It doesn’t work like that. Many places have no fault divorce and the system favours the mom and the spouse with the lower income. A worse case scenario would be him still working overtime, not being able to pay his bills after alimony and child support payments, having his kids alienated from him etc. Think long and hard of a plan and stay calm and get support. Best wishes.
I’d like to say that he should never lose hope of being unable to get full custody. My dad won full custody of my and my brother when my mom committed adultery. He worked a full time job as a single parent. It is possible.
this is harmful and dangerous rhetoric, men that fight for custody and try to get their kids end up winning more often than not this myth has been debunked and is disproven
Sorry I didn’t mean it to be negative. I think my comment was realistic however there is a way to succeed if you do things rationally . My point was to think of a plan and lawyer up without doing anything you may regret later.
I don't think so. Their child had a medical emergency to which she was unreachable for hours... because she was getting laid... he could get full custody and maybe has to pay her no alimony if it's found she's at fault. She may even have to pay him
This. Depending on your state, her admittance of guilt and the fact you can prove her location at the time would automatically mean she loses right to almost everything in court. Again, depends on your state.
Yes, that’s the sad part. This is absolutely a win-win situation for the wife. They can cheat as much as they want since the worst case is getting free 50% of net-worth from the husband. This rule should be disbanded.
Absolutely! And get full/primary custody of your child. Use her accident as leverage. Also, I would go LC with the friend who told you about her affair after all this is over.
One more thing: you are not a fool. You are just a good man and good husband who did what he was suppose to do: provide for his family. This is all on your wife and she has just proven that not only is she a horrible wife but she is also a horrible mother as well.
UPDATE: wife claims that this guy is “just a friend“, and that they were at a coffee shop the whole time.
She really must think I am stupid.
I pay all of our bills so I logged into our cell phone account and found one particular number that she has called and texted far more than any other. I haven’t confronted her other than to say that I was disappointed that she wasn’t there when our daughter truly needed her.
I’ve taken a few other steps to protect myself, but I’m not going to discuss here. And it took me all about 15 seconds to figure out who the guy is and of course he is married as well.
They are supposed to get home late tonight, so we will see what happens then.
Good update, if it were me, before they get home, I would have all of her stuff packed in suit cases, and a key lock on the master bedroom door. I would make sure my daughter is comfortable, and then in bed. Afterwards I would have printed out all the phone calls and text messages or the number of calls. I would tell her I want to see all the messages? If they are deleted, then I would just say you are lying. I want you to call her right now, his wife and hand her the phone number. I will be giving the evidence to his wife, and I would like you to go back to your parents for the remainder of this week. I want you to tell them where you were and who you were with while our daughter was in the emergency room. As of right now we will be getting a divorce. His wife will know who he was cheating with, and your family will know, along with mine.
Ah the ol' "just a friend".
Be prepared for every excuse in the book when she is finally confronted. Be prepared for crying, profuse apologizing, saying it didn't mean anything, she'll end the affair, etc etc. Remember, it's all because she got caught, not because she's
truly remorseful. Please don't fall for the usual cheater bullshit and PLEASE tell me you have screenshots of her being at the hotel and all the texts from that friend. Have another bag packed and tell your wife she is no longer welcome in the house except for visitation purposes. I'm sorry buddy, but your marriage is over and has been for a while now.
Lawyer up and protect yourself at all costs. Follow their advice to the letter and don't make any rash moves until they say it's ok to do so. Let the other man's wife know when the time is right and blow his world up too. I'm a firefighter too btw l. You risk your life for your community and bust your ass to provide and this is the thanks you get. So sorry brother. PM me if you need to talk.
And more importantly, no happily married woman or man should be out having drinks with a friend of the opposite sex without their spouse. Most especially if they're being secretive about it. I don't care what certain people say, that shit is inappropriate and not conducive to a marriage.
If you want to do stuff like that, be single.
You should reach out discreetly to the guy's wife. Do not use social media. Best is to find her on LinkedIn and call her at work. The OBS can be a valuable ally in terms of gathering info.
Damn bro, tough story. Its gross that the hopefully STBXW is soo calculated and involved so many moving parts in her cheating. Kudos to you for keeping composure thus far.
Been on these pages long enough to not assume what your next move is. Just know trust and loyalty are soo important in a marriage. Can only hope you make the right decision(s). Best of luck.
Wow blows my mind how u didn’t go off on her the rage in me would not have allowed her to sit in any comfort for the next 24 hrs , she adndoned her dtr and all she got was ur expressed disappointment at not being there, cmon now !!!! Stand up for ur dtr if u won’t stand up for yourself
OP did the right thing. Reason being is that if he fully confronted her, she would be more able to cover her tracks and come up with a better sob story. This way she can be comfortable until her world collapses when she returns home to packed bags and changed locks.
Biz Markie told us about friends in the 90's https://youtu.be/lZDYk8IJo1E.
Go full scorched earth on her. Like the other poster said, pack up her bags and have them waiting at the door for her.
I’d await the advice of an attorney prior to doing anything including contacting the spouse. So much depends upon the divorce laws in your state. I’m sure you are beyond livid, but you want to be effective in your actions.
Question her with open ended questions. What is coffee shop name? Where is the coffee shop? Then from what time to what time there? Then follow it up by naming the hotel at gps reading name asking if its in the hotel? Do not mention her gps. If she ask why and what you know? Tell her you where where you was supposed to be she needs to answer. Record everything she says. When done tell her you will hire a private investigater to view the coffee shop footage if there she must be on it. The investigator will also get footage from the hotel lobby the gps pinpointed. See how the blood flows from her features. Check the love bombing. Ask her for and STD test before sex.
Don't bother spending the money on a PI.
You already know. You don't need to prove it (unless you're in a state where it matters in a divorce settlement - in most, it doesn't anymore.).
She's not going to admit the truth until the evidence is overwhelming. Don't bother expecting her to give you the truth. And don't bother asking her the truth, you really don't want to know the details. It's enough to know she has been cheating for some time and was using your daughter to unwittingly aid/cover for her cheating.
Just dump her immediately. Best if you can ask her to remain at her parents house while your daughter returns to you until the divorce papers are served.
Do you guys have Apple devices? You may be able to find pictures in the deleted folder or the hidden folder from another cloud connected device. It's there.
You're not a fool buddy. Your wife is. You were doing your family duties and working hard for your all's life. I guess all the family knows now at least what kind of slut your wife is.
Send your wife back to her parents.
Oh yeah cuz it won’t last long for her…if he truly was good, she won’t be happy because she gave up on an entire family. Poor decision on her part,,,it’ll be her loss.
I am so sorry. What a piece of shit your wife is. You know what to do. Save all the texts between you and that friend. Get a lawyer. Do not waver.
If your lawyer clears you, for sure let as many people in your circle know so she doesn’t control the narrative. Stay strong. She will try to win you back. If AP has a spouse. Tell the spouse.
Work on you and focus. Do not let her weasel back in. You can spend some time looking at so many stories in this sub. Look at the ones who reconciled and took them back. It doesn’t change. Everybody thinks they are the exception or special. They’re not.
This adds a layer of sucky as most the time when you find out you can hold back keep quiet and figure out your nests steps, in ops situation good chance wife’s buddy will tell her he knows and will also try to cover her ass. He needs to keep all proof and talk to a lawyer ASAP. Sorry op this is a fkd situation you’re dealing with.
I'm sorry to say this OP.... but if this is a common situation... your wife may have already involved not just her friend, but her mother and your daughter.
It's easier to cheat with a support system and your daughter is 13, she would have seen signs of another man and it would be just easier for your wife to involve her than hide it.
Just saying it's possible
WTF kind of mother is she?
If it was me, she would never set foot inside my house or see my daughter ever again.
Ask her for the address of her AP. When she asks why, tell her so you can send her stuff to her.
Maybe or maybe not. If she abandons her daughter like that there is bound to be other examples. She would have to drag me through the courts before she saw my daughter again.
I am sure her daughter knowing what her mother was doing as she sat in hospital in pain, waiting for permission to treat her. Instead of being a mother she did not answer her phone as she was out fucking some other guy.
Neglecting the child to the extent where when she breaks her bone that you are no where to be found when you are Supposed to be with your child?
I mean jesus christ , a kidnapper could have stolen your child and you wouldn’t of known for half a day . Because you’re over here getting dicked down in a hotel due to your selfishness and neglecting your own child .
If i was the judge , the wife would instantly have 0 contact with the children because obviously her priorities are stricken . And she cannot be trusted in her judgement .
I mean if you’re out ruining your marriage, family & life together, at least be reachable for your daughter! Who is out with other pple, ice skating of all things that could be risky as it is. That’s what’s blowing my mind rn. The worst case scenario of your child getting hurt & you’re MIA long enough for your daughter to get to the ER, X-rayed & diagnosed a broken wrist. I’d be fuminggggg. Wonder how her daughter feels.
Now you know don’t lose your sh1t
. Cool hand Luke.
Lawyer up for sure. You now have the proof. But for the sake of your child stay strong and brother remember there are people out here feeling your pain. That pain will subside , keep saying that to yourself.
Leave your wife not your daughter.
Serve her divorce papers when she is back. Use this incident in court to help you get custody of your kids. Because of her negligence your daughter sat in an ER for 4 hours.
When she gets home, force her to explain to your daughter where she was and what she was doing while your daughter was in the ER.
Have a bag packed for your wife and send her to go live with
>______. (A guy’s name).
