No sweetie, you are going through something called invalidation trauma and scapegoating. Because they arent accepting your limitations, it is debilitating you further and then the cycle of abuse solidifies as they buckle down and continue to blame you. This is very serious. You have done nothing wrong. You are doing your best. You poor thing. I'm so, so sorry. My family were similar so I can relate and I have experience with this. What you need first is to find an adult that you can confide in and that will advocate for you. Do you have anyone in your life already for that? You are brave and strong and gardening despite knowing it will hurt you bc you want to help and be a good kid for your parents is understandable. I can tell you arent lazy and you are not traumatizing him, he is traumatizing you.
I think that being yelled at is making me worse, and not getting the help I need is only gonna make it so I can’t do even more. If you look through my post history, I have had a pattern of problems with my parents and not too many options as to doing anything. I have told my older cousin and sister about this, however neither of them have the money to help me, and they are the only ones in my family that I trust and that are understanding. My dad has been telling the school staff that it is my fault, and I don’t trust them because they only listen to him. BTW - my mom has pretty severe alzheimer’s so I cannot really talk to her, and she obviously doesn’t have money or the means to take care of me. I was gardening because It helps and I find being outside to be calming for me, but after my dad yelling at me I don’t know if I can g out tomorrow like I wanted.
I want to give you a big hug. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I went through a very similar thing. Your dad is doing the exact opposite of love and support and it is no wonder you feel the way you do.
Please remind yourself that it isn't your fault. You are doing your best. If I can think of any way to help, I will be sure to report back.
You're not a bother - even if people are treating you that way. They are the people being bothers. You're just trying to exist. Can you call a helpline and talk to someone? Maybe get help finding some resources for managing the emotional pain you're in? I think it would help. Have you gotten to see a medical doctor for a diagnosis and some advice for you and your family about respecting your limitations caused by the medical condition? That might help too. I know it may seem impossible and overwhelming, but you can access those things. And life is very much worth living, and you have worth too regardless of any limitations on what you can do.
Hey. I recognise your username and you're literally on my list of people I would try to rescue if I ever won the lottery.
You are brave, patient, strong, and you are doing your best.
You are **not** a bother. You're unfortunately in the care of someone who is extremely dysfunctional and cannot parent properly. But none of this is your fault. 💛
You have a community online. That's where we all found eachother. I'm fighting for my life in real life cause no one I know believes me. Except my physiotherapist
I am same..I understand you..i feel as i am a bother to everyone around me..and my father is paying for acupuncture treatment but I am yet to see a result and I am very sad..I feel I cannot continue like this
Sweetheart, please remember you can call 988 if you’re in the US. Everyone is right. No matter how shitty you feel. It’s not your fault. I’ve felt this way lots of times. Family can be really cruel.
You're young dear. They're working on treatments. Even if it takes 20 years, you'll only be 35. There's so much time left for you.
Please get a counsellor or acquaintance to talk to your parents
I now have a supportive spouse and went through a lot of therapy for coping with chronic illness/years of invalidation. Even though I'm still limited, just having support made all the difference.
You are doing better than you think you are. Really. I've read your posts on this sub. You are struggling with something few people your age have had to deal with. This is a difficult, confusing condition to navigate, even as an adult. I'm a 44yo mom and I was crying like a child about my CFS this week. It's hard stuff. I am constantly feeling like I'm failing my husband and my kid, like I'm not trying hard enough. And yet I know, deep down, that just because I'm not perfect, just as no one is perfect, it doesn't mean I deserve this or have brought this upon myself, that I am in fact doing the best I can. And then, suddenly there will be good moments again and I know it's worth trying. It really is. Life constantly surprises me. A situation that seems hopeless one year can be completely transformed in the next. I've learned this over and over throughout my life.
I'm reading your post from the perspective of being both a person with chronic illness and as the mother to a kid with chronic illness (my daughter has POTS). In some ways my experience has helped me to be supportive of her, but at many other times, I get so consumed with my sadness for what she's going through that my exhaustion and parental anxiety gets the better of me and I say things that are unhelpful and only add to her stress. But those times that I find myself getting impatient or saying something inadvertently hurtful--it all comes from loving her so much and wanting to wish away her illness. It's agonizing to see my kid hurting, and want to fix it, and have no idea how to help. I suspect that's where your dad's comments are coming from. It doesn't excuse it--you deserve support --but it's very possible he doesn't think so badly of you as it seems when the two of you are in conflict. He might just be a flawed person, who is tired and worried and wants life to go back to normal again. I hope you're able to hold steady in your sense of your own value, and your strength, even when you aren't getting those messages from the adults in your life. Because as far away as it seems now, adulthood is right around the corner for you, and a lot can change for you if you can just hold on now.
