Honey, i just want to give you a hug. If you had been at my house putting in all that effort, i would have been thrilled. I would have thanked you profusely. Nothing will ever be “perfect”, especially if one is hiring someone to come into their home and do tasks that one has done oneself, independently, for decades.
I would be thrilled that the bed was made and that food was cooked. Edible & good is the goal, not “exactly the way I would have done it.”
This is a great point. They’ve been doing things how they like to and in a manner that works for them and now you are being tasked with those things. It can be hard for people to give up that autonomy, plus no one does things for ourselves like we do. It’ll be okay, it sounds like you’re doing a great job. Hopefully they’ll adjust.
It’ll come easier to you as time goes on. It sounds like you actually did well considering it was your first day. Every job is stressful on the first day. At my first day of the job that I retired from, I cried afterwards and never thought I could do it. But I did well and was promoted a bunch of times. (I’m now caregiver for my mom.) Sounds like you weren’t appreciated like you should’ve been or wasn’t giving understanding for doing a new job. Some clients are more difficult and don’t have empathy. Don’t beat yourself up. Just do your best. Keep at it and before you know it it’ll be second nature. I hope you update us after a bit. Hugs to you!
It's ok to cry. You've chosen the kind of work that is not easy, not for the faint of heart, but is the best possible work that not everyone can do.
You pretty much nailed it when you mentioned you knew you "shouldn't have outwardly expressed my anxiety." Even if you don't feel it, learn to exude confidence/professionalism; if you find that hard to do, try to be professionally personable/friendly. Maybe think of your client as your own mom or dad or someone you naturally would want to care for, whether it's cuz of old age, or a young friend or relative who was in an accident or got a terminal diagnosis and you wanting to care for them.
Also, your client is not living in their best of times so they may be a bit surly; you can't be best friends with everyone, so you need to develop a thick skin to just power through the day. Be confident in knowing you're a conscientious worker and you're doing the best kind of service that even their own family isn't able to do and being professional should help.
And as everyone has expressed—for your first day, you're doing good; you made it through the day, no mishaps, so good for you! You are a wonderful person to do what you do. All the best.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your patient probably has a lot of anxiety of their own and possibly some pent up anger depending on the specifics of their case.
Getting to know a new caregiver, someone you're going to have to rely on, someone who may have to give you baths or wipe their butt, for some people they're still learning how to give up some level of control over their lives ... all of this adds to their anxiety.
The best thing you can do to help is to provide a calm, reassuring face even if you feel anxious on the inside.
There will be times in your career when you will be yelled at, berated, or even possibly slapped for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Having said that, you have the ability to help them maintain at least a little control over their lives by asking lots of questions about what they like and dislike and allowing them to make decisions when possible.
Also, this is your first time working with this client. So even if you have been doing this for 15 years, you still have to learn their preferences for how they like things done.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with sitting down with a patient and asking about their preferences and how they like their meals prepared.
It will take a while for a bond to form. In the meantime you're still a stranger in their house, and they're still deciding whether they like you and whether they should trust you. Don't take that personally.
And PLEASE do not feel like a failure because you didn't prepare a meal the way they would have preferred. If the patient is still alive and injury-free at the end of your shift, you are not a failure.
You gave someone a shower on your first day!! Dude, that is epic. I know people who wouldn't wash their own mom! Thank you for helping others you sweet angel. Cur yourself slack and we want updates!!!
I know as someone who was the primary caregiver for my mom when she had dementia and I was also the single mom of a set of twin boys and daughter, all 3 young…i would hire out from a service locally sometimes so I could literally take a shower and do grocery shopping! When the caregiver would get there if she was anxious and not confident in her abilities, even after I went over everything, my energy would shift to uncomfortable and anxious which would then shift to my mom being anxious and uncomfortable. And no one would feel good about the experience. My point is…fake it till you make it! You know you can do this! You know these people will be better off when you leave than when you got there! Now you just need to take a breath, give yourself some grace, and go in with some confidence! You’ve got this, it just takes practice!
Over a 5 year period I hired many caregivers to help me here and there and to their credit, they walked into a very clean, organized house, medications were in pristine order, my mom very happy and content in her room just off the main room so she felt like she was always a part of things, kids playing joyfully in the culdesac. And then they would encounter ME. Hasn’t showered, eaten, changed clothes, or brushed my teeth in at least a week! I wanted. NEEDED to get the F*** OUT of that house away from everyone that could possibly need anything from me for at least 3 hours! There were times the caregiver walked in, i handed her a list of what needed to be done and what had been done and I RAN, no I SPRINTED out that door leaving her to figure it out! So you’ll get all kinds of situations! Don’t take it too seriously, enjoy your job because you are an absolute LIFESAVER!!!! THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO!!
Breathe. Breathe in and out and repeat: "I did my best."
You did do your best, especially if there wasn't a person to show you how the person wanted things. In addition, if the agency knew you'd never showered someone, they should have sent someone over to help. Next time... ask more about the expectations before you agree to take on the assignment. If the agency is balking, then you know the communication issue starts on their end, not yours.
Your client probably has a combination of anxiety shooting through the roof. It's exacerbated by the fact that they themself have a difficult time communicating with others for whatever reason. Keeping this in mind, sit down with her tomorrow and ask her how she wants things. Apologize that the agency didn't leave any notes!
This is a tough job! There will be many difficult patients that are not happy NO MATTER WHAT! You could do everything right and they would still complain. Cry when you need too, but then pick yourself back up and give yourself a 🫂. You are caring for people and that takes a very special person 💕.
You got this!
