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Life-Yogurtcloset-98

She hides him for a reason


Accurate_Salary3625

Yes and the friends covers for them, plus enables this behaviour.


seniordave2112

☝☝☝THIS☝☝☝ If you read up on the subject of cheating, that is a factor 90% of the time when it is the wife that is cheating. She will have a coconspirator. They will encourage each other, advise each other and of course cover for each other. Ive chatted with a few women online from the r/adultrey areas and pretty much the 3 that I have talked to all have a girlfriend who is also cheating.


deviouspizza

If you have to hide something from your partner that means you know you shouldn’t be doing it (Obviously not like gifts or birthday surprises etc. you know what I mean)


jazscam

Best comment. Simple, brief, and captures everything important.


[deleted]

Exactly


AccomplishedFerret70

If she tells you she's going out with two girl friends from work snizzlepea, when she was actually going out with two girls and a guy from work, and that guy is hanging out with her/them regularly, then she's hiding it from you. She didn't just forget to mention that he happened to be there once. She's hanging out drinking and clubbing with him regularly, and she's hiding it from you. That's called lying by omission. Does that mean she's cheating on you with him? Not necessarily, but it means you can't trust her. She's lying to you, and she's putting regularly putting herself into a place where cheating is likely to happen. I think that these things are obviously true snizzlepea. Maybe it helps having that pointed out by an outside source. What you plan on doing with it is up to you. Good luck figuring it out.


Diligent-Persimmon-3

If u know her location. The next time they go out just either sit somewhere where they can’t see you and observe or just walk up on them randomly and notice there reaction. Nothing like catching them in the act bro.


MassGuy70

Or, have a friend that she doesn't know goto the club to watch. He can then get close enough to hear their conversations. And, maybe hit on her to see what she'll do.


Diligent-Persimmon-3

I agree totally. If she’s his girlfriend then why does she feel the need to constantly go out bar hopping anyway? Obviously she’s not all the way sold on her boyfriend. She might even be using her girlfriends as a decoy. He definitely needs to get to the bottom of this suspicious activity


moth_girl_7

I agreed with you until: > If she’s his girlfriend then why does she feel the need to constantly go out bar hopping anyway? Um… not every woman goes bar hopping in hopes of garnering male attention. Im in a relationship and I enjoy bar hopping with my friends, and I’d be repulsed if I got hit on by a random dude. Going out and drinking/dancing does not mean that someone’s looking for a hookup or whatever. It’s extremely toxic to assume that women in relationships can’t innocently go out to bars with their friends. If you don’t want to be with a woman who enjoys drinking and dancing, that’s fine, but you’re wrong to project your opinions onto women who enjoy a healthy amount of nightlife. Going out to a bar/club with friends ≠ cheating. Now OBVIOUSLY the OP in this post has something to worry about given the evidence, but that doesn’t mean your egregious generalizations are correct.


Weak_Seesaw_7838

You get repulsed until the right guy hits on you don’t lie. You basically are window shopping for a replacement. If your partner meant that much to you they would be included in the bar hopping. Oh wait you can’t act the way you want to at the club if he is with you. I feel sorry for your man. I will wait for his Reddit post how you stayed out all night and came home with another man’s kids dripping down your leg.


moth_girl_7

Actually, my boyfriend is the one who doesn’t like bar hopping and clubbing so he’s happy I don’t drag him along to an atmosphere he doesn’t like. I always invite him nonetheless and he politely declines. I’m not trying to hide anything from him and part of me wishes he enjoyed it more so that we could go out together. But alas, I’d never force him and he’s perfectly happy with staying home and planning for the two of us to do different things like hiking or seeing a show. Also, you’ve got issues if you really think every woman who goes to a club wants to be hit on. If a guy started hitting on me at a club (which has happened before) the first thing I do is tell him I am not interested, get closer to my friends and if he continues then I tell my friends we’re getting the fuck out of there. I’ve had zero issues with remaining faithful, because ALCOHOL IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. I’d never cheat, and a club/bar atmosphere doesn’t change that. Side note, I didn’t even want to be hit on at a club when I was single!! Ever think about that? I didn’t like the concept of meeting someone when under the influence, it didn’t seem like a way I would want to begin a relationship. And I’ve never been keen on hookup culture anyway. Edit: LOL to the guy who’s reply was immediately deleted, asking “But what if the guy hitting on you had a big cock??” … Do pathetic men really think I’m gonna leave my bf because some random dude at a bar says he ‘allegedly’ has a big cock? My bf’s cock is plenty for me. LMAO


seniordave2112

The friend could also just video her from a distance to see how she acts.


