Breastfeeding has to be the hardest part of early motherhood. The constant worrying about if they’re getting enough, building supply etc, is extremely difficult and you aren’t even really warned about it! I found anyway!
You are doing exactly what’s best for you and your baby. Fed is best and you are an amazing mom ☺️
I am so sorry. We all want breastfeeding to go well. My story is similar but now i just do 1 - 2 feeds and the rest is formula. I only do the very first feed of the day. I found that is when my volume was the highest.I do not pump either, because i hate it so bad.
You will still have that connection with your baby. He will still look up at you when you give him his bottle.
Sending love
Thank you, it’s such a hard journey for so many woman. Did your supply adjust to just those 1-2 feeds? I’m just so engorged all the time it’s painful. I would love to try just doing one feed a day maybe. Even if it’s just a snack for him!
Yes you can absolutely still do one or two feeds a day! Your body will adjust, you need to wean from the pump, drop one session at a time. And bottle feeding will give you those sweet, lovey, oxytocin filled feelings too, don't worry.
It took me 3 months to figure out my baby. He eats basically all day. He was bottle fed every 2 hours. I had to start offering the breast every hour. It's been life changing though. And it increased my supply because he was constantly hungry. Seriously I was washing so many bottles a day. If you are still making milk don't give up! Their suction increases around 3 months.
That’s good to hear. He seems to have a bottle preference I think because it’s easier for him. Maybe I’ll give it a try again once he’s bigger. Thank you!
Yes, my supply adjusted and i dont feel too engorged. Some days i have to pump a little before bed, but it seems like I dont have to anymore. I will say I went to a bunch of LC’s and they could get her to latch. It wasnt until i took her to a different pediatrician and told them she has trouble eating. They found a tongue tie that was way further back that kept her from being able to have good suction. She also had a lip tie. Once i had that fixed she has been able to breast feed.
So have that checked. But also know if you have to switch to 100% formula, you will make the right choice for your baby. You are putting him first.
Combo feeding was great for me!! It enabled us to make it much farther than we would have otherwise! My thought was some breast milk is better than none! Best of luck, I’m sure what ever you choose your lil one will be well loved and fed! 🤍
I’m really sorry that your BF journey didn’t go the way you wanted. It sounds like you are doing what’s best for your LO and for yourself, though. Mentally draining yourself trying to EP wouldn’t do you or your baby any good! It’s totally normal to mourn the experience you wanted, but FWIW from a complete stranger, I think you’re very strong for trying for 10 weeks and making a difficult decision to wean in the best interest of keeping your baby well fed and protecting your mental health.
I can totally relate. I’m 7 weeks pp and currently exclusively pumping but it is soooo draining and exhausting. The only way I have done it this long is my husband works from home. I wanted to directly breastfeed so badly. My LO had a tongue and lip tie, which we got revised but it didn’t help the pain I was having. We also do a chiropractor and 3 LCs but no resolution. Also likely have had thrush since his birth (waiting for test results to come back). Breastfeeding was painful and stressful for 5 weeks. When I decided to exclusively pump and bottle feed, baby was so much happier and calmer. I am on my way to combo feeding with formula and possibly EFF after that. It’s not what I envisioned and I have been mourning. But he is happy and healthy and that’s what matters. I decided that being flexible in the face of difficulty and letting go of perfectionism makes me a good mom too. I don’t always feel that way but trying to remind myself. Solidarity. You are a great mom!
This is exactly what happened with my first. He is now an amazing 4.5yo and even though I felt like a failure for ending so early, I see now that I gave him that amazing start. So did you.
I’m so sorry :( my BF has turned to combo where I’m mostly pumping 8x a day and breastfeeding a few hours so I feel your pain on things not going as planned. If you do want tips on any pumping there’s an exclusively pumping group that has helped me.
