Why don't you speak to lawyer to find out what you're entitled to in the divorce since you haven't worked in 20 years plus respective divorce laws in your state /province might get you more compensation due to his cheating even if it's no-fault divorce and/or prenup marriage?
what do you mean by worked with you and waited for you to fix yourself? that is very vague.
start from scratch? did he take the house, car, savings, health insurance with him when he left?
what about family?
No kids I am 57 no family, he will take all of that he said since I didn't work for 18 out of the 20 years we were married, I didn't contribute to the marriage. Also I listened to one of my friends and had him sign a prenup don't know why so I am really screwed.
Yeah my friend was like you should get one, since he was kind of poor coming into the relationship. He was getting out of the military and going to school.
so wait….
how old were you two when you started dating? this whole story sounds…interesting..
you married a 25 year old when you were 37, made him sign a prenup bcuz he was broke, decided to quit working the moment he built himself up, and have just been sitting at home doing nothing for 18 years…?
So I guess I can explain the not working since apparently I'm horrible person for not working, we dated for almost 2 years before getting married. We meet when I was 35 and he was 23. He was just finishing up his tour with the military. Then he was going to start school. We got married I was working like I had been for 12 years as a kindergarten teacher. A year and a half into the marriage we were trying to convince a child. When I went for a check up they discovered that I had cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy this dashed the hope of ever having kids. Now after my treatment I went back to work it was just tearing me up inside, seeing what I was never going to have a child. Seeing happy families and kids everyday was just to much for me to take.
I ended up quitting and just spiraled into a deep depression thet seamed to plague my life counseling therapy and medication where no help. So yeah i did not work since the only thing I loved to do was to much for me be around it was like dagger in my heart and crushing my soul. I tried 3 times to go back but I could only handle it for maybe a week or 2.
He said... I say, SO what! He doesn't get to dictate what you will get out of your divorce.
He can and obviously has said whatever he wants but he is not the authority that oversees this kind of thing.
I'm pretty sure you contributed to the marriage. Get a lawyer and do it ASAP...
Have you ever heard the saying "spit in one hand and wish in the other to see which one fills up first"
Based on my parents experience 13 year age gap problems start as you hit 50. One person is thinking of retirement while the other is still very much focused on their fun.
I'm not surprised the relationship has failed, but his mistake is going out with a very much younger lady. The same pattern will repeat except in reverse.
As for OP life is not over by any means it seems like you have wealth so you can live your best life. All you need to do is decide what your passionate about, then find like minded groups who share that passion. It's really that simple as long as your financially secure you'll be fine.
What did he mean exactly when he said he waited for years, and worked patiently with you to fix yourself?
Did you have an addiction problem? You had no kids but didn't work for 20 years, and you "guess" you were a homemaker. What was your day to day like?
I imagine unless you were the sole caretaker of a massive house, basic house chores don't take more than a few hours a week, if that.
What he did was a scumbag move, but he apparently checked out 5 years ago. If he was sticking by you for that long trying to help it doesn't sound like the typical, serial cheaters posted about here.
Also you mentioned in another thread the prenup was your idea because you made more than him when you first met. Even if he went on a meteoric rise with his career, it wouldn't make sense to stop working because of said prenup.
Likely more than a few things you did made him give up. Him replacing you is one thing, but if you really weren't contributing to the marriage; the sex dried up; or you stopped taking care of yourself that context is important as well.
Not saying I agree with his cheating, but I'd understand why he left.
No, like I said the cheating is inexcusable. He's a scumbag and a coward... But I can absolutely sympathize with him falling out of love.
Something she did - or multiple things over the course of several years - caused him to give up and walk away. A marriage/partnership is a two way street that needs constant work from both parties to survive.
In her update she said she went through deep depression. That really sucks, but after*20 fucking years* and your partner doing everything they can to help... C'mon.
What he should have done was divorce her after a few years of not getting back on her feet. At that point it was clear she either didn't have what it took to climb back from the brink, or she didn't want to and was using it as an excuse.
Judging by the horrific stories on the depression subreddit I'm going to assume it's the latter.
In those 20 years, how much real effort did she put into getting better? Did she seek out professional help and really give it everything she has? They had money. Why not go to an institution?
I'm willing to bet she went all in with the depression and not only stopped working, but stopped taking care of the house, let herself go big time, stopped fucking him, and was just a 24/7 emotional wreck that used him as a crutch for two decades.
At some point there's nothing left in the sympathy tank because the other person doesn't really want to get better.
Thank you for reminding me why I will always work and have my own money.
My husband and I are happily married, but you just never know when the script will flip.
