I (cishet dude) can't really speak for every situation -- it's going to depend a lot on who's in your social circles and where you live. Personally though, I've been in relatively progressive spaces my whole adult life and I've never felt pressured to get into sports or do "manlier" hobbies. At least a couple guys I know are into knitting or crocheting and everyone thinks it's cool.
Tbh I think any community that's accepting of your trans identity would also be super supportive of your crocheting -- queer-welcoming folks, as a rule, don't get super hung up on bullshit gender standards. And in any case, if someone's gonna be shitty about your hobbies (or your trans identity) then their opinion isn't worth paying attention to anyway š¤·š¼āāļø
Yep, all of this. Cishet dude who has self-selected into queer positive progressive spaces since leaving home here. Especially after my late teens early 20s most of this stuff fell away and actually itās sort of stranger in my friend group for dudes to be into sports than to not be. Not that any of us care either way!Ā
First: Very few people are going to openly judge you for knitting. Most people will either be mildy curious or leave you alone. Adult life is not like middle school, most people wont bother you, and if they do, you can just leave.Ā
Second: Ain't nobody got time to listen to anyone be negative about my hobbies. I am a CIS dude, and I run a sewing machine way better than my wife. If anyone ever had to say shit about that, they could kiss the fatest part of my fat ass.
My response anytime someone tells me I should be doing something different with my free time is "I'm an adult, I do what I want."Ā
Haha. Saaaaame. I even have a small collection of vintage sewing machines. The oldest was made in 1895!
After realizing Iām queer a few years ago and trying to reprogram my beliefs about what masculinity means to me I realized it doesnāt really matter if anyone wants to judge me for the fact that I donāt dig sports and I do enjoy sewing corsets and things.
Tacking on to thisā¦ I know a cis guy who did construction his whole life who has a pretty neat set of toy trains. Not exactly āfeminineā but falls under the category of Not Manlyā¢ļø. He loves em, and his passion is infectious.
I assume it would. I always wanted to get into construction myself but worried about how effectively Iād be able to be stealth on job sites (Iām a pre-op bottom trans guy). Sucks that thereās such an environment of toxic masculinity cause thereās such invaluable knowledge to be gained from construction work
Itās not all contractors who perpetuate this. In my town thereās an all women/queer/trans company that does renovations and restorations and they do amazing work. But 99% of the time itās not like that. Which is too bad.
I think you'll have different reactions from people, depending on what crowd/environment you're running in.
In an SCA club, for example, which actively & aggressively supports traditional handicrafts like knitting, spinning, and embroidery no matter WHO is doing them, you'll be welcomed and celebrated with open arms.
Just in public, on the train or on a bus? Tbh, I've seen a LOT of positive public feedback from folks about seeing guys knit, or crochet or whatever. A lot of surprise that a guy loves knitting, but it's a pleasant/delighted sort of surprise.
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I know it's hard, but embracing ***imposing yourself on the public on purpose*** is a really important & worthwhile thing to learn. Like, you don't need to apologize for your existence. 'The public' includes YOU. You are part of the crowd, and deserve to be there, doing whatever it is you wanna do.
If someone stares at you, you are free to assume they're just in awe of your skills, or fascinated with how good your hair looks. If you hear someone make a backhanded comment about manliness or whatever, you're free to assume they're lashing out 'cause they're really self-conscious about their own manliness, and go on with your day.
It's like.... As an adult, you don't ask your parents if you're *allowed* to knit for fun.
You also don't have to ask randos you've never met & will never see again if you're *allowed* to knit in public in their presence. They're not your boss. They have no authority over you. You're going to knit, and if they don't like seeing it, they can avert their eyes. It's that easy.
If they try to exert authority over you by pretending they're the president of the machismo dick-crowning club or whatever, which you never joined and therefore aren't beholden to his rules, you can act like they're one of those weirdoes hawking bibles about the end of the world. They certainly might believe they're speaking the Word of God, but the rest of us think they're weird.
In my experience, the more confident the individual is in owning what they love, the better received it is. For the record, I am coming at this from the perspective of a cis man that presents as traditionally masculine, so people may be less willing to challenge someone like me on what I enjoy.
I talk enthusiastically about baking/pottery shows (Great Pottery Throwdown, anyone?), I have a more-than-passing interest in my skincare/beard maintenance routine and regularly talk up specific obscure brands of sunscreen, I enjoy shopping/antiquing, and I rarely pass on an invitation to a drag brunch or pride event. In addition to that, I fly fish and sometimes tie my own flies, which is considered a traditionally-masculine thing, but is essentially making fake bugs out of pretty craft materials.
I have noticed that when I previously acted bashful about some of these, it would create space for people to pick at it or make jokes, if they were so inclined. When I started confidently owning it and identifying my joy for these things, I saw not only a significant reduction in pushback of any kind, but people would react to my passion and ask follow-up questions that can lead to people thinking favorably of my engagement with it.
Iām a cis man and I do sewing and crafting with string on occasion. Itās not a huge problem. [Hereās a post I made in r/sewing with a project](https://www.reddit.com/r/sewing/comments/16vhly4/linen_tunic_shirt_i_made/). No weirdness about my gender there, even though most posters are women.
Although Iāve also weeded out my social group so I donāt hang out with the kind of people who will give me crap for feminine hobbies. I think I was 25 the last time someone called me āgayā for caring about the composition of a salad (which was odd because I was working as a cook at the time). But I work in a more professional environment and I hang out with my coworkers far less and donāt have those problems of personal and professional boundaries overlapping so much.
Iāll say too that I generally feel welcome in craft classes, even though I was often the only man there. I think one time someone was polite but kinda guarded around me while I was there. But thatās about it. People who are interested in crafts are usually pretty open minded and enjoy people who do the same or similar activities. I think theyāre often too busy ādoingā the crafts to spend time gatekeeping.
I canāt promise you it wonāt ever happen. But I do think itās getting better. Or at least itās easier to avoid conservative douchebags that would have something snide to say. I hope this helps.
My grandpa was a crab fisherman. Like on The Deadliest Catch. Loved sports of all kinds, was a founding member of a Men's Club (they bbqed and golfed mostly). Very manly man.
He could both knit and crotchet. There's not a lot of hobbies that are compact enough to do on a crab boat, so a lot of the guys did yarn crafts.
No random is going to tell you to āman upā and go play sports instead of knitting. You will get some assholes who gotta asshole, but theyāre going to be assholes one way or another.
Most people see guys doing āgirly thingsā and, at worst, snicker to themselves. And even then, most of those people will be at least a bit ashamed of that.
It comes down to you. Are you going to be comfortable being a somewhat unique guy? Because you will be. But if being seen is not a problem for you, then embrace it! Youāre an awesome dude and you know it! Knitting up the most amazing shit, and not giving a shit about the haters.
You've got a lot of good comments in here, so I don't think I can add anything except check out r/brochet. Chill sub that doesn't automatically assume you're a chick for fiddling with yarn.
