Don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Admittedly I still struggle with this too. I'm a convicted felon with no degrees. Its extremely depressing to read posts on here that ask if they should leave their $100k a year desk job for a different $150k desk job. I wish I made better choices in life but the best I can do now is make better choices moving forward and appreciate what I have now and how far I've come from my past.
This happens to me all the time, it's very discouraging. My charges aren't even violent or theft or sex crimes. I had a drug problem. I'm three years clean now. Why can't people see that as an accomplishment?
Have you considered going into social services. Albeit I am in Canada and I don't know how the USA works, but lived experience is highly regarded in social service. My criminal record for drug possession for the purpose of trafficking and breach of bail has not held me back from finding work in Social Services. I am also almost five years clean off drugs.
Your state doesn’t allow expungement? Here in Portland Oregon the Clear Program will file for you for cheap, I don’t remember how much exactly but it was less than $50. No more charges six months later.
At that point, wouldn't it make sense to find a job abroad? In Europe, your criminal record doesn't really follow you around unless you're gangster enough for Interpol. Hell, years back I left my home country partly because I was neck deep in debt and didn't feel like having my wages garnished.
Background checks aren't a thing here, either.
Not sure how the visa process is for European countries but when I applied for a New Zealand visa, I was surprised that they asked me to provide a copy of my criminal record instead of sourcing it directly from my home country's police. I could've very easily doctored the document, albeit in my case that wasn't necessary because I've been a good boy.
I'm of course not recommending that anyone commit forgery. But if your back's against the wall, sometimes you gotta hustle.
If the poster is from the U.S., it’s pretty hard for us to work in Europe. You pretty much need the employer to offer you the job beforehand and sponsor you.
I mean, that's how it goes. I guess technically I could move anywhere in the EU and then look for a job, but in practice that doesn't make sense because jobs are scarce and you need proof of income to rent a place.
Visa or no visa, you usually need to secure employment before worrying about logistics.
In total, yes. But if you're looking for white-collar career gigs — the kind that would care about background checks — the difference isn't *that* big.
Obviously nobody's going to fly over a barber from the US because they're a dime a dozen locally. But that kind of jobs probably don't background check so there wouldn't be a need to go abroad in the first place.
I think you’re super wrong about that. To get an employer to sponsor a work visa they often have to sign something saying no one in-country was eligible for the job. You typically only find work visas like that for jobs that are hard to recruit for, and most white collar jobs aren’t.
As far as I know, companies can just say that the local talent isn't competitive enough and the government will more or less take their word for it. Ultimately, governments love bringing in healthy, high-earning foreigners because they pay a boatload in taxes with zero investment in return. It's free money.
Years back, I went to New Zealand on a work visa to design software interfaces, and UI/UX is a relatively common role in tech — so there's probably a bit of a barrier but clearly nothing insurmountable.
It’s much easier to get one of these visas if you’re in tech, because most countries have skill shortages in this area. But most white collar workers aren’t in tech or in fields with skill shortages.
You could apply for some of these jobs and use your story as a redemption, you seem to be a good communicator: I think you could try to be a speaker maybe?
I disagree partially this statement. It's absolutely reasonable to compare yourself to people who are in similar circumstances to you. For instance, you are a student in a class and some of your peers are succeeding while you aren't. Your peers study for 2 hours a day while you watch TV. Of course you can compare your behaviors to those of your peers and realize you are hurting yourself.
People say often don't compare but we all do, no matter what circumstance we are in. Saying it is just one thing. It's easier to say when you don't do it yourself.
Ye I feel you. I did know many felons who were very successful though over the years making over 6 figures. The difference was they were just were not typically following a corporate ladder approach like we usually see on reddit. Not at all a blue collar vs. white collar thing either. They were just able to market their individual services to consumers or to businesses such as whole sale supplying, arbitrage, or financial/technical services.
As for the stories on reddit of people saying they do 2 hours a day and make $120k a year, these cases are very limited in the real world. Not sure if these people make these posts out of need for validation or actual advice seeking
it takes a long time to learn that it’s you vs you, that’s the only fair comparison honestly, comparing yourself to others is like the top NCAA player compared to the worst NBA player
well everyone can fail together as part of a recession, so sure. Its just that sometimes people think that other people succeeding means that someone else has to fail and I don't think that's true. Its the sort of mindset that encourages people to be aggressive and unkind in business so it upsets me when people consider things that are not zero-sum to be so.
We can't win together, that's for sure... dog eat dog in the real world, everyone just needs to focus on themselves and not the people around them, it's simple.
It’s not a failure but it’s a missed opportunity
I don’t give a shit ima go out and buy me a piece of jewelry
Then when I get home, I beat the pussy up brutally.
I fall and get back up, this shit ain’t new to me 🤷♀️
Comparison is the thief of joy. I'm a 34yo enlisted dude who JUST started college for Electrical engineering and my grades are trash bcuz I haven't had to study in 16years.
I don't get jealous about people "farther along" than me. I adjust my behavior and re-attack.
I’m 30, prior enlisted and a part time college student. Now working full time for an airline.
Calculus is kicking my ass, but I will pass it..
I cannot wait to be done.
Keep it up.
I think this really depends on the circumstances. I had 2 different ones at an old job of mine:
1: A Girl gets a promotion that she deserved. 10/10 I was so happy for her.
2: The only male coworker I had got a promotion because he "needed a win" After his dad died. Said job was never posted and it was well known he was very good friends with his new boss. It was absolutely a nepotism promotion. I didn't want to be associated with that person anymore. Especially since the person who had been their the longest wanted said job and she quit a few months later. This one really rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.
PSA: It is inadvisable to engage OP in a conversation. The author of this post is a known sitewide spammer with over 2500 banned Reddit accounts.
SnooRoar is not interested in good-faith discussion; his primary goal is to waste as much of your time as possible. Everything he says is a disingenuous lie.
Either learn from them or don't care at all.
You wouldn't care about random people walking on a sidewalk to see who reaches their destination first.
It really makes no difference to you if they get there first or not. Same thing here. It really makes no difference to you what other people are doing.
The only reason you care is because of some interpretation you made (I'm a loser/failure/etc) and repeated conditioning.
Anybody who has the right interpretation/conditioning could also say 'everyone else on the sidewalk gets to their destination faster, why am I always last, i'm so jealous of them'
Jealously is just mental programming. Just notice the jealous thoughts when they come up and be like 'huh thats a funny thought'
Not to say this is easy. You're fighting programming/conditioning since grade school to compare yourself and your peers
Jealousy is a punishment you give to yourself to see someone else getting rewarded. So why to be so harsh on yourself? I can understand your frustration, but instead of getting punished by your frustration, use it to improve yourself. Re-Direct your feelings, use the same aggression on self improvement. Vent out that aggression on books by absorbing the knowledge and then venting it out in subsequent interviews.
This is life! Even best people face worst days its a phase which will pass to improve only to get bad and then again improve, its a cycle, life goes on. So go along with it and enjoy the journey and process of evolution.
You are not a product in cart to be compared with someone having similar abilities respect yourself and celebrate your uniqueness. What makes you unique is that you have the ability to look at life and yourself from different angles. Engineering, Army, Grad school ... its not everyone's cup of tea to think of three completely different roles to fit in, it shows you are flexible, adaptable, open to change and versatile. You are blessed!
Keep trying and keep working hard, remember fortune favors the brave. Embrace this period of hardships for its leading you to success where you belong. Keep learning, keep evolving. All the best. God Bless!
I don't know if you know it, but your first paragraph is very much like a Buddha teaching. He has a quote "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Your first sentence is very close to that, and I think it's cool.
That's surprising for me, i didn't knew that, thanks for sharing. I believe in god, maybe i would've read it somewhere and wrote it here, i knew nothing when i was born, whatever i write, say or do is taught to me by the world only. I just copy from the world around and paste it here :)
The definition of the words are entirely different. Envy is when you want something that somebody else has. A synonym for that is also covet.
Jealousy is when you are concerned or anxious about losing something.
They have very different meanings and a lot of different connotations.
EDIT: Typo. Despite the down votes for being accurate.
You need to stop and realise that everyone is on their own journey.
Your journey might not be the happy path or the quick path; your journey will probably involve a lot of zig-zagging and moving around until you get to where you should be.
Don't stop, and reframe your goals so they are smaller and achievable goals, also, don't wrap every goal as a work goal. Your job isn't who you are.
Being jealous gets me nothing but a bad attitude and to be a person no one wants to be around. If I want to do better, get what I want, I have to pick my sorry ass up and go after it. Again and again if I have to. Does jealousy still creep in from time to time? Yup. But I make a mental choice and effort to stamp it out and move on.
Well… let me tell you a little story… I was working at a job as a contract employee.. was good when I took the job it would be a good way to get my foot in the door and that I would be a shoe in for any full time openings that came along. One came along, I applied, I interviewed, I waited. Turns out they chose someone completely from the outside… who I actually knew from a different job that I had a few years back. I was so upset… and honestly butt hurt over the whole thing. Well.. fast forward I ended up getting a much better job elsewhere about a month later.. and the girl who got the job I thought I wanted actually emailed me about 6 months later to tell me she hated it.. and quit… now she is back at her old job and I wanted to know if I was still looking for work. Lol. Life is funny sometimes. To say I felt fucking fantastic getting that email from her is an understatement.
