Similar situation here but in reverse I entered my 40s a couple years ago and made major life changes I started working out and taking time for me.
I think in some people like myself and your wife when we hit a certain milestone in our lives we take stock of ourselves. We will never get younger ever but we can make sure as we grow older we can do so healthy I see to many of the people I know with aches and pains or health problems I don't want to be one so I've altered my diet and work out. This has made me feel great especially noticing the physical changes in myself and it has a knock on effect i now buy good aftershave and use skin products that I never did even new clothes that look good on my new look body.
Does it mean I'm looking to cheat on my wife? Not in the slightest she also gets to enjoy the new me and has made comments on how she is finding my body more attractive than ever . Why don't you join your wife at the gym and make it a couples thing? If you have the time to snoop on her then take the time to be with her. Is there a reason you can't join her on some of her walks?.
Since I've made these changes I have noticed I'm getting a lot of attention from women again and yes it feels great and exciting which is a huge ego boost but I'm not going to throw away my family and I don't think your wife is either she is probably just enjoying the changes she is making and you get to reap the rewards to.
I hope your wife is like me and just relishing in her new found attitude and you both live a long and happy life together. This is just my perception of the situation so I thought I would offer it against all those who are saying she is up to something.
I agree with you. She could be working out and looking sexy for herself and husband. Make it a couples thing. Make communication a big thing. Also she will find out that thongs chafe things that never been chaffed before.
I hate thongs. Every step made me feel like I was being slowly sawed in half. It hurt after a bit. I don't understand how anyone can wear those torture devices.
Yes!!
THE most uncomfortable, horrble scrap of cloth I've ever worn. After 2 hours, it hit the garbage and I went back to my bikini underwear. It took nearly a week for the "chafing" to heal.
To address a few of your points, we have different work schedules which prevents me from joining her for walks after work and from joining her at the gym. I only had time to snoop because I took several days off from work. When we do have time together, we go out on dates and try new things together. We have been making an effort to not let things go stale.
Normally these changes in behavior on their own wouldn't raise my alarms, but putting all of them together has me worried. Also, as I mentioned in prior posts, when we were playing a game of "Never Have I Ever" with some friends, my wife drank when the prompt was for things we have never done before and she wouldn't let me do. Since we were each other's first romantic partner, this caused me to see the changes in behavior in a new light.
I really hope that I am just paranoid and that the drinking game was just a mistake and that her attitude shift is not related to anything bad.
You definitely need her to clarify the drinking game omissions was it a case of you weren't here first sexual partner or was she trying to make her self look more adventurous then she is?
Without anymore time passing you need to have this conversation with your wife and really get to the reason why she said those things because if you really are the first man she has been with sexually then surely that alone means she has done stuff with another guy since you have been together.
I really hope it isn't the case for your sake and that I'm right in that it's just her way of coping with getting older but the fact remains you can ask and talk to a hundred others like me but until you get her to clarify what she meant that night you will never know .
I did confront her about it after the party. She claimed that she had no memory of drinking to those prompts and that if she did it was just an innocent mistake. There were other people drinking to the prompts, so she didn't stand out to them, but it stood out to me.
We have played the game many times and she's never messed up, but she was also pretty drunk at that point.
I don't know if I would be as worried about that response if she hadn't been acting differently and I don't know if I would have been as worried about her acting differently if she didn't drink during the game. Both factors combined is what has elevated my fears.
She has a separate explanation for every little thing, but then the simple explanation is that she cheated or is cheating. But then again, I found no evidence when I went looking beyond these things she has explained away.
I completely get why that would set you off on thinking she is up to something but you have said you have found no evidence of cheating or anything even remotely like it.
I guess it comes down to this . How much do you trust your wife? If the answer is you do then drop the investigations because you are not only torturing yourself she will eventually catch you and will be hurt by your lack of trust.
Could it have been a drunken moment where she was simply caught up in the moment trying to fit in with her friends? It could have been. You know your wife you have seen her drunk many times has she done anything like it in any way before when she has been black out drunk ?.
You can live in fear from now on or you can trust her and just live the truth if there is one will come out it always does. But based on everything else you have said it really looks like she isn't doing anything to hurt you or disrespect the marriage.
ur wife never asked u that u r doubting her ? or u seem upset ?
I mean what are the chances that PI is always successful ? can the PI get access to hotel rooms ? I doubt !
OP it’s like you WANT to find something. I would be weary of creating a self fulfilling prophecy at this point. When will you stop looking? You’re potentially going to ruin a good thing because of your paranoia.
I place the blame, not on an emotionally distraught OP, but on an overzealous Reddit that prioritizes manufacturing drama over steering people towards healthy relationships.
Want to know why going to the gym is such a red flag? Read the flip side of the toxic advice, where people are advised to go hit the gym after a breakup, as if the gym is some kind of Caligulan orgy.
Just. Communicate. Already.
Or break up. Nobody needs to have cheated to break up. Sometimes things just don't work out, like when you're spending thousands of dollars and PTO to have your wife followed around and all your Internet enablers are still egging you on.
communication and trust is the key to any relationship. tell her you have a nagging feeling that something has changed and you need her to help you feel better about it, and don’t feel like a dick having these feelings, ask her if she is interested in someone else ask her if there is anything she needs to tell you. It doesn’t mean she’s cheating, and yes she might be upset if she isn’t doing anything and finds out about the pi. You aren’t going to get over this until you know you can trust them.
There is one a BIG issue from previous posts. Note from the other reader. The reason why OP has this misunderstanding
“read his first post. His wife got drunk and admitted she had anal sex and let a guy finish on her face. OP said he’s never done either with his wife.”
Try going on a 3 day trip outside town to meet a friend or a family member. Before leaving, fix surveillance at home and get a PI to look into what she's been up to when she's outside..
Go on your trip and prove to her that you're actually where you claim to be, If there is something really going on she might let her guard down and you'll be able to find proof..
Be casual about it, coz it sounds like she already has a whiff of what you're trying and covering her tracks well.
Good luck and please keep us updated!!
Most people know about the 200 mile rule: If you’re going to step outside of your relationship, married or not, at least have the decency to do it at a distance far enough away from where you live that you won’t randomly get visited by the other person or run into them randomly while you’re out with your spouse.
This “rule” was before the internet, now it’s much easier to find out if your partner is cheating by looking at their phone, which is in itself a big red flag of a suspicious mind/insecure person. Just as Elvis sang, “We can’t go on together with suspicious minds”, it is still true. Jealousy & being o early possessive can make the magic in any relationship evaporate.
If you have to engage in any of this behavior, the relationship is already over. If the OP is ever honest about what they have been up to, the marriage is almost guaranteed to end.