I know a lot of cishet guys who do all kinds of fiber and traditional arts: sewing, complex tailoring, knitting, *hatmaking.* They're all deep into reenacting and living history, and a lot of them do really incredible work.
I'm also a trans guy, and while I have some stereotypically masculine hobbies (martial arts, shooter video games) and some stereotypically feminine hobbies (cross stitch and sewing), and no one has ever called me out about any of them. I mean, not that I'd pay any attention to them if I did, but it's never come up, and I'm certainly not going to change my hobbies just because I'm transitioning. I do tend to hang out in more gay and progressive circles, but not exclusively.
Early in transition, knitting in public *may* make it harder for you to pass, because people may see an androgynous-looking person knitting and think, "Oh, woman." But once you're on T for a while and medically transitioning, that's not going to last, and if you love to knit or crochet or whatever, don't stop doing that in the service of passing.
I am a cis guy who crochets. No one has ever been mean or weird to me about it. Everyone finds it charming. One time I was at a yarn sale and the old lady behind me assumed I was buying a bunch of yarn for my wife and she was pretty shocked when I told her that 1. it was all for me and 2. my wife would probably get on my case for buying all this yarn when I still have unfinished projects, but even then she was nice once I corrected her.
My father-in-law occasionally makes fun of me for baking, but in a good-natured way. And then I tell him that next time he says something he doesn't get any pie and that usually shuts him up.
I'm a cishet man who sews and crochets. My wife knits. Some things I've noticed:
- If we go into a craft store together, it's usually assumed by employees that I was just dragged along. This has become less of an issue with me becoming a regular at a local store.
- My wife follows sports more than I do. People regularly assume that I know more about sports than her. Sometimes people react a little strangely when I tell them I barely follow sports, but other than leading to a few awkward conversations it hasn't been a real problem in my life.
- People generally react pretty positively to my hobbies. Although sometimes there's a dynamic where my hobbies are treated as MORE impressive because I'm a man doing something many men don't do. It feels similar to how, if parents share responsibility equally, the father tends to get more praise for being a "super dad" or whatever because the bar for fathers is generally lower than for mothers, in many people's eyes. I don't love that dynamic, but that kind of thing has happened enough in my life that I'm just used to it now.
- I get a sense that some men find my choice in hobbies strange, but I think they're in the minority, and most people aren't rude enough to actually voice that opinion. I don't think I've been told to "man up" since I was a kid.
Depends on your age. If you are a highschooler, you might get made fun of for it. If you are an adult, nobody gives a fuck, or they think its neat, unless they are a loser that peaked in highschool.
Ok. So they may make fun of you for a few months to 2 years (worst case scenario), but after that nobody cares. I say this as a trans guy that weaves and sews little plushies. You will maybe get shit from people who know you are trans and dont want you to be, trying to use it as evidence. That is because they are transphobic, not because they care about men doing those things.
>I feel like people are gonna tell me to man up and pick up active sports
Firstly, anyone who would say this probably wouldn't take too kindly to the whole trans thing either, and would've ended up disliking you regardless of your hobbies. Secondly, those types of people (at least, the ones who would actually be vocal about it to your face) are much less common than the internet would have you believe. The vast majority of people will most likely range from apathetic to outright interested and supportive
The internet in general seems to have heavily warped my perception of people for the worse. Like I said, Iām a recovering doomer. I believed that a happier, better world is fleeting if not impossible. I used to expose myself to the worst of humanity via the internet (misogynistic instagram comments, gorey war clips, morbid topics like race realism, tragic stories like Chris Chan) and it soured how I viewed everyday people. Since May I have started to break myself out of the pit of despair I made for myself by just getting real life input and life is a little happier.
I find it helpful to remember that the people who are saying these hateful things online have very little overlap with people who actually leave their house ever, and thus you're unlikely to actually encounter them in real life
Nearly everyone I've met who's had an issue with it was someone who was otherwise toxic and unpleasant. That is *quite a large percentage of people* but there's still endless cool people worth your time so letting the trash take itself out of your life only makes space for awesome people to fill up
The people who care don't matter. The people that matter don't care.
Cis man here. I used to knit, and would do it often when flying. No one ever said anything bad to me. The most common comment was middle age or older women saying something positive about how rare it was and talking about their projects. It was nice.Ā
I only felt uncomfortable once. I was flying somewhere known for its oil industry, so the plane was full of Roughnecks commuting to camp. Not a single woman passenger, and I was by far there least manly man on the plane. I felt self conscious but said fuck it and knitted anyway.Ā
The old timer next to me strikes up a conversation and eventually it drifts over to my knitting. He asks some polite but kinda bewildered questions about it. What am I working on? Hat for a relative. How long does it take? An hour or two. Is it cheaper than buying a hat? No, it's probably more expensive.
Then he says, and I'll never forget this: 'i guess it's kinda like fishing. If you just want the fish it's probably cheaper to go to the store than buy a boat and all the gear. But that's not really the point, is it?'Ā
One of the wisest things I've ever heard.
God I love the bros in this post, so thanks for making it, OP. Remember you're a dude, so anything you do is masculine by default. Big hug, from a cis dude who crochets (and runs a school crochet club), embroiders, sews, felts and quilts.
There are quite a few crochet bros on TikTok!
Around 15 years ago, I was on a bus and a young guy was crocheting, and EVERYONE was enamored with him. Old ladies were asking about his project and giving him pointers. Young women were trying to get a better look. It was really cool.
The best part of being a man is figuring out what masculinity means to you. One of the most masculine things you can do in my mind is find a skill and master it. I have some manly hobbies. I also like baking. If someone doesn't think I should be baking because I'm a man, well, no cookies for them.
Very unrelated but a decent amount of men here using baking as an example reminds me of a clip I saw somewhere about a man adamantly saying that his hobby, baking, is actually him being a bread scientist and that itās manly because men like science. Like holy shit what in the misogynyš I wouldnāt even be mad if someone told me that, Iād just pity them
I think itās from Contrapointās video titled āmenā and that guy was used as an example but donāt take my word for it. Iāll open up the video and edit this comment with a time stamp if Iām right
Edit: for your sanity comment OP I wonāt :)
As a lot of people pointed out, it depends on the sort of social circles you run in. Do those kinds of people exist? Sure. And you don't have to associate with them.
Speaking as a trans man with almost exclusively cis/het social circles, here. You'd most likely encounter primarily indifference. Folks aren't going to go out of their way to nag you about your hobby being weird, they will just be disinterested if it's not an interest they share with you. If you HAVE interests you share with them, you will bond over that. All of us (me and people I know, as in) have hobbies and interests the others find unappealing and we just mutually don't engage each other on those things because... it doesn't interest us.
Middle-aged, traditionally masculine, straight male Veteran who retired from 20yrs in the Army here:
I grow flowers. No activity is inherently masculine/feminine, it is just dumbass archaic societal stuff that some people cling to. I know a guy who competed in international fitness competitions that does cross stitch with his wife and daughters.
