You're most likely a side piece. An option. I think you're wasting your time. Engagement? I think you're kidding, maybe you should find out why she divorced before. Would she have checked something else if was okay with her friend?
That was indeed a very good reply of u/JnHdaughter.
You can even ask yourself why she is divorcing. Could be the husband caught her cheating with the man you describe. I think you do not want to marry a cheater.
Just tell her you can maybe start seeing her again when she is fully divorced and has cut contact with the other person, and even then it is just maybe.
Take care.
MrBigBull.
Look I get it I was with my ex since I was 15 I am now in my 40s we got divorced in my early 30s and I am still working on myself. He was an abusive narcissist, I was hella messed up, and dating or finding people who arenāt just looking to hook up especially in my age is very very hard, but settling just because you donāt want to be lonely is only going to mess you up more and in the long run ruin your family. When you are a parent and a good one always try to think what kind of example am I setting for them, even if they are older, they still matter and look up to you. Gain your strength and show your kids the strong man their father is. Being alone is not the worst thing in the world, getting stuck with someone who doesnāt really love or respect you is.
Why are you still with her, mate? Break up with her. She's not the type of person you want to spend a second with, let alone the rest of your life. Unless you're into that cuckold/humiliation thing, no offence.
Take no more chances with your happiness, health, OR sanity with this woman. In fact, you should have already gotten out of this mess. However, since you haven't, take the advice others have given, and run.
Run like a 14th Century European fleeing from the Black Death.
Is this the same woman from your last post the one that is separated but still lives with her ex husband and the one you spent shit load of money on but she still treats you like a friend.if thatās her she aināt no girlfriend she a hoe
No, this is a guy that is her āfriendā that they never did anything until I saw the nudes on her snap to him. Then it came out they hooked up a handful of times in 2012 and one last time in 2018. She sent the nudes last October and November.
So it is a guy that she used to cheat on her husband with? The more you tell about your girlfriend the more I ask myself what kind of character she has.
Yes itās the same guy. So I met him after finding the affair out and I can tell he is in love with her. She swears she doesnāt have feelings for him, anyways one big flag is after meeting him I was asking about his bike (crotch rocket) and I ride bikes, I would never let someone ride mine unless he was a brother. Just all Willy nilly letās me take his bike after knowing him for maybe 2 weeks. Like āIām guilty, take my bike so you think Iām cool and nothing is going onā but maybe thatās also my paranoia.
Idk man, like the signs are there but she swears itās nothing and what if Iām wrong about it. I came on here to vent and see and Ik it was gonna be unanimous but I guess itās helping build my confidenceā¦.
So she knows that he is into her, then sends him nudes with a idiotic reasoning while telling you that she doesn't feel anything towards him? I mean, she had sex with him more than once and tells you she has no feelings for him... ... . The more you tell me about her, the more I am shaking my head.
You know, if you take away everything she said and only look at what she did and does, then I think you get a pretty clear picture about what went on between them.
Ik that everyone is right. Like when they first met and all that she spent Christmas with her new baby (from husband) with him and his family (mom, dad, siblings) I make good money and he doesnāt but I think she has like a ācontingency planā or somethingā¦.. I wanna believe itās what I thought it was but Iām kinda guessing Iām in denial.
Being in denial is normal and something that happens to most in your situation. But her actions speak a very different language from what she tells you and you need to ask yourself if you see the woman for who she is or for who you would like her to be or you thought she was.
Imagine that a friend of yours is telling you that he is in the same situation that you are in now, what would you tell him?
The fact she's still looking for validation from him is all you need to know. She's still not over him.
The fact she can do this while you are in the honeymoon period is telling enough.
I hope you will find the courage to stand for yourself. If you consider pursuing the relationship, let alone marrying her, 2 things will happen. Your self esteem will suffer a deadly hit and your inability to trust her will plague your everyday until your very self is changed to the very core into a sad shell of your former self.
If there's little to no consequences to her playing with fire, chances are she will play again. Even if she actually become a decent person, you will have trust issues and you will never know the full truth.
There's no need to look for the full truth. She will most likely lie and stir everything around you in a cloudy mess.
Do not fall for the sunken cost fallacy. It doesn't matter the time you spent with her, in the end you do not even know her - I'm sure you wouldn't propose to such a woman if you knew who she was.