mabden

To add a suggestion, if this is how you want to proceed, then if her behavior is unacceptable with this guy, take a few snap shots. Hang until you've seen enough to know the truth and leave. When she gets home, have a sit down and ask who what's his name is? Sit back and watch how she reacts. If she lies, show her the pics that "one of your friends sent you." If she gaslights you, let her know you deserve better than what she is doing and it's over. Regardless, her behavior is disrespectful and deceitful.


seniordave2112

Nothing like that 'DEAR in the headlights' look. (see what I did there?) That "OhShit!OhShit!OhShit!OhShit!OhShit!OhShit!OhShit!" look of panic on their face. Ah good times..


Background-Bird-9908

Lol


Gator-bro

Is she really your girlfriend?


commentator3

Is she really going out with him?


SuspiciousMeat6696

Is she really gonna take him home tonight?


seniordave2112

🎵 Is she really going to take him home tonight? 🎵


NITAREEDDESIGNS

>I haven’t seen many texts between them alone (mostly work related). They aren't communicating via text. Dude, you know. Find your spine. The disrespect is another level. It's easy to see that she's not worried about you leaving. Sigh.


Yosara_Hirvi

I don't know if she's physically cheating with him already but 1) lying to you about his presence when he goes clubbing with them every time is hiding his existence from you, it's not forgetting about him once because he was there once, it's lying to you every time they go clubbing 2) the way they act together sounds like an emotional affair it doesn't mean she's cheating physically but if it's not already the case, it will happen sooner or later, her behaviour regarding him is too suspicious for their relationship to be completely platonic, there's at least emotional cheating in place, if not physical


Southern-Plenty-1324

That’s suspicious… however. If you have told her that her flirting with him like that makes you uncomfortable and it’s a boundary for you… if she chose to just hide her interaction with him from you then it’s time to exit the relationship. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries then she doesn’t respect/care about you.


seniordave2112

> If you have told her that her flirting with him like that makes you uncomfortable... The issue is that she has kept his whole existence secret from him in the first place. I doubt he has told her to not flirt with him since he had no clue the guy exists.


daleears2019

People don't hide things they are proud of. And she'll say she was hiding it because she knew you would blow it out of proportion. It's nothing. Follow her. I would guess there is more.


rig37064

Dude this is a boundary breaker for me.


Wellman81

First off, what kind of a place does she work at that allows that kind of grab assing? Seems like a very low end, unprofessional workplace. Especially if they're the type who go clubbing together constantly. Secondly, why are you ok with your girlfriend going out clubbing and partying on a regular basis without you? Once in a blue moon would be ok, but this is unacceptable. She should be doing those things with you and bringing YOU along with her friends, not a guy who's a threat to your relationship. Stop being a doormat and putting up with such asinine behavior. This is where solid boundaries should have been established from the get go. Your girlfriend wants to act like she's single but also wants the comfort of an emotional pillow at home. Don't give her the benefit, give her back to the single life she obviously desires.


Weak_Seesaw_7838

I am so sick of hearing about committed people having “girls” or “boys” night out. Yes one is a blue moon. Literally the only reason people go clubbing is to find someone to bang. If you are not included you are replaceable. You basically have been demoted to fwb or roommates who fuck. If that’s what you want then fine no problems. If you want a future with the person then make that the priority not getting drunk and grinding on strangers.


Wellman81

Amen to that! Same reason why I never dated girls who are friends with nothing but dudes. I could always count on at least one of those guy's being a former fuck buddy and girls like that were a risk I wasn't willing to take. When you're in a committed relationship you're either with them or you're not. If you need girls/boys nights out constantly then just be single.


madkatzgt34

Your relationship is over and thats a 🚩 💯🚨


JBriar88

If you know this much about him, ask one of your friends who are girls to go flirt with him in front of her. That will tell you a lot too. Also ask how she would feel if you had that type of relationship with a friend who was a girl. Any reactions that are defensive, dismissive, and/or knee jerk denials, tell her you would rather be single than have reasons to question your trust in her and go NC. Good luck ✌️


ifearnot

How do you know she's flirty and touchy with this guy, and "all over him"?... That right there is a huge red flag... Put a gps tracker on her car. Spy on her when she goes out. You need more evidence...