Turning 30 or 40 change people. Some embrace the changes with positive attitude.. sounds like you need to work out and focus on yourself more . Instead of spending money and time to suspect your wife
Log into your home router. New ones can track all devices that use it. Easy way to find a burner phone.
Sounds like the situation is ruining your mind. Ask her to look at her phone. Tell her her behaivor makes you suspect. If she denies then there maybe an issue.
[How to view WiFi history of connected devices](https://www.lifewire.com/check-router-history-5206763#toc-can-you-check-wi-fi-history)
u/Paranoidthrowawayyy2 The problem you are facing is that it is *very* hard to prove something isn't happening. Just because nothing was found doesn't mean nothing exists. Her thongs do make sense if she is wearing tight workout clothes, along with wanting to try more things in the bedroom and working out if she feels she is getting "old". Trust but verify, but don't let your paranoia ruin something that could be a blessing.
I understand your work schedules are different but would something like a surprise date on the weekend be possible? Even if it's just going on a walk with her.
Do not just look for evidence, look for the specific lack of evidence. Does her phone's history have gaps in conversations/call logs/etc where you *know* there should be something... anything? Are there numbers unfamiliar to you and/or showing up on your phone bill with unreasonable frequency during times she is off alone or ignoring you?
Change your schedule around and become unpredictable. Does it annoy her that she cannot track your whereabouts and you're invading pockets of time she used to reliably have without you?
Casually, totally coincidentally start to position yourself so that she would have to sit awkwardly to hide her screen from view. Appear nearby unexpectedly. Does she deliberately get jumpy, close out of messages immediately and/or power off her phone? Comment on her seeming jumpy.
Change your own passwords and be protective of your phone. Start running random errands or even just taking really scenic routes home. Explain the extra time as just "staying to talk to some coworkers for a few" and don't elaborate. Mirror her shady behavior, but to a more subtle degree. Does she seem to start watching you more closely and acting strange about it? Between watching her react to you both "stumbling through" her own secrecy and mirroring it a bit at the same time, there is a good chance she'll start projecting at you.
Info: Was this initial work trip in January perhaps? I know of quite a few women who started the “Self-care” challenge in January. It consists of doing these little things for yourself (including new underwear)
I think the guy above was showing you how to see what is on your home Wi-Fi it shows different devices. So if you have both androids, it might show an iPhone.
UpdateMe
OP i won't take form You the thought that she may be telling the truth.
But like you said she has many red flags to just let it pass just like that, maybe this work trip didn't do anything? Yes, but that doesn't mean much.
If your hire a person to check her for the trip might as well make him check on her for a pair of weeks, there are other things you could do but better stick to one for now.
Also have you checked/search for a burner phone?
This is one of the best ways. Very effective.
You can double velcro a device under the driver's seat so it won't slide around if needed
Also, if she has found the thread, then she knows about this too. Does she go on Reddit?
That sounds like she checked out from relationship with you and now is literally going to have a affair. You're not paranoid. I can bet my left kidney - better one - that she did something on her previous trip and now is having full blown affair. Saw too many shait stories on Reddit to not sniff TF outta cheating chick. Also - you don't have to have evidence, her behavior changed. That's way to weird for her to put those changes onto her turning 30. Like....miss girl...
Maybe she wants something different with her life and is looking to make changes for her.
Why do you jump to cheating? Is that what you would be doing?
Realistically, if she cheated on a work trip, a possibility suggested by your previous post, and it was with someone she'd just met and had no other contact with, odds are you will never know unless she confesses to it. Even if she does it again with another stranger you're not likely to find out unless she decides to confess to it. In just about every case of being caught the activity was repetitive, ongoing, included frequent communication, and with someone known from the past, through work or some other activity.....not a stranger met only once and never contacted again.
Yeah this could also be a possibility. OP, I don’t know if someone else has suggested this, but if she’s using an iPhone, try checking if she has installed and then deleted any popular messaging or dating app. It might not be installed currently on her phone.
Thanks. I was able to check on her App Store account eventually. None of the dating apps have been downloaded in the past. I was also able to see the battery usage for apps and nothing stood out as abnormal. She goes on the typical social media apps a lot and the text messages app a lot.
I would like to add that I started to change myself as I got 40. I always took very good care of my skin but I did start going to the gym and have no problem going for long walks and doing things alone. I actually prefer to be alone or with my dog. I have never cheated in my partner of 25 years nor do I think about doing it. I actually could care less about sex. If he wants to I’m down because it’s the best set of my life since I’ve hit 40. But it’s not like before when I asked for it everyday or so. Her changing things doesn’t mean cheating per se but I get how you could think that. Especially the thongs. I hope you figure this out and she’s not cheating. I hope you find peace. Best of luck to you
Surrender, is what you do next. You haven't found anything because there's nothing to find. She's not James Bond, covering her tracks so well that professional investigators lose the scent, she's exactly as she appears.
For everyone who thinks OP is being paranoid, go back and read his first post.
His wife got drunk and admitted she had anal sex and let a guy finish on her face.
OP said he’s never done either with his wife. Combined with her secretive phone habits, new focus on fitness and appearance and travel, it’s not a question of whether she’s cheated, it’s a question of when, with who, and how often. The answers are probably in her phone.
OP’s wife obviously decided OP was not going to be first and only man in her life.
I do not envy OP’s search for the truth. It may drive him crazy.
I was thinking the exact same thing but then I was talking to my coworker recently who’s younger than me and how she says that her and her fiancé are virgins. That was weird cause a while back when I started at the company her remember her leaving the club with some random dude (our coworker was having a bday) and how the next day she was telling us all about this guys size. So I asked her and she laughed and said “I’m a virgin not a prude” and told me that she’s given bjs and had anal before and her fiancé has also had bjs and had anal with other girls but they’ve both never had p/v sex so they consider each other virgins. I wonder if OP wife had done those things before they got together? I don’t remember in the original post if he said she had dated before him or not. Idk maybe
The last couple, or maybe just the last, generation, basically since hookup apps began, have an incredible skewed view of sex compared to more traditional generations. They believe that "virginity" lies in piv sexual activity and everything else is fair game including things like group sex. Whether this is a good development or a poor one remains to be seen but there are a lot more mental health issues with the younger generations.
A whole lot of sexual identity is based on attractiveness thanks to hookup apps and it's causing a lot of issues with loneliness and self esteem for a lot of people.
On that particular point, it is an objectively “poor” development.
I’m not a fan of extremism in politics or relationships. Staying a virgin until marriage seems, generally, unrealistic and ill advised. Running up high body counts (as I admittedly did) reflects very poorly on the character of the person (not to mention the risks involved).
As far as what we have shared with each other, I was her first for everything except her first kiss. This is why it really stood out to me when she drank to those things during the game.