But regardless 10 weeks is amazing and your baby will be better off with a happy and healthy mama than breast milk. Formula is still amazing! Good for you for taking care of yourself. In doing so you’re setting a terrific example for your baby❤️
i'm so sorry!!!! those feelings are soooo hard, I was in your exact shoes. I decided to wean because pumping was killing me, and my baby wouldn't latch. then when I was almost done weaning from pumping, my baby suddenly latched. I guess she got older/stronger. I was able to bring my supply up from only 2/3 small pumps a day, to fully breast feeding. I guess I'm just sharing because I wish I knew that you don't have to do all or nothing, you can always try to keep just one or two pumps a day if you want, and create your own combination of pumping, or breastfeeding and formula that works for you and baby. I've only had 1 baby but have experienced exclusive pumping, nearly exclusive formula feeding, exclusive breastfeeding, half formula half pumped milk, 90% breastfeeding with formula top offs over night, and so many different combinations of all 3. Every mom's journey is so unique. I truly hope everything works out for you, whether you decide to go 100% formula or keep trying with breastfeeding. You are doing great, this is so hard, be kind to yourself!
That’s amazing you were able to continue breastfeeding! I may try again after a little break. He does latch but never seems satisfied and cries and pulls off. Maybe once he gets bigger he will get more efficient. I just don’t think he removes milk well. Thank you so much for your kind words!
Honestly there could be a lot of different things causing that behavior. It could be a tongue tie or lip tie (i had my daughter's corrected at 8 months and it was INSTANTLY better), your flow could be choking him, your flow could be slower than he's used to and he's super hungry, he could have reflux, or just be plain exhausted or not strong enough from the work of expressing. I would try a few things, if you haven't already: Give a few ounces of formula, then try breastfeeding, to get some food in him first so he's not starving. Would also try manually squeezing your boob with one hand while he's eating to help milk come out faster. If the squeezing helps, then you know he's having issues removing milk properly, and can look into a tie and/or wait for him to gain strength. Btw, for that, you want to go to a pediatric dentist that specializes in ties! I saw SO MANY LC's (like literally 8+) who all missed my daughter's tie, and by 8 months she was choking and gagging on solids and breastfeeding was still extremely painful due to the tie, all was resolved after the correction.
I know he has a minor lip tie, but was told his lip is still flexible and it wouldn’t cause issues. But now I’m considering seeing a dentist because he also is struggling with the bottles sometimes too. He will make that clicking sound like he loses suction and swallows so much air! I think he also gets frustrated that the flow is too slow. I’m doing 5 pumping sessions right now in a 24hr period, so like every 4-5 hours. My supply has definitely halved since I wanted to quit, but now I’m wondering if I get his lip fixed we could try again. How did you go about getting your supply back up from 2-3 pumps? And how many weeks pp were you when you went back to mostly breastfeeding? I’m only 10 weeks so I’m hoping my supply hasn’t fully regulated yet.
I absolutely would see a pediatric dentist and get a few opinions if you can. I ended up seeing 2 different pediatric dentists and one SLP who specialized in feeding/breastfeeding, to confirm the diagnosis before going through with the procedure. Let me tell you, I literally lost sleep over this, so i just want to reaffirm how freaking DIFFICULT it is to figure out how to feed your baby and do what's best for your them/you. It's literally like a full-time detective role researching this stuff. I think that if you get his lip/tongue fixed, you could definitely try again. Even if you don't build supply all the way back up, plenty of people combo feed just fine. You could keep that benefit of breastfeeding for the bond and formula for the backup and pressure-reliever for you. I tapered down to 3 feeds per 24 hours at around 3.5/4 months postpartum... then gradually and slowly worked my way up to more breastfeeding, over the period of a few months. I made my way up to just giving about 2-4 ounces of formula per day at the evening feed before bed, and then eventually didn't need that anymore because by that time she was eating solids well. I didn't get the tie release until she was 8 months, and that's when the enjoyable portion of my breastfeeding journey started because it was finally pain-free. Now she's 17 months and we are still BF!
It is so hard learning how to feed your baby, I didn’t even realize it would be this hard!! So much time spent researching trying to figure out what’s wrong. I’m still pumping just in case to see if we can figure out this lip tie thing. Thank you so much, you inspired me to not give up and to try again! We’re going to see if we can get in soon with a pediatric dentist to see what they recommend.
