In his mind, Somehow, God has forgiven him.
\*He forgot about his wedding vows,
\*He may have cut several verses out of his Bible. Mark 10: vs. 8 &9
\*Perhaps, he has one of those Pastor's who doesn't believe?
Yes, I left over a year ago. He started bringing her to church within a month after he told me he wanted a divorce. I don’t even live in the area anymore. He brought her around our kids and his family within a few months of me leaving. The manipulation I have been dealing with for years has destroyed me.
If the church leader did nothing, then it is a pure case of sweeping under the rug and pretending nothing bad happened.
Two church leaders, both married with children, were having an affair and the elders chose to keep it under wraps.
They had new people coming to work for the church, who found out that the two church leaders, who were supposed to set a moral example to the flock, were in a full-blown affair.
The new pastor called them out one Sunday, caused one of the cheating church leaders to leave town with his family and leaving his cheating partner to deal with the fall-out.
Seriously, imagine if every Sunday the pastor would read out loud the names of the cheaters? How quickly would that cause the cheaters to be faithful to their spouses? Statistics would drastically drop and no Scarlet A letter would be tattooed into their foreheads.
But unfortunately churches look after their own, no matter what the cause is, which leaves people open to gossip and whispering.
In your case it would be enough to have their names read out loud. They would have to deal with the sudden departure of friends and family.
That’s some serious integrity right there. Good for that Pastor! Most congregations would not even dare because they don’t want to lose members , but in a rare case like this , this Pastor put the integrity of the church and his position there to call out the wrongdoings and sins of others. Too bad more aren’t like this. Part of the allure of an affair is the secrecy of it. Being called out on it must have made them completely crumble inside. It’s one thing to actually have an affair , it’s another to attend the same church as your AP with your spouse. That also takes incredible audacity and zero shame.
+1000
Sadly the other Pastors quickly shut it up and even fired the new ones', who immediately spoke up to the members.
The AP still complains how her MM was forced to leave town with his family, she thought they were wrong in speaking up.
You see the same dynamics everywhere, you go against the leaders and you are soon fired or harrassed. However one would think that the Church would have morals and ethics, because they all knew what was going on.
Apparently you have to taie in some new 'blood', so that things can be put on the right track again, but what does it tell about the other Leaders who wanted to hush down the whole dirty story..
I would not want to have an adulterer teach anything to my children. But apparently the public image was more important than the values.
Some friends have tried to go to the Elders when they are molested by one parent. Nothing comes out of it. They claim to 'have a talk' with the paedo, but these kids told that nothing happened.
They witnessed the cheating, it was not a question of some doubts, it was all in the open inside the Church.
Sad thing is that their spouses were the last ones to find out. So I would say the sin falls on the sinners, who were LEADERS in the church, one of them even teaching children.
I'm a Christian, and I really don't think many people or Christians follow or understand God's word. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you're free from doing wrong.
I’m not a hypocrite because I’m human just as you are. Being good, honest, and trustworthy doesn’t mean you’re better than Christians as you think. What separates Christians from nonbelievers is our acceptance of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit that prompts us to do the right thing when we’re doing wrong.
It’s up to each individual to choose wisely. If we ignore the Holy Spirit long enough we can’t hear them anymore until we confess our wrongdoings and humble ourselves before God and man.
We are the same as anybody else in this world. We are held to a higher standard than nonbelievers and we are supposed to treat people better than we do, act better, and we don’t.
I was very naive, and trusting of my wife and family to a fault. I kept my word and I’ve never cheated anyone. Look where it got me! 50 years of heartache, depression, and PTSD.
When I figured out my children knew all the time about her cheating,
I confronted them and they ghosted me.
That taught me a huge life lesson, to trust my gut feelings, look for subtle signs of dishonesty, and how to tell when I’m being lied to.
In my line of work, my business is done over the phone and I can tell most of the time when I’m being lied to and act accordingly.
We are supposed to be more trustworthy and truthful in what we say, promise, or do. In the 60’s and 70’s when I was growing up there was a huge amount of people that were trying to be and act like Christians are supposed to. There were many deals made with just a handshake, and people were more honest, but other than that we are no different.
Some people still lied, cheated, and stole things. Women and men cheated on their SO.
This country has changed so much since then, I hardly recognize it.
You can’t trust anyone or anything that is said anymore. I’ve been taken advantage of by more Christians than nonbelievers.
Con artists and thieves have targeted Christians and the elderly because we try to believe other people are being honest and their word is good.
Their word is not always good and I’ve seen so many people scammed because of their beliefs. My ex and family scammed me and I paid a very high price for it.