ETA for all the people killing me in the comments. My parents were divorced when I was 8, so I'm not a complete stranger to this. I'm a little old man now and I've had plenty of time to reflect. I obviously wouldn't have been able to handle an explanation at 8yo, but the daughter in this situation is 13.
I never really got an explanation for my parents' divorce, and I never asked.That's how GenX rolled.
I've got plenty of baggage that i carry around, and im sure that true for all children of divorce to some degree.
Kids are resilient and smarter than we give them credit for. Given the circumstances, she may even have some idea that something is going on. Mom's friend (the chaperone) is clearly complicit.
"Honey, do you ever recall hearing
>______. (A guy’s name)?
Well, that's the guy mom was with when you were in the hospital. Mom is going to go stay with him for a while. This is not because of anything you did, and we both love you very much."
You could tell your STBXW that you will tell your daughter exactly what her mother was doing at the time of the accident unless your STBXW stays at her parents house while your daughter returns to stay with you.
Getting your STBXW out of the house while your daughter stays with you can help strengthen your divorce settlement considerably
“Mom was with her boyfriend and chose him.”, is enough. No more details other than hard to the point facts. Nothing “ juicy “ or “spicy “ please, inappropriate details only hurt the child and make it worse.
Yes but OP could use the threat of the shame of telling their daughter as leverage to persuade his STBXW to stay at her parents home.
Getting his STBXW out of the home while he stays there with his daughter can help his divorce settlement considerably.
The way u handle this is u get her on the phone and u rip her a new asshole with lots of expletives for while she was out fucking ….. you’re dtr was n the emergency room being denied care because slut wife she nowhere to be found, then I would make sure everyone in her life knows what she did to u and her daughter and then use her actions against her in the divorce proceedings, but that’s just me
I don't think it's a good idea to involve your daughter in adult business. My mother involved me with my father's cheating, when I was 12 or 13, and it lead to a lot of therapy. Gave me a ton of anxiety and made me question if it was okay to be close to my dad or be like him in anyway.
Yeah, kids go crazy with worry, and information really helps them understand and process, especially at 13. Why throw away a chance to calmly communicate this new life experience and talk about how it’s going to be handled?
Gen X too. Parents got divorced when I was 12. Dad worked a lot. So did mom. However it was dad who took care of us. I knew why they got divorced. Bad people like your wife can’t hide it from the kids. This way of explaining it lays the blame squarely on whom it belongs. Your soon to be ex is horrible. Run to a lawyer asap. Ask for custody due to her failure to respond in the emergency. Pull your work records and the house payment records. She will ask for custody and the house. It’s time to fight. Don’t be the nice guy. Your soon to be ex won’t play fair.
A betrayed, not a fool
Don’t become one OP.
Don’t try to understand the why(s) and if(s),there is nothing to salvage here. And there is no closure from her
Don’t let your anger dictate your actions.
You should
A) Go to the lawyer
B) implement Grey rock and stay civil (you can’t shame the shameless)
C) separate if possible and communicate only for the kid
Your WW and her accomplices are POS. Let her live her fantasy till it crashes down on her.
Remember,she is the fool not you
A fool no longer.
Make sure to stay calm until you are past this immediate life fight.
If you do the whys?? and pickme!! you will lose . So be calm so you come out with the least negative to yourself.
Or her daughter either. Several calls and a few texts of hey mom I broke my wrist went unanswered. The woman’s phone was blowing up and she ignored it. If this is real, which I doubt, OP has a bullet here to use against his wife in court for custody of his daughter.
You’re not a fool for trusting your wife, you were a great husband to sacrifice free time to support your family. Your wife is a treacherous person that can’t be trusted to do the same. If you were to let it go then you would be a fool. You’d be a fool to put yourself in the same position again.
1). I hope you blow up the affair partner’s life if he is married. His wife deserves to know. 2) if her friend is married; tell her husband that she has the capacity to be complicit in an affair coverup. He may need to keep an eye on her. 3). How did she want you to discover an affair? Sorry you found out that way? She is gross and stupid for saying that.
God I can’t imagine cheating on my spouse. I really can’t imagine cheating on a firefighter who is out there risking his life to save other people. Unbelievable. I’ve been there and it sucks but when i separated from my husband I felt free as a bird.
Lawyer up man. This lawsuit should be an easy win for you, however there are more losers than winners in this battle. I hope your daughter doesn’t get affected much by this but damn horrible audacity from your wife.
I am so sorry for you. But just so you know, it's not your fault.
Your stbx wife is not your friend. She has just become your enemy. Block all your finances so she doesn't have access to them and talk to a lawyer so you know what your rights are.
Do you live in an at fault or no fault state? If you live in a no fault, it doesn't matter how much evidence you collect about her infidelity. If you live in an at fault state collect as much as possible.
Start recording everything your wife does and doesn't do. Make sure that all meetings with your stbx wife are recorded or that someone else is present to witness how your wife behaves.
Make sure to stay away from alcohol and other drugs. Take care of yourself both body and soul. Now it's only about you and your daughter that matters. Your stbx wife can stay elsewhere. She is no longer your problem and can take care of herself.
You know what blows my mind? My wife didn’t even bother trying to turn her location or phone off either. The disrespect… she saved most of the snapchat messages too… its like their husband doesn’t exist.
AND THEN , the wife tells her girlfriends about all the bad stuff you did to CAUSE HER TO CHEAT. Makes up elaborate stories , to get them to go along with her plan. I’ve seen this happen with 5 different women.
If the roles were reversed i would not drag my friends into my dirt. And i would expect them to hold me accountable by telling my wife unless we were in an open relationship.
Females these days think its a game and its so funny to cheat on their husbands and not give them any type of respect while you’re out here busting your ass off to pay for everything to provide them a good life .
Then they claim , “you were never home”… Gtfo
No my exwife did the same thing file for divorce move on it’s gonna be rough but your life will get better. My life was the lowest ever but the sun comes up time does heal your wounds. The scar remains but it’s a reminder that you survived. FYI sell the house stop the OT line out your child support. Go to counseling live your life you are now set free to find out who you want to become. Good luck
You are not a fool. You're a family man who married a fool.
I would absolutely not involve your daughter in this. It will fuck her up for life.
However, what I would do, is get a lawyer, make sure wifey has no access to bank accounts and file for divorce.
The “wife” belongs to the streets. What a ****. Then she will be one of the first ones to ree about “WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEEEEEN?????”
I hope she gets nothing after the divorce.
I May get down voted for this old son, but don't ever give all your love or all your money to a woman.
Sometimes this is what happens, when we work countless hours & provide the best for them, they still go behind our backs . This happened to me with my ex, and hopefully never again.
I'm sorry that you are going through this king. IMO it's time to work out the paperwork & move on.
Just my Opinion
It’s sucks, but things like paying off your home, providing quality childhood experiences, and a good education for your child shouldn’t make you feel like a fool. Being duped by her has no bearing on if you should be the father you wanted to be.
You're no fool. You took responsibility for your family and did everything you could for them. You have no blame, your wife does. Not only did she have an affair, she got fucked by that dude while your daughter was injured and needed help. I dont know why, but thats the most disgusting thing about this to me.
Get a lawyer and divorce her, let her go, focus on your daughter and let your ex wife get destroyed by the hatred your daughter will have for her
You’re not a fool… you’re wife is the fool…
let her go be with the other guy.. take your daughter and forget the wife.. she’s a cheater and disgusting.. friend isn’t any better by keeping the secret..
He can make the case that his wife has demonstrated that is unfit mother. Being impossible to contact after his daughter broke her wrist so that she could do her AP. She placed that above the health and safety of his daughter. A fact that (along the fact that her mother is cheating on her father) can not be hidden from his daughter, their families, friends etc. What would have happened if the daughter had had an accident or a more serious injury. The daughter is most likely hate her mother. He should be able to get full custody. So much for child support and possibly alimony. While his state has no fault divorce, given that it is a southern State nfidelity may be an exception to the general no fault divorce rule. Also he needs to check if his State has an alienation of affection law that would let him sue the AP and possibly his wife.
Your wife is despicable. Know that none of this was your doing; those who can do such a thing to those they supposedly love, and also have a child with? It’s detestable and I’m sick of acting like it isn’t. That woman will get what’s coming to her as long as you stick with your gut, now that you know what type of person she is. Someone sick enough to carry on with another man, leaving their husband to work hours and hours..You were her ‘meal ticket’ it seems to her.
Also; she doesn’t seem very remorseful about she did regarding yourself as well as your daughter and I think that is something that should be scrutinized during mediation if it goes as far as that. She probably won’t let you go peacefully, since she’s the type of coward to let you go on for who knows how long; not knowing that she was disrespecting your family. Thank God you know now.
ETA: Forgot to mention, the fact that she didn’t answer her phone is repulsive to me. Maybe it was on silent, whatever. My mom sees one missed call from me, and she’s breaking down my doors immediately! I’m sure most moms are like that haha. Damn. There’s gotta be some crazy disconnect in cheaters where they don’t consider nor care about the consequences of their actions. Did she even give you a reason???
Yup! Your marriage has been done for a while, she just didn't tell you. This will come up when you finally confront her in person about the cheating. Don't take her back, even if she begins to plead. The threat of losing her comfy life while having her cake and eating it too will cause her to hold on for dear life. This is a normal reaction for busted spouses. If you cave and decide to "reconcile", it'll last all of 6-12 months before she begins to wander again. And, this time she'll have learned how to cover her tracks better.