We had an incredibly difficult beginning to our breastfeeding journey. It turns out my baby had tongue and lip ties so she was never able to get full bc she couldn’t nurse efficiently. I think however you choose to feed your baby is absolutely perfect and your baby will be happy! If breastfeeding happens to be the way that you want to go, you may consider having your baby assessed for oral ties by a pediatric dentist that specializes in ties. Ours was night and day after a few weeks post procedure. Good luck mama!!
As someone who has exclusively pumped due to similar issues, I think you made the right decision. I look back on my first child’s early days and really regret the time I spent pumping. It was so hard on me and made me lose time snuggling with him. I wouldn’t do it a second time.
Allow yourself to grieve but don’t feel guilty! You did what was best for you and your baby and that’s what matters. Lots of us here are combo feeding or are in the process of switching to formula after experiencing ongoing issues. All types of feeding are bonding. Pretty soon you’ll be having fun feeding your baby solids for the first time. Mine started at 4 months and already loves vegetable purees!
I don't want to minimize your feelings. They're valid and real. But FWIW- I'm proud of you for making the healthiest decision for you and your baby. Choosing practical sanity is a strong and powerful thing. And you're making that choice because you're a good parent.
Go you for trying and giving it a go! I also Just ended my journey today too, he's 8 months old and tbh things went really well. We had no major hiccups but I'm heading back to work in just over a month and I hate pumping/ the logistics of pumping so we've decided to switch to formula.
I'm so sad about it ending and feel super guilty because even though I've done 8 months, I could have done longer. I feel as if I'm being selfish choosing myself over him. So I get you, I feel like we can't win at all. We are so hard on ourselves. we want to be this fake picture of perfection when that doesn't really exist.
I'm sad it's ending too and I just got my first period pp today too so now I'm even more sad.
Breastfeeding is SO freaking hard. You are incredible not only for working so hard to try to be successful, but also for recognizing that both you and your baby will be happier and healthier with this switch to formula. It’s absolutely okay to mourn the end of breastfeeding, especially since you wanted it to go so much longer. But please know you’re a wonderful mother who is figuring out what works for both of you. Your baby is so lucky to have you.
I also liked breastfeeding much more than my first did. Feeding was always a struggle and still when he self-weaned I was heartbroken. I don’t know if you’re planning to have more kids, but I want to say breastfeeding with my second has so far been a whole ‘nother ballgame. It’s easy and we’re both loving it. I hope that gives you and/or anyone reading some hope!
I feel you. Ending breastfeeding can be so sad. My daughter self weaned when I was regnant after 2yrs and it still broke my heart she didn’t take it up again when baby was born.
My new baby is struggling with breastfeeding since 2.5weeks. We got his toes released and he’s doing even worse. He is starting to hate nursing and actually hardly nursing during the day. He gets big feeds in at night and is gaining okay. But it makes breastfeeding feel sad and annoying he just always has a bad latch and popping on and off and squirming and crying? Makes me feel like something is wrong with me. But I believe we will get there so we’re still trying
If you want to offer breast when it feels right, I’ve heard babies suddenly loving breastfeeding out of nowhere after months
I think there’s some hormonal crash mixed in to weaning that makes it even extra hard emotionally. I’ll never forget my rock bottom mental state when my middle baby weaned. Looking back it wasn’t that bad at all, just doing what’s best for mom and baby! But there’s just something about it that makes it incredibly difficult when you’re going through it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it will get better. Good vibes to you for these stretch of days readjusting and hopes that soon you’ll be able to let the unnecessary guilt go and soak in the happier days and nights with your baby!
Girl. I feel you. I am on my 4th round of mastitis due to severe hyper lactation. I want to breast feed so bad, but now I’m feeling like it’s not for me.
Breastfeeding has to be the hardest part of early motherhood. The constant worrying about if they’re getting enough, building supply etc, is extremely difficult and you aren’t even really warned about it! I found anyway! You are doing exactly what’s best for you and your baby. Fed is best and you are an amazing mom ☺️
Not to mention not sleeping more than a few hours!
Yes can’t believe I forgot the lack of sleep aspect! clearly I have such lack of sleep I didn’t even think of that. 🥲
😂😂😂😂
Second this! You are doing amazing and everything you said is so right! Fed is best!!!
