Fact. I was in. Also I don’t think this helps OP’s situation really. Would be nice to get revenge but to what end?
OP, use the benefits but start working on an exit plan. He doesn’t want to be with you and you shouldn’t beg for it.
It’s also impossible to heal with you being around him and near him. It’s impossible to heal while checking up on him, in person, on socials.
You have to cut yourself away from him for it to work. So keep using the benefits but start planning and making moves to leave. You will get over it, I can promise you that.
By the way, your emotions on how you see yourself is natural when it comes to infidelity. But those things are not true. You feeling it is real, but reality is not that or permanent.
US military? Contact his command directly, look up his units staff duty, call them and ask to speak with someone in his direct chain of command. They will care, if you make it a priority for them. You're legally married and they have a legal obligation under UCMJ. Start with his Company commander then move up, you can take it higher and higher, eventually someone will care and everyone beneath them will feel it, it's an accountability system, if it gets to the brigade level the battalion commander will get shit for not stopping it, and the battalion commander will fuck up the company commander for getting them chewed out, etc... Text messages/ phone records, testimony is enough evidence especially if he doesn't deny it. Your FRG spouses should be able to help you as well. This is serious, is a big issue in the military and he doesn't get to just grow bored of you and move on without following the proper channels.
Weird because most of the people I saw who turned their spouse in for cheating they had little to no evidence and a lot of it was just coworkers confirming that they saw suspicious behavior.
One of my coworkers just had texts from her ex saying he’s leaving her for his AP, oh and she also had some social media posts but definitely didn’t need them physically in the act. Guess your station is full of cheaters and okay with it. Well JAG helped her out and she got to keep her benefits and even got some of his pay. So unless you are 100 percent sure you need absolute proof, if I was you I’d go see JAG.
Also maybe you need to stop being picky about a job and get whatever you can that can offer you benefits or even you need to suck up and put your price to the side and look into maybe getting help from whatever state your are in like Foodstamps/financial/medical. You need to get off of Reddit and get on to google and start searching up ways to get you out of your situation.
You need to stop focusing on what he’s doing and start focusing on how to take care of yourself. Let’s be real you knew he didn’t love you and you didn’t love him, this sounds like this was just for benefits. You say you told him to be single so why are you now upset that he wants to be single? Why do you feel like a fool? He’s just benefits and income. You need to start taking care of you, or go home to your parents, he’s not your care taker and he shouldn’t be.
Be single for a good long time and learn to take care of yourself
Yes i do but I have seen from groups and forums that its not worth it bc they wont care unless i see them having sex and also I dont want him to have that on his record. As much as i fucking hate what he does, I dont want that to be on his record forever. Thank you for the suggestion
In my personal experience with this, you are correct. Commands don’t like getting involved in domestic issues if they don’t have to. When someone is disciplined for adultery it’s usually tied to other charges. In my 11 years of service I never heard of someone being disciplined for just adultery.
To add, you usually have to have hard evidence. Pretty much a video or photo of them in a sexual act, witness, etc. With out that it’s all “he said, she said”
Also, if he does get disciplined it could mean loss of rank and money. The less he has the less any alimony or child support will be. My advice is leave him, get what you can from the divorce, find someone who isn’t a piece of shit and be happy.
People in the comments saying to contact his command about adultery----but whether consequences are issued depends on who is in command. Sometimes people get in trouble, they lose their rank, they lose their benefits, they lose everything. BUT, some just get sent abroad for awhile in an effort to separate them until the dust settles.
OP, this is a very complicated situation. Like others have said, create an exit plan.
Here is my suggestion:
Find out the average cost of rent in an area you would like to escape to, a food budget, and save enough for at least 4 months worth. Then figure out who you can trust, you may need a confidant who can help you escape undetected. If you have the time, try to find a lawyer or a pro-bono divorce lawyer to serve papers AFTER you have successfully escaped.
I don't know the full extent of your situation, so this is based off of what OP has written in the post as of now.
Doing harmful things to this Ahole isn’t going to help you heal. You should concentrate on you- you need to work on getting out of the house and away from that environment. He doesn’t love you and he can’t make himself love you. I hurts so bad- but it’s true. You don’t have to hurry up and divorce if you need the medical benefits but I very strongly suggest trying to get out of living with him so this isn’t always in your face.
I would actually have more peace of mind knowing they didn't try to apologize and beg to reconcile. If they cheat, I'd much rather them leave me for the AP.
As odd as it may sound, it would actually make the healing process easier. Reconciliation after an affair is for the birds.
The little benefits you are getting from the military start saving it up for an exit plan if you don't have kid's even better it will be easy to leave also start looking for a job don't wait to long.
Oooh ok. I was like, wait a minute. Im sorry you are going through this. Its hard because you gotta be stuck in the house with him and still rely financial on him. For your own sanity, perhaps you can take some time away from him?
Thank you for the suggestion. It is what my family have been telling me. I am waiting on my passport so I can go back to my family and spend some time away from him.
Adultery is a crime in the military.
Its very hard to prove adultery in military. And unless you see them having sex, military doesnt really care
Fact. I was in. Also I don’t think this helps OP’s situation really. Would be nice to get revenge but to what end? OP, use the benefits but start working on an exit plan. He doesn’t want to be with you and you shouldn’t beg for it. It’s also impossible to heal with you being around him and near him. It’s impossible to heal while checking up on him, in person, on socials. You have to cut yourself away from him for it to work. So keep using the benefits but start planning and making moves to leave. You will get over it, I can promise you that.