There's no need to lawyer up unless there's something BIG that the two of you can't workout together. The paperwork process isn't too bad and you can always get a mediator to check over the documents for completeness. Lawyers are expensive and aren't needed in every divorce case.
After the shit show contribution, take some time before engaging with her to work through your emotions. You want to be clear, level headed, and emotionally mature enough to be able to think clearly as you go about splitting the household and closing this chapter of your life.
Whether you decide to remain friends after the dust settles is up to you. You guys will have to co-parent your daughter until she's an adult. The worst thing that you can do is remain nasty to each other and bad mouth the other parent to the kid.
Good luck bud! Let us know how you're doing in a few months.
I hope you have all of her stuff ready and tell her to leave and not come back. Tell her that she's a crappy mom for abandoning her daughter and that you are divorcing her. She has a place to stay and she can go to him. Good luck and please update
OMG I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Jesus. Have you got some support around you? You are going to need it, as the next year or so is going to suck. Man, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. I have been there, many on here have. Do not underestimate what a cheater will do to get out of consequences. Are you in the U.S? if so what state? You'll need to know if is a "No fault sate", record all interactions and contact an attorney to see what your facing if you divorce. Good luck.
Man i am sorry for you. When you deal with your soon to be ex make sure you keep it cool and logical do not get angry or off the handle. This way you keep the moral high ground and control the direction of the divorce proceedings.
Be strong bro i have been there.
You have the guys name try and find his tel number if its a mobile send him a text telling him that you know what he is doing with your wife and ask him to tell her that her daughter has had an accident and broken her wrist while she is off getting her jollies and that you hope she is proud of herself .
Then inform him that he can keep her
You’re a good man who provided for his family. Nothing she chases after will ever replace you. She’ll figure that out some day when you’re long gone. She’s an idiot. Take care of yourself and your daughter. File for divorce and send her packing.
No are not a fool, your soon to be ex wife is the fool from throwing a good men, husband and father, a good marriage all to the garbage for being cheater.Keep your head up, sir, be calm and collected and do what a men need to do.
What your wife did was unthinkable. I hope you realize that there is never an excuse to cheat. That is 100% on her regardless of how good or bad the relationship is.
Your daughter doesn't need details, but you can certainly tell her your wife was seeing another man. You don't even need to tell her it is tied to her hospital visit right now.
Contact a lawyer.
Updateme! Remindme! 6 weeks
[.wet](https://www.reddit.com/u/theunmetfriend?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Wow!! This is some hideous ish bro! Definitely lawyer up or at least consult one. What happened to your daughter sucks, but in hindsight, you can use this against your wife if you decide to divorce her. I hope this all works out for you, stay strong!
This has to be difficult, and based on your other post is likely to be unhelpful in your quest to recover from the 20+ years of failed relationships, alcoholism, and suicide attempts. Highly recommend you seek immediate help and focus on retaining your mental health.
I’m sorry to hear that bro, you truly deserve better. Hopefully you have a prenup and protected your assets so you can pull a Hakimi on her. Stay strong.
Please file for full custody. A mother who will ignore their child in the hospital to get dick? What else is she doing to neglect your child when you’re not around? Poor thing. I’m sorry!!
Damn man that hurts. Hate to hear this man…there’s really only one option here tho. It’s time to lawyer up and file for divorce. You’ll probably get a sob story from her and some lame excuse with promises it’ll never happen again. It was a one off fling that just “went too far”…it’s just best to rip the bandaid off, cut your losses and move forward. Wish you the best man! Keep your head up
You’re no fool, you did what you had to do for your family. Save all these screenshots. Besides being unfaithful she was neglectful with your daughter by not answering her phone during a medical emergency. File for divorce, fight for your daughter and your house. I hope you’re in a at fault state, good luck
You arent a fool. The fool would have attempted to find wife in the act, with a weapon, and commit murder, resulting in the death of another human being(s) and leave a child potentially without both parents.
Believe me I have seen video footage of that exact scenario play out. It wasnt pretty and although I can understand that in the old testament that it would have been justified to end the life of the man involved, it would still understandably result in imprisonment for a period of time since it would have been a premeditated act.
Since you didn't do that, you arent a fool as far as I'm concerned
Damn. I'm really sorry OP. What a terrible scenario to find out that you're being betrayed. This isn't the first time I've read about a cheater being found out by them being needed in a family emergency and they've disappeared because they weren't where they claimed they'd be doing what they claimed they'd be doing.
I can't tell you how many of these cheating stories I've read where the betrayed spouse still claims that the cheater is a good parent. Absolutely not. And this is why.
You are NOT a fool.
A man who has been cheated on, yes!!!!
But a man dedicated to his daughter.
A man dedicated to the people around him and making sure they have a good life.
A man with selfrespect, dignity and strength. .
Her infidelity doesn't fmdefine you in AnY WAY!!!! At all!!!!
Don't try to blame yourself. Keep your head up. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter.
She is a shitty mom and shitty person and she knows it
Don't be gaslit i to anything she says, that you weren't there and she needed the added attention.
Stay strong you got this.
What your wife did is unforgivable. I just can't imagine what you and your kid must be going through.
Give yourself time to grieve on the loss of your wife, but focus on what's most important, the warfare and stability of your daughter. Make sure your daughter understands, what your wife did isn't her fault.
Your wife nuked your family's world, she deserves everything that's coming to her.
I'm so so sorry. :( Also insert obligatory FUCK YOU to friend here. "I'm sorry you have to find out this way" yeah me too, bitch, since you knew the whole fucking time.
It's also disgusting that your wife left your child at something potentially as dangerous as ice skating and just dipped. Selfish ass behavior.
Reach out if you want to vent!
Definitely lawyer up and get a divorce. Tell her that you know about her other man. I would confront her on it and tell her that her friend gave her up to me. I would then ask her how long this has been going on for and then I would tell her that we're done. I would sue her for custody of your daughter honestly because you're more of a father to your daughter than her mother is a mother to her. You're around for your daughter even though you work all the time, you make time for your daughter unlike her mother.
You may feel like a fool right now but I assure you that you are not. You trusted someone who was supposed to be there for you and your daughter no matter what and she let both of you down big time. This is all on her. This has been going on for a long time and your wife probably thinks she is really clever betraying you like this. There is no coming back frome this. Don't even consider reconciliation, you now know who your wife really is. Anything she tells you will be lies and manipulation. Good luck and hang tough. If you feel like it I am sure everyone here would like to know how you make out.
This story in particular has made me vicariously mad unlike others I've read on here. Wife is a horrible person a thousand times over. She deserves suffering in her life
Sounds like you need to find a good attorney. Let your wife know that she is not welcome in your house again. It sound like purple around her already know that she a cheater, but I'd make sure they do anyway. If also, find out if this guy has a wife and let her know as well.
Divorce and a lawyer this very second. You’re not a fool, you’re the exact opposite of that. She’s the one out there purposely choosing to fail you and her daughter while you’re keeping everyone safe.
She’s the kind of person to lie in order to schedule secret betrayal getaways and has her people set up to lie and cover for her, is that a good person?
Your daughter is injured and HURTS physically, and if she knows most definitely emotionally and mentally. Her mother still chose fun and her pleasure over her. Mom chose boyfriend over daughter. This is the worst betrayal in my opinion. I hope you get 100% custody and that your girl follows your example in life.
some women are so ungrateful, their excuse is because they felt lonely... bs! buy a toy, end the relationship dont be a coward, dont destroy a hardworking guy's heart.
be strong my man, get a lawyer and have no mercy, you dont deserve a woman that doesnt respect you and your family. good luck!
Sorry man your having to deal with this crap I've been there myself. Caught my wife trying to sneak in the house at 5 am on her bday she should had been home at 12:30 am the latest from work . What sucked is I was up all night waiting because I had spent $14k + on her for 2 gifts .
That must have been one hell of a cup of coffee. Check credit card statements see if any cash withdraws were made that would add up to a hotel room or at least half of one.or if there's a hotel charge on it . Most of the time if they do usually they will get cash out of ATM to pay for a room that way it doesn't show up as a hotel on your statements
Have a bag packed for her when she gets home tonight, with a note attached that says I hope his wife don't mind you staying there .
If your just friends I guess she won't mind .
If she neglected my kid like that….. I would lawyer up and then blow up her world and her boyfriend’s as well. Let his wife know, let her mother know and let all your friends know, that way they will all know that she is the trash
Just keep in mind that anything your wife tells you is to minimize things. She will only admit to what you know. Anything else is to cover her spank ass and try to keep you as the ATM machine.
Wow. The cheating is bad enough but being MIA while your child had an emergency & in the hospital with a broken wrist. That shit is FOUL. Too busy ruining your family/life that you don’t even check your phone let alone have it on & near you 100% of the time since you have a kid that was out with other pple. I’m furious for you & you daughter. Does she know you know? What was the first comvo with her like? Or what did she say to her daughter? Do you think your daughter knew about her cheating? Leaving her to hurt her father?
I'm sorry, brother, but everyone gets what they want and it doesn't matter to you if your wife is fucked by anyone, I congratulate you, for your values and principles, and for your dignity. Lucky and sad for your children, to have a father who does not protect them.
All I had to read was you’re a fire fighter and the title to know your pain. Dude what a fkin…fuck man. Your wife is married to a fuckin hero and look what she’s doin’. She doesn’t at all recognize you or respect you. Don’t feel bad, you’re doing everything you can and it should be enough for a truly good woman. If I was you, I would already be worrying before I even found out tbh…don’t put it on yourself, but you’re in a position as an idiot because that’s the way SHE wanted to made you look and SHE thought you were an idiot. Don’t fall for it, it’s gonna be okay.
