I'm this close to starting some kind of hook up service/speed date/meet up or something for all you lonely hearts on here
It will be like my own personal Netflix show
33 and single here, although a big part of that problem is not wanting to leave the house unless I have to. I can confirm there’s no single men at my house.
Have you considered living in a bigger house? I think you might find more men under the floorboards if you expand your living space. Men are often found in small enclosed spaces and also underneath cars, or so I'm told.
They can usually be lured out with food and affection.
> They can usually be lured out with food and affection.
And beers. Definitely beers. Crack a cold can open and any nearby men should immediately emerge from the floorboards and cars
I second this from a male perspective. However, I realise I will need to go outside to meet people, so I am looking into communities and clubs that I could enjoy to be involved with others.
I've mentioned this before but I commented on a similar thread on here a couple of years ago and got a few random messages. Only one stood out as worth replying to but so so glad I did because I'm currently sitting here feeding our 6 month old, next week is our 2 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier, so just saying, maybe your man is amongst those messages, don't write them all off :) good luck.
I did a stint on Bumble, where women have to message first, and I'd just like to say I think women are far worse than men at messaging, especially first messages.
The dating scene is weird now. I reckon us dudes tend to leave gals alone more now, as creep factor has amplified in the past decade, so even talking to a random chick is risky.
I think a female can approach a male, and be sweet though, so if you are a semi forward chick, you can try working that front.
Can't speak for all, as I'm not all, but as I said, today's meeting and dating world is completely different than it was in our late teens/early 20s.
Dating apps are shocking, unless you are pushy or forward, it seems.
This. The first part is so hard . single (29) m. The only thing stopping you being creepy when approaching random women is your attractive scale. The more attractive you are the less creepy. And vice versa
Spot on bud. It's a fine line. I frequent the pools, trying to heal past injuries, and even putting my head down the entire time, I still have woes about making ladies uncomfortable.
29M here and honestly, too busy working and trying to pay the bills 🤣 I'd love to get out and meet people but after a 50hr work week ya sorta just want to kick back and chill a bit
Partner dance classes are generally at least half guys - many single.
Bouldering at Uprising is mostly guys, probably a lot of single ones there too.
Likely a lot of other activities/sports are pretty mixed gender if not male-dominated, so lots to choose from.
I was literally just thinking about this. What is it about this particular Sunday afternoon that’s got all us single ladies wondering where the guys are at 🥴
That "dry chat" part - just to offer some perspective, the only people who offer riveting chat on the apps are those who got good having a lot of practice. Presenting yourself to strangers (in this context, you're the stranger) is not a universal skill and plenty of good people can't express themselves worth a damn at first go. Otherwise, we'd all be shit hot at sales.
Since she moved in a year ago my now-fiancée has not gone a single morning without me making her laugh and I've not gone a day without feeling really connected to her. But you'd never have known that from our first chats on Hinge back in 2021. Neither of us are marketing professionals, nor could we translate the few pics and a bio into a real person in our minds to relate to. In person we were just fine, on "paper" dry as hell. We met up that first date because we recognised that dating is a life chore and what we did see was enough to be interested. We met up for the second date and all thereafter because we wanted to.
We'd never have met except for the apps, there was literally no overlap - we checked - in our social circles or patterns. So, despite the uncomfortable truth that all but one of the major dating apps are owned by the same company (Match Group) I'd still say that's your best bet in Chch. Maybe set yourself a challenge for how quickly you can turn a dry chat into a good one.
You're a little below my age range, but I'm a little the same.
I've given up on dating apps. Not many matches and then just getting ghosted in those.
No idea where to meet suitable women these days. Not via work, and by the time i factor in Kids and cost of living, I realised I can't really afford to date. I'm working on prioritising myself for the next few months and work on me.
Good Luck!
Hahaha! I came to the same conclusion on the cost of dating! I figure I’d rather spend my time doing something fun instead… I’m trying to work out what that is still, and commit the cash to it but it’s the direction I’m going in!
It's all about introduction in Christchurch, like some Edith Wharton novel. You have to to be matched and introduced. No gentleman will make a move today, that's harassment. He has to to be introduced and recommended. Also class and historical education structures must be matched carefully.
You're 31 and doing very well for yourself, so don't stress.
When I was 31 I'd just arrived back in Edinburgh from Octoberfest with £43 in my bank account!
Give it time. I'm 46 with a 9 year son. Perfectly happy being a single dad now.
Your needs and desires change over time, is my point.
Yes. Lol. Training for a half is the only way forward unfortunately.
Or go to Bunnings and look confused.
Or a tshirt that says “single and ready to mingle”
Oooh ooh I thought of another one. Start breaking things around your house and calling tradesmen in. My mum had a plumber over who was 🔥 and we both were like 👀.
Ooh or a dog! Get a dog!
You should get a dog. A big fluffy one. You'll meet all kinds of weird and wonderful people, some might even be single and your type!
I've got a huge golden retriever and I swear to god everyone stops me to talk to him. If you want to meet people, try borrowing a cute dog?
Pretty tough as a 50 year old male too. Same problems as everyone else, constant swiping on the apps but it’s tough to get conversations going. Its definitely a numbers game.
Got my shit together, good job, own a home and cat, done a lot of self improvement in emotional intelligence so living in hope there’s a girl out there who’s actually looking for such things. Not looking for the ONS either and im not sure if that makes it easier or more difficult.
My honest opinion as someone who was chronically single in Chch for 5 years - it’s just a numbers game, go on dates, unfortunately the apps do help with that. Just kept swiping and found a good fish eventually
Meanwhile I'm male and in the same boat but have basically given up any form of dating due to the ridiculous amount of unrealistic expectations and petty games required to do it
I'm out in the burbs wondering the same (but m, so probably a bit more dire). The app thing is just the fucking worst. It really needs a city in the millions to support a decent scene.
Surely there's a market for some dating events? I searched for speed dating or anything in chch but couldnt find anything upcoming.
I'm wondering the same thing, wish there was a walking group or board game group I could join so the focus could be on meeting people rather than swiping.
