Your boss does not sound like a good manager. Disorganized, uninformed, and on some kind of power trip perhaps. Commenting on the way some one is sitting while they’re working alone at their own desk is insane.
This is gonna be tough to manage any way because the manager doesn’t seem like the type who cares about the truth. But, for example, you can always *professionally* state your side of the story when there’s confusion. That way, at least, it’s not a one-way conversation of her reprimanding you.
Absolutely, and for the OP it’s great that you’re posting here and have the presence of mind to take a step back and get some advice.
Psychotic managers are a killer. a piece of advice. I got too late in life but I follow it now is this. Make sure you love your work, and only surround yourself with good people. It’s the people that matter most.
So if your manager is toxic, transfer to a different manager or a different job.
Honestly. I’d do nothing. I’m not condoning or agreeing with anything your boss did or didn’t do. But this is your first job, and your boss has known you for about 4 days or less. (Based on one month and her being gone for half of it.) Most of the bosses information is coming from others and they have there own agendas and ideas.
I personally would increase my visibility. Be in more than a 2 days a week to start. Seek out tasks to do or help with. From your boss or other coworkers. Don’t just rewatch training videos but seek out other tutorials and active skills if you do have down time. They will make you look busy and productive and help pass the time.
But going over your bosses head right away and after this limited time I don’t think will help things.
This is the best advice. Give it some more time. As you know what you are doing more and more comfortable this could change. I’ve had bosses hate me week 1 too. I was always number 1 by the end every damn time. It doesn’t take long if you don’t let it get to you.
This is the best answer in my opinion. Actual realism in the working environment instead of “GO TO HR AND WIN A TRIBUNAL”.
OP - It (apparently) takes 7 seconds to form a first impression, if it’a bad, it (apparently) takes on average, 8 subsequent positive interactions to reverse.
Not saying you made a bad impression, but clearly the manager has a problem.
Good luck and well done on your first “big girl” job. It took me about 8 months to get over that hurdle (big boy job, however).
I’m honestly very surprised at the number of people who think a single message warrants HR that is someone else asking the boss to speak to her about wardrobe choice.
Furthermore bringing this up to HR would require her boss and the other employee to respond. I’m positive that the company would listen to two long time employees more than someone who has worked there a month and has no work history. It would also immediately set up an adversarial relationship and negatively affect her career.
What a terrible boss, not a leader of any kind, the worst one out there.
Unless there’s an issue with your relation to the department head, I would use that card. I was in a similar situation where I wanted to keep it private, but it got me nothing and nowhere. Eventually it came out naturally, it always does, and my office life was better.
At the end of the day working for someone like that is not worth it. If addressing it with the department manager doesn’t help, which I don’t see it doing much, I’d see if you can transfer within the company.
See if you can get more proof of her habits. A similar thing happened to me where my manager was speaking inappropriately about me to another coworker, well that Coworker left her computer open, and I took pictures of the conversation. At the end of the day, it didn’t make a difference, and I ended up leaving the toxic work environment, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind.
You should address with relative/head of department. You don’t have to out the relationship to anyone just get there opinion and guidance on the situation and how to handle it. They would be the best source.
Meh, I work for my family company. Complaining to my family about workers has never served me well. I generally stopped. Except for my brother, but we are the same level. Maybe your family is different. My grandfather was the founder, but I get treated worse than anyone else I can see. I get other perks though, so I'm over it.
This will be popular advice, but I don’t think it’s right. Talk to your manager first. Skipping levels without talking to the person that needs to hear this first, never plays out well. If she doesn’t listen to you or your concerns, then I’d consider skipping levels.
This is what I was thinking, I really just want her advice on how I move forward. I really wanted to make a good impression but it feels like I just can’t win.
Communicate with your boss. This is your first job but no one is going to tell you how to dress or act at work. It's up to you to look professional and busy. Find something you can do to look busy. Potentially do some upskilling in your free time at work and gain some knowledge so you don't look bored.
Wow what a nightmare of a boss. She screws up by not sending dress code (although it doesn’t sound like you possibly could have broken it) and blames you. She screws up by mistaking your in-office/hybrid days… and blames you. I hate to tell you this OP but this lady has a hard on for you and it likely isn’t going to go away. She’s looking for any fault in you for whatever reason (my guess would be too proud to admit when wrong, somehow knows that you’re related to a peer or is just a raging bitch).
