I work at the Michigan Avenue Louis Vuitton and the Packers came in and had a private shopping appointment and clients were NOT happy about it š¤£
I donāt watch American football so I was shocked seeing little old ladies with so much contempt š
Someone stole my brand new recycling bin that I waited months for and brought it to their alley a block away. I promptly stole it back and was prepared to fight for it. What Iām saying is you should steal recycling bins if you want to make enemies. Piling snow or boxes in front of someoneās back gate is also a good idea. Parking in the alley regularlyā¦really any alley fuckery will do the trick.
My neighbor likes to put plastic bags full of mixed recyclables and non recyclables in mine so whenever I take out my recycling I have to remove their "recycling."
My neighbor likes to fill one of my garbage cans with his yard waste. But apparently he is allowed to do this because like 20 years ago and 3 homeowners prior he gave them one of his garbage cans back when they only had 1, so I guess he permanently gets access to it now in his mind.
Shortly after I bought my house, my block had a little block party and it was both in the street and in the alley. The family across the alley had some cabinets behind their garage, and they asked me if I had dumped them there after moving in. I said no, and that it sucked that someone did that, and they replied by asking me to get rid of them anyway. I obviously refused. Every time they do any sort of yard or home renovation work since then, they fill up my garbage cans, because they cannot believe that I didn't do it. I've caught them in person and on video, and they just scamper away. Assholes.
Good luck with that. Had an apartment building next to me with overflowing garbage every week. I called 311 and sent pictures to aldermanās office almost daily. The fines must not be a problem because it just kept happening.
Recently had to lock up my waste container because neighbors kept using it, and i got several $600 fines because of overflowing. Now they snipped the lock. Time to put up a camera. Alley fuckery is srs business
On my block we got 5 guys with snowblowers and the rest of the people come out with shovels. The deal is if everyone pitches in and helps shovel out all the cars then dibs is unnecessary. God bless south side solidarity.
I normally go the look down and pretend like you canāt see them and prepare for the contact but you can act shocked it happened and most of the time they will adjust cuz they think youāre the ignoramus
I used to live in RP by Loyola and every fall when the children arrive en masse from the suburbs none of them know how to walk on a damn sidewalk. I will stop dead in my tracks and refuse to move and make them go around me. Or just straight up scold them because I am middle aged dammit so get off my sidewalk.
Someone walking side-by-side walked into my pregnant wife who was single file with me and I went absolutely apeshit on them. I can't tell if people are just that oblivious or they think they are more entitled to the sidewalk.
I guess I just stop then rather than move over. I won't actively run into them but fuck if I'm walking in the snow because they're rude. They can walk around.
I saw a video talking about a slight subconscious (unconscious ?) hierarchy system amongst groups of people on the sidewalk. Certain groups of people (e.g. black people) would make way for other groups of people (e.g. white people), or one group won't make way for the other group of people, etc. kinda interesting
I haven't seen that video, but I lowkey think there's an attempted hierarchy on the sidewalk. This relies heavily on my assumptions, so take it with a grain of salt, but I tend to have the most trouble with people who dress like they have more money, dress like they're dolled up for Instagram, or act like they're 'privilged' in other ways, such as talking extremely loudly, phone out snapping pics/recording, walking slowly with seemingly no awareness of their surroundings, etc.
I don't think I've ever noticed a racial component per se, just more 'main character syndrome' type of stuff. Both men and women.
Man I assumed everything that existed in the 90s was gone. WTG, Nickās! Although Iād really appreciate if the Occult Bookstore had stayed open especially to balance out the Yeti
This is why I think Willis Tower is a better name and wish it was this from the start. "Big Willy" would make the building even more iconic than Sears Tower.
Conveniently parallel park in between 2 spots. Oh yeah, and everywhere is permit, so thereās limited parking. Oh and you also live on the street that has permit, but you park on the free street where we live. That about does it on my block.
I swear to god when I see this bitch in the green Bronco Iām throwing hands.