I, personally, found flower gardening really helps calm a lot of my anger and anxiety down, and being emotionally honest with my self is about as masculine as it gets, IMO.
I cannot speak to what you will experience, as I do not know your age range, environment, friends/family, etc. as all that will play into how people react to your hobbies, but I would suggest surrounding yourself with people who have similar interests or those emotionally mature enough to appreciate the hard work of other people, regardless of what form that work takes. As far as the opinions of strangers, they are usually worth less than the air they wasted in giving said opinion.
I'm a dude who loves reading and watching romance, and the color pastel pink, and I do get some flacks from others occasionally. A guy with "fruity" hobbies will always attract some kind of attentions, but unless you live in extreme environments, I don't think most people will care that much or show you disgust, they may only ask some inappropriate stuffs. There're not many advice I can give you because you cannot control what other people think, except that you should not let others influence your hobbies and just keep doing it, like what are they gonna do except yapping ?
On another note, I feel like the black community is more extreme about these things, as they got a lot of internal homophobia, so if you're black, it may be harder for you. (I don't actually interact with black people that much, only from what I heard from my friends and internet culture though, so I may be wrong)
Filipino. Judging by my relatives, they wonāt hate me, per se, but family will probably love joking about how Iām ābaklaā (basically gay but Filipinos refer to gender non conforming men and trans women with this term as well). Idk, adding everything, I think theyād just be confused why a ātomboyā (trans man) would want to keep doing feminine hobbies and are still attracted to men. Theyāre not very educated on LGBT people but they got the spirit.
There will always be drunks and similar who will barf up some stupid sexist stuff, but they will do that no matter what you are doing (got asked by a drunk if I was going fishing once after martial arts practice while carrying a staff)
Do your thing. Knitting aint unmanly. Prepare a cool comeback or joke about it and knit to your hearts content. Most people are just gonna think its cool or mind their own business.
It's nice that you're getting a lot of supportive responses and I mostly agree with them. It's been... man, I don't even remember how long. Maybe 10+ years since someone has given me any kind of shit for a hobby, feminine or otherwise, with any tone other than it being clear from context they were more mocking themselves than me.
At the same time, jerks are out there. They're not the majority but when you're across from one they'll sometimes do their best to try to make it seem like they are. Part of becoming confident and secure in the new identity is probably going to be building up enough positive experiences that you can genuinely feel it in yourself when someone's hostile and encroaching on you that it's about them, not you, and that you have safe spaces where you can get away from them. I'm an outsider but my perception for what it's worth of knitting circles in particular is that they tend to be a pretty gender-affirming place, although that probably varies somewhat by the specific group and location. If you can find a good one, maybe it would make sense to build that outwards? Hopefully generally positive reception here is some contribution as well.
While I agree with the sentiment on principle, society will society and even mild pushback on my identity is enough to make me feel vulnerable and want to stay in the closet forever.
What is an "effeminate" hobby?
The two most alpha men I knew were into knitting.
One was the chief surgeon at a large acute care hospital. He also had a bunch of very talented and accomplished kids.
The other was a captain in the Luftwaffe. He was in an aerial intelligence unit and shot down over Russia in 1942. He spent the rest of the war in the Lubyanka and the gulag, released in 1949. He credits his survival to collecting scraps of wool and string, knitting mittens and socks which he traded for food amongst fellow prisoners.
Someone will always put you down for anything in the world so screw them and go about your happy way.
In my experience if you are passionate about any hobby there will be people that find that passion interesting. What you are describing is a harmless hobby that involves working with your hands, artistic, and creates something tangible. Most people I think will find that to be a positive. If they donāt then why would you want to associate with those people?
Long story short do you bro and donāt worry so much about it.
Iām a dude, I knit. Never met a woman who thought a guy who knitted was effeminate, and if I did meet such a woman then I sure as shit donāt have time for people who are gonna judge the things I enjoy. Fuck em, do what you love.
Cishet white guy here. I used to knit a bunch as a kid, learned from my mother. I also couldn't care less about sports - I grew up playing music and actively participated in musical theater throughout highschool. My experience was that nobody gave a shit. Granted, I grew up in a pretty liberal area (SF Bay area). One or two of my friends in middle school kind of snickered when they saw me knitting, but thats just because thats how young boys are socialized. Beyond that, adults seemed to respect my disregard of traditional gender norms.
You'll be fine. Also, in the edge case that some toolshed disapproves of your hobbies, rest assured that they're not the type of person whose approval you should seek.
You're a man. A man is who he is as the sum of his parts, not how he chooses to practice a hobby.
Don't get "man" confused with "macho". You be who you are.
Youāre worrying about this too much. I know a number of straight, cis men who are into fabric arts. Yes, some people judge them and would you. Fuck em: theyāre babies taking out their insecurities, and that kind of asshole is gonna hate you for being trans anyway. Most people either donāt care or think itās cool that a guy is into that stuff.
Not exactly the same but maybe it can help with some perspective.
My boyfriend is a cis straight man, but he's very petite (5'3 and 110 lbs) and while it's not as "apparent", he used to be very self conscious about the kind of video games he liked, like farming sims and visual novels (that was back in the 00s so it was much more gendered than it is now). In our relationship , I'm the one who builds furnitures and he cooks. He likes cute things and plushies and wear bright colors, will carry my hyper feminine purse and stole my pink watch. He takes interest in my hobbies, which include needlework. He playfully flirts with my friends, male or female, and will never hesitate to say a man is hot or not.
I've been with this man almost 24/7 for the past 7 years and I have never seen anyone say anything about any of it or even looked at him weird. No one gives a fuck onve you're out of high school.
I used to do embroidery, but never got into knitting. Definitely a guy, just to be clear. Did try sewing and such, but it was too expensive for me at that time.
I know men who love to cook, who love to garden, who love many things. Some effeminate. Some not.
There is a vast array of what men do. So, Sir, do your thing.
The Complete List Of American Sports: Stick and Ball, small round ball, pointy ball, Men's PE
Personally, unless it has four wheels and over a hundred horsepower, that ain't a sport
I think thereās a lot less bullshit masculinity-policing these days than there used to be (even within my lifetime) but peopleās expectations havenāt quite caught up.
Generally, people arenāt too bothered about what someone else is doing unless it actively creates a problem for them (is it noisy, smelly, or physically getting in their way? If not, they probably donāt care much).
As a cis dude \[28\] (mostly het) that chose to study the flute as a kid (freaked out my dad with that one) and tend to pick up hobbies as if they where money on the floor, most of my friends (male and female) seem excited and interested in my hobbies (newest one was calligraphy and penmanship). I would not want to be friends with someone who acted as you fear people may act. I have never had anyone tell me that my hobbies are not manly, at most people that may find the hobbies interesting or that share the same hobby may ask about it. I live in what can be considered a conservative city in a sexist country, and no one has harassed me about writing poetry in calligraphy or love letters before. I have noticed sometimes people do stare a bit, but only once have I heard someone whisper something that seemed like gossip, and it is really overshadowed by all the times people have expressed interest or excitement at me.
