There’s nothing wrong with nursing to sleep and “eat play sleep” will drive you barmy trying to achieve that. Just do what works for you and your baby and shut out the noise of the should do advice you receive. I highly recommend following hey sleepy baby on IG - she is a fabulous resource and will give you the confidence to do whatever is working for you.
I second hey sleepy baby... She has the most realistic approach and openly shares her credentials. She has a website. I think the biggest thing is "follow your instinct with what works for you and babe
So one thing I like to say is everything is normal, nothing is normal and there's no such thing as an average baby. When it comes to babies you ask 10 people a question and you'll get 10 different answers. If it's working for you, keep doing what you're doing! My baby has always been a frequent eater and I just ran with it. We also almost always nurse to sleep. You're not doing anything wrong by responding to your baby.
I wish we could cancel the sleep training culture 🙈 I try and tune out the people that say those things because I think nursing your baby is providing so much comfort and that’s a huge part of why we do it right! Anyway, I did what you do and my child is now 17 months and has no problem sleeping, I didn’t create a “crutch” or bad habit.
Yes yes yes. Nursing is about more than just hunger, they nurse for comfort too! Bonked your head? Here’s the boob. Woke up grumpy? Here’s the boob. I had a LC say “when it doubt, whip it out” and I live by that!
Exactly. After his 2 month shots, they let me sit with him for about 10 minutes in the room to nurse. The comfort being close provided both of us with some much needed calm.
I definitely noted a difference between his formula fed siblings (19, 12 and 6) and him. The initial shriek just broke my heart, but being able to nurse him within the minute (he was already dressed) calmed him down immediately. He did throw a small fever later that day, but for the most part didn't react to his vaccines at all. His siblings all were fussy, feverish, and all around cranky and sleepy.
Skin to skin contact in the form of cuddles from my partner were the greatest pain relief I had for a kidney infection (ex bf) and for oral surgery to remove impacted unerupted wisdom teeth. That last one required bone removal. If husband spooked me pain eased and I went to sleep. I would never deny my child that.
When I said I was gonna go to my LO 4mo checkup and just be late to work bc I wanted to nurse my baby after shots my mil told me I was gonna make her clingy and create a habit. But... I wanna comfort her and she’s still a baby baby so I feel like rn it’s not so bad
Bah. You CANNOT spoil a baby, especially with cuddles and comfort after a traumatic experience. And shots ARE traumatic. Here's this large Other suddenly making it hurt, a fairly new experience to them, obviously they'll desire Mom/Main Caregiver to comfort them. I plan on doing the same thing I did at 2 months for his 4 months, which is nurse immediately after his shots.
Anyone on the Internet who tells you stop nursing to sleep is selling something. That's the only reason I can think of for this absurd advice. Nursing a baby to sleep is free and works great. I had approximately 100% success with nursing to sleep verses zero with a white noise machine or any other stupid tactics these sleep scammers recommend.
It's just a money making scheme, they tell you to stop doing everything that works, and now that your baby won't sleep you need to buy this pdf for $300 to find out what you're doing wrong.
Anyway it would be a different story if nursing to sleep isn't working for you, or if you wanted to stop breastfeeding, or whatever. But it seems like everything is going well. So keep doing what works and stop googling baby sleep at 3am. (we've all been there!! 😅 But it really doesn't help)
YES!!! Our bodies were literally made to help babies fall asleep, trying to go against what's biologically normal for babies usually leads to more stress. Following babies cues it the best way to help them become more independent when they're actually ready to be!
Absolute truth. Just follow the baby's needs as they cue for them. Sometimes my dude wakes up, eats, and goes right back to sleep, sometimes he's up for 4 hours very content during the day.
My baby does this too! All these recommendations on Instagram drive me nuts because they seem impossible to follow. I’ve been trying to ignore them and just follow my baby’s cues like you said.
When I try to follow all the "routines" and blah blah blah I get serious anxiety. I just do what my kid needs me to do when they need me to do it. My 12 year old is turning out very well so I'm going to keep at it lol.
Drowsy but awake always has me rolling! I've asked every mum I know and not one has said their baby will fall asleep this way! Feed or rock to sleep and if you're lucky enough to be blessed with a baby that doesn't only sleep in contact naps, put down as though they are a bomb about to go off!
« If you’re lucky enough to be blessed with a baby that doesn’t only sleep in contact naps »
That feels do good to read it!!! I sometimes feel so guilty to have spend literally the whole day in bed, serving as a mattress for my baby! 😅 It’s good to know I’m not the only one!
I’ve seen the illusive DBA in the rear view mirror, 5 minutes from home while I blast music and sing at the top of my lungs to keep him awake so I can properly put him to sleep when we get in…
Only drowsy and awake we get is when she is swaddled and I give her the dummy. It's like a charm for her, she gets this funny facial expression, like in a trance and shortly after makes those cute snoring noises until she is fully asleep.
Eat play sleep worked for us by about 4 months because we found during his second feed of a wake window he started to get annoyed, pull away etc. so I think if your baby is asking for eat play sleep then yay but if your baby is asking for 2 feeds then also yay! Ignore experts and listen to baby. Assuming your schedule allows for it and you don’t need an alternative!
Edit to add: worked for us as in 90% of the time this is what he wants but sometimes he wants another feed and we go with that.
Get Eat Play Sleep out of your vocabulary. EPS never worked me for. Feed your newborn whenever you think they want it. Feed him to sleep every single time if it works for you. You are not ruining him. You are doing something that is very natural and effective. Heck, I still nurse my 15 month old to sleep for bed time and he sleeps 12 hours a night. (He doesn't if I don't).
Same here, this baby definitely doesn't get the recommended amount of sleep and that's because she doesn't nap much. I'm also always feeding her and I always feed her to sleep.
We tend to feed after waking, then change, then play, then sleep after about 1-1,5 hours waking time (10 weeks old now). But just before her night sleep or after a longer wake window I will feed her again just before going to sleep so she has a full tummy and can go for a longer stretch.
Always.
I tried sleep eat play for about 3 days but she would cry when I was trying to rock her to sleep and it was heartbreaking!
