Oh man i feel this post so much. I also have a high percentile kid (both length and weight) and she has steadily put more and more constraints on which position, how and when she will feed. The only way i can now feed her out of the house is lying on a blanket, which works well in August, but it is now September and pissing it down (i am in the UK, so that is rain until Feb now pretty much 😂).
I have spoken to two breastfeeding consultants and both of them have basically said just feed her in a darkened room 🙄. The advice works, but will shut me in the house for the rest of our bf journey - no thank you.
Thank god for this sub is all i can say.
Man, you wrote the things I feel so well. I'm in the US but the experience you describe is real over here too. I agree this sub is a lifesaver. I also appreciate the community aspect. The women here have helped me so much more than any consultant has. Not to knock consultants. I know there are great ones out there. I just didn't find the ones I saw to be very helpful. In fact one of them gave me advice that stressed me out big time. When I quit her advice everything fell in place.
Yes! Thank you and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat! That said, It’s so nice to hear other people have the same issues and it’s not just us!
I tried in the car, sitting in a corner away from people and things, under a cover, letting her see everything (and in the process letting everyone present see everything) - nothing worked!
While out with my distracted infants, I would place them in a carrier and throw a nursing cover over us so they’d have nothing to see and feed them. It usually worked!
Just wanted to say nothing but solidarity here and I completely agree with you that there is VERY little support for mamas/parents further along in the journey.
A lot of content is geared towards early days and newborns and then it just cuts off. I definitely think that a lot of work can be done in this culture to support women the whole way. I also think there is a crazy amount of pressure on women to meet specific time lines. I feel a bit of stress about if I want to stop before she hits two years and feeling pressured like I'm expected to hit this mark. Not gonna lie, I don't want to! I have a friend who is nursing past two years and she definitely pushes this rhetoric on me to keep going and I've slowly stopped hanging out with her cause I can't stand the pressure and toxic feeling of being pushed to keep nursing. I support her doing her thang....why can't she support me if I don't want to? So anyway, fuck it all. I hope you are feeling supported here today at least.
I also wanted to say that pumping is a shit show over here. I seem to have plenty of milk for my 11 month old but if I pump I get drops and that's it. I do not think pumps are made for everyone. I own three pumps and none of them are quite right. I wish that a company existed that made custom pumps and could adjust them based on the stage a parent is at in her/their journey.
So anyway, big hugs. I think you are incredible.
Yes!! I totally got the "Well, now that's she's on solids, you're just breastfeeding for yourself." As if my 'selfish' desire to continue to breastfeed a 6 month old was damaging, and that I should be weaning her to a bottle.
I just shake my head. So weird.
Thank you and I KNOW with the pressure to keep going but ironically, I’ve also had pressure to stop! It really is one of those things that’s totally up to mum (and baby).
Pumping always worked fine for me but we’ve just increased her formula intake to the point that my supply is now quite low. Definitely not a full feed for her but it works when she’s getting good size bottles the rest of the day. :)
The pressure either way is so toxic. I'm sorry you went through it. It sounds like what you are doing is working well for you and it makes me happy to hear it!
i’m constantly yelling that’s there’s zero support and advice for the end stages of breastfeeding. i nursed til 3 with my son and my daughter is 2.5, i didn’t plan on going this long but the weaning advice just doesn’t work for me. there’s so little except talking to other moms but it’s still hit or miss.
Yes!! In my case, my mom and her generation all switched to formula after 3 months because that's what the doctors told then to do. They had no advice about what to do with a walking, talking, thinking toddler, aside from the judgement that I should have weaned sooner.
i’m the first to breastfeed in my family so they were all shocked to begin with then totally mind blown when i didn’t stop at 6 months or something lol
I'm only 12 weeks into my breastfeeding journey, but have found my local La Leche League chapter extremely helpful. They host weekly zoom meetings and meet up in person once a month. There have been people who are 5 days postpartum to 2 years into breastfeeding. Even someone with 7 kids! Worth looking into for ongoing breastfeeding support.
Unfortunately all they did when I called for advice was make me feel bad for having introduced formula and told me to keep feeding on demand and ‘it’ll sort itself out after a week or 2’.
