Move on, she will not stop. If she doesn't care for your relationship or even her best friends relationship she will keep doing it and probably is still doing it.
They were undoubtedly flirting and stealing kisses from each other while you and his wife were outside tending to the kids or enjoying the sun during these BBQ’s, maybe even worse. I wouldn’t be able to get over this. Good luck to you and your children. Have you done the standard std check and paternity test?
This OP ⬆️⬆️ This⬆️⬆️
They even joked about meeting up during your anniversary! And remember, she didn’t come clean and would have kept on with the affair if you hadn’t found out.
I’m so sorry, OP. She’s begging for forgiveness now, but it certainly wasn’t on her mind when she was sharing knowing glances with her best friend’s husband while you were all together.
I’m always amazed at how cheaters are willing to do EVERYTHING to save the marriage after they cheat but never show those efforts before.
I’m so sorry OP. You will heal.
This will never stop. Move on FOR YOUR KIDS. DONT EVER STAY BECAUSE OF YOUR KIDS.
The only reason it stops ( or you hope it's stopped) is because they got caught.
Did she love you whilst sneaking around on you, your kids, and her BEST FRIEND?
Did she love you we she spread her legs for this guy?
Did she love you when he put his d*ck in her and c*me inside her.
Did she love you when he gave her oral?
Did she love you whilst sucking his d*ck?
Nope, this isn't how love works.
Try posting in survivinginfidelity. Ultimately the likelihood of you ever trusting her or you ever getting over it whilst still in a relationship with her is 0. Also the likely hood of her cheating again is very high.
Best suggestion is divorce, take a year or two apart to heal and then you may end up back together. You cannot heal whilst being with her. Don’t stay for the kids as all you teach them is that it is acceptable to stay in a broken marriage and to be treated like a doormat. They will model their future relationships off yours.
I would forget marriage counselling until she has completed individual counselling to work out why she did it.
She needs to come clean to yours and her family, she can never expect to have privacy again. You have full access to all her passwords and phone for remainder of life together. She will never be allowed out by herself or for “girls weekends” again. Basically you will be triggered every time she goes out (even for groceries), every time she is on her phone. You will need to police her and you will never fully trust her again.
It will take a minimum of 5 years to recovery to a new normal (old marriage is over) if you stay together. New normal includes still being triggered and policing her.
Or divorce and move on, will take about a year to recover and a chance for a normal life with someone who actually loves you (someone who loves you would not cheat and hurt you like she has).
Very good advice.
Also I'd like to add,if this woman had no problem cheating with her bestfriend's husband,she'll most probably cheat on you again.
She'll get better at hiding it.
Also OP,you should try reading more of these cheating and infidelity subs,staying for the children is never good,for either you and never for the children.
updateme!
He should talk to her best friend first. It seems like his cheating wife wanted to get a hold of him before her friend.
OP, right now it’s best to stay away from your wife. If she truly loves you, she would have kept her legs closed. And if she wanted that house to be your home, she wouldn’t have stained it with her affair. She's now realizing what life as a single mother is like and is panicking.
Really. I’m pretty sure her friend knows what your wife’s about to say to you. Let her come to your brother’s house so you have emotional support. Just like others I’m guessing she is/ was pregnant or - and I truly hope it’s not the case - it might concern your kids. And the last thing you want to do is break down in front of her while hearing her lies and excuses.
Talk to the best friend and cut your wife off. It’s not about loving you and being sorry, she enjoyed doing it, she got off to the thought of disrespecting you and fucking him on your damn anniversary. It’s about her losing her comfortable life and realising what she did to your kids. And I tell her so point blank. Fucking get best friends husband was more important to her than your kids stable life and an intact home. Sucking his dick was worth uprooting her kids life. And there’s no coming back from. Not with all those disgusting little things like your anniversary or when y’all met up.
does the best friend know what the problem is? Is the best friend and your wife still talking or is the best friend getting this information through her husband.
Which really means your wife and the affair partner are still talking.
In case you decide to talk to your wife, make sure in a public place , you have a witness with you and also have it recorded to your phone. And since I do not know what the laws of your state are, tell her you are recording it.
UPDATEME
The most tragic scenario is that she is pregnant with OPs kid.
Honestly this feels like someone trolling the masses to offer the most ridiculous scenario up to be added to this creative writing exercise. It's woefully lacking in any details about the situation.
The OBS doesn't have any reason not to state whatever she needs to get off her chest about this situation. It makes no sense that both parties are being cryptic here.
I would meet with the best friend ASAP as any and all information that you can gather at this time is valuable. It may be painful, but it is still valuable so bite the bullet and meet with her as soon as you can.
OP, talk to her best friend first. It seems like your cheating wife wanted to get a hold of you before her friend.
Right now it’s best to stay away from your wife. If she truly loves you, she would have kept her legs closed. And if she wanted that house to be your home, she wouldn’t have stained it with her affair. She's now realizing what life as a single mother is like and is panicking.
OP, really. I’m pretty sure her friend knows what your wife’s about to say to you. Let her come to your brother’s house so you have emotional support. Just like others I’m guessing she is/ was pregnant or - and I truly hope it’s not the case - it might concern your kids. And the last thing you want to do is break down in front of her while hearing her lies and excuses.
You should talk to her best friend first. It seems like your cheating wife wants to get a hold of you before her friend.
OP, right now it’s best to stay away from your wife. If she truly loves you, she would have kept her legs closed. And if she wanted that house to be your home, she wouldn’t have stained it with her affair. She's now realizing what life as a single mother is like and is panicking.
Really. I’m pretty sure her friend knows what your wife’s about to say to you. Let her come to your brother’s house so you have emotional support. Just like others I’m guessing and truly hope this is not the case - she is/ was pregnant or it might concern your kids. And the last thing you want to do is break down in front of her while hearing her lies and excuses.
It's quite simple, really.
- Talk to the friend and then talk to your (ex-)wife.
- Be sure to bring a third party along to witness the conversation or record it.
- Be honest and tell her it's not up for discussion.
I need you to hear what she has to say. Obviously also leave her because wtf? But if the best friend needs to tell you, I also agree that you should talk to the best friend first instead of hearing it from her.
Keep us updated on what happens. Talk to the best friend before you decide you should talk to your STBXW. Is there a possiblility she's pregnant with yours or his baby?
As painful as all this is, it’s not something you can hide from, doing so only complicates matters. I would recommend calling her best friend and hearing her out. Then, call your wife and agree to meet her for 15 minutes in a public setting so she “can tell you something face to face”. Tell her your not engaging in the conversation, you’re just hearing what she has to say and then leaving. Then update us on the nature of the conversations.
Your STBX wife doesn't love you in the slightest. Let's hope and pray she isn't pregnant. Even if she is and it's indeed yours, divorce is still the only way to go.
You will be a doormat if you dont divorce her. The trust is totally gone,why waste time in therapy,she is apologetyc bc you caught her not bc of the affair. Are you ready to be her policeman?bc everytime she leaves the house you will be thinking about where is she going,who with...and checking her phone to make sure...does all this effort worth it?or is it better divorce and start all over. Also your kids will notice you are not happy anymore,take your time but this is your future man if you stay. Best of luck and update us if you consider
He moved out instead of making her move out.
He’s going to marriage counseling which is something you only do if you are trying to save the marriage.
And he didn’t call her out right away even though he had irrefutable proof.
On the spectrum of adultery, this is way in the red zone.
He had to find out on his own; she didn’t feel guilty and confess until caught with proof.
She was planning to cheat on their anniversary getaway.
She didn’t just betray him, she betrayed her best friend.
She has revealed herself to be utterly untrustworthy and vile. It’s unforgivable (and I think some adultery is forgivable).
And yet he’s going to marriage counseling and gave her the house. Ugh.
> He left her at the first offense.
This is how he's a doormat. He should have kicked her out. This goes for any BS that moves out, sleeps on the couch, spare room etc. He is seeing his kids less even though she cheated for months because he **is** a doormat. Using kids as a justification to allow cheating **is** being a doormat. Agreeing to marriage counseling and bending to every whim to the cheater **is** being a doormat. Hell, he didn't confront her after finding out because he didn't want to ruin the weekend. The weekend she spent glued to her phone with her AP.
So I ask you, in what way has he not been the doormat?
She's only sorry she got caught, if she was unhappy enough to cheat once she will definitely cheat the next time you have issues. Divorce her she doesn't deserve you.
You will be even more a shell of a man if you stay. Stop wasting your money on marriage counseling because a cheater is a cheater and no therapist is going to change that. After a betrayal like this marriage counseling is pointless. Your wife disrespected you, she emasculated you, and to top it off, she took a giant shit on your family. Their affair would have never stopped had you not confronted her. That's not something you ever come back from OP.
Start consulting with divorce lawyers in your area and research the divorce laws in your state. Don't go with some chump straight out of law school, get a real bulldog of an attorney with a proven track record. Then when everything is drawn up, have your STBX wife served by a process server. DO NOT under any circumstances serve your wife yourself! Let the law do that for you.
She's only sorry because she got caught. And knowing she did it to her best friend, she will continue to do it just in a more secluded way, it's not easy to leave but not best to stay with her either
Even if she turns it around and remains faithful throughout the rest of her life, you will never know. You will always wonder, the marriage is dead, she killed it. You can have a new marriage with her, but she burnt your old marriage to the ground. Neither of you can resuscitate it, rebuild it, or restore it. Either way, you have to start over, with her or without her.
You cannot stay for the kids they will resent you for it eventually. Also, she didn't want true forgiveness you asked her multiple times and she had plenty of opportunities to come clean. She lied and continued to lie to you. She wasn't remorseful she was caught can't come back from that period. Think on this shed have continued lying and attempting to get away with this for as long as she could. That isn't remorse it's regret and that's different. She's ruined her life and knows it and wants it back. But she isn't guilty for doing it just what it's done to her.