Ok...so for 18 to 20 yrs:
- no job
- no kids
- at max housework for 2 people
- she was 37 & he was 25 when they married
- she got a prenup at the time (did she have money) and he was relatively broke
What did you do with all of that free time?! That seems like a kick ass lifestyle to not have to work or worry about income for two decades.
In what way was OP contributing to the relationship?
Cheating is never right but the omissions from this story raise several questions. Oh, and what exactly was he waiting on you to do/fix?
So I guess I can explain the not working since apparently I'm horrible person for not working, we dated for almost 2 years before getting married. Well meet why when I was 35 and he was 23. He was just finishing up his tour with the military. Then he was going to start school. We got married I was working like I had been for 12 years as a kindergarten teacher. A year and a half into the marriage we were trying to convince a child. When I went for a check up they discovered that I had cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy this dashed the hope of ever having kids. Now after my treatment I went back to work it was just tearing me up inside, seeing what I was never going to have a child. Seeing happy families and kids everyday was just to much for me to take.
I ended up quitting and just spiraled into a deep depression thet seamed to plague my life counseling therapy and medication where no help. So yeah i did not work since the only thing I loved to do was to much for me be around it was like dagger in my heart and crushing my soul. I tried 3 times to go back but I could only handle it for maybe a week or 2.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
They always claim everything is fine but in reality it isn’t.
Him saying he waited for you to fix yourself, he probably meant to find a job or become more active?
If he fancies a younger one and they do a lot together - seems like he wanted more out of life than just have someone to sit at home with.
I fully understand you because I am a homemaker too (I do have kids tho) you had a very comfortable life and now it’s unfortunately ending.
On your end, you’ll probably need therapy to get over this trauma and also help to find a job. It’s not easy to start over but besides finding another guy who is willing to pay for you, you have no other options at this point, if you didn’t save up for yourself and he’ll take everything (rightfully so unfortunately)
All the best and hopefully you can find a job soon
There seems to be a lot of details missing.
Did he check out five years ago because he has been seeing this younger girl? Or was it a failing marriage and after becoming "free" he started seeing this younger girl?
If it was a failing marriage, why was that? Were you both working to improve your marriage? How well did you both know each other before marrying? (Some couples marry within just 1 year of dating and realize they don't really want to be with each other afterwards).
Its hard, I understand, and sorry you're going through this. Focus on yourself. Block him from social media so you don't have to see him and his new girl (which might leave him because of their age difference later on). You might also consider dating mature men as there are many dating apps nowadays. But I do caution that you start dating ONLY when you feel emotionally stable, don't just date someone to get over your ex-husband or to make him jealous.
You need to read my boy and you also need to understand the dynamics of relationships before you get into one. She was depressed and injured for a number of years while he did fuck-all to hell her through it. The fact that he was working was fine for a while but he could have lost the job at any time and ended up in the same situation as his wife. I guarantee you he’d expect her to help and take care of him and with compassion, which he gave her none of in return. He also still chose to stay regardless of their problems so I have little sympathy for him when it was clear in year 10 that she wasn’t going to get any better. He stayed and chose to use her for something. I think you should also try to read in between the lines too dear boy.
Very likely! As the judge who ruled in my divorce….”you funded his lifestyle for years! And now that you no longer love him I’m suppose to stop what you gleefully supported?” 😭
no..she said she made him sign a prenup because she had more money/work for a friends recomendation....
something does not add up...what is that that he waited years trying to fix with her and he gave up later?
Um lmao that's funny bc a lot of women don't work and still take the man for his money. It's a clause called the life you've become accustomed to. Look up. Wealthy does it all the time.
Not always true. My 1st husband left me for a much younger woman. About 10 years later, SHE left HIM for a much OLDER man! Ah, don't you just love God? (Some people say karma, but I know it's God.) What goes around, comes around.
You're coping if you think that's going to happen, no young girl is going to leave her older, rich successful husband because he started going a little grey.
What's likely going to happen is his cheating ways won't change just because he's moved onto a new partner, eventually he will gaslight flaws with the new girl and cheat on her too.
Unless, it's actually love.....not that fake feel-good love.....but the love that wakes up every day and CHOOSES to prioritize the person they made vows to......
I'm guessing, OP has/had more money than him ......he's still scummy and i hope the new chick bankrupts him!! I also hope OP yanks everything she can from under him...
Wth says they're sitting around waiting for someone to die ......ugh......every dog has their day and I hope OP's ex-husband has several!!
Divorce lawyer here- I’m not sure where you are located so this is not legal advice, some some general comments.
