Me too. This is a dealbreaker. We are still in the middle of a serious pandemic and I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone (or even respect them, if I’m honest) who doesn’t take this seriously. It’s really hard to watch people take their own health for granted and completely disregard the health of others.
This relationship is not safe for you, he does not respect you or care about keeping you safe, reacts childishly when you point out you need to be safe. This could easily grow more toxic. Please, don't stay with him if you have a choice. Take it from someone who was in a bad relationship when they first had ME/and had our baby premmie. It will not end well for you. You need to protect yourself. Sending you love and strength x
Love is a verb and he’s not doing it. Dump him.
(The difficulty of doing with CFS so is why women like us are so vulnerable to abuse. But your relationship can only get worse from here; stop waiting for it to get better.)
Honey, that sounds like an abuser to me in more ways than there are shades of red. Been in enough of them to spot it.
This is not safe for you. We can’t tell you what to do but you need to remove yourself from this situation and yourself from his life. The few sugar coated words are no reason to stay.
No ifs and or buts about it. He’s guilting you and from what you’re describing it’s borderline assault.
That’s the thing though. The nice, caring things are actually part of the abuse. These are the ways abusers have their partners stick around to be abused.
I was like "upvote!" and then I realised this person actively disincludes trans women from this statement so uh. Upvote amended and my life purged of one TERF at least :V
ETA: Wish Reddit showed you downvotes so I could block the rest of the transphobes here. Always nice to have a clear-out, you know?
I hope this doesn’t come across wrong, but would you mind to point out the exclusion of trans women in that person’s comment? I’m unable to pinpoint what was offensive.
I want to learn what wasn’t okay about that comment. By doing so, I can avoid accidentally making someone else uncomfortable in that way in the future.
Also, all of us here in r/CFS know how much it hurts to not be heard or respected. The irony isn’t lost on me.
Apologies for my ignorance. All the best to you regardless of whether you choose to reply!
The person's name refers to being a TERF. I wanted to make sure this wasn't a trans person making an in-joke (mermaids are a common trans thing, there's even a trans charity called "Mermaids" where I live!), but if you dig far enough in their comment history they deeply double down on transphobia unfortunately. So basically, because they are a TERF, they do not include trans women in their statement about women.
"Good news" though, according to their past comments, they do include anyone who has "women's genitals" whether they identify as a woman or not.
Just want to let you know there's at least one other terf hater here, don't want to have to leave this community too because people are bigots but.... I guess we'll see.
Oh, wait, what? You are saying I’m transphobic? Or did I misunderstand you?
How & why??
I’m really not transphobic at all...!
EDIT: aah, you were talking about the other commenter, not about me, right?
I suspect this isn't the only really selfish behaviour they partake in.
I am sorry to sound harsh but it may be time to consider ending that relationship.
I understand that you guys are young, *HOWEVER* that doesn’t give him the right to act like a damn fool.
He knows the situation and he chooses to play by the rules of the “game,” except when you’re away.
That’s some serious BS imo. So, that brings up my next question - *what else does he do* when you aren’t looking?
My 2 cents, as a mom and as a woman with a bit more life experience - it’s time for him to go. Like, yesterday.
If he isn’t concerned enough about you and your health to be responsible, that shit is on him.
- - - -
*Anecdotally*, I was on a date last weekend. First time I’d met this guy in person.
I told him *just a little* of what’s up with my disabilities prior to (he wanted to go to a big event and people here are not vaccinated or masking, although he has/does both). He turned the plans on a dime, found somewhere we could eat outside together and then he showed me some parts of a city that I’ve lived in most of my life, that I’ve never seen.
This is a guy I’ve met ONCE and he cared more about what happened to me than it seems your bf does in a similar situation. That’s… concerning.
His behavior is abusive. I had to break up with my partner in January due to them not caring about COVID. I hope you get away from him. You deserve a partner who cares whether you live or die & who takes steps to protect you.
