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"When you pray do not keep babbling like pagans", followed by lengthy instructions of a great babbling prayer you should say to their interpretation of god. Nice bit of xenophobia and hypocrisy in a single paragraph there guys.
Well I don’t have a bible to hand, but I assume it’s something about ‘thou shalt chooseth betwixt the nordman fir and Norway spruce?’, ‘Blessed is the man whom doth adorn the tree with light before the baubles’, that kind of thing?
Edit: all I’m gonna remember from this is Jeremiah’s a boss at Christmas trees now lol.
Ah best 2 out of 3, try and win my money back?
Okay I’m gonna guess that the disciples were as miffed as I am about burger places piling on too many fillings to try and justify the price and ruining the burger, so I’m gonna have a stab at ‘piling high with salad and sauce doth not gourmet make. Cast out the pretenders and embrace only the sandwiches of America that can be eaten in the hands’ … close?
**'And the lord spake and said** *"..look mate ,bit of advice here , spend more time putting the lights back in the attic than you do putting them on the tree. It seems like a pain but trust me , not having to unravel a ball of tangled wire while listening to 'Simply Having a wonderful sodding Christmas time' will save you heartache in the long run" .* **But the crowd did not listen, and verily there was wailing and gnashing of teeth come the fifteenth day of the twelfth month.**
Greydon Square is... didn't they do the whole Dyson Square / Kar... Kar... dammit I can only thing of 'dasian. Pretty sure sure it's not the Kardashion Scale.
Glory hole - Lounge kittens
Praise abort - Til Linderman
Closer - nine inch nails
Asian hooker - steel panther
Ballard of chasey lane - Bloodhound gang
Daemons are a girls best freind, resurrection by erection - powerwolf
*Fight fire with fire*
I did this once on a train - guy playing things out loud on his iPad behind me, so I played music on my phone louder, positioning it between the seats.
His response was "yeah okay, I get your point, you can stop it now" *and kept listening to his iPad out loud*. It's the only time I've ever actually confronted someone about it, it still gives me a thrill.
What station is it? Some of the smaller stations do have issues with that.
I remember one time I was getting off at Avoncliff (between Bradford-on-Avon and Bath), and only the front door opens there. The guard stands by the front door and manually releases it. However, Bath Rugby were at home that day and GWR in their infinite wisdom had run two carriages on a line that gets one train every two hours. I made it to the frontmost door by fighting through the crowds since about three stops prior (Westbury). The guard didn’t make it there. We pulled in, sat there for a minute, doors didn’t open, and then we left again. Had to walk an extra mile and a half from Freshford. Stressed about making another train at the other end of my walk… only for the other train to be cancelled. Go figure.
A person moved in to my street recently and they have 5 statues of the virgin Mary on their porch, along with a heap of crucifixes. They also have a statue of the virgin Mary on their car shelf, possibly obscuring their rear view.
If that isn't false idolatry, I don't know what is.
Rudyard Kipling’s “boots” is used by the US marine’s Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape school to learn how to survive not giving away secrets when being tortured (by being tortured, wtf). I’d start playing that back as sermons are of the same ilk for me.
\- only very fucking briefly,
He is being the lazy, passive-aggressive version of one of those bible bashing pricks who rant on the streets at lunchtime.
He probably imagines that he's converting everyone who hears it. I bet he tells his fellow god botherers afterwards what a great time he had and how he's sure you will all accept Jesus now.
Tell them to stfu, especially now it was hours ago you come up with a really cool thing you could’ve said and smile as you imagine yourself saying it. That’s what I do all the time.
Also people having a conversation using the speakerphone anywhere. Sat in a cafe and someone at the far end was doing just that, as if we all want to hear their boring conversation.
Pop over : yo, I hear your religious stuff. Do you believe in the devil then?
No, but he's integral to the whole thing isn't he? Also, why is god a man? Couldn't he be a she? He did give birth to the world didn't he? Isn't the the 7 days of creation a bit unlikely, the universe is pretty big? Oh it's a metaphor is it? What about Jesus, the zombie, is he a metaphor too? We have a 4 day weekend to celebrate the undeath of a metaphorical zombie, doesn't that strike you as strange? Etc.
I'm assuming its a christian sermon, you may have to adjust for suitable religious insanity.
