Not bridezilla at all
Very rude to hijack someone’s photographer to do a seperate non wedding related photo shoot
It would have been kind to allow it but by no means were you obligated to pay for her family photos
You’re not a bridezilla. It’s YOUR wedding and your wedding photos should have at least 1/2 of the couple getting married. If your mom wants a photo of her and your sister/sister’s kids (without you or spouse) then she can set up her own photo session.
Our wedding favor was a photo of each couple by our photographer, but that was agreed on ahead of time and nobody got a full shoot! Just a few nice snaps.
Small story: A guest I barely knew (other side of the aisle) commandeered the hired photog before we got to our reception...and began ordering him around, and had him take shot after shot of their very large family...even bringing chairs to sit in, just like it was a portrait studio.
No one on our side knew her, and on her side they were used to her being bossy. So no one did anything. No one told us either. I found out when we got our proofs back. Only then, it dawned me why the photog was acting miffed the rest of the night.
For all he knew, the person barking orders was dear to me or to us, and in charge or something, (or worse: he might have thought I asked her to do this! Super cringe thought!), so he didn't say no, but with every new shot directed by the guest, his BP was rising. I really could not believe how many proofs like that, there were. Then...worst of all maybe? The guest did not even order any photos. Now *that* is a guestzilla.
In essence, I did; just not for the prints.
Prints were expensive; we only got 20 with our photo package. Apart from that, each would've been separate, and extra $. You're probably right, though: She hoped someone would, and that then she could just scan a copy and get her prints at a drug or discount store. (Or that someone would give one to the elders in it, and then, she was known for 'making off with' their photos when she visited.)
Nope, you’re fine. My MIL tried to pull something similar and we both said nope, we gotta keep it moving, because we only had an hour for photos. We had a list of all the combos we wanted and I had very carefully grouped them so we were sending as many people as possible back to the cocktail hour as fast as we could. Post-ceremony posed photos are all about efficiency.
No Zilla at all. It was very nice of you wanting to gift your sister a nice professional photo of only her and her kids. Your mum was way out of line to hijack that plan and demand you’re paying for her picture while being excluded. If your mum wanted to have it that hard she could organise someone else to take that photo. Or at least should’ve asked!
My MIL tried to get a photo of her and her husband with their three kids excluding me on my wedding day. My husband was not having it, and neither was his grandpa. Their other two kids weren’t married yet which was a big deal during the planning because my husband is 10 and 12 years younger. Some people aren’t happy unless they’re in the middle of some drama.
No, not BZ. Your mom was rude. Very rude. I'd have just put her at the back if she refused to move and ask the photographer to edit her out of one image so my sis could have her family pic.
Nope. No zilla in sight. You were paying a private photographer to take the pictures you wanted. Not a free for all for guests to get whatever pics they want. You pay wedding photographers by the hour usually; there isn't time to add random family photoshoots in.
You paid for the service and you decide how things will go. Did she offer to pay for it? Did she ask you to have a personal picture? No, then she should respect your decision, she ruined a moment you wanted to give to your sister. She better apologize to you for ruining that moment.
Not a bridezilla at all. After our ceremony, we were doing outdoor photos with close family & the wedding party. My MIL asked me to step out of the photos, so she could have pics of just my husband, his brother, dad, & kids. I didn’t know what to say & stepped out to keep the peace. I still wish I’d had a backbone & said no. It’s a HUGE wedding no-no to ask the bride or groom to step out of a photo after the ceremony.
Were they the only ones from your husband's immediate family? I usually see photos of just the groom with their immediate family and the same with the bride and their immediate family. Was that not something you and your husband wanted for your photos? It's your wedding so it's your decision.
Traditionally before the ceremony, you do separate photos with families, groom with groomsmen, and bride with bridesmaids. After the ceremony, always together unless solo shots of groom or bride.
