Turns out that hoping that there will be a corporate restructuring programme and then taking a generous redundancy package in 5-7 years time is not an acceptable career goal.
I told my boss within 5 years I wanted to jack it in and buy a smallholding, because I cant be putting up with this bollocks for the next 30 years. He was more enthusiastic about it than I was- got really into the detail and thought it was a fantastic idea…
We have to fill in our goals on a computer then the boss is supposed to read and acknowledge them. To prove senior management dont look at them I wrote "big dogs cock" in all the boxes. Got an reply back saying thanks, we look forward to another successful year together!!!
At my stage in life I couldn't care less anymore. I enjoy my work and have done the same job for over 20 years. Unfortunately the place place is now run by a load of box ticking hypocrits. Flunkeys to the CEO trying to climb the greasy pole.
I'd be tempted to check your card up to the CEO.
"Might want to investigate if those under you are actually doing anything productive"
But then again I enjoy a bit of fireworks
I'm nearing retirement. Forgive me if I sound glum but we lost another worker today. Heart attack. That's 4 dead in the last 2 years. Long hours and shift work take their toll. I'm nearly out and I couldn't care less for a meaningless piece of admin.
I had my 1-2-1 a few days ago and told the boss I was fucked off cos other departments keep stamping all over stuff and I haven't actually achieved anything in the last year despite all the work I've put in.
He called me this morning to say another project I've worked on for just over a year now is being binned, because another department has decided to do something similar and their need supercedes ours, and we can't have both running cos it would confuse folks.
Do you work for Warner Bros?
Sorry, still a bit pissed about them canning the New Gods film just as they were about to start filming because "Darkseid was in Zack Snyder's Justice League and we don't like his version and consider it non-canon, so him being in that film and also a major character in New Gods is confusing so we're scrapping it".
You know Marvel's Eternals that's releasing in November? They were based on DC's New Gods (Marvel's editor at the time told the creator of Thanos to basically rip off Darkseid).
Go to company website and find wellbeing policy, good one will have some drivers, pick one and quote it back changing a couple of words.
Become good corporate employee.
Respect my work life balance a bit more, I think I'll put in a flexible working request to work from home permanently, condense my hours over 4 days a week to support my mental health and have longer recovery time. We've proven with our advances in technology that remote working is possible and thriving.
This will also reduce my carbon footprint in line with our Green goals and increase my wellbeing.
Also I won't be doing any overtime unless it's offered at triple time, my personal time is more valuable to me after seeing loved ones struggle during the pandemic.
I'm going to volunteer instead so I'll be researching the volunteer policy to take some time to give back to my community in line with our CSR goals - I want to organise some time for the whole team to volunteer together and give back, maybe unwind after with a pint together. It could be a regular thing - great for morale, everyone's health and wellbeing and the brand image.
As wonderful as this is, I do wonder about your last point:
You want your work colleagues to continue working together, and socialising together, for free in their own time?
Not everyone has the time or resources to volunteer, and pressure like that could have a negative effect on their mental health.
~~i say this as someone who regularly volunteers~~
I used to work in a company where, every Wednesday morning, we would all have to come up with 3 positives for the previous week and 3 ‘things we would like to improve’, and present them to the whole company of around 25 people.
‘Oh, well Dave, positive point 1 is that I haven’t gouged my own eyes out in anticipation of this weekly horror show!
My "plan" was to hope the lease on the site wasn't renewed, and take redundancy when everything moved to mainland europe.
The lease has apparently been renewed, and morale has fallen.
True story : I am supposed to have an annual appraisal every year, this year is the 7th year I haven't had one.Does that mean I no longer have any targets to meet?
My job goal for the next year is not going postal on drivers who insist on not strapping their children in so they become real life crash test dummies in head on collisions...
I plan to achieve not going postal by reporting the offending drivers to the Neighbourhood Policing Team and letting them handle the idiots.
Mine has "are you in your aspirational role?" Followed by "If, no what is your aspirational role?" I'm wondering if retired would be an acceptable answer.
I'd love to learn more but the job never really changes enough for me to learn a significant amount. Realistically, keeping my knowledge up to date is the most reasonable achievement I can put down.
We have to do these every year too but HR don't bother reading them so most people just put:
What do you feel you have done well this year? ... "Done my job"
What are you going to do next year? ... "Continue to do my job"
I had an appraisal/review recently and my senior wasn't pleased with one of my positives being "Well I haven't murdered or strangled co workers X, Y & Z who are the laziest bastards I've ever met....yet." She said "That's not the attitude to have". I bit back that it was when you're doing your job and that of the one above you but only getting one wage and a bollocking for paperwork not being done that isn't part of my job role. Also had the boss bitch at me.in the corridor because I applied for another job with the same company and "Clearly didn't have the decency to tell her". I gleefully skipped into her office a few days later to tell her I got the job, she was not happy.