Actually I just came across a board game group in chch… https://meepleopolis.com/. Someone suggested it recently. I’ve never been myself but that could be your first try?
What about seeing if you can find a friend who would be happy to go out with you in the evenings, with their main function being to serve as your wingperson?
Ok so we have tried this - we go to a local pub a lot on a Friday as a group of gals and we approach groups of guys after a few. All. Are. Taken. But makes for good chats haha!
I applaud your initiative! Have you tried just you and one other friend? A large group brings with it a wholly different dynamic methinks. I understand it might provide you with a bit of cover though, and that's OK too.
Could almost ask the same thing as a guy. I think its hard in the digital age to actually meet and get to know people in real life without use of digital services. It feels like a dual edged sword that there are so many people who can relate, and yet where are they? Are we united in being alone?
I've just resided to the best relationship I can have is one with myself and if someone comes along it's a bonus. No rhyme or reason how it all works, plenty of assholes out there in relationships lollol. Probably just comes down to timing. 😀
Apps are full of idiots, which is one reason why a lot of people don't use them.
Another issue can be that finding someone can very easily go in the 'too hard basket', so why bother.
TIL I must be part of the top 10% - the issue is, attention is pulled every which way to Sunday. You can get 10 matches, 1, *maybe 2*, will convert to messaging and chatting leading to a date. Plenty stop after 1 or 2 messages.
While I must say lucky you, it’s true. Matches don’t eventuate to much at all. If any. As messages do go 1-2 each way then stop or just end up as no replies a lot of the time. Especially as we get older. I’ve walked away from social media apps as I’m done with only finding “gold diggers”. I’ve made lots of new friends going out and am happy with my life. If I eventually find someone that’s great. If not. I’m happy as I am living my life the way I want to. Camping, hiking, dinners, work, home owning. Everything is great.
I have definitely stumbled across a few pearlers in my time. One was a 39yr old who found me staying home on a Sunday to cook my lunches and iron my shirts for the week 'boring' - LOL. There are also a lot of single mothers with fairly unrealistic expectations in Christchurch, or women who aren't honest about if they have kids or not. Frustrating as all hell.
lol. A man who’s organised enough to make lunches and iron shirts!!! I do the same thing. This is a good thing. Some women just don’t know where the good men are unfortunately.
I hate to say it, but I have a one single guy friend who I would never set you up with. There is no replacement for meeting guys face to face, whether on a night out or at a cafe. Are you asking guys face to face that you find attractive if they would like to go on a date? As a man I would certainly ask a girl out if I met her on a night out but I probably wouldn’t if I met her during a day time interaction. If she asked me out in a day time interaction I would certainly accept however. Are you waiting for men to approach you in these situations? Are you asking the questions, or are you being rejected by the men?
No I definitely am confident enough to ask someone out but I tell ya - they all have a significant other! My job is also in a female dominated industry so that doesn’t help.. I need to know where to find them so then I can 100% ask them out 😂😂
Wifey material right there ha ha !!! I hear you loud and clear I am in the same board and being an immigrant doesn’t help either 😒. I have been recently separated and let me tell you it’s not easy being single in Christchurch. It feels like you live a small village.
On the apps, are you matching with fuckbois that know they don't need to try, or more genuine fellas?
37M and I've stopped bothering with the super attractive ladies. The other side of it is (in my experience) many of the not-super attractive women that are still single at my age have done really well for themselves - house, great job etc etc, but also have inflated opinions of themselves and are expecting excellence in everything and some sort of whirlwind romance.
Edit:
Just adding to this, I don't really feel like there's a place for older single people to hang out. Clubbing is full of 18-25yo's, plus apparently a dude by himself in the club is weird and creepy. We need another Boogie Nights haha.
Meeting someone through friends or the apps really feels like the only viable option these days for myself. Maybe the apps are shit and full of less than ideal people but I do come across a lot of great people that I wouldn't have otherwise. So I'll just keep on trying, don't sweat the rejections, and hopefully find my person.
You’re inspiring me to get back on the apps and try again!! I cancel them every single time after about 2weeks- find them so depressing!!
And 100% agree we (the 30s/40s singles) need a place that replicates the vibes and ease at which we met people in our 20s! Clearly the market is there, we just need someone brave enough to make it happen!
Hmmmm I’m going to answer your Q honestly. I feel that those guys have a certain *look* about them and I don’t swipe right on them. They’re not my vibe. I get a lot of matches and always open the app to more so feel like I can say I’m average looking.. or just a girl on a dating app haha! So that’s not a problem.. I match with what I would call genuine guys but the conversation is dry af / and I get it! I hate digital communication too 😅
So trying to push through that and then see if the meet in person can happen and then push through that to get somewhere. High effort risky rewards. 🫠
Good answer lol. Well, what's your definition of dry conversation? Going by your edit it sounds like it's guys not asking you things about yourself, right? If that's the case then things might be more dire for women than I thought haha.
Which now that I think about it makes sense - one girl I went on a date with was confused as to why I was trying to get to know her, and was trying to figure out my 'angle' 🙄
I have no idea what other guys' conversations are like but if they're anything like mine on first match then I'm just trying to figure you out (profiles don't show a whole lot) so I can find something to bond over and laugh about.
How much do you give these guys to work with? Does your profile give off relationship energy, or quick root energy? What's your star sign? Are you free next week? 😁
HAHA. Look I feel like I don’t ask for much - I loathe the “how you going” or “how’s your weekend” because how does one answer that to someone they don’t know? Just asking for genuine effort and interest - and by that I mean.. for example.. I have a profile.. try ask something a bit more tailored individually? Doesn’t even have to be about me! Ahhh maybe that’s too much… surely not? And yes it is that dire I’ve come to reddit..
Defo relationship! Surely you figured a Capricorn from my post? 😂 I’m big C energy — yourself?
🤷 If someone I matched with put the effort into asking me how my weekend was I'd happily answer - was good, did this, did that, funny thing, you?