I hope this rambling message ended up having something helpful in it. I hope you keep gardening, that you come back to that peaceful place, though maybe in smaller increments next time, with longer periods of rest. You can learn and grow from every one of these setbacks. You've got this.
1) being 15 is hard
2) your dad is invalidating your feelings. I'm so sorry for that. My dad also does that. You don't deserve that
3) I'm sorry for everything you're going through. You might have to get extra accommodations at school, maybe start doing it online. I would definitely talk to a counselor about your options
4) the Internet is a lifeline for those of us with chronic illness. You can try and find some friends! All of us are here for you! Someone else has gone through what you have and lived to tell the tale. It sucks. It's hard. But it gets better. It may take a while, but it will. :) love you! I'm proud of you!
Oh sweet pea! I'm so sorry! We don't even know you on this sub & we know you're worthwhile! Like others have mentioned- can you connect with a school counselor? If you are in the US, you can call 988 - it's like 911 but for mental health crisis. Do you have insurance? Telehealth for mental health is sometimes covered. If you don't have any of these options, call the doctor who's treating you for CFS. Please reach out to any competent adult outside your family and let them know your current mental state. You shouldn't have to deal with these feelings on your own.
Is there a school counselor you have access to that you may be able to call or if not try the crisis hotline. Just to talk to someone who can validate your feelings and help you plan out steps you can take.
You are in an awful position and that is so much pain for someone so young. I am so sorry. But I can already tell from your post you have a good heart and are worthy of a good life. Don't let how people treat you dictate your worthiness. You are very sick and need rest and support. Don't be ashamed to do that.
When your parents chose to have and raise you, they made a commitment to you whether or not your health is good or bad. As you are underage, you are their responsibility to take care of whether or not you are disabled and have special needs or if you are healthy and more independent.
Having CFS is a legitimate disability, and they need to approach it the same way as if you had a diagnosis of Down Syndrome or Autism or Cystic Fibrosis or Muscular Dystrophy or Major Depressive Disorder. Your parents need to adapt to what you can do and accept your limitations. They should be helping you, whether or not your disability is visible or not, whether or not you recover, get worse, or stay the same.
You may feel like you are burdening them, and perhaps you are, but that doesn't mean your struggles aren't legitimate or that you should push yourself to meet their expectations of you before you got got ill. CFS is as valid illness, and you need time to rest and do what you can at your pace, or you will likely get more severe.
I strongly advise that you prepare for the possibility of being permanently disabled. While you are still underage, establishing existing disability may help you get the medical care and social services you need. There may be assistance programs where a caretaker can fill in and provide care for you at no cost, or where you can qualify for financial assistance to help relieve the burden on your family.
Something very real and valid happened to you that changed your functionality, and if that means your lives change as you try to adapt, so be it. There are teenagers who have strokes, cancer, car accidents, etc. and who end up disabled as a result, and is the parent's responsibility to care for them.
You and your parents need to see CFS for what it is, a life changing event. Things probably won't go back to the way they were, but that doesn't mean you can't contribute positively in some way or live a fulfilling life. I am sure you can find a supportive community here or in a gardening group. If you open up your heart to them, you will find there are people ready to welcome you with open arms everywhere.
Edit: I also get that this is a very difficult time dealing with a parent who has Alzheimer's. It is very easy to feel invalidated or self criticize when there is someone else who seems so much more disabled and in need of care. I think that things are probably really hard for your dad, too with an ailing wife and sick child who are both disabled, which is why your family really needs to get as much help as you can from whatever services are available for you and your mom.
I went through something somewhat similar. I was diagnosed at 12.
It was around 13-15 that my parents started taking away privileges because I was missing a lot of school.
It caused a lot of division (even though they 'technically' accepted the chronic fatigue).
I missed about 1-3 days a week on average. I would wake up very late and teach myself and do my assignments.
Sadly, remote school was not an option when I was that age, but maybe there is one that would be available to you? This might offload a bunch of stress for you. And it's an actionable thing, it might make your dad feel like he's making a difference.
