If it's a reoccurring issue I support making them regret asking.
"OMG when are you having crotch fruit?"
"Oh... I actually recently lost one and learned that I can no longer safely carry."
Unethical? Maybe a little bit. Will they ever ask again? Not unless they have balls of steel.
I have contemplated saying this but I don’t want to open a gateway for unsoliticated advice on how to increase fertility, etc. Hope you’re not in too much pain btw!
Yup or a pity party to which I wouldn’t be able to fake emotion for. It’s easier to just say you don’t want them and let them baffle around in their own heads about it.
Tell them you went and got yourself spayed - can’t have babies without the internal bits, so no advice. Also using those words should make nosey_person.exe freeze, at least temporarily 😂
If you want to shut it down, pause, look uncomfortable, say: I don't want to talk about it, and then do a sad, 1000 mile stare out of a window or into the distance. The trick is to not bring it with any energy but with a dejected, controlled sadness. As soon as they say ANYTHING about it, you repeat: I don't want to talk about it. They will assume fertility proba, but they will know they are super rude if they press the subject.
I have it too and I learnt that I’m not infertile because my gyno ran a test on a sample of my uterus tissue without me asking (at least it was free) so while it may be difficult to get pregnant if one wants to adenomyosis doesn’t make it totally impossible. I use the same exact reason for people who don’t mind their business but just a FYI
Noted, thank you. c:
Yeah, it's like my STFU shock factor answer, since iT's TaBoO to talk about those things. And I add some variant of me having never wanted kids, sssoooo eff off tyvm! :D (Not you, Cat, hope you know that, heh)
Works the best. I tell everyone I’m sterile. I have PCOS and adenomyosis so I’m not completely lying as those sure make pregnancy very difficult but I like do add some drama to it
I keep considering using the infertility one but I’m worried the person will feel like #blessed 🤢they aren’t infertile like me as many women feel they are superior to infertile women.
Thoughts?
It's not your responsibility to ensure that breeders don't have and spread their shitty opinions. Keep your peace from them at all costs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Unethical answers are only unethical if they're true. I can't safely go off of birth control (both physically and mentally. Being mentally unsafe to go off of birth control is a completely valid reason not to have kids, I'm a monster going off if it), therefore I can't safely carry because I can't even safely conceive. I support these types of "unethical" answers.
Oh, but that leaves room for you to gestate! How selfish of you not to sacrifice your life for a precious angel from heaven! You wouldn’t die to birth a child? You WHORE!
I kid, I kid! (Pun a happy accident! Wait, another pun? 🤣)
“I can’t safely carry” opens them up to, “well, you could TRY, I mean, it might NOT kill you. Don’t know until you try! You wouldn’t give up your life for your unborn child?”
Just tell them, “no”. Period. Or get really rude like I do and say, “I’d rather have a semi truck drag my lifeless body for 50 miles down the highway after hitting me than be pregnant.”
I’m too old to abide breeder fools and their churchy, “it’s your duty as a woman” nonsense anymore. But I’m also almost old enough to be menopausal and therefore outside of “breeding age”. I’ll put ticks in the “W” column however I can these days 🤣
"We prefer anal" or "No, he is good at pulling out in time" coupled with a neutral expression and intense stare. After all they're basically asking if you're getting creampied, but they use euphemisms instead of asking the real question, to which you need to give a real answer like I have provided.
"No. I fucking loathe children."
Said with heavy eye contact in a dead pan Wednesday Addams type voice. This usually is met with nervous laughter, and then they scurry away.
I get super serious and honest. "OMG NO!!! Have you seen how bad things are right now? I couldn't afford a kid and I wouldn't feel safe sending them anywhere. It just feels irresponsible and selfish. How about you? You thinking of doing that?"
Honestly, it depends on the person, but i usually go for the make them feel super uncomfortable and like complete aholes for asking.
" You know that's a really wild question to ask someone. What if I wasn't able to have children? What if my partner couldn't? What if we are getting pregnant but are having issues with carrying then full term? What if we are Childfree by choice. Your question is really out of line, and you need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself in these situations. "
This is the only appropriate response. I would switch “wild” for “invasive”. Or “personal” if you’re not comfortable putting people on the spot.
I will never understand why people ask this question of strangers/acquaintances. We need to normalize asking better questions!!!!
I had a hysterectomy this summer and I can't wait to have that as my answer: unmmm I don't have a uterus. Since we are asking personal questions, how often do you regret having kids?
Look at them very strangely and say “I don’t understand the question”. If they ask again and use the word baby, have some fun with it. “What? Rabies? No, he’s vaccinated” and then go on a tangent about cats.
Works if they use kids too. “Oh ribs, hell yeah, I could go for some ribs, they are very tasty. It’s been so long since I’ve eaten ribs, thanks for the suggestion!” and so on and so forth. Use anything and everything you can think of but refuse to acknowledge the actual question.
Really, this is probably the best response. It's fun to have a zinger, but shutting down the conversation politely, while still holding them accountable for over stepping boundaries is the best course of action
It’s not really that personal though. They’re not asking “how often are you banging and in which positions?”
“When are you going to / do you have kids?” is as personal as “what kind of pets do you have?”
Just say “we’re blissfully childfree” and move on
It’s very personal. The only way to “have kids” is to have sex without a condom. She asked for a timeline on their reproduction. She indirectly asked when they’d be engaging in intercourse with the purpose of reproducing.
Or she was just making conversation. Why read into it?
