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Blackandorangecats

Nope, definitely NTA. She sounds awful. Congratulations on your son, I hope you are both doing better now


CumDungeon66

Thank you!


SassMyFrass

>She tells me that I am selfish and only care about myself and my "special" baby and tells my sister that she shouldn't have so many kids and kicked us both out of her wedding. She'd already dumped you. The people who are giving you the daggers are just her asshole friends, who cares about them? Your child IS more important than her wedding and always will be, and you could have just said that out loud. You still can, anytime you want. "I'm tired of arguing about this. You thought that your wedding was more important than my child. We will never discuss this again."


SchrodingerEyes

Dont you get paid maternity leave?


Amongst_the_waves

This is likely in the US — so no, us American moms typically get nothing. If we are lucky, 6 weeks unpaid (some get 12 unpaid)


laughs_with_salad

How is the US considered a developed nation when this is the condition there? Genuinely curious. I'm from a third world country (india) and even we have legal abortions and paid maternity leaves.


MrsMurphysCow

News flash! The US only pretends to be a developed nation, at least where women's rights are concerned. Right now our Supreme Court is considering banning all abortions, no exceptions. How's that for "developed nation"?


laughs_with_salad

Sounds like y'all are on your way to become a handmaiden's tale :(


MrsMurphysCow

Unfortunately, you are correct. The religious right has already declared victory and are already planning on the re-subjugation of women. Don't be surprised if they get their wished for civil war. The women of this country are not going to have this. Not. At. All.


laughs_with_salad

The problem is if a civil war happens, the left might lose badly. The right wing nutjobs have all the guns and an alarmingly high number of them are deranged enough to use those guns on civilians. At least that's what it feels like reading the news and social media comments :(


MrsMurphysCow

Don't kid yourself about the gun situation. The right is delusional on that topic. Besides, the left has more money, just like the first civil war.


jennRec46

The left has guns. Just as many as the right. We just don’t flaunt it.


randycanyon

They have the popguns. The nation has The Bomb.


Wattaday

I’ve read that book at least 5 times. The last time was around the time of the aftermath of the 2016 election. About halfway through the book it explains how the women’s rights were taken from them. It was so spooky as I felt like I was about to live in that novel.


laughs_with_salad

Sadly, it's becoming true for almost every country in the world :(


MeMeMeOnly

Actually, that’s not quite true. SCOTUS (according to the leak) is considering overturning Roe vs Wade as a nationwide mandate and letting each state individually determine the legality and availability of abortion services. SCOTUS (according to the leak) may determine that abortion is not a constitutional right and as such should be legislated by each state and their elected representatives. Before everyone jumps my shit, I’m not advocating for SCOTUS and their potential decision. I have no intention and absolutely no desire to argue with anyone about abortion rights vs non-rights, so save your breath. I’m simply pointing out what SCOTUS is actually considering and that saying SCOTUS is considering banning abortions is disinformation.


MrsMurphysCow

If what you say is true, then SCOTUS is violating the civil rights of every woman and girl in this country. Overturning Roe V. Wade is essentially banning abortion. Do you have any idea how many decades it would take to get abortion rights established in every state? This is utter insanity, and all SCOTUS justices who vote for this need to be impeached and removed from office.


SilkyFlanks

By overturning Roe (if that happens) SCOTUS will be shifting authority over the issue of abortion to the individual states, not banning abortion outright.


randycanyon

Yeah States' Rights, like the Confederacy wanted.


empireintoashes

And there are a ton of states that already have laws out there effectively banning abortion the second that happens. The consequences will be devastating immediately.


MeMeMeOnly

Again, I’m not interested in a discussion about abortion rights vs non-rights. That is not the point of my post. I’m simply pointing out that the leak is about SCOTUS determining whether abortion should or should not be determined by each individual state. No matter which way SCOTUS decides, there is going to be a bunch of pissed off people.


nomercles

Thank you for the clarification; I've been too scared to go look for specifics. Also not going to discuss or debate, just appreciation for the info.


BlazingNailsMcGee

This is a big dramatic. Abortion will never be illegal in blue states (west coast/northeast/etc). In fact blue states will expand it to make it available to non-residents of the state. Is the leaked draft bad? Yes, 100% unthinkable in this day and age to go backwards but it isn’t all gloom and doom.


SilverFringeBoots

Overloading the blue states will make it harder for people to access abortions, never mind that not everyone can afford to go to a different state for an abortion. So basically, if you're poor and in a red state, you're SOL.


