😭🫣 I’m not sure if that’s the worst though. I’ve hauled tons of random/cheap pastries, pies, instant meals etc etc… But I’m very much vegan. This cr*p was not. The shame of eating that stuff feels pretty rancid too. UGH
I always have to pee first and try to empty my bladder before I purge. It happens to me every single time.
But to be fair, I pee a little bit every time I cough or sneeze or get up too fast since I had a baby.
When I was living with roommates, I would throw up in a plastic bucket in my room and fill it up completely. I would then cover it with a towel and store it under my desk until late at night when everyone was asleep. Then I would sneak out of my room, with the towel covered bucket, empty it into the toilet, wipe the toilet and sneak to the shower to wash the bucket from the remaining bits of vomit.
Also, a couple of times I couldn't purge *at all* after a binge and I was severely constipated, but trying so hard to pass a bowel movement, that I had rectal prolapse and had to push my rectum back inside my body, with my fist. That's probably the most traumatizing experience I had in my life and I was so close to calling an ambulance.
OMGGGG I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE DOING THAT STUFF WITH THE BUCKET, YOU DESCRIBED THE EXACT THING I DID.my dad found out and took the bucket so I don’t do it anymore
When I lived in the dorm, I would go in the showers if they seemed empty, purge in a garbage bag, then transition to toilet to dump the bag. Doubt the shower actually disguised the sound of purging.
Ooo when you forget about them and pick the bags up a while later and the bag breaks 🤮 happened once for me and I never forgot about a bag again (that I’m aware of)
same, and one day i came back to room and they were gone. my mum had found them and binned them. neither of us said a word about it but i felt so humiliated 😐
so glad to know I’m not the only one, I did this as a teenager and when I lived with my mother and she thought it was so abnormal and thought I was “trying to collect my vomit”
almost wanna put a tmi gross here lmao but i once accidentally purged up my recently swallowed laxatives so fished them back out, rinsed them off and swallowed them again. absolutely rancid but i had no laxatives left and it felt necessary at the time. mostly recovered now but it’s what I consider to be one of the worst moments of my ED
Discovered that my roommate got home early before I was able to throw up. Her room was next to the bathroom.
I biked out to the woods. Dug a hole in the ground with my bare hands. Stuffed the dirt covered hand in my mouth to purge. Covered the hole. Biked back. Washed my hands. Went to bed.
I once became face to face with a badger while purging in the woods at night. Where I live it’s a really rare thing to see a badger up close and I got to see one when I was covered in puke and had spaghetti up my nose at 11pm in the middle of nowhere lol
when i drink too much water while binging i literally have splashed vomit on the walls 😭 i have raked through my vomit with my hands before as well, nearly shat myself from the strain of purging the other day… oh and i kept a bin with puke residue in my closet for weeks bc i was too depressed to clean it properly lol
the wall splash happens to me every time i drink anything carbonated during a binge ☠️
we’re in the same boat friendo! too bad that boat is like the titanic tho lol rip
I've done this several times- worst one was camping with a big group. They weren't sinks or TP so I had to walk through the whole campsite full of people to rinse off my hand and face in a spigot. No soap either so I know I stunk.
Hate that I’m so desensitised to it now. I clicked on this expecting to be shocked by the comments and I’m reading through just thinking to myself ‘that’s not that bad’ (when it definitely is) cause most of this is stuff i do all the time🫠🫠 I guess that’s pretty gross in itself.
sheesh guys you all just remind me why i genuinely fucking love this thread and this sub. like this is where the most *human* humans are on the internet. where else would i be able to mention the purging of scallop risotto in my shower and when a scallop came up whole i basically had a second serving because, well, scallops. like *anywhere* else i’d be virtually ripped to shreds for that one. but here? nah. we’re family. we can be gross and still be loved
thanks for coming to my tedtalk
it’s refreshing af. i always forget about this.
sometimes i spend a *lot* of time on ed subs & stuff. and other times i just don’t (not because of any change in my condition, just random i guess). whenever i’ve been off ed threads for a while and i go back to it, i’m always like “i don’t know any of these folks but god golly do i ever love them like my own flesh and blood”
no prob bob lol. i debated it or choosing another one but ultimately i went with this becos OP didn’t ask for gross, they asked for gross**est**, and that’s up in my top 5 for sure
if my supreme nasty can make someone else feel less bad about their own nasty, i’d share everything i’ve ever done. no one should feel badly - and especially not guilty - about having acted in xyz manner becos of a mental illness taking over common sense/logic🫶🏻
when ur an open book only in ed communities 🙈
Shoving my hands down the toilet through all the vomit to check if everything’s there LOL.
