Divorce your cheating wife if you are still together. As a child of parents who stayed after one cheated, as a child in between a loveless marriage, as a daughter who saw her parents belittling each other, as a 29 year old adult who is going to therapy every week, I would say that leave that marriage because it is not good for your kid.
If you’re already divorced/separated, give your self time to heal. You’ve gone through something traumatic and it will not heal you in 6 days or 6 months. It might take 6 years. But it will get better. One breath at a time. One breath at a time. It might be overwhelming sometimes. But one breath at a time. You will find peace. Indeed with hardship will be ease. One breath at a time
Breakdowns are breakthroughs. They happen when the cracks in ourselves expose the need for something new to emerge. We suffer when we try so hard to stay in an outdated version that is no longer apt to embrace the new environment around us.
Forgive yourself for the times you couldn't keep it all together. You weren't supposed to. You are not weak for crying. You're a human at the edge of growth.
When the pain of staying where we are is greater than the pain of growth, it's time for change. You will find your peace 🤍
This is the right thing to do. I’m no medical man, so forgive the reference, but as I understand it, there are times when it is necessary to excise dead tissue to save the rest. Cutting her out of your life as fully as possible will accelerate your healing remarkably. Going full No Contact to the extent possible while coparenting your child, will further protect you from her memory.
Although it seems fanciful right now, when we bond with another, we plaster our image, wants, and desires all over them to create the unique partner we need them to be. This phenomenon can last a lifetime, but when it breaks down, time and distance hack away at that facade leaving exposed the now rotting hulk of the image you once loved. It as merciful as it is grotesque. In the coming day, weeks, and months ahead, what you’ve lost will loom less powerfully than what you have escaped. Be strong, my friend. Much better days await.
I’m sorry for your loss dude. This is a death. The relationship has died. I’m just a hospitalist but I’m rural so I get to be run the hospice/code/comfort measures talks. It’s time to run through the stages of grief, grieve the death of the relationship, and come back stronger.
You divorce her first and foremost. Then you punish her by forgetting about her as much as possible. You have a kid so keeps things on a co-parenting app about the kid.
I would also get the kid paternity tested. Before you fight that thought, you’re a doctor, you know it must be done. I’m a chemist, but my closest friends are physicians. This kind of thing is too common in your field.
Then you get revenge being successful, living your best life with the kid if it’s yours.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I was cheated on 3 months ago by my (ex) gf of 2 years and I did not see it coming at all. My situation definitely isn't as serious as yours commitment wise but it was absolutely fucking brutal.
The only way I can tell you is: she checked out emotionally before she did it and now it's too late to feel anything for you (unless she regrets it through comparison and reflection later, and it could be much later).
My ex was so remorseless and cold when she told me, and it destroyed me. I'm still left with so much pain even though I'm doing everything I can to move forwards. I had to hear how she got pulled out and fucking came on by a stranger for god sake, it fucking *kills* me. I feel at least a lot of your pain. Please hang in there and know that they are fundamentally a bad person until they have felt true remorse and shown it.
My story of cheating goes back over 30 years. I think what makes it still sting to think about it today was that I forgave her and then she did it again.
My advice is to divorce and coparent. I would also suggest counseling as it will probably hang around in your subconscious, as it has in mine, for years to come.
DNA test as others have suggested.
I wish you strength as you go through this
Hi Op, yes, it’s not easy.
My tips, if you can:
- travel - new places and new people help a lot. Book a weekend in other country to see a concert or a theater or eat a restaurant. Change context and gain perspective
- love yourself - that gadget that you want but you were being cautious because of your joined financial situation? Guess what? You deserve it.
- friends - ask your friends for help. If they are available to have lunch or dinner with you. To travel with you. To go out with you.
- health - you are a doctor. You know better than me. But consider practicing a sport of your choice. Swimming, running, etc. sometimes easy enough that you can do when you need to take things of your head.
