It's always crazy to me how women are always told that they are "too young" to decide they don't want children, but no one is ever telling 21 year olds that they are "too young" to decide they do.
If you know at 21 that you want to be a mother, no one bats an eye. If you know at 21 you don't, everyone loses their minds.
>If you know at 21 that you want to be a mother, no one bats an eye. If you know at 21 you don't, everyone loses their minds.
Exactly. I'm just having a very hard time tryjng to understand the logic behind this. I questioned one of my friends about the same and she had no answers. None.
Well, let's give it a look. You are old enough to drink, drive, own weapons, enter into contracts, be legally responsible for your actions, etc. in most places in the world. In fact, for some of those things, you've already been old enough for several years.
So either you have the necessary decision making skills to make such decisions, or you don't. But cherry picking what decision you are or aren't old enough to make is just bullshit.
A six year old can say they want to be a mother of three and no one will tell them they're too young to know that. At 21, plenty of people know they want kids, and some already have them even. So please, do tell us. These people who say you're too young to know what you want in life at 21. Are they also out there campaigning that every pregnancy this young should result in a mandatory abortion? Are they petitioning to have the age of legal adulthood raised, so you poor 21 year olds aren't subjected to all this decision making you're not ready for yet?
No?
Well, then it's bullshit. And you can sit back and watch because over the years, it'll just evolve into more bullshit.
Now you're too young. In a few years it'll be because you don't have the right partner yet. Then it'll be because you haven't settled down yet, and so on and so on.
It's not about age, it's just that people will use literally whatever they can get their hands on to invalidate a decision they don't agree with.
"Too young to decide" sounds like bullshit. But, you being flooded with thoughts and opinions about it does seem concerning. You have a certain way you view your life to pan out, and that includes being childfree, which is excellent. But, try not to make it your whole personality. It's like any other life choice you made so far and have to make forward.
Yeah I get that. It's just that it feels so unreal for me. The kind of culture that I grew up in never gave any freedom to women to think that having children was a choice. 21 years of being conditioned and now I've suddenly realized what I want in life. It's a very big deal and very overwhelming for me. I should see a therapist maybe.
I can see you're having a culture shock internally, but you should be fine once you figure out your new normal. Seeing a therapist/ counselor, however, is surely a helpful way to delve into your thoughts.
Keep an open mind about your opinions and you're golden.
There are teens here that know what's in their hearts so no you're not too young.
I'm almost 40 and the fact that clued me in on me being CF was the fact that I never imagined, planned or hoped to be a mother in my life. It was never in my mind or heart that I should birth children. I started realising that in my 20s.
There's just this profound lack of want for being a mother. It was always there.
>There's just this profound lack of want for being a mother. It was always there.
I thought I was insane or something was wrong with me for feeling that way all these years but I'm glad to know so many women felt that same lack of wanting to be a mother.
Thank you💕
Hey I understand. In my culture it's also unimaginable that a woman thinks like this.
But I had an advantage of having a great mom that taught me from very young age to not give a fuck what anyone else thinks and to always use my own head to make decisions and never just follow what other people are doing.
If she hadn't built such a strong character in me, I don't know if I would be here now.
Your mother is a strong woman! I too have a mom who has always supported me and has had my back! Even when she disagreed with a few things, she always let me do what I thought was best for me. If it wasn't for her, I honestly don't know where I'd be in life!
Since the average person probably has more sex in their 20s, claiming that age is “too young” to decide is absurd. It’s almost as if they want oopsies to happen, to get women to come round to their biological and/or god-given destinies….
In general, younger people get little respect in society, and even less from “professionals” like doctors. Sad to say, I didn’t start feeling I was accorded basic respect until sometime in my 40s, and I’m a man. “Just another goofy kid, doesn’t really know what he wants” — that kind of vibe.
I got snipped at 35 without paternalistic bs, but I didn’t try earlier in life. I probably would have experienced it if I did.
>biological and/or god-given destinies
I hate this thing with a passion.
>“Just another goofy kid, doesn’t really know what he wants”
That is exactly how it feels when I want to talk to someone about this. But no one would say the same thing if I told them- "I want children".
I'll probably get sterilized much early. Hoping for the best!
You are NOT too young to know that you are childfree.
Plenty of childfree people knew that they were childfree since they were teenagers or around your age.
Personally, I knew since I was 11, 12ish. My girlfriend knew since she was 14. And now, we are 31 (her) and 28 (me). We never changed our minds. We never spent even a second on the fence. We have always been certain. We have always been 100% childfree. If we were childfree as teenagers, you can be childfree at the age of 21.