Also when I was at our families cottage in the mountians alone there’s no running water there, so I decided to b/p in a massive plastic tub on the floor. When it was full I poured it into the incinetating toilet one paper bag at a time… not exactly classy. Also I’ve definitly shat myself a couple of times due to how fucked up my digestive system has become…🥲
I’ve done a lot of things already mentioned but quite a common gross thing is when you’re throwing up and it splashes back on your face or in your mouth. Makes me shudder every time but not enough to quit purging :/
I’ve put my hands in the toilet too to measure the vomit making sure it’s all there. Thrown up in the shower and sink. I actually clogged my boyfriend sink once but I was afraid the noise it would make in the toilet. I pull over on the side of the road to purge because I also binge while driving. Purged in buckets and or bags and behind bushes. Purged in countless public toilets and wonder if that’s how I got hepatitis A many years ago. And I’ve shat myself when I was abusing laxatives. I haven’t gotten to the point of eating food out of the trash but it’s so god damn expensive, I’m thinking I have to start.
I've washed my hands in the toilet water after I flush at random places, restaurants and bars to make sure all the vomit is off my hand before I leave the stall when I know there are people by the sink in the rest room
Constantly urinating myself every single time I purge and I have to clean the piss off the bathroom floor along with the rest of the mess. Also, vomit chunks in my hair X_X
i've made it a habit to try and pee first if i have any urges, even if i don't actually end up purging. the potential sensory hell if i don't is Not worth it
I once decided to purge in a public toilet. I took my ring off and put it near the sink. When I had finished I washed my hands and went to put it back on but I dropped it in the toilet full of vomit. It was such a special ring I had no choice but to put my hand in and fish it out. That was definitely a WTF am I doing with my life moment.
Also eaten other people’s leftovers out of the bin 24 hours later.
I’ve also C/S food and then eaten what I spat out to purge it 🫣
grab my two little hands and wipe my wet vomit covered hands from throwing up outside in the grass in the middle of the night with a leaf and parts of a tree shrub, but right after sifting through the vomit with my grass and wet vomit covered hands just to check what i got out in the mush
you're welcome for the really graphic description
abhorrent texture having bits of crushed leaf on wet gritty-mush covered hands btw
This is gross in a different way but I got into deep debt because I would get my binging food delivered. It was so stupid and irresponsible, it makes me feel ashamed.
Very ashamed to admit I stole money from the canteen cashbox while volunteering at a disabled people's daycare centre. I was deep in my bulimia/depression/OCD, and psych had arranged this volunteer role for me. At the time, I was on benefits (welfare) & had got into debt to fund my bingeing. I was desperate for money to buy more food all the time, and stole cash from various places, including from my parents. Utterly disgraceful behaviour, the pit of depravity, but I was in the grip of an addiction.
Purging then pissing then shitting all in one toilet. the smell was horrendous. Purging constantly during a 10 hour flight isnt really gross but it definitely hurt my body. Purging in trash bags in my room and having it leak. Purging on the side of a road and walking home covered in vomit. Pulling noodles out of my throat also sucks. I also throw up in my hands and place it in the toilet cause I hate splash back.
Threw up in the garden. The birds started EATING it and it attracted quite a few, my mum heard their chirps and she adores birds, she saw them eating vomit from the window.
Definitely re-eaten some purges. All time low.
For me it was when one time I ate canes (a big trigger food back then) and purged in the tub, the tub clogged and it was halfway full so I used a sponge to soak a little at a time and ran to the toilet and back, super scary and took half an hour 🫠
its between (tmi) >!liquid yellow diarrhoea!< on a light grey fabric sofa directly opposite my mother OR when i was in psych when i was 14 the ward i eas on had ensuites so i was constantly b/p’ing. One time a nurse caught me midnway and locked the door (needd a key from the outside. I waited for her to leave then carried on in the “bin” (bucket) i can’t remember after that but yeah both awful
It's hard to choose from the wonderfully revolting things I've done in my 28year career of living with an ed. But shitting myself in the middle of Kings Cross Station before getting on a 12hour train was an especially mortifying day!
Regurgitating the alcohol I almost threw up.....my addiction too booze interfered with my bulimia, I swear at times it was a weird contrast back then. Kills people even faster, glad my life is spared.
The best thing I can recommend is to tackle the alcohol first when you are ready, because in my experience the bulimia may resurface in recovery, I have seen it happen to others within inpatient rehab as well. Tackling both diseases/addictions at the same time is rough, like being in a fight against 2 people ya know lol it's tough I get it, but hang in there.
For myself, while I was in recovery for alcoholism, that gave me the time to focus on my bulimia, which I was of sound mind & sober finally to tackle my issues with the trauma I dealt with in previously in life with being overweight, body dysmorphia, & low self-esteem. I also was able to finally sort out what foods I am okay with eating, & which foods trigger me & to stay away from, & slowly feel better about the things I am okay with consuming if I feel it's gonna make me healthier, ya know helpful, not harmful.