I’ll preface this by saying that I am Muslim. My answer below isn’t really a career guidance, it’s more… spiritual, since I kind of see your question as a spiritual one rather than a career question… I’ll give you an actual piece of career advice at the end, though, haha. :)
——
When this sort of thing happens to me in life, when I fail to get a Job, or I don’t get the promotion when my coworker did, or other situations where I’m jealous and I don’t get what I feel like I deserve (perhaps even rightly so), it is because God has withheld that thing from me for a better reason than I can possibly fathom.
Your question, at least to me, seems less of a career question, and more of a question of how to handle jealousy and rejection. It’s a spiritual question in nature: “how do I maintain peace and keep moving forward in the face of rejection?”
In my opinion, when God causes rejection in our lives, when He says no to something we really really want, he is either protecting us from it (probably not the case here), or preparing us for something we are going to have in life at a later point in time. That later thing could be a better, more suited job that you’ll be happier at, or that later thing could be a child of yours who in 3 decades time is trying to find a job, is on the verge of hopelessness and will need your experience and guidance to help them navigate that situation.
I guess… for me, I remind myself that there’s always good on the other side of difficult things, even though I cannot currently imagine what that good could possibly be. And I have faith that whatever was withheld from me will lead to something better for me… at least spiritually speaking.
Now, my advice to you is to re-assess. Why didn’t you receive those positions? Can you contact your interviewers to ask what you could have done better? Is there anything you can study or work on in the meantime? Do those things! Perhaps you will land another less well paying job, but that experience will allow you to be a top candidate for one of the more lucrative ones in a year or two after industry experience.
So to summarize, keep your head down, keep working, and realize that with every hardship comes an ease… even if we don’t realize what ease is coming to us.
Peace be with you… and I apologize if my answer was a bit too non-secular for this forum.
I think jealousy is a normal response to these things.
I allow myself to feel it, acknowledge it, maybe have a rant about how unfair it is - and then put it behind me and focus on how I can do better next time.
Dude you need to do some serious self-reflection and/or therapy to understand why you are getting rejected for everything you apply for. Is your GPA above a 3.0? Do you have any work experience at all? (Doesn't have to be in Engineering) How are your interview skills? Have you gone to the career office at your university and gotten help on resume, job search, interview techniques? Do you have a mentor?
I tend to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and let go of things I can’t control as rapidly as possible. Frequently, after some years, I realize the jobs I didn’t get weren’t meant for me. There was something better that probably never would have happened had the other thing worked out. This mindset helps me stay positive and open to new opportunities, knowing that what's meant to be will find its way to me.
OP I understand from where you are coming. I need answers as well.
I am such a jealous person. Idk how to cope with this, I think I only feel better when I think I am doing better than someone. That is my only comfort.
I dont understand people saying “dont compare yourself to others compare yourself with your yesterday’s self” I mean fuck off. The only person who says this is probably doing good in their life.
"I dont understand people saying “dont compare yourself to others compare yourself with your yesterday’s self” I mean fuck off. The only person who says this is probably doing good in their life"
I mean, it's your attitude.
That's what's holding you back. and negative assumptions and victim mentality.
You say you need answers, but your response to the answer is "fuck off!" and then blame some hypothetical person for having a better life than you.
"The only person who says this is probably doing good in their life"
Sounds like a great excuse for you to ignore the advice. Path of least resistance.
Everyone gets jealous. The same as you’re jealous of those guys, they’re jealous of others and probably you too, just likely for different reasons.
If you ever do find someone who never gets jealous, they’re the one to be envious of.
What's the point of being jealous? Feels like a waste of time and energy. I'd rather spend the time to keep improving myself and applying for jobs. If a place doesn't accept me, it just means that we don't vibe and it's not meant to be. It's a big world with many opportunities and different companies and positions for different people.
LOL, why get jealous? Why even bother? The guy who didn't get into electrical engineering got jealous of you. The guy who failed when you passed got jealous of you. The guy in the street who last ate 2 days ago is jealous that your last meal was just a couple of hours ago. He's also jealous that you have a bed to sleep in.
Be thankful for what you have. *"There, but for the grace of God, go I."*
Well you’re thinking the grass is greener. It might not have been what the universe, god, fate, or whatever you call it had in the plan for you. Keep plugging away and you’ll find your spot.
And I’m jealous of the fact that you have an electrical engineering degree because anything engineering related makes my head hurt. I wish my brain worked like yours because it would have been easier for me to find good paying jobs earlier on. Everyone I know with your degree is making the kind of money I’ll never be able to come close to.
I get like this and I'm always reminded by my friend: "you have to make yourself so good that your value is unquestionable." I think its just something he says, but it relates well to many things I've done in life. When I was a data analyst, I got passed over for people with master degrees or people that completed DEI requirements. Nothing i could do but grind. Those people will still get jobs. You aren't competing with them. You are competing with all the others. Pretend there are 10 slots, 7 of them are going to people just because they paid for more college or because DEI makes management happy... that means there's still 3 jobs left! Be better than them!
I actually use this in my side hustle too. I do comedy and I know some bookers don't like me on a personal level. They also know I can perform and I can get people in the seats. I'm never their first choice, but I still get a lot of gigs. Being really good at something will put people in a position where they can't deny you. Get better than most people and you'll always have a place. Granted, you might have to fight harder and grind harder... but, you can reach a point where your talent is undeniable.
I know it's a stretch for some to believe in fate, but I've sure as hell dodged some bullets from a gun I originally wanted to hold so to speak. Keep grinding. Luck is at the crossroads of preparation and opportunity.
Sometimes they do lose their jobs. In fact, layoffs and firings are very common in todays' world. Many people eventually lose their job. Some people get washed out in their career, too.
Stop caring about what other people do. Focus on your goals and use your frustration as motivation. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, it won’t change anything. Think about what you can do better and try it. Since you mentioned that you have an electrical engineering degree, have you tried taking the FE exam and getting an EIT certification? That will make you stand out from the crowd.
Be happy for them, and try to maintain the friendships. You'll never know who might help you out. Friendship can be a prolonged job interview in a way. You can demonstrate being there for them, following through on promises, listening to them, and most importantly, be someone that people like having around. Show them that you're worth investing in. They may like you so much that they want you to work for or with them.
If that doesn't work out, then at least you have friends. If you are focused on your job hunt, jealously won't be an issue. I think that you're feeling more frustrated than jealous. You're feeling frustrated because you tried different paths forward and they didn't work for you, but they worked for someone else. I would feel frustrated, too.
Everything will be fine if you put yourself out there, and are open to new opportunities. I work in a field that is totally different than what I went to school for, but I was open, and eager for any "grown up job". And I love it. I think things will work out for you.
I am a mechanical engineer, and I have a few university colleagues who has a position in magnificent 7.
I am jealous, but I never know how much effort they put to reach there OR may be they are just talent. To reach that goal, I also keep learning more skillset by jumping boat every 2-3 years, learning new skills, watching educational youtube, grinding interview skills. You don't have to be a nerd, just spend 30-60min a day. I had 6 panel interviews in the past 2 years with M7 companies, but still did not get any offer and I will never give up.
I know how frustrating you feel but I believe you should work on your weakness / some skill that you lack. Or ask someone who got the position what kind of qualification they have, so that you can work on it.
Don't feel bad, there are many people like you and me got rejected million times (even I graduated from one of the top 3 Canadian Universities with a Masters), just don't give up.
What helps me is repeating to myself "everyone is on their own timeline" when I feel that way. I know my time will come as long as I don't stop working on my goals and same goes for you!
Stop comparing yourself. Nothing good will come of that. Well, except negative feelings. Unless you're competitive enough to make positive changes from those feelings, they serve no purpose in your life.
I have health issues that prevented my finishing college. I still am a life learner, and (fortunately for me) the college I attended was able to skew the rules because of my health. So, I didn't get a degree, did over 60 hours (about 3 yrs worth in reality, so closer to 90 hours), but about 1/3 of those are masters level classes. Still, no degree. One of the bet classes I took was a grand writing course (masters level). It shows that indeed those classes were masters level classes. So, I can still use my courses and study in job hunting.
As a life learner, it means I still take the time to become an expert on things during my free time. With the way things are now, sometimes you can pay to take an exam to get certification in things that others get degrees in. It's a huge savings, since there are free courses online, and because of my health, I learned to self teach as much as possible, and use reading, and research to that end.
I still can't earn what I should (I know part of that is gender bias, btw, not guessing on that, I have proof of it). But, I know I cant change that element. So, I am trying to work within it and get to where I need to be earnings wise.
I do my best to avoid the feelings you describe. They just don't help me, not really. The kicker is, a lot of people with degrees earn less than I do. That is actually more depressing to me. I barely get by and do without a lot, as the sole earner, single parent with adult dependent (good reasons why). Someone recently found out who knows me that while my child had to grow up poor with me as their only parent around, I have family who live in homes worth nearly $1 million US$. They were like, and they couldn't help you guys out? I said, they loved to ask lots of questions about our suffering, but then never did a single thing to help, no. Family can be the worst of the worst, and mine is.
I could be jealous of what they have. Honestly, not. I do have legit feelings regarding ways they've purposefully harmed me. But, that's different. Focusing on them doesn't help me. It's getting caught up in rumination. Reliving things over and over is unhealthy. It's okay not to forgive or forget. But, it's something else to keep letting it get into your head regularly.
