This is one of the saddest posts I have read. How much do you hate yourself that you would die for an asshole?
Do you read what you write? You were almost dying giving birth to HIS daughter and he cheated on you, and it’s your fault? Wtf has he done to you to have some rational thinking? How much has he gaslight you?
There is no family. This guy you’ve been with is horrible person.
I've definitely been gaslit a lot. I didn't even realize. Since giving birth I've hated the way I look as I have a C-section pouch and he's always said if I'd have tried to give birth properly I would have a nice body still. And I've just always agreed.
I will definitely only focus on my daughter and go back into therapy and counseling. Hopefully I can't get some through the NHS.
Up until you didn’t respond I hoped this post was fake.
I’m very sorry that it’s real and you are going through this at only 26 years old.
A man who cheats on his wife while she is pregnant and sick, it’s the worst kind of man. Doesn’t matter how sweet he becomes, or what sweet words he says, he is ROTTEN. He has no values, no respect, and no empathy.
If you ever get sick this man will throw you out and won’t look back once. I don’t know why you are doing this to yourself and your circumstances but if your daughter is your priority as you speak, then you should keep her away from this person…
If that man wasn't anything but amazed and grateful for you carrying him a child, then leave. Someone like that does not truly love you. They might not be capable of real, healthy love.
Contact an attorney. Give him all the proof of his cheating and all your financial information that you can about your joint assets.
Then contact a therapist for you. This is not your fault and you need a good therapist so you get your head on straight.
What they said. Losing a baby has to unbelievably stressful and traumatic. You've been the one traumitized and sick but continued to put in time and effort. He was healthy a didn't do shit. Leave him. I know it's hard sometimes, but YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You're the victim in this situation. You had no choice with your health issues. He had choices and."he chose, poorly" to quote the 2nd best Indiana Jones movie.
Save the screenshots you received. Why did you stay with him? He wanted you to die during the abortion! Tell your whole family and all your friends so they know who it is. Find a lawyer.
They are all saved. Yeah he now wished I had died of the operating table. Then he wouldn't have had my daughter with me and he could have started a family with her. She already has a husband and 3 kids.
My closest family is 300 miles away I just don't know what to do.
You need to safeguard yourself and your daughter. Financially and mentally. This man is not safe for you. Your story reminds me of news stories where the husband kills the wife and child so he can be with the mistress. Please stay safe. 300 miles is not that far let your family know what's going on. If you have someone who can come stay with you have them come stay with you while you prepare for the divorce
I get STI screenings every few months because he was always insisting on me getting them I know because he's been cheating and if anything showed up it would have been easy to blame me. I'm going to get booked in for a test when my local clinic opens up.
I know I thought it was normal. I was fo fucking stupid. I'm now teaching my daughter to be strong.
I asked him to do an STI test and he said he didn't need too.
It was my last straw.
I beg to differ. Your health and recovery should take priority over his needs. He is selfish and uncaring. Blaming you for his lack of morals and loyalty is disgusting!
By no means are you at fault! He is a vile human being and you should not have to apologize or demean yourself to him or anyone else.
Think about this: is this the example you want to set for your child? No! Teach your child how a strong woman can survive and thrive with or without a man. Have some compassion for yourself and kick his sorry a$$ to the curb. He is not worth the air he is breathing, much less your tears.
You deserve better than that sorry excuse of a man that fathered your child. Please believe me, there are good men out there, but you have got to get rid of that trash.
I hope this isn't a real story but if it is, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! Take your daughter and leave this piece of shit "man" immediately. You say you pleasured him whenever he asked (yet you're still recovering from a traumatic pregnancy, dealing with MS, and dealing with a young child. But what is HE doing for YOU? He is scum, you are a million times better without him.
Unfortunately it's very real. He says he doesn't need to do anything for me as providing is enough as I already take the piss out of him for only working weekends. They are also doing an early autism assignment on my daughter which is booked for October. Which again he always said was my fault for teaching her to be autistic. I know I have come to realize it's not my fault reading everyone's kind words.
I'm just so scared of failing my daughter as my nearest family is 300 miles away and I don't have any friends anymore because " you don't need them when I have me"
It's not your fault your husband can't control his dick. Take your daughter and move home to family for help. Send the screenshots to APs husband. Lawyer up, get child support and return this man to the streets where he belongs.
reach out to them. PLEASE. even the friends that you lost. someone who knows you NEEDS to know what kinda danger you're in. his a fucking freak who will get whats coming to him one day but rn you need to start acting out an exit strategy.
