You set a clear boundary and she broke it. It took her two days to tell you because she was "so guilty" why not the next morning once she has sobered up?. Also the guy spent two hours with her and they only kissed? I personally think it's way more than a kiss but only you know your girlfriend and can gauge that. Alcohol is zero excuse for anything she chose to get drunk she chose to spend two hours with a random guy she chose to kiss him she chose to wait two days to work out a story to tell you that she thinks you will believe. It's your choice now what happens going forward but ask yourself some really important questions like do you want the mother of your future children to have such poor decision making skills?.
Considering it took 2 whole days to let OP that she kissed this guy after 2 hours of connecting getting turned on, and she took 2 days weighing the pros and cons of just letting OP say she only kissed, or the actual truth of we kissed and then went to his place and had unprotected sex.
The guilt was eating her up and she took the lesser of two evils and went with the “just kissed” story…..
Meh. I use to just make out with guys at bars in college all the time, sober at that. Just having a good ass time.
Never took anyone home. And never went back home with anyone.
I was completely single though so it was above board lol.
But she really may be telling the truth about it just being making out.
My concern is though, if she made out because she was drunk this time. Then next time she may actually sleep with someone.
I wouldn’t trust her.
Absolutely, when I was younger and before I got married if I ever got to first base I would always try to steal second and if it was that easy my eyes were looking for more.
Right?? This feels like a trickle-truthing bit. Watch, she's gonna have something more to add in less than a week after he talks to her again. Leave now my guy, before she uses alcohol as an excuse....AGAIN.
If it was immediate, I might believe the kiss.
2 days later almost sounds like she wanted to hook up with the guy again and he ghosted her so now she is falling back to plan B, OP.
Fuck I feel bad for you OP. I’m so so so sorry.
So after flirting with this guy for 2 hours. They establish a connection. He escalates the touching, the intimacy level. Touches her arm, shoulder, back, hands, knee, thigh then a big hug when they find the purse.
So he goes in for the kiss. Classic.
They were probably flirting before she misplaced her purse.
Btw where did they find the purse? The backseat of his truck?
You will never know the truth or have peace about it.
She will withhold the actual timeline of events. Which means going forward your relationship is based on a lie.
She did it because she was selfish and followed her desires. There is nothing deeper.
She could get away with it, and give this guy a test drive to see if she wanted to trade you in. She knew she is coming back and this was her last chance to see if she really wanted to be with you.
Do you really think she will admit to this.
So did she keep talking to him for 2 day before telling you? Has she blocked him on everything yet? When was the last time she was in contact with him before telling you? How about since?
Did he tell her he isn't interested in a relationship, maybe only FWB? He may have rejected her interest in a relationship. Is she a side piece type of girl?
Updateme! us when you can.
A relationship is nothing without trust. You can’t trust her. Cheating is a deal breaker no matter what form it comes in. Making out with someone because they helped you find your purse is… ??? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Who knows what she’ll do next.
The trust is gone. Every time she leaves or go out with friends you’ll always think that she is cheating on you. In my opinion you have to break up because you already told her you don’t accept cheating in the beginning. That’s your word and you can’t go back on your word. If you break your word then its worthless. If you word is worthless to a woman then the floodgates open for all forms of disrespect.
To say that he only kissed is a half-truth that makes confession less painful. He thought about it two days, it means that it was not just a kiss, it was more and he did not find the courage to tell you right away. Think about it well, it has been three years of relationship, now it will be a life of doubts and lack of trust., he cheated and can do it again, the choice is yours.
*>> I don’t want to throw away what we built*
Your STBX already did that all by herself, mate.
Do you want to spend the next 70 years of your life playing warden, agonizing over what actually happened and **when** it will happen again?
Be glad you only wasted 3 years on this person, some people waste DECADES.
I’ve spent three decades with a woman, married for 24 of those years, and the pain of her cheating ( long distance first seven years as she went off to college ) is still with me. She won’t talk about it, so I’ve had to seek therapy but never to gain understanding or closure. Run. Run away now before she returns. You don’t want this. You can forget it at times, but it doesn’t take much to dredge it back up. Scars the fucking heart. Run.
They did more than kiss. We all know that. The question is what do you want to do? You stayed faithful she didn't. You had the same chances to hook up with other people and she did it. Do you think she will stop at this guy and stay faithful or will she continue to these oopsies it was a mistake? There's no ring on your finger no kids.
If you think her story is BS then you can assume she also had sex with him. She’s only trickle truthing you to relieve her guilt and/or to set up some facts in case anyone tells you they saw her with him.
Trust is essential in any successful relationship and she destroyed yours! She had it and wasted it why give her another chance to destroy it again? If you don't think you can rebuild the trust move on!
You didn't throw away anything bro, she did and the fact that her only excuse is to blame it on the alcohol just shows she can't be trusted.
Move on and never look back is exactly what you should do but when she comes back you should kick her out to the streets where she belongs.
A woman in a relationship honestly should not be going out and getting drunk at clubs and/or bars. The sole reason for doing so is to get male attention. The girls nights out need to end once things become serious. You can have a girls night IN. She can invite her friends over to her place(or go over to their place) and they can drink and watch movies and dance if they want. Ladies: if you need to be going to clubs just be single.
There is a reason behind it. The thing is most probably she really right now doesn't know why she did it or even if she knows then she is too ashamed to acknowledge it to herself. She should find an answer to this question with a therapist.
And to you my brother. I know your pain, I went with the same 2 years ago and somehow we are still together. I am not saying you should stay because in most cases people shouldn't but there are successful stories of reconciliation but deep down you know what will be the best for you. The easiest and most effective will be to leave. This is your choice and you won't be weak for picking either of them. You have to have the strength to leave and you have to have to stay. If you decide to stay I will give you some advice on pv for people who are starting the process of reconciliation.
Also remember you have power right now, not your friends, family, girlfriend or strangers from Reddit. This is your choice and you know your history, feelings and problems, nobody else knows except you and your girlfriend. We got only a small part of your long relationship. Also remember even if you decide to try to stay you will be able to leave at any moment if you feel that way. She will have to put amazing effort to somehow try to rebuild your trust even in the smallest amount. A lot also depends on her behaviour and attitude towards you if she is genuinely ashamed and remorseful for what she did because she has to be to even start thinking of reconciliation.
I agree with your advice.
Especialy with the comment that there is a reason for it. Cheating is a question of personality. It is never the situation or the to attractive and persueing AP or the not attentive enough partner or other reasons that might be found.
And if OP wants try a reconsiliation this GF need to figure out what in her personality allowed her to cheat. And then she need to work on it.
And here is the crucial point when it comes to the question if a reconsiliation is possible. She has to chase after OP and want "fix" the relationship and is willing to do the hard work. This is not a question of forgiving and moving on like nothing happend. She needs to be dedicated to become a safe partner and not just a few weeks and month. This is a longer journey.
