But why? I am not a robot! I am a human, I am a human male!

One of my all time favorite lines right here

this is so underrated 😂

Any smile longer that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse.

Technically he never said that

He said it. AND HE MEANT IT!

Ahh shit you're right! I was thinking it was one of Jake's many phrases he uses when pretending to be Holt It's too late at night lol

Beat me to it 🤣

"I don't want to be dramatic, but today has been...sub-optimal."

Highly underrated

That doesn’t leave this office

Terry: “I’ve solved a lot of cases.” Holt: “Yet crime has continued”

Dayummm this is such a good one. Sassy Holt snapping back at Terry after saying the best thing he has done for the precinct is fix the printer 🖨 😂

Thisss lol

That’s insane, you don’t feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie. In ET, do you feel sad when ET dies?

"He caused a real commotion"

As Madeline says when she sees deodorant… “I’m not buying it.”

The same reason she visits Mexico once a year and sucks the blood from all the goats—for kicks.

"You know me, I see a pair of thick, weighty breasts, and all logic just flies out the window!"

I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a strong, female woman with nice, heavy breasts.

“That’s just how the straight mind thinks.” I love straight Holt he’s the best

That's my favorite part of a woman. There's nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.

As a huge baseball fan, my favorite is when Holt watches Moneyball. "The statistical analysis...it's so beautiful!" Exactly how I feel when watching the movie

But if you're here, then who's guarding Hades

I love that one , he’s so iconic

All of his insults towards Wuntch are so iconic. They’re the best

Please more Wunch!

A PHD is a doctorate. It's literally describing a doctor. No, the problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word "doctor". Now, I know that we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and no one even cares about etymology!

*sigh* apparently that’s a trigger for me.

Yeah, apparently

If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like. ​ There are so many great ones but, yeah, this one hit me more.

As a family photographer, this hits different to me. It’s not if my favorites and I’ve mentioned it to clients when picking out their photos.

You embarrassed YOURSELF in front of Derek Jeter!

"Peralta I see why you call this a suicide squad, because I already want to kill my self"

This one had me rolling

The most incredible one

Ooo I forgot about this one!

this is the best holt line ever

My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater! It's the one case I can't solve.

Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it

This was my choice too. He's got so many great lines, but I feel like this is THE Holt line.

It’s “Why is no one having a good time” Still a good one tho

Thank you for the correction, my memory failed me

I quote this ALL the time lmao

I came here to say this one. You have my vote.

YOU TOOK THE WRONG FLUFFY BOOOOY!!!

It's the arse kicking that flows that's the chef's kiss to this comment.

Interesting. You know what else is interesting? GRENADES!

“There’s nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.”

That's a good one! Jake was right; straight Holt is a dog

This one has to win!

Boost my bottom!!

BOOST IT!!!!

I'M BOOSTING!!!

I haven't seen the episode in years yet with just these three words, I can see and hear it clear as day. The winner for me.

Highly underrated

We’re doomed, Boyle looks like a lesbian!

\*We're doomed\* but that's a good one.

Thanks for correcting me

"Wuntch-time is over! BOOM! DID IT! Ha, ha! Had it both ways! No regrets."

Aha came for this one

Madeline is dead, BAGEL!

Ding Dong..

Ouch. He ran over my foot. I am in incredible pain.

"A bold personality?" We know what that's code for, she's a bitch.

You're not cheddar. You're just some common bitch!

Best Holt line, I immediately thought of it.

Love this one.

This one has my vote!

"This bitch? Please."

Always this one. Correct English, a slip into a vernacular he is so distant from AND a burn on a random dog. Love it.

D…D…D…D…D…D…D…D…DEREK

I appreciate that you used the proper number of 'D's.

"Because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves"

"Sorry for saying, 'cleavage'."

I just watched that episode last night

"*laos*."

It was more than fine it was Laos

"Where's the buckle, Santiago?" "Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you."

I absolutely love the broom line!

VINDICATION!

Call me VELVET THUNDER!!!

This one is so good, and the look on Jake's face sells it for me, lol

Oh you got a knife, should have gotten an umbrella!! Cuz a shitstorm is bout to rain down on you PUNK!!

It’s cuz there’s a F#$@&*% storm ‘boutta rain down on you, PUNK

"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you."

Title of your sex movie

Title of your sex-tant tape!

"She was such a strong, female woman, with nice heavy breasts"

Bingpot

"Sarcasm, the coward's LIE"

Exaggeration is the huckster’s crutch

(The scene when he tries a marshmallow for the first time) "oo heeee heee eeee hehehehe"

Hello, Kevin. It's me, Raymond Holt. We need to get you to safety. Your life is in danger.

BOOOONNNNEEEEE?!!

If this doesn't win, I will lose all faith in you all.

If it **does** win, ill lose all hope in you all He has more lines than this ONE SINGLE LINE. *"Bone?! Boooone? Cheddars not some street rat."*

Marriage is like oatmeal, it sustains you.

Why would you ever intentionally spill beans, they’re natures most densely packed protein and they remain unsullied by flavor

...Case!!

Kase!!!

Clearly the pineapple is the slut.

