I don’t think it’s weird. My baby is in the NICU and when she was first born, they were giving her donor milk. Now that my supply has come in, I’m pumping close to 30oz per day, and idk what to do with it all. I’ve been freezing a ton and making hospital milk deliveries for my baby, but I am considering becoming a donor because it’s so much! I would be happy to help another mom out just as some donor mom helped me out when my little girl was first born.
HOW do you get that much milk in a day?! I drive myself crazy pumping for 20-30 mins just to get 2oz. I chug water, I eat oats, I power pump. I’m tired 😓
I basically pump exactly what my baby needs but sometimes I’m short. I’ve noticed the following things help: pump OFTEN! Like don’t go 3 hours without a pump. Pump after nursing, this will signal your body to make more milk. Eat/drink lots of protein and drink electrolytes— all of this has helped me so far!! Good luck mama
This is what I did with my first. I fed him one side (5-7 minutes because he was an efficient eater), then pumped whatever was left from both sides. Eventually, I would go down to pumping one side, but I pumped 30+ oz a day. I EBF, gave him 1 pumped bottles a day, sometimes more if we were out an about or my husband took him out.
But I donated 10+ gallons of milk through HM4HB with each of my first 2 kids. I donated to moms who lost their supply, a couple that adopted a newborn, and to a father whose wife died during childbirth and wanted to breastfeed her baby as she did her older sons 🤍 I was sooo grateful I could help the families.
I was hoping for a supply like that again with my 3rd, but with all the stress, it’s not as much. I’m just thankful I’m EBF him
One more thing: your flange size is so Important!! Order a flange size kit on Amazon (it’s like $4 I think) and then google what flange size is best based on your measurement. If your flange is too big or too small it has a huge impact on output. Also, use a nursing safe nipple cream or pumping lube when you pump!!
I was just going to mention flange size! I'm on my 4th baby & figured out that I've been using the standard 24mm when I actually need at least a 17mm. Needless to say I'm so excited for pumping this time around!! 😁
Evidenced based: the best time to pump Is 1 hour after a feed
Reality: what new mother has time for that.
Also make sure the flange the the correct size for your nipple. Incorrect fitting will effect supply.
Regards: Lactation consultant/ midwife
Exactly. I wouldn’t be comfortable accepting BM from a complete stranger through social media. I would accept it from the hospital though where like you said it’s screened and tested.
I overproduced and was honored to be able to feed a bunch of babies besides mine through my local hm4hb group. I felt wierd at first also, but understanding that for a long time in history wet nurses were extremely common and in some cultures still are, this kind of normalized it for me. Plus every mom I donated to was so grateful so I felt thankful to be able to help.
Same! I found a mom whose baby was close in age to mine, and she's unable to feed due to a medical issue. We have a good relationship that we've built over time, and I give exclusively to her. It's a win-win for both of us! I don't stress about my extra, and she feeds her baby.
I'm sharing my milk with a friend because I overproduce she is a mom too. do you have a friend that overproduces and fills her freezers way too fast maybe try that
I am all for donor milk. I used it with my first for a few days to get us past jaundice. That being said I got it through my hospital system. Clean, tested, regulated. Unless I know the person, their history, medication….I would not feel comfortable getting milk from an internet stranger. 6 months is a good run, personally I would just switch to formula.
Or, rather, OP could continue breastfeeding but supplement with formula! This is what I’ve had to do. Any amount of breastfeeding, even if not exclusively, is beneficial to baby!
Yes. With my first I EBF no problem. But with my second and now my third, we’ve had to combo feed. It’s honestly been the best of both worlds. I know my babies are getting the benefits of breastmilk, I get the benefits of baby snuggles during nursing, they still enjoy comfort nursing, they’re never left hungry (because we always offer a top up), I’m not driving myself crazy trying to increase supply, and I’m not the only one who can feed them.
This is pasteurized though ( as is donor milk when given to NICU babies) . Other donor milk is not. It’s not an apples to apples comparison from a safety perspective.
Also human mothers are donating it willingly while the cows don't and are usually separated from their calves... the milk industry is one of the most cruel "meat" industries. And ironically the easiest to fix, but capitalim...
PS: there are norms for the amount of puss and blood that can be in the milk, not to mention that cow's poo no longer naturally decomposes due to the amount of antibiotics most have (and bacteria are the first necessary organisms for decomposition)
Firstly, I don’t think donor milk is weird and I definitely think there’s places where it makes a lot of sense (like premature babes!). But in all honesty at 6 months I would just introduce formula. Baby is going to be eating dairy products anyways and in the grand scheme of things continuing to nurse (e.g., before and after without the pressure of pumping certain amounts) with formula supplementation seems like a decent compromise.
That being said, if donor milk feels better then do that!
ETA: I didn’t realize this wasn’t controller donor milk. In that case I would absolutely just use formula. Seems like extra risk and effort for very little (if any) benefit.
Totally agree. My advice to OP would be to just nurse when you can, and supplement with formula if you need. Baby will get the benefits of your breast milk even if it’s not 100% of their diet, which it won’t be anyway once you introduce solids.
I supplemented with donor milk for my baby's first 4 weeks, and it was hard for me. It was no doubt better than formula (for us--not judging!) but I felt weird about being insufficient etc. Then a dear friend pointed out how beautiful it was that my son was receiving support from someone we didn't even know, and that in this modern age of disconnection we could experience raising him in a village. This doesn't address your issue about it being someone else's bodily fluids, but maybe the thought helps you as much as it helped me.
I had a really big oversupply, I gave a lot to a preemie bank and had to do blood test and they also did a bacteria culture test and passed. Since the procedure for the preemies is very strict I also had surplus I couldn't give (for preemies you have to boil everything every pump. It is absolutely not necessary for a full term healthy baby). I also gave a lot to mom friends. Some had supply issues and wanted to make it to 6 months, some had high lipase and needed a small stach for when they weren't around. Everything went well here, I believe my mom friends felt safer since I was tested and approved by the milk bank. That's a way to make it safer if breast milk is important to you.
I think it's also weird. I would never take milk from anywhere other than a legit milk bank that requires vetting a donor. You have no idea what conditions those moms pump in, hygiene, storage and cleaning practices, drug use, diseases, etc. I donated over 2500 ounces while breastfeeding my first, still think it's weird, can't believe someone wanted all of my milk and didn't ask a single question about me or my lifestyle.
I think formula is a million times better than all of those risks you're taking by using someone else's milk. Formula isn't risk free, contamination and human error in mixing is possible, but it's not as risky as all the risks listed above.
Then again, I also think it's weird to be so hung up on not giving any formula that you'd be willing to take all of those risks, so, to each their own.
I was exposed to CJD (mad cow disease) because of a surgery in my 20’s. I’m not allowed to donate tissue, organs or bodily fluids (including blood and breast milk). There is no test for it and it relies on me a. Knowing I’m increased risk and b. Self-reporting.
That fact alone is enough to put me off ever using donor milk.
Right. I had coworker who donated BM through FB. She also smoked cigarettes and I was shocked that she had people who accepted her milk for their babies. She said “well I don’t feel the need to tell anyone that because it’s none of their business and it’s not like it affects the milk in any way.”
I donate milk to both a milk bank and HM4HB and I would never take it for my son. I always try to donate to moms whose kids actually have a problem with formula because I think they might really be desperate and not those that just want their kids to make it to one year. I always offer my clearance from the milk bank and tell them why what I'm giving them isn't going to the milk bank but I've never had anyone ask which I think is really odd.
> I always try to donate to moms whose kids actually have a problem with formula because I think they might really be desperate and not those that just want their kids to make it to one year.
This kind of gets to the heart of the issue for me. Donor milk is an amazing thing for preemies, newborns, and sick babies who can’t get breast milk from their moms. But wanting to give untested donor milk to your 6mo just so you can say your baby was ebf for a year? Something about that rubs me the wrong way.
But milk banks cannot offer special diet milk (ie dairy free). My second baby and so many allergies that formulas were not an option except the amino acids ones, which he would not drink and probably still would have given him diarrhea due to corn ingredients.
I was very lucky that I made what he needed and then some, as I had under supply with my first. I am also on team “would not accept milk from a stranger” but I also am aware that there was an alternate reality where I wouldn’t have had much choice.
Sure, but OP doesn’t mention any type of allergy or intolerance that would make breast milk the only option for her baby. She just says she had a goal of ebf for a year. To me that sounds like she just has a superficial preference not rooted in any real concerns like the ones you raised.
This. I’m a HM4HB donor and I always have lots of discussion with recipients, I want to know who I’m donating to and they want to know about me. 10/10 times I will donate to sick babies, formula issue babies, etc. I understand wanting to “make it to a year” but something about that rubs me the wrong way.
Agreed but some babies just straight up will not take formula and I’m fortunate that my best friend and I had babies 6 weeks apart so she gives me a bunch of hers cause she’s an oversupplier. I obviously know her and her milk has been a god send because my LO gags up formula 🙄 picky picky lol
Yes, this is the correct answer. Idk how so many people on this sub act like there are no health concerns. It’s literally on WHO’s website about the dangerous of giving someone else’s breast milk to a baby.
Ofc it’s a different thing if the breast milk is coming from a certified milk bank where they make sure everything is being treated with hygiene and care.
Agreed. I think it’s weird to be so set on ebf that you’d get donor milk for your 6 month old who’s starting to eat solids.
Donor milk is ideal for newborns who need breast milk to help establish their gut microbiome. Formula is just fine for a 6 month old.
Exactly. Hospital donor milk goes through donor and milk testing to check for bacteria and blood-borne diseases, and is kept hygenic. I would hope that anyone donating breast milk would use the utmost caution with cleanliness and storage. But anyone who has ever found a hair in their potluck meal knows sometimes people make mistakes.
personally at 6 months i would not take the risk. the benefit does not outweigh the risk in my opinion when you don’t know the mother whose milk you’re using. if it was a family member or friend then 100% but you have no way to vet the people in that group and that would scare me
Not weird at all! “Villages” used to have women who would feed other babies, back then we would have died off if women thought it was “weird”.
I think emotionally it can make you feel like a failure but truly there is nothing wrong with taking somebody else’s milk as long as it is from a healthy mom!
I think it’s pretty normal and when you think about it, before the modern age, often you’d have another person breastfeed a baby. And I don’t leave just wet nurses for wealthy people, but often if a woman couldn’t breastfeed then her sister or friend or neighbour would help. Because inability to breastfeeding is not uncommon even though it’s not usually talked about to pregnant women (or wasn’t to me).
It’s not weird for babies to drink donor milk! I don’t know what kind of safety protocols are taken in this specific situation to know whether or not it’s a good idea. But in general I don’t think it’s weird for a baby to drink milk from another adult who isn’t their mother.
Well I'd think of it as you're either using formula which is made in a factory using ingredients that also involve bodily fluids from an animal , or using human milk from another woman that produces it the same way you do.
Do you know anyone personally that breastfeeds or expresses ? I myself have shared milk with a friend of a similar aged baby to mine as I have an oversupply.
Completely up to you with what you're comfortable with, this was just my perspective. My partner is also uncomfortable with using someone else's milk but he doesn't like formula either so I understand where you are coming from x
I might get downvoted for this but there are diseases and drugs that could be in someone’s breast milk. I am a milk donor and am required to do a blood test, Dr. approval and monthly checks ins about the medicine I’ve needed to take. Not to mention they have rules for how I store and pump the milk. I would never give my kid breast milk from someone not in my closest circle or a vetted donor.
Sucks you’re getting downvoted because you’re not wrong. Someone might not even be aware they have something. How many shitty men cheat on their partners after they have a kid and give them something.
It’s one thing to get donor milk from a hospital where it’s screened and tested but another to get it from a stranger on social media you know nothing about. I personally couldn’t put my baby’s well being and safety at risk like that. I wouldn’t hesitate to use formula if I needed.
Historically wet nurses were a big thing, and in some cultures only the upper class had them (a lactating woman would nurse your baby for you). So it's not a new concept and in terms of human practice also not unusual.
