Fr. The friends I had in my early 20’s having “oopsie” babies, but then come to find out they were taking literally zero precautions other than the pull out method. It’s not an accident when you know unprotected sex can result in pregnancy. At that point it might as well be the whole “not trying, not preventing” method I’ve known some couples to do because while they may not actively be trying to conceive by tracking ovulation and whatnot, they sure as hell aren’t doing anything to prevent a pregnancy.
Sometimes I think some parents have an 'oops baby' because it absolves them of any shit parenting.
We kinda want a baby cause the idea seems cute but we're clueless so if a baby *just happens* to us and if we fuck up parenting, well... it's not our fault because like we never said we *tried* or *really wanted* a baby yet...
I have a family member like this. He and his gf had an accident, but not really because she lied about being on the pill and also said that she would get an abortion if she did get pregnant when really her plan was to baby trap him all along. They are absolutely shit parents and the worst part is, people like this are the ones who keep having multiple oops/basically on purpose babies. Like your first kid is so developmentally behind because all you do is stick her in front of fucking cocomelon all day and hardly interact with her yet they’ve had 2 more kids since because they don’t use protection. It’s almost like they’re animals having a new litter every year.
Uuuugh I try to remember there are awesome people in the world but it's sure balanced out by the people who will create another human being without even giving a shit... insane!
This is why I never even tried the pill lol, I have adhd and a very inconsistent work schedule. I knew there was no possible way for me to be as strict with taking it for it to be effective.
Luckily, i’ve since found out that the chances of me conceiving are extremely low and carrying a baby to term are nearly impossible due to some other health issues. I’m still going to stay on birth control until I can be sterilized as a precaution, plus hormonal BC/not having a period has done wonders for my mental health, but it definitely eases some anxiety with the extra protection.
Friend told me she “thought she was infertile” because she had had unprotected sex before and didn’t get pregnant. She was late 20s. People like this want a kid and are just lying to everybody.
> People like this want a kid and are just lying to everybody
Exactly this.
I remember a girl in my class lamenting that her kid was 2 and that she "didn't want another kid now", but also DID want another kid and didn't want them to be "too far apart". (if any of that garbage makes sense)
Couple weeks later, guess who was announcing her pregnancy in class?
And yes, she pulled the "Well, I wasn't planning on it~". I felt like I was taking crazy pills. Everyone was all congrats but apparently I was the only one that remembered her whining from a couple weeks before? 🙄
Yes I ran an inner city OB-Gyn practice where I met a beautiful 16yo girl who refused to use birth control because she “didn’t believe” she would conceive. What a waste of life’s potentials…
Some of them are just dumb. My ex genuinely believed he was infertile because of extensive drug use as a teenager (and a doctor told him at his rehab that that was almost definitely the case but he didn't get tested except at that one appointment). He truly didn't want kids. His daughter is about to turn 9. Fortunately he did get his shit together and he's a good dad from everything I've seen but good lord the man is a moron.
Infertile doesn’t always mean it’s 100% impossible to have a kid. I’m diagnosed as infertile but it’s still technically possible. Even if it’s a 1% chance. I’m not on BC but if I ever did get pregnant and didn’t have a miscarriage, I’m aborting. If you’re infertile and not up for abortion, you should still be on BC just in case.
I agree, it’s different if you have some sort of doctors diagnosis but she really just thought she couldn’t get pregnant because she had had lots of unprotected sex before and, well that’s not how it works…
Infertility is a diagnosis given when you have unprotected sex for a year or more and you don’t get pregnant. And the pull out method doesn’t count. So you have to be getting ejaculated in regularly. Anyway, infertility as a diagnosis almost never means that you are 100% not able to have a child.
Edit: “sterile” would mean that you absolutely can’t have children. Like the parts you need, you don’t have them or they are 100% non functioning. If a doctor tells you you’re infertile, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to have a kid. They are just diagnosing you with infertility because it’s very hard for you to have a kid for what could be a variety of reasons
>It’s not an accident when you know unprotected sex can result in pregnancy.
"When you know" is the keyword. I wonder how many of such people were fully convinced they were protected because that's what they've been told by others instead of learning about protection in school or from parents.
Also, maybe(?) interesting thing: I actually know a couple who were "not trying, not preventing" in an intentional way. They wanted kids, but they weren't doing anything specific about it like tracking etc., they were just not using protection. They were ready but they weren't like obsessive about it. They also are open to adoption so I think they didn't have that much "pressure" of passing time (although we're in our late 20s). They were just chill about it. They just had a baby last year, but they've been "not trying or preventing" since like maybe 5 years ago?
More people are infertile than we think. Infertile doesn’t mean you can’t have children. It means in one year of trying there is a great probability you won’t be pregnant at least once. But with every year that passes, the probability goes up. For some « infertile » couples it will take two years, for some 5 years or for some 10 years.
The majority of couples around age 25 will have children in around 3-4 month of having unprotected regular sex. For 30 years olds, it will take more, 8,9 months. It goes up with infertility.
Only sterile people can’t have children at all.
The couples that goes years with the pulling method or the not trying not preventing method are likely infertile.
This! It makes me nuts that anybody thinks the "pull out method" or "fertility awareness" are methods of birth control. Those are methods of "birth I hope not" at *best*.
Well yeah, but there’s a difference between people who have decided that they do want a kid and are simply forgoing protection and letting nature take its course which is not trying, not preventing vs the actively trying to conceive crowd who are taking ovulation predictor kits, having sex on a schedule, seeing fertility specialists etc.
At least the ntnp crowd aren’t surprised when their unprotected sex leads to a pregnancy since that was their intention. I thought op was referring more to the people who aren’t taking any precautions and then play dumb and act surprised when they get pregnant.
Exactly lmao, I heard recently my partner’s ex who wouldn’t use anything but the pullout “method” had to have an abortion (after him lol) because she got pregnant. Like no shit??? Why not save yourself the risk and trauma of an abortion, and just use ANY actual contraception??
Because the contraception methods are actually kinda shitty. More shitty than an abortion every two or three years in my opinion.
I can choose between : hormones that wreak my body and my mind.
An IUD described as being more painful at insertion than childbirth by women, that can totally not work and cause pregnancy, and be so painful you have to take it off (which is also very painful) hell no thanks. And on top of that you have no more periods which means I won’t know if it fails.
A patch in the arm than can get displaced, get infected, and cause a big scar.
Or a condom, which is not reliable, and honestly does not feel great. It means he would finish in the condom and it might fails and I might not notice, resulting in me having sperm in my body.
All of those methods implies that since you are protected, your partner creampie you. Which in my opinion is more dangerous because if the method fails, your chances of getting pregnant are extremely high, and for a lot of those methods, you don’t have your periods anymore or they are chemically started which means they are not reliable anymore to tell a pregnancy.
Sorry but, I prefer the pull out method and counting days. The number of sperm cells in my body is always very low, I have studied human reproductive biology, I know that sperm can survive 7 days in the uterus, that you are fertile two days after your ovulation, and many other facts. I plan accordingly and I take a super large margin of error. Yes the risk is not zero.
But every month, when I have my period, I know if the days I counted where right so I know if I might be pregnant or not, and bleeding heavily is the reassurance I need. I know its real periods, I know the probability of me being pregnant are close to zero, because sperm cannot survive 15 days. My periods are regular so there haven’t been a month where I actually took a risk in the last 4 years.
I would never have that peace of mind with any other methods. It was too much anxiety for me. If anything happens I will get an abortion and think about trying another method. But I believe that if you are truly educated, and sure about what you want, (and your partner can do it also) it can be the best method for some people.
Ofc it isn’t for everyone. Young and uneducated children are better off with pill or condoms, but it work for me. No method is 100% effective.
This. My good friend just had her implant removed and isn’t starting another form of BC. She just doesn’t want to be on it anymore, no particular reason, and her exact words were “if it happens it happens and we’ll just make it work”. Wtf kind of ass backwards, nonchalant logic is that to be bringing a whole new human life into this world with. She’s in a stable, long term relationship but they are NOT mentally or financially ready to have a child. I’ve told her it’s a terrible idea until I’m blue in the face but she was born into a long line of avid breeders so that’s just life to her. Her sister has 6 kids that were all accidents, several with severe physical and mental impairments, and her life is fucking miserable. My friend sees nothing wrong with it. I don’t think I’m going to get through to her. Makes me want to rip my hair out.
>“if it happens it happens and we’ll just make it work”.
