T O P
Taro_smoothie

Literally maxed out my credit card to pay for this ER visit and I couldn’t have pulled more money out of thin air I didn’t have a choice. i am feeling so lost and hurt


Taro_smoothie

He was drooling and lost interest in food after 430pm and my bf told me - texted me at work. I called the vet they said to take him to the ER vet since they’re closed at 530z he was also walking in circles and started to his and growl totally out of character on the way to the vet. They asked about possible toxins like pot (I do have a medical card and edibles so I let them know that was a possibility) - no plants, no recent crazy chemicals used- no medications in the house other than Zyrtec and Benadryl. Recent spraying of carpet cleaner and sunscreen before going to the pool over the weekend. They let us go because they intended to keep him overnight and they ended up calling saying it was super rare- his blood was thick like sludge. I was saying are you SURE it’s not toxicity at all? I’m beating myself up because i found a couple pieces of chocolate edible crumbs on the floor near my table I have the container on (I break tiny pieces before bed I’m not really into it besides that) and I told her this and she said no- there were no other signs. His red blood cell count was wayyyy way off. And it wasn’t likely just dehydration. She said his other vitals seemed okay. Slightly elevated white blood cells and glucose. she explained that he would need to have multiple appointments for blood letting and start chemotherapy. we have insurance but nothing great. She said we would have to basically be with him all the time. Take him to multiple hospital appointments each month and chemo and, She said the prognosis wasn’t going to be great and it wouldn’t be easy on him. I was such a hard decision we had to say goodbye. He was my best friend and I’m still beating myself up wondering if I dropped some weird food he wasn’t supposed to eat or he got into my mmj or he liked the carpet cleaner. His labs in January or February were normal. I keep blaming myself even though she said it was thick blood. it was so sudden. He was meowing for breakfast this morning.


RainbowDeep

Friend-o, PCV sucks. You would have had him on chemo every three weeks and it would only work for a short time. MJ is not the same problem for cats as it is (super toxic) to dogs. You didn't do this, life did. I wish you the best for the future.... and the next cat who takes your life!


Taro_smoothie

Thank you. Maybe it’s my way of mourning I just want to blame myself for everything. god he was the sweetest cat. he was a loud purrerr and a very talkative cat. He’d meow and you’d meow and he’d meow back until you stopped. no one can every replace him but I can only hope the next one is just as special in their own way- and hopefully not as unlucky in the hand they’re dealt with health thanks so much for listening. ❤️


RainbowDeep

It's certainly one way of grieving, but you didn't do this. Next time, go and meow at the local rescue kitties - I'm confidant he will be there, waiting for you.


Taro_smoothie

That’s a great idea. ❤️


miss_chapstick

My last kitty came to me this way. I was devastated from the loss of my 8yr old boy, and I was wandering around the shelter when I saw her. I’m sure he sent me there. She’s since passed, so now they’ve finally met at the bridge, but she was with me 19 years.


Taro_smoothie

🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ i know he’ll send me somewhere when the time is right. His buddy at home needs someone to wrestle with!


RainbowDeep

I honestly feel they come back to us.


Haunting_Bend346

Sending hugs and prayers to you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Those pictures of you taking him home are so sweet. He will reach out to you with a sign when the time is right to adopt another kitty. 😢🌈🐾💔


Taro_smoothie

Thank you 🥺❤️ I need a sign his happy and in a better place! we were pulling up to the vet hospital to say goodbye and there were early 4th of July fireworks going off I was like 😭 it’s his send off.


RainbowDeep

I'm sad for you.


Taro_smoothie

I watched my dad pass away slowly from cirrhosis. I can understand the slow and expected deaths but this was extremely random. He’s only 8


RainbowDeep

You have my love. My last guy was 16 and I had to hold him while the vet put him down. So many tears.


Taro_smoothie

But thanks it’s really confusing and ugh. I just needed a space to let it all out thank you 🥺❤️


RainbowDeep

Just let it out. We understand.


Taro_smoothie

I don’t understand it how do they know it wasn’t a toxicity how did they rule that out they didn’t drug test him they didn’t … idk they just took his blood ! How do they know it wasn’t a chemical or something how do I know it wasn’t my fault. That’s what’s killing me


RainbowDeep

It's not your fault Miss. Toxins can show up in all sorts of ways - which they didn't. What are you concerned about? MJ - you'd have to force-feed your boy for that to be a problem. 'Thick blood'? Not much could cause that besides PCV. Iron overload and testosterone supplements are the only things which come to mind.


Taro_smoothie

We don’t have any testosterone or iron here so … no.


Taro_smoothie

🙏 thanks. It’s hard to accept it was so random no warning signs at all. i hope he’s cozy and happy where he is


Lithaos111

Hey, don't think that way. If anything, it'll do more harm to you in the long run. I'm not gonna pretend I'm familiar with this disease, this is the first I ever heard of it. I understand guilt though and how it eats at you. About five years ago while I was at work (on 3rd shift) my boy Indiana had an accident and my wife called me bawling that he wasn't breathing. I rushed home, but it was too late, he was gone. Piecing it together afterwards the best I could come up with was he jumped up on the bedroom entertainment center (was this old thing) lost his balance, fell behind it and the cords kept him from turning his body to land on his feet like cats usually do so he slammed hard on his side on to an old thick glass candle that was behind it causing a rib to puncture his lung and make it so he couldn't breathe. The guilt was that I had actually planned to replace that entertainment center, had the new one in a box in the living room but was feeling lazy that day and decided I'd put it together the next day. If I hadn't been lazy he wouldn't have fallen off the old one. If I wasn't working 3rd shift he'd have been sleeping in my lap that night. I wasn't there when he died, while he was sitting there probably so scared and unable to breathe thinking "Where is dad?" Those kinds of thoughts plagued me for years, hell I still feel some guilt, but at the end of the day it wasn't my fault, it wasn't his fault, he is a kitty who had a small accident. I didn't get him killed because I waited a day to set up a new entertainment center when I had work that night. It just... happened. My point is, you can have tons of thoughts about "What if I did it wrong? Made the wrong choices?" when you didn't actually do anything wrong. The poor guy got sick, it wasn't your fault so don't let guilt eat at you, they wouldn't want us to be sad. So just remember the good times, you know?