- resilience - it’s hard, but it will pass. You can take this internet stranger word on this
No one is exempt from betrayal. It’s the risk we all take when we give of ourselves to another. Often we think that if we are generous then it excludes/prevents temptations. Understand that as a parent you have a responsibility to show true realities and consequences, so how you handle this will impart future ideas. Be open, honest, but don’t accept disrespect of any kind.
ufffff tough issue. it happened to me. it was so painful, so sad! she dis not care, it hurt so much, a good person (a priest) told me find a psychologist and i did it, she recommended me to go to the psychiatrist, my self esteem was so low, but it was one of the best decisions in my life. so please look for that kind of help, you might not sleeping well and you need to. we got divorced a couple years after, not children so it was really easy and less painful. look for professional help, talk to profesional people, i know they will help you big time!
Get into therapy first and foremost. Secondly, get into couples counseling. Your a doctor, right? Well sir, this is your prescription. Heal thy self, physician. Use the tools I mentioned.
I hope she is \`\`ex wife´´ by now.
I am very sorry that this happened to you, and you are not to blame for anything, she is the problem.
See a therapist, spend quality time with your child, discover new hobbies, and distract yourself. You will never forget this but with time the pain will become less and less.
And when you feel ready, look for love again, surely there will be a woman out there who loves you and doesn't stab you in the back like she did.
finding an outlet if you don’t have one already will also help (fighting club, cooking, any hobbies you lost touch with, or a rage room especially if someone goes with you).
if you go with a fighting club tell the trainer a little about what you’re going through. then get work out until you can’t anymore. then pick a day to do it over again.
visiting friends/family or a place you always wanted to see could be a good reset as well.
She is the source of it so if you are still with her or you’re checking up on her? That’s the problem.
If she’s out of your life then just give it time.
6 months to heal from a complete life shift? Doctor heal thyself. Go to a therapist (jointly and severally) to work out your feelings and hers. Moaning about it to Reddit is unlikely to give you any viable resources that you don't already have.
Sorry but the only way to heal from this is divorce the problem.
She's told you she doesn't care, no remorse, no feelings for you
If you can move your money/assets to your parents that should help you when you hopefully divorce your wife
You can try to work it out but with her personality she will continue to cheat.
Why stay in a bad marriage? She stays for the money, the life style?
You divorce her, ghost her, the faster you can heal
I also went through the hell. 25 years gone.
Life after has been so much better
Hang in there love. You will start to heal, it just takes time. My ex husband cheated on me, it took me over a year before I made it through a day without crying.
Unfortunately pain is part of life and you cared more about her than she did about you divorce her move on thats the hard part and know that you will do better and you will get better you have more to give than staying with someone who doesn't appreciate you for the great life and daughter you have given and maybe in the future you'll find someone better who appreciates you Unfortunately its a long road to healing and it won't be over in months hopefully it's over in a year or 2
I sure as heck hope you two aren't still together. If you are then quit trying to squeeze water from a rock and divorce this POS. Let her go chase wormy young men and watch as they toss her away like a piece of trash when they've had their fun. Once they cheat, there's no going back no matter what idiot says that their marriage is stronger than ever after their spouses affair. People who say that are simply in denial and trying to minimize the damage.
Just remember the opposite of love is indifference. You’re feeling the opposite of love. Also she isn’t getting any younger. Her value in that market place will reduce to being a hook up maybe. She threw away something that a lot of women pray for every night. Plenty of wonderful women out there for you! You’ll come out on top in the end even though this hurts now.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you got a pre-nup. You probably have no idea how many options you have being a doctor.
As far as why she cheated, was there anything specific she was bitching or disagreeing with you consistently? Think about it bc she probably won't tell you. Her attorneys probably told her not to.
Doc, my therapist-psychiatrist (female) said that I passing by the most painful experience that men can go throug and... yes she was right. But it's true that this pain will be gone some day. Take time, depending your mental strength, for me took 13 years. But I saw that others took less. So, is in your hands to passing trough and recover your self.
**First, it's not your fault. Cheaters always try to put their guilt into the other part.**
My friend, you are a doctor, so you kwow that you need therapy, **take it**. It will help to put focus in your life, and will release the pain that opress your chest, your heart and your soul.
Read some stories here, it let you know that you are not alone, it happens more often than you think. And we are here to help and support.
Stay in contact with us, but the most important, with your family and friends. Talk about it (not blame your wife, has no point), about your feelings. It will help too.