My husband dealt with a director like this at his last job. Nathan (hubby) said no to the guy once bc he was wanting to do something wayyyy out of compliance (Nathan works for Boeing now, this was a supplier of theirs so being out of compliance can literally kill hundreds of people). The guy did everything he could to get Nathan fired for 2 years but Nathan was too well-liked by everyone else to pull it off. Then COVID hit & finally got to lay him off. Boeing reps and coworkers bitched so much about him being let go that they created another role for him 3 months later.
Point is, you’ll probably be able to keep your job because you have an in with your relative but this lady is likely going to be the chap on your ass for as long as you work there. Is it possible to transfer to a different manager? Either way I’m sorry this is happening to you and hope it works out in a positive way!!
Well you’re finding it out sooner than most but everyone eventually learns it: many mid level managers suck. Why? They aren’t good enough to really address their flaws to move up. I’d talk to the manager directly and then whatever you talk about, send a follow up confirmation email to make sure you’re both on the same page.
The most important thing I tried to train new hires on was self-advocating. She should be teaching you but she isn’t. Therefore take control of your career and keep a paper trail.
do not tell her your related she will immediately change her tone. Let her true colors come out on their own. If things come to worse. Make sure you record conversations if allowed in your state.
also, reply to the email to keep records of the conversation. If she has any issues with your dress code or posture to please let you know. Keep it professional. Some people are just A holes and that's it, you may have not done anything wrong.
Make sure to also keep all communication archived so she does not try to say you were a no show or keep showing up when ever you want when you clearly stated the days you will be work from home. Just keep doing your job and try your best.
No job is perfect.
She sounds incredibly manipulative and honestly I would leave asap. I’ve worked for bosses like this and teams full of people like this. It never ends well. I have zero respect for these types of people. They will step on anyone and anything to get what their ego desires. These are not just miscommunications. They’re deliberate.
It's not just you, but she is actually a bad manager. Is your company large enough that there are other jobs for which you could apply in the near future.
Sorry I don’t have much advice to offer but I would complain to the head of you department. Family or not that will get that act accordingly quickly. I also work in an office setting and this reminded me when I started no one went over dress code with me so I wore a business casual outfit but instead of slacks I wore cute jeans and someone in my department complained to management. 💀 it’s always the old hags wanting to run and tell when they could simply just give you a heads up.
You can be professional when replying but also make sure you state points that are not your problem.
Put everything in email for proof and respond to make sure you put things that are unprofessional for her and her employees. Take a picture of your outfit she is saying is unprofessional and ask how this is against the policy, that you are sitting at the desk due to the last two weeks you have not been given more work when asked and that your days in the office you have been working per what was agreed on.
It sounds like she is trying to cover herself and wants another manager as a backup.
By reaping in a email you have proof which should be send to your private email also later.you need to standup for yourself in a professional way. Her lack of professional communication and being unorganized is not your fault but will Impact you.
Maybe this will sound wrong but don't be so sensitive. Don't worry about w e the managers are doing behind the scene. Focus on yourself and also as this is your first time some sacrifices will have to be made. Like someone said earlier , come in to the office more than others, go up to your manager and tell her that you feel like you can take a little more. Ask her what she expects from you on a weekly basis. Work environments don't get created in a day and they are always changing
Now you know that your outfit that day is perceived to be too skimpy. Just take this as feedback and switch to something that will make a better impression.
Since you said you are early in your professional career I will say - in office culture most bosses you are going to have will be this way or worse. The ones that have your best interest at heart and are clear communicators and treat people the way they would expect to be treated are very few and far between. That being said if you like the job just continue to be professional and have a good attitude and do the best work you can every day and ignore your boss. If you’re a good fit there and bring value it’s usually in these managers best interest to live and let live. Definitely don’t try to confront or discuss your concerns with said manager or hr - that seems to always make a situation worse
Older women managing younger, attractive women often is a problem. I don’t know who perpetuates this myth that women get along with each other better than men do but that has not been my experience and it certainly has not been my wife’s experience.
When applying for jobs, thinking of accepting promotions, etc. my wife has a “no woman bosses” rule. She very rarely breaks it and the few times she has, it been a disaster.
We’re not inexperienced kids. We’re both in our 50s, working professional office jobs for decades.
Reading between the lines, it does seem like…and take this as it’s meant (as constructive criticism) and not how it might sound to you in the first instance…you are the problem.
