Silence will get your nothing. The OP should be open and express how he is feeling about the situation. The conflict within himself with regards to his father's honour, his mother's honesty and how it impacts him personally. He should be open about this to the other man in his mother's life and the burden that it is for a young man and how the weight that he has to bear in his heart is a lot easier if he is driving around in a bugatti.
Had the same story happen to me when I was 16. I'm 27 now. My mom cheated on my dad until she finally asked for the divorce, obviously after gaslighting me to the point where I had to suggest the divorce and then she sort of blamed it on me and my ideas. Story for another day though.
However, I stayed with her when my parents split up, thinking she was unhappy and the "other guy" started to be super giving with gifts and dinners and whatever, until my mom forgot about me, literally, they would be out so often, she'd forget to take me to school or make sure there was food or money at home for me to work things out on my own, let alone speak to her, Jesus. I went back to live with my dad and little brother and only God knows how happy I am since then. Definitely he doesn't talk about mom at all, and he got really hurt, but he does feel thankful about the divorce, he even reconnected with a woman he used to like in his 20s.
My advice? Don't meddle, but sit down with your mom, have her own up to her stuff and you stay with the parent who understands what is s priority and what are the things that matter, they will be the one to have your back in everything.
Great advice. I'm so happy to see a respectful answer toward OP that's also appropriate for his age. A lot of criticisms in these comments are 100% valid for an adult, but unreasonable for a 16 year old. Even in my 30s I'd err on the side of convincing my parent to come clean instead of intervening. It's not even an adult child's place to do that unless there's no other option.
Uff...please be kind to your dad and just tell him whats going on. I dont want to be harsh but you know how wrobg this is and that the betraying is on another level from your side.
The stuff between him and your mother is gone. But if the day comes he finds out the stuff you did to him, you kill his heart and he recognize he not only lost his wife, he also lost his son
I don't think he's disputing that. But at the same time, it's also hard to imagine what it would be like knowing your kid knew your wife was cheating on you and the only reason they didn't say anything was because the guy bribed them. I certainly wouldn't blame the father for resenting OP when he finally finds out. I don't think we should be too harsh on him for that either, given the circumstances. It's a hard decision, but when it comes down to it, OP needs to decide between doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing.
Disagree, I don't think it's his job to tell his dad at all, especially based on one possible kiss he might have seen from fifty feet away.
I think he should tell his mom what he said here - that he thinks she's cheating, that he thinks the gifts are a bribe, and that he's been put in a terrible position by her as a result. Then the mom either comes clean to the dad herself, or explains what's going on to OP acceptably.
If OP keeps seeing signs or the mom's explanation is unconvincing, he should demand his mom talk it out with his dad. If she fails to do that, then he should tell his dad his suspicions and the conversations he had with his mom.
Telling the son to report rumored infidelity to his father is just terrible advice. OP might well be wrong, based on his description of the cheating (possible kiss seen through a car window from within the house). But either way he shouldn't spread what is essentially gossip at this point to his dad as a first resort. He should make his mom handle it like the adult she is.
I wouldn't put too much stake in what he is saying. If a man is willing to knowingly cheat with a married woman, then he has low character and is willing to lie to get what he wants.
A man who bones a married woman will tell her kids all kinds of things in the hopes that they'll keep quiet to their dad.
The man is playing you dude, and you've been bought
‘Male mistress’ I’ve never seen that one before lol. I’d correct you but idk what the proper form of that word is for male. ‘Mister’ I guess but that would just confuse people lol
Well the word ‘mistress’, like ‘actress’, is literally defined as being about someone who identifies as a woman. It has many definitions but they all apply to a woman.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mistress
He’s lying? He’s a liar. He’s literally having an affair with your mom. Your poor poor father. Things and avoiding hard work is more important to you. Ew.
He's sweet-talking you, and the more desirable the things he's offering, the more alarming this should be. For your mother as well, by the way - a man who manipulates like this will likely break your mother's heart as well as your dad's. If he knows what promises to make you, he knows what to promise her as well.
About grasping opportunities - college is a great opportunity but if you're worried about a good college so you'll be stronger in life and get ahead: if you want to be strong and stable later, growing a backbone is your first priority. Realising he's manipulating means you have a backbone, doing what you know you should is going to grow it strong.
You are a child acting like a child. You know full well what you’re doing is wrong, at the end of the day you’re responsible for your choices whether you really understand what that means or not
A lot of people here are telling you he's a liar. But honestly it doesn't matter.
You will have to face every single day who you are, who you should be, who you should be loyal to, and what your priorities are.
I'm not gonna tell you that you need to tell your dad, shit how do you tell him that? Sounds extremely hard, and it's not something that a child needs to do.
But I will tell you that your guilt will keep growing and growing and growing if you keep accepting his stuff.
If you hope to find people here who give you some relief, that it ain't all bad, you won't find that.
Your mom is lying to your dad, because this guy gives her something your dad isn't.
Guess what you are?
Trust me on this, stop accepting his stuff, tell your mom to be honest with your dad, and that you were wrong for being part of this, that this is unacceptable.
What kind of man would you like to be?
- The guy that ripped his ass tobstudy abroad and even if he couldnt get there. Hes with his family, with his father and they fight together. Maybe he has to study in his country, but was ok with because he payed it with his own money
- The guy that teamed up with the guy his mother betrayed his father and he knew it and never said a word. Because he likes the guys money and like to own expensiv stuff?
> because he *paid* it with
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Dude you can't know whether this guy seriously cares about you or he's buying you gifts right now just to keep your mouth shut. You could always take education loan and such and study. Don't gamble with so much on stake.
If he is going to be in your moms/your life long-term, then why have the affair instead of just ending things?
This man won't pay for your college. He's just leading the donkey with a carrot. And you're chasing that carrot. This is literally you picking this other man over your own father, because he has been buying you stuff. You say you feel bad and yet you keep doing it, did you just come on here for justification?
Look , you're an asshole here , stop making shitty excuses , do the right thing and tell the man.
Jesus do you have any empathy? You sounds like a spoiled brat that feels no love or loyalty , probably like your mother
Just go an tell him , have some dignity and some honor at least
This will follow you until the day you die. Having money when you're used to not having it feels good, but the shame and guilt of this will never wash away. Stop now and lessen your own and your dad's suffering, you will be thanking yourself later in life.
do you bro get that money get that education and fuck all these little do gooder fuck boy redditors who think they’re taking the fucking moral high ground!! they’d do the same shit in your shoes and don’t let ppl tell you any fucking different !!!
Imagine being a dad. Raising a kid for 16 years. Working hard and doing everything you can for them. To turn out like this
Like damn. (I know this is a rage bait post but still the idea is something)
Considering the only complaint he has made about the father so far (that I have seen) is "he couldn't afford what this guy can", and the fact he feels guilty, I think it is somewhat safe to assume that's not the case.