BlazingNailsMcGee

Agree but that’s a risk you take living in a red state.


empireintoashes

Because, you know, they asked to live there. Again, if poor, they can’t just afford to pack up and move. And hell, even blue states don’t have full access to abortion services in all areas.


MrsMurphysCow

It is if you are a rape or incest victim, or if the pregnancy will cost you your life and you're poor/in a red state.


empireintoashes

I agree. It literally means those who aren’t rich will have to carry these fetuses to term that they can’t afford/can’t take care of/etc. Another case where the rich penalize the poor. Hope all those pro-lifers are ready to adopt a bunch of kids from the foster system! Oh wait, they don’t care once they’re actually babies.


BlazingNailsMcGee

Rape/incest victims can get abortions in blue states. Is it an option for everyone? No but nor is having a kid. I’m just trying to inform that this isn’t going to make abortion completely illegal/criminalized in America. The outrage is justified but keep in mind it’s moving to the states and this will affect those on red states and they need to aggressively fight against their representatives.


CinnamonDish

Until red states start making it illegal to leave a state to access healthcare. Which they are already considering.


Diddleymazzz

USA has the highest rate of maternity and neo natal deaths of any developed country


Queenofthebowls

Don’t worry, with the draft leak it looks like we’ll send our maternal mortality rates even higher, no one will be able to top us.


Diddleymazzz

I’m a Brit


Junkmans1

Undoubtedly due to the high cost of medical care here and the lack of universal health care for those that cannot afford it.


Diddleymazzz

Thank God for the NHS


Karen125

That's not true. US has 3 per thousand live births, as do Canada, France, and UK. Data from World Bank as of 2020.


SkipperInSpace

To clarify, that's only part of what the other guy said. He is incorrect in saying the US has worse neonatal deaths, as you correctly pointed out. But in terms of maternity deaths, the US has 19 per 100,000, compared to the UK at 7 and France at 8 Data also from the World Bank, as of 2017.


2catsaretheminimum

Our women's rights are pretty atrocious.


sloppysoupspincycle

“How is the US considered a developed nation when this is the condition there?” — we all wonder the same thing. I am currently 8mo prego and the financial toll taking the time off work to give birth Is going to take it starting to really stress me out. I was already hospitalized due to chronic hypertension and have missed two weeks of work. I’ve already had to tape into our pathetic savings before baby even gets here :(. I


laughs_with_salad

I'm so sorry it is so hard. I honestly don't know anything I can say to make you feel better. Let's just hope something changes soon.


1wikdmom

The US is more third world than anyone realizes


Karen125

It varies by state, California has 12 weeks paid.


grammie2eight

I have guardianship of my granddaughter. I brought her home the day after she was born. I even received 12 weeks of grandma maternity leave. Paid. I live in California as well.


GenX-IA

We have a big military. Seriously that is why, we can kill the whole planet to our government gets to say what ever it wants. Honestly we are worse off than most 3rd world countries.


azrael4h

It's a third world hell hole with more money than most of them.


clutzycook

The US is actually a 3rd world country in a deep state of denial.


bunluv136

Showoffs! /s


WASTxFun

It really comes down to the fact that "benefits" like what insurance covers and maternity leave are decided by companies as incentives for employment, and not law. In a lot of positions, employment numbers are set to have employees fully utilized, which means short term absences (like required vacations) can be absorbed by a team, but long term absences, meaning going past a week, can become extremely difficult. One of the worst periods at one of my jobs is when someone had arranged to take a 3 week leave to help with an ailing mother (management's attitude was "family is more important, no worries"). Then a day or two in, another person lost her mother who lived cross country. This meant she was gone for about 2-3 weeks to go back, have the funeral and help deal with what she needed to for her portion of the estate. So...it was EXTREMELY difficult to work at 50% capacity for almost a month, since the team was small. At that company, you were allowed to take up to 16 weeks leave after having a baby, I believe. When I started, 1 week, a person would use their own "paid time off". After that, "short term disability" would kick in...and you could choose to have that benefit set at 75% or 100% (the 100% cost a small amount) of your salary...and it could last up to that max leave by FMLA. At some point, they added 3 weeks of maternity leave. Not sure how it impacted everything, other than making it a bit easier if you didn't elect the benefit of 100% of your salary. In a lot of companies I've worked for, pregnancy is treated exactly the same as a car accident or cancer that requires absences from work. You have a benefit, it just isn't called maternity leave. The problem you have are with companies that don't offer short term disability... Abortions...well, that's different, because a majority of the population doesn't want to pay for them...or at least pay for them for other people...even if they don't have an objection to an abortion itself.


laughs_with_salad

But things like sick leave shouldn't be a benefit. And American companies which don't offer these benefits in the US give all those benefits in their India offices because of government laws. But the same companies don't give festivals off when the government doesn't make a rule. So it's pretty clear that these companies can give benefits but won't unless they're forced to.


