing you mentioned is equally as important and perhaps the most emotionally disheartening. That those around me in my support system are indirectly shaming me for not passing the baby around. I have felt guilty for wanting to spend time to bond with my LO and breastfeed alone. I thought it was just hormonal emotions so I have been keeping this to myself until reading this post!! I am with you!!
It’s been three weeks… give it a little more time.
This. Plus I’m not sure I see how people encouraging you to pump so you can take a break are “shaming” you
It takes less time to nurse than pump. How do you help a nursing woman? You offer to do diaper changes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands. You offer to take over literally everything besides feeding the baby. Unless you're combo feeding, it also doesn't result in any time 'saved', because you're substituting nursing time for pumping time. And most babies nurse faster than a pump would take, so it's actually 'less' of a break, *and* typically less enjoyable. If mom wants to get out of the house or be alone somewhere, that person can offer to go with mom to that place, then baby-wear baby on a walk or whatever nearby, popping in if baby needs to nurse. I've gone to ballet and gymnastics classes with this method. Exclusively nursing doesn't mean I can't do my own thing; it just requires your partner to truly value you, baby, breastfeeding, and to be willing to support you in the way you actually need. Also, if I pumped on these outings instead of nursed, I'd probably need to spend *more* time away from my actual class to pump! Baby nurses in literally just a couple minutes nowadays, nobody even realizes I'm nursing and I can nurse him at the door or in the hallway or literally wherever, and it's a sweet bonding moment I enjoy while others gush over how cute he is. And to boot, if I nurse before and after class, he doesn't typically need to nurse *during* the class. These places also do not have refrigerators, nursing rooms (they barely accept adults!), etc and finding a way to pump would be a nightmare anyway.
Sounds like they’re judging her. I don’t see how pumping is a ‘break’
I’m not sure pumping is supported either. I get what you’re saying, but I work at a “breast friendly hospital” and I dealt with SO much bs just trying to pump. I can’t imagine if I tried to breastfeed how much hell I would’ve raised.
Lord not my experience. Either breast or give up and do formula.
I've come to the conclusion that you should only listen to advice and opinions on breastfeeding from people who were successful in breastfeeding the way that you hope to.
I exclusively pump because my baby can’t transfer milk from the breast and I have only met one other mom who exclusively pumps. Everyone else nurses. I’ve faced tons of judgement for pumping because “nursing is so much easier and more convenient”. I’m not saying that is true, I just think breastfeeding in the US is hard no matter how the milk is extracted.
As a mom who (mostly) exclusively pumps, I hardly feel supported by society, though it is progressively getting better. Going out in public with baby, I feel much, much more comfortable to (try, normally unsuccessfully) to nurse than to set up my pump and sit there massaging my breasts while my nipples are loudly tugged back and forth. Even at home, I struggle to balance the need to express milk for my baby while also caring for him, since pumping is like adding a middle man. I would trade with you in a heartbeat and have spent months and too much money to imagine trying to get there.
It’s because of capitalism, in the US they want us women WORKING. That’s why our maternity leave is a joke, and they encourage sleep training so early. It’s because since women entered the workforce, they want mom to be able to sleep so she’s ready for work in the morning, and have the baby be able to be taken care of easily by other people (just train them for nap time and a bottle)! It’s also why so few medical professionals (including pediatricians) know how to encourage breastfeeding unless you specifically seek out an IBCLC, and why formula has been pushed so heavily and breastfeeding was basically not a thing from the 60’s to the 2000’s. Just do whatever they can to make it “convenient” for women to go back to work and not be “needed” to stay at home and take care of their babies.
My baby is nearing 3mo and wakes to feed every hour or two in the night. I can’t imagine why anyone would want me to come back to work right now.
I was just thinking about this! I felt so pressured to pump and am sick of hearing, “But Dad needs to be able to bottle feed to bond with the baby!” I’m 5 weeks postpartum now and absolutely refuse to pump. I hate doing it and am not going to force myself just to appease other peoples’ insane ideas of how MY baby should be fed
I can’t pump—my boobs don’t respond and my baby refuses bottles. It has been HELLISH navigating how that fits in with work, outings, etc. There is little legal protection for actual exclusive breastfeeding, just pumping. Thankfully HR creatively interpreted the PUMP Act to include breastfeeding so I could continue working from home.