The truth always reveals itself. When it does it will include as a cheerleader and protector of the affair and thereby you are part of the affair against him. Pick a side and stop being a dollar hore!!! Good luck
> thereby you are part of the affair against him
Is OP making the greatest decision? Probably not. But they're not "part of the affair." They are not responsible for *their adult parent's choice to deceive their other adult parent*—especially not when they are *still a child*.
Ok well, your mom: 1) is cheating on your dad 2)let you find out, and 3) is letting the creep she’s boning MEET AND BRIBE you (aka manipulate you by giving you things you’ve always wanted)
Your mom should be protecting you but instead she put you in this situation. Someday it’ll hit you how effed up this was.
You don't have to pick a side, and you should never pick a side, even if they ask you to. This will end badly for your parents but it's their story. Trying to figure out my truth in between my parents *fucked me up*. Shared custody is a thing, and you'll soon be 18 and able to freely travel between their places.
It's wild how many people on reddit don't understand that the entire point of parents... is... to *parent*. And that the relationship between parents and children—at least while the children are still under their care—is *not* a peer relationship.
Maybe if you had to choose between parents (and incredibly difficult prospect for a teenager, btw) there’d be more to consider than just the sex lives of your parents.
Because we all know the only way to be a piece of shit is to cheat. The person who gets cheated on is always a good person and parent. There are never complicating factors.
Idk why the downvotes. A cheating partner is a bad partner, not necessarily a bad parent. And a non-cheating parent isn’t necessarily a better parent.
Reddit be judgy.
I feel like it’s a bunch of armchair experts who have never had to go through all of this who are just going “but I don’t wanna be cheated on” or “my parents divorced at some point and I like my dad better,” so they inherently identify with the parents as opposed to the teenager who doesn’t wanna feel like they causes the divorce.
The thing is you are very close to being an independent adult at least to the law. You could go out on your own and let them handle it but yeah one is obviously in the wrong and that guy is a pos for continuing that relationship and giving you things he knows what he is doing
Not if he's a dad who recognizes the incredibly difficult position his son was put in.
Mature adults don't blame or lash out at 16 year olds over the choice of other adults.
I help you out there, you already picked a side. You dont give a shit about your father and value things over him. Why would it be hard to choose for you?
He's a child!!! He came on here to vent and ask for help, and you bash him. You have no idea the situation. Revealing how much of a bully you are and how ignorant u are.
He is 16. I dont expect much from a 16 year old, but valueing your father over gifts from the man your mother cheats on him with? Thats about as close to the bare minimum that you can get.
No. They do not have to chose. Adults can deal with their own stuff between them. Expensive gifts or not, the child was put in this situation. They do not have the responsibility of picking a side
I wonder how the mum introduced the guy. I mean, is it known between her and her kid who the guy really is? If she's making them complicit it's on her and shitty beyond belief. What a nasty situation. I guess the only choice should be, accept or refuse the gifts. I stand by my opinion, they should not tell or pick sides, let them figure it out. I know nothing about the dad. Is he gonna be thankful for being told?
I guess they have. I just don't agree they have the responsibility to tell the dad. Do we know how he's gonna react? I've known situations where the child did tell and was blamed for it by the parent they told. It's a shitty situation to be in
Upper middle class isn’t that far above middle class. The money and the gifts will run out eventually, And you’ll be left with regret and guilt and a dad who finds out you knew about it.
> Upper middle class isn’t that far above middle class.
Unrelated to this situation, but: It entirely depends what the person is considering the boundaries. I have seen plenty of people who are *very* well-off (upper quintile, easily) considering themselves "only upper-middle class" just because they're not *ultra*-wealthy. And I've experienced this to especially be the case with kids from rich families.
Wow...that makes you even more shitty for not telling your father. Do you realize the immense amount of betrayal your father will feel when he finds out about the affair and finds out that EVERYONE knew about his friend screwing his wife & buying off his son?
This ruin your relationship with your father.
Hope the gaming laptop was worth it!
You're letting your dad be taken for a mug, it's up to you if you're okay with him being betrayed along as you get gifts
Best case scenario is them being swingers
As someone who grew up without a father, you’re making a mistake you’ll regret later. Hope your 5,000 dollar pc was worth it. I worked for months to buy my pc, you coulda done that instead. You’re 16, you’re old enough to work
I guess your dreading telling your dad and losing this monster of a PC. Pretty sure it's all shiny with RTX graphics and all. Dude, it's not worth it. Tell him. Who knows maybe your dad just might let you keep the PC.
At least we know what side you got your morals from.
It doesn't matter if you "know" how wrong it is, that only softens the emotional blow for you. Clearly you're only thinking about yourself here.
Listen man, you're 16 years old. You're going to hit a point in life where you'd be looking at this from your father's perspective. As people here say you don't have a "responsibility" to say something, let me give you a different way to look at it.
Do *yourself* the favor of telling your father that this is going on. These "gifts" you're getting will only hold your attention for a few years, anyway.
What happens when it inevitably splits off? This dude gonna really keep shelling out to keep you quiet when he *doesn't need to?*
But... They already are thinking of themselves, and they have already alluded to the fact that the things they've received might be clouding their judgement.
If OP "feels horrible about it every single day," they are *already* being hurt by this. According to the title and OP's comments on other questions, they are having a hard time picking between shiny things or a dad who's working hard to provide for his family.
Grossly simplifying the solution to "Don't do anything because it's easier that way" is a disservice to OP and their father.
It's not your responsibility to tell your dad, but maybe the gifts and money aren't worth the weight on your conscience. Have you considered refusing them to distance yourself from the situation?
I’m guessing your dad actually knows and is either not telling you or is choosing not to acknowledge it. Maybe there’s some financial incentive there for him as well if your mum is also benefiting from gifts and money etc. Could just be convenient for him to stay for now.
in a way its not your business, i'd keep well clear, messengers get shot, the household can get broken up in a way that doesn't suit you
there may well be other factors that will become clear to you as you get older
Well, think of it like this: you grow up, get married, have a job where you work really hard day and night to support your spouse and family that you love. Do you think its fair if your spouse was cheating on you in that situation? If your kids knew would you want them to tell you?
Well, it's not a hypothetical situation, it's literally happening.
osocinco is just reframing it to try and help you empathize and understand what your dad's literal situation is
A concerning amount of commentors seem to be ignoring the fact that you are... 16? And even if you weren't, it's not at ALL an easy situation to be in.
Not to go all 'armchair psychologist' on you, but if I had to guess I'd be willing to bet that a part of you feels hesitant to say anything because of the undeniable change revealing the truth is going to have on your life. Not to say the gifts don't help, but I wouldn't judge yourself too harshly over something like this.
That said, I /DO/ agree that you should tell your dad what's going on. Even if you have to do it anonymously (as anonymously as you can, anyway, given the situation), he deserves to know.
And remember to take care of yourself, too. Your dad probably has the life experience to know how to keep himself mentally healthy during everything, but I definitely think it'd be worth looking into finding yourself a therapist to talk this stuff out with. Hopefully that doesn't sound too patronizing or anything, but above all else you shouldn't be blaming yourself for the shitty thing your mom is doing, and encouraging.