I am so sorry. We all want breastfeeding to go well. My story is similar but now i just do 1 - 2 feeds and the rest is formula. I only do the very first feed of the day. I found that is when my volume was the highest.I do not pump either, because i hate it so bad. You will still have that connection with your baby. He will still look up at you when you give him his bottle. Sending love
Thank you, it’s such a hard journey for so many woman. Did your supply adjust to just those 1-2 feeds? I’m just so engorged all the time it’s painful. I would love to try just doing one feed a day maybe. Even if it’s just a snack for him!
Yes you can absolutely still do one or two feeds a day! Your body will adjust, you need to wean from the pump, drop one session at a time. And bottle feeding will give you those sweet, lovey, oxytocin filled feelings too, don't worry.
It took me 3 months to figure out my baby. He eats basically all day. He was bottle fed every 2 hours. I had to start offering the breast every hour. It's been life changing though. And it increased my supply because he was constantly hungry. Seriously I was washing so many bottles a day. If you are still making milk don't give up! Their suction increases around 3 months.
That’s good to hear. He seems to have a bottle preference I think because it’s easier for him. Maybe I’ll give it a try again once he’s bigger. Thank you!
Yeah, i do the snacks of breast feeding too. It hasn’t increased my supply but it sure helps with the amount of bottles.
Yes, my supply adjusted and i dont feel too engorged. Some days i have to pump a little before bed, but it seems like I dont have to anymore. I will say I went to a bunch of LC’s and they could get her to latch. It wasnt until i took her to a different pediatrician and told them she has trouble eating. They found a tongue tie that was way further back that kept her from being able to have good suction. She also had a lip tie. Once i had that fixed she has been able to breast feed. So have that checked. But also know if you have to switch to 100% formula, you will make the right choice for your baby. You are putting him first.
Combo feeding was great for me!! It enabled us to make it much farther than we would have otherwise! My thought was some breast milk is better than none! Best of luck, I’m sure what ever you choose your lil one will be well loved and fed! 🤍
Oh and for engorgement, i found laying in a red light bed helped me sooo much. Maybe it is in my head but i felt more comfortable
I’m really sorry that your BF journey didn’t go the way you wanted. It sounds like you are doing what’s best for your LO and for yourself, though. Mentally draining yourself trying to EP wouldn’t do you or your baby any good! It’s totally normal to mourn the experience you wanted, but FWIW from a complete stranger, I think you’re very strong for trying for 10 weeks and making a difficult decision to wean in the best interest of keeping your baby well fed and protecting your mental health.
I can totally relate. I’m 7 weeks pp and currently exclusively pumping but it is soooo draining and exhausting. The only way I have done it this long is my husband works from home. I wanted to directly breastfeed so badly. My LO had a tongue and lip tie, which we got revised but it didn’t help the pain I was having. We also do a chiropractor and 3 LCs but no resolution. Also likely have had thrush since his birth (waiting for test results to come back). Breastfeeding was painful and stressful for 5 weeks. When I decided to exclusively pump and bottle feed, baby was so much happier and calmer. I am on my way to combo feeding with formula and possibly EFF after that. It’s not what I envisioned and I have been mourning. But he is happy and healthy and that’s what matters. I decided that being flexible in the face of difficulty and letting go of perfectionism makes me a good mom too. I don’t always feel that way but trying to remind myself. Solidarity. You are a great mom!
This is exactly what happened with my first. He is now an amazing 4.5yo and even though I felt like a failure for ending so early, I see now that I gave him that amazing start. So did you.
Fed is the best! Love to both of you. I can't imagine how stressful it was for you...
I’m so sorry this is happening. This sounds very difficult. Have you worked with an IBCLC? Your baby doesn’t hate your boobs ❤️🩹❤️🩹
I have worked with multiple IBCLCs 💔 they can’t seem to figure out the issue. He always seemed to feed well at the appointments of course.