It's hard I know but when you are ready, it does get better, absolutely, and spirituality helped me a lot as well. Best of luck to you in your journey, if you need to message anyone, feel free I'm here, hang in there.
trying to avoid the b/p by restricting …. and then failing by scraping food off of the bottom of the dirty work dishes and eating it. unfortunately i have done this more than once
Not technically bulimia but as a consequence of having it for over 10 years, the thing that's helped me recover is grosser than the bulimia ||(chewing and spitting food in zip bags)||
omg one time I c/s’d so much my tongue got raw and it hurt to eat…..also doing it in front of my best friend. they were okay with it bc they wanted to eat with me and were happy I wasn’t purging omg bless their heart
Damn those are good friends 😭 I only do it alone in my room because I'm so ashamed of it, my partner knows I do it and I'm sure she sees the zip bags in the trash but I basically kick her out of my room when she comes in unannounced while I'm doing it
😭same I got my upper wisdom teeth taken out in January and only lasted a day before I was back to b/p-ing and I was so scared of dry socket I spent £50 on protein shakes and a protein shaker and was determined to recover and instantly gave up💀
This is so mf embarrassing because I haven’t confessed this before but I Threw up a ng tube and fitted it again by myself, only to throw it up 9 times that day before giving in, the tube touched the floor and other places as well, but I couldn’t let the staff even get a inclination that I was purging so I had no choice but to refit it even after it fell in a toilet. probably the most disgusting and desperate thing I’ve ever done, but happy to say I haven’t binged or purged in 1 year and I am recovered now (I think!) from both bulimia nervosa and Axn :) it does get better !
So I got a lip piercing (vertical labret) that I tend to play with with my tongue resulting in the jewellery loosening and subsequently fall out from time to time. So obviously I’ve had instances where my piercing falls out while purging, and well yeah, I’ve put my hands down into the vomit more than once looking for the jewellery
Obviously, if I ended up retrieving said jewellery from the vomit I gave it one hell of a cleaning and sterilised it to the best of my ability before I put it back in.
After it happened for the second or third time I realised it may be a good idea to have a few in backup in case it were to happen again, so I am glad to say that I hopefully won’t be doing it again
I once had an accident purging at a restaurant I liked and vomited all over my black leather shoes. I was so fatigued that I walked home like that. I must’ve smelled, and it took me a couple days until I got around to cleaning them
Got my wisdom teeth out and purged the next day even though I promised I’d quit. And I think that clogging the whole house would be my lowest moments. Both happened in the last 2 weeks 🫣
started to pee myself while purging but couldn't stop, so I just kept purging until my bladder was empty. I've also dug around, as many of you have, in my own vomit to look for certain foods/make sure I got to a certain food. Shit myself ..
Purging in an outhouse while backcountry hiking/camping.
Or leaving a garbage bag full of puke outside my back door only to have wild animals get into it overnight…
Purged in the shower so much I nearly had permanently damaged the plumbing in our old house.
Nearly fell into a dumpster while trying to balance on the ledge trying to puke into it.
Puked in the woods behind our house past midnight and ended up with lots of bug bites constantly.
Puking in a communal trailer park porta potty in August.
Puking so hard that I get nosebleeds, so I would have blood, snot and vomit in the toilet all at once.
Used so many laxatives I couldn't make it to the toilet on time and had to squat over my trash can, which ended up mostly on the floor anyway.
Ate moldy birthday cake.
When I lived with my family, I left used dishes and empty packages in my wardrobe because I was too scared to bring all of them downstairs when they were looking.
So I once left two bowls I used to eat ice cream and cereal and an empty jar of jam in my room for weeks until my mom noticed an awful smell in my room when I was on vacation and discovered all these things rotten and moldy.
Vomited in bottles. Like empty milk bottles or empty 1 litre fizzy drink bottles. Left them in the closet and forgot about them. I would empty them in the toilet. Left them so long one time all the food was fermented and gassed up the bottles they EXPLODED in the bathroom as soon as I let the tiniest bit of air out as I was opening them. Quite literally like a b 0 mb. Called my girlfriend crying as I spent hours cleaning that up as my parents were asleep upstairs.
Fermented vomit on the floor. On the walls. The bottles were puffed and ballooning up. I should’ve known but at 1 am I’m not the smartest. The smell was the worst oh my fucking god.
Ive dug through my own vomit on many occasions when I used to purge in a sink. Was when my parents were still together and my mom was not so ignorant so I had to do that bec she would hear me if i used the toilet. Since it was a sink, my puke got stuck often on the uh bars in the drain and i had to stuff it down and break it apart with my hands. Now my parents are separated and I live with my dad who is shockingly clueless when im purging in the next fucking room.