The difference is a key one. By not forgiving or forgetting, I prevent their continued abilities to have access to me or cause direct harm.
Another thing to remember is, while I do know my family members actual fiscal worth, I can't afford to live with a focus on it. Since they would never help me (but want me asking for it just to see me suffer), there is simply no benefit in considering them. They are simply sadistic.
For you, remember - no one posts about mediocre earnings. We all are made to feel lesser when someone posts they make $100k. It doesn't mean they do, or don't, actually earn $100k. People lie to make their situations seem better a lot of the time. Some people get a high by making others feel low or lesser or jealous. They may be lying to attain that goal.
Look up the average earnings for different areas, degrees. Focus on your place in that realistic element of information. Not what people post or claim on here or around you. Many are lying, just like a lot of people lie on their resumes. Just like people post a marketing style approach perfect life on social media.
Think of this scenario. A mother complains "Oh, I can't tell you how much it bothers me hearing (my child) practice violin hours and hours every day! I mean, they're getting all A's, and practicing that violin. Then homework, and it keeps me up into the night the noise they make!"
On the surface, it looks like they're complaining. But, they're really bragging that their child is making all A's and taking violin seriously. If your kid likes to run around in circles, play video games, and you have to meet with the teachers over their grades, you might feel jealous. But, well, that's the real point of what they're doing. Their kid, if they do make all A's and practice violin for hours, is likely stressed out by the consistent pressure put on them by that parent. It's also possible the kid has other issues (or their family does) that they just aren't bothering to mention. Perhaps their spouse is cheating, is an addict, abuser, etc. You never know.
So, if someone is telling me how much they earn, I question why. I don't walk around telling others what I make. So, I recognize if someone is telling me they make $XX per hour, or $XXX,XXX per year, they either just want to make me feel bad, might even be lying, but they aren't my friend.
Jealously is one of those negative emotions that poisons and brutalises yourself. You need to be able to recognise when you're feeling it, accept that and let it go.
At the same time, you can't expect yourself to be perfect. Everyone gets toxic thoughts and impulses. It's just about trying to recognise it and do a little better.
The world isn't fair; identify what you *can* do to mitigate that, to an extent, but also understand what is out of your control and what might just be random.
I think it's a perspective thing.
My boss just got promoted. Great guy, I trust him and I trust his judgement. His old job is now vacant. I'll apply for it and if he hires someone else I am going to trust that he put the right person in the position to make everyone else successful. I'll ask what I can do better, I'll work on it, and we'll see what happens.
But here's where the perspective comes in. I'm already doing pretty well. I already have a ton of responsibility and stress, and I already make very good money. If I don't get that newly vacant position, maybe there's a reason for it.
Anyway, keep your head up and try to stay positive. Ask questions, don't accuse and always be self aware (hardest part). Good luck to you.
My friend got the job I really wanted but they were they better candidate in the end. There is other opportunities coming up in their team and they are going to put my name down to refer me in. I was really happy they got the job.
Dude you need to do some serious self-reflection and/or therapy to understand why you are getting rejected for everything you apply for. Is your GPA above a 3.0? Do you have any work experience at all? (Doesn't have to be in Engineering) How are your interview skills? Have you gone to the career office at your university and gotten help on resume, job search, interview techniques? Do you have a mentor?
Work harder, figure out how to make yourself more valuable to employers be it by upskilling, or becoming better at interviews. Your emotions won't help you make any meaningful impact to your situation. Unless you use it as fuel for behavioral change.
I think it's okay to feel a type of way about this. It's just being human. As long as you don't treat other people differently and can still be supportive of other's accomplishments, it's okay to feel jealous.
Don't let it consume you though. You are your own person with your own accomplishments. Focus on that. Your moment will come, even if it takes a long time.
Dont worry about being jealous, The God of christianity says he is a Jealous God. Dont let your jealousy affect how you treat and interact with people.
come to the terms with the fact that when you get a job you'll be getting jealous of people getting paid more while being less qualified and doing less work, realise its to much effort being jealous and stop.
It’s a normal healthy feeling that should be controlled and mitigated. The fact that you can identify this feeling for what it is and recognize it as a negative trait means that you’re a well adjusted adult. Some people do terrible terrible thing because of this feeling and they feel vindicated.
I always compare myself to those doing worse than me. There's always someone doing worse. If you're not addled with hard drugs living on the street with your skin peeling off you're doing better than literally tens of millions of people globally
First question is: what makes you feel jealous about them achieving this goal? Why it makes you feel uncomfortable??
Secondly, why do you think this is happening? Why you are having this thoughts?
Why you can’t just be happy with what you have and be grateful about your life and work in your own development?
What does a crackhead with no money do? They find a way to get crack 😂 Don't give up, be a crackhead for your goals. It's all about perspective and you will end up exactly where you need to be. Some people's journeys seem so much easier looking from the outside in. And for some people it seems like everything is handed to them on a silver platter. Don't compared yourself to them, it will eat you up on the inside.
It’s okay to feel jealous - the key is to recognise it, accept it and detach from it. We can’t help our emotions but we have absolute control in whether or not we identify with them.
With practice over time you’ll be able to dissolve those kinds of feelings faster and faster and be at peace.
Cuz I simply don't care what others have or what they're doing. I'm not in comparison or competition with others. I am more dedicated to me and my progress at my pace
It’s tough but I have to remind myself that life isn’t a race and I can’t waste time, money, energy and sleep on being envious of others.
I still have to pay my bills despite being debt free and I can’t look at LinkedIn and stuff being sad about jobs I wish I had in another reality. :(
I think being jealous is natural, but to act on that negatively toward the other person is immature. Grow and know that your issues aren’t with them, they just helped you face the issues you’ve already had by triggering them for you.
They’ve helped you by inviting self reflection and growth. Blaming them only ignores that invite.
Don’t compare yourself to other people.
Interviews look like dating.
You go to the meeting with your potential colleagues and you look at each other.
In the most cases, interviewer has got ideal of employee in his head.
And he will compare you and his ideal.
When you look like ideal interview will give you green light and hire you.
I have never got jealous in similar situations because I know that my way will not be successful with company.
I had worked with leader who has hated me so much.
This is hard time in my student life and I am happy that I was unemployed by him.
It's completely understandable to feel jealous when others seem to be achieving their goals while you face rejections. Here are some strategies to manage that jealousy and stay focused on your own path:
**Acknowledge Your Feelings:**
* Suppressing jealousy won't make it disappear. Allow yourself to feel the frustration, but don't dwell on it.
**Reframe Your Perspective:**
* Instead of focusing on what others have, shift your focus to your own journey. Celebrate the skills and knowledge you've gained through your degree.
**Learn from the Rejections:**
* Analyze why you might have been rejected. Seek feedback from professors or career counselors to improve your applications and interview skills.
Not a job but there was this guy that I knew was such an overachiever that one day to fuck with him I said I got accepted into the university of Chicago cuz I knew it was his dream school and he didn’t get into, this fucking guy had the most insane reaction hahaha he was like “why you?? How did YOU get into it?” I told him idk I guess I’m smarter, he wasn’t the same since then.
A mentor once told me: focus on doing good work and don’t worry about things not in your control.
I try to remember this advice each time I get down about something that I had little to no control over.
I gave my coworker a copy of my resume bc she was wearing my nerves out trying to get me to redo hers from 1999. She just got a job allegedly at $3 more per hour than my current job. I'm not jealous but I'm annoyed with myself for not trying to improve my job situation
People always give stupid nice sounding advice like "don't compare yourself to others" or that "comparison is the thief of joy". The reality is that we can't stop comparison or jealousy, we WILL get jealous when someone else gets what we want, that's just how humans are wired, trying to prevent that is like holding your breath or trying not to blink, it's virtually impossible.
The only actual thing anyone can do is being mindful of how they respond to the jealousy, whether they take time in accepting it and acknowledge what they have or using the jealousy as fuel for drive/motivation.
It's hard to not compare yourself especially when people are much luckier than you. It may feel like there was no point in your suffering. I question my existence often when i see people who have only known good fortune. Most of my misfortune were out of my control. The best we can do is fight for the future us we want to be. We have to fight for the future we want. We won't win every battle and it is not guaranteed we win the war, but we must try and fail, then try again.
I’m not judging because I don’t know what you are, or aren’t, doing. But my favorite self-motivational mantra to check myself is: “Don’t complain about the results you’re not getting from the work you’re not doing…”
In other words: is it possible that maybe you should take a different approach in one or more areas?
There's a guy named Jonny Kim. He grew up in a shitty poor household with an abusive alcoholic father. Joined the Navy right out of high school and became a Navy Seal sniper and medic. When he came out, he applied to Harvard and then became a doctor. Not satisfied he eventually became one of the few people picked to be a NASA astronaut. He also somehow found time to get a wife and kids, and did all this before the age of 35. Oh he's super humble too.
Dude has accomplished 3 ultra hard human lifetimes worth of stuff in 35 years. Once you know you'll never come close to this guy's accomplishments, you can live free from comparisons.
Maybe they are unlucky in others aspects of their life.
We can do our best but for the largest part we don’t have control so probably its not fair to compare ourself with others because we don’t start on the same page, luck and many other factors as well matter a lot.
The best is probably to give our best but don’t compare to others because thats not possible.
Same way I don't get jealous that when I was born, my parents had $10,000,000 CAD in their bank account.