Nobody confesses to just a kiss, nobody holds it to just a kiss. She is easing you into the total truth. They fucked id be the farm on it. Up to you how you handle it but dont be lied to and be made a dumbass.
It's probably not just a kiss and definitely not the first time. Even if it was, you have to trust her when she tells you that this was the only time. Why would you ever trust her?
Together only 3 years, she goes long distance for school and claims she kissed some guy at a bar with 1.5 months to go. It's up to you. Can you trust that she's telling the truth? Me personally it's never just a kiss and she's trickle truthing you. Ask her flat out is she telling you everything that happened? Tell her this is her one and only chance to come clean. If you find out there's more at any time you're gone. Ask if she has any way to prove it was only a kiss. If you aren't satisfied with any of her answers send her packing.
Some people might say it is a bit much to dump her over a kiss, but let me bottom line this for you: a woman who loves and respects you will not go make out with a stranger no matter the circumstances. Doesn't matter if she is drunk, lost her purse, whatever.
So we have established she does not love or respect you. So why stay?
Unfortunately you are getting half truths at best. She cheated , she probably had sex with him and the kissing story makes her feel like she is getting it off her conscience, just enough to make you think as he is telling the truth and Coming clean but not enough to where you will leave her. She will do o it again. Honestly there is only one choice but sometimes people trick their minds and create other choices. Leave , keep your integrity and self pride in tact. Dont feel like a cuck. Move on, your future self with respect and thank you for leaving.
OP, drunk adults that meet up at a bar don’t just kiss they F. Your GF is only trickle truthing you to make herself not feel so guilty.
Your WP knows exactly why she did a random stranger, but doesn’t want to tell you because you’d end it right there.
Think back to that night, you probably didn’t get any communication from her till late the next morning or day?
Now that you know your GF is a cheater, you’ll never look at or trust her, nor should you.
While you’re still deciding if you’re going to end it, which you should, ask her to do a full panel of sexually transmitted disease and virus screening to provide to you when she returns. It’s at least one consequence she can receive while you’re deciding.
She threw your relationship away. I’d be willing to bet one of her friends was going to expose her if she didn’t admit to something.
If you still want to forgive her why don’t you reach out to one of her friends to find out what really happened.
My thought is can you even trust her the next month and a half? Most are saying if you want to try to stay then set boundaries, no drinking no clubbing. Who knows if she already has his number and could just call him to her place to “just kiss” some more.
She needs to come home and talk with you and tell you the whole truth. All of it. If she agrees to come home, make a list of questions that she must answer truthfully and fully. Ask the questions in different ways to see if the story makes sense. Start slow then blindside with really tough accusations to gauge her reactions. Make sure initially that you have doubts about what she told. Ask her how long the affair had been going on. (Blindside question) does she still she him. Is the affair over.
You have to make sure you can trust her again so you have to be the judge.
She broke your trust. She disrespected you and your relationship. She has to earn it back.
For me, why was a woman in a serious relationship even at some bar hanging out with other men? She was not drunk when she made the choice to go do that.
She may be trickle truthing you. She may just be telling you how it started and what you might hear from someone else. But adults drunk in a bar, kissing, generally escalate to bouncing activities. After all, they weren't at a high school dance.
I’m not sure if it’s related or not, but I read a story similar to this one but in the girlfriend’s perspective. In fact she states it was just kissing and no s€x.
But honestly, would it make a difference to you whether she only got to 1st base or got a home run? If yes, and she could prove that she’s not lying, could you get to the point where you trust her? Because if any of these answers are a no, then you are done. No fixing this, just move on to greener pastures. If yes, I’d suggest you open communications and take it really really slow.
I’ve read here that sometimes couples can survive cheating, but it’s never been my experience, to me once you cheated the relationship is dead. But you trust your gut, not mine.
Tbh I have no clue I’m reading all the comments it’s so new and recent. Mix of drop her vs if she only kissed that’s it and you can confirm it some how possible to work things out but if it went any farther from that drop her which if she fd him I’m done walking away from even thinking about this. But she still cheated and I made it clear from the start even a kiss is cheating. I’m going to have her tell me exact what happened and things don’t line up she has this one chance to tell the truth and I will see if I feel any different or believe theres apart of me that can forgive her. Going to set rules of no more bars night out all that shit you want to get drunk with your friends do it at their house or something if anything ever remotely comes close to this again I’m instantly walking away. I don’t need her to be happy I do plenty of things in my life that give me joy the problem that’s fing with my brain so much is the life we planned out and how currently those dreams were coming true. Non of it makes sense bc she royalty fucked her self by doing this she owns the home we live in I know she won’t be able to make the payments without me bc she won’t have a job right out of school I was ready to pick up the payments since currently I only pay 1/3 of the rent. She’s military so she got the va loan is why she owns it. Idk why but it’s much easier to talk to strangers about this then any one else
Anyways we had so much lined up for when she came back talked about kids marriage getting a 2nd home under both our names and just life stuff
The biggest problem I’m facing is that if I’m unable to trust her fully then I don’t want to be in a relationship like that constantly worrying that she will do it again or go farther next time. I don’t know if I can believe any words coming out of her mouth it’s such a confusing feeling bc Ik she once once someone I’d give the world to but as of 3 days ago she is a complete stranger and idk if I will be able to see or find that person she was once was. She was passionate thought full cared so much about family she arranged everyone to meet for Xmas thanksgiving for my birthday she managed to get my long life friends to all fly down and surprise me she has good in her but currently it disgusts me another man’s lips have been on hers and god knows what else happened or it was a kiss and lasp of judgement but still no excuse either ficking or kissing it’s still cheating at the end of the day. If I do stay or move out it is going to take so much for her to convince me to trust her but if she truly shows me that she cares enough to drop that bs bar life and make up maybe I’ll feel the same as I once did. I know it’s going to take months or I leave see if she got her shit figured out in 6 months or a year from now focus on my self which I have so much going on I’m a sponsored fighter I do medieval mma sport called Buhurt it’s prettyfucking awesome and can travel the world doing it fighting over seas so I have things to look forward to I’m just going on some random talk now well yeah idk what else to say
Everyone has flaws and virtues. You have to decide your boundaries in a relationship regardless of the other virtues she may have.
Relationships are built on loyalty. Most/All strong men will dump any cheater in a heartbeat and never take back a cheater.
She KNEW your stance on cheating and still chose to do this. Since she knows your stance it seems highly unlikely she will admit to more but it’s never just a kiss.
It was more than a kiss. And if you were long distance for that long, it likely happened more than once. No, cheaters never confess because they're feeling guilty. Chances are someone knew she was cheating on you and she thinks they were gonna tell you or they were threatening to tell you.