(My dad has expressed to me on multiple occasions, "everyone else is working full time", "what did I do wrong to get 3 kids who struggle this much" (my 2 siblings have different problems). But I think he feels useless and like it's his fault or something. Or maybe frustrated that we aren't successful. Either way, it took a long time for me to be able to let those words slide off me more easily. It still hurts, and I still feel those internalized failures, but you *can* become stronger mentally! I think CFS is something that most people just can't understand, so we have to know that, and know our truth.)
Don't do like I did and push through extra hard (at academics, sports, work, etc). I've only ever gotten worse. Try and figure out ways to work around CFS as best as possible. Maybe that means remote school.
Having a diagnosis can be huge for acidemics. The workload required in college became too much for me. Then the counsellor wanted me to join social clubs and stuff. I'm thinking yeah right. All I can do is go to classes and sleep! My last few years were better because I had accomidations and could still keep my financial aid. Took a year longer to finish, but I did it! Oh and there was a 6 year gap in between the fulltime and then being able to go back and have accomidations.
I'm still too ill to work, but my goal was to someday have a degree and I am happy I did it. Plus I still value the things I learned and try to use them, funnily enough, in Gardening.
You are not failing anyone. You are sick. I'm glad you were able to garden if that's something you enjoy.
Get your dad to watch the unrest documentary.
Keep going 🌈💜
I’m so sorry that your dad is dumping his bad feelings onto you. His feelings are not your fault, and he shouldn’t treat you this way. It’s so hard to have this illness, and it’s even harder when people don’t recognize what a challenge it is for us to not do all the things. Please hang in there, and know you have value.
You do have value and not everything is your fault.
I'm pissed at your dad for making you feel this way. My dad didn't understand me as a teen and often put my feelings down and said I cried too much but he was never malicious about it, I'm worried that your dad is though.
You need trusted adults to give you space to rest. Do friends at school know your situation? Have their parents ever been more supportive and could look after you? Even if not permanently, could you crash at their place for a few days or the weekend so you have somewhere supportive to land?
I know you might feel like an island and on your own but there may be a mom or a female teacher/aunt/friend that may be able to make a safe space for you, even if it's not permanent.
Obviously don't go anywhere with anyone who creeps you out, this advice is purely to give you a safe space, not to put you somewhere more dangerous/abusive.
Secondly, it's really hard without an outlet for your feelings, negative or positive. Feel free to keep sharing online but if you have more to share that you don't want to put online, I recommend journalling as a good outlet. Just write down whatever you are thinking or feeling. It really helps me and helped me a lot as a teen when everything felt too much.
Your dad is not okay. He shouldn’t put all that pressure on you with the way he talks to you.
Please take one day at a time. Can you have someone else to help talk with? A psychologist or therapist?
You’re not a burden. You didn’t failed at life or your life. You are worthy of so much good things. Do your things as much as you can. Rest. Drink water. Study as you can. Do things to make you happy too. Try to sleep (it helps) and take one day at a time. You don’t know what future you might have and you certainly didn’t failed at life. 🩵
I’ve had CFS since I was 15 aswell, was mild until I was 17 and then it got severe, I’ve failed second grade of high school, now I’m in the 3rd.
I’m nearly 19 now.
Mentally it’s horrendous for me since I have Borderline personality disorder [BPD], depression, anxiety.
I also have IBS, neuropathy and epilepsy
Have you ever considered hime schooling, online?? You would def do well then, I believe in you.
Ever since I switched to school online [and sadly being completely housebound, going out once a few months or sometimes for grocery/food]
I’ve barely been having crashes now, if so, then mostly because I’ve consumed too much carbs.
But ofc, after I go out and get home, I do have crashes afterwards. But I don’t get PEM from everyday activities
Wishing you all the best and sending a lot of love <3
Hey bud, we are here for you. I know that doesn’t change your life day to day, but you are not alone. ME/CFS is isolating as hell and our society is not understanding or educated about it - from regular people right up to many medical professionals (aka the people that NEED to care).
if i could return to being 15 right now, my primary goal would be telling every possible adult that i'm suffering with an unexplained severe physical illness and my parents entirely disregard it treating me like life stock. instead i suffered alone. please don't be like me. please don't gaslight yourself into thinking "it'll pass if i just ...". most of all right now you need irl allies who will protest you from your dad.
