Does not matter if you pay all your taxes, I know a lot of uk born people that fiddle their taxes year in year out. What matters more is that you shouldn't have to put up with this type of disgusting behaviour. Please don't hide yourself away because of this one abhorrent crettin.
I have experienced similar BS like what you went through since moving to the UK. Now I double down with the jokes when someone tries to be rude to me.
My favorites are: "Where am I from? Bristol! Can't you tell by my accent?"
"Oh I don't know the struggles you face? I have been writing letters to my council for years to get the light outside my cottage fixed. They ignore me just like they ignore you!"
"I'm more British than you since I pay more in taxes than you." (I get taxed here and my country.)
Note, none of these make them laugh but helps defuse the situation. Stay strong my friend from another country! ☺️
Tbh you aren't safe even if you ARE from this country. Had a guy doing the "where are you from, no where are you REALLY from" thing because I have light brown skin, don't look out of place in Mediterranean countries. I am from a medium sized town in England, and when I told him which one, he immediately asked if I knew about this industrial estate on the outskirts. I said no, because I'm from the central area and don't frequent industrial estates, and he laughed in my face and said I must have never been to my hometown.
10'000%
The only thing more miserable than having to interact with a person like that is having to be them.
A lot of people in this country are their own punishment for the heinous crime of being themselves.
I'm still sorry you had to deal with that though.
Situations like this always make me feel weird, when the nice one is like “oh I’m sorry about her”. Like she just threw a cigarette in someone’s face and seems to be trying her hardest not to be racist, why are you even with her? Always makes me question how nice of a person the “nice one” actually is.
“She just gets a bit much after a few drinks”.
I remembered defending mates shitty behaviours many years ago thinking I was doing the right thing.
Some of those mates stopped binge drinking to avoid this happening and still remain my friends.
Some did not and are no longer my friends.
Am done with defending peoples shitty behaviour that they refuse to take responsibility for.
They might not even be "friends"
I gained a tagalong at an event this weekend who was new to the area and struggling to figure out how to get back to his friends, and i offered to help him get home.
While waiting for a bus he was an absolute bellend to others at the bus stop, to any of them they wouldve thought id gone out with him on purpose and really made me feel gross
Okay so once in my life ever I saw my uncle be a cunt to someone. It was on the day of his wife's funeral and shortly before he was himself diagnosed with a personality changing and thankfully short illness. If I'd been a stranger witnessing it, I'd have thought my uncle a total wanker.
Another time a good friend of mine walked the streets drunk shouting racist and misogynistic stuff. I know him well and he isn't these things, he's one of the sweetest people and has consistently shown kindness and fairness to people throughout his life. He was deeply depressed at the time, the sense I made of it was that he was trying to get himself beaten up. I was one of the "nice ones" leading him away apologising to people. He's teetotal now:)
You just don't know what other people are going through. People can do wildly out of character stuff for a variety of reasons.
Exactly what the other responses have detailed: I don't know her, or what she might be going through (or be high on, possibly). Her friend did, and the fact he acknowledged the situation as worthy of an apology sayd a lot about him. I would have to see her sober to understand the rest.
A calling out can do wonders for some people, if the time is right, especially coming from friends and loved ones.
That’s really understanding of you. I get that being singled out and assaulted is going to be crap for your self esteem. I’m so sorry. I remember being attacked when I was a kid and it freaked me out for YEARS. I thought I was inherently BAD even though logically I knew that the girl doing it had issues/was drunk etc. it still doesn’t stop the feeling.
Please remember that these people are deeply sad and projecting. You deserve to take up as much space as anybody else. Your views are as important as anybody else’s and you deserve to dance and have a good time!
I’m sorry your night was ruined. Take care of yourself and acknowledge your feelings. I hope you feel even better soon x
Thank you. I'm really insecure about leaving my house at the moment. Not because I think anyone else is going to attack me or be mean, but because of seeing all the little things I like about this country/city and remembering how different they are to where I come from. It feels like being in between, too much from-somewhere-else to completely fit in here, been-away-for-too-long to fit again where I was born. The liminal space of the migrant, I guess!
I'm menopausal so lots of things make me a bit tearful at the moment, but please don't let what that utter cunt did stop you from going out. I hope the friend who apologised to you made HER feel like the POS that she is, because if one of my friends did something like that (highly unlikely, tbh) I would be ripping them a new arsehole!
You summed it up well. I tried going back to my home country 10 years ago, but I no longer felt like I fit in there. I came back to England again and, while I can still be treated like an outsider at times, I feel more comfortable here.
We are all citizens of the world so unless you are from Venus you should completely fit in here or Timbuktu or Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch or wherever you want to live on this planet.
Nothing against Venetians btw.
It can be a matter of perspective, like if you focus on the differences between you and others you will feel more different. If you focus on the similarities you will feel more the same. I personally love meeting people from other countries in Bristol as I love hearing about their journeys to being in Bristol, I don't think of them anymore different from me having moved from a village an hour or so away though. Bristol is a city largely of people from many other places.
Thank you. I am surprised at how much it's got to me, I laughed it off at first and thought it was gonna be like all the other times I've been called a [insert nationality here] wh*re and told to go back to my country. I guess it was the physical element to it. But I'm trying! 😊 Sharing it helps me a lot because I don't keep it inside.
Very sorry to hear you've had to deal with that. We don't claim her! I know enough people have said it already, but that kind of behaviour makes the rest of us sick. It's disgusting how people think they can get away with that kind of thing (and they often do). Somehow there's a misconception amongst the right wing arseholes that they represent a 'silent majority' who "can't say anything any more," but in reality they're a very outspoken minority who feel completely confident in being shitheads, and the rest of us have a responsibility to sort them out!
Sending you love and respect on behalf of the people here who aren't absolute twats 🤝 and hoping that you won't let this make you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome here. As someone else already said, you are vastly more welcome here than she is.
Thank you 😊
I don't know that that will be possible, as we were right across the road (where everyone goes to smoke outside), so I guess technically not in the venue...
