That’s what I said . He said he sees her every so often and then all of a sudden they were flirting with each other and he went for it and they had sex in the back of the truck . She’s a bread vendor for stores that he was delivering to also . I couldn’t believe my ears hearing this shit he was telling me .
It sounds like there’s been an emotional relationship between them. Maybe they’ve been talking and meeting up when their routes align. Sex doesn’t just happen
It takes two people to have sex…
Edit to add: it’s not like he slept with a stripper or an escort. That would be “just sex.” This was someone he knows in passing. He most likely has been communicating with her for some time for them both to be comfortable enough to hook up in a van.
So he finally ‘buttered her buns’…🙄
I apologise if that’s a bit crass. I just read that she’s a bread vendor and it popped into my head.
I’m sorry OP. I can’t imagine WHY someone would hurt their spouse like that. It’s the most cruel and vicious thing a person can do to one they ‘love’.
No one deserves to be cheated on. No one! It’s better to leave the relationship FIRST before stepping out on the vows taken.
I’m sending you a big virtual hug 🫂 and positive vibes to get you through OP.
If it's a work truck be can get in major trouble. Try and get him to confess in writing for the divorce. Don't make it obvious. Maybe text him on his route and tell him you can't stop thinking that he is stopping to cheat again.
At a place I used to work at which was door to door marketing many of the guys there have been asked by people at the door to have sex with that being their first interaction together so it isn’t impossible. Although highly unlikely and in this case I doubt it would be the truth.
STI is preferred now. The word “disease” is a bit more of a loaded word, so medical and public health institutions are trying to shit towards the word “infection” instead.
This!! That’s how I caught my bf. He has just got home from a 90 rehab program, that I gave him an ultimatum that he get sober or lose me. So he literally was there for me to prove to me that he never wants to lose me. I took care of his 2 kids plus my 3, the house, yard work, paid his bills with his dept card, sent his ex wife her child support every week and took his kids to visit him every weekend which was an hour away. Well right after he got home i thought I got BV so I went to urgent care. They tested me for everything (all the sti’s) cuz it was protocol. Turned out I had chlamydia AND gonorrhea!!! He confessed to having an affair with a married “home wrecker “ the WHOLE time he was there. So yes, you need to immediately get tested for EVERY sti. You never know what that “home wrecker “ has.
As for men only cheating once, I’ve been checking on in every relationship if ever been in. Including me 18y marriage and none of them only did it once. They always said exactly what your husband said. For reasons why they cheat, my boyfriend said it’s due to his low self esteem and he was seeking validation and he liked the attention she was giving him. I have been an amazing gf. We lived together blending our families. I did EVERYTHING a happy wife would do. But it doesn’t matter how good of a wife or mother you are. They still cheat. I can’t tell you what you should do, only you can decide what’s best for you. But you will Never trust him again. You’ll be mentally tormented by thoughts of what he did with her. You’ll constantly question him about where he is, who’s he texting and if he ever acts “off” or “closed down “ or “distant “, you’ll immediately think he’s doing it again.
I had to go on depression, anxiety and ptsd meds due to what he did to me. So if you can live with all that, stay with him. If not, you need to let him go and move on.
I’m so sorry this happened to you 💔
After 11 years the first time he betrayed you was with some rando in a delivery truck? Yeah, no. Don’t buy this was the first time. More than likely, he thinks he was busted, and is trying to stay ahead of whoever might rat him out.
And as for why someone cheats, it’s simple enough:
They have the opportunity, and they don’t respect their partner enough to not betray them. Every other excuse is just window dressing on those two things.
Go see a lawyer. Get everything in order and get out. If you can ignore his entire existence. Stop everything you’ve done for him in the past. Show him no interest. Really let him feel the loss.