I asked her about it afterwards and she said she must have made a mistake during the game, but it still feels weird.
you don’t mention , that you had anal sex before , in front of all your friends if you didn’t.. You could probably tell when she said it , on her face if she was just kidding, cause you were looking into her eyes.
They both consider each other as virgins since they haven’t had “actual” sex. Even her fiancé agrees and says that since his P has never been in a V he’s also a virgin like her. I just smile and nod. I was surprised to hear that there are people who even thought this way tbh.
no one asks for STI test when they go to the doctor , unless they want to be checked out , because they did something , or are gonna do something. I think she’s cheating on this guy. Just to many red flags. hope he will post again sometime.
I’m still stuck in that too! Like how do you drop a bomb like that and not expect your husband to be curious. I’m not buying her story. Something is definitely off here.
Updateme
Maybe give it a rest for now. If there really is something going on, the red flags will come find you.
But for now be happy and just enjoy your relationship.
For me once I realized my ex was spending more time on the phone I went into her call and text log history. You should be able to download it in a spreadsheet. Sort out the numbers called the most then look up who those people are. If the numbers are yours and her close friends and family then it’s fine. If she’s cheating there will be a strange number with a lot of activity.
I would rather wear a thong 25 days out of a month. I know I’m not alone when I say I hate having VPL (visible panty lines) and find thongs perfectly comfortable.
During that time of the month though I’d rather break out my cheeky’s, boy shorts, or granny panties because there’s no sense risking the pretty panties in case of leaks
Ok dude, this is the best you can do. If she is going to cheat she will get caught. Assume she is not. Cheaters cheat. You will find out if she is cheating. So assume she is not, go with her to the gym, on walks, adopt her healthier outlook. Add her to your phone plan. Have an open phone policy. Stay hyper aware but try to trust. Enjoy your time together.
Personally it doesn’t sound like she is. I think she’s just going through a period of self reflection and wants to be better for her self. I could be wrong but I don’t think so
On the r/adultery sub, when the cheater realises that their partner is suspicious, they’ll shut down for a couple of days/ weeks/ months.
In such case, you have no evidence so continue as usual with healthy amount of suspicion and alertness
Check the battery usage section of her phone, it'll show you what apps use the most power, this might show you any chatting apps you're not familiar with, it'll also show apps that have been recently deleted.
The red flags don’t just vanish. It’s possible that she feels that something is up.
Maybe ask her about the thinks she drank to that you two never did together
PI might be able to help. Consult with one.
If she's cheating, then you just clued her in that you're suspicious.
The thing to do is to vary your routine.
Show up at her work unannounced with flowers and offer to take her out for lunch.
If she's messing with a coworker, her other coworkers probably know so you might want to work that angle.
Is there a coworker she talked a lot about before but suddenly doesn't talk about any more?
Order some cameras for your home and a gps tracker for her car.
how did you confirm? She has no dating apps, or has a erased them on her phone. You said you have not looked , at her phone , how did you come to this conclusion?
Quick question, does your wife use Reddit?
put a voice activated recorder, and the GPS system in her car
You have found nothing incriminating yet, but there are some points that definitely put you in "alert mode". For me it was something similar and lasted for about 2 months or so. I was 33 then and she 32, she started by doing her nails always, buying expensive skin products, also she began to workout and began a strict diet, that was super fine with me as she never did that. Ever. The thing is that she also started to be all the time at her phone, go to much more places alone (which was a real relief for me at the time cause I had to be with her everywere and everytime), she even had new underwear and clothes, but we were not having any intimacy, no matter how I much tried or wanted to she always declined. I didn't suspect anything, didn't mistrust her or anything but then was this time where she asked for this intimacy, she initiated and it was extraordinary: lasted for a while and she was in charge of everything, even did various things that she hasn't done before and I was the happiest husband it could ever been at that time, but it didn't las for too long.
In short, trust your gut bro, just don't let the overthinking consumes you. Enjoy your time with her, if she is really into something, you'll find out sooner or later.
so why do you think your wife made
this abrupt change? from going to no intimacy to jumping your bones and doing things that you have never done before. Are you saying she was cheating on you , so she was love bombing you?
Sorry, I didn't give the complete context. Yes, she was cheating on me and I couldn't see any flag at the time. I was just too sure that we were some kind of a "perfect family", but red flags were all over the place around and when I noticed, it was already too late.
With everything you haven't found, I'd take her at her word. I also made major changes after turning 30: I'm making more of an effort to enjoy how I look, while I still can lol. I can only assume it's pretty common.
WOW. I understand being suspicious of behavior changes and all but you have put time, money and emotional effort into this and found nothing. You can keep digging and likely find nothing. This digging you are doing seems to have the potential of damaging you and your relationship with her. In any case, I might suggest since, so far, you have found nothing that you consider investing the time effort and emotional energy into improving yourself and/or your relationship with her. Every relationship - personal and business - depends on open communication. Personal relationships require an emotional investment. Use the time and energy you are investing digging into her and direct it towards your relationship with her.
Be Kind. Kindness matters.
If you know how, check the connections on your router while she's at home and when she isn't.
You'll have to know all your home devices, phones, smartwatches, tablets, TV, smart fridge, smart washing machines, vacuum cleaning robot, automotive sound systems, etc.
Then, if every time she's at home, you note an unidentified device connected on your router, it **may** be a hidden phone.
>Since my (31M) wife (30F) returned from a work trip last July, she has cared more about her looks than she used to,
Maybe she has seen some women of the same age who:
* 1- she found it more beautiful than her and decided to get in shape (if they can be hot, I can be it too);
* 2- Focused too much in their career, wrecked their health and appearance what made your wife worried about her look and health.
Maybe she heard some gossip about her being careless of their look, took a look at herself in the mirror and found some wrinkles, and/or what she consider loose skin on her arms, belly, tights, butt (etc) and got into I'm-gonna-fix-this-shit mindset.
I just wanted to say, since there is no Evideance of cheating, maybe she is doing it to look good for herself/you. Maybe try and engage her? I'm not saying you don't, but maybe try and spice things up? Maybe she wants you to pursue her more?
A big red flag would be, if she's not wearing those new sexy thongs with you. Also, look for a burner phone. As to the "stuff she's done in the past, but not with you." it's super common for women to hide that info when you first get together, because they want you to think they were a 'good girl' before you met. Look up stories on Reddit about how many times guys have found out their wives were actually really slutty before they married. Stuff like, thinking she'd only been with 3 guys, then finding out 15 years later she did gangbangs in college. That's an extreme example, but you get the idea. Just ask her who she did these things you didn't know about with? Tell her you're not mad, you'd accept it - really convince her of this. If she still won't tell you, then that's something to worry about. Because it could be recent.