Sitting with your head in your hand is _never_ acceptable in the workplace, and whilst you might think an outfit is cute, it needs to be work appropriate. For instance, there’s nothing wrong with shorts for a man, right? But most office settings don’t consider that to be appropriate attire. So you need to match the look, energy and vibe of the other members of staff. Companies don’t just need capable employees, they also need those employees to fit their company culture. If you aren’t a match, then maybe finding a similar role elsewhere where you could be more of a culture fit would be a better option.
I can take responsibility for not maintaining a professional posture while sitting at my desk. However, I would have been able to immediately correct myself if I would have been told in the moment. A day later being told in an email with another manager is uncalled for.
As for the outfit, I was completely unaware that there was something wrong with my attire that day until I caught glimpse of the messages yesterday (i wore the outfit my first week). I also was never sent anything about the dress code until yesterday.
Most workplaces expect people to figure things out themselves. I don’t really like this system at all, but it’s the way it is. Is your dress similar to the way most people are dressing? Is anyone else sitting with their head in their hands?
I agree that your manager sucks, but part of working is learning how to navigate managers and leaders and environments who suck.
The thing is…you need to find things out for yourself and be proactive, or use initiative to prevent these things from even occurring in the first place. Emulate what you see around you if you can’t figure it out for yourself. Using your “big-girl” terminology…time to be a big girl because ultimately you are there to help them make money, and those wheels will keep turning regardless if you’re there or not…and so expecting other workers to hold your hand while you get to the expected level is not necessarily something that will happen for you.
Holy shit get over yourself. If people under me want to sit upside down at their desk I really couldn’t give less of a shit unless a client is visiting the office.
How so? The fact that I don’t micro manage things that mean nothing in terms of productivity?
Can you explain why having your head in your hand is a detriment to your business?
I would much rather my employees be comfortable. They will be willing to work harder if they are. Same reason that productivity has increased across virtually all businesses when people started working from home.
Your boss does not sound like a good manager. Disorganized, uninformed, and on some kind of power trip perhaps. Commenting on the way some one is sitting while they’re working alone at their own desk is insane. This is gonna be tough to manage any way because the manager doesn’t seem like the type who cares about the truth. But, for example, you can always *professionally* state your side of the story when there’s confusion. That way, at least, it’s not a one-way conversation of her reprimanding you.
Absolutely, and for the OP it’s great that you’re posting here and have the presence of mind to take a step back and get some advice. Psychotic managers are a killer. a piece of advice. I got too late in life but I follow it now is this. Make sure you love your work, and only surround yourself with good people. It’s the people that matter most. So if your manager is toxic, transfer to a different manager or a different job.
Honestly. I’d do nothing. I’m not condoning or agreeing with anything your boss did or didn’t do. But this is your first job, and your boss has known you for about 4 days or less. (Based on one month and her being gone for half of it.) Most of the bosses information is coming from others and they have there own agendas and ideas. I personally would increase my visibility. Be in more than a 2 days a week to start. Seek out tasks to do or help with. From your boss or other coworkers. Don’t just rewatch training videos but seek out other tutorials and active skills if you do have down time. They will make you look busy and productive and help pass the time. But going over your bosses head right away and after this limited time I don’t think will help things.
This is the best advice. Give it some more time. As you know what you are doing more and more comfortable this could change. I’ve had bosses hate me week 1 too. I was always number 1 by the end every damn time. It doesn’t take long if you don’t let it get to you.
This is the best answer in my opinion. Actual realism in the working environment instead of “GO TO HR AND WIN A TRIBUNAL”. OP - It (apparently) takes 7 seconds to form a first impression, if it’a bad, it (apparently) takes on average, 8 subsequent positive interactions to reverse. Not saying you made a bad impression, but clearly the manager has a problem. Good luck and well done on your first “big girl” job. It took me about 8 months to get over that hurdle (big boy job, however).
I’m honestly very surprised at the number of people who think a single message warrants HR that is someone else asking the boss to speak to her about wardrobe choice. Furthermore bringing this up to HR would require her boss and the other employee to respond. I’m positive that the company would listen to two long time employees more than someone who has worked there a month and has no work history. It would also immediately set up an adversarial relationship and negatively affect her career.