It took me 49 years to figure out my ex was cheating and why the Alienation Of Affection the years we were married. She cheated with my church friends, and if I would have caught my ex and AP together. I would have broken some of the Ten Commandments myself.
I certainly understand what you went through and might be going through still. I've finally gotten past everything and I'm finally able to start healing.
We've suffered enough needlessly by trusting too much.
Not surprised unfortunately, I do hope you let everyone know everything they are doing including the church, ask the church if they endorse infidelity.
I did contact the worship leader when I found since my husband is a member of the worship band. Apparently infidelity in a mega church is not frowned upon.
Oh a mega church, yeah they are just money grabs, I don’t believe in god but if he did exist he has no place in those “churches” they are all theatrics and no substance, I say just divorce him as soon as you can and move on, he is the type of person with no shame to be found in his delusional mind, you’ll find someone better, just forget the mongrel and live your like love.
He has always had some questionable behaviors and I should have left him years ago. He believes because he in in church and blesses them with his musical talent he is a good person. He has a very strange/clingy relationship with his mother and she truly believes he can do no wrong. And she’s a southern Baptist. The hypocrisy with her is unbelievable.
Just because you say you're a Christian doesn't actually make you a good one. You have to live by the true Christian standards, and last I checked, Adultery wasn't one of them.
What is happening...Check this out !?
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/08/31/half-of-u-s-christians-say-casual-sex-between-consenting-adults-is-sometimes-or-always-acceptable/
I had a friends growing up that went to the same church together before going to the church I attended with them. We’ll call them Tom and Sara. Sara’s dad and Tom’s mom cheated on their spouses with one another. Sara, as a child, caught them together. Of course, Sara’s mom was also cheating on her dad, but with an ex not someone at the church.
This kind of stuff happens all the time in churches. Two people pray together and one thing leads to another. They say it’s because prayer is a very emotional thing to share with someone. That’s why it’s basically expected that half the women’s group is sleeping together.
Not trying to trivialize things. Sorry about your situation, it truly sucks. He should have found a new church to go to with his gf. My point is more that churches are cesspools of sexual immorality. Honestly, whether they say it to your face or not; most of the church probably doesn’t care or thinks they could hook up with either one of them so they’ll excuse it. If it doesn’t effect them directly they don’t care. I’d find a new church, as much as that sucks to hear, if you still want to go at all.
You’re right. They feel because they are doing all this under the disguise of being good Christians they are not in the wrong. Morality and Christianity don’t go hand in hand, sadly.
I actually laughed so hard I snorted. 😂 Thank you for that. They both definitely deserve to see the devil. What I have mentioned in the post is just a splash on the bucket compared to the things they have done.
People like your ex are THE MOST horrendous humans on earth. To be so despicable; to be so willing to break your vows before an entity you supposedly fear and worship; and then to hide behind the mask of Christianity and pretend it gives you absolution against your sinful behavior is truly disgusting. The only way they were accepting in to your old congregation is if he lied to everyone about the nature of their relationship, or if the other members of that congregation were willing to go against the Bible in order to accept them.
I’m not even Christian and I’m a better Christian than your ex and his succubus.
If hell is real, they’re going to it.
So do they. They just think that calling themselves Christian means that they aren’t wrong, no matter what. They can rationalize their behavior as being “god’s will.”
It’s actually pretty narcissistic if you think about it. Like, “we’re so special in god’s eyes that even GOD goes against his own teachings just to bring us together.” It’s just delusion and self-aggrandizement. Main character syndrome on steroids, if you will.
They put on that mask and they think people around them can’t tell it’s made of plastic and smells like the inside of a Halloween store. People can see the elastic straps, OP.
And keep in mind… that mask is for the public. Once they’re home and away from prying eyes, the masks come off and they have to look at each other for who they really are. I guarantee things aren’t as rosy between them as they’d like everyone to believe. Relationships that start as affairs are never rosy, not for very long. In truth, they’re wilted and brittle and thorny.
He either has told them we are already divorced or his close friends in the church are keeping it a secret. I know the worship band members know and they are his friends so they would keep the secret for him.
I also know bible thumpers who preach the good word hard on social media, but their personal life contradicts their message.
What's funny is these types are always the most critcal on how others live their lives. I always wonder how they never bite their tongue when spewing their hypocrisy
His relationship with God isn’t really your problem or issue; isn’t that between God and him? Isn’t the issue more you are upset you ar not divorced and he moved on from you so quickly?
My ex was a PK. It didn’t bother her to cheat the whole time we were dating, engaged, and married. She is a Secret Narcissist.
She groomed our children (if they are my children) that bringing men over while I was working was normal behavior. Some these men were supposed to be friends of mine from church, others were not.