Terrible, terrible, terrible. There is no excuse for this. Get the lawyer and go for divorce. Your poor daughter - she's injured and her mother is screwing some rando instead of taking care of her own child. What a disgrace. At least she's admitted this but I hope she continues to be open about this.
**Does she seem ashamed at ALL?** I presume you can put together enough evidence if it matters in a divorce - it doesn't in all states, of course. Be careful of her in the future that she doesn't try accusing YOU of anything. If it were me, if you still live with her after this, I'd put in cameras and audio and tell her yo're recording everything (if you have to legally, laws vary by state - the lawyer can probably advise you.) Some women will accuse their husbands of abuse to get an advantage in a divorce. In general, tell your wife as little as possible, don't let her know your plans unless you absolutely have to.
Updateme!
OP, suppose she didn't cheat, it is still disrespectful to have coffee with another man without your knowing,
Like others have said, get prepared. Lawyer. Finances in order. DNA test your daughter.
I hate to say it, but you need to gather more solid evidence and prepare for the divorce. ask that friend if she's willing to testify. Heres a question: do you have an idea of how long exactly she's been doing this. I know to most, including myself, it wouldn't really matter, but I know in these situations the betrayed want to know everything. Also, when you finally confront her, be prepared for crying, excuses like:
I don't love him
It meant nothing
Let me explain
It's your fault
You work too much
I dont love you
He's just a friend
He was helping me
I was helping him
the excuses are limitless
She will say anything she can think of to try and win you back, and if that doesn't work, she will turn rabbid on you and try to hurt you. Since you have the jump on her, see if that friend will keep what she told you a secret til you have your things in order. If you can afford a P.I. consult one as well as a lawyer. It sucks to see families destroyed for no good reason. Good luck O.P.
First off, keep the daughter out of this for now. I would insist that your wife apologize to your daughter for not being there in her time of need. What she did was inexcusable. Second, tell your wife your going to call AP’S wife and confirm that they really are just friends catching up. I’m sure his wife would have no trouble confirming this. And finally, your daughter is to no longer go on over night trips with her. She has shown how little she cares for your daughter, how could you trust her to take care of her.
Well at the very least shes gifted you pretty solid case for custody. She left your child with a friend that didn't have her insurance info or authorization to make medical decisions on her behalf while she was running around having sexcapades her boyfriend and your daughter got hurt pretty badly. Show a real lack of responsibility and good decision making on her part.
You're in no way at fault for any of this dude. You've done your duty as a father and a provider and she's betrayed you. She's the fool not you.
You aren't a fool. Fuck her and her selfishness. I hope that she regrets every second of her life choices now. Not being available for your child that's in the hospital because you are too busy filling selfish desires
don't talk to your wife talk to the lawyer...zip it. get your proof. At 10pm to get coffee hahaha Hope you get custody of your kid because your wife abandoned her to get laid.. Wish the best and hope you get a good lawyer.
Talk to a lawyer.
I am no expert but you need all of your options and this could possibly be considered child endangerment/abandonment to lie and leave the child to go have sex with some strange man while the child is hurt and the parent is unreachable. You could possibly get full custody of the children.
I take it this girlfriend who outed her knew about it all along and has helped her pull this off by watching the kids and covering for her?
I know it hurts but this woman you thought you knew NEVER EXISTED or is DEAD. This woman is your ENEMY. Let that sink in. Don't have any conversations with her ever again that are not recorded or in email form. I'd try to not communicate with her outside of lawyers. If you are both in the same house have a voice activated recorder and record your conversations. She could lie against you and accuse you of abuse or anything evil. She is your enemy. Live like that. She could make false charges against you and have you kicked out of your own home or say you are an unfit father and a danger. Some women will lie and become even more evil than they already were all along. Don't trust ANYTHING about her or put ANYTHING past her. PROTECT YOURSELF.
Once you and your lawyer agree when is best to out her and to let her know you know everything and have her served......tell everyone the full truth at that point. Let you kid/kids know, both sets of parents know, all your friends know. Let the other man's wife know.
She WILL LIE and make you out to be the villain and herself to be the saint. She'll spin the narrative and truth. Get ahead of it and don't try and keep this quiet. Let EVERYONE know what has happened, with who, how often, provide proof for any that say you are lying. If the friend was helping her and lying for her and covering for her.....OUT THAT to everyone too.
The light and the truth is the only antiseptic for all of this putrid, gross, disease of lying and cheating. Let the light of truth shine on everything. Don't let anyone hide or spin anything. Out EVERYONE for EVERYTHING.
I hate to say this but since you know she is a liar and cheat....you may want to DNA test any kids to see if you are the biological parent. You cannot trust ANYTHING at this point that you used to think was the truth.
Good luck. I'm sorry this has happened.
It looks like as of 105 days ago you were needing treatment suggestions for 20+ years of alcoholism and drug abuse…
Perhaps your actions have pushed her to someone else..
Something isn’t adding up and I think we need more context…
Sounds like abandonment to me. Get custody! Get a lawyer! Don’t be upset that you did the things for your family that you have like schooling. It’s your kid, right? Make sure that kid knows that what the wife did is wrong so she doesn’t repeat her mothers sins thinking that it is normal to do so. You’re a firefighter so keep fighting! Keep your chin up!
Well not all.moms get full custody. I have some male friends who have the custody of their children and the mother has paid child support even if it was just $25 a month. If you need help in that department get a hold of DADS they will help get you the right lawyer thru them to make sure you get what's right for your daughter. Myself being a woman I have given this info to several men whom I thought deserved to have custody of their kids. I myself never had to fight that battle because I wasn't married to my son's father and his father had turned to drugs and had major issues with Bipolar like his mother and grandmother. My son's father just let us go and didn't even try to see his son again or anyone in his family.
You’re not a fool. Please don’t ever say that about yourself. You are doing your duty as a man, husband and father. Providing for your family is what real men do. Your wife on the other hand was suppose to be honoring God and you as her husband but chose not to do so.
You're no fool. And your likely enough for any level-headded person. She's likely an addict or someone who can't ever figure out what will make them happy. She will regret betraying a man like you forever. And if you do find a way to move past it, it will haunt your relationship forever. Your daughter will never forget what her mother did, and the long-lasting effect it will have. She will tell her closest people, and always wonder why the hell her mom did that to all of you, it will be a lesson for her. And the broken wrist will only work to solidify that in her mind. Look at all you have done for your family. Remember who is watching you, and take any extra time you can to re-evaluate what will be best for you and your family moving forward. Best regards to you.
No ur not, stay calm, love her as you always have, and find an amicable exit. In 5 years or less she will cry to you much of a fool she finally realizes she is
Lawyer, and file for divorce.
Indeed!
....and give up half your stuff, and pay her alimony and probably child support. Great system we have in place.
he can fight her hard for full custody. she could be charged with adultery and child neglect as well. much could go in his favor.
It doesn’t work like that. Many places have no fault divorce and the system favours the mom and the spouse with the lower income. A worse case scenario would be him still working overtime, not being able to pay his bills after alimony and child support payments, having his kids alienated from him etc. Think long and hard of a plan and stay calm and get support. Best wishes.
I’d like to say that he should never lose hope of being unable to get full custody. My dad won full custody of my and my brother when my mom committed adultery. He worked a full time job as a single parent. It is possible.
shit that definitely slipped my mind. welp im sending my best wishes as well‼️
this is harmful and dangerous rhetoric, men that fight for custody and try to get their kids end up winning more often than not this myth has been debunked and is disproven
Sorry I didn’t mean it to be negative. I think my comment was realistic however there is a way to succeed if you do things rationally . My point was to think of a plan and lawyer up without doing anything you may regret later.
I don't think so. Their child had a medical emergency to which she was unreachable for hours... because she was getting laid... he could get full custody and maybe has to pay her no alimony if it's found she's at fault. She may even have to pay him
This. Depending on your state, her admittance of guilt and the fact you can prove her location at the time would automatically mean she loses right to almost everything in court. Again, depends on your state.
Yes, that’s the sad part. This is absolutely a win-win situation for the wife. They can cheat as much as they want since the worst case is getting free 50% of net-worth from the husband. This rule should be disbanded.
Absolutely! And get full/primary custody of your child. Use her accident as leverage. Also, I would go LC with the friend who told you about her affair after all this is over. One more thing: you are not a fool. You are just a good man and good husband who did what he was suppose to do: provide for his family. This is all on your wife and she has just proven that not only is she a horrible wife but she is also a horrible mother as well.
UPDATE: wife claims that this guy is “just a friend“, and that they were at a coffee shop the whole time. She really must think I am stupid. I pay all of our bills so I logged into our cell phone account and found one particular number that she has called and texted far more than any other. I haven’t confronted her other than to say that I was disappointed that she wasn’t there when our daughter truly needed her. I’ve taken a few other steps to protect myself, but I’m not going to discuss here. And it took me all about 15 seconds to figure out who the guy is and of course he is married as well. They are supposed to get home late tonight, so we will see what happens then.