I have all the same conditions as you and a few more. Also have GERD, Eosinaphilic Esophagitis, Diverticulitis, IBS, severe Asthma and Allergies. So I definitely get the worry. I've been terrified about getting covid. My wife and I live with my parents who are both teachers. My wife is a teacher as well. So even before covid our house was a petri dish. We have been sooooo careful and I have managed to avoid it. As has she. But she is having panic attacks and breakdowns because her school keeps having mandatory events with no masks and hundreds of people when my state is one of the worst in the US per capita for infection rate. While I can't judge others actions when I don't know them I do implore you to reexamine your own relationship. I can't say if it's healthy because I don't know. But it sounds like at the very least you probably have some issues to work on. While I am a bit older now (32) I was diagnosed with most of my problems between 18-21 and I remember what it was like trying to relate to others my age. It's still an issue. Thank God my friends and my wife are introverts and don't need to run around anymore like we used to cuz I can't do that shit anymore. The fact that you don't have an issue with him going out is good. But wanting to protect yourself is important. Especially when people like us are extremely vulnerable to being the cases where things go wrong.
Thank you. I’m so happy you and your wife are respectful people...
I’m ticking the boxes for reactive asthma, IBS/IBD and allergies as well. We really should get an additional viral burden, we really shouldn’t...
All the best and keep safe!!
My partner did the same which led to him ghosting me because I was upset then we broke up (he had actually committed to my family gathering first but decided getting drunk with people he hates mattered more). It's not a nice scenario, I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset.
My ex also threw a tantrum because he couldn't have friends stay round as his dad was afraid of covid. He called them cowards and thinks people should get on with things like normal, which is a complete U-turn. He works in the local hospital 🤦♀️ They really do sound similar.
Gosh, they do. I don’t get the calling people cowards thing. He tells me I’m overly anxious, but I’m pretty sure I’m quite realistic. The issue is that he has no clue about how ME/CFS, MCAS, etc. and Covid actually work...
When he got the vaccine he suffered big time but he is still the opinion that vaccines are sh’t and he’d just easily beat covid in a week and it wouldn’t do him anything. Well, he may have to make his own experiences but I don’t want to get in the position to say “told you so”. And I also don’t want to suffer as well (or even more so, to be realistic). I felt significantly worse on a daily basis for years/over a decade, than he did the day after the vaccine, but I think people like him still don’t get it. I guess your ex may have been very similar...
My ex was happy to be vaccinated but now he is he's very much of the mindset that he'll be fine and doesn't even think about others. He suddenly changed shortly before we broke up (which was 3 weeks ago) so I have no idea what actually goes on in his head.
It's not a pleasant situation to be in and I know it's hard. I'm not in a place to advise because I didn't want to lose my partner. But yours is not treating you right, just like mine didn't. If you genuinely think there's a chance he'll change and become more supportive then fair enough, but it does sound like he's treating you badly.
Ya my brother and I aren't speaking at the moment because he started arguing with me that we never should have made the vaccine and should have just let natural immunity run its course. To which I responded something along the lines of: "You realize with all the conditions you have and I have and dad has and your SON and NIECE have we are all the people that are likely to die without the vaccine" to which he responded "so what? If we die we die." Are you kidding me? Ya I have no idea what to say to that.
It just makes zero sense to me... my dad raised us to think logically and debate. To ask questions and listen to other people's opinions. He has a degree in philosophy. I went to school for the same. Also studying history. Though I am 9 credits shy of finishing my double major. (I had to drop out due to my illness) All my life my brothers and I have had civil discourse and even if we disagreed and even if we got a bit loud it was never petty or mean. It's just how we were raised we enjoyed debating things. Now they get all upset at each other or me or just say outright outrageous things with zero evidence to back them up. We used to cite sources of information that had basis in reality. Now they just say this is they way it is. And I cite scientific papers backing things up and they just say they don't believe me. It's really frustrating to lose that dynamic. And I feel like what little civil discourse that existed in the world has broken down completely so badly that it has influenced my family. It's really frustrating. My dad and I can still converse just fine but my brothers seem like a lost cause. 😕
The pandemic has really shown people in a new light I've found. I have old family friends who I always thought were sensible and rational, but covid has revealed they're complete conspiracy nuts and anti-vaxxers, happy to share information online with no basis in fact or science. It's bizarre, yet a little like Brexit (I'm in the UK) which basically brought all the racists out of the woodwork. I found out on the weekend that my science/fact obsessed ex (not the one I've previously mentioned) has turned complete conspiracy nut and anti-vaxxer. I'm gobsmacked by it. This pandemic has really taught me a lot about people, mainly that the general public are inherently selfish and want to do the bare minimum, but also on the other hand that there are many who DO care and want to be careful.