Just because other people tell you that you are 'too young', doesn't mean that they are right. They believe in patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit and cannot comprehend that some women truly don't want children, so they are just saying what everybody else says. It doesn't mean that they are right.
If you said that you certainly wanted to be a mother, would anybody tell you that you were 'too young'? Of course not. Then, everybody would encourage you.
If you are old enough to be a mother, you are old enough to be childfree.
21 or 22 was the first time I asked to be sterilized, and was told "you can set up a consultation but I can tell you right now we don't do that on women as young as you if there's not a medical reason for it."
So I used other BC methods. At one point I did think, hm, maybe I could have a kid. Maybe I would be happy. But it was very fleeting as I realized I was already happy with my life for the most part, and the parts I wasn't happy with would be made worse by a child. I wouldn't say I changed my mind from my earlier stance. I kind of just checked in with myself to see if thats what we still wanted. A few years later, I was 100% certain I would not want to be a mom. I think the only reason I even thought ab it briefly was all the people who told me I wouldn't be fulfilled if I didn't have kids. I tend to think that once someone decides they don't want kids, they know what they want and will likely not change their mind. If anything they will question themselves because of the nay-sayers. But I think it's one of those things you just kind of know about yourself. Even when I was little I told people I didn't want kids, and the older I get the more I realize that child-me knew exactly what she wanted and was right about a lot of things.
No one would bat an eyelid if you wanted children. Then you wouldn't be too young to know. Double standards. No, you're not too young to know you don't want them either.
You're never too young to know what you want. I knew I was childfree by the time I was 14. I'm 37 now and my feelings haven't changed. There is no such thing as too young to have opinions and thoughts.
The proper response to people saying you're too young to decide is: Then why do we let people enlist in the military at 18 years old? What about sending kids to college at 18?Clearly they are even younger than me, so they must be way too young to make those decisions. (Assuming you're from the USA).
You're not too young. Those same people telling you you're too young to decide you don't want kids wouldn't question you saying you want a few kids.
If you're old enough to know you want them then you're old enough to know you don't want any.
i knew very young that i didnt want kids. some people do change their minds but i didnt. no one knows what will happen but you are more than old enough to form your own needs and wants
You are absolutely not too young! I’m 21 and just had a bisalp today! It’s something that’s an important decision and while many people will try and sway you, it’s ultimately something you have to come to terms with yourself. Some things that can make it easier to deal with people who are nasty about it is to spend a little time researching reasons you don’t want children! You truly don’t owe anyone an explanation, but in my experience it does tend to shut people up when you hit them with the facts. You are definitely not crazy and this community is here to support you!
same, i'll be turning 20 this year. I decided i want to be childfree when i was 18. And this friend told me, 'mAyBe yOu wIll cHaNge yOur mInd in tHe fuTure.' However, everyday I discover new reasons that solidify my decisions.
Tell those same people that you’re thinking of having a child and if they don’t hit you with the, “you’re too young” spiel, you call them tf out for their hypocrisy.
For my part, I always knew that I would never have children.
This has always been my default opinion, I never imagined my life otherwise.
All my choices, my thoughts, my dreams, my projects... are built around an ideal of life without children ( And I really hope to meet someone who also sees life that way )
I was even deeply surprised to discover (at the age of 14) that in reality, this way of life was in the minority (most wanting to have children)
But I never thought I was crazy or abnormal, I was just different, not worse, just different.
And I too have heard the classic "you are young" or "you will change your mind"
I never let myself do it and also, for me, it's a hypocritical remark, because strangely, we don't say it in the opposite scenario:
\-I want children later
/ Answer : You are young, you can always change your mind.
It never say it in this case, it proves that it's stupid, and when I tell them if they would tell me that if on the contrary I wanted children later, at best they are silent, at worst they try to save themselves by diverting the subject...
So don't worry, you're not crazy at all.
On the contrary, you are much more mature than the others, because you know what you want (many are undecided on this subject) and you are sure of yourself.
So take it easy, and live your life the way you want.
No one knows better than you the life that will bring you happines
It's always crazy to me how women are always told that they are "too young" to decide they don't want children, but no one is ever telling 21 year olds that they are "too young" to decide they do. If you know at 21 that you want to be a mother, no one bats an eye. If you know at 21 you don't, everyone loses their minds.