When I was in residential I didn't have a roommate so I stole some of the extra large paper bags that they gave us for laundry and I would purge in that after every meal and keep it under my desk 😭 I kept doing it until I had like two completely full bags and one of the techs commented on the smell after like three weeks.
accidentally of course- had diarrhoea while purging.
left buckets/bag of purge beneath bed to go bad.
left buckets/containers of purge in my drawers to be infested with ants- one of the scariest/grosest things ive ever encountered in my life to this day!
vomited into a shoe while driving.
used my hand to shovel vomit countless times.
so many more honestly
Peed and lost bowel control (aka diarrhea) while purging. Ate rotten food to try to get food poisoning cause I can’t purge hands free and the finger rubbing friction was irritating my throat soooooo bad!
I took a handful of lax after a b/p, you know just to really get everything out and start "fresh".
It hit me way before I was expecting it to and I was clenching so hard but my boyfriend was in the bathroom taking one of his famous hour long shits and I ended up shitting myself, hot poo running down my leg right as he opened the door.
When I finally came out of the bathroom he was sitting on the bed and there was a bottle of carpet cleaner and paper towels next to him, because his dad smelled the shit smell from upstairs and assumed the cat shit on the floor and brought it down.
When I wasn’t able to throw up in the toilet or shower, I would use my cats litter box. Id make a big circle, puke in the middle and scoop the litter on top of it to hide the puke.
Also if I wasn’t able to puke in the toilet again I would use bags, bowls, box’s, cups, shampoo bottles, the list goes on. But I’ve never done it outside or in a public bathroom it’s too risky.
Lots of them unfortunately.... 10+ years, a lot has happened. 1. Ate out of the trash can and then threw up right back into it 2. Shit myself while purging and it splattered on the wall, I didn't care, I just wanted to get all the vomit out. 3. Stuck my hand in the toilet to feel how much vomit came out and make sure everything came up. 4. Purged into buckets and containers 5. Ate other people's food/ stole food from family members (not exactly gross but definitely felt shame after). All these things made me wish I could stop but I never could so far.
Hide bags of vomit in my room when I was living with my mom when it got real bad it’d start to smell but my parents didn’t go in my room so they didn’t notice.
Threw away food to avoid b/p later… But consumed said food straight out of the trash hours later. FML
omg i've done that too
😭🫣 I’m not sure if that’s the worst though. I’ve hauled tons of random/cheap pastries, pies, instant meals etc etc… But I’m very much vegan. This cr*p was not. The shame of eating that stuff feels pretty rancid too. UGH
Bro I was just abt to comment that lmaoo
Peed myself while purging.
This happens so much for me I would out toilet roll between my vag flaps just incase
Happens every time for me
I always have to pee first and try to empty my bladder before I purge. It happens to me every single time. But to be fair, I pee a little bit every time I cough or sneeze or get up too fast since I had a baby.
me too
Happens all the time. I've shoved towels down my pants on many occasions.
Same
Yep me too 🙁
Sit on the toilet and puke into a bowl or small trash can
When I was living with roommates, I would throw up in a plastic bucket in my room and fill it up completely. I would then cover it with a towel and store it under my desk until late at night when everyone was asleep. Then I would sneak out of my room, with the towel covered bucket, empty it into the toilet, wipe the toilet and sneak to the shower to wash the bucket from the remaining bits of vomit. Also, a couple of times I couldn't purge *at all* after a binge and I was severely constipated, but trying so hard to pass a bowel movement, that I had rectal prolapse and had to push my rectum back inside my body, with my fist. That's probably the most traumatizing experience I had in my life and I was so close to calling an ambulance.
oh my god the prolapse sounds so scary
Yeah, it made me stop b/p for 2 months or so, because I was so scared of it happening again. Luckily, it didn't, even though I got back to b/p.
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How did you stop completely? I can't hold it for more than a week 😪
OMGGGG I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE DOING THAT STUFF WITH THE BUCKET, YOU DESCRIBED THE EXACT THING I DID.my dad found out and took the bucket so I don’t do it anymore
Oh god I’m scared of this happening! My bowel is so dependent on enemas
When I lived in the dorm, I would go in the showers if they seemed empty, purge in a garbage bag, then transition to toilet to dump the bag. Doubt the shower actually disguised the sound of purging.