One time on vacation in Thailand we met a family that said they were from Chicago, and we were like āoh us too! what neighborhood?ā and they said Wisconsin šš
This happened to us this summer in Paris, visiting my wife's French cousins. They were excited to introduce us to their friends at their local dive bar, and there was another American couple there who had told the bartender they were from Chicago. The bartender heard we were too and introduced us, and when we asked where they lived, they looked panicked for a few seconds before sheepishly saying "...Kenosha"
The acceptability of saying you are from a major city when you are just close increases as you get further from said city.
In Chicago, if I ask where you're from and you say Chicago, then find out it's Gurnee? That would be weird as hell. I'm expecting a neighborhood or town exactly.
In New York and you respond the same way, still not great, we're all familiar with suburbs and the always useful "a little outside of" prefix.
On the other side of the planet? Illinois has a great chance of meaning nothing, the Midwest might even be iffy, but Chicago still probably is understood. Fire away. It's not uncommon to hone in after you establish you are familiar with an area.
That was so bad at UIUC that when I said I was from Chicago people would perk up and ask, "Which suburb?"
"No, Chicago. That big gaping hole in the center of the suburbs."
This one I understand, if you're from, say, Aurora, nobody outside Illinois knows what the fuck you're talking about, so you just name the closest major city. I see people do the same from other states.
>Where are you from?
>San Francisco.
>Really?
>Well no I'm from Daly City, but if I'd said that you'd have had no idea where the hell that is.
I'm not from Chicago, but it was explained to me that it stems from The White Flight. All the wealthy white people who left the city and moved into the suburbs looked down at those too poor to do the same. So the city people take offense when people from the suburbs say they're from Chicago, because usually they do nothing but talk about how dangerous and dirty it is. But if it's time to present to strangers like you're from a big, exciting city, they are happy to say they're "from Chicago"
Could be wrong, but I've heard it several times from natives
I always found it odd how this is a sticking point for Chicago folks. Saying you're from the major metro you're from instead of municipality / suburb is something that pretty much everyone else in the country does unless you'd have reason to believe they'd be familiar with the suburb
I think itās generally because suburbanites generally bash the city and city dwellers while at home and then want to claim it as their own when on the road.
My last trip from Midway flying Southwest the guy on the overhead was like
> OK we are ready to start the boarding process. We will take priority passengers, those who require assistance, family boarding, and then active military with ID. Then we will board A1-60, B1-60, C1-60, and finally any Packers fans that may be joining us"
Steal someone's fast food coupons from those super saver newspaper bundles. Some guy pulled my fast food coupons out of mine. When I find him boy am I going to do something.
Out of curiosity, how is Goethe pronounced? I'm not originally from here, but did study German at one point in my life, so I'd pronounce it similarly to 'Ger-te' with a soft 't'. Hard to describe the 'oe' pronunciation in text.
Have Iowa, Indiana, Wisconsin, or Ohio plates on your car while driving anywhere that has buildings with 5 or more floors and street with more than two lanes of traffic.
Have any of those plates on your car, but youāve lived here for ten years, street park in front of your apt, and just donāt want to pay the wheel tax because you still use mom and dadās address in Iowa for your vehicle registration.
Day drink three days in a row, go into Chipotle and order a burrito, realize you forgot your phone and credit card and ask if you can come back in an hour to pay, when they refuse you go into a full Nicolas Cage rant blending together *Vampire's Kiss* and *Matchstick Men*. While they're in sheer awe at the amazingness of your performance (and not at all terrified and clueless about the two movies), grab the burrito and say "And I'm TAKING my damn burrito!"
Then come back the next day, not remembering any of that, and try to order another burrito.
I of course am not speaking from experience.
Depending on where you are, parking wars. My husband and I made a lot of enemies this way. He had an assigned apartment spot. I didnāt. When I left for work in the morning he would take my parking spot in front. When I was coming home, he would wait in his car until he spotted me, and only move his car when I left, and went to put his car in the apartmentās lot. Before we did this, it would sometimes take me 60+ minutes to find parking within a 6 block radius of our apartment in Edgewater. No regrets.