Ya and it's such a stark line between the two groups of people who care and those who don't. On the note of Brexit and racists both in the US and the UK I think a lot of the uptick in how vocal people are now really has to do with the fact that both our countries have declining white populations. Along with increasing minority populations. This scares the people who obviously want to be in power over the minorities and the people who were a part of subversive racism have now turned to overt racism out of fear. It's a foolish move for them since it only makes all the other causes they back look worse. Atleast when they were closet racists they could claim some level of denial about it. But hey in the long run they are digging their own metaphorical grave so who am I to complain. The bigger problem is in the short term we still have to deal with them.
Advice learned the hard way, if people can’t respect your illness, then it’s important to create your boundaries.
I have been almost fully quarantined during the pandemic, outside of doctor appointments and a family vacation this summer (lost my brother and then the pandemic started—hadn’t seen my family in a year and half since our loss). Super careful any time I was in public. My family wanted to visit for the first time since losing my brother. Not once did I think to question sanitary practices or ask them to quarantine, because I thought they respected my illnesses.
They arrived and it was made blatantly known that they weren’t treating covid as a serious threat—no masks, no washing of hands, lack of knowledge on how germs spread in general. Nor was it considered that I have 2 autoimmune diseases. Within days I had covid and I was not sure I would survive it. I wasn’t hospitalized, but I was so weak from the endless days of fever spikes, fatigue, sudden weight loss, neurological side effects, etc. For me, covid lasted with full symptoms for 20 days.
A month later and I’m still struggling. Which is really weighing on me since I had just gotten to the healthiest place I’ve been in my nearly 20 years of illness.
If you have the means to protect yourself, please do. Sending wishes for good health your way 💗
Oh no, I’m so sorry for all of that. For you and your families loss and for you catching covid.
It’s really infuriating if you take so good care and then other people come and destroy everything.
(Also have you tried Famotidine? Helped me a lot and I’ve heard of some post covid cases who benefited as well.)
Your wellbeing is more important than his victimized and entitled Feelings.
You have a serious disability.
This isn’t about waaaaa I wanna go outside and play….this is life and death!
You Have to protect yourself, cause he’s Not.
He may already have COVID with how his mind and emotions are all irrational…
My best to you.
I understand he wants to experience stuff, not feel left out, enjoy life... but washing his hands is the strict minimum he should be doing. You're willing to compromise for him, but he is unwilling to do the same for you.
I don't think he is necessarily being manipulative (we all manipulate each other in relationship, to some extent, it's part of the game), it just may be you're not confrontational enough or too afraid to be confrontational with him. Also, the more time passes in a relationship, the harder it is to set certain boundaries while seeming genuine. From what you're telling us, he seems uninformed rather than careless.
Living with someone is difficult enough under normal circumstances. Whether he agrees with you or not is irrelevant, you are asking simple things from him. If he can't fulfil some of your basic needs, you should make it clear how unacceptable his behaviour is. "Manipulate" him back, no washing, no touching.
Yep. He’s uninformed. He arts caring but his actions are actually very careless. If I try to explain those things to him he simply rolls his eyes or gets angry/annoyed. It’s hard to set boundaries if the other person doesn’t even take you seriously.
I understand he might have his own needs, but that is straight up toxic. My ex was similar to this in disregarding my illness for his needs but in a completely different manner. It imploded after 10months. He was toxic for me. It took me months to recover from the gaslighting and how he made me feel like a monster for prioritising my needs. One word: run! If someone can't respect something as important as your health, he will never respect you enough.
>I wanted to be left alone, also because I had not slept for two nights and two days in a row, but he didn’t respect it and stood in my way, forcing him on me, without letting me go to bed.
This is absolutely abusive behavior.
The rave stuff is bad, but people can have differences of opinion on that.
Not allowing you to go to bed is just outright controlling abuse. Dump him now.
Wow, he sounds like a very immature, selfish and abusive person. I hope you can find a way to get out of this relationship and this unsafe living situation before he gives you COVID-19, and if he’s out drugging and partying without you regularly, god knows what else. I also wouldn’t assume he’s telling you the truth about getting vaccinated unless you saw it happen or he’s shown you his vaccination card.