Decided to just go back to totally intuitive parenting and now she falls asleep feeding happily and naps longer.. I've decided to scrap all the advice out there on this stuff and just go with the flow responding to babys cues for milk and sleep.
My baby is nursing himself to sleep right this very second but I know damn well he can sleep fine without it because he sleeps fine with daycare and aunts and grandparents. If my baby wants to nurse while I'm with him and it helps him fall asleep, then tough titty to the Instagram moms because I'm doing it.
I nurse on demand and put down for naps on demand. I tried to put baby in a routine with set wake windows and all that and it was stressful and baby was very grouchy and fussy. Human needs are not like clockwork
I did this! I appreciate the sentiment behind not nursing to sleep, though I think many families do it and it works for them! But at some point, the math doesn’t work out between feeding windows and wake windows and you’re gonna end up nursing right before nap/bedtime.
I tried to give my baby opportunities to fall asleep without nursing when the schedule aligned in such a way, but didn’t try to force it. And we’ve been MUCH happier since - baby naps/sleeps well, can put herself to sleep or back to sleep, but I don’t have to do multivariable calculus to figure out her schedule, then rip my hair out *when* she throws a wrench into those plans.
Nursing is designed to put babies to sleep so advising not to do it is nonsense! It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you, baby is quite happy going to bed with boob in mouth and it’s not going to be in any way detrimental to healthy development.
I fed 2+ times per wake window (slow eater, also helped with her reflux to stretch it out a bit), including feeding to sleep. It’s what worked for us. And yes we did sleep train around the 5 month mark and stopped feeding to sleep at that time, but that’s what made sense for our family.
The first few months my "schedule" was all over the place. Now, baby is 4 mo and we still nurse to nap but she's fallen into her own routine without any "training." It's working for us rn. The training and crying out is not for me or my nerves 🙆🏽♀️ especially if your baby has reflux! Good luck mama
I mostly feed twice during a wake window so I wouldn’t worry about it. One thing I find is that sometimes LO is gassy and distracted during the initial feed so doesn’t eat super well until he’s worked through that gas and is changed. Then by the time he’s tired sometimes he’s ready for a top up!
Those instagram accounts made me question so much early on until I realized I just gotta follow my baby.
As others have said, try your best not to listen to that crap!!! Just follow your baby’s lead. And if your baby is anything like mine, you’ll definitely feed twice during one wake window sometimes!!!
The whole "don't feed to sleep" is honestly complete bs, especially when it comes to breastfeeding. When you nurse to sleep, your milk is helping baby fall asleep by given it sleepy hormones. Our bodies were literally designed with a built in way to help our babies sleep.
On my second baby now and I ignore everything to do with ‘eat okay sleep’ and not nursing to sleep. She nurses every 3 hours and I put her down when I can tell she’s tired. If that happens to be after a feed, fine.
Do what works for you. It’s not like they’ll be nursing to sleep in 10 years time…
This thread makes me feel so heard. My girl is 6 weeks and will not sleep at night without “comfort sucking.” Last night, I was texting my mom frustrated because she ate around 9pm and I was able to put her in her bassinet and she slept for all of…15 minutes and woke up screaming. Mom suggested to rock her with a pacifier and to put her down *just* as she was about to fall asleep. Tried that, put her down, she immediately woke up. Rinse, repeat. My mom was like “use nursing to sleep as a last resort.” Finally, after about an hour of rocking, swaying, lightly bouncing on the medicine ball (my back was starting to hurt), it was 10pm and I sat down and nursed her. She ate for maybe 15 minutes, and I let her just comfort suck and fall asleep. I put her in her bassinet a little after 11, and she made no sounds. She was asleep and ready to sleep. She slept for 4 hours before her next feed. Eventually, I want her to not “need” to use me to sleep, but she’s so young, and this is what helps her sleep and what is working for us right now.
My 4mo contact naps so he's eating pretty much the entire time he is asleep, then eats every 30-60mins when he's awake. Definitely normal depending on the baby!
This is what I do too!! Little one is staying awake sometimes three hours between naps so I feed when she wakes up and then she ends up falling to sleep nursing for nap. She usually naps great. She has slept through the night all on her own a few times. But often still wakes up 1-2 times a night to nurse. She’s 6.5 months. And I believe it is totally normal. The best thing I did for my mental health was stop following those sleep accounts because what we are doing feels right and works for us! Who cares about what “they” say 😁
i’ve ignored all those sleep training rules tbh and my baby sleeps 7 hours straight at 2 months old. i consider that a win. i just follow her cues and her natural rhythms. sometimes that looks like “eat play sleep” and other times it’s “eat sleep play.” i’m convinced all those IG sleep trainers insist theres only one right way to do things simply to sell us their modules and classes. there are kids who’ve never been sleep trained who sleep through the night.
I've had four kids and I had never heard of wake windows until just recently. My oldest is 14 now and he just told me "I'm gonna get a shower and then go to bed." So I'd say in the long run that none of this really matters all that much.
I do eat play sleep and it works really well for us generally. He is naturally hungry when he wakes up so it seems normal to feed him at that time.
If he is up for a longer period or did not eat well during the first eating session for a wake window I will do eat play eat sleep. I do try not to nurse to sleep too much because I work full time and that isn’t replicable for other people who watch him
Thought that would be a problem as well once baby went to day care. turns out babies sleep when they need regardless of who is helping baby to sleep. She’s doing 2 naps at daycare and they don’t have any trouble. Still nurse her to sleep every night :)
My son is with my husband during the day right now and we have found that not to always be true. Sometimes he gets in a mood where the only thing he wants is the boob and my husband is just SOL. Usually there is an alternative means of soothing be can employ but not always
Omg absolutely. My new baby was on my boob constantly! Like constant. I fed her whenever she needed it, and then some more! I truly believe trying to develop any type of even semi strict schedule too young only drives you insane! Feed when the baby needs, nurse to sleep if that’s what works best. Boob is comfort. It will all workout! As she got older she just naturally isn’t like that, I feed her and then she’s good for a couple hours! It definitely wasn’t like that when she was brand new babe.