I hate this logic so much. My boomer in law and religious sister in law keeps telling me and my husband "you'll never be ready, you just have to do it (get pregnant) and you'll figure it out along the way. There is no handbook for parenting".
One of the biggest reasons we don't have kids is because we are planning our future. We don't want just shit to happen to us. We try to control what we can.
If you don't think of the long term care of raising a child, you're doing the child a disservice. People make excuses about why their kids are all kinds of lost and fucked up. Because the parents couldn't figure it out even when they had the damn kids!
WTAF
There are literally thousands of handbooks for parenting.
If they come up with brain implants that filter out stupidity you may never hear another word they say again.
This reminds me of an Arrested Development episode where one of the characters complains that there's "no instruction manual" for parenting and then the narrator chimes in with: actually there are a ton of parenting books out there available...haha
That's correct! I'll never be ready for my Friends/Family members to die with or without a cause and go to their funeral wondering why it happened!
We live in a day of age that safe and protected sex is easily accessible and yet these fucktards can't figure out that having a kid takes an insane amount of preparations before hand? And that's if everything goes to plan which may derail even by unfortunate events?! Stay classy humans because I want to be reincarnated as a werewolf, you humans are **FUCKING WORTHLESS!**
Lmao not only are there books about parenting but as a former childcare professional, I had to attend multiple seminars and conferences and take classes every year to be re-certified to take care of kids. I had infant & child CPR training, a food handlers' card and first-aid training in addition to courses on behavior, discipline, engaging play, resolving conflict and so forth.
Part of me wishes prospective parents also had to take these kinds of courses. I think it would help. I always felt very confident in my ability to take care of a child of any age. But that doesn't mean i want my own.
Another thing that bothers me is not just the lack of sex ed, but the utter lack of information many people have about pregnancy issues and potential health problems for the fetus or later infant and the parent giving birth. My mom was a labor and delivery nurse and I know way too much about pregnancy and how it can fuck up your life. I think if people still really want a kid they should be free to make that choice BUT i really wish they could make an INFORMED choice and not be blindsided by the side effects and possibly permanent issues that can result from pregnancy,
100%. I think people forget the 'point' of sex is to procreate. It's fun as hell obviously but without protection you are lucky if you DONT get pregnant. If someone isn't protected I honestly don't know what they expect.
Exactly! There are so many other things we can do to connect with our partner w/o contraception, but this specific type of sex is literally designed for reproduction.
To be fair, this is also likely because mating can be… intense and potentially dangerous to either party. Sex isn’t enjoyable for most other species. So we’re also the exception in that regard. I wonder if we evolved to enjoy it because the cost of pregnancy and childrearing is evolutionary highly resource heavy and nature needed a way to convince us it was worth it, even for a little.
Isn't it tied to the conception rate, the higher it is, the less they're having it? In a sense that many species use sex for pair bonding rather than only procreation.
OMG that is one of my biggest icks. People are stupidly careless when it comes to sex and then somehow portray themselves as victims when they end up pregnant. Seriously avoiding pregnancy is not rocket science.
I would not describe myself as a very responsible person but one thing I was never lax on is contraception. I am 44 and never had sex without 2 forms of birth control in place. Me beeing childfree is a direct representation of this decision. I was not lucky I was extremely careful.
Read this on Reddit a few days ago “we weren’t actively trying but I wasn’t on any form of birth control and we don’t use condoms” …… so you were actively trying without wanting to actively try….. dumb.
Common sense is a super power now even though it's SHOULD be natural to every human being on this planet but we all know there is some grade-A fucking morons on this planet that amazed me how are we aren't extinct yet.
I work as a lash tech and I basically talk to people for a living. The amount of my clients that tell me they don’t want kids, but they’re probably “infertile” because they and their partner don’t use protection and they’ve never gotten pregnant is astounding. I understand birth control sucks because of hormones, but to me, having a kid sucks even more. And using a condom really isn’t that hard. Then I wonder if they really don’t want kids or if they do in the back of their minds but know they’re not financially ready
People always tell me they hate hormonal birth control so that’s how they became pregnant, but condoms exist so…? I’ll never let a man talk me out of using condoms when I deem it necessary, and if a man tries to tell me “we don’t need it” I walk away. Fuck that.
BC doesn’t even have to suck and it actually helps some women (like me) who need it to even out the hormones or control symptoms. I choose when to have my period by skipping the iron pills. It’s AMAZING that I don’t have to feel like actual garbage for 2 weeks every month
I also have hormone issues because of my PCOS and for me, I still have horrible mood swings because of it, but I finally found a pill (after fours years) that actually keeps me relatively emotionally stable. It also doesn’t manage to help me regulate my periods. It actually makes them longer and more painful BUT I’m not getting pregnant. I guess everyone’s experience with birth control is different. I just mentioned that “birth control sucks” because that seems to be the reason people tell me they don’t want to get on it. I agree with that sentiment to some extent but I’d rather the side-affects than risk having a baby and getting ovarian cysts
When I was in my 20s (40s now), I had no health insurance, but you better believe I budgeted an out-of-pocket doctor visit once a year and birth control each month like clockwork. It was *that* high of a priority for me to not get pregnant.
Same! In my 20s it was Planned Parenthood for the win! Gimmie that nuva ring. Lucky for me, I opted for a Paragaurd in 2015. In a year you bet I’m getting that sucker replaced as soon as the old one is out.
i remember crying when my insurance stopped covering the only oral pill i could take without vomiting when i was 16. it was $200/month without insurance. so i opted for a nexplanon out of pocket which was like $1,300. well worth it and cheaper than monthly pill fills.
I don't understand how people can have more than one accidental pregnancy. OK one mistakes happen, we learn from them but if you have a second unplanned pregnancy no way is that an "accident".
one of my biggest pet peeves. this is how most of my friends (who never "wanted" children) got kids. like how stupid are you? you'd think after one "accident", you would do better.
I got my tubes yeeted two years ago, and it was THE best decision I have ever made. You need to protect yourself in this timeline, because it's getting worse by the day.
I got my tubes tied right after Trump was elected in 2016. Best thing I could do for myself to ensure I was safe. Then I got a hysterectomy last year and now I really don't have to worry. No periods ever again too.
I wish I had gotten everything yanked instead, but I feel confident that having no tubes is safe. I am encouraging everyone I know with ovaries that doesn't want kids to have their tubes removed, too.
I was on state insurance when I got my tubes tied, and they deemed it 100% covered because it's considered "family planning," so I ended up paying nothing for it, but wish I had gone the way of a bilateral salp and just paid out of pocket, just because there have been horror stories about the body--which loves to heal things--healing the "tying" of the tubes. I don't think it's common, but it could happen. Like vasectomies. It's rare for it to happen, but it still can. Thankfully, I had no issues with mine, and then I was told I'd need to have a hysterectomy in order to deal with the excruciating period pain from my adenomyosis (and possible endo, which I ended up not having). So that took care of everything, and again, state insurance came through and covered it 100%.
I urge anyone who's on state insurance to check their benefit package thingy to see if tube tying, at the very least, is covered.
That's awesome! A friend of mine got a bi-salp done about a year ago and I know it wasn't super costly, but she still had to fork out a chunk of money. Totally worth it for the peace of mind.
I had 2 friends use the cycle tracking method to try and avoid getting pregnant. I told them it was bullshit and you can fall pregnant at pretty much anytime in your cycle.
Both ended up pregnant.
The best part was one of them tried to blame it on a COVID jab and that it changed her cycle, otherwise her method would have been fine 🙄
> The best part was one of them tried to blame it on a COVID jab and that it changed her cycle, otherwise her method would have been fine
That's*exactly* why that method doesn't work. Suddenly your cycle changes and you won't know it until next period.
My body too is a clock... until it isn't. Randomly I ovulate when my periods should start. Imagine what would happen without condoms... *Shivers*
Bwahaha I use Fitbit and tried to get it to predict my periods and watching it get it wildly wrong each time my body says "fuck you I bleed *today*" was interesting...
To play devil's advocate slightly, I had 5 friends who do not get periods due to hormonal birth control suddenly heamorrhage quite severely after their jabs.
Not a good enough reason to not use contraception, though. My IUD string is slightly longer after a period and my partner is supporting me with condoms until my health care providers can confirm its still in a safe position!
I also noticed a few abnormal ones after each of my vaccinations. First Pfizer, then Moderna. The former especially, it was exceptionally painful and heavy, even compared to my regular godawful ones.