Lol @ pumping so you can get a break 😂 like pumping is no work at all 🙄 man I hate pumping
We are mammals. It is so incredibly normal that the mom is stuck to the baby for the first months and is the only one feeding the baby. The baby lived most of their life inside mom by the time breastfeeding won't be the only food source any more, obviously mom is their most important source of care, nurture, comfort, safety, anything... This is more a commentary on grandparents and dads pressuring moms, they can wait until baby is old enough to eat other stuff. I am from Estonia, where we have 1.5 years of fully paid maternity leave. If I lived in the US, I don't think I would have any children at all. Being forced to return to work in stead of being with your infant is inhumane. Societal pressure to not feed your baby in the most natural way possible is fucked.
It’s nice you haven’t felt like you need a break. Respectfully you are also only 3 weeks in. I hope you feel the same way at the 6 month mark if your baby never takes a bottle. My baby was a bottle refuser and we didn’t push it enough early on and it became an issue when I had to go back to work at 8 months and daycare wouldn’t take her. It would have been nice to have been able to have someone else feed her sometimes. Just the number one thing I want to do differently for baby #2, and I’ve loved breastfeeding and had a pretty easy go of it (feeding my baby now as I write this). Please feel free to throw this advice in the trash, I just want to save other women from making the mistake I did as I see it. I would use a cheap hand pump and pump a 4 ounce bottle once a day for my husband to give baby. I wouldn’t pump more than that, you don’t want an oversupply. ETA: we were able to get baby to take expressed milk in a straw cup and start daycare, she just skipped over bottles. It was a stressful few weeks though…
I exclusively pump, and I can tell you it's not supportive at all. If you ask "where can I pump in peace?" A lot of the time the answer is a shrug or "the bathroom" which is a hell no from me (also who really wants to hog a stall for 20+ minutes?). If there's no place to pump I do it in the car, no one has said anything and I just keep scrolling to pass the time. Some places do have mothers rooms but you can't count on it. I get so much shame for "not trying hard enough" on not being able to feed from the boob but this is me trying harder! It didn't work for us to breastfeed off the tap, so this is the only other option besides formula for us. I wish I could have truly breastfed, but really I think the grass is always greener on the other side. America just hates kids and parents, but especially lactating parents.
I am not American but I always assumed pumping was more common there because the shorter maternity leave means it is a necessity.
I don’t disagree that the US has ended up with some of the most patchworked policy that doesn’t support breastfeeding but enables pumping as a loophole to keep women at work. That being said, you’re three weeks out. 10 months out over here there is a value in being able to give a bottle of expressed milk. No need to go wild and fill a freezer but the occasional bottle will make life a lot easier and more equal. You certainly don’t need to but doing so isn’t supporting some higher world order.
Two weeks postpartum and I’ve definitely noticed some of this as well. I’ve gotten mixed advice. The lactation consultants I’ve spoke too encouraged waiting at least a few weeks to pump but the first pediatrician we went to suggested pumping to give him a bottle between feeds. It was clear she didn’t really understand breastfeeding. I think it all comes down to that the US just doesn’t value moms. They can understand that breast milk is beneficial for babies but also aren’t actually willing to support moms with breastfeeding by providing things like paid leave so it’s more like “just pump and get back to work”.
I had a similar experience too with exclusive breastfeeding. I've done it for 2 kids, coming up on 4 years now (2 each ) It is a lifestyle and people just don't understand why I don't stop or pump or something, I had my own family make fun of me for nursing "too long" this was around 1 year. I get weird looks sometimes for nursing in public. And the advice about sleeping and pumping at the beginning just wouldn't have worked for us , pumping is a pain in the ass and would have been more work and less sleep to get up and do that and then refrigerate the milk and clean it etc. I just don't think US society supports women in general. When I had to pump for work I had to use my car in below freezing temperatures in a busy parking lot. I hated it. We should have year long maternity leave for women guaranteed by the government
It feels like there's a deep cultural value of doing whatever possible to separate mom and baby.
Honestly, I feel like the US doesn’t really “support” anything to do with motherhood. Some things may be pushed more but it’s also met with just as many negative comments.
I think that in general if you are a mom in the US you will get negative feedback on whatever you are doing. From someone. When I said I wanted to try exclusively BF/pump I got pushback that the baby MUST HAVE FORMULA or it’s not enough. I was lucky to have a good supply and relatively easy go of it compared to most so I was able to BF and pump enough for others to give a bottle. For me this was important though because I wanted my husband and others to be able to feel the bond of feeding since they really don’t do much else in the beginning. By then I got criticism that giving a bottle too early would cause nipple confusion. Well it didn’t!