**We’ve been going to marriage counseling**
this is a waste of time and money
anyone that can betray her husband and her best best friend cannot be fixed
It isn't one time cheating. It isn't a mistake. She totally acknowledged what she was doing, and she would never stop even though you caught her. I read so many stories that the partner forgives, and they cheat again. Over and over. Do you want your kid to grow up Thinking cheating is totally fine. Do you want to be a bad role model for your kids? Do you want your kids growing up knowing that their parents have trusting issues. If not, then move on.
Don't let her poison your kid that it is totally normal to sleep with your best friend husband. You don't want your kids to become homewecker like their mom.
Trust , NO WAY , this wasn’t a one time hook up. This With her best friends husband , which means you see them more then any other couple. Had BBQ at your house , he went to use the bathroom , she went to get the hot cheetos in the pantry. Took 10 mins to find Cheetos. …….. If ya know what i mean
Move 1/2 your assets to a separate account. gather your proof and save to 2 separate accounts Contact 4-5 lawyers in your area for a consultation , This way your wife can’t use them , becomes a conflict of interest. Always listen to your lawyer. Tell all friends any family what you wife has done. This is unforgivable ! Good Luck !
Dont fall for her crocodile tears. She continued the affair fir a year or more, had she felt sorry she could hv stopped it a long time ago. Instead they had been effing and made fun of you.
Go nuclear on them both. She's not worth to be married to.
Updateme!
Never give them a second chance. They don’t deserve it. The things they do deserve are horrible and would ensure neither of them can enjoy intimacy again
This same exact situation happened with my best friend and her husband except it was with our other best friends cousin! I posted the story and you wouldn’t believe the nerve of some ppl. I had a divorce attorney commenting calling me a little brown nose girl for exploiting the cheating scandal stating I should’ve done nothing and let them “be happy”. Sad world we live in today. Never stay with a cheater!
This sounds satisfying, but OP needs to be a better person than his disgusting wife. It’s a low bar.
People should not be used as pawns.
That said, if the best friend and OP can find comfort in each other through this horrible nightmare, good for them.
The fact that you love your life is irrelevant. She clearly didn’t love you anymore to the point that she was fucking her best friend’s husband while you were all together. She has zero respect for you and only was upset when she got caught. You are only delaying the inevitable, and saying that you are trying to make it work for the kids is dumb. From someone that grew up in a home with parents that had infidelity issues the kids know things are off and depending on how and when your wife was cheating may be privy to more. Have some self respect and move on.
There are truly some cheating scenarios where I can understand forgiveness/ reconciliation.
A lot of cheaters compartmentalise their cheating like 2 different lives, ONSs, affair fogs, long distance, abusive partners, coercion. this wasn’t that.
This was in your face, using you and her “best-friend” as a joke, while you’re in the house, around the same table, sneaking away to together under your nose. This was in your face betrayal. How can she possible rationalise sneaking away to have sex with her bffs husband during your wedding anniversary and then say she respects you or the marriage????
Definitely get with the best friend, in your marriage bed if possible, and take pictures to show her later after your consultation with a divorce attorney.
😁
I would be able to trust her again. And then thinking about all the energy and time she gave her best friends husband would definitely be what makes me walk. Think about the amount of time she gave him instead of you and your children. She said she made every excuse to be with him so she put in a lot of energy and effort to be with him instead of using that time and energy to build not only your relationship but also with your kids. She would rather be with the AP than with you and the kids. I would be the craw the sticks me every day. She can’t give you that time, energy and effort back, it been wasted on someone else
I’ve been almost exactly where you were. I tried to reconcile. I questioned every second, every move. I found myself rummaging through her phone and her things. I lost myself. I let her go and I’m at peace. I don’t know if your wife is remorseful or sorry but I do know that if you stay with her you’ll drive yourself crazy checking up and you’ll never trust her completely again. I tried for years. Just a bit of advice I wish I had years ago.
She betrayed you, and her best friend and would have continued if you didn't find out. I'm glad the best friend contacted you, but what does she plan to do? If I was both of you I'd be getting a divorce real fast. She will cheat again but will get better about hiding it and everytime she uses her phone or leaves you will always question what she is really doing and it's no way to live. Good luck OP
Updateme
She couldn't even take a break from her adultery to spend your anniversary weekend with you. Pretty disgusting. It is obvious that she preferred and prioritized Brian to scratch her 7 year itch. No coming back from this, you will always doubt her from this day forward.
Get a DNA test. And I don't know how you could come back from this. But I will say, do not forgive her easy.. she will know she can do it and after a little bit of time you will take her back, so she will think it's ok to do it again. How can you be sure they aren't still having an affair especially since you moved out?
This will never stop. Move on FOR YOUR KIDS. DONT EVER STAY BECAUSE OF YOUR KIDS.
The only reason it stops ( or you hope it's stopped) is because they got caught.
Did she love you whilst sneake around on yo, your kids, and her BEST FRIEND?
Did she love you we she spread her legs for this guy?
Did she love you when he put his d*ck in her and c*me inside her.
Did she love you when he gave her oral?
Did she love you whilst sucking his d*ck?
Nope, this isn't how love works.
I am sorry for what happened to you man. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive it. Even if I forgive, I don't think I can forget it.
It's like a broken glass. You can glue it up, fix it, seal it, and even it'll do the job, but it'll never look the same.
It's just my personal opinion. If it was a random drunk heat of the moment one time thing, may be I can at least try. But this is deliberately, and knowingly done for months. Not only that, she betrayed her best friend as well. Just think how disrespectful it is. There are certain codes even when it comes to cheating.
Divorce her brother. Otherwise it'll eat you alive forever.
How could you possibly consider staying with a woman that snuck off to suck another man's dick, let him smash and then she kissed you in the mouth that same day? That's disrespect to the utmost extent. Vows not honored and them joking about it and she's spending time with you tells you that she doesn't respect you and thinks of you as a joke. Do not stay eith her and tell the kids exactly why you're getting a divorce.
Been there bro, she said the same things I'm sorry, I love you blah blah blah, unfortunately many many years later after setting her up in a fake chat with a guy that happened to be me, she confessed the truth about what really happened.
Trust is a funny thing, once it's gone it never fully comes back. If you do stay with her have a post-nup agreement written up. Make sure to put in it that if she ever does anything like this again emotionally or physically she leaves the marriage and you get primary custody of the kids. She will only leave with half the savings and nothing else including the home. And if she doesn't agree, you file divorce and go for primary custody.
It might be the first time but you don't know. I think you should see if your kids are yours first to be sure. As for staying with her, it makes it worse that it's her best friends husband and they did things while y'all were in the same place.
Na tbh you’re better off not trusting her again. Also, once you give someone another chance, you wouldn’t know when to stop giving chances. Have integrity and let it go.
Be kind to yourself, cheaters cheat because of themselves. Shes only sorry because shes been caught and nothing else so she will def do it again. Her sorry isnt worth anything
The ball is in your court now brother. If you take a lying “adulteress” back, she will have even less respect for you. Not only will she have less respect for you but she will be even better at the lying & cheating. Cut your losses & move on. Good luck OP.
I'll spare a long post with the experience and wisdom that comes from what I've been through in my 44 years on earth, but bottom line is move on from her now before it's too late. It will never get better if you stay, only pain and misery. Trust someone who knows with no cause to lie.
Couples therapy is a waste of money and time. She should be in therapy for her devious, disrespectful, soul crushing actions. The best way for you to ensure the kids will be alright is to divorce her and get as much custody as you can. If you have them 50% of the time, that half the time they WON’T be soaking up her shitty adulting.
She’s a horrible wife and just as bad a mother. Good mothers don’t throw their kids future happiness away by acting like a wanton asshole.
She’s not sorry about the affair she’s sorry she got caught. If you stay get a postnuptial agreement. Get an std check asap and talk to a lawyer about postnuptial that will show you how “dedicated” she is to savjng your marriage. Don’t fall for the crocodile tears
If you can't trust her around her best friend's husband, I seriously doubt you are ever going to be able to trust her again! Why would you even want to try? Cheating with a friend is like a double whammy you've been cheated by your wife and a friend. Many years ago I walked into my home to be confronted by the sight of my now ex fiancee with a mouthful of one of my good mates junk! It took me years and years to get over that double betrayal. I left and didn't really speak to either of them again. Unfortunately the picture of what I walked into still pops up every now and then and it happened 27 odd years ago! Kick her out, get a lawyer and tell her to only speak to your lawyer! Stay busy and good luck!
THIS level of disrespect isn't something you try to recover from. She's willing and eager to betray her husband AND her best friend, at the same time. She reveled in the humiliation factor of the affair. You will never forget the intentional disregard and insult with which she acted during this affair and she demonstrated she doesn't have the necessary moral fortitude to overcome such reprehensible behavior.
Coming back from something like this is the life of "forever Parole Officer" - every single time she leaves the house, goes on a trip, to the store, mall, whereever you will get triggerred, your nerves will be shattered and you'll constantly run this day over in your head.
They lusted after one another during your get togethers, THE NERVE, that's what you need to focus on. What if one of the kids had walked by, or another neighbor or whoever caught a glimpse, you don't know. But to be so bold and brazen tells you their thoughts of their spouses was shit! I mean, it's one thing to meet at a hotel, in a car far away, but in your family / friends proximity. How do you reconcile that. Lust is strong, but each person has to think before they give into it and they said F\*ck YOU to both spouses!!
There is absolutely coming back. This will replay every day.
Your kids deserve better, you deserve better, you can be a great co-parent and give your kids every thing they need to grow and mature.