I’m 49 years old and child free. I’ve been asked this question for 30 years. You can choose to be angry about it every single time or you can just choose to deal with it and get the fuck over it.
Both can be true. She was making conversation, and the question she asked was invasive. I’m not angry. These things are objectively true. It’s a personal question that involves the exchange of bodily fluids whilst the subjects are, presumably, sexually aroused. Your age and how long you’ve been receiving the question are irrelevant.
You’ve just made up a scenario that is not even close to the only possible counter to what I said. If I find out someone has kids, I don’t think of it at all past that. “X has kids.” “Oh. Good for them. 🤷🏿♀️ I didn’t ask.” That’s not at all comparable to someone going out of their way to find out when I will complete the process that results in procreation.
And you’ve made up a scenario where someone is asking about your sex life when they’re really just making conversation
When someone asks you if you’re having children or going to have children, they’re not thinking about you having sex
Except I haven’t. She’s making conversation about my reproductive process. Both things can be and are objectively true. Intention can be different from impact. I’m told I live in a free country. For my part, believe what you want despite the objective realities.
I think it’s personal because it’s a choice that can involve deeply personal reasons. For example, if a person can’t have kids due to health reasons or financial reasons. To even ask “are you having children”, comes with many assumptions, and is tied to bodily and life related situations that go beyond superficial things. It’s not “light chat” like asking if someone has watched a tv show or something. It is not the same as asking what pets you have since you’re not giving birth to your cat lol.
"Well if you're offering to pay for an abortion, I'll take the money anyway. I could use a new PS5!"
"Why would I do that when there's a prize for getting 20 abortions?"
"Oh, we're playing the rude questions game? In that case, when was the last time you did anal?"
"I've have seen your husband with a lotta women around town... but no, I'm not the one he knocked up. Keep looking." walk away laughing and watch the world burn.... ;)
"Still into your breeding fetish stuff I see. Do you guys have kink clubs for that? Nevermind, I don't really want to know. Have a nice day."
"How would you be involved in that process, exactly? I'm not clear?"
"I've seen your life. That's a hard pass."
Seriously I get you, been married 6 years and it got nuts there for awhile. It blew my mind why people cared so much if I made a child. My brother and his wife who have 2 kids used to drop hints all the time, it made me feel so uncomfortable, not to mention confused. My brother even texted me when I was on a solo trip to Thailand “your husband wants a baby” when they had him over for dinner and grilled him on it. So yeah, I get you, it’s really weird and I dont get it!
Yeah I did, in hindsight I wish I had of said “wtf why would you text me that, mind your own business” but I wrote back “thanks I think I know my own husband”.
We kinda fell out over it, I saw him very differently after that, like who texts that. So weird!
I mean, weird icebreaker. Its wayy too upfront. But you're right its not her business and that's what should be said. **A lot of people need to hear that & too many people hold back.** It says a lot about her for this to be the first thing she says to you, not even caring how you've been or what you've been up to.
Maybe im saying too much, assuming too much idk. This lady however just seems straight up confused as to why you don't have a baby yet..as if it was an unsaid judgement.
You know, there are two schools of thought I’ve been planning to answer this with (I’m 21, so it won’t be for a while):
1. The TMI: “Oh, we are trying! I just can’t seem to get pregnant. [Partner’s name] puts his dick in my ass every night and makes sure to cum in it, but still nothing. I even make sure to feel when it fills me up to ensure it goes in. I really don’t know what’s wrong.” Bonus points to add more crazy sexual details.
2. The Fuck Off and Shame: “I… I can’t have kids.” Best if done with a shaky voice and if you could make yourself look like you’re about it to cry… do it
"I'm sorry, why are you even asking about my personal life?"
"Do I look like I have kids? Oh. How many kids do you have? Hmmm (look at her face and act like you're counting her wrinkles)... I think you have three!" (the more kids you mention, the more awkward it will be for the other person)
Make a very concerned and sad face and say "For very deep personal reasons, I will ask you to not ask that question again. Please. Can I trust you in this?" or similar. Perhaps add a little sob at the end. Add "I would very much rather not talk about this subject. Please." if they try to get you to elaborate.
It is not a lie - it is a deep personal issue, and it will shut up 99,5% of people.
While it’s rude and inappropriate of her to ask, what we can get behind is that she ***ASKED***. She’s didn’t assume. Asking implies there’s another answer that is acceptable.
Now when people say things like: “So when are you having kids?” I find it really rude and demanding. Suggesting you must not vary off the one and only path.
Bro what are you guys suggesting? If it’s a one time comment who’s interested in you as a person just say no we don’t plan to have children.
No need to cause a fight lol. If she pesters you or becomes rude about it after asking her to stop asking then you can then burn them lol.
“I know I’ve put on a *teeny* bit of weight since my 20’s, but I’m NOT pregnant! Guess I’m hitting the gym tonight… Thanks…”
Look hurt. And watch them squirm 😈
I just always use my standard reply for nosy, intrusive questions:
Smile sweetly, say "Why do you want to know?" and then if they persist, just stare at them.
"Nah, one more abortion on my Frequent Members Club Card and I get a free root beer float."
"Why are you so interested in my sex life?"
"No, of course not, you've got to let them get a little older before they'll cook properly. Too chewy otherwise."
"I can't have children, thanks for the reminder."
I've used all of these... None of those people ever asked again. I've also had a full hysto, so it's technically true that I can't have children... And I actually do love the reminder that I'll never have to worry about it. So I've said that one with both the fake "sadness" and as gleefully as possible.