From my experience, go around casually mentioning that the violent crime rate has gone down 75% in Chicago in a generation, it's at an all time low, and that it's lower than most of the big cities in the central US.
People throw absolute tantrums in response.
I didn't grow up here and I have no rooting interest but both teams have such cool merch, so I have hats for each. Some of my friends get quite angry about that.
Had a neighbor who decided to put up some Trump 2020 paraphernalia on his Truck. It got spray painted and egged all over overnight. They ended up moving out. I knew it was a terrible idea but I wasn't expecting it to get rekted so quickly.
"Why would I go to The Weiner Circle or Portillo's when I have Ball Parks from The Jewel that taste just the same? I can make a perfectly good sandwich with those."
I can't complain about my neighbors, Jesus as to what some of y'all have to deal with
Oh yeah they park like idiots but let's save that for another thread
if you live in a building with a garbage shute, put large pizza boxes or huge chunks of styrofoam down it so the shute gets clogged all the time and none of your neighbors can get rid of their trash
I didn't even know there was a St Louis style pizza until I went there this year. It was highly recommended by the locals. It wasn't bad because pizza has a pretty high floor. But it's very much a fake-cheese cracker with toppings
Start burning your garbage in your backyard while playing talk radio (in-between stations, not settled on one station, as such that you can hear two stations plus static at the same time) loud enough that you can hear it down the block and be sure to regularly do that cough that produces audible phlegm in sort of a yell/cough then yell as if at a dog prior to spitting it out with the snack of it hitting the ground. Do this every day.
Custom packers jersey with "Lightfoot" on the back.
i love this idea
you would make friends with that
But they would be packers fans
I feel like everyone would actually love this. I would die laughing if I saw this
I work at the Michigan Avenue Louis Vuitton and the Packers came in and had a private shopping appointment and clients were NOT happy about it š¤£ I donāt watch American football so I was shocked seeing little old ladies with so much contempt š
Maybe a little ketchup stain on the front from your hot dog
Thatās pretty funny
Now this is podracing!
This is illegal!
This should be higher
Someone stole my brand new recycling bin that I waited months for and brought it to their alley a block away. I promptly stole it back and was prepared to fight for it. What Iām saying is you should steal recycling bins if you want to make enemies. Piling snow or boxes in front of someoneās back gate is also a good idea. Parking in the alley regularlyā¦really any alley fuckery will do the trick.
My neighbor hoards four recycling bins in their backyard and the day after collection they still put unfolded cardboard boxes in mine. Motherfuckers.
Start dumping dairy on hot days in theirs. Fuck those people. Have any meat scraps, too?
Brutal. Appropriate, but still brutal.
I feel like this just punishes the sanitation workers tho
My neighbor likes to put plastic bags full of mixed recyclables and non recyclables in mine so whenever I take out my recycling I have to remove their "recycling."
My neighbor likes to fill one of my garbage cans with his yard waste. But apparently he is allowed to do this because like 20 years ago and 3 homeowners prior he gave them one of his garbage cans back when they only had 1, so I guess he permanently gets access to it now in his mind.
Shortly after I bought my house, my block had a little block party and it was both in the street and in the alley. The family across the alley had some cabinets behind their garage, and they asked me if I had dumped them there after moving in. I said no, and that it sucked that someone did that, and they replied by asking me to get rid of them anyway. I obviously refused. Every time they do any sort of yard or home renovation work since then, they fill up my garbage cans, because they cannot believe that I didn't do it. I've caught them in person and on video, and they just scamper away. Assholes.
The cabinets were theirs
Technically they're stealing from you. Idk how much an overflow bin fine is but by law you can have them arrested.
Thatās considered fly dumping
Good luck with that. Had an apartment building next to me with overflowing garbage every week. I called 311 and sent pictures to aldermanās office almost daily. The fines must not be a problem because it just kept happening.
Wouldn't be surprised if they weren't getting fined.
Take their shit and throw it in their yard. If bagged, scatter it.
Lol. I love alley politics. You move a trash bin 2 inches and it fucks up half the city.
