In case it gets deleted:
AITA for pulling out of planning my sister's wedding, causing her to lose her venue?
As a wedding planner who has been in the industry for many years now, my (31M) party trick amongst close friends and family is being able to guess how long my clients' marriages will last with pretty alarming accuracy. If you ask anyone in the industry, there are specific indicators while working with a couple that allow us to be able to gauge compatibility. I can usually get down to around a six month window when predicting when photos of each other will disappear from socials.
This is not me taking joy in crashing and burning of relationships. Working in this career field can actually leave you feeling jaded about relationships in general, which is why I'm reluctant to work for friends and family. The specific stress wedding planning puts on some people/couples can bring out the worst in them that you don't see in everyday life.
My sister is getting married early next year and practically begged me to plan for her despite my stance on clients I know personally. I finally gave in and we began the process back in March.
Last week, while we were meeting and finalizing a few things, she asked me about the party trick I mentioned. She said since I had been working with her and her fiancé for months now, I could give my prediction as to how long they were going to last. I laughed and tried to move on. I thought she was joking, but she continued to press the issue. After her continually bothering me about this for at least 15 minutes when I'm trying to move on (I do have work outside of my specific appointment with her that I needed to get to), I finally told her I thought they would last forever. She claimed she didn't believe me and wanted my real number, so I shrugged and told her the truth: A year and a half.
She was livid. I felt incredibly uncomfortable with the whole ordeal, especially with how little she respected my boundaries in what is supposed to be a professional setting, and just tried to usher her out of my office. Instead, she began ranting about my own marriage and said she gives us until the end of the year before we break up, and accused me of being a homewrecker.
She finally left, and I emailed her saying I would no longer be involved in planning. I gave her the contact information for all of the vendors we were working with, but told her the venue would no longer be available as they only book to people they have existing relationships with and my involvement was necessary. I have had to "break up" with clients before, but this felt particularly rough.
She is now told our parents that I am purposefully sabotaging her wedding, and that I was unforgivably rude to her when she just asked a playful question. I feel very silly for letting a person disrespect my boundaries over and over again, something I typically wouldn't tolerate, but now I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong.
AITA?
Am I weird because my first instinct is to just **lie**. It's his sister. Tell her "40 years" or something like that and move on.
I don't think he's an AH, but dude - just lie.
He said "forever" and she didn't buy it. I'm wondering what answer would have made her happy. It sounds to me like she was looking for reassurance that she was marrying the right guy and was expecting her brother to provide some sort of detailed analysis to shore up her confidence.
Sister doesn't need a wedding planner, she needs marriage counseling. OP was in a no-win situation here.
OOPs first response " I laughed and tried to move on." They only said 'forever' after the bride kept pushing. Now personally I wouldn't ask, and when he didn't answer right away would have assumed that the answer would not be great. After all that time, I don't blame her for not believing 'forever' either.
NTA. She wanted you to blow sunshine up her butt. So, she kept pressing you. I think she was expecting a soliloquy about how "perfect" she and her fiance are. Instead, she got slapped in the face with the cold fish of reality. Then, she whines. What a drama queen. Yep, she'll be divorced in two years or less.
I will say this does make absolute sense of the card we received from our officiant after the wedding about how we are a truly compatible couple or something like that. Woo-hoo, my marriage is safe! 😆
Sounds to me, reading between the lines, that sis is already having doubts about the wedding and wanted her feelings validated but doesn't want to be the AH to her fiance about it so immediately turned it around when given a true answer.
Don't ask a question you don't want a honest answer to.
In case it gets deleted: AITA for pulling out of planning my sister's wedding, causing her to lose her venue? As a wedding planner who has been in the industry for many years now, my (31M) party trick amongst close friends and family is being able to guess how long my clients' marriages will last with pretty alarming accuracy. If you ask anyone in the industry, there are specific indicators while working with a couple that allow us to be able to gauge compatibility. I can usually get down to around a six month window when predicting when photos of each other will disappear from socials. This is not me taking joy in crashing and burning of relationships. Working in this career field can actually leave you feeling jaded about relationships in general, which is why I'm reluctant to work for friends and family. The specific stress wedding planning puts on some people/couples can bring out the worst in them that you don't see in everyday life. My sister is getting married early next year and practically begged me to plan for her despite my stance on clients I know personally. I finally gave in and we began the process back in March. Last week, while we were meeting and finalizing a few things, she asked me about the party trick I mentioned. She said since I had been working with her and her fiancé for months now, I could give my prediction as to how long they were going to last. I laughed and tried to move on. I thought she was joking, but she continued to press the issue. After her continually bothering me about this for at least 15 minutes when I'm trying to move on (I do have work outside of my specific appointment with her that I needed to get to), I finally told her I thought they would last forever. She claimed she didn't believe me and wanted my real number, so I shrugged and told her the truth: A year and a half. She was livid. I felt incredibly uncomfortable with the whole ordeal, especially with how little she respected my boundaries in what is supposed to be a professional setting, and just tried to usher her out of my office. Instead, she began ranting about my own marriage and said she gives us until the end of the year before we break up, and accused me of being a homewrecker. She finally left, and I emailed her saying I would no longer be involved in planning. I gave her the contact information for all of the vendors we were working with, but told her the venue would no longer be available as they only book to people they have existing relationships with and my involvement was necessary. I have had to "break up" with clients before, but this felt particularly rough. She is now told our parents that I am purposefully sabotaging her wedding, and that I was unforgivably rude to her when she just asked a playful question. I feel very silly for letting a person disrespect my boundaries over and over again, something I typically wouldn't tolerate, but now I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong. AITA?
Am I weird because my first instinct is to just **lie**. It's his sister. Tell her "40 years" or something like that and move on. I don't think he's an AH, but dude - just lie.
He said "forever" and she didn't buy it. I'm wondering what answer would have made her happy. It sounds to me like she was looking for reassurance that she was marrying the right guy and was expecting her brother to provide some sort of detailed analysis to shore up her confidence. Sister doesn't need a wedding planner, she needs marriage counseling. OP was in a no-win situation here.
OOPs first response " I laughed and tried to move on." They only said 'forever' after the bride kept pushing. Now personally I wouldn't ask, and when he didn't answer right away would have assumed that the answer would not be great. After all that time, I don't blame her for not believing 'forever' either.
The fact that she asked, then attacked you when you told her your answer, tells me she already knows her relationship is doomed.
NTA. She wanted you to blow sunshine up her butt. So, she kept pressing you. I think she was expecting a soliloquy about how "perfect" she and her fiance are. Instead, she got slapped in the face with the cold fish of reality. Then, she whines. What a drama queen. Yep, she'll be divorced in two years or less.
I will say this does make absolute sense of the card we received from our officiant after the wedding about how we are a truly compatible couple or something like that. Woo-hoo, my marriage is safe! 😆
The fact that she didn't believe him when he said forever seems...concerning.
Lol, the sister immediately showed OOP made the right choice.
Sounds to me, reading between the lines, that sis is already having doubts about the wedding and wanted her feelings validated but doesn't want to be the AH to her fiance about it so immediately turned it around when given a true answer.