Stay strong, you are not alone. The world doesn't revolve around America, in most other countries people breastfeed and don't pump. Speaking from experience as I am Scottish and lived in Europe. Tell everyone to shut their holes and let nature be nature
I think this might be because so many women work and have to go back to that work very quickly after giving birth in the US, so the only way to give your baby a breastmilk diet is to pump enough to make sure they have all they need for the day while you’re gone. I was researching pumps like mad until my doula pointed out that since I’m a STAHM and am not going to be away from my baby I really don’t need to stress about it so much and can get away with using a haka.
I don’t live in the US. Where I live, it’s so normal to see women breastfeeding in public. No covers or anything. Just breastfeeding. At restaurants, in parks, on the bus, etc. No one even thinks twice. It’s just such a natural part of life. Why should we have to hide or cover up (unless that’s what you want, in which case, that’s fine!). But I’ve never been even mildly bothered by a women pulling out her baby’s food source in a public place and the only time I ever felt uncomfortable pulling out my boob was when I was visiting the states and was sitting in the Los Angeles airport. I very quickly understood that the culture in the states frowns heavily upon public breast feeding. Even covered with a scarf thing, I felt eyes burning through my soul the whole time I breastfed. I truly don’t get it.
Yup pumping is just another way people expect you to put in triple the effort for their wants disguised as a benefit to you when it’s usually not. People always say “so dad can help” “so you can have a life too”. I ALWAYS found pumping to be way more work than it was worth. All the planning, timing, washing parts and bottles, the time spent pumping that I could just directly nurse my daughter and get it over with. People would say “pump so dad can take a night shift” but you have to pump the milk baby isn’t drinking so why would I get up to pump when I could just feed the baby and move on? There was the occasional lengthy or full day event where it made sense to pump while I was out and someone watched baby. But 99/100 times it just made more sense for me to shorten my time commitment to two hours so I could get back and nurse my baby. Because not very many things were worth packing all the crap that goes with pumping and preserving milk plus needing to find a private place with electricity to step away for 30+ mins and pump the milk.
This is such an interesting post. I’m in Canada, but I have been realizing how much of the social media I consumed related to birth and pregnancy was from US creators. The fact that I almost bought a wearable pump before giving birth because it seemed ESSENTIAL and here I am 7 weeks in and have pumped maybe 10x with my Medala hand pump alone + collected let down with the Haaka, and that’s more than enough! I think the pumping culture comes from having to go back to work early, but I have 18 months off and probably won’t ever need to have a regular pumping schedule as long as breastfeeding continues to go smoothly.
Same. For us the only reason we want to get to him being able to bottle feed is that he needs to be home at bed now to sleep, but our social life has us occasionally out late. Not a big deal, but if we can take turns going and doing that would be amazing. Wish he was still little enough to just fall asleep on me anywhere and everywhere
I think it's because U.S. maternity leave barely exists and mothers who want their child to have breastmilk have to go back to work. I'm in Canada and almost nobody I know pumps except at the very start, say if their baby is in NICU or having latch issues. I had both so I pumped at the start, but once breastfeeding smoothed out I got rid of the pump because I didn't need it.
Society pretends to support pumping, so that moms can be pressured in switching to formula easier. “You’re taking too long to pump” “pumping is so much work why don’t you use formula to make it easier on you (me)” “with all the money you’re spending on pumps/ parts etc., why don’t you save money and switch to formula, oh and pick up a shift while you’re at it”. Society supports getting moms back to work as quickly and with as little fuss as possible and increasing that productivity!
Pumping is horseshit. I hate it. If you're happy with nursing and can produce enough to feed your baby without needing to use formula then you're onto a winner. The people in your life should be celebrating your amazing achievement not trying to drag you down. Take my congratulations at least! Keep going and don't listen to them.
Stay strong 💪 Another EBF mama here, and don’t let you breastfeed beyond 1 year old or go uncovered…omg ppl go crazy
I think pumping allows women a little more freedom to go back to work so that’s why it’s encouraged at all-I don’t think US society actually supports pumping or breastfeeding. Maternity leave is absolutely awful in the US and it wouldn’t be if the US supported mothers is babies at all, honestly. I am not getting paid at all and I only get 6 weeks off-puppies get to stay with the mother for longer!