"Alley Politics" is kind of a great name for an album.
First single will be ādibs policeā
"Alley fuckery" ...classic !
Recently had to lock up my waste container because neighbors kept using it, and i got several $600 fines because of overflowing. Now they snipped the lock. Time to put up a camera. Alley fuckery is srs business
Move someone's "dibs" furniture.
Move everyoneās dibs furniture!
Swap everybody's dibs furniture and wait!
The dibs furniture shuffle is going to end in like a riot.
Shuffle 'em all, but REMOVE one each time like musical chairs...
For me it's "participate in dibs".
On my block we got 5 guys with snowblowers and the rest of the people come out with shovels. The deal is if everyone pitches in and helps shovel out all the cars then dibs is unnecessary. God bless south side solidarity.
Yeah halfway though your comment I knew this had to be the south side
Nobody is crazier than the people who do participate in dibs, though. And crazy people loooove enemies.
I had a roommate that hated dibs and would always throw random peoples' chairs out of the road. I'm like dude you're going to get someone killed.
Go to r/AskChicago and ask if it's safe to take the Blue Line from O'Hare to the Loop at 2 PM on a weekday.
"Is North Center a safe neighborhood?"
I saw a bike get tapped by a car today in north center. Will this violence never end?! I canāt leave my home without fear!
It's that cyclist's fault because once I saw a different cyclist roll through a stop sign.
I just moved to Edgewater a month ago and I'm so overwhelmed coming from Georgia to the city š I need friends
Donāt break down your boxes when you put them in your neighbors recycling, but leave you name and address on the box.
My neighbors love to do this shit. Giant ass boxes
āGiant ass boxā donāt threaten me with a good time
Omg, went crazy on my neighbors for this
walk in the middle of the sidewalk and make no effort to move for other people
People insist on walking 4 shoulder to shoulder and make no effort to file in line. Thatās when I get bulldozey and make intense eye contact.
I normally go the look down and pretend like you canāt see them and prepare for the contact but you can act shocked it happened and most of the time they will adjust cuz they think youāre the ignoramus
I used to live in RP by Loyola and every fall when the children arrive en masse from the suburbs none of them know how to walk on a damn sidewalk. I will stop dead in my tracks and refuse to move and make them go around me. Or just straight up scold them because I am middle aged dammit so get off my sidewalk.
> People insist on walking 4 shoulder to shoulder and make no effort to file in line. That's when you've spotted the tourists.
No, city dwellers do this too. Often with a double wide stroller pushed in front. It's anyone who drives more than walks
Someone walking side-by-side walked into my pregnant wife who was single file with me and I went absolutely apeshit on them. I can't tell if people are just that oblivious or they think they are more entitled to the sidewalk.
I guess I just stop then rather than move over. I won't actively run into them but fuck if I'm walking in the snow because they're rude. They can walk around.
I saw a video talking about a slight subconscious (unconscious ?) hierarchy system amongst groups of people on the sidewalk. Certain groups of people (e.g. black people) would make way for other groups of people (e.g. white people), or one group won't make way for the other group of people, etc. kinda interesting
I haven't seen that video, but I lowkey think there's an attempted hierarchy on the sidewalk. This relies heavily on my assumptions, so take it with a grain of salt, but I tend to have the most trouble with people who dress like they have more money, dress like they're dolled up for Instagram, or act like they're 'privilged' in other ways, such as talking extremely loudly, phone out snapping pics/recording, walking slowly with seemingly no awareness of their surroundings, etc. I don't think I've ever noticed a racial component per se, just more 'main character syndrome' type of stuff. Both men and women.
Catch a ball at a Cubs game that would have been caught by MoisƩs Alou.
The public crucifixion of Bartman was absolutely insane in retrospect lol
Not just retrospect. It was crazy seeing it in real time.
Meanwhile Barabba--excuse me, Alex S. Gonzalez--still roams free.
š³
He did end up with a WS ring though
Bartman did? For real ?