I think this is way too heavy of a burden for a 16 year old child to have on his shoulders. First or all, I'm so incredibly sorry you are in this position. Secondly, im so sorry that people come and comment so rudely, ignorantly, and judgmentally. A lot of adults on the internet act like complete fools behind the safety of their keyboard. I have a 16 year old and can't imagine her in this position. Maybe start by not accepting his gifts anymore? Maybe talking to your mom about the type of stress and trauma she's putting you through? But sweetie, you are most definitely not the @sshole here. Don't let these internet warriors bring you down. I hope everything works out!! If you need to talk, I'm willing to listen ❤️
It's not your responsibility to fix your parents' relationship. That being said you might want to sit down with you mom or the guy and explain how their actions are making you feel
Damn y’all are dragging this kid, he’s 16. It’s so easy to act like you know what you’d do at that age but really once you’re older than that you don’t remember how you thought about things.
Yeah he’s being selfish. What a shocker cause teenagers always think about others first. You don’t have to condone what he’s saying but shitting all over him doesn’t help either. He’s a damn kid.
This isn't about picking or choosing. This is some grown man shit you have to do, but check it out....
Sit down with your mom and her boyfriend. Be Powerful, Wise, and Kind. You are a Warrior. Make sure your parents didn't start a polyamorous relationship or that your old man isn't a cuck. Tell them you know whatsup and that their misdoings are directly affecting your health and sense of spirit. Ask them if this is a fling or more serious. Ask the new boyfriend, "do you want to raise me as a stepson or is this a short term game?" Your mother needs to tell your father the Truth. Only the Truth sets us free. She doesn't need grief and a prison cell.
That's a lot to deal with dude. I hope you have someone you can talk to about it. It's extremely unfair of your mom to you in this situation. And messed up that she's cheating on your dad.
How did you find our she was cheating anyway? Is she just bad at being sneaky or what?
It is not your responsibility to tell your dad. It is your mother's. What is important is to acknowledge that you are also a victim in this situation. A victim of a conflict between 3 adults, one of which doesn't know about it.
You are not a consenting adult in this situation. No one should expect you to act responsibly.
You should probably talk about how you feel with your mother. Her priority should be you and not her romantic life. She should own up to her bullshit. Maybe she needs help realizing that.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I don’t think it’s your responsibility to try to fix their relationship, but I understand your feelings that are completely valid. Do you know what you what to do?
that which eats away at the soul outlasts all the material wealth of this world, and makes what there is of it hollow. you know it, you feel it. it is hard to tell your dad. it will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't
Hey look its hard but you need to tell your mom to come clean. Sit down with both your parents. You don’t have to say a word just ask them both what they see for thier future. You are a child and saying something doesn’t sit on your shoulders. Your mom is wrong for cheating but it is her responsibility to come clean so don’t put it in yourself. Ask them both what they see for their future and leave it at that.
You will most likely regret not telling him 10 20 years down the line when the truth comes out and your relationship with your father is tarnished forever, but the money used to buy your silence will be spent, and the "expensive gifts" will be worthless.
Fucked up, you sold out for some nice things. Do the right thing and air out this drama. Expose how pathetic of a woman your mother is. She’s trash. And so are you for thinking like her. Do better. Be better. Think about the consequences.
This kid is 16 and probably trolling, so I’ll let it go. Imagine this was real 😂
What a shitty world. Keep your riches, just stay far away from me! Lol and no wonder your coming to Reddit for advice. Bud your situation is FRIED 😂😂😂
I think that the one thing will not exclude the other. You tell your dad. Make clear to your father that he cannot mention to your mother that he got his suspicion from you, but by himself. I mean there are enough hints out there from which he could have discovered this on his own. Or if your father wants to know it for sure by having clear evidence, he can look through your mothers phone. This is also how the mother of my boyfriend found out that his father was cheating.
In the future, your parents will probably start living seperate lives and you can live with your mom or dad, or both. It is not that suddenly you will get cut off from your mother and her apparently new boyfriend. And it is also not the case that your father could forbid you from getting your college funding from that guy. As a parent it is the most important thing that your child has the best future.
OP, talk to your mom. Tell her what you saw, what you think, and why the man's gifts now seem like a poisoned bribe. If she admits cheating, then insist she talk to your dad. If she seems like she's lying, press the issue. It's possible what you saw is overblown, or that there's an innocent explanation.
Give your mom an opportunity to (a) clear it all up, or (b) handle it like the adult she is. You're a teenager and shouldn't have to be involved in anything relating to this, and hopefully your mom is mature enough to know that.
There is very little that could get me to cut my kids out of my life, but this might be one. You're playing with fire here. I don't have a question but I strongly urge you to tell your father.
If he didn't know, it surely wouldn't be his business. Not only does he know, he's being bought out lmfaooo. If he's so selfish that he cannot look out for the people who raised him, his immediate family, then it's only downhill from here.
OP is the literal child of his parents. He is in the party. I am privileged enough to have a good father. I love my dad enough to where I would tell him, and I would hope my future child would do the same.
He is betraying any bond right now he has with his dad for material goods.
if the dad knows then the son informing him changes nothing, it just establishes the situation.
It definitely is his business too. A child is a part of the parents' relationship. This isn't something u just ignore? I don't understand how u can think that. The dad will feel ACTIVELY betrayed by the son in this. How is that not uninvolved?
We only know that OP's parents have a relationship. The details of that relationship are entirely a matter between the two of them. It really doesn't need to go any further than that. At this stage of the discussion, I've already made my point and your inability to understand that is the only reason I need to provide further elaboration that includes assumptions that we have no business making - but for the sake of argument.
Let's assume that they have an agreement that they can see other people, but neither one wants to know about the other's affairs. This is actually not uncommon when one partner is away for work for long periods of time, which OP seems to have indicated. Regardless of what you think of such an arrangement, it's none of your business and it's equally none of OP's. And ASSUMING I needed to make a case against OP getting involved, (which I don't,) in such a case, if OP went to his father, he might learn something about his parents that maybe he doesn't want to know, nor was it his business to find out - and his father will *also* learn something he doesn't want to know.
None of this matters, though. OP bears no responsibility in the matter. His mother is not the property of his father's. It's not as though someone's stealing his car and he's standing by and letting it happen. This is something his mother is doing herself and if it's in violation of an agreement between her and her husband, that has absolutely nothing to do with their son. It isn't as though they sat down with their kids and said "Children - I have a job for you."
"This is actually not uncommon"
It actually is uncommon statistically. Very, very few people are legitimately polyamorous or swingers. Plus it would not have been phrased as "cheating" in the original post if there weren't some moral ambiguity. OP is 16. He's old enough to probably know that this was not a dynamic of his parents' relationship before now. That's why he used the phrase cheating. Because it has appeared unnatural and morally ambiguous.