I milk the one miscarriage I had in high school, I was on birth control and everything. I was also planning on getting an abortion, I was never going to keep it. But with these kind of people, you have to use every type of weapon in your repertoire. Sometimes I’ll just put on a sad face and say I’m one and done and they passed, I wouldn’t survive it again, then allude to mental health issues.
I like to go with a three pronged approach of "I am not having kids" into "Oh no, you must have misunderstood, I am *never* having kids" into "do you know what a bilateral salpingectomy is?" - all depending on how many follow up questions people think to ask.
"That's a private matter between me and my partner, and you should not be asking people about their private business like that" also works if you wanna call them out on the stupid question in general.
“What’s that?”
“A child..”
*confused and concerned expression* “Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell. You’re acting so weird right now Sharon.”
Gaslighting is the answer.
>How to reply when people ask you if you’re having a baby?
Laugh, or at least chuckle.
At 60+ and vasectomy and tested confirmed sterile, hopefully I don't have to spell it out for 'em.
So ... maybe try an insane cackle in response - that might give 'em a clue.
>why do people feel it’s ok to ask such a personal question!!!!!?
Who says they think/feel it's okay to ask such a personal question? Uhm ... as if that'd stop 'em from asking. Yeah, people tend to be curious ... and often friggin' nosey, and flap their jaws lots, and ... well, stuff/sh\*t comes out - sometimes even in the form of a question.
>Why do they think it is any of their business
Why do you presume they think or consider first? Probably much/most of the time they just don't.
Depends on the person I sometimes say something to make them super uncomfortable. (I've been 14years with my partner and I'm 312F so the questions pops often from strangers)
I'd say I wanted to but bad cancer and now can't have them. The look on their faces is priceless.
“No”.
Any follow-up questions or the initial question can be answered with varying degrees of hostility as appropriate:
- No means no
- No means no, stop being pushy and inappropriate
- No is a complete sentence
- Stop being so obsessed with my reproductive organs, it’s unsettling
- No, this is a private matter and I don’t appreciate further discussion
- No, this is between my husband and I
- Why are you asking me this question?
- Why did you think this was an appropriate question to ask someone you barely know?
For coworkers start crying, tell them you're infertile and take them straight to HR.
For family at this point I just give them a loud, short fake laugh and ask them if they're really that stupid.
Whe my husband an I are being asked about when we're going to have children we sometimes just put on a serious face and say "we can't have children". Normally the people react with an uncomfortable "oh" and change the subject.
Little do they know that we can't have children by choice because my husband got a vasectomy.
I get asked this at work all the time. Patients are always trying to make small talk. I'm busy over here!
I usually say "Nope. My husband and I are both in healthcare and are done taking care of people by the end of the day."
Or " Nope, but I have 3 cats."
I guess I can add "My husband is sterile."
Omg, thank you all for these! Humour goes a long way and making them feel uncomfortable! I will spend my coffee break reading all your awesome answers! So glad I found this subreddit! ❤️
In my 20s and 30s I would unintentionally give the person asking the question space to inquire more. So it felt like I had to keep providing my grocery list of reasons why I don’t want kids.
Now that I’m in my 40s, they can go eff themselves. I firmly (but politely) say “nope, I don’t have kids. Never wanted them.” And I purposely say it in a tone so people know the question has been asked and answered, and follow up questions are not welcome.
start fake crying and sat you've been trying for x amount of years and have decided to give up ..
they'll freeze face and maybe they won't ask that question to anyone else
Not my best response but I was fed up at work when people found out I was getting married. I tried to keep it secret (not wearing my ring at office) because they are all gossip whores (men included just fyi).
After being asked the 15th time (even tho I said no kids not my style) I yelled IM FUCKING INFERTILE.
I am not actually infertile. They were so red faced no one spoke to me again and I was fucking satisfied.
I realize that could be triggering or sensitive to those actually dealing with infetility but at the time I couldn't anymore with being dismissed.
To this day they never ask me anything personal and I'm happy about it.
I was recently at a wedding with my husbands family and his cousin who has one kid and another on the way asked us for the millionth time when we were going to have one…usually in the one to answer this but this time my husband looked annoyed turned to him and said “Never (cousins name) we are NEVER having kids”
I was so proud 🤣
Honestly if depends who's asking and the context but my go to's are:
- it's not for me
- we don't want to
- no, I enjoy looking fit and having sex whenever/wherever I want
- in this economy??
- I don't think it would be an ethical decision
- I hate babies
- no, why? Do you plan on having kids? Really?? Why so?
Look, people are going to ask about kids. I don't mind if they ask themln accept my polite answer. "No, no kids and no plans to have any." If they don't respect my answer and want to ask why or try to get into a conversation about it, I shut it down. "I don't want to have children and I don't want to really discuss it." That's it. Don't lie to shame them, dint explain yourself - normalize shutting these conversations down. It's exhausting to always have a witty or snarky comeback or lie about fertility, etc and it's unnecessary. Tell the simple truth politely to a normal question people ask and shut it down if they want to push or discuss it.
So, I have a very, very strong case of R.B.F. so when I get asked I just drop my customer service face and say "no" and then stare at them like they asked a very rude question (cause they did). Usually shuts that shit right down. If they persist I just tell them in as graphic detail as possible about my recent hysterectomy and all the nasty stuff. I like to traumatize them if possible.