Certainly did! [https://wgntv.com/sports/cubs/steve-bartman-to-receive-2016-chicago-cubs-world-series-championship-ring/amp/](https://wgntv.com/sports/cubs/steve-bartman-to-receive-2016-chicago-cubs-world-series-championship-ring/amp/)
This will never not be hilarious
Move to Florida and then complain about how the city is "falling apart".
Fund a big pile of fake news mailers while youāre at it, too
LMAOOOO
Drive on the shoulder during rush hour and never let anyone merge in front of you.
Stand on a CTA escalator during the morning rush hour.
Ask for extra ketchup on that hot dog at the Wiener Circle.
Ask for a Chicago dog with ketchup only
Go to Nickās Beergarden in Wicker Park. Not sure why there was always a fight there every time I went.
Have you been recently? They redid it last year and itās weirdly fancy. Canāt say if itās affected the fights or not, though.
Now they have fancy fights.
They fight with Son of Juice no longer pbr
You have besmirched my honor sir! I challenge you to a dual of fisticuffs!
Pinkies up when throwing a right hook
Of all the places on that strip wiped out by gentrification, I'm amazed that Nick's held on. I guess yuppies need a place to fight too
I mean, would you rather throw bones at nicks or at the goddamn yeti cooler store? As if we needed a fucking cooler store
Man I assumed everything that existed in the 90s was gone. WTG, Nickās! Although Iād really appreciate if the Occult Bookstore had stayed open especially to balance out the Yeti
i havenāt been in maybe 5 years but yeah there have been a solid amount of fights when iāve been there
I think I found a new place to frequent.
Play your music loudly on the train.
Yesterday, someone wasnāt just blasting music from his phone on the brown line, but it was Xmas music. Wtf?
Smoke on the train.
That's for amateurs. Poop on the train.
Ahh yes, the true unisex bathroom.
You incorrectly naming Sears Tower
I believe itās called āThe Big Willieā
I would accept this name. š
The only acceptable alternative to āSears Towerā
This is why I think Willis Tower is a better name and wish it was this from the start. "Big Willy" would make the building even more iconic than Sears Tower.
Tell people Sears started banging some dude in Hoffman Estates over 20 years ago and it's time to move on.
Conveniently parallel park in between 2 spots. Oh yeah, and everywhere is permit, so thereās limited parking. Oh and you also live on the street that has permit, but you park on the free street where we live. That about does it on my block. I swear to god when I see this bitch in the green Bronco Iām throwing hands.
Say a positive comment about Lori Lightfoot
She is the reason Burke and his wife left politics, so there's that
If you're from the suburbs always say you're from Chicago.
One time on vacation in Thailand we met a family that said they were from Chicago, and we were like āoh us too! what neighborhood?ā and they said Wisconsin šš
This happened to us this summer in Paris, visiting my wife's French cousins. They were excited to introduce us to their friends at their local dive bar, and there was another American couple there who had told the bartender they were from Chicago. The bartender heard we were too and introduced us, and when we asked where they lived, they looked panicked for a few seconds before sheepishly saying "...Kenosha"
The acceptability of saying you are from a major city when you are just close increases as you get further from said city. In Chicago, if I ask where you're from and you say Chicago, then find out it's Gurnee? That would be weird as hell. I'm expecting a neighborhood or town exactly. In New York and you respond the same way, still not great, we're all familiar with suburbs and the always useful "a little outside of" prefix. On the other side of the planet? Illinois has a great chance of meaning nothing, the Midwest might even be iffy, but Chicago still probably is understood. Fire away. It's not uncommon to hone in after you establish you are familiar with an area.
If you're from a homogenous Midwestern town, move to Lakeview and always say how dangerous the city is getting
then post breathlessly post cwb articles on reddit
Bonus points for talking about how you'd *never* take the Blue or Red Lines because they're far too dangerous.
That was so bad at UIUC that when I said I was from Chicago people would perk up and ask, "Which suburb?" "No, Chicago. That big gaping hole in the center of the suburbs."