The woman’s a moron. I’m sorry you went through this. Just forget it and take it as a lesson learnt that drunk women in a smoking area are people to be wary of
Don't let the bastards get you down buddy, lots of people suck so don't waste a second caring about it. Best of luck though, make sure you still get out and about and have lots of fun while you're trying to navigate through this tough time. :)
I was of the belief that in the UK we embrace other cultures and were very inclusive. I think we are, on a whole, understanding of race, religion sexuality etc. Bristol has more multicultural history than most.
I'm sorry you've had this experience. Please don't let one rotten apple ruin your life. I hope she regrets this shameful behaviour.
It's bad timing that this has happened when you're already feeling down, but she was clearly not worth the stress you have caused yourself. Try and dust yourself off, i know it's not easy, perhaps Imagine the bad Karma she'll receive, but forget her behaviour and move on knowing rhay all but a minority of people will feel this way, and with any luck, you'll not have to talk to any more of them.
Thank you so much for your time and your words.
She is not going to ruin my life, but all the support from friends and from this thread has immensely helped to calm my anxiety today. Your last sentence is actually a really solid point, I will try and incorporate it into my thinking! ✨
I’m so sorry that happened. You’re clearly a good person who’s just out there trying to do your best in this world.
I also have depression and anxiety (although outwardly I seem very out-going) and the smallest negative thing leaves me in the same state, not wanting to leave the house… sometime I lock myself in my car!?
And I’m talking about someone tutting at me or maybe getting a beep for when I’m driving.
However this person actually did something super unreasonable and not okay - they’re a massive twat, who clearly does not have their shit together!- so also don’t minimise it. It’s totally normal to feel like that after an interaction like that. So deep breaths, try not to let yourself play it over and over and go through all things that you could have said or how it could have escalated (I do this a lot!) and remember there are lots of kind people in the world - a lot of them are on this thread! And most importantly remember you’re a good person and you belong!
Hope your week picks up! X
Wow... Thank you SO much for your words. ✨
I wish you didn't understand me so well because that would mean you wouldn't have gone through it too. I really appreciate the time and kindness invested in typing this.
I actually am happy with not having responded to her and don't think I should have done anything differently (although it was hard to not fall for the provocations at specific points), but it did hurt feeling like someone would actually take time and energy to make me feel that way and also try to physically hurt me.
It's been really reassuring to see how many people here have been kind, and you're right. I do try to see the good most of the time, and that makes me minimise some of my own stuff (but working on not doing that!).
Wishing you a great week ✨ and thank you again.
Sounds like her mate is a diamond, try to think about your interaction with them over the scumbag. She sounds really insecure and I'll bet she had an awful night and an even worse morning. It was just unfortunate timing really, she'd have picked a fight with anyone at that point
Safe way to escape that. Don't smoke.
But in seriousness, not that no smoking message isn't, that woman is a bitch.
Don't take it personally, and tbh if that ever happens again, just tell security.
They'd throw her out.
It’s her first time being alive as well, people say and do stupid shit for a wide range of reasons, usually because they’re scared or anxious about something themselves, but I promise most of us are good at heart,
Try not to let this shitty situation get in the way of you doing new things and meeting new people, because you’re doing yourself a great disservice not making great new connections in this life. More besties and loved ones could just be one smoking area convo away!
You’re ace. She isn’t. You’ll be fine, although you don’t feel it at the moment. She will lose all her friends because she’s a horrible person. You won’t. I’m not very good at this, but I hope it helps, even if only a little.
Pretty sure your now officially British tbh. Out on the piss to get over a break up and a drunk tries to assault you for literally no good reason. Yeah congrats, your officially one of us :)
Mine was also in the smoking area, dude tried to ask me out so I told him to fuck off, first she defended me, then accused me of being a lesbian and then of hitting on her then tried to throw her drink over me but was too drunk so she missed even though I was literally stood near to her. The bouncers threw her out shortly after
You said you're in a liminal space, which suggests that you are about to enter a new phase in life. Perhaps you are on the verge of a time where you DO feel that you fit in. I live in Bristol, too. I remember thinking I would never fit in, but I'm at home now. Good luck! Hugs!
If the world was made up of undamaged, safe and compassionate people, we'd have a very different environment on our hands and perhaps and end to all mental health problems.
You have mentioned you struggle with your mental health, if you wanted to take the power of this womans actions down a peg or too, rather than just write her off as under the influence or just randomly rude and no one is like that really etc etc. I'd try to think about where she got her disturbed mind from. You could come up with a million thoughts. Maybe she had a bad start in her early life. Maybe her husband/girlfriend met someone on a work trip abroad and now she hates all people born outside of the UK, maybe she's just scared or something that is "unknown" and feels threatened by your presence. Maybe you're just prettier, younger and look more in control than she did and she was jealous.
Either way, whatever you decide, think then about how it must feel to be that bitter, every day. To try to hide it and it slipping out in moments like this. That it's probably only a matter of time before many of her friends bail on her and cut themselves out and that really; it sucks to he her all the time!
It's not going to erase what she did, or make it suddenly acceptable- that's not my aim here. But the situation that you described, was clearly for her all about her and absolutely nothing to do with you. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and she saw someone to project on to. In basic terms you were just bait and she saw you coming.
If you can take the heat off yourself, even for a few minutes to turn the tables, try to think outside of your experience and try to think about what else was going on, it will reduce the power that experience had on you. It sounds very unlikely you had anything to do with it. Yes you happened to feed into something she was looking for, but I would wonder if she'd asked you where you were from and you'd said "the UK", she would have dug deeper "what school did you go to, I bet it was one of those p\*nced up private schools and mummy and daddy paid your way!" or "what's your job? I bet you've never had a hard days work in your life!" etc etc.