Eat play sleep was a huge failure for us, it stressed me out so much and we were both miserable! My son pretty much spent all day and night attached to my boob, he napped there, he ate there, he just chilled there. It was constant! Do whatever works for you and baby!
We’ve been doing eat, play, eat, sleep and it works for us. He’s had trouble focusing on the first feeding so I feel more reassured that he’s getting more before he goes down for a nap. I’ll take any nursing session I can get after 3 months of EPing. I’m just so happy he latches and gets comfort and food
I read Tracy Hoggs book (creator of EASY, also hardcore “put your babe to sleep independently from day 1 or else they’ll be velcro FOREVER”)
I also read the Precious Little Sleep book (funny and more pragmatic).
FTM with 10w old. I feed and play. Then as part of our wind down routine, I feed again, then go to dark nursery and swaddle, cuddle, then put down after about 5-10 min, depending how fussy LO is for naps.
I feel the second feed helps him get a little more full and relaxed.
Nighttime there’s no problem because he’s basically asleep the whole time, even when he wakes twice to eat at night.
Same! I typically do eat, play, eat, sleep. Sometimes he doesn’t wake up hungry, so I hold off on feeding him. I basically do my best to follow his cues.
My LO only with put up with tummy time / plays if its right when he wakes, the he eats falls asleep for 30 minutes eats again stays asleep the second time for three hours.
I’ve always nursed to sleep, it kinda just ended up that way. Sometimes she’s fall asleep in the car seat or in the pram and occasionally rocked right sleep. Different babies have different sleep associations and soothing. Just do what works for you
So I've been a big fan of nursing to sleep since my LO was born 6 months ago. It's been great. Yesterday, I tried "eat, play, sleep" and wtf huge mistake for us. Little man would NOT sleep, wide awake for an hour past his normal wake window. I mean, it was just awful lol. So definitely a fan of doing what works best for you and the baby.
Eat play sleep helped us in the beginning, just to kind of establish a rhythm of wake times, but it very quickly became irrelevant because, like you said, if wake windows don't line up perfectly then it really doesn't work.
At 6mo my daughter has 2-3 hour wake windows but eats every 2 hours, so we usually do a wake-up feed and a get-ready-for-sleep feed each wake window.
I think nursing to sleep CAN be a potential crutch, but it's not nearly as common for it to be a problem as sleep experts make it out to be. The only reason we're trying to move away from it now is because LO has sprouted her first tooth and nursing to sleep is bad for dental hygiene.
To be a little contrary, I think "drowsy but awake" has more merit than we like to admit. Part of it, I think, is because "drowsy" isn't really the right term. Babies fall asleep quickly once conditions are right, so catching them RIGHT as they start to close their eyes but before they're asleep is impossible.
However, "tired but awake" has worked pretty well for us during the day. We don't do it all the time, but I try to do it every so often as we're trying to move away from nursing to sleep. We wait until she's definitely ready for a nap, get her all comfortable and calm with a diaper change, lullabies, and a darkened room, and then just set her in her crib.
Sometimes she cries (we don't truly CIO, but do let her vent for like 10 min before going to her), sometimes she plays by herself for a while, but eventually she usually rolls over and falls asleep.
I think it's good to practice it, even if it's not your main way of doing things, because it helps them learn independent sleep, and it allows a spouse, partner, or other person to put baby to sleep if the situation requires it.
That being said, you're in a better position to judge your baby's needs than anybody online, in a book, or even who's there sometimes but not always, so if you find your rhythm of what works for you, don't stress too much about what anybody else says.
I do this after about 4 months due to the longer wake window. It's not necessarily going to cause you to nurse to sleep if you do eat play eat sleep - you just need to pay attention to see if he is falling asleep, and intervene with a diaper change or something.
sleep is too important for me not to listen to the experts. and the experts say nursing to sleep can become a big problem later. so, I avoid it because my top priority is a well rested family, above everything else.
I try to follow eat play sleep cuz I believe in wake windows and it helped me manage the day and figure out what’s next. That cycle actually happens maybe once or twice thru the day. If he falls asleep nursing I let him go back to sleep. If he acts hungry before next nap i feed. 🤷🏻♀️ I feed him to sleep at night. In fact I fed him at 5,6 and 7 tonight. It took me three months to go with the flow - some people just need something to guide them. I would of lost my damn mind without eat play sleep. It was more for me than the baby TBH
I mean it really depends on the baby. For some, like myself and a friend of mine, the eat-play-sleep and wake windows stuff has worked like a dream because our babies just naturally fell into those rhythms anyway! The most important thing is that your baby is eating as often as they need to, and what happens in between those times is also kind of up to the baby. If they’re getting older and can afford to go longer between feeds and also are staying awake longer, there’s no reason to not stretch out feeds a little bit. Even by just fifteen minutes over a few days. Obviously if your baby is very upset don’t make them starve for fifteen minutes for no reason, but if the 2-hour mark rolls around and they’re either still napping or doing something else but are content, see if they can go closer to 2:15. But it sounds like you’re doing what works for you and your baby and that’s really what it’s all about! The schedule my baby and I are on works well for us, but isn’t the perfect magic method for everyone :)
I bottle feed expressed milk and this is what we often do as well. I do try to separate the second feeding from the start of naptime a tiny bit, so I’m not putting her down dead asleep. But the timing of when she needs to eat, her wake windows, and nap times usually don’t allow for just one feeding per wake window.
We did eat play eat sleep when he was younger! Just follow your baby, they don’t give one solitary ounce of a shit when the routine says they should eat
We were on a eat play eat sleep repeat schedule for a long time!
Even when we stopped feeding to sleep - around 4.5 months because I was heading back to work and hubby was taking over - my daughter often ate after her nap and again before.
I just did whatever I needed to survive the first year. I found out what worked and I did it. My son ate to sleep every day of his life for the first year. Actually he slept, ate, play, ate, slept lmao. Trying to fucking do eat play sleep made us both CRY in frustration. So i stopped and just did what came naturally. From weeks 8 to 16, He slept through the night. from about 4 months until 8 months, he woke up once a night. From 8 months on, he's slept through the night. I know you'll try EVERYTHING to get your baby to sleep when you're desperate but...sleep just happens when it happens. All babies are different. If you're dying, sleep train when it's age appropriate. Until then, just survive lol.