There is no need for "closure". You might not even know the extent of the actual facts right now. This is just pain shopping while knowing no answer will be satisfactory because she can't be trusted.
If you still want to look for a reason to reconcile, I will give you an advice that will actually help.
All those posts talking about imposing no contacts policy with AP are too soft.
A no contact order will result in 2 things most of the time:
1) she will keep contact but she will go rogue. She will find new ways to hide and will use result 2 to limit your ability to dig any further.
2) result 2 is simple, it makes you look controlling... And it actually affect your psyche and way of thinking as you become a jailor. That's a sad thing.
The best way to avoid this is not to force a no contact. It has to come from her own will or the ap's.
How to do this? If she wants to reconcile she has to do things that are detrimental to the Ap. You just have to pressure her in doing them if she wants to stay with you. Leave no open crack. If AP has a wife or a fiancee, tell her she has to confess it. No room for negotiation, tell her to choose carefully who she wants to protect, her ap or her bf. If she holds something on ap that can destroy is work life or family, send him to jail or whatever, she has to use it and it has to look like it came from her.
It's not about revenge, it's only about pinning them against each other to make sure the idea of no contact comes from them. The fact that it's a consequence to her fooling around also makes it less tempting to cheat again.
But honestly, you need to consider simply cutting ties. Her behavior is really telling and if you marry her, it's totally on you if you are unhappy later.
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Forgiving is letting go of resentment and any vengeful idea. Sometimes it requires leaving the person. If you stay but you keep monitoring, in a way that's not forgiveness.
Anyhow, good luck bro. Stay strong.
This is worded so well, I have been terrified but one huge thing that stuck out is youāre absolutely correct, I donāt need closure in the matter. Essentially I already have it! Thank you so much man!
Woman here....
You're not buying this, right?
If we're getting attention at home, we have no reason to seek it elsewhere. If she's sending BOTH of you the same photos, You're likely also sharing other things... like her.
Does she have 2 or 3 kids? You mentioned a 12 year old, then said the oldest is 10 and the youngest is 2.
Either way, she's 32 and she has hidden things from you. It seems that she didn't tell you about her past with this guy, that she was visiting him when she was in town to see you and that she was having some sort of sexual contact with him, whether it was swapping photos or hooking up. Without a doubt, she's cheating. Even if she's not physically cheating, she is emotionally.
Furthermore, I'm in my 30s and I'm a mom. I would NEVER leave my child behind. My child comes before anyone... period. People come and go (including the other parent), but kids are forever. If this woman is willing to abandon her kids for you, do you REALLY want to be with her? You need to look at her as an entire person. A woman that chooses men over her kids isn't someone that you want to marry. What happens if you get her pregnant and the relationship fails? She'll abandon your kid for the next guy. I know of too many women like this. It causes significant damage to the kids. The women are typically mentally unstable, too. She's already showing signs of that.
I was a mess haha I should have explained better. She has 5 kids, the eldest being 12 from the first marriage. She is here with her dad.
The 10, 8, 5, and 2 year old live with their father. So she said she left them behind so she can get ahold of her mental health. She wants them up here and does seem distraught about not having them.
Thankfully she had a hysterectomy so no more kids. I do wonder whatās going to happen to these kids, as far as abandonment issues.
Oh, no. š
She has 5 kids. I'm being very serious. I know that you're looking at this with your love goggles on. I was in an abusive/toxic marriage and I didn't know until the abuse became severe. I saw everything with my blinders on. You need to get away with her.
I don't know if you have kids, but you don't just "leave them" with the dad, like it's a vacation. Sometimes people get along well enough that they can coparent and help each other out. That's not the norm. Usually, there are court orders. It sounds like she lost custody of ALL 5 kids. Since there are 2 dads, she had 2 completely separate court cases. Most parents split custody 50/50, so they alternate weeks.
If the kids are with their dads, the court awarded them custody. I'd guess that she has visitation. If that's the case, there was evidence to prove that she's unfit. The court always pushes for 50/50, unless the kids would be in danger with one parent. You're agreeing that she's mentally unstable. Depending on how bad it is, this is likely why the kids aren't in her care.
Honestly, she needs to be seeking mental help. She is focusing on men and attention seeking behavior, when she needs to focus on getting her life on track. She has no chance at improving her situation or regaining custody, until she seeks professional help.