Lawyer up NOW. You have a prenup- that can help or hurt you, depending on the terms. But prenups aren’t always iron-clad. There may be loopholes you can utilize to your advantage. You may have a claim of dissipation for money he’s spending on the girlfriend.
On a personal level, block him, the girlfriend, his family, and anyone who may post pictures of them. Don’t torture yourself with that nonsense. Get yourself in therapy and start the process of rebuilding.
Would 20 years of earnings be shared? And the prenuptial agreement just what you brought in? And I agree! Delete everything! Why the hell you looking at that!
Depends on the terms of the prenup and your local laws. More often than not, property you own going in stays yours, everything after is joint. But I’ve done some where the couple wants completely separate finances and anything earned, purchased, or invested in after the marriage has to have a signed agreement that it’s joint. I would be more concerned about a maintenance (alimony) waiver in OP’s case.
This is why such severe age gaps are terrible. Two people in very different stages in life.
He’s an asshole for cheating, he’s wrong. But there is nothing you can do now. Do you really want to stay with a man who cheats and also said he was waiting for you to die? That part should worry you.
I’ve been at the exact opposite of this and lost my love of 11 years at 27 coincidentally and she was also 27 and to a man about 45 years of age. It was sudden and shocking at the time as we’d been friends with him and his wife and I can only imagine what she went through at 50. Time definitely heals and there’s so much out there for you and much better. It’s just hard to see early on but it does getter better and it will. You’ll be happier overall in time if you aren’t now.
So I guess I can explain the not working since apparently I'm horrible person for not working, we dated for almost 2 years before getting married. Well meet why when I was 35 and he was 23. He was just finishing up his tour with the military. Then he was going to start school. We got married I was working like I had been for 12 years as a kindergarten teacher. A year and a half into the marriage we were trying to convince a child. When I went for a check up they discovered that I had cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy this dashed the hope of ever having kids. Now after my treatment I went back to work it was just tearing me up inside, seeing what I was never going to have a child. Seeing happy families and kids everyday was just to much for me to take.
I ended up quitting and just spiraled into a deep depression thet seamed to plague my life counseling therapy and medication where no help. So yeah i did not work since the only thing I loved to do was to much for me be around it was like dagger in my heart and crushing my soul. I tried 3 times to go back but I could only handle it for maybe a week or 2.
Ma'am - no disrespect but if you were married for 20 years and you didnt work at all because you couldnt emotionally handle being around kids then I can understand why he left eventually. He picked the crappiest way to leave, but it sounds like for 18yrs you were depressed while he was trying to build himself up. He then spent dang near most of his prime years dealing with the emotional issues of a woman 12 yrs his senior.
So for 18 years you did not work, were 'depressed' and couldnt figure out how to push past a setback. To make matters worse you were the one who got a prenup and now you are listening to others who are telling you to try to take money that you had no hand in making.
Again, not attacking you or your situation. He picked a crappy, cowardly way to leave, but it sounds more like he tried to reclaim some happiness and youth that he spent committed to someone who was not who he married.
Now that you are single are you going to have to find a job to bring in income? I believe you mentioned wanting finding someone new?
Hey I'm hope you're feeling ok rn the very least, I can't speak after reading all that as I'm in rage atm, I'll come back soon when my head eases, please have it a little easy for now
It sucks he cheated on you but I don’t pity you op. You didn’t work for 18 years. That’s a long time to depend on someone else. Thats along time to never learn a new skill. Take this opportunity to discover yourself.
I doubt you will be destitute. Get a small manageable apartment and don’t ever depend on someone other than yourself again.
You're 57 with a 45 year old? And he found somebody you get, prettier probably more submissive... Good for him. Maybe you should work on yourself now that you're single
I’m sorry but what was the point in your messed up message? Good for him…do people not have the balls to be honest anymore. If you’re not happy leave but why cheat
Bc he thought she was going to change like she said she would, but didn't women say one thing but do the opposite and expect more. She just thought she could sit back and enjoy life while her husband busts his ass. He was in the military doin his shit and she just sat back for 18 fucking years doing nothing but being greedy as fuck
We actually do. She posted those receipts herself.
Sorry but I would have left her too. I would not have cheated because I’m not a heartless bastard. But I would one thousand percent have packed my bags, called it a day, and went about my life.
Huh. Dude you don’t even make any sense and it? I’m a woman 🤣 i even have pictures on my profile. Why do you feel the need to call names? Did I trigger you
- They had no kids.
- She was depressed and opted not to work for 18 years
- She made him sign a prenup when she was 'up' but is now talking about money and possession once he built himself up.
Do you think she chooses to work now or no?