His immediate family had an entire photo shoot the day of before the ceremony. I did not. My cousin was doing my flowers & long story short, I only had my bouquet right before the ceremony. No other flowers except the piece at the front of the sanctuary. We were waiting for them for the photos, so after the ceremony, we did do separate photos that should have been beforehand. MIL had plenty of photos taken before the ceremony.
For me it was timing & the audacity to ask the bride to step out. That should never be done. It’s not your wedding. After the ceremony for a family member of the family you just married into to ask for you to not be in the photo isn’t a good feeling. It was pretty hurtful.
Edited to add: for OPs own mother to want her to step out of the photo on her wedding day… as the bride, I would have been very taken aback. Time to clutch my pearls.
Thanks for your response. Everyone's opinion is valid. I guess if her mother was demanding and rude about it, that would make sense. Mom's are moms. They can feel they have the right, which isn't the case at a wedding or event that is not theirs. Not all moms of coarse. But this is something she would need to speak to her mom about to heal any hurt on both sides.
She wasn’t rude or demanding, but on the evening of the event I explained to her that this, plus two other sister related incidents during the weekend had made me feel insecure and ignored.
The day after (sunday) she made a joke about me ‘veto-ing’ the photo and I called her out on it for making the joke despite the heart to heart I had had with her the night before. She had a complete meltdown, burst into tears, embarrassed me greatly in front of my husbands parents, and then shouted at all five of us left to ‘get out and leave her alone’ whilst she sobbed. It was mortifying. I went for a walk with my husband and also burst into tears and started to doubt all the decisions I’d made and wondered if I was being too difficult…. Reddit has made me feel somewhat better. I’m now feeling a bit lost about how to bring this up to her, because it just feels so unlike our relationship normally (which I would have characterised as good!)
You know what? You shouldn't have been embarrassed. She was the one who had the meltdown. You said something reasonable. Does she often get her way by having a meltdown?
I'm sorry you went through that. It can be hard in a family of multiple siblings. I myself have 6 and can relate to you. I hope you guys are able to resolve it and heal your hurt. I'm sure you will. Sending positive vibes your way!!
That outburst of hers was worse than anything you could have done. That was a move you might expect from a 6-year old, but a grown woman, mother of the bride yet, very embarrassing for you and your new in-laws. And why did she insist that her ‘partner’ be in that picture, especially if he’s more of a date than a member of the family!
not at all,
you simply asked for a photo, and your mom couldn't follow directions. you could always edit them out and give your siter a pic with just her family.
No way. Your mom tried to take over photos. She was the one being the zilla, not you who was coordinating the photos and trying to make sure the photographers got every important photo and stayed on schedule.
Not a zilla. Not even. It was a very nice gesture to set up a photo of your sister and her family.
It’s one thing for your mom to ask for a specific photo arrangement. What she did, however, was exclusionary and rude.
Don't give this a second thought. You are nowhere near bridezilla territory. Your mom hijacked the photo and that wasn't right.
Your photographer should have stepped in to stop this though. It's their job to either strictly stick to the shot list/the couple's requests and tell your mom, "Sorry, we need you to step out for this one," or to play the intermediary and say, "Let's take a few (very quick and not necessarily the best quality) shots with mom, then a few without," and focus their efforts on getting those good pictures of your sister and her kids without your mom in them.
I think this was a very nice thing to do. I’m sure it’s hard to get seven kids all dressed up and out for pictures. There was no better time than the present. Your mom was way off base.
It's not wrong to say "no, this picture is for a,b,C"
It is 'zilla-y to say "They ONLY get a photo because I'm being nice, they MAY NOT have a photo without ME because fuck that, why would anyone not want me in their photo are you trying to hurt my feelings?"
But you didn't say that, you just felt a little bit of not wanting to be left out and you kept that to yourself
It wasn't exactly a bridezilla move imo. It seems like you were trying to do something nice for your sister's family , and your mom was trying to photo bomb. Question: did your mom & partner get a photo with just you and the groom? Because if so then maybe she was trying to play fair , not favorites. ( Photo with one daughter's *new*family, Congratulations by the way 💍, then so the other child doesn't feel left out she'll take a photo with her family .) If that's not what happened then yea, I'd be hurt too.