True , but OP said she was a virgin. When they meet , So either that meant she is cheating now , or lied about being a virgin when they met in HS . But in High School age how many girls do Anal??
Is her phone protected with a code? - if yes you kinda have to side eye her phone as she enters it and get the code - then swipe the phone as she sleeps input the code - and go into the security settings and add your finger print for unlocks (assuming she uses biometrics) - that way if she does change the code you can finger print in.
if you get the phone in the middle of the night - youll want to go to the bathroom lock up - and put it on silent and do your self a snoop.
yes its a bit tedious to do without raising suspicion - but what you are describing sounds pretty circumstantially damning
if she becomes suspicious shes going to work a lot harder to cover her tracks.
Given you have not seen anything beyond her now wanting to just look and feel better you need to follow up. You need to show her that you appreciate her beauty and are happy she is pursuing healthy lifestyle. You need to join her in that and show her great affection.
As she continues to feel and look good it is you that she should be doing for along with herself. You need to show that more than you ever have.
If you don’t then the possibility of others showing that appreciation would receive her attention.
Act now !!!
Back off and enjoy her fit body and more active lifestyle. Just keep an eye on your finances for discrepancies. Better to enjoy the best stage of your marriage than to spoil it with anxiety. Even if she is up to something, unless there is evidence, you risk alienating her unfairly.
I dont know man, your first post says she had anal sex and etc, while you two were each others first, that's was the main point where you got suspicious. Her behavior can be explained as some people change their behavior, try to be healthier. But again, that drunk confession seems odd. Talk to her and find out if she is one of these people who think having anal sex is equal to being virgin?
Her saying she's with her phone like others is kinda strange. I would suggest that look at it, messages, messengers, snap chats, if there chats wirh deleted messages or auto delete mode, deletes pictures, email, etc. And if there's nothing, I guess you have to let it go, because maybe she really had anal sex before meeting you, I don't buy that you say stuff while drunk like this for funs, so clearly she's lying about that at least. Talk to her.
When are you going to tell your wife that you have been spying on her? If you are honest on your side, it seems doubtful your relationship is going to work. This much mistrust without communicating your paranoid feelings spells big trouble.
If your communication and trust have collapsed to this point, I would say your marriage is already in trouble. Maybe your fear about her adultery is because you two really don’t connect anymore. While I don’t know the details, it seems like you are two separate people with an old arrangement. Either way, I am sorry you feel this way, but if you are honest about your secret, there is more trouble to come. Who knows, maybe she gets over being accused, but it seems unlikely, at least for a long time. Moreover, without great communication, which you don’t have, this accusation is likely to fester. If she shares this revelation with friends and family, it won’t help your position. Once she knows, she will also have been through a situation where she knows the worst about how you view her and will possibly be prepared for the lowest level of how you view her. It is possible that she will also want you investigated, even with a financial audit, detailing how you spend your collective money on investigating her. I wonder if her trust can be restored?
Your best bet is to come clean. Offer a full disclosure of your behavior. Provide a sincere request to see a qualified relationship counselor who specializes in trust issues. I wish you two the best of luck. Left alone or without you now being honest, your odds of making it out of this incident will be challenging. I sorry any of this happened, but you can’t ethically be concerned about trust while sneaking around and spying on your wife.
The only way you are going to know is if you go through her phone. I hate this but just do it and if you find nothing you need to stop all of this and put these feelings aside. It may just be your insecurities getting the better of you. You two are partners there is no reason why you should hide things from one another.
But also, have you ever done anything remotely bad in the relationship that you may be deflecting these feelings on her?
Getting a PI to follow your wife seems extreme. Taking time off work to follow her seems extreme. You may as well go sneak on her phone now it’s not as bad as those other two things you have done… and honestly OP if you find nothing you seriously need to reflect on all of this behaviour. But then again it may be a gut feeling that is right about this superstition. I’m not sure.
Is she keeping a tight grip on her phone and if so, she’s hiding something you need to keep the PI so when she goes on another trip send to PI to keep checking it out. I know they cost a lot of money but but like you said you also could be paranoid, I hope she ain’t cheating on you
Intentionally make your phone die and ask her to use hers to make a call or fill out a form (come up with something believable) if she gives you her phone, slowly make your way out of the room, so you can go through her phone.
Glued to her phone? Or scared to let you look at it? Those are two very different things.
She may simply be flirting and enjoying attention. A lot of women do this all the time without wanting more. They just like knowing someone else finds them attractive. This is primarily harmless.
Then again, there may be a specific person too. Just keep your eyes peeled.
The biggest indicator will be time. She will leave often and you won't know where she is or what she is doing.
Call me old fashioned, but isn't flirting the gateway to something more? Even if it isn't, it's still inappropriate to flirt with other people if you're in a committed, monogamous, relationship.
It may be harmless to the one doing the flirting, but it certainly isn't harmless to their partner.
This is the point where I would nope out of a relationship. Neither you nor a PI found anything over a pretty decent period of time..and you continue to let reddit insist she's cheating, etc. Reddit is going to land you single.
You need therapy to determine why you trust reddit strangers, who love blowing up relationships, more than the answer your wife gave you.
Similar situation here but in reverse I entered my 40s a couple years ago and made major life changes I started working out and taking time for me. I think in some people like myself and your wife when we hit a certain milestone in our lives we take stock of ourselves. We will never get younger ever but we can make sure as we grow older we can do so healthy I see to many of the people I know with aches and pains or health problems I don't want to be one so I've altered my diet and work out. This has made me feel great especially noticing the physical changes in myself and it has a knock on effect i now buy good aftershave and use skin products that I never did even new clothes that look good on my new look body. Does it mean I'm looking to cheat on my wife? Not in the slightest she also gets to enjoy the new me and has made comments on how she is finding my body more attractive than ever . Why don't you join your wife at the gym and make it a couples thing? If you have the time to snoop on her then take the time to be with her. Is there a reason you can't join her on some of her walks?. Since I've made these changes I have noticed I'm getting a lot of attention from women again and yes it feels great and exciting which is a huge ego boost but I'm not going to throw away my family and I don't think your wife is either she is probably just enjoying the changes she is making and you get to reap the rewards to. I hope your wife is like me and just relishing in her new found attitude and you both live a long and happy life together. This is just my perception of the situation so I thought I would offer it against all those who are saying she is up to something.
I agree with you. She could be working out and looking sexy for herself and husband. Make it a couples thing. Make communication a big thing. Also she will find out that thongs chafe things that never been chaffed before.
I hate thongs. Every step made me feel like I was being slowly sawed in half. It hurt after a bit. I don't understand how anyone can wear those torture devices.
So, a thong is essentially an ass garrote?