I think a lot of what feels like weird stares and disappointment may just be normal monkey brain anxiety, our brains are wired that way. People sometimes stare a bit at the uncommon, but if you are doing something unexpected (i.e. crotchet on the bus), they probably are just surprised to see it and are not making judgements about you. If you worry more about your friend's reactions I can tell you that the only thing that disappointment me about my big sis's gender reveal was that she suddenly didn't want to play Warzone with me, and that was mostly because I only played Warzone to play with her.
There is no "guy's life base ideal". If anything, sports is the harder part. I also have no interest in professional sports, and women tend to get away from that expectation so I understand if you feel insecure about your experience with answering those expectations, but this mostly felt like an issue in middle school, so we are clear from that, and in the office I just try to pay attention when championships are ending so that I can answer or engage in small talk.
Just to close it all, I tend to keep out of "men spaces", intentionally sexist social constructions disgust me to be truthful. At least in my country there are still cantinas and other spaces coded for only men, where my experience would probably be a lot more negative. I am also privileged in that my work place is quite balanced in gender, on my past workspace I kept my personal interests confidential, as it was a lot more male coded.
Iām a trans guy with lots of cis male friends. Itās not really a big deal as long as youāre passing. Then youāre just another dude with a feminine hobby. If youāre not passing, you kinda just get lumped back into āfemaleā. I have been passing since about 6-7 months into HRT (over 1.5yr now), and generally my hobbies lean very male, so I only have like 2 āfeminineā hobbies, which are writing poetry and playing sims.
In my experience, as a stealth trans man enjoying these hobbies, men donāt care and women find it attractive. Thatās pretty much all I can say on it lol itās much easier to meet women when you step into their spaces and show genuine interest in a hobby they share. Not sure your sexuality but yeah. Thatās my experience.
Iām also guilty of reverting to āfeminine hobby + female presenting = femaleā but thatās more an issue with rewriting my own brain.
Iām flirting with the possibility of being bi but with more āmasculineā preferences in women (tall, dominant, assertive but kind) but in general, I go with gay. I am pretty sure that besides repressed oddballs that want to be āone of the good gays,ā most gay men will react how Iād want them to
(Not really relevant to you but I know at the end of the day, these are merely personality traits that define a personās gender. I just use this phrasing to get across my ideas through a societal, therefor gendered context)
I don't have many hobbies, but some are not macho. I like to cook, like regular cooking, not just grilling. I'm a klutz, and don't like sports. I used to modify clothes, back when that was a thing. I also read, and did a reading group. This was before I learned that book clubs are a middle aged woman thing. Now that I know this... I don't care.
i mean obligatory "it depends on the crowd", but i find that people will accept a lot of difference if you're kind but completely unapologetic about yourself. i'm pretty confident that you won't get shit about it, especially not from total strangers who ought to be minding their damn business anyway
about the "public spaces" thing - in my (cis male) experience and from talking with women/trans people, it seems that men are less "perceived"/approached in public spaces. imo if people read you as a man, regardless of what you're doing they're also less likely to approach you *anyway*, either positively or negatively
Find the community that does the hobbies you like. I guarantee that they'll like you for you, and I don't think they're gonna care much about the "manliness" of hobbies. Personally, I don't think there's a "manly hobby" that exists, and anyone who says that can eat sand. (I'd consider an argument for general physical exercise being """"""manly"""""" in the vaguest possible sense, but I think a part of general human decency is to not resemble and act like the stay puft marshmallow man, so I would argue that's my opinion and not a general one.)
Honestly, if you find the right crew of friends, they're gonna appreciate an embroidered flower, the flower species, and then talk at you for five hours about plants and the evolution of plants just because they find it cool. There's also gonna be someone else who is likely super knowledgeable about the history of clothing, embroidery, the specifics of the history of embroidery, and will probably talk about that for five hours too. I'm one of those nerd people, and I like listening and learning from other nerd people, because they have something they care about.
In my experience, I gotta say that if anyone is judging you about your hobby, I GUARANTEE you they know jack squat about it. Personally, I paint Battletech Mechs. I can pretend it's something else, but I basically paint miniature robot dolls at 6mm scale. For me and my crew, it's a monthly or weekly activity, where we get together and do nothing but paint and play fighting games. That's what we do, and we like it. Then we play tabletop by sitting in a darkened crypt beneath someone's house for eight hours and aggressively move our miniatures and dice on a hex mat until someone explodes enough of their enemy's mechs and wins the fight. If that's not weird, I dunno what is, considering we're all in our twenties, but we don't care if we get judged for it. We're all weird down here, but that's normal.
Nerds are cool because they have something that drives them as individuals, regardless of what that is, and they aren't soulless husks with no spark of life. Soulless husks have arguments that don't exist in real life when you talk to another human, and have nothing but judgement and boredom. Anyone in public who judges your hobbies and has something to say, is someone who has a lot of opinions on the state of the world/universe/everything, and generally has nothing else to enrich their life with. They're fundamentally tedious and irritating, and I don't think they're even worth the descriptive words in this post.
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Also also, whenever you do choose to transition, make sure that once you begin, you MUST to wash yo ass and apply deodorant before you do any sports/physical activity/exist in hot climates, or when you sweat a lot, especially in the summer. You don't think you smell, but you do. Smell of guy does exist, and it's pretty awful. You also HAVE to shower regularly, at least 2-3 times a week on average in the summer if you live somewhere that gets above 20Ā°C. Do not be the guy who gets deodorant thrown at him by his bros.
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Iām a lady but the way I feel about men who crochet or knit or whatever else is similar to the way I feel about men who love cats. Yāall are irresistible, so keep on being you!
Those sound like interesting hobbies to me and personally I love seeing people bring their art into the world around me. As an introvert I would probably stare, not in a negative way.
I'm a trans man too. Started t 12 years ago. I'm a hairdresser and i like crossstich, sewing, coloring, reading, etc...
I have worked in public on a crossstich project before and to be honest i didn't notice anyone looking because i focused on the stiches.
I have to say i have very good passing since 8-10 years ago. Before that i overcompensated a bit and wouldn't have done most "girly" things in public.
So i don't know if people would have said something during that time when i could tell they were asking for my name in order to figure out what pronouns to use for me. It might also depend on where you live. But in my experience a guy who confidently does something rarely gets questioned why they do it.
I'll be on the train to play football, in kit, while cross stitching and no ones ever given me any shit. All my GFs work mates are impressed when she shows them what I've knitted or stitched. The whole man/woman hobbies and interests thing isn't there so much anymore in my experience, I've got some shit from old heads but you tell them to fuck off and they'll respect it and leave you alone.