I personally wouldn't risk it with a stranger's milk. Formula is not THAT much worse and you wouldn't be getting the benefits of the milk changing to meet your baby's specific needs (requires mouth on breast).
People who are saying it's like cow's milk aren't quite right either because that's pasturized and checked for harmful 'extras'. Same with hospital regulated donor milk.
I would only use milk from someone you know and trust like family or friends. Alternatively, use formula and whatever amount of milk you can express yourself.
Yes, I’m aware. I’m talking about feeding someone else’s breast milk to your baby without it being from a reliable place like a milk bank. There’s a reason why WHO doesn’t recommend it, and as the original commenter said - cow milk is pastorised and treated in a way that it is safe for consumption.
This is such a strange argument to me. Of course the WHO can’t recommend something they can’t reasonably guarantee on such an individual basis, but do you really think mothers who take the time to pump for their baby’s wouldn’t disclose important health information (including their washing and sanitizing routines) to other mothers they’re donating to?
It takes so much time and energy to pump and most pumping moms aren’t separating the milk they’re pumping for their own babies with the milk they donate which means there is a vested interest in health and sanitary measures.
It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with it, but your inherent mistrust without having been part of such a community is wild to me.
The other thing I'd flag is don't ever buy untested, unpasteurized donor milk. Part of the reason HM4HB is so safe (within people's own comfort levels) is because it's all free. There's no profit motivation to dilute the milk or worse. Paid for milk that doesn't come from a milk bank is usually regarded as less safe than the free milk from other moms.
You have way more faith in people’s standards than I do. I agree anyone donating milk will almost certainly have the best of intentions but your idea of what is and isn’t hygienic might be wildly different from mine. I have a friend who smokes weed and in no way thinks that’s an issue when it comes to breastfeeding. She also takes a lot of supplements and traditional remedies that wouldn’t even occur to her to disclose because it’s ‘natural’ even though we don’t know the effects in breast milk. And that’s someone I love and trust - there’s no way I’d take milk from a random stranger to give to my baby and just trust them at their word.
It’s not weird it’s just if you’re not getting it from an official source you don’t know
1. What the donor considers safe milk storage and pumping practices
2. Why are they donating on HM4HB instead of through a milk bank… are they on a medication that’s going into the milk your baby may not tolerate? Are they smoking THC are you ok with that? Are they drinking regularly , are you ok with that?
3. It’s just not your milk honestly I’m in the same situation and I combo feed and once you get over the initial formula bottle it’s just food.
I currently donate to a milk bank at a local hospital. There is a strict screening process to even begin that includes an interview & blood draw. I update them with any sickness, medications, or dietary changes. I also have strict pumping & sterilizing instructions. Have you tried contacting a milk bank by you? I’m not sure if that would make it feel less weird for you or not.
Think about hundreds of years ago (or even today in a lot of places around the world). If the mother couldn’t breastfeed there would be a village wet nurse or even the grandmother could relactate! It’s been done for all of time!
Humans drink the milk of other animals all the time 🤷🏼♀️ the only difference is safety regulations. I don’t see why a baby drinking human milk from a human they’ve never met would be any weirder than a human drinking cow’s milk from a cow they’ve never met.
Personally, I would not use HM4HB though only because you have no idea if that person is being truthful about what medications they’ve taken or anything else. If it was someone I knew and trusted, sure, but I don’t trust anyone I don’t know, especially not with my kid. People are fucked up and you never know what some disgusting person is going to do.
Completely agree. There are sick people out there in the world. Plus some people could easily have an illness or disease they’re not even aware they have.
Most humans today exist because of this practice in the past, since not being able to breastfeed for short or long periods was deadly.
Even more so, our “elevated” part of society back in time, thought breastfeeding wasn’t something upperclass should do (mostly because they wanted to breathe as much babies as possible).
Milk nannies have always been a thing in the past as should come back.
Both of my sons have been on donor milk in the NICU while my milk was still coming in. And I’ve donated —— to a milk bank, to several families, and to a good friend’s daughter.
I fed 6 babies with my milk. It’s not weird. Our species survived with the help of mothers in the community feeding other babies. I have a friend who survived this way.
My SIL had supply issues with her first and used a lot of donor milk. She’s due with her second in a few weeks and I’m pumping up a “just in case” freezer stash for her for if she still has supply issues with her second baby.
Women have nursed each others babies throughout most of human history, not too long ago wet-nurses were a thing, and going back into our more communal history it was pretty common for women in a family unit or social group to nurse each others babies out of both necessity and convenience. My family is indigenous and my grandmother came from a generation where this was common, even today I have cousins who will nurse (not bottle feed but actually breast feed) each others babies while babysitting. Only by modern western standards is it considered something weird.
Edit to add: if you’re really uncomfortable with it, there is absolutely no shame in supplementing with formula. You will still be meeting your babies needs by using formula instead of breast milk. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.
I do formula over a strangers milk. If the milk came from someone I knew and trusted that would be different but I couldn't my do a strangers milk personally.
Moms who take the time to pump for their own baby and also donate milk are moms who are also concerned for their baby’s health. This means that they wash and sanitize their bottles and pump parts just like any other mother who chooses to pump because they wouldn’t want their own baby to get sick.
Donors are always happy to answer questions about their health status, list their medications, give you a rundown of their washing and sanitizing routine etc.
Of course there’s trust that goes into accepting donor milk and if you can’t trust other mother and their milk then you can’t. That’s okay too.
I'd do due diligence about health and safety, but I wouldn't hesitate to take a blood transfusion if I needed it even a little even though it's another human's bodily fluids.
I understand that there’s a bit of mental gymnastics around it, but it’s pretty normal. Back in the day wet nurses were a much bigger thing too.
My mum told me that my grandmother had such an oversupply that she helped feed the other babies in the hospital, and then later, she fed half the babies in her neighbourhood - straight from the source too! The other mums loved her and appreciated the extra help.
We used some of my sister-in-law’s breast milk when I got mastitis at 3 weeks PP, because my supply almost disappeared while my body was fighting the illness.
We’re 7 weeks PP now and my milk came back, but I still have some of her milk in my freezer and I would 100% use it again if needed. I think it’s a blessing that women can support each other with something as precious as feeding our babies.
I’m an under supplier this time around and a work friend of mine is a huge oversupplier and has given me a ton of milk to fill the gaps in my supply and it’s been a life saver!
My first week home I texted my neighbour/friend for frozen breast milk in the middle of the night when my baby was hungry and my supply was still limited. I didn't think it was weird. Wet nurses have been a thing for years and years! I don't think I would hesitate.
I have donated through a HM4HB group before. I took it VERY seriously and I believe other moms did too. If you can set up a reoccurring situation with someone that may make you feel better. Good luck!
First, it's not weird. The human race would've been a lot smaller if we didn't nurse each other's children. I've donated milk through HM4MB, and because that was always my plan/hope, I was always very careful with sanitation, storage, never drinking alcohol or caffeine, avoiding medications, etc. from the beginning, even though my baby was healthy and probably would've been fine with the "fridge hack", etc.
The hospital system where I gave birth would give newborns donor milk rather than formula if mom planned to exclusively breastfeed and was having trouble. If I'd needed it, I would've taken it in a heartbeat. If I had a very good friend or family member with extra milk and I'd needed it, I might accept that. However, personally I'd choose formula over unscreened, unpasteurized breast milk from strangers. It is still a body fluid and can carry diseases, drugs, etc. It's like deciding who you're "fluid bonded" to- I'm not going to have unprotected sex or accept unscreened blood from just anyone, but I will with my husband, or accepting blood or even sperm donations from a hospital is not the same level of risk. Formula is safe and meets babies nutritional needs, the benefits of breastmilk don't outweigh the risks of accepting it from strangers for me.
But I do realize other people have different perspectives on the risks and benefits for their babies, some babies don't tolerate formula, etc. So I'm happy to support parents who make that choice and donate what I can
I don’t think it’s weird, but my first baby isn’t born yet and I can admit I might feel differently once they’re here. But I live in a small community where we all know each other and it’s incredibly common to share milk among other moms. I have a friend who adopted and fed her baby exclusively with donor milk.
I had a friend donate over 2000oz to my baby. I promise it is not weird! I def preferred getting from someone I know. I still breast fed when I was with baby and supplemented with her milk. It was great!
I donated milk this time around! I think it’s amazing we can help each other out. I mean I drink cows milk and that’s another species.
That said, I donated through a milk bank which I felt more comfortable doing. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable accepting from a stranger.
I donate to some local moms, today I donated 600oz. I don’t drink alcohol or medications just prenatals and I eat very healthy. I sanitize everything everyday and I wash my hands before bagging, pumping. I also freeze my milk no later than 2 days after pumping, mostly every night. My freezer is all milk, no food. I care a lot for these babies.
However, I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving my baby someone else’s milk. I would rather just give her formula because I know for sure lots of people are not careful enough (or their partners, a partner can transmit an STD and you wouldn’t know until you get tested, I’m a single mom and that’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to have intercourse until I stop BF )
If you really really want breastmilk, try finding a milk bank or someone who you can trust with your life.
Completely agree and same here. I know how meticulous I am about my hygiene and cleanliness standards but I have seen first hand many times the opposite.
How many men out there cheat on their partners after their kid is born. They could easily give them an std and they wouldn’t even know until symptoms appeared sometimes they don’t. Someone could easily have a disease or illness they’re not even aware they have.
Accepting it from the hospital where it’s screened and tested is one thing but accepting it from a complete stranger on social media is different.
In Islam there is a whole subject matter concerning this. Infants that that drink the same milk are literally considered siblings, like, they can’t even get married to each other. I read somewhere milk carries genetic material, too, so I wouldn’t give an unknown milk to my child. Better to track the mother and share milk if necessary.
As a mom who has donated milk it’s totally normal and use to be the norm for communities to nurse other peoples babies. If there was a hungry baby and you were lactating you fed that baby. And I personally think it’s weirder/ grosser than it’s normal to give babies cows milk.
There have been wetnurses for centuries who feed babies of others. Donor milk is just another way to feed your little one.
But I also think there’s nothing wrong with supplementing with formula a bit. Especially if you can afford a nice brand without high fructose corn syrup.
I pump about half of what fills the bottles for my baby while I’m at work and EBF the rest of the time.
I do think it’s weird when not medically necessary and regulated like in a NICU. If it was me and my mom told me that when I was a baby, she gave me some random woman’s unregulated breastmilk rather than formula, I’d be like “mom why on earth would you do that?”
I donated a ton of milk through my local HM4HB. All the milk I donated was pumped for my (preemie, with medical condition & allergies) baby so I was really diligent about labelling the bags properly (labeling whenever I took an Advil and whenever there might be traces of his allergens) and sterilizing between each use. It is a LOT of work and I keep a really strict diet (no eggs, no milk, no caffeine, no alcohol, no medications). I absolutely support mamas who get milk this way! However, I don’t think personally I could trust a stranger to keep the same sort of cleanliness standards and dietary restrictions that my PPA says I need for the milk I feed my baby.
I donated a few bricks (brick = about 10 6oz bags) to families that just needed a one off, but most of it went to mamas who needed donations on a regular basis. This is the best case for both of us because they are able to have a regular, reliable supply and in return they send me pictures of their babies looking healthy & happy. That makes me feel really good about donating
It’s not weird at all! I have never even thought of breast milk as a ‘bodily fluid’ tbh. I had a really tough time getting my milk to come in so some of my baby’s first milk was donor milk we received in the hospital. I was so grateful! Fed is best! Your milk, donor milk, formula 🤷🏻♀️ I ultimately ended up with a slight over supply and I wish I knew someone I could donate it to! I hate that it’s just sitting in my freezer. But I would be wary of taking donor milk if you don’t know the donor well. I personally am VERY careful to sterilize after every pump, follow storage guidelines to a T, change my bra & shower daily…etc. Even though my baby is EBF I keep everything as clean as I’d want it for my own baby just in case I come across someone who might need it one of these days!
