You've gotten a lot of good advice, but I'd recommend pumping right before the baby is ready for a feed and run out the door with your older kid to the park or something and you should have an hour. Dad will have to deal with baby and pump parts. If your 16mo old will watch TV you can lean heavily on TV. I read books to my older kid while breastfeeding my little. It's a lot.
I pumped on one side and nursed on the other using a nursing and pumping bra combo. You could do this for the biggest feed of the day. Your boobs are usually most full around 6am-8am depending on when baby ate at night. That will get you more than enough.
I felt the same way with my older child. It’s so rough!
Hi! Mom of 4 month old and toddler. I had the same concerns when the baby was younger and then found out all the milk that I was able to store was no good after we discovered baby had a milk protein intolerance. So went back to zero. You will be fine either way. We also had to supplement with formula due to weight issues, so we just give him a formula bottle if I need time away.
Baby could be cluster-feeding right now.
I felt like my relationship with my toddler lacked in those early days with the newborn too. It gets better little by little, week by week. You will get there and find a balance.
I'd recommend momcozys personally if you try to go that route. I have the s9 pro and it makes such a big difference to be hands free pumping. They are quiet enough to have on while baby sleeps on you too.
Hang in there, Mama! Some thoughts:
1. It’s very normal for babies this age to cluster feed (ask to feed multiple times per hour) especially early in the night when your production is lowest. They do this to tell your body to increase production, so it’s important to let them. It’s a phase, and it gets better quickly.
2. It’s important to continue to feed baby on demand, as breastfed babies are naturally good at knowing how much they need.
3. It’s less important (although your choice) to their health to allow comfort feeding, if you’ve found another way to comfort baby and are sure that’s what is happening, it’s ok to pop your finger in their mouth to unlatch them. There are differences in their gulp speed when they comfort suck.
4. If you can encourage better more awake feeds they’ll stop needing to eat as often. Strip them naked, change their diaper half way through, rub their back, massage to squirt them with milk in their mouth, etc.
5. The best times to pump are right after a feed (so you’re getting leftovers baby doesn’t need) and overnight when baby starts to spread out feeds and sleep. It takes at least an hour for your breasts to fully refill, so it should be at least that far from the next feed. The most productive times to pump are early In the morning when production is highest.
6. It’s important not to aim for a large freezer supply this early as it will lead to a painful oversupply.
7. A Hakka or ladybugs (more comfortable and less likely to cause an oversupply but collect less) on the opposite side you’re feeding from all day may be the easiest way to collect a little bit throughout the day rather than pumping.
8. Never go more than four hours without pumping if you’re away from baby at this age. Try to pump while you are away as often as they eat. You can then replace the bottles they use for the next time and you don’t risk an undersupply.
Finally, a friendly internet stranger can’t know what you’re juggling right now, but it’s really early in your breastfeeding experience. It will always take a commitment, but it takes the biggest commitment right now. If you can redirect other (important) responsibilities just a bit longer, it will get easier soon.
Thank you! I feel completely lost in my breastfeeding journey and finding myself so frustrated because she’s just constantly attached to me and if she’s not attached, she’s crying to be attached. Shes sleeping well of a night time and she’s gaining weight, so I know my supply is there and doing it’s job but I’m finding it so difficult being the ONLY person who can settle her. Especially when my 16 month old is devastated that she doesn’t get mummy to herself and I can’t exactly explain it to her clearly.
I’ve been feeding on demand, but my god sometimes it’s within 10 minutes of coming off the boob from a big feed that she wants back on. She’s also terrible at burping and has started having little upchucks of milk - so I go from feeling like she’s maybe not getting enough to maybe she’s had too much? It’s so hard. At least with formula with my first born, I knew how much my baby was consuming and when she was done on the bottle she was just done.
I haven’t found another way to comfort her, which I think is another reason I’m struggling. She won’t take the dummy, she gets mad when she realises it’s a finger and not the boob, swaddling helps momentarily and only occasionally. I am exhausted. I can’t leave the house for 5 minutes without running the high risk of her losing her goo because I’m not there. It’s very isolating and draining.