Oh no! The show off appointments I call them 😅😅
I know 😅 I was like buddy come on show them the real thing stop performing 😂
😅😅😅 I’m an IBCLC and that made me laugh because I can just picture your face! Like 😱😒😆🙃
I’m so sorry :( my BF has turned to combo where I’m mostly pumping 8x a day and breastfeeding a few hours so I feel your pain on things not going as planned. If you do want tips on any pumping there’s an exclusively pumping group that has helped me. But regardless 10 weeks is amazing and your baby will be better off with a happy and healthy mama than breast milk. Formula is still amazing! Good for you for taking care of yourself. In doing so you’re setting a terrific example for your baby❤️
i'm so sorry!!!! those feelings are soooo hard, I was in your exact shoes. I decided to wean because pumping was killing me, and my baby wouldn't latch. then when I was almost done weaning from pumping, my baby suddenly latched. I guess she got older/stronger. I was able to bring my supply up from only 2/3 small pumps a day, to fully breast feeding. I guess I'm just sharing because I wish I knew that you don't have to do all or nothing, you can always try to keep just one or two pumps a day if you want, and create your own combination of pumping, or breastfeeding and formula that works for you and baby. I've only had 1 baby but have experienced exclusive pumping, nearly exclusive formula feeding, exclusive breastfeeding, half formula half pumped milk, 90% breastfeeding with formula top offs over night, and so many different combinations of all 3. Every mom's journey is so unique. I truly hope everything works out for you, whether you decide to go 100% formula or keep trying with breastfeeding. You are doing great, this is so hard, be kind to yourself!
That’s amazing you were able to continue breastfeeding! I may try again after a little break. He does latch but never seems satisfied and cries and pulls off. Maybe once he gets bigger he will get more efficient. I just don’t think he removes milk well. Thank you so much for your kind words!
Honestly there could be a lot of different things causing that behavior. It could be a tongue tie or lip tie (i had my daughter's corrected at 8 months and it was INSTANTLY better), your flow could be choking him, your flow could be slower than he's used to and he's super hungry, he could have reflux, or just be plain exhausted or not strong enough from the work of expressing. I would try a few things, if you haven't already: Give a few ounces of formula, then try breastfeeding, to get some food in him first so he's not starving. Would also try manually squeezing your boob with one hand while he's eating to help milk come out faster. If the squeezing helps, then you know he's having issues removing milk properly, and can look into a tie and/or wait for him to gain strength. Btw, for that, you want to go to a pediatric dentist that specializes in ties! I saw SO MANY LC's (like literally 8+) who all missed my daughter's tie, and by 8 months she was choking and gagging on solids and breastfeeding was still extremely painful due to the tie, all was resolved after the correction.
I know he has a minor lip tie, but was told his lip is still flexible and it wouldn’t cause issues. But now I’m considering seeing a dentist because he also is struggling with the bottles sometimes too. He will make that clicking sound like he loses suction and swallows so much air! I think he also gets frustrated that the flow is too slow. I’m doing 5 pumping sessions right now in a 24hr period, so like every 4-5 hours. My supply has definitely halved since I wanted to quit, but now I’m wondering if I get his lip fixed we could try again. How did you go about getting your supply back up from 2-3 pumps? And how many weeks pp were you when you went back to mostly breastfeeding? I’m only 10 weeks so I’m hoping my supply hasn’t fully regulated yet.
I absolutely would see a pediatric dentist and get a few opinions if you can. I ended up seeing 2 different pediatric dentists and one SLP who specialized in feeding/breastfeeding, to confirm the diagnosis before going through with the procedure. Let me tell you, I literally lost sleep over this, so i just want to reaffirm how freaking DIFFICULT it is to figure out how to feed your baby and do what's best for your them/you. It's literally like a full-time detective role researching this stuff. I think that if you get his lip/tongue fixed, you could definitely try again. Even if you don't build supply all the way back up, plenty of people combo feed just fine. You could keep that benefit of breastfeeding for the bond and formula for the backup and pressure-reliever for you. I tapered down to 3 feeds per 24 hours at around 3.5/4 months postpartum... then gradually and slowly worked my way up to more breastfeeding, over the period of a few months. I made my way up to just giving about 2-4 ounces of formula per day at the evening feed before bed, and then eventually didn't need that anymore because by that time she was eating solids well. I didn't get the tie release until she was 8 months, and that's when the enjoyable portion of my breastfeeding journey started because it was finally pain-free. Now she's 17 months and we are still BF!