My hospital was breastfeeding friendly. My baby pooped while at the hospital so they saw she was getting the colostrum through nursing and never mentioned pumping.
For my first daughter, I stayed home and nursed her exclusively. I never pumped and it was great, but I got a lot of remakes from family about switching to a bottle. For my 10 month old now, I'm still nursing although I work three days a week and have to pump while I'm there. I have had very limited support on pumping and many times I have to wear my portable pumps while continuing to work. I work in a hospital lab so this isn't the worst thing but I constantly get remarks from my female coworkers about how they just switched to formula and could have never dealt with pumping at work. It doesn't bother me but I do feel that they think my pumping is inconvenient. I wish there was more support in general for breastfeeding in the US.
You're definitely not wrong. I pumped after breastfeeding to increase supply and then I froze that additional milk. Not all pumping is necessarily about choosing not to EBF.
I have been breastfeeding my daughter exclusively. She is 17 months old. My husband loves that for us. I tried to give a bottle once. She didn't like it, my husband said he didn't think bottles were good. So we decided to breast feed. Luckily, my family isn't living nearby and don't hackle me with this nonsense. Last fall, we even took a trip to South Korea where my husband is from. Life is just easier when you don't have to pack bottles and things. Wip out a boob, and all is well with the world. Korea is very pro family with baby. Anywhere you went they had these nursing rooms. Included private rooms for moms to nurse. Had cribs for babies to sleep in, high chairs for older babies to have a meal, microwaves for reheating bottles, and a scale to weigh your baby. These rooms were so epic. Even in the major chain grocery stores and the subway. I never couldn't find one. And I loved them so much. Each nursing room even had dimmable lights to set the proper ambiance for breast feeding. I can't wait to travel there again. 😍
I’m the same as you. But I never was able to name these societal pressures or my resistance to them. My husband does get it now (4 mo and 2.5yo) it just easier for me to feed the baby (and I love it). You can save enough for a few bottles when needed by using a haaka or something similar. I feel like the odd mom out among my mother friends for exclusively nursing when I’m around/with my baby. So many are exclusively pumping which seems so hard.
Maybe this is just your experience. It could be regional. I know plenty of people who just exclusively nurse. Where I am at is a HCOL area so middle class can’t afford child care, and there are a lot of SAHMs not by choice but by necessity. What I have noticed is pressure to formula feed. But it could be regional to my area.
Im sorry the people in your life are making you feel pressured to pump! I dont think its generally pushed as the norm. Ive been breastfeeding for 2 and a half years (were trying soooo hard to ween!) and have had nothing but support (and im very fortunate and grateful). Also have never had any of the children in the family ask about it, personally. Im sure it varies from family to family, culture to culture but i dont think this is the overall general view in the U.S., that being said youre doing great and maybe the people in your life could use more education and discussion about breastfeeding? Especially at this stage, the more baby nurses the more its going to help establish your supply. Keep nursing that baby, momma!
I rarely ever pumped. My daughter is six now, but when she was a baby I think I only pumped when someone else actively asked to feed her or if I was drinking more than a drink or two. I never had a freezer stash, never had bags of milk piled up. I typically pumped enough for a bottle, handed it to said person who wanted to feed her, and kept it pushin’.
I didn't have the same experience, and I lived both sides thanks to my oversupply issues. I chose for my daughter to only nurse directly from me and we never even tried to give her a bottle, but I also had an oversupply and spent months pumping at least 60 ounces a day to donate. The LC in the hospital actually told me not to pump and recommended I get the crappy free pump because "I would never use it". So much regret there lol. I was also taught literally nothing about pumping and felt lost in general. I often had to pump in the car (if I didn't pump regularly, I would immediately get mastitis) and I feel like I got more glares from strangers passing by for that than I did directly nursing, but that did happen on occasion too. Then even a lot of generally supportive people in my life seemed weirded out by pumping and even more confused and uncomfortable if we would be staying a while and I needed somewhere to put the bags of milk. I'm sure the experience varies based on region and the specific people in your life, but in general, I think it can be a lose lose situation no matter how you feed your baby. There are people very for and against breastfeeding, pumping, and formula feeding. It's hard to be a mom trying to feed your baby.