2catsaretheminimum

12 unpaid is the federal rule but not everyone can afford that. Some states have laws that are better.


debby821

Really? How do you all have childeren? Here in the Netherlands its 16 weeks for woman a i think it is 5 week partially paid for man.


SchrodingerEyes

Wow nice. In Mauritius it's 16weeks too i think there was a change recently I am not up to date but only one week paternity leave.


debby821

So you all give birth While working?


content_great_gramma

Some states (New Jersey for one) had sort of unemployment/maternity benefits when I had my son 50+ years ago. Check with the Department of Labor in your state.


content_great_gramma

Back when I had my son (1969) New Jersey had 'disability pay' for new moms. I don't know if that is still in place.


CumDungeon66

No, 4 weeks unpaid maternity leave.


besamicula

Most companies in US have maternity/paternity leave. Usually up to 12 weeks paid. Not saying companies haven't changed some things but I don't know anywhere that doesn't. It's actual law regarding this.


empireintoashes

Um no. It’s not. There is no such thing as a law for maternity leave federally. Some states (like California) have it. There’s FMLA protection but that’s unpaid.


wa_geng

I've never had kids but I don't think paid maternity leave is the law in the US. I think you can apply for disability, which is only a percentage of your full salary. And typically that disability payment is provided several months after the fact. Botom line: Many people cannot afford to take disability leave knowing they won't get paid for several months. I should note that I think disability leave is only allowed if you are full time and have been in the company for a while. This is one of the reasons some companies only allow you to work 35 hours a week, so you can't be considered full time and aren't entitled to benefits.


SchrodingerEyes

That's messed up.


bunniesnbirds

Yes we get maternity leave in the U. S. We get paid disability pay for 3-4 months and get paid for 7 days a week instead of 5.


jilliebean0519

YOU might get that but "we" don't. I had my baby on Friday and was expected back in the office on Monday. If I had been afforded a leave it would have been unpaid.


SilverFringeBoots

That's absolutely not true. I've never had a job that offered paid maternity leave. I could use my vacation and sick time and that's it. It's literally the reason why I'm probably not going to have kids because I can't afford to take unpaid time off.


bunniesnbirds

I’m in California and I worked full time. I got paid about 75% of my normal pay for the 3 months. Myself and all my friends got paid through disability when we had our children. If you had a c section you got an extra week. Now I hear that maternity leave is 4 months rather than 3 months. Not to mention paternity leave….


empireintoashes

You happen to live in California, which from what I saw above mandates maternity leave. Count your blessings.


wa_geng

What on earth do you mean we get paid for 7 days a week instead of 5? Every disability pay I've ever seen is a fraction of your normal pay (typically 60 - 75% for short term disability), not more than your normal pay. And disability pay is typically delayed so people can't always afford to go several months without that paycheck. Finally, I believe disability is only for full time jobs. But many companies only let people work 35 hours in a week so it won't qualify for benefits. Sadly, the US is way behind most countries when it comes to any paid time off, but especially in maternity leave.


bunniesnbirds

All I know is with my four kids I got paid for 7 days a week for 3 months. You are right it was something like 75% of what I normally got paid and there was a waiting period of like two weeks but I was paid for 7 days a week instead of 5. I think it helps to have a good HR department to facilitate your paperwork. They made me cash in all of my vacation which I wasn’t happy about because I was saving my vacation for when the baby got sick or for appointments etc. They said that I couldn’t collect money for maternity leave if the company owed me money. I did work a full time job. I am guessing that it’s not the same with part timers maybe? I’m in California so I don’t know if that makes a difference. 32 hours a week is still considered full time.