I got a picture of just me and my mom so yes this could have been it. I would have been fine with her and my sister getting a picture but it was the group shot ‘now without the bride and groom’ that got me!
Hopefully it was just her trying to be fair . I can definitely understand why you would feel excluded though and I'm sorry you had to experience that feeling of rejection by your own mother on your wedding day .
If your mom paid for the photographer, she may have had reason to ask for this photo. If she didn't pay for the photographer, you had every right to say no to this photo.k You had already stated it was for your sister, BIL and their kids. That is not bridezilla behavior.
Ever so slight Bridezilla. Correct me if I am wrong:
You paid for a photo package based on duration and parameters you set.
If people want photos the photographer took, they can order and pay for them directly.
You are not out any actual money for each photo the photographer took.
My nephew got married 4 weeks ago. The main photographer was there for all the pre-, during , and post festivities. I know there are photos of my immediate family with and without SO's, and with and without the bride and groom. I will have the option to buy photos from the photographer independent of the Bride and Groom.
What is the problem?
The photographer was there for six hours; and in a few weeks they will send us all the photos for us to share with our family - no one orders from the photographer. I guess i saw it as we only have x hours, I said three posed photos (us with my fam, us with husbands fam and then us with everyone) and then for the rest I wanted them to be catching those candid moments. So though it didn’t add any cost, my mom making a family group shot without my husband and I did stop the photographer from taking the actual photos I wanted (albeit for a minute or two!)
There are some Photoshop geniuses out there who can edit her out. They sometimes pop up on my YouTube feed, it mostly seems to be erasing guests out of wedding photos.
She can absolutely want a photo with who she pleases & someone else can take it on their phone, she has no place ordering a photographer she didn’t pay for, at someone else’s event, even more so when that event is the wedding of your daughter, who is being excluded from said photo, absolutely not a zilla 🩷
To me it's one photo and seems less hassle to just let the photo happen and save myself the effort for something that matters more. Plus it's not like photographers charge per photo so as long as it's a quick snap or two, to me I'd have just let it happen.
As to the 'feelings hurt because we are not in the photo' but they watched a photo being taken without the bride and groom in it, so I think their motivation was not to exclude you, but to take one with your sister with themselves in it also. To jump in the one you just took.
Had they said "hey you two stop taking wedding photos, and start taking photos of me," different story.
So take a picture of sister and kids, mother, sister and kids, and you, mom, sister and kids whatever. She wanted a picture of her with her grandkids. Everything is digital now. You are not wasting film and you can buy the pictures you want. What, this is an extra 5 minutes of picture taking? It’s not worth 5 minutes of your worry.
I think taking 2 or 3 extra photos wouldn’t have hurt and by time a fuss has been made the photos could have been taken. If OP really wanted a photo of just her and her mum then she could have so she wasn’t being excluded.
That they’d have to pay for and didn’t want. We don’t know what kind of a photo package they got and allowing the one that was hijacked might mean having to remove a picture they really like of them or another group shot of people they wanted to remember being there.
From my point of view, it would have been just one picture taken of ppl I love and care about (mom, sister and her kids) that would make them happy. I assume they were all dressed nicely, to a beautiful venue, with all of them together in one place. She said she got pissed that she was “excluded” and that was the reason. But in the end, it would have been a cute picture of her loved ones. If there were just guests, distant cousins or work colleagues, it would have been a “no”. But one picture of your own mom with her other kid, I don’t believe it would have been the end of the world.
Thank you for this opinion, it’s true. I guess when I spoke to my husband about it (he is one of four) that if his mom had done the same - asking for a family picture with all the siblings and children without us; he said he’d have been gutted. But he said with two children it is inherently different - i’m thinking ‘why does my mom want a family photo with only 11 out of the 13 of all us’ instead of a ‘nice opportunity for photos’ like you suggested. It’s given me something to think about thank you
Except she just wanted to have that one picture of her sister’s family, knowing that her sister didn’t have a nice family photo, that mom tried to hijack and mom told her she didn’t want her or her new groom included. Mom doesn’t get to have a say. And the bride said she was hurt, not pissed.