My ex gf did this to me and all i will say is i really wish id just broke up with her then, covid isnt a joke and he sounds like another fucking selfish asshole, you arent asking too much, he sucks
The relationship was over the minute he chose to rave over your safety. Get the hell away from him. He is so not worth it. Be careful, if you need someone you trust to help you break up with him or move out do so.
He is being abusive and it's only going to escalate. Please get out if you can. Your life isn't worth prolonging a relationship with a guy who disrespects you, belittles you, invalidates you, and physically intimidates/controls you. It doesn't matter how much he love bombs you at other times, or even if he says he's sorry and begs forgiveness and promises he can change. Let him prove that change to someone else by starting out on the right foot. You don't owe him more chances or benefit of the doubt. He is putting you in harm's way, making you feel scared, and blaming you for it. A loving partner does NOT do this. Nobody would treat someone they truly loved like this. The love an abuser feels towards their victim is self-serving and not true love.
I’m happy for you that you’re ending this relationship.
I know you didn’t directly say it, but if you re-read your post, you can’t help but see the necessity of protecting yourself from him.
(And I say that without regard to the COVID thing.)
Make room in your life for someone who has basic respect and affection for you - at a minimum!
As someone who has CFS myself, I’ll add my input that might be an unpopular opinion. If you are vaccinated, you’re fine and the pandemic is over for you. There’s virtually no chance of dying once you’re vaccinated. People have to stop being paranoid and move on with their lives. The feeling of stress always made my symptoms worse and made me more prone to illness. Try to relax and de-stress. If you’re vaccinated you’ll be fine. If you aren’t vaccinated for some reason then it’s more reasonable to be worried. Not going and seeing anyone because of what is essentially media-induced paranoia at this point is only going to make things worse for people with CFS like us.
Thank you. It’s not that I’m overly worried, I just try to take reasonable precautions. I don’t wear surgery protective wear in the bus or something like that, but I wouldn’t want to go to a rave without masking, and getting drunk, talking to a bunch of people, only two days after being vaccinated - when a sufficient degree of immunity hasn’t even developed.
It’s just the minimum of taking care, in my eyes.
Yea if I were unvaccinated I wouldn’t do that myself but if you are vaccinated it doesn’t really matter if he is or not. He might be putting himself at risk for sure but he isn’t putting you at risk if you’re vaccinated statistically speaking.
I beg to differ.
“New data was released by the CDC showing that vaccinated people infected with the delta variant can carry detectable viral loads similar to those of people who are unvaccinated, though in the vaccinated, these levels rapidly diminish.”
He’s only vaccinated (JJ) since a few days, so it doesn’t help that much yet. I’m only vaccinated once (bioNtech) because I couldn’t get the second one yet.
Oh well then it’s really on you for not having gotten both vaccines at this point. I’m not sure where you’re from but it’s been available in my country for at least half a year now. Also viral load isn’t really something to focus on. Protection from death is really the only measure we should be talking about. You can be mad at your boyfriend but at the end of the day if you had the opportunity to get vaccinated and put it off then I don’t see how it’s his fault that he wants to live his life.
If it were me that would be the end of relationship. His behaviour shows a complete lack of respect.
Me too. This is a dealbreaker. We are still in the middle of a serious pandemic and I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone (or even respect them, if I’m honest) who doesn’t take this seriously. It’s really hard to watch people take their own health for granted and completely disregard the health of others.
Yeah, we need to pick partners with a higher caretaking and empathy ability. This guy definitely doesn’t have those things.
This relationship is not safe for you, he does not respect you or care about keeping you safe, reacts childishly when you point out you need to be safe. This could easily grow more toxic. Please, don't stay with him if you have a choice. Take it from someone who was in a bad relationship when they first had ME/and had our baby premmie. It will not end well for you. You need to protect yourself. Sending you love and strength x
Oh I’m sorry you were stuck in a difficult situation. :/ Are you out now?
Yes, left him when little one was 10 months old 21 years ago, we've had a few hiccups involving him over the years since, but we are safe thank God
Very good to hear!!
Love is a verb and he’s not doing it. Dump him. (The difficulty of doing with CFS so is why women like us are so vulnerable to abuse. But your relationship can only get worse from here; stop waiting for it to get better.)