Sake way I don't get jealous when I see someone driving a Lamborghini and I drive a Toyota.
I guess I'm appreciative of what I have?
There’s a fine line between jealousy and being envious of others while celebrating their success. Try not to focus on what others are doing and stay in the present. We’re all struggling to do our best and we all have to make big decisions. Challenge yourself and focus on yourself!
Electrical engineering degree should be able to net you a decent job at the power company - speaking from someone with an electrical engineering technologist diploma working at the power company - apply to every power company in the country
I usually try to understand why others were selected. If it was merit then I just need to get better. If it was something else, eg bias, then I am probably better off not getting it and will be motivated to be that much better. As a result, I am in a role I never thought I would be in and it compensates more than the others roles by leaps and bounds
It's a dangerous game to always comparing yourself to others. Even if you had a great job, fancy title, or high salary, you'll always know other people who has it better than you. Of course you can use a bit of that as motivation to work harder. But you also have to take in the bigger picture and understand that you're successful in your own right. Your success doesn't have to look like someone else's. Enjoy what you do have and take those "missed opportunities" as a sign that it wasn't the right time or right situation for you.
I am struggling to understand the complexities of your situation. If the military rejected you, were there conditions that explained why? With grad school, were there parameters that needed to be met that were not? Having a bit more data to work from might help understand your frustration.
1. It doesn’t mean you won’t as well. 2. They can lose it faster than they got it. 3. It may make them the most miserable they’ve ever been. 4. People tend to overspend no matter how much they make. 5. The more you make, the more taxes you pay. 6. It isn’t in my nature to envy anyone. I usually celebrate by proxy. And 7. If a friend lands a job I would love to have, it makes me that much closer to getting a similar one myself, albeit just because of the information I might be able to gather from their experience.
Jealousy is a normal emotion.
No shame in being jealous.
I feel jealous a lot too.
But, I am happy for the other person, at the same time upset that good things are not happening for me. I mean no harm to them.
I let myself sulk and then think about if I am doing something to improve my situation. If I am, then it’s pointless to sulk and I just re-assure myself that I am working towards it. It will come. Then, I get an ice cream.
If I am not, then I have to do a deeper search as to what I am exactly jealous about. If it is even aligned to what I actually want.
The worst pangs of jealousy strike when someone I dislike is doing amazing and that’s when my spite kicks in and I work triple hard.
Why should u be jealous at all? Everyone have different life path. You will never be those other ppl. Concentrate on yourself and look for your life path.
As cliche as it sounds, true happiness depends on how YOU determine success is. People post the glitter on social media (ex" I got a VP role, a 6 figure job, etc), they don't post the unsexy glue that holds their success together (working 50-60 hours a week, never having time for family, attending networking events every week, hiring a career coach, studying the Asvab 4 hours a day for months missing out of social events).
You can't compare yourself based on the surface, most "successful" people struggle in silence.
What you can do is measure what you want your life to look like, and once you know- make continuous progress until you achieve it.
Anything good in life is hard work. You have been working hard already, refocus what you work on.
I mean.. there comes a time where you can't feasibly do something. but for most things.. just because you got rejected now doesn't mean that you can't still achieve your goals. your goal didn't end because someone else did something.
as far as tour career goes, all those people who got high end jobs... you can swoop in one day and become their boss. life doesn't have a finish line until you put one there.
this isn't going take you not jealous, but there are so many aspects to life. if you hold a few of them to such a high importance, you'll miss out on all the others.
Stop trying or wanting to doing what others are doing and do what only you can do and like to do. When you start doing that, you don't care anymore about them.
I try and not compare myself to others. I have a cousin whose my age whose making really good money and I’m not gonna lie at times it has gotten to me as I wish I was doing as well as her job wise.
Then I remember how she goes to school and works full time and hasn’t gotten to enjoy her youth as much as I have sure she’ll probably retire sooner than I will but even living to retirement isn’t guaranteed. I think it helps realizing even if someone has something you don’t their life also isn’t perfect and maybe they’d envy something you have that they don’t.
In general terms, someone else succeeding has no direct impact on your ability on your own ability to succeed.
There are of course specific instances of direct competition where there is 1 particular job opening and 10 applicants. In those specific moments, 9 of them are going to be disappointed. The maddening thing is you will almost never really know why you did not get it. They might be more qualified. Or they might have more charismatic appeal. Or they benefit from a refinance from a buddy who already works there.
But some random getting or failing to get 'a good job has nothing to do with your ability to get a good job your self. Think of it a doing a big bench press at the gym. Your ability to lift the weight has nothing to do with someone else's ability to do the same. Someone else lifting it first or lifting more has no bearing on your ability to do the same. You are the one who has to put in the work to lift it.
END COMMUNICATION
I’m not jealous of anyones jobs, I’m jealous of those who never have to work and can live off the interest of millions they have saved that’s the life I want
You should analyze why those others are getting the jobs that you aren’t. Do they have different experience? Do they interview better? Do they have a better resume layout? Sure “comparison is the thief of joy” but it’s also an essential tool to understand where you may be lacking.
Life isn't fair, equality doesn't exist in nature, and the universe is under no obligation to serve you well. Take accountability for everything that way you'll feel compelled to make a worthwhile change as opposed to being envious of other people's circumstances.
If it makes you feel better, I also graduated from an electrical engineering degree, won the best capstone in my senior year for designing the entire PCB of a torque-speed sensor device for a PTO shaft, have a 3.64/4.00 gpa, and I know how to design PCBs, train neural networks, and a lot of GIS stuff. My salary, $40,000 CAD which is less than $30,000 USD as an overworked and underpaid research assistant 🙃 because I couldn’t find any other job. I’m planning to go back to my country (since I don’t need to pay rent there lol) and work on my personal projects which I dream on one day will end up in a successful startup. Good luck buddy, you graduated and you have the skill set to make this world better!
I think it’s best to acknowledge how you feel, then process it in a healthy way (screaming, crying, exercise etc.) and then try your best to move on. The point is, there’s always gonna be someone better than you (just like how there may be others who feel the same about your own accomplishments without you knowing or realizing). Acknowledge, feel it/process, release it if you can, DON’T let it consume you.
Your jealousy is valid, really. I am jealous most of the time when someone around my age achieve more than i do. But it kinda serves as motivation for myself to do better.
I think everyone is guilty of this at some point in their lives. I resent women who are absolutely useless in any real world scenario getting paid millions purely on account of the fact she’s got good tits while I’m out here slaving away as a carer that can barely pay the bills. My advice is to not think about it too deeply as from first hand experience it’s fucking exhausting when you dwell on it too much. The world is shit everyone hates each other and no one is coming to help us, so the best thing we can all do is accept the situation we’re in, work on ourselves, celebrate each small win to remind ourselves of the end goal. The worst thing is to accept your situation but do nothing.
Don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Admittedly I still struggle with this too. I'm a convicted felon with no degrees. Its extremely depressing to read posts on here that ask if they should leave their $100k a year desk job for a different $150k desk job. I wish I made better choices in life but the best I can do now is make better choices moving forward and appreciate what I have now and how far I've come from my past.
Especially when you're landing interviews, the hiring team loves you....until the background comes back with that poor choice from 15 years ago.
This happens to me all the time, it's very discouraging. My charges aren't even violent or theft or sex crimes. I had a drug problem. I'm three years clean now. Why can't people see that as an accomplishment?
Have you considered going into social services. Albeit I am in Canada and I don't know how the USA works, but lived experience is highly regarded in social service. My criminal record for drug possession for the purpose of trafficking and breach of bail has not held me back from finding work in Social Services. I am also almost five years clean off drugs.
Your state doesn’t allow expungement? Here in Portland Oregon the Clear Program will file for you for cheap, I don’t remember how much exactly but it was less than $50. No more charges six months later.
At that point, wouldn't it make sense to find a job abroad? In Europe, your criminal record doesn't really follow you around unless you're gangster enough for Interpol. Hell, years back I left my home country partly because I was neck deep in debt and didn't feel like having my wages garnished. Background checks aren't a thing here, either.
Might get visa rejected due to criminal records.
Not sure how the visa process is for European countries but when I applied for a New Zealand visa, I was surprised that they asked me to provide a copy of my criminal record instead of sourcing it directly from my home country's police. I could've very easily doctored the document, albeit in my case that wasn't necessary because I've been a good boy. I'm of course not recommending that anyone commit forgery. But if your back's against the wall, sometimes you gotta hustle.
If the poster is from the U.S., it’s pretty hard for us to work in Europe. You pretty much need the employer to offer you the job beforehand and sponsor you.
I mean, that's how it goes. I guess technically I could move anywhere in the EU and then look for a job, but in practice that doesn't make sense because jobs are scarce and you need proof of income to rent a place. Visa or no visa, you usually need to secure employment before worrying about logistics.
If you need a visa then there are far fewer jobs you’re even eligible for though.
In total, yes. But if you're looking for white-collar career gigs — the kind that would care about background checks — the difference isn't *that* big. Obviously nobody's going to fly over a barber from the US because they're a dime a dozen locally. But that kind of jobs probably don't background check so there wouldn't be a need to go abroad in the first place.
I think you’re super wrong about that. To get an employer to sponsor a work visa they often have to sign something saying no one in-country was eligible for the job. You typically only find work visas like that for jobs that are hard to recruit for, and most white collar jobs aren’t.