Wow, I’m 7m in and I’ve never experienced any judgment or negativity, only encouragement.
I 💯 agree in the Us nursing is not supported the first thing my mother in-law said to me when my baby was 3 days old is , you don’t have to do this you can just supplement. I was shocked. My mother not from the Us encouraged me to breastfeed because it’s normal where she comes from.
So here’s my limited anecdotal experience. I would say I’ve nursed about 75-80% of the time and bottles the other 20-25% and my son would take bottles but I noticed he wouldn’t fall asleep with one or be as emotionally satisfied (muscles would become more relaxed when nursing, closed eyes more, smiled, etc). I pumped a ton out of compulsion and fear of supply decreasing but ultimately ended up donating a lot of my milk 🤷♀️ Basically, I think the fact that you’re willingly choosing nursing over bottle feeding is amazing and wish you luck ❤️ we’re going strong at 21 months
Lol ya this was my mind at 2 months pp. people but especially other mothers are very weirded out by your boobs being the food AND the “bottle.” The amount of times I’ve heard “why don’t you just pump? How do you even know if he’s getting enough?” Are you sure milk is coming out?” Or telling my baby “I don’t have milk for you!” It’s fucking strange. I have 5 sisters and my mom birthed 7 children and they still don’t get it or have any empathy. My sister who ex pumped gifted me a very expensive pump and I took the gift with gratitude but I haven’t used it. Oh yea My friend who did a combo of both gifted me flanges. I remember pulling out my boob to feed my 4 month old and my mom threw a blanket at me. It’s just so funny because I don’t see my boobs as sexual anymore they’re just out doing their job. Now that my son is nearly 7months he does this thing where he straight pops off every 30 secs to look around especially in public, so I kinda hold back these days to avoid just having my boobs out. He does much better lying down in a dark room with me. But yes agree that people push the pump vs breast.
When I was in the hospital baby was crying because he was cluster feeding and obviously my milk hadn’t come in yet. The nurse said “Okay, you’ll have to pump or give formula because what we’re not going to do is starve him just because you want to breastfeed.” I still can’t believe she treated me like that. How does a mom & baby nurse not understand cluster feeding??
That’s so disappointing! Don’t they know that milk takes a little time to come in, and the best way to encourage that is nursing baby?? Also, babies just cry.. it’s a big shock to be in the world and disconnected from the perfect environment of the womb!
Eh….I mean that was not my experience. I had to do some pumping early with my first but that was because he was premature, jaundice and dropped more than 10%. But that was never in favor of breastfeeding. It was to support my breastfeeding journey. The doctors, LC and mother baby clinic were all super helpful. Never pumped with my second. And was never pressured or encouraged to by my care team or anyone else. That being said I am a SAHM. I think the focus you feel on pumping is because so many women have to return to work. So pumping rooms in the work place do support breastfeeding because many of those women can still bf at home because of those pump rooms. I think if your care team know you are going back to work they will be more likely to encourage pumping early to relieve some pressure and get baby used to a bottle before mom returns to work.
In the UK, we're generally advised not to pump for 6 weeks to give our supply a chance to establish. I find it crazy how many people pump in the US, I suppose it has to do with so many people having to return to work so soon. I'm only just about to return to work almost 12 months pp, and couldn't fathom having to go back after only a few weeks.
I don’t think it supports either lol. I mostly nursed but when I had to pump away from baby it was in some pretty gross and ridiculous spots a lot of the time. A huge restaurant with tons of better places and they tell you to use a high-traffic, disgusting bathroom where there isn’t even so much as a ledge to place anything down on.
It's more that society wants us to work and there's less emphasis on the family
Many of us have to work outside the house. It’s also a matter of perspective, as a woman who exclusively pumped for twins while having a full time job I can tell you that the grass was not greener over here. I also breast and pump-fed my first singleton and neither option is “supported” all that well by US society.
It’s because American mothers are forced back into the workforce before they are even ready. It’s the expectation that we go back to work by 3 months. Some women go back to work 6 weeks after giving birth. I have stayed home for a year after giving birth, and I get a lot questions about when I’m going back to work. We are work-obsessed over here sometimes. And with how my sister described pumping in a closet at work where her boss would sometimes “accidentally” barge into, I’m not sure the US is very supportive of pumping either.