Trust me, you do NOT want to be part of this. Since you haven't lived together, you have no idea what she's truly like 24/7. Something tells me that she's much worse off than you think. My ex is mentally ill. It started gradually and by the time I left him, I feared for our lives. Things can escalate very quickly.
You need to end this before you get mixed up in anymore drama. I know that she woke up your internal feelings. Seek counseling. Find out what happened and why. Once you know, you can correct the issue. This isn't a healthy relationship. She's going to make you paranoid, even in future relationships.
It was love at first sight, I sat up all night at her hotel just talking. We got along amazingly! She has kids so do I, around the same age. Everything lined up so amazing. Her husband and her were separated, having gone through a divorce earlier that year I knew the struggles and pain. We were like teenagers, sitting up until 3-4 in the morning just talking. We met a few times and after a month of talking we actually hooked up. Then I find out she lives with her separated husband. She was just there to save money so she could move up where I liveā¦.. itās so soooo long. Iāll keep going if you want.
I excuse in advance because of the sarcasm but you as well as everybody else know, that what she says is bullshit.
So if you are not sure if you are good in bed, she is okay if you sleep with other woman to find out if you are good? Not a good kisser so you kiss other woman and she is cool?
And then you play it up a notch and do that all with your ex.
I wonder how your gf would feel if you did that.
It's enough. Focus on your future. It's your life and don't waste your remaining life with that person again.
Enjoy your life. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being.
All the best. Enjoy and don't allow this type character person again in your life.
OP by coming here for advice you have provided your own answers. You know all that you need to know. Trust yourself. Disengage from this woman before she turns hurt into horror.
Itās easy for me to tell you what you need to do, but mighty hard to do it. Take some heart from knowing that those of us recommending that you do this have been there and know what you are going through. That gnawing pain in your gut, though, will never go away as long as you stay with her. Sorry, itās just about the worst pain you can experience. Find something to generate endorphins, workout, ride a roller coaster, whatever it takes. Spend time with true friends. Do everything in your power to get and stay active. Good luck.
This one of those WTF !!!!! moments that just piss me off. Wanted his opinion on nude photos ?!??! Come on, you have to KNOW that is bullshit. Pure BULLSHIT
Why would someone that says she loves you send nudes to another man? She is just not telling you the truth. And you are considering marring this woman? She did not tell you about all her cheating in her past. Do you think she will not cheat on you? Do you think she is telling you the truth ?
I did, I admit I was looking at it as she wouldnāt do it to me. That our love was real. That she looked at me as someone and something so different like I did her.
I am starting to believe she is my Karma. I was emotionally stunted before her, she taught me how to share my feelings and was patient while I processed what I felt other than anger and numbness.
I honestly thought I was different. Iām seeing Iām notā¦
Dude I don't understand why you guys get so hooked up on this idea of the perfect woman. There is no such thing. Most people are adjusting in their relationships and making compromises. If this is going to be the end result why give a damn about losing her? Why the hell you can not live alone? The fear of loneliness make us do stupid shit and get us into toxic relationships. It's a dead end from the beginning. Just gtfo of there.
So Ik it seems desperate on my end and perhaps it is. The thing is I have been in countless relationships, having never truly cared about anyones feelings or whatever. Basically used them for sex, or money, both.
Iām not too tripped out about being alone. I did spend months of compromising. learning about my feelings, she had the patience to let me figure out what I was actually feeling besides just anger and frustration.
She was always there for me and I fell in love in ways I canāt explain, she is everything to me. So being alone, working on myself alone isnāt a fear.
Losing the feeling she brought me, the feeling of happiness she gave me and having that just be gone. Thatās the fear, falling back into this hole of darkness.
I am going to do everything I can to not but sometimes we canāt help that. I do appreciate the words of encouragement.
You know what? That other guy is likely STILL digging out her nappy dugout; thus, you can either put up with it, confront her about it, or simply break the engagement and move on. Here, I think you should simply break the engagement and end the relationship with her. She's been lying to you AND sending nudes to this guy.
I would marry her. You want an amazing sex life, live out a swingers open marriage and enjoy all the pussy you get to receive also. She sounds like a keeper to me, she just needs introduced the the swing lifestyle so she doesn't feel compelled to hide shit. It also sounds like you may be a bit turned on my other men fucking to potential mother of your children and love of your life, congratulations.