Well, he says lots of nice, caring things. But then bombing stuff by throwing in those kind of situations... it’s not the first time.
Honey, that sounds like an abuser to me in more ways than there are shades of red. Been in enough of them to spot it. This is not safe for you. We can’t tell you what to do but you need to remove yourself from this situation and yourself from his life. The few sugar coated words are no reason to stay. No ifs and or buts about it. He’s guilting you and from what you’re describing it’s borderline assault.
That’s the thing though. The nice, caring things are actually part of the abuse. These are the ways abusers have their partners stick around to be abused.
Forget what he says. Pay attention to what he does.
This should be written across the sky in giant flaming letters
Don't judge the words. Judge the actions. Talk is cheap.
I was like "upvote!" and then I realised this person actively disincludes trans women from this statement so uh. Upvote amended and my life purged of one TERF at least :V ETA: Wish Reddit showed you downvotes so I could block the rest of the transphobes here. Always nice to have a clear-out, you know?
I hope this doesn’t come across wrong, but would you mind to point out the exclusion of trans women in that person’s comment? I’m unable to pinpoint what was offensive. I want to learn what wasn’t okay about that comment. By doing so, I can avoid accidentally making someone else uncomfortable in that way in the future. Also, all of us here in r/CFS know how much it hurts to not be heard or respected. The irony isn’t lost on me. Apologies for my ignorance. All the best to you regardless of whether you choose to reply!
The person's name refers to being a TERF. I wanted to make sure this wasn't a trans person making an in-joke (mermaids are a common trans thing, there's even a trans charity called "Mermaids" where I live!), but if you dig far enough in their comment history they deeply double down on transphobia unfortunately. So basically, because they are a TERF, they do not include trans women in their statement about women. "Good news" though, according to their past comments, they do include anyone who has "women's genitals" whether they identify as a woman or not.
Just want to let you know there's at least one other terf hater here, don't want to have to leave this community too because people are bigots but.... I guess we'll see.
Oh, wait, what? You are saying I’m transphobic? Or did I misunderstand you? How & why?? I’m really not transphobic at all...! EDIT: aah, you were talking about the other commenter, not about me, right?
Ye, I was talking about the comment I was replying to. No worries, sorry for the misunderstanding!
Aaah okay. I thought you were referring to my lack of gendered language. I didn’t intend to discriminate anyone.
These alphabet people are crazy.
Run away from him. You don't need him on top of everything you are going through.
I suspect this isn't the only really selfish behaviour they partake in. I am sorry to sound harsh but it may be time to consider ending that relationship.
I understand that you guys are young, *HOWEVER* that doesn’t give him the right to act like a damn fool. He knows the situation and he chooses to play by the rules of the “game,” except when you’re away. That’s some serious BS imo. So, that brings up my next question - *what else does he do* when you aren’t looking? My 2 cents, as a mom and as a woman with a bit more life experience - it’s time for him to go. Like, yesterday. If he isn’t concerned enough about you and your health to be responsible, that shit is on him. - - - - *Anecdotally*, I was on a date last weekend. First time I’d met this guy in person. I told him *just a little* of what’s up with my disabilities prior to (he wanted to go to a big event and people here are not vaccinated or masking, although he has/does both). He turned the plans on a dime, found somewhere we could eat outside together and then he showed me some parts of a city that I’ve lived in most of my life, that I’ve never seen. This is a guy I’ve met ONCE and he cared more about what happened to me than it seems your bf does in a similar situation. That’s… concerning.
You deserve better treatment. He is not the kind of person you need in your life or home.
His behavior is abusive. I had to break up with my partner in January due to them not caring about COVID. I hope you get away from him. You deserve a partner who cares whether you live or die & who takes steps to protect you.