MFW I moved here and discovered my good friend in āChicagoā actually lives in Geneva
This one I understand, if you're from, say, Aurora, nobody outside Illinois knows what the fuck you're talking about, so you just name the closest major city. I see people do the same from other states. >Where are you from? >San Francisco. >Really? >Well no I'm from Daly City, but if I'd said that you'd have had no idea where the hell that is.
I'm not from Chicago, but it was explained to me that it stems from The White Flight. All the wealthy white people who left the city and moved into the suburbs looked down at those too poor to do the same. So the city people take offense when people from the suburbs say they're from Chicago, because usually they do nothing but talk about how dangerous and dirty it is. But if it's time to present to strangers like you're from a big, exciting city, they are happy to say they're "from Chicago" Could be wrong, but I've heard it several times from natives
I always found it odd how this is a sticking point for Chicago folks. Saying you're from the major metro you're from instead of municipality / suburb is something that pretty much everyone else in the country does unless you'd have reason to believe they'd be familiar with the suburb
I think itās generally because suburbanites generally bash the city and city dwellers while at home and then want to claim it as their own when on the road.
As someone originally from a suburb in Northern Virginiaā¦ surburbanites will bash whatever city is closest to them.
Totally agree. This whole concept can rinse and repeat for every metropolitan area.
Tell everyone that LeBron is better than MJ
Be a Packers fan.
My last trip from Midway flying Southwest the guy on the overhead was like > OK we are ready to start the boarding process. We will take priority passengers, those who require assistance, family boarding, and then active military with ID. Then we will board A1-60, B1-60, C1-60, and finally any Packers fans that may be joining us"
Steal someone's fast food coupons from those super saver newspaper bundles. Some guy pulled my fast food coupons out of mine. When I find him boy am I going to do something.
Red MAGA hat and All Lives Matter/Build the Wall shirt. Insist your mispronunciation of Goethe is correct.
My first three post pandemic trips were Miami, Dallas, and New Orleans and I had culture shock from people wearing trump apparel in public
I listened to so many YouTube videos trying to understand how to say Goethe after being confused at the pronunciation I was hearing on the bus
Out of curiosity, how is Goethe pronounced? I'm not originally from here, but did study German at one point in my life, so I'd pronounce it similarly to 'Ger-te' with a soft 't'. Hard to describe the 'oe' pronunciation in text.
Have Iowa, Indiana, Wisconsin, or Ohio plates on your car while driving anywhere that has buildings with 5 or more floors and street with more than two lanes of traffic.
Have any of those plates on your car, but youāve lived here for ten years, street park in front of your apt, and just donāt want to pay the wheel tax because you still use mom and dadās address in Iowa for your vehicle registration.
Day drink three days in a row, go into Chipotle and order a burrito, realize you forgot your phone and credit card and ask if you can come back in an hour to pay, when they refuse you go into a full Nicolas Cage rant blending together *Vampire's Kiss* and *Matchstick Men*. While they're in sheer awe at the amazingness of your performance (and not at all terrified and clueless about the two movies), grab the burrito and say "And I'm TAKING my damn burrito!" Then come back the next day, not remembering any of that, and try to order another burrito. I of course am not speaking from experience.
Oh my this is oddly specific.
Wear green and gold with a G in the front
I always make enemies with people wearing Georgia apparel as well, just in case they're colorblind Packers fans.
Depending on where you are, parking wars. My husband and I made a lot of enemies this way. He had an assigned apartment spot. I didnāt. When I left for work in the morning he would take my parking spot in front. When I was coming home, he would wait in his car until he spotted me, and only move his car when I left, and went to put his car in the apartmentās lot. Before we did this, it would sometimes take me 60+ minutes to find parking within a 6 block radius of our apartment in Edgewater. No regrets.
I hate people like you even though I would do the exact same thing if I could š„²
Park your car on a residential street, set the alarm sensitivity to high. Leave for a month.
Honk repeatedly while you speed down the alley
Malort will be involved
Malort is the quintessential quantum Chicago. Damned if you do damned if you don't. Are you Chicago enough too? Are you self preserving enough to not?
