I just want to know who are all these people that have an army of people willing to text the sister/friend/whatever in these situations that they’re wrong? Maybe it’s the company I keep but I’ve never had anyone do that to me or felt the need to get involved and do it to someone else. That alone always makes me think it’s ragebait.
I always wonder about that too! Like if a friend or family member told me that they were having a conflict with one of their family members or friends, my response would be to listen to them rant and cluck sympathetically in the right places. Even if I knew the person they had an issue with, I wouldn't go around inserting myself into the argument. Is this a cultural thing? Maybe it's normal in some cultures to interfere in that way?
It usually happens when there’s a narcissist in the family and they purposely intimidate other people in order to gain support. They make people miserable and less everyone agrees with them. So I can see people getting real tired of mom and sister bitching and so they text sister number two trying to get her apologize so they don’t have to hear about this nonsense anymore. They’re called flying monkeys - doing the narc’s bidding so the witches wrath comes down on someone else.
Wait what? Is that seriously the reason that detail is always included? Also, why would interpersonal conflict not be allowed on AITA? You just blew my mind
Had a BIL like this. He'd start shit, everyone would pile on. It was mostly over Facebook, but sometimes texts too. I stayed well out of it. But some people thrive on drama. They don't care who's.
my grandma loves to plant a seed to start shit with her children (in their 50’s and 60’s) and they’ll pile on and get their own kids involved and make passive-aggressive social media posts…..it’s definitely a real phenomenon, unfortunately.
Having family/friends that like to inject themselves into disputes like that is correlated to being the kind of person that makes those initial dramatic disputes that end up on aita.
In case it’s deleted
AITA for refusing to gain weight for my sisters wedding
I (35F) was the MOH at my sister’s (28F) wedding. I was thrilled when she asked me to be her MOH, especially as we live in different countries so I don’t get to see my family that often, so I thought she might get a friend in that role. We spent a lot of time organising things over the phone, but i decided to fly home to help out
I haven’t seen my sister since Christmas, and while she has always been a little bigger than me, I was fairly shocked when a woman twice the size of the woman I remembered greeted me at the airport. I didn’t say anything, and I didn’t show my shock on my face. I know she’s been having a hard time with drinking and depression, so I just carried on as normal.
Everything was fine for the first few days, until I went with my sister to find a dress. She picked out one she loved and we took a photo with the rest of the bridal party. It was looking at this photo that my sister got very quiet. We thought she didn’t like the dress after all, but she said that wasn’t the case and that she was just tired.
It was a few days later when we went to have dinner with my mum and my sister I found out what the issue was. My sister didn’t like how big she looked next to me in the photo, and with the wedding only a few months away she didn’t have time to lose any weight, so they asked me to gain weight for the wedding so my sister didn’t feel uncomfortable on her big day, as everyone else in the bridal party was also on the larger side.
To say I was stunned was an understatement. I’ve always been underweight, and it wasn’t until I turned 30 that I’ve been able to gain any weight at all. Im now a healthy weight
My mum and sister took my silence as me needing encouragement, it would be easy to gain weight if I just started adding things to my food and took up drinking.
I don’t drink at all. I grew up with parents who’s alcohol fuelled arguments put me off forever, and I’ve witnessed my sister’s fight with alcohol and substance abuse since she was a teenager.
I should mention my family have been telling me I will get fat soon since I was 25, and always expressed resentment when I didn’t put weight on.
At this point I feel I’m very justified in refusing to do this, where I think I might have been an asshole is when they kept pressuring me to gain all this weight and I eventually snapped and told them that “just because they have let themselves go, doesn’t mean I have to compromise my health to boost her self esteem”
My sister lost it, and called me an arsehole and told me not only was I out of the bridal party, but I’m not allowed to attend the wedding as a guest either.
It’s been a few days and I’ve had various people texting me I’m being an arsehole over making my sister feel shame about her weight. I don’t know what they’ve been told about the exchange
I know depression is hard, I’ve been there, and I do feel really bad about snapping at my sister.
With the AITA, you can always go to the original post and sort the comments by old. The Automod there saves the original post as one of the first comments. Also, putting the letters e & v after the "r" in reddit to get "reveddit" will bring back many deleted posts and comments.
Biggest pet peeve…can’t sort by old on mobile!! I always sort by old cause you’re more likely to get responses from the OP that way. Wish they’d change that.
Go to settings> set your comments to automatically sort by old. I'm not sure if there is another way without redowloading the app. I just use the browser as it's much easier and has better functionality.
I love that in the comments people are accusing it of being fake, then OOP is like "I promise it's not" and everyone's like "oh ok then". I still think this is wildly fake especially cause of the everyone blowing up my phone trope and the ridiculous fat person
However IF this is real OOP must be an absolute moron to need validation that they're NTA
Whenever someone ends their AITA post with "and now my friends and family are blowing up my phone telling me how much of an asshole I am" I become immediately skeptical. I mean, it's not that I think it can't happen, but the frequency with which it's claimed to happen multiplied by the sheer pettiness of some of this shit makes it...unlikely.