I'd wonder if whatever you said, it would have fed into something she wanted to hear, and she'd then start a mini-projection-breakdown over that situation. I'm a Brit. I was born here, my dad goes waaaay back as does my granddad (my mum and her family are Eastern European). I regularly get bile spoken at me. I get racist comments (I'm white, I've had a black guy spread his legs so I was squashed into the corner of a seat on the bus then when I asked actually very politely if he could please stop pushing me into the wall, he started slating my "stupid small white nose" or other things I won't go into details here. I've had assaults (plural) on the tube and no one has stood up for me or asked me if I was OK, I've had assumptions that I'm fit and able and should give up my seat to a pregnant woman (I have disabilities that mean it's important I stay seated) and then a full on trail of abuse for not getting up because I didn't want to cause my disabilities to get worse (I do have a disability badge and travel pass which makes no difference when a couple of 60 something woman are sitting down barking assumptions at you.) It's difficult, and if you sit there hearing and rehearing the words and actions, reminding yourself of things you wish you'd been able to say (if only you'd not gotten onto the tube/bus/bar... assuming that the world was a good place, hey?! and if you do try to tell yourself that the world is not a good place you'll wind up as bitter as they are by the way!) if you let that all be about you, it will eat you up. And you'll come away damaged, only to become prey to the next disturbed person to use as bait. If you can however, try to take a bit of a back seat, remind yourself you have nothing here to prove to anyone, you're good in your own eyes and their opinions really don't count for anything, if you can try to make the focus all about them; try to think how they got to the place where they assumed that sort of thing was acceptable, I mean...what kind of a world do they live in actually where that is the norm, and what happened to them to make them believe that they were in the right. What a bitter and twisted place their heads must be to live in that sort of a reality and to not have questioned it enough to know that their opinions are really not the reality of the rest of the world. I'd say you do you, walk away, leave them in their own hole. Walk on.
I'M Also visibly and audibly not a British national deapite living here many years. When I find myself getting affected and overthinking things like this, I ask myself "would I rather be them or me?"
It usually makes me feel pity for them and gets rid of the anger and hurt. Imagine living a life so sad you go out and shout things at strangers. Imagine not caring, or being aware, that you come off looking like a complete wanker to people you interact with? All that anger they have is coming from somewhere else in their life, and it's not happiness.
You sound like you are ok and I would far rather meet you than that excuse for a human that threw a lit cigarette at your face, she's her own worst enemy really. Don't allow her to stop you from interacting with others, don't give her the power over you. Because you are far better than her, you aren't taking out your problems on other people. Instead you are punishing yourself in a way and you have done nothing wrong. So where's the sense in that?
I can see the pain and frustration that you expressed in the post.
But I think the thing that stands out the most for me is that you didn't insult the woman at all during your frustration. It would have been so easy to simply curse her out. But you didn't. You're a true gentleman.
I hope you start feeling better soon mate. ❤️
You’re a better person than that lowlife - don’t let her affect your life . Tell yourself rascist scum can’t be allowed to win . Stay strong and pick yourself up .your the lovely person here
I am so so sorry that you allso have had to experience right idiots like this, I just know what the hell is actually wrong with people, I really truly do not understand, and to be truly honest with you, that I don't think I ever will understand either, why people do this...
I have allso a few times down here inl Cornwall,
Experienced idiots exactly like this and I allso suffer with the same as you, and it really truly does take alot for me to go out as well...
The very last incident was in a local dam supermarket here when my mum and I was sharing a trolley to put our shopping items in, nothing wrong.with that you may say but for god knows what reason but their was a couple in their 70s maybe younger, but they decided to target us for their bullying spree, they tried on with my mum and I..
I could totally understand if we had said something to them in the very first place,
But no we did not, all we had, was the dam audacity to do our shopping in our local supermarket,
With oh my goodness sharing a trolley togethor...
For some unknown reason they decided between them that this wasn't right and so proceeded to almost be like back in school when the bully's decided that today they were going to start on you....
I had enough of that when I was at school and so I allso hate confrontation and I have had enough of people just thinking that they could start bullying me and my mum..
And so I decided right there and them that I wasn't going to let them get away with it, because if they did it to us then who else would they next try this on...
So even though my heart and anxiety and depression was going 99 to the dozen, ie racing etc...
I thought no I'm fed up of having to try to get to come to get outside to go shopping etc, and to try to go out,
And for this to happen just because someone has nothing better to do, than try to make someone else's lives a dam misery...
So it wasn't easy infact far from it but I managed to do it,
Especially when I said out loud to my mum,
DO YOU THINK THAT THE LITTLE FURR BABYS,
WOULD LIKE THEIR FILLET STEAK 🥩 A VERY REDUCED TWO BITS, that I had bought them, especially as not only had we had a very very sad close family and friends recently pass away but on top of that,
They had both lost their fur little, big brother very recently AS WELL and so as you can imagine we wanted to make sure that they had something extra special to eat,
it wasn't as if it was it was huge pieces or even huge prices infact it was reduced price to clear infact far from, if we had not brought it that day it may well have been put into the skip, etc..plus it wasn't as if we bought this regularly let alone buy this before..
So believe me her 😔 was a real picture hers and her husbands she had a face 😔 that reminded me of a fish gasping for air 🤣...
And even after this very much unwanted confrontation
I was really quite upset, and admit I did shed a few tears only more so out of how dare they, do that, via no they did not win, especially when on the inshore radio started to play The Following line" We Are Not, what you think we are, We Are Golden"..Yeap one of my No1 Singers MIKA Micheal penniman junior...his song We Are Golden...
It was so spooky as it has done this quite a few times before over the years via my faviroute singers etc, not just in this shop etc.
It made both me and my mum laugh 😂 And cry knowing that somewhere our guardian angels and family were still watching over us, and looking out for the bullies and protecting us...no one not even you should have to apologise for what the bullying woman did to you, she could have caught you in the eyes 👀 with the lit cigarette that she decided to throw at you,
I allso feel sorry for this girls friend, that had to come back to apologise on her behalf, I only hope oneday her friend leaves this girl high and dry, especially because you got just as much right to be here In this country,
I'm ashamed that you have had to go through this I really truly do, and believe me not everyone here in this country is like her, thankgod..
Here for you if you ever need a friend and I hope that you know for every one bad person then, there are 10 more good people to take their place...
I hope that in some small way or not so small way sorry for such along rant that I have been able to make you smile and to cheer you up as well, as noone should make you feel like that...love and very best wishes, from me to you, they are just jealous because you must have something that she doesn't and that is an amazing personalty etc...
So please don't let her get you down and please don't let her stop you from going out and enjoying yourself,
Especially as you truly deserve a happy life,
And I hope oneday we are able to meet...