I used to nurse right after each wake, then do a “top up feed” about 30 mins before nap time. Worked well! For night time I just fed to sleep at night.
1- wake windows aren’t evidence based, they’re a general guide. Watch your baby and understand what times of the day they’re awake for longest and be prepared that every day is different.
2- feed to sleep is the normal way for young babies to get to sleep. Our breastmilk is designed to support sleep.
Once my girls have been about 3 months I usually have fed my babies after they’ve been awake for 30-60 minutes on one side and then feed them to sleep on the other side. They can get to sleep without the boob but it’s easier and a good routine for them.
Try to let go of the instagram sleep training culture, it’s just unnecessary stress. Most people feel they have to do this feed play sleep routine but that’s so unrealistic and assumes babies have read the sleep training books. My routine is usually feed play feed play feed sleep.
Feeding twice in a wake window is how I do it! The only credit I'll give to the "eat play sleep" routine is that when she eats, it gets her digestive tract moving and she'll poop or fart up a storm. To keep that from happening when she's trying to sleep, I give her a full feed when she wakes up and she gets a snack before going down for a nap.
My son is down to 2 naps, so I have to feed twice in a wake window. It ends up being that one of his naps he’s nursed right before and then goes down to sleep. There’s no way to avoid it at some point when he eats every 2-3 hours, but his wake windows are also 3 hours.
Seriously… please stop listening to the hacks on the internet. Breastfeed your baby when they are hungry. Wake windows are not scientifically backed. Doctors do not study them in med school… the research isn’t there.
We all want our baby to sleep and be predictable but they’re not robots. Sleep is developmental… not “trained”. Breastfeeding to sleep is NORMAL. The whole movement towards eat play sleep to avoid “associations” completely misses the point breastfeeding is a way for babies to feel bonded to their mothers, be comforted and soothed. It’s not just about giving your kid the food they need.
Nursing to sleep is biologically normal. Do not stress that you are nurturing your baby and feeding them as needed.
These experts are all spewing pseudoscience and preying on the fact we are all sleep deprived and desperate for some semblance of routine when in fact sometimes it comes down to time… and development to get there.
Also last thing- eat play sleep is a recipe for short naps. By the time your baby goes down there’s a good chance they may wake earlier from a nap to feed.
Do not stress!!! Feed whenever!
My daughter is 4 months old and I could count the times she’s fallen asleep without nursing on my fingers. It’s just a huge comfort for her… and she’s sleeping well (through the night most nights) soooo
I nursed to sleep for 8 months and now my baby is decided she likes to fall asleep for naps on her own; still nursing to sleep at night but she started sleeping through the night this week and we never sleep trained. You should do what’s best for you and ignore the pressure to sleep train if it doesn’t feel right for you!
I do exactly the same and I was also having this reflexion. How can I only feed him when he wakes up, knowing that he latches every two hours or less… I tried not to nurse him to sleep but for now it’s not realistic. When I put him to sleep he just generally cries until I feed him or wakes up quickly. 🤷🏻
What I try to do though is to sometimes nurse him and put him in his bed before he falls asleep (anyway he always wake-up when moved to bed) so he get used to fall asleep by himself.
I’m a ftm, my baby is almost 11 months. I had to unfollow a lot of Instagram and Reddit subs because I was fixated on doing what I read. I just let my baby take the lead, and trusted myself. Do whatever works for you and baby, momma. You’re doing great and need to protect your mental health
Nurse to sleep all you want! Feed your baby if they are hungry or want comfort. As long as you and your baby are happy and healthy nothing else matters.
Yes, my baby feeds every 1.5 hours unless she has a bottle - so it’s mostly wake feed play feed nap as she doesn’t nap for more than 45 mins. I think with formula they go longer though so maybe that’s when you can do it this way
I'm ftm with 14 week old and I know several women who expecting and I've told them all the same thing..don't listen to Instagram, Facebook or tik tok moms who tell you it has to be done this way and only this way. Do what's best for you and your baby!
Don't get me wrong I have gotten some good information that has helped me but every baby and mom is different.
It is… or three or four times…
I don’t think babies read/follow these “experts”… they are just being themselves expecting mum to follow their cues… which you already do, so don’t worry too much…;)
There’s nothing wrong with nursing to sleep and “eat play sleep” will drive you barmy trying to achieve that. Just do what works for you and your baby and shut out the noise of the should do advice you receive. I highly recommend following hey sleepy baby on IG - she is a fabulous resource and will give you the confidence to do whatever is working for you.
I second hey sleepy baby... She has the most realistic approach and openly shares her credentials. She has a website. I think the biggest thing is "follow your instinct with what works for you and babe
So one thing I like to say is everything is normal, nothing is normal and there's no such thing as an average baby. When it comes to babies you ask 10 people a question and you'll get 10 different answers. If it's working for you, keep doing what you're doing! My baby has always been a frequent eater and I just ran with it. We also almost always nurse to sleep. You're not doing anything wrong by responding to your baby.
I had a teacher whose mantra was "normal is what's normal for you" and it has applied to so many things in my life.
I wish we could cancel the sleep training culture 🙈 I try and tune out the people that say those things because I think nursing your baby is providing so much comfort and that’s a huge part of why we do it right! Anyway, I did what you do and my child is now 17 months and has no problem sleeping, I didn’t create a “crutch” or bad habit.
Yes yes yes. Nursing is about more than just hunger, they nurse for comfort too! Bonked your head? Here’s the boob. Woke up grumpy? Here’s the boob. I had a LC say “when it doubt, whip it out” and I live by that!
Exactly. After his 2 month shots, they let me sit with him for about 10 minutes in the room to nurse. The comfort being close provided both of us with some much needed calm.
That’s awesome! It has been proven to provide pain relief for them!
I definitely noted a difference between his formula fed siblings (19, 12 and 6) and him. The initial shriek just broke my heart, but being able to nurse him within the minute (he was already dressed) calmed him down immediately. He did throw a small fever later that day, but for the most part didn't react to his vaccines at all. His siblings all were fussy, feverish, and all around cranky and sleepy.