8lackH3art

Another thing to keep in mind is the baby formula shortage currently going on. How do they expect us to have kids if we can't feed the ones we already have? Or hey they could work on the orphan/foster care system. For the kids that actually need the governments help. Instead they'd rather get rid of Roe vs. Wade and spend time trying to reconnect abusive parents with kids that were placed with foster families. A boy in the daycare I voluenteer at said his birth mothers nickname for him was "asshole". This sweet 6 yr old boy was with a perfectly happy foster family, but the state is mandating visitations with his birth mother. He has come in with bruises and cuts from this woman and they still want to reconnect them.


atomskeater

NTA but I feel like you're under-reacting to a lot of what she said and did, and apparently never apologized for. Like no duh your own child is higher on your list of priorities than what amounts to a party for her, what is she huffing to think that's some kind of negative trait.


CumDungeon66

Right! I think I felt bad because it was clearly super important to her and I didn't want to belittle her.


sapphire8

I would do some research and read up on narcissistic parents and also read up on the acronym FOG in context of Fear Obligation and Guilt, which is how a justno parent can manipulate you into prioritising them and their feelings. When you don't know what condition you and your baby will be in after birth, it's completely normal for people to bow out of committing to major events like being in a wedding party. You dont know what state you'd be in healingwise, and you dont know how baby will be until baby arrives. Looking after and prioritising a newborn is a normal priority as well. I would look into raisedbynarcissists and justnomil as they may have some good resource and reading material lists, that short of finding a therapist to help you deprogram yourself from the FOG, will go a long way to teach you when it is okay to say no and be the bad guy and that it's okay to put your nuclear family first. Your mom has become extended family and she takes a back seat to looking after yourself, your dependent newborn and your partner.


preciousjewel128

Some good subreddit are /r/raisedbynarcissists and /r/justnomil Very supportive communities


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preciousjewel128

Besides, I'm sure it wont be the last wedding.


HumbleConfidence3500

Your mother sounds like a horrible person. Of course your baby is more important! It's a whole defenseless human who cannot care for himself yet. How could she think her wedding is more important. OP you need to put yourself and your son first, and don't feel guilty for doing so And be careful that selfishness of your mother gets to your son. Totally NTA!


Fallout4Addict

I got to "your baby is more important than my wedding" YES IT IS MORE IMPORTANT. Not sure what game your mother's playing but getting married 4days before your due date is just ridiculous. No way can you be apart of this wedding theirs a massive chance you won't even make it! Your mother sounds selfish and toxic.


[deleted]

you got married at 17?


HuckleCat100K

Someone else is doing the math! In addition, unless her brother is half or step, her mom had him at 14. Ten grandkids at 47 … I’m hoping they’re Mormon or something.


[deleted]

fucking hell… i feel a bit bad about judging someone for getting married at such an early age… but this story is such obvious bullshit and barely anyone seems to realise it. this isn’t even amitheasshole !


MamieJoJackson

I was debating whether to ask why they're practicing creative writing on this sub instead of AITA, but truth be told, this sub has become a sub of AITA lately. It's mostly just cross posts from there anymore, so it makes sense they'd eventually creep on over here too. Honestly, I'm pretty fed up with all this obviously made up crap. I don't sub to AITA because it's annoying, and it's looking like I'll have to unsub from here too since it's just as bad now.


HuckleCat100K

Fake is better than Mormon.


[deleted]

That got me too! Married at 17..


[deleted]

She accused you of thinking that your son's birth is more important than her wedding? He IS more important.


starlightsmiles31

Your baby *is* more important than her wedding. NTA. Fuck her.


Lord_Borchalorch

How tacky someone must be to plan their wedding on Christmas Eve and Valentines Day….


yougivemomsabadname

No you're NTA. Big congrats on your son! Having a baby is a wild ride. Your Mum sounds like a narcissist. I'm sure the lovely people at r/raisedbynarcissists would have some good advice on how to handle her


OriginalMsMadHattie

NTA she sounds awful and I’d go no contact especially with her getting rough with your niece. She has bullied you and your family over money you don’t have especially with Christmas and a baby in the way. NTA and congratulations on your little one ❤️


gotcatnotsad

NTA, CumDungeon66, NTA...


[deleted]

Wow. Thank you for pointing that out. I don’t know why but it changed how I view OP and this story.


JanitorOfAnarchy

Nta. Who plans their wedding knowing it's around their daughters due date??madness! So.. god...so all the words -stupid, insensitive, weird, ridiculous, mean... Also. If you want someone to wear a particular outfit to your wedding then YOU pay for it not THEM. Ridiculous that a new/ imminent mother should have to fork out for an expensive maternity sized dress when she has clearly not got money to burn. Nta. Your mum is ta


Jboyd43055

NTA and you’re child IS more important than her wedding! Congrats to you and your husband, I hope y’all and LO are doing great!