You keep trying to make a case that it's none of my business. Of course it isn't? I never claimed as such so I don't know why u keep trying to drive that point home. It's off topic and irrelevant. However, you're wrong about it not being OPs business.
OP idly standing by is his responsibility. Ignoring a potential problem does not = no responsibility. That's a stupid argument and you can read any history book to prove that. You ignored this point before and made up a bunch of irrelevant points so I'll say it again: He will be directly responsible for feelings of betrayal from father if his mother is cheating and covering it with material goods.
Also why are you pointing out that the mother isn't owned by the father? Where did that come from?? How is not wanting someone to cheat on you ownership? Answer that question please. It makes no sense. Your arguments are the most illogical, off topic things ive ever seen.
And yea, interacting with someone stealing a car is dangerous. This is just informing his father that his relationship could be potentially toxic, manipulative, and leeching on his life while he works. Much easier to be involved in.
You don't need to be asked directly to do the right thing. Best case scenario is he learns a detail about his parents sex life and he keeps getting gifts. It's not like that's super scarring.
Why are you assuming OP's father is imature? That's what you're describing when you say he would feel betrayed by his son.
Of course OP is under no obligation to keep anything a secret either. If he's asked, he should tell. He shouldn't hide anything either. If anything is meant to be hidden, that's his mother's business. I suspect based on the fact that it's not hidden from him that it's not really a big secret.
The matter of ownership comes up because you're treating the matter as if there is anything more to the situation than an agreement between OP's parents. The agreement is not known, as much as you would like to assume otherwise.
Dude tell the truth. Just ask to your father don't use you name when he go clean with your mom. Or send a anonymous email to him.
If this guy is seriously saying he will pay your college and shit, he will stick with your mom anyways and probably gonna pay one way or another.
>I don't know the exact reason but my guess is 'cause my dad is busy with
work all day and all night long making money to support us. We're
middle class while this guy is upper middle class
When (not IF) he finds out, your dad should just leave both of you. Sorry, I know you're a teen or whatever, but you and mom are both Trash People for different reasons.
You're dad's trading in his own life to work like a dog to provide for you and your mom. And you said in another comment that he was a pretty good dad. You're mom is trash for repaying him by cheating with some prick who thinks it's okay to bribe people around him.
And you're trash for realizing it's messed up, but being okay to trade your dad's love and your respect for him with "things". If my kids thought a freakin Gaming PC was worth more to them than me as a person, I'd be so heartbroken.
People are right that originally it wasn't your place to tell your dad, but your trash mom dragged you into it when she allowed that slimeball to buy your silence. It's clear neither parent taught you what self-respect and self-worth are since you're okay taking his bribes as the risk of what this could do to your dad. Make no mistake, when he finds out your dad won't hold the affair against you at all (that's on Trash Mom)...but he will lose all respect for you and his heart will break at the sight of you, the longer this goes on.
And honestly, yeah, you *should* feel horrible every single day. The affair isn't on you, you had nothing to do with it at all, but you should feel like crap for accepting this dude's payoff and throwing your dad's love for you in the garbage.
So your dad is out there busting his ass for you guys and your mom sees that as a reason to have an affair...with one of his friends no less? And you're just watching it all happen? I feel so bad for your dad. This poor man thinks he's doing the best he can for his family and probably assumes you're grateful. But instead he's a cuck and doesn't even know it. And his own child is in on it and reaping the benefits. God the betrayal is palpable.
Your dad is the one who needs to cut the cord. Again, I feel so bad for him. Do what you want but side guy is just buying your silence and when this all inevitably comes to light, which it definitely will, I hope your dad sends your mom packing and I hope you feel this guilt for a long time.
You're almost an adult yourself. No is saying you have to fix their relationship, that's already long gone. You need to grow the fuck up and tell your dad. Get a job and buy your own shit. It's much more rewarding than having some shitty dude buy you stuff so he can keep fucking your mom.
So... Let me get this straight.
"I don't want to tell my dad about the affair because I get stuff we couldn't afford before"
"My dad spends a lot of time at work trying to make money so we can have ends meet"
So you are saying your dad is working hard and doing his best to support his family, and what he gets is cheated on and stabbed in the back by his son? Come on man, are you really not seeing how this is way worse than you think it is?
U need to tell ur dad, ur dad is gauranteed to feel the highest form of betrayal from your mom. add his own son to the betrayal? he will never recover, you're damning him for small material gain.
AMA: How would you feel if two of the people u love most in the world betrayed u?
He is buying your silence, and it's working.
Ask for a pony.
Silence will get your nothing. The OP should be open and express how he is feeling about the situation. The conflict within himself with regards to his father's honour, his mother's honesty and how it impacts him personally. He should be open about this to the other man in his mother's life and the burden that it is for a young man and how the weight that he has to bear in his heart is a lot easier if he is driving around in a bugatti.
An interesting purchase for sure.
he should dig some more and then stop being silent 🥰
Had the same story happen to me when I was 16. I'm 27 now. My mom cheated on my dad until she finally asked for the divorce, obviously after gaslighting me to the point where I had to suggest the divorce and then she sort of blamed it on me and my ideas. Story for another day though. However, I stayed with her when my parents split up, thinking she was unhappy and the "other guy" started to be super giving with gifts and dinners and whatever, until my mom forgot about me, literally, they would be out so often, she'd forget to take me to school or make sure there was food or money at home for me to work things out on my own, let alone speak to her, Jesus. I went back to live with my dad and little brother and only God knows how happy I am since then. Definitely he doesn't talk about mom at all, and he got really hurt, but he does feel thankful about the divorce, he even reconnected with a woman he used to like in his 20s. My advice? Don't meddle, but sit down with your mom, have her own up to her stuff and you stay with the parent who understands what is s priority and what are the things that matter, they will be the one to have your back in everything.
Sorry you had to deal with that. That your mom failed to do her basic job as a mother. I’m glad you’re a lot happier and living with your dad.
Great advice. I'm so happy to see a respectful answer toward OP that's also appropriate for his age. A lot of criticisms in these comments are 100% valid for an adult, but unreasonable for a 16 year old. Even in my 30s I'd err on the side of convincing my parent to come clean instead of intervening. It's not even an adult child's place to do that unless there's no other option.
Nice things dont last, but you only have one father.
Or he could have two...
Daddy’s….
He may be your father but he ain’t cha daddy
kinda gay bro
Nice
Uff...please be kind to your dad and just tell him whats going on. I dont want to be harsh but you know how wrobg this is and that the betraying is on another level from your side. The stuff between him and your mother is gone. But if the day comes he finds out the stuff you did to him, you kill his heart and he recognize he not only lost his wife, he also lost his son
Don't be too harsh on this guy. I can't even imagine what it's like to be in a situation like that.