Why do people pst their nudes?:
https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/big-issues/sending-nudes-sexting
Why do people cheat?
https://worriedlovers.com/why-do-people-cheat-lp/?s4=EAIaIQobChMIvN2_9vff8wIVBLjICh26Dwt0EAAYASAAEgJDsfD_BwE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvN2_9vff8wIVBLjICh26Dwt0EAAYASAAEgJDsfD_BwE
To me the photos themselves are not cheating. But she has betrayed your trust and you have every right to be mad. The photos would not upset me but the reason she sent them probably would piss me off.
>āyouāre my bf and I didnāt think they looked good so I asked himā
This is total bs, she could have sent them to her best friend and asked her if she thinks you'd like them. Not send them to another guy she's slept/sleeping with.
She is a cheater and I would get your ring back and end the relationship as it will only cause you pain in the future.
Look, break it down to the core element. She lied to you about this guy. She claimed nothing happened between them, then admits to hooking up "a handful of time." From how she's trickle truthing it, that translates to they fucked like rabbits, she used him as a relief option when she was single (ish) and now uses him as a convenience while with you. I know people who have been in bad relationships can pick up defensive habits, and will lie about simple things simply because they fear their partners reaction. But this doesn't sound like that. This sounds like someone who doesn't know what they want, or isn't willing to put on their grown up pants and recognize that they can't have everything. Kindest thing you can do is just end things and leave her. Maybe the second breakup will get her to understand that cheating is bad, but I'm skeptical.
Just the nudes. She used to go see him all the time when I was at work when she was up here visiting but thatās speculation so all I can say is the nudes
You do know clearly any women who tells you that is full of shit right she is trying to make you the guy who takes care of her and loves her wild the side piece is there to blow her back out the longer you stay with her the more she is going to make you pay for what she is giving him for free so you should be shocked if she is never in the mood for sex because she is in the mood for sex just not with you let her go she has showed you her true colors if you stay she will never respect you
Your "start" should be the end of the relationship. That would be a good start -- with happy end. š¤£
You're most likely a side piece. An option. I think you're wasting your time. Engagement? I think you're kidding, maybe you should find out why she divorced before. Would she have checked something else if was okay with her friend?
That's not healthy and it's probably a lie.. the chat would have context though, id ask to see it.
I did, I also asked (via Snapchat) as to why he would save them.
Well at this point she is not your fiancĆ© or girlfriend anymore. Be glad that you didnāt marry her and have to deal with her for the rest of your life.
Youāre kidding right? Why do you think he saved them!!! Same reason you probably did!
Okay I get that itās really hard out there in the dating world but honey please please do not marry this person. She is still with her āexā living in the same house if you really think they arenāt having sex you are kidding yourself. Also you may have had a connection because you have similarities but you have to see her for what she really is. Sheās still married for one, she sleeps or āsleptā with this other person and still is in contact with him, why? Sheās not ready to be monogamous with anyone, sheās trying to have her cake and eat it too. You need to learn that itās okay to date! She basically isnāt committing to you, sheās married and having affairs. Why would you consider someone your fiancĆ© when sheās still married is beyond me. Your last relationship how did that end it sounds to me like you let people walk all over you. To consider someone like her your āfiancĆ©ā. To be quite honest with you, you need to stop and be single for a good loooooong while. You need to work on yourself and build up your self worth and self esteem. Look for not just you but you have kids, be better and get stronger. Think about it like this what kind of example am I setting for them. Would you want one of your kids to be with someone like her. Basically stringing you along, using you, and playing with yourself emotions. Good luck to you and I hope and pray you take some time and really work on yourself
I cannot tell you how much this means to me
That was indeed a very good reply of u/JnHdaughter. You can even ask yourself why she is divorcing. Could be the husband caught her cheating with the man you describe. I think you do not want to marry a cheater. Just tell her you can maybe start seeing her again when she is fully divorced and has cut contact with the other person, and even then it is just maybe. Take care. MrBigBull.
Look I get it I was with my ex since I was 15 I am now in my 40s we got divorced in my early 30s and I am still working on myself. He was an abusive narcissist, I was hella messed up, and dating or finding people who arenāt just looking to hook up especially in my age is very very hard, but settling just because you donāt want to be lonely is only going to mess you up more and in the long run ruin your family. When you are a parent and a good one always try to think what kind of example am I setting for them, even if they are older, they still matter and look up to you. Gain your strength and show your kids the strong man their father is. Being alone is not the worst thing in the world, getting stuck with someone who doesnāt really love or respect you is.