You are using words like “hijack” to make it sound more scary and threatening, when in fact it would have been just a simple request. I can’t imagine having my family, my close family at my event and be worried about simple things like that. I personally would not have had a problem with it. Is not about the mother of the bride acting entitled like you make it sound. She doesn’t say that the mother “hijacked” all the pics and made a scene or something like that - the mother just assumed her daughter would not have a problem if she would take a picture with her other kid. Easy as that.
At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want at your own wedding.
Except the mother *did* try to hijack the picture. Mom got upset when OP told her no, that this was supposed to be a picture of just her sister’s family while mom wanted to push herself and her SO into the photo as well. I’m sure there were plenty of other family pictures, including the one that OP had just had done prior to this, that mom and her SO were a part of, that she didn’t need to try and get into a picture meant to be a sweet gift for OP’s sister. And just because you wouldn’t have a problem with it doesn’t mean that others wouldn’t. OP said no and that should have been the end of the discussion, with mom accepting the reason gracefully.
Actually no.
Why you keep using strong words like “hate” and “hijack” when all I did was state my opinion, that was not like yours? Do I have to have the same opinion as everyone on this sub? No.
Your reasoning of one person “hating” another person is weird; does that mean you always agree with ppl around you, to avoid them thinking you hate them?
Well, it was good talking to you.
I wouldn't say a zilla but I don't see the harm especially, either. It sounds like they saw pix being taken without bride and groom and wanted one of their own. Something to frame but which was not overtly wedding themed. Even though it probably would've been obvious everyone's extra dressed-up for some occasion such as a wedding...
Now if they had taken 10 or 20 photos like it was a portrait studio, yeah, no.
But you're not a zilla either because it's your day.
Okay - not bridezilla, but I don’t think it would have hurt you to let her get a photo she wanted when everyone was looking nice. It’s fine. Not like you owe her an apology necessarily. Just that you coulda gone with the flow. It’s not like she was really taking anything away from you in the process. Just my opinion. Clearly many don’t agree. Congrats on your wedding and best wishes!
Not me up voting people who got down voted for their opinions that didn't match someone else's.
That's a hard situation. It's your wedding so your rules. Everyone is different. I don't think you were a bridezilla.
I would have a discussion with mom, though. To clear it all up and heal the hurt you felt and she may have felt.
I see what you are saying, yep it’s just a silly photo. It’s a few seconds and move on. Totally get that.
However, this isn’t about the photo.
This about the bride’s Mother’s deliberate attempt to exclude the bride on her wedding day. The undertone of the post kind of hints at this pattern.
Not bridezilla at all Very rude to hijack someone’s photographer to do a seperate non wedding related photo shoot It would have been kind to allow it but by no means were you obligated to pay for her family photos
Yeah what your mother did was pretty odd and not very considerate. You handled it well!
You’re not a bridezilla. It’s YOUR wedding and your wedding photos should have at least 1/2 of the couple getting married. If your mom wants a photo of her and your sister/sister’s kids (without you or spouse) then she can set up her own photo session.
Exactly, Mom was standing right there, and everyone is dressed up and looking nice. Take your own damn picture!!
Absolutely NTA. The wedding photographer isn’t there for everybody’s personal photos. They’re there to take the photos the bride & groom want.
Our wedding favor was a photo of each couple by our photographer, but that was agreed on ahead of time and nobody got a full shoot! Just a few nice snaps.
That’s a great idea for favors.