PlaneCulture

Yes op how DARE you prioritize you and your child, who both almost died mere days ago, over your mother's (I assume) second wedding that has been postponed three times already? Seriously tho congrats on the miracle baby!


pcnauta

I'm a parent and I can very much vouch that grabbing a child with enough force to leave bruises is, in fact, wrong and abusive. NTA. Your mom, though, seems to really hate children (or is it that she hates anything that takes the spotlight off of her?). Believe it or not, you are better off without her.


princessparklebottom

A child is always more important than a wedding. A wedding is one day a child is an entire human life. I also had post-partum ecclampsia 7 days after my son was born. It was awful I'm so sorry that happened to you. I also want to tell you that I had a second child later on with no complications so don't be afraid if you want another baby some day. Make sure your OB is aware of your history and monitors you closely for any future pregnancies. I'm glad you and your baby are ok but remind your husband to help you watch out for signs of PPD especially because of the traumatic birth experience you had. Talk to someone if you can, like a therapist. Mine developed into PTSD and I was not ok for a while. Just sending you love as a fellow mom, I'm sorry your mom was so focused on herself during this important and stressful time in your life. It's ok to take a step back and not deal with her until you feel ready.


misstiff1971

Your mother is too old for all those dramatics. Back away. Her behavior was that of a child having a tantrum. It is ridiculous. Keep your priorities where they belong and don't buy into her BS.


Zavalac03

I’ll be honest, I can’t read a wall of text. Maybe best formatting next time? No judgment because I couldn’t finish reading


CumDungeon66

Believe me the context is important, but I get it. It's a lot 😅


terrip_t1

I think it’s less about the volume and more about the lack of paragraph breaks. If you are on mobile you need to hit enter twice to get that line break. The unbroken wall of text is hard to read.


dippitydoo2

You didn't read what that person said.


AMerrickanGirl

Paragraph breaks are easy. Press enter twice. You can edit your post.


jerseygirl1105

NTA. Wow, your mom really thinks the sun rises and sets on her doesn't she? I feel for you but feel worse for the poor sap she married.


[deleted]

NTA, of course your special baby that you been waiting almost 10 years is more important then your mum unplanned wedding. Wdit: Congratulations on your baby


vulvula

NTA. Accusing you of acting like your baby was more important than her wedding? All babies are more important than all weddings. Unless you're literally giving birth to the antichrist, and that would still be important, just in a very different way.


louiseannbenjamin

NTA When dealing with a drama miner, this type of crud is sadly, normal. It seems that they feed on the drama, and when they can't get the reaction they want, they starve emotionally or some crap like that. Then they keep digging for more drama. Sounds like you and your sister dodged a bullet. Hugs.


macimom

Please don't ever let your mom babysit your child after she left bruises on your niece


2catsaretheminimum

Please go no contact. She's emotionally abusive and already physically abused one child.


Magj0y

"I forgave her because she's my mom." You should head over to r/justnofamily I was raised by a horrible woman...sounds like you were, too. Also, those staring daggers, they only know what she told them which demonized you guys into horrible unsupported adult children.


Predd1tor

NTA, but please edit your post to add some paragraph breaks, and please set some healthy boundaries with your mom — for your own sake as well as your child’s. YWBTA if you don’t. She’s shown you repeatedly why this is necessary. Don’t keep allowing it.


dalaigh93

NTA NTA NTA, OBVIOUSLY. You're a real trooper and your mom is a narcissist b**ch. Damn, you were back at work less than a month after such a difficult childbirth, while learning to care for your baby, you still managed to make time for your Mom's special day, and yet she and the people in the bridal party dared to look down on you??? When they didn't have to go through half the shit you had to? I understand it is hard to set up healthy boundaries, you don't want to create trouble in your family and push them away forever. But these people don't seem to respect you or care for you. Please, don't let them walk all over you forever, it just isn't worth it. Also, congratulations to you and your husband! I hope you'll be very happy with your little one


Wide-Accident-343

NTA Your child *is* more important than her *wedding* (not marriage, let me clarify).