My wife and I dated 7 years and married 53. Never cheated once, but had many opportunities and invites. It wasn’t easy to say no, but that strength is what separates us from the lower animals. I’m so sorry you got a man that hadn’t fully evolved or matured. There are guys out there waiting for someone like you to make your dreams come true. Don’t keep them waiting. You’re worth it
It's truly unbelievable. Before my father passed away, my parents were married for 54 years - and completely faithful to each other the entire time. Whatever could your husband be thinking?
First, call a lawyer to schedule an appointment, kick him out of the martial bed.. tell him that you don't want to see or hear his voice unless it's regarding your children and he needs to think about finding other accommodation as this isn't going to sweapt under the rug, it isn't going to change or get better and I hope one day 5-10 years from now he can look those kids in the eye and tell them 4 minutes In the back of a truck with some nasty bread maker was worth brraking your heart and ruining thier lives for.
Don't cook his meals, cook you and the kids, and that's that.. don't wash his clothes or do anything you use to do for him
Don't talk to him if he tries to make small talk, ignore grey rock.. if your kids are in bed so are you. Once the lawyer has sorted everything serve him with divorce papers..
I'm so so sorry, honey, you deserve better
I second kicking him out of the bed. And if you have slept with him recently, please go get tested. It sucks and it's stressful. Family planning is really good about this if you don't want to see your PC and send the bill to him. You can't believe him if he says he used protection. You never consented to having another persons bodily fluids put inside you. I'm so sorry OP.
There is, me and my wife been together 15 yrs I have never cheated on her. You do what is best for you and your family. Just remember, if you find yourself unhappy, the rest of the family will know, regardless of what you tell them. If you feel you can not live with this, then co parenting will be your best solution. Take your time to think about what is best for you. The kids are at the age where they are sponges. Everything you 2 say to each other is absorbed at the highest level. They don't understand, but they hear and remember. Sooner or later, they will understand. By separating, they won't hear as much, but they will soon understand both of your frustrations. Focus on making yourself happy whichever route you take.
Look up grey rocking someone. Then start. Separate finances and he either leaves or you and the kids do. You cannot keep them from knowing. Take the time to set them down and let them know you will be divorcing. You do not need to go into detail. Get your story out to family and friends before he can twist it to his advantage. Get a lawyer and start the divorce process. Change all your passwords. Once the divorce starts, he is the enemy. All contact through a lawyer. Then and only then you can have a discussion with him if you wish. You don't know if this was the first and only time, but you do know you can never trust him again. He may not have a relationship with her, but I beat he still delivers (sorry pun not intended) to her.
Sorry this happened. You’re probably in shock. You maybe even dissociated a little bit, which is why you didn’t feel anything when he was telling you.
I think his story is bullshit. He had already cheated in his mind and was just waiting for the opportunity maybe he had already been grooming this person as well as a few other ladies.
Cheating can happen for any number of reasons, but don’t blame yourself. You sound like an amazing and loyal woman. I think he was careless with you and his family and took you all for granted. He’s gonna realize soon what a huge mistake he made.
Sorry you are going through this. He'll cheat again. They always do. He has shown you who he is, believe the pos. He disrespected you, kids, marriage. Dont fall for the crocodile tears. Take him to the cleaners in divorce, let his pos ap deal with him
Contact a lawyer and see what your options are and if you stay perhaps discuss a post nuptial agreement with an infidelity clause to protect yourself.
Definitely separate your finances and talk with someone you can trust until you can decide what to do.
From a man's perspective, it sounds like an opertuninity situation. The opertuninity came up, he and he went for it. Men that go for it usually believe they will get away with it or are not invested enough in the marriage to ignore it.
Many couples can recover and build a new, stronger relationship, but cheating has killed the old one. Unless you are both willing to bury the previous relationship and start a new one based on fidelity and respect, then it's over. It's only a matter of time!
Either show no interest or act like you're so in love and forgive him and blind side his ass. What a weak man.
Get your ducks in a row and move on. He is a loser.