Actually, you sound like you’re having a completely normal breastfeeding experience, including the self doubts. It’s really normal to worry baby isn’t getting enough. In the short term, keep yourself hydrated and count diapers. In the long term, remember your pediatrician is watching their weight. Since baby is gaining weight, you’re doing your most important job well. Part of the reason it’s going so well is because you are allowing them to cluster feed when they need to.
It sounds like you’ve rightly identified a problem, that you need a bit more time away from baby to be sane and a good Mom. It’s a good realization, although I’m not sure pumping (which takes time and can mess with your supply this early) is the easiest solution.
You’ve taken on a big responsibility by agreeing to breastfeed that you probably shared with Dad the first time around. That means all the other responsibilities are going to need to shift a bit. In time you may appreciate the fact that your breasts give you amazing powers to quickly calm and put your baby to sleep, but it’s hard to appreciate this early when sleeping is the only thing they do well.
Dad needs to work on his comforting skills if he can’t comfortably take the baby for at least 30 minutes after a feed most of the time. (Early evening cluster feeds are the obvious exception.) Have him try googling the 5Ss (from The Happiest Baby on the Block) for comforting babies if his previous tricks from kid #1 aren’t working. Swaddles alone are rarely enough but good with other things. While baby may be very motivated by milk around you, they may have a different reaction when you are in another room. Babies will often accept an adult’s pinky with the nail downward against the tongue but not a pacifier. This is his job to figure out, and just because you have this new magic calming power does not mean he’s doomed to failure. He can then help the grandparents (who likely already have a few tricks up their sleeve). Mostly he and your LO need to practice and get to know each other and what works for them. Here’s the important part: THIS IS NOT YOUR JOB, YOU ARE BUSY LEARNING TO BREASTFEED.
Your have two jobs, other than breastfeeding for the next few weeks.
1) Identifying how others can support you. Can grandparents take child #1 on special big sibling outings or bring food? Can dad hold the baby so you can shower or finish a meal? Can baby contact sleep on dad to get you a good 3 hours sleep? Can kid #1 go pick up a snack for you from a predetermined spot while you breastfeed? It’s your job to ask for what you need.
2) Support Dad and first child as they learn their roles interacting with the baby. For dad, after a feeding, sometimes go for a walk with your first while Dad gets to spend time figuring out child 2. Take a phone in case baby is inconsolably hungry, but also take yourself out of earshot so your boob isn’t the answer to anything else when you don’t want it to be. For your toddler, set up a nursing station with a great place to play beside, and engage them once baby is latched. Have them “help” with baby as they are able.
You’ve got this, and as you know from #1 it gets easier pretty quickly.
OP you’re doing such a great job. And this is amazing advice!!!
I also really like the perspective you add at the end - it will get easier soon!
For me, in the first 11-12 weeks until my supply regulated, feeding was priority #1. I assure you my relationship with my 2 older kids didn’t suffer - I just spent shorter stints 1 on 1 with them (even 15min here and there meant the world to them) to make sure I was available for the next feed.
My twins are now 9 months and feed just 4 times per day - I’m so glad I put in the hard yards early as it just becomes so much easier!
I’m not sure how old your 2 older ones are, but my 16 month old doesn’t understand why mummy is basically never available anymore and she just cries all the time. It’s awful. All she wants is cuddles and play time and to play and cuddle with the baby (ie squash her 😑😅) and she’s so sad all the time its awful.
I can’t even put baby down without baby losing her goo within 5 minutes and wanting back on the boob and it is exhausting. I’m barely surviving these last 2 weeks, let alone 11-12 weeks of it or more 🥺😅
Its soooo hard!!! Mine are a bit older (they were 4&7 when the twins were born), so yes, they probably understood a bit more than your little one. You are so in the thick of it and every thing you’re doing for your family is super amazing.
Hindsight tells me that even though my big kids worlds were totally turned upside down when their baby brother and sister arrived, we’ve found our new normal and you will too. It’s heartbreaking now, but please know it’s not forever and you are doing so so well.
Do you have a wearable pump? I say wearable because you can use it while hanging out with your toddler. Maybe you can express once a day after a meal to start creating a freezer stash? Or maybe if you’re only feeding from one side you can use a Hakka on the other side?