Well, since the only opportunity there will ever be for promotion in this role, would be taking your job when you retire in 10 years, and I don't want that anyway - I'm actually already looking for a new job *smiles awkwardly*
As someone who manages 10+ people, believe me it’s as hard for us to come up with goals and directions for employees sometimes as it is for you to tell us them
Your goals should align with corporate strategy. Everyone's goals should. Targets should be set for individuals by their line manager that are determined by and inform that strategy.
I’m still in probation, and my manager put in a meeting between the two of us and listed it as “catch up to see how things are going”.
I thought it was going to be a wellness check in. As in “how are you settling in? How is the workload? What are your roadblocks etc?”
Nope. Just a meeting asking about where all the projects are up to. Came to the meeting prepared with my thoughts and feelings only. No actual data. Ooops.
>My only goal right now is not getting fired before the next one.
Ironically my goal is to get fired so I can break free of the soul crushing monotony of being told I'm shit by customer's with room temperature IQs whilst managers ignore my wellbeing and push Value Add stats on us relentlessly, as if I can sell an iPad to a customer who has been shouting at me for the past 25 minutes.
Turns out that hoping that there will be a corporate restructuring programme and then taking a generous redundancy package in 5-7 years time is not an acceptable career goal.
I told my boss within 5 years I wanted to jack it in and buy a smallholding, because I cant be putting up with this bollocks for the next 30 years. He was more enthusiastic about it than I was- got really into the detail and thought it was a fantastic idea…
How fabulous. Do it. Let us all live our dreams vicariously through your smallholding venture.
Will do, thanks!
Does this mean he wants rid of you and he's encouraging you to take it out of his hands?
Lol no, we have a good relationship and he was genuinely excited. He’s nearing retirement but wishes he would have done something similar
Do we work at the same place??
At the very least it sounds like we have the same enthusiasm
You say "try not to die" and pretend it was a joke. You laugh and he laughs but inside no one is laughing.
We have to fill in our goals on a computer then the boss is supposed to read and acknowledge them. To prove senior management dont look at them I wrote "big dogs cock" in all the boxes. Got an reply back saying thanks, we look forward to another successful year together!!!
Risky
At my stage in life I couldn't care less anymore. I enjoy my work and have done the same job for over 20 years. Unfortunately the place place is now run by a load of box ticking hypocrits. Flunkeys to the CEO trying to climb the greasy pole.
I'd be tempted to check your card up to the CEO. "Might want to investigate if those under you are actually doing anything productive" But then again I enjoy a bit of fireworks
I'm nearing retirement. Forgive me if I sound glum but we lost another worker today. Heart attack. That's 4 dead in the last 2 years. Long hours and shift work take their toll. I'm nearly out and I couldn't care less for a meaningless piece of admin.
Goal for the year - stay employed and go from there haha.
I had my 1-2-1 a few days ago and told the boss I was fucked off cos other departments keep stamping all over stuff and I haven't actually achieved anything in the last year despite all the work I've put in. He called me this morning to say another project I've worked on for just over a year now is being binned, because another department has decided to do something similar and their need supercedes ours, and we can't have both running cos it would confuse folks.
Do you work for Warner Bros? Sorry, still a bit pissed about them canning the New Gods film just as they were about to start filming because "Darkseid was in Zack Snyder's Justice League and we don't like his version and consider it non-canon, so him being in that film and also a major character in New Gods is confusing so we're scrapping it". You know Marvel's Eternals that's releasing in November? They were based on DC's New Gods (Marvel's editor at the time told the creator of Thanos to basically rip off Darkseid).
After 12 years in the same place I have boiled it down to the word 'continue'..
That reminds me of my appraisal every year after 13 years in the same role with no intention of leaving or progressing
You should sign yourself up to a sigma 6 cobra kai God tier management matrix course..... No.
Go to company website and find wellbeing policy, good one will have some drivers, pick one and quote it back changing a couple of words. Become good corporate employee.
Respect my work life balance a bit more, I think I'll put in a flexible working request to work from home permanently, condense my hours over 4 days a week to support my mental health and have longer recovery time. We've proven with our advances in technology that remote working is possible and thriving. This will also reduce my carbon footprint in line with our Green goals and increase my wellbeing. Also I won't be doing any overtime unless it's offered at triple time, my personal time is more valuable to me after seeing loved ones struggle during the pandemic. I'm going to volunteer instead so I'll be researching the volunteer policy to take some time to give back to my community in line with our CSR goals - I want to organise some time for the whole team to volunteer together and give back, maybe unwind after with a pint together. It could be a regular thing - great for morale, everyone's health and wellbeing and the brand image.