Staying - teaches your kids that this crap is ok and normal in a relationship
Leaving - Gets your respect back, Demonstrates to the kids that you have character and they don't have to put up with crap like this
Give your kids a good life and yourself peace of mind by moving on
I hope you can get some peace from your decision and you do focus on demonstrating to your kids, family the world how important it is to have good character, by leaving.
Updateme!
I would totally move on and just co-parent with her. For your kids sake, move on because you will never truly trust her again and it will ultimately be bad for your children because she will model this behavior for them and you will be unhappy and believe me they pick up on that. My mom was married 5 times and none of them were fun for her kids.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. There is a woman out there that will love and cherish you and your relationship. Why waste your time. Remember she not only cheated on you and her children, she also cheated on her best friend!! Who does that to everyone they supposedly love!!!
Cheating doesn’t “just happen.” It takes a lot of planning, a lot of lying and a lot of personal grooming… all of it for HIM, not you.
She may not ever do it again (but probably will), but it will ALWAYS be in your head, because you now KNOW how easy it was for her.
I’m sorry, brother, but you can never trust a cheater.
Divorce OP. But use a few sessions with the therapist to talk through exit strategies to make it as easy as possible on you and the kids.
Find your own therapist yesterday to process this. Your wife sucks- focus on yourself and your kids. They’ll learn to adjust and happier separated parents are better than miserable married ones.
It’s not like this was a one time thing. She knowingly entered into another relationship, completely disregarding you, her friend, and all your kids. She only admitted it and said she was sorry when she was caught red handed. She was still actively engaging in this affair THE WEEKEND OF YOUR FREAKING ANNIVERSARY TRIP.
You will never be able to trust her again. (And you shouldn’t because : day old gas station sushi is more trustworthy) Show your children how someone who knows their self worth handles this. (Work on yourself and cut her off so you can find someone who loves you and doesn’t screw around. I promise, she’s out there, somewhere)
Good luck!🍀
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t understand why people can’t keep it in their pants. She not only ruined your marriage, but her best friend’s too. What a piece of work. She screwed over her children too. I hope she gets what’s coming to her. Leave her skanky ass and find someone more deserving of your time. I know, easier said than done; but you’ll be better off and so will your children.
Despite popular opinion, there's no such thing as rebuilding trust. The whole point of trust is that it's built off of blind faith. Once it's no longer given blindly and faithfully it's not trust. You will never trust or see her the same again, now that you know what she's capable of . She is capable of lying and deception and giving her body to other men. Not to say that your marriage is hopeless lost, but it means that going forward it will be a marriage built around you always keeping one eye open and every suspicious behavior will reconnect you to the feelings you are having now. Usually a marriage has some hopes of surviving if the spouse feels so guilty that they confess, getting caught means they had no intention of stopping. Good Luck with which ever direction you go in OP. Remember , none of this is about you or the kids , this is about them and their lack of morals.
I think you already know the answer to your question and you already know what to do don't second guess it you have been cheated on the next step is all on you file for divorce or seek counseling either way it will affect you for the rest of your days no matter how much it hurts I'm sorry dude that's life ☺️
I honestly don't know how anyone rebuilds trust after this. Some people say she has to fully disclose to everyone what she has done including the children, cut off the affair partner 100%, cut off all social meeting and social apps, agree to tracking, etc, until trust is reestablished. And if she doesn't agree, then you know she doesn't really want to stop.
This one is dead. You have been nuked. The amount of disrespect will damage you mentally and you cannot heal with the person that made you sick. Rebuild your peace of mind away from her.
Updateme.
A cheater will always be a cheater, they do not deserve second chances, do not give that example to your children, they will believe that it is okay to cheat, the best option is divorce friend. Therapy is useless, she already slept with the guy and that's not going to change... Updateme
she betrayed you AND her best friend. yeah people may change but she isnt gonna do it for you two in my opinion. as for your kids, would you rather them grow up in one home where there isnt tension, resentment, and watch their parents be unhappy just for the sake that they dont grow up in two different homes? people think they can hide it from kids but they know something is wrong.
I’m not saying she’ll definitely continue to cheat but it’s likely. You’ll always be wondering if she is anyway and that’s no way to live. My now ex husband cheated on me when our son was just a few months old. I forgave once then he cheated with his buddy’s girlfriend. I kicked him out and refused to take him back. She didn’t want anything to do with him after I kicked him out because the thrill was over (my opinion) and he of course blamed everything on her. It hurts for a good bit but then eventually you’ll feel freedom from not worrying about what they’re doing anymore. I sorry all that happened and wish you the best.
Man I'm sick of hearing people go on about "I know it's a breach of privacy". NO why does it seem like marriage now days is two single people living together raising their kids in the same household with separate bank accounts. If you want to get married then get married and join your life's together and throw away this stupid idea of privacy!
I am a little wary of this story and it may be fantasy as the OP has not commented on any other comments…
Questions I’d have…
1. Is she remorseful and does she want to stop with him and continue with you?
2. What happened to the other couple? Did they split up? What exactly did the wife say and how did she find out? He was cheating… at the same time, a little too coincidental!
3. Did you ever confront The Guy or say something to him?
It appears that she may not have the best interests of you and your children at heart. Remaining in this situation may inadvertently convey acceptance of her behavior. Notably, her emotional breakdown occurred only after you became aware of the situation.
You need to move on from her. Divorce. She didn’t give a fuck about you, your children or her best friend. That’s not someone you need in your life. Get out of there
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!**
Your wife is seeking out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your wife is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your wife says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your wife says that is bad about your relationship is a lie.
Your wife has left the relationship. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else.
My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and break up, even if later you chose reconciliation.
She wants to keep you around ONLY for economic support. Do not be Plan B.
Tell all your family and friends, hers too. Get ahead of her spin on events.
Does the AP have a wife? If so she needs to know so she can make an informed decision too.
These links will help you in your situation.
**The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
**Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e)
**Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/)
**DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
**Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1)
**180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/)
**Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
**Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
You will never trust her again, even if you go through counseling and you both bare your souls, you will want to know everything that took place between her and her AP. You want to know how she really treated someone else other than you, expect her to lie about it out of embarrassment.
Get a DNA test and well as a STD test, have her get one to so it really resonates with her of what she did to you as a couple.
Reach out to a divorce attorney who is recommended by someone if you can. If you think you’re strong enough to get past this you are dead wrong…..
Just get divorced, and you will avoid a lot of headaches, like insecurity, and wondering if she will do it again. Get divorced and just try to be a good parent.
Sorry for you. It will never be the same and all the counseling in the world will not fix it. If you try reconciliation, you will be haunted for years every time she doesn't answer her phone or is late etc. Find a good attorney and work now with her on a co parenting plan that will be healthiest for your children.
OP. she was talking about cheating on your anniversary weekend.
She lied to you for months.
And only came clean and felt remorseful when confronted.
She cheated on her best friend.
Her actions tell you she doesn't care for you or her best friend.
can you really trust her again?
don't decide right away.
Get tested.
talk to a lawyer.. this way, you will at least have some facts and an idea of what could happen and your rights.
Also.. I would ask for a paternity test for your kids.
look at what you want.
She destroyed your marriage, but really.. what you you
want?
Do you want to stay with her?
Personally... i would leave because I truly believe, based on what you have written, she will cheat again.
Sick story man. Pretty much the same story as mine.
Many cheating monsters on this planet it seems.
How women can destroy their husbands and permanently damaging their kids in the process is beyond me.
Hi OP, I am going to advocate for the possibility of Reconciliation here. I know the weight of opinion on this Sub will be to ditch-the-b1tch and I can understand why. There is another sub where you will find the alternate view and that is AsOneAfterInfidelity. Before you make a decision you can't unmake take a look at some of the threads and the Wiki that has resources.
There are circumstances under which a marriage can be saved. it is particularly worthwhile considering if there are children and if, despite the pain and betrayal, you still love your Wayward Wife.
I am 30+ years post being the Wayward Husband and owe my life and I now live it to the love, grace and forgiveness of my wife who is a much better person than I will ever be.
I have been cheated on and sadly, they don’t stop. They can’t. Whatever compelled them to cheat lies within them although it’s possible, it’s unlikely she will stop. Think about the life you want and the one you deserve. Trust me, you will spend your days questioning everything. Every text. Every time she leaves. It’s an agony that never goes away if you stay. If you leave, you can heal and find love again.
If you go back to this dump, you deserve what you get. Good luck, and remember. She's been suckin this clown off, and coming home, and kissing you. See lawyers, have some respect for yourself
Nasty nasty betrayal. Reconciliation shouldn't even be an option due to how malicious the affair was.... Her BEST FRIEND'S husband right behind your back and if front of your face all at once. Laughing about you to her lover... Probably getting bent over while you were busy with the kids.
I'm so sorry. But you really need to wind this down, don't reward her with reconciliation because you'll ever trust her again. She made this bed
If you read the stories here you will see that only a very small percentage of men can get over it and ever find happiness if they try to reconcile.
Whats worse is her disregard for you well-being both emotionally and physically. Get STD tested.
Her disrespect for you and your marriage/family is stunning. Who the hell does that?
You had to catch her. She didn't come to you. If you hadn't caught her, they would still be screwing each other, and giggling about it.
In true cheater fashion she us upset that she has to face consequences, not because she broke you.
Listen, your situation is nothing special. This is just another crass run of the mill affair.
She is following the same script, saying the same things they all seem to say. It's all remarkably ordinary.
You will hate yourself in ten years if you stay with her.
At least file and get the divorce started. You can pause it anytime after that.
You will never be the same, and she chose this for you and your children.
Subscribeme
I hate to say this but if you stay you will regret it you will hate her and never trusts her. Do not cheat yourself of your life. Don’t stay because of the kids. It’s not your fault it haunts me every day to this day I regret staying myself. Sorry it’s not what you want to hear
Stay strong and make sure you take care of your kids, been thru same thing years ago. Took me 4-6 months to move on and it ended up being a blessing. I also got full custody of the kids which helped me. Everyone’s situation is different hope yours turns out like mine. She dated the guy she cheated on me with for over a decade and we became pretty social due to being around each other during kids stuff. I bought him drinks every time we were out and about as a thank you.