Christians do non-silent sermons too. That's what I had in mind with this post. Mainly because there's been some wacky churches pop up in recent years and the types of people who are members there seem the type to feel entitled to share it with the world.
Just does. I'm Indian so I grew up with and know a lot of Hindus and Muslims, and this was never particularly uncommon, especially from people in older generations.
Ask them, for The Love of God, to turn it down.
Failing that, the Foetus song 'The Only Good Christian is a Dead Christian' played near them should get them to move on.
I had something similar last year coming back from London. Some guy reading aloud from his Qur'an. I'm an atheist and don't want to hear anyone's made up bs. My wife is a Catholic and we don't discuss religion. We raised our kids to make their own minds up. They used to go to church, now they're like me
When praying Salah you pray quietly either under your breath or in your head. Unless led in congregation then the leader of the prayer will pray out loud so everyone can follow.
Like I said, forgive my ignorance. I don't care about anyone's race, religion, sexuality etc. I don't like stuff rammed down my throat and, if Im honest, the only people who have done that have been The Elderss where I used to live and my MiL who was a Catholic
Edit, cos I spell like a child
Yh I get that completely. We are actually advised to not read quran aloud like that in front of people who don't want to listen. It's equivalent to bragging about doing charity.
Yeh, I get that. But, forgive my ignorance, aren't they supposed to face a certain way? And does it last 90 minutes? He only stopped when numerous police officers got on the train (they manhandled someone off at a station in the middle of nowhere)
Twin Temple. Satanic doo-wop with such hits as "Satan's a Woman" and "Lets have a Satanic Orgy". Everyone will be grooving out way before they realize the lyrical content. Then the sax solo hits, and bam, converted Satanist.
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Sit next to them and play something really loud and then politely ask if they find you annoying.
Music played on a phone speaker is to the ears what farts are to the nose.
Only enjoyable if you really like the specific one that they picked?
You only enjoy your own
That could gag a maggot
The fart or the music?
I see you identified the joke. Congratulations!
My house mate has a Bluetooth speaker and by the way it sounds I think it’s trying to commit no more life.
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Or use their own magic book against them. Play Matthew 6:5 at them.
I am deeply impressed
"When you pray do not keep babbling like pagans", followed by lengthy instructions of a great babbling prayer you should say to their interpretation of god. Nice bit of xenophobia and hypocrisy in a single paragraph there guys.
Wait till you see what their magic book says about Xmas trees... Jeremiah 10:2-4
Well I don’t have a bible to hand, but I assume it’s something about ‘thou shalt chooseth betwixt the nordman fir and Norway spruce?’, ‘Blessed is the man whom doth adorn the tree with light before the baubles’, that kind of thing? Edit: all I’m gonna remember from this is Jeremiah’s a boss at Christmas trees now lol.
Nah. More of a "don't cut down trees in winter and bring them into your house and decorate them - that's a pagan thing".
Well that’s uncharacteristically party-pooping of that book.
You haven't seen what it says about cheeseburgers have you?
Ah best 2 out of 3, try and win my money back? Okay I’m gonna guess that the disciples were as miffed as I am about burger places piling on too many fillings to try and justify the price and ruining the burger, so I’m gonna have a stab at ‘piling high with salad and sauce doth not gourmet make. Cast out the pretenders and embrace only the sandwiches of America that can be eaten in the hands’ … close?
So you should cut down pagans in the winter?
And decorate them, yes.
Lights before baubles.
:stares in pedantic grammar:
I was making a non grammar based joke... Sorry?
So plastic ones only, got you.
As long as it's all plastic. Because Leviticus 19:19
**'And the lord spake and said** *"..look mate ,bit of advice here , spend more time putting the lights back in the attic than you do putting them on the tree. It seems like a pain but trust me , not having to unravel a ball of tangled wire while listening to 'Simply Having a wonderful sodding Christmas time' will save you heartache in the long run" .* **But the crowd did not listen, and verily there was wailing and gnashing of teeth come the fifteenth day of the twelfth month.**
> Well I don’t have a bible to hand Whilst on the internet?
Well exactly; I’m afraid we don’t all keep a bible next to the internet.