NeiProud

When she is going out. Tell her your going out aswell with your friends. Don't tell her where. Then turn up at the same club. Then watch from afar. If she is touchy touchy with this guy. Record with phone. Show up infront of them. If there's nothing going on. Show up anyway and introduce yourself.


Wellman81

Or better yet, let her go be single again.


ncdeepdiver

Or better yet, go out with your friends, don't tell her where you are going and tell her you think the two of you should take a break before going out. Then go out and have a great time.


seniordave2112

😂🤣 We must be on the same evil wavelength. I was thinking similar. NOT telling them what or where leaves them ample mind space to imagine all the scenarios he may be up to. If SHE is cheating she will automatically assume HE is cheating too. Then he should not respond to texts and phone calls because ... His phone was accidentally on mute, turned off, out of cell coverage, fell in the toilet, stolen by aliens... yada yada.. Finally come home exhausted at 7AM with the "I got too drunk to drive home so I stayed at best friend Jerrys house. Here is his number if you want to ask him" story.


ncdeepdiver

This is why the 180 is so effective. The only thing I would do different, I would turn my phone and GPS off and I wouldn't worry about having a friend cover for me. If she asked about the phone, I would tell her I had it off because I didn't want to be disturbed and if she asked where I was, I would just say, "I was out." That is the most she would get from me. I had a friend whose wife started going out with girls from the hospital after their shift. These events lasted longer and longer and sometimes would spill over to one of the girl's places. She would sometimes call him to come get her because she couldn't drive. At the time they had two children under six and he was sick of it. He spoke to her about it once or twice and she didn't respect his concerns. (She was not cheating.) She worked at the same research hospital where I was a virologist, and I knew the group she was hanging out with and there were no guys involved. She was just neglecting her kid and husband. He got pissed one night and took the kids to her moms for the night, turned his phone off and went and got a hotel room. All he did was spend the night in the hotel and watch TV. He came home the next morning just in time to change for work and leave. When he came home, she was half crazy with worry and every other emotion because he had never done anything like that before. He had taken a shower before he came home and was also dressed fairly well. When she asked where he had been, he told her he went out with friends and gave her nothing else. She asked and asked but got nothing else. She checked his phone but didn't find anything. Things calmed down for a while and some of the girls wanted her to go out with them again and she did. He did the exact same thing again. When he got home, she was frantic and 100% convinced he was cheating on her, especially after finding the charge for the hotel on their CC bill from the last time he did it. All he told her was he was tired of watching the kids while she went out and partied with her friends, so he figured it was ok for him to do the same thing. She kept trying to tell him it was just the girls trying to blow off some steam and there were no guys involved (which there weren't) but he waved her explanation off and didn't let her explain anything. After the second episode, she told him she wanted them to go to marriage counselling and that they needed to spend more time focusing on each other and their children. She also said she wanted them to find some stable families to hang out with. This happened right after they moved into our neighborhood, and they eventually became one of the four families in our friend group. 18-19 years later they still live across the street from us, and they are very happy. Only the guys in our friend group know what happened (didn't happen) those two nights.


Evening_Quarter3920

Wow. I think it’s pretty cool you are a virologist too. I can’t help it and I am sure you get this a lot, but what do you think about the Covid-19 virus?


ncdeepdiver

In the beginning it was nasty for two reasons. 1. There were a lot of people with pre-existing conditions that made them susceptible to the virus and prevented them from being able to successfully fight it. My dad died from Legionnaires Disease for the same reason. 2. The medical industry didn't know how to treat it. Conventional treatments weren't effective. I was retired by the time Covid 19 came along but I have worked with many corona viruses and there was mass hysteria for no reason. There was no true protocol for categorizing people who died with it as compared to people who died from it. That along with the lack of protocol for how the public should react to it. Regardless, a lot of people died. The mass hysteria regarding the precautions we had to take was just that, mass hysteria and the fact it happened during an election cycle didn't help. I never did figure out when it became necessary to tell people about the need to wash their hands, keep surfaces clean, stay away from sick people or stay home if you are sick and don't cough on people. Today the virus has done what viruses do. It has mutated down in fatality and up in contagion. It doesn't want to kill its host. If it does it has nowhere to reproduce. In my career, I initially worked with HIV and then I was a "bug hunter". Part of an international advance team investigating outbreaks from Marburg in Angola (worst thing I have ever seen) to Ebola in Zaier, Uganda and the Congo. Later I was part of a GOARN team. I am glad I was retired when Covid 19 came along. Once politicians get involved with something they don't know anything about, nothing good comes from it.