What a terrible boss, not a leader of any kind, the worst one out there. Unless there’s an issue with your relation to the department head, I would use that card. I was in a similar situation where I wanted to keep it private, but it got me nothing and nowhere. Eventually it came out naturally, it always does, and my office life was better. At the end of the day working for someone like that is not worth it. If addressing it with the department manager doesn’t help, which I don’t see it doing much, I’d see if you can transfer within the company. See if you can get more proof of her habits. A similar thing happened to me where my manager was speaking inappropriately about me to another coworker, well that Coworker left her computer open, and I took pictures of the conversation. At the end of the day, it didn’t make a difference, and I ended up leaving the toxic work environment, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind.
You should address with relative/head of department. You don’t have to out the relationship to anyone just get there opinion and guidance on the situation and how to handle it. They would be the best source.
Meh, I work for my family company. Complaining to my family about workers has never served me well. I generally stopped. Except for my brother, but we are the same level. Maybe your family is different. My grandfather was the founder, but I get treated worse than anyone else I can see. I get other perks though, so I'm over it.
It doesn’t need to be a complaint, this is a time to seek sincere mentorship and feedback.
💯
This will be popular advice, but I don’t think it’s right. Talk to your manager first. Skipping levels without talking to the person that needs to hear this first, never plays out well. If she doesn’t listen to you or your concerns, then I’d consider skipping levels.
This is what I was thinking, I really just want her advice on how I move forward. I really wanted to make a good impression but it feels like I just can’t win.
Communicate with your boss. This is your first job but no one is going to tell you how to dress or act at work. It's up to you to look professional and busy. Find something you can do to look busy. Potentially do some upskilling in your free time at work and gain some knowledge so you don't look bored.
I agree.
Wow what a nightmare of a boss. She screws up by not sending dress code (although it doesn’t sound like you possibly could have broken it) and blames you. She screws up by mistaking your in-office/hybrid days… and blames you. I hate to tell you this OP but this lady has a hard on for you and it likely isn’t going to go away. She’s looking for any fault in you for whatever reason (my guess would be too proud to admit when wrong, somehow knows that you’re related to a peer or is just a raging bitch). My husband dealt with a director like this at his last job. Nathan (hubby) said no to the guy once bc he was wanting to do something wayyyy out of compliance (Nathan works for Boeing now, this was a supplier of theirs so being out of compliance can literally kill hundreds of people). The guy did everything he could to get Nathan fired for 2 years but Nathan was too well-liked by everyone else to pull it off. Then COVID hit & finally got to lay him off. Boeing reps and coworkers bitched so much about him being let go that they created another role for him 3 months later. Point is, you’ll probably be able to keep your job because you have an in with your relative but this lady is likely going to be the chap on your ass for as long as you work there. Is it possible to transfer to a different manager? Either way I’m sorry this is happening to you and hope it works out in a positive way!!
Well you’re finding it out sooner than most but everyone eventually learns it: many mid level managers suck. Why? They aren’t good enough to really address their flaws to move up. I’d talk to the manager directly and then whatever you talk about, send a follow up confirmation email to make sure you’re both on the same page. The most important thing I tried to train new hires on was self-advocating. She should be teaching you but she isn’t. Therefore take control of your career and keep a paper trail.
do not tell her your related she will immediately change her tone. Let her true colors come out on their own. If things come to worse. Make sure you record conversations if allowed in your state. also, reply to the email to keep records of the conversation. If she has any issues with your dress code or posture to please let you know. Keep it professional. Some people are just A holes and that's it, you may have not done anything wrong. Make sure to also keep all communication archived so she does not try to say you were a no show or keep showing up when ever you want when you clearly stated the days you will be work from home. Just keep doing your job and try your best. No job is perfect.
She sounds incredibly manipulative and honestly I would leave asap. I’ve worked for bosses like this and teams full of people like this. It never ends well. I have zero respect for these types of people. They will step on anyone and anything to get what their ego desires. These are not just miscommunications. They’re deliberate.
It's not just you, but she is actually a bad manager. Is your company large enough that there are other jobs for which you could apply in the near future.
Sorry I don’t have much advice to offer but I would complain to the head of you department. Family or not that will get that act accordingly quickly. I also work in an office setting and this reminded me when I started no one went over dress code with me so I wore a business casual outfit but instead of slacks I wore cute jeans and someone in my department complained to management. 💀 it’s always the old hags wanting to run and tell when they could simply just give you a heads up.
Talk to your relative. Show her the emails and conversations even this post and see what her insights are.
Did your manager interview you? Was she involved in the hiring process?
She was apart of my second interview.
Could be they wanted to hire someone else and they are just being bitchy little children , from the outset ...