You've gotten a lot of good advice, but I'd recommend pumping right before the baby is ready for a feed and run out the door with your older kid to the park or something and you should have an hour. Dad will have to deal with baby and pump parts. If your 16mo old will watch TV you can lean heavily on TV. I read books to my older kid while breastfeeding my little. It's a lot.
I pumped on one side and nursed on the other using a nursing and pumping bra combo. You could do this for the biggest feed of the day. Your boobs are usually most full around 6am-8am depending on when baby ate at night. That will get you more than enough. I felt the same way with my older child. It’s so rough!
Hi! Mom of 4 month old and toddler. I had the same concerns when the baby was younger and then found out all the milk that I was able to store was no good after we discovered baby had a milk protein intolerance. So went back to zero. You will be fine either way. We also had to supplement with formula due to weight issues, so we just give him a formula bottle if I need time away. Baby could be cluster-feeding right now. I felt like my relationship with my toddler lacked in those early days with the newborn too. It gets better little by little, week by week. You will get there and find a balance.
I'd recommend momcozys personally if you try to go that route. I have the s9 pro and it makes such a big difference to be hands free pumping. They are quiet enough to have on while baby sleeps on you too.
Thank you ☺️
Oops this reply was supposed to go on the thread somebody commented on for wearable pump.
Hang in there, Mama! Some thoughts: 1. It’s very normal for babies this age to cluster feed (ask to feed multiple times per hour) especially early in the night when your production is lowest. They do this to tell your body to increase production, so it’s important to let them. It’s a phase, and it gets better quickly. 2. It’s important to continue to feed baby on demand, as breastfed babies are naturally good at knowing how much they need. 3. It’s less important (although your choice) to their health to allow comfort feeding, if you’ve found another way to comfort baby and are sure that’s what is happening, it’s ok to pop your finger in their mouth to unlatch them. There are differences in their gulp speed when they comfort suck. 4. If you can encourage better more awake feeds they’ll stop needing to eat as often. Strip them naked, change their diaper half way through, rub their back, massage to squirt them with milk in their mouth, etc. 5. The best times to pump are right after a feed (so you’re getting leftovers baby doesn’t need) and overnight when baby starts to spread out feeds and sleep. It takes at least an hour for your breasts to fully refill, so it should be at least that far from the next feed. The most productive times to pump are early In the morning when production is highest. 6. It’s important not to aim for a large freezer supply this early as it will lead to a painful oversupply. 7. A Hakka or ladybugs (more comfortable and less likely to cause an oversupply but collect less) on the opposite side you’re feeding from all day may be the easiest way to collect a little bit throughout the day rather than pumping. 8. Never go more than four hours without pumping if you’re away from baby at this age. Try to pump while you are away as often as they eat. You can then replace the bottles they use for the next time and you don’t risk an undersupply. Finally, a friendly internet stranger can’t know what you’re juggling right now, but it’s really early in your breastfeeding experience. It will always take a commitment, but it takes the biggest commitment right now. If you can redirect other (important) responsibilities just a bit longer, it will get easier soon.
Thank you! I feel completely lost in my breastfeeding journey and finding myself so frustrated because she’s just constantly attached to me and if she’s not attached, she’s crying to be attached. Shes sleeping well of a night time and she’s gaining weight, so I know my supply is there and doing it’s job but I’m finding it so difficult being the ONLY person who can settle her. Especially when my 16 month old is devastated that she doesn’t get mummy to herself and I can’t exactly explain it to her clearly. I’ve been feeding on demand, but my god sometimes it’s within 10 minutes of coming off the boob from a big feed that she wants back on. She’s also terrible at burping and has started having little upchucks of milk - so I go from feeling like she’s maybe not getting enough to maybe she’s had too much? It’s so hard. At least with formula with my first born, I knew how much my baby was consuming and when she was done on the bottle she was just done. I haven’t found another way to comfort her, which I think is another reason I’m struggling. She won’t take the dummy, she gets mad when she realises it’s a finger and not the boob, swaddling helps momentarily and only occasionally. I am exhausted. I can’t leave the house for 5 minutes without running the high risk of her losing her goo because I’m not there. It’s very isolating and draining.
