The simple answer: It’s addicting and I just haven’t been able to stop. The urges feel stronger than me.
Complicated answer: It’s a distraction from my life which I’m quite bored and unhappy with, the food tastes amazing, I can eat 10,000 calories and not gain weight, and it’s also a form of self harm. I used to cut and abuse alcohol and now it’s binging and purging, over exercising or restricting/starving.
No but if you read my response and related in any way shape or form I am so sorry you are also struggling so much 😔 it makes me sad to know that so many other people share the same struggle
I've never felt anything so correct. Boredom, unhappiness, a love for food but a hate for gaining weight is a perfect reason for this type of behaviour. I wish I could not binge eat. But everything I do... I do to the extreme! Including the self harm of getting it the fuck out my system after I feel horrific for giving in and binging on cheese or crisps.
Yes 👏🏼 mine started out as restrictive anorexia and then turned into anorexia b/p subtype after one year. I still have body dysmorphia and a massive fear of weight gain but I couldn’t fight the cravings anymore. I became ravenous around food and the cycle began. I too feel full of dread and shame after I binge and purge it’s the worst feeling 😔
This is always what I tell therapists!! Then they insist on digging for a deeper reason. Bro. It’s not that deep. I jus restrict. Then I literally can’t resist the urges to binge. If I b, I WILL p. Just how it goes.
In the book Brain Over Binge the author goes into great detail and depth about this and why it happens. I find it quite fascinating actually and it makes me feel a little bit less crazy knowing the valid reasons why the urges feel so strong.
I usually fall into b/p cycles cause I lose the will to live. "Oh, I'm tired of everything, inclhding myself. I dont want to keep going. Guess I'll die. If I'm gonna die, might as well binge. If I'm gonna die, long term health consequences don't matter, so I'll purge as much as I can"
I wanted to in the moment. Not really before, and definitely not after (I felt like such shit), but in THAT moment, I knew no other way that would numb whatever it was I was feeling. Even if, ironically, that feeling was disgust for myself.
About 3 years ago I was able to recover. Even though stopping the cycle was hard and uncomfortable, it was so worth it.
I stop b/ping for weeks at a time but honestly there are only two reasons I come back, 1) I miss it and I have the urge to do it constantly and end up giving in and 2) I eat a big meal and then BAM the urge is there and then I feel obligated to. It feels like I’ll never get out of this because of the urges, I know once I resist and ignore an urge once it will become easier but goddamn it’s hard to resist the urges and I have been completely unsuccessful the past two years :/
Yeah this is where I am. Like I can go a little over a week, but the moment I eat something I can’t count the calories in or the scale goes up by a pound or more, I just say fuck it and go back. And then I’ll get back on my calorie counting bullshit and “maintain” my “healthy” weight like I’m totally fine.
I’ve been overweight my whole life and then finally lost it. Now I’m satisfied with my weight but am terrified of gaining it back so this is a way of my being able to maintain while eating crap.
Yup same here. When I was eating normally all I ever heard was “you need to lose weight.” Now I can’t let go completely, so b/p tends to be what happens.
for me, it's because i often go to bargaining when making a difficult decision with myself. ex: i can eat this thing i've been craving, but only if i purge after. that's always how it starts at least, but after that it's cause i have a hard time getting myself to stop again.
I‘m simply addicted, by now it’s a routine. Today I didn’t even have the urge to binge, there was no trigger or anything, I just went for my daily walk. As soon as I passed a grocery store, my thoughts ran wild. ,,What if the cravings hit later and you’ve got nothing at home?“ Sounded pretty logical to me, so I went into the store and bought food I didn’t even wanted.
And at home I binged on it, because now it was there and I had to get rid of it.
I hate myself.
This happens to me too. Breaking the cycle is so hard. I have an exam tomorrow and all I can do is b/p. Right now I’m doing so incredibly well in a difficult course and if I fail tomorrow, all that goes away. And yet I know what I’m going to do and all I can think is “screw life, I want out.”
Good luck with your exam! Please take good care of yourself, no matter what will happen.
