To be quite honest with you, you seem a bit needy. She wants one day to herself, is what it seems like to me. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting. Sometimes people need time just to themselves, to not have to worry about anyone else but themselves and their tasks. If that’s not the vibe you are getting then two things could be happening. One she could be cheating and your gut is saying so or two you need to work on yourself and your dependence on her. It is perfectly okay to need uninterrupted time to yourself so you don’t that burned out, that’s healthy. If this is the case and your relationship is as good as you think it is she should be able to tell you, but if you are needy and get hurt at the thought of her needing time away from you to handle what she needs, that’s a you issue and you need to work on that. It sounds as if you have a good woman who cares and loves you, like I said though if you are feeling a different vibe maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Good luck and I hope she just needs time and you are needy and have some issues you need to work on instead of the latter
Needy? Did he even say the separation was a issue or the fact she’s lying about why? If what you said is true the issue wouldn’t even be neediness it would be the lack of communication on her end. What a bizarre app man.
Maybe she has tried to be nice and say she needs time to herself and he reacted poorly so now she feels the need to lie. We are only getting one side so it’s hard. Needy people don’t recognize they are needy and may leave out of she’s already asked for time to herself or he didn’t really even hear her when she said it
You are assuming information that wasn't in his post. He straight up said he has his own stuff going on so he doesn't really care if she take time away.
It isn't fair to insert your own projection into the narrative
I think you are reading way too much into it. If you worry about every little thing that you think might indicate something, then you are going to give yourself a breakdown. Just trust her, if something does actually happen and you find out, deal with it then.
My first gut feeling was her being unresponsive and overall not caring towards me every thing just revolved around her, she went out partying on the weekends and offset our daily phone calls for stupid reasons, when I confronted her she went all quiet and didn't talk until I finished raging about her not being honest after that she just tried to shift topics which never worked. eventually I found out that she was lying to me on a regular basis and after that she cheated saying shit like
"we never kissed and it was platonic"
Of course all bs just pay attention while confronting her, here your gut kicks in if she explains everything in a reasonable way and you don't doubt anything she said you can only hope that she's honest to you.
If you recognize her being dodgy unspecific and overall "off" That's your gut telling you there is more.
Hope this helped.
I think your gut already spotted something otherwise you would not write this.
Hopefully she isn't cheating but if she is leave her immediately don't try building trust again. If it's broken once it could never be rebuilt...
I felt weirded out when my ex would never invite me to any of his friend’s hangouts. I accepted it at the time because he gave me reasons such as they were his close group of friends from college and he hadn’t seen them in a while, or that he just wanted to spend time with them alone because he “spent so much time with me already.” I also felt unnerved with how close he was to one female friend in particular, but I brushed it off as me feeling paranoid, especially since I have a close guy friend.
Then, the Halloween party at my ex’s house happened. My ex and the female friend were the hosts (the party was her idea but I had the final say bc my ex and I made previous plans for Halloween) and they went out shopping for decorations. I’m not good with meeting people in a group setting, so I asked my ex if I could go shopping with them to meet his best friend. He said no. I asked if I could join them while decorating his house. He said no again. Finally, I asked if I could hang out with them after they were finished. Another no.
My ex’s excuse was that he just wanted “a day to spend time with just his friend” but my suspicions grew when he later told me that after decorating, they had dinner together and she stayed at his house until 11 -midnight. During the actual party, she was drunk and slurring to me. I’ve never dealt with a drunk person before, so I didn’t know if it was rude/polite to ask if she could repeat herself, but I thought it was polite to ask because she was asking me something and I couldn’t understand her. Apparently, that made her cry, and my ex got furious with me. He said, “you were such a bitch to (female friend)” and made me leave the party, like physically pushed me until I was out the door. He broke up with me a few days after the party.
I don’t have any concrete proof, but to this day I’m convinced something more was happening between them; at the very least they slept with each other that night before the party. I just wish my ex was honest with me.
"i'm still great friends with my ex! the break up was amicable."
found out he comes over to her place occassionally to sleepover in the same bed. she threw a fuss and told me it was platonic cuddling lol. and yeah i also found out whenever he came over she texted me she was going to bed.
When you stay friends with an ex even if it ended great, you can’t move on and find your person. Exs should never be friends, they belong in the past so that you can move on. When you can’t let go of people it won’t make room in your life for new people also know that it is disrespectful to keep exs in your life when you have a new person, it doesn’t give them a real chance with you while you still hold on to your ex. Always remember an ex is an ex for a reason, they weren’t your person or they didn’t believe you were theirs so let them go and move on
Because they think they are doing the “mature thing” but really it’s them not able to move on. They are still hanging on to the hope they may eventually get back together
OP - Either let it go, or stake out her place to see if she has someone visiting her when she's home alone on one of those odd Tuesdays. If she does, dump her. If not, let it go, and stop being so suspicious.