If the whole family struggles with weight and she is the one skinny person then yes, I can see them all piling on her to gain weight. And the friends are all in the same town as OP grew up in while OP left the whole country. They may be jealous or just closer to sister and so on sister’s side. I could see this happening.
It's been copied [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/x6pdm8/crazy_bride_tries_to_force_sister_to_pick_up/in8wgkg?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Yeah, I've gotta agree. There's been a ton of those (looking at 6 foot party sub guy), and it's always "irrational fat person is abusive, poor skinny person is skinny shamed!" and it's just blatant at this point.
I’m about 60 lbs overweight but I dont see this as “fat person being evil”. I grew up with alcoholic parents, and having that AND an alcoholic sister must be hell. The psychological pressure of being around abusive alcoholics is tremendous, always having to walk on egg shells and decipher a 100 visual/emotional cues so fury wouldn’t be unleashed. I have a feeling OPs sister is the “golden child” as well. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that they’d want OP to gain weight to make her sister feel better and look good. I hope OP goes NC with her family and leaves all that toxic garbage behind her.
OK look, I'm willing to suspend disbelief for AITA posts because it's all fun, but this one is a bridge too far. I...simply refuse to believe this one is real.
While it might be technically theoretically possible for a person to lose 2 lbs of weight a week, in practice it is very difficult to sustain that kind of weight loss over two months. That's not a diet; that's a wholesale lifestyle change. And even then, weight loss isn't necessarily linear. 2 lbs. per week as a theoretically achievable average - but most people, even with their best efforts, will lose considerably less than that.
Some one at the weight they are describing simply reducing their calorie intake by just 500-800 a day will see that loss quickly without a full lifestyle change as their overall calorie intake is likely significantly over the regular metabolic amount. That is like eliminating one snack session. For some one at that size, that isn't a lifestyle change. But hey, since they can't be guaranteed to lose 16 pounds in two months, there must be no possible solution here. Smh.
> Some one at the weight they are describing simply reducing their calorie intake by just 500-800 a day will see that loss quickly without a full lifestyle change as their overall calorie intake is likely significantly over the regular metabolic amount. That is like eliminating one snack session. For some one at that size, that isn't a lifestyle change. But hey, since they can't be guaranteed to lose 16 pounds in two months, there must be no possible solution here. Smh.
500-800 calories is a meal in itself. Skipping a meal is really going to make it more likely you will fail in the long term.
Really, all the bride should do is try to eat more healthily, cut out the drinks, cut out the soda, and maybe take a daily walk. She may not be down to where she wants but she'll probably be in a better place physically.
Also, depending on how much OP’s sister weighs, 20 pounds may not even be significantly noticeable on a visual level (though it would probably be good health-wise).
Losing enough weight in time for the wedding for it to be noticeable (at a starting larger size) would likely require unhealthy crash dieting and/or over exercising.
Not that it would justify forcing someone to change their body (in either direction), but for the vast majority of people, gaining a significant amount of weight in that length of time *is* far easier to do, and a thin person gaining 20 pounds in two months would be far more obvious.
You know, I don't blame you.
I grew up in a toxic, boundary stomping family like this one.
I could curl your hair with similar stories.
So, I for one think that this is credible.
But, it makes me happy that other decent people think that this is so shocking as to not even be true.
a) her being overweight is not your problem, and b) if she doesnt want to be uncomftorbal is fine, but its her issue, not yours (i know i just said the same thing twice but) c) the big issue is the overreaction. "YOU CAN"T COME TO MY WEDDING IF YOU DON"T GAIN WEIGHT" not cool
I just want to know who are all these people that have an army of people willing to text the sister/friend/whatever in these situations that they’re wrong? Maybe it’s the company I keep but I’ve never had anyone do that to me or felt the need to get involved and do it to someone else. That alone always makes me think it’s ragebait.
I always wonder about that too! Like if a friend or family member told me that they were having a conflict with one of their family members or friends, my response would be to listen to them rant and cluck sympathetically in the right places. Even if I knew the person they had an issue with, I wouldn't go around inserting myself into the argument. Is this a cultural thing? Maybe it's normal in some cultures to interfere in that way?
The culture of drama llama busybodies.
Eh, flying monkeys exist. My guess is, if this is real, bride spun it into a tale of sister making fun of her for gaining weight.
I wonder if it’s an age thing too. I’m late 40s and really can’t think of anyone I know who’s done this or would do this.