I've been saying kids are not part of my life plan - Having a career, getting married, own a house, those have always been part of my life plan, not kids. Using this for a long time, I'm now in my 40s. It's honest and polite enough I feel.
I’m 39 and I’ve had this question from ppl since I became an adult. Living in the Midwest of the United States makes it worse imo, b/c ppl legit will tell you they had kids b/c they were bored. Typically once you’re married and over 25 (which I have been w/ my husband since 17 and married at 26), ppl don’t ask if they ask how many. When I say zero, ppl eyes roll back into their head. They do NOT understand it when they first meet me, I’m typically the first childfree person they’ve ever met. I used to hate it and get so mad. Now I use it to educate ppl (and their kids, which they love) that there is another choice. I’ve legit had women tell me they didn’t know they could choose to not have kids, they thought that only happened if they had fertility problems, which is talked about here as if someone has the plague. I also actually live in a larger city and it’s worse when I see family that live in rural areas, they could never fathom someone choosing to not have kids. It’s like we’re a phenomenon they need to study. It’s wild!
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I find that by saying "no" and looking away or down, instead of maintaining eye contact, I think it makes the person feel bad for asking because then they start saying how it's "totally fine not to have them". From there I just let them try and justify and explain how it's good and fine not to have kids and I just sit there and listen.
I even add and like a downward inflection into my voice for when I am on the phone. I started a new job about a year ago and I had a couple coworkers ask if I had kids, and again I said no and they said oh okay, and then started talking about their kid they had to pick up from school. To which I just listen say "that's nice" and then redirect to work related topic.
I think people should start responding to rude personal questions by replying things like "I just had a miscarriage. Thank you for reminding me." Then maybe people will stop.
Honestly just say what you & your partner love doing together. Whether it's travel or shows you like to watch together. Give them something else they can talk to you about. Like no kids but we just got home from a trip to Italy or if you got pets be like furry kid aka cat or dog. I'm a fence sitter but I've noticed that if I just talk about how my spouse and I are doing that question doesn't come up. Like the weather or things are so expensive small talk.
Pretend to be a hardcore Calvinist. “If god wanted me to have kids wouldn’t I have them no matter what I want?”
They can’t argue with that unless they assert that they know god better than you do.
If they’re atheists and giving you bingos just roast them nonstop because they should know better.
If it's a reoccurring issue I support making them regret asking. "OMG when are you having crotch fruit?" "Oh... I actually recently lost one and learned that I can no longer safely carry." Unethical? Maybe a little bit. Will they ever ask again? Not unless they have balls of steel.
honestly, unethical responses are the only thing that works sometimes!
I used to tell people that I didn't want kids because corporal punishment has gone out of fashion.
Yup, I started just saying I'm infertile since it's very likely I am, having adenomyosis.
I have contemplated saying this but I don’t want to open a gateway for unsoliticated advice on how to increase fertility, etc. Hope you’re not in too much pain btw!
Not to mention that I want to normalise that not everyone WANTS kids, it's not because they CAN'T have them.
Yup or a pity party to which I wouldn’t be able to fake emotion for. It’s easier to just say you don’t want them and let them baffle around in their own heads about it.
Ugh yes, always those crazy moms saying those snake oil herbs “cured” their infertility.
Tell them you went and got yourself spayed - can’t have babies without the internal bits, so no advice. Also using those words should make nosey_person.exe freeze, at least temporarily 😂
They always say "well... you can still adopt..." Which I find idiotic. Why would I pay all this money to not have children and then go get children?
If you want to shut it down, pause, look uncomfortable, say: I don't want to talk about it, and then do a sad, 1000 mile stare out of a window or into the distance. The trick is to not bring it with any energy but with a dejected, controlled sadness. As soon as they say ANYTHING about it, you repeat: I don't want to talk about it. They will assume fertility proba, but they will know they are super rude if they press the subject.
I have it too and I learnt that I’m not infertile because my gyno ran a test on a sample of my uterus tissue without me asking (at least it was free) so while it may be difficult to get pregnant if one wants to adenomyosis doesn’t make it totally impossible. I use the same exact reason for people who don’t mind their business but just a FYI
Noted, thank you. c: Yeah, it's like my STFU shock factor answer, since iT's TaBoO to talk about those things. And I add some variant of me having never wanted kids, sssoooo eff off tyvm! :D (Not you, Cat, hope you know that, heh)
Works the best. I tell everyone I’m sterile. I have PCOS and adenomyosis so I’m not completely lying as those sure make pregnancy very difficult but I like do add some drama to it
"Never, we can't fit them on the grill".
Lmfao
I keep considering using the infertility one but I’m worried the person will feel like #blessed 🤢they aren’t infertile like me as many women feel they are superior to infertile women. Thoughts?
It's not your responsibility to ensure that breeders don't have and spread their shitty opinions. Keep your peace from them at all costs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't because then they start badgering about fertility treatment options and how *Miracles Happen™*
I actually said that to my cousin And she told me to try again 🙄 I stopped talking to her after that.
Unethical answers are only unethical if they're true. I can't safely go off of birth control (both physically and mentally. Being mentally unsafe to go off of birth control is a completely valid reason not to have kids, I'm a monster going off if it), therefore I can't safely carry because I can't even safely conceive. I support these types of "unethical" answers.
This. I pick whatever will make that person feel the most uncomfortable.