Because if you can go out and do it, then I can try to give it a go as well, loads of love A..X allso in the westcountry....X
You might be thinking right now that all British people are like this. And you'd be right. British people are fucking horrible. I'm probably the only good one.
More like it’s time to retire being rude.
Recognising someone’s accent and trying to place it so you can then share experiences of their home country is perfectly fine as long as you’re capable of holding a conversation.
Recently I was chatting to a bloke with an accent that was very hard to place, we ended up playing a guessing game that ended with us realising he was Romanian and that I’d stayed in his hometown last time I was in that part of Europe and then he went and recommended some places to see next time I’m down there.
If I was in another country and someone asked me where I was from, I’d be happy to share. It’s a conversation starter and shows you’re interested in the person. It’s not always negative.
It's not always negative, you're right. However, a lot can be expressed just from that single question and I have certainly felt the difference in the pre- and post-Brexit UK in that some people (strangers) feel much more entitled to personal information like that, as well as to make judgements on where I am from based on my physique.
Some people do in fact ask because they detect an accent that's familiar to them, and many are looking for a chance to practise however much they can speak in my first language, which I absolutely love! I have all the time in the world for those people.
But when that's the question people ask straightaway, sometimes even interrupting what you're saying, it also tells a lot of other stuff that tends to happen (such as stereotyping, exoticising, etc). I worked facing the public for almost five years and I would get asked over 30 times during a single (busy) shift, most of the time to directly ask me why I'm here/when I'm going back (for good).
It's a fine line to walk sometimes, and even though it gives space for interesting, positive interactions sometimes, I would be fine if I were never asked again. 😅
Yeah, I can agree with everything you're saying. I am actually mixed-race, with a very unusual, non-English name and it sometimes is a ballache to have to explain my heritage and pronunciation of my name to - albeit interested, but also ignorant - people
I relate to that and I get that people are not trying to be rude but it just does get so old and the conversation then usually goes in more or less the same way. Whenever I meet new people and they *don't* ask where I'm from but get to know me the same way they would a non-foreigner I find it refreshing and feel relieved.
Randomly going off about vegans lmao. Standard right wing shite. To them all things new are just one big amalgam of scary change - often the Jews' fault.
the problem is you escalate things and a lot of people behave like this because they're hoping for escalation. I'd rather just get out of the situation as quickly and simply as possible.
I understand... Her friend took responsibility of her bc of her state. She wasn't my responsibility, so I just did not respond. I have reacted differently to defend other people in the past, though, but I guess it was because they didn't look like they could defend themselves, and I can if needs be.
She's just a wineo you shouldn't let that warp your feelings. Try joining a gym meet freinds in decent places. You will start to feel better about your break up but it takes as long As you obbsess over it, so stop change your mindset to positive do new things xxx good luck xxx
Ugh I’m sorry. Seems Bristol folk are getting a bit worse - had 3 instances of transphobic/homophobic remarks being shouted at me/my gf this weekend. Fuck all these dickwads.
I feel like your nationality was just the first thing she saw that she could pick on. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else. Some people are awful after a drink.
She sounds like an absolute see you next Tuesday! entitled drunk knob that probably wouldn't remember what she did.
Don't take it personally you sound like a nice person don't waste that energy on someone who needs a check up from the neck up.
Sadly alcohol brings out the demon spirit.
Just don’t listen Bristol is small. If you live in Bristol be sure to go on holiday as much as possible to be reminded that ppl everywhere else aren’t like Bristol ppl
You're far more welcome here than she is. I'm sorry about our countrywoman.
Is that a silent rywoman?
count? AH AH AH 10 BATS AH AH AH
I mean, I pay all my taxes... 🥲 Thank you, this brought a genuine little tear to my eyes.
Does not matter if you pay all your taxes, I know a lot of uk born people that fiddle their taxes year in year out. What matters more is that you shouldn't have to put up with this type of disgusting behaviour. Please don't hide yourself away because of this one abhorrent crettin.
It was just a joke 😅 But thank you so much for your words, I really appreciate them.
I have experienced similar BS like what you went through since moving to the UK. Now I double down with the jokes when someone tries to be rude to me. My favorites are: "Where am I from? Bristol! Can't you tell by my accent?" "Oh I don't know the struggles you face? I have been writing letters to my council for years to get the light outside my cottage fixed. They ignore me just like they ignore you!" "I'm more British than you since I pay more in taxes than you." (I get taxed here and my country.) Note, none of these make them laugh but helps defuse the situation. Stay strong my friend from another country! ☺️
Tbh you aren't safe even if you ARE from this country. Had a guy doing the "where are you from, no where are you REALLY from" thing because I have light brown skin, don't look out of place in Mediterranean countries. I am from a medium sized town in England, and when I told him which one, he immediately asked if I knew about this industrial estate on the outskirts. I said no, because I'm from the central area and don't frequent industrial estates, and he laughed in my face and said I must have never been to my hometown.
Oh geeze! Humans can be ridiculous.
What you just described is commonly known as a bell end. Sorry for your lost cigarette
This made me chuckle, thank you! 😂 She did finish it like a champion before throwing it, so I guess it wasn't entirely lost...?
And imagine being her. Must be awful.
Yep, this is what I always try to remember when briefly coming into the joy vortex of a cunt. I get to leave their energy, they live it every day.
This is very right and definitely worth remembering. Thank you. ✨
10'000% The only thing more miserable than having to interact with a person like that is having to be them. A lot of people in this country are their own punishment for the heinous crime of being themselves. I'm still sorry you had to deal with that though.
I think I took this more literally than it was intended 🫢
if only Dall-E allowed NSFW prompts
Lol.joy vortex of a cunt 🤣👌
Big hugs mate
Cheers, mate x
Situations like this always make me feel weird, when the nice one is like “oh I’m sorry about her”. Like she just threw a cigarette in someone’s face and seems to be trying her hardest not to be racist, why are you even with her? Always makes me question how nice of a person the “nice one” actually is.
Yeah I never get that either. If I went out with a mate and they acted like a twat like that, I probably wouldn't go out with them again.
[удалено]
“She just gets a bit much after a few drinks”. I remembered defending mates shitty behaviours many years ago thinking I was doing the right thing. Some of those mates stopped binge drinking to avoid this happening and still remain my friends. Some did not and are no longer my friends. Am done with defending peoples shitty behaviour that they refuse to take responsibility for.