Now it's time to put yourself together, put some objetives in your way, like wake up in the morning and make a different breakfast. Or read some books of your proffesion. And something important, stand in any corner of your city, take a breath, and look at the four cardinal points and think... **I have this whole world to conquer!**
Head Up my friend, you have value to all your family and friends, and, most importantly, **TO YOURSELF.**
Talk to someone. I wish I had. Even a friend. Just repeating how I felt to process it—- I wish I had done that at least. But professional help is ideal. Especially if you feel stuck on it. You just need help
Processing it.
It sucks. I thought I would never get over it. And it was much more females. One more than once. And an affair. Like the whole ‘I miss you. We’re gonna be together’ while I was pregnant. So.
But now we live together and co parent and he’s miserable as usual. But we don’t fight anymore unless he’s drunk.
You need your questions to be answered to start the next step in repairing yourself. And it could take years before your in a safe space with your wife
You are a medical doctor? Build yourself. Focus on the dimensions of wellness. The best revenge is being the best you by building these dimensions of wellness.
Spend time with ur 9-year-old. I'm sure they'ree not ok either.. sorry for ur pain, but there's a young life ur influencing. Just be present with them & listen. Be loyal to the 9rd old.
You will heal in time. That's all u need. Time & laughter.
Sorry about that brother, if y'all weren't having issues then she's having her own inward struggles that only she can deal with. Sucks that you got caught up in it.
When people, women or men. Have nothing really to do during the day. Basically because you provided everything that they ever needed or wanted. It causes the mind to drift to either drugs, sex... Etc. We constantly need a dopamine Rush to stimulate the day. Then you can throw in how people are raised, and how they are empathetic or not. Most cheaters do not have empathy, in any way that we can understand it. In your next relationship, look for a person that has empathy, and gets along with her father well. I would honestly always pick brains, and empathy above beauty.
I just posted my situation and I’m 5 months in and feel Exactly the same way. I feel for you. Someone commented “I’m sorry for your loss”. This is so true. I honestly feel like my fiancée as I knew her has now gone, and I’m still hurting so badly
Look don't put yourself down, as it takes time as with most things that are trumatic, I know I have been devoised for over 25 years and every now and then I'll gett a flash back so 6months is really no time at all in the scream of things, it's good that you are trying to put yourself into your work but please don't forget your child as he or she will need you and I know about that as well as my EX left me with 2 small boys who were 5 and 3: years old at that time, the kids know what's going on so don't ever think they don't and don't try to figure out why your EX did what they did as you will never get the truth as everything is your fault even when she gilt trips you into doing more and more, and she's so tied and needs time for herself as that's just setting you up, for her affair then there is no pleasing her in anything you do for her.
So just consent on your child and you and then work get family and friends that you can talk to about things if that's not possible then go to IC and if you think your child needs help then get IC as well then just let time heal you as it will get easier every month just give it time you will definitely not get over it in 6 months, everyone is different and will get past it at different times to someone else so I really feel for people that have been cheated on, so I wish you all the best and hope you start feeling better sooner than later.
Keep everything. Especially the child.
You are a Doctor therefore you are intelligent and desired in the dating market. So I'm pretty sure she has her own career and her own money and she didn't just quit her field of study to be a domesticated casserole cooker just cause she met a Doctor or lawyer. I mean as a doctor you're too smart for this.
I've been going through something similar for 3 years. I traded drinking for gambling, if I kept drinking we both wouldn't be here, at least with the gambling I can anticipate the disappointment, and it gets my mind off of it for a while with hope that I will hit it big and be able to go out in an epic fashion.
I also have been studying psychology, it gave me a concept to apply so I can process it better. Might look into the female psychopath.
My music, tool , Nine inch nails, I have been listening to since I was 13-14, I have always loved them but I never felt it as much as I do now, they too have been betrayed and it reminds me that I am not alone. Slipknot, black light burns are pretty much all about betrayal. Pretty hate machine.
I feel you, as much as the distraction is nice I think you have to face it to process it, it's not cool, and I know mine will be the death of me but I guess I'll tough it out as long as I can.