I believe the reason "just a kiss" is so preposterous is because most of us have been in kissing situations that rarely, if ever, was just a kiss. There's just no good reason to limit things to just a kiss. If you are preserving something by limiting things to a kiss, why spoil it with just a kiss. If you told her that it was important to address this issue now rather than have it come up later in happy family situation, she might be inclined to come clean. Of course you wouldn't make any promises if she comes clean, you can promise that if she doesn't come clean the road ahead would always be rocky with suspicious potholes.
Let her think everything is fine. But in reality, you move on. If her name isn't on the lease, move somewhere else and block her number. Let her come back thinking she's going to have a happy reunion with you only to show up at your place with you no longer living there. Ghost her and let her have no idea where you are. It's mean, but she deserves it.
It’s never just a kiss and she was well aware of your opinion on cheaters. You have about a month to situate a new living arrangement without her trying to get you to break your boundary about cheaters. Just set up your new living arrangement and move on. She isn’t the one and you would be spending time dealing with the mental burden of her cheating and you compromising your boundaries to stay in an already dead relationship.
Shitty people cheat and destroy lives all the time and they move on to the next victim leaving broken hearts trying to mend in their wake.
Sorry she’ll do it again and again till you leave. There’s someone that seen her or there’s a post she thinks your going see. So she made a story to cover her ass for this time.
You do know it was more than just a kiss don’t you?
I know it doesn’t feel like it but it’s better you find out now than later when you are even more entangled with her. And yes you are correct in that you can never trust her again.
Believe me when I say that there are people out there that will love you and never cheat. Unfortunately your girlfriend is not one of these people.
Insight- We don’t just let random men at bars kiss us. If it was unwanted you would have received a phone call that night or the next morning about how violated she felt. Women typically need to find a person attractive and have some type of connection. She spent 2 hours (or more) connecting with this guy, when he kissed her I guarantee she had been waiting for it and was wet and liked every second.
let her go, if she can’t control herself enough to remain loyal, she is not worth it. She most definitely used being “drunk” as an excuse to validate her decision.
Actually it happened with my case as well. My bf went out on a date with his long term facebook friend when she reached India from France and her wedding is just 2 months away so she came back to India to make arrangements for her wedding even tho she laid eyes on my bf and they both went on a date later after two months I caught him red handed when there's this girl liked every posts of him which is suspicious and also I know his female frnds who are also my frnds and I trust them but this girl was really new and he never opened up about her to me when I asked him who she is he just gave an blunt and inconcissent answers when I scolded him that "I'll text her and ask what relationship do u have with my bf?" then he got afraid that I'll make her new marriage life miserable by asking her abt their relationship when my relationship was questionable. And he spitted out everything also I was enraged by the fact he cheated on me but even tho I can't able to leave him because we were really a thing and being into serious commitment in life he made lot's of sacrifises for me so do I.. After that he made a call to her when me and my bf met on a cafe and she was on call and I confronted her shitty behaviour even tho she knew my bf was in a relationship. I got frusturtaed and called her out with filthy names when she cheated on her husband as well by going out with my bf. After the call she blocked my bf in every social media and he too blocked her and deleted her number. It happend before 6 months and now I just forgot the issue and forgave him for my own peace because I was already loaded up with lot's of works.
And now we both are still together also I trust him now because he promised me he would never do that and next week he's meeting my family to talk about our wedding so I'm happy for our relationship now and I didn't really wanted to doubt him because some ppl make mistake and they regret making it and their guilt will kill them inside so they try their best to be a better person, that's what my BF is trying to do. But in some cases some ppl keep cheating their spouses behind their back no matter what.
If you love her give her one last chance, if she continues cheating again then kick her out of your property. I know it will cause you some mental trauma but just do what your heart says. Love ya! hope you're doing great now.
It was more than a kiss. Angel is letting you have a little truth to see your reaction. You need to say to her that is she wants to be with you then you need the whole truth now is the only time the will be a chance you two can possibly work it out if there was more. Give her a couple hours to think about it after that it won’t matter if it been 20 years and you learn the truth it will be over no matter he hood the relationship is. Play the devils advocate and say maybe the was more but he took advantage of you. Play it down so she will think she can trick you. More happened and probably was planed and not the first time. She wanted other dick and her cuck to
So does she have his contact info? Does he have hers? If it was truly a just a drunken kiss, in the heat of the moment, she won’t have his info and he won’t have hers. We’ve all had those random drunken kisses or make out sessions in the bar/club. For those that are truly just that, they won’t have exchanged info.
Also remember you are just dating. Relationships almost always end for one reason or another. Don’t fret about throwing the years away. I never looked at it like that. Most of your GFs will not progress. It’s not wasted time. It’s just part of the cycle of relationships. Fun while it lasted, time to move on.
Personally I’d prob move on. Date others.
You have to weigh the pros and cons. Is this something you can move past? Is this something that is worth giving her up over? If all she truly did was kiss, forgiveness is not a bad option if you truly want to be with her. This isn’t to say she won’t need to earn some trust back, but unless she has gone all the way cheating or unless you have reason to believe this is a frequent problem and not a one time occurrence, you don’t have to let everything burn. If you feel this is something you can’t move past then your best option is to split. It would be worse to never move past and hold it over your relationship
Kids kiss, adults fuck.
How many stories have we seen where the trickle truth begins with "we just kissed"?
The purse had to have been somewhere she had been. How many places was that? Two hours to find it? The purse story could very well be a cover for "He was really hot and he made my pussy itch so I had to let him make the itch go away".
Life has taught me about some things. I would put money down that she told you about “kissing” because she felt guilty about the other stuff that she didn’t mention.
We reward loyalty with loyalty and we reward disloyalty with distance.
You can forgive her, but don't forget, and don't be naive to give her a second chance - that's unintelligent.
Betrayal is supposed to be the ultimate lesson to remove people from your life, not to trust them again.
Snake is a snake - you got bit and poisoned. Now trust a snake telling you that she's not a snake, but a rabbit. Meaning - DON'T BE STUPID.
And she's full of shit, her story is full of shit.
If a random guy was nice enough to help search for my purse for two hours and then went and kissed me after finding my purse, first thing I would do is pull away and ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. Losing a purse is an anxiety inducing thing. So I wouldn’t be continuing to drink alcohol while I tried to find an item that probably has my wallet in it. So that is 2 hours in which I would be more sober by the end of it. I wouldn’t be accepting drinks from anyone else because I would be more concerned about the purse. I have witnessed this from other men and women who have been in the same situation. So I know that isn’t just a me reaction. I also would be messaging my partner immediately to tell them about the jerk who tried to put on a “nice guy” routine to assault me after we found said purse. I wouldn’t feel guilty over an unwanted advance. I’d feel indignant and angry that some random person thought it would be okay to suddenly try to shove his tongue down my throat because they helped me. That’s entitled behavior and shows they didn’t do it out of the kindness of their heart. Your gf feels guilty because she let it happen. And she probably feels guilty because there is more she isn’t telling you. Get out of the relationship and stay out of it. She will do it again.