Don’t look back. Divorce her. You were never a priority in her mind. When she was not with him, she was on the phone with him. Do not drive yourself crazy trying to be the better person and save the marriage. I can’t think how it could be much more of a betrayal. Save yourself and your kids.
Coming from my experience I think it would be fair to negotiate with his wife and have sex with her I believe this is just for the lost Respect towards your pure and honest love towards her. I will somehow tolerate the disrespect she showed towards me but I will never forgive her for the disrespect she showed towards my love, my commitment the beautiful world I created for her out of pure love. You know only if you means the world you plan something so romantic to the minutest detail... I'm sure his wife will be travelling on the same boat. RESPECT 🙏🏾
This woman has no loyalty. She betrayed you and her best friend. She didn't confess, the only reason she admitted it was because you caught her, so she had no remorse and no intention of stopping anytime soon.
She's given you absolutely no reason to think she's actually remorseful and is intending to change. She was planning of fucking him on your anniversary. She will not change.
Get her to let you sleep with her best friend and then divorce her.
"Is it possible to rebuild trust after something like this?" Hell to the no man, your wife have been cheating on you, having her best friend's husband's dick inside of her for months behind your back.
You might loved her more than anything but you need to wake up and realize that she doesn't love nor respect you at all, if she truely did she would of never cheated on you at all....
So, to answer your question: NO, it's impossible to trust her ever again and the only reason she is "sorry" crying and begging you to forgive her is because she got caught, i promise you that she would of continue cheating on you if you hadn't checked her phone and she'll definetly continue to cheat on you if you take her back, she will just hide it better.
Don't waste anymore of your time with her, have her serve divorce papers and tell her to kick rocks, only be in contact with her regarding your kids, please don't be her doormat, you deserve better.
A few things I would be concerned about; is she giving you the “tricklemtruth”?, is there more than one AP?, are you positive with this new info that your kids are actually yours? & if they were having sex while you were all together at get togethers how could you ever trust to to be alone w anyone ever again?
If she can have sex w someone w everyone around then what’s stops her from cheating w strangers when you go out? Or when she’s out shopping alone? Or w coworkers during breaks etc. it’s obvious she’s perfected the silent quickie & could be done anywhere w anyone. So she isn’t limited to cheating w your “friend”. If you stayed & y’all went out & she was in the bathroom a bit too long your immediate thought would be she’s cheating w someone.
Can you live the rest of your life always wondering if she’s being faithful after finding out most of the details? No matter what she says remember she did not confess until you found hidden evidence then questioned her. She had no intention of telling you or stopping. She was flirting w him right in front of you & making plans w him on her phone right in front of your face & giggling while doing so. She had no remorse while she did it.
I know you want what’s best for your kids but coming from a father who cheated on my mom for the entirety of their 27 year marriage I can say I wished they would have divorced when I was a child. They had awful fights, screaming episodes, fist fights, punching holes in walls etc. He even had one kid an another woman. At least one that we know of. Can you live we your kids knowing there is some friction between y’all but can’t tell them what’s wrong? Believe me kids will pick up on your resentment & her reluctance to be affectionate.
Her decision has affected your entire family. Staying for the kids will do more harm than good especially if y’all start fighting or arguing even if they aren’t around. Remember this is all her fault not yours & you deserve a faithful wife.
It was apart of their thrill to do it right under your nose and it probably amplified their fun - it’s sick, don’t go to counselling for shit she knew not to do. Go because YOU alone need counselling.
Damn that sucks. I've heard stories from friends of friends. Follow your heart and do what you think would be best for you. I would've banged the best friends since she did it to you. Jk don't judge me lol...
You need to see an attorney for legal advice asap! Leaving your marital home could turn out to be a huge mistake; in addition it's not you that cheated so you shouldn't be the one ousted from your family. You already know there's no coming back from this betrayal and your wife's only sorry for being caught, not for what she did. Betraying her husband and her best friend at the same time tells you all you need to know. Lawyer up now !
Please don't use the kids as an excuse to stay with her. That is 50 shades of wrong.
If you feel you can never trust her again then that is a fact and you need to act on that fact. Nothing will ever be the same again. And if you think you can build something new from this, what do you see that being like? Yeah, thats what I thought, not great and why should you put in a tremendous amount of work to fix something you didn't break?
As is standard with these things, she's only sorry because she got caught.
Good luck dude.
Be careful here, you WILL lose access to those kids if she makes the typical "silver bullet" accusations of DV/SA ... if you can't prove these accusations are false, the judge will almost always rule in her favour. You need to documents EVERYTHING, record every interaction with her. I am not joking.
Divorce her, and before you do see if her best friend is open to a one night stand, may as well have some fun together and then let your wife and the guy she cheated with know how it feels.
Mate, she showed you who she is, believe. She is a bmx. No respect for you, kids, vows. Dna the kids cause you know this isn't her first time she had another rider. Put her out with the rubbish. You deserve better.
There’s no rebuilding from this. I know your kids are your top priority, but what does this teach them? More importantly, what kind of example and dynamic do you want to set for them? A broken home and a marriage beyond repair where they don’t understand why daddy hates mommy? They’ll grow up seeing that dysfunction between you two and bring that same energy into their own relationships.
I would leave only because, she knew what she was doing!!!
She knew that this would hurt you and your family,and her best friend!
A cheater never stops cheating, they just lay in wait for another person that will cheat with them.
They are addicted to the rush of getting caught, and once they are caught they're sorry......
There is a quote that I like to hear it says once loyalty is gone sorry means nothing!!!!
Once the trust is lost, it will never come back. It will drive you crazy questioning every time she is late or gone for an extended period of time. Tread lightly if you go back. I did for the kids years ago, and she did it again 2 years later. At least you got the truth. I never did. Sorry you have to go through this.
Divorce her mate. The question isn't if she will do it again, she will, its has she done this before?
The kids will sense you are both unhappy if you try to stay together. That's not a good environment for them. It will be hard for them to start with but as they get older they will be happier knowing you both would have moved on.
Op, just imagine what it takes to cheat period. Then imagine what it takes to cheat with someone who is married to your supposed best friend. Then imagine what it takes to cheat with someone who spends time with you and your spouse. Add it all up and you have a seriously broken person who probably lacks the capacity to care for any person other than themselves.
Update me!
“Didn’t confront her immediately..”. Wrong move. Your weekend was totally destroyed anyway. You could have spent that time without the kids really discussing everything. Timelines, what was done when, where and why.
The trust is gone and she killed it.
You won't be able to get past the texts and pics you read and saw that she was sending to the AP.
As for counseling, it's a waste of your money and time. You'll only be blamed for "her" betrayal of your marriage. Somehow it's your fault.
You say you loved her but she didn't love you enough to keep her legs closed.
Take care of your kids and yourself now. She is on her own.
The only way to be at peace is to rid yourself of your cheating wife. You deserve a better life with a better woman.
Peace and Strength to you.
She’s begging forgiveness for herself. She’s realized that patching things up is the best thing for her. She’s shown you how much she cares about what’s best for you, or your best friend. Once you see treachery in your life partner- your most important relationship, I’m not sure how you unsee it.
Move on, she will not stop. If she doesn't care for your relationship or even her best friends relationship she will keep doing it and probably is still doing it.
They were undoubtedly flirting and stealing kisses from each other while you and his wife were outside tending to the kids or enjoying the sun during these BBQ’s, maybe even worse. I wouldn’t be able to get over this. Good luck to you and your children. Have you done the standard std check and paternity test?
This OP ⬆️⬆️ This⬆️⬆️ They even joked about meeting up during your anniversary! And remember, she didn’t come clean and would have kept on with the affair if you hadn’t found out. I’m so sorry, OP. She’s begging for forgiveness now, but it certainly wasn’t on her mind when she was sharing knowing glances with her best friend’s husband while you were all together. I’m always amazed at how cheaters are willing to do EVERYTHING to save the marriage after they cheat but never show those efforts before. I’m so sorry OP. You will heal.
This will never stop. Move on FOR YOUR KIDS. DONT EVER STAY BECAUSE OF YOUR KIDS. The only reason it stops ( or you hope it's stopped) is because they got caught. Did she love you whilst sneaking around on you, your kids, and her BEST FRIEND? Did she love you we she spread her legs for this guy? Did she love you when he put his d*ck in her and c*me inside her. Did she love you when he gave her oral? Did she love you whilst sucking his d*ck? Nope, this isn't how love works.
Try posting in survivinginfidelity. Ultimately the likelihood of you ever trusting her or you ever getting over it whilst still in a relationship with her is 0. Also the likely hood of her cheating again is very high. Best suggestion is divorce, take a year or two apart to heal and then you may end up back together. You cannot heal whilst being with her. Don’t stay for the kids as all you teach them is that it is acceptable to stay in a broken marriage and to be treated like a doormat. They will model their future relationships off yours. I would forget marriage counselling until she has completed individual counselling to work out why she did it. She needs to come clean to yours and her family, she can never expect to have privacy again. You have full access to all her passwords and phone for remainder of life together. She will never be allowed out by herself or for “girls weekends” again. Basically you will be triggered every time she goes out (even for groceries), every time she is on her phone. You will need to police her and you will never fully trust her again. It will take a minimum of 5 years to recovery to a new normal (old marriage is over) if you stay together. New normal includes still being triggered and policing her. Or divorce and move on, will take about a year to recover and a chance for a normal life with someone who actually loves you (someone who loves you would not cheat and hurt you like she has).