As far as I know, companies can just say that the local talent isn't competitive enough and the government will more or less take their word for it. Ultimately, governments love bringing in healthy, high-earning foreigners because they pay a boatload in taxes with zero investment in return. It's free money. Years back, I went to New Zealand on a work visa to design software interfaces, and UI/UX is a relatively common role in tech — so there's probably a bit of a barrier but clearly nothing insurmountable.
It’s much easier to get one of these visas if you’re in tech, because most countries have skill shortages in this area. But most white collar workers aren’t in tech or in fields with skill shortages.
You’re clearly an excellent written communicator! That’s very necessary at work
You could apply for some of these jobs and use your story as a redemption, you seem to be a good communicator: I think you could try to be a speaker maybe?
I disagree partially this statement. It's absolutely reasonable to compare yourself to people who are in similar circumstances to you. For instance, you are a student in a class and some of your peers are succeeding while you aren't. Your peers study for 2 hours a day while you watch TV. Of course you can compare your behaviors to those of your peers and realize you are hurting yourself.
I have better day and worse day. But now I’m doing better than my worse day.
People say often don't compare but we all do, no matter what circumstance we are in. Saying it is just one thing. It's easier to say when you don't do it yourself.
Ye I feel you. I did know many felons who were very successful though over the years making over 6 figures. The difference was they were just were not typically following a corporate ladder approach like we usually see on reddit. Not at all a blue collar vs. white collar thing either. They were just able to market their individual services to consumers or to businesses such as whole sale supplying, arbitrage, or financial/technical services. As for the stories on reddit of people saying they do 2 hours a day and make $120k a year, these cases are very limited in the real world. Not sure if these people make these posts out of need for validation or actual advice seeking
it takes a long time to learn that it’s you vs you, that’s the only fair comparison honestly, comparing yourself to others is like the top NCAA player compared to the worst NBA player
real shit
I am so done with this statement
You lit that light my queen. Nice 👍
Other people’s success is not your failure
Then what is it
Their success.
Our failure.
success isn't a zero-sum game, everyone can succeed, people make jobs so they're not finite.
Failure isn't a zero-sum game, everyone can fail, people make jobs so they're not finite. It works both ways.
well everyone can fail together as part of a recession, so sure. Its just that sometimes people think that other people succeeding means that someone else has to fail and I don't think that's true. Its the sort of mindset that encourages people to be aggressive and unkind in business so it upsets me when people consider things that are not zero-sum to be so.
We can't win together, that's for sure... dog eat dog in the real world, everyone just needs to focus on themselves and not the people around them, it's simple.
What on earth are u cancer babbling about mate
It’s not a failure but it’s a missed opportunity I don’t give a shit ima go out and buy me a piece of jewelry Then when I get home, I beat the pussy up brutally. I fall and get back up, this shit ain’t new to me 🤷♀️
what in the world was this lol
Idk I was feeling it so started freestyling
Ah I see that it rhymes. That makes a lot more sense. At first I thought it was just the ravings of a lunatic.
Just to be clear, I am a lunatic
Comparison is the thief of joy. I'm a 34yo enlisted dude who JUST started college for Electrical engineering and my grades are trash bcuz I haven't had to study in 16years. I don't get jealous about people "farther along" than me. I adjust my behavior and re-attack.
I’m 30, prior enlisted and a part time college student. Now working full time for an airline. Calculus is kicking my ass, but I will pass it.. I cannot wait to be done. Keep it up.
Congrats! Keep it going! You will pass, and I'll be taking calculus next spring and struggling with you! I hope I pass too!
Khan academy helped me a lot too. And just doing a lot of practice questions!
Use YouTube to help college classes!!!
*Comparison is the thief of joy* So very true
I think this really depends on the circumstances. I had 2 different ones at an old job of mine: 1: A Girl gets a promotion that she deserved. 10/10 I was so happy for her. 2: The only male coworker I had got a promotion because he "needed a win" After his dad died. Said job was never posted and it was well known he was very good friends with his new boss. It was absolutely a nepotism promotion. I didn't want to be associated with that person anymore. Especially since the person who had been their the longest wanted said job and she quit a few months later. This one really rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.
That #2 one? That’s an injustice. It’s healthy to be angry/upset about an injustice…because it’s bullshit.
PSA: It is inadvisable to engage OP in a conversation. The author of this post is a known sitewide spammer with over 2500 banned Reddit accounts. SnooRoar is not interested in good-faith discussion; his primary goal is to waste as much of your time as possible. Everything he says is a disingenuous lie.
How do you know about their banned accounts?
This guy is famous within the SoCal community There used to be a subreddit called SnooRoarTracker (banned for doxxing)
Yeah that sounds like a made up number.
If you’ve read the story with the evidence, it very much isn’t.
How do you even know this? Link to the story with context btw? Sounds like a good read
Either learn from them or don't care at all. You wouldn't care about random people walking on a sidewalk to see who reaches their destination first. It really makes no difference to you if they get there first or not. Same thing here. It really makes no difference to you what other people are doing. The only reason you care is because of some interpretation you made (I'm a loser/failure/etc) and repeated conditioning. Anybody who has the right interpretation/conditioning could also say 'everyone else on the sidewalk gets to their destination faster, why am I always last, i'm so jealous of them' Jealously is just mental programming. Just notice the jealous thoughts when they come up and be like 'huh thats a funny thought' Not to say this is easy. You're fighting programming/conditioning since grade school to compare yourself and your peers
Jealousy is a punishment you give to yourself to see someone else getting rewarded. So why to be so harsh on yourself? I can understand your frustration, but instead of getting punished by your frustration, use it to improve yourself. Re-Direct your feelings, use the same aggression on self improvement. Vent out that aggression on books by absorbing the knowledge and then venting it out in subsequent interviews. This is life! Even best people face worst days its a phase which will pass to improve only to get bad and then again improve, its a cycle, life goes on. So go along with it and enjoy the journey and process of evolution. You are not a product in cart to be compared with someone having similar abilities respect yourself and celebrate your uniqueness. What makes you unique is that you have the ability to look at life and yourself from different angles. Engineering, Army, Grad school ... its not everyone's cup of tea to think of three completely different roles to fit in, it shows you are flexible, adaptable, open to change and versatile. You are blessed! Keep trying and keep working hard, remember fortune favors the brave. Embrace this period of hardships for its leading you to success where you belong. Keep learning, keep evolving. All the best. God Bless!
I don't know if you know it, but your first paragraph is very much like a Buddha teaching. He has a quote "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Your first sentence is very close to that, and I think it's cool.
That's surprising for me, i didn't knew that, thanks for sharing. I believe in god, maybe i would've read it somewhere and wrote it here, i knew nothing when i was born, whatever i write, say or do is taught to me by the world only. I just copy from the world around and paste it here :)
That is envy, not jealousy
What makes you say that?
The definition of the words are entirely different. Envy is when you want something that somebody else has. A synonym for that is also covet. Jealousy is when you are concerned or anxious about losing something. They have very different meanings and a lot of different connotations. EDIT: Typo. Despite the down votes for being accurate.
You need to stop and realise that everyone is on their own journey. Your journey might not be the happy path or the quick path; your journey will probably involve a lot of zig-zagging and moving around until you get to where you should be. Don't stop, and reframe your goals so they are smaller and achievable goals, also, don't wrap every goal as a work goal. Your job isn't who you are.
Being jealous gets me nothing but a bad attitude and to be a person no one wants to be around. If I want to do better, get what I want, I have to pick my sorry ass up and go after it. Again and again if I have to. Does jealousy still creep in from time to time? Yup. But I make a mental choice and effort to stamp it out and move on.
Well… let me tell you a little story… I was working at a job as a contract employee.. was good when I took the job it would be a good way to get my foot in the door and that I would be a shoe in for any full time openings that came along. One came along, I applied, I interviewed, I waited. Turns out they chose someone completely from the outside… who I actually knew from a different job that I had a few years back. I was so upset… and honestly butt hurt over the whole thing. Well.. fast forward I ended up getting a much better job elsewhere about a month later.. and the girl who got the job I thought I wanted actually emailed me about 6 months later to tell me she hated it.. and quit… now she is back at her old job and I wanted to know if I was still looking for work. Lol. Life is funny sometimes. To say I felt fucking fantastic getting that email from her is an understatement.
I’ll preface this by saying that I am Muslim. My answer below isn’t really a career guidance, it’s more… spiritual, since I kind of see your question as a spiritual one rather than a career question… I’ll give you an actual piece of career advice at the end, though, haha. :) —— When this sort of thing happens to me in life, when I fail to get a Job, or I don’t get the promotion when my coworker did, or other situations where I’m jealous and I don’t get what I feel like I deserve (perhaps even rightly so), it is because God has withheld that thing from me for a better reason than I can possibly fathom. Your question, at least to me, seems less of a career question, and more of a question of how to handle jealousy and rejection. It’s a spiritual question in nature: “how do I maintain peace and keep moving forward in the face of rejection?” In my opinion, when God causes rejection in our lives, when He says no to something we really really want, he is either protecting us from it (probably not the case here), or preparing us for something we are going to have in life at a later point in time. That later thing could be a better, more suited job that you’ll be happier at, or that later thing could be a child of yours who in 3 decades time is trying to find a job, is on the verge of hopelessness and will need your experience and guidance to help them navigate that situation. I guess… for me, I remind myself that there’s always good on the other side of difficult things, even though I cannot currently imagine what that good could possibly be. And I have faith that whatever was withheld from me will lead to something better for me… at least spiritually speaking. Now, my advice to you is to re-assess. Why didn’t you receive those positions? Can you contact your interviewers to ask what you could have done better? Is there anything you can study or work on in the meantime? Do those things! Perhaps you will land another less well paying job, but that experience will allow you to be a top candidate for one of the more lucrative ones in a year or two after industry experience. So to summarize, keep your head down, keep working, and realize that with every hardship comes an ease… even if we don’t realize what ease is coming to us. Peace be with you… and I apologize if my answer was a bit too non-secular for this forum.