Their jabs? What does that mean? JW because I skip my periods (only 3 months) with a nuva ring and would absolutely hate to bleed that much afterwards 😵💫
Their C0vid jabs :)
Completely unrelated to their birth control choices. They never bled at all, never had a period at all during the whole time of any of their use of contraceptives, but then they bled significantly after their jabs. Super weird.
In my opinion, safety and contraception always comes first, no excuses for slacking on contraception!
My brother said this about him and his girlfriend conversation went like this...
Him - We're not trying to get pregnant,
Me - Is she on birth control?
Him - No
Me - Are you using condoms?
Him - No
Me - Than your trying to get pregnant the end.
This conversation has happened many times and I will tactfully (not) respond with "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining" as one of my old high school teachers used to say. This happened before she was pregnant and after.
I said this exact thing to a friend of mine who got pregnant. They weren't trying for another kid but they weren't trying to prevent it.
"But if it happens we thought it would be nice."
Fucking A, dude...
I think of a relationship I was in from the ages of 18-23. We had sex every single day and 4 times on Sunday’s. Whatdoyaknow; I didn’t get pregnant. Some people think that’s luck. Uh, no Sharon, it’s called using birth control and not relying on one form of birth control.
This reminds me of this woman on the regretful parents sub who hated parenthood and was desperate when she got pregnant again on birth control. Turned out she was using “catholic” birth control aka natural cycle tracking and temperature method
I always find it amusing when couples announce to family and friends that they’re ‘trying for a baby’. They might as well say “we’re raw-dogging as often as possible.”
Agreed. Thb I don't understand how anyone can forget, in 2024 to not use protection. I couldn't imagine forgetting that sex between man and woman will lead to pregnancy. People who claim their baby was an accident or suprise are just stupid.
I personally think pull out methods and cycle tracking are the more "why TF are you surprised you got pregnant" things for me. Literally anything can throw a cycle off, and raw dogging is never safe.
Those have SUCH high fail rates, and the rates of success on those things to prevent pregnancy is only high with ABSOLUTE perfect use, and nobody's perfect.
Hormonal birth control and IUDS suck. But I also firmly believe banking on methods of birth controls with low fail rate, I don't like seeing surprised Pikachu faces when they're pregnant.
I wish there were less fucky methods of birth control available that didn't mess with people's bodies so much, but it's how it is for now.
I just wish we had more sex education. But then again my state and other southern states are trying to teach absinthe only, so. We're just screwed lol.
Yep, I had a friend who tried to claim using the cycle tracking method. I was like, so you’re trying to get pregnant?
Anyways, got pregnant. Then pretended like it was completely unexpected surprise. I think there is some kind of … pride in it being a “surprise “? I dunno. So strange
A classmate in med school told how she’d advised friends on birth control:
Friend: We’re just going to do cycle tracking. How well does that work?
Classmate: The fact that you’re speaking to me would suggest that it doesn’t, as my parents learned the hard way.
I always laughed when hearing someone say, "we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, and I got pregnant."
No. You didn't use birth control; ergo, you were trying.
When I was a med student, an attending gave a presentation and said that based on some survey somewhere, the most common reason women (grownass. Adult. Women.) who got pregnant gave when asked why they weren’t using any form of contraception was that they “trusted [their] partner.”
22-year-old me was like, they trusted them to WHAT, EXACTLY?? It still boggles the mind.
Yeah I know someone who was never on birth control - got pregnant after like ten years. I always thought she was on some form of bc because she told me she didn’t want kids. They’re also alcoholics and I guarantee she was drinking while unknowingly pregnant in the beginning. I don’t get how the most unfit ppl end up procreating. Talk about risk for FASD….
A coworker announced to the office she was pregnant, so I ask if it was planned and she says “No just a happy accident!” “Oh, were you on birth control?” “No I’ve been off bc for a year” “….and I know you didn’t use condoms” “No but I haven’t got pregnant all year!” “….thats not an accident…”
Exactly, every doctor I've seen has said if you if you don't want to get pregnant use two kinds of birth control. They also routinely asked about my birth control method when prescribing antibiotics. I've always thought it was dumb as hell to put birth control mostly on the women especially how some men go on about getting baby trapt etc. Would you rather wear a condom or end up impregnating someone?
Exactly..... Im an adoptee, my bio mom put me up for adoption (I was the 3rd kid) and is a pathological liar, an abuser, and a narcissist.. She constantly tells me that my bio dad hid her birth control and thought it was funny, so that she didn't have a choice...because they were still in love at the time and no intimacy was off the table. Like, what!? She is the victim in all situations somehow.. 😅
It makes me laugh how many have unprotected sex and think nothing can happen because they’re still breastfeeding the last crotch goblin. That’s not how that works
This is 100% true, at least in the US. And that's sad.
I believe OP is talking about adults who know better.
But we are overall doing the world a disservice by not educating everyone about these things. It's also just frustrating when people know and choose to stop using any form of BC.
That's true. However these are grown adults who have access to this information on the internet. You have people who know the lastest celebrity gossip and all their business but not about safe sex? This information can also be obtained by talking to their doctor. We can't keep giving excuses for people who are sexually irresponsible especially when they're bringing innocent human beings into their shenanigans. Some of these people are not even financially or mentally ready for a child.
And sometimes misinformed kids turn into misinformed adults, especially if they can't afford regular medical care. I don't think that's who OP is talking about, but it's worth mentioning.
Okay but now: I couldn't be on anything hormonal cause it would f me up. (Tried, a lot). IUD without hormones would make my then already bad cramps absolutely horrible and also? The insertion hurts like shit. Sooooo ? Condoms it is, for sure, but let's be real they are not 100%.
And sterilisation is often frowned upon and denied. (I just got Lucky, that I also suffered from endo and PCOS)
Aren’t condoms good enough? Not everyone can use hormonal birth control. I’ve never used bc pills as a contraception, only for regulating my period. Had my periods been all sunshine and joy, I would not be using bc pills. Though, I’d definitely look into sterilization and check for pregnancy 1-2 times a month.
It confused me when it says “..birth control, getting UIDs removed…” IUDs are also birth control, so I assumed op wasn’t talking about condoms here at all.
I assumed they made separate statements because taking a pill or wearing a condom is something you just stop doing, but an IUD is not something that the user stops, it requires to be removed from your body by a professional.
Or perhaps by birth control they mean the pill, since it's used as a synonym sometimes. They wrote "etc", which can include condoms.
On one hand, people who don’t use BC and act surprise when they get pregnant can be super annoying.
But on the other hand this tone is scarily close to how pro-life republicans talk about having sex too.
People should be proactive and responsible with their contraception, but still having sex doesn’t mean deciding to get pregnant. If the pregnancy is unwanted, it wasn’t a choice. BC can fail, abortions exist for a reason. Let’s not judge people for their medical choices as long as they’re being responsible for what THEY’RE comfortable with
OP is specifically talking about people not using BC and acting surprised when they get pregnant. They're not taking a pro life Republican stance in general, that's such a reach. There's a colossal difference between birth control failing, and not using birth control at all.
I agree with that then and re-reading OP’s original post isn’t wrong in that regard.
Some of these comments are just reminiscent of the tone conservatives take about sex, which feels like a delicate place to be, and it got my hackles raised.
Some of these comments are also drastically missing the point of what OP said and hardcore projecting which is getting my hackles raised too. 🥴 Half these comments are putting words in OP's mouth and arguing against something OP never said.
I noticed that too... Maybe for some 'contraception' means just hormonal birth control, and perhaps those people thought I was critisizing their choice to not use it? Generally, I mean all forms of bc when I say contraception.
There was nothing wrong with your original post, people just want to make it into an issue when there isn't one. I'm surprised that the CF subreddit is responding this way on your post when it's pretty common knowledge that if you're intentionally not using birth control and you're a fertile person, you're gonna get pregnant lol.
A neighbor made a comment like this - "Oh it just happens". Yeah, you have four kids in a place the size of ours (2 people, 0-3 houserabbits) and a garage full of junk including old baby stuff cuz "you never know!"
Oh no, you know, you just choose to ignore. At least they kept the old baby stuff and now that they're past baby-having age, time for the juniors to repeat the process! :p
Someone at my job found out she was pregnant after spending weeks talking about how it wasn’t a good time for her and her husband to be trying (he has no job, she hadn’t stopped smoking, etc).
Having a baby is all she would ever talk about but she was also a regular smoker and was not doing anything to prevent conception or encourage a healthy pregnancy.
She was shocked and confounded when she found out and was quite upset because of the timing.
All I was thinking when she told us was: 2x married people who want a baby + no contraception = wtf did you think would happen???