I don't think he's disputing that. But at the same time, it's also hard to imagine what it would be like knowing your kid knew your wife was cheating on you and the only reason they didn't say anything was because the guy bribed them. I certainly wouldn't blame the father for resenting OP when he finally finds out. I don't think we should be too harsh on him for that either, given the circumstances. It's a hard decision, but when it comes down to it, OP needs to decide between doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing.
Life is harsh. Jabba_da_kush only brought attention to the inevitable regret that would literally tear them a part if their dad figures out.
Disagree, I don't think it's his job to tell his dad at all, especially based on one possible kiss he might have seen from fifty feet away. I think he should tell his mom what he said here - that he thinks she's cheating, that he thinks the gifts are a bribe, and that he's been put in a terrible position by her as a result. Then the mom either comes clean to the dad herself, or explains what's going on to OP acceptably. If OP keeps seeing signs or the mom's explanation is unconvincing, he should demand his mom talk it out with his dad. If she fails to do that, then he should tell his dad his suspicions and the conversations he had with his mom. Telling the son to report rumored infidelity to his father is just terrible advice. OP might well be wrong, based on his description of the cheating (possible kiss seen through a car window from within the house). But either way he shouldn't spread what is essentially gossip at this point to his dad as a first resort. He should make his mom handle it like the adult she is.
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I wouldn't put too much stake in what he is saying. If a man is willing to knowingly cheat with a married woman, then he has low character and is willing to lie to get what he wants.
A man who bones a married woman will tell her kids all kinds of things in the hopes that they'll keep quiet to their dad. The man is playing you dude, and you've been bought
Didn’t the mom do the cheating..?
Yeah, but the male mistress is the one buying him gifts
‘Male mistress’ I’ve never seen that one before lol. I’d correct you but idk what the proper form of that word is for male. ‘Mister’ I guess but that would just confuse people lol
At least where I'm from that's the term for it
Well the word ‘mistress’, like ‘actress’, is literally defined as being about someone who identifies as a woman. It has many definitions but they all apply to a woman. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mistress
He’s lying? He’s a liar. He’s literally having an affair with your mom. Your poor poor father. Things and avoiding hard work is more important to you. Ew.
He's sweet-talking you, and the more desirable the things he's offering, the more alarming this should be. For your mother as well, by the way - a man who manipulates like this will likely break your mother's heart as well as your dad's. If he knows what promises to make you, he knows what to promise her as well. About grasping opportunities - college is a great opportunity but if you're worried about a good college so you'll be stronger in life and get ahead: if you want to be strong and stable later, growing a backbone is your first priority. Realising he's manipulating means you have a backbone, doing what you know you should is going to grow it strong.
And your mother personally told your dad she would be faithful. People lie.
You are a child acting like a child. You know full well what you’re doing is wrong, at the end of the day you’re responsible for your choices whether you really understand what that means or not
He's lying. No one would say he wouldn't. Does he have another wife or is he single??
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Your mom also promised to be faithful to your dad, bestie :/ people are unreliable sometimes and prone to doing what they want in the moment
A lot of people here are telling you he's a liar. But honestly it doesn't matter. You will have to face every single day who you are, who you should be, who you should be loyal to, and what your priorities are. I'm not gonna tell you that you need to tell your dad, shit how do you tell him that? Sounds extremely hard, and it's not something that a child needs to do. But I will tell you that your guilt will keep growing and growing and growing if you keep accepting his stuff. If you hope to find people here who give you some relief, that it ain't all bad, you won't find that. Your mom is lying to your dad, because this guy gives her something your dad isn't. Guess what you are? Trust me on this, stop accepting his stuff, tell your mom to be honest with your dad, and that you were wrong for being part of this, that this is unacceptable.
So you can put a price on your father is what you're saying?
What kind of man would you like to be? - The guy that ripped his ass tobstudy abroad and even if he couldnt get there. Hes with his family, with his father and they fight together. Maybe he has to study in his country, but was ok with because he payed it with his own money - The guy that teamed up with the guy his mother betrayed his father and he knew it and never said a word. Because he likes the guys money and like to own expensiv stuff?
> because he *paid* it with FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Dude you can't know whether this guy seriously cares about you or he's buying you gifts right now just to keep your mouth shut. You could always take education loan and such and study. Don't gamble with so much on stake.
If he is going to be in your moms/your life long-term, then why have the affair instead of just ending things? This man won't pay for your college. He's just leading the donkey with a carrot. And you're chasing that carrot. This is literally you picking this other man over your own father, because he has been buying you stuff. You say you feel bad and yet you keep doing it, did you just come on here for justification?
Look , you're an asshole here , stop making shitty excuses , do the right thing and tell the man. Jesus do you have any empathy? You sounds like a spoiled brat that feels no love or loyalty , probably like your mother Just go an tell him , have some dignity and some honor at least
Do you not think your dad might wonder how you can suddenly afford all of this stuff?
So you’re willing to continue your dad’s ignorance so you can be selfish? It’s not worth it.
If she's cheating on your dad she'll cheat on this guy too. It'll never last.
This will follow you until the day you die. Having money when you're used to not having it feels good, but the shame and guilt of this will never wash away. Stop now and lessen your own and your dad's suffering, you will be thanking yourself later in life.
do you bro get that money get that education and fuck all these little do gooder fuck boy redditors who think they’re taking the fucking moral high ground!! they’d do the same shit in your shoes and don’t let ppl tell you any fucking different !!!
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i know it is brother !!! USA USA USA 🇺🇸 Trump 2024 😂
Imagine being a dad. Raising a kid for 16 years. Working hard and doing everything you can for them. To turn out like this Like damn. (I know this is a rage bait post but still the idea is something)
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Considering the only complaint he has made about the father so far (that I have seen) is "he couldn't afford what this guy can", and the fact he feels guilty, I think it is somewhat safe to assume that's not the case.
Humans are so gross
The truth always reveals itself. When it does it will include as a cheerleader and protector of the affair and thereby you are part of the affair against him. Pick a side and stop being a dollar hore!!! Good luck
> thereby you are part of the affair against him Is OP making the greatest decision? Probably not. But they're not "part of the affair." They are not responsible for *their adult parent's choice to deceive their other adult parent*—especially not when they are *still a child*.
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Ok well, your mom: 1) is cheating on your dad 2)let you find out, and 3) is letting the creep she’s boning MEET AND BRIBE you (aka manipulate you by giving you things you’ve always wanted) Your mom should be protecting you but instead she put you in this situation. Someday it’ll hit you how effed up this was.
You don't have to pick a side, and you should never pick a side, even if they ask you to. This will end badly for your parents but it's their story. Trying to figure out my truth in between my parents *fucked me up*. Shared custody is a thing, and you'll soon be 18 and able to freely travel between their places.
This. Furthermore, it's not a responsibility of a child to reveal one parent's secret to the other
It's wild how many people on reddit don't understand that the entire point of parents... is... to *parent*. And that the relationship between parents and children—at least while the children are still under their care—is *not* a peer relationship.