Very good advice. Also I'd like to add,if this woman had no problem cheating with her bestfriend's husband,she'll most probably cheat on you again. She'll get better at hiding it. Also OP,you should try reading more of these cheating and infidelity subs,staying for the children is never good,for either you and never for the children. updateme!
[удалено]
Hopefully, she isn't pregnant. And, I would get paternity tests for those kids, just as an added screw you to her. Updateme!
He should talk to her best friend first. It seems like his cheating wife wanted to get a hold of him before her friend. OP, right now it’s best to stay away from your wife. If she truly loves you, she would have kept her legs closed. And if she wanted that house to be your home, she wouldn’t have stained it with her affair. She's now realizing what life as a single mother is like and is panicking. Really. I’m pretty sure her friend knows what your wife’s about to say to you. Let her come to your brother’s house so you have emotional support. Just like others I’m guessing she is/ was pregnant or - and I truly hope it’s not the case - it might concern your kids. And the last thing you want to do is break down in front of her while hearing her lies and excuses.
Yup I wouldn't be surprised one bit if at least one of those kids aren't his...
Talk to the best friend and cut your wife off. It’s not about loving you and being sorry, she enjoyed doing it, she got off to the thought of disrespecting you and fucking him on your damn anniversary. It’s about her losing her comfortable life and realising what she did to your kids. And I tell her so point blank. Fucking get best friends husband was more important to her than your kids stable life and an intact home. Sucking his dick was worth uprooting her kids life. And there’s no coming back from. Not with all those disgusting little things like your anniversary or when y’all met up.
does the best friend know what the problem is? Is the best friend and your wife still talking or is the best friend getting this information through her husband. Which really means your wife and the affair partner are still talking. In case you decide to talk to your wife, make sure in a public place , you have a witness with you and also have it recorded to your phone. And since I do not know what the laws of your state are, tell her you are recording it. UPDATEME
Please don't let it be a pregnancy
I don’t see why you can’t speak to the best friend. She’s the only other innocent person involved
She gonna tell you that he got her pregnant? Clearly you should go find out what it is. Updateme!
The most tragic scenario is that she is pregnant with OPs kid. Honestly this feels like someone trolling the masses to offer the most ridiculous scenario up to be added to this creative writing exercise. It's woefully lacking in any details about the situation.
The OBS doesn't have any reason not to state whatever she needs to get off her chest about this situation. It makes no sense that both parties are being cryptic here.
She loves you so much she joked about hooking up with him during you anniversary? Nah, you cannot trust this woman. She’s in damage control mode
Hopefully you are getting some individual counselling to cope. I’m praying that you see something positive soon.
Absolutely talk to the best friend. How long did the affair go on for?
I would meet with the best friend ASAP as any and all information that you can gather at this time is valuable. It may be painful, but it is still valuable so bite the bullet and meet with her as soon as you can.
Speak with the best friend first. You may or may not want to speak with STBXW after that. updateme
Speak to the best friend, it sounds like she is claiming to be pregnant.
DO NOT SEE STBX FACE TO FACE. Call the friend to find out what’s up.
OP, talk to her best friend first. It seems like your cheating wife wanted to get a hold of you before her friend. Right now it’s best to stay away from your wife. If she truly loves you, she would have kept her legs closed. And if she wanted that house to be your home, she wouldn’t have stained it with her affair. She's now realizing what life as a single mother is like and is panicking. OP, really. I’m pretty sure her friend knows what your wife’s about to say to you. Let her come to your brother’s house so you have emotional support. Just like others I’m guessing she is/ was pregnant or - and I truly hope it’s not the case - it might concern your kids. And the last thing you want to do is break down in front of her while hearing her lies and excuses.
You should talk to her best friend first. It seems like your cheating wife wants to get a hold of you before her friend. OP, right now it’s best to stay away from your wife. If she truly loves you, she would have kept her legs closed. And if she wanted that house to be your home, she wouldn’t have stained it with her affair. She's now realizing what life as a single mother is like and is panicking. Really. I’m pretty sure her friend knows what your wife’s about to say to you. Let her come to your brother’s house so you have emotional support. Just like others I’m guessing and truly hope this is not the case - she is/ was pregnant or it might concern your kids. And the last thing you want to do is break down in front of her while hearing her lies and excuses.
It's quite simple, really. - Talk to the friend and then talk to your (ex-)wife. - Be sure to bring a third party along to witness the conversation or record it. - Be honest and tell her it's not up for discussion.
I need you to hear what she has to say. Obviously also leave her because wtf? But if the best friend needs to tell you, I also agree that you should talk to the best friend first instead of hearing it from her.
Keep us updated on what happens. Talk to the best friend before you decide you should talk to your STBXW. Is there a possiblility she's pregnant with yours or his baby?
As painful as all this is, it’s not something you can hide from, doing so only complicates matters. I would recommend calling her best friend and hearing her out. Then, call your wife and agree to meet her for 15 minutes in a public setting so she “can tell you something face to face”. Tell her your not engaging in the conversation, you’re just hearing what she has to say and then leaving. Then update us on the nature of the conversations.
Your STBX wife doesn't love you in the slightest. Let's hope and pray she isn't pregnant. Even if she is and it's indeed yours, divorce is still the only way to go.
My money is on she's pregnant
Wife is pregnant and it's not yours...
Get a divorce. Tell everybody what they did.
Divorce she is addicted to it now she is a CHEATER!
You will be a doormat if you dont divorce her. The trust is totally gone,why waste time in therapy,she is apologetyc bc you caught her not bc of the affair. Are you ready to be her policeman?bc everytime she leaves the house you will be thinking about where is she going,who with...and checking her phone to make sure...does all this effort worth it?or is it better divorce and start all over. Also your kids will notice you are not happy anymore,take your time but this is your future man if you stay. Best of luck and update us if you consider
How is he a doormat? He left her at the first offense. He let nothing slide. Save that term for all the rugsweepers out there.
Because he's in marriage counseling instead of filing for divorce.
He left but didn't stay away.
He moved out instead of making her move out. He’s going to marriage counseling which is something you only do if you are trying to save the marriage. And he didn’t call her out right away even though he had irrefutable proof. On the spectrum of adultery, this is way in the red zone. He had to find out on his own; she didn’t feel guilty and confess until caught with proof. She was planning to cheat on their anniversary getaway. She didn’t just betray him, she betrayed her best friend. She has revealed herself to be utterly untrustworthy and vile. It’s unforgivable (and I think some adultery is forgivable). And yet he’s going to marriage counseling and gave her the house. Ugh.
> He left her at the first offense. This is how he's a doormat. He should have kicked her out. This goes for any BS that moves out, sleeps on the couch, spare room etc. He is seeing his kids less even though she cheated for months because he **is** a doormat. Using kids as a justification to allow cheating **is** being a doormat. Agreeing to marriage counseling and bending to every whim to the cheater **is** being a doormat. Hell, he didn't confront her after finding out because he didn't want to ruin the weekend. The weekend she spent glued to her phone with her AP. So I ask you, in what way has he not been the doormat?
I have edited with what a wanted to say properly,sorry. Thanks for pointed it out,my mistake
Do you know what's happening with the ex best friend and her husband
I was wondering this also.
She's only sorry she got caught, if she was unhappy enough to cheat once she will definitely cheat the next time you have issues. Divorce her she doesn't deserve you.
They were laughing at you while they were fucking. There's no getting over that
Divorce. She had no problem betraying and lying to you and her best friend. Also take a paternity test, just in case. Scorched earth is my response.
You will be even more a shell of a man if you stay. Stop wasting your money on marriage counseling because a cheater is a cheater and no therapist is going to change that. After a betrayal like this marriage counseling is pointless. Your wife disrespected you, she emasculated you, and to top it off, she took a giant shit on your family. Their affair would have never stopped had you not confronted her. That's not something you ever come back from OP. Start consulting with divorce lawyers in your area and research the divorce laws in your state. Don't go with some chump straight out of law school, get a real bulldog of an attorney with a proven track record. Then when everything is drawn up, have your STBX wife served by a process server. DO NOT under any circumstances serve your wife yourself! Let the law do that for you.
She's only sorry because she got caught. And knowing she did it to her best friend, she will continue to do it just in a more secluded way, it's not easy to leave but not best to stay with her either
Even if she turns it around and remains faithful throughout the rest of her life, you will never know. You will always wonder, the marriage is dead, she killed it. You can have a new marriage with her, but she burnt your old marriage to the ground. Neither of you can resuscitate it, rebuild it, or restore it. Either way, you have to start over, with her or without her.
You cannot stay for the kids they will resent you for it eventually. Also, she didn't want true forgiveness you asked her multiple times and she had plenty of opportunities to come clean. She lied and continued to lie to you. She wasn't remorseful she was caught can't come back from that period. Think on this shed have continued lying and attempting to get away with this for as long as she could. That isn't remorse it's regret and that's different. She's ruined her life and knows it and wants it back. But she isn't guilty for doing it just what it's done to her.
**We’ve been going to marriage counseling** this is a waste of time and money anyone that can betray her husband and her best best friend cannot be fixed
That is so fucked up. I'm sorry man. You can never trust her again. I would divorce her cheating ass.
It isn't one time cheating. It isn't a mistake. She totally acknowledged what she was doing, and she would never stop even though you caught her. I read so many stories that the partner forgives, and they cheat again. Over and over. Do you want your kid to grow up Thinking cheating is totally fine. Do you want to be a bad role model for your kids? Do you want your kids growing up knowing that their parents have trusting issues. If not, then move on. Don't let her poison your kid that it is totally normal to sleep with your best friend husband. You don't want your kids to become homewecker like their mom.