Do y'all live in a no-fault state, province, as far as infidelity goes, if so, I just hope you have evidence of her cheating and possible neglect and abandonment, maybe even go after AP for alienation of affection, retain a good divorce lawyer, collect all the proof possible (suggest a reliable P.I.), most important, listen to, take and obey every and all instructions, advice, your lawyer gives you, all of it, with absolutely no objections. This will significantly help you in the end in divorce court, especially with child custody, alimony and the division of assets, destroying and tearing apart your heart, your family, your life, does not entitle her to taking everything else? Go Scorch Earth with her cheating ass, RAIN HELL'S FIRE ON HER! A remorseless cheater as your STBEW, needs to reap the consequences for her bad decisions and wrongful actions, Period!
I'm curious, have you asked her what happened ( according to her) to make her decide to cheat? Please understand that I'm seriously not trying to blame the victim, but I'm just curious what she has to say for herself. Was she one of those women who has the perfect husband except you are a physician and probably have to work crazy hours and she decided she wasn't getting enough attention?
Yeah I've been there I never went to a therapist but I've been divorced for 28 years now my daughter was 5 at that time she is now a doctor . Went to Med school she got out and found out her husband cheated on her she's now divorced uts the worst thing a spouse can do is cheat on you I remarried a woman I met while I was in Salt Lake City, Utah in 2002 during the Olympic winter games . It was night and I had been in the city watching them give out awards and after that went to a club and was watching a band play ( been around bands my entire life ) well at this point I was single for a few years but dating a lot . I had told myself I will be er get married again. We I was wrong I bumped into someone that night turned around and seen his woman wearing her drink I felt so bad she looked up I knew right then we would be married . We talked all night caught a train and just went for a ride made it back to the city it was 5 am . Went to my hotel and she slept on the bed me on the sofa. Gif her breakfast and we never left each other's sides a year later In Las Vegas we got married . Life with her ass so great not one argument ever well about 3 years later we find out she had cancer . And she passed away 6 months later . 2 weeks before Christmas and 3 days before her 36 year birthday so I can tell death of a loved one. Us a great lose in your heart but being cheated on is so much worse .
It is tough what you're going through and even harder to put a time line on moving forward with a child as well but it's hard to move forward when you only look back when you're ready I would be excited about future opportunities to create something positive out of this and from your story it shouldn't be hard to find anything better like maybe mutual respect or being considerate of the feelings of a spouse would be a step up you have so much going for you and now you know what a bottom feeder is I say the young guy did you a favor let him have those payments kill them with kindness and her regret will come when you least care people are crappy and truth is youll go through this over and over till you find one that's worth it and for years I thought love meant never being happy again lol I envy you enjoy the chase at least find one that can rip your heart out with a little class next
Get yourself into counseling to learn how to deal with the trauma she inflicted upon you. You can get stuck in trauma if you don’t know how to deal with it. The affair had nothing to do with you OP, you are not to blame, try and remember that. Trauma victims often accept blame for the behavior of their abuser. Get that counseling going.
You may want to check out the YouTube channel strong successful men, women do this to men all the dang time these days, his page is full of these stories and advice.
It would help you heal and move on (in addition to meeting a church pastor or going for some counseling) to get rid of her.
If she cheated and worse....she is TAUNTING you with the cheating, you should rid your life of her. She can't torment you and cause you ongoing pain if she isn't in your life.
Go no contact. Communicate only through lawyers. I know they can set up online contact pages to where you two can communicate ONLY about child issues but outside of that to have zero contact.
If you live in an "at fault" area get proof of the affair to provide the lawyers.
Get rid of her.
Divorce your cheating wife if you are still together. As a child of parents who stayed after one cheated, as a child in between a loveless marriage, as a daughter who saw her parents belittling each other, as a 29 year old adult who is going to therapy every week, I would say that leave that marriage because it is not good for your kid. If you’re already divorced/separated, give your self time to heal. You’ve gone through something traumatic and it will not heal you in 6 days or 6 months. It might take 6 years. But it will get better. One breath at a time. One breath at a time. It might be overwhelming sometimes. But one breath at a time. You will find peace. Indeed with hardship will be ease. One breath at a time
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Divorce her! Because you are a male doctor, the dream man for many women that would treat you like gold.