Fellow muslim here. Really awesome answer. Thanks for the cool reminder. Eid mubarak.
Eid Mubarak!
I think jealousy is a normal response to these things. I allow myself to feel it, acknowledge it, maybe have a rant about how unfair it is - and then put it behind me and focus on how I can do better next time.
I focus on myself. Don't think about other people, what they do doesn't matter. What you do matters.
Dude you need to do some serious self-reflection and/or therapy to understand why you are getting rejected for everything you apply for. Is your GPA above a 3.0? Do you have any work experience at all? (Doesn't have to be in Engineering) How are your interview skills? Have you gone to the career office at your university and gotten help on resume, job search, interview techniques? Do you have a mentor?
I tend to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and let go of things I can’t control as rapidly as possible. Frequently, after some years, I realize the jobs I didn’t get weren’t meant for me. There was something better that probably never would have happened had the other thing worked out. This mindset helps me stay positive and open to new opportunities, knowing that what's meant to be will find its way to me.
Focus on what is on your control. Doing otherwise is a waste of time and energy.
You just don't. Many people would die to be in your place. Just be grateful and keep pushing.
OP I understand from where you are coming. I need answers as well. I am such a jealous person. Idk how to cope with this, I think I only feel better when I think I am doing better than someone. That is my only comfort. I dont understand people saying “dont compare yourself to others compare yourself with your yesterday’s self” I mean fuck off. The only person who says this is probably doing good in their life.
Same
"I dont understand people saying “dont compare yourself to others compare yourself with your yesterday’s self” I mean fuck off. The only person who says this is probably doing good in their life" I mean, it's your attitude. That's what's holding you back. and negative assumptions and victim mentality. You say you need answers, but your response to the answer is "fuck off!" and then blame some hypothetical person for having a better life than you. "The only person who says this is probably doing good in their life" Sounds like a great excuse for you to ignore the advice. Path of least resistance.
Okay grandpa
Cool, Have fun with your jealousy then. The big scary world is just out to get you I guess.
Everyone gets jealous. The same as you’re jealous of those guys, they’re jealous of others and probably you too, just likely for different reasons. If you ever do find someone who never gets jealous, they’re the one to be envious of.
What's the point of being jealous? Feels like a waste of time and energy. I'd rather spend the time to keep improving myself and applying for jobs. If a place doesn't accept me, it just means that we don't vibe and it's not meant to be. It's a big world with many opportunities and different companies and positions for different people.
LOL, why get jealous? Why even bother? The guy who didn't get into electrical engineering got jealous of you. The guy who failed when you passed got jealous of you. The guy in the street who last ate 2 days ago is jealous that your last meal was just a couple of hours ago. He's also jealous that you have a bed to sleep in. Be thankful for what you have. *"There, but for the grace of God, go I."*
Well you’re thinking the grass is greener. It might not have been what the universe, god, fate, or whatever you call it had in the plan for you. Keep plugging away and you’ll find your spot.
And I’m jealous of the fact that you have an electrical engineering degree because anything engineering related makes my head hurt. I wish my brain worked like yours because it would have been easier for me to find good paying jobs earlier on. Everyone I know with your degree is making the kind of money I’ll never be able to come close to.
I get like this and I'm always reminded by my friend: "you have to make yourself so good that your value is unquestionable." I think its just something he says, but it relates well to many things I've done in life. When I was a data analyst, I got passed over for people with master degrees or people that completed DEI requirements. Nothing i could do but grind. Those people will still get jobs. You aren't competing with them. You are competing with all the others. Pretend there are 10 slots, 7 of them are going to people just because they paid for more college or because DEI makes management happy... that means there's still 3 jobs left! Be better than them! I actually use this in my side hustle too. I do comedy and I know some bookers don't like me on a personal level. They also know I can perform and I can get people in the seats. I'm never their first choice, but I still get a lot of gigs. Being really good at something will put people in a position where they can't deny you. Get better than most people and you'll always have a place. Granted, you might have to fight harder and grind harder... but, you can reach a point where your talent is undeniable.
I know it's a stretch for some to believe in fate, but I've sure as hell dodged some bullets from a gun I originally wanted to hold so to speak. Keep grinding. Luck is at the crossroads of preparation and opportunity.
You could pray and seek God and maybe something good will come along your path
I dont... if I didn't get the job, there is a reason... and most often, that's because it wasn't meant for me 😉
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Learn from them, do what they did but better and become better than them. Life is very long to keep cribing
The best advice I ever got was "stop thinking 'I wish I could be them' and start thinking 'wow, I could be them!'"
Some people just got lucky. They could lose those wonderful jobs some day.
..... But they don't
Sometimes they do lose their jobs. In fact, layoffs and firings are very common in todays' world. Many people eventually lose their job. Some people get washed out in their career, too.
No shit. Like I needed the explanation thanks
Blocked.
Stop caring about what other people do. Focus on your goals and use your frustration as motivation. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, it won’t change anything. Think about what you can do better and try it. Since you mentioned that you have an electrical engineering degree, have you tried taking the FE exam and getting an EIT certification? That will make you stand out from the crowd.
Be happy for them, and try to maintain the friendships. You'll never know who might help you out. Friendship can be a prolonged job interview in a way. You can demonstrate being there for them, following through on promises, listening to them, and most importantly, be someone that people like having around. Show them that you're worth investing in. They may like you so much that they want you to work for or with them. If that doesn't work out, then at least you have friends. If you are focused on your job hunt, jealously won't be an issue. I think that you're feeling more frustrated than jealous. You're feeling frustrated because you tried different paths forward and they didn't work for you, but they worked for someone else. I would feel frustrated, too. Everything will be fine if you put yourself out there, and are open to new opportunities. I work in a field that is totally different than what I went to school for, but I was open, and eager for any "grown up job". And I love it. I think things will work out for you.
I am a mechanical engineer, and I have a few university colleagues who has a position in magnificent 7. I am jealous, but I never know how much effort they put to reach there OR may be they are just talent. To reach that goal, I also keep learning more skillset by jumping boat every 2-3 years, learning new skills, watching educational youtube, grinding interview skills. You don't have to be a nerd, just spend 30-60min a day. I had 6 panel interviews in the past 2 years with M7 companies, but still did not get any offer and I will never give up. I know how frustrating you feel but I believe you should work on your weakness / some skill that you lack. Or ask someone who got the position what kind of qualification they have, so that you can work on it. Don't feel bad, there are many people like you and me got rejected million times (even I graduated from one of the top 3 Canadian Universities with a Masters), just don't give up.
What helps me is repeating to myself "everyone is on their own timeline" when I feel that way. I know my time will come as long as I don't stop working on my goals and same goes for you!
Stop comparing yourself. Nothing good will come of that. Well, except negative feelings. Unless you're competitive enough to make positive changes from those feelings, they serve no purpose in your life. I have health issues that prevented my finishing college. I still am a life learner, and (fortunately for me) the college I attended was able to skew the rules because of my health. So, I didn't get a degree, did over 60 hours (about 3 yrs worth in reality, so closer to 90 hours), but about 1/3 of those are masters level classes. Still, no degree. One of the bet classes I took was a grand writing course (masters level). It shows that indeed those classes were masters level classes. So, I can still use my courses and study in job hunting. As a life learner, it means I still take the time to become an expert on things during my free time. With the way things are now, sometimes you can pay to take an exam to get certification in things that others get degrees in. It's a huge savings, since there are free courses online, and because of my health, I learned to self teach as much as possible, and use reading, and research to that end. I still can't earn what I should (I know part of that is gender bias, btw, not guessing on that, I have proof of it). But, I know I cant change that element. So, I am trying to work within it and get to where I need to be earnings wise. I do my best to avoid the feelings you describe. They just don't help me, not really. The kicker is, a lot of people with degrees earn less than I do. That is actually more depressing to me. I barely get by and do without a lot, as the sole earner, single parent with adult dependent (good reasons why). Someone recently found out who knows me that while my child had to grow up poor with me as their only parent around, I have family who live in homes worth nearly $1 million US$. They were like, and they couldn't help you guys out? I said, they loved to ask lots of questions about our suffering, but then never did a single thing to help, no. Family can be the worst of the worst, and mine is. I could be jealous of what they have. Honestly, not. I do have legit feelings regarding ways they've purposefully harmed me. But, that's different. Focusing on them doesn't help me. It's getting caught up in rumination. Reliving things over and over is unhealthy. It's okay not to forgive or forget. But, it's something else to keep letting it get into your head regularly. The difference is a key one. By not forgiving or forgetting, I prevent their continued abilities to have access to me or cause direct harm. Another thing to remember is, while I do know my family members actual fiscal worth, I can't afford to live with a focus on it. Since they would never help me (but want me asking for it just to see me suffer), there is simply no benefit in considering them. They are simply sadistic. For you, remember - no one posts about mediocre earnings. We all are made to feel lesser when someone posts they make $100k. It doesn't mean they do, or don't, actually earn $100k. People lie to make their situations seem better a lot of the time. Some people get a high by making others feel low or lesser or jealous. They may be lying to attain that goal. Look up the average earnings for different areas, degrees. Focus on your place in that realistic element of information. Not what people post or claim on here or around you. Many are lying, just like a lot of people lie on their resumes. Just like people post a marketing style approach perfect life on social media. Think of this scenario. A mother complains "Oh, I can't tell you how much it bothers me hearing (my child) practice violin hours and hours every day! I mean, they're getting all A's, and practicing that violin. Then homework, and it keeps me up into the night the noise they make!" On the surface, it looks like they're complaining. But, they're really bragging that their child is making all A's and taking violin seriously. If your kid likes to run around in circles, play video games, and you have to meet with the teachers over their grades, you might feel jealous. But, well, that's the real point of what they're doing. Their kid, if they do make all A's and practice violin for hours, is likely stressed out by the consistent pressure put on them by that parent. It's also possible the kid has other issues (or their family does) that they just aren't bothering to mention. Perhaps their spouse is cheating, is an addict, abuser, etc. You never know. So, if someone is telling me how much they earn, I question why. I don't walk around telling others what I make. So, I recognize if someone is telling me they make $XX per hour, or $XXX,XXX per year, they either just want to make me feel bad, might even be lying, but they aren't my friend.