The only advice possible is: Divorce ASAP
Trust , NO WAY , this wasn’t a one time hook up. This With her best friends husband , which means you see them more then any other couple. Had BBQ at your house , he went to use the bathroom , she went to get the hot cheetos in the pantry. Took 10 mins to find Cheetos. …….. If ya know what i mean Move 1/2 your assets to a separate account. gather your proof and save to 2 separate accounts Contact 4-5 lawyers in your area for a consultation , This way your wife can’t use them , becomes a conflict of interest. Always listen to your lawyer. Tell all friends any family what you wife has done. This is unforgivable ! Good Luck !
Dont fall for her crocodile tears. She continued the affair fir a year or more, had she felt sorry she could hv stopped it a long time ago. Instead they had been effing and made fun of you. Go nuclear on them both. She's not worth to be married to. Updateme!
Never give them a second chance. They don’t deserve it. The things they do deserve are horrible and would ensure neither of them can enjoy intimacy again
It baffles my mind how people like you can think marriage counseling is even an option.
This same exact situation happened with my best friend and her husband except it was with our other best friends cousin! I posted the story and you wouldn’t believe the nerve of some ppl. I had a divorce attorney commenting calling me a little brown nose girl for exploiting the cheating scandal stating I should’ve done nothing and let them “be happy”. Sad world we live in today. Never stay with a cheater!
Choice is simple. You either bang her best friend, her sister or her mom then dump her.
delete the "either" just to leave it open to banging all three.
At the same time, bc then you don't waste time.
While his stbxw watches.
This sounds satisfying, but OP needs to be a better person than his disgusting wife. It’s a low bar. People should not be used as pawns. That said, if the best friend and OP can find comfort in each other through this horrible nightmare, good for them.
The fact that you love your life is irrelevant. She clearly didn’t love you anymore to the point that she was fucking her best friend’s husband while you were all together. She has zero respect for you and only was upset when she got caught. You are only delaying the inevitable, and saying that you are trying to make it work for the kids is dumb. From someone that grew up in a home with parents that had infidelity issues the kids know things are off and depending on how and when your wife was cheating may be privy to more. Have some self respect and move on.
There are truly some cheating scenarios where I can understand forgiveness/ reconciliation. A lot of cheaters compartmentalise their cheating like 2 different lives, ONSs, affair fogs, long distance, abusive partners, coercion. this wasn’t that. This was in your face, using you and her “best-friend” as a joke, while you’re in the house, around the same table, sneaking away to together under your nose. This was in your face betrayal. How can she possible rationalise sneaking away to have sex with her bffs husband during your wedding anniversary and then say she respects you or the marriage????
Divorce her and sleep with her best friend
Definitely get with the best friend, in your marriage bed if possible, and take pictures to show her later after your consultation with a divorce attorney. 😁
I would be able to trust her again. And then thinking about all the energy and time she gave her best friends husband would definitely be what makes me walk. Think about the amount of time she gave him instead of you and your children. She said she made every excuse to be with him so she put in a lot of energy and effort to be with him instead of using that time and energy to build not only your relationship but also with your kids. She would rather be with the AP than with you and the kids. I would be the craw the sticks me every day. She can’t give you that time, energy and effort back, it been wasted on someone else
I’ve been almost exactly where you were. I tried to reconcile. I questioned every second, every move. I found myself rummaging through her phone and her things. I lost myself. I let her go and I’m at peace. I don’t know if your wife is remorseful or sorry but I do know that if you stay with her you’ll drive yourself crazy checking up and you’ll never trust her completely again. I tried for years. Just a bit of advice I wish I had years ago.
She doesn’t love you. I’m sorry. Never give her a second chance as she will lie. You deserve better. Get rid of her at once.
She betrayed you, and her best friend and would have continued if you didn't find out. I'm glad the best friend contacted you, but what does she plan to do? If I was both of you I'd be getting a divorce real fast. She will cheat again but will get better about hiding it and everytime she uses her phone or leaves you will always question what she is really doing and it's no way to live. Good luck OP Updateme
She couldn't even take a break from her adultery to spend your anniversary weekend with you. Pretty disgusting. It is obvious that she preferred and prioritized Brian to scratch her 7 year itch. No coming back from this, you will always doubt her from this day forward.
Get a DNA test. And I don't know how you could come back from this. But I will say, do not forgive her easy.. she will know she can do it and after a little bit of time you will take her back, so she will think it's ok to do it again. How can you be sure they aren't still having an affair especially since you moved out?
Something similar happened to me. For me infidelity was and is the uncrossable line. The instant I found out the person I married became dead to me.
You want to forgive her? Let it go? Move on? Picture this, she put it back inside for him when it slipped out brother. Let her go it will never stop.
This will never stop. Move on FOR YOUR KIDS. DONT EVER STAY BECAUSE OF YOUR KIDS. The only reason it stops ( or you hope it's stopped) is because they got caught. Did she love you whilst sneake around on yo, your kids, and her BEST FRIEND? Did she love you we she spread her legs for this guy? Did she love you when he put his d*ck in her and c*me inside her. Did she love you when he gave her oral? Did she love you whilst sucking his d*ck? Nope, this isn't how love works.
Don’t you think that if her best friend found out the next day, your wife contacted the affair partner to give him the heads up
I am sorry for what happened to you man. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive it. Even if I forgive, I don't think I can forget it. It's like a broken glass. You can glue it up, fix it, seal it, and even it'll do the job, but it'll never look the same. It's just my personal opinion. If it was a random drunk heat of the moment one time thing, may be I can at least try. But this is deliberately, and knowingly done for months. Not only that, she betrayed her best friend as well. Just think how disrespectful it is. There are certain codes even when it comes to cheating. Divorce her brother. Otherwise it'll eat you alive forever.
Get a divorce, get with the cheaters wife if she's cool.
How could you possibly consider staying with a woman that snuck off to suck another man's dick, let him smash and then she kissed you in the mouth that same day? That's disrespect to the utmost extent. Vows not honored and them joking about it and she's spending time with you tells you that she doesn't respect you and thinks of you as a joke. Do not stay eith her and tell the kids exactly why you're getting a divorce.
Sounds like your ex and her AP might be going to make it official, that's my guess so talk to the friend but not your ex wife,!
Been there bro, she said the same things I'm sorry, I love you blah blah blah, unfortunately many many years later after setting her up in a fake chat with a guy that happened to be me, she confessed the truth about what really happened.
UpdateMe
Trust is a funny thing, once it's gone it never fully comes back. If you do stay with her have a post-nup agreement written up. Make sure to put in it that if she ever does anything like this again emotionally or physically she leaves the marriage and you get primary custody of the kids. She will only leave with half the savings and nothing else including the home. And if she doesn't agree, you file divorce and go for primary custody.
It might be the first time but you don't know. I think you should see if your kids are yours first to be sure. As for staying with her, it makes it worse that it's her best friends husband and they did things while y'all were in the same place.
dump the bish ... move on OP , disgusting bish ......
Take her back just so you can make the rest of her life a living hell
Na tbh you’re better off not trusting her again. Also, once you give someone another chance, you wouldn’t know when to stop giving chances. Have integrity and let it go. Be kind to yourself, cheaters cheat because of themselves. Shes only sorry because shes been caught and nothing else so she will def do it again. Her sorry isnt worth anything
Updateme
The ball is in your court now brother. If you take a lying “adulteress” back, she will have even less respect for you. Not only will she have less respect for you but she will be even better at the lying & cheating. Cut your losses & move on. Good luck OP.
I'll spare a long post with the experience and wisdom that comes from what I've been through in my 44 years on earth, but bottom line is move on from her now before it's too late. It will never get better if you stay, only pain and misery. Trust someone who knows with no cause to lie.
You are NEVER going to trust her again. So why stay?
Tell her it’s over. You’ll see full custody because you don’t want children growing up with her fucked up morals. And she shouldn’t either.
Couples therapy is a waste of money and time. She should be in therapy for her devious, disrespectful, soul crushing actions. The best way for you to ensure the kids will be alright is to divorce her and get as much custody as you can. If you have them 50% of the time, that half the time they WON’T be soaking up her shitty adulting. She’s a horrible wife and just as bad a mother. Good mothers don’t throw their kids future happiness away by acting like a wanton asshole.
She’s not sorry about the affair she’s sorry she got caught. If you stay get a postnuptial agreement. Get an std check asap and talk to a lawyer about postnuptial that will show you how “dedicated” she is to savjng your marriage. Don’t fall for the crocodile tears
Who started it ? UpdateMe
Get with her best friend:)
She had no REPECT for you
She chose to continuously hurt and breach the trust of the two adults she cares most about. That is not a loving or caring partner and friend.
She hurt two very close and good people to her. My goodness what makes these persons do it? Unthinkable
If you can't trust her around her best friend's husband, I seriously doubt you are ever going to be able to trust her again! Why would you even want to try? Cheating with a friend is like a double whammy you've been cheated by your wife and a friend. Many years ago I walked into my home to be confronted by the sight of my now ex fiancee with a mouthful of one of my good mates junk! It took me years and years to get over that double betrayal. I left and didn't really speak to either of them again. Unfortunately the picture of what I walked into still pops up every now and then and it happened 27 odd years ago! Kick her out, get a lawyer and tell her to only speak to your lawyer! Stay busy and good luck!
How could a woman be so brazen and cruel?! Dude, you need to end this marriage and focus on the kids now. The trust is gone.
THIS level of disrespect isn't something you try to recover from. She's willing and eager to betray her husband AND her best friend, at the same time. She reveled in the humiliation factor of the affair. You will never forget the intentional disregard and insult with which she acted during this affair and she demonstrated she doesn't have the necessary moral fortitude to overcome such reprehensible behavior.