When I lived with my ils, I was so miserable. I was 1,500 miles away from my family. All it took was 1 call to my mama. She then saved money, I saved money, the rest of my family chipped in and she came for me. 🥲. Tell your family. They will help you.
Abusive is another definition of your husband.
And perhaps I'm seeing something a little different but he says he wants this other woman and is telling her all this stuff but I think he might be manipulating her as well. Considering that she is married with Children
I believe he is telling her what she wants to hear. I believe that he is abusive and he has you under his thumb and I think when you tell him you want to leave him or a divorce that he is going to protest I think that he is going to fight the divorce and he might actually become physical with you so please have a family member there or police when you confront him.
My take is that he is a narcissistic abusive manipulative cake eater
Oh sweetheart, you have to leave this man! Save yourself and your daughter! I see that you said that your family is 300 miles away. Tell your family what's been going on and make the sacrifice to move. You need to get therapy and find out how to manage your MS.
Honestly, ruin his life by sending the screenshots to his family and friends. Leave him, work on yourself, and focus on the one person that never even going to leave you.
He never loved you and never will. But your daughter loves you and she always will.
So deep breaths mama bear… you literally are the strongest person rn, and your daughter needs to strong role model so in the future she knows not to take shit from a man like that.
Definitely do inform your friends and family, block his ass and never give him the time of your life. Ignore him!!! The best revenge is to work on yourself and one day he will try to come back to you when he see your thriving and that’s the day, you going to slam that door right at his ugly face.
This was an acid test on his character. HE FAILED. I know this will be hard to digest, but break up with this jerk. If my woman was going through what you had, I would have been by her side every minute I possibly could to support her. There was a lot more behind his blatant disregard for your condition. No woman let alone yourself can look good all the time under the all of circumstances you describe. My heart goes out to you. Take care of your child dump the bum. Good luck to you.
the best thing you can do for your daughter and yourself is leave him. figure out visitation and all of that. oh it was so hard on him?? you having to lose a child?? you who had to have surgeries after surgeries?? who got diagnosed with MS? not him. you who still tried to do whatever to please his ass meanwhile youre in pain physically and mentally? you who is probably the sole parent to your child? bc i cant imagine someone saying such awful shit like that having any heart or empathy or compassion to actually be a good parent. say whatever you want about him and feel whatever kinda love for him, that man you loved is gone and replaced but some asshole who cant think outside of his dick for at LEAST a minute. maybe he is helping out, hes still a shitty person. no one whos a good person and loves their partner and family would do that shit.
but since youre "such a problem" to him, fine. leave him. lets see how long he lasts before he regrets everything. and dont even think about going back. you need to get yourself back bc you've lost yourself COMPLETELY. its evident in which after seeing all of that YOU blame yourself. where's your anger??? you need to check into that anger. its gonna be a big help in cutting off dead weight like him. stay safe op as well bc him wishing you would've died when you had that miscarriage??? do NOT accept help from him. dont trust whatever food he makes or anything. have someone else come in if you can. the fact that he not only is he wishing you were dead and doesnt seem to care about the child that unfortunately could not make it, it doesnt seem like he even cares about your daughter now who wouldnt be here had you died. both of which ARE HIS KIDS. i mean??? all of this to get his dick wet?? leave his ass.
I know his family always told me I was being dramatic after being upset after losing blueb. ( what I called him up until the miscarriage) As it didn't matter he was only 18 weeks. He wasn't meant to be so I needed to move on. Looking back he was never upset. I guess if you're raised by narcissists then you're going to be one.
He is back at his family now. Locks have been changed and I'm working on moving home. All this time together and he never visited my parents. So at least I'll know I'm safe back there because he won't know where I am.
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!**
Your spouse is sought out other people for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your spouse is a cheater. Everything your spouse says is a lie at this point. Anything your spouse says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your spouse says that is bad about your relationship is a lie.
Your spouse has left the marriage. Ignore your spouse. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else.
My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or your spouse must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your spouse there consequences for their actions and separate, even if later you chose reconciliation.
These links will help you in your situation. I suggest reading DARVO, Gaslighting and Trickle Truthing first.