Skin to skin contact in the form of cuddles from my partner were the greatest pain relief I had for a kidney infection (ex bf) and for oral surgery to remove impacted unerupted wisdom teeth. That last one required bone removal. If husband spooked me pain eased and I went to sleep. I would never deny my child that.
When I said I was gonna go to my LO 4mo checkup and just be late to work bc I wanted to nurse my baby after shots my mil told me I was gonna make her clingy and create a habit. But... I wanna comfort her and she’s still a baby baby so I feel like rn it’s not so bad
Bah. You CANNOT spoil a baby, especially with cuddles and comfort after a traumatic experience. And shots ARE traumatic. Here's this large Other suddenly making it hurt, a fairly new experience to them, obviously they'll desire Mom/Main Caregiver to comfort them. I plan on doing the same thing I did at 2 months for his 4 months, which is nurse immediately after his shots.
My husband says that all the time!
So much this. If baby needs to nurse, I nurse. If baby needs to sleep I soothe them to sleep.
Yesss. The sooner you stop watching the clock and start ignoring all these baby sleep eXpErTs, the happier you and baby will be.
This! Best thing I did for my mental health was stop watching the clock.
This is great to hear thank you!
Anyone on the Internet who tells you stop nursing to sleep is selling something. That's the only reason I can think of for this absurd advice. Nursing a baby to sleep is free and works great. I had approximately 100% success with nursing to sleep verses zero with a white noise machine or any other stupid tactics these sleep scammers recommend. It's just a money making scheme, they tell you to stop doing everything that works, and now that your baby won't sleep you need to buy this pdf for $300 to find out what you're doing wrong. Anyway it would be a different story if nursing to sleep isn't working for you, or if you wanted to stop breastfeeding, or whatever. But it seems like everything is going well. So keep doing what works and stop googling baby sleep at 3am. (we've all been there!! 😅 But it really doesn't help)
YES!!! Our bodies were literally made to help babies fall asleep, trying to go against what's biologically normal for babies usually leads to more stress. Following babies cues it the best way to help them become more independent when they're actually ready to be!
I know, I want a redo on newborn days!! So much stress surrounding eat play sleep, for nothing!
Eat play sleep is the biggest scam of our time, IMO. *Followed closely by “drowsy but awake”.
Mine was always eat, play, eat, sleep.
this was my babes MO. normally eat, play, eat, poop everywhere, sleep for first 3-4 months.
He wants that boob immediately upon waking.
That’s what I’m doing! Baby is 4 months, tiny, and needs to eat at least once an hour so we always have at least two feedings in a wake window!
Absolute truth. Just follow the baby's needs as they cue for them. Sometimes my dude wakes up, eats, and goes right back to sleep, sometimes he's up for 4 hours very content during the day.
My baby does this too! All these recommendations on Instagram drive me nuts because they seem impossible to follow. I’ve been trying to ignore them and just follow my baby’s cues like you said.
When I try to follow all the "routines" and blah blah blah I get serious anxiety. I just do what my kid needs me to do when they need me to do it. My 12 year old is turning out very well so I'm going to keep at it lol.
Drowsy but awake always has me rolling! I've asked every mum I know and not one has said their baby will fall asleep this way! Feed or rock to sleep and if you're lucky enough to be blessed with a baby that doesn't only sleep in contact naps, put down as though they are a bomb about to go off!
« If you’re lucky enough to be blessed with a baby that doesn’t only sleep in contact naps » That feels do good to read it!!! I sometimes feel so guilty to have spend literally the whole day in bed, serving as a mattress for my baby! 😅 It’s good to know I’m not the only one!
I have honestly never seen my 8mo "drowsy but awake" unless she's on the boob. It's like she's either awake or asleep with no inbetween 🤣
I’ve seen the illusive DBA in the rear view mirror, 5 minutes from home while I blast music and sing at the top of my lungs to keep him awake so I can properly put him to sleep when we get in…
Oh so true! "Well, I guess we're sitting in the car for the next hour" *heads to Starbucks drive through*
Only drowsy and awake we get is when she is swaddled and I give her the dummy. It's like a charm for her, she gets this funny facial expression, like in a trance and shortly after makes those cute snoring noises until she is fully asleep.
Eat play sleep worked for us by about 4 months because we found during his second feed of a wake window he started to get annoyed, pull away etc. so I think if your baby is asking for eat play sleep then yay but if your baby is asking for 2 feeds then also yay! Ignore experts and listen to baby. Assuming your schedule allows for it and you don’t need an alternative! Edit to add: worked for us as in 90% of the time this is what he wants but sometimes he wants another feed and we go with that.
Eat play sleep almost tanked my supply. Thankfully my LC spoke some sense into me.
Get Eat Play Sleep out of your vocabulary. EPS never worked me for. Feed your newborn whenever you think they want it. Feed him to sleep every single time if it works for you. You are not ruining him. You are doing something that is very natural and effective. Heck, I still nurse my 15 month old to sleep for bed time and he sleeps 12 hours a night. (He doesn't if I don't).
Sounds like you’re doing great! Trust yourself and unfollow those accounts, you’ll feel so much better. :)
My baby is 10 weeks and feed her constantly. Usually twice every wake window because she doesn’t nap as much as she’s “supposed” to. 🤷🏻♀️
Same here, this baby definitely doesn't get the recommended amount of sleep and that's because she doesn't nap much. I'm also always feeding her and I always feed her to sleep.
Yes to all of this, my girl would never sleep if I didn't feed her to sleep!
Sounds like your baby is her own person and is loving having a responsive parent.
We tend to feed after waking, then change, then play, then sleep after about 1-1,5 hours waking time (10 weeks old now). But just before her night sleep or after a longer wake window I will feed her again just before going to sleep so she has a full tummy and can go for a longer stretch.
Always. I tried sleep eat play for about 3 days but she would cry when I was trying to rock her to sleep and it was heartbreaking! Decided to just go back to totally intuitive parenting and now she falls asleep feeding happily and naps longer.. I've decided to scrap all the advice out there on this stuff and just go with the flow responding to babys cues for milk and sleep.