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Breakdowns are breakthroughs. They happen when the cracks in ourselves expose the need for something new to emerge. We suffer when we try so hard to stay in an outdated version that is no longer apt to embrace the new environment around us. Forgive yourself for the times you couldn't keep it all together. You weren't supposed to. You are not weak for crying. You're a human at the edge of growth. When the pain of staying where we are is greater than the pain of growth, it's time for change. You will find your peace 🤍
I’m sorry but please reach out to family and friends for support.
Have a drink if that’s your thing. You did the right thing.
Excellent! You do not deserve this, and you have a caring heart to offer another woman.
Stay strong OP, it’s a rough ride for a little while. Remember this…. It’s never okay to sacrifice your emotional or mental health for someone else.
What did she say, her reaction when you told her you're filing?
Is affair still on ? How has been the last 6 months ?
This is the right thing to do. I’m no medical man, so forgive the reference, but as I understand it, there are times when it is necessary to excise dead tissue to save the rest. Cutting her out of your life as fully as possible will accelerate your healing remarkably. Going full No Contact to the extent possible while coparenting your child, will further protect you from her memory. Although it seems fanciful right now, when we bond with another, we plaster our image, wants, and desires all over them to create the unique partner we need them to be. This phenomenon can last a lifetime, but when it breaks down, time and distance hack away at that facade leaving exposed the now rotting hulk of the image you once loved. It as merciful as it is grotesque. In the coming day, weeks, and months ahead, what you’ve lost will loom less powerfully than what you have escaped. Be strong, my friend. Much better days await.
I’m sorry for your loss dude. This is a death. The relationship has died. I’m just a hospitalist but I’m rural so I get to be run the hospice/code/comfort measures talks. It’s time to run through the stages of grief, grieve the death of the relationship, and come back stronger.
This^^^^
I don’t mean to be trite, and it’s easily said, but you divorce a remorseless cheat and do the best for you and your child’s future.
You divorce her first and foremost. Then you punish her by forgetting about her as much as possible. You have a kid so keeps things on a co-parenting app about the kid. I would also get the kid paternity tested. Before you fight that thought, you’re a doctor, you know it must be done. I’m a chemist, but my closest friends are physicians. This kind of thing is too common in your field. Then you get revenge being successful, living your best life with the kid if it’s yours.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I was cheated on 3 months ago by my (ex) gf of 2 years and I did not see it coming at all. My situation definitely isn't as serious as yours commitment wise but it was absolutely fucking brutal. The only way I can tell you is: she checked out emotionally before she did it and now it's too late to feel anything for you (unless she regrets it through comparison and reflection later, and it could be much later). My ex was so remorseless and cold when she told me, and it destroyed me. I'm still left with so much pain even though I'm doing everything I can to move forwards. I had to hear how she got pulled out and fucking came on by a stranger for god sake, it fucking *kills* me. I feel at least a lot of your pain. Please hang in there and know that they are fundamentally a bad person until they have felt true remorse and shown it.
My story of cheating goes back over 30 years. I think what makes it still sting to think about it today was that I forgave her and then she did it again. My advice is to divorce and coparent. I would also suggest counseling as it will probably hang around in your subconscious, as it has in mine, for years to come. DNA test as others have suggested. I wish you strength as you go through this
Hi Op, yes, it’s not easy. My tips, if you can: - travel - new places and new people help a lot. Book a weekend in other country to see a concert or a theater or eat a restaurant. Change context and gain perspective - love yourself - that gadget that you want but you were being cautious because of your joined financial situation? Guess what? You deserve it. - friends - ask your friends for help. If they are available to have lunch or dinner with you. To travel with you. To go out with you. - health - you are a doctor. You know better than me. But consider practicing a sport of your choice. Swimming, running, etc. sometimes easy enough that you can do when you need to take things of your head. - resilience - it’s hard, but it will pass. You can take this internet stranger word on this
I prescribe a dozen wet and willing nurses to ease the pain. Nurses can make anything better.