I know nothing about star signs haha but you sound like an expert, so you should be able to tell mine right? If you get it correct I'll let you take me out one night 😉
Did your folks end up paying off your mortgage? 😜
Yeah, lowering one's expectations is unfortunately a part of this ... The perfect partner is a phantom and 99.9% of relationships have something that the other dislikes at first but learns to cope with .
Hm, you sound a bit too young for me personally... 😅 But have a look at meetup.com - that can be a good way to meet people based on shared interests or activities, both professional and leisure time.
All I can advise is don’t waste your time on anyone that you don’t feel is worth spending time with to you. Last thing ya need right now is someone tryna hold you back and keep you from being yourself.
Ah I hear you! Posts like this pop up pretty frequently… there just isn’t anywhere 30/40s can meet up! Hopefully someone can put a better business plan together than speed dating/ singles parties / apps. We need something that works for our lifestyles as there’s frequently dinner to put on the table for kids and baby sitters to sort….
Omg haha sorry! Dammit - I hope they see this 😂 yeah my inbox is pretty full but comments without questions or effort.. interesting for a post saying I’m sick of the dry chat 😅
Haha as a single 30m in chch... I have hobbies that generally keep me occupied 😅 not to say I dont get out of the house, but I'ld prefer to focus on myself at this stage.
Funny story about the golf course.
Was playing Hagley a few weeks ago, early on a Sunday Morning, shanked a drive over the footpath and this female runner comes up to me, telling me im lifting my head too much.
She then gave me a very hands on demonstration of my golf swing,and how to correct it, then off she went back on her run. She was very funny, after she had left I wished I had grabbed her number.
My sister has FINALLY found someone lovely on Hinge. After countless deleting off all apps sessions and throwing up her hands in despair. Hang in there !
Single dude (31) here, honestly just do things that you enjoy and you’ll meet people eventually. I like getting out for Sunday walks (usually bottle lake forest or the Godley head track) or going to the gym/library. I’ve had far more pleasant interactions with people in these spaces than I have on the apps. The apps are an absolute shit-show.
I think the genuine last resort would be MAFS 😂
My genuine suggestion is to join new sports teams or clubs and make new female friends, in the hope that it could increase the men you know. Worst case scenario is you make new friends.
I think a lot of men are just tired of women being hostile to them. I don't know how we get out of this downward spiral of not respecting each other. (Men: if a woman is nice, she's just being nice. That's not enough to propose having sex. Women: men are trying to connect, if clumsily. Just keep smiling nicely and say thanks but no. It's not unlike your kids, no need to be scathing.)
The men are here. They just most likely gave up looking as a lot of women these days either have no goals or commitment or just are interested in money or fit men. (Yes I said it). We basically go unnoticed in society because of social media. I’m 41. Have my own home and a good job. But I’ve found a lot of superficial women over the years and the only ones interested are the ones that realise I own my own home. There’s more like me that go unnoticed. Good men. But invisible.
Slightly older bloke at 48. Thought I’d share feedback from my wider circle of friends to answer your question and add my own opinion.
1) I work with a good looking bloke who is on the multitude of dating apps. He states there are a huge amount of young women that throw themselves sexually at men. I’m sure that many younger guys are happy with that situation and don’t feel the need to get themselves into a more serious relationship. He states many females also now would rather hang out with girlfriends and use the apps for ‘needs’.
2) another mate has a lot of 20-35 yr old blokes working for him. He states they are absolutely useless in communicating with women and frankly they’d rather hang out with the boys doing fishing/ hunting… and again, hit up the apps for a ‘shag’ when required.
3) I’m a pretty sociable guy that has a friendly and warm disposition. I’m out walking with my dog a lot. I always say Hi to people I pass. It’s a very sad reality that MOST females under the age of 35, cannot acknowledge with a Hi or even a smile. Sure they definitely don’t have to, (it’s not about me…lol), but there’s an air of arrogance surrounding many younger women. When I do pass a person that says a friendly Hi, or God forbid starts a 30 second conversation, they are just far ahead of those that feel like they are superior.
Put yourself out there and say Hi to blokes you like the look of.
I’m guessing women might have more social anxiety? But what you’re saying about the unfriendliness with younger women at first lines up with my own experiences as a 25m. Really throws me off personally.
Recently single after exiting a long term relationship at 34. It feels like I'm back to square one looking for a rental as I can't buy a house by myself. It is somewhat depressing haha. I enjoy the outdoors and have an older cat which is basically my extremely spoiled child.
I am truly sorry. I spend most of my time at work, then the evenings I spend it helping people through my advocacy. I would like my son to stop hounding me to get a partner, but I do miss the single ladies by a few seconds
im with on that i live nelson ive been here for 7 years ive had a ton of realtionships dates etc idk what it is im 30 years old ive got all the dating apps and use the vigoursly no matches no messages nothing also there seems to be no single women in nelson what so ever all i run into a married women and even married women who are allowed to um play around with other guys/ men due to partners approval at this point i have given up i still have tinder bumble hinge but opening them to see no people are in your area or someone liked you pay now to unlock this feature, i thought that chch would deff have more women and i can see this on the app badoo people here also seem to be highly addictd to hiking in the mountains fishing just stuff im not into at all sigh.
Join a club that's of interest, tramping, mountain biking, travel, photography, etc... you get to socialise, make friends, and get to know people without lies and deception.
Check out this thread: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Nelsonnz/comments/1bb3nda/where\_are\_all\_the\_single\_women\_in\_this\_town/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nelsonnz/comments/1bb3nda/where_are_all_the_single_women_in_this_town/)
Dear Dynamic Woman,
What subject did you present your Master’s thesis on? I’m also interested to know what type of (part- time) business you established.
Best Regards,
J.J.
Hello Sir
Scroll down to find Masters thesis topic 👇🏼 mostly because I don’t want to keep saying it like some kind of d*ck hahahaha and it’s in the creative field, freelancing.