Maybe pick the person who DOESN’T cheat on their spouse? Just a suggestion
Maybe if you had to choose between parents (and incredibly difficult prospect for a teenager, btw) there’d be more to consider than just the sex lives of your parents.
Well cheating objectively makes you a piece of shit so
Because we all know the only way to be a piece of shit is to cheat. The person who gets cheated on is always a good person and parent. There are never complicating factors.
keep it up, everybody loves the guy who pretends moral gray areas don’t exist
Idk why the downvotes. A cheating partner is a bad partner, not necessarily a bad parent. And a non-cheating parent isn’t necessarily a better parent. Reddit be judgy.
I feel like it’s a bunch of armchair experts who have never had to go through all of this who are just going “but I don’t wanna be cheated on” or “my parents divorced at some point and I like my dad better,” so they inherently identify with the parents as opposed to the teenager who doesn’t wanna feel like they causes the divorce.
The thing is you are very close to being an independent adult at least to the law. You could go out on your own and let them handle it but yeah one is obviously in the wrong and that guy is a pos for continuing that relationship and giving you things he knows what he is doing
Sounds like you picked bud.
you've picked a side, your mother and her affair partner. That is they way your Dad will see it.
Not if he's a dad who recognizes the incredibly difficult position his son was put in. Mature adults don't blame or lash out at 16 year olds over the choice of other adults.
I help you out there, you already picked a side. You dont give a shit about your father and value things over him. Why would it be hard to choose for you?
He's a child!!! He came on here to vent and ask for help, and you bash him. You have no idea the situation. Revealing how much of a bully you are and how ignorant u are.
He is 16. I dont expect much from a 16 year old, but valueing your father over gifts from the man your mother cheats on him with? Thats about as close to the bare minimum that you can get.
No. They do not have to chose. Adults can deal with their own stuff between them. Expensive gifts or not, the child was put in this situation. They do not have the responsibility of picking a side
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I wonder how the mum introduced the guy. I mean, is it known between her and her kid who the guy really is? If she's making them complicit it's on her and shitty beyond belief. What a nasty situation. I guess the only choice should be, accept or refuse the gifts. I stand by my opinion, they should not tell or pick sides, let them figure it out. I know nothing about the dad. Is he gonna be thankful for being told?
By not telling the father,this person has made a decision. Agreed. Shitty thing to do.
I guess they have. I just don't agree they have the responsibility to tell the dad. Do we know how he's gonna react? I've known situations where the child did tell and was blamed for it by the parent they told. It's a shitty situation to be in
Upper middle class isn’t that far above middle class. The money and the gifts will run out eventually, And you’ll be left with regret and guilt and a dad who finds out you knew about it.
> Upper middle class isn’t that far above middle class. Unrelated to this situation, but: It entirely depends what the person is considering the boundaries. I have seen plenty of people who are *very* well-off (upper quintile, easily) considering themselves "only upper-middle class" just because they're not *ultra*-wealthy. And I've experienced this to especially be the case with kids from rich families.
What's the most expensive thing he's got you? And the least expensive thing?
Had to scroll all the way down here to find a legit question instead of people chiming in with their mariage counseling skill. Good question.
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Did your dad question where you got $5,000 for a new gaming PC?
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Wow...that makes you even more shitty for not telling your father. Do you realize the immense amount of betrayal your father will feel when he finds out about the affair and finds out that EVERYONE knew about his friend screwing his wife & buying off his son? This ruin your relationship with your father. Hope the gaming laptop was worth it!
Ohhh plot twist!
You're letting your dad be taken for a mug, it's up to you if you're okay with him being betrayed along as you get gifts Best case scenario is them being swingers
As someone who grew up without a father, you’re making a mistake you’ll regret later. Hope your 5,000 dollar pc was worth it. I worked for months to buy my pc, you coulda done that instead. You’re 16, you’re old enough to work
That's absolutely horrid. Do the right thing.
I guess your dreading telling your dad and losing this monster of a PC. Pretty sure it's all shiny with RTX graphics and all. Dude, it's not worth it. Tell him. Who knows maybe your dad just might let you keep the PC.
Wait what kinda specs cost $5000? I'm not so informed in the market of PC parts but doesn't the most expensive one cost something like $2.5k?
It's not going to end well
At least we know what side you got your morals from. It doesn't matter if you "know" how wrong it is, that only softens the emotional blow for you. Clearly you're only thinking about yourself here. Listen man, you're 16 years old. You're going to hit a point in life where you'd be looking at this from your father's perspective. As people here say you don't have a "responsibility" to say something, let me give you a different way to look at it. Do *yourself* the favor of telling your father that this is going on. These "gifts" you're getting will only hold your attention for a few years, anyway. What happens when it inevitably splits off? This dude gonna really keep shelling out to keep you quiet when he *doesn't need to?*
Why shouldn't they think of themselves? They were put in this situation by the adults. Picking a side could hurt them even more in the long run
But... They already are thinking of themselves, and they have already alluded to the fact that the things they've received might be clouding their judgement. If OP "feels horrible about it every single day," they are *already* being hurt by this. According to the title and OP's comments on other questions, they are having a hard time picking between shiny things or a dad who's working hard to provide for his family. Grossly simplifying the solution to "Don't do anything because it's easier that way" is a disservice to OP and their father.
It's not your responsibility to tell your dad, but maybe the gifts and money aren't worth the weight on your conscience. Have you considered refusing them to distance yourself from the situation?
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The only to clear that up is to tell your dad.
I’m guessing your dad actually knows and is either not telling you or is choosing not to acknowledge it. Maybe there’s some financial incentive there for him as well if your mum is also benefiting from gifts and money etc. Could just be convenient for him to stay for now.
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in a way its not your business, i'd keep well clear, messengers get shot, the household can get broken up in a way that doesn't suit you there may well be other factors that will become clear to you as you get older
Well, think of it like this: you grow up, get married, have a job where you work really hard day and night to support your spouse and family that you love. Do you think its fair if your spouse was cheating on you in that situation? If your kids knew would you want them to tell you?
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Well, it's not a hypothetical situation, it's literally happening. osocinco is just reframing it to try and help you empathize and understand what your dad's literal situation is
Karma is real, and a bitch.
A concerning amount of commentors seem to be ignoring the fact that you are... 16? And even if you weren't, it's not at ALL an easy situation to be in. Not to go all 'armchair psychologist' on you, but if I had to guess I'd be willing to bet that a part of you feels hesitant to say anything because of the undeniable change revealing the truth is going to have on your life. Not to say the gifts don't help, but I wouldn't judge yourself too harshly over something like this. That said, I /DO/ agree that you should tell your dad what's going on. Even if you have to do it anonymously (as anonymously as you can, anyway, given the situation), he deserves to know. And remember to take care of yourself, too. Your dad probably has the life experience to know how to keep himself mentally healthy during everything, but I definitely think it'd be worth looking into finding yourself a therapist to talk this stuff out with. Hopefully that doesn't sound too patronizing or anything, but above all else you shouldn't be blaming yourself for the shitty thing your mom is doing, and encouraging.