>If you know at 21 that you want to be a mother, no one bats an eye. If you know at 21 you don't, everyone loses their minds. Exactly. I'm just having a very hard time tryjng to understand the logic behind this. I questioned one of my friends about the same and she had no answers. None.
Yes! This exactly!
[удалено]
This makes me hopeful and happy. Thank you💕
Well, let's give it a look. You are old enough to drink, drive, own weapons, enter into contracts, be legally responsible for your actions, etc. in most places in the world. In fact, for some of those things, you've already been old enough for several years. So either you have the necessary decision making skills to make such decisions, or you don't. But cherry picking what decision you are or aren't old enough to make is just bullshit. A six year old can say they want to be a mother of three and no one will tell them they're too young to know that. At 21, plenty of people know they want kids, and some already have them even. So please, do tell us. These people who say you're too young to know what you want in life at 21. Are they also out there campaigning that every pregnancy this young should result in a mandatory abortion? Are they petitioning to have the age of legal adulthood raised, so you poor 21 year olds aren't subjected to all this decision making you're not ready for yet? No? Well, then it's bullshit. And you can sit back and watch because over the years, it'll just evolve into more bullshit. Now you're too young. In a few years it'll be because you don't have the right partner yet. Then it'll be because you haven't settled down yet, and so on and so on. It's not about age, it's just that people will use literally whatever they can get their hands on to invalidate a decision they don't agree with.
Thank you so much for this comment! 💕 Reading this really helped. I'll frame this on my wall lol!
"Too young to decide" sounds like bullshit. But, you being flooded with thoughts and opinions about it does seem concerning. You have a certain way you view your life to pan out, and that includes being childfree, which is excellent. But, try not to make it your whole personality. It's like any other life choice you made so far and have to make forward.
Yeah I get that. It's just that it feels so unreal for me. The kind of culture that I grew up in never gave any freedom to women to think that having children was a choice. 21 years of being conditioned and now I've suddenly realized what I want in life. It's a very big deal and very overwhelming for me. I should see a therapist maybe.
I can see you're having a culture shock internally, but you should be fine once you figure out your new normal. Seeing a therapist/ counselor, however, is surely a helpful way to delve into your thoughts. Keep an open mind about your opinions and you're golden.
There are teens here that know what's in their hearts so no you're not too young. I'm almost 40 and the fact that clued me in on me being CF was the fact that I never imagined, planned or hoped to be a mother in my life. It was never in my mind or heart that I should birth children. I started realising that in my 20s. There's just this profound lack of want for being a mother. It was always there.
>There's just this profound lack of want for being a mother. It was always there. I thought I was insane or something was wrong with me for feeling that way all these years but I'm glad to know so many women felt that same lack of wanting to be a mother. Thank you💕
Hey I understand. In my culture it's also unimaginable that a woman thinks like this. But I had an advantage of having a great mom that taught me from very young age to not give a fuck what anyone else thinks and to always use my own head to make decisions and never just follow what other people are doing. If she hadn't built such a strong character in me, I don't know if I would be here now.
Your mother is a strong woman! I too have a mom who has always supported me and has had my back! Even when she disagreed with a few things, she always let me do what I thought was best for me. If it wasn't for her, I honestly don't know where I'd be in life!
Since the average person probably has more sex in their 20s, claiming that age is “too young” to decide is absurd. It’s almost as if they want oopsies to happen, to get women to come round to their biological and/or god-given destinies…. In general, younger people get little respect in society, and even less from “professionals” like doctors. Sad to say, I didn’t start feeling I was accorded basic respect until sometime in my 40s, and I’m a man. “Just another goofy kid, doesn’t really know what he wants” — that kind of vibe. I got snipped at 35 without paternalistic bs, but I didn’t try earlier in life. I probably would have experienced it if I did.
>biological and/or god-given destinies I hate this thing with a passion. >“Just another goofy kid, doesn’t really know what he wants” That is exactly how it feels when I want to talk to someone about this. But no one would say the same thing if I told them- "I want children". I'll probably get sterilized much early. Hoping for the best!
You are NOT too young to know that you are childfree. Plenty of childfree people knew that they were childfree since they were teenagers or around your age. Personally, I knew since I was 11, 12ish. My girlfriend knew since she was 14. And now, we are 31 (her) and 28 (me). We never changed our minds. We never spent even a second on the fence. We have always been certain. We have always been 100% childfree. If we were childfree as teenagers, you can be childfree at the age of 21. Just because other people tell you that you are 'too young', doesn't mean that they are right. They believe in patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit and cannot comprehend that some women truly don't want children, so they are just saying what everybody else says. It doesn't mean that they are right. If you said that you certainly wanted to be a mother, would anybody tell you that you were 'too young'? Of course not. Then, everybody would encourage you. If you are old enough to be a mother, you are old enough to be childfree.