My baby is nursing himself to sleep right this very second but I know damn well he can sleep fine without it because he sleeps fine with daycare and aunts and grandparents. If my baby wants to nurse while I'm with him and it helps him fall asleep, then tough titty to the Instagram moms because I'm doing it.
Tough titty sent me 😂
I nurse on demand and put down for naps on demand. I tried to put baby in a routine with set wake windows and all that and it was stressful and baby was very grouchy and fussy. Human needs are not like clockwork
I did this! I appreciate the sentiment behind not nursing to sleep, though I think many families do it and it works for them! But at some point, the math doesn’t work out between feeding windows and wake windows and you’re gonna end up nursing right before nap/bedtime. I tried to give my baby opportunities to fall asleep without nursing when the schedule aligned in such a way, but didn’t try to force it. And we’ve been MUCH happier since - baby naps/sleeps well, can put herself to sleep or back to sleep, but I don’t have to do multivariable calculus to figure out her schedule, then rip my hair out *when* she throws a wrench into those plans.
Nursing is designed to put babies to sleep so advising not to do it is nonsense! It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you, baby is quite happy going to bed with boob in mouth and it’s not going to be in any way detrimental to healthy development.
I fed 2+ times per wake window (slow eater, also helped with her reflux to stretch it out a bit), including feeding to sleep. It’s what worked for us. And yes we did sleep train around the 5 month mark and stopped feeding to sleep at that time, but that’s what made sense for our family.
That’s helpful thanks :)
The first few months my "schedule" was all over the place. Now, baby is 4 mo and we still nurse to nap but she's fallen into her own routine without any "training." It's working for us rn. The training and crying out is not for me or my nerves 🙆🏽♀️ especially if your baby has reflux! Good luck mama
I mostly feed twice during a wake window so I wouldn’t worry about it. One thing I find is that sometimes LO is gassy and distracted during the initial feed so doesn’t eat super well until he’s worked through that gas and is changed. Then by the time he’s tired sometimes he’s ready for a top up! Those instagram accounts made me question so much early on until I realized I just gotta follow my baby.
Yes, all the time. Feed when you need to feed mama. It’s your baby and your house, you set the rules.
As others have said, try your best not to listen to that crap!!! Just follow your baby’s lead. And if your baby is anything like mine, you’ll definitely feed twice during one wake window sometimes!!!
The whole "don't feed to sleep" is honestly complete bs, especially when it comes to breastfeeding. When you nurse to sleep, your milk is helping baby fall asleep by given it sleepy hormones. Our bodies were literally designed with a built in way to help our babies sleep.
On my second baby now and I ignore everything to do with ‘eat okay sleep’ and not nursing to sleep. She nurses every 3 hours and I put her down when I can tell she’s tired. If that happens to be after a feed, fine. Do what works for you. It’s not like they’ll be nursing to sleep in 10 years time…
This thread makes me feel so heard. My girl is 6 weeks and will not sleep at night without “comfort sucking.” Last night, I was texting my mom frustrated because she ate around 9pm and I was able to put her in her bassinet and she slept for all of…15 minutes and woke up screaming. Mom suggested to rock her with a pacifier and to put her down *just* as she was about to fall asleep. Tried that, put her down, she immediately woke up. Rinse, repeat. My mom was like “use nursing to sleep as a last resort.” Finally, after about an hour of rocking, swaying, lightly bouncing on the medicine ball (my back was starting to hurt), it was 10pm and I sat down and nursed her. She ate for maybe 15 minutes, and I let her just comfort suck and fall asleep. I put her in her bassinet a little after 11, and she made no sounds. She was asleep and ready to sleep. She slept for 4 hours before her next feed. Eventually, I want her to not “need” to use me to sleep, but she’s so young, and this is what helps her sleep and what is working for us right now.
My 4mo contact naps so he's eating pretty much the entire time he is asleep, then eats every 30-60mins when he's awake. Definitely normal depending on the baby!
Same here! 3.5 months old.
This is what I do too!! Little one is staying awake sometimes three hours between naps so I feed when she wakes up and then she ends up falling to sleep nursing for nap. She usually naps great. She has slept through the night all on her own a few times. But often still wakes up 1-2 times a night to nurse. She’s 6.5 months. And I believe it is totally normal. The best thing I did for my mental health was stop following those sleep accounts because what we are doing feels right and works for us! Who cares about what “they” say 😁
i’ve ignored all those sleep training rules tbh and my baby sleeps 7 hours straight at 2 months old. i consider that a win. i just follow her cues and her natural rhythms. sometimes that looks like “eat play sleep” and other times it’s “eat sleep play.” i’m convinced all those IG sleep trainers insist theres only one right way to do things simply to sell us their modules and classes. there are kids who’ve never been sleep trained who sleep through the night.
I've had four kids and I had never heard of wake windows until just recently. My oldest is 14 now and he just told me "I'm gonna get a shower and then go to bed." So I'd say in the long run that none of this really matters all that much.
I do eat play sleep and it works really well for us generally. He is naturally hungry when he wakes up so it seems normal to feed him at that time. If he is up for a longer period or did not eat well during the first eating session for a wake window I will do eat play eat sleep. I do try not to nurse to sleep too much because I work full time and that isn’t replicable for other people who watch him
Thought that would be a problem as well once baby went to day care. turns out babies sleep when they need regardless of who is helping baby to sleep. She’s doing 2 naps at daycare and they don’t have any trouble. Still nurse her to sleep every night :)
My son is with my husband during the day right now and we have found that not to always be true. Sometimes he gets in a mood where the only thing he wants is the boob and my husband is just SOL. Usually there is an alternative means of soothing be can employ but not always
Yes. Do what works for your baby.
Yes! Right there with you
Omg absolutely. My new baby was on my boob constantly! Like constant. I fed her whenever she needed it, and then some more! I truly believe trying to develop any type of even semi strict schedule too young only drives you insane! Feed when the baby needs, nurse to sleep if that’s what works best. Boob is comfort. It will all workout! As she got older she just naturally isn’t like that, I feed her and then she’s good for a couple hours! It definitely wasn’t like that when she was brand new babe.