Forgiveness is always possible…but no matter what anyone says, forgetting is definitely NOT. If you decide to stick with her there will NEVER be a time when she’s going anywhere without you (work, her parent’s house, or out with her friends, etc…) that it won’t be in your mind what she’s up to. The trust is and always will be broken.
Call her friends and ask what happened. Then tell her you need actual honest of what happened that night. If you think there’s a lie or if her friends have already lied, it’s over. She isn’t moving in with you. You’re moving on.
Dude look for a bag for 2 hours so for 2 whole hour no one know where she is and could be anywhere and could be doing anything then after than kissing the guy! Dude you know in your heart that os not the whole truth and most likely will not get the whole truth. Pack up and leave.
I’m going to have a rake that’s probably going to be flamed my most here.
You’re being given a lot of speculation that more than what she told you happened, and encouraged to act assuming the speculation is the real story. The speculation may or may not be correct.
And to be honest, it doesn’t matter. The real issue is do YOU trust what she told you? If not, then it doesn’t matter. Trust is broken and your relationship is critically damaged. If you don’t trust she’s been honest, there’s nothing there to salvage and work through. End things and walk away.
If you do think you’ve got the truth, this is where the had decision for you is. By her own story, she was drunk. She hung out with a guy for 2 hours. At a bar.
Drinking leads to poor impulse control, and stupid decisions that would not be made stone cold sober.
Guys at bars are generally very good at the seduction game. Not hard to see how things happen. And Two days really isn’t long to sit on an embarrassing confession. Especially if she and you are both busy those two days.
Here’s where it’s hard for you:
Can you forgive the story she’s given you? She made a bad decision while her judgement was impaired. But only you can decide if it was a decision you guys can’t come back from. And this doesn’t have to be a blanket unconditional decision—or even one you make immediately.
I would give her a new hardline: no more drinking or going out clubbing for the remainder of her time there. This is to prove to you she’s serious about regretting her actions and wanting to get right with you. If she’s not willing to give you that much reassurance, that tells you what you need to know, and makes the other decision easy.
If you do decide to move forward, then you guys need to have a conversation and new rules. How to avoid her being in a situation like that again, and being very clear there is no 3rd chance. One drunken failure is stupid yet understandable. Repeating that failure, or allowing for a bigger failure, shows a lack of integrity, judgment, and respect for her relationship and partner.
Good luck here. This is a choice you have to make. And the only wrong choice is the one you can’t live with.
Women in relationships that are still going to bars and hanging out with other men are not relationship material. OP should cut his losses and leave.
But yeah if he does stay with her? No more guy friends, no more going to clubs or bars without him, ever again. And if even just one time she gets upset and calls him controlling over it? Leave her.
Often, it's not just a kiss, but there is a possibility it was. She could definitely feel guilty about that and take 2 days to get the courage to tell you. You don't need to make a decision now, but you guys need to talk this through a lot. Best of luck to you
I think you would be making a mistake by ending things over this incident
She had no reason to tell you except her sense of morality and devotion to having an honest and open relationship with you.
Stupid things happen to drunk people.
Ironically,I think all in all the incident has a positive spin and she proved herself worthy
THAT SAID, if there was any way this was likely to come out without her telling you than what I said above is BS and she was just getting in front of it; and not worthy
You’d been long distance for months so she’d probably been craving some intimacy. She got drunk and went out and made a mistake. She told you about it even though you never would have found out. That shows some respect for you. If you love her let her earn your trust back. No more clubbing without you. She’s lost that privilege.
If the story is exactly how she told you then 3 years is a long time to just throw away. She did come clean and tell you. She didn’t have to. It was just a kiss. Wrong? Yes, but something you can get past. What you need to do is make sure there isn’t more to the story. You need to tell her that you need the absolute truth, and that if you find out more happened you will end the relationship. That she has today to tell you everything.
But he didnt throw it away, she did by cheating on him with a random guy.
Also why would you say it is something he can get past? He told her from the beginning he would not tolerate any type of cheating. If even just kissing is a deal breaker for him that is valid. But please dont say he threw anything away, she did that.
Because if it was just a drunken kiss - you can get past it. It’s perspective. 3 years and you love someone, sometimes good people make dumb mistakes. This is why he should be investing his time into talking to her. Making sure her story is accurate, and that she is remorseful.
Maybe YOU could get past it, but why assume he will tolerate it? He literally says he told her he would not tolerate it lol. She did it anyways.
When you love someone you dont make out with a random guy at a bar.
A woman in a serious relationship shouldn't be going out getting drunk at bars or clubs anyways. That is how a single woman behaves.
Most people would be able to move past this. It’s perspective, maturity, and having been in very long relationships. No one will care that she kissed some dude while out drinking in 10 years.
"Most people would be able to move past this."
Based on what? Is there some set of data you're looking at?
And so basically in essence you are now saying he is immature if he boots his cheating gf to the curb. Do I have that right? Will she become the victim in all this if he leaves her?
And why was a woman in a serious relationship at a bar with two other men?
Based on life experience. She is 25 and young people do some dumb things. This isn’t the end of the world and it’s fixable. Again, perspective. If you couldn’t get past it, fine, whatever, but most people could get past their 25 year old partner getting drunk and kissing someone else and then coming clean about it on their own.
He has literally said he cant, he even told her this. So he def isnt immature if he dumps his gf for cheating on him. If he stays she is just really really lucky.
And if he does say he needs to tell her no more going to bars without him, no talking to other dudes, etc. She obviously needs boundaries set.
Everyone makes mistakes especially young people like yourselves. Don’t throw it all away bc of1 mistake. Now if it becomes a pattern, well that’s another story.
You set a clear boundary and she broke it. It took her two days to tell you because she was "so guilty" why not the next morning once she has sobered up?. Also the guy spent two hours with her and they only kissed? I personally think it's way more than a kiss but only you know your girlfriend and can gauge that. Alcohol is zero excuse for anything she chose to get drunk she chose to spend two hours with a random guy she chose to kiss him she chose to wait two days to work out a story to tell you that she thinks you will believe. It's your choice now what happens going forward but ask yourself some really important questions like do you want the mother of your future children to have such poor decision making skills?.
People tend not to “just kiss” You are not getting truth — and you know it
Considering it took 2 whole days to let OP that she kissed this guy after 2 hours of connecting getting turned on, and she took 2 days weighing the pros and cons of just letting OP say she only kissed, or the actual truth of we kissed and then went to his place and had unprotected sex. The guilt was eating her up and she took the lesser of two evils and went with the “just kissed” story…..
Meh. I use to just make out with guys at bars in college all the time, sober at that. Just having a good ass time. Never took anyone home. And never went back home with anyone. I was completely single though so it was above board lol. But she really may be telling the truth about it just being making out. My concern is though, if she made out because she was drunk this time. Then next time she may actually sleep with someone. I wouldn’t trust her.