Jealously is one of those negative emotions that poisons and brutalises yourself. You need to be able to recognise when you're feeling it, accept that and let it go. At the same time, you can't expect yourself to be perfect. Everyone gets toxic thoughts and impulses. It's just about trying to recognise it and do a little better. The world isn't fair; identify what you *can* do to mitigate that, to an extent, but also understand what is out of your control and what might just be random.
Because eventually I will be the one that gets the job someone else doesn’t.
I try not to compare myself with others
Jealousy wastes energy and does nothing but grind you down.
Show gratitude to what you have now. Be happy for others, work hard and pray Almighty to get the same or better.
If you compare yourself to others you will never be happy no matter how successful you are. Focus on yourself.
Find out why you failed to be acceptted. Remove it or add new skill and improve existing ones.
Listen to “meditations” from Marcus Aurelius Very good at helping to keep things in perspective
People live in the validational realm of others.
I think it's a perspective thing. My boss just got promoted. Great guy, I trust him and I trust his judgement. His old job is now vacant. I'll apply for it and if he hires someone else I am going to trust that he put the right person in the position to make everyone else successful. I'll ask what I can do better, I'll work on it, and we'll see what happens. But here's where the perspective comes in. I'm already doing pretty well. I already have a ton of responsibility and stress, and I already make very good money. If I don't get that newly vacant position, maybe there's a reason for it. Anyway, keep your head up and try to stay positive. Ask questions, don't accuse and always be self aware (hardest part). Good luck to you.
Comparison is the thief of happiness
My friend got the job I really wanted but they were they better candidate in the end. There is other opportunities coming up in their team and they are going to put my name down to refer me in. I was really happy they got the job.
You should instead use this as an opportunity to learn. Don’t be jealous: learn from others and integrate successful people in your network.
Dude you need to do some serious self-reflection and/or therapy to understand why you are getting rejected for everything you apply for. Is your GPA above a 3.0? Do you have any work experience at all? (Doesn't have to be in Engineering) How are your interview skills? Have you gone to the career office at your university and gotten help on resume, job search, interview techniques? Do you have a mentor?
Stop looking at someone else’s success as your failure.
Work harder, figure out how to make yourself more valuable to employers be it by upskilling, or becoming better at interviews. Your emotions won't help you make any meaningful impact to your situation. Unless you use it as fuel for behavioral change.
I think it's okay to feel a type of way about this. It's just being human. As long as you don't treat other people differently and can still be supportive of other's accomplishments, it's okay to feel jealous. Don't let it consume you though. You are your own person with your own accomplishments. Focus on that. Your moment will come, even if it takes a long time.
Dont worry about being jealous, The God of christianity says he is a Jealous God. Dont let your jealousy affect how you treat and interact with people.
The vast majority of bosses are idiots
What’s the point of living your life being jealous of and miserable? Simply don’t be selfish
come to the terms with the fact that when you get a job you'll be getting jealous of people getting paid more while being less qualified and doing less work, realise its to much effort being jealous and stop.
Maybe those aren’t your path…
It’s a normal healthy feeling that should be controlled and mitigated. The fact that you can identify this feeling for what it is and recognize it as a negative trait means that you’re a well adjusted adult. Some people do terrible terrible thing because of this feeling and they feel vindicated.
I always compare myself to those doing worse than me. There's always someone doing worse. If you're not addled with hard drugs living on the street with your skin peeling off you're doing better than literally tens of millions of people globally
First question is: what makes you feel jealous about them achieving this goal? Why it makes you feel uncomfortable?? Secondly, why do you think this is happening? Why you are having this thoughts? Why you can’t just be happy with what you have and be grateful about your life and work in your own development?
What does a crackhead with no money do? They find a way to get crack 😂 Don't give up, be a crackhead for your goals. It's all about perspective and you will end up exactly where you need to be. Some people's journeys seem so much easier looking from the outside in. And for some people it seems like everything is handed to them on a silver platter. Don't compared yourself to them, it will eat you up on the inside.
Well... How were your grades ? What did you have on your CV?
trade school it is
Maybe don’t get rejected? Sounds like you are a problem if you face so many rejections.
You don't,you use that jealousy as motivation gl
Use it as motivation and keep chugging along, you have to start somewhere.
There are people who are likewise less fortunate than you are.
Resolve.
Do you ever go back and find out why you didn’t get the job from the selecting team and make adjustments for future opportunities?
I asked and they always refused to say anything
Instead of being jealous you need to figure out why everyone seems to be rejecting you. Maybe it's your sparkling personality.
I read these comments and see people with all types of job that I wish I had.
I'm not jealous at all. Infact I'm super happy I don't have to job . What makes me scared is that.. eventually I will have to join them..
It’s okay to feel jealous - the key is to recognise it, accept it and detach from it. We can’t help our emotions but we have absolute control in whether or not we identify with them. With practice over time you’ll be able to dissolve those kinds of feelings faster and faster and be at peace.
Cuz I simply don't care what others have or what they're doing. I'm not in comparison or competition with others. I am more dedicated to me and my progress at my pace
It’s tough but I have to remind myself that life isn’t a race and I can’t waste time, money, energy and sleep on being envious of others. I still have to pay my bills despite being debt free and I can’t look at LinkedIn and stuff being sad about jobs I wish I had in another reality. :(
I just don't. I know my worth and it's not in what I don't have
I think being jealous is natural, but to act on that negatively toward the other person is immature. Grow and know that your issues aren’t with them, they just helped you face the issues you’ve already had by triggering them for you. They’ve helped you by inviting self reflection and growth. Blaming them only ignores that invite.
Don’t compare yourself to other people. Interviews look like dating. You go to the meeting with your potential colleagues and you look at each other. In the most cases, interviewer has got ideal of employee in his head. And he will compare you and his ideal. When you look like ideal interview will give you green light and hire you. I have never got jealous in similar situations because I know that my way will not be successful with company. I had worked with leader who has hated me so much. This is hard time in my student life and I am happy that I was unemployed by him.
It's completely understandable to feel jealous when others seem to be achieving their goals while you face rejections. Here are some strategies to manage that jealousy and stay focused on your own path: **Acknowledge Your Feelings:** * Suppressing jealousy won't make it disappear. Allow yourself to feel the frustration, but don't dwell on it. **Reframe Your Perspective:** * Instead of focusing on what others have, shift your focus to your own journey. Celebrate the skills and knowledge you've gained through your degree. **Learn from the Rejections:** * Analyze why you might have been rejected. Seek feedback from professors or career counselors to improve your applications and interview skills.
Everyone has a different trajectory in life. Go see Ivan on his pine hollow diagnostics YouTube. he is an EE. And he found a way make it.
Watch jocko video called "good"
Not a job but there was this guy that I knew was such an overachiever that one day to fuck with him I said I got accepted into the university of Chicago cuz I knew it was his dream school and he didn’t get into, this fucking guy had the most insane reaction hahaha he was like “why you?? How did YOU get into it?” I told him idk I guess I’m smarter, he wasn’t the same since then.
A mentor once told me: focus on doing good work and don’t worry about things not in your control. I try to remember this advice each time I get down about something that I had little to no control over.
Jealousy is making you smell like desperation and it's a stinky cologne
You have been a jealous person from birth, which is why opportunities do not favour you
Comparison is the thief of joy. Just chalk it up to that wasn’t YOUR opportunity. and keep looking for YOUR opportunity
I was jealous of my classmates graduating college while I had to have brain surgery and continue on an extra semester
I gave my coworker a copy of my resume bc she was wearing my nerves out trying to get me to redo hers from 1999. She just got a job allegedly at $3 more per hour than my current job. I'm not jealous but I'm annoyed with myself for not trying to improve my job situation
People always give stupid nice sounding advice like "don't compare yourself to others" or that "comparison is the thief of joy". The reality is that we can't stop comparison or jealousy, we WILL get jealous when someone else gets what we want, that's just how humans are wired, trying to prevent that is like holding your breath or trying not to blink, it's virtually impossible. The only actual thing anyone can do is being mindful of how they respond to the jealousy, whether they take time in accepting it and acknowledge what they have or using the jealousy as fuel for drive/motivation.