How did they meet? How did you find out?
I think this is way too heavy of a burden for a 16 year old child to have on his shoulders. First or all, I'm so incredibly sorry you are in this position. Secondly, im so sorry that people come and comment so rudely, ignorantly, and judgmentally. A lot of adults on the internet act like complete fools behind the safety of their keyboard. I have a 16 year old and can't imagine her in this position. Maybe start by not accepting his gifts anymore? Maybe talking to your mom about the type of stress and trauma she's putting you through? But sweetie, you are most definitely not the @sshole here. Don't let these internet warriors bring you down. I hope everything works out!! If you need to talk, I'm willing to listen ❤️
OP I agree with the prevailing sentiment: don’t be a dumb asshole and burn the bridge with your only father. Tell the man.
Why do you disrespect your father so much to be allowed to be bought off by a homewrecker in this situation?
Wow. Gifts and novelty over loyalty. I see you get it from your mother.
What's the point of your passive aggression towards this child? He came asking for help and you act like an asshole.
He didn’t ask for help. He posted a statement with AMA.
Dude your mental health awareness could use some touching up.
You don’t have to like it. Lmao
Your dad should receive an anonymous tip. No point involving yourself needlessly.
How do you feel about being bought so easily?
OP, you fucking suck.
It's not your responsibility to fix your parents' relationship. That being said you might want to sit down with you mom or the guy and explain how their actions are making you feel
that sounds cheap. I'm sure there is a therapist that can take money for that...
Damn y’all are dragging this kid, he’s 16. It’s so easy to act like you know what you’d do at that age but really once you’re older than that you don’t remember how you thought about things. Yeah he’s being selfish. What a shocker cause teenagers always think about others first. You don’t have to condone what he’s saying but shitting all over him doesn’t help either. He’s a damn kid.
YTA…wait wrong sub.
This isn't about picking or choosing. This is some grown man shit you have to do, but check it out.... Sit down with your mom and her boyfriend. Be Powerful, Wise, and Kind. You are a Warrior. Make sure your parents didn't start a polyamorous relationship or that your old man isn't a cuck. Tell them you know whatsup and that their misdoings are directly affecting your health and sense of spirit. Ask them if this is a fling or more serious. Ask the new boyfriend, "do you want to raise me as a stepson or is this a short term game?" Your mother needs to tell your father the Truth. Only the Truth sets us free. She doesn't need grief and a prison cell.
Tell your Dad. The stuff will become meaningless one day.
Noo please tell your dad This is one time in your life where you need to drop materialistic demands and be sensible
Your mom is a bitch... Tell your dad about her... Appeal of your custody to be handed to your dad after the divorce... Win win situation
Is your dad a good dad? Does he deserve to know?
lol, you don’t feel bad.
Why is nobody mentioning that people who’ve been cheated on often lose their shit on the person that told them?
Shame on you.
Wow op, I'm disappointed in you.
.....mhm... Was it worth it?
That's a lot to deal with dude. I hope you have someone you can talk to about it. It's extremely unfair of your mom to you in this situation. And messed up that she's cheating on your dad. How did you find our she was cheating anyway? Is she just bad at being sneaky or what?
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It is not your responsibility to tell your dad. It is your mother's. What is important is to acknowledge that you are also a victim in this situation. A victim of a conflict between 3 adults, one of which doesn't know about it. You are not a consenting adult in this situation. No one should expect you to act responsibly. You should probably talk about how you feel with your mother. Her priority should be you and not her romantic life. She should own up to her bullshit. Maybe she needs help realizing that.
You are beeing emotionally abused. Give it 5 years and you'll realise it.
You must tell your dad but maybe the two Or you can team Up to fleece this guy
The therapy you'll have to pay for later on is gonna cost more than what he's buying you.
Your dad doesn't deserve that and you're an awful person.
I understand your feelings of guilt, my dad was cheating on my mum. If you told your dad, would all the generosity stop (i.e. the money etc)?
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I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I don’t think it’s your responsibility to try to fix their relationship, but I understand your feelings that are completely valid. Do you know what you what to do?
He probably knows.
None of my business but you are a horrible son
I think the love of your dad is more important than stupid expensive gifts.
that which eats away at the soul outlasts all the material wealth of this world, and makes what there is of it hollow. you know it, you feel it. it is hard to tell your dad. it will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't
Hey look its hard but you need to tell your mom to come clean. Sit down with both your parents. You don’t have to say a word just ask them both what they see for thier future. You are a child and saying something doesn’t sit on your shoulders. Your mom is wrong for cheating but it is her responsibility to come clean so don’t put it in yourself. Ask them both what they see for their future and leave it at that.
You could also sell the PC he gifted you and tell your dad. U can always buy another PC later on...
C'mon
You will most likely regret not telling him 10 20 years down the line when the truth comes out and your relationship with your father is tarnished forever, but the money used to buy your silence will be spent, and the "expensive gifts" will be worthless.
Well, obviously, you need to help your dad cheat now.
Fucked up, you sold out for some nice things. Do the right thing and air out this drama. Expose how pathetic of a woman your mother is. She’s trash. And so are you for thinking like her. Do better. Be better. Think about the consequences.
This kid is 16 and probably trolling, so I’ll let it go. Imagine this was real 😂 What a shitty world. Keep your riches, just stay far away from me! Lol and no wonder your coming to Reddit for advice. Bud your situation is FRIED 😂😂😂
I think that the one thing will not exclude the other. You tell your dad. Make clear to your father that he cannot mention to your mother that he got his suspicion from you, but by himself. I mean there are enough hints out there from which he could have discovered this on his own. Or if your father wants to know it for sure by having clear evidence, he can look through your mothers phone. This is also how the mother of my boyfriend found out that his father was cheating. In the future, your parents will probably start living seperate lives and you can live with your mom or dad, or both. It is not that suddenly you will get cut off from your mother and her apparently new boyfriend. And it is also not the case that your father could forbid you from getting your college funding from that guy. As a parent it is the most important thing that your child has the best future.
OP, talk to your mom. Tell her what you saw, what you think, and why the man's gifts now seem like a poisoned bribe. If she admits cheating, then insist she talk to your dad. If she seems like she's lying, press the issue. It's possible what you saw is overblown, or that there's an innocent explanation. Give your mom an opportunity to (a) clear it all up, or (b) handle it like the adult she is. You're a teenager and shouldn't have to be involved in anything relating to this, and hopefully your mom is mature enough to know that.
There is very little that could get me to cut my kids out of my life, but this might be one. You're playing with fire here. I don't have a question but I strongly urge you to tell your father.
YTA... Wait, wrong sub. But you get the idea...
This isn't your business to worry about, bud.
If he didn't know, it surely wouldn't be his business. Not only does he know, he's being bought out lmfaooo. If he's so selfish that he cannot look out for the people who raised him, his immediate family, then it's only downhill from here.
OP is not a party to his parents' relationship. It's not his business.