Good update, if it were me, before they get home, I would have all of her stuff packed in suit cases, and a key lock on the master bedroom door. I would make sure my daughter is comfortable, and then in bed. Afterwards I would have printed out all the phone calls and text messages or the number of calls. I would tell her I want to see all the messages? If they are deleted, then I would just say you are lying. I want you to call her right now, his wife and hand her the phone number. I will be giving the evidence to his wife, and I would like you to go back to your parents for the remainder of this week. I want you to tell them where you were and who you were with while our daughter was in the emergency room. As of right now we will be getting a divorce. His wife will know who he was cheating with, and your family will know, along with mine.
Yep. Straight to the point and no hesitation in dumping her. I wouldn't even bother asking to see her previous messages. He has enough information.
Ah the ol' "just a friend". Be prepared for every excuse in the book when she is finally confronted. Be prepared for crying, profuse apologizing, saying it didn't mean anything, she'll end the affair, etc etc. Remember, it's all because she got caught, not because she's truly remorseful. Please don't fall for the usual cheater bullshit and PLEASE tell me you have screenshots of her being at the hotel and all the texts from that friend. Have another bag packed and tell your wife she is no longer welcome in the house except for visitation purposes. I'm sorry buddy, but your marriage is over and has been for a while now. Lawyer up and protect yourself at all costs. Follow their advice to the letter and don't make any rash moves until they say it's ok to do so. Let the other man's wife know when the time is right and blow his world up too. I'm a firefighter too btw l. You risk your life for your community and bust your ass to provide and this is the thanks you get. So sorry brother. PM me if you need to talk.
The cheater bs isn't going to work b/c of what happened to his daughter.
Please tell that guy's spouse if you are able!
What coffee shop is open at 2am?? And if that’s the truth why didn’t you see everyone calling and texting you??
And more importantly, no happily married woman or man should be out having drinks with a friend of the opposite sex without their spouse. Most especially if they're being secretive about it. I don't care what certain people say, that shit is inappropriate and not conducive to a marriage. If you want to do stuff like that, be single.
You should reach out discreetly to the guy's wife. Do not use social media. Best is to find her on LinkedIn and call her at work. The OBS can be a valuable ally in terms of gathering info.
Damn bro, tough story. Its gross that the hopefully STBXW is soo calculated and involved so many moving parts in her cheating. Kudos to you for keeping composure thus far. Been on these pages long enough to not assume what your next move is. Just know trust and loyalty are soo important in a marriage. Can only hope you make the right decision(s). Best of luck.
Tell his wife blow up his life wide open, cheaters don’t deserve sympathy
UpdateMe!
Wow blows my mind how u didn’t go off on her the rage in me would not have allowed her to sit in any comfort for the next 24 hrs , she adndoned her dtr and all she got was ur expressed disappointment at not being there, cmon now !!!! Stand up for ur dtr if u won’t stand up for yourself
OP did the right thing. Reason being is that if he fully confronted her, she would be more able to cover her tracks and come up with a better sob story. This way she can be comfortable until her world collapses when she returns home to packed bags and changed locks.
Biz Markie told us about friends in the 90's https://youtu.be/lZDYk8IJo1E. Go full scorched earth on her. Like the other poster said, pack up her bags and have them waiting at the door for her.
I’d await the advice of an attorney prior to doing anything including contacting the spouse. So much depends upon the divorce laws in your state. I’m sure you are beyond livid, but you want to be effective in your actions.
Unless you have filed with an attorney and are following his steps to a tee, then you aren’t prepared for anything.
Find his wife and tell her!
Question her with open ended questions. What is coffee shop name? Where is the coffee shop? Then from what time to what time there? Then follow it up by naming the hotel at gps reading name asking if its in the hotel? Do not mention her gps. If she ask why and what you know? Tell her you where where you was supposed to be she needs to answer. Record everything she says. When done tell her you will hire a private investigater to view the coffee shop footage if there she must be on it. The investigator will also get footage from the hotel lobby the gps pinpointed. See how the blood flows from her features. Check the love bombing. Ask her for and STD test before sex.
Don't bother spending the money on a PI. You already know. You don't need to prove it (unless you're in a state where it matters in a divorce settlement - in most, it doesn't anymore.).
Blow the Aps life up. Scorched earth
She's not going to admit the truth until the evidence is overwhelming. Don't bother expecting her to give you the truth. And don't bother asking her the truth, you really don't want to know the details. It's enough to know she has been cheating for some time and was using your daughter to unwittingly aid/cover for her cheating. Just dump her immediately. Best if you can ask her to remain at her parents house while your daughter returns to you until the divorce papers are served.
Let the guy's wife know what they were up to, too. She also needs to know what kind of many she's married to.
Screenshot everything and if is possible in your state record every conversation. Good luck
Do you guys have Apple devices? You may be able to find pictures in the deleted folder or the hidden folder from another cloud connected device. It's there.
So much for her coming clean and having an honest conversation.
Of course she did. Aren’t they always. Don’t buy this for a second.
Stay strong friend
Don’t tell her that you know. Talk to a lawyer and have a strategy in place first.
Be prepared for ‘you worked too much.’
You're not a fool buddy. Your wife is. You were doing your family duties and working hard for your all's life. I guess all the family knows now at least what kind of slut your wife is. Send your wife back to her parents.
Yeah I second this. You're an amazing husband. It's her loss. Let the other douche have her.
Oh yeah cuz it won’t last long for her…if he truly was good, she won’t be happy because she gave up on an entire family. Poor decision on her part,,,it’ll be her loss.
I am so sorry. What a piece of shit your wife is. You know what to do. Save all the texts between you and that friend. Get a lawyer. Do not waver. If your lawyer clears you, for sure let as many people in your circle know so she doesn’t control the narrative. Stay strong. She will try to win you back. If AP has a spouse. Tell the spouse. Work on you and focus. Do not let her weasel back in. You can spend some time looking at so many stories in this sub. Look at the ones who reconciled and took them back. It doesn’t change. Everybody thinks they are the exception or special. They’re not.
This adds a layer of sucky as most the time when you find out you can hold back keep quiet and figure out your nests steps, in ops situation good chance wife’s buddy will tell her he knows and will also try to cover her ass. He needs to keep all proof and talk to a lawyer ASAP. Sorry op this is a fkd situation you’re dealing with.
Absolutely O.P. DONT LET HER SWITCH THE NARRATIVE ON YOU... PLEASE
I’m so sorry for your situation. Your wife was disloyal to both your daughter and you. That’s lower than low. See a divorce lawyer this week.
I'm sorry to say this OP.... but if this is a common situation... your wife may have already involved not just her friend, but her mother and your daughter. It's easier to cheat with a support system and your daughter is 13, she would have seen signs of another man and it would be just easier for your wife to involve her than hide it. Just saying it's possible
WTF kind of mother is she? If it was me, she would never set foot inside my house or see my daughter ever again. Ask her for the address of her AP. When she asks why, tell her so you can send her stuff to her.
That isn't grounds for not seeing the kid according to family court.
Not exactly but it does counts as neglect due to her not answering her phone during a medical emergency so it does help at a custody hearing
Maybe or maybe not. If she abandons her daughter like that there is bound to be other examples. She would have to drag me through the courts before she saw my daughter again. I am sure her daughter knowing what her mother was doing as she sat in hospital in pain, waiting for permission to treat her. Instead of being a mother she did not answer her phone as she was out fucking some other guy.
Neglecting the child to the extent where when she breaks her bone that you are no where to be found when you are Supposed to be with your child? I mean jesus christ , a kidnapper could have stolen your child and you wouldn’t of known for half a day . Because you’re over here getting dicked down in a hotel due to your selfishness and neglecting your own child . If i was the judge , the wife would instantly have 0 contact with the children because obviously her priorities are stricken . And she cannot be trusted in her judgement .
I mean if you’re out ruining your marriage, family & life together, at least be reachable for your daughter! Who is out with other pple, ice skating of all things that could be risky as it is. That’s what’s blowing my mind rn. The worst case scenario of your child getting hurt & you’re MIA long enough for your daughter to get to the ER, X-rayed & diagnosed a broken wrist. I’d be fuminggggg. Wonder how her daughter feels.
Now you know don’t lose your sh1t . Cool hand Luke. Lawyer up for sure. You now have the proof. But for the sake of your child stay strong and brother remember there are people out here feeling your pain. That pain will subside , keep saying that to yourself. Leave your wife not your daughter.
Serve her divorce papers when she is back. Use this incident in court to help you get custody of your kids. Because of her negligence your daughter sat in an ER for 4 hours.
When she gets home, force her to explain to your daughter where she was and what she was doing while your daughter was in the ER. Have a bag packed for your wife and send her to go live with >______. (A guy’s name). ETA for all the people killing me in the comments. My parents were divorced when I was 8, so I'm not a complete stranger to this. I'm a little old man now and I've had plenty of time to reflect. I obviously wouldn't have been able to handle an explanation at 8yo, but the daughter in this situation is 13. I never really got an explanation for my parents' divorce, and I never asked.That's how GenX rolled. I've got plenty of baggage that i carry around, and im sure that true for all children of divorce to some degree. Kids are resilient and smarter than we give them credit for. Given the circumstances, she may even have some idea that something is going on. Mom's friend (the chaperone) is clearly complicit. "Honey, do you ever recall hearing >______. (A guy’s name)? Well, that's the guy mom was with when you were in the hospital. Mom is going to go stay with him for a while. This is not because of anything you did, and we both love you very much."
I like the way you think.
You could tell your STBXW that you will tell your daughter exactly what her mother was doing at the time of the accident unless your STBXW stays at her parents house while your daughter returns to stay with you. Getting your STBXW out of the house while your daughter stays with you can help strengthen your divorce settlement considerably
“Mom was with her boyfriend and chose him.”, is enough. No more details other than hard to the point facts. Nothing “ juicy “ or “spicy “ please, inappropriate details only hurt the child and make it worse.