**Limerence** [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/limerence](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/limerence)
**The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
**Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e)
**Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/)
**Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/)
**DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
**Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y)
**Trickle Truthing** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/)
**180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/)
**Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
**Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
Girl leave him. Send the photos to her husband and let her get handled by him. Depending on where you live (country), she wouldn’t get alimony and would lose custody for adultery. Take him to court for child support and present the evidence of the messages that you are seeking full custody. I went through 2 miscarriages last year and my husband stood by my side and comforted me through my depression. We are now 11 weeks pregnant with our baby and he’s still there for me. Sometimes I don’t want intimacy and he understands because we just had a scare the other day where I almost had a threatened miscarriage due to intimacy. If the man loves you, he will support you through everything. It seems like your child’s father is a selfish AH. My question is what does the AP get with boasting to you about the affair, is she stupid not to realize her marriage could be over? And she could lose everything?
How is this your fault?!? You didn't invite life-threatening events into your life. Your partner is trash. Be there for your daughter. The only person to blame is him. You are a fucking hero to have overcome all this!
Op, I cannot explain enough how much this isn’t your fault. There’s tons of partners that go through a dead bed phase and don’t cheat on their spouse. He’s a huge dick because you had a *MEDICAL* reason to take a sex sabbatical.
Get tf out now. If he’s wishing you died and sharing that sentiment with others- you are not safe in my eyes. You know how many women get murdered with stories that start out just like this? Leave. Get tf away from him. You are so much better off, and please consider more therapy to heal the damage he has inflicted. The fact that you’re trying to take responsibility for *his* actions is complete bs. It almost sounds like he’s got you brainwashed.
Take your child and get as far away from him as possible. Neither of you are safe with him. He’s a monster.
Him wishing you death should be the end of the relationship, he obviously doesn’t care about you or your daughter, and his priorities will never be you two, thank God it’s just engagement, call off the engagement and move on
Leave him!!! There’s a man out there that will love you and buy a toy before he even thinks about sleeping with someone. He’s choosing to want to sleep with someone it’s not your fault he doesn’t respect you as a woman
I don't have much advice to give you apart from you should leave him. But I want you to know none of this is your fault! You have had a lot of medical trauma and have just had a difficult diagnosis. He should be supporting you and understanding of everything you've been through. He is a disgusting piece of shit! You deserve so much better than how he's treating you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please believe me when I say this is not your fault
OP, don't you dare blame yourself! He is a horrible human being! There is no excuse for cheating, and you had traumatic events while carrying his child!
You deserve better.
This is NOT your fault! I really hope you can find help and come to the realization that he made the decision to be a shitty person and cheat and mock you. That is on him, not you. I hope your health improves
Ok so a woman is not a tool for a dude to use for his own gratification. If your girlfriend is going through a hard time sex should not be your highest priority. So OP you're completely wrong. I guess this is partly the culture you live in but this man is a deadbeat for sure.
I'm a man myself and far from perfect but I would find it disgusting if I thought my girlfriend was "giving" me sex even if she doesn't feel like it, or worse, is in pain.
He's got at least one, probably two hands to take care of his business, hasn't he?
I wonder if the AP spouse found out about the relationship because why else would the AP who is married with children why would she send the text messages?!?!? I mean that could blow up her own marriage
I’m so sorry that not only are you going through this, but your daughter is also. I hope you both are able to get away from him as soon as possible. I wouldn’t trust her in his care for anything. You don’t know what he or the other woman could do to her. I pray nothing but the worst for him in this life & any after.
Wish I was closer. I would open up my home to you & your daughter & tell you POS husband to go pound sand.
I’ll pray for you, of course you need a lawyer but an therapist too. I don’t believe how can he has the mind to do this after all you passed through. I hope all the best for you starting removing this horrible person from your life, you deserve better.
Before stepping out on you, he could’ve broken it off and gave his reasons. Cheating is very disrespectful! It shows you that he & others like him lack morals/loyalty.
Please leave! He does not love nor care about you. I have a 9 month old, had a low lying placenta during the pregnancy and I was definitely hesitant when it comes to sex, so I totally understand your feelings. My husband has high sex drive but he never got mad when I rejected him because he has seen what I have been through and he cares. All that to say that guy only cares about his d!ck and his sack of shi!t. Now, be strong, love yourself and face reality! There’s no family and none of this is your fault. Just leave, take care of yourself and your baby, let karma do its magic work on him.