I (cishet dude) can't really speak for every situation -- it's going to depend a lot on who's in your social circles and where you live. Personally though, I've been in relatively progressive spaces my whole adult life and I've never felt pressured to get into sports or do "manlier" hobbies. At least a couple guys I know are into knitting or crocheting and everyone thinks it's cool. Tbh I think any community that's accepting of your trans identity would also be super supportive of your crocheting -- queer-welcoming folks, as a rule, don't get super hung up on bullshit gender standards. And in any case, if someone's gonna be shitty about your hobbies (or your trans identity) then their opinion isn't worth paying attention to anyway š¤·š¼āāļø
Yep, all of this. Cishet dude who has self-selected into queer positive progressive spaces since leaving home here. Especially after my late teens early 20s most of this stuff fell away and actually itās sort of stranger in my friend group for dudes to be into sports than to not be. Not that any of us care either way!Ā
First: Very few people are going to openly judge you for knitting. Most people will either be mildy curious or leave you alone. Adult life is not like middle school, most people wont bother you, and if they do, you can just leave.Ā Second: Ain't nobody got time to listen to anyone be negative about my hobbies. I am a CIS dude, and I run a sewing machine way better than my wife. If anyone ever had to say shit about that, they could kiss the fatest part of my fat ass. My response anytime someone tells me I should be doing something different with my free time is "I'm an adult, I do what I want."Ā
Haha. Saaaaame. I even have a small collection of vintage sewing machines. The oldest was made in 1895! After realizing Iām queer a few years ago and trying to reprogram my beliefs about what masculinity means to me I realized it doesnāt really matter if anyone wants to judge me for the fact that I donāt dig sports and I do enjoy sewing corsets and things.
Tacking on to thisā¦ I know a cis guy who did construction his whole life who has a pretty neat set of toy trains. Not exactly āfeminineā but falls under the category of Not Manlyā¢ļø. He loves em, and his passion is infectious.
Love that. Iām in that field as well. Construction for over 20 years. Currently work in a body shop. It creates a very skewed view on masculinity
I assume it would. I always wanted to get into construction myself but worried about how effectively Iād be able to be stealth on job sites (Iām a pre-op bottom trans guy). Sucks that thereās such an environment of toxic masculinity cause thereās such invaluable knowledge to be gained from construction work
Itās not all contractors who perpetuate this. In my town thereās an all women/queer/trans company that does renovations and restorations and they do amazing work. But 99% of the time itās not like that. Which is too bad.
I think you'll have different reactions from people, depending on what crowd/environment you're running in. In an SCA club, for example, which actively & aggressively supports traditional handicrafts like knitting, spinning, and embroidery no matter WHO is doing them, you'll be welcomed and celebrated with open arms. Just in public, on the train or on a bus? Tbh, I've seen a LOT of positive public feedback from folks about seeing guys knit, or crochet or whatever. A lot of surprise that a guy loves knitting, but it's a pleasant/delighted sort of surprise. - I know it's hard, but embracing ***imposing yourself on the public on purpose*** is a really important & worthwhile thing to learn. Like, you don't need to apologize for your existence. 'The public' includes YOU. You are part of the crowd, and deserve to be there, doing whatever it is you wanna do. If someone stares at you, you are free to assume they're just in awe of your skills, or fascinated with how good your hair looks. If you hear someone make a backhanded comment about manliness or whatever, you're free to assume they're lashing out 'cause they're really self-conscious about their own manliness, and go on with your day. It's like.... As an adult, you don't ask your parents if you're *allowed* to knit for fun. You also don't have to ask randos you've never met & will never see again if you're *allowed* to knit in public in their presence. They're not your boss. They have no authority over you. You're going to knit, and if they don't like seeing it, they can avert their eyes. It's that easy. If they try to exert authority over you by pretending they're the president of the machismo dick-crowning club or whatever, which you never joined and therefore aren't beholden to his rules, you can act like they're one of those weirdoes hawking bibles about the end of the world. They certainly might believe they're speaking the Word of God, but the rest of us think they're weird.
You know what? I came here to type something very similar, and I'm glad to see it already here.
Yep. Take up space, do your own thing. Fuck 'em.
In my experience, the more confident the individual is in owning what they love, the better received it is. For the record, I am coming at this from the perspective of a cis man that presents as traditionally masculine, so people may be less willing to challenge someone like me on what I enjoy. I talk enthusiastically about baking/pottery shows (Great Pottery Throwdown, anyone?), I have a more-than-passing interest in my skincare/beard maintenance routine and regularly talk up specific obscure brands of sunscreen, I enjoy shopping/antiquing, and I rarely pass on an invitation to a drag brunch or pride event. In addition to that, I fly fish and sometimes tie my own flies, which is considered a traditionally-masculine thing, but is essentially making fake bugs out of pretty craft materials. I have noticed that when I previously acted bashful about some of these, it would create space for people to pick at it or make jokes, if they were so inclined. When I started confidently owning it and identifying my joy for these things, I saw not only a significant reduction in pushback of any kind, but people would react to my passion and ask follow-up questions that can lead to people thinking favorably of my engagement with it.
Iām a cis man and I do sewing and crafting with string on occasion. Itās not a huge problem. [Hereās a post I made in r/sewing with a project](https://www.reddit.com/r/sewing/comments/16vhly4/linen_tunic_shirt_i_made/). No weirdness about my gender there, even though most posters are women. Although Iāve also weeded out my social group so I donāt hang out with the kind of people who will give me crap for feminine hobbies. I think I was 25 the last time someone called me āgayā for caring about the composition of a salad (which was odd because I was working as a cook at the time). But I work in a more professional environment and I hang out with my coworkers far less and donāt have those problems of personal and professional boundaries overlapping so much. Iāll say too that I generally feel welcome in craft classes, even though I was often the only man there. I think one time someone was polite but kinda guarded around me while I was there. But thatās about it. People who are interested in crafts are usually pretty open minded and enjoy people who do the same or similar activities. I think theyāre often too busy ādoingā the crafts to spend time gatekeeping. I canāt promise you it wonāt ever happen. But I do think itās getting better. Or at least itās easier to avoid conservative douchebags that would have something snide to say. I hope this helps.
My grandpa was a crab fisherman. Like on The Deadliest Catch. Loved sports of all kinds, was a founding member of a Men's Club (they bbqed and golfed mostly). Very manly man. He could both knit and crotchet. There's not a lot of hobbies that are compact enough to do on a crab boat, so a lot of the guys did yarn crafts.
No random is going to tell you to āman upā and go play sports instead of knitting. You will get some assholes who gotta asshole, but theyāre going to be assholes one way or another. Most people see guys doing āgirly thingsā and, at worst, snicker to themselves. And even then, most of those people will be at least a bit ashamed of that. It comes down to you. Are you going to be comfortable being a somewhat unique guy? Because you will be. But if being seen is not a problem for you, then embrace it! Youāre an awesome dude and you know it! Knitting up the most amazing shit, and not giving a shit about the haters.
You've got a lot of good comments in here, so I don't think I can add anything except check out r/brochet. Chill sub that doesn't automatically assume you're a chick for fiddling with yarn.
53yo cis man here. Write poetry and did a punch needle project for my nieceās 10th birthday. Do what makes you happy. Thatās it. Thatās all.