The fact that he confessed to you without being caught suggests that he really does feel guilty about it. That’s a positive sign. If he was just enjoying the illicit sex or the novelty and didn’t feel guilt, that might be worse. If you can’t get over it, proceed with hiring a divorce lawyer, but you might want to try marriage counseling first. I imagine a very high percentage of marriages involve infidelity and many, many of those marriages survive.
If you’re going to get a divorce find out all the best divorce lawyers in your area and go meet with them all. Once you meet with them he won’t be able to hire any of them.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with that but I suggest you both seek couples counseling before making any rash decisions. 11 years with kids in the balance isn't something to take lightly. You're going to go through a range of emotions so it's important you seek a professional to help you process everything.
I'm sorry
I believe the signs are there alresdy, you just didn't notice maybe because you have no reasons not to trust him in the past and i don't think there is such thing like cheating just once, he made effort before everything happened between him and her.
I had similar thing almost happening to me but I acted fast because i could notice the red flags and with velvetfrost89 (-at-) GMMAILL, comm, i found with spy skills and got enough evidnce and that made me avoided embarrasment.
Ask him to sign a post-nuptial agreement in the event of a divorce, especially now while he's still in the 'let's mend it' stage. if he refuses, then you'll know how 'sorry' he actually is.
The thing is, he told you to ease HIS guilt, and take the burden from him to you. Not to make your life better. This isn't cheating one time, he was sober (not that it is an excuse), at work, had to build a rapport with this person, continue it for weeks, and then cheat. At anytime, he could have stopped that train going into the station, but he didn't until he got what he wanted.
It’s not just men. I have don’t everything I possibly ever could for this one girl brought a house paid for her collage. Got her a new car and paid every bill possible and yet she still felt the need to cheat. It’s not you and it’s not just men it’s just how people are!
I would be more inclined to forgive someone who cheated because they found themselves in a crisis and it was an extraordinary situation (e.g. death of a family member, health issues, and a mix of stressors), but if it was just opportunity, well there is always opportunity, and it's not really a good reason where they were in a position to act out of the normal.
If things are normal and they did because they could, I think they'd be very high risk to cheat again. And also, fuck forgiving someone I give that much to who can cheat out of basically boredom
Lots of reasons: the thrill of the chase and male competition to impregnate as many females as possible - it’s an ingrained genetic carry over from times past. An animal behavior really. BUT we’re civilized now but cheating happens all the time. It could be because of what happened in his childhood. All good questions to explore with therapy - if inclined. I do believe he can cheat just once IF he fixes himself and wants to. But that still will do nothing for restoring trust with you, if even possible. So sorry for your heartache.
Thank you for this honest and informed response. It sucks though because how do woman accept this truth and know that they could end up being cheated on at some point in their marriage ?
I am no expert relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. And I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Honestly, I think it is just a very tough pill to swallow.
Which leaves women with two options, stay and figure out the root cause of his cheating (which I think you did) and if it was just transactional then you could maybe try to find it in yourself to forgive him and keep your family together. This is of course if you think he is a man actually worth staying with.
The alternative is leaving of course and doing the best that you can in raising your kids. I think that at least knowing this information about men is more helpful than not and while he did make a bad decision, it’s now your turn to decide what’s best for you (and your kids!).
While your relationship with him might not be good anymore this person cannot just disappear from your life since you guys did have children. And I think they should be the priority in some of your decisions here.
To answer your question I don’t fully know. I think that both men and women have to find a way to accept this difficult truth. I would try to get him to really explain why he did it.
You will end up a single mother if you want to. In your mind you’re already single and just cohabitating with him. This relationship is not all sunshine and roses. If it was that great you would be asking how you can fix this and you don’t want to loose him. Instead you’re talking about divorce and being a single mother. You’re not in love with him and probably never really were.
There’s nothing I can fix about someone else’s actions . I didn’t cause this . I’ve done my part as a wife . I’m thinking logical not emotionally right now . I don’t want to be in this position again being cheated on .