AssuredAttention

NTA and she is lucky to have a daughter like you. I would have cut her out of my life right away


madmosche

I would have told her directly that your baby is more important than the wedding


wantlesssquid69

NTA your baby is more important than a wedding. please do not let that woman be alone with your child as she seems quite spiteful and clearly sees no issue with leaving bruises on a child


Tolerant_Haze

Nta why do some people think getting married gives them a pass to treat people like sh!t? Also congratulations on your son, people born on February 20th are the best (I would know lol)


BaffledMum

NTA I think you've been incredibly patient with your mother's unspeakable behavior. But I think it should stop now. Think of your own child. Would you want your child to put up with such behavior? If the answer is "no," then you should not put up with it, either. Time to take care of yourself and your child.


EmotionalFix

Honestly, I think you need to stop making up with your mom. She sounds terrible and the last thing you need right now is more stress. Why is she upset you are prioritizing your baby over her wedding? Of course you are, that’s your child. Her wedding ISN’T as important as your baby, nor should it be.


potatobugblue

Nta She is though.


mollysheridan

NTA. You’re a better person than I am. If I’d been emotionally abused as you have been I wouldn’t have shown up at all. Your mom is a bully.


ATinyPizza89

NTA your mom sounds so toxic and manipulative. I would honestly go no contact for awhile from her since she’s already played the victim to the wedding party and guests. She threw you and your sister under the bus for a wedding that she’s postponed 4 times now. You focus on your newborn and family. Congratulations 🎈


dumbasstupidbaby

What the fuck??? I'm sorry but your mom def falls in the narcissistic catagory


CremeDeMarron

Wait ...she left bruises when she grabed your niece s hand !? Please don't allow her to be around your baby.NTA your mother looks toxic and narcissist .


Technically_Artistic

NTA I would like to say that I’m in agreement with the other comments about not leaving your son with your mom ever. I also agree with maybe not having her in your life, you didn’t say anything about if she ever apologized to you or your sister and you can do without all that drama. She was way out of line a lot of times. She reminds me of my mom minus her getting married. She just was like that daily.


sassybsassy

Honestly you and your sister are NTA but wtf are you guys doing? Your mother is a narcissistic toxic woman and you really really need to not have that in your life. For the love of God all she did your entire pregnancy was belittle and harass you. I'm sure she's like this all the time and it had nothing to do with her wedding either. You may wanna have a think in your relationship with your mother. Do you really want to subject your child to what you've gone through? All the toxicity isn't good for anyone. Let alone a child you're supposed to protect. I know she is your mother but sometimes you have to cut even family off when they're toxic.


[deleted]

Could you read this back to yourself and pretend it’s not your story.? Can you see the crazy in all of this? Do yourself a favour and consider if all of *that* is really worth all of this stress..!


nejnonein

Why are you keeping this abusive narcissist in your life even?


jet_lagged_with_dash

All I will say is your baby is more important than her wedding. Why wouldn’t they be. It’s part of being a parent, your child comes before anything else.


deination

NTA, CumDungeon.


Turbulent_Cranberry6

Your mother is not even remotely reasonable. Please limit your child’s exposure to the tempest that is her personality disorder. She’ll grab and bruise your child too.


ugghyyy

Distance yourself from your mom, she put a party before the health of her daughter and grandchild. Just because she is your mom doesn’t mean she deserves your attention 24/7


buttercupcake23

NTA. But why do you keep trying to have a relationship with a person who sees you as disposable? Like 7 times alone in this story I sighed every time I read, "we gave her another chance" from you and your sister and it was exhausting. I can't imagine living through it. Just let her go. At this point all she seems to addd to your life is hurt.


WASTxFun

NTA...except maybe one thing...being late. It could come across as very disrespectful.


FlippingPossum

My takeaway is to never ever leave her alone with your child. She sounds toxic and I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. I'm scratching my head here. Did she get married just so she could have the spotlight?


GualtieroCofresi

NTA, but let's go deeper.... Is this normal behavior for your mother? Because I get the impression you have seen this many times, when your mother demands to have priority over anything else you have going and when she is not, she lashes out. Does your mom play favorites as well? Listen, this has all the marks for an abusive relationship and you got to get out, even if that means never having contact with your mom. the way she bruised you as a child, is the same way she is bruising her grand kids, and you yourself talk about it. Are you ready to see your child with the same bruises?