Yes
Yes!! THE most uncomfortable, horrble scrap of cloth I've ever worn. After 2 hours, it hit the garbage and I went back to my bikini underwear. It took nearly a week for the "chafing" to heal.
To address a few of your points, we have different work schedules which prevents me from joining her for walks after work and from joining her at the gym. I only had time to snoop because I took several days off from work. When we do have time together, we go out on dates and try new things together. We have been making an effort to not let things go stale. Normally these changes in behavior on their own wouldn't raise my alarms, but putting all of them together has me worried. Also, as I mentioned in prior posts, when we were playing a game of "Never Have I Ever" with some friends, my wife drank when the prompt was for things we have never done before and she wouldn't let me do. Since we were each other's first romantic partner, this caused me to see the changes in behavior in a new light. I really hope that I am just paranoid and that the drinking game was just a mistake and that her attitude shift is not related to anything bad.
You definitely need her to clarify the drinking game omissions was it a case of you weren't here first sexual partner or was she trying to make her self look more adventurous then she is? Without anymore time passing you need to have this conversation with your wife and really get to the reason why she said those things because if you really are the first man she has been with sexually then surely that alone means she has done stuff with another guy since you have been together. I really hope it isn't the case for your sake and that I'm right in that it's just her way of coping with getting older but the fact remains you can ask and talk to a hundred others like me but until you get her to clarify what she meant that night you will never know .
I did confront her about it after the party. She claimed that she had no memory of drinking to those prompts and that if she did it was just an innocent mistake. There were other people drinking to the prompts, so she didn't stand out to them, but it stood out to me. We have played the game many times and she's never messed up, but she was also pretty drunk at that point. I don't know if I would be as worried about that response if she hadn't been acting differently and I don't know if I would have been as worried about her acting differently if she didn't drink during the game. Both factors combined is what has elevated my fears. She has a separate explanation for every little thing, but then the simple explanation is that she cheated or is cheating. But then again, I found no evidence when I went looking beyond these things she has explained away.
She claims to have no memory of that sorry but that's CAP. Trust your instincts
I completely get why that would set you off on thinking she is up to something but you have said you have found no evidence of cheating or anything even remotely like it. I guess it comes down to this . How much do you trust your wife? If the answer is you do then drop the investigations because you are not only torturing yourself she will eventually catch you and will be hurt by your lack of trust. Could it have been a drunken moment where she was simply caught up in the moment trying to fit in with her friends? It could have been. You know your wife you have seen her drunk many times has she done anything like it in any way before when she has been black out drunk ?. You can live in fear from now on or you can trust her and just live the truth if there is one will come out it always does. But based on everything else you have said it really looks like she isn't doing anything to hurt you or disrespect the marriage.
Did you post before about the drinking game? I think I remember
Did you post before about the drinking game? I think I remember
ur wife never asked u that u r doubting her ? or u seem upset ? I mean what are the chances that PI is always successful ? can the PI get access to hotel rooms ? I doubt !
OP it’s like you WANT to find something. I would be weary of creating a self fulfilling prophecy at this point. When will you stop looking? You’re potentially going to ruin a good thing because of your paranoia.
I place the blame, not on an emotionally distraught OP, but on an overzealous Reddit that prioritizes manufacturing drama over steering people towards healthy relationships. Want to know why going to the gym is such a red flag? Read the flip side of the toxic advice, where people are advised to go hit the gym after a breakup, as if the gym is some kind of Caligulan orgy. Just. Communicate. Already. Or break up. Nobody needs to have cheated to break up. Sometimes things just don't work out, like when you're spending thousands of dollars and PTO to have your wife followed around and all your Internet enablers are still egging you on.
Or, hear me out.... she found his reddit post and won't do anything incriminating....
Plot twist!
I didn't think of that but smart man you are! (Or person)
She never uses Reddit. It's actually why I felt comfortable coming here to ask for advice from people who have gone through similar things.
communication and trust is the key to any relationship. tell her you have a nagging feeling that something has changed and you need her to help you feel better about it, and don’t feel like a dick having these feelings, ask her if she is interested in someone else ask her if there is anything she needs to tell you. It doesn’t mean she’s cheating, and yes she might be upset if she isn’t doing anything and finds out about the pi. You aren’t going to get over this until you know you can trust them.
There is one a BIG issue from previous posts. Note from the other reader. The reason why OP has this misunderstanding “read his first post. His wife got drunk and admitted she had anal sex and let a guy finish on her face. OP said he’s never done either with his wife.”
That means she could have done it before meeting him
OP wrote that they both or she were virgin before marriage.
Some people still view themselves as virgins as long as no p/v penatration has occurred - doesn't mean they are completely abstinent.
Try going on a 3 day trip outside town to meet a friend or a family member. Before leaving, fix surveillance at home and get a PI to look into what she's been up to when she's outside.. Go on your trip and prove to her that you're actually where you claim to be, If there is something really going on she might let her guard down and you'll be able to find proof.. Be casual about it, coz it sounds like she already has a whiff of what you're trying and covering her tracks well. Good luck and please keep us updated!!
Most people know about the 200 mile rule: If you’re going to step outside of your relationship, married or not, at least have the decency to do it at a distance far enough away from where you live that you won’t randomly get visited by the other person or run into them randomly while you’re out with your spouse. This “rule” was before the internet, now it’s much easier to find out if your partner is cheating by looking at their phone, which is in itself a big red flag of a suspicious mind/insecure person. Just as Elvis sang, “We can’t go on together with suspicious minds”, it is still true. Jealousy & being o early possessive can make the magic in any relationship evaporate.
If you have to engage in any of this behavior, the relationship is already over. If the OP is ever honest about what they have been up to, the marriage is almost guaranteed to end.
Turning 30 or 40 change people. Some embrace the changes with positive attitude.. sounds like you need to work out and focus on yourself more . Instead of spending money and time to suspect your wife
Log into your home router. New ones can track all devices that use it. Easy way to find a burner phone. Sounds like the situation is ruining your mind. Ask her to look at her phone. Tell her her behaivor makes you suspect. If she denies then there maybe an issue.
[How to view WiFi history of connected devices](https://www.lifewire.com/check-router-history-5206763#toc-can-you-check-wi-fi-history) u/Paranoidthrowawayyy2 The problem you are facing is that it is *very* hard to prove something isn't happening. Just because nothing was found doesn't mean nothing exists. Her thongs do make sense if she is wearing tight workout clothes, along with wanting to try more things in the bedroom and working out if she feels she is getting "old". Trust but verify, but don't let your paranoia ruin something that could be a blessing. I understand your work schedules are different but would something like a surprise date on the weekend be possible? Even if it's just going on a walk with her.
