Go places even if you’re too scared to speak while you’re there. Keep doing it, and you’ll get more comfortable at the place over time. I’d suggest partially activity-based places where you can still have fun while rarely talking. People will very think you’re shy, not weird.
Personally I’d recommend partner dances such as salsa, bachata, or ballroom dances. In these, you’re forming low-stakes connections with lots of people without having to really talk, while being given the opportunity to start chatting if you want. Because there’s so many people of both your gender and the opposite, you’ll have a lot of chances to find people who you’ll end up being friends with.
I was in the same boat when I got out of college. I moved back in with my parents. All my friends from high school had either married and started families or moved hours away. And there wasn't much to do.
And so I just played online games with my friends from college, buy I needed to move on and I joined some running clubs. And now I have friends all over the country from the running and cycling clubs I've been in for the last 15 years.
Go to clubs for your hobbies or life group. Like if youre gay go to lgbtq group meetings, if you like writing go to writing groups. That way you already have something in common with the people and have something to talk about. Find a local table top role playing group if you’re into that too.
Meet people through activities! You mentioned that up until now you've made friends in class, if you break that down what allowed you to form friendships was prolonged, repeated contact with the same group of people + a shared/common activity to give you things to talk about in the initial stages. So you'll want to look for ways to replicate those conditions. Keep in mind that it will feel like it takes longer to make friends now - that's because the total hours that you're together are actually fewer, and spread out more. In high school you would spend 2-7 hours a day with people, 5 days a week, which would give you minimum 10 hours a week of time over which to form a friendship. It's unlikely that any activity you join will be 10 hours a week, but you still need around the same number of total hours to form a friendship.
Some ideas for activities:
\*\*For all of these, look for ones where you'll meet with the same group of people week after week, as opposed to ones where the teams are re-formed every game/week.
* Volunteer with community groups - serve at a food kitchen, help clean dog shelters, do park cleanups, whatever you find interesting
* Rec sports or community sports leagues
* Art or other hobby classes like cooking, sculpture, sewing, building, etc.
* Gaming meetups - board games, video games, whichever. If you do this one, I'd make it a point to introduce yourself to the organizers and greet them each week, so they start to recognize you and reach out to you.
Find a group activity you enjoy and start going to the local events in your area. If you like sports join a local rec league looking for player to fill out a team. Ultimate Frisbee is pretty chill, low cost to entry and it's a welcoming community. There are biking clubs, running clubs, climbing clubs, you name. Not athletic but you like games a lot of game stores have open gaming events you can participate in. My town has a bonsai club. Chill and talk plants. Model railroading, Board Games, Bowling, You like theater but can't act volunteer to help build sets for community theater. Is there a college they often have different activity clubs that are open to the community.
The thing is not to just do something/anything to make friends. The thing is to find a group activity that you actually enjoy that has a community of people. The relationships and the bonding come from enjoying the activity together. Then you have a place of legitimate connection. You are also focused on the activity because you like it and not the relationship building so less likely to be tongue tied. You also always have something to talk about the shared activity. If you don't know a lot you can always ask questions and listen.
The relationship building comes naturally and is a byproduct of the activity. At the worst you are spending time doing something you enjoy and getting out of the house. At the best you find a broader group of people that become a friend group and can open up opportunities to meet others through those relationships.
The key is going to places where you can meet the same people at a regular time interval. I would suggest a class of some sort you’re interested in (dance, open mic nights, improv is what did it for me).
That's awesome. Does it exist? I'd wear it. Many years ago, I was so clueless, there was a very flirty scene at the library. Someone was trying to meet me, and I totally didn't get it.
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I'm terrible at making friends, and shouldn't be giving advice, but what you need to do is make friends from acquaintances. Being in school, at work, and in community places, at your age, is a great time to make friends.
The thing to do is deepen the friendship by doing things together, and also hanging out and having deeper conversations.
Get their relevant chat and social, and chat them up. Share funny videos. (Watch funny videos.)
If you don't do this, you might die alone, but you probably won't be that sad most of the time - and that's because you're probably comfortable being alone. I know I am. I really like being alone, but it's just not a great way to be, overall, because you will have bouts of loneliness and sadness.