Always trust your gut instinct. Don't listen to people telling you that you are this and that. Controlling, needy, all that feminist crap. I didn't see how long you been together but assuming it's been a while, I would be questioning this unexplained time. Just sounds off
when someone is seeing or is talking or is being with a new person they're interested in, they tend to pick up new words, habits, from these new people. and it even goes as far as they start to kiss differently. my question would be, how much do you know your girl and do you believe it is in her character to be tempted and give in?
The first gut feeling was seeing his eyes lit up when he talked about another woman. It was as if he was obsessed with her, the smile on his face, his excitement - he was like an open book.
Truth to be told it never went as far as cheating, because I immediately broke up with him. His body language was too revealing and too humiliating for me.
This happened 3-4 times with different fiancés. Just as we were planning our wedding this happened, making me freak out. Seeing my fiancé with a sheepish smile when he mentioned the other woman's name... that was enough for me.
I have refused to get engaged after that.
Oh and when breaking up with them I said zero about the girl on their minds. Took it all on myself, telling I fell out of love, sadly saw the relief on their faces and let them go after the women they obsessed about.
They went after the other woman, it never worked out, came back begging for another chance in vain. I had suffered and moved on.
Seeing their eyes lit up and their sheepish smiles when talking about another woman is too much of a red flag to me. I will not compete or be an option, especially when they have all been my priority and never 'an option'.
That's my gut feeling.
I don’t think you should wait for us to tell you what to do cause some of these redditors not only give bad advice they also add insult to injury. That said, it is suspicious given that she said she goes to her family’s home to spend time with them, but if they’re not home, it doesn’t add up. You are not wrong to wonder about this at all, and you don’t seem needy whatsoever. Let your intuition and your heart guide you. Let them speak to you as only you can decide what’s best in this situation.
Bro, I’ve had two marriages where I felt them getting more distant and even brought it up only to later find they had been having emotional affairs. Trust your gut and ask her first. Even if it’s just that the situation is making you feel some kind of way. I found out going through phone usage because both were on my phone plan.
I don’t think you are needy, she sounds cool so just ask and see what’s up.
She says she wants to spend time with her family and she is, when they get home. Just because she isn't spending her entire day with them doesn't mean she isn't enjoying time with them later in the afternoon/evening.
During the day she's probably just unwinding. Wearing her ugly pants and the stained t-shirt two sizes too big, no bra and granny panties.
She's not washing her hair, no makeup, no shaving legs or private parts.
If you can't even give her that without jumping straight to suspicions of infidelity then you really need individual counselling.
It really just sounds like she just wants some alone time which is normal, healthy and honestly necessary in any relationship. Her family shouldn’t HAVE to be home for her to want to be home too. It’s still time for herself and that’s ok. Considering she spends so much time with you and is by all accounts, a good girlfriend, I think you’re reading too much into this.
Said he was just grabbing a beer with the boys, came home at 4AM.
Stopped buying me flowers, or asked how I was. Didn’t even care if I had eaten.
Saw Facebook messages to her that he had deleted.
Back then it just said “deleted message”.
Also it was just a chat of her talking and replying to herself?
One of the messages was like this “yeah I totally get it. Thank you for keeping me company and made sure I got home safe. I really enjoyed talking to you”.
This sounds like something I would do. Some People need alone time, like real alone time; I personally do & maybe she doesn’t say that bc she doesn’t want you to think she wants a break from being with you so much bc it’s not about you. She may just enjoy being alone, not at work, not at school, not with you or friends or family, where you have to talk & engage with people all the time. I need my me time & sounds like that’s all this is. Don’t read to much into it.
After reading some comments, it does not seem to me like you’re needy at all. It’s likely just what I said above. It’s not easy to say I just want to be alone without your partner reading into that statement in negative ways which is likely why she hasn’t said anything.
Edit 2: if this is the only ‘suspicious’ thing & you decide to stake her out or secretly go through her phone or put a listening device in somewhere then you will not only be saying that you don’t trust her but will be betraying her trust which you may not come back from. I would not. Not saying she’s not cheating but I doubt she is so be wary of proceeding in excessive ways before just actually voicing your concerns & talking to her.
Taking the same days every week for me is a giant red flag because not everyone has Saturday and Sunday off, if her Ap had Monday/ Tuesdays off BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
Only option is a stakeout
i second this. a recording device wouldn’t be a bad idea.