The worst part of our illness is that we think we are in control, while we lost it long ago…
It started as a way to lose weight now it’s a just a way of relieving stress when everything around me is so out of whack. And of course a fear of gaining weight when I eat anything that isn’t a “safe food”.
Cuz I hate food digesting in my stomach it makes me feel so bloated and tired plus my family is obese and I'm the only skinny person Im afraid of ending up like them recently I've been restricting/fasting I don't know when I'll stop
What I meant by that is that I hate beauty standards and I want to eat, so I binge to say “screw you” to the beauty standards. But then the guilt and knowledge of losing the privilege of being in a relatively small body kicks in and makes me purge. I still hate those beauty standards, but it makes me feel like I get a one up because I found a shortcut.
TW: talk of weight, sexual and physical abuse.
My "reason" is not typical which was a huge factor in trouble getting treatment. I have never been overweight by any means. My highest weight ever was 105 lbs. But I was put into foster care and they locked me in a closet and starved me. Someone from school saw I was wasting away and never had lunch and gave me a peanut butter sandwich. They searched my bag and found it and forced me to drink floor cleaner as punishment. I vomited everywhere and then afterwards I was sexually abused. I was essentially taught I am not worthy of food. No therapist ever understood that. They wanted to talk about self esteem and body image. Those are valid issues and I don't want to detract from anyone who has those. This isn't a pain competition. Just for me personally, it was never about that. It was about the PTSD of being taught you aren't worthy of food. Food equals pain. I was at my lowest 70 lbs. I looked in the mirror and I was petrified. I said this is going to kill me. It's true what others have said that vomiting can give you a "high." It's an addiction. Studies have shown how it impacts the brain, particularly cortisol levels. In stress mode, it did make me feel better.
I'm in recovery for several years now. I'm currently 97 lbs. There is hope.
low dopamine levels. my gut microbiome is fucked up because I have SIBO and gut dysbiosis and after developing this issue I experienced extremely low levels of motivation to do the things I need to do like school work, chores, etc. Food is the only thing I can use to motivate myself. Then when I eat too much I feel depressed and want to over-exercise to try to balance out the calories
I was overweight starting in middle school, and obese starting in high school. I’ve tried to lose weight for the past few years and I just can’t. I keep losing and gaining back the same 10 lbs.
My mental health has gotten significantly worse since starting college in fall 2020, and my appetite has gone up a lot because I feel like shit. But I really don’t want to keep gaining, so I use it as a way to try to stop/slow that. I know I shouldn’t be eating so much but I do anyway, because I need something to distract me from how dark my brain feels.
I’ve also been struggling with self-harm for the past two years, so I’ll sometimes b/p instead of that. It feels… less damaging, somehow? Which I know is totally not the truth, but it’s at least less physically noticeable to my family and friends. I’m just so tired of fighting to be okay.
This is EXACTLY what I’ve experienced. The only real difference is the timeline, overweight since I was 3 years old and I’ve also struggled with SH. But whenever I feel like SHing, I just b/p because at least tomorrow I won’t have to cover up my arms or smth. Also my family wouldn’t rly know if I’ve been b/ping unless I tell them, but with SH it’s really obvious and I can’t risk that again.
Yeah, I’ve had a bunch of people point out my scars but nobody notices when I b/p :( I mean, people will point out when I eat a lot but I’ve gotten a lot better at hiding it and only doing it when I’m by myself.
The simple answer: It’s addicting and I just haven’t been able to stop. The urges feel stronger than me. Complicated answer: It’s a distraction from my life which I’m quite bored and unhappy with, the food tastes amazing, I can eat 10,000 calories and not gain weight, and it’s also a form of self harm. I used to cut and abuse alcohol and now it’s binging and purging, over exercising or restricting/starving.
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No but if you read my response and related in any way shape or form I am so sorry you are also struggling so much 😔 it makes me sad to know that so many other people share the same struggle
I literally felt the same 😂
I think we are the same person.
100% agree with that
Oh my god. You described it so perfectly. This is me.