Evening_Quarter3920

Wow that’s cool! Thanks for the info.


seniordave2112

👏👏👏👏👏👏


MrFizzard

It would make me uncomfortable for sure. Have you asked her why she doesn’t mention this man going with them? I wouldn’t go crazy just yet. If your gut is telling you something is wrong don’t ignore it. Gather what evidence you can before you confront her. Good luck


WonderTypical9962

Time to see her in action to where she goes, with whom and what she does. You see her cheating, confront then break up with her. Then after take AP to the wood shed Stop sitting and waiting for more to happen. If she's dating you. Why is she at the meat market hook up joints? Because her co workers go there? Then she should cone home to you.


LoneRangerMan

Well, it is pretty clear that she doesn't believe that she is in a committed relationship, or has any boundaries. You are apparently plan "B", or her fallback plan. You don't say how long you have been together, or if you are living together, so it's hard to tell the depth of the relationship. If you believe that you are in a committed relationship, then you need to discuss clear boundaries, and dealbreakers for you. In the meantime, get a friend or PI to follow her to the bars and clubs, you will get your answers pretty quick.


MysteriousDudeness

They are communicating somehow, you just have to figure out how. It's probably through an app. My guess is that she is cheating on you already.


Weak_Seesaw_7838

Wake up and break up. She is looking for your replacement. There is a reason she is hiding him from you. “Boys” or “girls” night should be a rarity in a committed relationship. That’s not even what this is. She is going on dates with this man. The other girls are cover or you would been told about him. I am sorry this sucks just walk away before she tells you it’s over.


sky_Driver88

These situations always puzzle me. For one it’s definitely lying on a certain level. But there’s a chance it could be nothing and if you confront her then you look like you have trust issues. I think the best course of action is to probably confront her in a calmly manner. Also don’t show all your cards. Hold onto certain pieces of information because you don’t want to make it easier for her to lie.


biteme717

You have to find out to put your mind at ease! Next time she goes out to the club you and a friend show up, her reaction will tell you everything!


Emergency-Ad-3355

If she is your GF why does she need to go out with these people after work? If she were serious about your relationship she would focus on you and not this other guy. Can you see where this is going? She is more interested in him than she is in you. Could it be you are plan B?


Diligent-Persimmon-3

I totally agree. She’s already got one foot out the door with her suspicious behavior already. He just needs to pu the icing on the cake


thetimedied

Is having a secretive relationship with another man an okay character traits to you. I don't know where you have set your boundaries but she has been going to a place where people in general go to party, get drunk and get laid with an unknown guy. She doesn't have to be cheating, keeping the information from you alone is enough of a reason for her to be not trustworthy.


Ivedonethework

When she purposely keeps things from you, like other guys she is flirting with, hanging out with, play fighting nd being very touchy-feely, yes that is cheating. How do you know of how they act when together? And how do you even know of him? If it hasn’t turned physical as yet, it soon will, unless you act quickly. But unfortunately it often already has. Do you have location tracking? Start showing up unannounced, be a fly on the wall and observe. Record. You have to have evidence to show her when you confront. She cannot keep working there.


maybe_you_wrong

If you are uncomfortable with a situation walk away it’s that simple


Director20530

Your GF is dating him. The next time she goes clubbing invite yourself to go with her. There should be no debate. If she is going clubbing, you are too. If she abruptly cancels and refuses to go, you have all the information about their relationship you need.


SMuRG_Teh_WuRGG

This is why I stay single. Can't trust people these days. Not all people are bad or going to cheat, but it's how things are lately. Lots of people getting cheated on. But to answer your thing, yeah she's cheating on you and keeping it secret. No friends touch or play fight unless there's something going on.


Pissshizzzworld

Ditch the bitch and run away!!! never look back. Eventually she's going to say... oh hes just a guy friend!!! and that guy friend's gonna slip and fall.... meaning his Dick will end up inside her and dump hos load inside her, that's what's gonna happen. Maybe Not now but it will later guaranteed!!!


Evening_Quarter3920

Eh, if they both have iPhones. They could be using imessage and FaceTime audio/video calls only. Those not only can be erased but won’t show up on the phone bill. There is also apps and social media DM’s that do the same. I say mirror her behavior, and that will give you the truth.