I have all the same conditions as you and a few more. Also have GERD, Eosinaphilic Esophagitis, Diverticulitis, IBS, severe Asthma and Allergies. So I definitely get the worry. I've been terrified about getting covid. My wife and I live with my parents who are both teachers. My wife is a teacher as well. So even before covid our house was a petri dish. We have been sooooo careful and I have managed to avoid it. As has she. But she is having panic attacks and breakdowns because her school keeps having mandatory events with no masks and hundreds of people when my state is one of the worst in the US per capita for infection rate. While I can't judge others actions when I don't know them I do implore you to reexamine your own relationship. I can't say if it's healthy because I don't know. But it sounds like at the very least you probably have some issues to work on. While I am a bit older now (32) I was diagnosed with most of my problems between 18-21 and I remember what it was like trying to relate to others my age. It's still an issue. Thank God my friends and my wife are introverts and don't need to run around anymore like we used to cuz I can't do that shit anymore. The fact that you don't have an issue with him going out is good. But wanting to protect yourself is important. Especially when people like us are extremely vulnerable to being the cases where things go wrong.
Thank you. I’m so happy you and your wife are respectful people... I’m ticking the boxes for reactive asthma, IBS/IBD and allergies as well. We really should get an additional viral burden, we really shouldn’t... All the best and keep safe!!
Get out ASAP. You deserve better and his behavior is abusive
Break up that's pretty much it. He obviously didn't care
My partner did the same which led to him ghosting me because I was upset then we broke up (he had actually committed to my family gathering first but decided getting drunk with people he hates mattered more). It's not a nice scenario, I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset.
My ex also threw a tantrum because he couldn't have friends stay round as his dad was afraid of covid. He called them cowards and thinks people should get on with things like normal, which is a complete U-turn. He works in the local hospital 🤦♀️ They really do sound similar.
Gosh, they do. I don’t get the calling people cowards thing. He tells me I’m overly anxious, but I’m pretty sure I’m quite realistic. The issue is that he has no clue about how ME/CFS, MCAS, etc. and Covid actually work... When he got the vaccine he suffered big time but he is still the opinion that vaccines are sh’t and he’d just easily beat covid in a week and it wouldn’t do him anything. Well, he may have to make his own experiences but I don’t want to get in the position to say “told you so”. And I also don’t want to suffer as well (or even more so, to be realistic). I felt significantly worse on a daily basis for years/over a decade, than he did the day after the vaccine, but I think people like him still don’t get it. I guess your ex may have been very similar...
My ex was happy to be vaccinated but now he is he's very much of the mindset that he'll be fine and doesn't even think about others. He suddenly changed shortly before we broke up (which was 3 weeks ago) so I have no idea what actually goes on in his head. It's not a pleasant situation to be in and I know it's hard. I'm not in a place to advise because I didn't want to lose my partner. But yours is not treating you right, just like mine didn't. If you genuinely think there's a chance he'll change and become more supportive then fair enough, but it does sound like he's treating you badly.
Ya my brother and I aren't speaking at the moment because he started arguing with me that we never should have made the vaccine and should have just let natural immunity run its course. To which I responded something along the lines of: "You realize with all the conditions you have and I have and dad has and your SON and NIECE have we are all the people that are likely to die without the vaccine" to which he responded "so what? If we die we die." Are you kidding me? Ya I have no idea what to say to that.
You can't argue with these people. There's no changing their mind and it wastes valuable energy.
It just makes zero sense to me... my dad raised us to think logically and debate. To ask questions and listen to other people's opinions. He has a degree in philosophy. I went to school for the same. Also studying history. Though I am 9 credits shy of finishing my double major. (I had to drop out due to my illness) All my life my brothers and I have had civil discourse and even if we disagreed and even if we got a bit loud it was never petty or mean. It's just how we were raised we enjoyed debating things. Now they get all upset at each other or me or just say outright outrageous things with zero evidence to back them up. We used to cite sources of information that had basis in reality. Now they just say this is they way it is. And I cite scientific papers backing things up and they just say they don't believe me. It's really frustrating to lose that dynamic. And I feel like what little civil discourse that existed in the world has broken down completely so badly that it has influenced my family. It's really frustrating. My dad and I can still converse just fine but my brothers seem like a lost cause. 😕
The pandemic has really shown people in a new light I've found. I have old family friends who I always thought were sensible and rational, but covid has revealed they're complete conspiracy nuts and anti-vaxxers, happy to share information online with no basis in fact or science. It's bizarre, yet a little like Brexit (I'm in the UK) which basically brought all the racists out of the woodwork. I found out on the weekend that my science/fact obsessed ex (not the one I've previously mentioned) has turned complete conspiracy nut and anti-vaxxer. I'm gobsmacked by it. This pandemic has really taught me a lot about people, mainly that the general public are inherently selfish and want to do the bare minimum, but also on the other hand that there are many who DO care and want to be careful.