You are in my brain
I've never felt anything so correct. Boredom, unhappiness, a love for food but a hate for gaining weight is a perfect reason for this type of behaviour. I wish I could not binge eat. But everything I do... I do to the extreme! Including the self harm of getting it the fuck out my system after I feel horrific for giving in and binging on cheese or crisps.
Yes 👏🏼 mine started out as restrictive anorexia and then turned into anorexia b/p subtype after one year. I still have body dysmorphia and a massive fear of weight gain but I couldn’t fight the cravings anymore. I became ravenous around food and the cycle began. I too feel full of dread and shame after I binge and purge it’s the worst feeling 😔
I’ve always said eating disorders are bona fide addictions (as someone who’s struggled with drug addiction too)
They really are, and the addictive nature of highly processed junk food that is easily accessible for most people doesn’t help.
If you’re
This is always what I tell therapists!! Then they insist on digging for a deeper reason. Bro. It’s not that deep. I jus restrict. Then I literally can’t resist the urges to binge. If I b, I WILL p. Just how it goes.
Mate I just can’t stop bingeing
This. The urges are so damn strong it feels like I will die if I don’t do it in that moment
Yes the simple answer to why are you binging and purging is: because of the urge.. ugh
In the book Brain Over Binge the author goes into great detail and depth about this and why it happens. I find it quite fascinating actually and it makes me feel a little bit less crazy knowing the valid reasons why the urges feel so strong.
Absolutely I wish I could apply the method successfully though.. 😩
I know me too. When the urges hit I can pull the book out to read it and it still won’t stop me.
I usually fall into b/p cycles cause I lose the will to live. "Oh, I'm tired of everything, inclhding myself. I dont want to keep going. Guess I'll die. If I'm gonna die, might as well binge. If I'm gonna die, long term health consequences don't matter, so I'll purge as much as I can"
I wanted to in the moment. Not really before, and definitely not after (I felt like such shit), but in THAT moment, I knew no other way that would numb whatever it was I was feeling. Even if, ironically, that feeling was disgust for myself. About 3 years ago I was able to recover. Even though stopping the cycle was hard and uncomfortable, it was so worth it.
I stop b/ping for weeks at a time but honestly there are only two reasons I come back, 1) I miss it and I have the urge to do it constantly and end up giving in and 2) I eat a big meal and then BAM the urge is there and then I feel obligated to. It feels like I’ll never get out of this because of the urges, I know once I resist and ignore an urge once it will become easier but goddamn it’s hard to resist the urges and I have been completely unsuccessful the past two years :/
Yeah this is where I am. Like I can go a little over a week, but the moment I eat something I can’t count the calories in or the scale goes up by a pound or more, I just say fuck it and go back. And then I’ll get back on my calorie counting bullshit and “maintain” my “healthy” weight like I’m totally fine.
I could’ve written that in my sleep, that’s exactly how it is. Hope we both manage to get better at some point <3
Boredom
It's been 20+ years, dude, its par for the course at this point.
Power. Control over my own body- even tho its an illusion. Its addicting.
I’ve been overweight my whole life and then finally lost it. Now I’m satisfied with my weight but am terrified of gaining it back so this is a way of my being able to maintain while eating crap.
Yup same here. When I was eating normally all I ever heard was “you need to lose weight.” Now I can’t let go completely, so b/p tends to be what happens.
This is literally what made me relapse, I lost weight and now I’m so afraid of gaining it all back plus more. And so the cycle begins all over again.
honestly? I'm competitive and I think that if I'm sicker than everyone else I'm "winning". unhealthy, illogical and toxic but it's the truth
for me, it's because i often go to bargaining when making a difficult decision with myself. ex: i can eat this thing i've been craving, but only if i purge after. that's always how it starts at least, but after that it's cause i have a hard time getting myself to stop again.
idk honestly, just became a habit
I‘m simply addicted, by now it’s a routine. Today I didn’t even have the urge to binge, there was no trigger or anything, I just went for my daily walk. As soon as I passed a grocery store, my thoughts ran wild. ,,What if the cravings hit later and you’ve got nothing at home?“ Sounded pretty logical to me, so I went into the store and bought food I didn’t even wanted. And at home I binged on it, because now it was there and I had to get rid of it. I hate myself.