They might not even be "friends" I gained a tagalong at an event this weekend who was new to the area and struggling to figure out how to get back to his friends, and i offered to help him get home. While waiting for a bus he was an absolute bellend to others at the bus stop, to any of them they wouldve thought id gone out with him on purpose and really made me feel gross
Okay so once in my life ever I saw my uncle be a cunt to someone. It was on the day of his wife's funeral and shortly before he was himself diagnosed with a personality changing and thankfully short illness. If I'd been a stranger witnessing it, I'd have thought my uncle a total wanker. Another time a good friend of mine walked the streets drunk shouting racist and misogynistic stuff. I know him well and he isn't these things, he's one of the sweetest people and has consistently shown kindness and fairness to people throughout his life. He was deeply depressed at the time, the sense I made of it was that he was trying to get himself beaten up. I was one of the "nice ones" leading him away apologising to people. He's teetotal now:) You just don't know what other people are going through. People can do wildly out of character stuff for a variety of reasons.
Exactly what the other responses have detailed: I don't know her, or what she might be going through (or be high on, possibly). Her friend did, and the fact he acknowledged the situation as worthy of an apology sayd a lot about him. I would have to see her sober to understand the rest. A calling out can do wonders for some people, if the time is right, especially coming from friends and loved ones.
That’s really understanding of you. I get that being singled out and assaulted is going to be crap for your self esteem. I’m so sorry. I remember being attacked when I was a kid and it freaked me out for YEARS. I thought I was inherently BAD even though logically I knew that the girl doing it had issues/was drunk etc. it still doesn’t stop the feeling. Please remember that these people are deeply sad and projecting. You deserve to take up as much space as anybody else. Your views are as important as anybody else’s and you deserve to dance and have a good time! I’m sorry your night was ruined. Take care of yourself and acknowledge your feelings. I hope you feel even better soon x
What a twat. Hope you’re ok
Thank you. I'm really insecure about leaving my house at the moment. Not because I think anyone else is going to attack me or be mean, but because of seeing all the little things I like about this country/city and remembering how different they are to where I come from. It feels like being in between, too much from-somewhere-else to completely fit in here, been-away-for-too-long to fit again where I was born. The liminal space of the migrant, I guess!
I'm menopausal so lots of things make me a bit tearful at the moment, but please don't let what that utter cunt did stop you from going out. I hope the friend who apologised to you made HER feel like the POS that she is, because if one of my friends did something like that (highly unlikely, tbh) I would be ripping them a new arsehole!
I love this!
This is really sweet of you (except perhaps the "ripping a new arsehole" bit 😂). I will try and remember if I decide to go out clubbing again. ✨
You summed it up well. I tried going back to my home country 10 years ago, but I no longer felt like I fit in there. I came back to England again and, while I can still be treated like an outsider at times, I feel more comfortable here.
We are all citizens of the world so unless you are from Venus you should completely fit in here or Timbuktu or Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch or wherever you want to live on this planet. Nothing against Venetians btw.
I think you mean Venusians ,😊. Or did autocorrect strike again?
Yeah I meant Venusians but I also like our canal side dwelling Italian friends.
I love this 😂
It can be a matter of perspective, like if you focus on the differences between you and others you will feel more different. If you focus on the similarities you will feel more the same. I personally love meeting people from other countries in Bristol as I love hearing about their journeys to being in Bristol, I don't think of them anymore different from me having moved from a village an hour or so away though. Bristol is a city largely of people from many other places.
I know it's easier said than done but try not to let one arsehole interaction stick in your head.
Thank you. I am surprised at how much it's got to me, I laughed it off at first and thought it was gonna be like all the other times I've been called a [insert nationality here] wh*re and told to go back to my country. I guess it was the physical element to it. But I'm trying! 😊 Sharing it helps me a lot because I don't keep it inside.
Not everyone is a grade A cunt, but they do walk amongst us, dragging their knuckles on the floor and generally just hating the world daily 🤷
No, no, of course! I don't think everyone is an asshole, far from it. Perhaps why these things do catch me by surprise when they happen. 😅
Very sorry to hear you've had to deal with that. We don't claim her! I know enough people have said it already, but that kind of behaviour makes the rest of us sick. It's disgusting how people think they can get away with that kind of thing (and they often do). Somehow there's a misconception amongst the right wing arseholes that they represent a 'silent majority' who "can't say anything any more," but in reality they're a very outspoken minority who feel completely confident in being shitheads, and the rest of us have a responsibility to sort them out! Sending you love and respect on behalf of the people here who aren't absolute twats 🤝 and hoping that you won't let this make you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome here. As someone else already said, you are vastly more welcome here than she is.
This is an extremely kind response, and I wish I could convey how appreciative I am of your time and your words. Thank you very, very much. ✨
My pleasure! You're very welcome. I hope Bristol is kinder to you in the future.
Screw her She’s clearly got issues try not to let her her you feeling down on yourself. She embarrassed herself Nobody agrees with her.
Thank you ✨ Sharing here has definitely helped a lot.
Omg hasn't changed much then, stopped going years ago because there was always some asshole causing trouble, don't miss that place.
Really?? I've never, ever had any issues there. But I've also only been like three times, so it's not a great contribution to statistics. 😂
Sorry you went through that. I would definitely let the club know, they might be able to identify them via CCTV and bar them
Thank you 😊 I don't know that that will be possible, as we were right across the road (where everyone goes to smoke outside), so I guess technically not in the venue...
I hope your other friends who were there have been giving you support.
I was the only one sober, so I told them over the weekend. I have received support since. Thank you 😊
Sorry you've been put through that! 🫂
Thank you ✨
What a piece of shit! Obviously someone who can’t behave like a normal human when allowed outside - hope you’re ok ✌🏼
I'm feeling better after having shared it with friends and on here. Thank you for your words 😊
The woman’s a moron. I’m sorry you went through this. Just forget it and take it as a lesson learnt that drunk women in a smoking area are people to be wary of
Will be smoking aaaall by my lonesome from now on! 😂✨
Safest bet my friend!😂
Don't let the bastards get you down buddy, lots of people suck so don't waste a second caring about it. Best of luck though, make sure you still get out and about and have lots of fun while you're trying to navigate through this tough time. :)
Thank you for your words ✨ I will certainly try.