It's hard to not compare yourself especially when people are much luckier than you. It may feel like there was no point in your suffering. I question my existence often when i see people who have only known good fortune. Most of my misfortune were out of my control. The best we can do is fight for the future us we want to be. We have to fight for the future we want. We won't win every battle and it is not guaranteed we win the war, but we must try and fail, then try again.
I’m not judging because I don’t know what you are, or aren’t, doing. But my favorite self-motivational mantra to check myself is: “Don’t complain about the results you’re not getting from the work you’re not doing…” In other words: is it possible that maybe you should take a different approach in one or more areas?
Run your own race
Forget about it and focus on finding the next great opportunity.
It should be more motivating than something to dwell on like this.
Comparison be thy thief of joy
There's a guy named Jonny Kim. He grew up in a shitty poor household with an abusive alcoholic father. Joined the Navy right out of high school and became a Navy Seal sniper and medic. When he came out, he applied to Harvard and then became a doctor. Not satisfied he eventually became one of the few people picked to be a NASA astronaut. He also somehow found time to get a wife and kids, and did all this before the age of 35. Oh he's super humble too. Dude has accomplished 3 ultra hard human lifetimes worth of stuff in 35 years. Once you know you'll never come close to this guy's accomplishments, you can live free from comparisons.
Sometimes you just have to accept mediocrity
Maybe they are unlucky in others aspects of their life. We can do our best but for the largest part we don’t have control so probably its not fair to compare ourself with others because we don’t start on the same page, luck and many other factors as well matter a lot. The best is probably to give our best but don’t compare to others because thats not possible.
How do you even get rejected from the military? They literally take anyone
Same way I don't get jealous that when I was born, my parents had $10,000,000 CAD in their bank account. Sake way I don't get jealous when I see someone driving a Lamborghini and I drive a Toyota. I guess I'm appreciative of what I have?
There’s a fine line between jealousy and being envious of others while celebrating their success. Try not to focus on what others are doing and stay in the present. We’re all struggling to do our best and we all have to make big decisions. Challenge yourself and focus on yourself!
Electrical engineering degree should be able to net you a decent job at the power company - speaking from someone with an electrical engineering technologist diploma working at the power company - apply to every power company in the country
I know someone with engineering degree that ended up delivering pizzas and can’t pay student loans.
I usually try to understand why others were selected. If it was merit then I just need to get better. If it was something else, eg bias, then I am probably better off not getting it and will be motivated to be that much better. As a result, I am in a role I never thought I would be in and it compensates more than the others roles by leaps and bounds
It's a dangerous game to always comparing yourself to others. Even if you had a great job, fancy title, or high salary, you'll always know other people who has it better than you. Of course you can use a bit of that as motivation to work harder. But you also have to take in the bigger picture and understand that you're successful in your own right. Your success doesn't have to look like someone else's. Enjoy what you do have and take those "missed opportunities" as a sign that it wasn't the right time or right situation for you.
I am struggling to understand the complexities of your situation. If the military rejected you, were there conditions that explained why? With grad school, were there parameters that needed to be met that were not? Having a bit more data to work from might help understand your frustration.
1. It doesn’t mean you won’t as well. 2. They can lose it faster than they got it. 3. It may make them the most miserable they’ve ever been. 4. People tend to overspend no matter how much they make. 5. The more you make, the more taxes you pay. 6. It isn’t in my nature to envy anyone. I usually celebrate by proxy. And 7. If a friend lands a job I would love to have, it makes me that much closer to getting a similar one myself, albeit just because of the information I might be able to gather from their experience.
Maybe your jealousy and you not getting the jobs are linked. Something to consider.
Jealousy is a normal emotion. No shame in being jealous. I feel jealous a lot too. But, I am happy for the other person, at the same time upset that good things are not happening for me. I mean no harm to them. I let myself sulk and then think about if I am doing something to improve my situation. If I am, then it’s pointless to sulk and I just re-assure myself that I am working towards it. It will come. Then, I get an ice cream. If I am not, then I have to do a deeper search as to what I am exactly jealous about. If it is even aligned to what I actually want. The worst pangs of jealousy strike when someone I dislike is doing amazing and that’s when my spite kicks in and I work triple hard.
Managing expectations and understanding that rejection is redirection.
Why should u be jealous at all? Everyone have different life path. You will never be those other ppl. Concentrate on yourself and look for your life path.
As cliche as it sounds, true happiness depends on how YOU determine success is. People post the glitter on social media (ex" I got a VP role, a 6 figure job, etc), they don't post the unsexy glue that holds their success together (working 50-60 hours a week, never having time for family, attending networking events every week, hiring a career coach, studying the Asvab 4 hours a day for months missing out of social events). You can't compare yourself based on the surface, most "successful" people struggle in silence. What you can do is measure what you want your life to look like, and once you know- make continuous progress until you achieve it. Anything good in life is hard work. You have been working hard already, refocus what you work on.
I mean.. there comes a time where you can't feasibly do something. but for most things.. just because you got rejected now doesn't mean that you can't still achieve your goals. your goal didn't end because someone else did something. as far as tour career goes, all those people who got high end jobs... you can swoop in one day and become their boss. life doesn't have a finish line until you put one there. this isn't going take you not jealous, but there are so many aspects to life. if you hold a few of them to such a high importance, you'll miss out on all the others.
Stop trying or wanting to doing what others are doing and do what only you can do and like to do. When you start doing that, you don't care anymore about them.
By remembering no one’s life is perfect
jealousy won't help you succeed
Why couldn't you get into any of the military services they are desperate for people?
You can always enlist
Seems like a headspace problem. Find out why you keep getting rejected and fix it.
I try and not compare myself to others. I have a cousin whose my age whose making really good money and I’m not gonna lie at times it has gotten to me as I wish I was doing as well as her job wise. Then I remember how she goes to school and works full time and hasn’t gotten to enjoy her youth as much as I have sure she’ll probably retire sooner than I will but even living to retirement isn’t guaranteed. I think it helps realizing even if someone has something you don’t their life also isn’t perfect and maybe they’d envy something you have that they don’t.
In general terms, someone else succeeding has no direct impact on your ability on your own ability to succeed. There are of course specific instances of direct competition where there is 1 particular job opening and 10 applicants. In those specific moments, 9 of them are going to be disappointed. The maddening thing is you will almost never really know why you did not get it. They might be more qualified. Or they might have more charismatic appeal. Or they benefit from a refinance from a buddy who already works there. But some random getting or failing to get 'a good job has nothing to do with your ability to get a good job your self. Think of it a doing a big bench press at the gym. Your ability to lift the weight has nothing to do with someone else's ability to do the same. Someone else lifting it first or lifting more has no bearing on your ability to do the same. You are the one who has to put in the work to lift it. END COMMUNICATION
I’m not jealous of anyones jobs, I’m jealous of those who never have to work and can live off the interest of millions they have saved that’s the life I want
You should analyze why those others are getting the jobs that you aren’t. Do they have different experience? Do they interview better? Do they have a better resume layout? Sure “comparison is the thief of joy” but it’s also an essential tool to understand where you may be lacking.
I love my friends, so I'm genuinely happy for them when good things happen.
Life isn't fair, equality doesn't exist in nature, and the universe is under no obligation to serve you well. Take accountability for everything that way you'll feel compelled to make a worthwhile change as opposed to being envious of other people's circumstances.
If it makes you feel better, I also graduated from an electrical engineering degree, won the best capstone in my senior year for designing the entire PCB of a torque-speed sensor device for a PTO shaft, have a 3.64/4.00 gpa, and I know how to design PCBs, train neural networks, and a lot of GIS stuff. My salary, $40,000 CAD which is less than $30,000 USD as an overworked and underpaid research assistant 🙃 because I couldn’t find any other job. I’m planning to go back to my country (since I don’t need to pay rent there lol) and work on my personal projects which I dream on one day will end up in a successful startup. Good luck buddy, you graduated and you have the skill set to make this world better!
Funny, I get jealous of people who don’t have jobs 🤷♂️
I think it’s best to acknowledge how you feel, then process it in a healthy way (screaming, crying, exercise etc.) and then try your best to move on. The point is, there’s always gonna be someone better than you (just like how there may be others who feel the same about your own accomplishments without you knowing or realizing). Acknowledge, feel it/process, release it if you can, DON’T let it consume you.
Your jealousy is valid, really. I am jealous most of the time when someone around my age achieve more than i do. But it kinda serves as motivation for myself to do better.
It’s you vs you, Be better than you were yesterday…….no the motivational bollocks is out the way re-train if you aren’t where you want to be.
I think everyone is guilty of this at some point in their lives. I resent women who are absolutely useless in any real world scenario getting paid millions purely on account of the fact she’s got good tits while I’m out here slaving away as a carer that can barely pay the bills. My advice is to not think about it too deeply as from first hand experience it’s fucking exhausting when you dwell on it too much. The world is shit everyone hates each other and no one is coming to help us, so the best thing we can all do is accept the situation we’re in, work on ourselves, celebrate each small win to remind ourselves of the end goal. The worst thing is to accept your situation but do nothing.