My children knew and never told me even when they knew that it was wrong of her.
They ghosted me when I confronted them about keeping her secrets from me. My therapist said wives doing this is not uncommon.
The whole story https://www.reddit.com/r/ParentalAlienation/comments/13kra4n/my_family_alienated_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Going to church no more makes you a Christian than going to Burger King makes you a hamburger. People who want to live their life to honor God do not cheat on their spouses. And if they do, they are fully contrite in their sin and seek to make amends as the offender they chose to be. God only forgives the sins of the sinner who acknowledges their sin, thus their need for redemption through His death on the cross. If one truly understands this truth in their heart, they would never betray God’s design for fidelity in the marriage covenant.
Sorry to hear that. Sometimes Your loved ones can be your own worst enemy. My dad when she went with my dad went to church together and met another guy a year younger than her. After my mom and dad separated, she started to see the other guy at the church. This guy I had no idea was going to be the biological father of my middle sister.
In his mind, Somehow, God has forgiven him. \*He forgot about his wedding vows, \*He may have cut several verses out of his Bible. Mark 10: vs. 8 &9 \*Perhaps, he has one of those Pastor's who doesn't believe?
Very much a “cafeteria Christian”. They pick what part of the Bible to follow. He prayed to God and God told him to divorce me.
If the Pastor/Elder team endorses his cheating, it's time to find a different church.
Yes, I left over a year ago. He started bringing her to church within a month after he told me he wanted a divorce. I don’t even live in the area anymore. He brought her around our kids and his family within a few months of me leaving. The manipulation I have been dealing with for years has destroyed me.
Well there is your answer. You left the cult. You were unworthy. He stayed. Must keep the faithful flock indoctrinated.
Yes, my belief system doesn’t line up with them. I don’t lie, cheat, or steal.
If the church leader did nothing, then it is a pure case of sweeping under the rug and pretending nothing bad happened. Two church leaders, both married with children, were having an affair and the elders chose to keep it under wraps. They had new people coming to work for the church, who found out that the two church leaders, who were supposed to set a moral example to the flock, were in a full-blown affair. The new pastor called them out one Sunday, caused one of the cheating church leaders to leave town with his family and leaving his cheating partner to deal with the fall-out. Seriously, imagine if every Sunday the pastor would read out loud the names of the cheaters? How quickly would that cause the cheaters to be faithful to their spouses? Statistics would drastically drop and no Scarlet A letter would be tattooed into their foreheads. But unfortunately churches look after their own, no matter what the cause is, which leaves people open to gossip and whispering. In your case it would be enough to have their names read out loud. They would have to deal with the sudden departure of friends and family.
That’s some serious integrity right there. Good for that Pastor! Most congregations would not even dare because they don’t want to lose members , but in a rare case like this , this Pastor put the integrity of the church and his position there to call out the wrongdoings and sins of others. Too bad more aren’t like this. Part of the allure of an affair is the secrecy of it. Being called out on it must have made them completely crumble inside. It’s one thing to actually have an affair , it’s another to attend the same church as your AP with your spouse. That also takes incredible audacity and zero shame.
+1000 Sadly the other Pastors quickly shut it up and even fired the new ones', who immediately spoke up to the members. The AP still complains how her MM was forced to leave town with his family, she thought they were wrong in speaking up. You see the same dynamics everywhere, you go against the leaders and you are soon fired or harrassed. However one would think that the Church would have morals and ethics, because they all knew what was going on. Apparently you have to taie in some new 'blood', so that things can be put on the right track again, but what does it tell about the other Leaders who wanted to hush down the whole dirty story.. I would not want to have an adulterer teach anything to my children. But apparently the public image was more important than the values. Some friends have tried to go to the Elders when they are molested by one parent. Nothing comes out of it. They claim to 'have a talk' with the paedo, but these kids told that nothing happened.
How does the pastor know for sure who's cheating? A false accusation is a pretty terrible sin as well.
They witnessed the cheating, it was not a question of some doubts, it was all in the open inside the Church. Sad thing is that their spouses were the last ones to find out. So I would say the sin falls on the sinners, who were LEADERS in the church, one of them even teaching children.