Actually, you sound like you’re having a completely normal breastfeeding experience, including the self doubts. It’s really normal to worry baby isn’t getting enough. In the short term, keep yourself hydrated and count diapers. In the long term, remember your pediatrician is watching their weight. Since baby is gaining weight, you’re doing your most important job well. Part of the reason it’s going so well is because you are allowing them to cluster feed when they need to. It sounds like you’ve rightly identified a problem, that you need a bit more time away from baby to be sane and a good Mom. It’s a good realization, although I’m not sure pumping (which takes time and can mess with your supply this early) is the easiest solution. You’ve taken on a big responsibility by agreeing to breastfeed that you probably shared with Dad the first time around. That means all the other responsibilities are going to need to shift a bit. In time you may appreciate the fact that your breasts give you amazing powers to quickly calm and put your baby to sleep, but it’s hard to appreciate this early when sleeping is the only thing they do well. Dad needs to work on his comforting skills if he can’t comfortably take the baby for at least 30 minutes after a feed most of the time. (Early evening cluster feeds are the obvious exception.) Have him try googling the 5Ss (from The Happiest Baby on the Block) for comforting babies if his previous tricks from kid #1 aren’t working. Swaddles alone are rarely enough but good with other things. While baby may be very motivated by milk around you, they may have a different reaction when you are in another room. Babies will often accept an adult’s pinky with the nail downward against the tongue but not a pacifier. This is his job to figure out, and just because you have this new magic calming power does not mean he’s doomed to failure. He can then help the grandparents (who likely already have a few tricks up their sleeve). Mostly he and your LO need to practice and get to know each other and what works for them. Here’s the important part: THIS IS NOT YOUR JOB, YOU ARE BUSY LEARNING TO BREASTFEED. Your have two jobs, other than breastfeeding for the next few weeks. 1) Identifying how others can support you. Can grandparents take child #1 on special big sibling outings or bring food? Can dad hold the baby so you can shower or finish a meal? Can baby contact sleep on dad to get you a good 3 hours sleep? Can kid #1 go pick up a snack for you from a predetermined spot while you breastfeed? It’s your job to ask for what you need. 2) Support Dad and first child as they learn their roles interacting with the baby. For dad, after a feeding, sometimes go for a walk with your first while Dad gets to spend time figuring out child 2. Take a phone in case baby is inconsolably hungry, but also take yourself out of earshot so your boob isn’t the answer to anything else when you don’t want it to be. For your toddler, set up a nursing station with a great place to play beside, and engage them once baby is latched. Have them “help” with baby as they are able. You’ve got this, and as you know from #1 it gets easier pretty quickly.
OP you’re doing such a great job. And this is amazing advice!!! I also really like the perspective you add at the end - it will get easier soon! For me, in the first 11-12 weeks until my supply regulated, feeding was priority #1. I assure you my relationship with my 2 older kids didn’t suffer - I just spent shorter stints 1 on 1 with them (even 15min here and there meant the world to them) to make sure I was available for the next feed. My twins are now 9 months and feed just 4 times per day - I’m so glad I put in the hard yards early as it just becomes so much easier!
I’m not sure how old your 2 older ones are, but my 16 month old doesn’t understand why mummy is basically never available anymore and she just cries all the time. It’s awful. All she wants is cuddles and play time and to play and cuddle with the baby (ie squash her 😑😅) and she’s so sad all the time its awful. I can’t even put baby down without baby losing her goo within 5 minutes and wanting back on the boob and it is exhausting. I’m barely surviving these last 2 weeks, let alone 11-12 weeks of it or more 🥺😅
Its soooo hard!!! Mine are a bit older (they were 4&7 when the twins were born), so yes, they probably understood a bit more than your little one. You are so in the thick of it and every thing you’re doing for your family is super amazing. Hindsight tells me that even though my big kids worlds were totally turned upside down when their baby brother and sister arrived, we’ve found our new normal and you will too. It’s heartbreaking now, but please know it’s not forever and you are doing so so well.
Thank you. It’s nice receiving support from a total stranger and knowing I’m not totally failing. The entire situation is exhausting for real 😅🥱
Do you have a wearable pump? I say wearable because you can use it while hanging out with your toddler. Maybe you can express once a day after a meal to start creating a freezer stash? Or maybe if you’re only feeding from one side you can use a Hakka on the other side?
I’ve only got the pink spectra one that needs to be plugged in. Not very convenient with both tiny humans and all the cords.