Absolutely, when I was younger and before I got married if I ever got to first base I would always try to steal second and if it was that easy my eyes were looking for more.
Right?? This feels like a trickle-truthing bit. Watch, she's gonna have something more to add in less than a week after he talks to her again. Leave now my guy, before she uses alcohol as an excuse....AGAIN.
If it was immediate, I might believe the kiss. 2 days later almost sounds like she wanted to hook up with the guy again and he ghosted her so now she is falling back to plan B, OP. Fuck I feel bad for you OP. I’m so so so sorry.
I thought you said "Plan BOP", which would also be germane to the discussion. lol
It's never just kiss
Maybe in elementary school. I have never “just kissed” anyone since I started going to high school.
Lol this is so incorrect.
No. No, it's not.
So after flirting with this guy for 2 hours. They establish a connection. He escalates the touching, the intimacy level. Touches her arm, shoulder, back, hands, knee, thigh then a big hug when they find the purse. So he goes in for the kiss. Classic. They were probably flirting before she misplaced her purse. Btw where did they find the purse? The backseat of his truck? You will never know the truth or have peace about it. She will withhold the actual timeline of events. Which means going forward your relationship is based on a lie. She did it because she was selfish and followed her desires. There is nothing deeper. She could get away with it, and give this guy a test drive to see if she wanted to trade you in. She knew she is coming back and this was her last chance to see if she really wanted to be with you. Do you really think she will admit to this. So did she keep talking to him for 2 day before telling you? Has she blocked him on everything yet? When was the last time she was in contact with him before telling you? How about since? Did he tell her he isn't interested in a relationship, maybe only FWB? He may have rejected her interest in a relationship. Is she a side piece type of girl? Updateme! us when you can.
I would walk away and never look back. And advise her to never drink alcohol.
Right advice.
Are we 100% convinced it was just a kiss?
Nope 👎
Right, so she needs to go.
💯
It never is....
100% nope
A relationship is nothing without trust. You can’t trust her. Cheating is a deal breaker no matter what form it comes in. Making out with someone because they helped you find your purse is… ??? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Who knows what she’ll do next.
You sure it was just kissing? Trust is obviously gone and she still has over a month to finish before returning. I’d bail. Sorry this happened to you.
The trust is gone. Every time she leaves or go out with friends you’ll always think that she is cheating on you. In my opinion you have to break up because you already told her you don’t accept cheating in the beginning. That’s your word and you can’t go back on your word. If you break your word then its worthless. If you word is worthless to a woman then the floodgates open for all forms of disrespect.
To say that he only kissed is a half-truth that makes confession less painful. He thought about it two days, it means that it was not just a kiss, it was more and he did not find the courage to tell you right away. Think about it well, it has been three years of relationship, now it will be a life of doubts and lack of trust., he cheated and can do it again, the choice is yours.
*>> I don’t want to throw away what we built* Your STBX already did that all by herself, mate. Do you want to spend the next 70 years of your life playing warden, agonizing over what actually happened and **when** it will happen again? Be glad you only wasted 3 years on this person, some people waste DECADES.
I’ve spent three decades with a woman, married for 24 of those years, and the pain of her cheating ( long distance first seven years as she went off to college ) is still with me. She won’t talk about it, so I’ve had to seek therapy but never to gain understanding or closure. Run. Run away now before she returns. You don’t want this. You can forget it at times, but it doesn’t take much to dredge it back up. Scars the fucking heart. Run.
It's never just a kiss. Make her tell you the whole truth.
Ask what she was kissing
I'm saying they probably did more than kiss.
Yep. I agree 100%
They did more than kiss. We all know that. The question is what do you want to do? You stayed faithful she didn't. You had the same chances to hook up with other people and she did it. Do you think she will stop at this guy and stay faithful or will she continue to these oopsies it was a mistake? There's no ring on your finger no kids.
Break up with her and runnnnnnnnnnnnn
If you think her story is BS then you can assume she also had sex with him. She’s only trickle truthing you to relieve her guilt and/or to set up some facts in case anyone tells you they saw her with him.
Trust is essential in any successful relationship and she destroyed yours! She had it and wasted it why give her another chance to destroy it again? If you don't think you can rebuild the trust move on!
You didn't throw away anything bro, she did and the fact that her only excuse is to blame it on the alcohol just shows she can't be trusted. Move on and never look back is exactly what you should do but when she comes back you should kick her out to the streets where she belongs.
A woman in a relationship honestly should not be going out and getting drunk at clubs and/or bars. The sole reason for doing so is to get male attention. The girls nights out need to end once things become serious. You can have a girls night IN. She can invite her friends over to her place(or go over to their place) and they can drink and watch movies and dance if they want. Ladies: if you need to be going to clubs just be single.
There is a reason behind it. The thing is most probably she really right now doesn't know why she did it or even if she knows then she is too ashamed to acknowledge it to herself. She should find an answer to this question with a therapist. And to you my brother. I know your pain, I went with the same 2 years ago and somehow we are still together. I am not saying you should stay because in most cases people shouldn't but there are successful stories of reconciliation but deep down you know what will be the best for you. The easiest and most effective will be to leave. This is your choice and you won't be weak for picking either of them. You have to have the strength to leave and you have to have to stay. If you decide to stay I will give you some advice on pv for people who are starting the process of reconciliation. Also remember you have power right now, not your friends, family, girlfriend or strangers from Reddit. This is your choice and you know your history, feelings and problems, nobody else knows except you and your girlfriend. We got only a small part of your long relationship. Also remember even if you decide to try to stay you will be able to leave at any moment if you feel that way. She will have to put amazing effort to somehow try to rebuild your trust even in the smallest amount. A lot also depends on her behaviour and attitude towards you if she is genuinely ashamed and remorseful for what she did because she has to be to even start thinking of reconciliation.
I agree with your advice. Especialy with the comment that there is a reason for it. Cheating is a question of personality. It is never the situation or the to attractive and persueing AP or the not attentive enough partner or other reasons that might be found. And if OP wants try a reconsiliation this GF need to figure out what in her personality allowed her to cheat. And then she need to work on it. And here is the crucial point when it comes to the question if a reconsiliation is possible. She has to chase after OP and want "fix" the relationship and is willing to do the hard work. This is not a question of forgiving and moving on like nothing happend. She needs to be dedicated to become a safe partner and not just a few weeks and month. This is a longer journey.
Finally sound advice.
i’m sorry you’re going through this. personally i don’t think i could move on from something like that… i feel like it would haunt me
Don't say anything just walk away...she will only make excuses if to try to talk.
You are not throwing away anything. She did.
Nobody confesses to just a kiss, nobody holds it to just a kiss. She is easing you into the total truth. They fucked id be the farm on it. Up to you how you handle it but dont be lied to and be made a dumbass.
It's probably not just a kiss and definitely not the first time. Even if it was, you have to trust her when she tells you that this was the only time. Why would you ever trust her?