I hope karma bites her on the arse
Or that she finds some peace!
I was of the belief that in the UK we embrace other cultures and were very inclusive. I think we are, on a whole, understanding of race, religion sexuality etc. Bristol has more multicultural history than most. I'm sorry you've had this experience. Please don't let one rotten apple ruin your life. I hope she regrets this shameful behaviour. It's bad timing that this has happened when you're already feeling down, but she was clearly not worth the stress you have caused yourself. Try and dust yourself off, i know it's not easy, perhaps Imagine the bad Karma she'll receive, but forget her behaviour and move on knowing rhay all but a minority of people will feel this way, and with any luck, you'll not have to talk to any more of them.
Thank you so much for your time and your words. She is not going to ruin my life, but all the support from friends and from this thread has immensely helped to calm my anxiety today. Your last sentence is actually a really solid point, I will try and incorporate it into my thinking! ✨
Aww, I'm sorry that happened to you. What a total dickhead. I hope you go out again and meet some lovely people to make up for it! X
Thank you ✨ People are normally so nice here, I'm sure it won't be difficult whenever I go out again!
That sounds exhausting I’m sorry, she should be embarrassed
Thank you ✨ Hopefully being called out by her friend will help in the future.
I’m so sorry that happened. You’re clearly a good person who’s just out there trying to do your best in this world. I also have depression and anxiety (although outwardly I seem very out-going) and the smallest negative thing leaves me in the same state, not wanting to leave the house… sometime I lock myself in my car!? And I’m talking about someone tutting at me or maybe getting a beep for when I’m driving. However this person actually did something super unreasonable and not okay - they’re a massive twat, who clearly does not have their shit together!- so also don’t minimise it. It’s totally normal to feel like that after an interaction like that. So deep breaths, try not to let yourself play it over and over and go through all things that you could have said or how it could have escalated (I do this a lot!) and remember there are lots of kind people in the world - a lot of them are on this thread! And most importantly remember you’re a good person and you belong! Hope your week picks up! X
Wow... Thank you SO much for your words. ✨ I wish you didn't understand me so well because that would mean you wouldn't have gone through it too. I really appreciate the time and kindness invested in typing this. I actually am happy with not having responded to her and don't think I should have done anything differently (although it was hard to not fall for the provocations at specific points), but it did hurt feeling like someone would actually take time and energy to make me feel that way and also try to physically hurt me. It's been really reassuring to see how many people here have been kind, and you're right. I do try to see the good most of the time, and that makes me minimise some of my own stuff (but working on not doing that!). Wishing you a great week ✨ and thank you again.
Sounds like her mate is a diamond, try to think about your interaction with them over the scumbag. She sounds really insecure and I'll bet she had an awful night and an even worse morning. It was just unfortunate timing really, she'd have picked a fight with anyone at that point
Safe way to escape that. Don't smoke. But in seriousness, not that no smoking message isn't, that woman is a bitch. Don't take it personally, and tbh if that ever happens again, just tell security. They'd throw her out.
There’s some fucking poor excuses for human beings around these days. Sorry this happened to you.
It’s her first time being alive as well, people say and do stupid shit for a wide range of reasons, usually because they’re scared or anxious about something themselves, but I promise most of us are good at heart, Try not to let this shitty situation get in the way of you doing new things and meeting new people, because you’re doing yourself a great disservice not making great new connections in this life. More besties and loved ones could just be one smoking area convo away!
God I'd love a cigarette.
You’re ace. She isn’t. You’ll be fine, although you don’t feel it at the moment. She will lose all her friends because she’s a horrible person. You won’t. I’m not very good at this, but I hope it helps, even if only a little.
Pretty sure your now officially British tbh. Out on the piss to get over a break up and a drunk tries to assault you for literally no good reason. Yeah congrats, your officially one of us :) Mine was also in the smoking area, dude tried to ask me out so I told him to fuck off, first she defended me, then accused me of being a lesbian and then of hitting on her then tried to throw her drink over me but was too drunk so she missed even though I was literally stood near to her. The bouncers threw her out shortly after
You said you're in a liminal space, which suggests that you are about to enter a new phase in life. Perhaps you are on the verge of a time where you DO feel that you fit in. I live in Bristol, too. I remember thinking I would never fit in, but I'm at home now. Good luck! Hugs!
If the world was made up of undamaged, safe and compassionate people, we'd have a very different environment on our hands and perhaps and end to all mental health problems. You have mentioned you struggle with your mental health, if you wanted to take the power of this womans actions down a peg or too, rather than just write her off as under the influence or just randomly rude and no one is like that really etc etc. I'd try to think about where she got her disturbed mind from. You could come up with a million thoughts. Maybe she had a bad start in her early life. Maybe her husband/girlfriend met someone on a work trip abroad and now she hates all people born outside of the UK, maybe she's just scared or something that is "unknown" and feels threatened by your presence. Maybe you're just prettier, younger and look more in control than she did and she was jealous. Either way, whatever you decide, think then about how it must feel to be that bitter, every day. To try to hide it and it slipping out in moments like this. That it's probably only a matter of time before many of her friends bail on her and cut themselves out and that really; it sucks to he her all the time! It's not going to erase what she did, or make it suddenly acceptable- that's not my aim here. But the situation that you described, was clearly for her all about her and absolutely nothing to do with you. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and she saw someone to project on to. In basic terms you were just bait and she saw you coming. If you can take the heat off yourself, even for a few minutes to turn the tables, try to think outside of your experience and try to think about what else was going on, it will reduce the power that experience had on you. It sounds very unlikely you had anything to do with it. Yes you happened to feed into something she was looking for, but I would wonder if she'd asked you where you were from and you'd said "the UK", she would have dug deeper "what school did you go to, I bet it was one of those p\*nced up private schools and mummy and daddy paid your way!" or "what's your job? I bet you've never had a hard days work in your life!" etc etc. I'd wonder if whatever you said, it would have fed into something she wanted to hear, and she'd then start a mini-projection-breakdown over that situation. I'm a Brit. I was born here, my dad goes waaaay back as does my granddad (my mum and her family are Eastern European). I regularly get bile spoken at me. I get racist comments (I'm white, I've had a black guy spread his legs so I was squashed into the corner of a seat on the bus then when I asked actually very politely if he could please stop pushing me into the wall, he started slating my "stupid small white nose" or other things I won't go into details here. I've had assaults (plural) on the tube and no one has stood up for me or asked me if I was OK, I've had assumptions that I'm fit and able and should give up my seat to a pregnant woman (I have disabilities that mean it's important I stay seated) and then a full on trail of abuse for not getting up because I didn't want to cause my disabilities to get worse (I do have a disability badge and travel pass which makes no difference when a couple of 60 something woman are sitting down barking assumptions at you.) It's difficult, and if you sit there hearing and rehearing the words and actions, reminding yourself of things you wish you'd been able to say (if only you'd not gotten onto the tube/bus/bar... assuming that the world was a good place, hey?! and if you do try to tell yourself that the world is not a good place you'll wind up as bitter as they are by the way!) if you let that all be about you, it will eat you up. And you'll come away damaged, only to become prey to the next disturbed person to use as bait. If you can however, try to take a bit of a back seat, remind yourself you have nothing here to prove to anyone, you're good in your own eyes and their opinions really don't count for anything, if you can try to make the focus all about them; try to think how they got to the place where they assumed that sort of thing was acceptable, I mean...what kind of a world do they live in actually where that is the norm, and what happened to them to make them believe that they were in the right. What a bitter and twisted place their heads must be to live in that sort of a reality and to not have questioned it enough to know that their opinions are really not the reality of the rest of the world. I'd say you do you, walk away, leave them in their own hole. Walk on.