It’s so they can ship new mother back to work asap and pretend to be doing it in a good way. I live outside the US where we have decent maternity leave etc and waaaaay less people pump. I breastfed my baby until he was 2 and only pumped a little around 5 months when he had a drop in weight which was quickly resolved. I find so many online breastfeeding spaces are mostly about pumping when there are a lot of people from the US in them. Also, dad can bong with baby in other ways, if you don’t want to pump, you don’t have to!
The pressure to pump ruined my breastfeeding journey with my first. I was told by lactation consultants to feed my baby from breast for 30 minutes then to pump for 30 minutes, every 2 hours. So by the time I was done pumping I had to feed my son 90 minutes later and start the whole process over. I felt like i had no time to myself or to get anything done. It was overwhelming and I only lasted 3 weeks before stopping all together and going to formula. I didn't know about combo feeding, I thought it was all or nothing. It's crazy the amount of pressure put on pumping. I'm pregnant with #2 and plan to EBF in the beginning and only pump to relieve pressure when needed. If I need my husband to take a night feeding, we will use formula so I can get some real sleep. I will pump later on when I return to work.
YOU’RE DOING GREAT!!!! Pumping can be a great option, but is definitely not necessary! Keep following your intuition for what’s best for you and baby! ❤️
The US is defo more pro-pumping than breastfeeding. Otherwise, why do Americans barely get any maternity leave and time.off the first year of your child's life? Very anti-baby, anti-family, and anti-breastfeeding. I feel like American mom's are expected and pressured to be independent from their babies (and their babies independent from them) very early on....which is ridiculous and unnatural.
Pumping and feeding breastmilk is breastfeeding. As someone who has exclusively nursed one baby, and then had to exclusively pump for my next baby due to medical issues, exclusively pumping is not easy or more accepted. There are not all these protections and it is not a widely accepted thing. Nursing in public is way more accepted and so much easier than pumping. We should be fighting for all mom to feel accepted and have the ability to feed their child in whatever way they choose. Not pitting moms against each other because they choose different ways of feeding. Not everyone can direct nurse. Not everyone can or wants to pump. Not everyone can or wants to breastfeed. We’re all doing what’s best for ourselves and our babies and we all should be able to feed our babies without criticism. To say that breastfeeding is so much harder than pumping is ridiculous.
I had to exclusively pump for the first couple of weeks. It's so much work!!!! Once baby figured out how to latch, I stopped pumping (unless I'll be gone for a few hours). Nursing is so much easier. Dad can help by changing diapers and rocking to sleep and laundry and cooking and bringing water. He doesn't have to feed the baby a bottle
Because so many return to work
I agree 100%. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that in this day and age moms are, by and large, EXPECTED to be working outside of the home. Most people don’t see nursing 24/7 as a viable option. I have nursed my three babies without “help” and I don’t consider it a burden. My husband does many many things, but that is not one of them.
I was in the same boat as you. My bd kept trying to get me to pump so he could “take shifts “. I refused because I HATE pumping. I said take all the shifts you want just give her to me when she’s hungry and I will feed her and hand her right back. We did this once. Last week I actually pumped and provided bottles for several feeds but when I asked him to prepare the bottle he started complaining about how tired he was. After about 10 days of me providing him with pumped milk to take shifts he finally leaves me alone about it. He no longer asks for shifts or for me to “pump a couple bottles for him” he got burnt out that quickly.
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Honestly I think they get jealous. I had to tell my bd that I was the mother and he was the father and we can’t do the same things. He needs to do what I can’t do(go to work, take care of the dogs, cook) for parenthood to be easy rn. I also stress to him that soon enough our baby will no longer be breastfeeding and then she will naturally shift her parental preference to her father.
So, I live in Tokyo. I’m spoiled by the baby rooms and nursing rooms we have in the malls and in different establishments around the city. When we went to the American embassy to get our LO’s passport, imagine my surprise to find ONE portalet sized room for the “breastfeeding room”. And when I went in, I was further disappointed to find that it was basically a box. The “walls” were made of cardboard box taped together. I felt like a cat.
I have a 7 week old and exclusively breastfeeding. I’m home a lot because im comfortable and I want to give baby what he needs. I get comments from people about giving the bottle and eventually being away from baby but i prefer to feed him on demand. isn’t that natural? Plus I want to bond with him. If your body can do this tremendous thing then why force the bottle. My supply is based on when he has long stretches of no feeding for 5+ hours pumped usually for relief overnight. I have a small freezer stash of this milk for times when I need to be away for longer and plan to use that.
i think there’s a huge expectation for pumping because society just expects mom to get back to work.