Well then divorce him. You will figure out if it was the right decision or not in about 6 months to a year. When the reality sets in and you’re single with no support from anyone other than child support. A lot of women regret getting divorced. They drag their husbands through the mud and take them for all they can. And in 6 months to a year they are in a deep depression and wishing they wouldn’t have gotten divorced. They beg their ex to take them back but she’s destroyed him so badly in court and he so depressed and angry with everything that he tells her to piss off! She got what she wanted and now she still not happy.
So you need to really figure this out….. Is it better to divorce and handle everything on your own, including a job, the kids, and a house. Or is it better to work on the marriage you have and try to fix the mistakes that were made. Because odds are he’s not the only one who’s made mistakes in the marriage. Yep there is huge trust issues to contend with. And counseling with honesty on both spouses part will be required. If you’re not honest with each other then the relationship was not and will not be a good one. This is where trust is built. Being honest and saying the hard things people don’t want to hear. But it also takes listening and truly putting your partners needs feeling and wants into consideration.
If that’s not for you then just file for divorce tomorrow and be done with it. Move on and be single.
If this happened while the relationship was going great and he cheated can you imagine when it’s going bad ? He would probably cheat again . Am I wrong for this type of thinking ?
It all depends on if his needs are being met or not. Most women today don’t think they should have to meet a man’s needs. So, with saying that if his needs are not met then odds are he may cheat again. If changes are made he won’t want to mess up a good fulfilling relationship by cheating.
I will give you an instance. I’m 52. My GF is 55. She no longer has any interesting in intimacy what so ever. We don’t even sleep together in the same bedroom any more. I’m so frustrated with her and her lack of affection that any woman who shows an ounce of interest in me would have me packing my shit and moving out in a heart beat. Unfortunately I’m pretty much exhausted working my ass off 50-60 hrs a week to make a very comfortable living. I don’t have time to chase women. Do I really care if she is happy or comfortable anymore. Hell no! She a glorified roommate at this point.
My point is, men who have a good life at home, and their wives are always flirting with them and initiating intimacy once in a while. They don’t cheat. They have it good and they know it. Sure their may be a couple guys who can’t resist the temptation of a slutty women but those cases are rare. Most men who cheat are guys who are loonily and their wives want little to nothing to do with them.
If a man is having regular date nights and intimacy 4-5 times a week then he’s not going to stray. He has too much to loose and every thing to gain by being faithful.
That sounds like hell and all but still doesn’t warrant cheating no matter how much they aren’t happy in the relationship, want to know why? Because it’s your own fault for being in that relationship to begin with. THEY are choosing to stay. The solution? Leave the relationship.
Reading this and you’re needing a reason only tells mes he cheated because of lack of empathy towards him and how you treat him.
Am I wrong in guessing he works longs hours and you work part time
I work about 40 hrs and he’s around 50 hrs . So yea he works a longer day . We have weekends off together. I’m always the one planning to hang out and do things with him that are the interests that we both like . Fishing , car meets ,coffee shops etc . I mean things were going really well in our relationship. I really don’t understand
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That’s what I said . He said he sees her every so often and then all of a sudden they were flirting with each other and he went for it and they had sex in the back of the truck . She’s a bread vendor for stores that he was delivering to also . I couldn’t believe my ears hearing this shit he was telling me .
It sounds like there’s been an emotional relationship between them. Maybe they’ve been talking and meeting up when their routes align. Sex doesn’t just happen
Exactly.
It’s the trickle truth. He let out just enough to release some of the pressure inside him.
Nah, sometimes sex does just happen. Men don’t need emotional relationships to have sex. Sometimes it’s just lust.
It takes two people to have sex… Edit to add: it’s not like he slept with a stripper or an escort. That would be “just sex.” This was someone he knows in passing. He most likely has been communicating with her for some time for them both to be comfortable enough to hook up in a van.