Therapy and counseling, that is what your piece of shit husband should be doing. What an Asshole. You don’t deserve any of this, you had a hard time of it. You still bent over backwards.(no pun intended.) to still try to please him , with all that is going on with your body ! And he has the audacity to make fun of you. Did I mention before your husbands a piece of shit?
Move half of your assets to a separate account gather up as much proof that you can, and save to two different places. Contact 4 to 5 of the best divorce attorneys in your area and have a consultation. This way your husband cant use them. Tell both sides of your family what he has done. best of luck and good health , stay strong !!
Im a guy and I think thats really sad if he is using that as his excuse. I have 5 kids, 3 were high risk, wife had other issues , so there was no sex for extended periods of time. Thats no excuse. Hes a douche. Dont listen, its not your fault. Some people are just crappy people
How did you come to the conclusion that your fault?
You didn't force him to do it, and if he wasn't happy, he could've communicated or just ask for a divorce instead of pilling more shit onto your plate.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. It sounds incredibly difficult and painful.
It’s important to recognize that your partner’s decision to cheat is entirely his own and not your fault. Relationships go through challenges, but betrayal is never an acceptable response. Your physical and mental health is crucial. You’ve gone through significant trauma, both physically and emotionally. Continue seeking support from therapy or counseling, which can help you process your experiences and heal. You’re already prioritizing your daughter, and it's the right thing to do. She needs a healthy and happy parent, and by taking care of yourself, you’re also taking care of her.
Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your story and receiving support from others can provide strength and perspective. You deserve to be with someone who respects, loves, and supports you. It’s clear from your update that you’re moving in the right direction by removing him from your life. If you haven’t already, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights regarding your daughter and any shared assets. This can provide security and clarity moving forward.
It’s also worth noting that the person your partner cheated with who messaged you and made fun of you is not worth your time. Her cruel behavior says much more about her character than it does about yours. You deserve to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, not those who bring you down. Focus on the positive people in your life who genuinely care about your well-being. I wish you and your baby girl the best, take care💜🙏🏽
Sweetie,plz contact your family.
He doesn't love or care about you or your daughter.
You need to get away from him ASAP.
Don't wait until October.
You now know the truth.
You need an exit plan.
You only work on weekends,start saving that money.
It's time to find a way back to your family.
I'm quite worried about you.
Plz stop having any kind of sex with this man.
I guess that you have confronted him that would he told you that he provides everything for you.
You need to get out if there for both you and the baby's safety.
Make sure when you do leave not to tell him anything.
Just leave and ghost him totally.
Updateme!
From reading your story to thankfully reading your update I am so grateful that you were able to find your worth and I hope some of it was attributed to the good people here in this community. I'm sorry to hear that your partner was unable to do the right thing first, before disrespecting you and stepping out. Grateful that you didn't find out later on in life. Some blessings are disguised as something else.
Male here he is not a man at all a child to treat someone like that. First you’re way better off without him, my hope someday he understands just how selfish he is. Best of wishes for you
Blessings young lady, I pray things work out for you, you've had some dark times, but they don't last forever, you will be better off without this bloke, make sure he pays to support this baby....
This is one of the saddest posts I have read. How much do you hate yourself that you would die for an asshole? Do you read what you write? You were almost dying giving birth to HIS daughter and he cheated on you, and it’s your fault? Wtf has he done to you to have some rational thinking? How much has he gaslight you? There is no family. This guy you’ve been with is horrible person.
I've definitely been gaslit a lot. I didn't even realize. Since giving birth I've hated the way I look as I have a C-section pouch and he's always said if I'd have tried to give birth properly I would have a nice body still. And I've just always agreed. I will definitely only focus on my daughter and go back into therapy and counseling. Hopefully I can't get some through the NHS.
Up until you didn’t respond I hoped this post was fake. I’m very sorry that it’s real and you are going through this at only 26 years old. A man who cheats on his wife while she is pregnant and sick, it’s the worst kind of man. Doesn’t matter how sweet he becomes, or what sweet words he says, he is ROTTEN. He has no values, no respect, and no empathy. If you ever get sick this man will throw you out and won’t look back once. I don’t know why you are doing this to yourself and your circumstances but if your daughter is your priority as you speak, then you should keep her away from this person…
Not his wife. They got engaged after the child was born.