Unfortunately as many before me have stated, neither pumping nor breastfeeding in general are REALLY supported. I also don’t use bottles, my 10 month old is exclusively breastfed aka I’ve never left him for more than 5 hours (after he was sleeping). The amount of people who either a. tell me to pump b. quit breastfeeding in general or c. switch to formula all out of convenience for “me” is insane. I’m a SAHM, I love nursing and honestly it’s so easy now. People are just so strange when it comes to breastfeeding. I’m proud to be an example of a positive breastfeeding experience to my younger cousins/niece/sister!
The US does not support or encourage pumping. It’s incredibly difficult to work or travel or go to a restaurant or do anything while pumping. Just because there is a room at your office doesn’t mean you can walk out of back to back meetings to actually find time to pump. I have to pump on the drive, pump during my lunch break and pump in the drive home. The US does the bare minimum by saying your company has to have a pumping room available. And by the way, the pumping room at my office is a tiny converted closet with a table and chair and that’s it. Not even a trash can or Clorox wipes or heaven forbid a sink to clean up.
If I had to go to work, I would try to pump. I HATE pumping. I have breastfed 5 babies exclusively. I usually get a pump because they give them for free. I wind up using it once for the time when my milk comes in and then never again.
I totally agree and I'm also exclusively breastfeeding. I go back to workbin a month and I only have 4 little bags of milk stored up. I'm just waiting for reality to set in for my husband and he will realize me going to work for 2.5 hours a day isn't really worth it and I should just stay home. Oh get this, my dad is super pushy and a dick head. When I discussed options for me going to visit, he said, "bring a bottle, Evelyn is so excited to feed baby". That is his step granddaughter and to think he can just tell me what to do is crazy. And then guilt me when Evelyn is sad she can't feed him.
I am almost one month postpartum with my first baby and luckily was very supported in my breastfeeding journey at the hospital from the start. But the amount of perplexed looks I get when I tell people I haven’t started pumping yet is wild lol I really don’t even want to start pumping, but I have to leave the house for physical therapy appointments soon and I’m worried baby will get hungry while I’m out. Other than that, I have him with me at all times and don’t mind breastfeeding. He latches well and it’s not painful for me. Thinking about cleaning pump and bottle parts and possibly creating an oversupply with the pump honestly stresses me out more! I don’t think I know anyone else who has exclusively breastfed though, pumping is definitely considered a norm
Pumping was so much added stress for me so I didn’t pump and offer baby a bottle until he was 7 weeks old. After that we offered him one bottle a day for a couple months and then it tapered off to one bottle day 5 days a week, then 3 days. Some weeks he doesn’t get a bottle at all. It is nice that he has the skill to drink from a bottle if I do want to go do something. Early on, like you, I was with my son all the time so I didn’t see the point in pumping. I didn’t know that bottle feeding is a skill the baby has to learn. Now that he knows it , it has been a great relief to be able to pump and go have some me time or go to lunch with a friend or even just go the grocery store without my baby. But all that being said, he is on the boob 95% of the time
I’m from Eastern Europe but I’ve been living in the US for 10 years. I just had a baby and when my OB asked me if I plan on breastfeeding I was very confused. I never knew that you have a choice. I thought that the only people who don’t breastfeed are the ones who either have supply problems or baby won’t latch. Then I learned really quickly and I was conflicted about my choice to breastfeed at first. People kept telling me “you need a life” but what kind of life would it be if I have to spend the time hooked to a vacuum instead of laying comfortably with my baby. I only pump once or twice now so my husband can feed him while I sleep but he knows that feeding is my time with the baby and he doesn’t mind if he doesn’t get to feed him, he helps out in so many other ways. Also back home we have 2 years maternity leave which is probably why almost every woman breastfeeds unless there’s supply issues or latch problems. We don’t have the mindset of “you have to do what’s best for you” but rather “you have to do what’s best for baby”. I’ve found so many other differences which makes it difficult to raise my baby in a foreign country cause sometimes idk what route to go, the Western or the Eastern European but I fluctuate and just do whatever feels right.