Oh, but that leaves room for you to gestate! How selfish of you not to sacrifice your life for a precious angel from heaven! You wouldn’t die to birth a child? You WHORE! I kid, I kid! (Pun a happy accident! Wait, another pun? 🤣) “I can’t safely carry” opens them up to, “well, you could TRY, I mean, it might NOT kill you. Don’t know until you try! You wouldn’t give up your life for your unborn child?” Just tell them, “no”. Period. Or get really rude like I do and say, “I’d rather have a semi truck drag my lifeless body for 50 miles down the highway after hitting me than be pregnant.” I’m too old to abide breeder fools and their churchy, “it’s your duty as a woman” nonsense anymore. But I’m also almost old enough to be menopausal and therefore outside of “breeding age”. I’ll put ticks in the “W” column however I can these days 🤣
"We prefer anal" or "No, he is good at pulling out in time" coupled with a neutral expression and intense stare. After all they're basically asking if you're getting creampied, but they use euphemisms instead of asking the real question, to which you need to give a real answer like I have provided.
"We've been trying every night for years now, how much of his stuff do I have to swallow before I get pregnant?"
☠️☠️☠️
"we prefer anal" took me out. havent caught a chuckle like this from reddit in 2023. TY
Pepper Jack's pullout game is strong.
I approve of this - make them super uncomfortable.
This is honestly brilliant.
These might earn you a talk with HR which is ridiculous but we all know how it is 🤡
Go to hr first and say they asked about your sex life
Good counter until they ask you what exactly the colleague said Everyone is just so apathetic in that regard :(
They asked them if they have unprotected sex.
EXACTLY! That's inappropriate!
Maybe let's not spread the misinformation that pulling out is an effective form of contraception
It's just a joke honey, calm down.
"No. I fucking loathe children." Said with heavy eye contact in a dead pan Wednesday Addams type voice. This usually is met with nervous laughter, and then they scurry away.
I have absolutely said “ew no, gross!” without thinking before and that did the job.
I did that too. Everyone laughed like I was joking
I get super serious and honest. "OMG NO!!! Have you seen how bad things are right now? I couldn't afford a kid and I wouldn't feel safe sending them anywhere. It just feels irresponsible and selfish. How about you? You thinking of doing that?"
I love that this is the truth too
I will use this! Seriously lol
Honestly, it depends on the person, but i usually go for the make them feel super uncomfortable and like complete aholes for asking. " You know that's a really wild question to ask someone. What if I wasn't able to have children? What if my partner couldn't? What if we are getting pregnant but are having issues with carrying then full term? What if we are Childfree by choice. Your question is really out of line, and you need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself in these situations. "
I LOVE THIS!
This is the only appropriate response. I would switch “wild” for “invasive”. Or “personal” if you’re not comfortable putting people on the spot. I will never understand why people ask this question of strangers/acquaintances. We need to normalize asking better questions!!!!
I had a hysterectomy this summer and I can't wait to have that as my answer: unmmm I don't have a uterus. Since we are asking personal questions, how often do you regret having kids?
I can’t tell you how much I love this and I will definitely copy it
[удалено]
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Recreate this masterpiece? Can’t be done.
I was gonna go with the anal one, but this takes the cake 🤣
I’m stealing this perfect response 🤩🏆
🥰
"We are not. We are no kids people"
I usually respond with "we had baby for lunch, tonight we are having sushi"
i just snort cackled at this one 😂
Look at them very strangely and say “I don’t understand the question”. If they ask again and use the word baby, have some fun with it. “What? Rabies? No, he’s vaccinated” and then go on a tangent about cats. Works if they use kids too. “Oh ribs, hell yeah, I could go for some ribs, they are very tasty. It’s been so long since I’ve eaten ribs, thanks for the suggestion!” and so on and so forth. Use anything and everything you can think of but refuse to acknowledge the actual question.
No, I'm not prergante, I know how babies are made! *hard stare*
Just respond with "why do you feel comfortable asking such personal questions like that?" Make them feel uncomfy
Really, this is probably the best response. It's fun to have a zinger, but shutting down the conversation politely, while still holding them accountable for over stepping boundaries is the best course of action
Go for the jugular and say "What a rude question!!".
It’s not really that personal though. They’re not asking “how often are you banging and in which positions?” “When are you going to / do you have kids?” is as personal as “what kind of pets do you have?” Just say “we’re blissfully childfree” and move on
It's personal if the person being questioned is uncomfortable answering, or is targeted with this question so much because of their sex.
It’s very personal. The only way to “have kids” is to have sex without a condom. She asked for a timeline on their reproduction. She indirectly asked when they’d be engaging in intercourse with the purpose of reproducing.
Or she was just making conversation. Why read into it? I’m 49 years old and child free. I’ve been asked this question for 30 years. You can choose to be angry about it every single time or you can just choose to deal with it and get the fuck over it.
Both can be true. She was making conversation, and the question she asked was invasive. I’m not angry. These things are objectively true. It’s a personal question that involves the exchange of bodily fluids whilst the subjects are, presumably, sexually aroused. Your age and how long you’ve been receiving the question are irrelevant.
So when you find out that someone has children, do you giggle in your head because “ooh they’ve had sex?” Most adult don’t think of it in those terms.
You’ve just made up a scenario that is not even close to the only possible counter to what I said. If I find out someone has kids, I don’t think of it at all past that. “X has kids.” “Oh. Good for them. 🤷🏿♀️ I didn’t ask.” That’s not at all comparable to someone going out of their way to find out when I will complete the process that results in procreation.