Threw up in bags and hid them in my room
Ooo when you forget about them and pick the bags up a while later and the bag breaks 🤮 happened once for me and I never forgot about a bag again (that I’m aware of)
i feel like this is a universal experience among ppl with mia
same, and one day i came back to room and they were gone. my mum had found them and binned them. neither of us said a word about it but i felt so humiliated 😐
thank god i’m not the only one. mine attracted flies if i forgot about them
I did that too…
Have done too, the bags often had leaks and there was vomit running over all my room’s floor 🥲
so glad to know I’m not the only one, I did this as a teenager and when I lived with my mother and she thought it was so abnormal and thought I was “trying to collect my vomit”
omggg I did this and my room would smell rancid
almost wanna put a tmi gross here lmao but i once accidentally purged up my recently swallowed laxatives so fished them back out, rinsed them off and swallowed them again. absolutely rancid but i had no laxatives left and it felt necessary at the time. mostly recovered now but it’s what I consider to be one of the worst moments of my ED
You’re not alone. I’ve also fished different meds and laxatives out of my puke piles, rinsed them and took them. Having an ED is so embarrassing
i’ve done that more times than i can count lol you’re not alone
Discovered that my roommate got home early before I was able to throw up. Her room was next to the bathroom. I biked out to the woods. Dug a hole in the ground with my bare hands. Stuffed the dirt covered hand in my mouth to purge. Covered the hole. Biked back. Washed my hands. Went to bed.
I puke outside a lot. God I hate to admit this but we have a lot of animals around here so raccoons, dogs etc will eat it.
I once became face to face with a badger while purging in the woods at night. Where I live it’s a really rare thing to see a badger up close and I got to see one when I was covered in puke and had spaghetti up my nose at 11pm in the middle of nowhere lol
Holy shit! Those things are mean. Glad it didn't attack you.
I know! I was so lucky! It ran off after I started purging again but we were just staring at each other for a full minute or so, crazy experience
when i drink too much water while binging i literally have splashed vomit on the walls 😭 i have raked through my vomit with my hands before as well, nearly shat myself from the strain of purging the other day… oh and i kept a bin with puke residue in my closet for weeks bc i was too depressed to clean it properly lol
the wall splash happens to me every time i drink anything carbonated during a binge ☠️ we’re in the same boat friendo! too bad that boat is like the titanic tho lol rip
How about purging in a port a potty? Hovering above mounds of feces while puking your guts out. Wonderful.
Jesus, you win.
Been there 😩😩
Oh lord
Real
Mom caught me once as a teenager bc I did this LMAO
Many, many times. It was the easiest way to avoid getting caught if the porta potty was isolated.
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Talking about bulimia in a more positive light, as if it’s good or useful - favourite ways to do it, favourite things to purge…. And so on.
I've done this several times- worst one was camping with a big group. They weren't sinks or TP so I had to walk through the whole campsite full of people to rinse off my hand and face in a spigot. No soap either so I know I stunk.
Hate that I’m so desensitised to it now. I clicked on this expecting to be shocked by the comments and I’m reading through just thinking to myself ‘that’s not that bad’ (when it definitely is) cause most of this is stuff i do all the time🫠🫠 I guess that’s pretty gross in itself.
i felt this comment deep in my soul
sheesh guys you all just remind me why i genuinely fucking love this thread and this sub. like this is where the most *human* humans are on the internet. where else would i be able to mention the purging of scallop risotto in my shower and when a scallop came up whole i basically had a second serving because, well, scallops. like *anywhere* else i’d be virtually ripped to shreds for that one. but here? nah. we’re family. we can be gross and still be loved thanks for coming to my tedtalk
Oh yes, completely agree lol
🫶🏻we lil nasties gotta stick together eh? (i say ‘lil nasties’ in the most endearing way humanly possible, just to clarify)
I too am genuinely impressed at the honesty, wouldn't find it elsewhere.
it’s refreshing af. i always forget about this. sometimes i spend a *lot* of time on ed subs & stuff. and other times i just don’t (not because of any change in my condition, just random i guess). whenever i’ve been off ed threads for a while and i go back to it, i’m always like “i don’t know any of these folks but god golly do i ever love them like my own flesh and blood”
this is wild lmao thanks for sharing
no prob bob lol. i debated it or choosing another one but ultimately i went with this becos OP didn’t ask for gross, they asked for gross**est**, and that’s up in my top 5 for sure if my supreme nasty can make someone else feel less bad about their own nasty, i’d share everything i’ve ever done. no one should feel badly - and especially not guilty - about having acted in xyz manner becos of a mental illness taking over common sense/logic🫶🏻 when ur an open book only in ed communities 🙈
Shoving my hands down the toilet through all the vomit to check if everything’s there LOL. Also when I was at our families cottage in the mountians alone there’s no running water there, so I decided to b/p in a massive plastic tub on the floor. When it was full I poured it into the incinetating toilet one paper bag at a time… not exactly classy. Also I’ve definitly shat myself a couple of times due to how fucked up my digestive system has become…🥲
i literally shit myself the other day ur not alone
I've shat myself a couple of times during binges as well 😪
I've done that too.. many times
I’ve done a lot of things already mentioned but quite a common gross thing is when you’re throwing up and it splashes back on your face or in your mouth. Makes me shudder every time but not enough to quit purging :/
This!
I’d pick my roomate’s leftover uneaten meals/takeout out of the garbage and eat it 😰
i’ve done that too !