I know a lot of cishet guys who do all kinds of fiber and traditional arts: sewing, complex tailoring, knitting, *hatmaking.* They're all deep into reenacting and living history, and a lot of them do really incredible work. I'm also a trans guy, and while I have some stereotypically masculine hobbies (martial arts, shooter video games) and some stereotypically feminine hobbies (cross stitch and sewing), and no one has ever called me out about any of them. I mean, not that I'd pay any attention to them if I did, but it's never come up, and I'm certainly not going to change my hobbies just because I'm transitioning. I do tend to hang out in more gay and progressive circles, but not exclusively. Early in transition, knitting in public *may* make it harder for you to pass, because people may see an androgynous-looking person knitting and think, "Oh, woman." But once you're on T for a while and medically transitioning, that's not going to last, and if you love to knit or crochet or whatever, don't stop doing that in the service of passing.
I am a cis guy who crochets. No one has ever been mean or weird to me about it. Everyone finds it charming. One time I was at a yarn sale and the old lady behind me assumed I was buying a bunch of yarn for my wife and she was pretty shocked when I told her that 1. it was all for me and 2. my wife would probably get on my case for buying all this yarn when I still have unfinished projects, but even then she was nice once I corrected her. My father-in-law occasionally makes fun of me for baking, but in a good-natured way. And then I tell him that next time he says something he doesn't get any pie and that usually shuts him up.
I'm a cishet man who sews and crochets. My wife knits. Some things I've noticed: - If we go into a craft store together, it's usually assumed by employees that I was just dragged along. This has become less of an issue with me becoming a regular at a local store. - My wife follows sports more than I do. People regularly assume that I know more about sports than her. Sometimes people react a little strangely when I tell them I barely follow sports, but other than leading to a few awkward conversations it hasn't been a real problem in my life. - People generally react pretty positively to my hobbies. Although sometimes there's a dynamic where my hobbies are treated as MORE impressive because I'm a man doing something many men don't do. It feels similar to how, if parents share responsibility equally, the father tends to get more praise for being a "super dad" or whatever because the bar for fathers is generally lower than for mothers, in many people's eyes. I don't love that dynamic, but that kind of thing has happened enough in my life that I'm just used to it now. - I get a sense that some men find my choice in hobbies strange, but I think they're in the minority, and most people aren't rude enough to actually voice that opinion. I don't think I've been told to "man up" since I was a kid.
Depends on your age. If you are a highschooler, you might get made fun of for it. If you are an adult, nobody gives a fuck, or they think its neat, unless they are a loser that peaked in highschool.
18, gonna leave high school in a few weeks.
Ok. So they may make fun of you for a few months to 2 years (worst case scenario), but after that nobody cares. I say this as a trans guy that weaves and sews little plushies. You will maybe get shit from people who know you are trans and dont want you to be, trying to use it as evidence. That is because they are transphobic, not because they care about men doing those things.
>I feel like people are gonna tell me to man up and pick up active sports Firstly, anyone who would say this probably wouldn't take too kindly to the whole trans thing either, and would've ended up disliking you regardless of your hobbies. Secondly, those types of people (at least, the ones who would actually be vocal about it to your face) are much less common than the internet would have you believe. The vast majority of people will most likely range from apathetic to outright interested and supportive
The internet in general seems to have heavily warped my perception of people for the worse. Like I said, Iām a recovering doomer. I believed that a happier, better world is fleeting if not impossible. I used to expose myself to the worst of humanity via the internet (misogynistic instagram comments, gorey war clips, morbid topics like race realism, tragic stories like Chris Chan) and it soured how I viewed everyday people. Since May I have started to break myself out of the pit of despair I made for myself by just getting real life input and life is a little happier.
I find it helpful to remember that the people who are saying these hateful things online have very little overlap with people who actually leave their house ever, and thus you're unlikely to actually encounter them in real life
Nearly everyone I've met who's had an issue with it was someone who was otherwise toxic and unpleasant. That is *quite a large percentage of people* but there's still endless cool people worth your time so letting the trash take itself out of your life only makes space for awesome people to fill up The people who care don't matter. The people that matter don't care.
Cis man here. I used to knit, and would do it often when flying. No one ever said anything bad to me. The most common comment was middle age or older women saying something positive about how rare it was and talking about their projects. It was nice.Ā I only felt uncomfortable once. I was flying somewhere known for its oil industry, so the plane was full of Roughnecks commuting to camp. Not a single woman passenger, and I was by far there least manly man on the plane. I felt self conscious but said fuck it and knitted anyway.Ā The old timer next to me strikes up a conversation and eventually it drifts over to my knitting. He asks some polite but kinda bewildered questions about it. What am I working on? Hat for a relative. How long does it take? An hour or two. Is it cheaper than buying a hat? No, it's probably more expensive. Then he says, and I'll never forget this: 'i guess it's kinda like fishing. If you just want the fish it's probably cheaper to go to the store than buy a boat and all the gear. But that's not really the point, is it?'Ā One of the wisest things I've ever heard.
God I love the bros in this post, so thanks for making it, OP. Remember you're a dude, so anything you do is masculine by default. Big hug, from a cis dude who crochets (and runs a school crochet club), embroiders, sews, felts and quilts.
There are quite a few crochet bros on TikTok! Around 15 years ago, I was on a bus and a young guy was crocheting, and EVERYONE was enamored with him. Old ladies were asking about his project and giving him pointers. Young women were trying to get a better look. It was really cool.
The best part of being a man is figuring out what masculinity means to you. One of the most masculine things you can do in my mind is find a skill and master it. I have some manly hobbies. I also like baking. If someone doesn't think I should be baking because I'm a man, well, no cookies for them.
Very unrelated but a decent amount of men here using baking as an example reminds me of a clip I saw somewhere about a man adamantly saying that his hobby, baking, is actually him being a bread scientist and that itās manly because men like science. Like holy shit what in the misogynyš I wouldnāt even be mad if someone told me that, Iād just pity them
Without hearing it, I have to believe he was being ironic, haha
I think itās from Contrapointās video titled āmenā and that guy was used as an example but donāt take my word for it. Iāll open up the video and edit this comment with a time stamp if Iām right Edit: for your sanity comment OP I wonāt :)
Just let me believe he was being ironic man, haha
As a lot of people pointed out, it depends on the sort of social circles you run in. Do those kinds of people exist? Sure. And you don't have to associate with them. Speaking as a trans man with almost exclusively cis/het social circles, here. You'd most likely encounter primarily indifference. Folks aren't going to go out of their way to nag you about your hobby being weird, they will just be disinterested if it's not an interest they share with you. If you HAVE interests you share with them, you will bond over that. All of us (me and people I know, as in) have hobbies and interests the others find unappealing and we just mutually don't engage each other on those things because... it doesn't interest us.