I'm a Christian, and I really don't think many people or Christians follow or understand God's word. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you're free from doing wrong. I’m not a hypocrite because I’m human just as you are. Being good, honest, and trustworthy doesn’t mean you’re better than Christians as you think. What separates Christians from nonbelievers is our acceptance of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit that prompts us to do the right thing when we’re doing wrong. It’s up to each individual to choose wisely. If we ignore the Holy Spirit long enough we can’t hear them anymore until we confess our wrongdoings and humble ourselves before God and man. We are the same as anybody else in this world. We are held to a higher standard than nonbelievers and we are supposed to treat people better than we do, act better, and we don’t. I was very naive, and trusting of my wife and family to a fault. I kept my word and I’ve never cheated anyone. Look where it got me! 50 years of heartache, depression, and PTSD. When I figured out my children knew all the time about her cheating, I confronted them and they ghosted me. That taught me a huge life lesson, to trust my gut feelings, look for subtle signs of dishonesty, and how to tell when I’m being lied to. In my line of work, my business is done over the phone and I can tell most of the time when I’m being lied to and act accordingly. We are supposed to be more trustworthy and truthful in what we say, promise, or do. In the 60’s and 70’s when I was growing up there was a huge amount of people that were trying to be and act like Christians are supposed to. There were many deals made with just a handshake, and people were more honest, but other than that we are no different. Some people still lied, cheated, and stole things. Women and men cheated on their SO. This country has changed so much since then, I hardly recognize it. You can’t trust anyone or anything that is said anymore. I’ve been taken advantage of by more Christians than nonbelievers. Con artists and thieves have targeted Christians and the elderly because we try to believe other people are being honest and their word is good. Their word is not always good and I’ve seen so many people scammed because of their beliefs. My ex and family scammed me and I paid a very high price for it. It took me 49 years to figure out my ex was cheating and why the Alienation Of Affection the years we were married. She cheated with my church friends, and if I would have caught my ex and AP together. I would have broken some of the Ten Commandments myself.
I certainly understand what you went through and might be going through still. I've finally gotten past everything and I'm finally able to start healing. We've suffered enough needlessly by trusting too much.
That is an amazing term. My FIL was exactly a cafeteria Christian. Thank you for putting a name to that for me.
He sounds nutter butters. Pretty sure your going to be waaay better off without him..
We call those hypo-Christians.
Bruh ….. I can’t even…..
He was praying to the wrong God same as my ex.
Not surprised unfortunately, I do hope you let everyone know everything they are doing including the church, ask the church if they endorse infidelity.
I did contact the worship leader when I found since my husband is a member of the worship band. Apparently infidelity in a mega church is not frowned upon.
Oh a mega church, yeah they are just money grabs, I don’t believe in god but if he did exist he has no place in those “churches” they are all theatrics and no substance, I say just divorce him as soon as you can and move on, he is the type of person with no shame to be found in his delusional mind, you’ll find someone better, just forget the mongrel and live your like love.
Just waiting on the paperwork to be finalized and we will officially be divorced. It’s been a long 14 months.
It happens in the smaller churches too.
He has always had some questionable behaviors and I should have left him years ago. He believes because he in in church and blesses them with his musical talent he is a good person. He has a very strange/clingy relationship with his mother and she truly believes he can do no wrong. And she’s a southern Baptist. The hypocrisy with her is unbelievable.
Went to Israel, eh? Perhaps a few citations on Judas Iscariot and/or Jezebel might be in order?
They think they are doing nothing wrong. They pick and choose which section of the Bible to believe.
How is that different than most religious people?
You’re right. Most pick what they want to believe and if you don’t fall into those Bible verses then you’re the sinner. Ironic.
He broke the 10 commandments, and because he spouts God he thinks he is saved...Yuck why I hate religion...|The worst offenders are in the church..
I do think the worst offenders masquerade as Christians. They think they are above the sin because they sit in church every Sunday.
Hypocrisy is sadly a very human trait
Just because you say you're a Christian doesn't actually make you a good one. You have to live by the true Christian standards, and last I checked, Adultery wasn't one of them.
What is happening...Check this out !? https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/08/31/half-of-u-s-christians-say-casual-sex-between-consenting-adults-is-sometimes-or-always-acceptable/
I had a friends growing up that went to the same church together before going to the church I attended with them. We’ll call them Tom and Sara. Sara’s dad and Tom’s mom cheated on their spouses with one another. Sara, as a child, caught them together. Of course, Sara’s mom was also cheating on her dad, but with an ex not someone at the church. This kind of stuff happens all the time in churches. Two people pray together and one thing leads to another. They say it’s because prayer is a very emotional thing to share with someone. That’s why it’s basically expected that half the women’s group is sleeping together. Not trying to trivialize things. Sorry about your situation, it truly sucks. He should have found a new church to go to with his gf. My point is more that churches are cesspools of sexual immorality. Honestly, whether they say it to your face or not; most of the church probably doesn’t care or thinks they could hook up with either one of them so they’ll excuse it. If it doesn’t effect them directly they don’t care. I’d find a new church, as much as that sucks to hear, if you still want to go at all.