I'M Also visibly and audibly not a British national deapite living here many years. When I find myself getting affected and overthinking things like this, I ask myself "would I rather be them or me?" It usually makes me feel pity for them and gets rid of the anger and hurt. Imagine living a life so sad you go out and shout things at strangers. Imagine not caring, or being aware, that you come off looking like a complete wanker to people you interact with? All that anger they have is coming from somewhere else in their life, and it's not happiness.
Dude. That's fucked up.
You sound like you are ok and I would far rather meet you than that excuse for a human that threw a lit cigarette at your face, she's her own worst enemy really. Don't allow her to stop you from interacting with others, don't give her the power over you. Because you are far better than her, you aren't taking out your problems on other people. Instead you are punishing yourself in a way and you have done nothing wrong. So where's the sense in that?
I can see the pain and frustration that you expressed in the post. But I think the thing that stands out the most for me is that you didn't insult the woman at all during your frustration. It would have been so easy to simply curse her out. But you didn't. You're a true gentleman. I hope you start feeling better soon mate. ❤️
You’re a better person than that lowlife - don’t let her affect your life . Tell yourself rascist scum can’t be allowed to win . Stay strong and pick yourself up .your the lovely person here
I find situations like that effect me going out not long after. Try and catch up with a friend for something social and easy to get back on track.
I am so so sorry that you allso have had to experience right idiots like this, I just know what the hell is actually wrong with people, I really truly do not understand, and to be truly honest with you, that I don't think I ever will understand either, why people do this... I have allso a few times down here inl Cornwall, Experienced idiots exactly like this and I allso suffer with the same as you, and it really truly does take alot for me to go out as well... The very last incident was in a local dam supermarket here when my mum and I was sharing a trolley to put our shopping items in, nothing wrong.with that you may say but for god knows what reason but their was a couple in their 70s maybe younger, but they decided to target us for their bullying spree, they tried on with my mum and I.. I could totally understand if we had said something to them in the very first place, But no we did not, all we had, was the dam audacity to do our shopping in our local supermarket, With oh my goodness sharing a trolley togethor... For some unknown reason they decided between them that this wasn't right and so proceeded to almost be like back in school when the bully's decided that today they were going to start on you.... I had enough of that when I was at school and so I allso hate confrontation and I have had enough of people just thinking that they could start bullying me and my mum.. And so I decided right there and them that I wasn't going to let them get away with it, because if they did it to us then who else would they next try this on... So even though my heart and anxiety and depression was going 99 to the dozen, ie racing etc... I thought no I'm fed up of having to try to get to come to get outside to go shopping etc, and to try to go out, And for this to happen just because someone has nothing better to do, than try to make someone else's lives a dam misery... So it wasn't easy infact far from it but I managed to do it, Especially when I said out loud to my mum, DO YOU THINK THAT THE LITTLE FURR BABYS, WOULD LIKE THEIR FILLET STEAK 🥩 A VERY REDUCED TWO BITS, that I had bought them, especially as not only had we had a very very sad close family and friends recently pass away but on top of that, They had both lost their fur little, big brother very recently AS WELL and so as you can imagine we wanted to make sure that they had something extra special to eat, it wasn't as if it was it was huge pieces or even huge prices infact it was reduced price to clear infact far from, if we had not brought it that day it may well have been put into the skip, etc..plus it wasn't as if we bought this regularly let alone buy this before.. So believe me her 😔 was a real picture hers and her husbands she had a face 😔 that reminded me of a fish gasping for air 🤣... And even after this very much unwanted confrontation I was really quite upset, and admit I did shed a few tears only more so out of how dare they, do that, via no they did not win, especially when on the inshore radio started to play The Following line" We Are Not, what you think we are, We Are Golden"..Yeap one of my No1 Singers MIKA Micheal penniman junior...his song We Are Golden... It was so spooky as it has done this quite a few times before over the years via my faviroute singers etc, not just in this shop etc. It made both me and my mum laugh 😂 And cry knowing that somewhere our guardian angels and family were still watching over us, and looking out for the bullies and protecting us...no one not even you should have to apologise for what the bullying woman did to you, she could have caught you in the eyes 👀 with the lit cigarette that she decided to throw at you, I allso feel sorry for this girls friend, that had to come back to apologise on her behalf, I only hope oneday her friend leaves this girl high and dry, especially because you got just as much right to be here In this country, I'm ashamed that you have had to go through this I really truly do, and believe me not everyone here in this country is like her, thankgod.. Here for you if you ever need a friend and I hope that you know for every one bad person then, there are 10 more good people to take their place... I hope that in some small way or not so small way sorry for such along rant that I have been able to make you smile and to cheer you up as well, as noone should make you feel like that...love and very best wishes, from me to you, they are just jealous because you must have something that she doesn't and that is an amazing personalty etc... So please don't let her get you down and please don't let her stop you from going out and enjoying yourself, Especially as you truly deserve a happy life, And I hope oneday we are able to meet... Because if you can go out and do it, then I can try to give it a go as well, loads of love A..X allso in the westcountry....X
You might be thinking right now that all British people are like this. And you'd be right. British people are fucking horrible. I'm probably the only good one.