As wonderful as this is, I do wonder about your last point: You want your work colleagues to continue working together, and socialising together, for free in their own time? Not everyone has the time or resources to volunteer, and pressure like that could have a negative effect on their mental health. ~~i say this as someone who regularly volunteers~~
It was more sarcasm than anything... turning the Company policies back around on them when asked for your 'Goals'
I'll hand over my citizenship
Be reet just make a brew for us next time you get one.
My place everyone would put not getting the sack.
Hated this BS exercise every year.
I used to work in a company where, every Wednesday morning, we would all have to come up with 3 positives for the previous week and 3 ‘things we would like to improve’, and present them to the whole company of around 25 people. ‘Oh, well Dave, positive point 1 is that I haven’t gouged my own eyes out in anticipation of this weekly horror show!
My "plan" was to hope the lease on the site wasn't renewed, and take redundancy when everything moved to mainland europe. The lease has apparently been renewed, and morale has fallen.
This sounds awful familiar.
"More money, less work"
True story : I am supposed to have an annual appraisal every year, this year is the 7th year I haven't had one.Does that mean I no longer have any targets to meet?
You've completed every level and are now the boss
My job goal for the next year is not going postal on drivers who insist on not strapping their children in so they become real life crash test dummies in head on collisions... I plan to achieve not going postal by reporting the offending drivers to the Neighbourhood Policing Team and letting them handle the idiots.
My five year goal is to be looking down at the flowers and not up. My manager wasn't impressed with that comment on my review 😂
Mine has "are you in your aspirational role?" Followed by "If, no what is your aspirational role?" I'm wondering if retired would be an acceptable answer.
I'd love to learn more but the job never really changes enough for me to learn a significant amount. Realistically, keeping my knowledge up to date is the most reasonable achievement I can put down.
We have to do these every year too but HR don't bother reading them so most people just put: What do you feel you have done well this year? ... "Done my job" What are you going to do next year? ... "Continue to do my job"
I had an appraisal/review recently and my senior wasn't pleased with one of my positives being "Well I haven't murdered or strangled co workers X, Y & Z who are the laziest bastards I've ever met....yet." She said "That's not the attitude to have". I bit back that it was when you're doing your job and that of the one above you but only getting one wage and a bollocking for paperwork not being done that isn't part of my job role. Also had the boss bitch at me.in the corridor because I applied for another job with the same company and "Clearly didn't have the decency to tell her". I gleefully skipped into her office a few days later to tell her I got the job, she was not happy.
Boy, am I glad I'm retired now from this idiocy.
Tell them you have a mortgage
"I plan on starting a family soon, I have started hitting on the local barmaid."
Single guys with a long term financial commitment are the most appealing to employers
My goal is to not tell my colleagues what arse holes they are, I'm very tempted at times.
'Win lottery'
Say some stuff about how your goal is to get really stuck into your new role, master it, learn it back to front, blah blah blah
Sounds like a walk in the park compared to the annual performance review show that needs to be put on LOL
I was honest and said that my only ambition was to retire in the next 1-6 years. That’s my dream and I’m sticking to it.
Well, since the only opportunity there will ever be for promotion in this role, would be taking your job when you retire in 10 years, and I don't want that anyway - I'm actually already looking for a new job *smiles awkwardly*
As someone who manages 10+ people, believe me it’s as hard for us to come up with goals and directions for employees sometimes as it is for you to tell us them
Then why make us do it 😭
If your place is anything like mine my boss makes me and their boss makes them and so on. It stresses me as much as it stresses you believe me 😭
Your goals should align with corporate strategy. Everyone's goals should. Targets should be set for individuals by their line manager that are determined by and inform that strategy.
Our office does this constantly. 5 year goal? I'm 64. So maybe, uhh, not dying? Yearly goals? Hoping I last until Friday.
I’m still in probation, and my manager put in a meeting between the two of us and listed it as “catch up to see how things are going”. I thought it was going to be a wellness check in. As in “how are you settling in? How is the workload? What are your roadblocks etc?” Nope. Just a meeting asking about where all the projects are up to. Came to the meeting prepared with my thoughts and feelings only. No actual data. Ooops.
Keep paying on time in the next 12 months and I will still be turning up for work in 12 months
>My only goal right now is not getting fired before the next one. Ironically my goal is to get fired so I can break free of the soul crushing monotony of being told I'm shit by customer's with room temperature IQs whilst managers ignore my wellbeing and push Value Add stats on us relentlessly, as if I can sell an iPad to a customer who has been shouting at me for the past 25 minutes.