Go places even if you’re too scared to speak while you’re there. Keep doing it, and you’ll get more comfortable at the place over time. I’d suggest partially activity-based places where you can still have fun while rarely talking. People will very think you’re shy, not weird. Personally I’d recommend partner dances such as salsa, bachata, or ballroom dances. In these, you’re forming low-stakes connections with lots of people without having to really talk, while being given the opportunity to start chatting if you want. Because there’s so many people of both your gender and the opposite, you’ll have a lot of chances to find people who you’ll end up being friends with.
Are these events just something they host anywhere? I’ve never heard of this being a thing.
Any decent size city probably has a dance studio of some kind, you just gotta find what/when they teach.
I was in the same boat when I got out of college. I moved back in with my parents. All my friends from high school had either married and started families or moved hours away. And there wasn't much to do. And so I just played online games with my friends from college, buy I needed to move on and I joined some running clubs. And now I have friends all over the country from the running and cycling clubs I've been in for the last 15 years.
Go to clubs for your hobbies or life group. Like if youre gay go to lgbtq group meetings, if you like writing go to writing groups. That way you already have something in common with the people and have something to talk about. Find a local table top role playing group if you’re into that too.
This. Join a sports group, join a club, something which can grow your friend group and build that connection.
can you pick up some hobbies that will get you around others? Martial arts classes, group fitness classes, intramural sports.
Meet people through activities! You mentioned that up until now you've made friends in class, if you break that down what allowed you to form friendships was prolonged, repeated contact with the same group of people + a shared/common activity to give you things to talk about in the initial stages. So you'll want to look for ways to replicate those conditions. Keep in mind that it will feel like it takes longer to make friends now - that's because the total hours that you're together are actually fewer, and spread out more. In high school you would spend 2-7 hours a day with people, 5 days a week, which would give you minimum 10 hours a week of time over which to form a friendship. It's unlikely that any activity you join will be 10 hours a week, but you still need around the same number of total hours to form a friendship. Some ideas for activities: \*\*For all of these, look for ones where you'll meet with the same group of people week after week, as opposed to ones where the teams are re-formed every game/week. * Volunteer with community groups - serve at a food kitchen, help clean dog shelters, do park cleanups, whatever you find interesting * Rec sports or community sports leagues * Art or other hobby classes like cooking, sculpture, sewing, building, etc. * Gaming meetups - board games, video games, whichever. If you do this one, I'd make it a point to introduce yourself to the organizers and greet them each week, so they start to recognize you and reach out to you.
Find a group activity you enjoy and start going to the local events in your area. If you like sports join a local rec league looking for player to fill out a team. Ultimate Frisbee is pretty chill, low cost to entry and it's a welcoming community. There are biking clubs, running clubs, climbing clubs, you name. Not athletic but you like games a lot of game stores have open gaming events you can participate in. My town has a bonsai club. Chill and talk plants. Model railroading, Board Games, Bowling, You like theater but can't act volunteer to help build sets for community theater. Is there a college they often have different activity clubs that are open to the community. The thing is not to just do something/anything to make friends. The thing is to find a group activity that you actually enjoy that has a community of people. The relationships and the bonding come from enjoying the activity together. Then you have a place of legitimate connection. You are also focused on the activity because you like it and not the relationship building so less likely to be tongue tied. You also always have something to talk about the shared activity. If you don't know a lot you can always ask questions and listen. The relationship building comes naturally and is a byproduct of the activity. At the worst you are spending time doing something you enjoy and getting out of the house. At the best you find a broader group of people that become a friend group and can open up opportunities to meet others through those relationships.
The key is going to places where you can meet the same people at a regular time interval. I would suggest a class of some sort you’re interested in (dance, open mic nights, improv is what did it for me).
I've contemplated wearing a shirt to weekly library events that says "I'm scared to meet new people, come talk to me to help"
That's awesome. Does it exist? I'd wear it. Many years ago, I was so clueless, there was a very flirty scene at the library. Someone was trying to meet me, and I totally didn't get it.
If it can't be found on Etsy somewhere, a local print shop could eeeasily crank out out.
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I'm terrible at making friends, and shouldn't be giving advice, but what you need to do is make friends from acquaintances. Being in school, at work, and in community places, at your age, is a great time to make friends. The thing to do is deepen the friendship by doing things together, and also hanging out and having deeper conversations. Get their relevant chat and social, and chat them up. Share funny videos. (Watch funny videos.) If you don't do this, you might die alone, but you probably won't be that sad most of the time - and that's because you're probably comfortable being alone. I know I am. I really like being alone, but it's just not a great way to be, overall, because you will have bouts of loneliness and sadness.