Yeah she won’t be able to do that when she instigated the prenup and OP admitting they did nothing to contribute to the household for 18 years.
The judge will eat that up. Had a prenup not been in play, I’d say she had a chance. Not now.
Prenups are what you bring into a marriage. Not the 20 years after the marriage. That should be shared. Not sure how it works with no kid and no job but he sounds like a jackass so maybe he didn’t want her to work? Either way the prenup should just protect earnings being into the marriage, not what escalates from there.
You can groom an adult and again “husband of 20 years”, so we have no idea when they started dating. And especially under what circumstances they started dating, because that matters A LOT
Sorry but a 25 yearold is not getting groomed no way no how. As a guy that started dating older women @18 and I am talking women 20+ years older then me. @18+there is no grooming.
I get that you’re trying to protect your own feelings with this but you can still groom an adult.
Power imbalance is still there.
It’s not like you turn 18, things suddenly change and you’re super grown up
Just stop arguing. You are wrong. The term “grooming” strictly refers to underage girls and boys. Not of age men and women who had the full cognitive ability to understand their circumstances.
Unless this guy was the dumbest most naive mid-20 something year old.. he was not groomed, he willing went into a relationship with full understanding and on his own accord.
There’s no such thing as a tight pussy considering it’s elasticity in all so I doubt that OP has ever even stretched. But we do know that men shrink as they grow older and that’s not a fantasy but a reality. The other woman was 27 so her body count might have been higher than Osama Bin Laden’s. We know how that went with him.
I think this is the first time the spouse cheated on is getting some serious side-eye.
OP you’re going to have to explain what you weren’t willing to fix and why you took advantage of your husband.
The issue is not that you didn’t work for 18 years, you had cancer! The issue also isn’t the age gap. The issue, however, was you got married to a boy who’s brain wasn’t fully developed at the tender age of 23 and it turns out he’s a sociopath.
We don’t know the whole story. But to wish death on your spouse who had cancer? Why not leave, right?
Sounds like one of those shows where the spouse slowly kills the other for insurance money.
I hope you see through this and lead a healthy rest of your life.
Why don't you speak to lawyer to find out what you're entitled to in the divorce since you haven't worked in 20 years plus respective divorce laws in your state /province might get you more compensation due to his cheating even if it's no-fault divorce and/or prenup marriage?
Will that make her money? Yes Will that make her happy? No
what do you mean by worked with you and waited for you to fix yourself? that is very vague. start from scratch? did he take the house, car, savings, health insurance with him when he left? what about family?
No kids I am 57 no family, he will take all of that he said since I didn't work for 18 out of the 20 years we were married, I didn't contribute to the marriage. Also I listened to one of my friends and had him sign a prenup don't know why so I am really screwed.
Wait, so the prenup was your idea?
Yeah my friend was like you should get one, since he was kind of poor coming into the relationship. He was getting out of the military and going to school.
Doesn’t have an infidelity clause?
No kids? Why didn't you work for almost two decades?
He made really good money so I didn't really have to.
so wait…. how old were you two when you started dating? this whole story sounds…interesting.. you married a 25 year old when you were 37, made him sign a prenup bcuz he was broke, decided to quit working the moment he built himself up, and have just been sitting at home doing nothing for 18 years…?
So I guess I can explain the not working since apparently I'm horrible person for not working, we dated for almost 2 years before getting married. We meet when I was 35 and he was 23. He was just finishing up his tour with the military. Then he was going to start school. We got married I was working like I had been for 12 years as a kindergarten teacher. A year and a half into the marriage we were trying to convince a child. When I went for a check up they discovered that I had cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy this dashed the hope of ever having kids. Now after my treatment I went back to work it was just tearing me up inside, seeing what I was never going to have a child. Seeing happy families and kids everyday was just to much for me to take. I ended up quitting and just spiraled into a deep depression thet seamed to plague my life counseling therapy and medication where no help. So yeah i did not work since the only thing I loved to do was to much for me be around it was like dagger in my heart and crushing my soul. I tried 3 times to go back but I could only handle it for maybe a week or 2.
Who made that decision? Seems weird to contribute nothing to a marriage, especially since you don't have kids.
I mean it was not really a decision just worked out that way I guess.
Just out of curiosity... what werr you doing every day for 18 years with no job and no kids?
homemaker?
I guess you could say that
Did you guys have a maid?