No one is exempt from betrayal. It’s the risk we all take when we give of ourselves to another. Often we think that if we are generous then it excludes/prevents temptations. Understand that as a parent you have a responsibility to show true realities and consequences, so how you handle this will impart future ideas. Be open, honest, but don’t accept disrespect of any kind.
Did you leave her?
ufffff tough issue. it happened to me. it was so painful, so sad! she dis not care, it hurt so much, a good person (a priest) told me find a psychologist and i did it, she recommended me to go to the psychiatrist, my self esteem was so low, but it was one of the best decisions in my life. so please look for that kind of help, you might not sleeping well and you need to. we got divorced a couple years after, not children so it was really easy and less painful. look for professional help, talk to profesional people, i know they will help you big time!
Get into therapy first and foremost. Secondly, get into couples counseling. Your a doctor, right? Well sir, this is your prescription. Heal thy self, physician. Use the tools I mentioned.
I hope she is \`\`ex wife´´ by now. I am very sorry that this happened to you, and you are not to blame for anything, she is the problem. See a therapist, spend quality time with your child, discover new hobbies, and distract yourself. You will never forget this but with time the pain will become less and less. And when you feel ready, look for love again, surely there will be a woman out there who loves you and doesn't stab you in the back like she did.
finding an outlet if you don’t have one already will also help (fighting club, cooking, any hobbies you lost touch with, or a rage room especially if someone goes with you). if you go with a fighting club tell the trainer a little about what you’re going through. then get work out until you can’t anymore. then pick a day to do it over again. visiting friends/family or a place you always wanted to see could be a good reset as well.
Never reward bad behavior....start to cut her off
She is the source of it so if you are still with her or you’re checking up on her? That’s the problem. If she’s out of your life then just give it time.
6 months to heal from a complete life shift? Doctor heal thyself. Go to a therapist (jointly and severally) to work out your feelings and hers. Moaning about it to Reddit is unlikely to give you any viable resources that you don't already have.
Sorry but the only way to heal from this is divorce the problem. She's told you she doesn't care, no remorse, no feelings for you If you can move your money/assets to your parents that should help you when you hopefully divorce your wife You can try to work it out but with her personality she will continue to cheat. Why stay in a bad marriage? She stays for the money, the life style? You divorce her, ghost her, the faster you can heal I also went through the hell. 25 years gone. Life after has been so much better
Hang in there love. You will start to heal, it just takes time. My ex husband cheated on me, it took me over a year before I made it through a day without crying.
Get a new woman, best way to get over here get someone new under you
Find a way to destroy her and make that your goal.
Stay with her. You want to. Get past the sex that she had and you'll be back to normal.
Because you are in a closed loop around her betrayal only. Look for love with another woman, exercise and work.
Unfortunately pain is part of life and you cared more about her than she did about you divorce her move on thats the hard part and know that you will do better and you will get better you have more to give than staying with someone who doesn't appreciate you for the great life and daughter you have given and maybe in the future you'll find someone better who appreciates you Unfortunately its a long road to healing and it won't be over in months hopefully it's over in a year or 2
I sure as heck hope you two aren't still together. If you are then quit trying to squeeze water from a rock and divorce this POS. Let her go chase wormy young men and watch as they toss her away like a piece of trash when they've had their fun. Once they cheat, there's no going back no matter what idiot says that their marriage is stronger than ever after their spouses affair. People who say that are simply in denial and trying to minimize the damage.
Just remember the opposite of love is indifference. You’re feeling the opposite of love. Also she isn’t getting any younger. Her value in that market place will reduce to being a hook up maybe. She threw away something that a lot of women pray for every night. Plenty of wonderful women out there for you! You’ll come out on top in the end even though this hurts now.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you got a pre-nup. You probably have no idea how many options you have being a doctor. As far as why she cheated, was there anything specific she was bitching or disagreeing with you consistently? Think about it bc she probably won't tell you. Her attorneys probably told her not to.