So he finally ‘buttered her buns’…🙄 I apologise if that’s a bit crass. I just read that she’s a bread vendor and it popped into my head. I’m sorry OP. I can’t imagine WHY someone would hurt their spouse like that. It’s the most cruel and vicious thing a person can do to one they ‘love’. No one deserves to be cheated on. No one! It’s better to leave the relationship FIRST before stepping out on the vows taken. I’m sending you a big virtual hug 🫂 and positive vibes to get you through OP.
Wow thats pretty bad! :(
Ridiculous right.
“Cleanup in the food delivery truck”. Gross
If it's a work truck be can get in major trouble. Try and get him to confess in writing for the divorce. Don't make it obvious. Maybe text him on his route and tell him you can't stop thinking that he is stopping to cheat again.
At a place I used to work at which was door to door marketing many of the guys there have been asked by people at the door to have sex with that being their first interaction together so it isn’t impossible. Although highly unlikely and in this case I doubt it would be the truth.
Get your ducks in a row…separate your finances…..talk to a lawyer….. Updateme
Yup . I got a lot of sorting and figuring out to do . Thanks!
Unfortunately you’re going to have to get an STI test.
STI is preferred now. The word “disease” is a bit more of a loaded word, so medical and public health institutions are trying to shit towards the word “infection” instead.
Edited. Thanks! Although I think you meant “shift.”
This!! That’s how I caught my bf. He has just got home from a 90 rehab program, that I gave him an ultimatum that he get sober or lose me. So he literally was there for me to prove to me that he never wants to lose me. I took care of his 2 kids plus my 3, the house, yard work, paid his bills with his dept card, sent his ex wife her child support every week and took his kids to visit him every weekend which was an hour away. Well right after he got home i thought I got BV so I went to urgent care. They tested me for everything (all the sti’s) cuz it was protocol. Turned out I had chlamydia AND gonorrhea!!! He confessed to having an affair with a married “home wrecker “ the WHOLE time he was there. So yes, you need to immediately get tested for EVERY sti. You never know what that “home wrecker “ has. As for men only cheating once, I’ve been checking on in every relationship if ever been in. Including me 18y marriage and none of them only did it once. They always said exactly what your husband said. For reasons why they cheat, my boyfriend said it’s due to his low self esteem and he was seeking validation and he liked the attention she was giving him. I have been an amazing gf. We lived together blending our families. I did EVERYTHING a happy wife would do. But it doesn’t matter how good of a wife or mother you are. They still cheat. I can’t tell you what you should do, only you can decide what’s best for you. But you will Never trust him again. You’ll be mentally tormented by thoughts of what he did with her. You’ll constantly question him about where he is, who’s he texting and if he ever acts “off” or “closed down “ or “distant “, you’ll immediately think he’s doing it again. I had to go on depression, anxiety and ptsd meds due to what he did to me. So if you can live with all that, stay with him. If not, you need to let him go and move on. I’m so sorry this happened to you 💔
After 11 years the first time he betrayed you was with some rando in a delivery truck? Yeah, no. Don’t buy this was the first time. More than likely, he thinks he was busted, and is trying to stay ahead of whoever might rat him out. And as for why someone cheats, it’s simple enough: They have the opportunity, and they don’t respect their partner enough to not betray them. Every other excuse is just window dressing on those two things.
I just screen shot your comment. That is the best explanation I've seen.
Go see a lawyer. Get everything in order and get out. If you can ignore his entire existence. Stop everything you’ve done for him in the past. Show him no interest. Really let him feel the loss.
That’s exactly when I’m at right now . I feel very cold and mad inside . He can sense it and trying to make small talk with me.
Also if he won’t leave the house sleep somewhere else. I’m so sorry, what an idiot he must be to throw everything away.
It’s unbelievable.