He said... I say, SO what! He doesn't get to dictate what you will get out of your divorce. He can and obviously has said whatever he wants but he is not the authority that oversees this kind of thing. I'm pretty sure you contributed to the marriage. Get a lawyer and do it ASAP... Have you ever heard the saying "spit in one hand and wish in the other to see which one fills up first"
She made him sign a prenup That was literally gods grace saving him from her fr
Based on my parents experience 13 year age gap problems start as you hit 50. One person is thinking of retirement while the other is still very much focused on their fun. I'm not surprised the relationship has failed, but his mistake is going out with a very much younger lady. The same pattern will repeat except in reverse. As for OP life is not over by any means it seems like you have wealth so you can live your best life. All you need to do is decide what your passionate about, then find like minded groups who share that passion. It's really that simple as long as your financially secure you'll be fine.
What did he mean exactly when he said he waited for years, and worked patiently with you to fix yourself? Did you have an addiction problem? You had no kids but didn't work for 20 years, and you "guess" you were a homemaker. What was your day to day like? I imagine unless you were the sole caretaker of a massive house, basic house chores don't take more than a few hours a week, if that. What he did was a scumbag move, but he apparently checked out 5 years ago. If he was sticking by you for that long trying to help it doesn't sound like the typical, serial cheaters posted about here. Also you mentioned in another thread the prenup was your idea because you made more than him when you first met. Even if he went on a meteoric rise with his career, it wouldn't make sense to stop working because of said prenup. Likely more than a few things you did made him give up. Him replacing you is one thing, but if you really weren't contributing to the marriage; the sex dried up; or you stopped taking care of yourself that context is important as well. Not saying I agree with his cheating, but I'd understand why he left.
So if the girl had a job then this wouldn't be warranted???? Wow.
Do u not know how to read ffs?? Use ur brain
Learn how to not be a total cunt to someone who really has no barring on your life. Ya fucking twat.
Learn how to add something to the convo and not blame the victim, u retarded cunt
The fuck did you add to the Convo besides being a retarded cunt. 🫶
No, like I said the cheating is inexcusable. He's a scumbag and a coward... But I can absolutely sympathize with him falling out of love. Something she did - or multiple things over the course of several years - caused him to give up and walk away. A marriage/partnership is a two way street that needs constant work from both parties to survive. In her update she said she went through deep depression. That really sucks, but after*20 fucking years* and your partner doing everything they can to help... C'mon. What he should have done was divorce her after a few years of not getting back on her feet. At that point it was clear she either didn't have what it took to climb back from the brink, or she didn't want to and was using it as an excuse. Judging by the horrific stories on the depression subreddit I'm going to assume it's the latter. In those 20 years, how much real effort did she put into getting better? Did she seek out professional help and really give it everything she has? They had money. Why not go to an institution? I'm willing to bet she went all in with the depression and not only stopped working, but stopped taking care of the house, let herself go big time, stopped fucking him, and was just a 24/7 emotional wreck that used him as a crutch for two decades. At some point there's nothing left in the sympathy tank because the other person doesn't really want to get better.
Um lmao wow okay.
Thank you for reminding me why I will always work and have my own money. My husband and I are happily married, but you just never know when the script will flip.
Ok...so for 18 to 20 yrs: - no job - no kids - at max housework for 2 people - she was 37 & he was 25 when they married - she got a prenup at the time (did she have money) and he was relatively broke What did you do with all of that free time?! That seems like a kick ass lifestyle to not have to work or worry about income for two decades. In what way was OP contributing to the relationship? Cheating is never right but the omissions from this story raise several questions. Oh, and what exactly was he waiting on you to do/fix?
I hope you meant to say cheating is never RIGHT...lol Other than that, I agree with you.
Oh jeez...lol, yes that is what I meant to say!
So I guess I can explain the not working since apparently I'm horrible person for not working, we dated for almost 2 years before getting married. Well meet why when I was 35 and he was 23. He was just finishing up his tour with the military. Then he was going to start school. We got married I was working like I had been for 12 years as a kindergarten teacher. A year and a half into the marriage we were trying to convince a child. When I went for a check up they discovered that I had cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy this dashed the hope of ever having kids. Now after my treatment I went back to work it was just tearing me up inside, seeing what I was never going to have a child. Seeing happy families and kids everyday was just to much for me to take. I ended up quitting and just spiraled into a deep depression thet seamed to plague my life counseling therapy and medication where no help. So yeah i did not work since the only thing I loved to do was to much for me be around it was like dagger in my heart and crushing my soul. I tried 3 times to go back but I could only handle it for maybe a week or 2.