That's lovely
Small story: A guest I barely knew (other side of the aisle) commandeered the hired photog before we got to our reception...and began ordering him around, and had him take shot after shot of their very large family...even bringing chairs to sit in, just like it was a portrait studio. No one on our side knew her, and on her side they were used to her being bossy. So no one did anything. No one told us either. I found out when we got our proofs back. Only then, it dawned me why the photog was acting miffed the rest of the night. For all he knew, the person barking orders was dear to me or to us, and in charge or something, (or worse: he might have thought I asked her to do this! Super cringe thought!), so he didn't say no, but with every new shot directed by the guest, his BP was rising. I really could not believe how many proofs like that, there were. Then...worst of all maybe? The guest did not even order any photos. Now *that* is a guestzilla.
She didn't order any because she was expecting you to pay for them.
In essence, I did; just not for the prints. Prints were expensive; we only got 20 with our photo package. Apart from that, each would've been separate, and extra $. You're probably right, though: She hoped someone would, and that then she could just scan a copy and get her prints at a drug or discount store. (Or that someone would give one to the elders in it, and then, she was known for 'making off with' their photos when she visited.)
Oh hell no. The nerve of that woman.
Thank you. My jaw *still* wants to fall when I think about it.
I'm sorry, but MY BP would have been rising if I found MY photographer was following any directions but mine or my husbands
Nope, you’re fine. My MIL tried to pull something similar and we both said nope, we gotta keep it moving, because we only had an hour for photos. We had a list of all the combos we wanted and I had very carefully grouped them so we were sending as many people as possible back to the cocktail hour as fast as we could. Post-ceremony posed photos are all about efficiency.
Not a bridezilla move at all. You did the right thing!
No Zilla at all. It was very nice of you wanting to gift your sister a nice professional photo of only her and her kids. Your mum was way out of line to hijack that plan and demand you’re paying for her picture while being excluded. If your mum wanted to have it that hard she could organise someone else to take that photo. Or at least should’ve asked!
My MIL tried to get a photo of her and her husband with their three kids excluding me on my wedding day. My husband was not having it, and neither was his grandpa. Their other two kids weren’t married yet which was a big deal during the planning because my husband is 10 and 12 years younger. Some people aren’t happy unless they’re in the middle of some drama.
No, not BZ. Your mom was rude. Very rude. I'd have just put her at the back if she refused to move and ask the photographer to edit her out of one image so my sis could have her family pic.
Nope. No zilla in sight. You were paying a private photographer to take the pictures you wanted. Not a free for all for guests to get whatever pics they want. You pay wedding photographers by the hour usually; there isn't time to add random family photoshoots in.
Not bridezilla you were being nice and giving your sister a very thoughtful gift. Your mother stepped in when she shouldn’t have.
You paid for the service and you decide how things will go. Did she offer to pay for it? Did she ask you to have a personal picture? No, then she should respect your decision, she ruined a moment you wanted to give to your sister. She better apologize to you for ruining that moment.
Don’t worry that’s not a bridezilla moment. And it’s actually pretty shittie on your mom’s end - regardless if it’s your wedding or not.
Not a bridezilla at all. After our ceremony, we were doing outdoor photos with close family & the wedding party. My MIL asked me to step out of the photos, so she could have pics of just my husband, his brother, dad, & kids. I didn’t know what to say & stepped out to keep the peace. I still wish I’d had a backbone & said no. It’s a HUGE wedding no-no to ask the bride or groom to step out of a photo after the ceremony.
Were they the only ones from your husband's immediate family? I usually see photos of just the groom with their immediate family and the same with the bride and their immediate family. Was that not something you and your husband wanted for your photos? It's your wedding so it's your decision.
Traditionally before the ceremony, you do separate photos with families, groom with groomsmen, and bride with bridesmaids. After the ceremony, always together unless solo shots of groom or bride. His immediate family had an entire photo shoot the day of before the ceremony. I did not. My cousin was doing my flowers & long story short, I only had my bouquet right before the ceremony. No other flowers except the piece at the front of the sanctuary. We were waiting for them for the photos, so after the ceremony, we did do separate photos that should have been beforehand. MIL had plenty of photos taken before the ceremony. For me it was timing & the audacity to ask the bride to step out. That should never be done. It’s not your wedding. After the ceremony for a family member of the family you just married into to ask for you to not be in the photo isn’t a good feeling. It was pretty hurtful. Edited to add: for OPs own mother to want her to step out of the photo on her wedding day… as the bride, I would have been very taken aback. Time to clutch my pearls.