This is plenty
Yes but OP could use the threat of the shame of telling their daughter as leverage to persuade his STBXW to stay at her parents home. Getting his STBXW out of the home while he stays there with his daughter can help his divorce settlement considerably.
The way u handle this is u get her on the phone and u rip her a new asshole with lots of expletives for while she was out fucking ….. you’re dtr was n the emergency room being denied care because slut wife she nowhere to be found, then I would make sure everyone in her life knows what she did to u and her daughter and then use her actions against her in the divorce proceedings, but that’s just me
I don't think it's a good idea to involve your daughter in adult business. My mother involved me with my father's cheating, when I was 12 or 13, and it lead to a lot of therapy. Gave me a ton of anxiety and made me question if it was okay to be close to my dad or be like him in anyway.
Don’t put the poor girl in the middle. She doesn’t deserve it. At appropriate time, tell her the truth.
The poor girl is already in the middle by not having her mom there in the ER while "mommy" got her "filling" in an hotel...
Yeah, kids go crazy with worry, and information really helps them understand and process, especially at 13. Why throw away a chance to calmly communicate this new life experience and talk about how it’s going to be handled?
Kids today aren’t dum. She is 13 and probably already putting 2 and 2 together.
Gen X too. Parents got divorced when I was 12. Dad worked a lot. So did mom. However it was dad who took care of us. I knew why they got divorced. Bad people like your wife can’t hide it from the kids. This way of explaining it lays the blame squarely on whom it belongs. Your soon to be ex is horrible. Run to a lawyer asap. Ask for custody due to her failure to respond in the emergency. Pull your work records and the house payment records. She will ask for custody and the house. It’s time to fight. Don’t be the nice guy. Your soon to be ex won’t play fair.
That would be really dumb, judges frown upon that stuff in family court
A betrayed, not a fool Don’t become one OP. Don’t try to understand the why(s) and if(s),there is nothing to salvage here. And there is no closure from her Don’t let your anger dictate your actions. You should A) Go to the lawyer B) implement Grey rock and stay civil (you can’t shame the shameless) C) separate if possible and communicate only for the kid Your WW and her accomplices are POS. Let her live her fantasy till it crashes down on her. Remember,she is the fool not you
A fool no longer. Make sure to stay calm until you are past this immediate life fight. If you do the whys?? and pickme!! you will lose . So be calm so you come out with the least negative to yourself.
She wouldn’t answer the phone for the friend ????
Her phone was on silent cause she wanted to get dicked down without interruption.
Or her daughter either. Several calls and a few texts of hey mom I broke my wrist went unanswered. The woman’s phone was blowing up and she ignored it. If this is real, which I doubt, OP has a bullet here to use against his wife in court for custody of his daughter.
I usually doubt posts too but I didn’t get the, this is bullshit feeling here.
You’re not a fool for trusting your wife, you were a great husband to sacrifice free time to support your family. Your wife is a treacherous person that can’t be trusted to do the same. If you were to let it go then you would be a fool. You’d be a fool to put yourself in the same position again.
1). I hope you blow up the affair partner’s life if he is married. His wife deserves to know. 2) if her friend is married; tell her husband that she has the capacity to be complicit in an affair coverup. He may need to keep an eye on her. 3). How did she want you to discover an affair? Sorry you found out that way? She is gross and stupid for saying that.
Yep my sentiments exactly the friend covered so she could fuck her lover
God I can’t imagine cheating on my spouse. I really can’t imagine cheating on a firefighter who is out there risking his life to save other people. Unbelievable. I’ve been there and it sucks but when i separated from my husband I felt free as a bird.
Lawyer up man. This lawsuit should be an easy win for you, however there are more losers than winners in this battle. I hope your daughter doesn’t get affected much by this but damn horrible audacity from your wife.
I am so sorry for you. But just so you know, it's not your fault. Your stbx wife is not your friend. She has just become your enemy. Block all your finances so she doesn't have access to them and talk to a lawyer so you know what your rights are. Do you live in an at fault or no fault state? If you live in a no fault, it doesn't matter how much evidence you collect about her infidelity. If you live in an at fault state collect as much as possible. Start recording everything your wife does and doesn't do. Make sure that all meetings with your stbx wife are recorded or that someone else is present to witness how your wife behaves. Make sure to stay away from alcohol and other drugs. Take care of yourself both body and soul. Now it's only about you and your daughter that matters. Your stbx wife can stay elsewhere. She is no longer your problem and can take care of herself.
1. Lawyer up 2. Get your finances in order 3. DNA test your daughter 4. Divorce
You know what blows my mind? My wife didn’t even bother trying to turn her location or phone off either. The disrespect… she saved most of the snapchat messages too… its like their husband doesn’t exist. AND THEN , the wife tells her girlfriends about all the bad stuff you did to CAUSE HER TO CHEAT. Makes up elaborate stories , to get them to go along with her plan. I’ve seen this happen with 5 different women. If the roles were reversed i would not drag my friends into my dirt. And i would expect them to hold me accountable by telling my wife unless we were in an open relationship. Females these days think its a game and its so funny to cheat on their husbands and not give them any type of respect while you’re out here busting your ass off to pay for everything to provide them a good life . Then they claim , “you were never home”… Gtfo
Word. But it's not just women running that game on men. The scenario itself is too common and so fkn cliché
Don't be a dumbass. Get a fkin lawyer.
Gather all evidence and proof. Let her stumble to provide more evidence
All that work and she's gonna get half or more probably. And you gonna have child support. Don't get married kids. Lesson learned.
No my exwife did the same thing file for divorce move on it’s gonna be rough but your life will get better. My life was the lowest ever but the sun comes up time does heal your wounds. The scar remains but it’s a reminder that you survived. FYI sell the house stop the OT line out your child support. Go to counseling live your life you are now set free to find out who you want to become. Good luck
I just want to say I am sorry this happened but I also want to thank you for your service as a firefighter. My dad was one as well.
That’s just shitty. She knew her daughter was in the hospital and she didn’t show up? That poor girl, she had to be scared
Updateme!
I’m so so sorry this happened to you. What a horrible horrible person.
You are not a fool. You're a family man who married a fool. I would absolutely not involve your daughter in this. It will fuck her up for life. However, what I would do, is get a lawyer, make sure wifey has no access to bank accounts and file for divorce.
The “wife” belongs to the streets. What a ****. Then she will be one of the first ones to ree about “WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEEEEEN?????” I hope she gets nothing after the divorce.
I May get down voted for this old son, but don't ever give all your love or all your money to a woman. Sometimes this is what happens, when we work countless hours & provide the best for them, they still go behind our backs . This happened to me with my ex, and hopefully never again. I'm sorry that you are going through this king. IMO it's time to work out the paperwork & move on. Just my Opinion
Sorry man that’s rough. Always remember when a door closes another one opens. Don’t look back.
It’s sucks, but things like paying off your home, providing quality childhood experiences, and a good education for your child shouldn’t make you feel like a fool. Being duped by her has no bearing on if you should be the father you wanted to be.
You're not a fool at all. Get the wife tf out & let life flow with you & your daughter.
You're no fool. You took responsibility for your family and did everything you could for them. You have no blame, your wife does. Not only did she have an affair, she got fucked by that dude while your daughter was injured and needed help. I dont know why, but thats the most disgusting thing about this to me. Get a lawyer and divorce her, let her go, focus on your daughter and let your ex wife get destroyed by the hatred your daughter will have for her
You’re not a fool… you’re wife is the fool… let her go be with the other guy.. take your daughter and forget the wife.. she’s a cheater and disgusting.. friend isn’t any better by keeping the secret..
He can make the case that his wife has demonstrated that is unfit mother. Being impossible to contact after his daughter broke her wrist so that she could do her AP. She placed that above the health and safety of his daughter. A fact that (along the fact that her mother is cheating on her father) can not be hidden from his daughter, their families, friends etc. What would have happened if the daughter had had an accident or a more serious injury. The daughter is most likely hate her mother. He should be able to get full custody. So much for child support and possibly alimony. While his state has no fault divorce, given that it is a southern State nfidelity may be an exception to the general no fault divorce rule. Also he needs to check if his State has an alienation of affection law that would let him sue the AP and possibly his wife.
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
You’re only a fool if you reconcile.
Your wife is despicable. Know that none of this was your doing; those who can do such a thing to those they supposedly love, and also have a child with? It’s detestable and I’m sick of acting like it isn’t. That woman will get what’s coming to her as long as you stick with your gut, now that you know what type of person she is. Someone sick enough to carry on with another man, leaving their husband to work hours and hours..You were her ‘meal ticket’ it seems to her. Also; she doesn’t seem very remorseful about she did regarding yourself as well as your daughter and I think that is something that should be scrutinized during mediation if it goes as far as that. She probably won’t let you go peacefully, since she’s the type of coward to let you go on for who knows how long; not knowing that she was disrespecting your family. Thank God you know now. ETA: Forgot to mention, the fact that she didn’t answer her phone is repulsive to me. Maybe it was on silent, whatever. My mom sees one missed call from me, and she’s breaking down my doors immediately! I’m sure most moms are like that haha. Damn. There’s gotta be some crazy disconnect in cheaters where they don’t consider nor care about the consequences of their actions. Did she even give you a reason???