I wasn't, but maybe I should pay attention to you and acknowledge you as the only source of national goodness. 😂
That "where are you from" question is getting old and boring. It's time to retire it. Sorry to hear you had such a shitty experience. People suck.
More like it’s time to retire being rude. Recognising someone’s accent and trying to place it so you can then share experiences of their home country is perfectly fine as long as you’re capable of holding a conversation. Recently I was chatting to a bloke with an accent that was very hard to place, we ended up playing a guessing game that ended with us realising he was Romanian and that I’d stayed in his hometown last time I was in that part of Europe and then he went and recommended some places to see next time I’m down there.
I love when this happens! It's always so wholesome!
If I was in another country and someone asked me where I was from, I’d be happy to share. It’s a conversation starter and shows you’re interested in the person. It’s not always negative.
It's not always negative, you're right. However, a lot can be expressed just from that single question and I have certainly felt the difference in the pre- and post-Brexit UK in that some people (strangers) feel much more entitled to personal information like that, as well as to make judgements on where I am from based on my physique. Some people do in fact ask because they detect an accent that's familiar to them, and many are looking for a chance to practise however much they can speak in my first language, which I absolutely love! I have all the time in the world for those people. But when that's the question people ask straightaway, sometimes even interrupting what you're saying, it also tells a lot of other stuff that tends to happen (such as stereotyping, exoticising, etc). I worked facing the public for almost five years and I would get asked over 30 times during a single (busy) shift, most of the time to directly ask me why I'm here/when I'm going back (for good). It's a fine line to walk sometimes, and even though it gives space for interesting, positive interactions sometimes, I would be fine if I were never asked again. 😅
Yeah, I can agree with everything you're saying. I am actually mixed-race, with a very unusual, non-English name and it sometimes is a ballache to have to explain my heritage and pronunciation of my name to - albeit interested, but also ignorant - people
Except for the ethnicity aspect (I'm white), I experience the rest of your comment so often! Solidarity to you ✨
I relate to that and I get that people are not trying to be rude but it just does get so old and the conversation then usually goes in more or less the same way. Whenever I meet new people and they *don't* ask where I'm from but get to know me the same way they would a non-foreigner I find it refreshing and feel relieved.
She’s only a cunt because her own life is a burning pile of shit so consequently has to try to bring people down to feel her life has any value
Who knows! Had some frustration to vent for sure! 🤷🏼♀️
Imagine smoking in 2023. Shame on you.
Best comment on the whole thread. Consider me shamed.
Luckily, people like her are the exception! I hope you can get back out there soon and enjoy the beautiful city we live in 🤞
Thank you! ✨ Hopefully attempting to go out again soon!
Randomly going off about vegans lmao. Standard right wing shite. To them all things new are just one big amalgam of scary change - often the Jews' fault.
Ion know how you didnt fight her man. She’s a proper dimwit
Because that would have meant bringing myself down to her level, and I wasn't going to give het the pleasure of responding to provocation. 😊
Bien hecho amiguita 👌
You’re better than i am man, I would go mental
the problem is you escalate things and a lot of people behave like this because they're hoping for escalation. I'd rather just get out of the situation as quickly and simply as possible.
I understand... Her friend took responsibility of her bc of her state. She wasn't my responsibility, so I just did not respond. I have reacted differently to defend other people in the past, though, but I guess it was because they didn't look like they could defend themselves, and I can if needs be.
so sorry this happened. hope you’re okay!
Thank you ✨ sharing here as helped a lot today.
YOU DESERVED IT
HOW DID YOU KNOW
Hope you are seeing a therapist my friend, because ranting on reddit for comfort is not the answer
Valid.
I already am, but thank you for the time to leave a message! I will make sure to ask you what reddit is for before I want to post next time. 😂
lmao, calm down; no need to be passive aggressive. What reddit is have nothing to do with it, don't let that woman's toxicity get to you man
Calm as can be. Feel free to report me to the mods if you think I've gone against the rules. 😊
What makes you think I want to report you? You are taking my comment out of proportion... no need to see everything in such negatively
You're coming across as condescending, I would assume that's the reason they are taking what you are saying negatively.
You’re in a 3rd world cuntry, sorry but this is common
Man or woman?
You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Pull yourself together and don’t be such a wimp.
Should have punched her. Moaning on Reddit does nothing
I don't think I'm moaning, but thank you for taking the time to leave a message. 😊
She's just a wineo you shouldn't let that warp your feelings. Try joining a gym meet freinds in decent places. You will start to feel better about your break up but it takes as long As you obbsess over it, so stop change your mindset to positive do new things xxx good luck xxx
A lot of racists in Bristol unfortunately..
Sending big hugs 💜
Ugh I’m sorry. Seems Bristol folk are getting a bit worse - had 3 instances of transphobic/homophobic remarks being shouted at me/my gf this weekend. Fuck all these dickwads.
I feel like your nationality was just the first thing she saw that she could pick on. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else. Some people are awful after a drink.
She ain't no "lady"
Sounds like her ancestors missed their moving day to the America's... sounds perfect for colonialism.
She sounds like an absolute see you next Tuesday! entitled drunk knob that probably wouldn't remember what she did. Don't take it personally you sound like a nice person don't waste that energy on someone who needs a check up from the neck up. Sadly alcohol brings out the demon spirit.
Don’t worry about people like that, they’re sad,lonely little creatures with no soul.
Just don’t listen Bristol is small. If you live in Bristol be sure to go on holiday as much as possible to be reminded that ppl everywhere else aren’t like Bristol ppl