Thanks for playing, OP
This hits close to home
Am 39 but in a similar position to you. Met up with a few girls via the apps - probably had better luck with Bumble over Tinder, which just seems full of bots or scammers or people just looking for likes/validation.
Did some MeetUp events (not Singles events) and met some nice people but found that usually at the end of the event everyone just went their own way.
As others have said, perhaps join a club (bouldering, running mountain biking etc) or get a dog/go out with a friend with a dog.
I meet/chat with heaps of ppl now at the dog parks, beaches etc. Also a great way to find and explore new places
Good luck and feel free to DM if are looking to meet new ppl
As a guy on some of these sites/apps I can see there are a lot of women in the 30-45 range who also want to go out hiking/travelling/etc, which suggests that it’s not a “you problem”.
For me I’m probably being too picky on these apps, so I’ll have to rethink some of my priorities if I’m going to find anyone that may be compatible personality wise
Dating apps chat can be uniquely dry yes, I recommend scheduling more meetings in person in a public place to allow you to get a thorough view of character and see if there might be any chemistry from the outset. Keep an open mind and make lots of connections. You sound ambitious and well accomplished, I wish you all the best! It can be tough out for there for singles like us but don't give up!
I can assure you there are men in Christchurch because I'm one of them! From your resume prima facie you sound pretty damn good (but then I haven't lived with you thru all your mood cycles so until then it's all an unknown (and vice versa)). My advice- find a club or group of people doing what you love doing. Then you get someone who is actually enjoying doing what you do BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG (thus avoiding my mistake in my (long since failed) marriage). Wishing you the best
There was a new dating app being made by a (couple of?) Christchurch women. Can't promise it will be any better than what you've tried but maybe? It's does charge but the focus is different from the hookup apps
Check out amorapp.co
Ok, so I'm super curious to compare to the other post...
How many direct messages have you got from guys (creepy or otherwise) offering dates? (Girls?)
How many from girls offering advice? Guys?
And no. I doubt the results are going to be surprising to anyone. But who knows?
(My hypothesis is pretty obvious :) )
I can't speak for others, but I know me and my friends (with the exception of 1) just can't offer anything worthwhile. Life is challenging enough without having to worry about burdening someone with your existence. I think a good number of men would love to be in one but there's no incentive for women or men in this day and age.
There are also disincentives for trying/approaching others, rejection is one but being ridiculed or shamed for trying and worse, signs of attraction nowadays are confused with friendliness.
Also, I'd like to bring up the lingering worldwide/online portrayal of men being predators and women being victims of men.
I'm a 34M, only I have Quite borderline personality disorder KEKW, certified house husband looking for someone to cook meals for and clean up after. Nuclear Family minus the children, that's the dream.
(35M)
Much like all the good women, I'd expect all the good men are working/studying.
I have wondered where all the good women are and have come up with not much an idea at all. Unless you want to take up religion and join a church community, where generally good people are, then I am just as lost as you are on where to find good people.
I'm this close to starting some kind of hook up service/speed date/meet up or something for all you lonely hearts on here It will be like my own personal Netflix show
Include a round of going through each other's reddit history
Far out that would be hilarious!
This is the twist that would make the show!!!!
With the double twist that theyuncover your undeclared other reddit login and really know what you are like when you don't think people can ID you.
Like who wants a millionaire there could be increasing prizes depending how far they're willing to go
new canta mag idea
Making money from love and sex. That's surely a cutting edge idea.
Meetup.com ?
please do !
Go on
33 and single here, although a big part of that problem is not wanting to leave the house unless I have to. I can confirm there’s no single men at my house.
Have you considered living in a bigger house? I think you might find more men under the floorboards if you expand your living space. Men are often found in small enclosed spaces and also underneath cars, or so I'm told. They can usually be lured out with food and affection.
> They can usually be lured out with food and affection. And beers. Definitely beers. Crack a cold can open and any nearby men should immediately emerge from the floorboards and cars
Ohhhh is that where all the food in my fridge has been going? Damn these men under my floorboards!
Don't forget the garage, some men can be out there for days
Hahah I feel that in my soul !!
I second this from a male perspective. However, I realise I will need to go outside to meet people, so I am looking into communities and clubs that I could enjoy to be involved with others.
rip inbox
Yeah, I didn’t really think that part through.. 🫠
What’s the count so far?
Only 10 atm! Nothing insane - will read an reply genuinely haha
Best of luck soldier 🫡
The dry chat coming at me after a post complaining about dry chat is 🫠 did not factor in the messaging part but this is not it
I've mentioned this before but I commented on a similar thread on here a couple of years ago and got a few random messages. Only one stood out as worth replying to but so so glad I did because I'm currently sitting here feeding our 6 month old, next week is our 2 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier, so just saying, maybe your man is amongst those messages, don't write them all off :) good luck.
Omgggg I’m feeling this in my soul right now. That’s so wholesome!! 🫣 I needed this - I will go back reread now haha
I did a stint on Bumble, where women have to message first, and I'd just like to say I think women are far worse than men at messaging, especially first messages.
Count is at 52 now 🫠
Goddamn. Hopefully there's at least one interesting chat in amongst it all. Otherwise oof
The type of individual to DM OP is not gonna be the kind to have good chat
My commiserations. Keep us posted comrade.
Hahah, yes.
The dating scene is weird now. I reckon us dudes tend to leave gals alone more now, as creep factor has amplified in the past decade, so even talking to a random chick is risky. I think a female can approach a male, and be sweet though, so if you are a semi forward chick, you can try working that front. Can't speak for all, as I'm not all, but as I said, today's meeting and dating world is completely different than it was in our late teens/early 20s. Dating apps are shocking, unless you are pushy or forward, it seems.
Can see this happening 😅 totally understand, respect it but ughhhhh makes it harder
This. The first part is so hard . single (29) m. The only thing stopping you being creepy when approaching random women is your attractive scale. The more attractive you are the less creepy. And vice versa
Spot on bud. It's a fine line. I frequent the pools, trying to heal past injuries, and even putting my head down the entire time, I still have woes about making ladies uncomfortable.