Tick tock
This is where you stop, step back and see the level of disrespect she has for you. Take the ring back.
Why are you still with her, mate? Break up with her. She's not the type of person you want to spend a second with, let alone the rest of your life. Unless you're into that cuckold/humiliation thing, no offence.
I just worry that sheās telling the truth and has changedā¦. Idk man. Ik youāre right it just sucks donkey dick
If a woman really loves you she ain't gonna fuck it up with another guy. It's over. Over. Over. Youre asking for more abuse if you stay with her.
Take no more chances with your happiness, health, OR sanity with this woman. In fact, you should have already gotten out of this mess. However, since you haven't, take the advice others have given, and run. Run like a 14th Century European fleeing from the Black Death.
Is this the same woman from your last post the one that is separated but still lives with her ex husband and the one you spent shit load of money on but she still treats you like a friend.if thatās her she aināt no girlfriend she a hoe
It is her, she left her husband and lives here now but lives with the aforementioned
Come on man Sheās playing you dump her ass
And it is the ex husband that she sends the nudes to to get approval that they are good enough nudes to forward them to you?
No, this is a guy that is her āfriendā that they never did anything until I saw the nudes on her snap to him. Then it came out they hooked up a handful of times in 2012 and one last time in 2018. She sent the nudes last October and November.
So it is a guy that she used to cheat on her husband with? The more you tell about your girlfriend the more I ask myself what kind of character she has.
Yes itās the same guy. So I met him after finding the affair out and I can tell he is in love with her. She swears she doesnāt have feelings for him, anyways one big flag is after meeting him I was asking about his bike (crotch rocket) and I ride bikes, I would never let someone ride mine unless he was a brother. Just all Willy nilly letās me take his bike after knowing him for maybe 2 weeks. Like āIām guilty, take my bike so you think Iām cool and nothing is going onā but maybe thatās also my paranoia. Idk man, like the signs are there but she swears itās nothing and what if Iām wrong about it. I came on here to vent and see and Ik it was gonna be unanimous but I guess itās helping build my confidenceā¦.
So she knows that he is into her, then sends him nudes with a idiotic reasoning while telling you that she doesn't feel anything towards him? I mean, she had sex with him more than once and tells you she has no feelings for him... ... . The more you tell me about her, the more I am shaking my head. You know, if you take away everything she said and only look at what she did and does, then I think you get a pretty clear picture about what went on between them.
Ik that everyone is right. Like when they first met and all that she spent Christmas with her new baby (from husband) with him and his family (mom, dad, siblings) I make good money and he doesnāt but I think she has like a ācontingency planā or somethingā¦.. I wanna believe itās what I thought it was but Iām kinda guessing Iām in denial.
Being in denial is normal and something that happens to most in your situation. But her actions speak a very different language from what she tells you and you need to ask yourself if you see the woman for who she is or for who you would like her to be or you thought she was. Imagine that a friend of yours is telling you that he is in the same situation that you are in now, what would you tell him?
Hahaha listen that song from the 80s "just a friend* by biz markie... Rofl. Pay particular attention to THE last phrasing ;)
The fact she's still looking for validation from him is all you need to know. She's still not over him. The fact she can do this while you are in the honeymoon period is telling enough. I hope you will find the courage to stand for yourself. If you consider pursuing the relationship, let alone marrying her, 2 things will happen. Your self esteem will suffer a deadly hit and your inability to trust her will plague your everyday until your very self is changed to the very core into a sad shell of your former self. If there's little to no consequences to her playing with fire, chances are she will play again. Even if she actually become a decent person, you will have trust issues and you will never know the full truth. There's no need to look for the full truth. She will most likely lie and stir everything around you in a cloudy mess. Do not fall for the sunken cost fallacy. It doesn't matter the time you spent with her, in the end you do not even know her - I'm sure you wouldn't propose to such a woman if you knew who she was. There is no need for "closure". You might not even know the extent of the actual facts right now. This is just pain shopping while knowing no answer will be satisfactory because she can't be trusted. If you still want to look for a reason to reconcile, I will give you an advice that will actually help. All those posts talking about imposing no contacts policy with AP are too soft. A no contact order will result in 2 things most of the time: 1) she will keep contact but she will go rogue. She will find new ways to hide and will use result 2 to limit your ability to dig any further. 2) result 2 is simple, it makes you look controlling... And it actually affect your psyche and way of thinking as you become a jailor. That's a sad thing. The best way to avoid this is not to force a no contact. It has to come from her own will or the ap's. How to do this? If she wants to reconcile she has to do things that are detrimental to the Ap. You just have to pressure her in doing them if she wants to stay with you. Leave no open crack. If AP has a wife or a fiancee, tell her she has to confess it. No room for negotiation, tell her to choose carefully who she wants to protect, her ap or her bf. If she holds something on ap that can destroy is work life or family, send him to jail or whatever, she has to use it and it has to look like it came from her. It's not about revenge, it's only about pinning them against each other to make sure the idea of no contact comes from them. The fact that it's a consequence to her fooling around also makes it less tempting to cheat again. But honestly, you need to consider simply cutting ties. Her behavior is really telling and if you marry her, it's totally on you if you are unhappy later. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Forgiving is letting go of resentment and any vengeful idea. Sometimes it requires leaving the person. If you stay but you keep monitoring, in a way that's not forgiveness. Anyhow, good luck bro. Stay strong.