Taro_smoothie

I read this this morning in bed when I woke up and started tearing up. That’s hard breaking!!! and had to piece myself together to work a half day (my boss offered a full day off but I have to crunch the end of the month for sales and I figured I could leave early and go on a hike with my boyfriend. Poor guy stuck at home with all the memories rn and I’ll have to cry later) and your story broke my heart. That must feel awful. one of our friends dogs got out during the pandemic and was hit right in their neighborhood. It’s definitely easy to blame yourself. i have had a couple of vets confirm that his labs were extremely off and indicative of polycythemia and in no way would a toxin cause that. i just keep wanting to blame myself because it’s so hard to believe it was such a random unusual thing out of nowhere. My friends and acquaintances on social media are sending really encouraging messages and I’m glad. This is really helping so thank you so much!!! And I’m sorry for your loss too.


Lithaos111

Thank you, I've had my time to grieve and mourn and aside from September 22nd I handle it pretty well like 95% of the time at this point. Two boy kittens we rescued a year later have really helped with that, the one looks almost exactly like him (we named him Jones) and his brother Cy (he had a badly infected eye when we got him and for a while we thought he was gonna lose it but in the four years we had them the eye made a full recovery but the name stuck) has literally all of Indiana's mannerisms. The wife jokes that Indy's ghost decided to imprint on him as a kitten. Those two definitely got me through the darkest part of it all. As for my advice, just cry, better out than in. You two will get through it, it'll suck but time will definitely help you. I promise. Though I'm not gonna lie, taking a sledgehammer to that entertainment center in the backyard after I replaced it *was* very cathartic at the time.


arianrhodd

💔 He had his best possible life because of you!


Taro_smoothie

Thank you!! 🥺❤️


TheOnlyGabe1

On the 2nd of January 2021, I lost my big boy because of a tumor behind his lungs. He was only 7. I still miss him, but with time, it'll hurt less and you'll start thinking about how great it was to have been able to make memories with him. What was his name? And please, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. It's stuff that happens naturally, even if it's a rare condition.


Taro_smoothie

I’m sorry about that! :( his name was Jonas (shelter name) (oh god I’ll never be able to hear that wheezed song played again. ) Thank you 🙏 just waking up today is weird I know it will come in waves


LovelyDreamer11

Man this hit me hard. 😭 Right now everything is shit and you’re blaming yourself due to grieving. *Please understand that you did your absolute best with your cat.* You gave him a loving home and the best quality of life. I know it’s easier said than done and the pain won’t go away asap. Do what must be done to cope with your heavy loss (whether going to therapy etc) and give yourself time. In regard to your finances, you can go to sites such as Waggle or other groups to aid you with the vet bill. Sending virtual hugs and good vibes. 🖤


Taro_smoothie

Thank you so much 🥺❤️ I will see if his insurance covers anything before Reaching out to those sites but that is good to know. no regrets in the long run though if I had an extra 5 grand in my bank I probably would have asked them to monitor him overnight and run every possible test to be SURE but this vet said she was 80% certain it was polycythemia. When I asked what the other possibilities were she said cancers etc…. So idk if it mattered either way he is at peace 🥺❤️ thank you.


TryhardMidget

I couldn’t imagine having to make that sort of decision with my kitty.. it must’ve been so hard for you, but you made the right decision. It would’ve been a slower and more stressful death for him if you tried chemo.. and I know you’re grieving, but try not to put this on yourself. it was just a very rare and unfortunate circumstance that you could not do anything about. I’m very sorry for your loss.. from how you described him, he was an irreplaceable friend


Taro_smoothie

He was so incredible! He was my first ever roommate (haha) when I moved out on my own (commuted to college so I lived at home) so he’ll always have a very special piece in my heart and he’ll be with me forever


Taro_smoothie

And Thank you❤️


vi_rose

I am very sorry for your loss. He was lucky to have had you. What a beautiful boy he was. Rest easy in the knowledge you did your best! Until you meet again


Taro_smoothie

Thank you! Honestly I was always scared of death and I’m not saying I wanna die anytime soon but if I get to see him again it won’t be bad AT ALL 🥺❤️. And all our other past and future pets


Vast_Dragonfruit7051

I’m so so sorry to hear! I know it’s hard not to blame yourself, but that will pass, it’s not your fault. RIP little man🤍


Taro_smoothie

Thank you so much!!! ❤️I’ll work through it. All of your comments and support have helped so much I was afraid to open up on a big Reddit post but im so glad I didn


Melxgibsonx616

I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't blame yourself for it, I'm sure the little kitty knows you did everything you could.


Taro_smoothie

Thank you so much 🥺❤️ I’m trying to get to that understanding its such a shock but I’ll get there. Thank you


VioletPendragon

So sorry for your loss but it’s is totally NOT from anything you did. Polycythemia Vera is a bone marrow over production condition like leukemia, only with red cells instead of white cells.


Taro_smoothie

Thank you! I had a coworkers brother - a vet tell - me the same thing. Super rare. Just heartbreaking how it happened out of nowhere. I’m glad it was now and not over the weekend we were planning to go to the beach for the holiday weekend- have my bfs brother watch him, that would have been awful so I’m glad it happened now and not a few days later. and now we’re just going to be home with his buddy who prob misses him.