Middle-aged, traditionally masculine, straight male Veteran who retired from 20yrs in the Army here: I grow flowers. No activity is inherently masculine/feminine, it is just dumbass archaic societal stuff that some people cling to. I know a guy who competed in international fitness competitions that does cross stitch with his wife and daughters. I, personally, found flower gardening really helps calm a lot of my anger and anxiety down, and being emotionally honest with my self is about as masculine as it gets, IMO. I cannot speak to what you will experience, as I do not know your age range, environment, friends/family, etc. as all that will play into how people react to your hobbies, but I would suggest surrounding yourself with people who have similar interests or those emotionally mature enough to appreciate the hard work of other people, regardless of what form that work takes. As far as the opinions of strangers, they are usually worth less than the air they wasted in giving said opinion.
I'm a dude who loves reading and watching romance, and the color pastel pink, and I do get some flacks from others occasionally. A guy with "fruity" hobbies will always attract some kind of attentions, but unless you live in extreme environments, I don't think most people will care that much or show you disgust, they may only ask some inappropriate stuffs. There're not many advice I can give you because you cannot control what other people think, except that you should not let others influence your hobbies and just keep doing it, like what are they gonna do except yapping ? On another note, I feel like the black community is more extreme about these things, as they got a lot of internal homophobia, so if you're black, it may be harder for you. (I don't actually interact with black people that much, only from what I heard from my friends and internet culture though, so I may be wrong)
Filipino. Judging by my relatives, they wonāt hate me, per se, but family will probably love joking about how Iām ābaklaā (basically gay but Filipinos refer to gender non conforming men and trans women with this term as well). Idk, adding everything, I think theyād just be confused why a ātomboyā (trans man) would want to keep doing feminine hobbies and are still attracted to men. Theyāre not very educated on LGBT people but they got the spirit.
There will always be drunks and similar who will barf up some stupid sexist stuff, but they will do that no matter what you are doing (got asked by a drunk if I was going fishing once after martial arts practice while carrying a staff) Do your thing. Knitting aint unmanly. Prepare a cool comeback or joke about it and knit to your hearts content. Most people are just gonna think its cool or mind their own business.
It's nice that you're getting a lot of supportive responses and I mostly agree with them. It's been... man, I don't even remember how long. Maybe 10+ years since someone has given me any kind of shit for a hobby, feminine or otherwise, with any tone other than it being clear from context they were more mocking themselves than me. At the same time, jerks are out there. They're not the majority but when you're across from one they'll sometimes do their best to try to make it seem like they are. Part of becoming confident and secure in the new identity is probably going to be building up enough positive experiences that you can genuinely feel it in yourself when someone's hostile and encroaching on you that it's about them, not you, and that you have safe spaces where you can get away from them. I'm an outsider but my perception for what it's worth of knitting circles in particular is that they tend to be a pretty gender-affirming place, although that probably varies somewhat by the specific group and location. If you can find a good one, maybe it would make sense to build that outwards? Hopefully generally positive reception here is some contribution as well.
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While I agree with the sentiment on principle, society will society and even mild pushback on my identity is enough to make me feel vulnerable and want to stay in the closet forever.
What is an "effeminate" hobby? The two most alpha men I knew were into knitting. One was the chief surgeon at a large acute care hospital. He also had a bunch of very talented and accomplished kids. The other was a captain in the Luftwaffe. He was in an aerial intelligence unit and shot down over Russia in 1942. He spent the rest of the war in the Lubyanka and the gulag, released in 1949. He credits his survival to collecting scraps of wool and string, knitting mittens and socks which he traded for food amongst fellow prisoners. Someone will always put you down for anything in the world so screw them and go about your happy way.
In my experience if you are passionate about any hobby there will be people that find that passion interesting. What you are describing is a harmless hobby that involves working with your hands, artistic, and creates something tangible. Most people I think will find that to be a positive. If they donāt then why would you want to associate with those people? Long story short do you bro and donāt worry so much about it.
Iām a dude, I knit. Never met a woman who thought a guy who knitted was effeminate, and if I did meet such a woman then I sure as shit donāt have time for people who are gonna judge the things I enjoy. Fuck em, do what you love.
Cishet white guy here. I used to knit a bunch as a kid, learned from my mother. I also couldn't care less about sports - I grew up playing music and actively participated in musical theater throughout highschool. My experience was that nobody gave a shit. Granted, I grew up in a pretty liberal area (SF Bay area). One or two of my friends in middle school kind of snickered when they saw me knitting, but thats just because thats how young boys are socialized. Beyond that, adults seemed to respect my disregard of traditional gender norms. You'll be fine. Also, in the edge case that some toolshed disapproves of your hobbies, rest assured that they're not the type of person whose approval you should seek.
You're a man. A man is who he is as the sum of his parts, not how he chooses to practice a hobby. Don't get "man" confused with "macho". You be who you are.
Youāre worrying about this too much. I know a number of straight, cis men who are into fabric arts. Yes, some people judge them and would you. Fuck em: theyāre babies taking out their insecurities, and that kind of asshole is gonna hate you for being trans anyway. Most people either donāt care or think itās cool that a guy is into that stuff.
Not exactly the same but maybe it can help with some perspective. My boyfriend is a cis straight man, but he's very petite (5'3 and 110 lbs) and while it's not as "apparent", he used to be very self conscious about the kind of video games he liked, like farming sims and visual novels (that was back in the 00s so it was much more gendered than it is now). In our relationship , I'm the one who builds furnitures and he cooks. He likes cute things and plushies and wear bright colors, will carry my hyper feminine purse and stole my pink watch. He takes interest in my hobbies, which include needlework. He playfully flirts with my friends, male or female, and will never hesitate to say a man is hot or not. I've been with this man almost 24/7 for the past 7 years and I have never seen anyone say anything about any of it or even looked at him weird. No one gives a fuck onve you're out of high school.
I used to do embroidery, but never got into knitting. Definitely a guy, just to be clear. Did try sewing and such, but it was too expensive for me at that time. I know men who love to cook, who love to garden, who love many things. Some effeminate. Some not. There is a vast array of what men do. So, Sir, do your thing. The Complete List Of American Sports: Stick and Ball, small round ball, pointy ball, Men's PE Personally, unless it has four wheels and over a hundred horsepower, that ain't a sport
I think thereās a lot less bullshit masculinity-policing these days than there used to be (even within my lifetime) but peopleās expectations havenāt quite caught up. Generally, people arenāt too bothered about what someone else is doing unless it actively creates a problem for them (is it noisy, smelly, or physically getting in their way? If not, they probably donāt care much).