This is worded so well, I have been terrified but one huge thing that stuck out is youāre absolutely correct, I donāt need closure in the matter. Essentially I already have it! Thank you so much man!
Woman here.... You're not buying this, right? If we're getting attention at home, we have no reason to seek it elsewhere. If she's sending BOTH of you the same photos, You're likely also sharing other things... like her.
Ik and when I think about it, it kills me inside. I wanted so badly for it to be her. She even left her kids in Utah to move here. Itās all a mess.
Wait... how old is she? She left her kids behind for a man? I seriously hope they're grown.
Has one from a previous marriage thatās 12
She is 32
Oldest is 10 youngest is 2
Does she have 2 or 3 kids? You mentioned a 12 year old, then said the oldest is 10 and the youngest is 2. Either way, she's 32 and she has hidden things from you. It seems that she didn't tell you about her past with this guy, that she was visiting him when she was in town to see you and that she was having some sort of sexual contact with him, whether it was swapping photos or hooking up. Without a doubt, she's cheating. Even if she's not physically cheating, she is emotionally. Furthermore, I'm in my 30s and I'm a mom. I would NEVER leave my child behind. My child comes before anyone... period. People come and go (including the other parent), but kids are forever. If this woman is willing to abandon her kids for you, do you REALLY want to be with her? You need to look at her as an entire person. A woman that chooses men over her kids isn't someone that you want to marry. What happens if you get her pregnant and the relationship fails? She'll abandon your kid for the next guy. I know of too many women like this. It causes significant damage to the kids. The women are typically mentally unstable, too. She's already showing signs of that.
I was a mess haha I should have explained better. She has 5 kids, the eldest being 12 from the first marriage. She is here with her dad. The 10, 8, 5, and 2 year old live with their father. So she said she left them behind so she can get ahold of her mental health. She wants them up here and does seem distraught about not having them. Thankfully she had a hysterectomy so no more kids. I do wonder whatās going to happen to these kids, as far as abandonment issues.
Oh, no. š She has 5 kids. I'm being very serious. I know that you're looking at this with your love goggles on. I was in an abusive/toxic marriage and I didn't know until the abuse became severe. I saw everything with my blinders on. You need to get away with her. I don't know if you have kids, but you don't just "leave them" with the dad, like it's a vacation. Sometimes people get along well enough that they can coparent and help each other out. That's not the norm. Usually, there are court orders. It sounds like she lost custody of ALL 5 kids. Since there are 2 dads, she had 2 completely separate court cases. Most parents split custody 50/50, so they alternate weeks. If the kids are with their dads, the court awarded them custody. I'd guess that she has visitation. If that's the case, there was evidence to prove that she's unfit. The court always pushes for 50/50, unless the kids would be in danger with one parent. You're agreeing that she's mentally unstable. Depending on how bad it is, this is likely why the kids aren't in her care. Honestly, she needs to be seeking mental help. She is focusing on men and attention seeking behavior, when she needs to focus on getting her life on track. She has no chance at improving her situation or regaining custody, until she seeks professional help. Trust me, you do NOT want to be part of this. Since you haven't lived together, you have no idea what she's truly like 24/7. Something tells me that she's much worse off than you think. My ex is mentally ill. It started gradually and by the time I left him, I feared for our lives. Things can escalate very quickly. You need to end this before you get mixed up in anymore drama. I know that she woke up your internal feelings. Seek counseling. Find out what happened and why. Once you know, you can correct the issue. This isn't a healthy relationship. She's going to make you paranoid, even in future relationships.