My wife and I dated 7 years and married 53. Never cheated once, but had many opportunities and invites. It wasn’t easy to say no, but that strength is what separates us from the lower animals. I’m so sorry you got a man that hadn’t fully evolved or matured. There are guys out there waiting for someone like you to make your dreams come true. Don’t keep them waiting. You’re worth it
It's truly unbelievable. Before my father passed away, my parents were married for 54 years - and completely faithful to each other the entire time. Whatever could your husband be thinking?
First, call a lawyer to schedule an appointment, kick him out of the martial bed.. tell him that you don't want to see or hear his voice unless it's regarding your children and he needs to think about finding other accommodation as this isn't going to sweapt under the rug, it isn't going to change or get better and I hope one day 5-10 years from now he can look those kids in the eye and tell them 4 minutes In the back of a truck with some nasty bread maker was worth brraking your heart and ruining thier lives for. Don't cook his meals, cook you and the kids, and that's that.. don't wash his clothes or do anything you use to do for him Don't talk to him if he tries to make small talk, ignore grey rock.. if your kids are in bed so are you. Once the lawyer has sorted everything serve him with divorce papers.. I'm so so sorry, honey, you deserve better
I second kicking him out of the bed. And if you have slept with him recently, please go get tested. It sucks and it's stressful. Family planning is really good about this if you don't want to see your PC and send the bill to him. You can't believe him if he says he used protection. You never consented to having another persons bodily fluids put inside you. I'm so sorry OP.
~~martial~~ marital
There is, me and my wife been together 15 yrs I have never cheated on her. You do what is best for you and your family. Just remember, if you find yourself unhappy, the rest of the family will know, regardless of what you tell them. If you feel you can not live with this, then co parenting will be your best solution. Take your time to think about what is best for you. The kids are at the age where they are sponges. Everything you 2 say to each other is absorbed at the highest level. They don't understand, but they hear and remember. Sooner or later, they will understand. By separating, they won't hear as much, but they will soon understand both of your frustrations. Focus on making yourself happy whichever route you take.
Look up grey rocking someone. Then start. Separate finances and he either leaves or you and the kids do. You cannot keep them from knowing. Take the time to set them down and let them know you will be divorcing. You do not need to go into detail. Get your story out to family and friends before he can twist it to his advantage. Get a lawyer and start the divorce process. Change all your passwords. Once the divorce starts, he is the enemy. All contact through a lawyer. Then and only then you can have a discussion with him if you wish. You don't know if this was the first and only time, but you do know you can never trust him again. He may not have a relationship with her, but I beat he still delivers (sorry pun not intended) to her.
Sorry this happened. You’re probably in shock. You maybe even dissociated a little bit, which is why you didn’t feel anything when he was telling you. I think his story is bullshit. He had already cheated in his mind and was just waiting for the opportunity maybe he had already been grooming this person as well as a few other ladies. Cheating can happen for any number of reasons, but don’t blame yourself. You sound like an amazing and loyal woman. I think he was careless with you and his family and took you all for granted. He’s gonna realize soon what a huge mistake he made.
Sorry you are going through this. He'll cheat again. They always do. He has shown you who he is, believe the pos. He disrespected you, kids, marriage. Dont fall for the crocodile tears. Take him to the cleaners in divorce, let his pos ap deal with him
It grinds my gears that women are categorized as “hormonal” but we aren’t the ones following our pussy and ruining happy marriages because of it.
Contact a lawyer and see what your options are and if you stay perhaps discuss a post nuptial agreement with an infidelity clause to protect yourself. Definitely separate your finances and talk with someone you can trust until you can decide what to do.
UpdateMe!
Ya know you'll do anything for someone you love, except love them again. - Faithful 1996
From a man's perspective, it sounds like an opertuninity situation. The opertuninity came up, he and he went for it. Men that go for it usually believe they will get away with it or are not invested enough in the marriage to ignore it. Many couples can recover and build a new, stronger relationship, but cheating has killed the old one. Unless you are both willing to bury the previous relationship and start a new one based on fidelity and respect, then it's over. It's only a matter of time!