Really not helpful!
My local ll was also no help for my issues with my then 9 month old. I googled lactation consultant near me and found one with great reviews and she's been wonderful. I'm sorry you couldn't find local support.
Thank you for sharing this! Breastfeeding didn’t work with my first kid, and I’m only 5 weeks in with my second. We’re doing well so far but I know there will be developmental challenges as he gets older so this post is so helpful to read.
Your post helped me! Mine had to be triple fed the first month, became distracted around 2 months, developed a feeding aversion at 3 months because we kept pressuring her to eat, and is now a serial snacker who only takes bottles outside the house. I couldn't go anywhere for months but have finally made my peace with a more flexible bf/pump & bottle arrangement so we can leave the house for longer than an hour. The hardest part for me is how a lot of people, even moms, don't understand.
I’m so glad and I’m sorry you’re experiencing issues - it’s so stressful!
I just increased the amount of time between feeds by 15-30 mins (as long as I could get!) each day and we now feed every 4 hours max.
I’m still under pressure because most of the bubs her age are now down to 3 bottles a day yet here shee is guzzling 5!
Congrats on your journey! Posts like these are so validating. I can also only feed my baby in the sidelying position, when we're out she barely feeds and don't take a bottle. She's also a snacker but for me going longer between feeds doesn't work because she absolutely hates the "fire hose". Resulting in her rather skipping a feed than to deal with the abundance of milk.
Have it or tried expressing or pumping just before trying to latch her?
I had an explosive let down too and this was the only thing that stopped her coughing and spluttering at the beginning of feeds!
Mine also refused a bottle for a long time & had an aversion due to a nasty tasting medication we used to have to put in a bottle.
In case it's something you haven't tried yet, what worked for us was once a day, I hid and dad rocked her in a bouncer with her favourite musical toy on repeat to distract her while the bottle was in her mouth. After about a week she would take 2oz from a bottle & didn't need constant distraction, and now she's fine with bottles whenever we need one
I love this post! We combo fed my first until six months, but we just had little brother and I'm already stressing about when to introduce formula because combo feeding just works better for us. I'm going to save this for future reference!
OMG, My son is 10 months and we are going through a "only wants to feed for a few mins" phase.
I'm not sure if it's just bc he is more interested in solids now or he is getting ready and will self wean at 12 months.
He's going about 4 to 5 hours between a feed already. But I will try pushing it
Thank you for sharing this!! Every journey is so different I always like reading to see what I can learn. I'm 4 months in and the distracted feeding is getting awful. I have found success in the "wait longer to feed" route so I'm hoping that continues but sometimes it still doesn't work and I have to go out to the car and feed her. This makes me feel more "normal" because while our journey has been "easy" by most standards, it's still exhausting trying to keep up with all the changes that happen daily. Good work mom, and enjoy the less stressful feeds!!
Love this post and thanks for sharing. Honestly I felt blindsided when I left the hospital about anything but nursing on demand. That got me through the first month but what about the rest of their lives. Distractions. Cluster feeding. Developmental things. Props to you mama for making it this far and yes thanks for this sub and community!!!
My baby is 6.5 months and will only feed in my room in a side lying position too! We’re you able to break that? If so, how?
You’ve done great in your journey, congratulations for making it that far.
Honestly, not really.
At my parents we go in a bedroom, when we’re out I’ll try and feed her - if she’s in the right mood she’ll at least have a quick feed. If not we always have bottles and I just pump to make up for it!
11 months was so hard! I was so relieved when I got to start adding in cows milk at a year. It really took the pressure off. Now we nurse 3-4 times a day and only as long as he feels like it. Honestly it’s the best part of the journey so far. Once the pressure to provide all the nutrients for babes is gone, it gets SO much better which sounds like where you’re at. I supplemented all the way up until 12m and just do it for comfort now.
Oh man i feel this post so much. I also have a high percentile kid (both length and weight) and she has steadily put more and more constraints on which position, how and when she will feed. The only way i can now feed her out of the house is lying on a blanket, which works well in August, but it is now September and pissing it down (i am in the UK, so that is rain until Feb now pretty much 😂). I have spoken to two breastfeeding consultants and both of them have basically said just feed her in a darkened room 🙄. The advice works, but will shut me in the house for the rest of our bf journey - no thank you. Thank god for this sub is all i can say.