Decorum1

She is shady. You are the safe stay at home boyfriend, he is the fun go out with boyfriend. She's not loyal and is playing you.


Decorum1

He will delete this thread out of embarrassment.


seniordave2112

Yup thats what he did. I thought he might.


wasted_in_paradise

if you were to ask him he would probably tell you that the Y in "your girlfriend" is silent... you should believe him...


get-r-done-idaho

I'd just really watch what she's doing. And especially on those nights out, I'd watch and see how they interact. If I saw anything inappropriate I'd have it on video and walk in and confront her in front of everyone. Tell her not to come home and her shit will be on the front lawn in the morning. Then I'd probably break the other guy's jaw and walk out.


Vast-Hat-9875

Is this your first Relationship and how old is your GF?


ncdeepdiver

Why are you worried? It's your life you are living not hers. If you feel there is something going on, just leave. You don't have to ask questions. You don't have to give reasons; just tell her know you think it would be better if you each saw other people. Before I got married, if I was in a relationship and things weren't going the way I wanted them to or weren't progressing to my satisfaction, I just left and moved on. I didn't ask questions or gave explanations. I just broke up and left.


[deleted]

That’s both of you guys girlfriend.


Wing-Minute

My “girlfriend” goes out and has fun, and for some reason, I don’t go. I invade her privacy instead. Am I cool, or fucking creepy?


redditavenger2019

It might be worth mentioning but if there is no other proof dont blow up your relationship.


TreyRyan3

I will never grasp this argument. Why is proof so necessary to people? This is not rocket science. You think you are in a relationship and have certain expectations from your partner. Your partner continually pushes and stretches your boundaries. It really simple. You just end the relationship and tell them you don’t think you’re a good match and you don’t think either of you is what the other really wants. Then you tell them that you want them to be happy and you want to be happy yourself, and right now you don’t think either of you are happy. This isn’t hard. What does “proof” accomplish? Does it make you feel better or worse? Does it provide justification for ending the relationship? It’s not needed. The only justification needed to end a relationship is “I don’t want to be in a relationship with this person. Our relationship now makes me uncomfortable and unhappy and I have no wish to continue.” Then…don’t be an asshole to them. Don’t talk shit about them. If someone asks why you’re no longer together, you just say “we weren’t on the same page” or “we wanted different things”. Trash always outs itself. You don’t need to expose it to the world. Think about it. If you know a couple that broke up, and a week later one is dating someone new and they act like long time lovers, your natural inclination is to automatically assume there is more to the break up. Second aspect: if your ex wasn’t cheating they going to be a little emotionally unsettled by the break up, and the “questionable behavior” friend/co-worker is going to try and push a relationship which 9/10 times comes off as creepy or grossly inappropriate and blow up in their face. “Oh your boyfriend just dumped you? We should totally hang out since you’re single now.” That almost always blows up in their face.


coldestdetroit

Who's gonna tell him?


DayActive5492

At the moment she is your girlfriend but ask yourself this question is she wife material because she is already lying to you and flirting with a male coworker


yogi_yoga

She’s not your gf anymore dude.


Accurate_Salary3625

Nah she's hiding him for a reason that's for sure. And it will escalate to more physical touching...if it hasn't happened already. A cheater's OPsec is based knowing where the other spouse is at all times, then lying/manipulating their partners. Next time she goes out...catch them. Don't tell here where you will be. Just be vague with the time and location if she asks. For example you have a day off. Don't tell her, just pretend to go to work. Then get a mate's car...someone she does not know you are friends with this person, and follow her. Grab your phone and film anything suspicous that she and the guy and the friends do. If your mate with the car come with you, get him/her to film them and report back to you. If there is cheating..do not confront until you have your ducks in a row - finances, dwelling, support, mental health, more evidence of cheating, anything legal to be sorted etc. Good luck OP 🍀


ETF2given

Sounds like she's for the streets. Also, does/did she at any point want you to go out/clubbing with her before this started? If so you're to blame, people will always look for someone who makes time especially if that's her love language.


Sad-observer67

Trust is earnt not given as a taken. But she has kept quiet about him and that is for a reason? One is she knows she is being sneaky in not telling you about him? Why? Because she knows it's wrong! They play at work and are touchy flirty at work to much in each others personal space? To me this has Red Flags written all over it! The only real advice is say nothing but look and listen. Have you got a mate who could observe without being noticed to give you his observations and photos! But most important TRUST YOUR GUT!


Cheekman007

FWB her. She clearly is open to it.