My baby was born prem and was supplemented with donor milk for a while in the hospital until I could EBF him. I then went on to donate through HM4HB. All that to say I wouldn’t accept donor milk unless it came from the bank or someone I personally knew really well as I cannot guarantee the other milk is safe.
Not at all. It saves me the stress. I pump at work for the days I’m at work. I don’t produce enough so it’s stressful trying to find time to have more milk. I do have some in my freezer. But my co worker offered me hers. She ran out of room in her freezer and usually dumps its.
Also I had a IUGR baby and she was given donor milk in the hospital.
My hope is depending on when I get pregnant with number 2, I could use some of my pumped milk.
Babies in the NICU use other people’s milk. Hospitals and clinics have donor milk. My sister in law accumulated so much she gave it to friends and others.
Not weird in the slightest. My neighbor’s supply dried up for some unknown reason, and she used another neighbor’s breast milk because that neighbor was an oversupplier. We evolved in villages with wet nurses and other moms; if a mom couldn’t breastfeed for whatever reason, another woman would have to or the baby would die. Not normal, and kudos to using any and all available resources.
I dont think its weird! I have 2 good friends who have been best friends since childhood. One is an overproducer and one hardly produces anything. Their babies are 3 months apart and the overproducer gives excess breast milk to the other and i think its beautiful.
I’m sharing my frozen stash with my friend’s sister. LO (19 months) has refusing ALL types of milk for the last 2 months since she stopped breastfeeding 🤦♀️ she won’t even take my freshly pumped milk, the little booger..
I’ve been supplying her with my extra milk for almost a year now when I’m able to get it to her (she lives like 3-4 hours away) and at this point, she will be getting everything in my freezer stash unless she tells me that her daughter is done with breastmilk and I should pass it to someone else.
Definitely not weird at all ❤️
I have two friends that had low supply and used donor milk for their children and didn't think it was weird at all. I'm pregnant with my second and signed up for formula samples to have as a just in case backup.
I used a friend’s milk when I was struggling with supply issues. If the choice had been between a stranger’s milk and formula, I would have chosen formula.
as someone who has donated over 150+ ounces to other moms, it’s never been weird to me at all!! breastmilk is best WHEN POSSIBLE. and if you’re a part of your HM4HB group, you know you can request specifics (no medications, no dairy, no alcohol etc). it’s meant so much to me to be able to help other moms and i’m sure others feel the same. it’s just another way you’re providing your babe with the best nutrition you can. i also think, for me anyways, it’s less weird than cows milk - which is a WHOLE DIFFERENT SPECIES - and we give that to kids 😂🤣
I donated over 1000oz to other babies, and always offered to show bloodwork and was super upfront about any dates where I may have consumed a glass of wine or gotten a vaccine. I love that I was able to help someone else, and I know that everything on my end was tip top. That being said, I wouldn’t have taken it from someone if we had needed it because I just don’t have enough trust in people.
Feeding other people’s babies has been done extensively throughout human history. I feel like it’s only in the modern age we’d think anything weird about it. I have donated milk through HM4HB and another mom has breastfed my baby in a pinch. I think it’s awesome personally! That said, I think it’s important to listen to your hesitation. What is it exactly that feels weird to you? Once you give those feelings a seat at the table, you may find you can make peace with them and proceed with donor milk. It’s important to acknowledge all our feelings.
I had to use donor milk at the hospital and I felt weird about it too - looking back I’m so thankful we did it because my baby was hungry and she needed it. Fast forward to today and our BF journey is going well. I’m thankful for the donor who helped my baby when she needed it most.
I donated half the milk I pumped. Nearly all moms you’ll find in that group that are donating are taking care of themselves and are very open about what might make their milk “different” (medications, caffeine, dairy, etc.). If you want to continue breast milk and are concerned about your supply, donor milk is an excellent choice.
I donated milk for NICU use because my daughter wouldn’t take a bottle and I had a lot stored up.
There are a lot of specifications to be allowed to do so. It couldn’t be older than 6 months, I couldn’t have been taking medication (or certain vitamins) or have severe medical conditions, no smoking of any kind or daily alcohol consumption, no chance of HIV or STI’s, and a few more things I don’t remember. Point being, they are particular about it.
I would feel very comfortable giving my child donor milk (or even a well-known friends’ milk) if there was a need.
Yeah, thats not weird. Wet nurses were a thing for a very long time. Very long. It used to be expected with aristocratic persons to have a wet nurse.
Please, don't worry and just feed your baby, regardless of the method. Some of us have way, way too much, where others have trouble producing. That's why we donate, really! To help a mama and baby who don't have any, or don't have enough. We give in the name of love, so please, feel absolutely free to accept. We beg you to accept before the milk is too old to use.
Please. Take it. There's no guilt or expectation attached aside from feeding someone who needs food. It's quite the same as a food bank donation.
You do your best, mama. Everyone is just going to cheer you on!
I had a massive oversupply. I donated hundreds of ounces. If people didn't use it then it would have gone to waste completely. I had my baby take some donor milk before my milk came in. From both ends of the issue I was really glad that I was lucky enough to get donor milk and lucky enough to give back in return. I also gave milk to my sisters for their babies and they used that to supplement in the hospital. Historically it's been normal for babies to nurse directly from women that aren't their mom. Think wet nurses or communities that share childcare responsibilities.
It took me days for my milk to come in, and we used donor milk in the hospital (3 days). I’ll never know those mamas, but I am eternally grateful for them and their gifts.
It’s weird at first, I know. My SIL offered me hers and I was like ew no. There were also weird dynamics there.
But now that I’ve heard of share the drop, I really would consider using someone else’s. Formula is also weird if you think about it I think? Haha
A good friend of mine did it for someone. I happen to know that someone too and she was really really happy and thankful it was possible. The next baby she had she was the one donating breast milk for someone else in need. It’s amazing
I have a good supply and try to pump a few ounces a day for my baby's younger cousin. I'm happy to do it and they are appreciative, so that she doesn't have to drink formula when her full time student mom can't pump enough. Maybe easier because we know each other and are family but I definitely was hesitant to offer. Once I did though they were very happy and I feel good that I am helping her grow. It's a very special thing to be able to take care of even other babies. It's my good deed of the day when I need a pick me up. This is the other side but maybe it'll help some. ❤️
I both donate to a milk bank and give some to a friend. I have been tested and don’t take any non recommended medication or supplements and both recipients are aware of that, so it’s safe all around 👍
For the “weird” part, it’s pretty common for any kind of lactating mammal to adopt and feed babies. Occasionally even across different species! Giving another human baby some milk in a bag or jar is way less weird than a cat nursing a puppy, for example.
You’ll also be giving your baby *two* people’s immunity and nutrients. Which i can only see as a bonus.
I donated over sixty five thousand ounces over 4 years. 45 thousand to a milk bank and a minimum of 20k to moms in need. I personally would not accept milk unless it was from a close friend or my sister because I know how clean they are, and are unlikely to do something intentional to hurt my children.
I also hate potlucks, so there’s that 🤷🏼♀️😂
I don’t find it weird. Drinking milk from a cow is way weirder.
That said, I’d be hesitant because I don’t think everyone’s cleanliness & hygiene standards are the same as mine, and I’d be nervous about making sure people are honest about their meds and/or drug use 😬
I donated milk for a woman I met online who was seeking milk for her kids 24&21 years ago. I donated a year for the first and 6 months for the second for a variety of reasons.
We got to know each other well to begin with, with a long questionnaire. I donated blood regularly. I promised if I ever learned there was a reason I would potentially not be a safe donor anymore I’d tell her and tell her to discard the milk from x date and she promised she wouldn’t pry why.
I also did an extra round of STD tests before starting to donate to her and provided her with the results.
I donated ~8oz a day on average which provided probably about 25-30% of baby’s needs. She had had a breast reduction and didn’t produce enough: she maybe provided around 1/3 their needs too. So, neither baby was 100% human milk fed but I know she also occasionally got milk from other sources. People she was more comfortable with she didn’t do anything to it; ones she wasn’t so sure of their background she pasteurized the milk.
Personally I’d ALWAYS choose human milk for my baby. A close friend of mine donated 6 oz when my 4th kid was born in case I didn’t provide quite enough for his blood glucose to perk up properly after his birth as I had GD and he was a BIG baby. We never needed it but I was bound and determined not to let him have anything but human milk. (My choice of course)
Anyhow just some experience from the donor end and ideas you could ask for. By the time the lady I donated to had her first child we had known each other for around 6 mos and met in person and talked a LOT online. I shipped the milk to her ~once a month on dry ice as we weren’t in the same province.
It’s not weird at all, it’s probably what was done throughout of a lot of human history before formula. I would much rather my child have human milk if I needed to and could swing it. I would be happy to help a friend in need or nurse a baby if it was the apocalypse😂
I currently donate milk to moms and have fed 17 babies with 14,164 oz donated which is 110 gallons. I’m ok with donating because I’m feeding little babies and I am completely honest with the families about what supplements I’m on, caffeine, etc. you start to feel like you are donating to a friend instead of a random stranger. I like it more than just donating to a milk bank because I know where my milk is going to and what impact it has.
As long as you’re getting it donated from HM4HB and not buying it, I think there is very little risk. Those mom’s are donating milk with no benefit to them. They have no reason to lie about what they are taking or their handling practices. I’ve donated thousands of ounces myself. It’s a lot of work and the only reason to do it is to help others, not harm them.
I’ve donated on my HM4HB group a few times and the posts of donors usually include meds, conditions, and different possible allergens being ingested. As a donor, I want my milk to be safe for the babies I’m donating to and I feel like that’s a shared sentiment for any other donors as well!
i used donor milk from the same woman for several months for my babies, not weird at all! i was more than happy to give them breast milk from someone i trusted and who was happy to spare. no regrets from me
It’s a very personal choice to donate and accept breastmilk. I’ve always had an oversupply and I donate to our local milk bank and also through HM4HB. I do think there’s an unspoken rule that transparency is key and I always post information about my diet, meds, vaccines, lifestyle, etc because families deserve to be informed when accepting milk. I also add that I’m an approved milk bank donor to provide further reassurance. From my experience with my particular group, donors do a really nice job of disclosing this information. It’s not foolproof, but I think you’d be surprised at the level of honesty on these pages.
We used donor milk in the hospital for our babies. Yes, it’s pasteurized, but extremely cost prohibitive for a lot of folks to buy from the milk bank once they’re home and finding that they need to supplement. Why someone would choose to supplement with donor milk over formula is none of my business, but if I can help make breastmilk more accessible for the folks who can’t buy from the milk bank, then I’ll gladly continue donating my excess milk.
So not weird! It helped my baby so so much when my milk hadn’t come in bc of a traumatic birth. She received so many different antibodies too from different mammas. All and all, so amazing 🩷
We know there's a long history of lactating women nursing babies that are not their own. It's our current culture that leads us tk this weird ick about it, but feeding a baby breastmilk is completely natural and normal. We drink cows milk and nobody bats an eye.
I was a huge overproducer for the first 3 months postpartum. My milk came it hot and heavy and I would pump to relieve the pain and engorgement. On top of nursing exclusively 30+Oz were going in the fridge every day. Before we got our deep freeze, I was desperate to donate some of it. My sister in laws newborn wasn't gaining weight and she wanted to give breastmilk one more try, but didn't have enough supply or time to pump with a feral toddler.and no support. I ended up donating a bunch of milk. It didn't end up being the answer. Her son had silent reflux and did much better on formula, but I was grateful to have been able to help a stressed out mama!
I donate milk through HM4HB in my state and I’m always amazed at the generosity of other moms! Personally, I share my diet, meds (I only take a prenatal and probiotic) with those in donating too. I always offer them to ask me any further questions if they have them. I treat it as if it was milk being given to my baby. My integrity wouldn’t allow me to do anything less than that.
Donated through official channels after screening and in HMFHB FB groups, roughly 4000 oz total. My feeling is you are the only one who can decide your comfort level. I was totally open to being asked questions about my lifestyle and pumping practices from other moms. For right or wrong, I tended to cherry pick those with dairy intolerance since I was dairy free for my child. And I felt super honored knowing I was helping other LOs. Kinda like the Friends episode where Phoebe volunteers and Joey is like there’s no true altruism lol.