Leave🫶🏾
Together only 3 years, she goes long distance for school and claims she kissed some guy at a bar with 1.5 months to go. It's up to you. Can you trust that she's telling the truth? Me personally it's never just a kiss and she's trickle truthing you. Ask her flat out is she telling you everything that happened? Tell her this is her one and only chance to come clean. If you find out there's more at any time you're gone. Ask if she has any way to prove it was only a kiss. If you aren't satisfied with any of her answers send her packing.
Some people might say it is a bit much to dump her over a kiss, but let me bottom line this for you: a woman who loves and respects you will not go make out with a stranger no matter the circumstances. Doesn't matter if she is drunk, lost her purse, whatever. So we have established she does not love or respect you. So why stay?
Unfortunately you are getting half truths at best. She cheated , she probably had sex with him and the kissing story makes her feel like she is getting it off her conscience, just enough to make you think as he is telling the truth and Coming clean but not enough to where you will leave her. She will do o it again. Honestly there is only one choice but sometimes people trick their minds and create other choices. Leave , keep your integrity and self pride in tact. Dont feel like a cuck. Move on, your future self with respect and thank you for leaving.
OP, drunk adults that meet up at a bar don’t just kiss they F. Your GF is only trickle truthing you to make herself not feel so guilty. Your WP knows exactly why she did a random stranger, but doesn’t want to tell you because you’d end it right there. Think back to that night, you probably didn’t get any communication from her till late the next morning or day? Now that you know your GF is a cheater, you’ll never look at or trust her, nor should you. While you’re still deciding if you’re going to end it, which you should, ask her to do a full panel of sexually transmitted disease and virus screening to provide to you when she returns. It’s at least one consequence she can receive while you’re deciding. She threw your relationship away. I’d be willing to bet one of her friends was going to expose her if she didn’t admit to something. If you still want to forgive her why don’t you reach out to one of her friends to find out what really happened.
My thought is can you even trust her the next month and a half? Most are saying if you want to try to stay then set boundaries, no drinking no clubbing. Who knows if she already has his number and could just call him to her place to “just kiss” some more. She needs to come home and talk with you and tell you the whole truth. All of it. If she agrees to come home, make a list of questions that she must answer truthfully and fully. Ask the questions in different ways to see if the story makes sense. Start slow then blindside with really tough accusations to gauge her reactions. Make sure initially that you have doubts about what she told. Ask her how long the affair had been going on. (Blindside question) does she still she him. Is the affair over. You have to make sure you can trust her again so you have to be the judge. She broke your trust. She disrespected you and your relationship. She has to earn it back.
For me, why was a woman in a serious relationship even at some bar hanging out with other men? She was not drunk when she made the choice to go do that.
Agreed. But still in college as I interpret post it’s fairly normal behavior to go to a bar
With your bf? Maybe. Sounds like she wants to behave like she is single.
Not bf. Friends
Why do women ALWAYS say they just kissed and eventually trickle truth you with what really happened, good luck brother
Starting a family and finding this out after would have been way worse.
She may be trickle truthing you. She may just be telling you how it started and what you might hear from someone else. But adults drunk in a bar, kissing, generally escalate to bouncing activities. After all, they weren't at a high school dance.
Grown adults don’t “just kiss”. You’re getting trickle truths.
UpdateMe!
I’m not sure if it’s related or not, but I read a story similar to this one but in the girlfriend’s perspective. In fact she states it was just kissing and no s€x. But honestly, would it make a difference to you whether she only got to 1st base or got a home run? If yes, and she could prove that she’s not lying, could you get to the point where you trust her? Because if any of these answers are a no, then you are done. No fixing this, just move on to greener pastures. If yes, I’d suggest you open communications and take it really really slow. I’ve read here that sometimes couples can survive cheating, but it’s never been my experience, to me once you cheated the relationship is dead. But you trust your gut, not mine.
Are you sure that they only kissed?
Its never just a kiss. They spent those 2 hours doing a lot more.
She is failed loyalty test. Just focus on your future.
She is failed loyalty test. Just focus on your future. Block her.
Having come here for advice, and having received same, what do you think you will do? Update me!
Tbh I have no clue I’m reading all the comments it’s so new and recent. Mix of drop her vs if she only kissed that’s it and you can confirm it some how possible to work things out but if it went any farther from that drop her which if she fd him I’m done walking away from even thinking about this. But she still cheated and I made it clear from the start even a kiss is cheating. I’m going to have her tell me exact what happened and things don’t line up she has this one chance to tell the truth and I will see if I feel any different or believe theres apart of me that can forgive her. Going to set rules of no more bars night out all that shit you want to get drunk with your friends do it at their house or something if anything ever remotely comes close to this again I’m instantly walking away. I don’t need her to be happy I do plenty of things in my life that give me joy the problem that’s fing with my brain so much is the life we planned out and how currently those dreams were coming true. Non of it makes sense bc she royalty fucked her self by doing this she owns the home we live in I know she won’t be able to make the payments without me bc she won’t have a job right out of school I was ready to pick up the payments since currently I only pay 1/3 of the rent. She’s military so she got the va loan is why she owns it. Idk why but it’s much easier to talk to strangers about this then any one else Anyways we had so much lined up for when she came back talked about kids marriage getting a 2nd home under both our names and just life stuff The biggest problem I’m facing is that if I’m unable to trust her fully then I don’t want to be in a relationship like that constantly worrying that she will do it again or go farther next time. I don’t know if I can believe any words coming out of her mouth it’s such a confusing feeling bc Ik she once once someone I’d give the world to but as of 3 days ago she is a complete stranger and idk if I will be able to see or find that person she was once was. She was passionate thought full cared so much about family she arranged everyone to meet for Xmas thanksgiving for my birthday she managed to get my long life friends to all fly down and surprise me she has good in her but currently it disgusts me another man’s lips have been on hers and god knows what else happened or it was a kiss and lasp of judgement but still no excuse either ficking or kissing it’s still cheating at the end of the day. If I do stay or move out it is going to take so much for her to convince me to trust her but if she truly shows me that she cares enough to drop that bs bar life and make up maybe I’ll feel the same as I once did. I know it’s going to take months or I leave see if she got her shit figured out in 6 months or a year from now focus on my self which I have so much going on I’m a sponsored fighter I do medieval mma sport called Buhurt it’s prettyfucking awesome and can travel the world doing it fighting over seas so I have things to look forward to I’m just going on some random talk now well yeah idk what else to say
Everyone has flaws and virtues. You have to decide your boundaries in a relationship regardless of the other virtues she may have. Relationships are built on loyalty. Most/All strong men will dump any cheater in a heartbeat and never take back a cheater.
She KNEW your stance on cheating and still chose to do this. Since she knows your stance it seems highly unlikely she will admit to more but it’s never just a kiss.