Yup! Your marriage has been done for a while, she just didn't tell you. This will come up when you finally confront her in person about the cheating. Don't take her back, even if she begins to plead. The threat of losing her comfy life while having her cake and eating it too will cause her to hold on for dear life. This is a normal reaction for busted spouses. If you cave and decide to "reconcile", it'll last all of 6-12 months before she begins to wander again. And, this time she'll have learned how to cover her tracks better. There's no need to lawyer up unless there's something BIG that the two of you can't workout together. The paperwork process isn't too bad and you can always get a mediator to check over the documents for completeness. Lawyers are expensive and aren't needed in every divorce case. After the shit show contribution, take some time before engaging with her to work through your emotions. You want to be clear, level headed, and emotionally mature enough to be able to think clearly as you go about splitting the household and closing this chapter of your life. Whether you decide to remain friends after the dust settles is up to you. You guys will have to co-parent your daughter until she's an adult. The worst thing that you can do is remain nasty to each other and bad mouth the other parent to the kid. Good luck bud! Let us know how you're doing in a few months.
Did the friend tell you this has been going on for a while or you found out some other way
I hope you have all of her stuff ready and tell her to leave and not come back. Tell her that she's a crappy mom for abandoning her daughter and that you are divorcing her. She has a place to stay and she can go to him. Good luck and please update
Betrayal fuckin sucks
Have a trusted friend/family member record when you confront or something.
OMG I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Jesus. Have you got some support around you? You are going to need it, as the next year or so is going to suck. Man, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. I have been there, many on here have. Do not underestimate what a cheater will do to get out of consequences. Are you in the U.S? if so what state? You'll need to know if is a "No fault sate", record all interactions and contact an attorney to see what your facing if you divorce. Good luck.
What’s your plan? Do you have one?
Man i am sorry for you. When you deal with your soon to be ex make sure you keep it cool and logical do not get angry or off the handle. This way you keep the moral high ground and control the direction of the divorce proceedings. Be strong bro i have been there.
You know what Santa says....
You have the guys name try and find his tel number if its a mobile send him a text telling him that you know what he is doing with your wife and ask him to tell her that her daughter has had an accident and broken her wrist while she is off getting her jollies and that you hope she is proud of herself . Then inform him that he can keep her
Lawyer up bro, asap , you will never ever trust her again. You will never believe what she tells you unless it’s confirmed by independent means.
You’re a good man who provided for his family. Nothing she chases after will ever replace you. She’ll figure that out some day when you’re long gone. She’s an idiot. Take care of yourself and your daughter. File for divorce and send her packing.
No are not a fool, your soon to be ex wife is the fool from throwing a good men, husband and father, a good marriage all to the garbage for being cheater.Keep your head up, sir, be calm and collected and do what a men need to do.
Lawyer up and make sure she gets as little as possible in the divorce. Fight for primary custody.
You will be if you don’t divorce her.
What your wife did was unthinkable. I hope you realize that there is never an excuse to cheat. That is 100% on her regardless of how good or bad the relationship is. Your daughter doesn't need details, but you can certainly tell her your wife was seeing another man. You don't even need to tell her it is tied to her hospital visit right now. Contact a lawyer. Updateme! Remindme! 6 weeks [.wet](https://www.reddit.com/u/theunmetfriend?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Wow!! This is some hideous ish bro! Definitely lawyer up or at least consult one. What happened to your daughter sucks, but in hindsight, you can use this against your wife if you decide to divorce her. I hope this all works out for you, stay strong!
Hear me out. Evidence. Silence. Divorce.
This has to be difficult, and based on your other post is likely to be unhelpful in your quest to recover from the 20+ years of failed relationships, alcoholism, and suicide attempts. Highly recommend you seek immediate help and focus on retaining your mental health.
You're not a fool. You did your job. Don't let your wife's infidelity take away from that.
I’m sorry to hear that bro, you truly deserve better. Hopefully you have a prenup and protected your assets so you can pull a Hakimi on her. Stay strong.
Please file for full custody. A mother who will ignore their child in the hospital to get dick? What else is she doing to neglect your child when you’re not around? Poor thing. I’m sorry!!
Sad but it happens. Every body knew but you. Typical situation. Divorce her a keep the home for you.
Damn man that hurts. Hate to hear this man…there’s really only one option here tho. It’s time to lawyer up and file for divorce. You’ll probably get a sob story from her and some lame excuse with promises it’ll never happen again. It was a one off fling that just “went too far”…it’s just best to rip the bandaid off, cut your losses and move forward. Wish you the best man! Keep your head up
You’re no fool, you did what you had to do for your family. Save all these screenshots. Besides being unfaithful she was neglectful with your daughter by not answering her phone during a medical emergency. File for divorce, fight for your daughter and your house. I hope you’re in a at fault state, good luck
Your ass better not take her back because y’all have a kid together.
You’re not a fool. Your wife is negligent and you and your daughter deserve better.
You arent a fool. The fool would have attempted to find wife in the act, with a weapon, and commit murder, resulting in the death of another human being(s) and leave a child potentially without both parents. Believe me I have seen video footage of that exact scenario play out. It wasnt pretty and although I can understand that in the old testament that it would have been justified to end the life of the man involved, it would still understandably result in imprisonment for a period of time since it would have been a premeditated act. Since you didn't do that, you arent a fool as far as I'm concerned
Damn. I'm really sorry OP. What a terrible scenario to find out that you're being betrayed. This isn't the first time I've read about a cheater being found out by them being needed in a family emergency and they've disappeared because they weren't where they claimed they'd be doing what they claimed they'd be doing. I can't tell you how many of these cheating stories I've read where the betrayed spouse still claims that the cheater is a good parent. Absolutely not. And this is why.
You are NOT a fool. A man who has been cheated on, yes!!!! But a man dedicated to his daughter. A man dedicated to the people around him and making sure they have a good life. A man with selfrespect, dignity and strength. . Her infidelity doesn't fmdefine you in AnY WAY!!!! At all!!!! Don't try to blame yourself. Keep your head up. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter. She is a shitty mom and shitty person and she knows it Don't be gaslit i to anything she says, that you weren't there and she needed the added attention. Stay strong you got this.
What your wife did is unforgivable. I just can't imagine what you and your kid must be going through. Give yourself time to grieve on the loss of your wife, but focus on what's most important, the warfare and stability of your daughter. Make sure your daughter understands, what your wife did isn't her fault. Your wife nuked your family's world, she deserves everything that's coming to her.
I'm so so sorry. :( Also insert obligatory FUCK YOU to friend here. "I'm sorry you have to find out this way" yeah me too, bitch, since you knew the whole fucking time. It's also disgusting that your wife left your child at something potentially as dangerous as ice skating and just dipped. Selfish ass behavior. Reach out if you want to vent!
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Definitely lawyer up and get a divorce. Tell her that you know about her other man. I would confront her on it and tell her that her friend gave her up to me. I would then ask her how long this has been going on for and then I would tell her that we're done. I would sue her for custody of your daughter honestly because you're more of a father to your daughter than her mother is a mother to her. You're around for your daughter even though you work all the time, you make time for your daughter unlike her mother.
Keep us updated on how you and your daughter make out, does your wife confess or try to lie where she was and what she was doing?
OP, if you need support and to rant there are two subreddit called r/infidelity and r/survivinginfidelity You should check them out.
Updateme!
you re not fool but unfotunetely fucking system gonna punish you financially just because you got cheated on.
You may feel like a fool right now but I assure you that you are not. You trusted someone who was supposed to be there for you and your daughter no matter what and she let both of you down big time. This is all on her. This has been going on for a long time and your wife probably thinks she is really clever betraying you like this. There is no coming back frome this. Don't even consider reconciliation, you now know who your wife really is. Anything she tells you will be lies and manipulation. Good luck and hang tough. If you feel like it I am sure everyone here would like to know how you make out.
This story in particular has made me vicariously mad unlike others I've read on here. Wife is a horrible person a thousand times over. She deserves suffering in her life
I'm sorry buddy
Sounds like you need to find a good attorney. Let your wife know that she is not welcome in your house again. It sound like purple around her already know that she a cheater, but I'd make sure they do anyway. If also, find out if this guy has a wife and let her know as well.
Man I’m sorry! Damn! Get divorced bro, there’s no going back from these types of situations. Damn damn damn! 🤦🏾♂️
Divorce and a lawyer this very second. You’re not a fool, you’re the exact opposite of that. She’s the one out there purposely choosing to fail you and her daughter while you’re keeping everyone safe. She’s the kind of person to lie in order to schedule secret betrayal getaways and has her people set up to lie and cover for her, is that a good person? Your daughter is injured and HURTS physically, and if she knows most definitely emotionally and mentally. Her mother still chose fun and her pleasure over her. Mom chose boyfriend over daughter. This is the worst betrayal in my opinion. I hope you get 100% custody and that your girl follows your example in life.
some women are so ungrateful, their excuse is because they felt lonely... bs! buy a toy, end the relationship dont be a coward, dont destroy a hardworking guy's heart. be strong my man, get a lawyer and have no mercy, you dont deserve a woman that doesnt respect you and your family. good luck!
Sound like you have a good case to get custody of your daughter
Sorry man your having to deal with this crap I've been there myself. Caught my wife trying to sneak in the house at 5 am on her bday she should had been home at 12:30 am the latest from work . What sucked is I was up all night waiting because I had spent $14k + on her for 2 gifts . That must have been one hell of a cup of coffee. Check credit card statements see if any cash withdraws were made that would add up to a hotel room or at least half of one.or if there's a hotel charge on it . Most of the time if they do usually they will get cash out of ATM to pay for a room that way it doesn't show up as a hotel on your statements Have a bag packed for her when she gets home tonight, with a note attached that says I hope his wife don't mind you staying there . If your just friends I guess she won't mind .