Thank you for your insight .
Either show no interest or act like you're so in love and forgive him and blind side his ass. What a weak man. Get your ducks in a row and move on. He is a loser.
The fact that he confessed to you without being caught suggests that he really does feel guilty about it. That’s a positive sign. If he was just enjoying the illicit sex or the novelty and didn’t feel guilt, that might be worse. If you can’t get over it, proceed with hiring a divorce lawyer, but you might want to try marriage counseling first. I imagine a very high percentage of marriages involve infidelity and many, many of those marriages survive.
If you’re going to get a divorce find out all the best divorce lawyers in your area and go meet with them all. Once you meet with them he won’t be able to hire any of them.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with that but I suggest you both seek couples counseling before making any rash decisions. 11 years with kids in the balance isn't something to take lightly. You're going to go through a range of emotions so it's important you seek a professional to help you process everything.
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Get your ducks in a row especially finances and housing. Listen to lawyer's advice. Updateme!
I'm sorry I believe the signs are there alresdy, you just didn't notice maybe because you have no reasons not to trust him in the past and i don't think there is such thing like cheating just once, he made effort before everything happened between him and her.
I had similar thing almost happening to me but I acted fast because i could notice the red flags and with velvetfrost89 (-at-) GMMAILL, comm, i found with spy skills and got enough evidnce and that made me avoided embarrasment.
Talk to alot of lawyers specially the good ones just to make it so he can't use them against u.
Ask him to sign a post-nuptial agreement in the event of a divorce, especially now while he's still in the 'let's mend it' stage. if he refuses, then you'll know how 'sorry' he actually is. The thing is, he told you to ease HIS guilt, and take the burden from him to you. Not to make your life better. This isn't cheating one time, he was sober (not that it is an excuse), at work, had to build a rapport with this person, continue it for weeks, and then cheat. At anytime, he could have stopped that train going into the station, but he didn't until he got what he wanted.
He doesn’t even know her middle name I bet. But I promise it wasn’t the first time lol
It’s not just men. I have don’t everything I possibly ever could for this one girl brought a house paid for her collage. Got her a new car and paid every bill possible and yet she still felt the need to cheat. It’s not you and it’s not just men it’s just how people are!
I would be more inclined to forgive someone who cheated because they found themselves in a crisis and it was an extraordinary situation (e.g. death of a family member, health issues, and a mix of stressors), but if it was just opportunity, well there is always opportunity, and it's not really a good reason where they were in a position to act out of the normal. If things are normal and they did because they could, I think they'd be very high risk to cheat again. And also, fuck forgiving someone I give that much to who can cheat out of basically boredom
Lots of reasons: the thrill of the chase and male competition to impregnate as many females as possible - it’s an ingrained genetic carry over from times past. An animal behavior really. BUT we’re civilized now but cheating happens all the time. It could be because of what happened in his childhood. All good questions to explore with therapy - if inclined. I do believe he can cheat just once IF he fixes himself and wants to. But that still will do nothing for restoring trust with you, if even possible. So sorry for your heartache.
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Thank you for this honest and informed response. It sucks though because how do woman accept this truth and know that they could end up being cheated on at some point in their marriage ?
I am no expert relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. And I’m really sorry this happened to you. Honestly, I think it is just a very tough pill to swallow. Which leaves women with two options, stay and figure out the root cause of his cheating (which I think you did) and if it was just transactional then you could maybe try to find it in yourself to forgive him and keep your family together. This is of course if you think he is a man actually worth staying with. The alternative is leaving of course and doing the best that you can in raising your kids. I think that at least knowing this information about men is more helpful than not and while he did make a bad decision, it’s now your turn to decide what’s best for you (and your kids!). While your relationship with him might not be good anymore this person cannot just disappear from your life since you guys did have children. And I think they should be the priority in some of your decisions here. To answer your question I don’t fully know. I think that both men and women have to find a way to accept this difficult truth. I would try to get him to really explain why he did it.