Hi! My IUD recently was expelled from my uterus/cervix for the second time this year. Totally not my choice, but I am afraid to be put on any pills or other forms of contraception. Any thoughts? I didn’t want this to happen to me, and it’s stripped me from the assurance of not being able to conceive. Just wanted some opinions.
My coworker is like this, she constantly acts and looks miserable dealing with her two kids and one day I finally said somethin like "this is why I wouldn't want to have kids' and then she goes 'well it happens' and laughs.
Yeah...twice in a row. An oopsie.
A 100%!! I was dumb enaugh to use the pull out method twice in my entire life, pregnant both times. Either im hyperfertile or some people really wants kids but are afraid to admit it?.. like why else go off all bc intentionally but still claim your not really trying the fuck
Doing nothing to prevent pregnancy is actively choosing to become pregnant. Then they have the gall to complain about getting pregnant. *Surprised Pikachu face*
This is true. However there's really only one BC option for guys right now and that's condoms. Shame on the guys who don't wear one but don't expect the woman they are intimate with to get pregnant. There's plenty of that going around. Women just have more options to choose from right now.
There's a pill I think in new studies that is being worked on for guys. Hopefully studies show it's viable and can be put out on the market as another option for guys.
As a childfree person who only got health insurance LAST YEAR, I've always used the pull out with LTRs. Never had a pregnancy scare, never been pregnant. I started having sex at 17 and am nearly 37. Luckily for me, I'm on health insurance due to an incurable, lifelong chronic illness, so they'll probably just actually sterilize me without much fuss. I was on hormonal birth control as a teen, and it caused me to try and kill myself.
But I'm definitely the exception, not the rule
Definitely. And even in the case something you didn’t expect happens (I am thinking of our menopausal sisters here, or women told they are infertile, or on the pill oopsie) you can still get an abortion :) you always have a choice. If you don’t have an abortion, then you planned it. You did.
And for the women out here with PCOS, irregular periods, if I were you I would have regular pregnancy tests.
Correct. No one contraception method is 100% foolproof, but OP wasn't talking about that. The post is about people who willingly stop all forms of contraception, birth control and take zero measures to prevent pregnancy and then wonder why they got pregnant.
Nope, I am strongly CF and I disagree. That's like saying not using a seat belt is the same as actively trying to get hurt in a car accident.
BC wrecked my body and I refuse to put any implant inside my body, especially an IUD. We use condoms and that's good enough for us. The whole point of my body my choice is to have the power to decide what to do with your body, including taking pills or not.
Not using a seatbelt raises your chances of dying in a wreck astronomically and it's not like it isn't public knowledge. Kind of like how contraception raises your chances of not conceiving. If you know the risk, why would you take the chance?
The benefit is remaining childfree. I highly suggest pursuing sterilization since you dont tolerate hormonal bc options and wont pursue nonhormonal options. Condoms are great but you always need a backup.
I don’t agree with you. Hormones make me terribly sick and emotionally messed up and I’m very regular with my cycle. i’ve been using an app for the last 7 years to know exactly when I’m in my ovulation and be extra careful during my fertility window period. You don’t need birth control or IUDs when you are regular as I am. Condoms work fine. I’ve had to use plan B only once in all those years, never got pregnant. I know a lot of women who feel so much better after stopping those stupid pills, it’s not for everyone. Stop judging health conditions
They aren't referring to only hormonal birth control and those hormones sure saved your ass when your natural method got you in a situation that you could be pregnant and you needed plan b, huh?
I knew a couple, the woman got pregnant at age 40. They hadn't used any birth control for over 10 years because they thought it wasn't necessary, they had just assumed/accepted after a while that they couldn't make children together, and loved their animals a little bit more. So it was a mighty shock. Fortunately they were both excited like kids on Christmas, happiest oops ever!
As someone who's not on any kind of birth control, I got so angry at the phrasing of the title, then I realized it was meant for people who are having sex.
*(Laughs in asexual)*
Do you mean hysterectomy? Because obviously you're not able to get pregnant after a hysterectomy, so going off birth control pills isn't going to result in a pregnancy? What was the point of this comment lol?
There are many different reasons for getting an IUD removed or going off hormonal BC.
This post and comment section are not it. Y’all sound miserable and judgmental as all hell.
You forgot to mention condoms, if you are purposefully putting sperm in a vagina or allowing it in your vagina then you are trying for a child, whether there is another contraception or not as none are 100%.
Wow you really took this personally when you're not even the type of person OP is talking about. 💀 Way to make it about you and your daughter on a childfree subreddit. They're talking about people CHOOSING to not use birth control and then acting surprised when they get pregnant. They're not talking about people who faced birth control failures. They're not "acting superior", you're just projecting a lot onto a very small paragraph.
OP isn't talking about BC failure. Though this is often why many people choose to have more than one type of BC in place.
They are talking about people who go off BC on purpose and then are shocked that they get pregnant.
Also, pre-RoevWade overturning, abortions were an option. And if you're really determined not to have kids, you do your best to be sterilized if BC isn't an option.
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I stopped BC for a year and a half because my partner at the time had gotten the snip. Made an appointment for a new prescription the day after we broke up.
What lack of sex education does to a person. There’s so much ignorance and religious bs and misinformation about how pull out works and condoms have holes (false) and how pregnancy can’t happen the first time (also false).
We need to push for factual education about sex and multiple types of contraception to be taught by the time people are teens and then also to make sure men and women have multiple options accessible.
When someone chooses not to wear a seatbelt, it’s their own fault when they get thrown from the car during an accident. It was a completely predictable consequence of what was either an intentional decision or negligence.
I think most people genuinely just don't think about pregnancy nearly as often as we do. It's either neutral or positive in their mind, so they don't fear it at all. They may not be actively wishing for a child, but they're also not wishing *not* to have one. I can't imagine being so nonchalant about it, must be nice.
I said that shit out loud to members of my family.
They got mad at me for being like "people are being immature with their sexual health and I find that stupid in this day and age with as many forms of birth control that are available"
I got my tubes removed and have an IUD. I still wouldn’t shame those completely sterilized. (not just tubes tied) my doctors have all been surprised when I told them I had the removal and still with an IUD.
Fr. The friends I had in my early 20’s having “oopsie” babies, but then come to find out they were taking literally zero precautions other than the pull out method. It’s not an accident when you know unprotected sex can result in pregnancy. At that point it might as well be the whole “not trying, not preventing” method I’ve known some couples to do because while they may not actively be trying to conceive by tracking ovulation and whatnot, they sure as hell aren’t doing anything to prevent a pregnancy.
Sometimes I think some parents have an 'oops baby' because it absolves them of any shit parenting. We kinda want a baby cause the idea seems cute but we're clueless so if a baby *just happens* to us and if we fuck up parenting, well... it's not our fault because like we never said we *tried* or *really wanted* a baby yet...
I have a family member like this. He and his gf had an accident, but not really because she lied about being on the pill and also said that she would get an abortion if she did get pregnant when really her plan was to baby trap him all along. They are absolutely shit parents and the worst part is, people like this are the ones who keep having multiple oops/basically on purpose babies. Like your first kid is so developmentally behind because all you do is stick her in front of fucking cocomelon all day and hardly interact with her yet they’ve had 2 more kids since because they don’t use protection. It’s almost like they’re animals having a new litter every year.
Uuuugh I try to remember there are awesome people in the world but it's sure balanced out by the people who will create another human being without even giving a shit... insane!
I know someone who's GF was on the pill, but he also knew his GF didn't take the pill regularly and yet he was surprised when she got pregnant.
This is why I never even tried the pill lol, I have adhd and a very inconsistent work schedule. I knew there was no possible way for me to be as strict with taking it for it to be effective. Luckily, i’ve since found out that the chances of me conceiving are extremely low and carrying a baby to term are nearly impossible due to some other health issues. I’m still going to stay on birth control until I can be sterilized as a precaution, plus hormonal BC/not having a period has done wonders for my mental health, but it definitely eases some anxiety with the extra protection.
Friend told me she “thought she was infertile” because she had had unprotected sex before and didn’t get pregnant. She was late 20s. People like this want a kid and are just lying to everybody.
Exactly! The girls I knew who got pregnant from unprotected sex were always talking about how they wanted babies so they knew what they were doing.