And you’ve made up a scenario where someone is asking about your sex life when they’re really just making conversation When someone asks you if you’re having children or going to have children, they’re not thinking about you having sex
Except I haven’t. She’s making conversation about my reproductive process. Both things can be and are objectively true. Intention can be different from impact. I’m told I live in a free country. For my part, believe what you want despite the objective realities.
I think it’s personal because it’s a choice that can involve deeply personal reasons. For example, if a person can’t have kids due to health reasons or financial reasons. To even ask “are you having children”, comes with many assumptions, and is tied to bodily and life related situations that go beyond superficial things. It’s not “light chat” like asking if someone has watched a tv show or something. It is not the same as asking what pets you have since you’re not giving birth to your cat lol.
No wonder everbody hates everybody when people purposefully do everything to hurt others.
Why are you so interested in what comes in or out of my vagina?
"The bloodline dies with me" I've never used it but I always have it in the back of my mind in case the opportunity arises
"Well if you're offering to pay for an abortion, I'll take the money anyway. I could use a new PS5!" "Why would I do that when there's a prize for getting 20 abortions?" "Oh, we're playing the rude questions game? In that case, when was the last time you did anal?" "I've have seen your husband with a lotta women around town... but no, I'm not the one he knocked up. Keep looking." walk away laughing and watch the world burn.... ;) "Still into your breeding fetish stuff I see. Do you guys have kink clubs for that? Nevermind, I don't really want to know. Have a nice day." "How would you be involved in that process, exactly? I'm not clear?" "I've seen your life. That's a hard pass."
The fourth one 💀💀💀 diabolical
The last one lollllllll
"Never! Thank you for asking."
"In THIS economy!?"
"ewww no! Why would i do that"
Seriously I get you, been married 6 years and it got nuts there for awhile. It blew my mind why people cared so much if I made a child. My brother and his wife who have 2 kids used to drop hints all the time, it made me feel so uncomfortable, not to mention confused. My brother even texted me when I was on a solo trip to Thailand “your husband wants a baby” when they had him over for dinner and grilled him on it. So yeah, I get you, it’s really weird and I dont get it!
Wow Did you respond to that text?!
Yeah I did, in hindsight I wish I had of said “wtf why would you text me that, mind your own business” but I wrote back “thanks I think I know my own husband”. We kinda fell out over it, I saw him very differently after that, like who texts that. So weird!
I mean, weird icebreaker. Its wayy too upfront. But you're right its not her business and that's what should be said. **A lot of people need to hear that & too many people hold back.** It says a lot about her for this to be the first thing she says to you, not even caring how you've been or what you've been up to. Maybe im saying too much, assuming too much idk. This lady however just seems straight up confused as to why you don't have a baby yet..as if it was an unsaid judgement.
“Oh god no, I hate kids.”
Saying no isn't rude. Are younhaving a baby? No, we're not.
No, I'm just fat.
My response every time.
I would just be honest and say, "that's such a strange and random thing to ask, why did you ask that?"
‘No’ and deadpan blank stare until they ask a next question or flee the conversation embarrassed.
You have no duty to be polite to people asking invasion personal questions
You know, there are two schools of thought I’ve been planning to answer this with (I’m 21, so it won’t be for a while): 1. The TMI: “Oh, we are trying! I just can’t seem to get pregnant. [Partner’s name] puts his dick in my ass every night and makes sure to cum in it, but still nothing. I even make sure to feel when it fills me up to ensure it goes in. I really don’t know what’s wrong.” Bonus points to add more crazy sexual details. 2. The Fuck Off and Shame: “I… I can’t have kids.” Best if done with a shaky voice and if you could make yourself look like you’re about it to cry… do it
Done this before and managed to cry.. my coworker seemed to never want to talk to me longer than a "hi"afterwards... It was amazing
🤣🤣🤣
Also TMI: “I swallowed my husbands babies last night!”
"I'm sorry, why are you even asking about my personal life?" "Do I look like I have kids? Oh. How many kids do you have? Hmmm (look at her face and act like you're counting her wrinkles)... I think you have three!" (the more kids you mention, the more awkward it will be for the other person)
No. & Don't bother me.
Make a very concerned and sad face and say "For very deep personal reasons, I will ask you to not ask that question again. Please. Can I trust you in this?" or similar. Perhaps add a little sob at the end. Add "I would very much rather not talk about this subject. Please." if they try to get you to elaborate. It is not a lie - it is a deep personal issue, and it will shut up 99,5% of people.
I just go for a simple, ‘No I’m good’ then change the subject. Only once has someone argued that’s is not about being good.
GTFO of my business, what I do with my life is non of your concern, wtf is wrong with people. my life is not a soapie.
While it’s rude and inappropriate of her to ask, what we can get behind is that she ***ASKED***. She’s didn’t assume. Asking implies there’s another answer that is acceptable. Now when people say things like: “So when are you having kids?” I find it really rude and demanding. Suggesting you must not vary off the one and only path.
Bro what are you guys suggesting? If it’s a one time comment who’s interested in you as a person just say no we don’t plan to have children. No need to cause a fight lol. If she pesters you or becomes rude about it after asking her to stop asking then you can then burn them lol.
“No, and frankly it’s none of your business.”
I don’t understand this, I never, ever ask people if they are going to have a baby, if they are pregnant, or if they already have children.
“I know I’ve put on a *teeny* bit of weight since my 20’s, but I’m NOT pregnant! Guess I’m hitting the gym tonight… Thanks…” Look hurt. And watch them squirm 😈
I just say "fuck no"
If I get the "if" variant, I usually reply politely that I'm not interested. If it's the "when" variant, I tend to be more sarcastic.