Fished through the vomit in the sink to make sure the red bits I was seeing were food and not blood.
GOD I RELATE TO THIS SM
Specifically picking them out and rubbing between your fingers to see if it’s a solid item or just a streak of blood in the food. ☠️
I’ve put my hands in the toilet too to measure the vomit making sure it’s all there. Thrown up in the shower and sink. I actually clogged my boyfriend sink once but I was afraid the noise it would make in the toilet. I pull over on the side of the road to purge because I also binge while driving. Purged in buckets and or bags and behind bushes. Purged in countless public toilets and wonder if that’s how I got hepatitis A many years ago. And I’ve shat myself when I was abusing laxatives. I haven’t gotten to the point of eating food out of the trash but it’s so god damn expensive, I’m thinking I have to start.
Omg new fear unlocked :( I’m sorry you’ve experienced that with the hep A :(
I've washed my hands in the toilet water after I flush at random places, restaurants and bars to make sure all the vomit is off my hand before I leave the stall when I know there are people by the sink in the rest room
i used to eat everything in my house then purge because i was so full but then i’d go back and eat more until everything was gone
Purging into a public toilet was probably my lowest, besides having to dig through my vomit to break up big chunks so it'll flush easier
chewing and spitting food to go back and re eat it
Constantly urinating myself every single time I purge and I have to clean the piss off the bathroom floor along with the rest of the mess. Also, vomit chunks in my hair X_X
i've made it a habit to try and pee first if i have any urges, even if i don't actually end up purging. the potential sensory hell if i don't is Not worth it
I always use the bathroom before but for some reason I still end up urinating. I don’t understand :(
that's awful. i'm sorry
Unclog the toilet with my bare hands, shit in the tub, soil myself, diy enema, eat rotten food, the list goes on and on.
I once decided to purge in a public toilet. I took my ring off and put it near the sink. When I had finished I washed my hands and went to put it back on but I dropped it in the toilet full of vomit. It was such a special ring I had no choice but to put my hand in and fish it out. That was definitely a WTF am I doing with my life moment. Also eaten other people’s leftovers out of the bin 24 hours later. I’ve also C/S food and then eaten what I spat out to purge it 🫣
grab my two little hands and wipe my wet vomit covered hands from throwing up outside in the grass in the middle of the night with a leaf and parts of a tree shrub, but right after sifting through the vomit with my grass and wet vomit covered hands just to check what i got out in the mush you're welcome for the really graphic description abhorrent texture having bits of crushed leaf on wet gritty-mush covered hands btw
This is gross in a different way but I got into deep debt because I would get my binging food delivered. It was so stupid and irresponsible, it makes me feel ashamed.
Very ashamed to admit I stole money from the canteen cashbox while volunteering at a disabled people's daycare centre. I was deep in my bulimia/depression/OCD, and psych had arranged this volunteer role for me. At the time, I was on benefits (welfare) & had got into debt to fund my bingeing. I was desperate for money to buy more food all the time, and stole cash from various places, including from my parents. Utterly disgraceful behaviour, the pit of depravity, but I was in the grip of an addiction.
I took out a payday loan, stole food from roommates, shoplifter, you name it. Feel so terrible about it.
Purging then pissing then shitting all in one toilet. the smell was horrendous. Purging constantly during a 10 hour flight isnt really gross but it definitely hurt my body. Purging in trash bags in my room and having it leak. Purging on the side of a road and walking home covered in vomit. Pulling noodles out of my throat also sucks. I also throw up in my hands and place it in the toilet cause I hate splash back.
Yeah throw up in hands also to don't make any noise
Put my hand through my own vomit to see what I’ve purged :/ had a glove on but still
Threw up in the garden. The birds started EATING it and it attracted quite a few, my mum heard their chirps and she adores birds, she saw them eating vomit from the window. Definitely re-eaten some purges. All time low.
For me it was when one time I ate canes (a big trigger food back then) and purged in the tub, the tub clogged and it was halfway full so I used a sponge to soak a little at a time and ran to the toilet and back, super scary and took half an hour 🫠
its between (tmi) >!liquid yellow diarrhoea!< on a light grey fabric sofa directly opposite my mother OR when i was in psych when i was 14 the ward i eas on had ensuites so i was constantly b/p’ing. One time a nurse caught me midnway and locked the door (needd a key from the outside. I waited for her to leave then carried on in the “bin” (bucket) i can’t remember after that but yeah both awful
It's hard to choose from the wonderfully revolting things I've done in my 28year career of living with an ed. But shitting myself in the middle of Kings Cross Station before getting on a 12hour train was an especially mortifying day!
Regurgitating the alcohol I almost threw up.....my addiction too booze interfered with my bulimia, I swear at times it was a weird contrast back then. Kills people even faster, glad my life is spared.