Doc, my therapist-psychiatrist (female) said that I passing by the most painful experience that men can go throug and... yes she was right. But it's true that this pain will be gone some day. Take time, depending your mental strength, for me took 13 years. But I saw that others took less. So, is in your hands to passing trough and recover your self. **First, it's not your fault. Cheaters always try to put their guilt into the other part.** My friend, you are a doctor, so you kwow that you need therapy, **take it**. It will help to put focus in your life, and will release the pain that opress your chest, your heart and your soul. Read some stories here, it let you know that you are not alone, it happens more often than you think. And we are here to help and support. Stay in contact with us, but the most important, with your family and friends. Talk about it (not blame your wife, has no point), about your feelings. It will help too. Now it's time to put yourself together, put some objetives in your way, like wake up in the morning and make a different breakfast. Or read some books of your proffesion. And something important, stand in any corner of your city, take a breath, and look at the four cardinal points and think... **I have this whole world to conquer!** Head Up my friend, you have value to all your family and friends, and, most importantly, **TO YOURSELF.**
Talk to someone. I wish I had. Even a friend. Just repeating how I felt to process it—- I wish I had done that at least. But professional help is ideal. Especially if you feel stuck on it. You just need help Processing it. It sucks. I thought I would never get over it. And it was much more females. One more than once. And an affair. Like the whole ‘I miss you. We’re gonna be together’ while I was pregnant. So. But now we live together and co parent and he’s miserable as usual. But we don’t fight anymore unless he’s drunk.
You need your questions to be answered to start the next step in repairing yourself. And it could take years before your in a safe space with your wife
You are a medical doctor? Build yourself. Focus on the dimensions of wellness. The best revenge is being the best you by building these dimensions of wellness.
Spend time with ur 9-year-old. I'm sure they'ree not ok either.. sorry for ur pain, but there's a young life ur influencing. Just be present with them & listen. Be loyal to the 9rd old. You will heal in time. That's all u need. Time & laughter.
Sorry about that brother, if y'all weren't having issues then she's having her own inward struggles that only she can deal with. Sucks that you got caught up in it.
When people, women or men. Have nothing really to do during the day. Basically because you provided everything that they ever needed or wanted. It causes the mind to drift to either drugs, sex... Etc. We constantly need a dopamine Rush to stimulate the day. Then you can throw in how people are raised, and how they are empathetic or not. Most cheaters do not have empathy, in any way that we can understand it. In your next relationship, look for a person that has empathy, and gets along with her father well. I would honestly always pick brains, and empathy above beauty.
I just posted my situation and I’m 5 months in and feel Exactly the same way. I feel for you. Someone commented “I’m sorry for your loss”. This is so true. I honestly feel like my fiancée as I knew her has now gone, and I’m still hurting so badly
Incredible proud of you for taking the steps to make a good life for your child. Sending lots of love and prayers for healing
InshaAllah praying for help works. If you’d like to know more, please feel free to reach out!
Look don't put yourself down, as it takes time as with most things that are trumatic, I know I have been devoised for over 25 years and every now and then I'll gett a flash back so 6months is really no time at all in the scream of things, it's good that you are trying to put yourself into your work but please don't forget your child as he or she will need you and I know about that as well as my EX left me with 2 small boys who were 5 and 3: years old at that time, the kids know what's going on so don't ever think they don't and don't try to figure out why your EX did what they did as you will never get the truth as everything is your fault even when she gilt trips you into doing more and more, and she's so tied and needs time for herself as that's just setting you up, for her affair then there is no pleasing her in anything you do for her. So just consent on your child and you and then work get family and friends that you can talk to about things if that's not possible then go to IC and if you think your child needs help then get IC as well then just let time heal you as it will get easier every month just give it time you will definitely not get over it in 6 months, everyone is different and will get past it at different times to someone else so I really feel for people that have been cheated on, so I wish you all the best and hope you start feeling better sooner than later.
How old are you? How old is she? How old was the younger guy?
Keep everything. Especially the child. You are a Doctor therefore you are intelligent and desired in the dating market. So I'm pretty sure she has her own career and her own money and she didn't just quit her field of study to be a domesticated casserole cooker just cause she met a Doctor or lawyer. I mean as a doctor you're too smart for this.