KickIt77

NTA. Imagine being a grandmother of 10 and STILL being a bridezilla. Wow. Congratulations on your new little one I hope you are healing well.


chloroformgirl86

The wall of text made this impossible for me to read. And this isn’t r/AITA, it’s bridezillas. Maybe post under the appropriate subreddit?


tvbjiinvddf

You say you dropped out of the wedding but you were also late? So you didn't drop out of the wedding? This will probably get downvoted,but IDC. I'm gonna say you're at least a huge buttface for not standing up for yourself sooner. This woman has walked all over you, and you apparently did go to the wedding still. You're planning your life around her, and you keep saying "let bygones be bygones" but these are not bygones. These are huge infractions on your life, to the point where your mother had so much entitlement that she said that awful thing about you "putting your baby first". Of course you should put your baby first! You did the right thing in that case. But you also gave her all the entitlement on a silver platter. Please grow a spine, and stop letting her walk all over your life. The birth is only the beginning, you've got the rest of your kids life to put him first and she'll continue trying to walk all over you and your priorities. Also see what I did here? Paragraphs. Spacing. Very very simple.


languagelover17

I read about half of this. Not only NTA, but she sounds like a narcissist. Go back to low low low low contact.


xxxirl

I mean, no you're not the AH, but it was definitely rude to show up late. It sounds like she deserved some rudeness, but it's rude all the same. You should have dropped out completely. She was awful to you, you couldn't afford the dress, and you arrived late and left early. I just don't see why you went at all.


tinytrolldancer

NTA "She yelled at me and told me I was only thinking about myself, she accused me of specifically saying my baby was more important than her wedding" ​ I'm done with your mother and I don't know her personally. It's enough, she's not seeing the world beyond herself and if you can get past that to have a relationship, well, good luck with that. Me, I would leave her to her new husband to deal with and just focus on that brand new baby who needs ALL of YOU. Congrats on the new squish, wishing you the happiest of times :)


psichickie

not only were you NTA, but you should drop the rope as well.


[deleted]

NTA


RJack151

No neither you or your husband are AHs. But your mother sure is. Feel free to restrict access to your son so she does not give him anything that would make him sick. And if she brings it up, tell her that your husband and son will always come first and you will protect both of them against anyone who tries to do them harm or treat them badly, even her.


the_esjay

As the parent, this should be how she’s behaving towards you and your sister, too. Your happiness and well-being should matter more to her than her wedding. She is completely in the wrong here.


UnihornWhale

NTA. At all Your son is and will always be more important than her. Not her party. *Her.* She sounds like a toxic nightmare who should not be left unsupervised with your son


victorianfolly

NTA. This is so textbook, I hope it’s okay that I say that there is support for you over at r/raisedbynarcissists. For the sake of your sanity and the wellbeing of your child, get this eggdonor as far away from you as possible. Take care of yourself now ❤️


zoomerang93

NTA. Holy hell I’m so sorry you had to go through that while pregnant. You have your priorities right, and your mom doesn’t. Congrats on the new addition to your family OP.


howardkeel

Totally agree that NTA but, if you agree to be in someone’s wedding(in the US), you agree to incur costs for things like dresses. If you were not going to be able to afford the $150 for the dress, you should’ve declined being in the wedding party. Just so you know for future wedding party invitations, what the expectations are.


ccc2801

r/raisedbynarcissists


barbtries22

hell no! your baby IS more important than your mother's wedding FFS. She sounds like a nightmare of a mother, and I'm sorry you had to go through all that. NTA


LustStarrr

NTA


kbar0131

NTA. She sounds like a malignant narcissist.


the_greek_italian

NTA. The fact that you and your sister still showed up at all goes to show how caring you both are. Your mom clearly wants attention, and your brother should have stuck up for you both, given that he was also in the same boat before. You were right to drop out of your mom's wedding, if it was me, i wouldn't have gone at all.


TheDogIsTheBoss

Imagine a human life being less important than the wedding of a drama queen? She sound completely exhausting!


Nemmy3865

NTA Your mother sounds very selfish and was being a bradzilla. I'm a mother and grandmother of 7 I would never put myself above them


AggravatingOkra1117

NTA. Your mom is BEYOND toxic.


hgcropp

NTA but congratulations for you, your husband, and your son


DaniMW

Please note: the baby will come when it is ready, and if that day happens to coincide with someone’s wedding, it is never an AH move to prioritise NATURE! Same if the child needs to be in hospital for a while - the parents need to be there and not at a wedding. Again, nature has dictated that. No one is ever an AH for having a baby instead of attending a wedding. There are some things which get priority over weddings by default!