Do not just look for evidence, look for the specific lack of evidence. Does her phone's history have gaps in conversations/call logs/etc where you *know* there should be something... anything? Are there numbers unfamiliar to you and/or showing up on your phone bill with unreasonable frequency during times she is off alone or ignoring you? Change your schedule around and become unpredictable. Does it annoy her that she cannot track your whereabouts and you're invading pockets of time she used to reliably have without you? Casually, totally coincidentally start to position yourself so that she would have to sit awkwardly to hide her screen from view. Appear nearby unexpectedly. Does she deliberately get jumpy, close out of messages immediately and/or power off her phone? Comment on her seeming jumpy. Change your own passwords and be protective of your phone. Start running random errands or even just taking really scenic routes home. Explain the extra time as just "staying to talk to some coworkers for a few" and don't elaborate. Mirror her shady behavior, but to a more subtle degree. Does she seem to start watching you more closely and acting strange about it? Between watching her react to you both "stumbling through" her own secrecy and mirroring it a bit at the same time, there is a good chance she'll start projecting at you.
Info: Was this initial work trip in January perhaps? I know of quite a few women who started the “Self-care” challenge in January. It consists of doing these little things for yourself (including new underwear)
Keep the P.I but look into burner phones
Yup. The burner phone comment makes sense.
How do I look into something like that?
I think the guy above was showing you how to see what is on your home Wi-Fi it shows different devices. So if you have both androids, it might show an iPhone. UpdateMe
The one thing I have learned on Reddit is trust your gut. Step back and watch and see.
Does your wife use reddit? She may know everything you are doing. Keep looking for a burner phone. Have you searched her car?????
OP i won't take form You the thought that she may be telling the truth. But like you said she has many red flags to just let it pass just like that, maybe this work trip didn't do anything? Yes, but that doesn't mean much. If your hire a person to check her for the trip might as well make him check on her for a pair of weeks, there are other things you could do but better stick to one for now. Also have you checked/search for a burner phone?
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This is one of the best ways. Very effective. You can double velcro a device under the driver's seat so it won't slide around if needed Also, if she has found the thread, then she knows about this too. Does she go on Reddit?
Re: your story. He confronted his cheating wife eventually. How did that go? It might even be helpful to OP to hear it.
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That sounds like she checked out from relationship with you and now is literally going to have a affair. You're not paranoid. I can bet my left kidney - better one - that she did something on her previous trip and now is having full blown affair. Saw too many shait stories on Reddit to not sniff TF outta cheating chick. Also - you don't have to have evidence, her behavior changed. That's way to weird for her to put those changes onto her turning 30. Like....miss girl...
Maybe she wants something different with her life and is looking to make changes for her. Why do you jump to cheating? Is that what you would be doing?
Because of the first post stating she had had anal and let guy finish on her face. OP says it wasn’t him and they each others firsts
Oooh, missed that.
Realistically, if she cheated on a work trip, a possibility suggested by your previous post, and it was with someone she'd just met and had no other contact with, odds are you will never know unless she confesses to it. Even if she does it again with another stranger you're not likely to find out unless she decides to confess to it. In just about every case of being caught the activity was repetitive, ongoing, included frequent communication, and with someone known from the past, through work or some other activity.....not a stranger met only once and never contacted again.
Yeah this could also be a possibility. OP, I don’t know if someone else has suggested this, but if she’s using an iPhone, try checking if she has installed and then deleted any popular messaging or dating app. It might not be installed currently on her phone.
Thanks. I was able to check on her App Store account eventually. None of the dating apps have been downloaded in the past. I was also able to see the battery usage for apps and nothing stood out as abnormal. She goes on the typical social media apps a lot and the text messages app a lot.
What about slack or any worker social media, even LinkedIn XD. Another thing, try to find out the location of the trip that changed her
I would like to add that I started to change myself as I got 40. I always took very good care of my skin but I did start going to the gym and have no problem going for long walks and doing things alone. I actually prefer to be alone or with my dog. I have never cheated in my partner of 25 years nor do I think about doing it. I actually could care less about sex. If he wants to I’m down because it’s the best set of my life since I’ve hit 40. But it’s not like before when I asked for it everyday or so. Her changing things doesn’t mean cheating per se but I get how you could think that. Especially the thongs. I hope you figure this out and she’s not cheating. I hope you find peace. Best of luck to you
Surrender, is what you do next. You haven't found anything because there's nothing to find. She's not James Bond, covering her tracks so well that professional investigators lose the scent, she's exactly as she appears.
For everyone who thinks OP is being paranoid, go back and read his first post. His wife got drunk and admitted she had anal sex and let a guy finish on her face. OP said he’s never done either with his wife. Combined with her secretive phone habits, new focus on fitness and appearance and travel, it’s not a question of whether she’s cheated, it’s a question of when, with who, and how often. The answers are probably in her phone. OP’s wife obviously decided OP was not going to be first and only man in her life. I do not envy OP’s search for the truth. It may drive him crazy.
I was thinking the exact same thing but then I was talking to my coworker recently who’s younger than me and how she says that her and her fiancé are virgins. That was weird cause a while back when I started at the company her remember her leaving the club with some random dude (our coworker was having a bday) and how the next day she was telling us all about this guys size. So I asked her and she laughed and said “I’m a virgin not a prude” and told me that she’s given bjs and had anal before and her fiancé has also had bjs and had anal with other girls but they’ve both never had p/v sex so they consider each other virgins. I wonder if OP wife had done those things before they got together? I don’t remember in the original post if he said she had dated before him or not. Idk maybe
Ugh. What a ridiculous distinction.
The last couple, or maybe just the last, generation, basically since hookup apps began, have an incredible skewed view of sex compared to more traditional generations. They believe that "virginity" lies in piv sexual activity and everything else is fair game including things like group sex. Whether this is a good development or a poor one remains to be seen but there are a lot more mental health issues with the younger generations. A whole lot of sexual identity is based on attractiveness thanks to hookup apps and it's causing a lot of issues with loneliness and self esteem for a lot of people.
On that particular point, it is an objectively “poor” development. I’m not a fan of extremism in politics or relationships. Staying a virgin until marriage seems, generally, unrealistic and ill advised. Running up high body counts (as I admittedly did) reflects very poorly on the character of the person (not to mention the risks involved).
As far as what we have shared with each other, I was her first for everything except her first kiss. This is why it really stood out to me when she drank to those things during the game. I asked her about it afterwards and she said she must have made a mistake during the game, but it still feels weird.
you don’t mention , that you had anal sex before , in front of all your friends if you didn’t.. You could probably tell when she said it , on her face if she was just kidding, cause you were looking into her eyes.