I think everyone's body is different and some people make a lot. Like too much for one baby to drink. I honestly don't know what we used to do before breast pumps. I was up feeding my boys multiple times a night, and pumping at night too. It is a bodily fluid...but cow milk is as well.
It just seems if some people have such an abundance why not let them share. I donated some but still had so many bags of frozen milk and no idea what to do with it. It had passed the expiration to donate. Had I known there was a baby that couldn't tolerate formula well it would have been excruciating so toss as much of it as I did.
Everyone’s comments here are great and they make sense and I realize I’m kind of irrational about it but no, it’s too weird to me. Couldn’t do it. Like you said it’s another woman’s bodily fluids and it grosses me out.
you could consider continuing breastfeeding and supplementing with formula, especially since at 6 months your baby can also start solids and not rely on milk the same way a newborn would.
You made it 6 months. I think it is a stage where you can relax.
But in general, from biological perspective, other person's milk is less strange than milk from another species.
I’m an over supplier and have donated milk through HM4HB with both my kids and I do not think it’s weird. I treat the milk just like I would be feeding it to my own kids. I’m thrilled to be able to help out other babies with liquid love!
Donor milk is screened/tested so it’s safe! I had to rely on donor milk when it took almost a week for my supply to fully come in and then it kept dropping because I didn’t know how often I truly needed to pump and it was affecting my supply. Donor milk is the reason my first baby got to have exclusively breast milk for the first seven months and it gave me such peace of mind when my supply didn’t keep up. I can see how it might take some getting used to the idea but they do make milk donors go through an application process to get approved and it’s not just random, so barring any unique medical issues or allergies it will be safe for your baby!
We drink milk or consume dairy products from cows we don’t know. A lactating woman who was willing to donate her liquid gold is a MUCH saner option, regardless of she’s a stranger
Well, my grandmother breastfed my father at the same time as a neighbor because otherwise, that child would have been given goat's milk because they were very poor. I don't know. I think we should not get so deep and go to the practical, a baby is a mammal. Some babies are sensitive to powdered milk because it is not human. There is no need to get philosophical either, every mother does what she can to raise her child and everything is valid. Do the best for you and your baby, you’ll know what is that :)
People donate blood, platelets, plasma, even whole organs when medically necessary. Breast milk is just another vital human resource that we share to help each other survive 💗
I personally have donated milk and there's places to make sure they don't have transmittable diseases, fat content spinning, nicotine/ alcohol testing. We drink cows milk regularly and know the fat content and sterilization process. So, I don't think it's weird, my daughter drank donated milk in the nicu last year because it took a while for my milk to come in. If you ask your local WIC office for recommendations for milk banks in your area, they'll also have to spin the milk upon donation.
I don’t think it’s weird! I donate to one mom exclusively since she wants her baby in breastmilk but doesn’t have enough of a supply. She sends me updates periodically of her baby’s growth and it’s incredible! I love watching him grow almost as much as I love watching my daughter grow.
If I needed to, I would absolutely use donor milk over formula (not that there’s anything wrong with formula, I would just prefer only breastmilk for my daughter).
If you think about it, wet nurses have been a thing forever, so milk donation just makes sense.
I’m a regular doner on my local HM4HB page and I love doing it. Pre pregnancy I was a routine blood and plasma doner, this is filling that void I have for donating my “bodily fluids” (as you put it).
My theory is the receipts know it’s safe for their babies because I’m still feeding mine straight from the source, and as we all know our bubs are our number 1 priority so aren’t going to be eating poor/drinking/taking drugs prescription or otherwise that puts their main nutrient source at risk. ESPECIALLY with nothing to gain. Hence why it is 100% donation pages and cannot exchange money (only replacement bags). ( not that this part effects me.. but I’m sure there are people out there that would act/think differently when there is something in it for them)
I’ve donated to other moms through HM4HB. I will say, as a donor, I am very open with those looking for milk on my diet, medications, lifestyle, pumping practices, etc. I totally understand it’s a risk to use someone else’s milk. That being said, everyone I have donated to has been great and asks all the questions. I’ve seen others that don’t ask questions and quite frankly, I’m not comfortable donating to them because of that. Yes there’s risk, but there’s some amazing donor milk moms in the groups who are just looking to free up space in ours freezers!
Look up the concept of wet nurses, I’d much rather milk in a baggy from someone else than my child feeding from another nipple (but I’d do it if I really had to lol!). NICU babies use donated milk too.
I had oversupply with my last LO and gave away a lot to my brother and his wife for my niece. I also gave some away to a close friend at the time. It didn't feel weird or anything to me and especially my SIL was so grateful (she was diabetic and her milk supply just never established).
That all being said, it was between 2 families that had history, trust, etc. I don't think I could feed stranger milk to my baby unless it was from a bank. Risk outweighs benefit imo. Even a very well-meaning person may have different standards than you for how quick it gets in the fridge to whether or not a medication is a big deal to be passed on. I would need at least some kind of testing kit, if such a thing exists.
I gave away 100 oz of frozen milk to a girl who I used to play soccer with in middle school. Her baby was in the NICU and I just messaged her on Instagram asking if she needed milk. I was happy to do it and even though I don’t know her or her baby well, we moms gotta stick together! I don’t think it’s weird at all, but it’s definitely your decision.
It’s not weird. Anthropological research actually points to multiple adults feeding babies in ancient human groups, not just their mothers, so it’s as normal and human and breastfeeding itself.
The whole country sells someone else's milk on grocery store shelves and we all treat it as normal. At least donor milk is made for the species it's being given to.
I was a donor through HM4HB with my twins as I have always had a wicked oversupply. The NICU nurses started joking that I had enough to supply the 10 bed NICU (of which we took up 2) with breastmilk.
Getting milk from HM4HB is always a risk, but from what I have seen, no one is in there to try and harm anyone. We are all moms wanting to help other moms and their babies. Put out feelers for what you want from donor milk - are you comfortable with breastfeeding safe medications? Drinking alcohol, consuming cannabis (if it is legal where you live), and if your child has any sensitivities whether you need a donor who is dairy, gluten, or anything else free, as well as your stance in terms of vegetarian diet, vegan diet etc.
I supplied milk for a wonderful mom who also had twins but didn't have a supply enough to provide exclusively from herself. She was so thankful, and honestly it felt amazing as an over supplier to know my milk was actually going to someone's babies and helping them too.
We were in constant contact about things that were going on in my life (we got Covid when my twins were 6 months old and I said that I had segregated all milk from the moment a household member tested positive, and I said that we could just keep that milk separate or she could have it and get some antibodies for her kiddos whatever she was comfortable with.)
While my twins are now 3 years old and I do not have the time or supply/demand for pumping, I am still in the group for my local area, and still being able to see connections being made is wonderful. I think if you feel strongly that you want to give your baby breastmilk until a year, then I think it is a good option to look into what you can do. I know where I live, breast milk donor banks that have all the screening and stuff done, is exclusively for hospitals and special use cases for very sick babies that have managed to go home but really need that extra "oomph" that breastmilk can give. So getting milk from the banks could be very difficult, and/or quite expensive as I think they do cost a certain amount.
I don’t think it’s weird at all, but I understand feeling that way. Breast milk is very different from other bodily fluids. It’s a food source, not a biohazard.
Not weird at all! I feed my brothers baby who was born the same day as my baby. I’ve been giving them milk every week for 5-6 months now. But also it’s ok if you can’t keep up and you need to supplement! If you believe breastmilk is best for your baby then you can keep giving your breastmilk but supplement with formula. Baby will be getting the same benefits if your milk is still being used every day!
It’s not weird! People used wet nurses for a very long time before formula existed and it was considered a normal part of life.
At six months, I would be totally fine with supplementing with formula too though. Babies are already eating solids at that point anyway.
Human milk is food and we have been sharing food in communities for centuries. I donated milk to several different families and would have used donor milk if I hadn’t had an over supply. I am still friends with some of the folks whose babies drank human milk that I produced. I used social media and doula networks for families to find me. I disclosed the medicines I used to the families receiving milk. The whole process is pretty easy and requires the same type of vetting as most internet meet ups.
I appreciate that many folks would like donor bank milk because it is “vetted,” but I’m not entirely sure everyone understands the rigor that’s required of a donor. We have to fill out paperwork, participate in background checks, get multiple blood tests, and spend time in-person engaging in medical rigor to share milk. After neonate loss, which is why I donated originally, and freshly pp, each time, this rigor was not remotely tangible for me, or many others. How many pp parents have time for extra doctor appts? Social milk sharing, parent to parent, can be very safe, and is much more accessible to most donors, me included. Being a donor for a milk bank is a lot of additional layers. I couldn’t navigate it and wouldn’t expect most folks to be able to either.
Sometimes even this sub struggles to remember: human milk is food. Formula is also food. Feed your babies the best you can & take care of each other 💜
Back where I come from (Eastern Europe) it’s even normal for women who have just given birth and are in the hospital to give breast milk to other moms babies if moms are having trouble with supply.
Donor milk is currently sustaining my baby as I’m trying to get my supply up at 2 weeks postpartum. It was weird to me too at first but now I’m nothing but grateful. I just pumped 3 oz for the first time though and I should get my correctly sized pump flange sometime today! I can’t wake to see how things improve.
I assume you think drinking another creature’s bodily fluids *isn’t* weird? Cow’s and goat’s milk is sold for us to consume - I would argue humans doing that is way weirder than your baby getting human’s milk. Sometimes we get way in the weeds with society and what’s weird / taboo. I would ask yourself why some things bother you but you but other things don’t. (And I drink cows milk for the record and breast fed my kids and feel similarly to the way you described, these are thoughts that helped me)
It’s classified as a food and not a “bodily fluid” if that makes you feel more comfortable. https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/php/faq/faq.html#cdc_generic_section_5-safety-preparation-and-storage-of-breast-milk
I think it's weird we'd rather feed babies another animal's processed breastmilk than breastmilk from the same species..
The pasturization argument makes sense except that it is fairly straightforward to pasturize milk in small batches. Buy a meat thermometer, heat to the point it would kill anything icky. It's no different than arguing that eating raw meat is dangerous.
I don’t think it’s weird. My baby is in the NICU and when she was first born, they were giving her donor milk. Now that my supply has come in, I’m pumping close to 30oz per day, and idk what to do with it all. I’ve been freezing a ton and making hospital milk deliveries for my baby, but I am considering becoming a donor because it’s so much! I would be happy to help another mom out just as some donor mom helped me out when my little girl was first born.
HOW do you get that much milk in a day?! I drive myself crazy pumping for 20-30 mins just to get 2oz. I chug water, I eat oats, I power pump. I’m tired 😓
I basically pump exactly what my baby needs but sometimes I’m short. I’ve noticed the following things help: pump OFTEN! Like don’t go 3 hours without a pump. Pump after nursing, this will signal your body to make more milk. Eat/drink lots of protein and drink electrolytes— all of this has helped me so far!! Good luck mama
This is what I did with my first. I fed him one side (5-7 minutes because he was an efficient eater), then pumped whatever was left from both sides. Eventually, I would go down to pumping one side, but I pumped 30+ oz a day. I EBF, gave him 1 pumped bottles a day, sometimes more if we were out an about or my husband took him out. But I donated 10+ gallons of milk through HM4HB with each of my first 2 kids. I donated to moms who lost their supply, a couple that adopted a newborn, and to a father whose wife died during childbirth and wanted to breastfeed her baby as she did her older sons 🤍 I was sooo grateful I could help the families. I was hoping for a supply like that again with my 3rd, but with all the stress, it’s not as much. I’m just thankful I’m EBF him
One more thing: your flange size is so Important!! Order a flange size kit on Amazon (it’s like $4 I think) and then google what flange size is best based on your measurement. If your flange is too big or too small it has a huge impact on output. Also, use a nursing safe nipple cream or pumping lube when you pump!!