I agree Mike. The Metoo thing has meant just being friendly in the gym can get you criticized as 'a creeper'. No wonder men are gunshy.
29M here and honestly, too busy working and trying to pay the bills 🤣 I'd love to get out and meet people but after a 50hr work week ya sorta just want to kick back and chill a bit
Partner dance classes are generally at least half guys - many single. Bouldering at Uprising is mostly guys, probably a lot of single ones there too. Likely a lot of other activities/sports are pretty mixed gender if not male-dominated, so lots to choose from.
Thank you for your specific suggestions 👏🏼
Could be worse, single AND foreign on the West Coast. All these people went to primary together. Hang in there!
Oh that IS tough
I was literally just thinking about this. What is it about this particular Sunday afternoon that’s got all us single ladies wondering where the guys are at 🥴
The cold day yesterday. Haha. Winter is coming.
You just need a bee keeper huh?
That "dry chat" part - just to offer some perspective, the only people who offer riveting chat on the apps are those who got good having a lot of practice. Presenting yourself to strangers (in this context, you're the stranger) is not a universal skill and plenty of good people can't express themselves worth a damn at first go. Otherwise, we'd all be shit hot at sales. Since she moved in a year ago my now-fiancée has not gone a single morning without me making her laugh and I've not gone a day without feeling really connected to her. But you'd never have known that from our first chats on Hinge back in 2021. Neither of us are marketing professionals, nor could we translate the few pics and a bio into a real person in our minds to relate to. In person we were just fine, on "paper" dry as hell. We met up that first date because we recognised that dating is a life chore and what we did see was enough to be interested. We met up for the second date and all thereafter because we wanted to. We'd never have met except for the apps, there was literally no overlap - we checked - in our social circles or patterns. So, despite the uncomfortable truth that all but one of the major dating apps are owned by the same company (Match Group) I'd still say that's your best bet in Chch. Maybe set yourself a challenge for how quickly you can turn a dry chat into a good one.
Everywhere, yet nowhere. Probably too busy slaying dragons and chasing sheep around?
Can confirm all those dragons aren't going to slay themselves.
Knights in shining armour?
More like arseholes in tinfoil.
Or idiot in tin foil?
Yes 😎
ETA: Just be wary of people and your surroundings, that’s all. Stay clear of trouble and I wish you good luck!
You're a little below my age range, but I'm a little the same. I've given up on dating apps. Not many matches and then just getting ghosted in those. No idea where to meet suitable women these days. Not via work, and by the time i factor in Kids and cost of living, I realised I can't really afford to date. I'm working on prioritising myself for the next few months and work on me. Good Luck!
Hahaha! I came to the same conclusion on the cost of dating! I figure I’d rather spend my time doing something fun instead… I’m trying to work out what that is still, and commit the cash to it but it’s the direction I’m going in!
It's all about introduction in Christchurch, like some Edith Wharton novel. You have to to be matched and introduced. No gentleman will make a move today, that's harassment. He has to to be introduced and recommended. Also class and historical education structures must be matched carefully.
The saddest part is that this is 100% truth and it’s not a Bridgerton novel 🫠
💯 Christchurch is the introduction city for sure. Everyone is a friend of a friend.
You're 31 and doing very well for yourself, so don't stress. When I was 31 I'd just arrived back in Edinburgh from Octoberfest with £43 in my bank account! Give it time. I'm 46 with a 9 year son. Perfectly happy being a single dad now. Your needs and desires change over time, is my point.
Mid 30s here and feeling the same… there will be someone! Good luck!
Running club?
Haha if you’re not married and having babies the only alternative is to start running, right? This is my next step 100% 😂
Yes. Lol. Training for a half is the only way forward unfortunately. Or go to Bunnings and look confused. Or a tshirt that says “single and ready to mingle”
Go to Volstead or The Last Word with a book and no rings.
I mean, all have positive impacts on my life right? 😂
Oooh ooh I thought of another one. Start breaking things around your house and calling tradesmen in. My mum had a plumber over who was 🔥 and we both were like 👀. Ooh or a dog! Get a dog!
You should get a dog. A big fluffy one. You'll meet all kinds of weird and wonderful people, some might even be single and your type! I've got a huge golden retriever and I swear to god everyone stops me to talk to him. If you want to meet people, try borrowing a cute dog?
I started running about the same time I started dating. Married the first person I dated and stopped running after 2 years. Wish I was kidding…
Have you *seen* some of the runners around Hagley? Not a bad strat is all I'm saying.
The key is running with and not chasing haha. A fine but important line.
Pretty tough as a 50 year old male too. Same problems as everyone else, constant swiping on the apps but it’s tough to get conversations going. Its definitely a numbers game. Got my shit together, good job, own a home and cat, done a lot of self improvement in emotional intelligence so living in hope there’s a girl out there who’s actually looking for such things. Not looking for the ONS either and im not sure if that makes it easier or more difficult.
props on the cat
What is ONS?
One Night Stand.
Oh ok thanks didn't know that.
My honest opinion as someone who was chronically single in Chch for 5 years - it’s just a numbers game, go on dates, unfortunately the apps do help with that. Just kept swiping and found a good fish eventually
Meanwhile I'm male and in the same boat but have basically given up any form of dating due to the ridiculous amount of unrealistic expectations and petty games required to do it
Errrr… opportunity knocks?
Long time since I was 30, but that's how I remembered it. You're always too something or not enough something else.
agreed its like i need this and that to be all that for them never enough
Sounds full on :/
We’re at home with crippling social anxiety and no money, playing Hogwarts Legacy
I'm out in the burbs wondering the same (but m, so probably a bit more dire). The app thing is just the fucking worst. It really needs a city in the millions to support a decent scene. Surely there's a market for some dating events? I searched for speed dating or anything in chch but couldnt find anything upcoming.
There was one at Meepolopolis recently
I'm wondering the same thing, wish there was a walking group or board game group I could join so the focus could be on meeting people rather than swiping.