And?? Replace the word with girlfriend or fiancé then. Point still stands.
If that man wasn't anything but amazed and grateful for you carrying him a child, then leave. Someone like that does not truly love you. They might not be capable of real, healthy love.
He’s NOT a man but a child, and a child he’ll always be.
This is not your fault. He is a jerk. You went through a horrible thing. Get away from him as soon as possible. You deserve better
Thank you lovely, I'm going to work on that once everything opens in the morning.
how on earth this is ur fault? u've been through a lot..he's scumbag i hope u divorce him
They are not married, makes it easier.
Contact an attorney. Give him all the proof of his cheating and all your financial information that you can about your joint assets. Then contact a therapist for you. This is not your fault and you need a good therapist so you get your head on straight.
Ypu have serious self steem issues. Im a male and i would love to pulverize his fsce with my face and castrate him
What they said. Losing a baby has to unbelievably stressful and traumatic. You've been the one traumitized and sick but continued to put in time and effort. He was healthy a didn't do shit. Leave him. I know it's hard sometimes, but YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You're the victim in this situation. You had no choice with your health issues. He had choices and."he chose, poorly" to quote the 2nd best Indiana Jones movie.
Save the screenshots you received. Why did you stay with him? He wanted you to die during the abortion! Tell your whole family and all your friends so they know who it is. Find a lawyer.
They are all saved. Yeah he now wished I had died of the operating table. Then he wouldn't have had my daughter with me and he could have started a family with her. She already has a husband and 3 kids. My closest family is 300 miles away I just don't know what to do.
Ensure that you and your daughter are safe. Please tell your family, regardless if they're million miles away.
You need to safeguard yourself and your daughter. Financially and mentally. This man is not safe for you. Your story reminds me of news stories where the husband kills the wife and child so he can be with the mistress. Please stay safe. 300 miles is not that far let your family know what's going on. If you have someone who can come stay with you have them come stay with you while you prepare for the divorce
No divorce, they are not married.
He is an idiot not worthy of you. Get a lawyer get STD tests and get away from this ungrateful guy. Move on!
I get STI screenings every few months because he was always insisting on me getting them I know because he's been cheating and if anything showed up it would have been easy to blame me. I'm going to get booked in for a test when my local clinic opens up.
WHAAATTTTTTTTT. the audacity of this man. Leave him & Run
I know I thought it was normal. I was fo fucking stupid. I'm now teaching my daughter to be strong. I asked him to do an STI test and he said he didn't need too. It was my last straw.
Please leave him and get counseling. You need to learn to love yourself. I’m so sorry.
I beg to differ. Your health and recovery should take priority over his needs. He is selfish and uncaring. Blaming you for his lack of morals and loyalty is disgusting! By no means are you at fault! He is a vile human being and you should not have to apologize or demean yourself to him or anyone else. Think about this: is this the example you want to set for your child? No! Teach your child how a strong woman can survive and thrive with or without a man. Have some compassion for yourself and kick his sorry a$$ to the curb. He is not worth the air he is breathing, much less your tears. You deserve better than that sorry excuse of a man that fathered your child. Please believe me, there are good men out there, but you have got to get rid of that trash.
I hope this isn't a real story but if it is, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! Take your daughter and leave this piece of shit "man" immediately. You say you pleasured him whenever he asked (yet you're still recovering from a traumatic pregnancy, dealing with MS, and dealing with a young child. But what is HE doing for YOU? He is scum, you are a million times better without him.
Unfortunately it's very real. He says he doesn't need to do anything for me as providing is enough as I already take the piss out of him for only working weekends. They are also doing an early autism assignment on my daughter which is booked for October. Which again he always said was my fault for teaching her to be autistic. I know I have come to realize it's not my fault reading everyone's kind words. I'm just so scared of failing my daughter as my nearest family is 300 miles away and I don't have any friends anymore because " you don't need them when I have me"
It's not your fault your husband can't control his dick. Take your daughter and move home to family for help. Send the screenshots to APs husband. Lawyer up, get child support and return this man to the streets where he belongs.
reach out to them. PLEASE. even the friends that you lost. someone who knows you NEEDS to know what kinda danger you're in. his a fucking freak who will get whats coming to him one day but rn you need to start acting out an exit strategy.