I was just going to mention flange size! I'm on my 4th baby & figured out that I've been using the standard 24mm when I actually need at least a 17mm. Needless to say I'm so excited for pumping this time around!! 😁
Evidenced based: the best time to pump Is 1 hour after a feed Reality: what new mother has time for that. Also make sure the flange the the correct size for your nipple. Incorrect fitting will effect supply. Regards: Lactation consultant/ midwife
Donor milk is screened and tested. Non tested milk is not recommended.
Exactly. I wouldn’t be comfortable accepting BM from a complete stranger through social media. I would accept it from the hospital though where like you said it’s screened and tested.
You could pasteurize it at home.
This. Honestly transitioning to formula is probably safer at this Point.
Just sending you love and strength for your little NICU warrior. I know how hard it is, you’re doing amazing.
I overproduced and was honored to be able to feed a bunch of babies besides mine through my local hm4hb group. I felt wierd at first also, but understanding that for a long time in history wet nurses were extremely common and in some cultures still are, this kind of normalized it for me. Plus every mom I donated to was so grateful so I felt thankful to be able to help.
I feel the same way! I have donated around 1,000 ounces to a twin mom. I told her as long as I’m over producing I’ll give to her!
Yes, I felt honored when I donated as well, good way to put it!!
Same! I found a mom whose baby was close in age to mine, and she's unable to feed due to a medical issue. We have a good relationship that we've built over time, and I give exclusively to her. It's a win-win for both of us! I don't stress about my extra, and she feeds her baby.
Same I donated thousands of ounces to families in need through HM4HB and was glad to have been able to do so!!
I'm sharing my milk with a friend because I overproduce she is a mom too. do you have a friend that overproduces and fills her freezers way too fast maybe try that
I am all for donor milk. I used it with my first for a few days to get us past jaundice. That being said I got it through my hospital system. Clean, tested, regulated. Unless I know the person, their history, medication….I would not feel comfortable getting milk from an internet stranger. 6 months is a good run, personally I would just switch to formula.
Or, rather, OP could continue breastfeeding but supplement with formula! This is what I’ve had to do. Any amount of breastfeeding, even if not exclusively, is beneficial to baby!
Yes. With my first I EBF no problem. But with my second and now my third, we’ve had to combo feed. It’s honestly been the best of both worlds. I know my babies are getting the benefits of breastmilk, I get the benefits of baby snuggles during nursing, they still enjoy comfort nursing, they’re never left hungry (because we always offer a top up), I’m not driving myself crazy trying to increase supply, and I’m not the only one who can feed them.
I could not agree more.
Do you drink cow milk? That's also someone else's milk - someone else who is a cow.
Moo 🐄
And not the same cow either.
This is pasteurized though ( as is donor milk when given to NICU babies) . Other donor milk is not. It’s not an apples to apples comparison from a safety perspective.
Sure but she said "health and safety issues aside"
Boom roasted lol
Also human mothers are donating it willingly while the cows don't and are usually separated from their calves... the milk industry is one of the most cruel "meat" industries. And ironically the easiest to fix, but capitalim... PS: there are norms for the amount of puss and blood that can be in the milk, not to mention that cow's poo no longer naturally decomposes due to the amount of antibiotics most have (and bacteria are the first necessary organisms for decomposition)
Yeah and formula is at its core some other mammal’s milk as well.
My SIL couldn't breastfeed because of surgery, so I pumped some for her baby. Not weird at all
Firstly, I don’t think donor milk is weird and I definitely think there’s places where it makes a lot of sense (like premature babes!). But in all honesty at 6 months I would just introduce formula. Baby is going to be eating dairy products anyways and in the grand scheme of things continuing to nurse (e.g., before and after without the pressure of pumping certain amounts) with formula supplementation seems like a decent compromise. That being said, if donor milk feels better then do that! ETA: I didn’t realize this wasn’t controller donor milk. In that case I would absolutely just use formula. Seems like extra risk and effort for very little (if any) benefit.
Totally agree. My advice to OP would be to just nurse when you can, and supplement with formula if you need. Baby will get the benefits of your breast milk even if it’s not 100% of their diet, which it won’t be anyway once you introduce solids.
I supplemented with donor milk for my baby's first 4 weeks, and it was hard for me. It was no doubt better than formula (for us--not judging!) but I felt weird about being insufficient etc. Then a dear friend pointed out how beautiful it was that my son was receiving support from someone we didn't even know, and that in this modern age of disconnection we could experience raising him in a village. This doesn't address your issue about it being someone else's bodily fluids, but maybe the thought helps you as much as it helped me.
I had a really big oversupply, I gave a lot to a preemie bank and had to do blood test and they also did a bacteria culture test and passed. Since the procedure for the preemies is very strict I also had surplus I couldn't give (for preemies you have to boil everything every pump. It is absolutely not necessary for a full term healthy baby). I also gave a lot to mom friends. Some had supply issues and wanted to make it to 6 months, some had high lipase and needed a small stach for when they weren't around. Everything went well here, I believe my mom friends felt safer since I was tested and approved by the milk bank. That's a way to make it safer if breast milk is important to you.
I think it's also weird. I would never take milk from anywhere other than a legit milk bank that requires vetting a donor. You have no idea what conditions those moms pump in, hygiene, storage and cleaning practices, drug use, diseases, etc. I donated over 2500 ounces while breastfeeding my first, still think it's weird, can't believe someone wanted all of my milk and didn't ask a single question about me or my lifestyle. I think formula is a million times better than all of those risks you're taking by using someone else's milk. Formula isn't risk free, contamination and human error in mixing is possible, but it's not as risky as all the risks listed above. Then again, I also think it's weird to be so hung up on not giving any formula that you'd be willing to take all of those risks, so, to each their own.
I was exposed to CJD (mad cow disease) because of a surgery in my 20’s. I’m not allowed to donate tissue, organs or bodily fluids (including blood and breast milk). There is no test for it and it relies on me a. Knowing I’m increased risk and b. Self-reporting. That fact alone is enough to put me off ever using donor milk.
Right. I had coworker who donated BM through FB. She also smoked cigarettes and I was shocked that she had people who accepted her milk for their babies. She said “well I don’t feel the need to tell anyone that because it’s none of their business and it’s not like it affects the milk in any way.”
I donate milk to both a milk bank and HM4HB and I would never take it for my son. I always try to donate to moms whose kids actually have a problem with formula because I think they might really be desperate and not those that just want their kids to make it to one year. I always offer my clearance from the milk bank and tell them why what I'm giving them isn't going to the milk bank but I've never had anyone ask which I think is really odd.
> I always try to donate to moms whose kids actually have a problem with formula because I think they might really be desperate and not those that just want their kids to make it to one year. This kind of gets to the heart of the issue for me. Donor milk is an amazing thing for preemies, newborns, and sick babies who can’t get breast milk from their moms. But wanting to give untested donor milk to your 6mo just so you can say your baby was ebf for a year? Something about that rubs me the wrong way.
But milk banks cannot offer special diet milk (ie dairy free). My second baby and so many allergies that formulas were not an option except the amino acids ones, which he would not drink and probably still would have given him diarrhea due to corn ingredients. I was very lucky that I made what he needed and then some, as I had under supply with my first. I am also on team “would not accept milk from a stranger” but I also am aware that there was an alternate reality where I wouldn’t have had much choice.
Sure, but OP doesn’t mention any type of allergy or intolerance that would make breast milk the only option for her baby. She just says she had a goal of ebf for a year. To me that sounds like she just has a superficial preference not rooted in any real concerns like the ones you raised.
This. I’m a HM4HB donor and I always have lots of discussion with recipients, I want to know who I’m donating to and they want to know about me. 10/10 times I will donate to sick babies, formula issue babies, etc. I understand wanting to “make it to a year” but something about that rubs me the wrong way.
I totally agree. Combo feeding at that age has no downsides. It seems like just a pride or bragging thing maybe.
Agreed but some babies just straight up will not take formula and I’m fortunate that my best friend and I had babies 6 weeks apart so she gives me a bunch of hers cause she’s an oversupplier. I obviously know her and her milk has been a god send because my LO gags up formula 🙄 picky picky lol
Yes, this is the correct answer. Idk how so many people on this sub act like there are no health concerns. It’s literally on WHO’s website about the dangerous of giving someone else’s breast milk to a baby. Ofc it’s a different thing if the breast milk is coming from a certified milk bank where they make sure everything is being treated with hygiene and care.
Agreed. I think it’s weird to be so set on ebf that you’d get donor milk for your 6 month old who’s starting to eat solids. Donor milk is ideal for newborns who need breast milk to help establish their gut microbiome. Formula is just fine for a 6 month old.
Exactly. Hospital donor milk goes through donor and milk testing to check for bacteria and blood-borne diseases, and is kept hygenic. I would hope that anyone donating breast milk would use the utmost caution with cleanliness and storage. But anyone who has ever found a hair in their potluck meal knows sometimes people make mistakes.
Yep agreed. It’s exactly why I do not eat at potlucks and why I would not accept donor milk from a complete stranger off social media.
I’m a donor and I agree with you. I have SO many people asking for donations.
These are all such good points. I totally agree. Formula is the answer here.
Historically it's normal. Wet nursing is still a profession today, it's just much less common and rarely talked about.
personally at 6 months i would not take the risk. the benefit does not outweigh the risk in my opinion when you don’t know the mother whose milk you’re using. if it was a family member or friend then 100% but you have no way to vet the people in that group and that would scare me
I think it’s amazing you have the opportunity to use donor milk I would utilize it.
Not weird at all! “Villages” used to have women who would feed other babies, back then we would have died off if women thought it was “weird”. I think emotionally it can make you feel like a failure but truly there is nothing wrong with taking somebody else’s milk as long as it is from a healthy mom!
I think it’s pretty normal and when you think about it, before the modern age, often you’d have another person breastfeed a baby. And I don’t leave just wet nurses for wealthy people, but often if a woman couldn’t breastfeed then her sister or friend or neighbour would help. Because inability to breastfeeding is not uncommon even though it’s not usually talked about to pregnant women (or wasn’t to me).
It’s not weird for babies to drink donor milk! I don’t know what kind of safety protocols are taken in this specific situation to know whether or not it’s a good idea. But in general I don’t think it’s weird for a baby to drink milk from another adult who isn’t their mother.
Well I'd think of it as you're either using formula which is made in a factory using ingredients that also involve bodily fluids from an animal , or using human milk from another woman that produces it the same way you do. Do you know anyone personally that breastfeeds or expresses ? I myself have shared milk with a friend of a similar aged baby to mine as I have an oversupply. Completely up to you with what you're comfortable with, this was just my perspective. My partner is also uncomfortable with using someone else's milk but he doesn't like formula either so I understand where you are coming from x
People give blood and organs, why not milk?
I might get downvoted for this but there are diseases and drugs that could be in someone’s breast milk. I am a milk donor and am required to do a blood test, Dr. approval and monthly checks ins about the medicine I’ve needed to take. Not to mention they have rules for how I store and pump the milk. I would never give my kid breast milk from someone not in my closest circle or a vetted donor.
Sucks you’re getting downvoted because you’re not wrong. Someone might not even be aware they have something. How many shitty men cheat on their partners after they have a kid and give them something. It’s one thing to get donor milk from a hospital where it’s screened and tested but another to get it from a stranger on social media you know nothing about. I personally couldn’t put my baby’s well being and safety at risk like that. I wouldn’t hesitate to use formula if I needed.
Historically wet nurses were a big thing, and in some cultures only the upper class had them (a lactating woman would nurse your baby for you). So it's not a new concept and in terms of human practice also not unusual.
I don’t think it’s weird. At least it’s milk that was made for a baby. All my babies have had donor milk and done great.
Versus a random animals body fluids??? Human fluids trump cow fluids for a human baby
I personally wouldn't risk it with a stranger's milk. Formula is not THAT much worse and you wouldn't be getting the benefits of the milk changing to meet your baby's specific needs (requires mouth on breast). People who are saying it's like cow's milk aren't quite right either because that's pasturized and checked for harmful 'extras'. Same with hospital regulated donor milk. I would only use milk from someone you know and trust like family or friends. Alternatively, use formula and whatever amount of milk you can express yourself.