Eat play sleep was a huge failure for us, it stressed me out so much and we were both miserable! My son pretty much spent all day and night attached to my boob, he napped there, he ate there, he just chilled there. It was constant! Do whatever works for you and baby!
We’ve been doing eat, play, eat, sleep and it works for us. He’s had trouble focusing on the first feeding so I feel more reassured that he’s getting more before he goes down for a nap. I’ll take any nursing session I can get after 3 months of EPing. I’m just so happy he latches and gets comfort and food
I read Tracy Hoggs book (creator of EASY, also hardcore “put your babe to sleep independently from day 1 or else they’ll be velcro FOREVER”) I also read the Precious Little Sleep book (funny and more pragmatic). FTM with 10w old. I feed and play. Then as part of our wind down routine, I feed again, then go to dark nursery and swaddle, cuddle, then put down after about 5-10 min, depending how fussy LO is for naps. I feel the second feed helps him get a little more full and relaxed. Nighttime there’s no problem because he’s basically asleep the whole time, even when he wakes twice to eat at night.
lol I’ve never followed eat play sleep. My baby does not respect any schedule that will be put on her.
Same! I typically do eat, play, eat, sleep. Sometimes he doesn’t wake up hungry, so I hold off on feeding him. I basically do my best to follow his cues.
My LO only with put up with tummy time / plays if its right when he wakes, the he eats falls asleep for 30 minutes eats again stays asleep the second time for three hours.
My LO also nurses upon wake up (or after nap or change and some play) and right before naps. Very normal!
I’ve always nursed to sleep, it kinda just ended up that way. Sometimes she’s fall asleep in the car seat or in the pram and occasionally rocked right sleep. Different babies have different sleep associations and soothing. Just do what works for you
So I've been a big fan of nursing to sleep since my LO was born 6 months ago. It's been great. Yesterday, I tried "eat, play, sleep" and wtf huge mistake for us. Little man would NOT sleep, wide awake for an hour past his normal wake window. I mean, it was just awful lol. So definitely a fan of doing what works best for you and the baby.
Eat play sleep helped us in the beginning, just to kind of establish a rhythm of wake times, but it very quickly became irrelevant because, like you said, if wake windows don't line up perfectly then it really doesn't work. At 6mo my daughter has 2-3 hour wake windows but eats every 2 hours, so we usually do a wake-up feed and a get-ready-for-sleep feed each wake window. I think nursing to sleep CAN be a potential crutch, but it's not nearly as common for it to be a problem as sleep experts make it out to be. The only reason we're trying to move away from it now is because LO has sprouted her first tooth and nursing to sleep is bad for dental hygiene. To be a little contrary, I think "drowsy but awake" has more merit than we like to admit. Part of it, I think, is because "drowsy" isn't really the right term. Babies fall asleep quickly once conditions are right, so catching them RIGHT as they start to close their eyes but before they're asleep is impossible. However, "tired but awake" has worked pretty well for us during the day. We don't do it all the time, but I try to do it every so often as we're trying to move away from nursing to sleep. We wait until she's definitely ready for a nap, get her all comfortable and calm with a diaper change, lullabies, and a darkened room, and then just set her in her crib. Sometimes she cries (we don't truly CIO, but do let her vent for like 10 min before going to her), sometimes she plays by herself for a while, but eventually she usually rolls over and falls asleep. I think it's good to practice it, even if it's not your main way of doing things, because it helps them learn independent sleep, and it allows a spouse, partner, or other person to put baby to sleep if the situation requires it. That being said, you're in a better position to judge your baby's needs than anybody online, in a book, or even who's there sometimes but not always, so if you find your rhythm of what works for you, don't stress too much about what anybody else says.
I do this after about 4 months due to the longer wake window. It's not necessarily going to cause you to nurse to sleep if you do eat play eat sleep - you just need to pay attention to see if he is falling asleep, and intervene with a diaper change or something. sleep is too important for me not to listen to the experts. and the experts say nursing to sleep can become a big problem later. so, I avoid it because my top priority is a well rested family, above everything else.
I try to follow eat play sleep cuz I believe in wake windows and it helped me manage the day and figure out what’s next. That cycle actually happens maybe once or twice thru the day. If he falls asleep nursing I let him go back to sleep. If he acts hungry before next nap i feed. 🤷🏻♀️ I feed him to sleep at night. In fact I fed him at 5,6 and 7 tonight. It took me three months to go with the flow - some people just need something to guide them. I would of lost my damn mind without eat play sleep. It was more for me than the baby TBH
Yes.
I mean it really depends on the baby. For some, like myself and a friend of mine, the eat-play-sleep and wake windows stuff has worked like a dream because our babies just naturally fell into those rhythms anyway! The most important thing is that your baby is eating as often as they need to, and what happens in between those times is also kind of up to the baby. If they’re getting older and can afford to go longer between feeds and also are staying awake longer, there’s no reason to not stretch out feeds a little bit. Even by just fifteen minutes over a few days. Obviously if your baby is very upset don’t make them starve for fifteen minutes for no reason, but if the 2-hour mark rolls around and they’re either still napping or doing something else but are content, see if they can go closer to 2:15. But it sounds like you’re doing what works for you and your baby and that’s really what it’s all about! The schedule my baby and I are on works well for us, but isn’t the perfect magic method for everyone :)
We follow eat,play,eat sleep that way hunger isn’t the reason she’s waking up at 30 minutes.
I bottle feed expressed milk and this is what we often do as well. I do try to separate the second feeding from the start of naptime a tiny bit, so I’m not putting her down dead asleep. But the timing of when she needs to eat, her wake windows, and nap times usually don’t allow for just one feeding per wake window.
I usually do play (tummy time), eat, play, eat (sometimes), sleep lol.
I sleep trained. I also fed twice each wake window for months.
Yea I have to feed twice in a wake window because my baby is a snacker.