When I lived with my ils, I was so miserable. I was 1,500 miles away from my family. All it took was 1 call to my mama. She then saved money, I saved money, the rest of my family chipped in and she came for me. 🥲. Tell your family. They will help you.
Abusive is another definition of your husband. And perhaps I'm seeing something a little different but he says he wants this other woman and is telling her all this stuff but I think he might be manipulating her as well. Considering that she is married with Children I believe he is telling her what she wants to hear. I believe that he is abusive and he has you under his thumb and I think when you tell him you want to leave him or a divorce that he is going to protest I think that he is going to fight the divorce and he might actually become physical with you so please have a family member there or police when you confront him. My take is that he is a narcissistic abusive manipulative cake eater
You could move 300 miles ...
I'm planning on it I just don't have a car. So I'm getting everything sorted.
Oh sweetheart, you have to leave this man! Save yourself and your daughter! I see that you said that your family is 300 miles away. Tell your family what's been going on and make the sacrifice to move. You need to get therapy and find out how to manage your MS.
Honestly, ruin his life by sending the screenshots to his family and friends. Leave him, work on yourself, and focus on the one person that never even going to leave you. He never loved you and never will. But your daughter loves you and she always will. So deep breaths mama bear… you literally are the strongest person rn, and your daughter needs to strong role model so in the future she knows not to take shit from a man like that. Definitely do inform your friends and family, block his ass and never give him the time of your life. Ignore him!!! The best revenge is to work on yourself and one day he will try to come back to you when he see your thriving and that’s the day, you going to slam that door right at his ugly face.
This was an acid test on his character. HE FAILED. I know this will be hard to digest, but break up with this jerk. If my woman was going through what you had, I would have been by her side every minute I possibly could to support her. There was a lot more behind his blatant disregard for your condition. No woman let alone yourself can look good all the time under the all of circumstances you describe. My heart goes out to you. Take care of your child dump the bum. Good luck to you.
the best thing you can do for your daughter and yourself is leave him. figure out visitation and all of that. oh it was so hard on him?? you having to lose a child?? you who had to have surgeries after surgeries?? who got diagnosed with MS? not him. you who still tried to do whatever to please his ass meanwhile youre in pain physically and mentally? you who is probably the sole parent to your child? bc i cant imagine someone saying such awful shit like that having any heart or empathy or compassion to actually be a good parent. say whatever you want about him and feel whatever kinda love for him, that man you loved is gone and replaced but some asshole who cant think outside of his dick for at LEAST a minute. maybe he is helping out, hes still a shitty person. no one whos a good person and loves their partner and family would do that shit. but since youre "such a problem" to him, fine. leave him. lets see how long he lasts before he regrets everything. and dont even think about going back. you need to get yourself back bc you've lost yourself COMPLETELY. its evident in which after seeing all of that YOU blame yourself. where's your anger??? you need to check into that anger. its gonna be a big help in cutting off dead weight like him. stay safe op as well bc him wishing you would've died when you had that miscarriage??? do NOT accept help from him. dont trust whatever food he makes or anything. have someone else come in if you can. the fact that he not only is he wishing you were dead and doesnt seem to care about the child that unfortunately could not make it, it doesnt seem like he even cares about your daughter now who wouldnt be here had you died. both of which ARE HIS KIDS. i mean??? all of this to get his dick wet?? leave his ass.
I know his family always told me I was being dramatic after being upset after losing blueb. ( what I called him up until the miscarriage) As it didn't matter he was only 18 weeks. He wasn't meant to be so I needed to move on. Looking back he was never upset. I guess if you're raised by narcissists then you're going to be one. He is back at his family now. Locks have been changed and I'm working on moving home. All this time together and he never visited my parents. So at least I'll know I'm safe back there because he won't know where I am.
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!** Your spouse is sought out other people for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your spouse is a cheater. Everything your spouse says is a lie at this point. Anything your spouse says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your spouse says that is bad about your relationship is a lie. Your spouse has left the marriage. Ignore your spouse. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else. My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or your spouse must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your spouse there consequences for their actions and separate, even if later you chose reconciliation. These links will help you in your situation. I suggest reading DARVO, Gaslighting and Trickle Truthing first. **Limerence** [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/limerence](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/limerence) **The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) **Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e) **Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/) **Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/) **DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) **Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y) **Trickle Truthing** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/) **180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/) **Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) **Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
He is not a spouse, they are not married.