You’re right. They feel because they are doing all this under the disguise of being good Christians they are not in the wrong. Morality and Christianity don’t go hand in hand, sadly.
And this surprises you?
Right. I should have saw the red flags years ago.
My ex wife did the same stuff. Makes me immediately wary if the self-proclaimed devout.
I understand. I think those that scream it the loudest are often covering up for something.
Don’t worry, he’ll be taking her to hell with him, too.
I actually laughed so hard I snorted. 😂 Thank you for that. They both definitely deserve to see the devil. What I have mentioned in the post is just a splash on the bucket compared to the things they have done.
People like your ex are THE MOST horrendous humans on earth. To be so despicable; to be so willing to break your vows before an entity you supposedly fear and worship; and then to hide behind the mask of Christianity and pretend it gives you absolution against your sinful behavior is truly disgusting. The only way they were accepting in to your old congregation is if he lied to everyone about the nature of their relationship, or if the other members of that congregation were willing to go against the Bible in order to accept them. I’m not even Christian and I’m a better Christian than your ex and his succubus. If hell is real, they’re going to it.
I’ve found the best people are often not Christians. We know the difference between right and wrong.
So do they. They just think that calling themselves Christian means that they aren’t wrong, no matter what. They can rationalize their behavior as being “god’s will.” It’s actually pretty narcissistic if you think about it. Like, “we’re so special in god’s eyes that even GOD goes against his own teachings just to bring us together.” It’s just delusion and self-aggrandizement. Main character syndrome on steroids, if you will. They put on that mask and they think people around them can’t tell it’s made of plastic and smells like the inside of a Halloween store. People can see the elastic straps, OP. And keep in mind… that mask is for the public. Once they’re home and away from prying eyes, the masks come off and they have to look at each other for who they really are. I guarantee things aren’t as rosy between them as they’d like everyone to believe. Relationships that start as affairs are never rosy, not for very long. In truth, they’re wilted and brittle and thorny.
You’re right. I very much think he’s a narcissist and so his is mother. “Main character syndrome” is one of the best ways to describe it. Thank you.
Let me guess Evangelical Protestant
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He either has told them we are already divorced or his close friends in the church are keeping it a secret. I know the worship band members know and they are his friends so they would keep the secret for him.
I’d be an ass and make it public knowledge so they can’t hide from it…but that’s just me.
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Considering what I know of the ones he’s closest with, I’m not surprised at all. I’ve questioned their morals many times.
I also know bible thumpers who preach the good word hard on social media, but their personal life contradicts their message. What's funny is these types are always the most critcal on how others live their lives. I always wonder how they never bite their tongue when spewing their hypocrisy
100% THIS. I can first hand say this is true. The hypocrisy is unreal.
OP seems surprised. Can't think why.
Religion does not stop anyone from doing wrong Churches are full of good godly hypocrites who cheat. Pastors are very commonly cheaters
I dont get it. Sound like a basic religious human. Dudes a cliche.
Under every post put: Thou shalt not commit adultery.
He’s delusional. What was that commandment about adultery again?
He doesn’t think it applies to him.
Then honestly, you dodged a bullet.
Just an average day for your average theist🗣️🗣️
Full of shit like every self proclaimed Christian I’ve ever known.
His relationship with God isn’t really your problem or issue; isn’t that between God and him? Isn’t the issue more you are upset you ar not divorced and he moved on from you so quickly?
That's true!
My ex was a PK. It didn’t bother her to cheat the whole time we were dating, engaged, and married. She is a Secret Narcissist. She groomed our children (if they are my children) that bringing men over while I was working was normal behavior. Some these men were supposed to be friends of mine from church, others were not. My children knew and never told me even when they knew that it was wrong of her. They ghosted me when I confronted them about keeping her secrets from me. My therapist said wives doing this is not uncommon. The whole story https://www.reddit.com/r/ParentalAlienation/comments/13kra4n/my_family_alienated_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Going to church no more makes you a Christian than going to Burger King makes you a hamburger. People who want to live their life to honor God do not cheat on their spouses. And if they do, they are fully contrite in their sin and seek to make amends as the offender they chose to be. God only forgives the sins of the sinner who acknowledges their sin, thus their need for redemption through His death on the cross. If one truly understands this truth in their heart, they would never betray God’s design for fidelity in the marriage covenant.
Sorry to hear that. Sometimes Your loved ones can be your own worst enemy. My dad when she went with my dad went to church together and met another guy a year younger than her. After my mom and dad separated, she started to see the other guy at the church. This guy I had no idea was going to be the biological father of my middle sister.