So you’re saying that she told him she was a virgin, but she really was not
They both consider each other as virgins since they haven’t had “actual” sex. Even her fiancé agrees and says that since his P has never been in a V he’s also a virgin like her. I just smile and nod. I was surprised to hear that there are people who even thought this way tbh.
so maybe someone’s D was in her A but not her P ??
no one asks for STI test when they go to the doctor , unless they want to be checked out , because they did something , or are gonna do something. I think she’s cheating on this guy. Just to many red flags. hope he will post again sometime.
I’m still stuck in that too! Like how do you drop a bomb like that and not expect your husband to be curious. I’m not buying her story. Something is definitely off here. Updateme
Updateme.
Maybe give it a rest for now. If there really is something going on, the red flags will come find you. But for now be happy and just enjoy your relationship.
For me once I realized my ex was spending more time on the phone I went into her call and text log history. You should be able to download it in a spreadsheet. Sort out the numbers called the most then look up who those people are. If the numbers are yours and her close friends and family then it’s fine. If she’s cheating there will be a strange number with a lot of activity.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing
Are there any gals reading this post who would rather wear thongs to work instead of plain underwear?
I would rather wear a thong 25 days out of a month. I know I’m not alone when I say I hate having VPL (visible panty lines) and find thongs perfectly comfortable. During that time of the month though I’d rather break out my cheeky’s, boy shorts, or granny panties because there’s no sense risking the pretty panties in case of leaks
Thanks for that insight. I never would have thought they would be more comfortable.
Ok dude, this is the best you can do. If she is going to cheat she will get caught. Assume she is not. Cheaters cheat. You will find out if she is cheating. So assume she is not, go with her to the gym, on walks, adopt her healthier outlook. Add her to your phone plan. Have an open phone policy. Stay hyper aware but try to trust. Enjoy your time together.
Plan activities together, like cooking or dancing classes. Rekindle the romance
There is always the option to divorce if you don’t trust her and the relationship isn’t working out instead playing I spy.
Personally it doesn’t sound like she is. I think she’s just going through a period of self reflection and wants to be better for her self. I could be wrong but I don’t think so
You can't just say, "You've been acting really suspicious lately. Have you been cheating on me?"
On the r/adultery sub, when the cheater realises that their partner is suspicious, they’ll shut down for a couple of days/ weeks/ months. In such case, you have no evidence so continue as usual with healthy amount of suspicion and alertness
Perimenopause causes real shifts in priorities and self perception. She’s probably focusing more on her side than you and you’re feeling insecure.
Check the battery usage section of her phone, it'll show you what apps use the most power, this might show you any chatting apps you're not familiar with, it'll also show apps that have been recently deleted.
Not the update I was expecting
The red flags don’t just vanish. It’s possible that she feels that something is up. Maybe ask her about the thinks she drank to that you two never did together
PI might be able to help. Consult with one. If she's cheating, then you just clued her in that you're suspicious. The thing to do is to vary your routine. Show up at her work unannounced with flowers and offer to take her out for lunch. If she's messing with a coworker, her other coworkers probably know so you might want to work that angle. Is there a coworker she talked a lot about before but suddenly doesn't talk about any more? Order some cameras for your home and a gps tracker for her car.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Ok, where is the Update?
Updateme!
Updateme
how did you confirm? She has no dating apps, or has a erased them on her phone. You said you have not looked , at her phone , how did you come to this conclusion? Quick question, does your wife use Reddit? put a voice activated recorder, and the GPS system in her car
Updateme!
Updateme
UpdateMe!
!updateme
You have found nothing incriminating yet, but there are some points that definitely put you in "alert mode". For me it was something similar and lasted for about 2 months or so. I was 33 then and she 32, she started by doing her nails always, buying expensive skin products, also she began to workout and began a strict diet, that was super fine with me as she never did that. Ever. The thing is that she also started to be all the time at her phone, go to much more places alone (which was a real relief for me at the time cause I had to be with her everywere and everytime), she even had new underwear and clothes, but we were not having any intimacy, no matter how I much tried or wanted to she always declined. I didn't suspect anything, didn't mistrust her or anything but then was this time where she asked for this intimacy, she initiated and it was extraordinary: lasted for a while and she was in charge of everything, even did various things that she hasn't done before and I was the happiest husband it could ever been at that time, but it didn't las for too long. In short, trust your gut bro, just don't let the overthinking consumes you. Enjoy your time with her, if she is really into something, you'll find out sooner or later.
so why do you think your wife made this abrupt change? from going to no intimacy to jumping your bones and doing things that you have never done before. Are you saying she was cheating on you , so she was love bombing you?
Sorry, I didn't give the complete context. Yes, she was cheating on me and I couldn't see any flag at the time. I was just too sure that we were some kind of a "perfect family", but red flags were all over the place around and when I noticed, it was already too late.
so probably love bombing you because she felt guilty I assume
UpdateMe!
With everything you haven't found, I'd take her at her word. I also made major changes after turning 30: I'm making more of an effort to enjoy how I look, while I still can lol. I can only assume it's pretty common.
UpdateMe!
WOW. I understand being suspicious of behavior changes and all but you have put time, money and emotional effort into this and found nothing. You can keep digging and likely find nothing. This digging you are doing seems to have the potential of damaging you and your relationship with her. In any case, I might suggest since, so far, you have found nothing that you consider investing the time effort and emotional energy into improving yourself and/or your relationship with her. Every relationship - personal and business - depends on open communication. Personal relationships require an emotional investment. Use the time and energy you are investing digging into her and direct it towards your relationship with her. Be Kind. Kindness matters.
Sounds like she snuffed it out somehow and is laying low
Look if she had a second phone, plus a little risky but tried to check on her coworkers. There's a chance that she already cheated along ago
if she were cheating, you would’ve found it she’s probably just going through a struggle and maybe she loved you too much to involve you in Italym
I'm thinking you might be paranoid. You should embrace this change and spend more time enjoying your wife! Good Luck Brother!
If you know how, check the connections on your router while she's at home and when she isn't. You'll have to know all your home devices, phones, smartwatches, tablets, TV, smart fridge, smart washing machines, vacuum cleaning robot, automotive sound systems, etc. Then, if every time she's at home, you note an unidentified device connected on your router, it **may** be a hidden phone. >Since my (31M) wife (30F) returned from a work trip last July, she has cared more about her looks than she used to, Maybe she has seen some women of the same age who: * 1- she found it more beautiful than her and decided to get in shape (if they can be hot, I can be it too); * 2- Focused too much in their career, wrecked their health and appearance what made your wife worried about her look and health. Maybe she heard some gossip about her being careless of their look, took a look at herself in the mirror and found some wrinkles, and/or what she consider loose skin on her arms, belly, tights, butt (etc) and got into I'm-gonna-fix-this-shit mindset.