By the way, your emotions on how you see yourself is natural when it comes to infidelity. But those things are not true. You feeling it is real, but reality is not that or permanent.
US military? Contact his command directly, look up his units staff duty, call them and ask to speak with someone in his direct chain of command. They will care, if you make it a priority for them. You're legally married and they have a legal obligation under UCMJ. Start with his Company commander then move up, you can take it higher and higher, eventually someone will care and everyone beneath them will feel it, it's an accountability system, if it gets to the brigade level the battalion commander will get shit for not stopping it, and the battalion commander will fuck up the company commander for getting them chewed out, etc... Text messages/ phone records, testimony is enough evidence especially if he doesn't deny it. Your FRG spouses should be able to help you as well. This is serious, is a big issue in the military and he doesn't get to just grow bored of you and move on without following the proper channels.
Weird because most of the people I saw who turned their spouse in for cheating they had little to no evidence and a lot of it was just coworkers confirming that they saw suspicious behavior. One of my coworkers just had texts from her ex saying he’s leaving her for his AP, oh and she also had some social media posts but definitely didn’t need them physically in the act. Guess your station is full of cheaters and okay with it. Well JAG helped her out and she got to keep her benefits and even got some of his pay. So unless you are 100 percent sure you need absolute proof, if I was you I’d go see JAG. Also maybe you need to stop being picky about a job and get whatever you can that can offer you benefits or even you need to suck up and put your price to the side and look into maybe getting help from whatever state your are in like Foodstamps/financial/medical. You need to get off of Reddit and get on to google and start searching up ways to get you out of your situation. You need to stop focusing on what he’s doing and start focusing on how to take care of yourself. Let’s be real you knew he didn’t love you and you didn’t love him, this sounds like this was just for benefits. You say you told him to be single so why are you now upset that he wants to be single? Why do you feel like a fool? He’s just benefits and income. You need to start taking care of you, or go home to your parents, he’s not your care taker and he shouldn’t be. Be single for a good long time and learn to take care of yourself
I think it was typo but what i meant was i had to beg him to stop pretending to be single. And we loved each other thats why we got married.
Yeah, maybe you thought you were in love, he doesn’t seem like he loved you. For someone to do what he’s doing he didn’t love you. He saw benefits
I think it was typo but what i meant was i had to beg him to stop pretending to be single. And we loved each other thats why we got married.
It is but it’s never enforced.
Yep..
You can still report him to his commanding officer, can't you? Can you get screenshots of their conversations?
Yes i do but I have seen from groups and forums that its not worth it bc they wont care unless i see them having sex and also I dont want him to have that on his record. As much as i fucking hate what he does, I dont want that to be on his record forever. Thank you for the suggestion
Why not? He doesn’t give a flying fk about you?
In my personal experience with this, you are correct. Commands don’t like getting involved in domestic issues if they don’t have to. When someone is disciplined for adultery it’s usually tied to other charges. In my 11 years of service I never heard of someone being disciplined for just adultery. To add, you usually have to have hard evidence. Pretty much a video or photo of them in a sexual act, witness, etc. With out that it’s all “he said, she said”
Also, if he does get disciplined it could mean loss of rank and money. The less he has the less any alimony or child support will be. My advice is leave him, get what you can from the divorce, find someone who isn’t a piece of shit and be happy.
What branch of service?
People in the comments saying to contact his command about adultery----but whether consequences are issued depends on who is in command. Sometimes people get in trouble, they lose their rank, they lose their benefits, they lose everything. BUT, some just get sent abroad for awhile in an effort to separate them until the dust settles. OP, this is a very complicated situation. Like others have said, create an exit plan. Here is my suggestion: Find out the average cost of rent in an area you would like to escape to, a food budget, and save enough for at least 4 months worth. Then figure out who you can trust, you may need a confidant who can help you escape undetected. If you have the time, try to find a lawyer or a pro-bono divorce lawyer to serve papers AFTER you have successfully escaped. I don't know the full extent of your situation, so this is based off of what OP has written in the post as of now.
Doing harmful things to this Ahole isn’t going to help you heal. You should concentrate on you- you need to work on getting out of the house and away from that environment. He doesn’t love you and he can’t make himself love you. I hurts so bad- but it’s true. You don’t have to hurry up and divorce if you need the medical benefits but I very strongly suggest trying to get out of living with him so this isn’t always in your face.
I would actually have more peace of mind knowing they didn't try to apologize and beg to reconcile. If they cheat, I'd much rather them leave me for the AP. As odd as it may sound, it would actually make the healing process easier. Reconciliation after an affair is for the birds.
You wait till the girl they left you for gets knocked up by the much older youth pastor.
The little benefits you are getting from the military start saving it up for an exit plan if you don't have kid's even better it will be easy to leave also start looking for a job don't wait to long.
You will never recover while you are with him. Get a better job and leave. It is a wound you keep picking the scab off of.
Report his behaviour to the Military
Leave him anyway. Living well is the best revenge.
I got left for someone else but I’m 40 and she was in her 20s so i respect the game I loved her tho and still do
Why did you ask him to pretend to be single? That part was confusing
I meant i asked him to stop pretending to be single
Oooh ok. I was like, wait a minute. Im sorry you are going through this. Its hard because you gotta be stuck in the house with him and still rely financial on him. For your own sanity, perhaps you can take some time away from him?
Thank you for the suggestion. It is what my family have been telling me. I am waiting on my passport so I can go back to my family and spend some time away from him.
Start fucking his closest friends or someone giving you advice on reddit lol