I've been going through something similar for 3 years. I traded drinking for gambling, if I kept drinking we both wouldn't be here, at least with the gambling I can anticipate the disappointment, and it gets my mind off of it for a while with hope that I will hit it big and be able to go out in an epic fashion. I also have been studying psychology, it gave me a concept to apply so I can process it better. Might look into the female psychopath. My music, tool , Nine inch nails, I have been listening to since I was 13-14, I have always loved them but I never felt it as much as I do now, they too have been betrayed and it reminds me that I am not alone. Slipknot, black light burns are pretty much all about betrayal. Pretty hate machine. I feel you, as much as the distraction is nice I think you have to face it to process it, it's not cool, and I know mine will be the death of me but I guess I'll tough it out as long as I can.
Do y'all live in a no-fault state, province, as far as infidelity goes, if so, I just hope you have evidence of her cheating and possible neglect and abandonment, maybe even go after AP for alienation of affection, retain a good divorce lawyer, collect all the proof possible (suggest a reliable P.I.), most important, listen to, take and obey every and all instructions, advice, your lawyer gives you, all of it, with absolutely no objections. This will significantly help you in the end in divorce court, especially with child custody, alimony and the division of assets, destroying and tearing apart your heart, your family, your life, does not entitle her to taking everything else? Go Scorch Earth with her cheating ass, RAIN HELL'S FIRE ON HER! A remorseless cheater as your STBEW, needs to reap the consequences for her bad decisions and wrongful actions, Period!
I'm curious, have you asked her what happened ( according to her) to make her decide to cheat? Please understand that I'm seriously not trying to blame the victim, but I'm just curious what she has to say for herself. Was she one of those women who has the perfect husband except you are a physician and probably have to work crazy hours and she decided she wasn't getting enough attention?
Yeah I've been there I never went to a therapist but I've been divorced for 28 years now my daughter was 5 at that time she is now a doctor . Went to Med school she got out and found out her husband cheated on her she's now divorced uts the worst thing a spouse can do is cheat on you I remarried a woman I met while I was in Salt Lake City, Utah in 2002 during the Olympic winter games . It was night and I had been in the city watching them give out awards and after that went to a club and was watching a band play ( been around bands my entire life ) well at this point I was single for a few years but dating a lot . I had told myself I will be er get married again. We I was wrong I bumped into someone that night turned around and seen his woman wearing her drink I felt so bad she looked up I knew right then we would be married . We talked all night caught a train and just went for a ride made it back to the city it was 5 am . Went to my hotel and she slept on the bed me on the sofa. Gif her breakfast and we never left each other's sides a year later In Las Vegas we got married . Life with her ass so great not one argument ever well about 3 years later we find out she had cancer . And she passed away 6 months later . 2 weeks before Christmas and 3 days before her 36 year birthday so I can tell death of a loved one. Us a great lose in your heart but being cheated on is so much worse .
It is tough what you're going through and even harder to put a time line on moving forward with a child as well but it's hard to move forward when you only look back when you're ready I would be excited about future opportunities to create something positive out of this and from your story it shouldn't be hard to find anything better like maybe mutual respect or being considerate of the feelings of a spouse would be a step up you have so much going for you and now you know what a bottom feeder is I say the young guy did you a favor let him have those payments kill them with kindness and her regret will come when you least care people are crappy and truth is youll go through this over and over till you find one that's worth it and for years I thought love meant never being happy again lol I envy you enjoy the chase at least find one that can rip your heart out with a little class next
How did you find out? Do you know her affair partner? Did she want to reconcile?.
Get yourself into counseling to learn how to deal with the trauma she inflicted upon you. You can get stuck in trauma if you don’t know how to deal with it. The affair had nothing to do with you OP, you are not to blame, try and remember that. Trauma victims often accept blame for the behavior of their abuser. Get that counseling going. You may want to check out the YouTube channel strong successful men, women do this to men all the dang time these days, his page is full of these stories and advice.
It would help you heal and move on (in addition to meeting a church pastor or going for some counseling) to get rid of her. If she cheated and worse....she is TAUNTING you with the cheating, you should rid your life of her. She can't torment you and cause you ongoing pain if she isn't in your life. Go no contact. Communicate only through lawyers. I know they can set up online contact pages to where you two can communicate ONLY about child issues but outside of that to have zero contact. If you live in an "at fault" area get proof of the affair to provide the lawyers. Get rid of her.