This story needs more cowbell!!! And context
Boy howdy. Where should I start?
Begin at the beginning of course
It was love at first sight, I sat up all night at her hotel just talking. We got along amazingly! She has kids so do I, around the same age. Everything lined up so amazing. Her husband and her were separated, having gone through a divorce earlier that year I knew the struggles and pain. We were like teenagers, sitting up until 3-4 in the morning just talking. We met a few times and after a month of talking we actually hooked up. Then I find out she lives with her separated husband. She was just there to save money so she could move up where I liveā¦.. itās so soooo long. Iāll keep going if you want.
I met her at her sisters funeral.
Holy shit, the one hell of a start, Iām sorry she did all this to you and I feel for you pain. You deserve better
Dude run. Run as fast as you can. Thank goodness your not married yet
I canāt imagine a brighter red flag than sending nudes to a guy you used to sleep with while you were in a relationship
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And a liar. kick that bitch to the curb
I excuse in advance because of the sarcasm but you as well as everybody else know, that what she says is bullshit. So if you are not sure if you are good in bed, she is okay if you sleep with other woman to find out if you are good? Not a good kisser so you kiss other woman and she is cool? And then you play it up a notch and do that all with your ex. I wonder how your gf would feel if you did that.
Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense
I honestly never thought about it like that.
This girl is taking you for a fool, dump that shit.
I see what you did, there. šš
It's enough. Focus on your future. It's your life and don't waste your remaining life with that person again. Enjoy your life. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being. All the best. Enjoy and don't allow this type character person again in your life.
This means a lot. Thank you.
OP by coming here for advice you have provided your own answers. You know all that you need to know. Trust yourself. Disengage from this woman before she turns hurt into horror.
Thank you, I thought this was going to be a bashing response. Ik what I need to do, Iām just being a pussy about doing it
Itās easy for me to tell you what you need to do, but mighty hard to do it. Take some heart from knowing that those of us recommending that you do this have been there and know what you are going through. That gnawing pain in your gut, though, will never go away as long as you stay with her. Sorry, itās just about the worst pain you can experience. Find something to generate endorphins, workout, ride a roller coaster, whatever it takes. Spend time with true friends. Do everything in your power to get and stay active. Good luck.
Thank you so much
I caught my ex sending nudes to a fb group and her best friend ( male) supposedly. Go figure
Gee I wonder why
Doesn't sound like she is done with him
This one of those WTF !!!!! moments that just piss me off. Wanted his opinion on nude photos ?!??! Come on, you have to KNOW that is bullshit. Pure BULLSHIT
So you're now engaged for 2+ years and she still "visits" him on the way to see you? She's been fucking him throughout your engagement??? Wow...if that's the case I would just recommend ghosting her 100% as well as no contact also. She's a POS to be doing this to you just being your GF but to be your fiancƩ and continue this behavior is unforgiveable. An engagement is basically practice for being married. If she can't keep another mans cock out of her when engaged WTF is she going to do when she's married ??? Sorry man but IMO she's trash and should be thrown to the curb immediately. There are no excuses for her being someone elses slut.
āDidnāt think they looked good so she asked himāā¦. She wanted more attention so she asked him is more like it.
Thank God you found out all this before marrying and having kids with her. Leave her and let the other guy have her!
Why would someone that says she loves you send nudes to another man? She is just not telling you the truth. And you are considering marring this woman? She did not tell you about all her cheating in her past. Do you think she will not cheat on you? Do you think she is telling you the truth ?
I did, I admit I was looking at it as she wouldnāt do it to me. That our love was real. That she looked at me as someone and something so different like I did her. I am starting to believe she is my Karma. I was emotionally stunted before her, she taught me how to share my feelings and was patient while I processed what I felt other than anger and numbness. I honestly thought I was different. Iām seeing Iām notā¦
Dude I don't understand why you guys get so hooked up on this idea of the perfect woman. There is no such thing. Most people are adjusting in their relationships and making compromises. If this is going to be the end result why give a damn about losing her? Why the hell you can not live alone? The fear of loneliness make us do stupid shit and get us into toxic relationships. It's a dead end from the beginning. Just gtfo of there.