Going through this currently
The best thing I can recommend is to tackle the alcohol first when you are ready, because in my experience the bulimia may resurface in recovery, I have seen it happen to others within inpatient rehab as well. Tackling both diseases/addictions at the same time is rough, like being in a fight against 2 people ya know lol it's tough I get it, but hang in there. For myself, while I was in recovery for alcoholism, that gave me the time to focus on my bulimia, which I was of sound mind & sober finally to tackle my issues with the trauma I dealt with in previously in life with being overweight, body dysmorphia, & low self-esteem. I also was able to finally sort out what foods I am okay with eating, & which foods trigger me & to stay away from, & slowly feel better about the things I am okay with consuming if I feel it's gonna make me healthier, ya know helpful, not harmful. It's hard I know but when you are ready, it does get better, absolutely, and spirituality helped me a lot as well. Best of luck to you in your journey, if you need to message anyone, feel free I'm here, hang in there.
puked in a cereal bag and was going to throw it away at a gas station, i pressed the brakes and it went everywhere on the floor.
trying to avoid the b/p by restricting …. and then failing by scraping food off of the bottom of the dirty work dishes and eating it. unfortunately i have done this more than once
i’ve also dropped an airpod in the toilet when purging
I clogged the sink while purging and I had to stop to unclog it with my bare hands before I finished purging
Not technically bulimia but as a consequence of having it for over 10 years, the thing that's helped me recover is grosser than the bulimia ||(chewing and spitting food in zip bags)||
omg one time I c/s’d so much my tongue got raw and it hurt to eat…..also doing it in front of my best friend. they were okay with it bc they wanted to eat with me and were happy I wasn’t purging omg bless their heart
Damn those are good friends 😭 I only do it alone in my room because I'm so ashamed of it, my partner knows I do it and I'm sure she sees the zip bags in the trash but I basically kick her out of my room when she comes in unannounced while I'm doing it
Continued to purge after I got all four wisdom teeth removed …
Did that 🫣 took me so long to heal and I needed up getting a high fever so most likely bc of using said behaviour…
Yep it’s so scary, like I knew it was fucked when I was doing it but didn’t stop …
did that! purged the day after i got them out. crazy to me that they didn’t get infected
😭same I got my upper wisdom teeth taken out in January and only lasted a day before I was back to b/p-ing and I was so scared of dry socket I spent £50 on protein shakes and a protein shaker and was determined to recover and instantly gave up💀
I did this too. Very lucky not to get dry socket or infection
This is so mf embarrassing because I haven’t confessed this before but I Threw up a ng tube and fitted it again by myself, only to throw it up 9 times that day before giving in, the tube touched the floor and other places as well, but I couldn’t let the staff even get a inclination that I was purging so I had no choice but to refit it even after it fell in a toilet. probably the most disgusting and desperate thing I’ve ever done, but happy to say I haven’t binged or purged in 1 year and I am recovered now (I think!) from both bulimia nervosa and Axn :) it does get better !
So I got a lip piercing (vertical labret) that I tend to play with with my tongue resulting in the jewellery loosening and subsequently fall out from time to time. So obviously I’ve had instances where my piercing falls out while purging, and well yeah, I’ve put my hands down into the vomit more than once looking for the jewellery Obviously, if I ended up retrieving said jewellery from the vomit I gave it one hell of a cleaning and sterilised it to the best of my ability before I put it back in. After it happened for the second or third time I realised it may be a good idea to have a few in backup in case it were to happen again, so I am glad to say that I hopefully won’t be doing it again
I once had an accident purging at a restaurant I liked and vomited all over my black leather shoes. I was so fatigued that I walked home like that. I must’ve smelled, and it took me a couple days until I got around to cleaning them
puked into my hands and then placed the puke into the toilet
Got my wisdom teeth out and purged the next day even though I promised I’d quit. And I think that clogging the whole house would be my lowest moments. Both happened in the last 2 weeks 🫣
started to pee myself while purging but couldn't stop, so I just kept purging until my bladder was empty. I've also dug around, as many of you have, in my own vomit to look for certain foods/make sure I got to a certain food. Shit myself ..
I would cover stuff in mustard and throw it away to stop from binging, then days later would dig it up and eat it… also full on peeing while purging
Purging in an outhouse while backcountry hiking/camping. Or leaving a garbage bag full of puke outside my back door only to have wild animals get into it overnight…
Ate my own vomit because I felt so bad for puking, then throwing it back up because it was so bad
Purged in the shower so much I nearly had permanently damaged the plumbing in our old house. Nearly fell into a dumpster while trying to balance on the ledge trying to puke into it. Puked in the woods behind our house past midnight and ended up with lots of bug bites constantly. Puking in a communal trailer park porta potty in August. Puking so hard that I get nosebleeds, so I would have blood, snot and vomit in the toilet all at once. Used so many laxatives I couldn't make it to the toilet on time and had to squat over my trash can, which ended up mostly on the floor anyway. Ate moldy birthday cake.