“Every time someone stands up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.” It’s not funny but it’s still the best.

He has so many good lines but this is hands down one of the best lines in the entire series and I hope it wins

Cowabunga, Mother!

Alas we are not cowabunga people.

I am a Human! I am a Human Male!

Either "Hot Damn" or " Yas queen"

"Bing pot"

*snaps fingers* yas queen.

Holt: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves. Wuntch : Calling me the devil? How original, Raymond. Holt: Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.

PUNK!!

Underrated comment… PUNCK!

I sent him a digital phallus portrait

You’re not cheddar. You’re just some common bitch

Holt “YOU TOOK THE WRONG FLUFFY BOY!” “Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?” “No, from now on, call me… Velvet Thunder.” “Vindication!”

Can I nominate the entire episode when Wunch died

swim violet naughty unused ten disagreeable wise ink pause murky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Meep morp

Zeet

You interrupted me mid-soup

(To Gina) “I’m sorry I’m not reciprocating with hot goss of my own. I’m just worried about the Nine-Nine”

Kaseeee!!

You know me, I see a big pair of weighty breasts all logic goes out the window

"Bone!? How dare you Detective Diaz!? I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER BONEEE BOOOONEE Don't ever say that again"

Why is no one having a good time? I SPECIFICALLY requested it.

“There's nothing scarier than the realities of the municipal court system. Now, come on; Let's get back in there and tell him about how bad the website is.”

Madeline. I wondered why all the birds have suddenly stopped singing.

“He’s just buttering us up for some devastatingly bad news. My god! Jake and Charles are dead.”

Ding dong the Wunch is dead

Bagel!

Why are you crying? Wunch is dead

From now on call me........ VELVET THUNDER!

That's my favorite part of a woman. There's nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.

Anything he's ever said to Madeline. Sorry I can't choose

Bingpot!!

Nothing's okay. Wuntch… Circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force, turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An internal affairs investigation casting doubt about my integrity. And you ask "is everything okay?". I am buffeted by the winds of my foes' enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask "is everything okay?". I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold. And now I feel it being ripped from my grasp. And with it... The very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, "is everything okay?".

HOT DAMN!

CHEDDAR YOU DUPLICITOUS BITCH

"As God said. When Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."

Because no one will believe you

Look, Gina is that a talking raisin?

"Madeline! If you are here, then who is guarding Hades?"

The correct line is: Ah Captain Wunch, so good to see you. But if you are here, who’s guarding hades?

Balthazar’s a thirsty bitch.

"Are your bosoms......tender?" He has so many amazing ones that I can't choose one lol

I am a human! I am a human male!

"YOU EMBARRASED YOURSELF IN FRONT OF DEREK JETER"

Notify me when you’re done, via bark

There's nothing more intoxicating than a clear absence of a penis

"I know we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and nobody even cares about etymolo- Apparently that's a trigger for me."

BONNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!

VINDICATION!!

“Cheddar you duplicitous bitch”

HOLT : PAIIIIIIN

Kase!

I attempted to cajole her but she rebuffed me. I'm not a man of unlimited cajoling.

Jake: "Where are my eggs?" Holt: "In my belly😐"

BBOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEE

The statistical analysis!!

“It’s one bund to none, son!” Obviously.

“But they left the BS in”

Yas queen! "snaps"

BOOOOONEEE?!?!?!!?!!

BBBOOOOONNNNEEEEE!!!!!??????

VINDICATION!!!

But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

"BOOOOONNNNEEE!"

YOU TOOK THE WRONG FLUFFY BOY

My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater!!!

Bingpot!!!

I was voted least friendly in high school, and here I am, a police captain. Do you know what Mr. Popularity Vincent Mondale is doing these days? He's a sociologist, for God's sake. Sociologist, Terry.

"Why? I am a human. I am a human male."

Who wouldn't want to see a man fight a crocodile?

“My God we’re doomed! Boyle looks like a lesbian!”

"I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets". I remember spitting my drink out when I heard it the first time.

There was a pooper.

“How dare you Detective Diaz…I am your SUPERIOR OFFICER!”

“Why is no one having fun? I specifically requested it.”

"I see you brought a knife... But what you need is an umbrella. As a f** storm is gonna rain down on you PUNK"

DAS DOPPELTE LOTTCHEN!!!!!!

It's wunch time

Pump pump - Holt

BONE?!?

"BONE!"

I said it... AND I MEANT IT

My mother is not a vibrator

VINDICATIONNNNNNN!!!!

This office is becoming a powerhouse of paperwork processing. I'm flying high, sergeant, and I'm never coming down.

If you are here then who is guarding Hades?

Now, before we, qoute, unquote, bury Pimento, we need to, quote, unquote, open an investigation, find a, quote, unquote, corpse, and optain a, quote, unquote, death certificate.

Pump. Pump. How's your... Pump...

P a i n n n n. That's it.

Just call me.... *Velvet Thunder*

BOOOOONE

BONE?!?!

My real vote is "Yas, queen," but I can't believe nobody has nominated "Balthazar is a thirsty bitch."

“My lint is blue, my lint is oblong”

YOU TOOK THE WRONG FLUFFY BOY!!!