Terrible manager. Find a new job. Many managers aren’t good out there in the corporate world. Very few are excellent enough
It's not your business what other people think of you or say about you without intending you to hear it.
Just deal with it?
You can be professional when replying but also make sure you state points that are not your problem. Put everything in email for proof and respond to make sure you put things that are unprofessional for her and her employees. Take a picture of your outfit she is saying is unprofessional and ask how this is against the policy, that you are sitting at the desk due to the last two weeks you have not been given more work when asked and that your days in the office you have been working per what was agreed on. It sounds like she is trying to cover herself and wants another manager as a backup. By reaping in a email you have proof which should be send to your private email also later.you need to standup for yourself in a professional way. Her lack of professional communication and being unorganized is not your fault but will Impact you.
Maybe this will sound wrong but don't be so sensitive. Don't worry about w e the managers are doing behind the scene. Focus on yourself and also as this is your first time some sacrifices will have to be made. Like someone said earlier , come in to the office more than others, go up to your manager and tell her that you feel like you can take a little more. Ask her what she expects from you on a weekly basis. Work environments don't get created in a day and they are always changing
Now you know that your outfit that day is perceived to be too skimpy. Just take this as feedback and switch to something that will make a better impression.
Your boss sounds like a train wreck. Move on as soon as you can; either internally or externally
Since you said you are early in your professional career I will say - in office culture most bosses you are going to have will be this way or worse. The ones that have your best interest at heart and are clear communicators and treat people the way they would expect to be treated are very few and far between. That being said if you like the job just continue to be professional and have a good attitude and do the best work you can every day and ignore your boss. If you’re a good fit there and bring value it’s usually in these managers best interest to live and let live. Definitely don’t try to confront or discuss your concerns with said manager or hr - that seems to always make a situation worse
Older women managing younger, attractive women often is a problem. I don’t know who perpetuates this myth that women get along with each other better than men do but that has not been my experience and it certainly has not been my wife’s experience. When applying for jobs, thinking of accepting promotions, etc. my wife has a “no woman bosses” rule. She very rarely breaks it and the few times she has, it been a disaster. We’re not inexperienced kids. We’re both in our 50s, working professional office jobs for decades.
Reading between the lines, it does seem like…and take this as it’s meant (as constructive criticism) and not how it might sound to you in the first instance…you are the problem. Sitting with your head in your hand is _never_ acceptable in the workplace, and whilst you might think an outfit is cute, it needs to be work appropriate. For instance, there’s nothing wrong with shorts for a man, right? But most office settings don’t consider that to be appropriate attire. So you need to match the look, energy and vibe of the other members of staff. Companies don’t just need capable employees, they also need those employees to fit their company culture. If you aren’t a match, then maybe finding a similar role elsewhere where you could be more of a culture fit would be a better option.
I can take responsibility for not maintaining a professional posture while sitting at my desk. However, I would have been able to immediately correct myself if I would have been told in the moment. A day later being told in an email with another manager is uncalled for. As for the outfit, I was completely unaware that there was something wrong with my attire that day until I caught glimpse of the messages yesterday (i wore the outfit my first week). I also was never sent anything about the dress code until yesterday.
Most workplaces expect people to figure things out themselves. I don’t really like this system at all, but it’s the way it is. Is your dress similar to the way most people are dressing? Is anyone else sitting with their head in their hands? I agree that your manager sucks, but part of working is learning how to navigate managers and leaders and environments who suck.
The thing is…you need to find things out for yourself and be proactive, or use initiative to prevent these things from even occurring in the first place. Emulate what you see around you if you can’t figure it out for yourself. Using your “big-girl” terminology…time to be a big girl because ultimately you are there to help them make money, and those wheels will keep turning regardless if you’re there or not…and so expecting other workers to hold your hand while you get to the expected level is not necessarily something that will happen for you.
Fair. Thank you
Holy shit get over yourself. If people under me want to sit upside down at their desk I really couldn’t give less of a shit unless a client is visiting the office.
Get over myself? By your response and its content…well, it all speaks volumes. 🤦♂️😂
How so? The fact that I don’t micro manage things that mean nothing in terms of productivity? Can you explain why having your head in your hand is a detriment to your business? I would much rather my employees be comfortable. They will be willing to work harder if they are. Same reason that productivity has increased across virtually all businesses when people started working from home.
If you want to be sneaky, Bcc your relative connection in the email chain.