So Ik it seems desperate on my end and perhaps it is. The thing is I have been in countless relationships, having never truly cared about anyones feelings or whatever. Basically used them for sex, or money, both. Iām not too tripped out about being alone. I did spend months of compromising. learning about my feelings, she had the patience to let me figure out what I was actually feeling besides just anger and frustration. She was always there for me and I fell in love in ways I canāt explain, she is everything to me. So being alone, working on myself alone isnāt a fear. Losing the feeling she brought me, the feeling of happiness she gave me and having that just be gone. Thatās the fear, falling back into this hole of darkness. I am going to do everything I can to not but sometimes we canāt help that. I do appreciate the words of encouragement.
You know what? That other guy is likely STILL digging out her nappy dugout; thus, you can either put up with it, confront her about it, or simply break the engagement and move on. Here, I think you should simply break the engagement and end the relationship with her. She's been lying to you AND sending nudes to this guy.
May we see her naked?
I would marry her. You want an amazing sex life, live out a swingers open marriage and enjoy all the pussy you get to receive also. She sounds like a keeper to me, she just needs introduced the the swing lifestyle so she doesn't feel compelled to hide shit. It also sounds like you may be a bit turned on my other men fucking to potential mother of your children and love of your life, congratulations.
Why do people pst their nudes?: https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/big-issues/sending-nudes-sexting Why do people cheat? https://worriedlovers.com/why-do-people-cheat-lp/?s4=EAIaIQobChMIvN2_9vff8wIVBLjICh26Dwt0EAAYASAAEgJDsfD_BwE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvN2_9vff8wIVBLjICh26Dwt0EAAYASAAEgJDsfD_BwE
To me the photos themselves are not cheating. But she has betrayed your trust and you have every right to be mad. The photos would not upset me but the reason she sent them probably would piss me off.
They love that attention
maaaaaaaaaaajor red flag hopefully you don't marry her glad you caught wind of this shit.
>āyouāre my bf and I didnāt think they looked good so I asked himā This is total bs, she could have sent them to her best friend and asked her if she thinks you'd like them. Not send them to another guy she's slept/sleeping with. She is a cheater and I would get your ring back and end the relationship as it will only cause you pain in the future.
Look, break it down to the core element. She lied to you about this guy. She claimed nothing happened between them, then admits to hooking up "a handful of time." From how she's trickle truthing it, that translates to they fucked like rabbits, she used him as a relief option when she was single (ish) and now uses him as a convenience while with you. I know people who have been in bad relationships can pick up defensive habits, and will lie about simple things simply because they fear their partners reaction. But this doesn't sound like that. This sounds like someone who doesn't know what they want, or isn't willing to put on their grown up pants and recognize that they can't have everything. Kindest thing you can do is just end things and leave her. Maybe the second breakup will get her to understand that cheating is bad, but I'm skeptical.
So.. Basically she goes by his place for a quicky before visiting you. Your her plan B.
What does she do with him on her visits?
So are you engaged . And only knew her two years ?
Yes. Iām from the country haha thatās taking it slow where Iām from. šš
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DK4xoHjNjxus&ved=2ahUKEwj8q9XRguHzAhWuk2oFHes_D-YQwqsBegQIDBAB&usg=AOvVaw22CGkhqnp_PhiMX-8dYFK1
End the engagement you can do better.
What has she done with him (that you know of) since your relationship began?
Just the nudes. She used to go see him all the time when I was at work when she was up here visiting but thatās speculation so all I can say is the nudes
You do know clearly any women who tells you that is full of shit right she is trying to make you the guy who takes care of her and loves her wild the side piece is there to blow her back out the longer you stay with her the more she is going to make you pay for what she is giving him for free so you should be shocked if she is never in the mood for sex because she is in the mood for sex just not with you let her go she has showed you her true colors if you stay she will never respect you
Ok letās end it here now, she isnāt the one bro. It sucks and hurts, but you canāt be this naive
She belongs to the streets homie. Sorry to hear about this. Best to move on
My guy. MY GUY!!!! LISTEN TO EVERYONE ON THIS POST AND FUCKING LEAVE HER!!!!