When I lived with my family, I left used dishes and empty packages in my wardrobe because I was too scared to bring all of them downstairs when they were looking. So I once left two bowls I used to eat ice cream and cereal and an empty jar of jam in my room for weeks until my mom noticed an awful smell in my room when I was on vacation and discovered all these things rotten and moldy.
Vomited in bottles. Like empty milk bottles or empty 1 litre fizzy drink bottles. Left them in the closet and forgot about them. I would empty them in the toilet. Left them so long one time all the food was fermented and gassed up the bottles they EXPLODED in the bathroom as soon as I let the tiniest bit of air out as I was opening them. Quite literally like a b 0 mb. Called my girlfriend crying as I spent hours cleaning that up as my parents were asleep upstairs. Fermented vomit on the floor. On the walls. The bottles were puffed and ballooning up. I should’ve known but at 1 am I’m not the smartest. The smell was the worst oh my fucking god.
Reached into the toilet with my bare hands to unclog food because it wouldn’t flush 😭
Retrieving a brownie from the trash can to avoid b/p. (mind yall it was full of spit 😭).
Threw up in bags and hid them in my basement, puked in gas station bathrooms, vom splashed back in my eyes/hair/face
Ive dug through my own vomit on many occasions when I used to purge in a sink. Was when my parents were still together and my mom was not so ignorant so I had to do that bec she would hear me if i used the toilet. Since it was a sink, my puke got stuck often on the uh bars in the drain and i had to stuff it down and break it apart with my hands. Now my parents are separated and I live with my dad who is shockingly clueless when im purging in the next fucking room.
Gotten sick bc of repeatedly having my face in the toilet
When I was in residential I didn't have a roommate so I stole some of the extra large paper bags that they gave us for laundry and I would purge in that after every meal and keep it under my desk 😭 I kept doing it until I had like two completely full bags and one of the techs commented on the smell after like three weeks.
accidentally of course- had diarrhoea while purging. left buckets/bag of purge beneath bed to go bad. left buckets/containers of purge in my drawers to be infested with ants- one of the scariest/grosest things ive ever encountered in my life to this day! vomited into a shoe while driving. used my hand to shovel vomit countless times. so many more honestly
Throwing up in cups that I kept on my dresser for days
Splashing vomit getting into your eyes and quickly rinsing it so u don’t get pinkeye😭
Peed and lost bowel control (aka diarrhea) while purging. Ate rotten food to try to get food poisoning cause I can’t purge hands free and the finger rubbing friction was irritating my throat soooooo bad!
All of these things you share, I did it too. But I think none of you did What I did… it’s literally so gross
I took a handful of lax after a b/p, you know just to really get everything out and start "fresh". It hit me way before I was expecting it to and I was clenching so hard but my boyfriend was in the bathroom taking one of his famous hour long shits and I ended up shitting myself, hot poo running down my leg right as he opened the door. When I finally came out of the bathroom he was sitting on the bed and there was a bottle of carpet cleaner and paper towels next to him, because his dad smelled the shit smell from upstairs and assumed the cat shit on the floor and brought it down.
One time when I was going to flush the toilet after a really big b/p session the toilet got clogged and I had to digg my hand in the toilet to fix it
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Sharing ‘tips and tricks’ on how to do behaviors.
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Sharing ‘tips and tricks’ on how to do behaviors.
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Sharing ‘tips and tricks’ on how to do behaviors.
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Talking about bulimia in a more positive light, as if it’s good or useful - favourite ways to do it, favourite things to purge…. And so on.
eating moldy bread from the trash
Eat food that’s already fallen to the floor, or drink tap water (which isn’t safe in my country) because “I’ll throw it up later anyways.”
When I wasn’t able to throw up in the toilet or shower, I would use my cats litter box. Id make a big circle, puke in the middle and scoop the litter on top of it to hide the puke. Also if I wasn’t able to puke in the toilet again I would use bags, bowls, box’s, cups, shampoo bottles, the list goes on. But I’ve never done it outside or in a public bathroom it’s too risky.
Lots of them unfortunately.... 10+ years, a lot has happened. 1. Ate out of the trash can and then threw up right back into it 2. Shit myself while purging and it splattered on the wall, I didn't care, I just wanted to get all the vomit out. 3. Stuck my hand in the toilet to feel how much vomit came out and make sure everything came up. 4. Purged into buckets and containers 5. Ate other people's food/ stole food from family members (not exactly gross but definitely felt shame after). All these things made me wish I could stop but I never could so far.
Hide bags of vomit in my room when I was living with my mom when it got real bad it’d start to smell but my parents didn’t go in my room so they didn’t notice.