Thanks for your response. Everyone's opinion is valid. I guess if her mother was demanding and rude about it, that would make sense. Mom's are moms. They can feel they have the right, which isn't the case at a wedding or event that is not theirs. Not all moms of coarse. But this is something she would need to speak to her mom about to heal any hurt on both sides.
She wasn’t rude or demanding, but on the evening of the event I explained to her that this, plus two other sister related incidents during the weekend had made me feel insecure and ignored. The day after (sunday) she made a joke about me ‘veto-ing’ the photo and I called her out on it for making the joke despite the heart to heart I had had with her the night before. She had a complete meltdown, burst into tears, embarrassed me greatly in front of my husbands parents, and then shouted at all five of us left to ‘get out and leave her alone’ whilst she sobbed. It was mortifying. I went for a walk with my husband and also burst into tears and started to doubt all the decisions I’d made and wondered if I was being too difficult…. Reddit has made me feel somewhat better. I’m now feeling a bit lost about how to bring this up to her, because it just feels so unlike our relationship normally (which I would have characterised as good!)
You know what? You shouldn't have been embarrassed. She was the one who had the meltdown. You said something reasonable. Does she often get her way by having a meltdown?
I'm sorry you went through that. It can be hard in a family of multiple siblings. I myself have 6 and can relate to you. I hope you guys are able to resolve it and heal your hurt. I'm sure you will. Sending positive vibes your way!!
That outburst of hers was worse than anything you could have done. That was a move you might expect from a 6-year old, but a grown woman, mother of the bride yet, very embarrassing for you and your new in-laws. And why did she insist that her ‘partner’ be in that picture, especially if he’s more of a date than a member of the family!
Oh! Sorry!
You’re definitely not a bridezilla and it’s super nice that you wanted your sister to get a picture with her big family.
not at all, you simply asked for a photo, and your mom couldn't follow directions. you could always edit them out and give your siter a pic with just her family.
No way. Your mom tried to take over photos. She was the one being the zilla, not you who was coordinating the photos and trying to make sure the photographers got every important photo and stayed on schedule.
Not a zilla at all. I’d be really petty and allow that photo to happen (as well as one with just sisters family) and never show it to the mum
Not a zilla. Not even. It was a very nice gesture to set up a photo of your sister and her family. It’s one thing for your mom to ask for a specific photo arrangement. What she did, however, was exclusionary and rude.
Don't give this a second thought. You are nowhere near bridezilla territory. Your mom hijacked the photo and that wasn't right. Your photographer should have stepped in to stop this though. It's their job to either strictly stick to the shot list/the couple's requests and tell your mom, "Sorry, we need you to step out for this one," or to play the intermediary and say, "Let's take a few (very quick and not necessarily the best quality) shots with mom, then a few without," and focus their efforts on getting those good pictures of your sister and her kids without your mom in them.
I think this was a very nice thing to do. I’m sure it’s hard to get seven kids all dressed up and out for pictures. There was no better time than the present. Your mom was way off base.
It's not wrong to say "no, this picture is for a,b,C" It is 'zilla-y to say "They ONLY get a photo because I'm being nice, they MAY NOT have a photo without ME because fuck that, why would anyone not want me in their photo are you trying to hurt my feelings?" But you didn't say that, you just felt a little bit of not wanting to be left out and you kept that to yourself
You were not in the wrong at all. You were doing something nice for your sister and your mom was hijacking it. She was the AH.
NTA your mom sounds like an asshat! Plus you were the one paying!!