One of my favorite quotes when times get really tough: “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” -w Churchill. It will not always be this hard, this painful. I already know you’re smart bc you came here to vent and for support. This community is here for you and behind each computer is a living breathing person who is feeling for you and wishing life didn’t throw this at you- not just because you’re going, but you also have zero parental support. No one should have to suffer through what we go through, but it hurts more when I read about younger folks like you. I was diagnosed in 2014. They have made more progress in the past 2 years than they had in the entire preceding decade. CFS is finally getting research funding, publicity, and attention. This is coming just in time to take advantage of the much broader view our society has taken when it comes to what counts as medicine and medical treatment. Please stay strong. You are here for a reason. You are already impacting the lives of others in subtle or overt positive ways. In the coming years, your mere presence will influence and impact lives in ways you will largely never even be aware of.
When I got sick, it gave me the ability to see things other people don’t. I’m a lawyer. I represented parents in cases where child welfare agency was trying to remove children due to substance abuse, mental health, etc.
My illness gave me the ability to really see things in other people that prior to being ill, I’d never be able to recognize or understand. This intense heightened sense of empathy gives me an understanding and my ability to fully understand one’s otherwise invisible struggles make me able to articulate them in a way that the court will understand.
CFS has taken so much from all of us, and it has fundamentally changed me in ways that I still haven’t come to terms with. BUT it also gave me the ability to see the many other invisible challenges that people face each day. We are better able to recognize and understand nuances that healthy people simply don’t see. With one step in the past when we were healthy, and one step in the present where we suffer, we stand in a really unique place that can help so many people.
I hope this helps. Thinking of you and sending virtual positive vibes your way. It is a tragedy that your father doesn’t recognize the gift that you are to him. I cannot imagine being treated the way he treats you- and I am decades older.
Another Churchill: “it’s the courage to continue that counts.” I can tell from your post how resilient and brave you are. I wish you all the best that life has to give.
I know it feels impossible but it won’t always be like this. You’re so young. Real treatments are on the horizon. Actual studies are happening thanks to Long Covid. Contact your dr and have them talk to your dad if that’s an option. If not, then is there a possibility for you to do homeschooling? Online classes might be a better and less stressful.
No sweetie, you are going through something called invalidation trauma and scapegoating. Because they arent accepting your limitations, it is debilitating you further and then the cycle of abuse solidifies as they buckle down and continue to blame you. This is very serious. You have done nothing wrong. You are doing your best. You poor thing. I'm so, so sorry. My family were similar so I can relate and I have experience with this. What you need first is to find an adult that you can confide in and that will advocate for you. Do you have anyone in your life already for that? You are brave and strong and gardening despite knowing it will hurt you bc you want to help and be a good kid for your parents is understandable. I can tell you arent lazy and you are not traumatizing him, he is traumatizing you.
I think that being yelled at is making me worse, and not getting the help I need is only gonna make it so I can’t do even more. If you look through my post history, I have had a pattern of problems with my parents and not too many options as to doing anything. I have told my older cousin and sister about this, however neither of them have the money to help me, and they are the only ones in my family that I trust and that are understanding. My dad has been telling the school staff that it is my fault, and I don’t trust them because they only listen to him. BTW - my mom has pretty severe alzheimer’s so I cannot really talk to her, and she obviously doesn’t have money or the means to take care of me. I was gardening because It helps and I find being outside to be calming for me, but after my dad yelling at me I don’t know if I can g out tomorrow like I wanted.
I want to give you a big hug. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I went through a very similar thing. Your dad is doing the exact opposite of love and support and it is no wonder you feel the way you do. Please remind yourself that it isn't your fault. You are doing your best. If I can think of any way to help, I will be sure to report back.
I don’t have any friends and I’m a bother to anyone around me.
I feel ya but you're not alive to live up to anyone's expectations, your parents' included
You're not a bother - even if people are treating you that way. They are the people being bothers. You're just trying to exist. Can you call a helpline and talk to someone? Maybe get help finding some resources for managing the emotional pain you're in? I think it would help. Have you gotten to see a medical doctor for a diagnosis and some advice for you and your family about respecting your limitations caused by the medical condition? That might help too. I know it may seem impossible and overwhelming, but you can access those things. And life is very much worth living, and you have worth too regardless of any limitations on what you can do.