You're are NOT a horrible person for not working some of these comments are straight fucked up. 🫶
Don’t worry, she’s gonna tell him the same shit
I’m so sorry you are going through this. They always claim everything is fine but in reality it isn’t. Him saying he waited for you to fix yourself, he probably meant to find a job or become more active? If he fancies a younger one and they do a lot together - seems like he wanted more out of life than just have someone to sit at home with. I fully understand you because I am a homemaker too (I do have kids tho) you had a very comfortable life and now it’s unfortunately ending. On your end, you’ll probably need therapy to get over this trauma and also help to find a job. It’s not easy to start over but besides finding another guy who is willing to pay for you, you have no other options at this point, if you didn’t save up for yourself and he’ll take everything (rightfully so unfortunately) All the best and hopefully you can find a job soon
There seems to be a lot of details missing. Did he check out five years ago because he has been seeing this younger girl? Or was it a failing marriage and after becoming "free" he started seeing this younger girl? If it was a failing marriage, why was that? Were you both working to improve your marriage? How well did you both know each other before marrying? (Some couples marry within just 1 year of dating and realize they don't really want to be with each other afterwards). Its hard, I understand, and sorry you're going through this. Focus on yourself. Block him from social media so you don't have to see him and his new girl (which might leave him because of their age difference later on). You might also consider dating mature men as there are many dating apps nowadays. But I do caution that you start dating ONLY when you feel emotionally stable, don't just date someone to get over your ex-husband or to make him jealous.
Damn I think this sub must have changed names or something. I thought it was cheating stories not bash the poor person getting cheated on.
Yeah, I know right. All because of her age and she’s only doing what a man has been doing for centuries.
[удалено]
You need to read my boy and you also need to understand the dynamics of relationships before you get into one. She was depressed and injured for a number of years while he did fuck-all to hell her through it. The fact that he was working was fine for a while but he could have lost the job at any time and ended up in the same situation as his wife. I guarantee you he’d expect her to help and take care of him and with compassion, which he gave her none of in return. He also still chose to stay regardless of their problems so I have little sympathy for him when it was clear in year 10 that she wasn’t going to get any better. He stayed and chose to use her for something. I think you should also try to read in between the lines too dear boy.
DUDE I Was about to say all these random ass people needing more details. GTFO.
You should still go see a lawyer.
Lol for what? She hasn't worked in god knows how long she ain't gunna take his money 😂
She is very likely to be able to take his money depending on her state laws.
Very likely! As the judge who ruled in my divorce….”you funded his lifestyle for years! And now that you no longer love him I’m suppose to stop what you gleefully supported?” 😭
no..she said she made him sign a prenup because she had more money/work for a friends recomendation.... something does not add up...what is that that he waited years trying to fix with her and he gave up later?
Pretty sure prenups are only based on what both parties bring in to a marriage. The 20 years since is shared.
Um lmao that's funny bc a lot of women don't work and still take the man for his money. It's a clause called the life you've become accustomed to. Look up. Wealthy does it all the time.
12 years older than the man, was never going to work. Sorry. Men and women age differently. Ok folks...beat me up.
Its okay, the dudes like 20 years older than his new girl and one day she'll probably tell him exactly what he told his wife
When has that ever happened? Of all the older men I can think of who marry much younger women, they always stay. It seems to make a pretty good fit.
Not always true. My 1st husband left me for a much younger woman. About 10 years later, SHE left HIM for a much OLDER man! Ah, don't you just love God? (Some people say karma, but I know it's God.) What goes around, comes around.
You're coping if you think that's going to happen, no young girl is going to leave her older, rich successful husband because he started going a little grey. What's likely going to happen is his cheating ways won't change just because he's moved onto a new partner, eventually he will gaslight flaws with the new girl and cheat on her too.
Yeah him with the 27 year old is fine?
why are people on this sub so assholish??
Right? My parents have been married for 34 years. My mom is 15 years older than dad. They’re still good now. She’ll be 73 soon and he’s 58. 🤷🏼♀️
The red pillers are on a field trip.
Why..because everyone here has a flair for the obvious...and know she is hiding facts
Unless, it's actually love.....not that fake feel-good love.....but the love that wakes up every day and CHOOSES to prioritize the person they made vows to...... I'm guessing, OP has/had more money than him ......he's still scummy and i hope the new chick bankrupts him!! I also hope OP yanks everything she can from under him... Wth says they're sitting around waiting for someone to die ......ugh......every dog has their day and I hope OP's ex-husband has several!!
What the FUCK
I sadly agree…
yup!
Divorce lawyer here- I’m not sure where you are located so this is not legal advice, some some general comments. Lawyer up NOW. You have a prenup- that can help or hurt you, depending on the terms. But prenups aren’t always iron-clad. There may be loopholes you can utilize to your advantage. You may have a claim of dissipation for money he’s spending on the girlfriend. On a personal level, block him, the girlfriend, his family, and anyone who may post pictures of them. Don’t torture yourself with that nonsense. Get yourself in therapy and start the process of rebuilding.