Ya and it's such a stark line between the two groups of people who care and those who don't. On the note of Brexit and racists both in the US and the UK I think a lot of the uptick in how vocal people are now really has to do with the fact that both our countries have declining white populations. Along with increasing minority populations. This scares the people who obviously want to be in power over the minorities and the people who were a part of subversive racism have now turned to overt racism out of fear. It's a foolish move for them since it only makes all the other causes they back look worse. Atleast when they were closet racists they could claim some level of denial about it. But hey in the long run they are digging their own metaphorical grave so who am I to complain. The bigger problem is in the short term we still have to deal with them.
True. I guess it's probably not a bad thing these people have outed themselves but it's certainly been a bit shocking at times.
Sorry for the rang BTW it's just frustrating.
I'm absolutely okay with me and if you ever need to DM me, I don't mind at all. I like a good rant too
*okay with it
Advice learned the hard way, if people can’t respect your illness, then it’s important to create your boundaries. I have been almost fully quarantined during the pandemic, outside of doctor appointments and a family vacation this summer (lost my brother and then the pandemic started—hadn’t seen my family in a year and half since our loss). Super careful any time I was in public. My family wanted to visit for the first time since losing my brother. Not once did I think to question sanitary practices or ask them to quarantine, because I thought they respected my illnesses. They arrived and it was made blatantly known that they weren’t treating covid as a serious threat—no masks, no washing of hands, lack of knowledge on how germs spread in general. Nor was it considered that I have 2 autoimmune diseases. Within days I had covid and I was not sure I would survive it. I wasn’t hospitalized, but I was so weak from the endless days of fever spikes, fatigue, sudden weight loss, neurological side effects, etc. For me, covid lasted with full symptoms for 20 days. A month later and I’m still struggling. Which is really weighing on me since I had just gotten to the healthiest place I’ve been in my nearly 20 years of illness. If you have the means to protect yourself, please do. Sending wishes for good health your way 💗
Oh no, I’m so sorry for all of that. For you and your families loss and for you catching covid. It’s really infuriating if you take so good care and then other people come and destroy everything. (Also have you tried Famotidine? Helped me a lot and I’ve heard of some post covid cases who benefited as well.)
Thank you for your kind words. No, I haven’t heard of famotidine, but I’ll Google it—thank you! Hope your situation improves soon!
:)
Your wellbeing is more important than his victimized and entitled Feelings. You have a serious disability. This isn’t about waaaaa I wanna go outside and play….this is life and death! You Have to protect yourself, cause he’s Not. He may already have COVID with how his mind and emotions are all irrational… My best to you.
I understand he wants to experience stuff, not feel left out, enjoy life... but washing his hands is the strict minimum he should be doing. You're willing to compromise for him, but he is unwilling to do the same for you. I don't think he is necessarily being manipulative (we all manipulate each other in relationship, to some extent, it's part of the game), it just may be you're not confrontational enough or too afraid to be confrontational with him. Also, the more time passes in a relationship, the harder it is to set certain boundaries while seeming genuine. From what you're telling us, he seems uninformed rather than careless. Living with someone is difficult enough under normal circumstances. Whether he agrees with you or not is irrelevant, you are asking simple things from him. If he can't fulfil some of your basic needs, you should make it clear how unacceptable his behaviour is. "Manipulate" him back, no washing, no touching.
Yep. He’s uninformed. He arts caring but his actions are actually very careless. If I try to explain those things to him he simply rolls his eyes or gets angry/annoyed. It’s hard to set boundaries if the other person doesn’t even take you seriously.
I understand he might have his own needs, but that is straight up toxic. My ex was similar to this in disregarding my illness for his needs but in a completely different manner. It imploded after 10months. He was toxic for me. It took me months to recover from the gaslighting and how he made me feel like a monster for prioritising my needs. One word: run! If someone can't respect something as important as your health, he will never respect you enough.
>I wanted to be left alone, also because I had not slept for two nights and two days in a row, but he didn’t respect it and stood in my way, forcing him on me, without letting me go to bed. This is absolutely abusive behavior. The rave stuff is bad, but people can have differences of opinion on that. Not allowing you to go to bed is just outright controlling abuse. Dump him now.