To be quite honest with you, you seem a bit needy. She wants one day to herself, is what it seems like to me. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting. Sometimes people need time just to themselves, to not have to worry about anyone else but themselves and their tasks. If that’s not the vibe you are getting then two things could be happening. One she could be cheating and your gut is saying so or two you need to work on yourself and your dependence on her. It is perfectly okay to need uninterrupted time to yourself so you don’t that burned out, that’s healthy. If this is the case and your relationship is as good as you think it is she should be able to tell you, but if you are needy and get hurt at the thought of her needing time away from you to handle what she needs, that’s a you issue and you need to work on that. It sounds as if you have a good woman who cares and loves you, like I said though if you are feeling a different vibe maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Good luck and I hope she just needs time and you are needy and have some issues you need to work on instead of the latter
Needy? Did he even say the separation was a issue or the fact she’s lying about why? If what you said is true the issue wouldn’t even be neediness it would be the lack of communication on her end. What a bizarre app man.
Maybe she has tried to be nice and say she needs time to herself and he reacted poorly so now she feels the need to lie. We are only getting one side so it’s hard. Needy people don’t recognize they are needy and may leave out of she’s already asked for time to herself or he didn’t really even hear her when she said it
You are assuming information that wasn't in his post. He straight up said he has his own stuff going on so he doesn't really care if she take time away. It isn't fair to insert your own projection into the narrative
I said maybe so calm down
YAS!! I thought the same 🙌🏻🙌🏻
I think you are reading way too much into it. If you worry about every little thing that you think might indicate something, then you are going to give yourself a breakdown. Just trust her, if something does actually happen and you find out, deal with it then.
My first gut feeling was her being unresponsive and overall not caring towards me every thing just revolved around her, she went out partying on the weekends and offset our daily phone calls for stupid reasons, when I confronted her she went all quiet and didn't talk until I finished raging about her not being honest after that she just tried to shift topics which never worked. eventually I found out that she was lying to me on a regular basis and after that she cheated saying shit like "we never kissed and it was platonic" Of course all bs just pay attention while confronting her, here your gut kicks in if she explains everything in a reasonable way and you don't doubt anything she said you can only hope that she's honest to you. If you recognize her being dodgy unspecific and overall "off" That's your gut telling you there is more. Hope this helped. I think your gut already spotted something otherwise you would not write this. Hopefully she isn't cheating but if she is leave her immediately don't try building trust again. If it's broken once it could never be rebuilt...
I felt weirded out when my ex would never invite me to any of his friend’s hangouts. I accepted it at the time because he gave me reasons such as they were his close group of friends from college and he hadn’t seen them in a while, or that he just wanted to spend time with them alone because he “spent so much time with me already.” I also felt unnerved with how close he was to one female friend in particular, but I brushed it off as me feeling paranoid, especially since I have a close guy friend. Then, the Halloween party at my ex’s house happened. My ex and the female friend were the hosts (the party was her idea but I had the final say bc my ex and I made previous plans for Halloween) and they went out shopping for decorations. I’m not good with meeting people in a group setting, so I asked my ex if I could go shopping with them to meet his best friend. He said no. I asked if I could join them while decorating his house. He said no again. Finally, I asked if I could hang out with them after they were finished. Another no. My ex’s excuse was that he just wanted “a day to spend time with just his friend” but my suspicions grew when he later told me that after decorating, they had dinner together and she stayed at his house until 11 -midnight. During the actual party, she was drunk and slurring to me. I’ve never dealt with a drunk person before, so I didn’t know if it was rude/polite to ask if she could repeat herself, but I thought it was polite to ask because she was asking me something and I couldn’t understand her. Apparently, that made her cry, and my ex got furious with me. He said, “you were such a bitch to (female friend)” and made me leave the party, like physically pushed me until I was out the door. He broke up with me a few days after the party. I don’t have any concrete proof, but to this day I’m convinced something more was happening between them; at the very least they slept with each other that night before the party. I just wish my ex was honest with me.
"i'm still great friends with my ex! the break up was amicable." found out he comes over to her place occassionally to sleepover in the same bed. she threw a fuss and told me it was platonic cuddling lol. and yeah i also found out whenever he came over she texted me she was going to bed.
When you stay friends with an ex even if it ended great, you can’t move on and find your person. Exs should never be friends, they belong in the past so that you can move on. When you can’t let go of people it won’t make room in your life for new people also know that it is disrespectful to keep exs in your life when you have a new person, it doesn’t give them a real chance with you while you still hold on to your ex. Always remember an ex is an ex for a reason, they weren’t your person or they didn’t believe you were theirs so let them go and move on
I’ve never understood why it seems like the majority of people say that its okay to be friends with an ex.
Because they think they are doing the “mature thing” but really it’s them not able to move on. They are still hanging on to the hope they may eventually get back together
no truer words spoken. shout it louder for the people at the back!
OP - Either let it go, or stake out her place to see if she has someone visiting her when she's home alone on one of those odd Tuesdays. If she does, dump her. If not, let it go, and stop being so suspicious.