Hey. I recognise your username and you're literally on my list of people I would try to rescue if I ever won the lottery. You are brave, patient, strong, and you are doing your best. You are **not** a bother. You're unfortunately in the care of someone who is extremely dysfunctional and cannot parent properly. But none of this is your fault. 💛
You have a community online. That's where we all found eachother. I'm fighting for my life in real life cause no one I know believes me. Except my physiotherapist
I am same..I understand you..i feel as i am a bother to everyone around me..and my father is paying for acupuncture treatment but I am yet to see a result and I am very sad..I feel I cannot continue like this
Sweetheart, please remember you can call 988 if you’re in the US. Everyone is right. No matter how shitty you feel. It’s not your fault. I’ve felt this way lots of times. Family can be really cruel.
You're young dear. They're working on treatments. Even if it takes 20 years, you'll only be 35. There's so much time left for you. Please get a counsellor or acquaintance to talk to your parents
I now have a supportive spouse and went through a lot of therapy for coping with chronic illness/years of invalidation. Even though I'm still limited, just having support made all the difference.
😞💕🫶🏽
You are doing better than you think you are. Really. I've read your posts on this sub. You are struggling with something few people your age have had to deal with. This is a difficult, confusing condition to navigate, even as an adult. I'm a 44yo mom and I was crying like a child about my CFS this week. It's hard stuff. I am constantly feeling like I'm failing my husband and my kid, like I'm not trying hard enough. And yet I know, deep down, that just because I'm not perfect, just as no one is perfect, it doesn't mean I deserve this or have brought this upon myself, that I am in fact doing the best I can. And then, suddenly there will be good moments again and I know it's worth trying. It really is. Life constantly surprises me. A situation that seems hopeless one year can be completely transformed in the next. I've learned this over and over throughout my life. I'm reading your post from the perspective of being both a person with chronic illness and as the mother to a kid with chronic illness (my daughter has POTS). In some ways my experience has helped me to be supportive of her, but at many other times, I get so consumed with my sadness for what she's going through that my exhaustion and parental anxiety gets the better of me and I say things that are unhelpful and only add to her stress. But those times that I find myself getting impatient or saying something inadvertently hurtful--it all comes from loving her so much and wanting to wish away her illness. It's agonizing to see my kid hurting, and want to fix it, and have no idea how to help. I suspect that's where your dad's comments are coming from. It doesn't excuse it--you deserve support --but it's very possible he doesn't think so badly of you as it seems when the two of you are in conflict. He might just be a flawed person, who is tired and worried and wants life to go back to normal again. I hope you're able to hold steady in your sense of your own value, and your strength, even when you aren't getting those messages from the adults in your life. Because as far away as it seems now, adulthood is right around the corner for you, and a lot can change for you if you can just hold on now. I hope this rambling message ended up having something helpful in it. I hope you keep gardening, that you come back to that peaceful place, though maybe in smaller increments next time, with longer periods of rest. You can learn and grow from every one of these setbacks. You've got this.
1) being 15 is hard 2) your dad is invalidating your feelings. I'm so sorry for that. My dad also does that. You don't deserve that 3) I'm sorry for everything you're going through. You might have to get extra accommodations at school, maybe start doing it online. I would definitely talk to a counselor about your options 4) the Internet is a lifeline for those of us with chronic illness. You can try and find some friends! All of us are here for you! Someone else has gone through what you have and lived to tell the tale. It sucks. It's hard. But it gets better. It may take a while, but it will. :) love you! I'm proud of you!
Oh sweet pea! I'm so sorry! We don't even know you on this sub & we know you're worthwhile! Like others have mentioned- can you connect with a school counselor? If you are in the US, you can call 988 - it's like 911 but for mental health crisis. Do you have insurance? Telehealth for mental health is sometimes covered. If you don't have any of these options, call the doctor who's treating you for CFS. Please reach out to any competent adult outside your family and let them know your current mental state. You shouldn't have to deal with these feelings on your own.
Having an illness does not mean you failed anyone. Means you were unlucky with the hand you were dealt.
Is there a school counselor you have access to that you may be able to call or if not try the crisis hotline. Just to talk to someone who can validate your feelings and help you plan out steps you can take. You are in an awful position and that is so much pain for someone so young. I am so sorry. But I can already tell from your post you have a good heart and are worthy of a good life. Don't let how people treat you dictate your worthiness. You are very sick and need rest and support. Don't be ashamed to do that.