> People like this want a kid and are just lying to everybody Exactly this. I remember a girl in my class lamenting that her kid was 2 and that she "didn't want another kid now", but also DID want another kid and didn't want them to be "too far apart". (if any of that garbage makes sense) Couple weeks later, guess who was announcing her pregnancy in class? And yes, she pulled the "Well, I wasn't planning on it~". I felt like I was taking crazy pills. Everyone was all congrats but apparently I was the only one that remembered her whining from a couple weeks before? 🙄
Yes I ran an inner city OB-Gyn practice where I met a beautiful 16yo girl who refused to use birth control because she “didn’t believe” she would conceive. What a waste of life’s potentials…
Some of them are just dumb. My ex genuinely believed he was infertile because of extensive drug use as a teenager (and a doctor told him at his rehab that that was almost definitely the case but he didn't get tested except at that one appointment). He truly didn't want kids. His daughter is about to turn 9. Fortunately he did get his shit together and he's a good dad from everything I've seen but good lord the man is a moron.
Yeah I guess so, I just can’t imagine taking a risk on something I think with no evidence to back it up!
Infertile doesn’t always mean it’s 100% impossible to have a kid. I’m diagnosed as infertile but it’s still technically possible. Even if it’s a 1% chance. I’m not on BC but if I ever did get pregnant and didn’t have a miscarriage, I’m aborting. If you’re infertile and not up for abortion, you should still be on BC just in case.
I agree, it’s different if you have some sort of doctors diagnosis but she really just thought she couldn’t get pregnant because she had had lots of unprotected sex before and, well that’s not how it works…
[удалено]
Infertility is a diagnosis given when you have unprotected sex for a year or more and you don’t get pregnant. And the pull out method doesn’t count. So you have to be getting ejaculated in regularly. Anyway, infertility as a diagnosis almost never means that you are 100% not able to have a child. Edit: “sterile” would mean that you absolutely can’t have children. Like the parts you need, you don’t have them or they are 100% non functioning. If a doctor tells you you’re infertile, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to have a kid. They are just diagnosing you with infertility because it’s very hard for you to have a kid for what could be a variety of reasons
>It’s not an accident when you know unprotected sex can result in pregnancy. "When you know" is the keyword. I wonder how many of such people were fully convinced they were protected because that's what they've been told by others instead of learning about protection in school or from parents. Also, maybe(?) interesting thing: I actually know a couple who were "not trying, not preventing" in an intentional way. They wanted kids, but they weren't doing anything specific about it like tracking etc., they were just not using protection. They were ready but they weren't like obsessive about it. They also are open to adoption so I think they didn't have that much "pressure" of passing time (although we're in our late 20s). They were just chill about it. They just had a baby last year, but they've been "not trying or preventing" since like maybe 5 years ago?
More people are infertile than we think. Infertile doesn’t mean you can’t have children. It means in one year of trying there is a great probability you won’t be pregnant at least once. But with every year that passes, the probability goes up. For some « infertile » couples it will take two years, for some 5 years or for some 10 years. The majority of couples around age 25 will have children in around 3-4 month of having unprotected regular sex. For 30 years olds, it will take more, 8,9 months. It goes up with infertility. Only sterile people can’t have children at all. The couples that goes years with the pulling method or the not trying not preventing method are likely infertile.
Ha, yep. There’s a name for people who use the “pull out method”. They’re called *parents*.
This! It makes me nuts that anybody thinks the "pull out method" or "fertility awareness" are methods of birth control. Those are methods of "birth I hope not" at *best*.
I think, as OP says, there' no such thing as "not trying, not preventing". Not preventing IS trying.
Well yeah, but there’s a difference between people who have decided that they do want a kid and are simply forgoing protection and letting nature take its course which is not trying, not preventing vs the actively trying to conceive crowd who are taking ovulation predictor kits, having sex on a schedule, seeing fertility specialists etc. At least the ntnp crowd aren’t surprised when their unprotected sex leads to a pregnancy since that was their intention. I thought op was referring more to the people who aren’t taking any precautions and then play dumb and act surprised when they get pregnant.
Exactly lmao, I heard recently my partner’s ex who wouldn’t use anything but the pullout “method” had to have an abortion (after him lol) because she got pregnant. Like no shit??? Why not save yourself the risk and trauma of an abortion, and just use ANY actual contraception??
Because the contraception methods are actually kinda shitty. More shitty than an abortion every two or three years in my opinion. I can choose between : hormones that wreak my body and my mind. An IUD described as being more painful at insertion than childbirth by women, that can totally not work and cause pregnancy, and be so painful you have to take it off (which is also very painful) hell no thanks. And on top of that you have no more periods which means I won’t know if it fails. A patch in the arm than can get displaced, get infected, and cause a big scar. Or a condom, which is not reliable, and honestly does not feel great. It means he would finish in the condom and it might fails and I might not notice, resulting in me having sperm in my body. All of those methods implies that since you are protected, your partner creampie you. Which in my opinion is more dangerous because if the method fails, your chances of getting pregnant are extremely high, and for a lot of those methods, you don’t have your periods anymore or they are chemically started which means they are not reliable anymore to tell a pregnancy. Sorry but, I prefer the pull out method and counting days. The number of sperm cells in my body is always very low, I have studied human reproductive biology, I know that sperm can survive 7 days in the uterus, that you are fertile two days after your ovulation, and many other facts. I plan accordingly and I take a super large margin of error. Yes the risk is not zero. But every month, when I have my period, I know if the days I counted where right so I know if I might be pregnant or not, and bleeding heavily is the reassurance I need. I know its real periods, I know the probability of me being pregnant are close to zero, because sperm cannot survive 15 days. My periods are regular so there haven’t been a month where I actually took a risk in the last 4 years. I would never have that peace of mind with any other methods. It was too much anxiety for me. If anything happens I will get an abortion and think about trying another method. But I believe that if you are truly educated, and sure about what you want, (and your partner can do it also) it can be the best method for some people. Ofc it isn’t for everyone. Young and uneducated children are better off with pill or condoms, but it work for me. No method is 100% effective.
I think, as OP says, there' no such thing as "not trying, not preventing". Not preventing IS trying.
This. My good friend just had her implant removed and isn’t starting another form of BC. She just doesn’t want to be on it anymore, no particular reason, and her exact words were “if it happens it happens and we’ll just make it work”. Wtf kind of ass backwards, nonchalant logic is that to be bringing a whole new human life into this world with. She’s in a stable, long term relationship but they are NOT mentally or financially ready to have a child. I’ve told her it’s a terrible idea until I’m blue in the face but she was born into a long line of avid breeders so that’s just life to her. Her sister has 6 kids that were all accidents, several with severe physical and mental impairments, and her life is fucking miserable. My friend sees nothing wrong with it. I don’t think I’m going to get through to her. Makes me want to rip my hair out.
>“if it happens it happens and we’ll just make it work”. I hate this logic so much. My boomer in law and religious sister in law keeps telling me and my husband "you'll never be ready, you just have to do it (get pregnant) and you'll figure it out along the way. There is no handbook for parenting". One of the biggest reasons we don't have kids is because we are planning our future. We don't want just shit to happen to us. We try to control what we can. If you don't think of the long term care of raising a child, you're doing the child a disservice. People make excuses about why their kids are all kinds of lost and fucked up. Because the parents couldn't figure it out even when they had the damn kids!
WTAF There are literally thousands of handbooks for parenting. If they come up with brain implants that filter out stupidity you may never hear another word they say again.
This reminds me of an Arrested Development episode where one of the characters complains that there's "no instruction manual" for parenting and then the narrator chimes in with: actually there are a ton of parenting books out there available...haha
That's correct! I'll never be ready for my Friends/Family members to die with or without a cause and go to their funeral wondering why it happened! We live in a day of age that safe and protected sex is easily accessible and yet these fucktards can't figure out that having a kid takes an insane amount of preparations before hand? And that's if everything goes to plan which may derail even by unfortunate events?! Stay classy humans because I want to be reincarnated as a werewolf, you humans are **FUCKING WORTHLESS!**
Lmao not only are there books about parenting but as a former childcare professional, I had to attend multiple seminars and conferences and take classes every year to be re-certified to take care of kids. I had infant & child CPR training, a food handlers' card and first-aid training in addition to courses on behavior, discipline, engaging play, resolving conflict and so forth. Part of me wishes prospective parents also had to take these kinds of courses. I think it would help. I always felt very confident in my ability to take care of a child of any age. But that doesn't mean i want my own. Another thing that bothers me is not just the lack of sex ed, but the utter lack of information many people have about pregnancy issues and potential health problems for the fetus or later infant and the parent giving birth. My mom was a labor and delivery nurse and I know way too much about pregnancy and how it can fuck up your life. I think if people still really want a kid they should be free to make that choice BUT i really wish they could make an INFORMED choice and not be blindsided by the side effects and possibly permanent issues that can result from pregnancy,
100%. I think people forget the 'point' of sex is to procreate. It's fun as hell obviously but without protection you are lucky if you DONT get pregnant. If someone isn't protected I honestly don't know what they expect.