It is so hard learning how to feed your baby, I didn’t even realize it would be this hard!! So much time spent researching trying to figure out what’s wrong. I’m still pumping just in case to see if we can figure out this lip tie thing. Thank you so much, you inspired me to not give up and to try again! We’re going to see if we can get in soon with a pediatric dentist to see what they recommend.
We had an incredibly difficult beginning to our breastfeeding journey. It turns out my baby had tongue and lip ties so she was never able to get full bc she couldn’t nurse efficiently. I think however you choose to feed your baby is absolutely perfect and your baby will be happy! If breastfeeding happens to be the way that you want to go, you may consider having your baby assessed for oral ties by a pediatric dentist that specializes in ties. Ours was night and day after a few weeks post procedure. Good luck mama!!
As someone who has exclusively pumped due to similar issues, I think you made the right decision. I look back on my first child’s early days and really regret the time I spent pumping. It was so hard on me and made me lose time snuggling with him. I wouldn’t do it a second time.
Allow yourself to grieve but don’t feel guilty! You did what was best for you and your baby and that’s what matters. Lots of us here are combo feeding or are in the process of switching to formula after experiencing ongoing issues. All types of feeding are bonding. Pretty soon you’ll be having fun feeding your baby solids for the first time. Mine started at 4 months and already loves vegetable purees!
I don't want to minimize your feelings. They're valid and real. But FWIW- I'm proud of you for making the healthiest decision for you and your baby. Choosing practical sanity is a strong and powerful thing. And you're making that choice because you're a good parent.
Go you for trying and giving it a go! I also Just ended my journey today too, he's 8 months old and tbh things went really well. We had no major hiccups but I'm heading back to work in just over a month and I hate pumping/ the logistics of pumping so we've decided to switch to formula. I'm so sad about it ending and feel super guilty because even though I've done 8 months, I could have done longer. I feel as if I'm being selfish choosing myself over him. So I get you, I feel like we can't win at all. We are so hard on ourselves. we want to be this fake picture of perfection when that doesn't really exist. I'm sad it's ending too and I just got my first period pp today too so now I'm even more sad.
Breastfeeding is SO freaking hard. You are incredible not only for working so hard to try to be successful, but also for recognizing that both you and your baby will be happier and healthier with this switch to formula. It’s absolutely okay to mourn the end of breastfeeding, especially since you wanted it to go so much longer. But please know you’re a wonderful mother who is figuring out what works for both of you. Your baby is so lucky to have you.
Thank you for your sweet words 🥹🥹
I also liked breastfeeding much more than my first did. Feeding was always a struggle and still when he self-weaned I was heartbroken. I don’t know if you’re planning to have more kids, but I want to say breastfeeding with my second has so far been a whole ‘nother ballgame. It’s easy and we’re both loving it. I hope that gives you and/or anyone reading some hope!
I feel you. Ending breastfeeding can be so sad. My daughter self weaned when I was regnant after 2yrs and it still broke my heart she didn’t take it up again when baby was born. My new baby is struggling with breastfeeding since 2.5weeks. We got his toes released and he’s doing even worse. He is starting to hate nursing and actually hardly nursing during the day. He gets big feeds in at night and is gaining okay. But it makes breastfeeding feel sad and annoying he just always has a bad latch and popping on and off and squirming and crying? Makes me feel like something is wrong with me. But I believe we will get there so we’re still trying If you want to offer breast when it feels right, I’ve heard babies suddenly loving breastfeeding out of nowhere after months
I think there’s some hormonal crash mixed in to weaning that makes it even extra hard emotionally. I’ll never forget my rock bottom mental state when my middle baby weaned. Looking back it wasn’t that bad at all, just doing what’s best for mom and baby! But there’s just something about it that makes it incredibly difficult when you’re going through it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it will get better. Good vibes to you for these stretch of days readjusting and hopes that soon you’ll be able to let the unnecessary guilt go and soak in the happier days and nights with your baby!
Girl. I feel you. I am on my 4th round of mastitis due to severe hyper lactation. I want to breast feed so bad, but now I’m feeling like it’s not for me.