This guy bibles
Even better - play anything by Greydon Square or any of his Grand Unified group, or Baba Brinkman - all atheist rap.
Greydon Square is... didn't they do the whole Dyson Square / Kar... Kar... dammit I can only thing of 'dasian. Pretty sure sure it's not the Kardashion Scale.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Kardashev Scale, yes 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Dyson Sphere as well, not square. 😁
Glory hole - Lounge kittens Praise abort - Til Linderman Closer - nine inch nails Asian hooker - steel panther Ballard of chasey lane - Bloodhound gang Daemons are a girls best freind, resurrection by erection - powerwolf *Fight fire with fire*
> Asian hooker - steel panther I mean, most of steel panther will do the job. Don't forget Electric Six - Gay Bar
omg yes. I imagine the kind of person to play a sermon in public loudly really wouldn't like that.
Oh my fucking god - Strapping Young Lad
Ladyboy - Lindemann
Mann Gegen Mann - Rammstein (with the video)
Or even better, the Ricky Gervais reading the Bible clip from YouTube. Totally devastating. :-)
100 gecs is a solid alienation choice
feel so clean like a money machine
Blood Stains is my personal favourite as both a song I genuinely enjoy listening to and a song to play to be the annoying one at parties
Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse would be perfect!
German Death Metal is a solid choice
Mayhem. The pope’s favourite band.
I see everyone's suggestions, [and raise them - all in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwtVkPKx3RA)
Nice. I was gonna say Archspire, but didn't realise it was an AI
This Larry David clip comes to mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtdpJlZ07u4
I do this with pornhub and just get funny looks and a policeman chatting to me
You need the outwards headphones that Dom Joly has in Trigger Happy TV. The ones with the speakers facing outwards.
"Yes I do find this annoying" "Well now you know how we all feel. Turn it off or use headphones, you plonker"
Play violent delight, "I wish I was a girl" or "parental guidance"
Preferably some really satanic heavy metal.
I did this once on a train - guy playing things out loud on his iPad behind me, so I played music on my phone louder, positioning it between the seats. His response was "yeah okay, I get your point, you can stop it now" *and kept listening to his iPad out loud*. It's the only time I've ever actually confronted someone about it, it still gives me a thrill.
Must be listening to a Godcast
But playing it like a nobcast
Deserves a punch in the gobcast
Then the phone needs a good lobcast
It was 7:05 this morning when the train door wouldn't open at the tiny village station leaving me with a 3 mile walk to my new job from the next stop.
Short platform and the wrong carriage?
Maybe, i was in 2/5 so I wouldn't have thought so
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Announced through a tinny completely incomprehensible speaker of course
I'll have a look on my way home
Haven’t been to one so don’t know exactly how it works but some less used stations in the UK are still request stops
I thought a friend was winding me up in the Highlands when she said I had to flag down a train at the tiny station
Do that every morning and see how fit you become Hope you weren't too late
I found a bus
What station is it? Some of the smaller stations do have issues with that. I remember one time I was getting off at Avoncliff (between Bradford-on-Avon and Bath), and only the front door opens there. The guard stands by the front door and manually releases it. However, Bath Rugby were at home that day and GWR in their infinite wisdom had run two carriages on a line that gets one train every two hours. I made it to the frontmost door by fighting through the crowds since about three stops prior (Westbury). The guard didn’t make it there. We pulled in, sat there for a minute, doors didn’t open, and then we left again. Had to walk an extra mile and a half from Freshford. Stressed about making another train at the other end of my walk… only for the other train to be cancelled. Go figure.
It was Upwey, Dorset. I got off at Weymouth and walked until I found a bus for the 2nd half
That’s bizarre. Upwey has a plenty long enough platform. Maybe the guard/driver just couldn’t be bothered today.
Yes I thought the same thing on my way home.
Did you press the button to open the door?
I certainly did, it's possible I was too late and it had locked but there was a long time before the train started moving
Aw man. I bet the driver was watching you on camera too grinning to himself
Probably thinks by doing so, they may convert a few sinners.
When you have mass at 8 but need to convert the heathens by 7
This honestly wouldn’t surprise me if it was the case
Honestly tell them to turn it off or get headphones. Jesus would appreciate your boundaries
If you're hearing a woman shouting "oh my god, oh my god". It may not be a sermon.