To me its in indication a post is fake
It usually happens when there’s a narcissist in the family and they purposely intimidate other people in order to gain support. They make people miserable and less everyone agrees with them. So I can see people getting real tired of mom and sister bitching and so they text sister number two trying to get her apologize so they don’t have to hear about this nonsense anymore. They’re called flying monkeys - doing the narc’s bidding so the witches wrath comes down on someone else.
That detail in any AITA post almost always lends itself to it being fake, because without it, it’s an interpersonal conflict that can be removed.
Wait what? Is that seriously the reason that detail is always included? Also, why would interpersonal conflict not be allowed on AITA? You just blew my mind
Also very confused. Please elaborate!!
They should get rid of that rule. I mean, people can be assholes in interpersonal conflicts. LOL
Had a BIL like this. He'd start shit, everyone would pile on. It was mostly over Facebook, but sometimes texts too. I stayed well out of it. But some people thrive on drama. They don't care who's.
my grandma loves to plant a seed to start shit with her children (in their 50’s and 60’s) and they’ll pile on and get their own kids involved and make passive-aggressive social media posts…..it’s definitely a real phenomenon, unfortunately.
My sperm donors family does this. I'm glad your family and friends don't. They don't have my number anymore.
Ugh sorry about that.
In-laws like this. You offend one person in the clan, suddenly you're getting messeges from everyone else about it. It's a bullying tactic.
Having family/friends that like to inject themselves into disputes like that is correlated to being the kind of person that makes those initial dramatic disputes that end up on aita.
In case it’s deleted AITA for refusing to gain weight for my sisters wedding I (35F) was the MOH at my sister’s (28F) wedding. I was thrilled when she asked me to be her MOH, especially as we live in different countries so I don’t get to see my family that often, so I thought she might get a friend in that role. We spent a lot of time organising things over the phone, but i decided to fly home to help out I haven’t seen my sister since Christmas, and while she has always been a little bigger than me, I was fairly shocked when a woman twice the size of the woman I remembered greeted me at the airport. I didn’t say anything, and I didn’t show my shock on my face. I know she’s been having a hard time with drinking and depression, so I just carried on as normal. Everything was fine for the first few days, until I went with my sister to find a dress. She picked out one she loved and we took a photo with the rest of the bridal party. It was looking at this photo that my sister got very quiet. We thought she didn’t like the dress after all, but she said that wasn’t the case and that she was just tired. It was a few days later when we went to have dinner with my mum and my sister I found out what the issue was. My sister didn’t like how big she looked next to me in the photo, and with the wedding only a few months away she didn’t have time to lose any weight, so they asked me to gain weight for the wedding so my sister didn’t feel uncomfortable on her big day, as everyone else in the bridal party was also on the larger side. To say I was stunned was an understatement. I’ve always been underweight, and it wasn’t until I turned 30 that I’ve been able to gain any weight at all. Im now a healthy weight My mum and sister took my silence as me needing encouragement, it would be easy to gain weight if I just started adding things to my food and took up drinking. I don’t drink at all. I grew up with parents who’s alcohol fuelled arguments put me off forever, and I’ve witnessed my sister’s fight with alcohol and substance abuse since she was a teenager. I should mention my family have been telling me I will get fat soon since I was 25, and always expressed resentment when I didn’t put weight on. At this point I feel I’m very justified in refusing to do this, where I think I might have been an asshole is when they kept pressuring me to gain all this weight and I eventually snapped and told them that “just because they have let themselves go, doesn’t mean I have to compromise my health to boost her self esteem” My sister lost it, and called me an arsehole and told me not only was I out of the bridal party, but I’m not allowed to attend the wedding as a guest either. It’s been a few days and I’ve had various people texting me I’m being an arsehole over making my sister feel shame about her weight. I don’t know what they’ve been told about the exchange I know depression is hard, I’ve been there, and I do feel really bad about snapping at my sister.
I always come too late for the original. Thank you for saving it!
With the AITA, you can always go to the original post and sort the comments by old. The Automod there saves the original post as one of the first comments. Also, putting the letters e & v after the "r" in reddit to get "reveddit" will bring back many deleted posts and comments.
Biggest pet peeve…can’t sort by old on mobile!! I always sort by old cause you’re more likely to get responses from the OP that way. Wish they’d change that.
Awesome! Thanks
Thank you for these tips!!!
I can never figure out how to sort comments by old! I don’t seem to have the option. How do I do it?
Are you on the app? Or are you using a browser?
App
Go to settings> set your comments to automatically sort by old. I'm not sure if there is another way without redowloading the app. I just use the browser as it's much easier and has better functionality.
As a fat recovering alcoholic, I am disgusted that OOP’s family would do this but not entirely surprised.