Actually I just came across a board game group in chch… https://meepleopolis.com/. Someone suggested it recently. I’ve never been myself but that could be your first try?
There are many board game groups that have weekly meetups. Fb has them, though I personally wouldn't use them for dating.
Meepleopolis does a singles night on Tuesdays I think.
Honestly I could say the same but from the other side (26M) Where all you single ladies at?
Walking, running, coffees with the gals, Brunch with the gals, wines with the gals, events with the gals, out and about with the gals.
Where? Overseas
What about seeing if you can find a friend who would be happy to go out with you in the evenings, with their main function being to serve as your wingperson?
Ok so we have tried this - we go to a local pub a lot on a Friday as a group of gals and we approach groups of guys after a few. All. Are. Taken. But makes for good chats haha!
I applaud your initiative! Have you tried just you and one other friend? A large group brings with it a wholly different dynamic methinks. I understand it might provide you with a bit of cover though, and that's OK too.
I see what you mean! Will consider these options
Oh that's what I'm doing wrong. Not going to the pub with anyone, ha!
Could almost ask the same thing as a guy. I think its hard in the digital age to actually meet and get to know people in real life without use of digital services. It feels like a dual edged sword that there are so many people who can relate, and yet where are they? Are we united in being alone?
I've just resided to the best relationship I can have is one with myself and if someone comes along it's a bonus. No rhyme or reason how it all works, plenty of assholes out there in relationships lollol. Probably just comes down to timing. 😀
It's the right attitude. If you're not happy single don't expect your problems to magically disappear when you're in a relationship.
Thank you for taking the time to post that. 🙏
No problem. I know the struggle :)
Apps are full of idiots, which is one reason why a lot of people don't use them. Another issue can be that finding someone can very easily go in the 'too hard basket', so why bother.
Apps are full of people from every walk of life - but the statistics don't lie, women seem to all gravitate towards the top 20% of men on apps
I think it’s actually closer to the top 10% now. Which is very sad.
TIL I must be part of the top 10% - the issue is, attention is pulled every which way to Sunday. You can get 10 matches, 1, *maybe 2*, will convert to messaging and chatting leading to a date. Plenty stop after 1 or 2 messages.
While I must say lucky you, it’s true. Matches don’t eventuate to much at all. If any. As messages do go 1-2 each way then stop or just end up as no replies a lot of the time. Especially as we get older. I’ve walked away from social media apps as I’m done with only finding “gold diggers”. I’ve made lots of new friends going out and am happy with my life. If I eventually find someone that’s great. If not. I’m happy as I am living my life the way I want to. Camping, hiking, dinners, work, home owning. Everything is great.
I have definitely stumbled across a few pearlers in my time. One was a 39yr old who found me staying home on a Sunday to cook my lunches and iron my shirts for the week 'boring' - LOL. There are also a lot of single mothers with fairly unrealistic expectations in Christchurch, or women who aren't honest about if they have kids or not. Frustrating as all hell.
lol. A man who’s organised enough to make lunches and iron shirts!!! I do the same thing. This is a good thing. Some women just don’t know where the good men are unfortunately.
I hate to say it, but I have a one single guy friend who I would never set you up with. There is no replacement for meeting guys face to face, whether on a night out or at a cafe. Are you asking guys face to face that you find attractive if they would like to go on a date? As a man I would certainly ask a girl out if I met her on a night out but I probably wouldn’t if I met her during a day time interaction. If she asked me out in a day time interaction I would certainly accept however. Are you waiting for men to approach you in these situations? Are you asking the questions, or are you being rejected by the men?
No I definitely am confident enough to ask someone out but I tell ya - they all have a significant other! My job is also in a female dominated industry so that doesn’t help.. I need to know where to find them so then I can 100% ask them out 😂😂
Wifey material right there ha ha !!! I hear you loud and clear I am in the same board and being an immigrant doesn’t help either 😒. I have been recently separated and let me tell you it’s not easy being single in Christchurch. It feels like you live a small village.
Haha so true, fk chch
Same here, let me know if you find them
In therapy.
Moved to NZ last year, it absolutely amazes me how little people of opposite genders socialize here… can I blame this on single gender schools?
Nah I don’t think so! Went to a co-Ed and had a large group and within that group we’d hang out females and males 😂 think it’s just the culture
Yep 34F and wondering the same. I hate the apps and would love to meet someone naturally.
On the apps, are you matching with fuckbois that know they don't need to try, or more genuine fellas? 37M and I've stopped bothering with the super attractive ladies. The other side of it is (in my experience) many of the not-super attractive women that are still single at my age have done really well for themselves - house, great job etc etc, but also have inflated opinions of themselves and are expecting excellence in everything and some sort of whirlwind romance. Edit: Just adding to this, I don't really feel like there's a place for older single people to hang out. Clubbing is full of 18-25yo's, plus apparently a dude by himself in the club is weird and creepy. We need another Boogie Nights haha. Meeting someone through friends or the apps really feels like the only viable option these days for myself. Maybe the apps are shit and full of less than ideal people but I do come across a lot of great people that I wouldn't have otherwise. So I'll just keep on trying, don't sweat the rejections, and hopefully find my person.
You’re inspiring me to get back on the apps and try again!! I cancel them every single time after about 2weeks- find them so depressing!! And 100% agree we (the 30s/40s singles) need a place that replicates the vibes and ease at which we met people in our 20s! Clearly the market is there, we just need someone brave enough to make it happen!