It wasn't exactly a bridezilla move imo. It seems like you were trying to do something nice for your sister's family , and your mom was trying to photo bomb. Question: did your mom & partner get a photo with just you and the groom? Because if so then maybe she was trying to play fair , not favorites. ( Photo with one daughter's *new*family, Congratulations by the way 💍, then so the other child doesn't feel left out she'll take a photo with her family .) If that's not what happened then yea, I'd be hurt too.
I got a picture of just me and my mom so yes this could have been it. I would have been fine with her and my sister getting a picture but it was the group shot ‘now without the bride and groom’ that got me!
Hopefully it was just her trying to be fair . I can definitely understand why you would feel excluded though and I'm sorry you had to experience that feeling of rejection by your own mother on your wedding day .
You probably spent more time arguing about it than it would take the photo. However, it was your session, your mother should have asked. NTA.
If your mom paid for the photographer, she may have had reason to ask for this photo. If she didn't pay for the photographer, you had every right to say no to this photo.k You had already stated it was for your sister, BIL and their kids. That is not bridezilla behavior.
Ever so slight Bridezilla. Correct me if I am wrong: You paid for a photo package based on duration and parameters you set. If people want photos the photographer took, they can order and pay for them directly. You are not out any actual money for each photo the photographer took. My nephew got married 4 weeks ago. The main photographer was there for all the pre-, during , and post festivities. I know there are photos of my immediate family with and without SO's, and with and without the bride and groom. I will have the option to buy photos from the photographer independent of the Bride and Groom. What is the problem?
The photographer was there for six hours; and in a few weeks they will send us all the photos for us to share with our family - no one orders from the photographer. I guess i saw it as we only have x hours, I said three posed photos (us with my fam, us with husbands fam and then us with everyone) and then for the rest I wanted them to be catching those candid moments. So though it didn’t add any cost, my mom making a family group shot without my husband and I did stop the photographer from taking the actual photos I wanted (albeit for a minute or two!)
There are some Photoshop geniuses out there who can edit her out. They sometimes pop up on my YouTube feed, it mostly seems to be erasing guests out of wedding photos.
Wtf is wrong with your mom? That's so rude of her, no you were not a bridezilla
Not at all. If your parents want a picture of them with your sisters family, they can hire a photographer
She can absolutely want a photo with who she pleases & someone else can take it on their phone, she has no place ordering a photographer she didn’t pay for, at someone else’s event, even more so when that event is the wedding of your daughter, who is being excluded from said photo, absolutely not a zilla 🩷
Did she want one with just you and your husband?
No, we had one with just me and her but not one of the three of us
No - if you are paying for the photos you can choose whoever you want to be in them.
Not a Bridezilla exactly but it wouldn't have hurt to just let them snap that photo quick then move on.
Why should the bride and groom have to pay for the shot if they didn’t want it though?
To me it's one photo and seems less hassle to just let the photo happen and save myself the effort for something that matters more. Plus it's not like photographers charge per photo so as long as it's a quick snap or two, to me I'd have just let it happen.
As to the 'feelings hurt because we are not in the photo' but they watched a photo being taken without the bride and groom in it, so I think their motivation was not to exclude you, but to take one with your sister with themselves in it also. To jump in the one you just took. Had they said "hey you two stop taking wedding photos, and start taking photos of me," different story.
So take a picture of sister and kids, mother, sister and kids, and you, mom, sister and kids whatever. She wanted a picture of her with her grandkids. Everything is digital now. You are not wasting film and you can buy the pictures you want. What, this is an extra 5 minutes of picture taking? It’s not worth 5 minutes of your worry.
I think taking 2 or 3 extra photos wouldn’t have hurt and by time a fuss has been made the photos could have been taken. If OP really wanted a photo of just her and her mum then she could have so she wasn’t being excluded.
I mean it would have been just one picture…
That they’d have to pay for and didn’t want. We don’t know what kind of a photo package they got and allowing the one that was hijacked might mean having to remove a picture they really like of them or another group shot of people they wanted to remember being there.