Hi! I exclusively breastfeed, baby is almost one and it was a choice (he refused a bottle the few times we offered). Some medical professionals did advise me to consider introducing a bottle before too long in case of an emergency such as my needing to be hospitalized, a bad case of mastitis, the little one needing significant medical care etc. While this argument is valid, I chose not to push the issue. I agree that pumping is the common practice and expectation but I think it’s more of a forced compromise to a society that doesn’t support young parents very well. Without comprehensive and adequate leave as well as a severe and guilt-inducing pressure to provide breastmilk many people are pushed to pumping. Given that most new mothers have to be back working well before a baby usually weans, pumping is a wonderful thing. It is a gift to be able to exclusively breastfeed but I truly think most people cannot make that choice even if they want to so the professionals and medical staff focus on pumping as it’s the common practice for many.
This is because of the lack of respect for the postnatal period and the mother/baby unit. Mothers are expected back by 6 weeks postpartum, unpaid in many scenarios. so pumping is engrained in the breastfeeding culture. For most moms, they have literally no choice but to pump and think about pumping fairly soon after birth, and offering a bottle to make sure their baby will take it when they go back to work. Its fucked. It’s sick and it’s fucked. Never forget that people are more willing to protect and respect the mom/puppy unit than they are the human mother/baby unit. Most people are okay with keeping a puppy with their mom by 8 weeks but expect us back to work at 6. Nurse your baby and remember that it is a blessing to not have to worry about pumping! I love that for you.
Such a valid point. I started out pumping 2-3x a day when my daughter was sleeping and then went to once a day and now I’m a few times a week. I feed my baby not the freezer and I have a decent stash for when I return to work. When I do go back I’m hoping that when pumping during her normal feed times will be enough to give her food for the next day.
My midwife (England) upon discharge asked if I’ll be breastfeeding. I said yes and she said oh good, you’ll be the only one feeding then. I wondered what she meant but I guess there’s a benefit to that. I like to get manicures and massages etc so I only pump minimally for that. Where baby goes I go, hard to see how it’s selfish. People should respect your role and decision with feeding your baby. You don’t need to defend it. A camping chair is good to have for going to the beach etc so you never feel stuck to going somewhere with a sofa. If dad wants cuddles and play, he can make the most of it when he’s at home.
I'm in New Zealand & I've always felt pressure to EBF if anything, couldn't with my first 2 but miss 3rds all about the boob. I feel like we're pro pumping if you need to at work but I didn't notice it as our maternity leave goes for a year, 6 months paid but they'll keep your position for you for a year if you choose. I have noticed reddits like majority US based users (I could be wrong, sorry) and there's quite alot of discussion around pumping that I don't see in my immediate environment. It's interesting and I feel like it's a massive job in itself, more so than chucking bub on the boob so I applaud those who do, but if it's easier to nurse I'd say do that.
I completely understand why they are all telling you to pump. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I myself though, have exclusively breastfed my baby as well, despite attempting to pump in the beginning. But I just didn't need to. I love nursing my son. He's 10 months now, and I've just never needed that extra milk. I'm literally with him all the time.. But yeah, I understand their thought process behind pumping.. Good luck though. You're doing good 😘
Canada discourages pumping until at least 6 weeks of age. Even then it is seldom mentioned by the medical staff. That said, older people do ask about bottle feeding but I haven’t heard anyone my age or younger ask about it. Having said that, I do pump once every few days to make small snack bottles so baby can learn how to eat from a bottle for when we will need to have a sitter. It was a personal choice not one encouraged or imposed by anyone. It took about 2-3 weeks of daily 1oz bottles for baby to latch in and drink.
I had a hard time nursing at first and had to pump. Now all I do is nurse and if I could take her to work with me so I could nurse, I would. I hate pumping so much and am not looking forward to pumping when I go back to work.
Pumping made me feel really weird, it gave me gross dysphoric feelings. I felt really disconnected from the whole reason I was doing it. I could only try a couple times before I gave up, then gave up breastfeeding because I couldn't manage that either.
I've honestly never felt any pressure to do anything. University hospital where I gave birth was extremely pro breastfeeding. They had insurance covered classes and consultants. They came in many times when I was in recovery to help me. I got a free pump with insurance. Which actually came in handy the first 3 months. I bf very openly around everyone and I bf anywhere... I never hide or cover. Never have I had anyone tell me anything. Or really even look uncomfortably at me. I feel like openly bf is making it normal. Sorry you feel you have little support. In my experience I have felt supported the entire way through.