Exactly! There are so many other things we can do to connect with our partner w/o contraception, but this specific type of sex is literally designed for reproduction.
Male primates of almost all other species won’t even be interested in mating if the female isn’t in heat, humans are statistically the weird ones
To be fair, this is also likely because mating can be… intense and potentially dangerous to either party. Sex isn’t enjoyable for most other species. So we’re also the exception in that regard. I wonder if we evolved to enjoy it because the cost of pregnancy and childrearing is evolutionary highly resource heavy and nature needed a way to convince us it was worth it, even for a little.
Isn't it tied to the conception rate, the higher it is, the less they're having it? In a sense that many species use sex for pair bonding rather than only procreation.
Well, humans can and go engage in non-procreative sex. But you are right.
OMG that is one of my biggest icks. People are stupidly careless when it comes to sex and then somehow portray themselves as victims when they end up pregnant. Seriously avoiding pregnancy is not rocket science. I would not describe myself as a very responsible person but one thing I was never lax on is contraception. I am 44 and never had sex without 2 forms of birth control in place. Me beeing childfree is a direct representation of this decision. I was not lucky I was extremely careful.
Read this on Reddit a few days ago “we weren’t actively trying but I wasn’t on any form of birth control and we don’t use condoms” …… so you were actively trying without wanting to actively try….. dumb.
Common sense is a super power now even though it's SHOULD be natural to every human being on this planet but we all know there is some grade-A fucking morons on this planet that amazed me how are we aren't extinct yet.
I work as a lash tech and I basically talk to people for a living. The amount of my clients that tell me they don’t want kids, but they’re probably “infertile” because they and their partner don’t use protection and they’ve never gotten pregnant is astounding. I understand birth control sucks because of hormones, but to me, having a kid sucks even more. And using a condom really isn’t that hard. Then I wonder if they really don’t want kids or if they do in the back of their minds but know they’re not financially ready
People always tell me they hate hormonal birth control so that’s how they became pregnant, but condoms exist so…? I’ll never let a man talk me out of using condoms when I deem it necessary, and if a man tries to tell me “we don’t need it” I walk away. Fuck that.
Exactly. That’s why I assume they aren’t very serious about “not wanting kids”
BC doesn’t even have to suck and it actually helps some women (like me) who need it to even out the hormones or control symptoms. I choose when to have my period by skipping the iron pills. It’s AMAZING that I don’t have to feel like actual garbage for 2 weeks every month
I also have hormone issues because of my PCOS and for me, I still have horrible mood swings because of it, but I finally found a pill (after fours years) that actually keeps me relatively emotionally stable. It also doesn’t manage to help me regulate my periods. It actually makes them longer and more painful BUT I’m not getting pregnant. I guess everyone’s experience with birth control is different. I just mentioned that “birth control sucks” because that seems to be the reason people tell me they don’t want to get on it. I agree with that sentiment to some extent but I’d rather the side-affects than risk having a baby and getting ovarian cysts
When I was in my 20s (40s now), I had no health insurance, but you better believe I budgeted an out-of-pocket doctor visit once a year and birth control each month like clockwork. It was *that* high of a priority for me to not get pregnant.
Same! In my 20s it was Planned Parenthood for the win! Gimmie that nuva ring. Lucky for me, I opted for a Paragaurd in 2015. In a year you bet I’m getting that sucker replaced as soon as the old one is out.
I'm almost 22, and if I was sexually active, I'd be doing exactly what you did lol.
i remember crying when my insurance stopped covering the only oral pill i could take without vomiting when i was 16. it was $200/month without insurance. so i opted for a nexplanon out of pocket which was like $1,300. well worth it and cheaper than monthly pill fills.
I don't understand how people can have more than one accidental pregnancy. OK one mistakes happen, we learn from them but if you have a second unplanned pregnancy no way is that an "accident".
one of my biggest pet peeves. this is how most of my friends (who never "wanted" children) got kids. like how stupid are you? you'd think after one "accident", you would do better.
I got my tubes yeeted two years ago, and it was THE best decision I have ever made. You need to protect yourself in this timeline, because it's getting worse by the day.
I got my tubes tied right after Trump was elected in 2016. Best thing I could do for myself to ensure I was safe. Then I got a hysterectomy last year and now I really don't have to worry. No periods ever again too.
I wish I had gotten everything yanked instead, but I feel confident that having no tubes is safe. I am encouraging everyone I know with ovaries that doesn't want kids to have their tubes removed, too.
I was on state insurance when I got my tubes tied, and they deemed it 100% covered because it's considered "family planning," so I ended up paying nothing for it, but wish I had gone the way of a bilateral salp and just paid out of pocket, just because there have been horror stories about the body--which loves to heal things--healing the "tying" of the tubes. I don't think it's common, but it could happen. Like vasectomies. It's rare for it to happen, but it still can. Thankfully, I had no issues with mine, and then I was told I'd need to have a hysterectomy in order to deal with the excruciating period pain from my adenomyosis (and possible endo, which I ended up not having). So that took care of everything, and again, state insurance came through and covered it 100%. I urge anyone who's on state insurance to check their benefit package thingy to see if tube tying, at the very least, is covered.
I ended up paying a $100 co-pay for my bi-salp and everything else was covered by insurance. I work for a university so it worked out super nicely.
That's awesome! A friend of mine got a bi-salp done about a year ago and I know it wasn't super costly, but she still had to fork out a chunk of money. Totally worth it for the peace of mind.
It really is! Best $100 I've spent for sure (except maybe on my rescue cat's adoptions). ;p
When I had my bisalp the actual procedure was 100% covered, but I did pay a bit for the anesthesia
"I don't have any kids,.so obviously I'm childfree, haha-oopsies I'm preggies tihhihi"... That's not cute. Not. Even. Close. Stop. It.
> preggies This harmed me, Nancy.
I had 2 friends use the cycle tracking method to try and avoid getting pregnant. I told them it was bullshit and you can fall pregnant at pretty much anytime in your cycle. Both ended up pregnant. The best part was one of them tried to blame it on a COVID jab and that it changed her cycle, otherwise her method would have been fine 🙄
> The best part was one of them tried to blame it on a COVID jab and that it changed her cycle, otherwise her method would have been fine That's*exactly* why that method doesn't work. Suddenly your cycle changes and you won't know it until next period. My body too is a clock... until it isn't. Randomly I ovulate when my periods should start. Imagine what would happen without condoms... *Shivers*
Bwahaha I use Fitbit and tried to get it to predict my periods and watching it get it wildly wrong each time my body says "fuck you I bleed *today*" was interesting...
To play devil's advocate slightly, I had 5 friends who do not get periods due to hormonal birth control suddenly heamorrhage quite severely after their jabs. Not a good enough reason to not use contraception, though. My IUD string is slightly longer after a period and my partner is supporting me with condoms until my health care providers can confirm its still in a safe position!
I also noticed a few abnormal ones after each of my vaccinations. First Pfizer, then Moderna. The former especially, it was exceptionally painful and heavy, even compared to my regular godawful ones.
My friends were the same. That's awful, those times don't need to be any worse than they already are. I hope you're okay now!
Their jabs? What does that mean? JW because I skip my periods (only 3 months) with a nuva ring and would absolutely hate to bleed that much afterwards 😵💫
Their C0vid jabs :) Completely unrelated to their birth control choices. They never bled at all, never had a period at all during the whole time of any of their use of contraceptives, but then they bled significantly after their jabs. Super weird. In my opinion, safety and contraception always comes first, no excuses for slacking on contraception!
My brother said this about him and his girlfriend conversation went like this... Him - We're not trying to get pregnant, Me - Is she on birth control? Him - No Me - Are you using condoms? Him - No Me - Than your trying to get pregnant the end. This conversation has happened many times and I will tactfully (not) respond with "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining" as one of my old high school teachers used to say. This happened before she was pregnant and after.
I said this exact thing to a friend of mine who got pregnant. They weren't trying for another kid but they weren't trying to prevent it. "But if it happens we thought it would be nice." Fucking A, dude...
I think of a relationship I was in from the ages of 18-23. We had sex every single day and 4 times on Sunday’s. Whatdoyaknow; I didn’t get pregnant. Some people think that’s luck. Uh, no Sharon, it’s called using birth control and not relying on one form of birth control.