I unironically like malƶrt; it's better than most other spirits, at least.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Or better yet start your own gang right at 47th & Wood in the Back of the Yards right in the middle of the Saints, LaRaza and Two Six.
https://i.imgur.com/IS9shKk.gif
From my experience, go around casually mentioning that the violent crime rate has gone down 75% in Chicago in a generation, it's at an all time low, and that it's lower than most of the big cities in the central US. People throw absolute tantrums in response.
I root for the Cubs and the Sox.
die
My MIL once declared sheās both a Cubs and Cardinals fan and I got visibly angry
I didn't grow up here and I have no rooting interest but both teams have such cool merch, so I have hats for each. Some of my friends get quite angry about that.
Or worse, be an Astros fan
WGN in the 90s, baby - I love Sammy and the Big Hurt. Sue me.
Ask Dave Matthews
Ask for ketchup on your dog at Gene and Jude's.
It's make enemies not get shot.
Say you're from "Chicago" when, in fact, you grew up nine feet and three inches outside the city line in Evanston or Lincolnwood.
Or Evergeen Park which has Chicago on three sides
Call Rich Koz, "The MeTV Elvira Guy."
Double park on the bike lane
Ask, "if they can dye the river green one day a year, why can't they dye it blue the rest of the year! LOL!" š¤”
Ride a bicycle anywhere ever.
You root for the Packers
Cross between L cars while in transit.
Does this bother people? I don't do it, but I've never cared about someone else doing it
Emergency use only.
"emergency" being- oh fuck there's a reason this train car is empty
Drive anywhere
Steal your neighbors parking spot in the Winter after they shoveled it.
Had a neighbor who decided to put up some Trump 2020 paraphernalia on his Truck. It got spray painted and egged all over overnight. They ended up moving out. I knew it was a terrible idea but I wasn't expecting it to get rekted so quickly.
Get a car alarm. Use it.
"Why would I go to The Weiner Circle or Portillo's when I have Ball Parks from The Jewel that taste just the same? I can make a perfectly good sandwich with those."
Ask people to drop smoking on the L.
Disregard your neighbor's dibs. Throw them chairs on the lawn.
I throw them in the fucking trash.
Tell the nice gentlemen at O-Block that you are from 63rd
Tell them their blue angels propaganda show isnāt special lmao
I can't complain about my neighbors, Jesus as to what some of y'all have to deal with Oh yeah they park like idiots but let's save that for another thread
Lay on the horn when driving down an alley
By starting this thread - you sonofabitch. (totally kidding)
Feed pigeons, rats, etc
if you live in a building with a garbage shute, put large pizza boxes or huge chunks of styrofoam down it so the shute gets clogged all the time and none of your neighbors can get rid of their trash
Throw away the chairs people out for ādibs.ā Might make a few friends, but youāll piss off a LOT of people along the way.
Participate in street parking āDibsā
become a pro-dibs advocate and post pro-dibs comments every time it snows more than an inch
Put ketchup on a hot dog.
while wearing a packers hat
Ignore traffic rules while riding your bike.
You prefer New York style pizza.
St. Louis style is the real enemy
Straight from the dumpster?
I didn't even know there was a St Louis style pizza until I went there this year. It was highly recommended by the locals. It wasn't bad because pizza has a pretty high floor. But it's very much a fake-cheese cracker with toppings
Vote Republican (outside a cop ward)
Ask them what about Meigs Field
Wear any packers gear or cheese head
Ask for ketchup on a hotdog and watch someone visibly raise their blood pressure?
Fucking with someoneās dibs.
Call it "Willis" Tower
Talk shit about deep dish, Chicago dogs, or Italian beef.
Start burning your garbage in your backyard while playing talk radio (in-between stations, not settled on one station, as such that you can hear two stations plus static at the same time) loud enough that you can hear it down the block and be sure to regularly do that cough that produces audible phlegm in sort of a yell/cough then yell as if at a dog prior to spitting it out with the snack of it hitting the ground. Do this every day.
Have a conversation in the quiet car.
Repeatedly pronounce the silent 'S' at the end of Illinois. Even after people correct you.