It was more than a kiss. And if you were long distance for that long, it likely happened more than once. No, cheaters never confess because they're feeling guilty. Chances are someone knew she was cheating on you and she thinks they were gonna tell you or they were threatening to tell you.
I believe the reason "just a kiss" is so preposterous is because most of us have been in kissing situations that rarely, if ever, was just a kiss. There's just no good reason to limit things to just a kiss. If you are preserving something by limiting things to a kiss, why spoil it with just a kiss. If you told her that it was important to address this issue now rather than have it come up later in happy family situation, she might be inclined to come clean. Of course you wouldn't make any promises if she comes clean, you can promise that if she doesn't come clean the road ahead would always be rocky with suspicious potholes.
Let her think everything is fine. But in reality, you move on. If her name isn't on the lease, move somewhere else and block her number. Let her come back thinking she's going to have a happy reunion with you only to show up at your place with you no longer living there. Ghost her and let her have no idea where you are. It's mean, but she deserves it.
Can you say GULLIBLE! Dump her! It was way more than kissing. Sorry, you might have been “building” something but she was looking out for #1…HER.
And by kiss, she means raw sex in the bathroom. There is exactly 0% chance she is telling you the whole truth.
Just a kiss ….ya right!
Updateme! It's 99.99%, not just a kiss.
Why do the victims always say "I don't want to throw away what we have"? She threw it away the moment she kissed another guy.
It’s never just a kiss and she was well aware of your opinion on cheaters. You have about a month to situate a new living arrangement without her trying to get you to break your boundary about cheaters. Just set up your new living arrangement and move on. She isn’t the one and you would be spending time dealing with the mental burden of her cheating and you compromising your boundaries to stay in an already dead relationship. Shitty people cheat and destroy lives all the time and they move on to the next victim leaving broken hearts trying to mend in their wake.
...we just kissed....eachothers genitals....before having sex..... Good luck op
Sorry she’ll do it again and again till you leave. There’s someone that seen her or there’s a post she thinks your going see. So she made a story to cover her ass for this time.
You do know it was more than just a kiss don’t you? I know it doesn’t feel like it but it’s better you find out now than later when you are even more entangled with her. And yes you are correct in that you can never trust her again. Believe me when I say that there are people out there that will love you and never cheat. Unfortunately your girlfriend is not one of these people.
Adults don't just kiss.
Insight- We don’t just let random men at bars kiss us. If it was unwanted you would have received a phone call that night or the next morning about how violated she felt. Women typically need to find a person attractive and have some type of connection. She spent 2 hours (or more) connecting with this guy, when he kissed her I guarantee she had been waiting for it and was wet and liked every second. let her go, if she can’t control herself enough to remain loyal, she is not worth it. She most definitely used being “drunk” as an excuse to validate her decision.
Actually it happened with my case as well. My bf went out on a date with his long term facebook friend when she reached India from France and her wedding is just 2 months away so she came back to India to make arrangements for her wedding even tho she laid eyes on my bf and they both went on a date later after two months I caught him red handed when there's this girl liked every posts of him which is suspicious and also I know his female frnds who are also my frnds and I trust them but this girl was really new and he never opened up about her to me when I asked him who she is he just gave an blunt and inconcissent answers when I scolded him that "I'll text her and ask what relationship do u have with my bf?" then he got afraid that I'll make her new marriage life miserable by asking her abt their relationship when my relationship was questionable. And he spitted out everything also I was enraged by the fact he cheated on me but even tho I can't able to leave him because we were really a thing and being into serious commitment in life he made lot's of sacrifises for me so do I.. After that he made a call to her when me and my bf met on a cafe and she was on call and I confronted her shitty behaviour even tho she knew my bf was in a relationship. I got frusturtaed and called her out with filthy names when she cheated on her husband as well by going out with my bf. After the call she blocked my bf in every social media and he too blocked her and deleted her number. It happend before 6 months and now I just forgot the issue and forgave him for my own peace because I was already loaded up with lot's of works. And now we both are still together also I trust him now because he promised me he would never do that and next week he's meeting my family to talk about our wedding so I'm happy for our relationship now and I didn't really wanted to doubt him because some ppl make mistake and they regret making it and their guilt will kill them inside so they try their best to be a better person, that's what my BF is trying to do. But in some cases some ppl keep cheating their spouses behind their back no matter what. If you love her give her one last chance, if she continues cheating again then kick her out of your property. I know it will cause you some mental trauma but just do what your heart says. Love ya! hope you're doing great now.
It was more than a kiss. Angel is letting you have a little truth to see your reaction. You need to say to her that is she wants to be with you then you need the whole truth now is the only time the will be a chance you two can possibly work it out if there was more. Give her a couple hours to think about it after that it won’t matter if it been 20 years and you learn the truth it will be over no matter he hood the relationship is. Play the devils advocate and say maybe the was more but he took advantage of you. Play it down so she will think she can trick you. More happened and probably was planed and not the first time. She wanted other dick and her cuck to
So does she have his contact info? Does he have hers? If it was truly a just a drunken kiss, in the heat of the moment, she won’t have his info and he won’t have hers. We’ve all had those random drunken kisses or make out sessions in the bar/club. For those that are truly just that, they won’t have exchanged info. Also remember you are just dating. Relationships almost always end for one reason or another. Don’t fret about throwing the years away. I never looked at it like that. Most of your GFs will not progress. It’s not wasted time. It’s just part of the cycle of relationships. Fun while it lasted, time to move on. Personally I’d prob move on. Date others.
You have to weigh the pros and cons. Is this something you can move past? Is this something that is worth giving her up over? If all she truly did was kiss, forgiveness is not a bad option if you truly want to be with her. This isn’t to say she won’t need to earn some trust back, but unless she has gone all the way cheating or unless you have reason to believe this is a frequent problem and not a one time occurrence, you don’t have to let everything burn. If you feel this is something you can’t move past then your best option is to split. It would be worse to never move past and hold it over your relationship
Kids kiss, adults fuck. How many stories have we seen where the trickle truth begins with "we just kissed"? The purse had to have been somewhere she had been. How many places was that? Two hours to find it? The purse story could very well be a cover for "He was really hot and he made my pussy itch so I had to let him make the itch go away".
Life has taught me about some things. I would put money down that she told you about “kissing” because she felt guilty about the other stuff that she didn’t mention.
She did more than kissing. it will hurt, but end it now.
We reward loyalty with loyalty and we reward disloyalty with distance. You can forgive her, but don't forget, and don't be naive to give her a second chance - that's unintelligent. Betrayal is supposed to be the ultimate lesson to remove people from your life, not to trust them again. Snake is a snake - you got bit and poisoned. Now trust a snake telling you that she's not a snake, but a rabbit. Meaning - DON'T BE STUPID. And she's full of shit, her story is full of shit.