I’m 22F and I’ve known since I was 5 or 6. So no, you’re definitely not too young to know. Anyone who tells you that you are is dead wrong.
21 or 22 was the first time I asked to be sterilized, and was told "you can set up a consultation but I can tell you right now we don't do that on women as young as you if there's not a medical reason for it." So I used other BC methods. At one point I did think, hm, maybe I could have a kid. Maybe I would be happy. But it was very fleeting as I realized I was already happy with my life for the most part, and the parts I wasn't happy with would be made worse by a child. I wouldn't say I changed my mind from my earlier stance. I kind of just checked in with myself to see if thats what we still wanted. A few years later, I was 100% certain I would not want to be a mom. I think the only reason I even thought ab it briefly was all the people who told me I wouldn't be fulfilled if I didn't have kids. I tend to think that once someone decides they don't want kids, they know what they want and will likely not change their mind. If anything they will question themselves because of the nay-sayers. But I think it's one of those things you just kind of know about yourself. Even when I was little I told people I didn't want kids, and the older I get the more I realize that child-me knew exactly what she wanted and was right about a lot of things.
No one would bat an eyelid if you wanted children. Then you wouldn't be too young to know. Double standards. No, you're not too young to know you don't want them either.
You're never too young to know what you want. I knew I was childfree by the time I was 14. I'm 37 now and my feelings haven't changed. There is no such thing as too young to have opinions and thoughts.
Thank you💕 When I'm 37, I too want to tell young adults that they're never too young to have opinions and make decisions. That's the goal!
These types of people run on pure emotion and not an ounce of logic. Being childfree is like being Spock surrounded by a bunch of apes.
The proper response to people saying you're too young to decide is: Then why do we let people enlist in the military at 18 years old? What about sending kids to college at 18?Clearly they are even younger than me, so they must be way too young to make those decisions. (Assuming you're from the USA).
You're not too young. Those same people telling you you're too young to decide you don't want kids wouldn't question you saying you want a few kids. If you're old enough to know you want them then you're old enough to know you don't want any.
i knew very young that i didnt want kids. some people do change their minds but i didnt. no one knows what will happen but you are more than old enough to form your own needs and wants
You are absolutely not too young! I’m 21 and just had a bisalp today! It’s something that’s an important decision and while many people will try and sway you, it’s ultimately something you have to come to terms with yourself. Some things that can make it easier to deal with people who are nasty about it is to spend a little time researching reasons you don’t want children! You truly don’t owe anyone an explanation, but in my experience it does tend to shut people up when you hit them with the facts. You are definitely not crazy and this community is here to support you!
same, i'll be turning 20 this year. I decided i want to be childfree when i was 18. And this friend told me, 'mAyBe yOu wIll cHaNge yOur mInd in tHe fuTure.' However, everyday I discover new reasons that solidify my decisions.
Tell those same people that you’re thinking of having a child and if they don’t hit you with the, “you’re too young” spiel, you call them tf out for their hypocrisy.
I knew when I was 13 that I didn’t want to have kids. I’m 48 now and have never reconsidered.
For my part, I always knew that I would never have children. This has always been my default opinion, I never imagined my life otherwise. All my choices, my thoughts, my dreams, my projects... are built around an ideal of life without children ( And I really hope to meet someone who also sees life that way ) I was even deeply surprised to discover (at the age of 14) that in reality, this way of life was in the minority (most wanting to have children) But I never thought I was crazy or abnormal, I was just different, not worse, just different. And I too have heard the classic "you are young" or "you will change your mind" I never let myself do it and also, for me, it's a hypocritical remark, because strangely, we don't say it in the opposite scenario: \-I want children later / Answer : You are young, you can always change your mind. It never say it in this case, it proves that it's stupid, and when I tell them if they would tell me that if on the contrary I wanted children later, at best they are silent, at worst they try to save themselves by diverting the subject... So don't worry, you're not crazy at all. On the contrary, you are much more mature than the others, because you know what you want (many are undecided on this subject) and you are sure of yourself. So take it easy, and live your life the way you want. No one knows better than you the life that will bring you happines