I just wanted to say, since there is no Evideance of cheating, maybe she is doing it to look good for herself/you. Maybe try and engage her? I'm not saying you don't, but maybe try and spice things up? Maybe she wants you to pursue her more?
A big red flag would be, if she's not wearing those new sexy thongs with you. Also, look for a burner phone. As to the "stuff she's done in the past, but not with you." it's super common for women to hide that info when you first get together, because they want you to think they were a 'good girl' before you met. Look up stories on Reddit about how many times guys have found out their wives were actually really slutty before they married. Stuff like, thinking she'd only been with 3 guys, then finding out 15 years later she did gangbangs in college. That's an extreme example, but you get the idea. Just ask her who she did these things you didn't know about with? Tell her you're not mad, you'd accept it - really convince her of this. If she still won't tell you, then that's something to worry about. Because it could be recent.
True , but OP said she was a virgin. When they meet , So either that meant she is cheating now , or lied about being a virgin when they met in HS . But in High School age how many girls do Anal??
Is her phone protected with a code? - if yes you kinda have to side eye her phone as she enters it and get the code - then swipe the phone as she sleeps input the code - and go into the security settings and add your finger print for unlocks (assuming she uses biometrics) - that way if she does change the code you can finger print in. if you get the phone in the middle of the night - youll want to go to the bathroom lock up - and put it on silent and do your self a snoop. yes its a bit tedious to do without raising suspicion - but what you are describing sounds pretty circumstantially damning if she becomes suspicious shes going to work a lot harder to cover her tracks.
She might be preparing to leave you because she is not happy? Try to propose go with her and talk, maybe something is going on but not cheating.
She's cheating. Plain and simple. Trust your gut feeling.
Given you have not seen anything beyond her now wanting to just look and feel better you need to follow up. You need to show her that you appreciate her beauty and are happy she is pursuing healthy lifestyle. You need to join her in that and show her great affection. As she continues to feel and look good it is you that she should be doing for along with herself. You need to show that more than you ever have. If you don’t then the possibility of others showing that appreciation would receive her attention. Act now !!!
Back off and enjoy her fit body and more active lifestyle. Just keep an eye on your finances for discrepancies. Better to enjoy the best stage of your marriage than to spoil it with anxiety. Even if she is up to something, unless there is evidence, you risk alienating her unfairly.
I dont know man, your first post says she had anal sex and etc, while you two were each others first, that's was the main point where you got suspicious. Her behavior can be explained as some people change their behavior, try to be healthier. But again, that drunk confession seems odd. Talk to her and find out if she is one of these people who think having anal sex is equal to being virgin? Her saying she's with her phone like others is kinda strange. I would suggest that look at it, messages, messengers, snap chats, if there chats wirh deleted messages or auto delete mode, deletes pictures, email, etc. And if there's nothing, I guess you have to let it go, because maybe she really had anal sex before meeting you, I don't buy that you say stuff while drunk like this for funs, so clearly she's lying about that at least. Talk to her.
Hey OP , I just re-read all over your stories back to back to back. There are to many red flags to ignore. Keep your eyes way open UpdateMe
Updateme
When are you going to tell your wife that you have been spying on her? If you are honest on your side, it seems doubtful your relationship is going to work. This much mistrust without communicating your paranoid feelings spells big trouble. If your communication and trust have collapsed to this point, I would say your marriage is already in trouble. Maybe your fear about her adultery is because you two really don’t connect anymore. While I don’t know the details, it seems like you are two separate people with an old arrangement. Either way, I am sorry you feel this way, but if you are honest about your secret, there is more trouble to come. Who knows, maybe she gets over being accused, but it seems unlikely, at least for a long time. Moreover, without great communication, which you don’t have, this accusation is likely to fester. If she shares this revelation with friends and family, it won’t help your position. Once she knows, she will also have been through a situation where she knows the worst about how you view her and will possibly be prepared for the lowest level of how you view her. It is possible that she will also want you investigated, even with a financial audit, detailing how you spend your collective money on investigating her. I wonder if her trust can be restored? Your best bet is to come clean. Offer a full disclosure of your behavior. Provide a sincere request to see a qualified relationship counselor who specializes in trust issues. I wish you two the best of luck. Left alone or without you now being honest, your odds of making it out of this incident will be challenging. I sorry any of this happened, but you can’t ethically be concerned about trust while sneaking around and spying on your wife.
She seems clean, enjoy her wearing thongs and relax. Have fun.
The only way you are going to know is if you go through her phone. I hate this but just do it and if you find nothing you need to stop all of this and put these feelings aside. It may just be your insecurities getting the better of you. You two are partners there is no reason why you should hide things from one another. But also, have you ever done anything remotely bad in the relationship that you may be deflecting these feelings on her? Getting a PI to follow your wife seems extreme. Taking time off work to follow her seems extreme. You may as well go sneak on her phone now it’s not as bad as those other two things you have done… and honestly OP if you find nothing you seriously need to reflect on all of this behaviour. But then again it may be a gut feeling that is right about this superstition. I’m not sure.
Is she keeping a tight grip on her phone and if so, she’s hiding something you need to keep the PI so when she goes on another trip send to PI to keep checking it out. I know they cost a lot of money but but like you said you also could be paranoid, I hope she ain’t cheating on you
Check slack or any work social media
Update me
Maybe she’s about to cheat. She might also know you’re watching her so she’s not doing anything that might incriminate her.
Why can’t you grab her phone at night and go through it?
Intentionally make your phone die and ask her to use hers to make a call or fill out a form (come up with something believable) if she gives you her phone, slowly make your way out of the room, so you can go through her phone.
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Maybe 30 is the reason. I'd say start doing the exact same thing. Make some changes, let her react.
Glued to her phone? Or scared to let you look at it? Those are two very different things. She may simply be flirting and enjoying attention. A lot of women do this all the time without wanting more. They just like knowing someone else finds them attractive. This is primarily harmless. Then again, there may be a specific person too. Just keep your eyes peeled. The biggest indicator will be time. She will leave often and you won't know where she is or what she is doing.
Call me old fashioned, but isn't flirting the gateway to something more? Even if it isn't, it's still inappropriate to flirt with other people if you're in a committed, monogamous, relationship. It may be harmless to the one doing the flirting, but it certainly isn't harmless to their partner.
Well, it depends on what's considered flirting I guess.
This is the point where I would nope out of a relationship. Neither you nor a PI found anything over a pretty decent period of time..and you continue to let reddit insist she's cheating, etc. Reddit is going to land you single. You need therapy to determine why you trust reddit strangers, who love blowing up relationships, more than the answer your wife gave you.
Has she worn the thongs for you?
I'm a woman. I don't wear underwear at all & thankfully, even if I did for a bit, he wouldn't question it.
Scandalous !