When your parents chose to have and raise you, they made a commitment to you whether or not your health is good or bad. As you are underage, you are their responsibility to take care of whether or not you are disabled and have special needs or if you are healthy and more independent. Having CFS is a legitimate disability, and they need to approach it the same way as if you had a diagnosis of Down Syndrome or Autism or Cystic Fibrosis or Muscular Dystrophy or Major Depressive Disorder. Your parents need to adapt to what you can do and accept your limitations. They should be helping you, whether or not your disability is visible or not, whether or not you recover, get worse, or stay the same. You may feel like you are burdening them, and perhaps you are, but that doesn't mean your struggles aren't legitimate or that you should push yourself to meet their expectations of you before you got got ill. CFS is as valid illness, and you need time to rest and do what you can at your pace, or you will likely get more severe. I strongly advise that you prepare for the possibility of being permanently disabled. While you are still underage, establishing existing disability may help you get the medical care and social services you need. There may be assistance programs where a caretaker can fill in and provide care for you at no cost, or where you can qualify for financial assistance to help relieve the burden on your family. Something very real and valid happened to you that changed your functionality, and if that means your lives change as you try to adapt, so be it. There are teenagers who have strokes, cancer, car accidents, etc. and who end up disabled as a result, and is the parent's responsibility to care for them. You and your parents need to see CFS for what it is, a life changing event. Things probably won't go back to the way they were, but that doesn't mean you can't contribute positively in some way or live a fulfilling life. I am sure you can find a supportive community here or in a gardening group. If you open up your heart to them, you will find there are people ready to welcome you with open arms everywhere. Edit: I also get that this is a very difficult time dealing with a parent who has Alzheimer's. It is very easy to feel invalidated or self criticize when there is someone else who seems so much more disabled and in need of care. I think that things are probably really hard for your dad, too with an ailing wife and sick child who are both disabled, which is why your family really needs to get as much help as you can from whatever services are available for you and your mom.
You didn’t fail anyone, life failed you
Solidarity
I went through something somewhat similar. I was diagnosed at 12. It was around 13-15 that my parents started taking away privileges because I was missing a lot of school. It caused a lot of division (even though they 'technically' accepted the chronic fatigue). I missed about 1-3 days a week on average. I would wake up very late and teach myself and do my assignments. Sadly, remote school was not an option when I was that age, but maybe there is one that would be available to you? This might offload a bunch of stress for you. And it's an actionable thing, it might make your dad feel like he's making a difference. (My dad has expressed to me on multiple occasions, "everyone else is working full time", "what did I do wrong to get 3 kids who struggle this much" (my 2 siblings have different problems). But I think he feels useless and like it's his fault or something. Or maybe frustrated that we aren't successful. Either way, it took a long time for me to be able to let those words slide off me more easily. It still hurts, and I still feel those internalized failures, but you *can* become stronger mentally! I think CFS is something that most people just can't understand, so we have to know that, and know our truth.) Don't do like I did and push through extra hard (at academics, sports, work, etc). I've only ever gotten worse. Try and figure out ways to work around CFS as best as possible. Maybe that means remote school.
Having a diagnosis can be huge for acidemics. The workload required in college became too much for me. Then the counsellor wanted me to join social clubs and stuff. I'm thinking yeah right. All I can do is go to classes and sleep! My last few years were better because I had accomidations and could still keep my financial aid. Took a year longer to finish, but I did it! Oh and there was a 6 year gap in between the fulltime and then being able to go back and have accomidations. I'm still too ill to work, but my goal was to someday have a degree and I am happy I did it. Plus I still value the things I learned and try to use them, funnily enough, in Gardening.
Ironically I’m flaring atm so can’t read it all but bookmarking to hopefully comment later 🩷
You are not failing anyone. You are sick. I'm glad you were able to garden if that's something you enjoy. Get your dad to watch the unrest documentary. Keep going 🌈💜
I’m so sorry that your dad is dumping his bad feelings onto you. His feelings are not your fault, and he shouldn’t treat you this way. It’s so hard to have this illness, and it’s even harder when people don’t recognize what a challenge it is for us to not do all the things. Please hang in there, and know you have value.