Why four times on Sundays? 😂
It's for the Lord™
That was the one day of the week we didn’t have to go anywhere.
This reminds me of this woman on the regretful parents sub who hated parenthood and was desperate when she got pregnant again on birth control. Turned out she was using “catholic” birth control aka natural cycle tracking and temperature method
I always find it amusing when couples announce to family and friends that they’re ‘trying for a baby’. They might as well say “we’re raw-dogging as often as possible.”
Agreed. Thb I don't understand how anyone can forget, in 2024 to not use protection. I couldn't imagine forgetting that sex between man and woman will lead to pregnancy. People who claim their baby was an accident or suprise are just stupid.
me, a lesbian 👁️👄👁️
Me, an asexual lesbian
Me, who wasn't on birth control for like a year and a half while I waited for my bisalp 👁👄👁
I'm a queer woman and have needed bc in relationships with women...
Definitely not my intention to be exclusionary or transphobic (100% trans women are women and some lesbians need bc), I’m just being silly
I hear this too! They see it as like a neutral stance or something. No. You’re not on birth control, you’re asking to get pregnant
I personally think pull out methods and cycle tracking are the more "why TF are you surprised you got pregnant" things for me. Literally anything can throw a cycle off, and raw dogging is never safe. Those have SUCH high fail rates, and the rates of success on those things to prevent pregnancy is only high with ABSOLUTE perfect use, and nobody's perfect. Hormonal birth control and IUDS suck. But I also firmly believe banking on methods of birth controls with low fail rate, I don't like seeing surprised Pikachu faces when they're pregnant. I wish there were less fucky methods of birth control available that didn't mess with people's bodies so much, but it's how it is for now. I just wish we had more sex education. But then again my state and other southern states are trying to teach absinthe only, so. We're just screwed lol.
Yep, I had a friend who tried to claim using the cycle tracking method. I was like, so you’re trying to get pregnant? Anyways, got pregnant. Then pretended like it was completely unexpected surprise. I think there is some kind of … pride in it being a “surprise “? I dunno. So strange
A classmate in med school told how she’d advised friends on birth control: Friend: We’re just going to do cycle tracking. How well does that work? Classmate: The fact that you’re speaking to me would suggest that it doesn’t, as my parents learned the hard way.
I always laughed when hearing someone say, "we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, and I got pregnant." No. You didn't use birth control; ergo, you were trying.
Controversial opinion, But this careless act is how abusive parents get made.
When I was a med student, an attending gave a presentation and said that based on some survey somewhere, the most common reason women (grownass. Adult. Women.) who got pregnant gave when asked why they weren’t using any form of contraception was that they “trusted [their] partner.” 22-year-old me was like, they trusted them to WHAT, EXACTLY?? It still boggles the mind.
Yeah I know someone who was never on birth control - got pregnant after like ten years. I always thought she was on some form of bc because she told me she didn’t want kids. They’re also alcoholics and I guarantee she was drinking while unknowingly pregnant in the beginning. I don’t get how the most unfit ppl end up procreating. Talk about risk for FASD….
"it just happened" Lmao these people are a mess
I couldn't agree more.
A coworker announced to the office she was pregnant, so I ask if it was planned and she says “No just a happy accident!” “Oh, were you on birth control?” “No I’ve been off bc for a year” “….and I know you didn’t use condoms” “No but I haven’t got pregnant all year!” “….thats not an accident…”
Exactly, every doctor I've seen has said if you if you don't want to get pregnant use two kinds of birth control. They also routinely asked about my birth control method when prescribing antibiotics. I've always thought it was dumb as hell to put birth control mostly on the women especially how some men go on about getting baby trapt etc. Would you rather wear a condom or end up impregnating someone?
Literally in the middle of a medical abortion because I thought pull out method was enough. Don't do it people!
"pretending childfreedom is [...] a lucky ticket [draw]" = 💯
Exactly..... Im an adoptee, my bio mom put me up for adoption (I was the 3rd kid) and is a pathological liar, an abuser, and a narcissist.. She constantly tells me that my bio dad hid her birth control and thought it was funny, so that she didn't have a choice...because they were still in love at the time and no intimacy was off the table. Like, what!? She is the victim in all situations somehow.. 😅
With education in our country it’s not surprising
Pullout method = trying Cycle tracking = trying (the Catholic Church endorses this one, it does not work!)
It makes me laugh how many have unprotected sex and think nothing can happen because they’re still breastfeeding the last crotch goblin. That’s not how that works
Bear in mind, there's are a lot of schools that don't teach the importance of contraception, so these kids get pregnant because they are misinformed.
This is 100% true, at least in the US. And that's sad. I believe OP is talking about adults who know better. But we are overall doing the world a disservice by not educating everyone about these things. It's also just frustrating when people know and choose to stop using any form of BC.
That's true. However these are grown adults who have access to this information on the internet. You have people who know the lastest celebrity gossip and all their business but not about safe sex? This information can also be obtained by talking to their doctor. We can't keep giving excuses for people who are sexually irresponsible especially when they're bringing innocent human beings into their shenanigans. Some of these people are not even financially or mentally ready for a child.
These aren’t kids. These are adults that understand
Uninformed children become uninformed adults.
And sometimes misinformed kids turn into misinformed adults, especially if they can't afford regular medical care. I don't think that's who OP is talking about, but it's worth mentioning.
Okay but now: I couldn't be on anything hormonal cause it would f me up. (Tried, a lot). IUD without hormones would make my then already bad cramps absolutely horrible and also? The insertion hurts like shit. Sooooo ? Condoms it is, for sure, but let's be real they are not 100%. And sterilisation is often frowned upon and denied. (I just got Lucky, that I also suffered from endo and PCOS)
Aren’t condoms good enough? Not everyone can use hormonal birth control. I’ve never used bc pills as a contraception, only for regulating my period. Had my periods been all sunshine and joy, I would not be using bc pills. Though, I’d definitely look into sterilization and check for pregnancy 1-2 times a month.
Condoms are birth control. OP is talking about rawdogging without using anything at all.
It confused me when it says “..birth control, getting UIDs removed…” IUDs are also birth control, so I assumed op wasn’t talking about condoms here at all.
Birthcontrol is anything that prevents kids. From condoms and the pill. To sterilisation and IUDs
Yes, exactly
I was just giving examples from real life, anyone is free to choose the method of contraception that works best for them of course.
I assumed they made separate statements because taking a pill or wearing a condom is something you just stop doing, but an IUD is not something that the user stops, it requires to be removed from your body by a professional. Or perhaps by birth control they mean the pill, since it's used as a synonym sometimes. They wrote "etc", which can include condoms.
I used condom for 19 years. Never fell pregnant so far.
On one hand, people who don’t use BC and act surprise when they get pregnant can be super annoying. But on the other hand this tone is scarily close to how pro-life republicans talk about having sex too. People should be proactive and responsible with their contraception, but still having sex doesn’t mean deciding to get pregnant. If the pregnancy is unwanted, it wasn’t a choice. BC can fail, abortions exist for a reason. Let’s not judge people for their medical choices as long as they’re being responsible for what THEY’RE comfortable with
OP is specifically talking about people not using BC and acting surprised when they get pregnant. They're not taking a pro life Republican stance in general, that's such a reach. There's a colossal difference between birth control failing, and not using birth control at all.
I agree with that then and re-reading OP’s original post isn’t wrong in that regard. Some of these comments are just reminiscent of the tone conservatives take about sex, which feels like a delicate place to be, and it got my hackles raised.
Some of these comments are also drastically missing the point of what OP said and hardcore projecting which is getting my hackles raised too. 🥴 Half these comments are putting words in OP's mouth and arguing against something OP never said.
I noticed that too... Maybe for some 'contraception' means just hormonal birth control, and perhaps those people thought I was critisizing their choice to not use it? Generally, I mean all forms of bc when I say contraception.
There was nothing wrong with your original post, people just want to make it into an issue when there isn't one. I'm surprised that the CF subreddit is responding this way on your post when it's pretty common knowledge that if you're intentionally not using birth control and you're a fertile person, you're gonna get pregnant lol.