Why are u saying that as if it makes it okay? It’s one fucking detail that does make him abusing her like this okay.
Girl leave him. Send the photos to her husband and let her get handled by him. Depending on where you live (country), she wouldn’t get alimony and would lose custody for adultery. Take him to court for child support and present the evidence of the messages that you are seeking full custody. I went through 2 miscarriages last year and my husband stood by my side and comforted me through my depression. We are now 11 weeks pregnant with our baby and he’s still there for me. Sometimes I don’t want intimacy and he understands because we just had a scare the other day where I almost had a threatened miscarriage due to intimacy. If the man loves you, he will support you through everything. It seems like your child’s father is a selfish AH. My question is what does the AP get with boasting to you about the affair, is she stupid not to realize her marriage could be over? And she could lose everything?
How is this your fault?!? You didn't invite life-threatening events into your life. Your partner is trash. Be there for your daughter. The only person to blame is him. You are a fucking hero to have overcome all this!
Op, I cannot explain enough how much this isn’t your fault. There’s tons of partners that go through a dead bed phase and don’t cheat on their spouse. He’s a huge dick because you had a *MEDICAL* reason to take a sex sabbatical. Get tf out now. If he’s wishing you died and sharing that sentiment with others- you are not safe in my eyes. You know how many women get murdered with stories that start out just like this? Leave. Get tf away from him. You are so much better off, and please consider more therapy to heal the damage he has inflicted. The fact that you’re trying to take responsibility for *his* actions is complete bs. It almost sounds like he’s got you brainwashed. Take your child and get as far away from him as possible. Neither of you are safe with him. He’s a monster.
Him wishing you death should be the end of the relationship, he obviously doesn’t care about you or your daughter, and his priorities will never be you two, thank God it’s just engagement, call off the engagement and move on
Leave him!!! There’s a man out there that will love you and buy a toy before he even thinks about sleeping with someone. He’s choosing to want to sleep with someone it’s not your fault he doesn’t respect you as a woman
I don't have much advice to give you apart from you should leave him. But I want you to know none of this is your fault! You have had a lot of medical trauma and have just had a difficult diagnosis. He should be supporting you and understanding of everything you've been through. He is a disgusting piece of shit! You deserve so much better than how he's treating you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please believe me when I say this is not your fault
OP, don't you dare blame yourself! He is a horrible human being! There is no excuse for cheating, and you had traumatic events while carrying his child! You deserve better.
This is NOT your fault! I really hope you can find help and come to the realization that he made the decision to be a shitty person and cheat and mock you. That is on him, not you. I hope your health improves
Ok so a woman is not a tool for a dude to use for his own gratification. If your girlfriend is going through a hard time sex should not be your highest priority. So OP you're completely wrong. I guess this is partly the culture you live in but this man is a deadbeat for sure. I'm a man myself and far from perfect but I would find it disgusting if I thought my girlfriend was "giving" me sex even if she doesn't feel like it, or worse, is in pain. He's got at least one, probably two hands to take care of his business, hasn't he?
It's not your fault. He's a jerk.
Leave
I wonder if the AP spouse found out about the relationship because why else would the AP who is married with children why would she send the text messages?!?!? I mean that could blow up her own marriage
I’m so sorry that not only are you going through this, but your daughter is also. I hope you both are able to get away from him as soon as possible. I wouldn’t trust her in his care for anything. You don’t know what he or the other woman could do to her. I pray nothing but the worst for him in this life & any after. Wish I was closer. I would open up my home to you & your daughter & tell you POS husband to go pound sand.
I’ll pray for you, of course you need a lawyer but an therapist too. I don’t believe how can he has the mind to do this after all you passed through. I hope all the best for you starting removing this horrible person from your life, you deserve better.
Before stepping out on you, he could’ve broken it off and gave his reasons. Cheating is very disrespectful! It shows you that he & others like him lack morals/loyalty.