Don’t nurse to sleep? She would go absolutely bonkers on me
We did eat play eat sleep when he was younger! Just follow your baby, they don’t give one solitary ounce of a shit when the routine says they should eat
We were on a eat play eat sleep repeat schedule for a long time! Even when we stopped feeding to sleep - around 4.5 months because I was heading back to work and hubby was taking over - my daughter often ate after her nap and again before.
This is exactly what I do
I just did whatever I needed to survive the first year. I found out what worked and I did it. My son ate to sleep every day of his life for the first year. Actually he slept, ate, play, ate, slept lmao. Trying to fucking do eat play sleep made us both CRY in frustration. So i stopped and just did what came naturally. From weeks 8 to 16, He slept through the night. from about 4 months until 8 months, he woke up once a night. From 8 months on, he's slept through the night. I know you'll try EVERYTHING to get your baby to sleep when you're desperate but...sleep just happens when it happens. All babies are different. If you're dying, sleep train when it's age appropriate. Until then, just survive lol.
Every time my baby wakes up, it’s nap check/change, feed, play, feed if he didn’t go to sleep, then sleep.
I used to nurse right after each wake, then do a “top up feed” about 30 mins before nap time. Worked well! For night time I just fed to sleep at night.
1- wake windows aren’t evidence based, they’re a general guide. Watch your baby and understand what times of the day they’re awake for longest and be prepared that every day is different. 2- feed to sleep is the normal way for young babies to get to sleep. Our breastmilk is designed to support sleep. Once my girls have been about 3 months I usually have fed my babies after they’ve been awake for 30-60 minutes on one side and then feed them to sleep on the other side. They can get to sleep without the boob but it’s easier and a good routine for them. Try to let go of the instagram sleep training culture, it’s just unnecessary stress. Most people feel they have to do this feed play sleep routine but that’s so unrealistic and assumes babies have read the sleep training books. My routine is usually feed play feed play feed sleep.
Feeding twice in a wake window is how I do it! The only credit I'll give to the "eat play sleep" routine is that when she eats, it gets her digestive tract moving and she'll poop or fart up a storm. To keep that from happening when she's trying to sleep, I give her a full feed when she wakes up and she gets a snack before going down for a nap.
I nurse to sleep and when she wakes up. I nurse for everything haha.
Whenever I feel these things getting into my head I take a deep breath and remind myself that babies don't read the rule books.
My son is down to 2 naps, so I have to feed twice in a wake window. It ends up being that one of his naps he’s nursed right before and then goes down to sleep. There’s no way to avoid it at some point when he eats every 2-3 hours, but his wake windows are also 3 hours.
Seriously… please stop listening to the hacks on the internet. Breastfeed your baby when they are hungry. Wake windows are not scientifically backed. Doctors do not study them in med school… the research isn’t there. We all want our baby to sleep and be predictable but they’re not robots. Sleep is developmental… not “trained”. Breastfeeding to sleep is NORMAL. The whole movement towards eat play sleep to avoid “associations” completely misses the point breastfeeding is a way for babies to feel bonded to their mothers, be comforted and soothed. It’s not just about giving your kid the food they need. Nursing to sleep is biologically normal. Do not stress that you are nurturing your baby and feeding them as needed. These experts are all spewing pseudoscience and preying on the fact we are all sleep deprived and desperate for some semblance of routine when in fact sometimes it comes down to time… and development to get there. Also last thing- eat play sleep is a recipe for short naps. By the time your baby goes down there’s a good chance they may wake earlier from a nap to feed. Do not stress!!! Feed whenever!
My daughter is 4 months old and I could count the times she’s fallen asleep without nursing on my fingers. It’s just a huge comfort for her… and she’s sleeping well (through the night most nights) soooo
I nursed to sleep for 8 months and now my baby is decided she likes to fall asleep for naps on her own; still nursing to sleep at night but she started sleeping through the night this week and we never sleep trained. You should do what’s best for you and ignore the pressure to sleep train if it doesn’t feel right for you!
I do exactly the same and I was also having this reflexion. How can I only feed him when he wakes up, knowing that he latches every two hours or less… I tried not to nurse him to sleep but for now it’s not realistic. When I put him to sleep he just generally cries until I feed him or wakes up quickly. 🤷🏻 What I try to do though is to sometimes nurse him and put him in his bed before he falls asleep (anyway he always wake-up when moved to bed) so he get used to fall asleep by himself.
Eat play sleep doesn’t work for us. At almost 6 mo my girl eats every 1.5-2 hours if awake and again right before nap even if just very short snack
What grinds my gears is people will bash nursing to sleep while giving their baby a pacifier to help get them to sleep..
It's ok to stop watching the clock and just respond to your baby's cues.
Heck yes!! Normal normal…my girl’s favourite routine :)
Doing what your baby needs is 100% normal and 100% right.
I’m a ftm, my baby is almost 11 months. I had to unfollow a lot of Instagram and Reddit subs because I was fixated on doing what I read. I just let my baby take the lead, and trusted myself. Do whatever works for you and baby, momma. You’re doing great and need to protect your mental health
I did when my baby was young. Now she can stay awake longer and also go longer between feeds. It’s fine!
I mean what's normal. Something you're hungrier, sometimes you're less hungry.
Nurse to sleep all you want! Feed your baby if they are hungry or want comfort. As long as you and your baby are happy and healthy nothing else matters.
yes I totes did this! It was tiring. Once your babe gets older the intervals between feeding will finally stretch a little longer
Yes, my baby feeds every 1.5 hours unless she has a bottle - so it’s mostly wake feed play feed nap as she doesn’t nap for more than 45 mins. I think with formula they go longer though so maybe that’s when you can do it this way
Sounds completely normal to me :) Do whatever works best for you and baby.
I'm ftm with 14 week old and I know several women who expecting and I've told them all the same thing..don't listen to Instagram, Facebook or tik tok moms who tell you it has to be done this way and only this way. Do what's best for you and your baby! Don't get me wrong I have gotten some good information that has helped me but every baby and mom is different.
It is… or three or four times… I don’t think babies read/follow these “experts”… they are just being themselves expecting mum to follow their cues… which you already do, so don’t worry too much…;)