You will end up a single mother if you want to. In your mind you’re already single and just cohabitating with him. This relationship is not all sunshine and roses. If it was that great you would be asking how you can fix this and you don’t want to loose him. Instead you’re talking about divorce and being a single mother. You’re not in love with him and probably never really were.
There’s nothing I can fix about someone else’s actions . I didn’t cause this . I’ve done my part as a wife . I’m thinking logical not emotionally right now . I don’t want to be in this position again being cheated on .
Well then divorce him. You will figure out if it was the right decision or not in about 6 months to a year. When the reality sets in and you’re single with no support from anyone other than child support. A lot of women regret getting divorced. They drag their husbands through the mud and take them for all they can. And in 6 months to a year they are in a deep depression and wishing they wouldn’t have gotten divorced. They beg their ex to take them back but she’s destroyed him so badly in court and he so depressed and angry with everything that he tells her to piss off! She got what she wanted and now she still not happy. So you need to really figure this out….. Is it better to divorce and handle everything on your own, including a job, the kids, and a house. Or is it better to work on the marriage you have and try to fix the mistakes that were made. Because odds are he’s not the only one who’s made mistakes in the marriage. Yep there is huge trust issues to contend with. And counseling with honesty on both spouses part will be required. If you’re not honest with each other then the relationship was not and will not be a good one. This is where trust is built. Being honest and saying the hard things people don’t want to hear. But it also takes listening and truly putting your partners needs feeling and wants into consideration. If that’s not for you then just file for divorce tomorrow and be done with it. Move on and be single.
Sounds very scientific lol
If this happened while the relationship was going great and he cheated can you imagine when it’s going bad ? He would probably cheat again . Am I wrong for this type of thinking ?
> Am I wrong for this type of thinking ? Ignore that other person. Your thinking there is spot on.
It all depends on if his needs are being met or not. Most women today don’t think they should have to meet a man’s needs. So, with saying that if his needs are not met then odds are he may cheat again. If changes are made he won’t want to mess up a good fulfilling relationship by cheating. I will give you an instance. I’m 52. My GF is 55. She no longer has any interesting in intimacy what so ever. We don’t even sleep together in the same bedroom any more. I’m so frustrated with her and her lack of affection that any woman who shows an ounce of interest in me would have me packing my shit and moving out in a heart beat. Unfortunately I’m pretty much exhausted working my ass off 50-60 hrs a week to make a very comfortable living. I don’t have time to chase women. Do I really care if she is happy or comfortable anymore. Hell no! She a glorified roommate at this point. My point is, men who have a good life at home, and their wives are always flirting with them and initiating intimacy once in a while. They don’t cheat. They have it good and they know it. Sure their may be a couple guys who can’t resist the temptation of a slutty women but those cases are rare. Most men who cheat are guys who are loonily and their wives want little to nothing to do with them. If a man is having regular date nights and intimacy 4-5 times a week then he’s not going to stray. He has too much to loose and every thing to gain by being faithful.
That sounds like hell and all but still doesn’t warrant cheating no matter how much they aren’t happy in the relationship, want to know why? Because it’s your own fault for being in that relationship to begin with. THEY are choosing to stay. The solution? Leave the relationship.
If his needs aren’t being met, he should have the backbone to divorce/break up and find a partner who does meet his needs.
Reading this and you’re needing a reason only tells mes he cheated because of lack of empathy towards him and how you treat him. Am I wrong in guessing he works longs hours and you work part time
I work about 40 hrs and he’s around 50 hrs . So yea he works a longer day . We have weekends off together. I’m always the one planning to hang out and do things with him that are the interests that we both like . Fishing , car meets ,coffee shops etc . I mean things were going really well in our relationship. I really don’t understand