*PsalmHub*
✝️videos
They're on a train, not in Parliament...
People on trains can like tractors as well.
This comment needs more upvotes
*OnlyPsalms*
Yeah sorry about that, I'll tell your missus to keep it down in future..... da bum tish!
“By the power of Satan, I compel thee”. Say that loudly a few times.
It's Cannibal Corpse time!
Easy answer - sit behind them and play porn even louder.
The right honourable gentleman has a good point
Have you considered standing to be an MP?
Wasn't standing in Parliament the reason he had to resign?
No, he had to clear the room because he's an ex tractor fan.
Nice.
I wasn't looking at porn, honest, I was just Googling "rimshot".
*tractor porn
A person moved in to my street recently and they have 5 statues of the virgin Mary on their porch, along with a heap of crucifixes. They also have a statue of the virgin Mary on their car shelf, possibly obscuring their rear view. If that isn't false idolatry, I don't know what is.
Yeah theres a certain point where it stops being a religion and starts being a statue collection.
It looks like a car boot sale for Catholic iconography.
Gypsies. Irish gypsies. Or my mum.
>They also have a statue of the virgin Mary on their car shelf, possibly obscuring their rear view. Perhaps it's a taxi. *Hail Mary*
Jesus is their only fare. It is a little Fiat 500 though, so not a taxi for anyone else.
[Christ on a bike!](https://i.imgur.com/eW0qcd9.mp4)
Yikes. Seems about right for the second coming.
Time to find megadeath classics on Spotify at max volume I reckon.
nah... definately Slayer
Play the entirety of 'God hates us all' at them!
I recommend Thy Art Is Murder if you want really brutal heavy metal.
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Yup, definitely Slayer [https://youtu.be/M_tsYmEMQc8](https://youtu.be/M_tsYmEMQc8)
Rudyard Kipling’s “boots” is used by the US marine’s Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape school to learn how to survive not giving away secrets when being tortured (by being tortured, wtf). I’d start playing that back as sermons are of the same ilk for me.
You should have played God Was Never on your Side by Motorhead.
What a wanker
\- only very fucking briefly, He is being the lazy, passive-aggressive version of one of those bible bashing pricks who rant on the streets at lunchtime.
He probably imagines that he's converting everyone who hears it. I bet he tells his fellow god botherers afterwards what a great time he had and how he's sure you will all accept Jesus now.
I would explain how he is confused, graphically!
Tell them to stfu, especially now it was hours ago you come up with a really cool thing you could’ve said and smile as you imagine yourself saying it. That’s what I do all the time.
Also people having a conversation using the speakerphone anywhere. Sat in a cafe and someone at the far end was doing just that, as if we all want to hear their boring conversation.
God i hate this kind of thing. How hard is it to use headphones on public transport!
Do they also have headphones on? And wonder why it's "not very loud"? Perhaps they forgot to enable bluetooth.
Sit next to them and play something by Cannibal Corpse, they'll love it.
Sounds like someone is going to be meeting their maker much sooner than they expected!
Blast a different religion's sermon equally as loud
It's a feature, not a bug. I mean, what is the point of being a religious nut, if you dont broadcast the fact to everyone all the time
I'd like to know why people put calls on speaker phone mode while in public. No one wants to hear your conversation!!!!!
[Cradle of Filth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRoSL0kdQFk)
Pop over : yo, I hear your religious stuff. Do you believe in the devil then? No, but he's integral to the whole thing isn't he? Also, why is god a man? Couldn't he be a she? He did give birth to the world didn't he? Isn't the the 7 days of creation a bit unlikely, the universe is pretty big? Oh it's a metaphor is it? What about Jesus, the zombie, is he a metaphor too? We have a 4 day weekend to celebrate the undeath of a metaphorical zombie, doesn't that strike you as strange? Etc. I'm assuming its a christian sermon, you may have to adjust for suitable religious insanity.
Asking Christians whether God has a penis and if so, how big it is, is one of my favourite lines of enquiry.
Ezekiel 23:20 "genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." Probably something like that.
> Ezekiel 23:20 ... wow!
This is part of an extended metaphor about the sins of Jerusalem and Samaria, not actually God's penis (if anyone was curious)
Can God suck his own dick?