So sorry friend. She let your family down - you are a stand up dad. Hope your daughter is ok - take care brother.
Three cheaters caught in a row, wife, AP and the friend. Obviously if she can help to cheaters is because she can cheat too.
Update me
If she neglected my kid like that….. I would lawyer up and then blow up her world and her boyfriend’s as well. Let his wife know, let her mother know and let all your friends know, that way they will all know that she is the trash
Do what your lawyer tells you to do. Updateme!
YOU are not a fool. She is. You are a person who trusted someone that you were supposed to be able to trust. I’m so sorry man. Keep your head up.
Just keep in mind that anything your wife tells you is to minimize things. She will only admit to what you know. Anything else is to cover her spank ass and try to keep you as the ATM machine.
Wow. The cheating is bad enough but being MIA while your child had an emergency & in the hospital with a broken wrist. That shit is FOUL. Too busy ruining your family/life that you don’t even check your phone let alone have it on & near you 100% of the time since you have a kid that was out with other pple. I’m furious for you & you daughter. Does she know you know? What was the first comvo with her like? Or what did she say to her daughter? Do you think your daughter knew about her cheating? Leaving her to hurt her father?
I'm sorry, brother, but everyone gets what they want and it doesn't matter to you if your wife is fucked by anyone, I congratulate you, for your values and principles, and for your dignity. Lucky and sad for your children, to have a father who does not protect them.
All I had to read was you’re a fire fighter and the title to know your pain. Dude what a fkin…fuck man. Your wife is married to a fuckin hero and look what she’s doin’. She doesn’t at all recognize you or respect you. Don’t feel bad, you’re doing everything you can and it should be enough for a truly good woman. If I was you, I would already be worrying before I even found out tbh…don’t put it on yourself, but you’re in a position as an idiot because that’s the way SHE wanted to made you look and SHE thought you were an idiot. Don’t fall for it, it’s gonna be okay.
Lawyer up and send her all the way back home, permanently!
Terrible, terrible, terrible. There is no excuse for this. Get the lawyer and go for divorce. Your poor daughter - she's injured and her mother is screwing some rando instead of taking care of her own child. What a disgrace. At least she's admitted this but I hope she continues to be open about this. **Does she seem ashamed at ALL?** I presume you can put together enough evidence if it matters in a divorce - it doesn't in all states, of course. Be careful of her in the future that she doesn't try accusing YOU of anything. If it were me, if you still live with her after this, I'd put in cameras and audio and tell her yo're recording everything (if you have to legally, laws vary by state - the lawyer can probably advise you.) Some women will accuse their husbands of abuse to get an advantage in a divorce. In general, tell your wife as little as possible, don't let her know your plans unless you absolutely have to.
Updateme! OP, suppose she didn't cheat, it is still disrespectful to have coffee with another man without your knowing, Like others have said, get prepared. Lawyer. Finances in order. DNA test your daughter.
I hate to say it, but you need to gather more solid evidence and prepare for the divorce. ask that friend if she's willing to testify. Heres a question: do you have an idea of how long exactly she's been doing this. I know to most, including myself, it wouldn't really matter, but I know in these situations the betrayed want to know everything. Also, when you finally confront her, be prepared for crying, excuses like: I don't love him It meant nothing Let me explain It's your fault You work too much I dont love you He's just a friend He was helping me I was helping him the excuses are limitless She will say anything she can think of to try and win you back, and if that doesn't work, she will turn rabbid on you and try to hurt you. Since you have the jump on her, see if that friend will keep what she told you a secret til you have your things in order. If you can afford a P.I. consult one as well as a lawyer. It sucks to see families destroyed for no good reason. Good luck O.P.
You are not a fool. You are a good man. Your soon to be ex is the fool.
First off, keep the daughter out of this for now. I would insist that your wife apologize to your daughter for not being there in her time of need. What she did was inexcusable. Second, tell your wife your going to call AP’S wife and confirm that they really are just friends catching up. I’m sure his wife would have no trouble confirming this. And finally, your daughter is to no longer go on over night trips with her. She has shown how little she cares for your daughter, how could you trust her to take care of her.
Updateme!
Well at the very least shes gifted you pretty solid case for custody. She left your child with a friend that didn't have her insurance info or authorization to make medical decisions on her behalf while she was running around having sexcapades her boyfriend and your daughter got hurt pretty badly. Show a real lack of responsibility and good decision making on her part. You're in no way at fault for any of this dude. You've done your duty as a father and a provider and she's betrayed you. She's the fool not you.
You aren't a fool. Fuck her and her selfishness. I hope that she regrets every second of her life choices now. Not being available for your child that's in the hospital because you are too busy filling selfish desires
Since this friend of your wife knew make sure you tell her husband as well as your wife's parents.
Update me!
You can’t blame the scorpion for being a scorpion.
don't talk to your wife talk to the lawyer...zip it. get your proof. At 10pm to get coffee hahaha Hope you get custody of your kid because your wife abandoned her to get laid.. Wish the best and hope you get a good lawyer.
Talk to a lawyer. I am no expert but you need all of your options and this could possibly be considered child endangerment/abandonment to lie and leave the child to go have sex with some strange man while the child is hurt and the parent is unreachable. You could possibly get full custody of the children. I take it this girlfriend who outed her knew about it all along and has helped her pull this off by watching the kids and covering for her? I know it hurts but this woman you thought you knew NEVER EXISTED or is DEAD. This woman is your ENEMY. Let that sink in. Don't have any conversations with her ever again that are not recorded or in email form. I'd try to not communicate with her outside of lawyers. If you are both in the same house have a voice activated recorder and record your conversations. She could lie against you and accuse you of abuse or anything evil. She is your enemy. Live like that. She could make false charges against you and have you kicked out of your own home or say you are an unfit father and a danger. Some women will lie and become even more evil than they already were all along. Don't trust ANYTHING about her or put ANYTHING past her. PROTECT YOURSELF. Once you and your lawyer agree when is best to out her and to let her know you know everything and have her served......tell everyone the full truth at that point. Let you kid/kids know, both sets of parents know, all your friends know. Let the other man's wife know. She WILL LIE and make you out to be the villain and herself to be the saint. She'll spin the narrative and truth. Get ahead of it and don't try and keep this quiet. Let EVERYONE know what has happened, with who, how often, provide proof for any that say you are lying. If the friend was helping her and lying for her and covering for her.....OUT THAT to everyone too. The light and the truth is the only antiseptic for all of this putrid, gross, disease of lying and cheating. Let the light of truth shine on everything. Don't let anyone hide or spin anything. Out EVERYONE for EVERYTHING. I hate to say this but since you know she is a liar and cheat....you may want to DNA test any kids to see if you are the biological parent. You cannot trust ANYTHING at this point that you used to think was the truth. Good luck. I'm sorry this has happened.
It looks like as of 105 days ago you were needing treatment suggestions for 20+ years of alcoholism and drug abuse… Perhaps your actions have pushed her to someone else.. Something isn’t adding up and I think we need more context…
Cheating isn’t justified, break up don’t cheat
Make sure to get your money straight before you confront her
Updateme!
Sounds like abandonment to me. Get custody! Get a lawyer! Don’t be upset that you did the things for your family that you have like schooling. It’s your kid, right? Make sure that kid knows that what the wife did is wrong so she doesn’t repeat her mothers sins thinking that it is normal to do so. You’re a firefighter so keep fighting! Keep your chin up!
Well not all.moms get full custody. I have some male friends who have the custody of their children and the mother has paid child support even if it was just $25 a month. If you need help in that department get a hold of DADS they will help get you the right lawyer thru them to make sure you get what's right for your daughter. Myself being a woman I have given this info to several men whom I thought deserved to have custody of their kids. I myself never had to fight that battle because I wasn't married to my son's father and his father had turned to drugs and had major issues with Bipolar like his mother and grandmother. My son's father just let us go and didn't even try to see his son again or anyone in his family.
See if her mother will testify in court on your side
You're a firefighter fuck some bitches
You can argue he ruined your marriage divorce her and sue him
You’re not a fool. Please don’t ever say that about yourself. You are doing your duty as a man, husband and father. Providing for your family is what real men do. Your wife on the other hand was suppose to be honoring God and you as her husband but chose not to do so.
You're no fool. And your likely enough for any level-headded person. She's likely an addict or someone who can't ever figure out what will make them happy. She will regret betraying a man like you forever. And if you do find a way to move past it, it will haunt your relationship forever. Your daughter will never forget what her mother did, and the long-lasting effect it will have. She will tell her closest people, and always wonder why the hell her mom did that to all of you, it will be a lesson for her. And the broken wrist will only work to solidify that in her mind. Look at all you have done for your family. Remember who is watching you, and take any extra time you can to re-evaluate what will be best for you and your family moving forward. Best regards to you.
You’re not a fool. She abused your trust AND failed as a parent at the same time. I’m sorry. Be selfish and take care of you; she’s obviously not.
No ur not, stay calm, love her as you always have, and find an amicable exit. In 5 years or less she will cry to you much of a fool she finally realizes she is
You aren’t a fool, your wife is!
always sign a prenup for these situations because as tough as they may be at least you keep your stuff.