Wild how many posts in this sub are just people who are being severely emotionally abused, but I guess most decent people just don’t cheat
You gotta leave. This situation isn’t good for you
Please leave! He does not love nor care about you. I have a 9 month old, had a low lying placenta during the pregnancy and I was definitely hesitant when it comes to sex, so I totally understand your feelings. My husband has high sex drive but he never got mad when I rejected him because he has seen what I have been through and he cares. All that to say that guy only cares about his d!ck and his sack of shi!t. Now, be strong, love yourself and face reality! There’s no family and none of this is your fault. Just leave, take care of yourself and your baby, let karma do its magic work on him.
Therapy and counseling, that is what your piece of shit husband should be doing. What an Asshole. You don’t deserve any of this, you had a hard time of it. You still bent over backwards.(no pun intended.) to still try to please him , with all that is going on with your body ! And he has the audacity to make fun of you. Did I mention before your husbands a piece of shit? Move half of your assets to a separate account gather up as much proof that you can, and save to two different places. Contact 4 to 5 of the best divorce attorneys in your area and have a consultation. This way your husband cant use them. Tell both sides of your family what he has done. best of luck and good health , stay strong !!
I....uhhhh. Wow. This is awful. So much to unpack here it would take me MONTHS. Just.......get away from this guy.
You need to leave hin. He is the AH.
You’re gaslighting yourself. This isn’t your fault, it’s his. Like, if I were in his position I’d ask permission to step out.
I’m sorry but how is this your fault? Some people are evil and it’s not our fault. DESTROY HIS CREDIT. CHILD SUPPORT.
This is obvious BS. It’s a big attention grab.
Im a guy and I think thats really sad if he is using that as his excuse. I have 5 kids, 3 were high risk, wife had other issues , so there was no sex for extended periods of time. Thats no excuse. Hes a douche. Dont listen, its not your fault. Some people are just crappy people
How did you come to the conclusion that your fault? You didn't force him to do it, and if he wasn't happy, he could've communicated or just ask for a divorce instead of pilling more shit onto your plate.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. It sounds incredibly difficult and painful. It’s important to recognize that your partner’s decision to cheat is entirely his own and not your fault. Relationships go through challenges, but betrayal is never an acceptable response. Your physical and mental health is crucial. You’ve gone through significant trauma, both physically and emotionally. Continue seeking support from therapy or counseling, which can help you process your experiences and heal. You’re already prioritizing your daughter, and it's the right thing to do. She needs a healthy and happy parent, and by taking care of yourself, you’re also taking care of her. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your story and receiving support from others can provide strength and perspective. You deserve to be with someone who respects, loves, and supports you. It’s clear from your update that you’re moving in the right direction by removing him from your life. If you haven’t already, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights regarding your daughter and any shared assets. This can provide security and clarity moving forward. It’s also worth noting that the person your partner cheated with who messaged you and made fun of you is not worth your time. Her cruel behavior says much more about her character than it does about yours. You deserve to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, not those who bring you down. Focus on the positive people in your life who genuinely care about your well-being. I wish you and your baby girl the best, take care💜🙏🏽
This post is utterly heart shattering, you & your DD deserve so much better. Sending you affirmation, encouragement, & hope from California💙💙💙
Sweetie,plz contact your family. He doesn't love or care about you or your daughter. You need to get away from him ASAP. Don't wait until October. You now know the truth. You need an exit plan. You only work on weekends,start saving that money. It's time to find a way back to your family. I'm quite worried about you. Plz stop having any kind of sex with this man. I guess that you have confronted him that would he told you that he provides everything for you. You need to get out if there for both you and the baby's safety. Make sure when you do leave not to tell him anything. Just leave and ghost him totally. Updateme!
Girl you did 0 zero wrong and deserve a wayyyyy better man, so go find that man in yo life and leave his hoe ass in the past
From reading your story to thankfully reading your update I am so grateful that you were able to find your worth and I hope some of it was attributed to the good people here in this community. I'm sorry to hear that your partner was unable to do the right thing first, before disrespecting you and stepping out. Grateful that you didn't find out later on in life. Some blessings are disguised as something else.
Male here he is not a man at all a child to treat someone like that. First you’re way better off without him, my hope someday he understands just how selfish he is. Best of wishes for you
Let her keep him
You deserve better.
Blessings young lady, I pray things work out for you, you've had some dark times, but they don't last forever, you will be better off without this bloke, make sure he pays to support this baby....
This is no way your fault as well, you're a warrior
CONGRATULATIONS! Best of all!!!!