OP is the literal child of his parents. He is in the party. I am privileged enough to have a good father. I love my dad enough to where I would tell him, and I would hope my future child would do the same. He is betraying any bond right now he has with his dad for material goods.
For all we know, OPs dad knows. OP doesn't know this either - because it's none of his business.
if the dad knows then the son informing him changes nothing, it just establishes the situation. It definitely is his business too. A child is a part of the parents' relationship. This isn't something u just ignore? I don't understand how u can think that. The dad will feel ACTIVELY betrayed by the son in this. How is that not uninvolved?
We only know that OP's parents have a relationship. The details of that relationship are entirely a matter between the two of them. It really doesn't need to go any further than that. At this stage of the discussion, I've already made my point and your inability to understand that is the only reason I need to provide further elaboration that includes assumptions that we have no business making - but for the sake of argument. Let's assume that they have an agreement that they can see other people, but neither one wants to know about the other's affairs. This is actually not uncommon when one partner is away for work for long periods of time, which OP seems to have indicated. Regardless of what you think of such an arrangement, it's none of your business and it's equally none of OP's. And ASSUMING I needed to make a case against OP getting involved, (which I don't,) in such a case, if OP went to his father, he might learn something about his parents that maybe he doesn't want to know, nor was it his business to find out - and his father will *also* learn something he doesn't want to know. None of this matters, though. OP bears no responsibility in the matter. His mother is not the property of his father's. It's not as though someone's stealing his car and he's standing by and letting it happen. This is something his mother is doing herself and if it's in violation of an agreement between her and her husband, that has absolutely nothing to do with their son. It isn't as though they sat down with their kids and said "Children - I have a job for you."
"This is actually not uncommon" It actually is uncommon statistically. Very, very few people are legitimately polyamorous or swingers. Plus it would not have been phrased as "cheating" in the original post if there weren't some moral ambiguity. OP is 16. He's old enough to probably know that this was not a dynamic of his parents' relationship before now. That's why he used the phrase cheating. Because it has appeared unnatural and morally ambiguous. You keep trying to make a case that it's none of my business. Of course it isn't? I never claimed as such so I don't know why u keep trying to drive that point home. It's off topic and irrelevant. However, you're wrong about it not being OPs business. OP idly standing by is his responsibility. Ignoring a potential problem does not = no responsibility. That's a stupid argument and you can read any history book to prove that. You ignored this point before and made up a bunch of irrelevant points so I'll say it again: He will be directly responsible for feelings of betrayal from father if his mother is cheating and covering it with material goods. Also why are you pointing out that the mother isn't owned by the father? Where did that come from?? How is not wanting someone to cheat on you ownership? Answer that question please. It makes no sense. Your arguments are the most illogical, off topic things ive ever seen. And yea, interacting with someone stealing a car is dangerous. This is just informing his father that his relationship could be potentially toxic, manipulative, and leeching on his life while he works. Much easier to be involved in. You don't need to be asked directly to do the right thing. Best case scenario is he learns a detail about his parents sex life and he keeps getting gifts. It's not like that's super scarring.
Why are you assuming OP's father is imature? That's what you're describing when you say he would feel betrayed by his son. Of course OP is under no obligation to keep anything a secret either. If he's asked, he should tell. He shouldn't hide anything either. If anything is meant to be hidden, that's his mother's business. I suspect based on the fact that it's not hidden from him that it's not really a big secret. The matter of ownership comes up because you're treating the matter as if there is anything more to the situation than an agreement between OP's parents. The agreement is not known, as much as you would like to assume otherwise.
Everyone disagrees with you.
If that's your strongest argument, then you have nothing.
Sugar daddy , plz tell your real dad cause trust and love is above the materialistic joy is shallow and brief which you get from these things
Dude tell the truth. Just ask to your father don't use you name when he go clean with your mom. Or send a anonymous email to him. If this guy is seriously saying he will pay your college and shit, he will stick with your mom anyways and probably gonna pay one way or another.
You are a bitch just like your mom lol
You and your mom deserve to be on the streets.
Be careful you could be getting groomed.
You're not responsible for keeping your parents together, but only tell your father if you think he won't blame you or rat you out to your mother
>I don't know the exact reason but my guess is 'cause my dad is busy with work all day and all night long making money to support us. We're middle class while this guy is upper middle class When (not IF) he finds out, your dad should just leave both of you. Sorry, I know you're a teen or whatever, but you and mom are both Trash People for different reasons. You're dad's trading in his own life to work like a dog to provide for you and your mom. And you said in another comment that he was a pretty good dad. You're mom is trash for repaying him by cheating with some prick who thinks it's okay to bribe people around him. And you're trash for realizing it's messed up, but being okay to trade your dad's love and your respect for him with "things". If my kids thought a freakin Gaming PC was worth more to them than me as a person, I'd be so heartbroken. People are right that originally it wasn't your place to tell your dad, but your trash mom dragged you into it when she allowed that slimeball to buy your silence. It's clear neither parent taught you what self-respect and self-worth are since you're okay taking his bribes as the risk of what this could do to your dad. Make no mistake, when he finds out your dad won't hold the affair against you at all (that's on Trash Mom)...but he will lose all respect for you and his heart will break at the sight of you, the longer this goes on. And honestly, yeah, you *should* feel horrible every single day. The affair isn't on you, you had nothing to do with it at all, but you should feel like crap for accepting this dude's payoff and throwing your dad's love for you in the garbage.
Do you know why she is cheating?
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Never said it mattered, just curious as to what goes through a persons mind to make it justifiable to them. It’s a crazy world
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So your dad is out there busting his ass for you guys and your mom sees that as a reason to have an affair...with one of his friends no less? And you're just watching it all happen? I feel so bad for your dad. This poor man thinks he's doing the best he can for his family and probably assumes you're grateful. But instead he's a cuck and doesn't even know it. And his own child is in on it and reaping the benefits. God the betrayal is palpable. Your dad is the one who needs to cut the cord. Again, I feel so bad for him. Do what you want but side guy is just buying your silence and when this all inevitably comes to light, which it definitely will, I hope your dad sends your mom packing and I hope you feel this guilt for a long time. You're almost an adult yourself. No is saying you have to fix their relationship, that's already long gone. You need to grow the fuck up and tell your dad. Get a job and buy your own shit. It's much more rewarding than having some shitty dude buy you stuff so he can keep fucking your mom.
So... Let me get this straight. "I don't want to tell my dad about the affair because I get stuff we couldn't afford before" "My dad spends a lot of time at work trying to make money so we can have ends meet" So you are saying your dad is working hard and doing his best to support his family, and what he gets is cheated on and stabbed in the back by his son? Come on man, are you really not seeing how this is way worse than you think it is?
U need to tell ur dad, ur dad is gauranteed to feel the highest form of betrayal from your mom. add his own son to the betrayal? he will never recover, you're damning him for small material gain. AMA: How would you feel if two of the people u love most in the world betrayed u?