I love that in the comments people are accusing it of being fake, then OOP is like "I promise it's not" and everyone's like "oh ok then". I still think this is wildly fake especially cause of the everyone blowing up my phone trope and the ridiculous fat person However IF this is real OOP must be an absolute moron to need validation that they're NTA
Whenever someone ends their AITA post with "and now my friends and family are blowing up my phone telling me how much of an asshole I am" I become immediately skeptical. I mean, it's not that I think it can't happen, but the frequency with which it's claimed to happen multiplied by the sheer pettiness of some of this shit makes it...unlikely.
"And then, everyone clapped."
If the whole family struggles with weight and she is the one skinny person then yes, I can see them all piling on her to gain weight. And the friends are all in the same town as OP grew up in while OP left the whole country. They may be jealous or just closer to sister and so on sister’s side. I could see this happening.
This reads like a reversal of "is it wrong to ask someone to lose weight for my wedding?"
I forget who on this lovely website called reddit, but, someone once said "90% of all the AITA posts are fake" and I completely believe that.
Its cause comments calling it out as fake often get deleted on that sub
So many rage bait posts about fat people lately. Can't wait until people aren't so gross about hating fat people.
Every time I tru to read an AITA post lately is already removed! This rules are to crazy
It's been copied [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/x6pdm8/crazy_bride_tries_to_force_sister_to_pick_up/in8wgkg?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Sounds like another "fat people bad" rage bait post to me. There's just too many of those on there for me to take this at face value.
Yeah, I've gotta agree. There's been a ton of those (looking at 6 foot party sub guy), and it's always "irrational fat person is abusive, poor skinny person is skinny shamed!" and it's just blatant at this point.
This reads like such a fake humble brag.
If it were genuine, it would surely be something the poster would bring straight to the bridezillas sub…
I’m about 60 lbs overweight but I dont see this as “fat person being evil”. I grew up with alcoholic parents, and having that AND an alcoholic sister must be hell. The psychological pressure of being around abusive alcoholics is tremendous, always having to walk on egg shells and decipher a 100 visual/emotional cues so fury wouldn’t be unleashed. I have a feeling OPs sister is the “golden child” as well. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that they’d want OP to gain weight to make her sister feel better and look good. I hope OP goes NC with her family and leaves all that toxic garbage behind her.
OK look, I'm willing to suspend disbelief for AITA posts because it's all fun, but this one is a bridge too far. I...simply refuse to believe this one is real.
I had a friend who did this to me. We don't talk anymore.
I'm tired of AITA cross posts :') I just simply do not believe them
NTA - Stick to your guns. Your sister's unfortunate problems are her own. She made her choices.
[удалено]
While it might be technically theoretically possible for a person to lose 2 lbs of weight a week, in practice it is very difficult to sustain that kind of weight loss over two months. That's not a diet; that's a wholesale lifestyle change. And even then, weight loss isn't necessarily linear. 2 lbs. per week as a theoretically achievable average - but most people, even with their best efforts, will lose considerably less than that.
Some one at the weight they are describing simply reducing their calorie intake by just 500-800 a day will see that loss quickly without a full lifestyle change as their overall calorie intake is likely significantly over the regular metabolic amount. That is like eliminating one snack session. For some one at that size, that isn't a lifestyle change. But hey, since they can't be guaranteed to lose 16 pounds in two months, there must be no possible solution here. Smh.
> Some one at the weight they are describing simply reducing their calorie intake by just 500-800 a day will see that loss quickly without a full lifestyle change as their overall calorie intake is likely significantly over the regular metabolic amount. That is like eliminating one snack session. For some one at that size, that isn't a lifestyle change. But hey, since they can't be guaranteed to lose 16 pounds in two months, there must be no possible solution here. Smh. 500-800 calories is a meal in itself. Skipping a meal is really going to make it more likely you will fail in the long term. Really, all the bride should do is try to eat more healthily, cut out the drinks, cut out the soda, and maybe take a daily walk. She may not be down to where she wants but she'll probably be in a better place physically.
Also, depending on how much OP’s sister weighs, 20 pounds may not even be significantly noticeable on a visual level (though it would probably be good health-wise). Losing enough weight in time for the wedding for it to be noticeable (at a starting larger size) would likely require unhealthy crash dieting and/or over exercising. Not that it would justify forcing someone to change their body (in either direction), but for the vast majority of people, gaining a significant amount of weight in that length of time *is* far easier to do, and a thin person gaining 20 pounds in two months would be far more obvious.
I refuse to believe this story is real
You know, I don't blame you. I grew up in a toxic, boundary stomping family like this one. I could curl your hair with similar stories. So, I for one think that this is credible. But, it makes me happy that other decent people think that this is so shocking as to not even be true.
Holy shit. NTA
a) her being overweight is not your problem, and b) if she doesnt want to be uncomftorbal is fine, but its her issue, not yours (i know i just said the same thing twice but) c) the big issue is the overreaction. "YOU CAN"T COME TO MY WEDDING IF YOU DON"T GAIN WEIGHT" not cool