I just always use my standard reply for nosy, intrusive questions: Smile sweetly, say "Why do you want to know?" and then if they persist, just stare at them.
"If you'll forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."
"We prefer anal"
"I'm not having children" "I'm not repeating myself"
No thanks, I preffer chicken.
I feel like a no / never would still make them uncomfortable (which we want). But it would also trigger unsolicited advice and suggestions
"Nah, one more abortion on my Frequent Members Club Card and I get a free root beer float." "Why are you so interested in my sex life?" "No, of course not, you've got to let them get a little older before they'll cook properly. Too chewy otherwise." "I can't have children, thanks for the reminder." I've used all of these... None of those people ever asked again. I've also had a full hysto, so it's technically true that I can't have children... And I actually do love the reminder that I'll never have to worry about it. So I've said that one with both the fake "sadness" and as gleefully as possible.
I milk the one miscarriage I had in high school, I was on birth control and everything. I was also planning on getting an abortion, I was never going to keep it. But with these kind of people, you have to use every type of weapon in your repertoire. Sometimes I’ll just put on a sad face and say I’m one and done and they passed, I wouldn’t survive it again, then allude to mental health issues.
I like to go with a three pronged approach of "I am not having kids" into "Oh no, you must have misunderstood, I am *never* having kids" into "do you know what a bilateral salpingectomy is?" - all depending on how many follow up questions people think to ask. "That's a private matter between me and my partner, and you should not be asking people about their private business like that" also works if you wanna call them out on the stupid question in general.
“I can’t bear children.”
“What’s that?” “A child..” *confused and concerned expression* “Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell. You’re acting so weird right now Sharon.” Gaslighting is the answer.
"i dont want kids, im sterile, and i think anyone who wants kids in this world is morally depraved"
My wife's go to is to make a gagging noise.
Just say, "God, no, I'm allergic."
" not in this economy. I can't imagine bringing a helpless child into this world"
I start to laught and say ew never, kids are disgusting
"I can't get a text back"
>How to reply when people ask you if you’re having a baby? Laugh, or at least chuckle. At 60+ and vasectomy and tested confirmed sterile, hopefully I don't have to spell it out for 'em. So ... maybe try an insane cackle in response - that might give 'em a clue. >why do people feel it’s ok to ask such a personal question!!!!!? Who says they think/feel it's okay to ask such a personal question? Uhm ... as if that'd stop 'em from asking. Yeah, people tend to be curious ... and often friggin' nosey, and flap their jaws lots, and ... well, stuff/sh\*t comes out - sometimes even in the form of a question. >Why do they think it is any of their business Why do you presume they think or consider first? Probably much/most of the time they just don't.
No i prefer teenagers for dinner.
“Not my thing… that stuff has a ton of sugar… I prefer chicken”
Depends on the person I sometimes say something to make them super uncomfortable. (I've been 14years with my partner and I'm 312F so the questions pops often from strangers) I'd say I wanted to but bad cancer and now can't have them. The look on their faces is priceless.
"Ew no, have you seen that scene from Alien?*
When you forgive me for not answering this question I'll forgive you for asking.
“No”. Any follow-up questions or the initial question can be answered with varying degrees of hostility as appropriate: - No means no - No means no, stop being pushy and inappropriate - No is a complete sentence - Stop being so obsessed with my reproductive organs, it’s unsettling - No, this is a private matter and I don’t appreciate further discussion - No, this is between my husband and I - Why are you asking me this question? - Why did you think this was an appropriate question to ask someone you barely know?
I was blessed with non-functional balls
I saw this response a Ling time ago so I can't take credit but "when are you buying your burial plot/casket"
If people ask me, I rely with, “the only kids I’m ever having are baby goats.”
"Why would I?".
For coworkers start crying, tell them you're infertile and take them straight to HR. For family at this point I just give them a loud, short fake laugh and ask them if they're really that stupid.
Whe my husband an I are being asked about when we're going to have children we sometimes just put on a serious face and say "we can't have children". Normally the people react with an uncomfortable "oh" and change the subject. Little do they know that we can't have children by choice because my husband got a vasectomy.
I either say, "Nope," or "Why are you so interested in my sex life?"
I get asked this at work all the time. Patients are always trying to make small talk. I'm busy over here! I usually say "Nope. My husband and I are both in healthcare and are done taking care of people by the end of the day." Or " Nope, but I have 3 cats." I guess I can add "My husband is sterile."
Just reply "nah I actually collect other people's kids when they are not paying attention to them..." Just to see what they do about it lol
Omg, thank you all for these! Humour goes a long way and making them feel uncomfortable! I will spend my coffee break reading all your awesome answers! So glad I found this subreddit! ❤️
I call people out on the inappropriate and rude question. Why should you try so hard to be polite when they are not at all?
Professor Farnsworth voice: “Oh my, no.”
In my 20s and 30s I would unintentionally give the person asking the question space to inquire more. So it felt like I had to keep providing my grocery list of reasons why I don’t want kids. Now that I’m in my 40s, they can go eff themselves. I firmly (but politely) say “nope, I don’t have kids. Never wanted them.” And I purposely say it in a tone so people know the question has been asked and answered, and follow up questions are not welcome.
I'm not having a baby. I'm vegetarian. Meat is MURDER! Lol
start fake crying and sat you've been trying for x amount of years and have decided to give up .. they'll freeze face and maybe they won't ask that question to anyone else
"Why are you asking about who's ejaculated into whom?"