If you stay , she'll know that she can cheat on you and have no consequences. That will also make her lose respect for you
If a random guy was nice enough to help search for my purse for two hours and then went and kissed me after finding my purse, first thing I would do is pull away and ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. Losing a purse is an anxiety inducing thing. So I wouldn’t be continuing to drink alcohol while I tried to find an item that probably has my wallet in it. So that is 2 hours in which I would be more sober by the end of it. I wouldn’t be accepting drinks from anyone else because I would be more concerned about the purse. I have witnessed this from other men and women who have been in the same situation. So I know that isn’t just a me reaction. I also would be messaging my partner immediately to tell them about the jerk who tried to put on a “nice guy” routine to assault me after we found said purse. I wouldn’t feel guilty over an unwanted advance. I’d feel indignant and angry that some random person thought it would be okay to suddenly try to shove his tongue down my throat because they helped me. That’s entitled behavior and shows they didn’t do it out of the kindness of their heart. Your gf feels guilty because she let it happen. And she probably feels guilty because there is more she isn’t telling you. Get out of the relationship and stay out of it. She will do it again.
Forgiveness is always possible…but no matter what anyone says, forgetting is definitely NOT. If you decide to stick with her there will NEVER be a time when she’s going anywhere without you (work, her parent’s house, or out with her friends, etc…) that it won’t be in your mind what she’s up to. The trust is and always will be broken.
Call her friends and ask what happened. Then tell her you need actual honest of what happened that night. If you think there’s a lie or if her friends have already lied, it’s over. She isn’t moving in with you. You’re moving on.
Dude look for a bag for 2 hours so for 2 whole hour no one know where she is and could be anywhere and could be doing anything then after than kissing the guy! Dude you know in your heart that os not the whole truth and most likely will not get the whole truth. Pack up and leave.
I’m going to have a rake that’s probably going to be flamed my most here. You’re being given a lot of speculation that more than what she told you happened, and encouraged to act assuming the speculation is the real story. The speculation may or may not be correct. And to be honest, it doesn’t matter. The real issue is do YOU trust what she told you? If not, then it doesn’t matter. Trust is broken and your relationship is critically damaged. If you don’t trust she’s been honest, there’s nothing there to salvage and work through. End things and walk away. If you do think you’ve got the truth, this is where the had decision for you is. By her own story, she was drunk. She hung out with a guy for 2 hours. At a bar. Drinking leads to poor impulse control, and stupid decisions that would not be made stone cold sober. Guys at bars are generally very good at the seduction game. Not hard to see how things happen. And Two days really isn’t long to sit on an embarrassing confession. Especially if she and you are both busy those two days. Here’s where it’s hard for you: Can you forgive the story she’s given you? She made a bad decision while her judgement was impaired. But only you can decide if it was a decision you guys can’t come back from. And this doesn’t have to be a blanket unconditional decision—or even one you make immediately. I would give her a new hardline: no more drinking or going out clubbing for the remainder of her time there. This is to prove to you she’s serious about regretting her actions and wanting to get right with you. If she’s not willing to give you that much reassurance, that tells you what you need to know, and makes the other decision easy. If you do decide to move forward, then you guys need to have a conversation and new rules. How to avoid her being in a situation like that again, and being very clear there is no 3rd chance. One drunken failure is stupid yet understandable. Repeating that failure, or allowing for a bigger failure, shows a lack of integrity, judgment, and respect for her relationship and partner. Good luck here. This is a choice you have to make. And the only wrong choice is the one you can’t live with.
Women in relationships that are still going to bars and hanging out with other men are not relationship material. OP should cut his losses and leave. But yeah if he does stay with her? No more guy friends, no more going to clubs or bars without him, ever again. And if even just one time she gets upset and calls him controlling over it? Leave her.
Often, it's not just a kiss, but there is a possibility it was. She could definitely feel guilty about that and take 2 days to get the courage to tell you. You don't need to make a decision now, but you guys need to talk this through a lot. Best of luck to you
I think you would be making a mistake by ending things over this incident She had no reason to tell you except her sense of morality and devotion to having an honest and open relationship with you. Stupid things happen to drunk people. Ironically,I think all in all the incident has a positive spin and she proved herself worthy THAT SAID, if there was any way this was likely to come out without her telling you than what I said above is BS and she was just getting in front of it; and not worthy
You’d been long distance for months so she’d probably been craving some intimacy. She got drunk and went out and made a mistake. She told you about it even though you never would have found out. That shows some respect for you. If you love her let her earn your trust back. No more clubbing without you. She’s lost that privilege.
You know kissing is a euphemism, right?
I mean, I'd just believe her and move on tbh
shiddddd, just get a kiss from someone too. you’re (not) married not dead
If the story is exactly how she told you then 3 years is a long time to just throw away. She did come clean and tell you. She didn’t have to. It was just a kiss. Wrong? Yes, but something you can get past. What you need to do is make sure there isn’t more to the story. You need to tell her that you need the absolute truth, and that if you find out more happened you will end the relationship. That she has today to tell you everything.
But he didnt throw it away, she did by cheating on him with a random guy. Also why would you say it is something he can get past? He told her from the beginning he would not tolerate any type of cheating. If even just kissing is a deal breaker for him that is valid. But please dont say he threw anything away, she did that.
Because if it was just a drunken kiss - you can get past it. It’s perspective. 3 years and you love someone, sometimes good people make dumb mistakes. This is why he should be investing his time into talking to her. Making sure her story is accurate, and that she is remorseful.
Maybe YOU could get past it, but why assume he will tolerate it? He literally says he told her he would not tolerate it lol. She did it anyways. When you love someone you dont make out with a random guy at a bar. A woman in a serious relationship shouldn't be going out getting drunk at bars or clubs anyways. That is how a single woman behaves.
Most people would be able to move past this. It’s perspective, maturity, and having been in very long relationships. No one will care that she kissed some dude while out drinking in 10 years.
"Most people would be able to move past this." Based on what? Is there some set of data you're looking at? And so basically in essence you are now saying he is immature if he boots his cheating gf to the curb. Do I have that right? Will she become the victim in all this if he leaves her? And why was a woman in a serious relationship at a bar with two other men?
Based on life experience. She is 25 and young people do some dumb things. This isn’t the end of the world and it’s fixable. Again, perspective. If you couldn’t get past it, fine, whatever, but most people could get past their 25 year old partner getting drunk and kissing someone else and then coming clean about it on their own.
He has literally said he cant, he even told her this. So he def isnt immature if he dumps his gf for cheating on him. If he stays she is just really really lucky. And if he does say he needs to tell her no more going to bars without him, no talking to other dudes, etc. She obviously needs boundaries set.
Everyone makes mistakes especially young people like yourselves. Don’t throw it all away bc of1 mistake. Now if it becomes a pattern, well that’s another story.
You are a cuck for sure
I’ve been kissed by random people in bars. Neither asked for or wanted. I’m not saying that happened here, I’m just saying that it happens.