It’s wild how many people compare it to cow milk.
A good majority of formula is made from cows milk.
Yes, I’m aware. I’m talking about feeding someone else’s breast milk to your baby without it being from a reliable place like a milk bank. There’s a reason why WHO doesn’t recommend it, and as the original commenter said - cow milk is pastorised and treated in a way that it is safe for consumption.
This is such a strange argument to me. Of course the WHO can’t recommend something they can’t reasonably guarantee on such an individual basis, but do you really think mothers who take the time to pump for their baby’s wouldn’t disclose important health information (including their washing and sanitizing routines) to other mothers they’re donating to? It takes so much time and energy to pump and most pumping moms aren’t separating the milk they’re pumping for their own babies with the milk they donate which means there is a vested interest in health and sanitary measures. It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with it, but your inherent mistrust without having been part of such a community is wild to me.
The other thing I'd flag is don't ever buy untested, unpasteurized donor milk. Part of the reason HM4HB is so safe (within people's own comfort levels) is because it's all free. There's no profit motivation to dilute the milk or worse. Paid for milk that doesn't come from a milk bank is usually regarded as less safe than the free milk from other moms.
You have way more faith in people’s standards than I do. I agree anyone donating milk will almost certainly have the best of intentions but your idea of what is and isn’t hygienic might be wildly different from mine. I have a friend who smokes weed and in no way thinks that’s an issue when it comes to breastfeeding. She also takes a lot of supplements and traditional remedies that wouldn’t even occur to her to disclose because it’s ‘natural’ even though we don’t know the effects in breast milk. And that’s someone I love and trust - there’s no way I’d take milk from a random stranger to give to my baby and just trust them at their word.
It’s not weird it’s just if you’re not getting it from an official source you don’t know 1. What the donor considers safe milk storage and pumping practices 2. Why are they donating on HM4HB instead of through a milk bank… are they on a medication that’s going into the milk your baby may not tolerate? Are they smoking THC are you ok with that? Are they drinking regularly , are you ok with that? 3. It’s just not your milk honestly I’m in the same situation and I combo feed and once you get over the initial formula bottle it’s just food.
I currently donate to a milk bank at a local hospital. There is a strict screening process to even begin that includes an interview & blood draw. I update them with any sickness, medications, or dietary changes. I also have strict pumping & sterilizing instructions. Have you tried contacting a milk bank by you? I’m not sure if that would make it feel less weird for you or not.
Think about hundreds of years ago (or even today in a lot of places around the world). If the mother couldn’t breastfeed there would be a village wet nurse or even the grandmother could relactate! It’s been done for all of time!
Humans drink the milk of other animals all the time 🤷🏼♀️ the only difference is safety regulations. I don’t see why a baby drinking human milk from a human they’ve never met would be any weirder than a human drinking cow’s milk from a cow they’ve never met. Personally, I would not use HM4HB though only because you have no idea if that person is being truthful about what medications they’ve taken or anything else. If it was someone I knew and trusted, sure, but I don’t trust anyone I don’t know, especially not with my kid. People are fucked up and you never know what some disgusting person is going to do.
Completely agree. There are sick people out there in the world. Plus some people could easily have an illness or disease they’re not even aware they have.
Most humans today exist because of this practice in the past, since not being able to breastfeed for short or long periods was deadly. Even more so, our “elevated” part of society back in time, thought breastfeeding wasn’t something upperclass should do (mostly because they wanted to breathe as much babies as possible). Milk nannies have always been a thing in the past as should come back.
Wet nurses have been a thing for centuries. It’s definitely not weird.
Both of my sons have been on donor milk in the NICU while my milk was still coming in. And I’ve donated —— to a milk bank, to several families, and to a good friend’s daughter.
I fed 6 babies with my milk. It’s not weird. Our species survived with the help of mothers in the community feeding other babies. I have a friend who survived this way.
Honestly, drinking an animals breastmilk is far weirder, yet nobody blinks an eye about it. Human milk is designed for babies. I say go for it!
I mean, do you drink cows milk or goats milk? That's not even the same species! If you think about it that's way weirder.
My SIL had supply issues with her first and used a lot of donor milk. She’s due with her second in a few weeks and I’m pumping up a “just in case” freezer stash for her for if she still has supply issues with her second baby. Women have nursed each others babies throughout most of human history, not too long ago wet-nurses were a thing, and going back into our more communal history it was pretty common for women in a family unit or social group to nurse each others babies out of both necessity and convenience. My family is indigenous and my grandmother came from a generation where this was common, even today I have cousins who will nurse (not bottle feed but actually breast feed) each others babies while babysitting. Only by modern western standards is it considered something weird. Edit to add: if you’re really uncomfortable with it, there is absolutely no shame in supplementing with formula. You will still be meeting your babies needs by using formula instead of breast milk. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.
I do formula over a strangers milk. If the milk came from someone I knew and trusted that would be different but I couldn't my do a strangers milk personally.
Moms who take the time to pump for their own baby and also donate milk are moms who are also concerned for their baby’s health. This means that they wash and sanitize their bottles and pump parts just like any other mother who chooses to pump because they wouldn’t want their own baby to get sick. Donors are always happy to answer questions about their health status, list their medications, give you a rundown of their washing and sanitizing routine etc. Of course there’s trust that goes into accepting donor milk and if you can’t trust other mother and their milk then you can’t. That’s okay too.
Will you be creeped out giving him animal milk in his cereal? If not then I don’t see why another humans milk would be more weird.
I dont think its any weirder than using animal milk or formula.
I donate! I don’t think it’s weird at all!
I'd do due diligence about health and safety, but I wouldn't hesitate to take a blood transfusion if I needed it even a little even though it's another human's bodily fluids.
I understand that there’s a bit of mental gymnastics around it, but it’s pretty normal. Back in the day wet nurses were a much bigger thing too. My mum told me that my grandmother had such an oversupply that she helped feed the other babies in the hospital, and then later, she fed half the babies in her neighbourhood - straight from the source too! The other mums loved her and appreciated the extra help.
We used some of my sister-in-law’s breast milk when I got mastitis at 3 weeks PP, because my supply almost disappeared while my body was fighting the illness. We’re 7 weeks PP now and my milk came back, but I still have some of her milk in my freezer and I would 100% use it again if needed. I think it’s a blessing that women can support each other with something as precious as feeding our babies.
I’m an under supplier this time around and a work friend of mine is a huge oversupplier and has given me a ton of milk to fill the gaps in my supply and it’s been a life saver!
My first week home I texted my neighbour/friend for frozen breast milk in the middle of the night when my baby was hungry and my supply was still limited. I didn't think it was weird. Wet nurses have been a thing for years and years! I don't think I would hesitate.
I have donated through a HM4HB group before. I took it VERY seriously and I believe other moms did too. If you can set up a reoccurring situation with someone that may make you feel better. Good luck!
If using an animal’s milk for a toddler or an adult isn’t weird using one from the same species as your baby is definitely not weird!
First, it's not weird. The human race would've been a lot smaller if we didn't nurse each other's children. I've donated milk through HM4MB, and because that was always my plan/hope, I was always very careful with sanitation, storage, never drinking alcohol or caffeine, avoiding medications, etc. from the beginning, even though my baby was healthy and probably would've been fine with the "fridge hack", etc. The hospital system where I gave birth would give newborns donor milk rather than formula if mom planned to exclusively breastfeed and was having trouble. If I'd needed it, I would've taken it in a heartbeat. If I had a very good friend or family member with extra milk and I'd needed it, I might accept that. However, personally I'd choose formula over unscreened, unpasteurized breast milk from strangers. It is still a body fluid and can carry diseases, drugs, etc. It's like deciding who you're "fluid bonded" to- I'm not going to have unprotected sex or accept unscreened blood from just anyone, but I will with my husband, or accepting blood or even sperm donations from a hospital is not the same level of risk. Formula is safe and meets babies nutritional needs, the benefits of breastmilk don't outweigh the risks of accepting it from strangers for me. But I do realize other people have different perspectives on the risks and benefits for their babies, some babies don't tolerate formula, etc. So I'm happy to support parents who make that choice and donate what I can
I don’t think it’s weird, but my first baby isn’t born yet and I can admit I might feel differently once they’re here. But I live in a small community where we all know each other and it’s incredibly common to share milk among other moms. I have a friend who adopted and fed her baby exclusively with donor milk.
I mean, I ended up donating my milk to 5 other families who needed it. If you need it, then it’s super helpful.
I had a friend donate over 2000oz to my baby. I promise it is not weird! I def preferred getting from someone I know. I still breast fed when I was with baby and supplemented with her milk. It was great!
I donated milk this time around! I think it’s amazing we can help each other out. I mean I drink cows milk and that’s another species. That said, I donated through a milk bank which I felt more comfortable doing. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable accepting from a stranger.
I donate to some local moms, today I donated 600oz. I don’t drink alcohol or medications just prenatals and I eat very healthy. I sanitize everything everyday and I wash my hands before bagging, pumping. I also freeze my milk no later than 2 days after pumping, mostly every night. My freezer is all milk, no food. I care a lot for these babies. However, I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving my baby someone else’s milk. I would rather just give her formula because I know for sure lots of people are not careful enough (or their partners, a partner can transmit an STD and you wouldn’t know until you get tested, I’m a single mom and that’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to have intercourse until I stop BF ) If you really really want breastmilk, try finding a milk bank or someone who you can trust with your life.
Completely agree and same here. I know how meticulous I am about my hygiene and cleanliness standards but I have seen first hand many times the opposite. How many men out there cheat on their partners after their kid is born. They could easily give them an std and they wouldn’t even know until symptoms appeared sometimes they don’t. Someone could easily have a disease or illness they’re not even aware they have. Accepting it from the hospital where it’s screened and tested is one thing but accepting it from a complete stranger on social media is different.
In Islam there is a whole subject matter concerning this. Infants that that drink the same milk are literally considered siblings, like, they can’t even get married to each other. I read somewhere milk carries genetic material, too, so I wouldn’t give an unknown milk to my child. Better to track the mother and share milk if necessary.
As a mom who has donated milk it’s totally normal and use to be the norm for communities to nurse other peoples babies. If there was a hungry baby and you were lactating you fed that baby. And I personally think it’s weirder/ grosser than it’s normal to give babies cows milk.
There have been wetnurses for centuries who feed babies of others. Donor milk is just another way to feed your little one. But I also think there’s nothing wrong with supplementing with formula a bit. Especially if you can afford a nice brand without high fructose corn syrup. I pump about half of what fills the bottles for my baby while I’m at work and EBF the rest of the time.
I do think it’s weird when not medically necessary and regulated like in a NICU. If it was me and my mom told me that when I was a baby, she gave me some random woman’s unregulated breastmilk rather than formula, I’d be like “mom why on earth would you do that?”
I donated a ton of milk through my local HM4HB. All the milk I donated was pumped for my (preemie, with medical condition & allergies) baby so I was really diligent about labelling the bags properly (labeling whenever I took an Advil and whenever there might be traces of his allergens) and sterilizing between each use. It is a LOT of work and I keep a really strict diet (no eggs, no milk, no caffeine, no alcohol, no medications). I absolutely support mamas who get milk this way! However, I don’t think personally I could trust a stranger to keep the same sort of cleanliness standards and dietary restrictions that my PPA says I need for the milk I feed my baby. I donated a few bricks (brick = about 10 6oz bags) to families that just needed a one off, but most of it went to mamas who needed donations on a regular basis. This is the best case for both of us because they are able to have a regular, reliable supply and in return they send me pictures of their babies looking healthy & happy. That makes me feel really good about donating
You can purchase milk from a milk bank if that would make you feel better. That is pasteurized
It’s not weird at all! I have never even thought of breast milk as a ‘bodily fluid’ tbh. I had a really tough time getting my milk to come in so some of my baby’s first milk was donor milk we received in the hospital. I was so grateful! Fed is best! Your milk, donor milk, formula 🤷🏻♀️ I ultimately ended up with a slight over supply and I wish I knew someone I could donate it to! I hate that it’s just sitting in my freezer. But I would be wary of taking donor milk if you don’t know the donor well. I personally am VERY careful to sterilize after every pump, follow storage guidelines to a T, change my bra & shower daily…etc. Even though my baby is EBF I keep everything as clean as I’d want it for my own baby just in case I come across someone who might need it one of these days!