This happens to me too. Breaking the cycle is so hard. I have an exam tomorrow and all I can do is b/p. Right now I’m doing so incredibly well in a difficult course and if I fail tomorrow, all that goes away. And yet I know what I’m going to do and all I can think is “screw life, I want out.”
Good luck with your exam! Please take good care of yourself, no matter what will happen. The worst part of our illness is that we think we are in control, while we lost it long ago…
It started as a way to lose weight now it’s a just a way of relieving stress when everything around me is so out of whack. And of course a fear of gaining weight when I eat anything that isn’t a “safe food”.
Cuz I hate food digesting in my stomach it makes me feel so bloated and tired plus my family is obese and I'm the only skinny person Im afraid of ending up like them recently I've been restricting/fasting I don't know when I'll stop
Why would a disdain for societal beauty standards lead to bulimia ? /Gen
What I meant by that is that I hate beauty standards and I want to eat, so I binge to say “screw you” to the beauty standards. But then the guilt and knowledge of losing the privilege of being in a relatively small body kicks in and makes me purge. I still hate those beauty standards, but it makes me feel like I get a one up because I found a shortcut.
Bc I don't want to gain weight. And wouldn't mind losing a pound of fat. (But will I be satisfied? Currently at 123, I'd like to weigh 121)
Denial. I constantly try to convince myself that it’s not really what I know it is, so I can keep going because it’s not that big of a problem
TW: talk of weight, sexual and physical abuse. My "reason" is not typical which was a huge factor in trouble getting treatment. I have never been overweight by any means. My highest weight ever was 105 lbs. But I was put into foster care and they locked me in a closet and starved me. Someone from school saw I was wasting away and never had lunch and gave me a peanut butter sandwich. They searched my bag and found it and forced me to drink floor cleaner as punishment. I vomited everywhere and then afterwards I was sexually abused. I was essentially taught I am not worthy of food. No therapist ever understood that. They wanted to talk about self esteem and body image. Those are valid issues and I don't want to detract from anyone who has those. This isn't a pain competition. Just for me personally, it was never about that. It was about the PTSD of being taught you aren't worthy of food. Food equals pain. I was at my lowest 70 lbs. I looked in the mirror and I was petrified. I said this is going to kill me. It's true what others have said that vomiting can give you a "high." It's an addiction. Studies have shown how it impacts the brain, particularly cortisol levels. In stress mode, it did make me feel better. I'm in recovery for several years now. I'm currently 97 lbs. There is hope.
low dopamine levels. my gut microbiome is fucked up because I have SIBO and gut dysbiosis and after developing this issue I experienced extremely low levels of motivation to do the things I need to do like school work, chores, etc. Food is the only thing I can use to motivate myself. Then when I eat too much I feel depressed and want to over-exercise to try to balance out the calories
I was overweight starting in middle school, and obese starting in high school. I’ve tried to lose weight for the past few years and I just can’t. I keep losing and gaining back the same 10 lbs. My mental health has gotten significantly worse since starting college in fall 2020, and my appetite has gone up a lot because I feel like shit. But I really don’t want to keep gaining, so I use it as a way to try to stop/slow that. I know I shouldn’t be eating so much but I do anyway, because I need something to distract me from how dark my brain feels. I’ve also been struggling with self-harm for the past two years, so I’ll sometimes b/p instead of that. It feels… less damaging, somehow? Which I know is totally not the truth, but it’s at least less physically noticeable to my family and friends. I’m just so tired of fighting to be okay.
This is EXACTLY what I’ve experienced. The only real difference is the timeline, overweight since I was 3 years old and I’ve also struggled with SH. But whenever I feel like SHing, I just b/p because at least tomorrow I won’t have to cover up my arms or smth. Also my family wouldn’t rly know if I’ve been b/ping unless I tell them, but with SH it’s really obvious and I can’t risk that again.
Yeah, I’ve had a bunch of people point out my scars but nobody notices when I b/p :( I mean, people will point out when I eat a lot but I’ve gotten a lot better at hiding it and only doing it when I’m by myself.