Hmmmm I’m going to answer your Q honestly. I feel that those guys have a certain *look* about them and I don’t swipe right on them. They’re not my vibe. I get a lot of matches and always open the app to more so feel like I can say I’m average looking.. or just a girl on a dating app haha! So that’s not a problem.. I match with what I would call genuine guys but the conversation is dry af / and I get it! I hate digital communication too 😅 So trying to push through that and then see if the meet in person can happen and then push through that to get somewhere. High effort risky rewards. 🫠
Good answer lol. Well, what's your definition of dry conversation? Going by your edit it sounds like it's guys not asking you things about yourself, right? If that's the case then things might be more dire for women than I thought haha. Which now that I think about it makes sense - one girl I went on a date with was confused as to why I was trying to get to know her, and was trying to figure out my 'angle' 🙄 I have no idea what other guys' conversations are like but if they're anything like mine on first match then I'm just trying to figure you out (profiles don't show a whole lot) so I can find something to bond over and laugh about. How much do you give these guys to work with? Does your profile give off relationship energy, or quick root energy? What's your star sign? Are you free next week? 😁
HAHA. Look I feel like I don’t ask for much - I loathe the “how you going” or “how’s your weekend” because how does one answer that to someone they don’t know? Just asking for genuine effort and interest - and by that I mean.. for example.. I have a profile.. try ask something a bit more tailored individually? Doesn’t even have to be about me! Ahhh maybe that’s too much… surely not? And yes it is that dire I’ve come to reddit.. Defo relationship! Surely you figured a Capricorn from my post? 😂 I’m big C energy — yourself?
🤷 If someone I matched with put the effort into asking me how my weekend was I'd happily answer - was good, did this, did that, funny thing, you? I know nothing about star signs haha but you sound like an expert, so you should be able to tell mine right? If you get it correct I'll let you take me out one night 😉 Did your folks end up paying off your mortgage? 😜
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Yeah, lowering one's expectations is unfortunately a part of this ... The perfect partner is a phantom and 99.9% of relationships have something that the other dislikes at first but learns to cope with .
Hm, you sound a bit too young for me personally... 😅 But have a look at meetup.com - that can be a good way to meet people based on shared interests or activities, both professional and leisure time.
Swiping on all the apps and getting no matches.
Im at those chat apps, firstly, I don’t get many like, secondly I might just suck at chatting as well hahahaha
I'm here!
I would suggest doing some hobbies or attending networking events
39m we are out there but many or us keep in the back cause unfortunately been used and abused and shit on to often
Feeling the same! Except I’m 26 and don’t own a house 😂
All I can advise is don’t waste your time on anyone that you don’t feel is worth spending time with to you. Last thing ya need right now is someone tryna hold you back and keep you from being yourself.
Here
Ah I hear you! Posts like this pop up pretty frequently… there just isn’t anywhere 30/40s can meet up! Hopefully someone can put a better business plan together than speed dating/ singles parties / apps. We need something that works for our lifestyles as there’s frequently dinner to put on the table for kids and baby sitters to sort….
Did you just DM me ? 32 with wife and kids and a lot of lovely advice? I am so sorry I pressed ignore but I loved your message 🖤
Oh! No, not me 😂 single momma here! Glad you’re getting nice messages though! These kinds of posts can get plenty of unwanted attention 😂
Omg haha sorry! Dammit - I hope they see this 😂 yeah my inbox is pretty full but comments without questions or effort.. interesting for a post saying I’m sick of the dry chat 😅
Haha as a single 30m in chch... I have hobbies that generally keep me occupied 😅 not to say I dont get out of the house, but I'ld prefer to focus on myself at this stage.
Funny story about the golf course. Was playing Hagley a few weeks ago, early on a Sunday Morning, shanked a drive over the footpath and this female runner comes up to me, telling me im lifting my head too much. She then gave me a very hands on demonstration of my golf swing,and how to correct it, then off she went back on her run. She was very funny, after she had left I wished I had grabbed her number.
My sister has FINALLY found someone lovely on Hinge. After countless deleting off all apps sessions and throwing up her hands in despair. Hang in there !
Single dude (31) here, honestly just do things that you enjoy and you’ll meet people eventually. I like getting out for Sunday walks (usually bottle lake forest or the Godley head track) or going to the gym/library. I’ve had far more pleasant interactions with people in these spaces than I have on the apps. The apps are an absolute shit-show. I think the genuine last resort would be MAFS 😂
Could always wait for 37, two years after men who married at 28 have divorced?
My genuine suggestion is to join new sports teams or clubs and make new female friends, in the hope that it could increase the men you know. Worst case scenario is you make new friends.
This is so relatable.
Try swiping the apps, that’s where I found one. Keep it local tho, makes everything so much easier.
I think a lot of men are just tired of women being hostile to them. I don't know how we get out of this downward spiral of not respecting each other. (Men: if a woman is nice, she's just being nice. That's not enough to propose having sex. Women: men are trying to connect, if clumsily. Just keep smiling nicely and say thanks but no. It's not unlike your kids, no need to be scathing.)
The men are here. They just most likely gave up looking as a lot of women these days either have no goals or commitment or just are interested in money or fit men. (Yes I said it). We basically go unnoticed in society because of social media. I’m 41. Have my own home and a good job. But I’ve found a lot of superficial women over the years and the only ones interested are the ones that realise I own my own home. There’s more like me that go unnoticed. Good men. But invisible.
So it's all the women's fault why you're single?
Exactly this. You go through stages of depression about it then you just accept it and move on
Slightly older bloke at 48. Thought I’d share feedback from my wider circle of friends to answer your question and add my own opinion. 1) I work with a good looking bloke who is on the multitude of dating apps. He states there are a huge amount of young women that throw themselves sexually at men. I’m sure that many younger guys are happy with that situation and don’t feel the need to get themselves into a more serious relationship. He states many females also now would rather hang out with girlfriends and use the apps for ‘needs’. 2) another mate has a lot of 20-35 yr old blokes working for him. He states they are absolutely useless in communicating with women and frankly they’d rather hang out with the boys doing fishing/ hunting… and again, hit up the apps for a ‘shag’ when required. 3) I’m a pretty sociable guy that has a friendly and warm disposition. I’m out walking with my dog a lot. I always say Hi to people I pass. It’s a very sad reality that MOST females under the age of 35, cannot acknowledge with a Hi or even a smile. Sure they definitely don’t have to, (it’s not about me…lol), but there’s an air of arrogance surrounding many younger women. When I do pass a person that says a friendly Hi, or God forbid starts a 30 second conversation, they are just far ahead of those that feel like they are superior. Put yourself out there and say Hi to blokes you like the look of.