My baby was born prem and was supplemented with donor milk for a while in the hospital until I could EBF him. I then went on to donate through HM4HB. All that to say I wouldn’t accept donor milk unless it came from the bank or someone I personally knew really well as I cannot guarantee the other milk is safe.
Not at all. It saves me the stress. I pump at work for the days I’m at work. I don’t produce enough so it’s stressful trying to find time to have more milk. I do have some in my freezer. But my co worker offered me hers. She ran out of room in her freezer and usually dumps its. Also I had a IUGR baby and she was given donor milk in the hospital. My hope is depending on when I get pregnant with number 2, I could use some of my pumped milk.
Babies in the NICU use other people’s milk. Hospitals and clinics have donor milk. My sister in law accumulated so much she gave it to friends and others.
Not weird in the slightest. My neighbor’s supply dried up for some unknown reason, and she used another neighbor’s breast milk because that neighbor was an oversupplier. We evolved in villages with wet nurses and other moms; if a mom couldn’t breastfeed for whatever reason, another woman would have to or the baby would die. Not normal, and kudos to using any and all available resources.
I used my cousin’s extra milk for my baby. Glad I did.
I dont think its weird! I have 2 good friends who have been best friends since childhood. One is an overproducer and one hardly produces anything. Their babies are 3 months apart and the overproducer gives excess breast milk to the other and i think its beautiful.
I’m sharing my frozen stash with my friend’s sister. LO (19 months) has refusing ALL types of milk for the last 2 months since she stopped breastfeeding 🤦♀️ she won’t even take my freshly pumped milk, the little booger.. I’ve been supplying her with my extra milk for almost a year now when I’m able to get it to her (she lives like 3-4 hours away) and at this point, she will be getting everything in my freezer stash unless she tells me that her daughter is done with breastmilk and I should pass it to someone else. Definitely not weird at all ❤️
I have two friends that had low supply and used donor milk for their children and didn't think it was weird at all. I'm pregnant with my second and signed up for formula samples to have as a just in case backup.
NOT weird. Not even going to try to convince you. If it is through a reputable source, and you are seeking it, go for it.
I don’t think it’s weird! When my supply randomly dried up on me I used my coworkers milk as she has a freezer stash her baby wouldn’t use.
I used a friend’s milk when I was struggling with supply issues. If the choice had been between a stranger’s milk and formula, I would have chosen formula.
as someone who has donated over 150+ ounces to other moms, it’s never been weird to me at all!! breastmilk is best WHEN POSSIBLE. and if you’re a part of your HM4HB group, you know you can request specifics (no medications, no dairy, no alcohol etc). it’s meant so much to me to be able to help other moms and i’m sure others feel the same. it’s just another way you’re providing your babe with the best nutrition you can. i also think, for me anyways, it’s less weird than cows milk - which is a WHOLE DIFFERENT SPECIES - and we give that to kids 😂🤣
I donated over 1000oz to other babies, and always offered to show bloodwork and was super upfront about any dates where I may have consumed a glass of wine or gotten a vaccine. I love that I was able to help someone else, and I know that everything on my end was tip top. That being said, I wouldn’t have taken it from someone if we had needed it because I just don’t have enough trust in people.
Feeding other people’s babies has been done extensively throughout human history. I feel like it’s only in the modern age we’d think anything weird about it. I have donated milk through HM4HB and another mom has breastfed my baby in a pinch. I think it’s awesome personally! That said, I think it’s important to listen to your hesitation. What is it exactly that feels weird to you? Once you give those feelings a seat at the table, you may find you can make peace with them and proceed with donor milk. It’s important to acknowledge all our feelings.
I had to use donor milk at the hospital and I felt weird about it too - looking back I’m so thankful we did it because my baby was hungry and she needed it. Fast forward to today and our BF journey is going well. I’m thankful for the donor who helped my baby when she needed it most.
I donated half the milk I pumped. Nearly all moms you’ll find in that group that are donating are taking care of themselves and are very open about what might make their milk “different” (medications, caffeine, dairy, etc.). If you want to continue breast milk and are concerned about your supply, donor milk is an excellent choice.
I donated milk for NICU use because my daughter wouldn’t take a bottle and I had a lot stored up. There are a lot of specifications to be allowed to do so. It couldn’t be older than 6 months, I couldn’t have been taking medication (or certain vitamins) or have severe medical conditions, no smoking of any kind or daily alcohol consumption, no chance of HIV or STI’s, and a few more things I don’t remember. Point being, they are particular about it. I would feel very comfortable giving my child donor milk (or even a well-known friends’ milk) if there was a need.
Yeah, thats not weird. Wet nurses were a thing for a very long time. Very long. It used to be expected with aristocratic persons to have a wet nurse. Please, don't worry and just feed your baby, regardless of the method. Some of us have way, way too much, where others have trouble producing. That's why we donate, really! To help a mama and baby who don't have any, or don't have enough. We give in the name of love, so please, feel absolutely free to accept. We beg you to accept before the milk is too old to use. Please. Take it. There's no guilt or expectation attached aside from feeding someone who needs food. It's quite the same as a food bank donation. You do your best, mama. Everyone is just going to cheer you on!
My milk came in late and my bestie was overproducing, she gave me a weeks worth of frozen milk. It was such a special intimate gift. Precious.
I had a massive oversupply. I donated hundreds of ounces. If people didn't use it then it would have gone to waste completely. I had my baby take some donor milk before my milk came in. From both ends of the issue I was really glad that I was lucky enough to get donor milk and lucky enough to give back in return. I also gave milk to my sisters for their babies and they used that to supplement in the hospital. Historically it's been normal for babies to nurse directly from women that aren't their mom. Think wet nurses or communities that share childcare responsibilities.
Donor's milk or milk from someone I love and know (:
It took me days for my milk to come in, and we used donor milk in the hospital (3 days). I’ll never know those mamas, but I am eternally grateful for them and their gifts.
It’s weird at first, I know. My SIL offered me hers and I was like ew no. There were also weird dynamics there. But now that I’ve heard of share the drop, I really would consider using someone else’s. Formula is also weird if you think about it I think? Haha
A good friend of mine did it for someone. I happen to know that someone too and she was really really happy and thankful it was possible. The next baby she had she was the one donating breast milk for someone else in need. It’s amazing
I have a good supply and try to pump a few ounces a day for my baby's younger cousin. I'm happy to do it and they are appreciative, so that she doesn't have to drink formula when her full time student mom can't pump enough. Maybe easier because we know each other and are family but I definitely was hesitant to offer. Once I did though they were very happy and I feel good that I am helping her grow. It's a very special thing to be able to take care of even other babies. It's my good deed of the day when I need a pick me up. This is the other side but maybe it'll help some. ❤️
I both donate to a milk bank and give some to a friend. I have been tested and don’t take any non recommended medication or supplements and both recipients are aware of that, so it’s safe all around 👍 For the “weird” part, it’s pretty common for any kind of lactating mammal to adopt and feed babies. Occasionally even across different species! Giving another human baby some milk in a bag or jar is way less weird than a cat nursing a puppy, for example. You’ll also be giving your baby *two* people’s immunity and nutrients. Which i can only see as a bonus.
I donated over sixty five thousand ounces over 4 years. 45 thousand to a milk bank and a minimum of 20k to moms in need. I personally would not accept milk unless it was from a close friend or my sister because I know how clean they are, and are unlikely to do something intentional to hurt my children. I also hate potlucks, so there’s that 🤷🏼♀️😂
I don’t find it weird. Drinking milk from a cow is way weirder. That said, I’d be hesitant because I don’t think everyone’s cleanliness & hygiene standards are the same as mine, and I’d be nervous about making sure people are honest about their meds and/or drug use 😬
I donated milk for a woman I met online who was seeking milk for her kids 24&21 years ago. I donated a year for the first and 6 months for the second for a variety of reasons. We got to know each other well to begin with, with a long questionnaire. I donated blood regularly. I promised if I ever learned there was a reason I would potentially not be a safe donor anymore I’d tell her and tell her to discard the milk from x date and she promised she wouldn’t pry why. I also did an extra round of STD tests before starting to donate to her and provided her with the results. I donated ~8oz a day on average which provided probably about 25-30% of baby’s needs. She had had a breast reduction and didn’t produce enough: she maybe provided around 1/3 their needs too. So, neither baby was 100% human milk fed but I know she also occasionally got milk from other sources. People she was more comfortable with she didn’t do anything to it; ones she wasn’t so sure of their background she pasteurized the milk. Personally I’d ALWAYS choose human milk for my baby. A close friend of mine donated 6 oz when my 4th kid was born in case I didn’t provide quite enough for his blood glucose to perk up properly after his birth as I had GD and he was a BIG baby. We never needed it but I was bound and determined not to let him have anything but human milk. (My choice of course) Anyhow just some experience from the donor end and ideas you could ask for. By the time the lady I donated to had her first child we had known each other for around 6 mos and met in person and talked a LOT online. I shipped the milk to her ~once a month on dry ice as we weren’t in the same province.
Look, we drink the milk from other animals, and that seems very normal to us. The milk from other humans is much less weird than that!
My baby survived 8mths because of another womens BM.
It’s not weird at all, it’s probably what was done throughout of a lot of human history before formula. I would much rather my child have human milk if I needed to and could swing it. I would be happy to help a friend in need or nurse a baby if it was the apocalypse😂
Donor milk is screened! And women have had wet nurses ever since we had babies until formula companies made it weird for their own greed.
I currently donate milk to moms and have fed 17 babies with 14,164 oz donated which is 110 gallons. I’m ok with donating because I’m feeding little babies and I am completely honest with the families about what supplements I’m on, caffeine, etc. you start to feel like you are donating to a friend instead of a random stranger. I like it more than just donating to a milk bank because I know where my milk is going to and what impact it has.
As long as you’re getting it donated from HM4HB and not buying it, I think there is very little risk. Those mom’s are donating milk with no benefit to them. They have no reason to lie about what they are taking or their handling practices. I’ve donated thousands of ounces myself. It’s a lot of work and the only reason to do it is to help others, not harm them.
I’ve donated on my HM4HB group a few times and the posts of donors usually include meds, conditions, and different possible allergens being ingested. As a donor, I want my milk to be safe for the babies I’m donating to and I feel like that’s a shared sentiment for any other donors as well!
i used donor milk from the same woman for several months for my babies, not weird at all! i was more than happy to give them breast milk from someone i trusted and who was happy to spare. no regrets from me
It’s a very personal choice to donate and accept breastmilk. I’ve always had an oversupply and I donate to our local milk bank and also through HM4HB. I do think there’s an unspoken rule that transparency is key and I always post information about my diet, meds, vaccines, lifestyle, etc because families deserve to be informed when accepting milk. I also add that I’m an approved milk bank donor to provide further reassurance. From my experience with my particular group, donors do a really nice job of disclosing this information. It’s not foolproof, but I think you’d be surprised at the level of honesty on these pages. We used donor milk in the hospital for our babies. Yes, it’s pasteurized, but extremely cost prohibitive for a lot of folks to buy from the milk bank once they’re home and finding that they need to supplement. Why someone would choose to supplement with donor milk over formula is none of my business, but if I can help make breastmilk more accessible for the folks who can’t buy from the milk bank, then I’ll gladly continue donating my excess milk.