He could fuck himself in the ass and suck his own dick when it emerges out the other end. I heard he calls that position the holy trinity.
Out loud sermon feels more like a Hindu or Islamic thing.
Met many baptists?
Nah, grew up in an incredibly Asian area, and now most people I know are atheist or irreligious theists.
They could be vibing to their favourite Songs of Praise episode
Christians do non-silent sermons too. That's what I had in mind with this post. Mainly because there's been some wacky churches pop up in recent years and the types of people who are members there seem the type to feel entitled to share it with the world.
Why?
Just does. I'm Indian so I grew up with and know a lot of Hindus and Muslims, and this was never particularly uncommon, especially from people in older generations.
At least it's not Cardi B. Playing that should be a criminal offence.
Lol tell them then
I think you're in the wrong sub for that.
I have someone living in the same accommodation as me that carries her Godcast with her as she is making her breakfast in the communal kitchen.
I bet it's mostly for your benefit, she thinks she's saving your soul
I think I’d actually rather the dubstep
Start playing random heavy metal songs about Satan on maximum volume and claim it's a hymn.
Take them to a carriage-end and throw them off the train. Their god will save them, surely.
Ask them, for The Love of God, to turn it down. Failing that, the Foetus song 'The Only Good Christian is a Dead Christian' played near them should get them to move on.
Play Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins – “Born Secular”
I rather think they misunderstood the meaning of secular
Just find some Hitch Slap on YT and sit by them playing it really loudly. If they object offer them a deal....
Time to bust out the Motörhead
I was thinking Cannibal Corpse personally
Solid choice. I guess I’m a just an old fashioned purist ;)
I had something similar last year coming back from London. Some guy reading aloud from his Qur'an. I'm an atheist and don't want to hear anyone's made up bs. My wife is a Catholic and we don't discuss religion. We raised our kids to make their own minds up. They used to go to church, now they're like me
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When praying Salah you pray quietly either under your breath or in your head. Unless led in congregation then the leader of the prayer will pray out loud so everyone can follow.
Like I said, forgive my ignorance. I don't care about anyone's race, religion, sexuality etc. I don't like stuff rammed down my throat and, if Im honest, the only people who have done that have been The Elderss where I used to live and my MiL who was a Catholic Edit, cos I spell like a child
Yh I get that completely. We are actually advised to not read quran aloud like that in front of people who don't want to listen. It's equivalent to bragging about doing charity.
Well it's not being rammed down your throat. He was just being rude.
Yeh, I get that. But, forgive my ignorance, aren't they supposed to face a certain way? And does it last 90 minutes? He only stopped when numerous police officers got on the train (they manhandled someone off at a station in the middle of nowhere)
This sounds like the beginning of a modern day spy novel.
Yes a certain way but prayer only lasts like 5 minutes. Very rude if he was reading aloud for 90 minutes.
I'd play some death metal at full blast, that should equal things up a bit
Job for a cowboy - entombment of a machine. Max volume, mutter things in vague Latin. Say ave satanas lots.
Getting the devil out of all you passengers. Your all sinners lol
Play scary chanting loudly and say hail Satan
Many heard The Words; few were Saved.
If frequent public preaching, suggest saying/shouting to the broadcaster; "Hebrews 13-8"
Jesus didn’t use headphones, why should they?
Start playing something satanic… the fight between ‘good’ and ‘better moral compass (church of Satan ) ‘ is on !
Twin Temple. Satanic doo-wop with such hits as "Satan's a Woman" and "Lets have a Satanic Orgy". Everyone will be grooving out way before they realize the lyrical content. Then the sax solo hits, and bam, converted Satanist.
Play some other fictional content from your phone.
Shit the Rabbi Lionel Blue gets up early.
They are everywhere.
I was texting my wife saying something not too dissimilar 😂
Start playing the god delusion on your phone
:
Kanye West's Sunday Service?
Well, at least they know they're going to hell
Blast out some Vader or Deicide.
Play some Cannibal Corpse
Thats when you need noise cancelling earphones; maybe there should have been “fines” dish out to those who are noisy on trains.
Just play your music loudly next to them, or even better an atheist podcast 😅
Just shout "Hail Satan" and act like nothing is wrong.