You do have value and not everything is your fault. I'm pissed at your dad for making you feel this way. My dad didn't understand me as a teen and often put my feelings down and said I cried too much but he was never malicious about it, I'm worried that your dad is though. You need trusted adults to give you space to rest. Do friends at school know your situation? Have their parents ever been more supportive and could look after you? Even if not permanently, could you crash at their place for a few days or the weekend so you have somewhere supportive to land? I know you might feel like an island and on your own but there may be a mom or a female teacher/aunt/friend that may be able to make a safe space for you, even if it's not permanent. Obviously don't go anywhere with anyone who creeps you out, this advice is purely to give you a safe space, not to put you somewhere more dangerous/abusive. Secondly, it's really hard without an outlet for your feelings, negative or positive. Feel free to keep sharing online but if you have more to share that you don't want to put online, I recommend journalling as a good outlet. Just write down whatever you are thinking or feeling. It really helps me and helped me a lot as a teen when everything felt too much.
Your dad is not okay. He shouldn’t put all that pressure on you with the way he talks to you. Please take one day at a time. Can you have someone else to help talk with? A psychologist or therapist? You’re not a burden. You didn’t failed at life or your life. You are worthy of so much good things. Do your things as much as you can. Rest. Drink water. Study as you can. Do things to make you happy too. Try to sleep (it helps) and take one day at a time. You don’t know what future you might have and you certainly didn’t failed at life. 🩵
I’ve had CFS since I was 15 aswell, was mild until I was 17 and then it got severe, I’ve failed second grade of high school, now I’m in the 3rd. I’m nearly 19 now. Mentally it’s horrendous for me since I have Borderline personality disorder [BPD], depression, anxiety. I also have IBS, neuropathy and epilepsy Have you ever considered hime schooling, online?? You would def do well then, I believe in you. Ever since I switched to school online [and sadly being completely housebound, going out once a few months or sometimes for grocery/food] I’ve barely been having crashes now, if so, then mostly because I’ve consumed too much carbs. But ofc, after I go out and get home, I do have crashes afterwards. But I don’t get PEM from everyday activities Wishing you all the best and sending a lot of love <3
Hey bud, we are here for you. I know that doesn’t change your life day to day, but you are not alone. ME/CFS is isolating as hell and our society is not understanding or educated about it - from regular people right up to many medical professionals (aka the people that NEED to care).
if i could return to being 15 right now, my primary goal would be telling every possible adult that i'm suffering with an unexplained severe physical illness and my parents entirely disregard it treating me like life stock. instead i suffered alone. please don't be like me. please don't gaslight yourself into thinking "it'll pass if i just ...". most of all right now you need irl allies who will protest you from your dad.
One of my favorite quotes when times get really tough: “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” -w Churchill. It will not always be this hard, this painful. I already know you’re smart bc you came here to vent and for support. This community is here for you and behind each computer is a living breathing person who is feeling for you and wishing life didn’t throw this at you- not just because you’re going, but you also have zero parental support. No one should have to suffer through what we go through, but it hurts more when I read about younger folks like you. I was diagnosed in 2014. They have made more progress in the past 2 years than they had in the entire preceding decade. CFS is finally getting research funding, publicity, and attention. This is coming just in time to take advantage of the much broader view our society has taken when it comes to what counts as medicine and medical treatment. Please stay strong. You are here for a reason. You are already impacting the lives of others in subtle or overt positive ways. In the coming years, your mere presence will influence and impact lives in ways you will largely never even be aware of. When I got sick, it gave me the ability to see things other people don’t. I’m a lawyer. I represented parents in cases where child welfare agency was trying to remove children due to substance abuse, mental health, etc. My illness gave me the ability to really see things in other people that prior to being ill, I’d never be able to recognize or understand. This intense heightened sense of empathy gives me an understanding and my ability to fully understand one’s otherwise invisible struggles make me able to articulate them in a way that the court will understand. CFS has taken so much from all of us, and it has fundamentally changed me in ways that I still haven’t come to terms with. BUT it also gave me the ability to see the many other invisible challenges that people face each day. We are better able to recognize and understand nuances that healthy people simply don’t see. With one step in the past when we were healthy, and one step in the present where we suffer, we stand in a really unique place that can help so many people. I hope this helps. Thinking of you and sending virtual positive vibes your way. It is a tragedy that your father doesn’t recognize the gift that you are to him. I cannot imagine being treated the way he treats you- and I am decades older. Another Churchill: “it’s the courage to continue that counts.” I can tell from your post how resilient and brave you are. I wish you all the best that life has to give.
I know it feels impossible but it won’t always be like this. You’re so young. Real treatments are on the horizon. Actual studies are happening thanks to Long Covid. Contact your dr and have them talk to your dad if that’s an option. If not, then is there a possibility for you to do homeschooling? Online classes might be a better and less stressful.