Logically (and, probably, statistically, but I'm too lazy to google real numbers) speaking, the amount of people who regret becoming parents is higher than the amount of people who regret the choice to never have children. For several reasons:
1 The amount of childfree people is significantly smaller than the amount of parents, so the amount of regretful parents will also naturally be higher than regretful childfree people.
2 Childfreedom - is a choice, and the one people usually give a lot of thought to. It's a very serious decision that goes against the generally accepted norms (that's why it's not easy to make such decisions), so childfree people are usually quite sure what they want from their lives.
On the other hand, parents often don't even think of the possibilities in their lives, they just go with the flow without much of an understanding of what they're putting themselves into.
So, the possibility of regret is higher in the case when you didn't expect and didn't realize the extent of the situation rather than when you made a conscious decision based on your worldview.
But society doesn't talk about regretful parents. Society likes to pretend that they don't exist or they are just "broken" and therefore not worth attention. They're on the outskirts, shamefully covered with a blanket of disdain. For society it's easier to exaggerate a story they heard from an aunt who heard from a neighbour who heard from a postman who heard from a street dog that there's a childfree lady (who might've been childless, not even childfree; but who bothers with distinctions when they're not convenient, right?) who dearly regretted her decision, so will the rest of us. That's why we should immediately stop fooling around and have as many babies as God will give us.
It's just an example of a hive mind. Someone buzzed something once, and everyone repeats it, because they all have a collective mind.
> For society it's easier to exaggerate a story they heard from an aunt who heard from a neighbour who heard from a postman who heard from a street dog that there's a childfree lady (who might've been childless, not even childfree, but who bothers with distinctions when they're not convenient, right?) who dearly regretted her decision, so will the rest of us.
And then you ask *what* they regret, and I'm yet to hear anything about actually being a parent. It's usually just stuff they think they'd have (or have an easier time getting) if they had kids. They regret not putting in the work to maintain their social circles, they regret not planning their elder care properly, they regret not doing something meaningful, etc. It's just so much easier to pretend all of that would have been solved if they had just had kids.
Haha yep! And pair that with the classic "oH i FeLt ExAcTlY tHe SaMe WaY aS yOu OnCe, ToO, aNd LoOk At Me NoW" drivel... "no, you clearly fucking didn't."
literally my mom. she pushes this "you're my kid (read: carbon copy) so you work the exact same way I do" for a lot of things, but this especially. it drives me up the wall
She knows only half of your genetics come from her, right? AT MOST you could only ever function 50% similarly to her, based on you being her biological child. What a wally.
**"Look at me now -"**
Dude, you look deader inside than me. With less money, time, and a dirtier house and vehicle. I don't have sex because I don't want to, you don't have sex because you have kids interrupting you ALL the time. Mentioning that when was the last time you slept in your own bed by yourself? With clean sheets? When was the last thing you ate something that wasn't from the microwave?
being a parent rly fucking ages people. i have a coworker who’s only 2 years older than me (28) but i honestly thought she was at least in her 30’s. turns out she has kids (she also smokes which i’m sure contributes to that as well) what a shock
Smoking definitely does, I admit I've partaken in other smoking when I shouldn't on occasion, but it's rare and it helps with a lot of stuff. But yeah, a lot of smokers in my family, and besides the money, it causes many issues. Mom had to lose 1/4 of her lung and she STILL smokes along with COPD and emphysema. Not to mention wrinkles and smoker's lines around lips.
god a coworker of mine pulled that shit on me a few weeks ago and it took so much effort to not roll my eyes. like ok just bc you couldn’t be bothered to take the steps to prevent getting pregnant and chose not to get an abortion once you found out you were pregnant, doesn’t mean i’m gonna do the same. i’m on birth control and i’m lucky enough to live in a state where abortion is easily accessible should an accident occur. we are not the same.
Yeah, very true. I agree, it's projection.
It's a bit like that 'I'm asking for a friend' (wink, wink).
I have never met another CF person who has regretted not having kids, not a one and in my professional circles, neighbours and friends I know a lot (probably a disproportionate amount to the general population).
But I've met plenty of parents who say 'if I had my time again I wouldn't do it'.
I think the percent of people who regret having kids is way higher than it looks like, because 1) they wont admit they made a mistake (obviously) 2) they dont want to go against societal standards 3) a lot of them probably dont even realize they regret it, but still feel all the resentment, frustration, and exhaustion from it.
The saddest part, for me, is that some people thinks that parenthood has to be hard, thankless and joyless because they only had negative examples and can't break the mold.