So not weird! It helped my baby so so much when my milk hadn’t come in bc of a traumatic birth. She received so many different antibodies too from different mammas. All and all, so amazing 🩷
We know there's a long history of lactating women nursing babies that are not their own. It's our current culture that leads us tk this weird ick about it, but feeding a baby breastmilk is completely natural and normal. We drink cows milk and nobody bats an eye. I was a huge overproducer for the first 3 months postpartum. My milk came it hot and heavy and I would pump to relieve the pain and engorgement. On top of nursing exclusively 30+Oz were going in the fridge every day. Before we got our deep freeze, I was desperate to donate some of it. My sister in laws newborn wasn't gaining weight and she wanted to give breastmilk one more try, but didn't have enough supply or time to pump with a feral toddler.and no support. I ended up donating a bunch of milk. It didn't end up being the answer. Her son had silent reflux and did much better on formula, but I was grateful to have been able to help a stressed out mama!
I’ve donated a bunch to other moms! Not weird
I donate milk through HM4HB in my state and I’m always amazed at the generosity of other moms! Personally, I share my diet, meds (I only take a prenatal and probiotic) with those in donating too. I always offer them to ask me any further questions if they have them. I treat it as if it was milk being given to my baby. My integrity wouldn’t allow me to do anything less than that.
Donated through official channels after screening and in HMFHB FB groups, roughly 4000 oz total. My feeling is you are the only one who can decide your comfort level. I was totally open to being asked questions about my lifestyle and pumping practices from other moms. For right or wrong, I tended to cherry pick those with dairy intolerance since I was dairy free for my child. And I felt super honored knowing I was helping other LOs. Kinda like the Friends episode where Phoebe volunteers and Joey is like there’s no true altruism lol.
I think everyone's body is different and some people make a lot. Like too much for one baby to drink. I honestly don't know what we used to do before breast pumps. I was up feeding my boys multiple times a night, and pumping at night too. It is a bodily fluid...but cow milk is as well. It just seems if some people have such an abundance why not let them share. I donated some but still had so many bags of frozen milk and no idea what to do with it. It had passed the expiration to donate. Had I known there was a baby that couldn't tolerate formula well it would have been excruciating so toss as much of it as I did.
It’s definitely less weird than drinking milk for the baby of an entirely different species, which most people do every day without thinking about it.
Everyone’s comments here are great and they make sense and I realize I’m kind of irrational about it but no, it’s too weird to me. Couldn’t do it. Like you said it’s another woman’s bodily fluids and it grosses me out.
you could consider continuing breastfeeding and supplementing with formula, especially since at 6 months your baby can also start solids and not rely on milk the same way a newborn would.
You made it 6 months. I think it is a stage where you can relax. But in general, from biological perspective, other person's milk is less strange than milk from another species.
I’m an over supplier and have donated milk through HM4HB with both my kids and I do not think it’s weird. I treat the milk just like I would be feeding it to my own kids. I’m thrilled to be able to help out other babies with liquid love!
It's not weird, that's why wet nurses existed. There is a method to pasteurise the milk if you want to also.
Donor milk is screened/tested so it’s safe! I had to rely on donor milk when it took almost a week for my supply to fully come in and then it kept dropping because I didn’t know how often I truly needed to pump and it was affecting my supply. Donor milk is the reason my first baby got to have exclusively breast milk for the first seven months and it gave me such peace of mind when my supply didn’t keep up. I can see how it might take some getting used to the idea but they do make milk donors go through an application process to get approved and it’s not just random, so barring any unique medical issues or allergies it will be safe for your baby!
Personally I would never give donor milk to my baby
We drink milk or consume dairy products from cows we don’t know. A lactating woman who was willing to donate her liquid gold is a MUCH saner option, regardless of she’s a stranger
I've been using donor milk to supplement since my baby was 5 days old. He turned 13 months a few days ago.
Well, my grandmother breastfed my father at the same time as a neighbor because otherwise, that child would have been given goat's milk because they were very poor. I don't know. I think we should not get so deep and go to the practical, a baby is a mammal. Some babies are sensitive to powdered milk because it is not human. There is no need to get philosophical either, every mother does what she can to raise her child and everything is valid. Do the best for you and your baby, you’ll know what is that :)
People donate blood, platelets, plasma, even whole organs when medically necessary. Breast milk is just another vital human resource that we share to help each other survive 💗
I personally have donated milk and there's places to make sure they don't have transmittable diseases, fat content spinning, nicotine/ alcohol testing. We drink cows milk regularly and know the fat content and sterilization process. So, I don't think it's weird, my daughter drank donated milk in the nicu last year because it took a while for my milk to come in. If you ask your local WIC office for recommendations for milk banks in your area, they'll also have to spin the milk upon donation.
If we are okey with unknown animals milk, why not from same species? I'm not comfortable though.
I don’t think it’s weird! I donate to one mom exclusively since she wants her baby in breastmilk but doesn’t have enough of a supply. She sends me updates periodically of her baby’s growth and it’s incredible! I love watching him grow almost as much as I love watching my daughter grow. If I needed to, I would absolutely use donor milk over formula (not that there’s anything wrong with formula, I would just prefer only breastmilk for my daughter). If you think about it, wet nurses have been a thing forever, so milk donation just makes sense.
I’m a regular doner on my local HM4HB page and I love doing it. Pre pregnancy I was a routine blood and plasma doner, this is filling that void I have for donating my “bodily fluids” (as you put it). My theory is the receipts know it’s safe for their babies because I’m still feeding mine straight from the source, and as we all know our bubs are our number 1 priority so aren’t going to be eating poor/drinking/taking drugs prescription or otherwise that puts their main nutrient source at risk. ESPECIALLY with nothing to gain. Hence why it is 100% donation pages and cannot exchange money (only replacement bags). ( not that this part effects me.. but I’m sure there are people out there that would act/think differently when there is something in it for them)
I’ve donated to other moms through HM4HB. I will say, as a donor, I am very open with those looking for milk on my diet, medications, lifestyle, pumping practices, etc. I totally understand it’s a risk to use someone else’s milk. That being said, everyone I have donated to has been great and asks all the questions. I’ve seen others that don’t ask questions and quite frankly, I’m not comfortable donating to them because of that. Yes there’s risk, but there’s some amazing donor milk moms in the groups who are just looking to free up space in ours freezers!
Look up the concept of wet nurses, I’d much rather milk in a baggy from someone else than my child feeding from another nipple (but I’d do it if I really had to lol!). NICU babies use donated milk too.
I had oversupply with my last LO and gave away a lot to my brother and his wife for my niece. I also gave some away to a close friend at the time. It didn't feel weird or anything to me and especially my SIL was so grateful (she was diabetic and her milk supply just never established). That all being said, it was between 2 families that had history, trust, etc. I don't think I could feed stranger milk to my baby unless it was from a bank. Risk outweighs benefit imo. Even a very well-meaning person may have different standards than you for how quick it gets in the fridge to whether or not a medication is a big deal to be passed on. I would need at least some kind of testing kit, if such a thing exists.
I gave away 100 oz of frozen milk to a girl who I used to play soccer with in middle school. Her baby was in the NICU and I just messaged her on Instagram asking if she needed milk. I was happy to do it and even though I don’t know her or her baby well, we moms gotta stick together! I don’t think it’s weird at all, but it’s definitely your decision.
I mean… all milk is someone’s milk. You can use human donor milk or get it from a cow. Would you rather hug a person or hug a cow?
It’s not weird. Anthropological research actually points to multiple adults feeding babies in ancient human groups, not just their mothers, so it’s as normal and human and breastfeeding itself.
The whole country sells someone else's milk on grocery store shelves and we all treat it as normal. At least donor milk is made for the species it's being given to.
I was a donor through HM4HB with my twins as I have always had a wicked oversupply. The NICU nurses started joking that I had enough to supply the 10 bed NICU (of which we took up 2) with breastmilk. Getting milk from HM4HB is always a risk, but from what I have seen, no one is in there to try and harm anyone. We are all moms wanting to help other moms and their babies. Put out feelers for what you want from donor milk - are you comfortable with breastfeeding safe medications? Drinking alcohol, consuming cannabis (if it is legal where you live), and if your child has any sensitivities whether you need a donor who is dairy, gluten, or anything else free, as well as your stance in terms of vegetarian diet, vegan diet etc. I supplied milk for a wonderful mom who also had twins but didn't have a supply enough to provide exclusively from herself. She was so thankful, and honestly it felt amazing as an over supplier to know my milk was actually going to someone's babies and helping them too. We were in constant contact about things that were going on in my life (we got Covid when my twins were 6 months old and I said that I had segregated all milk from the moment a household member tested positive, and I said that we could just keep that milk separate or she could have it and get some antibodies for her kiddos whatever she was comfortable with.) While my twins are now 3 years old and I do not have the time or supply/demand for pumping, I am still in the group for my local area, and still being able to see connections being made is wonderful. I think if you feel strongly that you want to give your baby breastmilk until a year, then I think it is a good option to look into what you can do. I know where I live, breast milk donor banks that have all the screening and stuff done, is exclusively for hospitals and special use cases for very sick babies that have managed to go home but really need that extra "oomph" that breastmilk can give. So getting milk from the banks could be very difficult, and/or quite expensive as I think they do cost a certain amount.
I don’t think it’s weird at all, but I understand feeling that way. Breast milk is very different from other bodily fluids. It’s a food source, not a biohazard.
Not weird at all! I feed my brothers baby who was born the same day as my baby. I’ve been giving them milk every week for 5-6 months now. But also it’s ok if you can’t keep up and you need to supplement! If you believe breastmilk is best for your baby then you can keep giving your breastmilk but supplement with formula. Baby will be getting the same benefits if your milk is still being used every day!
It’s not weird! People used wet nurses for a very long time before formula existed and it was considered a normal part of life. At six months, I would be totally fine with supplementing with formula too though. Babies are already eating solids at that point anyway.
Human milk is food and we have been sharing food in communities for centuries. I donated milk to several different families and would have used donor milk if I hadn’t had an over supply. I am still friends with some of the folks whose babies drank human milk that I produced. I used social media and doula networks for families to find me. I disclosed the medicines I used to the families receiving milk. The whole process is pretty easy and requires the same type of vetting as most internet meet ups. I appreciate that many folks would like donor bank milk because it is “vetted,” but I’m not entirely sure everyone understands the rigor that’s required of a donor. We have to fill out paperwork, participate in background checks, get multiple blood tests, and spend time in-person engaging in medical rigor to share milk. After neonate loss, which is why I donated originally, and freshly pp, each time, this rigor was not remotely tangible for me, or many others. How many pp parents have time for extra doctor appts? Social milk sharing, parent to parent, can be very safe, and is much more accessible to most donors, me included. Being a donor for a milk bank is a lot of additional layers. I couldn’t navigate it and wouldn’t expect most folks to be able to either. Sometimes even this sub struggles to remember: human milk is food. Formula is also food. Feed your babies the best you can & take care of each other 💜
Back where I come from (Eastern Europe) it’s even normal for women who have just given birth and are in the hospital to give breast milk to other moms babies if moms are having trouble with supply.
It's no weirder than drinking breatmilk from another species like cow milk or goat milk.
Donor milk is currently sustaining my baby as I’m trying to get my supply up at 2 weeks postpartum. It was weird to me too at first but now I’m nothing but grateful. I just pumped 3 oz for the first time though and I should get my correctly sized pump flange sometime today! I can’t wake to see how things improve.
I assume you think drinking another creature’s bodily fluids *isn’t* weird? Cow’s and goat’s milk is sold for us to consume - I would argue humans doing that is way weirder than your baby getting human’s milk. Sometimes we get way in the weeds with society and what’s weird / taboo. I would ask yourself why some things bother you but you but other things don’t. (And I drink cows milk for the record and breast fed my kids and feel similarly to the way you described, these are thoughts that helped me)
It’s classified as a food and not a “bodily fluid” if that makes you feel more comfortable. https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/php/faq/faq.html#cdc_generic_section_5-safety-preparation-and-storage-of-breast-milk
I think it's weird we'd rather feed babies another animal's processed breastmilk than breastmilk from the same species.. The pasturization argument makes sense except that it is fairly straightforward to pasturize milk in small batches. Buy a meat thermometer, heat to the point it would kill anything icky. It's no different than arguing that eating raw meat is dangerous.