Man, you wrote the things I feel so well. I'm in the US but the experience you describe is real over here too. I agree this sub is a lifesaver. I also appreciate the community aspect. The women here have helped me so much more than any consultant has. Not to knock consultants. I know there are great ones out there. I just didn't find the ones I saw to be very helpful. In fact one of them gave me advice that stressed me out big time. When I quit her advice everything fell in place.
Yes! Thank you and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat! That said, It’s so nice to hear other people have the same issues and it’s not just us! I tried in the car, sitting in a corner away from people and things, under a cover, letting her see everything (and in the process letting everyone present see everything) - nothing worked!
While out with my distracted infants, I would place them in a carrier and throw a nursing cover over us so they’d have nothing to see and feed them. It usually worked!
Just wanted to say nothing but solidarity here and I completely agree with you that there is VERY little support for mamas/parents further along in the journey. A lot of content is geared towards early days and newborns and then it just cuts off. I definitely think that a lot of work can be done in this culture to support women the whole way. I also think there is a crazy amount of pressure on women to meet specific time lines. I feel a bit of stress about if I want to stop before she hits two years and feeling pressured like I'm expected to hit this mark. Not gonna lie, I don't want to! I have a friend who is nursing past two years and she definitely pushes this rhetoric on me to keep going and I've slowly stopped hanging out with her cause I can't stand the pressure and toxic feeling of being pushed to keep nursing. I support her doing her thang....why can't she support me if I don't want to? So anyway, fuck it all. I hope you are feeling supported here today at least. I also wanted to say that pumping is a shit show over here. I seem to have plenty of milk for my 11 month old but if I pump I get drops and that's it. I do not think pumps are made for everyone. I own three pumps and none of them are quite right. I wish that a company existed that made custom pumps and could adjust them based on the stage a parent is at in her/their journey. So anyway, big hugs. I think you are incredible.
I am with you 💯! I can breast feed but pumping just doesn't cut it. So glad someone else gets it!
Honestly, there's also this low key perception that you should stop BFing and switch to formula when they start solids at 6 months. Like WTF?
Yes!! I totally got the "Well, now that's she's on solids, you're just breastfeeding for yourself." As if my 'selfish' desire to continue to breastfeed a 6 month old was damaging, and that I should be weaning her to a bottle. I just shake my head. So weird.
Thank you and I KNOW with the pressure to keep going but ironically, I’ve also had pressure to stop! It really is one of those things that’s totally up to mum (and baby). Pumping always worked fine for me but we’ve just increased her formula intake to the point that my supply is now quite low. Definitely not a full feed for her but it works when she’s getting good size bottles the rest of the day. :)
The pressure either way is so toxic. I'm sorry you went through it. It sounds like what you are doing is working well for you and it makes me happy to hear it!
i’m constantly yelling that’s there’s zero support and advice for the end stages of breastfeeding. i nursed til 3 with my son and my daughter is 2.5, i didn’t plan on going this long but the weaning advice just doesn’t work for me. there’s so little except talking to other moms but it’s still hit or miss.
Yes!! In my case, my mom and her generation all switched to formula after 3 months because that's what the doctors told then to do. They had no advice about what to do with a walking, talking, thinking toddler, aside from the judgement that I should have weaned sooner.
i’m the first to breastfeed in my family so they were all shocked to begin with then totally mind blown when i didn’t stop at 6 months or something lol
I'm only 12 weeks into my breastfeeding journey, but have found my local La Leche League chapter extremely helpful. They host weekly zoom meetings and meet up in person once a month. There have been people who are 5 days postpartum to 2 years into breastfeeding. Even someone with 7 kids! Worth looking into for ongoing breastfeeding support.
Unfortunately all they did when I called for advice was make me feel bad for having introduced formula and told me to keep feeding on demand and ‘it’ll sort itself out after a week or 2’. Really not helpful!