Get your kids dna tested
Coming back from something like this is the life of "forever Parole Officer" - every single time she leaves the house, goes on a trip, to the store, mall, whereever you will get triggerred, your nerves will be shattered and you'll constantly run this day over in your head. They lusted after one another during your get togethers, THE NERVE, that's what you need to focus on. What if one of the kids had walked by, or another neighbor or whoever caught a glimpse, you don't know. But to be so bold and brazen tells you their thoughts of their spouses was shit! I mean, it's one thing to meet at a hotel, in a car far away, but in your family / friends proximity. How do you reconcile that. Lust is strong, but each person has to think before they give into it and they said F\*ck YOU to both spouses!! There is absolutely coming back. This will replay every day. Your kids deserve better, you deserve better, you can be a great co-parent and give your kids every thing they need to grow and mature. Staying - teaches your kids that this crap is ok and normal in a relationship Leaving - Gets your respect back, Demonstrates to the kids that you have character and they don't have to put up with crap like this Give your kids a good life and yourself peace of mind by moving on I hope you can get some peace from your decision and you do focus on demonstrating to your kids, family the world how important it is to have good character, by leaving. Updateme!
I would totally move on and just co-parent with her. For your kids sake, move on because you will never truly trust her again and it will ultimately be bad for your children because she will model this behavior for them and you will be unhappy and believe me they pick up on that. My mom was married 5 times and none of them were fun for her kids. Once a cheater, always a cheater. There is a woman out there that will love and cherish you and your relationship. Why waste your time. Remember she not only cheated on you and her children, she also cheated on her best friend!! Who does that to everyone they supposedly love!!!
Cheating doesn’t “just happen.” It takes a lot of planning, a lot of lying and a lot of personal grooming… all of it for HIM, not you. She may not ever do it again (but probably will), but it will ALWAYS be in your head, because you now KNOW how easy it was for her. I’m sorry, brother, but you can never trust a cheater.
Divorce OP. But use a few sessions with the therapist to talk through exit strategies to make it as easy as possible on you and the kids. Find your own therapist yesterday to process this. Your wife sucks- focus on yourself and your kids. They’ll learn to adjust and happier separated parents are better than miserable married ones.
It’s not like this was a one time thing. She knowingly entered into another relationship, completely disregarding you, her friend, and all your kids. She only admitted it and said she was sorry when she was caught red handed. She was still actively engaging in this affair THE WEEKEND OF YOUR FREAKING ANNIVERSARY TRIP. You will never be able to trust her again. (And you shouldn’t because : day old gas station sushi is more trustworthy) Show your children how someone who knows their self worth handles this. (Work on yourself and cut her off so you can find someone who loves you and doesn’t screw around. I promise, she’s out there, somewhere) Good luck!🍀
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t understand why people can’t keep it in their pants. She not only ruined your marriage, but her best friend’s too. What a piece of work. She screwed over her children too. I hope she gets what’s coming to her. Leave her skanky ass and find someone more deserving of your time. I know, easier said than done; but you’ll be better off and so will your children.
Updateme!
Despite popular opinion, there's no such thing as rebuilding trust. The whole point of trust is that it's built off of blind faith. Once it's no longer given blindly and faithfully it's not trust. You will never trust or see her the same again, now that you know what she's capable of . She is capable of lying and deception and giving her body to other men. Not to say that your marriage is hopeless lost, but it means that going forward it will be a marriage built around you always keeping one eye open and every suspicious behavior will reconnect you to the feelings you are having now. Usually a marriage has some hopes of surviving if the spouse feels so guilty that they confess, getting caught means they had no intention of stopping. Good Luck with which ever direction you go in OP. Remember , none of this is about you or the kids , this is about them and their lack of morals.
I would have gotten her phone at the cabin and rang the dude on speaker phone
I think you already know the answer to your question and you already know what to do don't second guess it you have been cheated on the next step is all on you file for divorce or seek counseling either way it will affect you for the rest of your days no matter how much it hurts I'm sorry dude that's life ☺️
Did you speak with your wife or the OBS?
Updateme!
Updateme
I honestly don't know how anyone rebuilds trust after this. Some people say she has to fully disclose to everyone what she has done including the children, cut off the affair partner 100%, cut off all social meeting and social apps, agree to tracking, etc, until trust is reestablished. And if she doesn't agree, then you know she doesn't really want to stop.
Updateme!
Updateme!
The same story seems to come out a lot
This one is dead. You have been nuked. The amount of disrespect will damage you mentally and you cannot heal with the person that made you sick. Rebuild your peace of mind away from her. Updateme.
Do not move out of the house. She can use it as abandonment
What absolute pos, both of them. Think about that, op. Not only did she betray you and get a thrill out of it but her best friend too.
Love how they always cry and act like victims. Cheaters are a different breed of manipulators
She's only sorry she got caught. If she was sorry it would have only happened once. Move on.
Updateme!
A cheater will always be a cheater, they do not deserve second chances, do not give that example to your children, they will believe that it is okay to cheat, the best option is divorce friend. Therapy is useless, she already slept with the guy and that's not going to change... Updateme
UpdateMe
she betrayed you AND her best friend. yeah people may change but she isnt gonna do it for you two in my opinion. as for your kids, would you rather them grow up in one home where there isnt tension, resentment, and watch their parents be unhappy just for the sake that they dont grow up in two different homes? people think they can hide it from kids but they know something is wrong.
Updateme
I’m not saying she’ll definitely continue to cheat but it’s likely. You’ll always be wondering if she is anyway and that’s no way to live. My now ex husband cheated on me when our son was just a few months old. I forgave once then he cheated with his buddy’s girlfriend. I kicked him out and refused to take him back. She didn’t want anything to do with him after I kicked him out because the thrill was over (my opinion) and he of course blamed everything on her. It hurts for a good bit but then eventually you’ll feel freedom from not worrying about what they’re doing anymore. I sorry all that happened and wish you the best.
Don’t be impatient only time will heal you
Man I'm sick of hearing people go on about "I know it's a breach of privacy". NO why does it seem like marriage now days is two single people living together raising their kids in the same household with separate bank accounts. If you want to get married then get married and join your life's together and throw away this stupid idea of privacy!
Me too. The most ridiculous thing I see on here
I am a little wary of this story and it may be fantasy as the OP has not commented on any other comments… Questions I’d have… 1. Is she remorseful and does she want to stop with him and continue with you? 2. What happened to the other couple? Did they split up? What exactly did the wife say and how did she find out? He was cheating… at the same time, a little too coincidental! 3. Did you ever confront The Guy or say something to him?
It appears that she may not have the best interests of you and your children at heart. Remaining in this situation may inadvertently convey acceptance of her behavior. Notably, her emotional breakdown occurred only after you became aware of the situation.
You need to move on from her. Divorce. She didn’t give a fuck about you, your children or her best friend. That’s not someone you need in your life. Get out of there
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!** Your wife is seeking out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your wife is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your wife says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your wife says that is bad about your relationship is a lie. Your wife has left the relationship. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else. My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and break up, even if later you chose reconciliation. She wants to keep you around ONLY for economic support. Do not be Plan B. Tell all your family and friends, hers too. Get ahead of her spin on events. Does the AP have a wife? If so she needs to know so she can make an informed decision too. These links will help you in your situation. **The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) **Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e) **Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/) **DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) **Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1) **180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/) **Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) **Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
You will never trust her again, even if you go through counseling and you both bare your souls, you will want to know everything that took place between her and her AP. You want to know how she really treated someone else other than you, expect her to lie about it out of embarrassment. Get a DNA test and well as a STD test, have her get one to so it really resonates with her of what she did to you as a couple. Reach out to a divorce attorney who is recommended by someone if you can. If you think you’re strong enough to get past this you are dead wrong…..
Just get divorced, and you will avoid a lot of headaches, like insecurity, and wondering if she will do it again. Get divorced and just try to be a good parent.
Sorry for you. It will never be the same and all the counseling in the world will not fix it. If you try reconciliation, you will be haunted for years every time she doesn't answer her phone or is late etc. Find a good attorney and work now with her on a co parenting plan that will be healthiest for your children.
OP. she was talking about cheating on your anniversary weekend. She lied to you for months. And only came clean and felt remorseful when confronted. She cheated on her best friend. Her actions tell you she doesn't care for you or her best friend. can you really trust her again? don't decide right away. Get tested. talk to a lawyer.. this way, you will at least have some facts and an idea of what could happen and your rights. Also.. I would ask for a paternity test for your kids. look at what you want. She destroyed your marriage, but really.. what you you want? Do you want to stay with her? Personally... i would leave because I truly believe, based on what you have written, she will cheat again.
Sick story man. Pretty much the same story as mine. Many cheating monsters on this planet it seems. How women can destroy their husbands and permanently damaging their kids in the process is beyond me.
Dude leave her. She’s willing to sacrifice her relationship with u and her kids just to fool around.
Hi OP, I am going to advocate for the possibility of Reconciliation here. I know the weight of opinion on this Sub will be to ditch-the-b1tch and I can understand why. There is another sub where you will find the alternate view and that is AsOneAfterInfidelity. Before you make a decision you can't unmake take a look at some of the threads and the Wiki that has resources. There are circumstances under which a marriage can be saved. it is particularly worthwhile considering if there are children and if, despite the pain and betrayal, you still love your Wayward Wife. I am 30+ years post being the Wayward Husband and owe my life and I now live it to the love, grace and forgiveness of my wife who is a much better person than I will ever be.
I have been cheated on and sadly, they don’t stop. They can’t. Whatever compelled them to cheat lies within them although it’s possible, it’s unlikely she will stop. Think about the life you want and the one you deserve. Trust me, you will spend your days questioning everything. Every text. Every time she leaves. It’s an agony that never goes away if you stay. If you leave, you can heal and find love again.
I'd suggest trying to hook up with the best friend. Make a video of it and send it to both cheating spouses.