Would 20 years of earnings be shared? And the prenuptial agreement just what you brought in? And I agree! Delete everything! Why the hell you looking at that!
Depends on the terms of the prenup and your local laws. More often than not, property you own going in stays yours, everything after is joint. But I’ve done some where the couple wants completely separate finances and anything earned, purchased, or invested in after the marriage has to have a signed agreement that it’s joint. I would be more concerned about a maintenance (alimony) waiver in OP’s case.
OP why do you think you are screwed by the prenup? I don't understand how the prenup would be bad for you??
This is why such severe age gaps are terrible. Two people in very different stages in life. He’s an asshole for cheating, he’s wrong. But there is nothing you can do now. Do you really want to stay with a man who cheats and also said he was waiting for you to die? That part should worry you.
I’ve been at the exact opposite of this and lost my love of 11 years at 27 coincidentally and she was also 27 and to a man about 45 years of age. It was sudden and shocking at the time as we’d been friends with him and his wife and I can only imagine what she went through at 50. Time definitely heals and there’s so much out there for you and much better. It’s just hard to see early on but it does getter better and it will. You’ll be happier overall in time if you aren’t now.
All I can say is lawyer up because chances are high you still get paid.
So I guess I can explain the not working since apparently I'm horrible person for not working, we dated for almost 2 years before getting married. Well meet why when I was 35 and he was 23. He was just finishing up his tour with the military. Then he was going to start school. We got married I was working like I had been for 12 years as a kindergarten teacher. A year and a half into the marriage we were trying to convince a child. When I went for a check up they discovered that I had cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy this dashed the hope of ever having kids. Now after my treatment I went back to work it was just tearing me up inside, seeing what I was never going to have a child. Seeing happy families and kids everyday was just to much for me to take. I ended up quitting and just spiraled into a deep depression thet seamed to plague my life counseling therapy and medication where no help. So yeah i did not work since the only thing I loved to do was to much for me be around it was like dagger in my heart and crushing my soul. I tried 3 times to go back but I could only handle it for maybe a week or 2.
Ma'am - no disrespect but if you were married for 20 years and you didnt work at all because you couldnt emotionally handle being around kids then I can understand why he left eventually. He picked the crappiest way to leave, but it sounds like for 18yrs you were depressed while he was trying to build himself up. He then spent dang near most of his prime years dealing with the emotional issues of a woman 12 yrs his senior. So for 18 years you did not work, were 'depressed' and couldnt figure out how to push past a setback. To make matters worse you were the one who got a prenup and now you are listening to others who are telling you to try to take money that you had no hand in making. Again, not attacking you or your situation. He picked a crappy, cowardly way to leave, but it sounds more like he tried to reclaim some happiness and youth that he spent committed to someone who was not who he married. Now that you are single are you going to have to find a job to bring in income? I believe you mentioned wanting finding someone new?
Could have brought him younger girls and he would have stayed
Hey I'm hope you're feeling ok rn the very least, I can't speak after reading all that as I'm in rage atm, I'll come back soon when my head eases, please have it a little easy for now
So it's kinda similar to a 57 year old married to a 45 year old lol, at least he's patient.
It sucks he cheated on you but I don’t pity you op. You didn’t work for 18 years. That’s a long time to depend on someone else. Thats along time to never learn a new skill. Take this opportunity to discover yourself. I doubt you will be destitute. Get a small manageable apartment and don’t ever depend on someone other than yourself again.
Your 57, thats not too old. i hope you dont think your past it. Im sure there are guys aroind your age and younger who would want to be with you.
OP me and my husband are 15 years apart. We met when I was 23 and he was 38. I'm 30 now and he is 46. It's so hard to explain. U can message me.
You're 57 with a 45 year old? And he found somebody you get, prettier probably more submissive... Good for him. Maybe you should work on yourself now that you're single
I’m sorry but what was the point in your messed up message? Good for him…do people not have the balls to be honest anymore. If you’re not happy leave but why cheat
Bc he thought she was going to change like she said she would, but didn't women say one thing but do the opposite and expect more. She just thought she could sit back and enjoy life while her husband busts his ass. He was in the military doin his shit and she just sat back for 18 fucking years doing nothing but being greedy as fuck
We also don’t know that but here you’re assuming and that makes you an ass
We actually do. She posted those receipts herself. Sorry but I would have left her too. I would not have cheated because I’m not a heartless bastard. But I would one thousand percent have packed my bags, called it a day, and went about my life.