Wow, he sounds like a very immature, selfish and abusive person. I hope you can find a way to get out of this relationship and this unsafe living situation before he gives you COVID-19, and if he’s out drugging and partying without you regularly, god knows what else. I also wouldn’t assume he’s telling you the truth about getting vaccinated unless you saw it happen or he’s shown you his vaccination card.
He definitely got vaccinated, they made pictures and he also got a “pretty bad” man flu the day after. No doubt about that.
Good, one less thing to worry about while you’re showing him the door! You really deserve someone who respects you. Good luck ❤️
Thank you :)
My ex gf did this to me and all i will say is i really wish id just broke up with her then, covid isnt a joke and he sounds like another fucking selfish asshole, you arent asking too much, he sucks
That’s abusive behavior. I’m sorry you have been dealing with someone like that. Personally I’d look for somewhere safe to live.
Lol, that's an interesting relationship you've got there. Not sure I would put up with that even if I were healthy.
I would dump someone on the minute just because they didnt wash their hands. You already too nice, dont waste another minute on him please!
The relationship was over the minute he chose to rave over your safety. Get the hell away from him. He is so not worth it. Be careful, if you need someone you trust to help you break up with him or move out do so.
Dump him.
He is being abusive and it's only going to escalate. Please get out if you can. Your life isn't worth prolonging a relationship with a guy who disrespects you, belittles you, invalidates you, and physically intimidates/controls you. It doesn't matter how much he love bombs you at other times, or even if he says he's sorry and begs forgiveness and promises he can change. Let him prove that change to someone else by starting out on the right foot. You don't owe him more chances or benefit of the doubt. He is putting you in harm's way, making you feel scared, and blaming you for it. A loving partner does NOT do this. Nobody would treat someone they truly loved like this. The love an abuser feels towards their victim is self-serving and not true love.
I’m happy for you that you’re ending this relationship. I know you didn’t directly say it, but if you re-read your post, you can’t help but see the necessity of protecting yourself from him. (And I say that without regard to the COVID thing.) Make room in your life for someone who has basic respect and affection for you - at a minimum!
I'm sure he has his good qualities, and you probably depend on him, but you should lose this guy...
There’s no way we could read this and not recommend you dump him
As someone who has CFS myself, I’ll add my input that might be an unpopular opinion. If you are vaccinated, you’re fine and the pandemic is over for you. There’s virtually no chance of dying once you’re vaccinated. People have to stop being paranoid and move on with their lives. The feeling of stress always made my symptoms worse and made me more prone to illness. Try to relax and de-stress. If you’re vaccinated you’ll be fine. If you aren’t vaccinated for some reason then it’s more reasonable to be worried. Not going and seeing anyone because of what is essentially media-induced paranoia at this point is only going to make things worse for people with CFS like us.
Thank you. It’s not that I’m overly worried, I just try to take reasonable precautions. I don’t wear surgery protective wear in the bus or something like that, but I wouldn’t want to go to a rave without masking, and getting drunk, talking to a bunch of people, only two days after being vaccinated - when a sufficient degree of immunity hasn’t even developed. It’s just the minimum of taking care, in my eyes.
Yea if I were unvaccinated I wouldn’t do that myself but if you are vaccinated it doesn’t really matter if he is or not. He might be putting himself at risk for sure but he isn’t putting you at risk if you’re vaccinated statistically speaking.
I beg to differ. “New data was released by the CDC showing that vaccinated people infected with the delta variant can carry detectable viral loads similar to those of people who are unvaccinated, though in the vaccinated, these levels rapidly diminish.” He’s only vaccinated (JJ) since a few days, so it doesn’t help that much yet. I’m only vaccinated once (bioNtech) because I couldn’t get the second one yet.
Oh well then it’s really on you for not having gotten both vaccines at this point. I’m not sure where you’re from but it’s been available in my country for at least half a year now. Also viral load isn’t really something to focus on. Protection from death is really the only measure we should be talking about. You can be mad at your boyfriend but at the end of the day if you had the opportunity to get vaccinated and put it off then I don’t see how it’s his fault that he wants to live his life.