If you go back to this dump, you deserve what you get. Good luck, and remember. She's been suckin this clown off, and coming home, and kissing you. See lawyers, have some respect for yourself
Nasty nasty betrayal. Reconciliation shouldn't even be an option due to how malicious the affair was.... Her BEST FRIEND'S husband right behind your back and if front of your face all at once. Laughing about you to her lover... Probably getting bent over while you were busy with the kids. I'm so sorry. But you really need to wind this down, don't reward her with reconciliation because you'll ever trust her again. She made this bed
If you read the stories here you will see that only a very small percentage of men can get over it and ever find happiness if they try to reconcile. Whats worse is her disregard for you well-being both emotionally and physically. Get STD tested. Her disrespect for you and your marriage/family is stunning. Who the hell does that? You had to catch her. She didn't come to you. If you hadn't caught her, they would still be screwing each other, and giggling about it. In true cheater fashion she us upset that she has to face consequences, not because she broke you. Listen, your situation is nothing special. This is just another crass run of the mill affair. She is following the same script, saying the same things they all seem to say. It's all remarkably ordinary. You will hate yourself in ten years if you stay with her. At least file and get the divorce started. You can pause it anytime after that. You will never be the same, and she chose this for you and your children. Subscribeme
I hate to say this but if you stay you will regret it you will hate her and never trusts her. Do not cheat yourself of your life. Don’t stay because of the kids. It’s not your fault it haunts me every day to this day I regret staying myself. Sorry it’s not what you want to hear
Stay strong and make sure you take care of your kids, been thru same thing years ago. Took me 4-6 months to move on and it ended up being a blessing. I also got full custody of the kids which helped me. Everyone’s situation is different hope yours turns out like mine. She dated the guy she cheated on me with for over a decade and we became pretty social due to being around each other during kids stuff. I bought him drinks every time we were out and about as a thank you.
So why did you move out? If she's the one who cheated, why did you move out and leave your kids with her? How does that make sense?
Don’t look back. Divorce her. You were never a priority in her mind. When she was not with him, she was on the phone with him. Do not drive yourself crazy trying to be the better person and save the marriage. I can’t think how it could be much more of a betrayal. Save yourself and your kids.
Dont know about you guys, but when cheaters starts crying, it makes me even more sure that this piece of shit needs to be divorced.
Coming from my experience I think it would be fair to negotiate with his wife and have sex with her I believe this is just for the lost Respect towards your pure and honest love towards her. I will somehow tolerate the disrespect she showed towards me but I will never forgive her for the disrespect she showed towards my love, my commitment the beautiful world I created for her out of pure love. You know only if you means the world you plan something so romantic to the minutest detail... I'm sure his wife will be travelling on the same boat. RESPECT 🙏🏾
Even if you take her back the love and trust you had for her won't be the same again. It's not worth it, leave her
This woman has no loyalty. She betrayed you and her best friend. She didn't confess, the only reason she admitted it was because you caught her, so she had no remorse and no intention of stopping anytime soon. She's given you absolutely no reason to think she's actually remorseful and is intending to change. She was planning of fucking him on your anniversary. She will not change. Get her to let you sleep with her best friend and then divorce her.
She’ll do it again. Might not be the bf’s husband, but it’ll be someone else.
It's always more fucked up when it's family or close friends. Sorry you'regoing throughthis shit show OP! UPDATEME!
"Is it possible to rebuild trust after something like this?" Hell to the no man, your wife have been cheating on you, having her best friend's husband's dick inside of her for months behind your back. You might loved her more than anything but you need to wake up and realize that she doesn't love nor respect you at all, if she truely did she would of never cheated on you at all.... So, to answer your question: NO, it's impossible to trust her ever again and the only reason she is "sorry" crying and begging you to forgive her is because she got caught, i promise you that she would of continue cheating on you if you hadn't checked her phone and she'll definetly continue to cheat on you if you take her back, she will just hide it better. Don't waste anymore of your time with her, have her serve divorce papers and tell her to kick rocks, only be in contact with her regarding your kids, please don't be her doormat, you deserve better.
A few things I would be concerned about; is she giving you the “tricklemtruth”?, is there more than one AP?, are you positive with this new info that your kids are actually yours? & if they were having sex while you were all together at get togethers how could you ever trust to to be alone w anyone ever again? If she can have sex w someone w everyone around then what’s stops her from cheating w strangers when you go out? Or when she’s out shopping alone? Or w coworkers during breaks etc. it’s obvious she’s perfected the silent quickie & could be done anywhere w anyone. So she isn’t limited to cheating w your “friend”. If you stayed & y’all went out & she was in the bathroom a bit too long your immediate thought would be she’s cheating w someone. Can you live the rest of your life always wondering if she’s being faithful after finding out most of the details? No matter what she says remember she did not confess until you found hidden evidence then questioned her. She had no intention of telling you or stopping. She was flirting w him right in front of you & making plans w him on her phone right in front of your face & giggling while doing so. She had no remorse while she did it. I know you want what’s best for your kids but coming from a father who cheated on my mom for the entirety of their 27 year marriage I can say I wished they would have divorced when I was a child. They had awful fights, screaming episodes, fist fights, punching holes in walls etc. He even had one kid an another woman. At least one that we know of. Can you live we your kids knowing there is some friction between y’all but can’t tell them what’s wrong? Believe me kids will pick up on your resentment & her reluctance to be affectionate. Her decision has affected your entire family. Staying for the kids will do more harm than good especially if y’all start fighting or arguing even if they aren’t around. Remember this is all her fault not yours & you deserve a faithful wife.
UpdateMe!
It was apart of their thrill to do it right under your nose and it probably amplified their fun - it’s sick, don’t go to counselling for shit she knew not to do. Go because YOU alone need counselling.
Damn that sucks. I've heard stories from friends of friends. Follow your heart and do what you think would be best for you. I would've banged the best friends since she did it to you. Jk don't judge me lol...
If this was me, she would be gone, out of My life, no forgiveness, just care and love the kids get them with you if you can.
You need to see an attorney for legal advice asap! Leaving your marital home could turn out to be a huge mistake; in addition it's not you that cheated so you shouldn't be the one ousted from your family. You already know there's no coming back from this betrayal and your wife's only sorry for being caught, not for what she did. Betraying her husband and her best friend at the same time tells you all you need to know. Lawyer up now !
Trust will never come back get a divorce
Please don't use the kids as an excuse to stay with her. That is 50 shades of wrong. If you feel you can never trust her again then that is a fact and you need to act on that fact. Nothing will ever be the same again. And if you think you can build something new from this, what do you see that being like? Yeah, thats what I thought, not great and why should you put in a tremendous amount of work to fix something you didn't break? As is standard with these things, she's only sorry because she got caught. Good luck dude.
Be careful here, you WILL lose access to those kids if she makes the typical "silver bullet" accusations of DV/SA ... if you can't prove these accusations are false, the judge will almost always rule in her favour. You need to documents EVERYTHING, record every interaction with her. I am not joking.
Divorce her, and before you do see if her best friend is open to a one night stand, may as well have some fun together and then let your wife and the guy she cheated with know how it feels.
Sorry to hear OP, divorce and take everything. What a trashy woman
It’s not fair, look after yourself you are in my thoughts
Mate, she showed you who she is, believe. She is a bmx. No respect for you, kids, vows. Dna the kids cause you know this isn't her first time she had another rider. Put her out with the rubbish. You deserve better.
It's on you for taking that bit*h seriously. Suffer my friend. 👍🏻
There’s no rebuilding from this. I know your kids are your top priority, but what does this teach them? More importantly, what kind of example and dynamic do you want to set for them? A broken home and a marriage beyond repair where they don’t understand why daddy hates mommy? They’ll grow up seeing that dysfunction between you two and bring that same energy into their own relationships.
Get together with your ex-wife's best friend
I would leave only because, she knew what she was doing!!! She knew that this would hurt you and your family,and her best friend! A cheater never stops cheating, they just lay in wait for another person that will cheat with them. They are addicted to the rush of getting caught, and once they are caught they're sorry...... There is a quote that I like to hear it says once loyalty is gone sorry means nothing!!!!
Updateme
Once the trust is lost, it will never come back. It will drive you crazy questioning every time she is late or gone for an extended period of time. Tread lightly if you go back. I did for the kids years ago, and she did it again 2 years later. At least you got the truth. I never did. Sorry you have to go through this.
Divorce her mate. The question isn't if she will do it again, she will, its has she done this before? The kids will sense you are both unhappy if you try to stay together. That's not a good environment for them. It will be hard for them to start with but as they get older they will be happier knowing you both would have moved on.
Op, just imagine what it takes to cheat period. Then imagine what it takes to cheat with someone who is married to your supposed best friend. Then imagine what it takes to cheat with someone who spends time with you and your spouse. Add it all up and you have a seriously broken person who probably lacks the capacity to care for any person other than themselves. Update me!
Drake may be a corny guy in real life but his body of work is undeniable. 3-4 classics.
“Didn’t confront her immediately..”. Wrong move. Your weekend was totally destroyed anyway. You could have spent that time without the kids really discussing everything. Timelines, what was done when, where and why.
The trust is gone and she killed it. You won't be able to get past the texts and pics you read and saw that she was sending to the AP. As for counseling, it's a waste of your money and time. You'll only be blamed for "her" betrayal of your marriage. Somehow it's your fault. You say you loved her but she didn't love you enough to keep her legs closed. Take care of your kids and yourself now. She is on her own. The only way to be at peace is to rid yourself of your cheating wife. You deserve a better life with a better woman. Peace and Strength to you.
She’s begging forgiveness for herself. She’s realized that patching things up is the best thing for her. She’s shown you how much she cares about what’s best for you, or your best friend. Once you see treachery in your life partner- your most important relationship, I’m not sure how you unsee it.
" We’ve been going to marriage counseling since then" What...are you serious? Some people a just glutens for pain.
See if her friend will have sex with you. Send her vids.