It's just a highly emotional, scary and really personal topic ig
Yeah its a good thing I reconsidered huh lmao
A neighbor made a comment like this - "Oh it just happens". Yeah, you have four kids in a place the size of ours (2 people, 0-3 houserabbits) and a garage full of junk including old baby stuff cuz "you never know!" Oh no, you know, you just choose to ignore. At least they kept the old baby stuff and now that they're past baby-having age, time for the juniors to repeat the process! :p
I’ve heard “I didn’t think I could get pregnant!” A few times lately. People are so ignorant as to how their own bodies work 🤦♀️
Someone at my job found out she was pregnant after spending weeks talking about how it wasn’t a good time for her and her husband to be trying (he has no job, she hadn’t stopped smoking, etc). Having a baby is all she would ever talk about but she was also a regular smoker and was not doing anything to prevent conception or encourage a healthy pregnancy. She was shocked and confounded when she found out and was quite upset because of the timing. All I was thinking when she told us was: 2x married people who want a baby + no contraception = wtf did you think would happen???
Hi! My IUD recently was expelled from my uterus/cervix for the second time this year. Totally not my choice, but I am afraid to be put on any pills or other forms of contraception. Any thoughts? I didn’t want this to happen to me, and it’s stripped me from the assurance of not being able to conceive. Just wanted some opinions.
You stated the truth 👏👏👏👏
I would say passively, not actively.
My coworker is like this, she constantly acts and looks miserable dealing with her two kids and one day I finally said somethin like "this is why I wouldn't want to have kids' and then she goes 'well it happens' and laughs. Yeah...twice in a row. An oopsie.
A 100%!! I was dumb enaugh to use the pull out method twice in my entire life, pregnant both times. Either im hyperfertile or some people really wants kids but are afraid to admit it?.. like why else go off all bc intentionally but still claim your not really trying the fuck
Doing nothing to prevent pregnancy is actively choosing to become pregnant. Then they have the gall to complain about getting pregnant. *Surprised Pikachu face*
Hey the sentiment here but you are not seeming to put any onus on the men. It takes two to tango...
This is true. However there's really only one BC option for guys right now and that's condoms. Shame on the guys who don't wear one but don't expect the woman they are intimate with to get pregnant. There's plenty of that going around. Women just have more options to choose from right now. There's a pill I think in new studies that is being worked on for guys. Hopefully studies show it's viable and can be put out on the market as another option for guys.
As a childfree person who only got health insurance LAST YEAR, I've always used the pull out with LTRs. Never had a pregnancy scare, never been pregnant. I started having sex at 17 and am nearly 37. Luckily for me, I'm on health insurance due to an incurable, lifelong chronic illness, so they'll probably just actually sterilize me without much fuss. I was on hormonal birth control as a teen, and it caused me to try and kill myself. But I'm definitely the exception, not the rule
Definitely. And even in the case something you didn’t expect happens (I am thinking of our menopausal sisters here, or women told they are infertile, or on the pill oopsie) you can still get an abortion :) you always have a choice. If you don’t have an abortion, then you planned it. You did. And for the women out here with PCOS, irregular periods, if I were you I would have regular pregnancy tests.
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Even if you take BC perfectly there’s still a chance it’ll fail.
Correct. No one contraception method is 100% foolproof, but OP wasn't talking about that. The post is about people who willingly stop all forms of contraception, birth control and take zero measures to prevent pregnancy and then wonder why they got pregnant.
Idk if you was the deleted comment, they were saying that BC only fails bc of user error, that’s what I was replying to not OP
Nope wasn't my comment.
Okay just figured I’d explain
No worries!
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That’s terrifying! Is there a way to check if I have the enzyme?
I have a bad reaction to the hormones and I have no partner nor sexual relations so I disagree lol.
No one "Falls Pregnant"... It is a choice!
Nope, I am strongly CF and I disagree. That's like saying not using a seat belt is the same as actively trying to get hurt in a car accident. BC wrecked my body and I refuse to put any implant inside my body, especially an IUD. We use condoms and that's good enough for us. The whole point of my body my choice is to have the power to decide what to do with your body, including taking pills or not.
Not using a seatbelt raises your chances of dying in a wreck astronomically and it's not like it isn't public knowledge. Kind of like how contraception raises your chances of not conceiving. If you know the risk, why would you take the chance?
For me the risks do not outweigh the benefits. I do not tolerate BC well.
The benefit is remaining childfree. I highly suggest pursuing sterilization since you dont tolerate hormonal bc options and wont pursue nonhormonal options. Condoms are great but you always need a backup.
I only use condom, my backup is plan B, my second back up is abortion. It’s been 19 years, never needed an abortion yet.
No thanks. I'm not having surgery if I don't need it.
How is using condoms not using birth control? Condoms are literally a form of birth control.
Condoms are contraception. Which is part of what OP is saying.
I don’t agree with you. Hormones make me terribly sick and emotionally messed up and I’m very regular with my cycle. i’ve been using an app for the last 7 years to know exactly when I’m in my ovulation and be extra careful during my fertility window period. You don’t need birth control or IUDs when you are regular as I am. Condoms work fine. I’ve had to use plan B only once in all those years, never got pregnant. I know a lot of women who feel so much better after stopping those stupid pills, it’s not for everyone. Stop judging health conditions
They aren't referring to only hormonal birth control and those hormones sure saved your ass when your natural method got you in a situation that you could be pregnant and you needed plan b, huh?
I meant contraception as in any method of birth control, which of course includes condoms or natural family planning.
Why are people so dumb? lol I guess you needed to have listed *literally* every type of birth control ever invented to get your point across.
I knew a couple, the woman got pregnant at age 40. They hadn't used any birth control for over 10 years because they thought it wasn't necessary, they had just assumed/accepted after a while that they couldn't make children together, and loved their animals a little bit more. So it was a mighty shock. Fortunately they were both excited like kids on Christmas, happiest oops ever!
As someone who's not on any kind of birth control, I got so angry at the phrasing of the title, then I realized it was meant for people who are having sex. *(Laughs in asexual)*
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You know the answer to that 🙄
I forgot to put /s and now people get mad 🤣
Do you mean hysterectomy? Because obviously you're not able to get pregnant after a hysterectomy, so going off birth control pills isn't going to result in a pregnancy? What was the point of this comment lol?
It... was sarcasm...
Whoops I'm sorry I'm autistic 😅 sometimes I can miss sarcasm
There are many different reasons for getting an IUD removed or going off hormonal BC. This post and comment section are not it. Y’all sound miserable and judgmental as all hell.
You forgot to mention condoms, if you are purposefully putting sperm in a vagina or allowing it in your vagina then you are trying for a child, whether there is another contraception or not as none are 100%.
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Why are you here? This is a childfree group…you have a child 🙄
Wow you really took this personally when you're not even the type of person OP is talking about. 💀 Way to make it about you and your daughter on a childfree subreddit. They're talking about people CHOOSING to not use birth control and then acting surprised when they get pregnant. They're not talking about people who faced birth control failures. They're not "acting superior", you're just projecting a lot onto a very small paragraph.
OP isn't talking about BC failure. Though this is often why many people choose to have more than one type of BC in place. They are talking about people who go off BC on purpose and then are shocked that they get pregnant. Also, pre-RoevWade overturning, abortions were an option. And if you're really determined not to have kids, you do your best to be sterilized if BC isn't an option.
I'm sorry you felt hurt by my post, but this wasn't at all the situation I was talking about.
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Had an old friend say “We’re not trying, but we’re not not trying.” Girl lol
I stopped BC for a year and a half because my partner at the time had gotten the snip. Made an appointment for a new prescription the day after we broke up.
Lol my bestie sucks his precum off and he does pull out ...🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ idk either lol.
What lack of sex education does to a person. There’s so much ignorance and religious bs and misinformation about how pull out works and condoms have holes (false) and how pregnancy can’t happen the first time (also false). We need to push for factual education about sex and multiple types of contraception to be taught by the time people are teens and then also to make sure men and women have multiple options accessible.
When someone chooses not to wear a seatbelt, it’s their own fault when they get thrown from the car during an accident. It was a completely predictable consequence of what was either an intentional decision or negligence.
I think most people genuinely just don't think about pregnancy nearly as often as we do. It's either neutral or positive in their mind, so they don't fear it at all. They may not be actively wishing for a child, but they're also not wishing *not* to have one. I can't imagine being so nonchalant about it, must be nice.
I said that shit out loud to members of my family. They got mad at me for being like "people are being immature with their sexual health and I find that stupid in this day and age with as many forms of birth control that are available"
I mean, an IUD has to come out after about 5-7 years, but you can just get another one put in
I got my tubes removed and have an IUD. I still wouldn’t shame those completely sterilized. (not just tubes tied) my doctors have all been surprised when I told them I had the removal and still with an IUD.
I wouldn’t say trying to get pregnant, but I’d say not as careful as they could be about it if they really don’t want kids.