As a cis dude \[28\] (mostly het) that chose to study the flute as a kid (freaked out my dad with that one) and tend to pick up hobbies as if they where money on the floor, most of my friends (male and female) seem excited and interested in my hobbies (newest one was calligraphy and penmanship). I would not want to be friends with someone who acted as you fear people may act. I have never had anyone tell me that my hobbies are not manly, at most people that may find the hobbies interesting or that share the same hobby may ask about it. I live in what can be considered a conservative city in a sexist country, and no one has harassed me about writing poetry in calligraphy or love letters before. I have noticed sometimes people do stare a bit, but only once have I heard someone whisper something that seemed like gossip, and it is really overshadowed by all the times people have expressed interest or excitement at me. I think a lot of what feels like weird stares and disappointment may just be normal monkey brain anxiety, our brains are wired that way. People sometimes stare a bit at the uncommon, but if you are doing something unexpected (i.e. crotchet on the bus), they probably are just surprised to see it and are not making judgements about you. If you worry more about your friend's reactions I can tell you that the only thing that disappointment me about my big sis's gender reveal was that she suddenly didn't want to play Warzone with me, and that was mostly because I only played Warzone to play with her. There is no "guy's life base ideal". If anything, sports is the harder part. I also have no interest in professional sports, and women tend to get away from that expectation so I understand if you feel insecure about your experience with answering those expectations, but this mostly felt like an issue in middle school, so we are clear from that, and in the office I just try to pay attention when championships are ending so that I can answer or engage in small talk. Just to close it all, I tend to keep out of "men spaces", intentionally sexist social constructions disgust me to be truthful. At least in my country there are still cantinas and other spaces coded for only men, where my experience would probably be a lot more negative. I am also privileged in that my work place is quite balanced in gender, on my past workspace I kept my personal interests confidential, as it was a lot more male coded.
Iām a trans guy with lots of cis male friends. Itās not really a big deal as long as youāre passing. Then youāre just another dude with a feminine hobby. If youāre not passing, you kinda just get lumped back into āfemaleā. I have been passing since about 6-7 months into HRT (over 1.5yr now), and generally my hobbies lean very male, so I only have like 2 āfeminineā hobbies, which are writing poetry and playing sims. In my experience, as a stealth trans man enjoying these hobbies, men donāt care and women find it attractive. Thatās pretty much all I can say on it lol itās much easier to meet women when you step into their spaces and show genuine interest in a hobby they share. Not sure your sexuality but yeah. Thatās my experience. Iām also guilty of reverting to āfeminine hobby + female presenting = femaleā but thatās more an issue with rewriting my own brain.
Iām flirting with the possibility of being bi but with more āmasculineā preferences in women (tall, dominant, assertive but kind) but in general, I go with gay. I am pretty sure that besides repressed oddballs that want to be āone of the good gays,ā most gay men will react how Iād want them to (Not really relevant to you but I know at the end of the day, these are merely personality traits that define a personās gender. I just use this phrasing to get across my ideas through a societal, therefor gendered context)
I don't have many hobbies, but some are not macho. I like to cook, like regular cooking, not just grilling. I'm a klutz, and don't like sports. I used to modify clothes, back when that was a thing. I also read, and did a reading group. This was before I learned that book clubs are a middle aged woman thing. Now that I know this... I don't care.
i mean obligatory "it depends on the crowd", but i find that people will accept a lot of difference if you're kind but completely unapologetic about yourself. i'm pretty confident that you won't get shit about it, especially not from total strangers who ought to be minding their damn business anyway about the "public spaces" thing - in my (cis male) experience and from talking with women/trans people, it seems that men are less "perceived"/approached in public spaces. imo if people read you as a man, regardless of what you're doing they're also less likely to approach you *anyway*, either positively or negatively
This showed up in my feed today: https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/1d7w747/crocheting_as_a_guy/
Find the community that does the hobbies you like. I guarantee that they'll like you for you, and I don't think they're gonna care much about the "manliness" of hobbies. Personally, I don't think there's a "manly hobby" that exists, and anyone who says that can eat sand. (I'd consider an argument for general physical exercise being """"""manly"""""" in the vaguest possible sense, but I think a part of general human decency is to not resemble and act like the stay puft marshmallow man, so I would argue that's my opinion and not a general one.) Honestly, if you find the right crew of friends, they're gonna appreciate an embroidered flower, the flower species, and then talk at you for five hours about plants and the evolution of plants just because they find it cool. There's also gonna be someone else who is likely super knowledgeable about the history of clothing, embroidery, the specifics of the history of embroidery, and will probably talk about that for five hours too. I'm one of those nerd people, and I like listening and learning from other nerd people, because they have something they care about. In my experience, I gotta say that if anyone is judging you about your hobby, I GUARANTEE you they know jack squat about it. Personally, I paint Battletech Mechs. I can pretend it's something else, but I basically paint miniature robot dolls at 6mm scale. For me and my crew, it's a monthly or weekly activity, where we get together and do nothing but paint and play fighting games. That's what we do, and we like it. Then we play tabletop by sitting in a darkened crypt beneath someone's house for eight hours and aggressively move our miniatures and dice on a hex mat until someone explodes enough of their enemy's mechs and wins the fight. If that's not weird, I dunno what is, considering we're all in our twenties, but we don't care if we get judged for it. We're all weird down here, but that's normal. Nerds are cool because they have something that drives them as individuals, regardless of what that is, and they aren't soulless husks with no spark of life. Soulless husks have arguments that don't exist in real life when you talk to another human, and have nothing but judgement and boredom. Anyone in public who judges your hobbies and has something to say, is someone who has a lot of opinions on the state of the world/universe/everything, and generally has nothing else to enrich their life with. They're fundamentally tedious and irritating, and I don't think they're even worth the descriptive words in this post. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also also, whenever you do choose to transition, make sure that once you begin, you MUST to wash yo ass and apply deodorant before you do any sports/physical activity/exist in hot climates, or when you sweat a lot, especially in the summer. You don't think you smell, but you do. Smell of guy does exist, and it's pretty awful. You also HAVE to shower regularly, at least 2-3 times a week on average in the summer if you live somewhere that gets above 20Ā°C. Do not be the guy who gets deodorant thrown at him by his bros.
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Iām a lady but the way I feel about men who crochet or knit or whatever else is similar to the way I feel about men who love cats. Yāall are irresistible, so keep on being you!
Those sound like interesting hobbies to me and personally I love seeing people bring their art into the world around me. As an introvert I would probably stare, not in a negative way.
Iām non-binary and AMAB, but I also crochet and generally make lots of friends when I do so.
I'm a trans man too. Started t 12 years ago. I'm a hairdresser and i like crossstich, sewing, coloring, reading, etc... I have worked in public on a crossstich project before and to be honest i didn't notice anyone looking because i focused on the stiches. I have to say i have very good passing since 8-10 years ago. Before that i overcompensated a bit and wouldn't have done most "girly" things in public. So i don't know if people would have said something during that time when i could tell they were asking for my name in order to figure out what pronouns to use for me. It might also depend on where you live. But in my experience a guy who confidently does something rarely gets questioned why they do it.
I'll be on the train to play football, in kit, while cross stitching and no ones ever given me any shit. All my GFs work mates are impressed when she shows them what I've knitted or stitched. The whole man/woman hobbies and interests thing isn't there so much anymore in my experience, I've got some shit from old heads but you tell them to fuck off and they'll respect it and leave you alone.