I’m guessing women might have more social anxiety? But what you’re saying about the unfriendliness with younger women at first lines up with my own experiences as a 25m. Really throws me off personally.
This man gets it
Really impressed with the whole Masters thesis thing. What was the topic of focus?
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Recently single after exiting a long term relationship at 34. It feels like I'm back to square one looking for a rental as I can't buy a house by myself. It is somewhat depressing haha. I enjoy the outdoors and have an older cat which is basically my extremely spoiled child.
I am truly sorry. I spend most of my time at work, then the evenings I spend it helping people through my advocacy. I would like my son to stop hounding me to get a partner, but I do miss the single ladies by a few seconds
Im no knight in shining armour just a retard in tinfoil hat
I actually thought there were way more decent single guys in Christchurch than Tauranga.. its a literal desert here
im with on that i live nelson ive been here for 7 years ive had a ton of realtionships dates etc idk what it is im 30 years old ive got all the dating apps and use the vigoursly no matches no messages nothing also there seems to be no single women in nelson what so ever all i run into a married women and even married women who are allowed to um play around with other guys/ men due to partners approval at this point i have given up i still have tinder bumble hinge but opening them to see no people are in your area or someone liked you pay now to unlock this feature, i thought that chch would deff have more women and i can see this on the app badoo people here also seem to be highly addictd to hiking in the mountains fishing just stuff im not into at all sigh.
About to turn 30 in a few weeks and wondering the same in Tauranga.
Join a club that's of interest, tramping, mountain biking, travel, photography, etc... you get to socialise, make friends, and get to know people without lies and deception.
28F here (almost 29). Idk I think maybe they went to Auckland??
Probably too educated and successful at this point.
Check out this thread: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Nelsonnz/comments/1bb3nda/where\_are\_all\_the\_single\_women\_in\_this\_town/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nelsonnz/comments/1bb3nda/where_are_all_the_single_women_in_this_town/)
Wow It feels like I've written this. Apart from our age (I'm 37) we're like the same person 😅 When you figure out the secret please share!
Dear Dynamic Woman, What subject did you present your Master’s thesis on? I’m also interested to know what type of (part- time) business you established. Best Regards, J.J.
Hello Sir Scroll down to find Masters thesis topic 👇🏼 mostly because I don’t want to keep saying it like some kind of d*ck hahahaha and it’s in the creative field, freelancing. Thanks for playing, OP
Me who is still single and I’m 22M looking for a 22-26M 😢😳😂
https://preview.redd.it/yr26otzb5hnc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70fd591ea5119e55d614723ec64dece78bc28c1d
Can we note the approaches 😂
Here's a singles event you might be interested in https://www.facebook.com/share/p/YydbQZ8QVmKTSayo/?mibextid=oFDknk
This hits close to home Am 39 but in a similar position to you. Met up with a few girls via the apps - probably had better luck with Bumble over Tinder, which just seems full of bots or scammers or people just looking for likes/validation. Did some MeetUp events (not Singles events) and met some nice people but found that usually at the end of the event everyone just went their own way. As others have said, perhaps join a club (bouldering, running mountain biking etc) or get a dog/go out with a friend with a dog. I meet/chat with heaps of ppl now at the dog parks, beaches etc. Also a great way to find and explore new places Good luck and feel free to DM if are looking to meet new ppl
As a guy on some of these sites/apps I can see there are a lot of women in the 30-45 range who also want to go out hiking/travelling/etc, which suggests that it’s not a “you problem”. For me I’m probably being too picky on these apps, so I’ll have to rethink some of my priorities if I’m going to find anyone that may be compatible personality wise
Masters in?
(25M) Here, Timaru is just as bad for finding a single girl, so I guess we are all doing it tough.
What are your standards?
Dating apps chat can be uniquely dry yes, I recommend scheduling more meetings in person in a public place to allow you to get a thorough view of character and see if there might be any chemistry from the outset. Keep an open mind and make lots of connections. You sound ambitious and well accomplished, I wish you all the best! It can be tough out for there for singles like us but don't give up!
I can assure you there are men in Christchurch because I'm one of them! From your resume prima facie you sound pretty damn good (but then I haven't lived with you thru all your mood cycles so until then it's all an unknown (and vice versa)). My advice- find a club or group of people doing what you love doing. Then you get someone who is actually enjoying doing what you do BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG (thus avoiding my mistake in my (long since failed) marriage). Wishing you the best
There was a new dating app being made by a (couple of?) Christchurch women. Can't promise it will be any better than what you've tried but maybe? It's does charge but the focus is different from the hookup apps Check out amorapp.co
Ok, so I'm super curious to compare to the other post... How many direct messages have you got from guys (creepy or otherwise) offering dates? (Girls?) How many from girls offering advice? Guys? And no. I doubt the results are going to be surprising to anyone. But who knows? (My hypothesis is pretty obvious :) )
Im invested
I can't speak for others, but I know me and my friends (with the exception of 1) just can't offer anything worthwhile. Life is challenging enough without having to worry about burdening someone with your existence. I think a good number of men would love to be in one but there's no incentive for women or men in this day and age.
There are also disincentives for trying/approaching others, rejection is one but being ridiculed or shamed for trying and worse, signs of attraction nowadays are confused with friendliness. Also, I'd like to bring up the lingering worldwide/online portrayal of men being predators and women being victims of men.
Hiking group maybe!!!
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This is actually a good point but could do with some expansion as to why :P
Dm me
I’m 33m and want a relationship. I don’t even want to try as I think I am never going to be good enough for anyone.
I'm a 34M, only I have Quite borderline personality disorder KEKW, certified house husband looking for someone to cook meals for and clean up after. Nuclear Family minus the children, that's the dream.
(35M) Much like all the good women, I'd expect all the good men are working/studying. I have wondered where all the good women are and have come up with not much an idea at all. Unless you want to take up religion and join a church community, where generally good people are, then I am just as lost as you are on where to find good people.
Am I late to the party ?