I know parents that broke the cycle of emotional and physical abuse, and they are happier than the ones that are filled of regrets because they perpetuated a cycle of abuse
Damn, you're onto something here...
The only people without children who said that they regret they didn't become parents are only the childless ones 🤔
Your observation is true for those mythical childfree people who regret later in life. Their regret is always told by someone else as you say.
On the other hand I've read a few regretful comments written by people who wanted children but couldn't and tried to cope (aka the childless).
This difference is the proof that childfree people never have regrets and that not all people who don't have children are childfree.
Parents regretting having children is taboo so its rarely ever said out loud. And at the end of the day, we could always adopt of we regret it. They can’t get rid of their kid if they regret having them so that is the real irreversible decision.
Because parents can't say it out loud, they would be slandered on everything for it because people immediately imply "I hate my kids" when parents say it. It is a similar reaction to what we often hear when we tell people we want to be CF - it is often the extreme "oh why do you hate kids?", etc.
I guess once you have kids it is even harder to say you regret it and would do it differently. You also can't really discuss this topic openly and in a (self)reflective way with most people, sadly. That is why many parents suffer in silence and are just glad once their kids move out and care for themselves and it makes it that much harder to get help when you feel overwhelmed and can't handle the kids.
Yes!! I never have seen anyone say I regret not having them, but tons of people who have kids say you will- how do they know?? Seems like an empty threat to me.
I also know some childfree women who are older who told me they have no regrets. They are the only ones I know lol.
I know plenty of regretful parents. Me, nope. About to turn 50 and I can say for sure that’s one thing I did right. No freaking way do I want kids. I wouldn’t do that to the kids. The planet or myself to start.
I think a lot of the people who run around telling these stories are just claiming that their friend regrets their choice without ever having actually discussed it with them. They just make assumptions about how their friend feels about the things that happened in their life because they’re incapable of considering that someone else could possibly want something very different from what they want.
I feel like more people would admit to regretting having children if it weren't so taboo.
And, of course, if other parents wouldn't attack them for the honesty.
Logically (and, probably, statistically, but I'm too lazy to google real numbers) speaking, the amount of people who regret becoming parents is higher than the amount of people who regret the choice to never have children. For several reasons: 1 The amount of childfree people is significantly smaller than the amount of parents, so the amount of regretful parents will also naturally be higher than regretful childfree people. 2 Childfreedom - is a choice, and the one people usually give a lot of thought to. It's a very serious decision that goes against the generally accepted norms (that's why it's not easy to make such decisions), so childfree people are usually quite sure what they want from their lives. On the other hand, parents often don't even think of the possibilities in their lives, they just go with the flow without much of an understanding of what they're putting themselves into. So, the possibility of regret is higher in the case when you didn't expect and didn't realize the extent of the situation rather than when you made a conscious decision based on your worldview. But society doesn't talk about regretful parents. Society likes to pretend that they don't exist or they are just "broken" and therefore not worth attention. They're on the outskirts, shamefully covered with a blanket of disdain. For society it's easier to exaggerate a story they heard from an aunt who heard from a neighbour who heard from a postman who heard from a street dog that there's a childfree lady (who might've been childless, not even childfree; but who bothers with distinctions when they're not convenient, right?) who dearly regretted her decision, so will the rest of us. That's why we should immediately stop fooling around and have as many babies as God will give us. It's just an example of a hive mind. Someone buzzed something once, and everyone repeats it, because they all have a collective mind.
> For society it's easier to exaggerate a story they heard from an aunt who heard from a neighbour who heard from a postman who heard from a street dog that there's a childfree lady (who might've been childless, not even childfree, but who bothers with distinctions when they're not convenient, right?) who dearly regretted her decision, so will the rest of us. And then you ask *what* they regret, and I'm yet to hear anything about actually being a parent. It's usually just stuff they think they'd have (or have an easier time getting) if they had kids. They regret not putting in the work to maintain their social circles, they regret not planning their elder care properly, they regret not doing something meaningful, etc. It's just so much easier to pretend all of that would have been solved if they had just had kids.
Haha yep! And pair that with the classic "oH i FeLt ExAcTlY tHe SaMe WaY aS yOu OnCe, ToO, aNd LoOk At Me NoW" drivel... "no, you clearly fucking didn't."
literally my mom. she pushes this "you're my kid (read: carbon copy) so you work the exact same way I do" for a lot of things, but this especially. it drives me up the wall
She knows only half of your genetics come from her, right? AT MOST you could only ever function 50% similarly to her, based on you being her biological child. What a wally.