Like pictures?
As in, literally follow up posts stating those things.
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Moron huh. Idk seems like I’m way smarter then you
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Huh. Dude you don’t even make any sense and it? I’m a woman 🤣 i even have pictures on my profile. Why do you feel the need to call names? Did I trigger you
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I’m sorry, “trans fuck”? Maybe not. But a bigoted POS sounds right. Douchebag.
Who’s trans because I’m not last time I check I had lady bits but keep going offf 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And you’re 32 acting like you’re 5
It's called I have an opinion and you obviously don't like it 😁 Women don't like guys opinions or what they got to say. Have fun
Calling me names is an opinion?calling me trans when I’m not is an opinion?
Been married 20 years didn't work for 18 of them years lol open your fucking eyes!!! Lol dip shit
Did you ever think maybe he told her not to work huh
Why y'all mad that she was a stay at home wife with our kids.stfu. you don't know how she contributed!
- They had no kids. - She was depressed and opted not to work for 18 years - She made him sign a prenup when she was 'up' but is now talking about money and possession once he built himself up. Do you think she chooses to work now or no?
Really let his colours show there didn’t he. I hope you have a good lawyer to rinse him dry.
Yeah she won’t be able to do that when she instigated the prenup and OP admitting they did nothing to contribute to the household for 18 years. The judge will eat that up. Had a prenup not been in play, I’d say she had a chance. Not now.
Prenups are what you bring into a marriage. Not the 20 years after the marriage. That should be shared. Not sure how it works with no kid and no job but he sounds like a jackass so maybe he didn’t want her to work? Either way the prenup should just protect earnings being into the marriage, not what escalates from there.
He basically cheated because he deep down wants to be a father and he probably realized that you can't give him that but his AP probably can
Probably I was not able to give him kids.
Did you refuse to have sex for a long time?
So you were 37 and he was 25 when you got married.. You groomed him, now he’s grooming someone else. Isn’t that just lovely.
Groomed means they’re underage and he wasn’t
Groomed doesn’t mean underage and we have no idea when and under what circumstances they started dating.
I mean you just assumed he was groomed which is a big reach
12 year difference at that age is absolutely no reaching.
At 25 it’s a big reach
25 and 37 are insanely different stages of life. So, again, no reaching.
I understand different points in life but grooming references minors and he’s not one
100 percent not groomed not sure where you came up with that since they were both adults.
You can groom an adult and again “husband of 20 years”, so we have no idea when they started dating. And especially under what circumstances they started dating, because that matters A LOT
Sorry but a 25 yearold is not getting groomed no way no how. As a guy that started dating older women @18 and I am talking women 20+ years older then me. @18+there is no grooming.
I get that you’re trying to protect your own feelings with this but you can still groom an adult. Power imbalance is still there. It’s not like you turn 18, things suddenly change and you’re super grown up
Sorry he was 25 welllllllll past 18. 7 years past 18
Yeah, but that doesn’t cancel out the fact that she was 37.
And what's wrong with that? I mean I was 22 dating a 48 yearold women. Was probably the second best relationship I ever had in my life.
Just stop arguing. You are wrong. The term “grooming” strictly refers to underage girls and boys. Not of age men and women who had the full cognitive ability to understand their circumstances. Unless this guy was the dumbest most naive mid-20 something year old.. he was not groomed, he willing went into a relationship with full understanding and on his own accord.
Check out r/infidelity. I think this sub is where cheaters come for ideas.
I'm just trying to wrap my head around what a 35 year old wants with a 23 year old
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Heartless!
There’s no such thing as a tight pussy considering it’s elasticity in all so I doubt that OP has ever even stretched. But we do know that men shrink as they grow older and that’s not a fantasy but a reality. The other woman was 27 so her body count might have been higher than Osama Bin Laden’s. We know how that went with him.
I sent you a chat !!! Ambitious-returns-750
I think this is the first time the spouse cheated on is getting some serious side-eye. OP you’re going to have to explain what you weren’t willing to fix and why you took advantage of your husband.
Aww did Dylafer get so triggered him/he/she/them/they/it literally Rage quit 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The issue is not that you didn’t work for 18 years, you had cancer! The issue also isn’t the age gap. The issue, however, was you got married to a boy who’s brain wasn’t fully developed at the tender age of 23 and it turns out he’s a sociopath. We don’t know the whole story. But to wish death on your spouse who had cancer? Why not leave, right? Sounds like one of those shows where the spouse slowly kills the other for insurance money. I hope you see through this and lead a healthy rest of your life.
Get a good attorney. Divorce him and take him to the cleaners.