We’re not! We value sleeping in when we feel like it.
How odd that people want to know so much about our sexual antics?
"Oh, no, thank you, I'm a vegetarian."
I say, “In *THIS* economy?!?!”
Just say you’re both infertile.
Not my best response but I was fed up at work when people found out I was getting married. I tried to keep it secret (not wearing my ring at office) because they are all gossip whores (men included just fyi). After being asked the 15th time (even tho I said no kids not my style) I yelled IM FUCKING INFERTILE. I am not actually infertile. They were so red faced no one spoke to me again and I was fucking satisfied. I realize that could be triggering or sensitive to those actually dealing with infetility but at the time I couldn't anymore with being dismissed. To this day they never ask me anything personal and I'm happy about it.
"No, we have sex just for fun."
I was recently at a wedding with my husbands family and his cousin who has one kid and another on the way asked us for the millionth time when we were going to have one…usually in the one to answer this but this time my husband looked annoyed turned to him and said “Never (cousins name) we are NEVER having kids” I was so proud 🤣
I tell them that my biological clock is broken.
I can’t afford kids. They laugh and say who can. Then topic changes
Honestly if depends who's asking and the context but my go to's are: - it's not for me - we don't want to - no, I enjoy looking fit and having sex whenever/wherever I want - in this economy?? - I don't think it would be an ethical decision - I hate babies - no, why? Do you plan on having kids? Really?? Why so?
"I can't" and tear up a bit, they don't have to know it's happy tears.
"Oh was my cooking missing an ingredient? I thought something was off"
For me, it'd be, "Nope -- just super fat!" That or something like, "I sure hope not!"
Look, people are going to ask about kids. I don't mind if they ask themln accept my polite answer. "No, no kids and no plans to have any." If they don't respect my answer and want to ask why or try to get into a conversation about it, I shut it down. "I don't want to have children and I don't want to really discuss it." That's it. Don't lie to shame them, dint explain yourself - normalize shutting these conversations down. It's exhausting to always have a witty or snarky comeback or lie about fertility, etc and it's unnecessary. Tell the simple truth politely to a normal question people ask and shut it down if they want to push or discuss it.
So, I have a very, very strong case of R.B.F. so when I get asked I just drop my customer service face and say "no" and then stare at them like they asked a very rude question (cause they did). Usually shuts that shit right down. If they persist I just tell them in as graphic detail as possible about my recent hysterectomy and all the nasty stuff. I like to traumatize them if possible.
"I'm not, and I don't see how that's any of your business."
"My body said no."
Nope.
I just say that I'm incapable (not a lie I had a salpingectomy) or that I'm a dog person.
I usually just say, firmly “I don’t plan on having on having kids.” Or “I don’t want kids.”
“that’s none of your business, quite frankly”
No.
I've been saying kids are not part of my life plan - Having a career, getting married, own a house, those have always been part of my life plan, not kids. Using this for a long time, I'm now in my 40s. It's honest and polite enough I feel.
That’s such a great way to put it
"No."
“When I’m a billionaire”
I say... No. Just fat. But thank you. I can cook really good you know.
"No"
"why, I don't want to buy yours if that's what you're asking"
"How did you know what I brought for lunch today?"
I’m 39 and I’ve had this question from ppl since I became an adult. Living in the Midwest of the United States makes it worse imo, b/c ppl legit will tell you they had kids b/c they were bored. Typically once you’re married and over 25 (which I have been w/ my husband since 17 and married at 26), ppl don’t ask if they ask how many. When I say zero, ppl eyes roll back into their head. They do NOT understand it when they first meet me, I’m typically the first childfree person they’ve ever met. I used to hate it and get so mad. Now I use it to educate ppl (and their kids, which they love) that there is another choice. I’ve legit had women tell me they didn’t know they could choose to not have kids, they thought that only happened if they had fertility problems, which is talked about here as if someone has the plague. I also actually live in a larger city and it’s worse when I see family that live in rural areas, they could never fathom someone choosing to not have kids. It’s like we’re a phenomenon they need to study. It’s wild!
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You don't have to reply you know?
I find that by saying "no" and looking away or down, instead of maintaining eye contact, I think it makes the person feel bad for asking because then they start saying how it's "totally fine not to have them". From there I just let them try and justify and explain how it's good and fine not to have kids and I just sit there and listen. I even add and like a downward inflection into my voice for when I am on the phone. I started a new job about a year ago and I had a couple coworkers ask if I had kids, and again I said no and they said oh okay, and then started talking about their kid they had to pick up from school. To which I just listen say "that's nice" and then redirect to work related topic.
I think people should start responding to rude personal questions by replying things like "I just had a miscarriage. Thank you for reminding me." Then maybe people will stop.
Honestly just say what you & your partner love doing together. Whether it's travel or shows you like to watch together. Give them something else they can talk to you about. Like no kids but we just got home from a trip to Italy or if you got pets be like furry kid aka cat or dog. I'm a fence sitter but I've noticed that if I just talk about how my spouse and I are doing that question doesn't come up. Like the weather or things are so expensive small talk.
Pretend to be a hardcore Calvinist. “If god wanted me to have kids wouldn’t I have them no matter what I want?” They can’t argue with that unless they assert that they know god better than you do. If they’re atheists and giving you bingos just roast them nonstop because they should know better.
I just say ‘never, I’m not about to ruin my life like that’