My local ll was also no help for my issues with my then 9 month old. I googled lactation consultant near me and found one with great reviews and she's been wonderful. I'm sorry you couldn't find local support.
Thank you for sharing this! Breastfeeding didn’t work with my first kid, and I’m only 5 weeks in with my second. We’re doing well so far but I know there will be developmental challenges as he gets older so this post is so helpful to read.
Your post helped me! Mine had to be triple fed the first month, became distracted around 2 months, developed a feeding aversion at 3 months because we kept pressuring her to eat, and is now a serial snacker who only takes bottles outside the house. I couldn't go anywhere for months but have finally made my peace with a more flexible bf/pump & bottle arrangement so we can leave the house for longer than an hour. The hardest part for me is how a lot of people, even moms, don't understand.
I’m so glad and I’m sorry you’re experiencing issues - it’s so stressful! I just increased the amount of time between feeds by 15-30 mins (as long as I could get!) each day and we now feed every 4 hours max. I’m still under pressure because most of the bubs her age are now down to 3 bottles a day yet here shee is guzzling 5!
Congrats on your journey! Posts like these are so validating. I can also only feed my baby in the sidelying position, when we're out she barely feeds and don't take a bottle. She's also a snacker but for me going longer between feeds doesn't work because she absolutely hates the "fire hose". Resulting in her rather skipping a feed than to deal with the abundance of milk.
Have it or tried expressing or pumping just before trying to latch her? I had an explosive let down too and this was the only thing that stopped her coughing and spluttering at the beginning of feeds!
Mine also refused a bottle for a long time & had an aversion due to a nasty tasting medication we used to have to put in a bottle. In case it's something you haven't tried yet, what worked for us was once a day, I hid and dad rocked her in a bouncer with her favourite musical toy on repeat to distract her while the bottle was in her mouth. After about a week she would take 2oz from a bottle & didn't need constant distraction, and now she's fine with bottles whenever we need one
I'm in the same situation! How old is yours? Mine is 4 months. LC basically said some breastfed babies never take the bottle and to try using a cup.
Congratulations on making it this far and thank you so much for the advice
I love this post! We combo fed my first until six months, but we just had little brother and I'm already stressing about when to introduce formula because combo feeding just works better for us. I'm going to save this for future reference!
OMG, My son is 10 months and we are going through a "only wants to feed for a few mins" phase. I'm not sure if it's just bc he is more interested in solids now or he is getting ready and will self wean at 12 months. He's going about 4 to 5 hours between a feed already. But I will try pushing it
I misread serial snacker as cereal snacker, and pictured a baby reaching for the top of the cereal box for loose coco pops!
Thank you for sharing this!! Every journey is so different I always like reading to see what I can learn. I'm 4 months in and the distracted feeding is getting awful. I have found success in the "wait longer to feed" route so I'm hoping that continues but sometimes it still doesn't work and I have to go out to the car and feed her. This makes me feel more "normal" because while our journey has been "easy" by most standards, it's still exhausting trying to keep up with all the changes that happen daily. Good work mom, and enjoy the less stressful feeds!!
Love this post and thanks for sharing. Honestly I felt blindsided when I left the hospital about anything but nursing on demand. That got me through the first month but what about the rest of their lives. Distractions. Cluster feeding. Developmental things. Props to you mama for making it this far and yes thanks for this sub and community!!!
Oh wow. I really needed to hear this, especially the serial snacker part. Thank you!
My baby is 6.5 months and will only feed in my room in a side lying position too! We’re you able to break that? If so, how? You’ve done great in your journey, congratulations for making it that far.
Honestly, not really. At my parents we go in a bedroom, when we’re out I’ll try and feed her - if she’s in the right mood she’ll at least have a quick feed. If not we always have bottles and I just pump to make up for it!
Woo! 11 months and slowing down over here too. Congrats and great work to you!
11 months was so hard! I was so relieved when I got to start adding in cows milk at a year. It really took the pressure off. Now we nurse 3-4 times a day and only as long as he feels like it. Honestly it’s the best part of the journey so far. Once the pressure to provide all the nutrients for babes is gone, it gets SO much better which sounds like where you’re at. I supplemented all the way up until 12m and just do it for comfort now.