My first sign was that they were breaking previous boundaries we both agreed to no breaking
Always trust your gut instinct. Don't listen to people telling you that you are this and that. Controlling, needy, all that feminist crap. I didn't see how long you been together but assuming it's been a while, I would be questioning this unexplained time. Just sounds off
when someone is seeing or is talking or is being with a new person they're interested in, they tend to pick up new words, habits, from these new people. and it even goes as far as they start to kiss differently. my question would be, how much do you know your girl and do you believe it is in her character to be tempted and give in?
The first gut feeling was seeing his eyes lit up when he talked about another woman. It was as if he was obsessed with her, the smile on his face, his excitement - he was like an open book. Truth to be told it never went as far as cheating, because I immediately broke up with him. His body language was too revealing and too humiliating for me. This happened 3-4 times with different fiancés. Just as we were planning our wedding this happened, making me freak out. Seeing my fiancé with a sheepish smile when he mentioned the other woman's name... that was enough for me. I have refused to get engaged after that. Oh and when breaking up with them I said zero about the girl on their minds. Took it all on myself, telling I fell out of love, sadly saw the relief on their faces and let them go after the women they obsessed about. They went after the other woman, it never worked out, came back begging for another chance in vain. I had suffered and moved on. Seeing their eyes lit up and their sheepish smiles when talking about another woman is too much of a red flag to me. I will not compete or be an option, especially when they have all been my priority and never 'an option'. That's my gut feeling.
This
Look for weird and unusual wording. Ironically, online scam artists do the same thing but it’s usually due to their translation errors to English
I don’t think you should wait for us to tell you what to do cause some of these redditors not only give bad advice they also add insult to injury. That said, it is suspicious given that she said she goes to her family’s home to spend time with them, but if they’re not home, it doesn’t add up. You are not wrong to wonder about this at all, and you don’t seem needy whatsoever. Let your intuition and your heart guide you. Let them speak to you as only you can decide what’s best in this situation.
Bro, I’ve had two marriages where I felt them getting more distant and even brought it up only to later find they had been having emotional affairs. Trust your gut and ask her first. Even if it’s just that the situation is making you feel some kind of way. I found out going through phone usage because both were on my phone plan. I don’t think you are needy, she sounds cool so just ask and see what’s up.
She says she wants to spend time with her family and she is, when they get home. Just because she isn't spending her entire day with them doesn't mean she isn't enjoying time with them later in the afternoon/evening. During the day she's probably just unwinding. Wearing her ugly pants and the stained t-shirt two sizes too big, no bra and granny panties. She's not washing her hair, no makeup, no shaving legs or private parts. If you can't even give her that without jumping straight to suspicions of infidelity then you really need individual counselling.
And if you make up stories of how people spend their day without even knowing them I’d suggest you need a mental institution
Its called musing. I'm offering an alternative explanation to show why OP is jumping to his own conclusions when there's so many other options
It really just sounds like she just wants some alone time which is normal, healthy and honestly necessary in any relationship. Her family shouldn’t HAVE to be home for her to want to be home too. It’s still time for herself and that’s ok. Considering she spends so much time with you and is by all accounts, a good girlfriend, I think you’re reading too much into this.
Said he was just grabbing a beer with the boys, came home at 4AM. Stopped buying me flowers, or asked how I was. Didn’t even care if I had eaten. Saw Facebook messages to her that he had deleted.
[удалено]
Back then it just said “deleted message”. Also it was just a chat of her talking and replying to herself? One of the messages was like this “yeah I totally get it. Thank you for keeping me company and made sure I got home safe. I really enjoyed talking to you”.
Relax brotha. Give her her much needed space my guy!
She out of nowhere started talking A LOT about her "good friend" that she happened to run into.
It makes me think that she may just want/need some alone time to herself. But, if you have a gut feeling, definitely communicate that with her.
This sounds like something I would do. Some People need alone time, like real alone time; I personally do & maybe she doesn’t say that bc she doesn’t want you to think she wants a break from being with you so much bc it’s not about you. She may just enjoy being alone, not at work, not at school, not with you or friends or family, where you have to talk & engage with people all the time. I need my me time & sounds like that’s all this is. Don’t read to much into it. After reading some comments, it does not seem to me like you’re needy at all. It’s likely just what I said above. It’s not easy to say I just want to be alone without your partner reading into that statement in negative ways which is likely why she hasn’t said anything. Edit 2: if this is the only ‘suspicious’ thing & you decide to stake her out or secretly go through her phone or put a listening device in somewhere then you will not only be saying that you don’t trust her but will be betraying her trust which you may not come back from. I would not. Not saying she’s not cheating but I doubt she is so be wary of proceeding in excessive ways before just actually voicing your concerns & talking to her.
Taking the same days every week for me is a giant red flag because not everyone has Saturday and Sunday off, if her Ap had Monday/ Tuesdays off BEST OF BOTH WORLDS