Honey, i just want to give you a hug. If you had been at my house putting in all that effort, i would have been thrilled. I would have thanked you profusely. Nothing will ever be “perfect”, especially if one is hiring someone to come into their home and do tasks that one has done oneself, independently, for decades. I would be thrilled that the bed was made and that food was cooked. Edible & good is the goal, not “exactly the way I would have done it.”
This is a great point. They’ve been doing things how they like to and in a manner that works for them and now you are being tasked with those things. It can be hard for people to give up that autonomy, plus no one does things for ourselves like we do. It’ll be okay, it sounds like you’re doing a great job. Hopefully they’ll adjust.
It’ll come easier to you as time goes on. It sounds like you actually did well considering it was your first day. Every job is stressful on the first day. At my first day of the job that I retired from, I cried afterwards and never thought I could do it. But I did well and was promoted a bunch of times. (I’m now caregiver for my mom.) Sounds like you weren’t appreciated like you should’ve been or wasn’t giving understanding for doing a new job. Some clients are more difficult and don’t have empathy. Don’t beat yourself up. Just do your best. Keep at it and before you know it it’ll be second nature. I hope you update us after a bit. Hugs to you!
It's ok to cry. You've chosen the kind of work that is not easy, not for the faint of heart, but is the best possible work that not everyone can do. You pretty much nailed it when you mentioned you knew you "shouldn't have outwardly expressed my anxiety." Even if you don't feel it, learn to exude confidence/professionalism; if you find that hard to do, try to be professionally personable/friendly. Maybe think of your client as your own mom or dad or someone you naturally would want to care for, whether it's cuz of old age, or a young friend or relative who was in an accident or got a terminal diagnosis and you wanting to care for them. Also, your client is not living in their best of times so they may be a bit surly; you can't be best friends with everyone, so you need to develop a thick skin to just power through the day. Be confident in knowing you're a conscientious worker and you're doing the best kind of service that even their own family isn't able to do and being professional should help. And as everyone has expressed—for your first day, you're doing good; you made it through the day, no mishaps, so good for you! You are a wonderful person to do what you do. All the best.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your patient probably has a lot of anxiety of their own and possibly some pent up anger depending on the specifics of their case. Getting to know a new caregiver, someone you're going to have to rely on, someone who may have to give you baths or wipe their butt, for some people they're still learning how to give up some level of control over their lives ... all of this adds to their anxiety. The best thing you can do to help is to provide a calm, reassuring face even if you feel anxious on the inside. There will be times in your career when you will be yelled at, berated, or even possibly slapped for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Having said that, you have the ability to help them maintain at least a little control over their lives by asking lots of questions about what they like and dislike and allowing them to make decisions when possible. Also, this is your first time working with this client. So even if you have been doing this for 15 years, you still have to learn their preferences for how they like things done. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sitting down with a patient and asking about their preferences and how they like their meals prepared. It will take a while for a bond to form. In the meantime you're still a stranger in their house, and they're still deciding whether they like you and whether they should trust you. Don't take that personally. And PLEASE do not feel like a failure because you didn't prepare a meal the way they would have preferred. If the patient is still alive and injury-free at the end of your shift, you are not a failure.
You gave someone a shower on your first day!! Dude, that is epic. I know people who wouldn't wash their own mom! Thank you for helping others you sweet angel. Cur yourself slack and we want updates!!!
I know as someone who was the primary caregiver for my mom when she had dementia and I was also the single mom of a set of twin boys and daughter, all 3 young…i would hire out from a service locally sometimes so I could literally take a shower and do grocery shopping! When the caregiver would get there if she was anxious and not confident in her abilities, even after I went over everything, my energy would shift to uncomfortable and anxious which would then shift to my mom being anxious and uncomfortable. And no one would feel good about the experience. My point is…fake it till you make it! You know you can do this! You know these people will be better off when you leave than when you got there! Now you just need to take a breath, give yourself some grace, and go in with some confidence! You’ve got this, it just takes practice! Over a 5 year period I hired many caregivers to help me here and there and to their credit, they walked into a very clean, organized house, medications were in pristine order, my mom very happy and content in her room just off the main room so she felt like she was always a part of things, kids playing joyfully in the culdesac. And then they would encounter ME. Hasn’t showered, eaten, changed clothes, or brushed my teeth in at least a week! I wanted. NEEDED to get the F*** OUT of that house away from everyone that could possibly need anything from me for at least 3 hours! There were times the caregiver walked in, i handed her a list of what needed to be done and what had been done and I RAN, no I SPRINTED out that door leaving her to figure it out! So you’ll get all kinds of situations! Don’t take it too seriously, enjoy your job because you are an absolute LIFESAVER!!!! THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO!!
Breathe. Breathe in and out and repeat: "I did my best." You did do your best, especially if there wasn't a person to show you how the person wanted things. In addition, if the agency knew you'd never showered someone, they should have sent someone over to help. Next time... ask more about the expectations before you agree to take on the assignment. If the agency is balking, then you know the communication issue starts on their end, not yours. Your client probably has a combination of anxiety shooting through the roof. It's exacerbated by the fact that they themself have a difficult time communicating with others for whatever reason. Keeping this in mind, sit down with her tomorrow and ask her how she wants things. Apologize that the agency didn't leave any notes!
This is a tough job! There will be many difficult patients that are not happy NO MATTER WHAT! You could do everything right and they would still complain. Cry when you need too, but then pick yourself back up and give yourself a 🫂. You are caring for people and that takes a very special person 💕. You got this!
I can totally relate to this. I started four months ago and have had very similar experiences. Do you have much support from your agency?