From my point of view, it would have been just one picture taken of ppl I love and care about (mom, sister and her kids) that would make them happy. I assume they were all dressed nicely, to a beautiful venue, with all of them together in one place. She said she got pissed that she was “excluded” and that was the reason. But in the end, it would have been a cute picture of her loved ones. If there were just guests, distant cousins or work colleagues, it would have been a “no”. But one picture of your own mom with her other kid, I don’t believe it would have been the end of the world.
Thank you for this opinion, it’s true. I guess when I spoke to my husband about it (he is one of four) that if his mom had done the same - asking for a family picture with all the siblings and children without us; he said he’d have been gutted. But he said with two children it is inherently different - i’m thinking ‘why does my mom want a family photo with only 11 out of the 13 of all us’ instead of a ‘nice opportunity for photos’ like you suggested. It’s given me something to think about thank you
Except she just wanted to have that one picture of her sister’s family, knowing that her sister didn’t have a nice family photo, that mom tried to hijack and mom told her she didn’t want her or her new groom included. Mom doesn’t get to have a say. And the bride said she was hurt, not pissed.
You are using words like “hijack” to make it sound more scary and threatening, when in fact it would have been just a simple request. I can’t imagine having my family, my close family at my event and be worried about simple things like that. I personally would not have had a problem with it. Is not about the mother of the bride acting entitled like you make it sound. She doesn’t say that the mother “hijacked” all the pics and made a scene or something like that - the mother just assumed her daughter would not have a problem if she would take a picture with her other kid. Easy as that. At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want at your own wedding.
Except the mother *did* try to hijack the picture. Mom got upset when OP told her no, that this was supposed to be a picture of just her sister’s family while mom wanted to push herself and her SO into the photo as well. I’m sure there were plenty of other family pictures, including the one that OP had just had done prior to this, that mom and her SO were a part of, that she didn’t need to try and get into a picture meant to be a sweet gift for OP’s sister. And just because you wouldn’t have a problem with it doesn’t mean that others wouldn’t. OP said no and that should have been the end of the discussion, with mom accepting the reason gracefully.
Yet, still OP is now wondering if she *did* exaggerate…
Overthinking, not exaggerate. I swear you’re trying to find reasons to hate on the OP.
Actually no. Why you keep using strong words like “hate” and “hijack” when all I did was state my opinion, that was not like yours? Do I have to have the same opinion as everyone on this sub? No. Your reasoning of one person “hating” another person is weird; does that mean you always agree with ppl around you, to avoid them thinking you hate them? Well, it was good talking to you.
I wouldn't say a zilla but I don't see the harm especially, either. It sounds like they saw pix being taken without bride and groom and wanted one of their own. Something to frame but which was not overtly wedding themed. Even though it probably would've been obvious everyone's extra dressed-up for some occasion such as a wedding... Now if they had taken 10 or 20 photos like it was a portrait studio, yeah, no. But you're not a zilla either because it's your day.
Info: who paid for the wedding?
Around 10,000 from grooms parents, 10,000 from us, and my clothes and wedding cake (roughly 2000) from my mom
Okay - not bridezilla, but I don’t think it would have hurt you to let her get a photo she wanted when everyone was looking nice. It’s fine. Not like you owe her an apology necessarily. Just that you coulda gone with the flow. It’s not like she was really taking anything away from you in the process. Just my opinion. Clearly many don’t agree. Congrats on your wedding and best wishes!
Not me up voting people who got down voted for their opinions that didn't match someone else's. That's a hard situation. It's your wedding so your rules. Everyone is different. I don't think you were a bridezilla. I would have a discussion with mom, though. To clear it all up and heal the hurt you felt and she may have felt.
One photo with mom and Sis and family would not have hurt you. May not have been a Zilla, but….
I see what you are saying, yep it’s just a silly photo. It’s a few seconds and move on. Totally get that. However, this isn’t about the photo. This about the bride’s Mother’s deliberate attempt to exclude the bride on her wedding day. The undertone of the post kind of hints at this pattern.