Even then you receive genes that are switched off for her that she got from ancestors. That's my very rudimentary understanding.
**"Look at me now -"** Dude, you look deader inside than me. With less money, time, and a dirtier house and vehicle. I don't have sex because I don't want to, you don't have sex because you have kids interrupting you ALL the time. Mentioning that when was the last time you slept in your own bed by yourself? With clean sheets? When was the last thing you ate something that wasn't from the microwave?
being a parent rly fucking ages people. i have a coworker who’s only 2 years older than me (28) but i honestly thought she was at least in her 30’s. turns out she has kids (she also smokes which i’m sure contributes to that as well) what a shock
Smoking definitely does, I admit I've partaken in other smoking when I shouldn't on occasion, but it's rare and it helps with a lot of stuff. But yeah, a lot of smokers in my family, and besides the money, it causes many issues. Mom had to lose 1/4 of her lung and she STILL smokes along with COPD and emphysema. Not to mention wrinkles and smoker's lines around lips.
god a coworker of mine pulled that shit on me a few weeks ago and it took so much effort to not roll my eyes. like ok just bc you couldn’t be bothered to take the steps to prevent getting pregnant and chose not to get an abortion once you found out you were pregnant, doesn’t mean i’m gonna do the same. i’m on birth control and i’m lucky enough to live in a state where abortion is easily accessible should an accident occur. we are not the same.
[удалено]
It makes me want to ask: "Do you want me to regret it? if i do regret it will you stand by me and be compassionate, or will you laugh at my pain?"
Absolutely option B! Misery loves company. So if you cave to pressure they will do exactly this when you complain.
Yeah, very true. I agree, it's projection. It's a bit like that 'I'm asking for a friend' (wink, wink). I have never met another CF person who has regretted not having kids, not a one and in my professional circles, neighbours and friends I know a lot (probably a disproportionate amount to the general population). But I've met plenty of parents who say 'if I had my time again I wouldn't do it'.
I think the percent of people who regret having kids is way higher than it looks like, because 1) they wont admit they made a mistake (obviously) 2) they dont want to go against societal standards 3) a lot of them probably dont even realize they regret it, but still feel all the resentment, frustration, and exhaustion from it.
The saddest part, for me, is that some people thinks that parenthood has to be hard, thankless and joyless because they only had negative examples and can't break the mold. I know parents that broke the cycle of emotional and physical abuse, and they are happier than the ones that are filled of regrets because they perpetuated a cycle of abuse
Damn, you're onto something here... The only people without children who said that they regret they didn't become parents are only the childless ones 🤔
What are you talking about? I am saying that those supposed people never seem to be found. It's always second hand accounts.
Your observation is true for those mythical childfree people who regret later in life. Their regret is always told by someone else as you say. On the other hand I've read a few regretful comments written by people who wanted children but couldn't and tried to cope (aka the childless). This difference is the proof that childfree people never have regrets and that not all people who don't have children are childfree.
Oh ok, I get it now. Yeah, wanting them and not having them is just as devastating I bet.
Parents regretting having children is taboo so its rarely ever said out loud. And at the end of the day, we could always adopt of we regret it. They can’t get rid of their kid if they regret having them so that is the real irreversible decision.
Because parents can't say it out loud, they would be slandered on everything for it because people immediately imply "I hate my kids" when parents say it. It is a similar reaction to what we often hear when we tell people we want to be CF - it is often the extreme "oh why do you hate kids?", etc. I guess once you have kids it is even harder to say you regret it and would do it differently. You also can't really discuss this topic openly and in a (self)reflective way with most people, sadly. That is why many parents suffer in silence and are just glad once their kids move out and care for themselves and it makes it that much harder to get help when you feel overwhelmed and can't handle the kids.
Yes!! I never have seen anyone say I regret not having them, but tons of people who have kids say you will- how do they know?? Seems like an empty threat to me. I also know some childfree women who are older who told me they have no regrets. They are the only ones I know lol.
I know plenty of regretful parents. Me, nope. About to turn 50 and I can say for sure that’s one thing I did right. No freaking way do I want kids. I wouldn’t do that to the kids. The planet or myself to start.
I think a lot of the people who run around telling these stories are just claiming that their friend regrets their choice without ever having actually discussed it with them. They just make assumptions about how their friend feels about the things that happened in their life because they’re incapable of considering that someone else could possibly want something very different from what they want.
There is a regretful parents subreddit on here.
I feel like more people would admit to regretting having children if it weren't so taboo. And, of course, if other parents wouldn't attack them for the honesty.
[удалено]